Battle of the Blanks

by HumanSVD

The more you know.

Rainbow Dash was having the best day ever! She was flying with Soarin and Spitfire over Canterlot doing tricks left and right while the crowds cheered her on. Her friends were there with Princess Celestia watching from the VIP stand cheering the Wonderbolt's newest member. And her number one fan Scootaloo was there too, wearing the hat that resembled her mane.

"This is so AWESOME! Let's see how they like this one!"

Rainbow Dash nodded to her fellow Wonderbolts partners, who nodded in return while breaking off the formation. She was going to perform her best trick ever…the SONIC RAINBOOM!

"This is it Dash, your moment of awesomeness!"

Rainbow Dash flew up higher and higher to her starting position, and stopped when she was ready. Aiming at the perfect spot to show of her sweet moves, she began to move downward. That was until something strange happened, and more importantly scary as heck. There was bright flash, with a loud BOOM! The sky began to ripple like water with the strangle clouds moving closer to her.

"What the hay!? This isn't supposed to be part of the routine!"

The strange ripple clouds got even closer to her and before she could move, another 'BOOM!' came out of nowhere. This time a very freaky looking two legged thing in a strange green camo suit was standing on top of a cloud holding some very weird stick with an orange banana like thing attached to it. It just smirked and aimed the strange stick at her. Rainbow Dash had no idea what this thing was or how it was standing on the cloud but she knew this had to be thing that caused the Boom noise earlier in the day.

Not wanting to take anymore hay from this jerk, she raised her fore legs and began to box them in his direction showing no fear. There was absolutely no way this bozo was going to ruin her moment.

"Hey bozo! You're not going to ruin my moment of glory, now put 'em up! This is for scaring Scoots earlier!"

The strange biped just looked at her with the smirk and still had the thing aimed at her. The biped spoke to her and from the sound of its voice she was able to tell that it was a guy, but he was actually…singing?

"Earth below us, drifting falling! Floating weightless, coming coming home!"

"What the hay are you-"

And then all pony heck broke loose as his stick made a big flash with a loud boom. Her left wing was all of a sudden shot off somehow and the pain was very immense. With the loss of her wing, she began to fall to the ground while the crown gasped in shock.

"WAAAOOOOHHHHH! HELP ME SOMEPONY!"

The other Wonderbolts heard her cry for help and rushed over to help her but for some reason they were going slow while she was going incredibly fast. Blood was flowing from where her left wing was and the pain while falling to her death was scaring the buck out of her. She began to cry thinking this was how she would die as the ground got even closer to her. She could make out Rarity fainting, while Pinkie Pie was uncontrollably crying her heart out. The rest of her friends were in complete panic mode and it appeared that Princess Celestia was trying to use some sort of spell before her horn was shattered.

The princess held her hooves up in shock at the loss of her horn while the big jerk on the cloud just laughed at everything. It was his fault that this was happening and now she was going to die because of him. No more being with the friends she cared about, no more hanging with Scoots and no more being a Wonderbolt. Rainbow Dash could do nothing but look at the ground and scream in fear.

"AAAAAHHH!"

Umm…Rainbow Dash?

"WAAOOOOOHHH!"

Rainbow Dash!

"I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS YOU BOZO!" were all her last words were before hitting the ground.

The ground was not as hard as she expected, but instead it was actually…wet? Water splashed on her face and immediately she awoke to the sight of…Fluttershy?

"What the hay is going on!?"

Rainbow Dash immediately began to look for something to dry her mane. Unable to find something nearby she grabbed a dry spot of her comforter, patting her mane with it.

"Oh my gosh! I'm ever so sorry but you were having a nightmare! You were screaming and I tried to wake you up but you wouldn't so I used the cup of water next to your nightstand to wake you up. You were so scared and…"

As she was drying her mane off, Dash snapped to attention upon hearing Fluttershy calling her scared. That was something she just wouldn't allow.

"Woah woah woah! Hold on a minute Fluttershy, but I WASN'T scared!"

"Oh…okay um…I'm sorry."

"Okay, now that we got that out of the way, what are you doing in my house anyway? Are you spying?"

Rainbow Dash gave an accusing glare but Fluttershy just shook her head.

"What!? Oh no no no! Something ever so scary has happened! Apple Bloom is missing and Princess Luna has been ponynapped! Twilight was also almost killed by…Zombies! EEK!"

Fluttershy hid her face as the thought of zombies hurting Twilight ever so scared her, while Rainbow Dash was in complete shock. She just couldn't believe at what was going on, first was the weird day, now the dream and to top it all off was the news of her friend's little sister missing and Princess Luna being ponynapped! This was all too much of a coincidence and Rainbow Dash leapt from her bed with anger ever so rising.

Standing on her bed with her hind legs supporting her weight, she began to box her fore legs in a rapid and impressive manner.

"WHAT!? That's it! Nopony messes with my friends and gets away with it! Come out you cowards and put' em up!"

But it wasn't that simple at all, for Dash was reminded by Fluttershy, who was still shaking in fear.

"Bbut…they…are…zzzombies!"

Rainbow Dash just froze with her eyes widening very large at the word zombies. Her body started to slightly shiver in the same manner like Fluttershy.

"Wait…you said Zombies!?"

"EEK!" was all that she could say while nodding her head.

"No way! I don't believe this! How could zombies have taken Princess Luna?! If she couldn't stop them then…oh buck."

Now all of a sudden, the prospect of having to fight zombie ponies became very scary. What would they do against a horde of zombie ponies? Rainbow Dash looked at Fluttershy who was still shaking in fear, and couldn't help but sympathize with her. Snapping out of her shiver of fear, she started to hover in the air with her wings and asked Fluttershy,

"Okay…what else can you tell me?"

Fluttershy was still shivering in fear but was able to talk without stuttering, but the fear was still present in her tone.

"Well, Apple Jack ran to my cottage and told me that we are needed at the Library. Twilight's brother Shining Armor is in Ponyville and he sent for help from Canterlot. We have to get there right away!"

Hearing the news that help was coming from Canterlot made Rainbow Dash gain confidence. She could only guess that Princess Celestia and some Royal Guards were coming to help kick zombie flanks! And she was going to help save Apple Bloom and Princess Luna, which would no doubt get the attention of the Wonderbolts!

"Take it easy Dash, saving Apple Bloom and Princess Luna is more important, though…I can tell that this fight is going to be epic!"

There was no way they would fail not with Princess Celestia, the Royal Guard, and the Elements of Harmony on their side. Not wanting to waste any more time, she said to Fluttershy, who was still shaking,

"Hey, stop shaking!"

Poor Fluttershy was still having trouble doing just that, and replied,

"But I just can't! I'm so scared! Nothing like this has ever happened before, and I just can't think what would happen if Apple Jack lost her sister forever and I can't imagine what would happen-"

"Okay, I can't take this scared Fluttershy anymore, not when she has stared down a Dragon and Cockatrice before."

"Hey! Have some confidence in yourself! You stared down a dragon and a cockatrice for crying out loud! Plus, we're getting help from Canterlot so you won't be alone, they will need you to stare down those zombies before they kick their flanks! Besides, you don't want Apple Bloom or Princess Luna getting hurt?"

That made Fluttershy's demeanor perform a complete 180. That scared Pegasi mare was now determined to help her friends and was a force to be reckoned with.

"You're right Rainbow Dash! What gives those zombies the right to just hurt our friends!?"

"Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!"

"Oh…but it's not just zombies though."

Rainbow Dash raised an eye brow Fluttershy curious as to what she meant by that remark. Fluttershy picked up on Rainbow Dash's curiosity and answered,

"Princess Luna was actually ponynapped by a two legged monster in a green suit with a strange stick that had a red claw, at least that's what the Sea Serpent in the Everfree Forest River said."

Rainbow Dash's eyes went wide at hearing her description of the thing that took Princess Luna. It sounded a lot like the jerk from her dream and if it overpowered Princess Luna, then they would be in for a very big fight indeed. All of a sudden the prospect of fighting this biped was a scary and dreadful thing. Rainbow Dash's face started to pale in fear as she remembered her nightmare.

The laugh it made and the pain it caused was something that was still fresh in her mind. If it could overpower Princess Luna then it most certainly could do the same to Princess Celestia. Rainbow Dash was snapped back to reality as Fluttershy waved a hoof in front of her face as she hovered in Dash's room.

"Hey, I'm still a bit scared but-"

"FLUTTERSHY! For the last time, I'm not scared!"

"Oh…sorry….well we need to get to Twilight's house right now, and-"

Rainbow Dash immediately flew out the door with Fluttershy doing her best to keep up. As much as Rainbow Dash wanted to buck this thing, she still had some fear in her, but that changed when she remembered that they had the Elements of Harmony and that had never failed them ever.

"Whatever the heck you are, we're going to kick your flank you bozo! Hold on Apple Bloom and Princess Luna! Your friendly neighborhood Rainbow Dash is here! Well…almost there."

Rainbow Dash finally made it out her front door with Fluttershy surprisingly not far behind. It would appear that her improvement in flying remained from last year, and that impressed Rainbow Dash. She stopped a bit to allow her to catch up and Rainbow Dash gave Cloudsdale one last look as Fluttershy caught up. As much as she didn't want to admit it, Dash was indeed scared of what they would face and was worried that she might not make it back to her home.

"What is it?" asked Fluttershy.

"Nothing…now let's go get those jerks!"

Rainbow Dash turned around and flew as fast as she could to Ponyville with Fluttershy doing her best to keep up.

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Princess Luna just could not believe what she was seeing with Konrad's so called 'Eye Pod'. It was the strangest thing she had seen so far from Konrad's personal effects. There were moving pictures as if they were a portal into another place, seeing and hearing what was going on. It was weird seeing other humans, but what was astounding was the fact that Konrad wasn't lying at all. She saw the whole 'Video' of these Spacecraft flying into Space, and was even more amazed that the humans actually walked on the moon.

"I…just can't…believe it! Humans did all of that without magic?!" thought Princess Luna.

"Humans really are something aren't they?" replied her conscience.

"Yes…they are indeed…just like him."

"Remember you still have to contend with Ruby. She isn't going away anytime soon."

"Yes you are right about that...but even though I don't like her, I still can't help but feel sorry for her."

"You still remember what I told you about earlier right?"

"Yes…I feel bad for attacking her…I should probably talk to her when I get the chance."

"That doesn't include giving up your pursuit of Konrad does it?"

"Absolutely not!"

"Just checking and I believe he's done with showing you the proof."

Konrad pulled the Eye Pod away and put it into one of his pockets. He had a look of satisfaction on his face, and crossed his arms. Luna was at a loss for words, still unable to get over the fact at what she had seen. Konrad looked Ruby and then Luna before frowning a bit and saying,

"What?"

"You…weren't lying at all. Humans went-"said Luna before being interrupted.

"Straight to the moon!" was all he said while raising his right arms in a strange motion towards the ceiling.

Ruby giggled a bit before speaking,

"I knew it! The stories were true! Oh I wish I could see what it was like back then."

This made Konrad visibly frown and Luna understood why. He was the only human, cut off from his own time and possibly forever. Luna was aware of a time spell but it was only good for a few seconds and there was no way of knowing how far in the past Konrad was from. Even if there was a way, she hoped that he wouldn't go as Ponykind could learn so much from him. That and she wanted him to stay for her own desire.

Konrad replied back to Ruby with a glum voice,

"Yeah…back then."

Ruby noticed what he meant by that and lowered her ears. Luna understood completely why Ruby did it and sympathized with her wanting to end her suffering. It also made Luna reflect on her own selfish behavior and in comparison to Ruby's past, hers was nothing. Ruby had turned away from temptation, while she gave into it and promptly lost respect from her subjects and a 1000 years of her life.

"If there's one thing I can do to make things better for my Kingdom, it's helping to end the curse. She doesn't deserve to suffer, and if things don't work out between Konrad, I can at least give him a chance at a new life."

"That's a very good and noble idea Luna. Your sister would be proud of you."

"Thank you. All I…we need to do is escape and I'll bring my night sentinels to burn this Sunny Town to the ground!"

"Konrad, may I ask how we are going to escape from this forest?"

"Uh…I really don't know the whole place to tell you the truth. I only remember where the pathway was and the general direction of the entrance I came from. I'm really at a loss of direction to tell you the truth."

"Curses! I've only been here twice since my departure and my memory isn't serving me well."

"But she does!" said Konrad while pointing a finger at Ruby.

Ruby's ears immediately shot back up in attention and her yellow eyes went wide. Luna turned her attention to Ruby and she had a nervous look on her face. Ruby shifted uncomfortably and said,

"Yes…I do."

"You can guide us out of here since you know your way around this forest." Said Konrad.

"But…what about the curse!? I can't live like this anymore!" Asked Ruby.

"In case you forgot, there's a filly here that needs to get home, and I already promised to get Luna home. Besides, I'm only one guy. Do you honestly think I can take all of those freaks on my own?"

"Bbut…I…you…your supposed to me my answer to this! Your people went to the moon for crying out loud! I've seen what your weapons can do. Please…I need your help!"

"I'm not a one man army Ruby, I do have my limits, and right now my patience is with you is done. I'm taking Apple Bloom, and Princess Luna out of this place, the best you can do is either help me or get out of my way." said Konrad with anger in his voice.

Ruby lowered her head and quietly said,

"S-sorry…"

As much as Konrad had a right to be mad at Ruby, Luna couldn't but help think he was a little too harsh. Was Konrad truly going to abandon Ruby to her cursed fate? This was after all the man she wanted and he had certainly been chivalrous the entire time, but this was a side of him she had never seen. He was letting his anger get to him and that was a mistake she had made in the past.

"I'm not letting him make the same mistake I did. I have to at least make things right for her, and for my ponies."

"Konrad, may I have a word with Ruby for a minute?"

Konrad turned his attention to her and had surprised look on his face. Luna could tell that he was a bit worried considering how she and Ruby glared at each to her back and forth earlier.

"It will only be for a few minutes, now would you kindly let us converse?"

Konrad nodded his and slightly bowed to Luna, which she loved to see him do.

"Of course Luna. I'll just relax next to Apple Bloom."

Konrad turned around and made his way over to Apple Bloom who was still sleeping. He sat down next to her and began to take her Ribbon of her mane. What he was going to with it Luna had no idea. Luna turned her attention over to Ruby, who had a small tear come out of her right eye. Using her left hoof, Luna tapped her on the back a little bit to get her attention.

Ruby turned to Luna and wiped her eye before showing a cross look on her face. This wasn't going to be an easy talk but it needed to be done. They couldn't keep this going if she was going to escape with Konrad and Apple Bloom.

"Walk with me Ruby. We have some issues to discuss."

"Now I wonder what they could be." Replied a sarcastic Ruby.

"I said, WALK with me Ruby." Replied Luna in a harsher tone.

Ruby still had the cross look on her face, but nodded in acknowledgement. They began to walk away from Konrad who now appeared to be doing something with his rag, while the young filly was still sound asleep. Luna smiled at his care for the young filly before turning her attention back to Ruby. Luna began to speak to Ruby in a remorseful tone,

"Ruby…I'm sorry for attacking you earlier. That was uncalled for an I apologize."

Ruby was visibly surprised at Luna's apology and it appeared that she wasn't expecting one at all. The surprised expression quickly went away however as Ruby replied in skeptic manner.

"Is that so your 'Highness'?"

"Understandable that she doesn't believe me, I've been doing nothing but staring her down."

"Yes it is Ruby, and I feel sorry about what happened to you."

"I don't want your pity Nightmare Moon."

That took Luna by surprise, and it was a sharp jab at the Selene Mare, one that actually hurt. Another painful reminder of her past, something she hoped to change, but it seemed that she still had good way to go. Lowering her head a bit, Luna replied in regretful tone,

"You have no idea how much I regret that. I let my ponies down and the respect I lost was well deserved, but I am not giving you pity Ruby. I AM truly sorry for what happened to you, but I'm going to do more for my subjects from now on."

Ruby raised an eye brow curious as to what she meant.

"I'm going to bring the Royal Guard here to destroy Sunny Town, and all of those Blood Hooves that inhabit it."

Ruby's eye widened at Luna's statement, and Luna confirmed that she meant it.

"Yes Ruby, that place is a threat to everypony and I'm not going to let it go unchecked. You don't deserve this cruel afterlife and you deserve much more than I do. And If you'll help us get out of here, I promise to return with a force of Guards that nopony has ever seen before."

Ruby turned over to look at Apple Bloom and so did Princess Luna. Konrad was talking to Apple Bloom and it seemed that she was munching on some of the pop tarts he gave her. And now that Luna thought about it, it was indeed a good treat after all. In her opinion, it was better than those donuts Tia would eat after dinner. Konrad turned to look at the mares and so did Apple Bloom.

The young filly raised her free left hoof and waved happily at them while Konrad just nodded and fiddled with his head rag. Luna smiled at Konrad before all of them broke eye contact with the exception of Ruby. She had a sad look on her face while she observed the human and the filly. No doubt that she had some regrets of her own.

"I wish none of this had ever happened. I only wanted to make things better. I never meant to bring Apple Bloom into this mess, and I thought that he could get rid of them all."

"I know Ruby. To tell you the truth, I probably would have done the same thing too, and I'm surprised that you were even able to bring him here at all. Even the most talented of unicorn mages couldn't do what you were able to do."

"You and me both, I guess being a ghost must amplify your special talent. I just hope that he'll forgive me."

Ruby turned to look at Luna while she could do nothing but reassure her.

"I'm sure he will, he's just mad, but I don't think he's the type to hold a grudge. Then again, he is the first man that I've ever met. But…"

"But?"

"I'm still going to help end the Blood Hooves, and I would greatly appreciate your help. You know what were completely up against and my guards are going to need all the information they could use. So will you help us escape?"

"You should know what that answer is going to be."

"It does not hurt to ask."

Ruby and Luna turned to look at Apple Bloom and Konrad and noticed that he doing something. He had made his rag into a makeshift mane ribbon for the little filly. They both heard him say "Ta Da!" while Apple Bloom giggled a bit. It was very obvious that the man greatly cared for the little filly, and that made both mare's go "DAWWW."

"He really is 'something' though, even if he is not a pony."

"He definitely is…"

Luna suddenly caught the emphasis on the word something, and turned to look at Ruby. If Luna could see Ruby's eyes turning into hearts, she would have. Waving a hoof in front of Ruby to break her trance like state, the ghost mare merely said,

"Huh? What?"

"I might feel sorry for her, but I'm still not going to just give up pursuing him."

"That is another issue we must discuss. We cannot keep fighting over him like this, not when our lives are at stake."

Ruby turned to Luna and gave off a 'not amused' look. Luna waved her hoof dismissively, and said,

"You know what I mean."

"Yes I do and you're right. We can't keep fighting over him like this."

"Yes, I agree."

Both of them began to stare each other down and it was quite clear that none of them were willing to give up on him. Both of them broke the silence by saying,

"He's mine."

"I don't think so Ruby."

"I saw him first." Said Ruby.

"I met him first, and he complimented my beauty rather poetically like a true Gentlecolt."

Ruby was now very cross but still she did not back down at all.

"What? About you're messed up mane and wings? I find that hard to believe and your shoes look really cheap. What are they made out of? Glass? Did he complement those too or was he just trying to avoid being yelled at by you?"

Princess Luna had a look of shock on her face and Ruby simply smirked. She knew that her shoes were false and did not waste any opportunity to poke holes in her claim of Konrad's complement as if it were a Changeling's legs. Luna was now going to have to step up her game if she wanted to 'convince' Ruby to cease her pursuit of Konrad, but it seemed that her powers of observation were strong indeed.

"You want to challenge the Princess of the Night? Fine, have it your way Ruby, and Tia, you owe me a real set of shoes."

"For your information he meant every single word and has proven that he clearly prefers me over you."

Luna turned over to Konrad and made eye contact with him while Apple Bloom was playing with his Eye Pod, tapping it away with her hoof.

"Time to prove to her that he wants me."

Luna waved her mane a bit and gave off the most beautiful look she could give. And the result was perfect as he smiled and waved at her.

"See, I told you he prefers me." Said Luna confident that the argument was over.

However, it was far from over as Ruby dismissively waved her hoof at Luna's attempt to woo Konrad.

"Please, I can clearly tell he wants me. I might not be a 'Princess' but I do have a better set of flanks than you do. Observe and learn."

Now it was Luna's turned to be shocked as Ruby began sway her plot giving Konrad a full view. And to Luna's dismay, he actually dared to look at it and smiled at the same time. Luna could do nothing but stomp her hoof in anger at Ruby's successful attempt and to make it even worse, her shoe that had cracked earlier shattered into tiny pieces. Luna looked down at it with her mouth wide open and looked back at Ruby.

Ruby was smiling at her successful jab against Luna and the extra embarrassment of her show shattering made it even worse.

"And that '"Princess'" is why earth mares are just naturally more attractive to males. Even a man such as him can agree with me, and I'm sure that his reaction was the REAL proof."

Luna's anger was very much rising and it was time to end this. Taking a deep breath, Luna began to search for something in her mind that she could use against Ruby. As if one cue her conscience spoke up,

"Don't forget about the massage Konrad gave you."

Luna then gave off a smug smile towards Ruby, who in return was wondering what she had up her hoof. Raising the shoeless hoof at head level for Ruby to observe, Luna began to speak,

"Konrad does have a rather nice touch with hooves doesn't he?"

"Yes…he does in fact. I'm pretty sure you observed it when he was touching MY hoof."

"Oh indeed I did, but fortunately for me, I've had the privilege, no, the pleasure of feeling his touch numerous times, and not just on my hooves either."

Ruby took a step back as if she was hit by a hard truth, but quickly dismissed such a claim coming from the Princess.

"You lie."

"I most certainly do not! You see Ruby, after Konrad's truck crashed into the river bed; I hit the interior rather hard."

"Not hard enough if you ask me." Interrupted Ruby.

Luna just gave a cold stare before continuing with her revelation, with the smug smile returning.

"Hard enough in fact that I became unconscious, and Konrad had to carry me across the river. When we made it to the other side, he gently set me down and that was when I came to. He on the other hoof didn't know I was awake, and took it upon him to touch my wings. I know he liked it a lot so I gave him a reason to continue."

The ghost mare was no longer the one smirking but instead starting to snort in anger like a mad mare. This was all Luna needed to drive the fact that Konrad wanted her instead of Ruby.

"Yes Ruby, prepare yourself for this revelation."

"Easy Princess Luna, you may be taking this a bit too far. You do want to earn respect don't you?"

"Yes, but I simply must get it through her head that he's mine!"

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

"I simply pretended to act cold by shivering and like the gentlecolt he is, he took off my shoes and began to…rub my hooves and my back, as well as my wings…it was the greatest sensation ever! Too bad you'll never know unless you...foul spirit."

Luna was sure that the he had struck a final blow in the argument, and had a look of satisfaction on her face. Luna turned over to Konrad to see how he and Apple Bloom were doing. Luna made eye contact with Konrad and saw that he had a worried look on his face. It seemed that he was concerned about what Ruby and she were talking about, and all the Selene Mare did was wink at him.

He gave off a weak smile but it quickly went away as he turned his attention to Ruby. His eyes went wide for some unexplained reason. And Luna found her answer in the form a grey hoof flying in the direction of her face. Ruby had struck her in the right eye and the Princess was staggering back. Luna could not believe what the ghost mare had done and was completely shocked that a commoner would even dare strike a Royal.

"Spoiled bitch! You're so selfish that you just can't let anypony have good thing can you?! I deserve him more than you! And for your information, his back is very warm and comfortable. Too bad you'll never know what that's like! Well…at least being conscious that is!"

That was it for Luna, the first real strike was cast and the Princess had no intention of backing down. Luna's blood was boiling at this point and she just couldn't take it anymore. It was time to end this right here. Speaking in her Traditional Canterlot voice, Luna just let it all out on the mare that she tried to come to an understanding with…at least with the Blood Hooves.

"HOW DARE THOU STRIKE US! AFTER WE TOOK THE TIME TO SHOW SYMPATHY AND COMPASSION, YOU ASSAULT US WITH SUCH UNJUST NERVE! WE SHALL SEE WHO IS THE BETTER MARE, AND HOW DARE YOU VIOLATE MY KNIGHT! HE CLEARLY DID NOT ENJOY YOUR SEXUAL ASSAULT! PERHAPS YOUR TALENT OF OBSERVATION ISN'T WHAT IT SEEMS!"

"LIAR!" shouted Ruby.

"DEVIANT!" replied Luna.

Luna began to charge up her horn to cast another spell at her, and Ruby got on her hind legs to ready a flurry of front bucking. However, neither attempt met their intended target as Konrad suddenly rushed between them while pushing both mares away from each other. Luna's horn suddenly died out while Ruby's front hoof accidentally stuck Konrad in the head.

THUMP!

"AGHHH! GODDAMN! SON OF A BITCH!" shouted Konrad as he put his head next to his right ear.

Luna was in complete shock at what happened in front of her. Konrad was stuck violently in the side of his head and used some very…colorful language, while Ruby began a flurry of apologies.

"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry Konrad! I meant to hit her not you! I'm so sorry!"

"My Knight! Are thine head seriously injured?! I mean, are you okay?! It was all her fault!"

"SHUT…THE…FUCK UP! BOTH OF YOU!"

Ruby and Luna both opened their mouths in shock as both of them had expected him to take their side in the conflict. They were greatly mistaken as he continued,

"I have had enough of this bitch fight going back and forth between both of you! In case both of you have forgotten, there are fucking Blood Hooves out there wanting to kill all of us! Neither I nor Apple Bloom can afford to stay out here any longer, and I nether her nor I are going to pay the price because you two are fighting over a man, err stallion or whatever term you want to use."

"But…she was saying lies that you gave her a massage and that you enjoyed it!"

Luna was about to respond until Konrad suddenly sighed and said,

"No Ruby…what she said is true, and now I know you WERE awake…Luna."

Luna smiled and blushed at Konrad, for he just confirmed her suspicions that he did enjoy touching her.

"All you have to do is ask Konrad."

"Pay attention Luna, you need to hear what else he has to say."

"Bbut…I thought you found me cute and…I had the feeling that you found my plot attractive."

Ruby's ears were lowering as well as her head, and Luna thought the issue between her and Konrad was over…but it wasn't.

"I do find you attractive Ruby, and you do have a nice plot."

Ruby raised her head in surprise and beamed with happiness while Luna's eyes went wide with her left eye twitching. Konrad noticed this and added,

"Yours too Luna, I guess I'm not as subtle as I thought I was…I enjoyed watching it though."

Luna ceased her eye twitching and Ruby stopped beaming with joy. Luna began to give Konrad another smile which he returned for a split second before returning to his serious expression. While it disheartening that he found Ruby attractive, it was also comforting that Luna knew for sure Konrad felt the same way about her. However that left a question in her mind,

"Does he want me?"

"And while both of you are attractive, your actions have been a huge turn off to me."

"What?" asked Ruby.

"I don't understand." Said Luna.

Konrad face palmed and sighed, before continuing.

"Ruby, what you did earlier at the river was much uncalled for and was something I did not consent to. If you remember correctly, you were…"

"I know Konrad." was all Ruby said while lowering her head in shame.

"Worse was that you did it in front of Apple Bloom. She might not have understood what was going on, but I did and I'm sure Luna did too."

"You got that right 'my' knight. Good to know you didn't like it, I would have been much better."

"You're not entirely innocent too."

"What have I done exactly?"

As if Konrad could read her mind, he turned to address the Selene Princess.

"And you Princess Luna! I expected more grace and civility from you."

"But…I-"

"Ruby told me all about your first encounter with her at the truck shortly after I revived Apple Bloom. You attacked Ruby out of fear and you didn't let her speak. She told me about how hard you hit her with your magic, powerful enough to cause a tree to explode? Really Luna?"

Luna was now lowering her head in shame, as Konrad continued.

"You wouldn't have been in this mess if you would have talked to your sister instead of running away without an escort. And to make it worse, you've done nothing to get along or at least settle your differences with Ruby other than do this glaring back and forth crap."

"That's not true! I did apologize to Ruby, and I did try settle our differences…I just failed to do in in a harmonious manner when the subject of…you came up."

Konrad raised an eye brow and turned to Ruby,

"Is this true Ruby? Did she really apologize to you?"

Ruby looked at Konrad before turning to Luna and giving off an apologetic look of her own.

"Yes Konrad, and like a rude pony I insulted her as she did it. I was just…mad about earlier and I took out my frustrations and anger out on her. And of course I hit her while were fighting over you."

"Isn't there anything you have to say to her?"

Konrad crossed his arms in an expecting manner and just stared at Ruby with his serous tone. He was going to ma

Ruby walked forward towards Luna and continued to speak in a very sincere tone.

"Princess Luna…from the bottom of my heart I am sorry that I struck you and called you that vulgar name. You offered to help end my suffering and I am grateful for that. I will be glad to help you, Konrad, and Apple Bloom escape from this pony heck."

Princess Luna was surprised at Ruby for the apology and civil manner in which she spoke.

"If she has the courage to admit that she's wrong, then so can I."

"Apology accepted and I'm also sorry for attacking you earlier which was uncalled for."

"Ditto."

Ruby held out her hoof and Luna was confused at what Ruby was doing. She got her answer when Ruby spoke.

"It's a human custom that Konrad told me about. You shake it to make an agreement."

Luna turned her head to Konrad who was smiling and said,

"The more you know."

He then made a strange gesture with his hand waving it over his. Whatever this meant, Luna had no clue.

"Goodness, he may be charming but he just confuses me sometimes."

"Well don't leave Ruby hanging Luna. Go on."

Luna held out here shoeless hoof and began to shake Ruby's hoof. Although Luna was sorry for her behavior she still couldn't bring herself to smile at Ruby…well a sincere one at that. She did her best to produce one though, and so did Ruby. It was yet another awkward moment between the two rivals , and Luna thought to herself,

"You're still not getting him though Ruby. That is something we will never agree on."

Ruby, with her talent of observation, saw right through it however and returned a forced smile of her own. It seemed that it would be a long way before the mares would ever begin to comprehend the possibility of friendship between the two, and an unspoken agreement was made. Tolerance would simply just have to do if they wanted to get out of here alive, and as for Konrad, fighting over him wouldn't further Luna's goal of winning him, at least physically fighting wouldn't.

After the hoof shake was over, Konrad clapped his hands and said,

"Good! From now one I don't want to see anymore fighting between the two of you. Ruby…"

"Yes Konrad?" said Ruby with a smile and a wink.

"I see your resolve has not weakened. Remember I'm immortal, I play this game forever."

"So can Ruby if you remember correctly."

Silently cursing that fact, Luna turned her attention to Konrad to see his reaction at Ruby's smile. He did not return it much to Ruby's dismay, and he simply continued,

"Remember, do not fight anymore with Luna. You'll want her help right?"

"Yes, but…"

"No buts Ruby. If you have a problem with her, settle it in civilized manner. The same applies to you as well Luna. If none of you can settle a difference, then I WILL!"

And now it was Konrad's turn to stare both of them down, and if was something Luna never thought he would have ever done…at least to a Princess.

"Did he just stare me down as if I was a foal?!"

"Well, in a way you were acting like one."

"Yes but…nopony has ever done that to me! At least not family…"

"It seems that he's not afraid to call out Royalty. Still want him?"

"You better believe it! I don't think Tia couldn't stomach his stare…well maybe she could but...he's so-"

Her thoughts were interrupted as Konrad's hand waved in her face for split second. Snapping out of her thoughts, Luna simply said,

"Huh what?"

"You there Luna? You kinda spaced out there."

"I uh…I'm fine Konrad. Please continue."

Shrugging his shoulders Konrad continued to speak to the mares,

"Now, remember both of you, no more fighting. I didn't ask to come to this place, but since I'm here, I'm not going to die in this forest nor am I going to let anyone else be hurt."

"Konrad I-" said Ruby.

"I know Ruby. You're sorry for bringing me and while I am mad that I'm no longer home, I forgive you. Nobody just wakes up one day and decides to get murdered and become a ghost. Truth be told I probably would have done the same thing if I was in your situation."

Luna observed Ruby's reaction and saw that she had a small smile form on her muzzle. Luna couldn't help but feel some sympathy for her rival's situation.

"Poor girl, I feel bad how I acted earlier towards her."

"As you should Luna, but you can make it better remember?"

"Well…I will tolerate her for now. That's the least I could do for Konrad."

"And you saved Luna too."

"WHAT?!" Said both Ruby and Luna with confusion and surprise.

Holding his arms up to cease the mares from talking any further, Konrad said,

"Let me explain, you see if Ruby hadn't have brought me here, then I wouldn't have killed the Blood Hooves earlier after they tried to murder Luna. And if it hadn't have been for Ruby's actions, I wouldn't have been there to help Apple Bloom back at the bridge too. So in a way…you owe Ruby your life."

Both Ruby and Luna were taken aback at Konrad's logic. When Luna thought about it, it seemed to make sense in a weird way.

"I…never thought about it that way." said Luna.

"Guess I'm not much of a foul spirit am I?" asked Ruby.

"I'm sorry for calling you that Ruby and I guess I owe you my life as well. When I get back to my castle, I'll see if there is any information on ghosts in the Royal Archives. Hopefully, it will give some insight in helping your situation as a spirit."

"At this point, I just want the Blood Hooves to die."

"Amen to that!" said Konrad.

Both Ruby and Luna looked at him equally confused as to what 'Amen' meant.

"Sorry, another human expression, I'll explain another time." was all he said while scratching his neck.

Ruby giggled a bit while Luna raised her eye brow trying to figure out what he meant.

"What? I said I'll explain some other time."

"It is not important Konrad, but do have a question." Said Luna.

"And that is?"

"You mentioned that you revived Apple Bloom. How did you do that? You don't have the ability to use magic."

"Yeah, how did you do that?" seconded Ruby.

Konrad shifted rather uncomfortably and looked at Luna back and forth. Luna didn't have to have Ruby's talent to see that he was very uncomfortable talking about how he saved Apple Bloom. And that was what was confusing Luna, what did he have to hide? Surely saving a little filly was nothing to be ashamed about.

"It's not important so let's-"

"No Konrad, I want to know how you saved Apple Bloom. That was a very brave and honorable thing you did, what is there to be embarrassed about?" asked Luna.

"Yeah, I really want to know too!" said Ruby.

Konrad just face palmed and sighed. He clearly did not want to talk about it and said,

"I don't want to tell you."

"But I insist." Said Luna in a more pressing tone.

"Please Konrad, don't make me order you."

"I don't want to-"

"TELL US!" said Luna in her Canterlot voice.

Ruby and Konrad covered their ears at her voice. Luna did have to admit she was loud when she wanted to be.

"Uh…sorry." Said Luna while holding her hoof up to her muzzle.

"Fine I'll tell you just…don't do that again."

"Well, tell us and I won't have too."

Konrad just narrow his eyes at her and Luna merely just winked at him.

"Well…she had water in her lungs and it was preventing her from breathing. So I used…CPR."

"CPR? What's that?" asked Ruby.

"It's called Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation. It's a procedure of getting the heart to pump oxygenated blood flow to the brain and heart. Basically, I pressed on her heart several times, and increased air flow into her lungs. After several attempts Apple Bloom was able to breathe again, and that's how I revived her. She wasn't breathing when I pulled her out so that's what I had to do."

"But how did you get her lungs to start breathing again?" asked Ruby.

"That's…the part I don't want to talk about."

"Konrad…answer her question." Ordered Luna.

Konrad visibly blushed and scratched the back of his head, before revealing how he was able to accomplish such a task.

"I…breathed into her mouth to force her lungs to move."

Luna's eyes went wide at Konrad's revelation while Ruby dropped her jaw in shock. To him it was nothing more than a medical procedure, but to them it was a…

"A kiss?! He kissed her?!"

"You heard him Luna, it was a medical procedure."

"But it's just so…different and so…"

"I'm pretty sure it was more awkward for him than it is for you."

"So you…kissed her?!" asked Ruby.

"It's not kiss! It's a medical procedure! I would never kiss a little girl! Gross!"

"But it seems that you kissed her." said Ruby.

"For the last time it's not a kiss!" shouted Konrad.

He face palmed and said,

"What was I supposed to do? Just let her die? I didn't enjoy it if that's what you're wondering. I mean sometimes it's called the kiss of life, but…"

"I don't believe it! He kissed a little filly!"

"Luna! It's just a nickname! He clearly didn't enjoy it any more than Ruby did to his…"

"Very well, I understand just don't mention that again."

"So it is a-"

"IT'S NOT A KISS! I WOULD NEVER TO THAT TO APPLE BLOOM!"

"Do what to me? You…you don't think Ah'm a good filly?"

Konrad's eye's widened as he turned around to see a sad and confused little Apple Bloom. Luna turned to see the Element of Honesty's sibling and could see that the girl was very confused at what was going on. Here they were talking about a very adult situation while she was most likely listening on the entire conversation. Apple Bloom's eyes were starting to tear up and a very sad expression was plastered across her face.

It was something that Luna couldn't bear to see.

"Oh dear! I can't let this filly get the wrong impression of Konrad! She doesn't understand."

Before Luna could say anything Konrad spoke up first, doing his best to calm the filly down.

"Apple Bloom…how much of this conversation did you hear?"

Apple Bloom started to tear up some more and said in sad tone,

"Ah heard what you did to save me, and that you didn't like it. Ah thought you cared about me, but…"

Apple Bloom then began to burst out in tears and immediately ran forward to the front room entrance.

Konrad turned back to the mares and said,

"I uh…I'm going after her just…have some more food and don't fight." Said a frustrated and embarrassed Konrad.

"Konrad wait!" said Luna.

He didn't stop however as he went into a full sprint to catch up to Apple Bloom. As he was out of sight from the mares, Luna turned to face Ruby who was embarrassed as well. Luna didn't know what to say and felt bad for not dropping the question she forced him to answer.

"No doubt he'll blame me for it…and I deserve it too."

"Don't give up Luna. I'm sure he won't blame you for what happened."

"But I made him answer when he didn't want to and now the filly he cares for misunderstood what happened. That is my fault."

"It's a misunderstanding Luna, so stop blaming yourself. Have some faith in him, now go get some more food, rest and wait for him to come back. You'll need your strength for later so do what he suggested."

"I'm going to get some more of his food Ruby. Care to join me?"

Ruby turned back to the entrance of the throne room and gave a worried look before turning her head back and nodding,

"Yeah, I guess so. I wonder what else he has beside pop tarts."

"Wonder if he has more of this 'Red Bull'."

Both Princess Luna and Ruby made their way over to Konrad's green back going through the brown boxes of MRE's to find more pop tarts and Red Bulls. As Luna found another packet of pop tarts she used her magic to open the wrapper, and suffered a slight head ache for her trouble. It was worth it though as the packet she found had the flavor of Blueberry, and enjoyed munching on the treat with no regards for the table manners of a Princess.

She turned towards the entrance and thought in her mind,

"I hope you'll calm her down Konrad, and I hope a repeat of our earlier break doesn't happen again…except the massage that is."

"Want a Red Bull Luna?" asked Ruby with can in her hoof.

"I certainly would, thank you."

Luna took the Red Bull can with her free hoof, and opened it using her magic. As she began to drink it, she noticed that her headache was starting to ease up. Perhaps this energy drink of his did indeed give energy. As Luna quietly belched as to not get Ruby's attention, she noticed that there was something on the can. There was writing on it that said,

"Vitalizes Body and Mind"

"Well, it certainly is doing that for me. At least it doesn't have a ridiculous saying that it gives you wings. How silly that would be."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Apple Bloom was very sad and upset as she ran through the ruin entrance. She had overheard the entire conversation as Konrad ran over to Ruby and Princess Luna, who were fighting. Now it made sense why they were fighting, they both wanted Konrad and all she did was make it worse. Not only that, she found out that Konrad had kissed her to wake her back up.

At first she blushed a bit that Konrad would do that to save her life, but was immediately disheartened when she found out that he didn't like it. It seemed that not even a human would think her to be worth anything, and now she wouldn't get her cutie mark since Ruby hit him. It seemed that everything she did was one complete disaster after another.

This whole night was turning into complete pony heck and it seemed that she wouldn't get back home because they were fighting. All she wanted was for everypony to get along, but it seems not everything would turn out the way a pony would want it to.

"This isn't fair! It's just not fair! Ah only wanted to make everypony happy and get home but that's not gonna happen!"

Apple Bloom made it past the stair before she tripped and fell down. She was completely tired and began to cry on the ground. This went on for a few seconds until she felt something start to rub her back.

"Shhhh…its okay Apple Bloom."

It turned out that it was Konrad and he was rubbing her back his fingers. As comfortable as it was, Apple Bloom was still upset and jerked herself away from his grasp.

"No it's not! You don't care for me! Why were you saying you didn't like saving me!? If you didn't want to, then why did you even bother?!"

Konrad sighed before continuing,

"Apple Bloom, I don't think you understand what I meant. You see I do care for you and I was scared that you were going to die. That's why I did the medical procedure CPR on you, and I'm very much glad that I saved you…I just wish that I didn't have to put my mouth to yours."

Apple Bloom got up from the ground, turned to face him and sat down. He in turn did the same sitting and crossing his legs in weird way that she saw Spike once do. She was starting to sniff a bit and was still teary eyed while he clearly had the look of regret on his face.

"But…why is that?"

"You see…it's just not appropriate for an adult such as me to…well you know mouth to mouth with youngin? I was afraid that they, and they did, would take it the wrong way like I'm some sort of…bad guy if that makes any sense. I mean. You're like a baby-"

"Ah'm not a baby! Please don't call me that! Mah sister Apple Jack does the same thing to me all the time. I can take care of myself."

"Enough that you didn't need my help or Ruby's?"

"Well, he does have a point there."

"Ah guess your right about that, Ah wouldn't have made it out if it wasn't for her and Ah'd be dead if it wasn't for you…but I'm not-"

Konrad held out his finger and made contact with her muzzle, effectively silencing her.

"I know Apple Bloom, you're not a baby, but you're not a full grown adult. You shouldn't have to worry about such things except getting candy and having fun-"

"And Pop Tarts?"

Konrad chuckled a bit while he withdrew his finger bringing it back to his side.

"-Yeah, those too, but the adult world is complicated. Trust me, enjoy being a kid while it lasts, those are the good years. But you see why I was saying I wouldn't do such a thing to you?"

"Yeah…Ah think so. You don't want them thinking you're a bad human, even though you did what you did to save mah life?"

"Now you're getting it kido! Now I just want you to know that I still care for you and I'll watch your back…that is if you still want to be my friend."

Apple Bloom immediately wiped away her tears, and began to smile once more.

"Are ya kidding? Of course Ah want to be your friend! You're cool and the other ponies will be jealous that Ah got a human friend!"

"Heh, sounds good Apple B!"

Konrad held his hand out to do a brohoof, but Apple Bloom had something else in mind. She got up and immediately rushed over to him and gave him a big hug. He seemed surprised at first but Apple Bloom felt his arms wrap around her and she felt warm and safe with him. None of them said anything for 20 seconds until Konrad said,

"You're a good filly, stay that way."

"Ah plan on changing anytime soon."

Then Apple Bloom smelled something coming from his back. It was the same scent earlier from the river and Apple Bloom wondered if it had something to do with what Princess Luna said about Ruby.

"Konrad, what's that smell? Ah can't figure it out, did Ruby do something she wasn't supposed to? Princess Luna said something about it."

Konrad immediately broke the hug, creating space between both of them and said,

"That's another complicated thing you don't need to worry about. Now, will you come back with me, and get some more pop tarts? You can also play with my IPod some more."

"Cool! That Ah Pod thing you got is awesome! But…can it wait?"

"Yeah, but why?"

Apple Bloom was embarrassed to say the reason why and merely made the 'Ah got to go' dance hoping that he would understand. And to her relief he did, and began scathing his neck while saying.

"Oh…don't take this the wrong way, but do you need to come with you?"

"No Ah'll be fine, but Ah understand what you mean. You sure the Blood Hooves can't get us?"

"Yeah, Princess Luna cut the bridge and Ruby told me they can't cross water or they'll fall apart. You're safe on this side of the river but are you sure you'll be fine on your own? I can get Ruby if…"

"No Ah'm fine, Ah'll see you back in the big room."

Konrad just smiled and waved while turning around to make his way back to the big room. As he was out of her sight, she went to go find a bush nearby to give herself some privacy. It was very uncomfortable having to take care of business without an outhouse nearby, but she would manage since she was an Apple family member and not a spoiled Diamond Tiara. After finding a good spot she began to squat and did her best to get comfortable.

"Ah'm glad that Konrad does care for me. He really is good feller, from now on Ah'm staying away from playing matchmaker! That just never will work out for me."

As Apple Bloom finally got comfortable, something totally unexpected happened. A voice spoke up behind her and the stench of Sunny Town was coming out of nowhere. Apple Bloom knew what is was and froze in fear as it spoke,

"Well, hello Apple Bloom, or should I call you by your new name Poison Apple?"

Apple Bloom turned around and her face went pale white with fear plastered all over her face. It was a Blood Hoof, with several others behind her smiling and some with tongues sticking out. The Blood Hoof that spoke to her was a mare with bright crimson mane and tail, with the same freaky red eyes they all had.

"Oh don't worry little filly, we'll protect you…FOREVER!"

Apple Bloom was unable to say anything as fear was completely in control over her, and the only thing she was able relieve herself, getting her legs and the ground wet.

=============================================================================

AAANNNNDDD to be continued… Yup, two parter! Just like the first and last episodes of each season. You guys are so going to hate me for this, but hey I didn't break my promise since it is a two parter, which means it isn't a complete chapter. I know pretty evil aren't I? What did you think? Shits going to hit the fan and man can you believe Ruby clocked Luna like that? That's gonna leave a mark. And poor Konrad, he just can't seem to stop pissing everypony off. Expect it to shit to be flung like a bad monkey on a rampage next chapter, I uh mean, next part yeah…hahahah! Let me know what you guys think.

Comments

[Mcayon]

[HumanSVD]

1637496 Don't blame me. Discord made me do it.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Discord.png

[spetsnaz pinkie pie]

Sometime this story must makes me cry. *sniff*

[Irongalley]

I wish I could like and favorite more than once...

[Divine Path]

Very intriguing.

[HumanSVD]

1637762 What part made you cry? 1638491 I wish you could, because some jerk just added a dislike! 1638891 Part two is being typed as we speak. And if you have liked already, please do. It's kinda disheartening to see more dislikes get added.

And to everyone else, sorry for the dick cliffhanger, but I did warn ya'll didn't I? More of the mane six will be in the next part, and yes, the actual fighting. sorry about that, but there will be more up ahead as far as fighting. And about Apple Bloom? You'll see.

[spetsnaz pinkie pie]

Part that made me cry was the heart to heart talk between applebloom and Konrad

[Irongalley]

1641409

Flutterrage! Oh well, we HiE authors know the risks of embarking unto such dangerous adventures. Human in Equestria, Alicorn and OC stories all have the risk of being hated on merely by the theme of the story... But it's good to see that your excellent work has prevailed despite the hate. Rock on!

[HumanSVD]

1641504 Glad you like it. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applebloom_lolface.png 1641723 I guess that's true. Rock on I shall, now back to typing for me!

[Divine Path]

1641409
Excellent.

[GetJinxed]

"Well, it certainly is doing that for me. At least it doesn't have a ridiculous saying that it gives you wings. How silly that would be."
Lol Luna, never come to earth. It does have that saying.
WHAT!
crap, PINKIE!
What? Luna wanted to see what earth was like

[WorldWalker128]

Well, at least Apple Bloom had the time to take a leak.

[Shadow Faith]

SO MUCH SHITSTORM!!!!

[IHF1998]

Really... A Spiderman reference?

[Flyerton]

Konrad crossed his arms in an expecting manner and just stared at Ruby with his serous tone. He was going to ma

WHAT?

He was going to ma

Ruby with his serous tone

going to ma

his serous tone

ma

serous

wut