24. For Whom The Wedding Bell Tolls
Chapter 24- For Whom The Wedding Bell Tolls
The eruption of cheers was deafening as Mac rose from his haunches and embraced Rainbow, planting a kiss on her lips in front of more ponies than he'd ever seen in one place. Confetti cannons fired the moment after she spoke the word every ear in the crowd wanted to hear, courtesy of Pinkie's private arsenal.
As Dash broke away from the kiss to the blizzard of confetti around her, she had to ask: "You set all this up, too?"
Mac still held her close as he gave their surroundings a cursory glance before looking back toward his fiance's lips and nose smudged with blue body paint. "The cannons were actually Pinkie's idea."
Rainbow chuckled. "And what if I'd said ‘no’?"
"You'd have had to deal with her," Mac replied. Dash shuddered at the thought.
"Well, how long are those wings good for?" she asked.
"Just ‘til sunrise."
Dash spread her wings and took Mac's hoof. "Then come fly with me."
Mac spread his and with one flap, he was in the sky next to his fiance. They flew up and out of the stadium, Rainbow searching for a nice cloud to stop on. A sturdy cumulus appeared on the horizon as she glanced beside her. Never in all her life would she have thought Mac would subject himself to altering his physical being for her. Not that she'd asked him to, but the lengths he was willing to go for her brought a flutter to her heart unlike any she'd ever felt.
She thought for sure his bulky body was far too heavy for flight, but amazingly enough, his moderately sized wings seemed to be holding him aloft just fine, if a bit slow for her tastes. Talking over the rushing wind would have been pointless, so she settled on a smile as she raced ahead and landed on the cloud away from the arena. Mac joined her, landing clumsily on his chest. Five days of training had done wonders, but he was no flying prodigy.
Rainbow helped him up as they both sat on the squishy surface of the cloud, looking back toward the illuminated field they'd just left. A few fireworks rumbled in the distance, and Rainbow supposed the rest of the Wonderbolts were going out to celebrate the success of their first show of the season. Dash didn't mind missing the party, given the circumstances. Besides, being the only sober pony when everypony around you is drinking was not her idea of a good time.
"So you swapped places with Soarin, huh?"
"Eeyup." Mac ruffled his wings, trying to find a way to fold them that felt natural.
"How'd you manage that?"
Mac laughed. "Ah told him Ah wouldn't run him off the farm if he came around lookin' ta court my sister."
"What is it with you Apples and pegasi?" she asked teasingly.
"Couldn't tell ya. I hear Braeburn has taken a healthy interest in Ms. Fluttershy."
"Two members of your family liking wings is a coincidence." Dash rolled her head towards him. "Three is a fetish."
"You might be right."
Silence fell over both of them for a time before Rainbow spoke. "Let me see that earring again."
Mac dug into a pocket sewn into his Wonderbolt uniform, giving her the small red box. She opened it, the luster of the gems shining just as brilliantly in the light of the moon as they did beneath the stadium lights.
"Where'd you get this?"
"Ah spent fifty-thousand of your bits on it." Rainbow rolled her eyes and playfully shoved Mac's shoulder. "It was my mother's, actually," he explained. "My Paw proposed to her with it. Ah know it ain't as flashy as some of the engagement rings out there..."
Rainbow closed the box. Her ears hadn't been pierced in a while, but she'd make an appointment tomorrow if it meant she could wear something that meant so much to him. "It never had to be." Dash stretched a wing over Mac's broad shoulders as he scooted closer to her on the cloud. The distant rumble of the fireworks faded as the stadium lights turned off one by one, leaving only the moon and stars to illuminate the two of them.
Folding her wings beside her, Rainbow leaned back onto the cloud, staring up at the blanket of stars spanning the night sky. Mac followed suit, his hooves behind his head as he relaxed. "When's your next checkup?" he asked. "Ah think Ah'm startin' ta see the bump."
"Liar. It’s not for another week," she yawned. "You want to come with me this time?"
"That was my plan," he answered.
Another moment of silence draped over them like a layer of fog across a lake. Once again, Rainbow would be the one to break it. "Do you think Luna put every one of those stars up there?"
Mac shrugged. "That's what the legends say."
"You think they're true?"
"Dunno. She helped give me wings, I couldn't imagine why she couldn't make a million little points of light if she wanted to." Mac quickly caught her yawn. "Given any thought to our weddin'?" he asked. Rainbow was unsure whether he was joking or serious.
"Geez Mac, we've been engaged for all of thirty minutes," Dash teased.
"Ah know, Ah just figured every mare's thought about it once or twice," he said defensively.
"Not mares that grew up with something to prove," Rainbow lamented. She'd never been much for typical filly activities and fantasies. "I was too busy showing the boys how much better I was than them when I was a filly. Or trying to, anyway." Mac turned his head to see Dash's half-lidded eyes.
"Not once?" he asked incredulously.
"Not that I can remember," said Rainbow. "I guess we could just use the castle like Shining and Cadence did."
"Minus the changelings, Ah hope."
"Definitely."
Dash didn't let another pause interrupt the conversation before moving on to a topic she'd been tossing around in her head for a while. "What are we gonna do about my house?"
Mac rolled onto his side, facing her. "Whaddya mean?"
"I know you can't just leave the farm, but I can't just let my house fall apart, either. I built it with my own two hooves."
Mac put a hoof to his chin for a moment. "Why not just move it over the farm?" he suggested. "As long as you practice your rainbooms and such over the fields and away from our windows, Ah think that'd work out fine." Mac returned to his reclined position before speaking again. "Speakin' of houses, ya mind if I sleep at your house tonight? Braeburn's probably getting tired of the couch in our livin' room."
Rainbow hummed. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that's just a convenient excuse to get your new fiance into bed."
Mac scoffed. "Like Ah need an excuse."
Rainbow shoved his shoulder before folding her forelegs back across her chest. "I guess that'd be okay. I don't have practice tomorrow, so you can make me breakfast."
"Ah suppose Ah should feel honored, your majesty?"
"Eeyup," she imitated. She had been thinking of surprising Mac with the new farm equipment he insisted he didn't want. His actions tonight may have just bought him a brand new plow and apple cart. "Well, I guess now you get to wait on my anniversary present," she yawned.
Mac replied only with a thoughtful "Mhm." Dash raised herself onto her elbows.
"That's it? Just 'mhm'?"
"Eeyup."
"You don't even want to try and make me tell you what it is?"
"Nah." Rainbow studied him for a few more seconds before settling back down on her back.
"You're no fun."
"Well, Ah'll be dipped!" Braeburn said, entering the farmhouse behind his cousins Applejack and Apple Bloom. "Ah'd have never guessed Mac had it in him ta do somethin' like that!"
Applejack snickered, Apple Bloom asleep on her back. "Well, Mac may not be much for showboatin', but Ah suppose RD is rubbing off on him."
Braeburn smiled. "Well, Ah suppose that's true." Applejack rolled her eyes as she headed upstairs to put her little sister to bed.
"Ah don't know if Mac'll be coming home tonight, so you could probably get away with using his bed if you're tired of the couch," she said in a hushed tone from the top of the steps.
He removed his hat and vest, laying them carefully across the back of the couch. "Ah think Ah might take you up on that."
Braeburn climbed the creaky steps to Mac's bedroom, slowly opening the door and poking his head inside, as though he expected Mac to be there. He trotted inside and shut the door, careful not to let it slam. The moonlight through his cousin’s flannel curtains cast a silver glow across the simple wooden desk and bed frame. A few farming magazines and an advanced calculus textbook sat on his desk, as well as a framed picture of himself and Rainbow Dash.
He picked it up, holding it in the moonlight for a better look. The two of them were smudged with dirt, Dash's lips pressed against Mac's cheek as he smiled toward the camera. Braeburn flipped the photograph over, revealing Fall Harvest Festival written on the back. He chuckled to himself, recalling playing with Mac on the farm as a colt, and the times when both of them thought fillies to be gross and covered in cooties. If our eight-year-old selves could see us now, he thought, setting the picture back where he'd found it.
Glancing back to the bed, he threw the blanket back with a hoof, climbing onto the mattress. He still had two days left in Ponyville, and hadn't got his chance to properly tease Mac about getting his girlfriend—fiance, rather—pregnant. As he lay on Mac's firm pillow, he harkened back to the days of their youth. He had always figured Mac would be the first one to settle down, especially after his parents had died. Though he was still the same colt he had been after their passing, he was always more reserved. He remembered him crying at his mother's funeral, but only silent tears, no sobbing. By the time his father passed, Braeburn was certain Mac didn't shed a tear.
Braeburn figured it was because Mac felt like he had to show strength for the rest of his family, not because he didn't love his father. Looking back on his life compared to Mac's, he was relatively fortunate. His father and mother were still around for him to talk to, should he ever need it, and he inherited a farm that had already been established as a staple of the Appaloosan and Dodge Junction economy.
Mac, on the other hoof, had to figure out how to run a farm by himself rather quickly. In fact, his cousin was a rather brilliant marketer, assuring business partners that the farm's quality would not suffer now that it was under new management. Once Applejack came of age, she began to help out, but for many years, it was just Macintosh running the show with what little help Granny Smith could offer.
He supposed having his foalhood cut short was partly responsible for Mac's normally stoic demeanor, but he couldn't be blamed for it. Besides, now that he was engaged, he'd have to deal with another enormously daunting task, one far overshadowing the complexities of running a farm: planning a wedding. Closing his eyes, Braeburn couldn't help but laugh at the thought of Mac having to choose between alabaster, eggshell, and ivory colored napkins for the reception. Now that his cousin had taken the plunge, however, he felt what some might call jealousy swell in his chest. Perhaps it was time for him to start looking for a mare to make an honest stallion out of him?
He remembered the day before, and his visit to that cute pegasus' cottage near the woods. She'd said he was welcome back for tea anytime he wanted. Personally, he hated tea, but, considering the company, he figured he could manage to muscle down a cup.
Maybe I'll give Ms. Fluttershy a call tomorrow...
Rainbow Dash sat beside Mac in the waiting room of the Ponyville hospital, idly flipping through a magazine. Mac had never liked hospitals, and neither had Rainbow. If her last visit was any indication, a few quick tests, an ultrasound, and she'd be out of there in time for lunch. Even though it was only a few hours after breakfast, she was already feeling the pangs of hunger.
"Dash, Rainbow?" The nurse called from behind her desk. Mac's gentle nudge drew her from a rather bland article.
"That's us," he whispered.
They followed the nurse back to the exam rooms as she led them to an available spot. "The doctor will be with you momentarily." she said, motioning them inside. Mac had a seat on a chair near the wall while Rainbow climbed onto the exam table and laid on her side.
"Nervous?" he asked.
"Not really. Last time it was a breeze," she replied casually. "You excited to see the foal?"
Mac smiled. "Yeah."
Before they could continue, the door opened to reveal the same unicorn doctor that had given Rainbow the news and performed her first exam. "Good morning, Rainbow," he said cordially. "Ah, and this must be the sire."
"Eeyup. Macintosh Apple." Doctor Stable extended a hoof.
"Doctor Stable." He bumped his hoof and turned back to Rainbow. "Well, now that introductions are out of the way, let's get down to it, shall we?"
The usual battery of tests began, Rainbow performing them routinely.
“Okay Ms. Dash, time for your ultrasound,” he said, retrieving the tube of jelly from a cabinet.
“Here’s the part you’ve been waiting for!” Rainbow squeaked happily, shivering slightly as Doctor Stable smeared the cold gel across a small section of her belly. Mac stood from his chair and moved closer to Rainbow. The doctor cast the ultrasound spell, a multitude of black and grey blobs projecting in front of them.
“Okay, let’s find the foal...” Doctor Stable said, searching Rainbow’s stomach for his target. After a few moments, a small, pulsating blob appeared in front of them. Mac couldn’t help but beam, pride swelling in his chest as he got his first look at his unborn foal.
“T-that’s him?” he stammered.
“Him or her,” the doctor replied.
“See?” Rainbow whispered. “I told you it wasn’t much to look at.”
“Well, not yet,” Mac reasoned. “But it’s ours.” He took her hoof gently and smiled at her, Doctor Stable quietly dropping the spell and washing his hooves.
Afterwards, Doctor Stable turned back to Mac.
"Mr. Apple, might I see you outside for a moment?" Mac was a bit surprised, but nodded as he rose from the chair, following the doctor outside.
"Somethin' the matter, Doctor?" he asked, a hint of worry in his tone.
"No, nothing really, but it is my duty as a physician to explain some of what you can expect in the coming months as far as your marefriend's behavior is concerned." Mac raised an eyebrow, but allowed the doctor to continue. "Now then, fairly soon, Rainbow's moods will seem a bit more... irrational. These mood swings are perfectly normal and, unfortunately, are something you must take in stride, as she won't be able to mitigate them."
"Actually, she's my fiance now," he corrected.
"Congratulations! Now, in addition to mood swings, it's important you let her get exercise, but not too much," he explained. "Here, this pamphlet will explain most of what you need to know about supporting her." He levitated a full color brochure out of his lab coat.
So, You've Ruined Your Life: A Stallion's Guide To Pregnant Mares, Mac read in surprise to himself.
"Just a bit of humor," Doctor Stable added. "And that brings me to the other reason I called you out here. I understand Rainbow Dash is deathly afraid of needles?"
Mac chuckled, stowing the pamphlet. "That's an understatement."
"Yes, I figured as much. Unfortunately for her, she needs a series of vaccinations to help ensure the foal is brought to term."
"Okay... Ah think Ah see where this is goin', but don't you have orderlies or somethin' for this kind of thing?"
Doctor Stable shook his head. "We've had to let some go due to budget constraints. All I'll need you to do is distract her while I cast my holding spell. I find phobic patients don't lose their cool as much if they don't have time to think about what is happening."
Mac sighed. "Ah suppose, if it's what's best for the foal..."
"I assure you, it is."
Mac followed the doctor back into the room to find a bored Rainbow Dash still waiting on the table. "About time," she mumbled. "What'd you do out there?"
Mac glanced at the doctor, who'd begun carefully unwrapping the needle from its packaging and using his magic to draw the vaccine into the syringe. "Oh, he just went over some stuff Ah can do for ya once you start showin' and such. Told me Ah should let you eat whatever ya want when you start cravin' things."
Dash chuckled. "Like I'd need your permission to eat what I want."
"Right..." Mac mumbled, Rainbow starting to turn toward the doctor before realizing she was paralyzed.
"Hey! What gives?" she demanded as Mac took a step back, regret etched across his face.
"You'll only feel a brief pinch, Rainbow," Doctor Stable said, rubbing a spot in her foreleg with a piece of gauze soaked in alcohol. Her pupils shrank to pinpricks as she set eyes on the needle floating in the doctor's magic.
"No! Nononono!" Dash struggled valiantly against Doctor Stable's magic, but couldn't break free. She shot an accusing glare at her husband-to-be. "You set me up!"
"Darlin', he said it's what's best for the foal," Mac reasoned, though Rainbow was having none of it. Her love of the foal was far outweighed by her phobia of needles. He stepped forward, placing a hoof over her eyes. "He said it don't hurt as much if ya don't look."
"Easy for you to say!" she snarled, still struggling. She let her mind wander in the dark, just knowing the incredible pain of a needle pushing into her skin, intruding into one of her veins was only moments away.
"There we are, just two more," Doctor Stable said, keeping his patient immobile while retrieving a fresh needle.
"Two more?!" she shouted. "Mac, I'll kill you for this!"
Mac rolled his eyes. "The sooner you can get this done, the better, Doc."
"Just a moment, we're almost done..."
Outside the hospital, Rainbow sat on the bench facing away from Mac, a pout across her lips and her forelegs folded.
"C'mon, Rainbow, it wasn't that bad." She cut her eyes at him briefly before staring off into the other direction as she had been. Mac got off his bench and went to sit next to her. She promptly scooted as far away from him as possible while still sitting on the same bench. He figured she'd be upset with him. After all, phobias aren't generally characterized by rational thought. Mac put his hoof to his chin for a moment. "What if we go to that Neighponese restaurant on Market Street you like s'much for lunch?"
Rainbow cut her eyes back to him again. A few seconds of silence were broken by her rumbling stomach. "Is that the one where they give you peas in those little shells for an appetizer?" she asked.
"Eeyup." Mac nodded.
After a few more seconds, Dash let out a defeated whinny. "Fine, but this isn't over." They got off the bench and headed into town, though Rainbow was careful to keep Mac at wing’s length. She still needed to convey how upset she was, after all.
As they sat in front of the hot hibachi, Rainbow turned to Mac. "Sorry about earlier."
Mac smiled, rubbing her foreleg with his own. "It's alright. Ah know how ya feel about needles."
"You still didn't have to distract me, though," she huffed.
The chef poured oil on the hot grill, sending fire roaring upwards as the other ponies at their hibachi 'ooh'd’ and 'ahh’d'.
"C'mon, you mean you'd have just let him give you three shots in a row?" Mac asked.
Rainbow sat quietly for a moment, eyes transfixed on the vegetables being stir fried in front of them. "Maybe."
"Well, if it's any consolation, Ah'm sorry."
Rainbow sighed. Now that she'd had something to eat, the absurdness of her actions at the hospital were beginning to register. "It's not your fault... I just hate needles."
They ate silently as Rainbow devoured her plate of food, Mac taking a much more moderate approach, while wondering how it was that ponies in Neighppon managed to use chopsticks with hooves. Rainbow had them between the surprisingly dexterous feathers of her wing tips, feeding herself as though she'd been raised using them. Mac opted for the simpler method of eating mouth-first. Not uncommon or considered rude for earth ponies.
Once they'd finished, Mac brought up something that had been on his mind since last night. "So, given any thought to plannin' the wedding?"
Dash nodded. "Actually, Rarity already told me she'd help. I'm thinking of leaving most of it to her. I think she's favoring the farm for the venue, though."
Mac grinned at the idea of being married at the same place as his parents. "Ah know Granny and Applejack wouldn't mind playin' host."
"Yeah, she actually wants me to meet her at her shop after hours to go over some stuff." Dash sighed, as though it were a chore. "I want to keep it simple, but I doubt that'll end up happening."
"Just remind her that it’s your wedding." he suggested.
"She means well. Rarity just gets a little... carried away sometimes."
After lunch, she and Mac stood outside. Rainbow had managed to sign a few autographs before realizing she needed to leave before a crowd gathered. Her new fame was certainly becoming more and more of a burden. The fact that she’d managed to get a quiet lunch with Mac actually surprised her.
"I better go before the cameraponies get here," she moaned.
"Alright then," Mac agreed, giving her a quick kiss goodbye on the nose. "It's about time for Apple Bloom to get outta school anyway. Figure Ah'll go pick her up." He smiled at her. "Good luck with Rarity."
"Thanks," she said sarcastically, returning his peck before taking off.
Mac trotted to the schoolhouse and sat down on a picnic table just outside the front door. The clock above the school still had a few minutes until the bell tolled. He retrieved the pamphlet Doctor Stable had given him and began to look over it. On the cover was an illustration of a very pregnant looking mare yelling at a stallion. He supposed this was an indication of what was to come. Opening it, he found the writer of this information pulled no punches. The sections were broken down into months.
For the first few months, you may hardly notice a difference in your marefriend at all! She may eat some odd combinations, or perhaps suffer a bout or two of morning sickness, but otherwise, she's still the mare you fell in love with. Or, at least, liked enough to rut without asking whether or not she was in estrus, he read to himself.
That sounds about right, he thought.
Moving on, he came upon the next section, depicting a mare crying on a bed with a noticeable belly, but not one that was obviously a foal. It could just as easily have been from lack of exercise.
Once your mare has started to show, she'll most likely become conscious of this fact. This will lead to any eye contact with her belly being met with angry accusations about how you no longer think she's pretty, or that you think she's fat. These accusations will come whether you said anything remotely of the sort or not (and if you did, shame on you!). This is normal, and the best thing you can do in this situation is to assure her you still think she's the prettiest mare in all of Equestria, regardless of whether or not she believes you. This mood may be swiftly followed by tears and uncontrollable sobbing while bemoaning the fact that she feels she's not ready to raise a foal of her own, and/or an insatiable need for... intimate contact with you. In the case of the latter, it is best to satiate these needs as soon as possible, or risk bodily harm. As was stated before, all mood swings are completely normal and not under her control. As the sire of the foal, you would do well to remember this.
"Hey, Big Macintosh! Whatcha readin'?" Mac nearly dropped the pamphlet as he hurried to store it beneath his yoke. Apple Bloom and her friends stood before him. How had he missed the bell?
"Uh... nothin'. Y'all have a good day at school?"
"We sure did!" Apple Bloom replied as Sweetie and Scootaloo nodded in agreement. "We did arts and crafts today, and Ah made a bird feeder for our yard!" She held out a pine cone covered in peanut butter and birdseed with pride.
"That's a mighty fine bird feeder, sugarcube." Mac smiled. "Ah bet all kinds a birds'll want ta eat from it."
"Sweetie Belle!" a voice Mac recognized called from a distance. Rarity came trotting up the street, her designer saddlebags bouncing merrily as she did. "Come now, time for us to take Scootaloo home so we can start on your homework."
The filly's expression dropped sharply. "Aw, I have to do homework now?"
"Yes, I simply won't have time to help you tonight. Rainbow Dash is coming over to plan her wedding." She looked over to Macintosh. "Congratulations, by the way."
"Thank ya kindly for helpin' Rainbow figure all this out," he replied.
Rarity waved a hoof. "I wouldn't dream of anything less! Your wedding will be the envy of every mare in Equestria, I assure you." Her smile instilled a confidence Mac had not experienced when talking about it with Rainbow. He had to admit, if there was one mare he trusted with this sort of thing, it was Rarity. "Come along now, dears." She hurried Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle away down the street as they bid goodbye to Apple Bloom.
"So, is Rainbow Dash gonna be my sister?" Apple Bloom asked as they set off toward the farm.
"Sister-in-law, but eeyup."
"Neat! Scootaloo is gonna be so jealous!"
Mac chuckled to himself.
"So when she has the foal, that'll make me an aunt, right?"
He nodded. "Eeyup, you'll be aunt Apple Bloom."
Her face lit up as she began to hop around big Mac in a Pinkie Pie manner. "Ah can't wait ta teach her about all the stuff Ah learned in school! Maybe Ah can help her get her cutie mark!" she sang.
"Hold your horses there, little miss. We don't know if it's a filly or a colt yet," Mac cautioned. Apple Bloom stopped bouncing.
"Well when will ya find out?"
"In a few months," he replied as they came upon their family farm. "Go'n inside and start your homework. Ah'll be up ta take a look at it when you're done."
His little sister headed inside while he decided to take a seat on the front porch. Though he was far from lazy, every now and again, he'd enjoy a nice sit on the steps of his home, admiring the fields of his father before him. Fields he and his sister worked hard to maintain.
As he sat, he noticed another pony coming down the path leading to the edge of the Everfree forest. A brown hat and vest let him know Braeburn must have been on his way back from visiting a certain pegasus. He also recalled that his cousin hadn't had a chance to tease him about settling down. With a deep breath and an unbreakable smile, he readied himself.
“Well hey there, stud,” Braeburn teased. “Ah hear you and Ms. Rainbow Dash have been mighty busy as of late.” He tipped his hat upwards, a smarmy smile across his lips.
“Ah don’t see how that’s any of your business,” he replied frankly.
“Relax, Twilight told me about your... conception.” Mac rolled his eyes.
“Of all the ponies ta be the one to gossip,” he began.
“Oh no, she didn’t do it on purpose. Think she just let it slip while Ah was at Ms. Fluttershy’s.”
Mac waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Really? Well Ah don’t see where you get off takin’ shots at me when you’re tryin’ ta make time with one of my fiance’s best friends,” Mac countered.
“Well for starters, we’ve only just met, and she ain’t pregnant.”
Mac raised an eyebrow. “Yet.”
“Oh, you hush with that kinda talk, Mac!” Braeburn chided. “Just because I enjoyed takin’ a mare home in Appleloosa don’t mean I intended to lay with her.”
“That’s funny, that seemed to be the case every time Ah was there.”
Braeburn exhaled through his smile. If there was one thing Mac knew how to do, it was counter any argument. He simply knew him too well. “Anyway, how’d your visit with the doctor go?”
“Fine. Saw my foal in the ultrasound,” Mac said proudly. “He’s gonna be strong, like his daddy. Ah can tell already.”
Braeburn chuckled. “If anythin’ he’ll inherit that big head of yours. Celestia help Rainbow to pass him.”
“Very funny,” Mac spat. “Why don’t we go see if Fluttershy would like to know about the time after the Appleoosan spring festival where you took home a mare, and her st—”
“Okay, okay!” Braeburn relented. “No need ta get drastic. Ah told you Ah was drunk...”
“Right. C’mon and help me move the bags a seed into the barn before Ah start rememberin’ other stuff from your sordid past,” Mac laughed.
Later that night, Mac lay awake after reclaiming his bed. Recalling his unfinished pamphlet, he reached an hoof to his yoke on his bedpost and lit the lantern in his room. Unfolding it, he reached the final months of gestation and continued where he left off.
Once your mare has fully progressed, her mood swings will increase in frequency and severity until foaling. It is wise to simply give her what she wants and get out of the way. Additionally, her hooves will begin swelling from the extra weight (especially if she is a pegasus) she has to carry around, and as such, an especially thoughtful thing you may consider to keep yourself from being berated at every turn for not doing any of the work while she carries the foal, is to draw a tub of hot water for her hooves to soak in in the evenings. Also, the closer she gets to delivery, the more hormones will flood her system, meaning your flesh must be willing often times more than the spirit is able.
Mac’s eyes reached the bottom of the pamphlet, where the words: What To Expect During Foaling: A Guide To The Unimaginable Horror sat above a modest paragraph.
Foaling is a difficult time for any mare, and as such, will be a difficult time for you as well. Assuming you’re not squeamish, you’ll be with her during the act. If you are not present, then may Celestia herself have mercy on your soul. Unlike the foaling process depicted in most movies on the big screen, it is neither glamorous, or fun to watch. You must look on as one of the favorite areas of your mare is torn asunder by the seed you planted in her womb. She will flatulate, urinate, and defecate in front of you, and up to six total strangers. Most importantly, it will be all your fault. She will be quick to remind you of this in a variety of colorful ways. If Celestia favors you, the doctor will give her an epidural before hoof, neutralizing most of the pain. If not, prepare for profanity and a hoof-crushing grip as she works harder than she ever has in her life. However, once that foal is born, and stands on its own for the first time, you’ll realize your broken hoof and ringing ears were absolutely worth it. And Celestia willing, so will your mare.
Mac set the pamphlet down on his nightstand, eyes wide in shock at the implications of the last paragraph. Perhaps he had been spoiled a bit by movies. He certainly had boundless patience. Especially for the mare he loved. But of course he had it now. What about for eight more months? What about when Rainbow was wishing she’d never met him while she struggled to deliver their foal?
No, Ah don’t care what some booklet says. Ah love Rainbow, and no amount of spittin’ and cussin’ at me is gonna change that, he thought. He rolled over onto his side and faced his wall.
For the first time in months, he couldn’t sleep.
Stats
Page generated in 0.044 seconds
Total duration
1,087 users online
1,683,936 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
So, despite differing opinions on the issue of the shitstorm happening today, I have to say that this is an excellent chapter, and quite funny as well.
Another great chapter, Dude! Though, apparently there was some Fools Day shenanigans I missed?
2359174 Apparently there's a joke that HiE stories will all get banned from getting posted, and Bronius acted as though the joke being legit would be a good thing, which is the reason for my earlier statement.
2359206
Aww, but I wanted to read it...
2359216 Heh, you'd have to go through several hundred comments to reach the point Bronius came in, lol.
Loved that pamphlet. It was completely funny.
May the Grace of the Valar Protect You
Shire Folk
Reminds me of the Futurama episode with the Amazonian planet.
*Zapp Brannigan: *Panting* "We need rest. The spirit is willing but flesh is spongy and bruised.
*Amazonian: "It time snu-snu!"
*Fry: "Can't we just cuddle?"
Reminds me of my mom before she had my older brother. She didn't do well with Lamaze exercises so when it came time for her to have my brother, she was in a wheelchair slapping her arm and saying, "Lamaze dropout right here! HOOK ME UP!"
Seriously Mac, make her take the damn Epidural. DO IT.
hhhaaha nice book.
Welp. That pamphlet certainly doesn't beat around the bush.
May Epona the Great Mother have mercy upon your soul Macintosh Apple-Malus. So SoarinApple as well? Nice. Poor Mac going to have to deal with a pregnant mare and Rarity running the wedding.
SoarinJack AND FlutterBurn? Wow! Good choices of pairings there!
And I'm hoping for a colt for RD and BM.
Dealing with pregnant women always sounds so scary.
If my wife/fiance/girlfriend (if I ever had one) ever made me do that I'd tell her I'd never be able to do her again without vomiting on her. So women who insist their husbands/boyfriends/fiance's are in the delivery room are truely sick.
2359875
Why? They are going through one of the most difficult things they will in their entire lives. How is it an abnormal expectation to expect their loved ones to be there to help them?
No...nononononnonono. I swear, if you turn this into a Soarin'Jack...
Calming down, calming down.
In other news, nice chapter. The April Fools joke actually got me at first. Then I saw the word count and...
Also, don't worry, Rainbow! I'm afraid of needles too! And I had a MUCH worse reaction than you did...hah hah...ha...
(Screaming and crying, worst reaction in my entire school. Yay for me.) The pamphlet absolutely murdered me.
Please continue!
So, MacDash, SoarinJack, FlutterBurn, and TwiFire? Pegasi for everypony!
Dang, that pamphlet pulled no punches.
2359174 the mods said all HIE fics were going to be banned. Glorious butthurt ensued. People got seriously mad. Also, I posted nonsense you would have hated, so you missed nothing on my end.
That pamphlet is probably one of the best things I've ever read. EVAR!!!
Well that about covers real maternity. Pregnancy is a messy, messy thing.
Poor Macintosh XD
2360122 I'm just saying its an extremely gross and disgusting process especially if they make you actually participate in the delivery instead of just being by her side while she curses you out like a sailor and blames everything thats wrong in the world on you.
Hey...question.... Why is Breaking Barriers no longer featured on EQD? It was in the Story Updates right up to a few chapters ago....
2359362
I don't think the Valar are gonna do Big Mac much good.
2361381
EQD isn't always so good with story updates.
I think that pamphlet is exaggerated.
Well, that's two pairings I've never seen before. TwiFire and FlutterBurn
2360223 And we still have Rarity and Pinkie to go yet!!
I really hope Dash doesn't do exactly what was in the pamphlet. While true for many new mothers, a significant portion are much more amiable. I hope it comes out as a worst case scenario kind of pamphlet, meant to make the process seem better than it could be to the poor guys.
And thus, another epic end to the chapter of an epic story.
What was Mac gonna say?
That whole pamphlet killed me, couldn't stop laughing.
Good stuff, please keep'em coming.
The pony the who wrote that pamphlet should be shot along with the publisher and the chief editor who approved it for the title alone and because it's facts mixed with nightmare fuel. I'd be surprised if more stallions after reading that didn't go get a vasectomy. Seeing a live birth is scary and wicked nasty like something out of a Troma film.
Shouldn't that be 'own four hooves'?
2365568 they only use the front two for utility purposes. Hind hooves are mostly for walking.
Yeah, that pamphlet was... horrific. Ye gods, there's realistic and then there's "turned up to 11."
Hell, I'm looking forward to having kids someday. I doubt I'll have a problem keeping up with my wife.
Oh, and for other people's notes, you CAN be in the room and not at the business end of the table, you know. The doc usually puts up a sheet to maintain privacy as much as possible, and to shelter the father from the mental scarring that would otherwise ensue.
Can't...breathe. Laughing too...hard!
I loved the Scrubs reference in the pamphlet.
Wow, this is great!
But I feel obligated to ask you one thing: why did you pair up (even if it was just implied) Twilight and Spitfire? I am not against homosexuality in any way, but I don't read about such pairings, which is why I specifically comb this site for straight stories. So seeing something like that in what was otherwise perfect, seriously marred my enjoyment of this story. Which is why I wanted to clarify if you did it out of some obligation or because you personally wanted to do it - especially since it seemed somewhat hurried.
Apart from that, this story is so lol and soooo fun!!!
2365568 I believe this is alluding to the phrase "with my own two hands," but the point that Bronius Maximus brought up was another logical reason.
Oh big mac, once the foal is born you won't be sleeping either! So you'd better get used to it!
Forgive me if I misread, but didn't Rainbow herself propose this same thing a few chapters ago?