Chaos,Envy, and Love

Source

Discord has escaped, though no one knows it yet. He decides to brew up something that will cause Ponyville (and maybe even Canterlot) to go into an utter world of chaos, though not as you may think.

Give me comments and if I make any mistakes in grammar or behavior, please feel free to be a quick editor.
Also please tell me what other categories I need to put it in ( I'm new at this)

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 8 )

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01019928383

01019928383 #1 · Aug 23rd, 2012 · · · Escape and Creation ·

diff. concept. nice work

moonicorn

moonicorn #2 · Aug 23rd, 2012 · · · Escape and Creation ·

Please recommend my story to other readers! I want to know how to improve my stories and the comments from others wouldn't hurt! Thanks!

Ultimate Punch

Ultimate Punch #3 · Aug 23rd, 2012 · · · Escape and Creation ·

"Clopelacian Mountains"

^Idk why but that sounds awfully sexy.

There were a few grammatical and spelling errors in the story, but it didn't throw me off too bad. Keep writing.

natebot88

natebot88 #4 · Aug 23rd, 2012 · · · Escape and Creation ·

In my opinion it was fine. You seem to have a good plot started that I could see turning into an interesting story.
Not trying to sound cocky or advertise, but take a look at my story, and the words I chose and the way it was written. I believe if you wrote your story in a similar fashion it would help you out.
For that a thesaurus could help, but also make sure to read other fanfics, specifically relating to your plot. When inspiration strikes an awesome story can be formed from it.
Also, and this is just completely my opinion and didn't inter fear with your story at all, you could maybe find a way to make an obvious difference between thoughts and speaking out loud. Not that it wasn't clear, but I believe doing something like italicizing thoughts catches the readers eye.

Good luck!

Archmage Ansrit