This is the story of how John and his roommate Zack Find the main six to be in there homes. They need to help them get back to Equestria by buying Twilight science supplies to work with. Will the main six get back to Equestria? Also I chose teen because there is some mild cursing XD but thats all. Hope you like it. Plz Comment and rate. I have finished the story. Hope you like the ending.
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seems good.....
fav
1182297 thanks man :) I am working REALLY hard on this. Glad you like it :)
Your formatting is all fucked up, the dialogue was almost hard to follow. Doesn't look like you worked very hard, no offense, just trying to be honest
Maybe get an editor, If school wasn't such a pain I could help you out.
I could, though, help you on weekends. Although, this idea is extremely cliche and I've seen at least 6 near-identical fics within the last week. Pretty run-of-the-mill stuff, keep trying. You've got to get more creative. [not intended advertising] You may want to check out my fic, "Scootaloo and You". That fic was produced when I was at one of my most creative states, but I tried not to be obscene with the creativity. Thus, that fic was born. It's pretty decent and it's definitely not something many people have done before.
My fic has got good formatting and the dialogue and such is done correctly, same with grammar and other basic things like that. Check it out and learn from it, maybe. Just a suggestion.
Hope I helped, and I hope to see more of your work. Just improve :P
thanks for no dislikes so far
1183572 aaaaw, nm
I like it particularly the roommate.
The humour is good enough for me but there could be more description of the surroundings of the room or for example what excactly is dirty in the kitchen and in what way.
Waiting for your next chapter.
1187887 No chapters, its an unfinished one shot and i will try to say what the room looks like but thanks
MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1270663 :D ok ok, im glad you like it :D
1270663 It's finished, if people really like this story i will make a sequal to it, hope you like the ending