Rex Rice survived on the Rimworld for two years. He believed that he would face adversity for the rest of his life, as the Rimworld see's to it that you fail. However, fate seems to have something else in store.
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Well, there goes Celestia's and Luna's relationship status, again.
Well that was entirely predictable, a shame too, I figured there’d be a more interesting continuation but I suppose not. Sorry but I can feel how this is going to go and I’ll just leave now before this gets any worse. Good story but predictable.
Sorry but this is where I will bid this story adieu, my suspension of disbelief and honestly my interest got strained enough by the Luna and Celestia stuff you had before. As frankly I was wracking my brain on the reasons behind the two being at each other's throats again like that, since like if Twilight made passing thoughts to herself of 'I hope Luna and Celestia have been able to work things out. I remember how tense the two were before I ending up getting myself trapped her.' in much Earlier chapters.
That would of gotten me to think 'Huh I wonder what this tense stuff between Celly and Luna is about.' and then you could of given details slowly of why the two sisters were not at peace with one another. But no....had random chapter scene of Luna being fed up with Celestia's shit out the gate. Though to be frank I was not that interested in that plot line anyway, the meat of the story was the stuff on the Rimworld mainly.
But now Celly just suddenly listening to a random alien over her own god damn sister just...I'm sorry but no. I wish you the best of luck with your story but this is where I get off. A lovely day to you and everyone else who does enjoy this, I hope you have many enjoyable chapters in your future.
I'm gonna hop off too. Starlight being raped amidst the 0-1000 acceleration was bad enough, but the whole 'confusing enemy for ally' thing always makes me want to bash my head into a wall.
Considering dropping this story. There had best be a damned good reason for Celestia's behaviour here, because my suspension of disbelief just broke. Pretending to believe him and playing along makes sense. Betraying Luna and turning her into a liability in a very dangerous situation is so far out of left field, and with no reasonable explaination I can understand other people dropping the story immediately.
Still going to follow, and hope things get explained/retconned.
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Perfectly fine.
I didn't expect it to be predicted in the comments before it actually happened, but I didn't want to change my course of the story because of it.
Thank's for sticking along with it until now though, and thank you for commenting.
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I can understand why people don't understand and are dropping the story, and I hope to answer some things in this comment.
Firstly: I understand that the way the story has gone was predictable, as it was predicted in the comments. I didn't intend for people to get it right away, but I didn't want to change my entire plot line because of it, though I can still understand.
Second: I understand why Celestia would normally not do what I have portrayed her to do, and I did that on purpose. It was supposed to make the reader question it and say 'what the hell are you doing' to her actions, and I suppose I did that in the wrong way. She is supposed to act out of character, and be abrasive and childish with her actions.
I can understand that some people are no longer able to suspend their disbelief, as things have gone differently than I expect most people wanted/expected. Considering that there is a, would be, clone of Rex himself in his head, that itself would make people question their suspension of disbelief. However, I feel that people have grown too attached to Celestia and Luna, and I used that in a way to try to bring it into the story's advantage.
Since people know how Celestia and Luna think and act, I wanted to completely disregard it and have them act quite the opposite. I understand now that that was bad writing.
To your own discretion, and to anyone's discretion, I will provide some reasoning over the changes I made to Celestia, which will be spoilers for the rest of the story. However, I feel that it might be necessary, in the event that people will drop the story before the explanation is actually written in the story, which will inevitably cause people to dislike it and not continue with it.
As I've said, this is a warning for SPOILERS.
Celestia and Luna have had quarrels in the past that were nowhere near what is happening within the story, which is supposed to be a given. This is not in order for me to cast a more 'realistic' approach, but more because something actually changed within the characters. These are not the same characters those are familiar with.
I'm mainly talking about Celestia here.
I disliked the way Discord was brought back into the show and redeemed nearly instantly, and I hopped on board with his villainy when he teamed up with Tirek, only to be disappointed once again. In order to change that in the story, I've made it so Discord is essentially a villain still, though in the eyes of the ponies, he's redeemed.
Gaining access to the dream realm by unknown means that will be related into the story later, he was able to manipulate Celestia's dreams and select certain things that he is able to force her to dream about. Now, dream manipulation is essentially brain-washing in a sense, being able to give subliminal messaging, and making the person being manipulated think it is their own idea's.
After the thought's of Luna's outburst, her dreams were heavily affected by it, to which Discord took it to his advantage. Being able to use it to finally cause some sort of tension between the two, and allowing Celestia to although be passive-aggressive, to think of thoughts that pertain to 'banishing' her sister once again. This is one of her chances to do so.
Essentially, Celestia is being brainwashed by Discord, which is why she is not acting the same way that people would expect her to. Plus, the fact that the guards are going along with it are due to a loyalty status, and defining what is to be 'morally right,' which is to follow the 'main' princess' orders.
The reason I didn't want to write these things in, is because I wanted the character's themselves to see it. The entire idea of why I wanted to write in first person was specifically because it is considered a 'flawed perspective' in where you only get what that character is thinking. However, I branched into a third person perspective for the moments at Canterlot, and such. However, I did not want to give many details. I suppose some could call this bad writing, but I did it in purpose. The idea was to have the reader constantly asking questions. Plus, these idea's were to be later revealed in the story.
The best stories I've personally read are filled with confusing turns, and twists, and after a realization of each, reading back onto what those chapters or scenes were, suddenly makes so much more sense. You begin to piece the puzzle together one at a time. However, I can understand that it is quite confusing, and if not done right, will simply provide nothing. Stories are not good because they are confusing, and I understand that.
These are SPOILERS for the story up above.
If you have not read it, that's fine. I simply wanted to explain the idea of where the story was headed and the reasons for the changes, but that did include major spoilers for where the story was headed. I didn't want people to drop the story before the explanation could be given, and I hope that it atleast made sense to those that will continue with dropping the story.
Concerning to someone's comment about the rape scene:
I can understand that it was out of the gate and sudden, and especially with her dialogue afterwards was quite brash. However, speaking from personal events in my life that have occurred to those close to me, I wanted to pick on something that would be the most realistic concerning the situation. I don't want to go into detail of how physical trauma, especially sexual, affects a person, but I wanted to get as accurate as possible. If I was going to portray something so cruel, I wanted to get it right, or else it'd be simply (atleast in my eyes) making fun of the subject. This is not an excuse for some of the bad writing within the story however.
I don't want my comment to serve as a 'dont criticize my story.' In fact, I'm glad any of you spoke up, and gave me a heads-up on it. That's more than an author deserves. I simply wanted this to be an explanation of why I wrote what I did, my reasoning's for doing so, and the effect that I was going for.
If you are still continuing with dropping the story, I'm simply glad that you commented and gave me a heads-up for future chapters and stories that I plan to write. I hope I could provide something here that is understandable. Thank you for getting up to this point with me in my story-writing, and I don't think I'd be here without any of your criticisms and comments.
Thank you, and I hope you understand.
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are we gonna see DayBreaker in this?
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Hey, no work has ever been right for everybody. I just appreciate the explanation.
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I'm glad you said something. I hope that you find another story that you'll like better! And, I'm glad the explanation was sufficient, if not understandable.
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Spoilers.
That is a possibility, and a high one at that.
... yup, and thats where I check out. Celestia deciding that the most sensible thing to do was trust the guy who's openly saying that he intends to kill the person her student is, from everything she can tell, at the very least is peacefully living alongside her student, and then disable her sister because she might harm relations with the obviously suspicious dude?
Both of those strain credulity, and that they came in such rapid succession just hammers home that its only happening because you wanted it to.
I hope that reason is that you're having fun with the writing, because if it was that you wanted the story to be more "serious" then that would be disappointing.
Well, I appreciate you giving a warning of the direction you're going.
I was holding out some hope that this would turn out to be a ploy, that the entire Celestia/Luna scene was just them playacting. I would have been even more frustrated when it turned out that no, this thing that I consider to be batshit insane and not even slightly in-character should actually be taken at face value as what is happening.
Best of luck with your writing.
Alright, that is good enough for me.
I mainly find that ooc behaviour to be problematic, unless immediately explained, or explained beforehand. I did have a few theories as to why Celestia might act that way, but if there were hints earlier as to her being brainwashed, I missed them.
There are a lot of comments of people leaving, and I fear that is going to leave a permanent scar on the author's morale. So I felt the need to counter-act this with a comment if my own.
A Rimworld Away really caught my interest,
a) because I've never really played rimworld and was curious
b) having something generally seen as cute, kind, and good suddenly be put into a dark apocalyptic setting somehow makes it more intriguing than before (the first and original, Fallout Equestria for example)
I've been reading this story since the beginning and have not been disappointed so far. The characters have feelings and personalities, the bleakness of the rim is made clear for those who have never played before, and a genuinely evil bastard of a villain that I hate with a passion.
The only thing that I'd have to complain about is Celestia and Luna, the issues have already been made clear so I won't repeat them, but the author has accomplished the "Celestia what hell are you doing?" feeling. All stories have a piece that isn't AS perfect, but I'm not going to get stuck on that piece and stop reading the awesome story just beyond the hill.
I love the story, keep going and don't let other people bring you down. Read their comments, but don't let their negativity to anything more than be a learning experience.
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you have a wonderful day.
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:DD
I did NOT see Celestia being that unreasonable. Tarbo arriving, sure, but this? Something don't smell right, and methinks Tarbo placed suggestions in her head. Psionics functions a little differently from what I can gather, so it's not entirely certain as to what may have happened. Maybe it really was all Sunny, but I can't say until we see future chapters. And Rex getting caught by Twilight with his 'fellow'? Hmm, curious to see this play out. I'm glad I roughnecked that hiccup earlier, now that I get to see things get spicy without feeling completely hopeless. Doin good work chief.
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Thank you for the positivity!
I always push myself to ask for criticism even if it is hard to read, or is even upsetting. Even if it makes me upset, I know that criticism is what improves a story. Well, it certainly helps atleast.
I won't deny that I was getting a little down because of the comments, but I dont think their intention was to make me sad, so I dont hold it against anyone.
If someone is upset with the story, thats perfectly fine. I just hope that they can find another story that catches their interest better. My goal is to be a positive influence on this site, and I hope that O achieved that somewhat.
Thank you for the comment, and I'm glad your enjoying the story, despite its flaws. I hope that the next coming chapters only intrigue you more!
Luna was already a bit edgy with Celestia, now she would want to disown her sister now I think
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Well handled and proffesional. I will continue reading I was considering dropping but, due to your just throwing the answer(well not spoiling the story). I dont mind being told bits and bobs about the story. So thank you and have a kind day.
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This is what I want to be when I start writing my Fics. This is a upstanding guy.
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Yeah, screw this story and the awful characterization lol. Tried to give it a second chance after the 0-1000 tone whiplash, and was rewarded with two OCs named Celestia and Luna.
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Knowingly making two beloved characters totally OOC (after several major issues in writing quality) just because you can is certainly bad writing, yes. So, why do that to begin with?
Normally I'd just drop a story and not give it a second thought once the quality gets to this point, but I had become so invested in the plot and the protagonist, so now that all this has happened I feel like I basically wasted my entire afternoon on a story that starts out great only to then abruptly and purposefully shoot itself in the foot repeatedly just because it could. It's just frustrating.