Rex Rice survived on the Rimworld for two years. He believed that he would face adversity for the rest of his life, as the Rimworld see's to it that you fail. However, fate seems to have something else in store.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Checked fimfiction just before bed, and lo and behold what do I see uploaded just 6 minutes ago.
Looks like it's not just Twilight with a taste for the carnivorous, good for Starlight, help her fit right in. Let's just hope human meat isn't her favourite. And that tribal caravan was cute, little kids playing about always gives a nice feeling I wonder what will ruin it.
Thanks IncandescentSolaire for another awesome chapter, It always gets me a bit excited to see a new chapter posted. Loved the little encounter with the tribe this chapter and their interaction with Twi and starlight. Good luck with your next chapter, and as always have fun writing.
Ahhh, so he happens to be friends with a Gentle Tribe! That's a really good sign. Tribespeople have always been good trade partners with me; I always imagined my guys sorta just smoking blunts with them and having a feast together, not necessarily in that order.
if you dare to know, theres a mod that adds ponies to rimworld. its kinda basic and arguably low-quality, but it adds a number of weapons, factions, and fun stupid stuff(as well as ponies, obviously). 'ponies of the rim' by xada nep zealot on reddit. go for the 1.1 version if you use 1.1
Yeah that wasn't foreshadowing or anything. Also what was even that conversation at the end. I mean this guy is apparently so deep in the friendzone that he tries to invite himself on someone else's date.
Dangit, someone beat me to a Rimworld ceossover. That's what I get for being lazy.
So far so good. You're doing a good job translating the game into prose. All I'm wondering is whether this is vanilla or modded? Rex could certainly use a bionic finger to replace the one he lost and EPOE would make that happen. Also seeing Twi react to some Alpha Animals would be funny. Or have Starlight be a mad scientist with GeneticRim.
Twilight: "Why are there so many animals that explode?! It doesn't make sense!"
Starlight: "I don't know, but try to put out the flames so I can recover the DNA! I'll get that boomalope/bear hybrid finished yet!"
Rex: "I am both appalled and intrigued at how my life has simultaneously become more and less insane with ponies."
But vanilla works fine, too. Any other ponies joining in on the "fun"?
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Imagine how they would react if they ever saw a thrumbo.
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You can still always do your own story! I'd love to check it out, for sure.
At the moment, Vanilla is where its at. I plan to add mods to the story, but if anything it'll be tiny ones. I dont want to overcomplicate things for someone who hasn't played the game yet, and have them go in with expectations of something not in it.
But its still up in the air!
If you ever decide to make your own story, i'll be sure to check it out. Another kind soul on the Rim is always welcome.
As for other ponies...
Guess you'll have to keep reading~
Still doing great, keep it up!
cdn.dribbble.com/users/74782/screenshots/2207676/chekhov-01.png
No criticism from me.
Just wanted to tell you it's too late...
Good feelings are coming your way and there is nothing you can do to stop it.
Enjoy your day! MUAHAHAHA!
Oh, and your story is good, keep it up.
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AH! Not good feelings!
Thank you for the encouragement!
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I will definitely keep continuing the story. I'll always enjoy the feeling of writing~!
Thank you for the encouragement.
Good stuff heaps keen for more keep it up!
This is good. Your descriptions and characters have certainly improved greatly since chapter one. And your storytelling and whatnot are well above standard. I'll straight talk you and say that this isn't perfect, or stellar work. Based on your progression and improvement though, I'd say it's on its way.
The main thing your missing is more descriptive words and more advanced vocabulary. Don't get me wrong everything is fine as is, I eagerly await the next chapter, but there is always room for improvement. Something you could try is to be just a tad bit more descriptive of the world around your characters. But other than that, you're golden.
Your characters are nice, Rex is doing well, your portrayal of Twilight near the beginning was a bit weird as I expected her to struggle just a tiny bit more acclimating to the Rim, but I think you've gotten her down.
Your pacing is good too, nothing to fast, except for the sudden appearance of the cannibal, the suddenness is understandable, and actually works for the sake of story elements and whatnot, but the fact that the situation was resolved off camera was a bit sad. but still understandable.
Liking it so far. Keep improving, and remember to enjoy writing.
-Noobblue
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Thanks for the encouragement!
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I'll fix it!
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Thank you for the words of encouragement.
I admit that I knew that I needed more descriptive vocabulary, and I've actually had multiple other web-pages open for dictionaries and other words to hopefully improve that. I'm hoping with them being used more and more, they'll become second-nature to me.
I'm actually planning to re-write the first and second chapter and change some things around. Notably, Twilight's dialogue. I don't intend to change it enough to warrant an entire re-write of the story though.
Pacing is the thing I struggle with the most. It is definitely something that I worry about constantly, so I'm glad that it turned out to be okay! (For now.)
Concerning the part about the sudden appearance of the cannibal, I'm glad that it turned out the way I hoped it would. I wanted something unexpected, something to thrash the viewer into thinking 'well, what the fuck?' and to confuse them. Too many times have I read stories where the character(s) are able to sense danger, or to be able to be ready when it happens. Or, that even when it strikes unexpectedly, to have a plan or simply get out in the best possible situation. It bugs me, because that doesn't happen often.
I wanted Rex to be perceived as somewhat ordinary. Sure, he's talented in some things, but he isn't any less or more than anybody else on the Rimworld. A couple of punches to the face to anyone and they'll be down most likely, and Rex falls under that.
Though, I will agree, solving it off-camera wasn't exactly my plan. I had something written out for it, for Twilight's POV for when she was alone for those days, but it came out as boring and unexciting. I might come up with something for it in time, and add it to the chapter itself, but we'll have to see. I didn't want to drag the viewer along something that I myself wasn't excited for.
Thank you for being open, and honest. I hope that I answered some of the things you've pointed out, or clarified where I'm at! I enjoy it when I get to write and reply to people such as yourself. You're nice, yet somewhat blunt. Maybe not entirely, but anything that you do point out or question only improves my writing. I write for the enjoyment of myself and others, and writing is one of the few things I actually enjoy learning how to do. I'll keep on enjoying it to the fullest, and try providing some interesting, and fun stories for anyone to read.
Thanks for taking the time to point out an error, and point out some other things. I'll use it to improve my writing.
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I am of course glad to offer any assistance in any manner. I'm glad that you took my comment as encouragement instead of being insulted, as my intention was to offer constructive criticism. Not "oh you did this and that wah wah wah"
You really are doing good work. I can't wait to read more :D
This is one of the best thing i,ve read in this website