NO!
Ruby was scared out of her bucking mind, as she was being beaten and dragged all the way back to Sunny Town. Despite going to through the vicious cycle, year after year, this had to be the worst aside from dying the first time. For once she had got to meet a new friend that was a curious innocent filly, much like herself long ago, and while she was glad that Apple Bloom had escaped. Ruby also wondered if she would ever get to see her again or at the very least say good-bye.
All she wanted was to live a simple life among friends and family, but dying and being a ghost pretty much ruined that. Having nothing to look forward to and being chased by your murderers was very terrible. It made Ruby feel like she was dirty garbage, not wanting to be loved, or even cared for. But then she saw him, the very image of the wonderful beings that her mother told her when she was a filly getting ready for bedtime stories. She saw a human, a being that did not rely on magic, but of pure will power and determination.
And she saw him not only show no fear towards the Blood Hooves, but she saw that he was capable of showing compassion and more importantly, love. Ruby knew there was something going on between him and her when she got to know him better. Whenever Ruby was with this special individual, he made her worries go away, even if they were for only a few minutes. Ruby didn't care that he wasn't a pony, and it was quite clear that he didn't mind at all, after all, wasn't beauty something that was in the eye of the beholder?
Ruby felt something she hadn't felt in many years, happiness and he made her feel that way whenever she was around him, and now she was being taken away by her tormenters, the Blood Hooves. Ruby was afraid that she would never see him again, or worse, he would die, and was little spirit she had left would be crushed knowing that he died after she brought him into this mess. She needed him, she needed Konrad.
"No! No! This can't happen, not now! Please help me Konrad!"
As another hoof strike was laid upon her corporeal after life body, she screamed in pain.
"AAAAHHHHHH! Stop please!"
But all she got was another bite on her back left leg and she yelped in pain even more,
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! KONRAD! HELP ME!"
A Blood Hoof mare that she had never seen before simply said,
"That human won't be able to help you cursed one! You will suffer forever and he will die by our hooves!"
"NO NO! He won't die! He's my only-"
"Special somepony? Your romance is just as dirty as your cursed mark!
"Yeah," said a Blood Hoof stallion," what would your mother say? Well, never mind about that, it's probably bad enough that you're cursed, but I can't imagine the embarrassment she must feel for having her daughter go for a human. Must be why she let you die so long ago-"
Ruby's fear and pain suddenly morphed into anger and hatred for these fools, as she just couldn't take the emotional and physical pain. When a Blood Hoof let go of her back leg, she immediately bucked the insulting stallion in the head hard, very hard. His head cracked and twisted 180 degrees and it almost came very close to coming right off.
CRACK!
"Gahgulrg!" said the Blood Hoof in an unable to speak anything intelligible due to his head's position.
As his head started to snap back, a stupid looking Blood Hoof mare came out of nowhere and said,
"I'll teaches youse to not hurts my friends!"
"Wow, I have never met a mare this dumb before. Grey Hoof really will take anypony."
She raised her hoof strike but missed, and tried again…only to miss again. Her eyes were a bit crooked and it seemed that she had a bit of trouble aiming. Of course this could have been due to the fat that Ruby was squirming, and trying her best to get away, but any competent pony would have been able to strike her.
"Holds still!" commanded the not so bright Blood Hoof mare.
"NEVER!" shouted Ruby.
Several of the Blood Hooves grabbed Ruby, effectively restraining what little freedom she had left. As the Blood Hoof Mare attempted to strike Ruby again, a hoof came out of nowhere and stopped the rather silly mare from striking her. It turned out to be Blood Clop, who looked at Ruby with his eyes dark red and narrowed. He spoke with malcontent in his voice,
"So marked one, we meet again, and this time your precious Konrad isn't here to help you."
"Go to pony heck!" said Ruby.
"You first…bitch!" replied Blood Clop.
He raised another hoof and struck her in the muzzle hard.
"AHHH!" shouted Ruby.
"Hurts? Not as much as losing your special somepony, but I've got something better planned for you Ruby."
"I've already died and you bastards make me relive it every year! There's nothing that you can't do to make me suffer more!"
Blood Clop just gave off an evil smile at Ruby and fir the first time in many years it made her shiver in fear.
"Oh but there is! You see, Grey Hoof has allowed me to inflict pain upon him when he comes back here, and I'll relish doing it in front of you. Then when you are both back in Sunny Town, you, and your mother will witness his suffering as I eat limb after limb from his body. The look on your face will be priceless and when I rebuild his body, he'll be one of us!"
"No…no…NOOOOO!" screamed Ruby with a terrified look on her face.
"Yes, and the best part is, when he's given the gift, he'll hate you just as much as I do. Then your special "Somebody" will make you relive your death every year. How ironic it would be wouldn't it?"
"NO NO NO! You bastard! I hate you! Leave him out of this!" replied Ruby, fearful for Konrad's safety.
"You shouldn't have brought him into this Ruby; it's your entire fault for your cursed wickedness!"
"He…he'll come back with guards and he'll shoot all of you!"
"Doubtful considering what we witnessed what he did to those guards. Oh and I have this…"
Blood Clop then dropped Konrad's weapon on the ground right in front of her, proud that he had taken a trophy of some sort. Ruby stared in disbelief as Blood Clop continued,
"I don't know how it works, but we will figure it out and he will be a tool for us. The Guards he fought already think he's behind all this and he's most likely on his way here, trying to save his own flank from the guards, but don't worry, he'll come for you…and it will all be in vain. And he'll be our slave to protect Sunny Town…FOREVER!"
Ruby couldn't take it anymore, and she struggled in vain to squirm away. Blood Clop merely laughed and ordered the other Blood Hooves to take Ruby away. As they began to take Ruby to Sunny Town, a loud noise came out of nowhere.
BANG!
A Blood Hoof stallion not involved in restraining Ruby had his head blown into tiny bits everywhere, and his body slumped on the ground.
"IT'S THE HUMAN! GET RUBY TO SUNNY TOWN!" shouted Blood Clop, who immediately grabbed Konrad's weapon and ran away.
The Blood Hooves restraining Ruby began to carry her away as fast as they could towards Sunny Town, which wasn't that far away considering how much they had taken her way from the Tree line. Ruby constantly struggled but was unable to budge. There was something different this time though, she had Konrad nearby. She did her best to see where he was and for the first time, she was unable to see him. Ruby could feel him nearby however, and was happy that he was coming for her.
"Please save me Konrad! I don't want to wander earth without you! And shoot all of those bastards too!"
As much as she dreaded going back to her old home, she kept thinking of Konrad along the way. Ruby began to indulge in her absurd but happy thoughts of having a foal and a human child with Konrad, together forever living a happy life. As of now, all Ruby had was the hope of that a vengeful human armed to the teeth would come and save her, who was also pissed off beyond belief.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Konrad was running through Everfree forest as fast as he could, doing his best to find Ruby and her captors. This whole night was going to hell faster than he could think. It was bad enough that he got sucked into a Story of the Blanks MLP world by a cartoon/game character, but it was worse when almost every character thought he was an enemy and a ponynapper. He still couldn't believe that he fought Twilight Sparkle's brother, Shining Armor.
He had expected to get his ass handed or "hoofed" to him, but surprisingly he won and found out that he was somewhat resistant to magic. It seemed to take a lot out of Shining Armor to merely hold Konrad, and Konrad was glad to know that his guns did indeed have a strong effect against magic. Unfortunately, this didn't mean anything as Princess Celestia herself, along with the mane 6; saw Konrad fighting Shining Armor and the Royal Guards, effectively reinforcing a bad first contact situation.
It was something Princess Luna wanted to avoid, and unfortunately it happened anyway. It sucked when everypony got the wrong impression the only human ever seen by the ponies of Equestria, especially when he was THAT human. He still didn't understand a whole lot of things though, for one how the future could be MLP? None of this made any sense at all, but confusing or not he was going to save Ruby. He did after all swear that he would help.
"I don't freaking understand any of this bullshit! I mean, how could any of this be the future? And why does everything bad have to happen to me?!"
"You should be glad that you're not in Ruby's situation Konrad. Besides, there's worse that could happen to you."
"Let me guess, being in the Canterlot dungeon or something like that?"
"No, being one of them and losing your sense morality and free will."
"Yeah…that is pretty bad…but dammit! None of this makes any sense! How can a creepy pasta MLP game be the future and why do I have to be the guy in it!? Why can't I just be with Pinkie Pie making cupcakes or something…scratch that, why can't I just have fun with the mane 6 or something?
"You were the best candidate for the job and you had the best heart for the situation. You did swear after all, and you shouldn't worry so much, all will turn out as it should…that is if you do your best."
"Worry so much?! Hello Ian! Did you not see that Princess Celestia wanted to petrify my ass and that the fact that the mane 6 had the Elements of Harmony? And the look on their faces was…scary. I never imagined seeing any of them like that. Well, Pinkie Pie seemed excited as always, but Celestia and Apple Jack looked like they wanted to rip my guts out! I just hope that Luna…wait a minute. What do you mean by "I was the best candidate for the job"? And my heart was in the right place? Spill it Ian!"
"That will be revealed later but you need to focus on saving Ruby, and do leave a trail for the others to follow, you will want them on your side don't you?"
"That's a cop out and you know it! Tell me!"
Konrad got nothing but silence at that point and for a brief second, he seriously began to wonder if he was insane. Doing the exact same thing that he did earlier, he slapped himself really hard with his left hand and a small amount of pain stung his arm due to his wounds from Shining Armor.
SLAP!
"Oww! Shit that hurt…and I'm still in Equestria, running away from zombie ponies and the mane 6 along with Luna's pissed off sister…well fuck my life. Nothing to do but go save Ruby…that poor mare."
Konrad began to think about Ruby for split second. The image of the murdered mare came into his mind, seeing her beg for her life and being brutally murdered…again and again. She deserved much better that, Ruby deserved happiness or at the very least some form of closure. And not to mention she was cute too, aside from the creepiness she exhibited earlier, and had a unique personality of her own. What Ruby saw in him, Konrad would never know, unless he saved her that is, but having to choose between her and Luna was tough as hell. The worst part of it for him though, was the fact that they both admitted that they wanted him, something he never expected to happen.
"I hope the one I didn't pick will understand. I don't like to crush a girl's heart but I can only be with one. I'm not kidding myself, being with a pony is going to be hard, hell my parents might be pissed if they found out. Alright you assholes! Konrad's gonna kick your flanks!"
Konrad began to pick up the pace and followed the hoof prints as best as he could until he got a bad feeling and stopped. It turned out to be wise a move as he almost walked right into a patch of Poison Joke. Freezing before he could walk into it, he slowly stepped back and thought to himself.
"I might be a bit resistant to magic, but Poison Joke…I'm not risking it. I guess I'll just avoid this shit, now where did those assholes go?"
Konrad began to look around the Poison Joke for any sign of where the Blood Hooves went. After finding a few hoof prints away from the troll plant, he began to run as fast as he could down the trail of hoof prints that he picked up. He could feel his blood pumping like acid and his breathing became very heavy. He still felt like a moron for fighting Shining Armor, and began to wonder why he acted like a trolling prick.
"He spoke like a Royal Guard from Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion, how was I not supposed to find it funny?! And Spartrota? What a rip-off! Seriously though, I have to respect him for being honorable but when he pointed that spear at me and more importantly Ruby…that just plain fucking set me off. I just couldn't take that shit anymore…I guess I should have kept my temper in check and let things unfold on its own. Oh please my Princess Luna, wake up. I got you and Apple Bloom home, so please get your pissed off sister away from my back."
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! KONRAD! HELP ME!"
Konrad went into immediate alert mode upon hearing that unbearable scream coming from Ruby. Ruby was suffering and that was something he couldn't allow. He aimed the Makarov pistol in the general direction of Ruby's scream and carefully moved forward. He could hear some of the Blood Hooves talking up ahead and as he got closer he could hear Ruby say "No!" a couple of times. As soon as he saw them, Konrad froze not wanting to reveal his position away to the Blood Hooves.
He also didn't want Ruby to see him as well, due to the fact that everypony was focusing on her. Should Ruby see him, she would react greatly and would most likely, although unintentionally, give Konrad's position away. Konrad had seen that happen in too many movies and that was something he didn't want to happen. Plus, if he saved her while being a badass sniper then that would be cool. Konrad put his Makarov away, and unslung his Dragunov, carefully aiming at the closest target of opportunity in a prone position near a tree and under a bush.
Before Konrad could take a shot, he stopped and listened to what Blood Clop was blabbing about.
"Oh but there is! You see, Grey Hoof has allowed me to inflict pain upon him when he comes back here, and I'll relish doing it in front of you. Then when you are both back in Sunny Town, you, and your mother will witness his suffering as I eat limb after limb from his body. The look on your face will be priceless and when I rebuild his body, he'll be one of us!"
"No…no…NOOOOO!" screamed Ruby.
"Fucking zomponies! You threaten Ruby with not only physical pain but emotional and mental pain too!? I'm so going to fucking kill you and you're not going to make me into one of you! Just hang in there Ruby."
"Yes, and the best part is, when he's given the gift, he'll hate you just as much as I do. Then your special "Somebody" will make you relive your death every year. How ironic it would be wouldn't it?"
"NO NO NO! You bastard! I hate you! Leave him out of this!" replied Ruby.
"You shouldn't have brought him into this Ruby; it's all your fault for your cursed wickedness!"
"I don't blame you Ruby for doing what you did. I will save you and I'm so going to kill you Blood Clop, now just move away from the tree…"
"He…he'll come back with guards and he'll shoot all of you!" replied Ruby, who was trying to get courage built up.
"Damn right I will!"
"Doubtful considering what we witnessed what he did to those guards. Oh and I have this…"
Blood Clop moved away from the tree and Konrad moved the scope reticle on Blood Clops face, but was shocked at what he was. His nemesis had swung his AKM around with his teeth and dropped it on the ground in front of the group, crudely smiling before all of them at his prize. And that prize was Konrad's AKM, the same gun he spent good money on after seeing the classic movie Red Dawn.
"You can only take my guns from my dead cold hands, which you haven't yet bitch!"
Konrad once again tried to aim at Blood Clop with his SVD but still was unable to. The Blood Hoof leader was now standing too close to Ruby for Konrad to safely take the shot, and that disappointed Konrad greatly. His one and only true nemesis in life was doing everything he could to make Konrad's night miserable and Ruby's afterlife even more painful. Konrad was going to save Ruby, even if it was the last thing he did.
"I don't know how it works, but we will figure it out and he will be a tool for us. The Guards he fought already think he's behind all this and he's most likely on his way here, trying to save his own flank from the guards, but don't worry, he'll come for you…and it will all be in vain. And he'll be our slave to protect Sunny Town…FOREVER!"
"FUCK NO! YOU WON'T USE MY OWN GODDAM GUN! ONLY HUMANS CAN USE GUNS! NOT FAIR! I CALL HAX!"
Konrad observed Blood Clop motion with one of his front legs to take Ruby away, and as the Blood Hooves began to move a struggling Ruby; Konrad aimed the SVD at a Blood Hoof stallion that was free. He would have shot Blood Clop, but he still didn't have a clear shot. Konrad exhaled and lightly pulled the trigger and a loud noise with a small muzzle flash escaped the rifle.
BANG!
The Blood Hoof Stallion's head was completely gone, much in the same manner that Crimson Tail's head had exploded. The stallion's body fell limp on its side and Blood Clop began shouting to his fellow Blood Hooves,
"IT'S THE HUMAN! GET RUBY TO SUNNY TOWN!"
Konrad saw Blood Clop pick up the AKM with his teeth and began to run off in a direction to where he assumed Sunny Town resided. The Blood Hooves still in control of Ruby also began to follow Blood Clop, with Ruby still trying to escape with no success.
"Konrad! HEEEELLLPP!" screamed Ruby in a high pitch voice that awfully sounded like Sandy from SpongeBob Squarepants.
Throwing the voice similarities aside, Konrad tried to aim at the Blood Hooves carrying her away, but was unable to get a clear shot still without hitting Ruby. Instead, he concentrated on another Blood Hoof stallion close by and shot him just as he did the other.
BANG!
The Blood Hoof fell down dead with his torso bursting like a watermelon. Now that he fired twice, the remaining 4 Blood Hooves noticed the direction he was firing from and instead of running away, the ran towards him.
"SHIT! They aren't cowering away this time. I got to move, and hey wait a minute…that Blood Hoof mare looks familiar…"
As the Blood Hooves began to search for Konrad, he noticed that one Blood Hoof mare in particular look very similar to a certain grey and yellow manned Pegasus. Then it hit Konrad, as the pieces of the mental puzzle came together.
"DERPY!? THEY KILLED DERPY!? YOU BASTARDS! YOU…oh never mind, it's just a Blood Hoof that looks like Derpy. This one's an Earth Pony, but if that's what a zombie Derpy would look like, then the more you know I guess. Say that gives me an idea; I just hope it will work."
Konrad took a deep breath and prayed to God that his crazy plan would work, because if it didn't then he would die not only a painful death, but a rather silly one at the hooves of a Derpy knockoff. Getting up as fast as he could, Konrad slung the SVD and pulled the Makarov out of his pocket and fired in the Blood Hooves' direction. They were too far away for the pistol to make any hits but it was good way to get their attention
PLOP! PLOP! PLOP!
Three rounds shot harmlessly in the Blood Hooves' general direction as the rounds struck a tree close to them. This got their attention as their eyes glowed dark red and they set off in a gallop after him. As Konrad noted to himself that he had 5 shots left in the pistol, he began to run back in the direction he came from. As he began to run as fast as he could, the Derpy pony called out to him,
"We'll gets youse bad humen! You hurts our friends!"
Konrad was really tempted to insult the stupid Blood Hoof, but it confirmed to him that she was indeed a "Ditzy" like pony for sure. Konrad then ran into a sharp left turn towards a familiar area that he almost walked into. As Kornad saw the destination up ahead, he could hear their galloping getting closer, and that made Konrad began to sweat more out of fear then fatigue.
"C'mon! Almost there!"
As soon as Konrad was within reach on the area, he took a sharp right to avoid the trolling plant. Konrad ran all the way around it, and saw the confused look on the Blood Hooves' faces. The Derpy knockoff simply said,
"Follows me my friends!"
The other three Blood Hooves returned their focus on Konrad and followed their leader, who was leading them into the Poison Joke patch. As they entered the patch, Konrad could hear the small noise that the plant gave off whenever somepony entered the patch.
"Gotcha! Now all I have to do is…wait? Shoot, the effect isn't instant! Crap their getting closer, time to-"
"RUN!" shouted Konrad.
Konrad began sprinting in the direction towards the river, and hoped the he could get there in time. It was really a bad move on Konrad's part and he definitely didn't want to pay for it. As he was jumping around tree after tree, Konrad took a look back and noticed three more Blood Hooves join in on the chase for the "Last Human". There was a silver lining to this as they too walked into the Poison Joke patch.
Konrad then shot at the Blood Hooves behind him, emptying the Makarov.
PLOP! PLOP! PLOP! PLOP! PLOP!
Running and shooting, as it turned out was a lot harder to do than it seemed in the movies. Only one Blood Hoof was struck in the barrage of bullets, and the Blood Hoof mare, let out a scream.
"WAAGGGHH!"
"We'll gets youse!"
"NO YOU WON'T!" shouted Konrad.
"UH…okays"
"Skull mush! We almost got him! Don't listen to the human." Shouted a Blood Hoof stallion.
"Okays! Stop bad humens!"
As Konrad tried to reload his pistol, he failed to notice a tree stump ahead and promptly fell down hard. As if to make matters worse, there was an incline and Konrad began to tumble down on an decline.
"SHIT! FUCK! OWW! AHH! SH-OOF!"
As Konrad began to tumble down, several of the Blood Hooves above him began to notice his misfortune and began to laugh themselves.
"Ahhahah!
"Hehehe!"
"Hahehes*snort* ehaheha" laughed Skull Mush.
The other Blood Hooves began to facehoof at Skull Mush's laughter, before turning their attention back to Konrad. The human on the other hand landed on something hard. A sound of metal and pang cause Konrad to slur his words,
"WOahhiwahha, what the heeeelll happened?"
"Are you okay bad humens!?"
"Skull Mush why are you even asking him that? He hurt our friends remember?" said a random Blood Hoof stallion."
"But Grey Hoof wants hims to be okays so he can be our friends."
"That's not what he…never mind let's just get him!"
The seven Blood Hooves began their careful decent down the decline and Konrad immediately attempted to get his bearings. The object he had hit turned out to be his one and only Ford Bronco. Konrad immediately got up and aimed his SVD at the Blood Hooves coming down, and fired at the first one that came to his sight.
BANG!
A Blood hoof Mare was struck in the torso and died instantly.
"One down, six to go, shit my head hurts."
Konrad's veins were pumping with acid and his heart was beating fast in fear at the Blood Hooves galloping after him.
BANG!
This time he missed and Konrad cursed himself before firing again.
BANG!
He hit one Blood Hoof in the head and it fell down the decline rolling lifelessly. This only pissed off all of the Blood Hooves as they began to run after Konrad even faster. Konrad began to shoot rapidly as they were closing the distance even more.
BANG! BANG! CLICK!
"Shit I'm out!"
As Konrad noticed that his SVD and Makarov were out of ammo, he immediately turned around to run into the bronco to take cover and reload. His plan to turn his truck into a makeshift bunker was cut short as the most hilarious thing happened before his eyes. The one known as Skull Mush, tripped and rolled into the other Blood Hooves, and a complete mess of flesh and bones began to tumble all the way down the decline.
"AHHH! I'M MELTING!"
"NOOOOOO!"
"I KNEW SKULL MUSH WAS TOO BUCKING STUPID!"
"AAGGHHHH!"
"I'm sorries!"
The Blood Hooves in front of him quickly tried to separate apart. There was one problem however as their legs were all backwards! In fact, all of them looked like they were poorly assembled in a Hasbro toy factory! Konrad quickly reloaded both his pistol and his SVD before turning back to the hilarious sight before him.
As funny as it was, Konrad was at a loss as to why they were all mismatch and it seemed that they were trying to fix themselves by twisting their legs.
"Aghh! My legs won't correct themselves! Why! Where's our protection?"
And that was the only clue that Konrad need to figure out the riddle. It seemed that the Poison Joke the ran into screwed up their "protection" and any attempts to fix themselves resulted in more of a mess. Konrad began pointing and laughing at the bumbling mess of Blood Hooves before and him noticed something even more hilarious.
"Hahaha! Look at the mess that I have done to you! You over there got a fucked up head, you got screwed up legs and you are a…he? She? Well, whatever you are, you got a front plot!"
The apparent gender blender pony indeed had its plot reversed, with its front legs in the back and rear legs up front, and it's head resting on its own plot. The tail was still in the back, and over the Blood Hoof looked very funny.
"So my plan actually worked?! I need to get some of that stuff if I can!"
All of them pony growled at him, and did their best to catch him. It didn' work however as Konrad replied.
"U mad? Yeah u mad alright."
Konrad then raised the Makarov and began to shoot all of them in the head.
PLOP! PLOP! PLOP! PLOP!
As he began to aim at the one known as Skull Mush, she began to cry with her crooked red eyes said,
"Please don't puts me to rests! I just wants to be friends with youse! Grey Hoof wants to meet youse!
"Yeah, I'll bet he does, but I'm not going to die, and I don't want to be your friend dumb plot."
This only served to make the mare known as Skull Mush cry blood out of her eyes, and as gross as it was to Konrad, he felt sorry for her.
"I won't hurts youse! Please don't hurts me! Our partee is funs! Youse would likes it!"
Konrad rolled his eyes and thought to himself,
"Oh what a stupid Blood Hoof but…it reminds me of Derpy so much!"
"You do realize it's a Blood Hoof, it even tried to hurt Ruby remember?"
"Yeah I know…I can't help but feel what dick I've been. I mean they are brainwashed and this one even as a zombie is well hard to hurt…I'm not sure if I can hurt it."
"Well, maybe you can take advantage of her."
"What?! You don't mean…"
"No Konrad, not like that."
"Just making sure."
"Look ask her where Sunny Town is and try to get her to guide you there. After that, lie to her about where you will be going to, this will distract the Blood Hooves away from Sunny Town and you could sneak in there and get Ruby out. Her legs are messed up and she can't run after you."
"Well, I guess it's better than going in guns a blazing. Ruby did say that there were a lot of them. I hope this works."
Konrad then gave off a big smile to Skull Mush and said,
"You know what? I will go Grey Hoof's party! And when we get there, I'll even dance with you Ms. Mush."
The Blood Hoof stopped crying and asked,
"Reallies?"
"Really reallies." Replied Konrad in an unenthusiastic tone.
"Coolios! No stallion has ever asked me to dances with them! They says I'm toos uncorodinateds"
"I wonder why."
"Well, I think they're just nervous around being a *gulp* cute mare such as yourself."
Konrad was doing his best to keep the contents of his breakfast down as Skull Mush gave off a creepy ass smile. All of a sudden, she jumped up and gave him a lick or "Pony Kiss" on the face. Her tongue was surprisingly long, warm, and very slimy, and a trace of saliva and blood smeared on his face. Konrad's eyes went wide in complete shock at what just happened, and his face began to pale green. Skull Mush on the other hoof began to giggle in a creepy tone and said,
"You're cutes! I thinks we'll be goods friendses. Bad Ruby will be jealousies of youse and me!"
Konrad didn't say anything, and his mind was franticly trying to process what Skull Mush said. An image of Ruby crying in the corner along with an angry Mitta, while a zombiefied Konrad and Skull Mush were dancing in front of every Blank and Blood Hoof while they laughed at him.
This was all Konrad needed to process a decision.
"Skull Mush, which direction is Sunny Town?"
The Blood Hoof mare then pointed in a direction with her misshapen hoof and said,
"That ways my new stallion friend!"
That was all that Konrad needed as he pointed Makarov and shot her in the face before she registered what happened.
PLOP!
With his own rage face, Konrad then shouted,
"NO!"
He then wiped of the disgusting lick stain and made his way off to Sunny Town, remembering to stop by the Poison joke patch to try and collect it.
"Be her stallion friend?! NO!"
And off went Konrad, heading to Sunny Town to help save Ruby, with a slightly violated soul struggling to come to terms with what happened by the river.
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Will there be US Marines?
ill miss you skull mush. *sniff*
I'm confused, so what that Blood Hoof really Derpy or not?
Thanks for the update really enjoyed the humor in it
1950599
Nay, Skull Mush was an earth pony. Derpy is a pegasus. They must be cousins or something.
PS: THIS STORY IS BOSS! I completely support the idea of incarceration of the author with the purpose of forcing him to write a chapter per day. I mean... If that's okay with you...
Really glad to see the likes on this increasing 
It deserves more of em.
I think Skull Mush should have been made a romance option...
Eagerly awaiting next chapter, friend! Will be working on my own guns a blazing human in Equestria story now, later!
1950788 How could I not notice that [Perhaps they could be siblings
1950837
1950855 That is what I am thinking
Skull Mush should take a few "smart pills"
...
Awww,I feel bad for Skull Mush...the one Blood Hoof that even remotely cared about the living.
Awaiting further releases.
He did a good act playing as skull mush friend what a sucker she was for falling into his trap HAHAHAHA! and Ruby and Mitta saving TIME!!!!
Hmm a dumb blood hoof getting tricked and shot anyways
Anyone else see that coming
1949801 Nope. Konrad is the only human.
1949921 It really was tough killing her off, but Konrad would have had to do it anyway at some point. Remember, Skull Mush, while sweet and silly, was a Blood Hoof, and she really would have killed him later on, correction, "Protect" Konrad.
1949921 I have to admit, Skull Mush was one of my favorite OC Blood Hoof characters. Konrad maybe in shock and anger right now, but he's going to feel really bad about killing her later on, even though he had too, which will be explained later on.
1950752 You are quite welcome! I'm glad you're enjoying the story.
1950788 Skull Mush was primarily for humor, and as to the question of her and Derpy being related, the answer is...maybe. I haven't really decided if they are relatives or not, but if they are, then they won't be immediate relatives or seperated twins etc. Skull Mush would most likely be on Derpy's maternal side of the family, and I might pull a Mr. Cake by saying she is Derpy's great aunt Twice removed etc.....but we all know that Mrs.Cake was a slut.
I kid! I kid! Seriously though, I'll have to give it some thought. When the sequel comes out, you'll know more.
I think Skull Mush should have been made a romance option...
Wouldn't have worked out and Ruby has a much better chance for Konrad. If you want I "could" make a clop scene especially for you if you want that. It wouldn't be canon mind you, but....yeah do not want.
and neither did Konrad.
1950999 As Grey Hoof said, "She was never really all there."
1952000 Same here, and Konrad will feel bad about it later too.
1952402 He did feel bad for making her cry, especially when she spoke like Derpy did to Rainbow Dash when she fell through the floor. Imagine a zombie Derpy saying, "You okay bad humens?!" and then her saying "I'm sorries!".
Damn, maybe I shouldn't have killed her off....oh well! 
And yes, it is Ruby rescue time! 
1953732 Don't you just love it?
1954058
I'm hoping some high authority in the afterlife can send her back to the living in life rather than unlife or that she will be happy in some kind of Heaven.
1954083 Maybe...you'll see.
1954058
Clop scene... Good lord my mind, eyes, face and brain burn from just thinking about it!!
You win, no blood hoof romance option. 
1954088
There's such an option???
Thank you for the consideration!
1963023 You'll see, I'm working on the chapter right now.
yay ooh i cant wait to see how this is going to turn out for konrad, better hope discord dosent get free
cause if he does i have a bad feeling konrad might actually join that sick vindictive fuck pardon my cursing but discord can be sick some times the only reason why i think he'll join is because discords has lots of things he can use against konrad and he is very convincing
1963041 Discord is not going to appear in this story other than be an observer. In the sequel...that will be a different story, no pun intended.
hmm fair enough now to just and im gonna say it again "sit back and wait" besides im hooked on this story now anyways
i can surely wait for you to finish besides the time you take to finish and create the sequel only fills my head with energy
like and im sorry for this reference cupcakes
1963114 I hope you're refering to the cupcakes reference in the last chapter
Two chapters of the sequel are already finished and have been shelved for the time being. The last chapter might get re-written to let Skull Mush live a little bit longer since she really wasn't that evil.
of course iam
glad to hear skull mush is going to live longer to tell you the truth though i didnt care im sorry if that sounds bad but when something evil is made like the blood hooves unless they decide to change they deserve to die just like the evil universe of ponies especially evil pinkameana that bitch deserves to die a thousand deaths for what she does in buisness is boomin. im sorry if this offends or disgusts you
1963138 Only reason I considered letter live again was because others said that they liked her, considering she wasn't that much evil to begin with and that she actually seemed to care when Konrad got hurt, whether that was because she was dumb or just a nice pony despite being a zombie is up for debate. If I do let her live a little bit longer, it's going to be hilarious.
awesome now i have something else to look foward to besides when konrad explains his love life to everyone else i can just imagaine their faces heres what some of them would look like
also im sorry if im distracting you i havent talked to that many people on here yet
1968635 What version did you like better? And it is a good thing that she didn't drink it, it's made from ponies!!
He, she, has a front plot! Haha nice touch
1972769 You know where I got that from. And the next chapter will...can't spoil it now can I?
1976712 Multi-point of view. I have since stopped doing it as much.
She might have been a zombie and a earth-pony-derpy Knockoff, and being licked by a zombie sounds nasty as- well, getting licked by a zomibe- but I feel awful that he killed it.
Why? Why do I feel bad?
I kinda liked skull mush
Hax. Hax indeed.We'll all be friends when they learn that gun O.O
I'm gonna be pissed as hell if ending this curse fixes all the remaining Blood Hooves because Skull Mush died for no reason. If she was Derpy's cousin... well lets just say Konrad will have a lot of haters.
R.I.P. Skull Mush
I mean...wat? I get it Skull Mush and the other bloodhoof tried killing him but...is it fucked up that he just straight up shot her in the face like that? I can't decide I kinda feel bad but then I don't.
Well Konrad.. You are very well going to that WONDERFUL place and take something that every (except three lead, Mitta and a bitch's) virtue.. virginity..
REREAD FTW!
4554629
Definitely re-read FTW, tis just as enjoyable now as it was the first time
Get her some smart water from the store XD