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First Half-Day6,983 words
Second Half-Day12,856 words

Second Half-Day

Rainbow felt awful. What just happened? Wait, was that a filly screaming?! She turned towards the scream as something hard and metal hit her head.

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Scootaloo woke up on a metal chair, a carboard box on her head, wearing some sort of red jacket with metal on the sleeves, and some sort of carboard box clown shoes on her hind hooves. In front of her was a green felt table with a card holder set up for her. Sitting in a chair on the opposite side was a minotaur in the same clothes she was in, but he was also wearing pants. His face was hidden by the box, so all Scootaloo could see was part of his mouth, which was covered in shade. The rest of the room was dark.

Scootaloo tried to get up, but the clothes were way too baggy. And she was worried that if the metal sleeve coverings hit the ground, she would wake the sleeping minotaur. She tried rocking side to side. The metal sleeve came closer to the unseeable ground. Scootaloo tried wiggling out of the clothes, but she couldn't get enough hold. She decided to risk waking the minotaur. She rocked to the sides even harder. The metal sleeves scraped the ground with less noise than she thought. Must be carpeted.

She realized with horror that the minotaur had actually tied her to the chair! Although all her hooves were sorta free, the barrel of her body was held back with the strap of the jacket.

Something moved in the dark. Scootaloo's heart started to race as she heard a shuffling/flapping sound. It was coming closer to the table. Scootaloo noticed that there was a setting for a third player at the table, another card holder set up. The shuffling came right up to and under the table. It flapped up into the third seat, and Scootaloo breathed a sigh of relief. It was just an eagle. Maybe it could go get help! She opened her mouth to whisper to the eagle, but it started to rap its beak on the table!

"No, please, no, just let him keep sleeping," Scootaloo whispered, terror making her voice even softer than she meant for it to be.
The eagle kept knocking.

The red minotaur gave a loud snore before jolting upright. "Compatriot? What's the matter?"
The eagle rapped its beak against the table again.
"Time for poker? Why didn't you say so? Alright, who's betting what?" Scootaloo could only stare. "Don't know how to play? Just put something you're willing to risk, and if you get the highest combo, you win yours and the others stuff. Ready?" Scootaloo wished her friends were there. This minotaur was scary.

Somewhere in the darkness, a door was knocked on. "Red soldier, Merasmus has arrived with the pizza! Wait. I sense the presence of a child. Who else is in there? Oh, and please open your door, my arms are full."

The soldier got up with a grumbled "Bleep bloop" and went to open the door. He opened a hole in the door to peer out of. "Oh, it is you. Thought you were Ms. Pauling in disguise. Beep beep."

"Just let me in."

The soldier closed the hatch and opened the door, showing a creature with a fearsome skull showing through the top of his head, both eyes focused on her. His long black robe brought the scent of death, grease, pee, and something else just as bad smelling. "Is that a pony? Red soldier, what are you doing, kidnapping other universals? It will take me at least 2 years to create something powerful enough to transport her back. 1 and 3 months if you 2 helmet heads stopped bugging me."

"Blarp-a-barp. I did not kidnap her. She broke into my domain. In a cloud of black smoke. By Teufort law, because she was caught in the crime of entering my domain without my consent, I can do whatever I want with her for 3 days. I choose to dress her up."

"Soldier, being a lawyer of your position, you should know that the Glass Coordination states that an outsider is neutral to all laws of the universe until they've put themselves in a position to be affected."

"I am not the [Redacted] blue! He deals with multiversal laws, I do local! Now sit down for some [Redacted] poker!"

"Yet another action that makes me think that you are the dumber of the 2. At least, until blue soldier does something to make me think that of him. But, if you would lift your box, you may notice that you set your only table for poker before we ate. And, my usual spot is taken by your *AHEM* hostage by law."

The soldier looked at the pizza holding wizard, at the table, at the eagle, and finally, at Scootaloo. Without warning, he cleared the table with a swipe of his arm. He reached up and clicked the lamp off. Scootaloo screamed. The lamp clicked again, and the entire room was filled with light. "There! Ready for eating! Now, compatriot, you ate already, so move for Merasmus!" The eagle listened, and flapped off to a large rusty birdcage on the ground.

The wizard sat in the empty chair, setting the boxes on the table. He opened the topmost box and took out a slice of triple cheese with mushrooms. He moved the slice towards Scootaloo. She stared at his massive hand in terror. It was naked flesh!

The wizard bent down. "Fear not mortal, for I am Merasmus," he said softly. " Wizard, magician, The Necromancer of No Refunds, and-"

"Idiot in a dress," the soldier interrupted.

Merasmus gave a tired sigh, and that's when Scootaloo looked at his neck. Or, at least, she was expecting a neck, not ears. The skull was actually a hat? Who would wear the corpse of a dead thing?! His eyes were an aged grey, as were his eyebrows.
"-And I mean you no harm. I have introduced myself. Now, would you be so kind as to tell your name? Fear not that I will not understand, I have the basic parts of a Universal Translator tucked into mine scarf."

Scootaloo opened her mouth to reply, but the soldier leaned closer, and out came a whimper.
The wizard held out his hand towards the soldier and whispered "Caputus Crepitus." A small ball of fire flew toward the soldier and hit his head. The fire went out immediately, but there must have been knockback force, because he fell backwards and hit the ground. Scootaloo giggled. "Ah, you're laughing! Tell me, are you still scared?"

"No. Not anymore. I'm Scootaloo."

The wizard's face gained some new wrinkles for a few seconds. Right by the corners of his eyes. He must not smile often.
"Now, would you like the slice of pizza, or would you like to know how you're able to breathe even though our world has bacteria that yours most likely doesn't have?"

"Back what?" Scootaloo asked, confused. Was it some kind of magic?

"Pizza it is." With that, the wizard set the slice in front of her of moved to sit in his own seat.

"Uh, wizard?"

"Please, just call me Merasmus."

"Is the minotaur okay?"

"Minotaur? Oh, you mean Soldier. He is nigh indestructible in his natural form, but he currently is set in respawn. Which means that he feels and tolerates pain even less than normally. Now, his mind and body have been poisoned so many times, he is never okay."

"I'm okay as I can be, Merasmus! Bleep! Don't worry!" the soldier shouted, still not getting up. Not the weirdest thing Scootaloo had ever seen.

Scootaloo tried to reach for the pizza, but the sleeve was too heavy on her arm. And she remembered that she was held back by the strap. "Uh, little help? He trapped me in clothes." To emphasize this, she tried to lift her arms again.

Merasmus snapped his fingers while saying "Transformacus."

The clothes on Scootaloo shrunk to her size, the edge of the jacket going down to her hind knees. Slots were made in the back for her wings. She again tried to reach the pizza, but was almost immediately stopped. The strap! She tried to dislodge it herself, but with the strap being so much smaller, she had less room to move forward.

Merasmus reached over and yanked the strap up and off both Scootaloo and the chair. He then set the strap back on Scootaloo. "Thanks, Merasmus," Scootaloo said, now able to reach the desired food.

The soldier groaned as he got back onto his hooves. He put the chair back up and sat down. He disappeared from Scootaloo's sight because he was behind the stack of pizza boxes. One of the boxes quickly slid out from near the bottom of the stack.

"Meat Lover's Deluxe! Delicious!" Sounds of eating followed.

Scootaloo chewed on her bite of pizza. Meat Lover's Deluxe? She never had meat before, and so wasn't sure if she would like the taste. She knew that some griffons ate pork. But she didn't know that minotaurs were omnivores. Was that how that word was said? Scootaloo shrugged to herself.

The soldier spoke up. "After *CHOMP* we finish, *Snarf* I will train you. You cannot disagree to this, because you broke into my domain *SLURP*, so I can do whatever I want with you for the next 3 days. *SLURP* So, little maggot, you will be a soldier!"

"Not if she's my apprentice. According to the law, if under apprenticeship, if the person was on an assignment that required them to break and enter someone's house, they are free to go."

"Merasmus, *Long Slurp* I may look like a blue, but in better light you will see that this jacket is red. *SLURP* She was not under your apprenticeship when she broke into my domain, therefore, I still get the 3 days. But for you, *Slup Slup* I will make an exception. She will become your apprentice, but on any 3 days, I get her! I get to pick those 3 days, so she better be ready at any moment! *GULP*"

"Is he drinking soda? Can I have some?" Scootaloo asked, trying to peer around the stack of pizzas.

"HAH! The only things I drink is water and beer!" the soldier exclaimed.

"He's not drinking soda. He is drinking the sauce, and then eating the rest of the pizza." Merasmus finished with his slice, and with a snap of his fingers, the stack of pizza boxes was moved under the table. He turned towards the Soldier. "I recognize her from some drawings from some of the other mercenaries. She comes from a place where war is rare. A thousand years of peace can go by, and that is the norm for the existence of her people. But magics of all sorts are common for the inhabitants. So, which do you think she will learn faster, offensive spells, or Rocket Jumping?"

The soldier's mouth turned into a frown of concentration. He let out small "Beep"s, "Boop"s, and "Blarp's. He took out a small, long, paper wrapped tube. He took off his carboard helmet to reveal that his head looked more like a shaved monkey's than a minotaur's. He still had a helmet under that one, and it covered his eyes. He took out what turned out to be a small, metal, firestart spell container. He burned the paper and stuck it in his mouth.

"What weapons do you know of from your world?" he asked, leaning over the table.

"Guns and tanks, far as I know. But I have never seen either."

The soldier grumbled. "What of rockets?"

"As in fireworks? I've, uh. . . I've had some experience with those."

"Only some? [Redacted]." He scratched his helmet in thought. After some time of doing nothing, he took out the paper and crumpled it in his hands. "Alright, Merasmus. I've come to a conclusion. A: this maggot can be your apprentice. 2: I still get my 3 days, but you get to pick them. Plan Charles; those 3 days need to be before the end of the month."

Scootaloo realized that she forgot something very important. Drastically important. "We forgot to say grace!"

"What? Grace? As in prayer? I haven't-"

"Dear God, thanks you for the food we ate, over and out. Now, set the table, Merasmus!"

With a snap of the wizard's fingers, the table was ready for a game of poker. It was an odd game, but maybe that was because the soldier made the rules for the game. They bet cards, the higher the value, the more points you won when you won the cards, which in itself was won by having the largest value in one's hand of cards.

Eventually, the warmth and conformality of the coat, and all the excitement from the events, and probably some side effects of the spell made Scootaloo get very drowsy. She drifted off to sleep with a sad thought: "It will be at least a year before I see any of the Crusaders again."

At some point, she woke up again, but she was so cozy. She said something and fell back to sleep.

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Soldier picked up his Sparkplug and took a draw of electricity. He puffed out some static, the same color of the Electrostatic effect on his Full Metal Drill Hat. Next to him, Tavish took a swig from a bottle of beer. They gazed into the static covered screen.

"Ay, mate. You pride yourself on knowing tech stuff, right?"

"Affirmative!" the Soldier answered.

"Why haven't yeh fixed the tele yet?"

Soldier opened his mouth to execute an answer. Jesus's Foot and Blood, what is that!?

"Jesus's Foot and Blood, what is that?!" he shouted, pointing to the ball of magic. What manner of accursed beasts hid behind the magic, waiting to pounce! My Lord, It's-

"Zecora the zebra, and Derpy the pegasus. They broke and entered into my domain. Come on, there's only one thing to do." He stood erect, gave a salute, and opened a crate from the side of his glorious bunker. Knowing his friend, Tavish was wiping his eye and eye socket as he tried to understand what was going on.

Soldier rummaged through his supplies. Sergeant's Drill Hat, Soldier's Stash, Lucky Shot. AH HA! "Perfect."

Soldier pulled out his Shoestring Budget, Steel Pipes, Genius Box, spare jacket., and some shrunk pants with a hole in the seat. Perfect. He marched over to Derpy. She raised her head.

"Ah! You're still alive!"

Derpy blinked at him.

"Ey, Soldier? Shouldn't we be asking if, somehow, bad beer existed and we drank it? I mean it isn't possible that they are here. They would hafta be from another bloody dimension!"

"Well, that would be very much possible, Tavish. After all, the Glass Coordination allow peaceful entities to travel to other dimensions IF they have a permit! And also, we need to dress them. If I remember local law, it is illegal to be a naked woman walking in town. If we need to travel somewhere, they need to be ready!"

He tried to put the Genius Box on Derpy, but she moved her head.

"What happened? Why are we here?"

"I was hoping you could tell me that, Private Derpy! But first, you need to get dressed!"

The pegasus let Soldier dress her up. He was careful with the pants so he could get her tail to fit through.

"Show your suits, maggots! It's time for inspection!"

Derpy spun around slowly, showing off her new uniform. Should be made standard issue. He looked to Zecora.

"Tavish, what is that?" he commanded.

"That would be Horsemann's Hand-Me-Downs. I left alla me other cosmetics in my room. So, wat do we do? Leave 'em here, or go to our boss?"

"Normally, I'd suggest poker, but Merasmus isn't here! You will take the fallen Zecora, and I will lead the dazed Derpy. The cloak should be enough to pass the law. To our Bases! 10-hut!"

And so, they went on their glories march, Derpy following behind with what resembled a Scotsman’s Swagger. They separated at the junkyard, with promises to meet up again. Soldier walked on towards BLU Base. Oh, how Scout would be jealous that he had found a member of the MLP universe!

The soldier stopped and about faced. "Derpy, how would you like some ice cream? The stand's right there!"

She looked up. Cussword, she looked tired. "Too tired for sweets. No matter how sweet a sweet would and should be. Too tired for a muffin, too. Can we just find someplace to roost for the night?"

The soldier looked around in shock. It was getting close to night. He must have walked the long way to Base. "Just a little further, Derpy. We can stop by the main entrance and go to my other Bunker. March on!" With that, he about faced again and continued onwards.

When they arrived to the Base, Soldier pushed open a panel. He led Derpy to the couch. After she laid down, he sat next to her. She could use a haircut to clear her hair from in front of her eyes. With that last thought, he fell asleep.

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Pinkie's head pounded, as did the rest the rest of her body. She felt all loose. She lifted up her hoof to wave away the smoky smoke. Oh, that wasn't good. Her hoof leg shifted against her body. Definitely not good. Her natural magic was going wacky! Maybe Twilight could help, but right now, Pinkie needed to clear her head, and the smoky smoke.

A moan filled the air, but it wasn't Pinkie. Pinkie looked around the smoke. A small fire appeared. It approached Pinkie. A face appeared. Two, dark, scary, very scary, very very scary eyes gawked at Pinkie. They gazed at Pinkie without blinking. The creature stepped back and aimed some big doohickey above Pinkie.

*Fwoosh*

The smoke was cleared. Pinkie saw the creature for what it was. A great and small dragon.

"Hiya! My name's Pinkie! Normally, I'd welcome you to Ponyville, but we're not in Ponyville, we're here! Um, where is here?"

The dragon stared and started to speak. Now, many ponies would not understand this red dragon, but Pinkie has thrown parties for colts and fillies who were either a bit slow in the head or couldn't speak right.

"Who. Are. You? You. Look. Like. Pink. E. Meena."

Pinkie gave a gasp. Her lips almost fell off, but they stayed. She put a hoof up to them just to be sure. "How did you know my name?

"I. Am. A. Fan. Of. You. Pink. E. Meena. Diana. Pie. Wear. These." He offered a pair of glass goggles with oily blue lenses.

Pinkie raised a hoof to accept them. Pinkie's arm started to fall apart. She lowered her hoof and focused on keeping herself together. "Wuh oh! Um, I don't suppose you have any tight suit or something that could cover all of me? My magic is on the wack, and I might just literally fall to pieces soon. "

The dragon walked away, deeper into the dark. . . Cave? Was it a cave? Or a stone room? The ground was very smooth, but the only light in the room came from the dragon’s claws. Speaking of that light, Pinkie didn't know that dragons could make fire in their claws. But, then again, she also didn't know that dragons molt until she read about it that one time. But she didn't tell Spike because the book didn't say when Scale Molt happens or if it only happened to certain color of dragons. Oh, look, the dragon's back.

He held a red suit, as well as some rubber horseshoes. He grabbed Pinkie, taking Pinkie by surprise. Pinkie was about to try to escape his grasp when Pinkie realized that he was just helping Pinkie into the suit. The suit was very tight, but still allowed a lot of movement. And the horseshoes were also cute.

Pinkie raised her head to thank the dragon, but he had 2 last gifts for her. Well, 2 combined into 1. He held a mask, replacing the lenses with those from the goggles. He put the mask on Pinkie's head. When Pinkie's eyes lined up with the lenses, her world was transformed.

She was in a place of imagination and beauty! A plush unicorn floated around her, giving her a boop on the nose. Pinkie wanted to take off the mask to compare the versions that she was seeing, but a muffled voice distracted her.

"Um, Pinkie? I would like to welcome you to my world. At least, my friends say I live in a different world." Pinkie realized that his slow speaking from before was simply him trying to find the right words to say.

She smiled and tilted her head. "No need to be nervous, silly. What's your name?"

"My friends call me Pyro. My best friends also call me Pyro. But they all are so shy around me. They kinda shun me." He looked down, rubbing his claws together. His head whipped up. "Will you be my close friend? I've got best friends, friends, and frenemies, but no close friends."

Pinkie bounced over and gave Pyro a hug. "Of course! Also, why are you holding a rainbow? Weren't you just holding fire?"

"They are the same thing, Pinkie. Silly goose. Come on, I hear Scout moving around." Pyro walked to the giant chocolate bar that was the door and opened it. He motioned for Pinkie to go ahead of him. What a gentlecolt, even if he was a little bit scary due to the fire equals rainbows statement. Wait, was gentlecolt the right word, or should she use the minotaur expression, gentleman?

Pinkie walked out of the room to find some sort of thin rabbit-cow. He turned to face them.

"Oh, hey, Pyro! You made a new friend? {There's another one?} Sweet, pal!{[Redacted] freak!}" He turned and skip-ran away.

Pinkie wiggled her ears from within her mask. So, she could still hear really well. No wonder Pyro is in this land, with 'friends' as nice as this one.

She looked around herself. Pink walls, covered with candy stripes and swirls. She heard the rabbit-cow call something out.

"Oh, Pinkie! We are about to meet my friends Medic and Engie!"

A bear with a helmet, a red shirt, and overalls appeared from around the corner, followed by a vulture half covered in grease wearing a vest also covered in grease, holding a sleeping hamster. Everyone had some form of red on them. Was it a coincidence, or did they do it as a group thing?

The rabbit-cow returned, holding a large candy cane. The vulture hopped closer. He lifted the mask from Pinkie's face. For a moment, the music was replaced by a *pop*, and all she could see was the black of the inside of the mask. What she saw next surprised her.

"Fascinating!" the bird-man exclaimed. He moved back, and Pinkie saw that the bird face was a mask. Her right eye started to slide, so she quickly pushed it back into place. She needed Twilight, ASAP.

"AH! You are gelatin-like! Come, we must perform tests!" He reached for Pinkie, but Pyro's claws landed heavily on his arm.

Pinkie gazed at what was the bear. "Hold on, y'all. We need to know who and what Pyro's. . . Uh, friend is. Are you a pony?"

Pinkie bounced. "Yeperooski! I'm Pinkie Pie, and of course you know Pyro!" She turned her head to look at what was the rabbit-cow. He was holding an actual candy cane like a bat. "It's an actual candy cane. You're actually were going to use a candy cane to . . . defend yourself?" She slapped herself on the forehead, and her eyes started to slide again. She quickly fixed them while saying, "Oh, what am I doing? Hi, what are your names? You already know mine."

"Dell Conagher, ma'am. That there is Josef Heilburger, our medic. And that there is Billy. He's our scout," the former bear said, tipping his hat when introducing himself, and pointing at the others when introducing them.

A door slammed open down below, and Pyro took his hand off the medic. "Hello, maggots! I have a tired Pegasus and I'm not afraid to use her cuteness to disarm and or kill you all!"

Pinkie started bouncing towards where she thought the stairs were, but her eyes started to slide again, so she decided that she would wait for the big whatever it was to make its way up with the pegasus.

Everyone turned and looked as the soldier made it up the last steps. Pinkie gasped.

"Scootaloo! You're here too? OMG, OMG, OMG!"

Scootaloo looked up from the soldier's arms and yawned. "What? I'm tired. Can your party wait until tomorrow?" She fell back to sleep.

Before anyone could react, the door slammed open again. Pyro walked towards the stairs, and Pinkie followed, walking this time. Pyro grabbed an axe from the wall. But axes only are used- For cutting stuff. Uh, oh! Pinkie raised her hoof to Pyro's arm, motioning for him to put the axe back on the wall. He tucked it into his belt.

The heavy footsteps continued, until another odd minotaur showed over the stairs. He had brown skin instead of the pale-tan like the others. A little further up showed that he was carrying "Zecora?! You're here too?! How?"

" I would guess that you and her and Derpy and wee lil' Scootaloo there got caught up in a spell. The fact that ye'll be younger must mean you’re from the past, or the show showed your future," the brown man said, looking around.

"What show?" Pinkie asked. She did plan to one day start a show of her own, but not for a long time!

"Y’all mean that silly kids show has some truth to it?" the gloved man asked.

"Aye. We need to ask some questions, see when they're from, and please stop staring at me, Pyro."

Pinkie looked up to see that Pyro was repeatedly testing the edge of the axe with his claw tip, staring intently at the brown man. Before Pinkie could say anything, the mask was roughly put back on her head. Her eyes fell into the mask's eye sockets. What she saw slightly confused her. Pyro was holding a big pink and white swirled lolli. He kept rubbing it, as if trying to decide whether or not to give it to the brown cyclops. Pinkie was glad to see that her pony friends still looked normal, just a bit of a metal sheen to them.

"Vell? Vat do you see? Vat is he doing?" the vulture asked, hoping close. The hamster was breathing a steady pace, but it sounded more like a heartbeat.

"Pyro is trying to decide whether to give the axe to the Cyclops. The brown man, that is. But it’s not on axe in this sight. It's a giant lolli! Also, why does that hamster sound so odd?"

The vulture blinked. "Vat? Speak up!{Remove the mask, I can't understand you.}"

Pinkie moved her hooves to do so. She felt her eyes come away with the mask, and quickly pulled it back down. "My eyes are stuck!" she shouted. "You made my eyes fall out! Now they're stuck in the mask!"

"Medic.{Medic!} You made a boo-boo.{You messed up!} Can yeh fix it? {Yeh better be able tah fix it!} the cyclops asked/shouted. The calm, happy music that seemed to be for this Pyro-vision was not helping her right now. Come to think of it, she didn't hear any music when the mask was off. How unusual!

"I'll do my best! But I want to hang out with her in return.{But only if she lets me perform a few experiments!}"

"I'll wait for Twilight. She's an expert in magic!"

Loud stomping came from the direction of Pyro's room. The soldier ran into sight. He was a large white unicorn with butterfly wings. He had a purple tail and mane, and his mane was covering his eyes. Then pinkie saw that his eyes were glowing red, making his helmet look sorta like the top of a lamp.

"Impossible! The best magician ever is Merasmus! And if you disagree, I will make sure that you remember tomorrow with a note!{I will kick my boot up your [Redacted]!}" Pinkie blinked. There were definitely pros to being stuck in the mask.

"I meant she's the expert in my world! I didn't mean to offend you!" The soldier opened his mouth to speak again.

Pyro stepped between the two. "Now, let's not get upset. Would you like a lollipop, soldier?"

Pinkie heard stuttering as the soldier laughed in glee. He raised his hands and clapped them together, dropping something that looked like cotton-candy on the ground. Rainbows lightly came off it, and some butterfly flew off of it.

"Oh, surprise! [Dear lord, I just realized something.] It's your mane and tail![This is the worst haircut in the history of boots in [Redacted]!} {Divert your eyes!}"

Pinkie's mind pieced together the scene. Her mane and tail were smoldering. Which meant they fell off. How long have they been like that? How much was actually left? Everything started to spin. Wee!

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Tavish took a swig from a bottle of beer. Next to him, the BLU Soldier took a puff on his Sparkplug. They gazed into the static covered screen.

"Ay, mate. You pride yourself on knowing tech stuff, right?"

"Affirmative!" the Soldier answered.

"Why haven't yeh fixed the tele yet?"

Suddenly, a big ball of magic smoke appeared in the room!

"Jesus's Foot and Blood, what is that?!" Soldier shouted, pointing to the ball of magic.

What was going to come from that spell? The Horseless Headless Horsemann? Merasmus? His mother? No, it was. . . ponies?

"Zecora the zebra, and Derpy the pegasus. They broke and entered into my domain. Come on, there's only one thing to do," Soldier said. He stood erect, gave a salute, and opened a crate that was next to the couch.

Tavish rubbed his eye, and when the ponies were still there, rubbed his eye socket for good measure. Nah, still there. What the bloody [Redacted] was going on here!?Could it be that the beer-? No, no such thing could exist. Could it?

Soldier marched over to Derpy. She raised her head.

"Ah! You're still alive!" Soldier shouted. Derpy blinked at him.

"Ey, Soldier? Shouldn't we be asking if, somehow, bad beer existed and we drank it? I mean it isn't possible that they are here. They would hafta be from another bloody dimension!" Tavish exclaimed. His eye kept being drawn towards Zecora. That was very worrisome to him.

Soldier tried to put the Idiot Box on Derpy, but she moved her head.

"What happened? Why are we here?" the cross-eyed pony said. Now Demo felt jealous of her head with 2 amber eyeballs, even if they were a bit crooked.

"I was hoping you could tell me that, Private Derpy! But first, you need to get dressed!" the Soldier said.

Tavish searched himself. Uh, uh, beer, beer, scrumpy, booze, had he a single piece of clothes he could spare on him? He was wearing his T-shirt because today was casual. His cosmetics were all at base! He spun, and saw something swish behind him. The cape! It would have to do.

He draped it on Zecora, adjusting it so it lay evenly on her. She looked kinda pretty, laying there. Tavish slapped his forehead. He must be more drunk than normal!

"Show your suits, maggots! It's time for inspection!" Soldier said.

Derpy spun around slowly, showing off her new uniform. Looked like a pony version of Soldier.

Soldier turned to look at Zecora. "Tavish, what is that?" he asked.

"That would be Horsemann's Hand-Me-Downs. I left alla me other cosmetics in my room. So, wat do we do? Leave 'em here, or go to our boss?"

"Normally, I'd suggest poker, but Merasmus isn't here! You will take the fallen Zecora, and I will lead the dazed Derpy. The cloak should be enough to pass the law. To our Bases! 10-hut!"

Tavish reluctantly lifted Zecora. Maybe he needed to stop drinking for a bit. Zecora was turning from kinda pretty to pretty.

And so, they walked through town. They separated at the junkyard, with promises to meet up again. Tavish took the direct path back to base, being careful not to jostle the zebra. He needed to go sober, just for 3 days. He hoped his mother wouldn't be angry about that.

Then again, if Zecora liked him? He shook his head. What was wrong with him!? Ah, there was base! Time to drop off the zebra and get drun- No, he wanted to not get drunk. Why was he sweating?

He shifted Zecora to be slung over his shoulder with the ease of one slinging the corpse as to dispose of it elsewhere. But this wasn't a corpse, it was a pretty zebra. He shook his head again. He opened the door and accidently slammed it open. He paused.

Good, Zecora still was sleeping. Tavish softly closed the door behind him. He shifted Zecora back into his arms. So pret- He focused on walking up the stairs. She would need a bed to sleep in, not the couch or the Medic's lab.

Oh, the dragon was up there. Now he's being threatened with an ax? Just great, what more could be dumped on his mind?

"Zecora?! You're here too?! How?" Of bloody course.

"What show?" Pinkie asked.

"Y’all mean that silly kids show has some truth to it?" Engineer asked.

"Aye. We need to ask some questions, see when they're from, and please stop staring at me, Pyro," Tavish said, noticing the Pyro rubbing his finger over the edge of his axe over and over.

Medic shoved a Pyro mask onto Pinkie. "Vell? Vat do you see? Vat is he doing?" Medic asked, hopping close. Wait, was that a heart?

"Pyro is trying to decide whether to give the axe to the Cyclops. The brown man, that is. But it’s not on axe in this sight. It's a giant lolli! Also, why does that hamster sound so odd?" Pinkie asked, her voice very muffled by the mask. Tavish blinked. Hamster?

Medic blinked. "Vat? Speak up!”

Pinkie moved her hooves to do so. She started to lift the mask, but then quickly pulled it back down. "My eyes are stuck!" she shouted. "You made my eyes fall out! Now they're stuck in the mask!"

"Medic! You messed up! Yeh better be able tah fix it!” Tavish shouted.

"I'll do my best! But only if she lets me perform a few experiments!" Medic said with that disturbing smile of his.

"I'll wait for Twilight. She's an expert in magic!" Pinkie called out from under the mask.

Loud stomping came from the direction of Pyro's room. The Soldier ran into sight.

"Impossible! The best magician ever is Merasmus! I will kick my boot up your [Redacted]!”

"I meant she's the expert in my world! I didn't mean to offend you!" Pinkie said. The soldier opened his mouth to speak again.

Pyro stepped between the two. It gave a cold laugh, and gestured towards the Soldier with the axe.

Soldier began stuttering as he realized he may of just offended the Pyro, a very dangerous thing to do. He dropped some sort of singed cotton candy. Wait, that was Pinkie’s mane!

"Dear lord, I just realized something. This is the worst haircut in the history of boots in [Redacted]! Divert your eyes!" the Soldier exclaimed.

Pinkie stared at the Soldier and at her hair. Her head went back and forth a few times. Hah! Now she’s tilting like she’s drunk. Wait, but she looked sober just the moment ago, which meant she was dizzy from shock. Pinkie fell over, the mask making a *CLUMpf* sound.

Heavy walked over and bent down to pick her up. Pyro moved in the way, giving that cold stare of theirs. It bent down and picked up Pinkie, her mane, and her tail, and carried them to its room.

Zecora shifted in Tavish's arms. She opened her eyes and blushed. "I never believed in such things before, But I think I just fell in love at first sight with a minotaur."

Heavy laughed while Tavish groaned. "*Heavy laughing* You now have to deal with love-struck zebra! *Heavy laughing*"

Scout put his hands together. "If you want me to do anything to make this less uncomfortable for you, pal, you just won 3 pity favors from me. Now, what's number one?"

Zecora looked around sleepily. "Many minotaurs before my eyes I do see. What time is it? I feel sleepy."

"I'll hold you to yeh words, Scout. For now, I'm just going to take her to bed. Tucking her in, then I'm heading downstairs to for some tellie."

He walked to his room, the most-likely spell struck zebra trying to grab everything, including Tavish's nose. When entering the Demoman's room, she gazed around, wide-eyed. She was then gently laid on the bed.

"Eye-patches, pineapples, hats, and fake skin! Tell me, what is this place you have laid me in?"

"It's me bedroom. I'm going downstairs, and I'm hoping that this turned out to be a dream, 'cause I can't possibly be smitten with you. Good day."

"Wait, stay with me. This is a new place, and I am not thinking clearly."

Demoman sat on the bed. "Fine, but only until you're asleep. Who knows what you would do in your state of mind if I fell asleep up here with you."

Zecora looked at him oddly. "You are fully clothed. Where I come from, it is natural to be unclothed. And while you are attractive to the eye, We haven't even a single date, silly guy." With that, her eyes started to close. Soon, her breathing slowed and gained a steady pace.

Tavish rubbed his face. He just meant he didn't want to end up cuddling in the night! If one of the others saw, or if anyone took a picture, he'd never live it down. He laid on the floor. He grabbed a bottle of beer and downed it. Now to sleep. 3. 2. 1.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

"Heavy Weapons Guy. You should know that name by now. Now, hurry, or I will show you pain without end!" Mikhail roared.

"So, you are Mr. Guy, right?" the check-out man asked.

Mikhail rubbed his head with three fingers. He was getting too old and giant for these things. If only he could know how to speak better English, then maybe this could go by faster.

"Ah said Dell. Like the company? Now, could y’all please hurry?" Engineer's voice drifted from a few stands down.

"Engineer, just wait for tiny baby men to die. Would be faster." Mikhail now understood why the self-check-out line was always full.

Finally, after what felt like a overnight stake-out later, Mikhail walked out with his arms full of groceries, Engineer beside him.

He set down the bags. "Woo! Go!" Sounds of Engineer setting down his bags as well followed.

Mikhail cracked his neck and swung his arms as Engineer shouted "Heck yes!" They high fived, and that's when Mikhail noticed his mistake.

"Gah! You! You I do not forget!" he shouted to the BLU Engineer.

"Dumber than dirt, ain'tcha? And another thing: you're ugly."

"I will show you pain without end!"

Mikhail prepared to Showdown the Engineer, but a ball of smoke appeared. Mikhail stumbled back, one fist readied with the power to kill, the other also ready with the power to kill, just slower. The ball grew larger, and he steadied his right hand with his left.

The smoke dissipated, revealing a dazed- No, Mikhail thought to himself. It's not possible! But there they stood, one dazed Applejack, one alert and defensive Big Macintosh.

"Now I've seen everything," the Engineer said, walking slowly towards the ponies. "It's alright. Dell Conagher. That's my name. And yours is Big Mac. Now, don'tcha fret. We're all friends here. Right, Heavy?"

"Da. Now, Big Mac, what happened? Why are you here?"

"Mah friend Twilight cast a new spell. Teleported us all. Um, where are we?"

"Welcome to Teufort, New Mexico, pardner. Now, let's all get to. . . Uh, Heavy? We can't bring them to either of our bases. Who knows what our crazed teammates will do? I suggest a temporal truce between us two until we can figure out a place for them to stay. What say you?"

"Da. I know perfect place. Merasmus's old hut. He never use it, but is fully furnish-ish-ed. Bleh. Big Mac, bring your sister. She could get arrested for not wearing clothes." Mikhail expected Macintosh to respond in some way, but he wordlessly followed directions.

The travel to the hut was uneventful, save for the fact that the Engineer didn't say one mean thing to Mikhail. Perhaps it was because Macintosh and Applejack came from a place of friendship.

After traveling for a while, they came across the wizard’s hut. Mikhail opened the door and let everyone in, doing his best not to glare at the Engineer. Sure, they were friends, but they were closer to enemies. Scout had a word for it. Frenemies?

“Come in, come in. Don’t touch magic stuff. Likely to be highly dangerous. Now, what to serve? I only have beer for refreshment. And only Sandviches to serve, but not enough for all at once. Hmmmm.”

“Ah’ll only drink the beer if the only alcohol in it is from fermentation. And if it’s low level,” Applejack said. The Engineer grabbed a bottle.

“No! Not that one! Is Demoman’s.”

“Well, which one of these will be low enough?” the Engineer asked.

“The brew in the cauldron. Merasmus is lightweight when it comes to drinking. Pour a cup of that and give it to Applejack. Da?"

"Alrighty then. Hey, how come you two ain't speakin' much? Because you came to another world?"

"Eenope."

"More shock than anythang. Also recon that that spell Twilight cast has some side effects. Me and Big Mac, we don't go near magic other than Earth Pony nearly as much as the others, so I reckon that we are more dazed than, say, Rarity would be. Hold on that beer for me, I’m a sleep here. As in, right here, right now." Applejack fell asleep standing up, and Macintosh followed her example.

Mikhail lifted the two of them and set them in the cots. Merasmus's for the lighter Applejack, Soldier's for Macintosh. He turned towards the Engineer with a sigh.

"Now what we do? Poker? Go fishing? Perhaps mini-campaign? I have Scout's G and G dice from yesterday."

"Ah recon that we should reconsider our jobs for a moment. Wait, maybe just our teammates. The Administrator has eyes everywhere, so this might be one of her only blind spots. Now, which of our teammates should we compare? You know, to help pass time."

Mikhail thought on this. Which of his teammates did he know enough on to talk about? "Maybe Demoman? Uhh, let me see. Uh, he go to his Momma when he gets break. Goes to Degroot mansion. He remincates on how his Momma want him to have more job. Say of how Momma expects guests on some day, so he can't stay too long. Uhhh. That all? Why does the Engineer look so surprised?"

"Just the fact that that sounds pretty much like what our Demoman says about his breaks. Do you think there might be a deeper connection? Ah mean, there's only one Degroot mansion. Only one Ms. Degroot. But two Demomans. Which must mean they go to the same mansion, but on different days. Which must mean. . . No, but they are too identical, and Demoman never told of a brother or twin. So what-"

The door slammed open. "Stupefy!" A streak of red hit Mikhail. He let out a groan as he tried to get up to face the enemy. "Knockes Outageth!"

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

"Ah said Dell. Like the company? Now, could y’all please hurry?" Conagher asked. Dumber than dirt, the townsfolk were. All he wanted was to finish shopping for the BLUs.

"Engineer, just wait for tiny baby men to die. Would be faster." Conagher smiled. At least he had a friend waiting with him. He glanced around. Heavy must be at a different Check-Out stand.

After a while of waiting for the cashier to finish figuring out how to use the machine, Conagher decided to hum ‘A Little More Gun’ to pass the time. Finally, the cashier finished bagging Conagher’s groceries. With a small grunt, he picked them up and walked outside with Heavy. Didn’t know he came to help with the shopping, but the sounds of bags coming from his direction indicated so. There was the sound of crumpling and of Kevlar moving against cloth. “Woo! Go!” came Heavy’s voice.

Conagher followed example, readying his arm. “Heck yes!” The sound of glove and muscular hand slapping. Conagher stepped back with a chuckle, moving to take a look at his pal.

"Gah! You! You I do not forget!" Heavy, wait, RED Heavy, shouted at him.

"Dumber than dirt, ain'tcha? And another thing: you're ugly," Conagher countered. Oh, he would like to just ‘chill’ with the RED Heavy, but the RED team rarely accepted friendship, unless the Pyro beast forced them to.

"I will show you pain without end!" the RED Heavy roared. The RED Heavy readied his fist for a Showdown. Conagher got ready to remove his glove and start slinging. Holy Cow! What is that!?

The big ball of magic smoke grew larger, then dissipated, revealing Applejack and Big Macintosh. Yeesh, they looked lower than a snake’s belly.

"Now I've seen everything," Conagher said, walking slowly towards the ponies. "It's alright. Dell Conagher. That's my name. And yours is Big Mac. Now, don'tcha fret. We're all friends here. Right, Heavy?"

"Da. Now, Big Mac, what happened? Why are you here?" the RED Heavy asked.

"Mah friend Twilight cast a new spell. Teleported us all. Um, where are we?" Applejack said, lifting her head off the ground.

"Da. I know perfect place. Merasmus's old hut. He never use it, but is fully furnish-ish-ed. Bleh. Big Mac, bring your sister. She could get arrested for not wearing clothes." Huh. Mighty fine of Merasmus, letting the RED Heavy use his hut.

On the way to the hut, Conagher was involved in his own thoughts. What were they gonna do? They only had a two-day break, and the others were crazy. Well, for the most part. More of a blood-craze if anything, but what worried him most of all was of how Medics would react.

After traveling for a while, they came across the wizard’s hut. The RED Heavy opened the door and let everyone in. “Come in, come in. Don’t touch magic stuff. Likely to be highly dangerous. Now, what to serve? I only have beer for refreshment. And only Sandviches to serve, but not enough for all at once. Hmmmm.”

“Ah’ll only drink the beer if the only alcohol in it is from fermentation. And if it’s low level,” Applejack said. Conagher grabbed a bottle.

“No! Not that one! Is Demoman’s,” warned the RED Heavy. Conagher took a swig before setting it down.

“Well, which one of these will be low enough?” the he asked.

“The brew in the cauldron. Merasmus is lightweight when it comes to drinking. Pour a cup of that and give it to Applejack. Da?"

"Alrighty then. Hey, how come you to ain't speakin' much? Because you came to another world?" Conagher asked. If it was him, he’d be asking lots of questions. Know your enemy, after all.

"Eenope," Big Mac said.

The RED Heavy lifted the two of them up and set them in cots. He turned towards the Engineer with a sigh.

"Now what we do? Poker? Go fishing? Perhaps mini-campaign? I have Scout's G and G dice from yesterday."

The RED Heavy had a thoughtful look on his face. "Maybe Demoman?” He said. “Uhh, let me see. Uh, he go to his Momma when he gets break. Goes to Degroot mansion. He remincates on how his Momma want him to have more job. Say of how Momma expects guests on some day, so he can't stay too long. Uhhh. That all? Why does the Engineer look so surprised?"

The door slammed open and Conagher fell backwards. "Stupefy!" A streak of red the RED Heavy. He let out a groan as he tried to get up. "Knockes Outageth!" Merasmus yelled. The RED Heavy fell over.

"STAHP, STAHP, STAHP! I thought he asked you first if he could use this hut! Don't attack!" Conagher yelled, holding his hands in front of him.

"I swear! First, RED Soldier kidnaps a pony, and now you two have as well. Make an excuse for why I, Merasmus, shouldn't send you and Teddy Robobelt to respawn."

"Uh, because we are looking after these two?"

"Good enough." Merasmus offered his staff, and slowly pulled up Conagher with it.

"Phew! For a moment there, I thought you were gonna-"

"Stupify!"

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Fluttershy's head pounded. She felt like she had fallen down the stairs again, but much, much worse. She struggled to get up, her hooves slipping on the hard concrete. Wait, concrete? But Ponyville doesn.t have anything made of concrete. She jumped up, flapping her wings in fright. Where was she!?

"Fascinating! A live pegasus! I must capture-! Wait, is that Fluttershy? Fluttershy, how did you get here?" Fluttershy looked down to see a blood-stained minotaur with a bird's beak!

"EEEEEEE!" She flew off, trying to find a way out of this, this. . . doctor's room? There were all the devices and tools needed to keep a patient alive and healthy in the middle of an operation. Several doves flew around. One flew up to her.

"You scared of Pop?" Fluttershy nodded. "No worries. He is a great guy! Makes lots of cozy places for us to sleep. And he cares for us each day, after he first finishes with the patients. Come on down to meet him!"

Fluttershy obliged. There was something about the bird's voice. Maybe he was foreign to Equestria? He sounded like it. Fluttershy slowly approached the doctor. The bird said he was nice, but one should always be careful.

But why was he so familiar to her? Oh! "You were in my dreams!" Fluttershy covered her mouth. That was loud.

The doctor pointed at her. "You were in my body! And then you were on my contractor’s screen! What were you doing on my screen all those months ago?"

Fluttershy shook her head. "Months? No, they were just this morning. Then Twilight cast the teleport spell, and now I'm here."

"Spell? Ipsum Instantarium?"

Fluttershy blinked in surprise. "Yes. H- How did you know?"

The doctor groaned, dragging his hands across his face, leaving large red streaks. That blood was fresh! "So that is what happens when you mix a messed-up spell born from panic, perhaps some magic blood, and brute force irradiated with australiam! It gains an ability to send a shockwave through space and perhaps through the Fourth-Wall boundary, thus reaching your world or dimension without use of intergalactic or transversal gateway! Oh, but that means you’re stuck here, because magic institutes different rules than science! Well, mostly because the wizards and scientists can never agree to accept that science is a form of magic and magic is a form of science." He looked at his bloody hands. "I should put on my gloves." He quickly did so, and motioned for Fluttershy to come down. "We need to go! At the same time you appeared, Scout screamed. That must mean that one of the others came here. Or simply that he got scared again, but I'm hoping it's because of one of your friends poofing in."

He ran out of the room, Fluttershy following close behind. This was a new environment, and she didn't want to get lost. They ran from the room, to a storage/laundry room, to the kitchen, up some stairs, and to the last door on the left side at the end of the hall. There, several minotaurs were gathered around Rainbow Dash!

"I say we kill the abomination!" the masked minotaur exclaimed, pulling out a gun. Immediately, the one Fluttershy remembered as fast grab a baseball bat and raised it at the masked one.

"One finger, bullet, blade, or dollor from you touch Dashie, I'ma headbutt you so hard, you gonna get a concussion! Now, for the eighth time, back off and grab the doc!"

The masked one looked at him for a moment. His eyes flickered to towards the door, directly at- At Fluttershy! He aimed the gun at her! "Another abnormity!"

"Stop, you dumb-head! This is Fluttershy. I trust that Scout has informed you all of who she and Rainbow here are?"

The giant nodded. "Yes, but how are they here? Scout said that he no make wish for this, and the full moon isn't due for ‘nother 3 days. Spy, put gun down, or I will show you pain without end. I will spawn camp your bedroom!"

The spy put his gun back into his coat. He glanced at Fluttershy again. A door opened, and Fluttershy darted to hide in front of the doctor. Footsteps came clumping down the hall. A blue dragon showed itself. A muffled voice came out. The dragon's hands raised to its head. It gently twisted its neck to a horrifying angle, and removed it's- the head was a mask, thank goodness, it was a mask!

"Sorry. Meant to say, what are these two cuties doing here? Best not show them to Mr. Mundy, he had a nightmare about them, well. I'm just gonna leave it at nightmare. Now then- Oh, dear. You don't look so well. Did you travel a long distance without resting? It can be very- Oh, you look like a match about to be waved out."

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Mundy pushed himself against the wall. They were out there, hiding, waiting, waiting for him! There!

Pinkie and Fluttershy had just finished killing off the rest of the blues and reds. They turned to Mundy. "Fluttershy, my sweet, we have one more muffin to make ready. Ready to make 17 into 18?"

Fluttershy giggled. "Yes, my cupcake." They slowly walked to the blue Sniper, but before they even got halfway, the world began to shake, a loud 'Mph' blocking the shouts of the stumbling ponies turned she-demon. They leapt at the blue Sniper, but then Mundy got slapped awake!

He bolted straight up in his bed. Two dark flies flew out of the window. "Bloody mongrels," Mundy whispered after them.

"Rise and shine, Mr. Outback! Well, it's about noon. Bit past? Anyways, wake up Bushman, or I'm going to need to slap you!"

Mr. Mundy pulled his fist back and sent it towards the Pyro's stomach. "Oooh, got ya right in the ovary. How ya like that, ya drongo?" That was defo the Pyro. If it was a Spy, there would of bit a bit more to go before hitting.

"That didn't hurt. Nice try, though, good hustle. Now, about your dream? You wanna share? Or you gonna be cranky because you held in that fear all day long without expelling it in the form of a bullet blowing up and/or passing through someone's head?"

Sniper glanced around his room. Concrete was still intact. Alla his cosmetics were still on the wall. No shimmer of a Spy. Self-Aware Beauty Mark was still growling, so Merasmus wasn’t hiding in his room. “Horrid dream. Absolute rubbish. Now, leave, Sheila. I'm stuffed."

"Alright, Mr. Bushman. See you at supper? I mean, at dinner?"

"Sure, just piss off, mate." The Pyro left, closing the door. Mundy sighed, and tried to get cozy.

{I know, I know. Just let me have this, alright?} Twilight's body felt weak, and there was a light throb in her head. She didn't think that the spell would exhaust her that much for such a short distance. It must have burned up some food from her stomach, because she felt hungry. She had to have copied the spell down wrong. Ugh. Now, if only she could do something about this smoke. Something grabbed her! She opened her mouth to scream, but a hand covered it. She tried to squirm, but her body was too weak from the spell.

"Shh, shh, shh, shh! No worries, no worries. But, for your safety, I'm going to need ya to be quiet. Okay, Sheila? I'll be rapt if you just don't scream. Okay?" a voice urgently whispered. Twilight nodded her head as best as she could. She cast a quick spell to clear the smoke. She was let go. Twilight moved around on the bed to get to her stomach. What she saw surprised her.

"Are you a minotaur? I mean, what are you? You don't look like a minotaur. Wait, where am I?" she whispered, looking around herself with the last question.

"Welcome to Teufort, New Mexico, America, Earth, um. . . not sure what our solar system is called. Ya want a stubby? I got a slab," the bipedal creature said. He reached under the bed and slid something out. Twilight slowly scooted over to the edge to see a case of bottles. The creature took one and offered it, popping off the cap with a screwdriver. Twilight read the bottle; 'BLU BREWERY' 'Blu Streak' '18%vol' 'BOTTLED BEER'. Beer? Twilight never had beer before.

She shook her head no to the creature. "Suit yourself, mate. My shout." He took a swig of the drink. Twilight watched his Apple bob. She was seeing a lot of resemblance of a monkey and minotaur with this creature. What was he? He reached over to a jar of yellow, which was next to a jar of bread in some form of liquid. He lifted the jar and checked the label. After seeing it was what he wanted, he offered it to Twilight; "Want some lemonade?" Twilight shook her head. "Crikey, Twilight, I try to start a chinwag with some drinks, and you just keep your cakehole shut. I'm gonna start sounding like an earbash."

"Wait, how do you know my name?" Twilight asked, keeping her voice at a whisper.

"Ehh, I don’t wanna say, Twi. Don't wanna scare ya. I know! You like reading. Have a gander at my shelf, got plenty of books. But, eh, ignore the ones with heads or bombs on them, eh, mate?"

Twilight floated over the atlas. She flipped open the cover where she found an image taped to the inside. It was of an island called Australia. In the corner, 'My ol' man and my ol' cheese" was written, a photo of two elderly two-legged creatures stood side by side. Must be his parents. Twilight went back to looking at the island. Now, that can't be right. The scale must be off. "Hey, um. . . what was your name?"

"Mundy. You can call me Sniper, if you like."

"Sniper, what is the scale on this map? Just to make sure it's right." Sniper leaned over and looked at the map. He tapped with his finger, flipped through the book, and went back to the front.

"It's right, mate. And a foot is about, eh. . ." He held his hands apart, moving them towards and away from each other before settling on a length. "This much. Give or take 3 inches."

Twilight ran the numbers through her head with the max number. Deciding that was too large, she ran the numbers with the smallest. That. . . That was still too much; that would mean an entire continent hidden. "We are on a hidden continent. I can't believe it."

Sniper sat up. "What? This is America, not New Zealand. Here, I'll show ya where ya are." He grabbed the atlas and flipped through the pages. He stopped on a certain one. "Tada. New Mexico, towards the bottom of the United States." Twilight looked at the scale. Her ears went back as realization started to dawn on her like Celestia's sun. "What's wrong, Twi? You look like someone, I mean, somepony burned your library."

"Th- there can't be that much unknown land. Can there? The atlas in the library never had any of- These places. I'm not in Equestria anymore, am I?" She looked at Sniper, wanting him to lie, to reassure her, to tell her she was thinking nonsense. But his presence alone told her that she wasn't in Equestria. But, there was something more nagging at her, something wrong.

"Calm down, Twi. I know this sounds like a furphy, but you’re not even in Equis anymore. Please don't start Twilighting."

"And how do you know you know so much about me?" she hissed. She was keeping in mind his warning from earlier, keeping her voice down. "You know my nickname, you know my world, you know I like reading, most of all, you said that same silly thing that only my friends use. Who are you?!"

Sniper held out his hands defensively. "Crikey, mate. Listen, Sheila, I'll explain everything, just calm down. And we need to get ya dressed; you're nuddy. Now where to start? Um, the show will definitely come last. Don't want ya Twilighting. Uh, welcome to planet earth. Ya appeared in a cloud of teleportation smoke, so Merasmus probably brought you here so Soldier would stop hurting or bugging him. So that covers why ya are here. If ya want to know the law of the area, we’d hafta wait for Soldier to come home. Crikey, there is just so much to go over, I just don-"

"Bushman? You alright in there? Dinner is ready. Usually, you're right down there with the rest of the pack. Want me to bring it in?"

"N- No! Just leave it outside the door, Sheila. I'll get it when I'm ready."

Twilight stared at the door during the silence that followed. An embarrassed voice started to ask "Ar-are you, um, doing certain things?"

"What?! No! Sheila, just- just go! I'm having a conversation with the Balloonicorn! Trying to calm him down, and doing that and going back into reality is a little bit difficult."

"Oh, alright. *whew* Just remember to grab youse tucker, fair dinkum bushman ol'mate codger."

"You are overdoing it, and you know it. Please, piss off, Sheila, the Balloonicorn is drunk this time." The sound of rubbered hoofs was loud as 'Sheila' walked away.

Twilight turned towards Sniper. "Drunk Balloonicorn. Really?"

"Well, he does visit sometime, and it is bad when he's drunk! Uh, you don't look so good."

"Ugh. Just tired. But I can't sleep here, not with you and the reasons for me to be quiet outside."

"Look, Twi. Here. Cross my heart and hope to fly, Stick a cupcake in my eye. And that goes for everything. You can sleep peacefully." He had pantomimed the actions that accompanied the promise, and a small sound of party cannons could be heard when the promise was sealed with the eye jab.

"Alright. But you're answering my questions in the morning. Uh. . . I don't suppose I could get to be under the covers? I'm used to sleeping that way." Sniper moved from under the covers, and Twilight saw he was wearing pants. To bed. Maybe these creatures had higher privacy standards than in Equestria. Or maybe it was just Sniper's personal choice. With questions ranging from location to ethics to food to how she was breathing the air of another world (and that thought being interrupted by something that internally glowed golden), she drifted to sleep.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Spy took a drag of hiscigarette. If the damage was permanent, he supposed that he would have stopped by now, but because of respawn, any lung disease he might have contracted would disappear. He glanced over to his fellow RED, a nasty fellow with urine problems. Well, the problems were on purpose. Jarate. He could stop using it if he just kept the Bread Monster. But no. He had to trade it to the BLU Sniper for a hat. Well, a hat is almost always worth the trade, but the nastiness of the Jarate! Spy shuddered.

Wait, what was that? There was a ball of smoke appearing in the air a bit of distance ahead. And something was falling out of it! Spy cursed under his breath, pushing on the pedal of his sports car. Dumb wizards trying to teleport to someplace other than the designated Bus Stop. He better get a reward for this.

"Two hats say it's Flurmpher again," Sniper said. Spy rolled his eyes, stopping below the falling object. It fell on Sniper, crushing him and killing him. Ugh, now Spy would have to turn around and go to the town to pick up Sniper. Already, his fellow mercenary's corpse disappeared, revealing . . .

"Rarity?! Wha-what? Why are you here?! Oh, [Redacted], please be okay." He picked her up and started to check her for injuries. "Okay, okay. No gray hair, so pre-end. No external injuries. Only blood on her is from Sniper. *SNIFF* She reeks of strong magic. What spell did she cast to come here? Did- Did she choose here on purpose? 100 yards away from me and Sniper, no one else in sight. Oh, but what would she need our help with?" Spy sat Rarity up in the passenger seat, buckled her, and made a U-turn, driving back to town. Mannstone was filled with wizards, so maybe no one would question Rarity.

Spy had to hope that this was the case, for he only had his Cloak and Dagger, and only worked on one at a time. And it would look very suspicious to be holding something that most of the wizards would not be able to see.

As he drove back to the town, he kept glancing at Rarity. Ugh, Soldier would be the best to ask about these things, with his limited and often useless knowledge of magic. But he was well versed in transportation type spells. He might be able to figure this out. Spy pulled into the edge of the town. Getting out of the car, he summoned his Zoomin' Broom. He carefully held Rarity in front of him. He pulled out his staff of Second-Rate Sorcery. Normally, the staff couldn't even cast a spell, but in this town, it was more than enough to speed up his broom, and with the help of a few words, fly up to the upper levels. Spy coasted over to the bottom of Hazel Hotel.

Suddenly, Hazel themselves came out to greet Spy. "Ooh, nice pony," said The One Hazel.

"HOW MUCH?" said The Other Hazel. The Spy shook his head to the twins. Speak, and they would try to take that as a price. They pressed closer.

"HOW MUCH?" they asked together.

Spy realized that they weren't going to take silence for an answer. He named a price no one in their right body or mind would agree to. "The price of you two making out with Merasmus. Amplus Tripudio!" As he blasted upwards, he could hear both of the twins throwing up down below. Hopefully, the rats wouldn't come back to life. They always searched out Sniper afterwards. Spy repeated the spell on each landing until he reached the twelfth floor. Waiting for him was Sniper, tapping his foot.

"Well, was it Flurmpher?" he asked.

"No. It was Rarity, from My Little Pony."

"Alright, Spy, I'll take it easy on you. Just one ha-" Sniper stopped when his skilled eyes finally noticed Rarity. "I just respawned, how am I drunk?"

Spy opened his mouth to speak, and that was when Rarity awoke. "Ohh, my head. Twilight, I am not sure that spell went well. Uh, Tw- Twilight? We don't seem to be Ponyville anymore." Her eyes searched around before passing over Spy and Sniper. Her eyes went back to Spy. "I- I don't suppose you could tell me what I'm doing here, could you?"

"You said that Twilight messed up a spell?"

"Uh- um, yes?"

Spy took a breath as he drifted to the landing. "Figures. Alright, what do you want to do? I haven't brushed up on the tales of the Heroines of Equestria for a while, so my knowledge of you may be inaccurate at points.

Rarity tisked. "I told Screwball not to make that book. Oh, well. Um, where are we?" She slid off the broom and onto the landing. Her head swiveled to see all the strange and weird sights of Mannstone.

"Welcome to Mannstone, or as the locals call it, Magestone. It's a town of wizards. Witch if female, Mage if disguised, Warlock for half-creatures and you can't tell the gender. If they wear a skull, don't look them in the eyes; they want to seem intimidating, so it would be rude to make eye contact. If they smell of death, try to avoid them; they reanimate dead things, and the lines of the dead and the living blur for them, so they may think you to be a zompony. The winged imps are police, so don't worry about them. And if someone asks you what you would want to receive in return for any item of yours, don't answer. They are professionals with tricking you into saying a price. That covers the customs. Now, Twilight might be in this town, but the only wizard I trust to search for her is Merasmus, and he is in Teufort. So, we do whatever for the rest of today, and go to Teufort tomorrow. Is this okay with you, Madam Rarity?" He gave a slight bow.

"Well, I don't seem to have much choice. So, yes, it is all right. But, I don't suppose that there are any fashion shops are there? I would like to fit in just a bit more with the. . . aura of this town. While still being fashionable, of course."

"But of course. If you would sit back on the broom." Rarity did so, clinging to Spy's coat to keep her balance. "See you later, filthy jar man," Spy said, waving goodbye as he turned the broom. "And I will be expecting one of your hats when I return."

"Uh, Spy? Spy? That is your name, right? That's what it says on the photos pinned to the jacket of your ensemble. But, why are we going to the edge?"

Spy decided not to answer, and kicked his feet to make them float faster. Down the edge they went, going fast. Rarity screamed in Spy's ear and clung to him. Spy sighed, and a few short seconds later, they reached the ground. Rarity was still screaming. "Rarity. This is a town of magic. If you look around, you will see that broom is the main mode of transportation. Rarity, open your eyes!"

She did so, and sighed in relief at the fact they were still alive. She turned to say something to Spy, scold him most likely. "Name a different price. Better yet, it's awake. Name a price."

"Wuh- Huh?" Rarity sounded in surprise as she turned to look at The One Hazel and The Other Hazel.

An idea sparked in Spy's mind. "Girls, how about I pay you to help me find some clothes for the lady?"

"What colors does she like?"The One Hazel asked.

"What is her magic?" asked The Other Hazel

"What is her talent?"

"What is her mark?"

"How did she get it?"

"What does it mean?"

"Well, I am okay with any colors, but they must not clash. My magic is unicorn, I suppose. My talent is making dresses. My Cutie Mark is 3 diamonds. I got it by making costumes for a play. And finally, it represents my love for fashion. And, erm, I do apologize if this sounds rude, but are you trolls?"

"We will pretend we didn't hear that offensive remark."

"Water under the bridge." They started to walk away, giving a wave for Rarity to follow.

"Sorry, I should have mentioned that you shouldn't assume species. Also, they are bridge trolls. Regular trolls are much larger, and are not that intelligent. Also, there are some stuck-ups around this town. After all, this is the Canterlot of wizards."

The day progressed, as the Hazels led Rarity and Spy around the town. They went from shop to shop, trying outfit after outfit. Many were to Rarity's disliking. Mainly because of the drab colors, and also because of all the unnecessary spells cast on the clothes. Eventually, they found a set at Mr. Haberdasher's shop. The bull was a bit wacky, and most likely hallucinogenic, seeing as he claimed to have a hippo assistant. But he did know his fashion. A silken scarlet robe with symbols of all of Australia's kings stitched in fine golden thread. A cone hat of similar material was also given, but it didn't slide around like silk. It had Rarity's name stitched going right up the side, also in fine golden thread. Made in 15 minutes, extremely durable, and only for $25. The hat even had a Sparkle Shine affect!

By the time they got back to Hazel Hotel, Spy didn't even bother trying to hide his smile. He hadn't had a shopping day in a while! Always work, but today he decided to relax, and oh! He was so glad he did. He and Rarity were in a snorting/giggle fit by the time they reached the 12th floor. Spy the door to his room to see a confused looking Sniper, and that just started him up laughing again. He walked to the couch and waved for Rarity to sit next to him. Finally, the laughs subsided. "*Fading laughter* *AHEM* Sniper, meet Rarity. Rarity, meet Spy, I mean, Rarity, meet Sniper. Sniper, she will be traveling with us tomorrow to meet Merasmus so she can find her friends. Oh, going to sleep already?"

Sniper walked to the bedroom, his hands up as if in defeat. "Nope. Not dealing with this hooey. I'm going to sleep, wake up, and this will be a dream.

Spy waved a hand at him. "Ah, you're just upset because she fell on you! Good night, Sniper!"

"Night, mate."

Spy sighed as he leaned back into the cushions. Oh, today was so fun. And it really took a lot of energy out of him. And the coach was so comfortable, and

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Hello, all you Anons and Facewearers! Welcome to the end of another chapter! I hope you all are enjoying the story so far, and I hope that my story stays enjoyable.

- Q. E.

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