16

by AlwaysDressesInStyle

Act I: Starbeam Twinkle

Tailadega: twelve years, three months, and six days ago

I hopped up and down on my bed, my new sundress billowing up and down from the motion, bouncing higher and higher. I wonder if I can touch the ceiling?

Try as I might, I couldn’t, and eventually I collapsed on the bed, completely tuckered out. My weight hitting the bed was the straw that broke the pony’s back. Or, rather in this case, the bedframe. With a crack the mattress landed on the floor, bringing me along for the ride.

“Starbeam! What was that?”

I cringed – Mommy had heard the bed break. I shook off my daze and rolled off the mattress. I need to fix this, and I need to fix this now. Sparks of magic shot from my horn. Please, please, please do something!

Much to my amazement, my horn delivered. The broken pieces of the bed were mended, and the mattress levitated onto the newly repaired frame. Just in time for Mommy to fling my room door open.

“What’s going on in here?”

“N-n-nothing, Mommy.” I put on my best innocent face.

She gasped as she looked at my flank. Oh no, I must’ve cut myself on one of the broken boards… I never even thought to patch myself up.

“You got your cutie mark!”

I blinked and looked back at my rump. Sure enough, a bunch of stars greeted me – a turquoise star was the most prominent, and next to it was a yellow one, and two smaller ones. “Whoa… So pretty.”

Mommy ran a hoof through my mane, ruffling my hair. “I’ve never heard of a pony getting a cutie mark this young. Congratulations, sweetie!”

“Thank you.” I beamed at the praise.

My pride was short-lived. “Care to explain what you were doing that caused a crash and earned you your cutie mark?”

“…Not really?”

“Hmn.” Mommy tapped a hoof on her chin. “I suppose you could tell me all about it over ice cream… or I could just assume you were being naughty and ground you accordingly.”

“Ice cream sounds good.” And it buys me a few minutes to come up with an excuse. “No grounding, right?”

“I guess that depends on if you were being a naughty little filly or not.”

I waved a hoof around my room. “Go ahead and look around. Nothing’s broken.”

Mommy nodded. “Which is all the more suspicious.”

Oh well, if I’m going to get grounded, at least I’ll get some ice cream first.

I followed Mommy down to the dining room and hopped onto one of the chairs. When she put a bowl in front of me, I shoved it off the table and it shattered on the floor.

“Starbeam Olivia Twinkle!”

My horn glowed, and the bowl fragments levitated in front of me, reassembling themselves. There were more pieces of the porcelain than there’d been of the wooden bedframe. Worse, there were some tiny shards of dust. This is more difficult than the bed. Uh-oh…

I stuck my tongue out of the corner of my mouth as I concentrated, finally bringing the shards back together and restoring the bowl to ‘as new’ condition, even eliminating some caked-in stains in the process.

Mommy looked at the bowl and inspected it for cracks or damage. Finding none, she put it in the sink to wash, and gave me another bowl. “That’s a neat trick, but let’s not go breaking anything else intentionally.”

I nodded as Mommy scooped ice cream into my dish.

---

Tailadega: eleven years, six months, and twenty-two days ago

I yawned and stretched as I stepped out of bed. It was ridiculously early, but Mommy insisted we get up early on competition days. Despite the early hour, breakfast was already waiting for me. There were bags under Mommy’s eyes and I wondered if she’d slept at all.

She stresses herself out too much. I hugged her. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Mommy nuzzled me. Her horn lit up and she pulled a chair out for me. “We’re going to try something different today, sweetie.”

She levitated a magazine to me and I looked at it as I ate my pancakes. The article announced Big Hair Is In! in bold letters. The mares on the pages certainly had very poofy hair.

After breakfast, it was time for grooming. First was the hoof pick. Mommy scraped the dirt out of my hooves that I’d missed the night before. I winced as Mommy dislodged a stubborn pebble that had wedged itself in the collateral groove of my left front hoof. She chastised me for missing it during my hygiene routine before bed the previous night.

I bathed, with Mommy scrubbing every speck of dirt out of my coat and mane, and smothering me with the sweetest-smelling shampoo on the market. With my hair still wet from the bath, Mommy teased my mane, feathering it in an imitation of the models in the magazine. While I used a blow dryer on my damp coat, Mommy layered my hair by color, alternating between blue and teal, towering my hair until it was almost at her own eye level. Then I covered my eyes with my hooves as she applied hairspray to keep it in place.

I giggled as I looked in the mirror – I’d gained a surprising amount of height. “Can we stop at Six Nags Canterlanta on the way home? I think I’m finally tall enough to ride all the roller coasters.”

Mommy chuckled. “I don’t think it works that way, sweetie, and we won’t have time today.” She pinched my cheek, which she wouldn’t have dared to do if we’d already applied my makeup. “But we’ll go tomorrow. Either as a victory celebration… or a consolation for a tough defeat.”

“Okie dokie!” I smiled. That sounded great to me.

Next Mommy brushed all the tangles out of my coat. Then she dusted glitter over my cutie marks to make the stars on my flanks shine.

Nearing the end, we moved on to applying makeup, and lastly hoof polish, painting my hooves blue and teal, matching my hair. I stared at myself in the mirror – I was so very pretty.

Then the hardest part of all – worse than all the hours spent grooming, were the hours spent traveling to the pageant. I rode in our wagon and had to move as little as equinely possible. It was so hard to resist the urge to jump out of the wagon and gallop as fast as possible, but if I did that, it would ruin all of Mommy’s hard work.

Worse, the wagon was covered, so as not to let the wind mess up my hair. So I had one view – out the back. Watching where we’d been. So boring. With nothing better to do, I practiced my magic. It took more than beauty to win a pageant, and I had the magical talent to back up my adorable looks. My magic had come in early, and powerfully. My magic was already stronger than my parents’, and my magic teachers were still trying to find my limits. Nothing they’d yet devised had taken me more than three tries to master. My teachers all wanted me to go to Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns, but I wasn’t interested. If I did that, I’d have to move away from my family.

We arrived in Canterlanta with my hair intact, and my boredom alleviated by a two-hour nap, which helped offset some of the sleep I’d missed. Not enough sleep means bags under my eyes, and those aren’t cute at all.

Even though I’d been a very good filly and hadn’t mussed up my makeup at all, Mommy spent half an hour fussing over me and touching it up. As she worked, I checked out the competition. I recognized many of the fillies from previous pageants. Some were more formidable opponents than others. There were some that had never won a pageant – that was usually a sign of a misguided mother trying to live vicariously through her daughter. That, or a filly who was deluding herself into thinking she was prettier than she really was.

There were some others that I’d lost to in the past. I’d competed against them enough times to know their strengths and weaknesses, but there wasn’t really anything I could do about it. The decision rested solely with the judges, based on their preferences and biases.

Most importantly though, of the ponies I recognized, I’d also beaten all of them previously. That was always an encouraging sign. As was the lack of the two fillies I considered my biggest rivals. ‘Pageant brat’ was a term that existed for a reason, and the two of them lived up to the stereotype. I never cared if I lost, as long as neither of them won. I’m glad those stuck-up little prima donnas aren’t here.

A mare came in and announced that it was almost time for the pageant to begin, and from the anguished wails of a few parents, some of the contestants weren’t ready. I was, and I happily trotted out of the dressing room to the backstage area.

A choreographer quickly reviewed a simple dance that we were to perform when the orchestra started playing. Due to the restrictions on time, space, and movement it was only four steps, repeated for the short duration of the introduction music. It was short and simple out of necessity: we were packed tightly on the stage, and too much movement would start us sweating, potentially ruining our makeup. I felt bad for the dance instructor – her talents were being squandered.

It took me all of five seconds to memorize the dance. The fact that such a ridiculously simple dance took some of my competitors twenty minutes to learn was disheartening. Pageant brats. Ugh. Mommy and daddy do everything for them. They can’t be bothered with unimportant things like learning. I wonder how many of them have cheat sheets in their saddlebags reminding them how to breathe?

I’d never been so ready for the lights to go down. Once more, I could hear the panicked squeals of my peers who were still trying to get their dance steps down as the lights dimmed.

“Let’s get this show on the road, uh-huh-huh. I’m Gladmane, and welcome to my resort. A little slice of Las Pegasus, right here in Canterlanta.”

The curtain went up and the orchestra started playing. And we danced. Like a wave on the ocean we crashed forward onto the shore and rolled back to sea. Left. Forward. Right. Backward. Repeat. You couldn’t ask for a simpler dance – we were moving in squares.

It was also mercifully short. The orchestra played for a whopping twenty seconds before Gladmane once more took over. “Tonight’s celebrity judges are Kenneigh Rogers, Swanky Hank, and of course, myself, Gladmane. Uh-huh-huh.”

I took a good look at the judges – earth ponies, all of them. My hopes for winning were slipping away, and the competition hadn’t even started. It wasn’t that the judges were intentionally biased, but each of the tribes had their own ideals of beauty. Earth ponies were drawn to stocky, muscular ponies. As a unicorn, I was anything but. Worse, my magic likely wouldn’t impress them all that much in the talent part of the competition. I was starting in a hole.

Then Kenneigh sang the Equestrian national anthem and we all stood at attention. When he was done, it was time for the first competition of the night. We paraded across the stage, one by one in alphabetical order, showing off the dresses we’d chosen to wear. My own dress was frilly and bedecked with sequins that sparkled as I passed under the spotlights, reflecting the light in a hundred pretty rainbows.

After that was the talent portion, and I had to wait for my turn. It was frustrating – I wanted to get out there right away and set the bar high. Instead I suffered through a few good performances and a bunch of lackluster ones. But my name was near the end of the alphabet, and I was up after a pegasus filly named Springtime Fresh. Sadly, as impressive as her flight routine was, it went over as well with the judges as I expected my magic would.

I trotted to center stage when Springtime was done.

Kenneigh Rogers is one of the judges. Mommy styled my hair like Dolly Hearton’s. Their duet is a huge hit right now. Magic won’t win me this contest, but maybe quick-thinking can.

“Your talent, Miss Twinkle?”

“I’m going to sing Islands In The Stream.” Stage right, I could see Mommy’s jaw drop. Sorry, Mommy, we’re going off-script. I bowed to Kenneigh. “Would you mind?”

He chuckled. “My pleasure, little missy.” The orchestra started playing the song, and Kenneigh started singing the first verse.

I joined him at the appropriate place in the song. “You do something to me that I can’t explain…” The notes came to me, and the lyrics flowed from my mouth like a stream from its source. Microphone firmly grasped in my magic, I moved across the stage, dancing and singing, doing my best not to trip over the gown I was wearing. If there was a dance that went along to the song, I didn’t know it. I just made one up as I went along.

And then I was on my own, soloing. All ears swiveled toward me. I’d done enough pageants that I was long since used to being the center of attention. I hit my mark and poured my heart into it.

All too soon it was over. I curtseyed to the judges, the orchestra, and the audience in turn, then trotted off the stage. Mommy’s going to be mad that I got all sweaty in my best dress.

“What was that?”

Oh. Right. She’s also probably upset that I improvised a talent. “Uh, improv?”

“It was awesome. I didn’t know you could sing so beautifully!”

“I didn’t know I could either.” Looks like I’ll be singing while performing feats of magic from here on out. “I didn’t think magic was the right talent for this crowd.”

“I’m inclined to agree. That was quick thinking. I was a little worried at first, but you nailed it like a horseshoe.”

I smiled at Mommy’s praise. I breezed through the interview round and the judges eventually declared me the winner. It was my third win of the season, and with it I qualified for the Little Miss Equestria pageant in Canterlot. The biggest of the filly pageants, it was the only one that really mattered.

It meant the next day’s visit to Six Nags would be extra enjoyable as I savored my victory.

---

Tailadega: eleven years, zero months, and fifteen days ago

I’d already qualified for the Little Miss Equestria pageant, so there was no need to compete in any more of the lead-up events. I made an exception for Little Miss Tailadega. My hometown pageant, it would be rude to snub it. The prize was to be part of the race day activities for the Wonderbolts’ Tailadega 500, the longest, fastest track on the circuit.

With Wonderbolts serving as the judges, I fully expected the win to go to a pegasus filly. That didn’t stop me from putting in my best effort. It was a matter of hometown pride – I wanted to be crowned the prettiest filly in town.

A unicorn filly walking the runway in a Wonderbolts outfit seemed a little silly, but that’s what the rules stated – blue and yellow flight suits, no dresses or sportswear.

This time I’d talked it over with Mommy in advance – I was changing my talent routine again. This time I’d had a chance to practice it. I trotted on stage in front of the judges: Soarin’, Silver Zoom, and Lightning Streak.

“Please demonstrate your talent, Miss Twinkle.”

I didn’t know much about flying. But I’d watched enough pegasi compete in pageants to know what a normal flight routine looked like. My horn glowed and I started levitating. I couldn’t do all the things a pegasus could do, but I could do things they couldn’t, so I focused on the latter.

I dared a peek at the judges, and all three of their jaws were hanging open. I’d say I’ve made an impression on them.

I finished the routine, somersaulting to a landing directly in front of the three Wonderbolts. The crowd was electrified; it was the most enthusiastic I’d heard them all night.

“Thank you, Miss Twinkle. Our next contestant is Strawberry Cheesecake.” A pink earth pony filly replaced me on stage and I returned to where Mommy was waiting for me. She touched up my makeup while I waited for the final event: a short interview with the judges. They’d ask a pointless question, and I’d answer it like I was some all-powerful, important pony. Maybe I will be someday. My magic is strong; there’s a chance I could be a great wizard in the future.

I reviewed the answers I’d rehearsed to the most commonly asked questions. When the time came, I was pleasantly surprised that it was the single most clichéd question of all. Soarin’ stood up and asked, “If you were princess for a day, what would you change?”

“Nothing.” The auditorium hushed, waiting for me to elaborate. “Equestria’s really good the way it is. Why would I think I could make better decisions than a pony who’s been doing the job for over a thousand years? The princesses do a great job, so I would change nothing.”

Hooves stomped in applause until a serpentine creature materialized on the stage between the judges and myself. “Oh, I wouldn’t go that far. Sunbutt is a stodgy old fuddy duddy who doesn’t know how to cut loose and have fun.”

The judges leapt into action, and the three Wonderbolts circled the stranger.

The beast chuckled. “What are you three going to do? Fly laps around me? You really think that’s going to stop the Spirit of Chaos?” The beast snapped his claws and the Wonderbolts tumbled from the air, wingless. “No flying.”

My vision went red in anger at his mistreatment of the others. I sparked my horn, jumping over the fallen judges and planting myself between the now defenseless Wonderbolts and the mysterious fiend. I unleashed a blast of raw magic at him but he swatted it away with a baseball bat. With another snap of his claws my horn was gone.

“And no magic.”

I skidded to a stop in front of the mishmash creature. “Who are you? What do you want?” I backed away from the beast, not daring to take my eyes off him. With a snap of the beast’s claws, I was floating upside down in front of him as he inspected me from every angle. I whimpered, unable to move. I tried sparking my horn, but it was gone, and my magic with it.

“My name is Discord. You’re an adorable, strong-willed, and feisty little pony. I find it amusing that a mere filly has presented me with more of a challenge than three members of the oh-so-elite Wonderbolts. You’ll do.”

I gulped. “Do? Do what?”

He tapped a talon to his face. “I haven’t decided just what yet. Whatever it is, it’ll be very funny. Like this for example.” With another snap of his claws I started falling, only to land in an oversized banana cream pie.

“Oh, what a messy little pony you are. I’ll just have to clean you up.” He snapped his talons again and a dunking booth appeared in the middle of the stage. He dropped me inside it, and I sat on the platform, dreading what was to come next. He started lobbing tennis balls at the dunking mechanism, but they all missed. The last one rolled to a stop in front of the dunking tank, before sprouting a pair of purple wings and flying to the bullseye. The tennis ball reached out a newly grown hand and pushed the target, dropping me into the ice cold water below.

I emerged from the water, sputtering. There was no escape hatch out of the tank. I couldn’t even see a way I could climb back onto the ledge I’d fallen off of. With a snap of the monster’s claws I once more returned to the platform.

Discord stared out at the audience. “It’s time to play Dunk-A-Brat! Congratulations! You’re our first contestant.” He pulled a random stallion from the audience and gave him a tennis ball. “Go on! Give the filthy filly a bath!”

The stallion lobbed the ball toward the booth, but it was way off course. At least until it started curving around, looping this way and that. With a ‘ding’ it hit the target and I plunged into the chilly water yet again.

“Looks like that’s a Bulls-Eye!” Discord snapped his claws and the stallion was drenched in what looked and smelled like barbeque sauce. He grabbed a mare from the audience and gave her a tennis ball. “Dunk that naughty little pony.”

The startled mare could barely throw the ball, and it landed far short of the dunking booth. Once again, that didn’t matter. The ball grew in size, rolling all the way to the bullseye and tapping against it. I whimpered as I hit the freezing water yet again.

“Right on Target!” Discord snapped his claws again, and the mare found herself in a white shopping bag with a bright red bullseye on it. The bag floated over to the mare’s seat and dumped her out over it. She landed with a thud, legs in the air.

“Who’s next?” Discord paused, a faraway look in his eyes, as if I were a momentary distraction from some bigger picture he was seeing. “Well, isn’t that interesting. I’m afraid I must say ‘ta-ta’ now. Something just came up.” With a snap of his claws he disappeared in a flash of light.

A pegasus mare in the audience swooped down and scooped me out of the dunking booth, while pageant officials rushed to get me towels and a robe. The judges, still missing their wings, hastily declared me the winner, not that it mattered. I’ve been humiliated and mutilated. My horn is gone. My life is ruined.

A mountain gorilla approached me and I started backing away from it. This day keeps getting worse!

“Starry, I know I look scary, but I’m your Mommy. That…thing did this to me.”

“Mommy?” That was definitely Mommy’s voice. I sniffed her, and the gorilla vaguely smelled like Mommy.

Mommy wrapped me in towels, then carried me back to the dressing room. Once she’d dried me off, I stood up on shaky legs and looked in the mirror. Luckily, I didn’t have any cuts, but I definitely had some bruises. More than anything else, my eyes were drawn to my face.

My horn was missing. I reached a hoof to my forehead to confirm that. My magic, my source of identity… just gone. I hadn’t been turned into an earth pony. Earth ponies have their own magic that grants them incredible strength, more durability, and increased longevity, not to mention a connection to the earth and the plants and minerals that grew in the soil.

I had none of that. I was just a hornless unicorn. My mana was still there, I could feel it, but without a horn, I had no way to store it, focus it, or release it. I stood staring at my reflection in shock. It hadn’t been broken off; my head was perfectly smooth, as if there’d never been a horn there to begin with. That’s physically impossible. I’ve seen unicorns with broken horns before. There should be a jagged edge where it separated from the rest of my body.

I don’t know how long I stood there, but eventually Mommy picked me up and carried me home. I went to my room, blankly staring out the window as day turned to night and back into day, and then back into night… The sun and moon couldn’t decide which one should be in the sky. There was a mountain range where there hadn’t been one before, splitting Tailadega in half. Making things more confusing, the mountains were upside down. There was a river running from the clouds to the ground, complete with islands. Buffalo danced by my window in tutus, and my neighbor trotted out of his house with his muscles and internal organs on the outside of his body.

I don’t know what that thing is, but no one should have this kind of power. Especially not someone with Discord’s obvious lack of sanity. It became apparent by looking out the window that I’d been lucky to get off with just having my horn taken.

I did what any normal filly my age would do when confronted with such a situation: I crawled into bed, pulled the covers over my head, and cried myself dry.

---

Tailadega: eleven years, zero months, and fourteen days ago

Daddy was the most fortunate of us, having had his mane and tail turned rainbow-colored. I was actually jealous of that, as having rainbow hair would add to my cuteness.

Things were awkward most of the day, as we wondered what would be the next thing to go wrong. The sun and moon continued their duel for dominance in the sky, and it was only by watching the clock that we had any idea what time it was. That was assuming the beast hadn’t messed with the clocks or even time itself.

In short, life was chaotic. Everypony was miserable. Not many were brave enough to venture outside, but I’d figured out that it didn’t matter if you were trotting down the street or hiding in a closet, if he wanted to do something to you, he would. I ventured outside, as I didn’t have much left to lose. He already had my magic, and I didn’t feel ‘whole’ without it.

There was a massive paintbrush in the sky, painting fluffy white clouds that floated away from it. The upside down mountain range from the day prior was gone, replaced by railroad tracks that looped around Tailadega in a big oval, like a model railroad set around a Hearth’s Warming tree. The train was decorated in racing numbers, and continued making left turns. The engine was bright red with a #9 on it. The coal car was black with a white #3. Behind it was a trio of passenger cars: a blue and orange #43, a rainbow #24, and a red and white #21. Last was a red and yellow caboose #5.

The river was still flowing from the sky, and I peered at it. There was no source for the water, nor was it pooling on the ground where the river ended. I poked a leg into the water and pushed it down, as far into the ground as I could go. Sure enough, I saw a little pink leg waving at me from the sky. I quickly retracted my leg from the crazy river.

A dog rubbed against my leg, purring, until a cat started barking and chased it away. The dinosaur skeletons from the museum walked past, and candy started raining down from the sky. Vines shot out from a rosebush and started dragging me toward it. The roses had been replaced with miniature sawblades, and they started spinning as I drew closer.

Okay, maybe going outside was a bad idea after all! At least nothing in my house has tried to kill me… yet. I quickly gnawed at the vine, breaking free from the plant’s grasp, but cutting the inside of my mouth on the thorns in the process. More vines shot towards me, but I galloped away, smacking straight into the side of a black, wedge-shaped cart with a flashing red light on the front.

“Michael, I’m glad I found you. I think something is wrong with my sensors. Nothing makes sense.”

“I’m not ‘My-Call’. I’m Starbeam Twinkle. Your ‘sensors’ are probably working fine. Everything’s gone crazy.”

“Thank you, Michael.”

The strange looking wagon continued following me, and was joined by a red one and a blue one.

The red wagon started talking. “KITT, that’s not Michael. That’s a pastel pink talking pony.”

“My sensors indicate that Michael is a talking pink pony. Michael is not a talking pink pony; therefore, I am malfunctioning. Self-destruct sequence activated.”

A door opened on the red wagon. “Come with me if you want to live!”

Staying alive sounded like a good idea, and despite my initial reservations, I had a pretty good idea that being around something that was about to ‘self-destruct’ was probably a bad thing, so I dove into the wagon. Both the red and blue wagons raced away from the black one at a higher rate of speed than I’d ever traveled before. I watched out the back window as the black cart that had been referred to as KITT exploded. When the smoke cleared, KITT was still there, and he started driving around again.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Wheels, and this is Roadie.”

“What are you?”

The display inside the wagon changed and started showing schematics. “We’re computer modules that autonomously control automobiles.”

That was extremely helpful. I don’t even know what any of those words mean.

Somehow the wagon knew where my house was and stopped in front of it. “Last stop. Everypony out.”

The door opened and I wasted no time getting out. “Thank you.”

“You’re quite welcome, little pony.” The two wagons drove off and I trotted toward my house.

Meowing caught my attention, and I looked down at a kitten sitting on the walkway. The cat opened her mouth, revealing a miniature tree on her tongue. A tree in a cat. Discord has a really warped sense of humor.

I removed the little tree, only for another to immediately appear in its place. I tried three more times, with the same results. Giving up, I grabbed the cat by the scruff of her neck and brought her into the house with me.

“Mommy, I found a kitten.”

Mommy took the tiny cat in her massive hands and started petting it. How a gorilla could be so gentle with a tiny kitten was amazing and bewildering all at once. I had to keep reminding myself that the gorilla was Mommy – the same pony who tucked me in at night and read me bedtime stories when I was a foal. The same pony who so painstakingly made me pretty once or twice every month for pageants. Mommy knew how to be gentle, even if she might not know the limits to her new, hopefully temporary, body.

I shuddered at that thought. That monster could give her yet another new body at a moment’s notice. Or end her existence entirely. Or mine.

A wave of pink exploded through the house, knocking us all off our hooves. When we stood up, Mommy had her body again, Daddy’s hair was normal, the kitten no longer had a tree inside her… I reached a hoof to my forehead and felt the solid bone of my horn. Tears of joy streamed down my cheeks. I don’t know what happened, or who saved the day, but I need to write them a thank you letter.

---

Canterlot: ten years, five months, and eight days ago

I hadn’t been to a pageant in months, not since the day Discord disrupted my life. I really didn’t care if I never competed in another beauty pageant. It’s amazing how an experience like that can change your perspective on what is and what isn’t important in life. I’d realized that my family was the most important thing to me. I also realized that my magic was the next item on the list. My magic was a part of me. Looks are fleeting, but my magic was what would eventually determine my career.

I wouldn’t have even bothered with the Little Miss Equestria pageant if not for one thing: it was held in Canterlot. It gave me a legitimate reason to go there. I needed to see Discord’s statue with my own eyes – and make sure he was gone for good. Canterlot was a long way from Tailadega and we arrived a few days before the pageant so we could see the sights. We wandered around Canterlot, eventually coming to the castle’s statue garden.

I took note of how many Royal Guards were on duty in the gardens – not many. It would be easy to sneak in unnoticed. Especially at night. I had a job to do, and I wouldn’t rest until I saw my task through to completion. After hours of searching the statue garden, I couldn’t find Discord’s statue. The princesses are smart – they probably moved it someplace safer so he can never escape ever again.

Finally giving up, I asked one of the guards where to find him. His reply left me dumbfounded. Princess Celestia had had the Elements of Harmony release him, and he was being reformed by Fluttershy.

I revised my previous thought about Celestia’s intelligence, and added ‘conquer Equestria’ to my to-do list. She’s obviously gone crazy, so it’s time for a regime change.

My plans to sneak into the garden at night and shatter his statue into gravel thwarted, I resigned myself to competing in the pageant. One last hurrah before I retired from competition for good.

---

Tailadega: eight years, two months, and twenty-nine days ago

Since finishing fifth in the Little Miss Equestria pageant, I’d dedicated all of my free time to researching chaos magic. There were scant few books on the subject, and most of what was written in them was hearsay more than facts. There were also a few fiction books starring Discord, most of which were romances. I gagged at the thought. A pony would need be very desperate to find him desirable in even the slightest.

With my horn out of commission when I was interacting with him, I hadn’t had the opportunity to entangle my magic in his and get a feel for it. That irritated me, and for the hundredth time I berated myself for impulsively charging in and getting my flank kicked and subsequently tormented by the monster. If I’d have tried studying him then, I might have a clue how to stop him now. Instead I was still at square one two years into my research.

But that was about to change. I hauled the package to my room from where the delivery pony had left it on the porch. Discord had started selling objects that had been enchanted with his chaos magic. This was a lamp that just happened to be designed to look like him. It lit up when the word ‘illuminate’ was spoken, and turned off at ‘deluminate’.

Aside from testing it once, to make sure it worked as intended and wasn’t a scam of some sort, its function didn’t matter. I disassembled it, dissecting the spells that bound it together, learning its secrets one by one.

The first thing I learned was that I’d need to buy more objects that had been enchanted by him. The spell was complex, and designed in a way to make tampering with it nearly impossible. As I unwove the spell, it accelerated, breaking apart faster than I could process. I learned little from the lamp.

At least I had fun smashing it to pieces when I was done.

---

Tailadega: seven years, seven months, and seven days ago

I regretted passing on the opportunity to go to Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns. I had power but no knowledge. If I was to have any hope of defeating Discord, I needed to change that. I hit all the bookstores in town, buying up as many spellbooks as I could find. I knew the basics, but I’d already surpassed the limits of what my teachers had to offer. If there was anything else I wanted to learn, I was on my own. And there was definitely more to learn. Much more. I started with defensive magic. Against Discord, it would be useless unless I incapacitated his chaos magic first, but that was my endgame, after all. Once his chaotic powers had been nullified, I’d be on the defensive. Discord was going to be angry and on the attack, and I had to be ready for anything.

Despite my initial reservations, that meant learning offensive magic as well. My goal was to neutralize his threat, not end his existence. I wanted him alive. I wanted him to know what it was like to be someone else’s plaything. I don’t know if monsters are capable of remorse, but there’s only one way to find out.

I’d also acquired as much information on Discord as I could. Most of it was out of date, written while he was still a statue, legends meant to terrify foals into behaving lest Discord get them. Scholars talked about the ‘Discordian Era’ in textbooks, but finding eyewitness accounts of the time was surprisingly difficult. It had been over a thousand years prior, but we’d had a stable government the whole time – things shouldn’t be ‘lost to history’ unless someone was actively trying to lose them. Worst of all, for a being who loved being the center of attention, there hadn’t been much written on him since his ‘reformation’. What is he hiding?

What little I’d learned indicated that he’d changed his ways thanks to forming a friendship with Fluttershy, one of the Elements of Harmony, and hence one of the mares who’d helped encase him in stone. You’d think the Princess of Friendship would want to write a dissertation on reforming the spirit of chaos, but that wasn’t the case. Every month I’d check the library in hope that something new had come out, with no luck.

With no useful information about Discord, all I could do was train and build up my magic. Without knowing his weaknesses, I’d just have to create one.

---

Tailadega: five years, one month, and twenty-two days ago

I stared at the pages of the mail-order catalog. Over time I’d ordered one of each type of product Discord was offering to enchant. I hadn’t learned as much from them as I would’ve liked. Unsurprisingly, the chaos magic was unstable. Even the slightest bit of messing with it made it go poof, gone. All that money spent and I barely know more than I did when I started. Sadly, that probably makes me Equestria’s leading expert on chaos magic with the possible exception of Fluttershy. I kept tabs on Discord as best I could, and he was particularly close to the notoriously shy Element of Harmony.

I idly levitated the remains of the last Discord-enchanted product I’d bought, a radio that would change channels automatically by voice command. Discord was fond of voice-activated products. I hadn’t smashed this particular product since it still worked as a radio, even if the voice control function had been lost forever once I started tampering with it. My restoration spell that had been useful so many times since I was a foal could restore something I’d smashed to pieces, but it couldn’t restore the chaos magic once it had been dispelled. Like everything else I’d tinkered with previously, I was left with a normal, non-enchanted item.

Just like everything else. Stars above… that’s it. No. It can’t be that simple. I can’t have wasted the last three years and all this money for something so simple as this…

I’d been trying to dissect chaos magic with normal magic. The ordered, structured magic of Harmony repelled chaos magic. Chaos breaks harmony. Harmony breaks chaos. The way to break chaos magic is with structure. They’re mutually exclusive. I felt brilliant and stupid at the same time. Brilliant for cracking it, and stupid for taking so long to do so when the obvious solution was right there in front of my snout the whole time. Shooting a blast of unicorn magic at Discord wouldn’t do anything. I’d tried that and paid the price. But zapping chaos with order? That would be the game-changer. If I’m right, the spell that got me my cutie mark should be sufficient to counter chaos magic…

With a potential way to counter Discord’s magic, I moved to phase two of my plan to permanently eliminate chaos magic: testing.

---

Ponyville: four years, seven months, and five days ago

It had been a long time since I’d competed in a pageant. I was no longer an adorable, precocious filly. I’d turned into an adolescent. Fortunately, I wouldn’t need to compete with adorable little fillies, I’d be competing against pageant brats my own age. Emphasis on the brat. Even as kids, many of my competitors had ginormous egos. Add another six years of competing to the mix…

But I needed an excuse to go to Ponyville. One could reasonably expect to find Discord if one stayed close to Fluttershy long enough. And Fluttershy didn’t venture far from her animal sanctuary.

But I had appearances to keep up, and that meant checking in for the pageant. My expectations were subverted the second I set hoof inside the convention center hosting Junior Miss World. This was something different. There were unicorns, earth ponies, and pegasi. There were also dragons, minotaurs, yaks, changelings, hippogriffs, Abyssinians, and more. A menagerie of sapients from across Equus. I hadn’t come with the intention of truly competing for the win. I’d come solely as a field filler, using the competition as a cover for my true goals. But seeing everycreature… It was a challenge unlike any other. I almost allowed myself to give in to my urge to go for the gold. Instead, I remained steadfast in my desire to win nothing more than a participation trophy.

It’s rare to be self-aware of the exact moment you transition from filly to mare, but I can offer up no other explanation for my feelings. Giving up the foolish dreams of youth to focus on what’s truly important. I’m proud of myself.

I was a little surprised I’d been allowed to enter the pageant considering how long it’d been since I’d last competed, but I guess they liked my ‘coming out of retirement’ angle. That, and my entrance fee money. There was no automatic berth this time around, and I’d saved up my allowance for the occasion. Mom would’ve covered it herself if she’d known I was interested, but I wasn’t going to waste my parents’ money on something I wasn’t giving my all. I had no problems with them covering the travel expenses though – win or lose, it was still a vacation.

One of the event organizers explained that this would be a contest focusing on friendship and inner beauty. Good thing I’m not trying to win this, or I’d be in trouble. I don’t have friends. I group ponies into two categories: those I tolerate, and everypony else. I heard some groans and instantly knew who the divas were – not all of them were ponies, interestingly enough.

I hadn’t brought makeup, since I wasn’t intending to go all out, and it amused me to watch so many of my competitors scrubbing their faces to get it off. A few decided to go forward with what they’d already applied, and others just blithely ignored the advice and continued applying even more.

I slipped out of the room with the excuse of needing the ‘little fillies room’ and trotted around backstage. It was nice to get away from the others, with their endless gossip and girl talk. I had no desire to pick one of the members of ‘N Pink or Backstreet Colts as a favorite.

I turned a corner and caught sight of a butter yellow pegasus with pink hair and a butterfly cutie mark. I’d never seen Fluttershy, but I recognized her from photos. And where Fluttershy goes… I ducked into a storage closet as I realized who was also likely in attendance. Sure enough, I heard his voice a few seconds later.

“Really, Fluttershy, is this necessary? I don’t know the first thing about beauty pageants.”

“But you don’t have to. This contest is a celebration of diversity and inclusion. You don’t have to pick the prettiest pony… or griffin, or dragon, or changeling…”

Rut me. Rut me in the hindquarters. Not only is Discord here, but he’s one of the judges? I can’t do this. I’m not ready to face him. Not yet. I didn’t trust walking in the hallways. They’d been walking towards the private dressing rooms, but I wasn’t taking any chances. I teleported back to my place backstage.

Once I’d recomposed myself, I cornered one of the event’s organizers. “What in the blazes of Tartarus is Discord doing here?”

“Who better to be an impartial judge? He’s the only one of his kind, and his body is made up of many other creatures.”

“Then I’m out. I’m withdrawing and I expect my entry fee refunded.”

“No refunds.”

“That’s a steaming pile of horseapples. He did horrible things to me.” I explained the trauma he’d put me through, ending with, “I refuse to go on with any show he’s a part of.”

“He’s changed. He doesn’t do things like that anymore.”

“I’m sorry, is that supposed to make my suffering any less real, just because he doesn’t do things like that anymore? I’m out of here. I showed up, I met my obligations. I’m willing to go on with the show if not for him.” The longer I talked to him, the angrier I got. My corona flared involuntarily. Several other contestants shielded their eyes from the brightness of my horn. “Give me my money back.”

The earth pony who was more than twice my size started backing away from me. “Okay. I’ll refund your money.”

With those four words the wind was taken out of my sails. My horn flickered out and the red tint to my vision faded. “What did you say?”

“I’ll refund your money. Just calm down.”

“Thank you.” I stared at my hooves, reminding myself that this poor stallion hadn’t wronged me and wasn’t my enemy. “I’m sorry. I get a little worked up when I think back on that day. It’s why I haven’t competed in another pageant in all the years since.” That wasn’t a lie, though not for the reason I was implying. I despised liars with every core of my being, though I had no qualms letting ponies jump to incorrect conclusions from insufficient data.

“I can see that. I’m sorry things didn’t work out. I hope you won’t let this stop you from making a comeback somewhere else.”

“This was going to be once and done.” Again, I wasn’t lying. The next part was a bit improvised, though not necessarily inaccurate. “Win and go out on top, or lose and fade away. I don’t know of any Junior pageants bigger than this one.”

Once I had my bits, I slipped into the audience. This was an unexpected boon. I’m not here to compete. My main objective will be sitting right there. I can observe him and perhaps gain exactly what I need without having to stalk Fluttershy.

With thousands of ponies and creatures in the audience, I didn’t worry that he’d somehow spot me. He had a hundred contestants to focus on. They’d even found an alternate to take my place. That wasn’t surprising, there was no shortage of ponies and creatures willing to compete. They probably had standbys in case of emergencies.

With a pop, the judges materialized in their seats.

For the love of Celestia. An ironic blasphemy from me, as I have no love for the former solar princess. Not since she released him. Discord wasn’t just one of the judges. He was all of the judges. Somehow he’d cloned himself and there were three Discords sitting in front of the stage.

It was a reminder of just how powerful he was; a warning that I might be biting off more than I could chew. Go all out or go home. I’ve come too far to be intimidated.

As I watched the pageant, I realized I had no idea what yaks, dragons, etc. found cute. Tailadega was off the beaten path, and we were lucky just to have all three pony tribes represented in our population. The diversity on display in Ponyville was unlike anything I’d ever seen before. Having been on the stage before, I had no idea how anyone could fairly judge such a contest. No wonder they chose Discord to be the judge – the very concept of a multi-species pageant is chaos. All he needs to do is pick someone and no one will even question his decision.

Discord opened the ceremonies with a short speech, and a few demonstrations of his vast power. It was odd to see him use it for such mundane purposes as making flowers appear to give to each of the contestants. Every time he snapped his claws I flinched, afraid for my life. The memories wouldn’t go away. My parents had suggested therapy, but that wouldn’t have worked. Nothing short of a full Mindwipe was going to suffice. Forbidden spell or not, I’d found it and learned it. I just hadn’t cast it on myself yet. My mission is important, not just for me, but all of Equestria. When the threat is neutralized, then I can, and will, cast it on myself. Ignorance, is as they say, bliss.

I left halfway through the pageant. Discord kept snapping his talons and… I just couldn’t take it anymore, I had to get out of there. There were a lot of reasons why I felt it was necessary to visit Ponyville. With Discord and Fluttershy occupied elsewhere, I passed the latter’s cottage on the edge of the Everfree Forest.

I didn’t know what I’d hoped to find by just walking past her home, but I wasn’t disappointed. I could feel the chaos energy radiating from the property half a mile away. Most ponies wouldn’t notice – it was subtle. But they hadn’t dedicated years of their lives to studying it. I had, and it was unmistakable. I suspected it was a perimeter alarm. If I stayed on the path toward the forest, I’d be fine. But if I ventured onto Fluttershy’s property, well, with Discord there was no way of knowing what might happen. I didn’t stick around to find out.

But I did get a good feel for his magic while I was there. Once I was in the untamed Everfree, I replicated it to the best of my ability. It took me more tries than normal, because it was the antithesis of the magic I’d known since I was a foal.

Once I got it right, I unleashed a blast of chaos at a field of poison joke. As one, the flowers turned into tulips. I aimed at a tree and it turned purple with yellow stripes. Happy with the results, I used my extra special spell to return the tree and flowers back to normal. It was the proof I needed that my restoration spell could indeed combat chaos.

But I needed more than that. It would take more than just one spell to defeat Discord. Structured magic, the magic of Harmony, was needed. Harmony and chaos were always at odds. If it was harmonious, it wasn’t chaotic, and if it was chaotic, it wasn’t harmonious. The Elements of Harmony had supposedly been destroyed; shattered by King Sombra in a convoluted scheme thanks to Discord, who’d summoned him in the first place. That part always gets glossed over, for some reason. Something’s rotten in Equestria, and it’s apparently up to me to figure out what. Once Discord’s powerless, that should solve the problem. If not, I’ll figure out the next threat and take it out too, and so on and so forth until Equestria is the safe nation it used to be.

So I visited the final resting place of the Elements, the Castle of the Two Sisters, or more accurately, the crystalline tree that had taken root there. It was a treehouse of some sort, the focal point of a park dedicated to the memory of the original Tree of Harmony. It’s a pity they turned the tree into this. I could’ve used my restoration spell.

My horn flared and just as quickly I put it out. Holy Luna. There’s more chaos magic here than there is at Fluttershy’s cottage.

Mental note: research Sombra’s magic. I thought he used dark magic. Is there a connection between dark magic and chaos magic? If not…

The ramifications of that hit me like an anvil on a cartoon character. One thing was certain: there was no Harmony here to help me.

---

Canterlot: twenty-five days ago

I looked at my freshly drawn picture. I’d drawn the same thing enough times to see a marked improvement in my efforts. I’d also drawn it in a place that would certainly attract a lot of attention – a billboard for Barnyard Bargains. The graffiti was taller than I was; easily visible to ponies trotting on the streets below.

I’d been at it for the better part of a month, and the guards were no closer to catching me than they’d been that first night. Teleportation is such a cheap trick, but it’s effective.

“Now that’s not a very nice thing to say about a draconequus.”

I recognized the voice. It took him long enough to show up. “It’s accurate though.” I looked at my work – a crude drawing of Discord with the word ‘traitor’ scrawled over it. I was no artist, but he had a very distinctive body shape. It wasn’t all that difficult to draw a squiggly line and give it arms, legs, and eyeballs.

I made no move to get away from him. He was the one entity in the world that it would be nearly impossible to escape from. I smirked. For now. It’s showtime. I pulled the hood down and revealed my face to the fiend. “Remember me? Because let me assure you, I remember you.”

He shrugged. “I’ve seen a lot of ponies over the years. I’m personal friends with the princesses and their friends. I’m sorry to say that you’re quite insignificant in the grand scheme of things.”

Discord was exactly where I wanted him. Lighting my horn would reveal I was casting a spell, so I’d enchanted my cloak with the anti-chaos spell. The closer he was to me, the more effective it would be. Fortunately, Discord was rather lax on the concept of ‘personal space’. I wasn’t worthy of his time, which is why it had taken weeks for him to show up, even though he was the subject of my graffiti.

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. Maybe I don’t care how significant I am in your grand schemes. Maybe I’m more concerned with putting an end to those schemes once and for all.”

He laughed. “What makes you think I have schemes?”

“Since when do you not?”

He smirked. “That’s for me to know, and you not to find out.”

I shrugged. “I wouldn’t expect a straight answer out of you, anyway.” I lit my horn, and the magic drain sped up exponentially.

“I grow weary of this conversation and your company. I was sent to apprehend you. Perhaps you’ll be more willing to cooperate with the Royal Guards.” He snapped his claws and nothing happened. He snapped them again, and my horn kept glowing. “Um… you should be in the Canterlot dungeon right now.” He snapped his talons yet again with a growing look of panic as I advanced on him.

Payback time. “I would’ve waited an eternity for this.” I leapt into the air, whipping my body around midair, roundhouse kicking him in the face, Buck Norris-style. He went flying and I pressed my advantage. Without his chaos magic, Discord was all but powerless. He scrambled away, but I yanked him back with my magic. “Don’t be in such a hurry to leave, ‘friend’. This is what friendship means to you, isn’t it? Ponies are just toys for your amusement. Not anymore. Your abuse ends today.”

“But I don’t do that anymore. I swear!”

“Your word is just as worthless as Tirek’s.” I levitated him into the side of a building. “You messed with the wrong little pony, Dissy. How does it feel to be mortal?”

“I’ll show you mortality.” He continued snapping his claws, uselessly. “I don’t know what you’re doing, or how you’re doing it, but you are a mortal, and you will eventually get tired. When that happens, I’m going to eliminate you from existence. Not only will you cease to exist, but you’ll be erased from the timestream itself. I’ll make it so you won’t ever have been born, you’ll have never existed at all.”

I ignored his threat. When I’m done, he won’t have his magic anymore. I just need to keep this up for another twenty-six minutes. The more he tries using his magic, the faster it’ll be absorbed into the æther. “I wonder if I can knot you up like a pretzel?”

Discord’s body proved less flexible without his chaos magic, and I stopped as I had no desire to cause him serious harm. I wanted him to know what the rest of us felt like. I wanted him to know embarrassment and pain. I wanted him to know regret. Most importantly, I wanted him to live long enough to dread his own mortality. He wouldn’t have time to reflect on his actions if he was dead.

“It’s funny. Everypony says that you’re the only one who can contain your chaos magic. It’s taken as fact, yet we both know that’s just not true, Dissy. Tirek absorbed your power before. That’s why you sentenced him to stone, permanently, isn’t it? He scares you. You know who else scares you? Me. Maybe you’ll manage to get out of this and poof me out of existence. You know how many horseapples I give? None. Even if you make it so nopony else in the world remembers me, you will. You’ll remember that I bested you, even if only temporarily. And when you remember, you’ll be afraid. Because maybe it could happen again. Maybe some other pony you’ve wronged will come back and beat you once and for all. Maybe they’ll finish what I started.”

Goading him was working – he kept struggling, exhausting his power faster than if he’d just stood still. “You’ve held the power of life and death over every pony on the planet. The tales of your atrocities from back in the day are the stuff of nightmares. Now you’re getting a taste of your own medicine. Pain. Trauma. Stress. Terror. Panic. Hopelessness. That crushing weight of helplessness as you realize there’s nothing you can do to stop this. Go ahead, snap your claws again.”

I snickered as I brought Discord eye-to-eye with me. “Now you learn what it truly means to be mortal.” I took a sheet of paper and slid it against his arm. “Paper cut.” I put a flea on his back. “An itch that you can’t reach no matter what you do.” I flattened my ears as I dragged Discord’s talons on a chalkboard. “Every day there are these little annoyances. Things you’ve never experienced, but you will. Oh, how you will. In another three and a half minutes your magic will be gone forever!”

“You’re crazier than I am!”

“Yes. Yes, I am. All thanks to you. You’re a monster, and I’m the monster you created.”

“Freeze!”

Oh sure. Now the Royal Guards show up. I could teleport away, but Discord knows who I am. I dimmed my horn, unceremoniously dropping Discord.

He snapped his claws and materialized standing next to the guards, adorned with bandages, a cast on his left leg, and his right arm in a sling. “Arrest this mare! She assaulted me.” With another snap of his claws, an oversized salt shaker appeared over his head, sprinkling salt on him.

I nodded. “That’s true. I beat the living daylights out of this monster, and I’ll do it again.”

The guards all laughed. “You beat Discord? That’s a laugh.” The lead guard turned to the monster. “If you’re done clowning around, is this the vandal we’ve been looking for?”

The guard either missed the brief look of fire in Discord’s eyes or ignored it. The draconequus had bristled at the words ‘clowning around’ and I made note of that for future reference.

The Royal Guards were incompetent. That was Equestria’s worst kept secret. I cooperated with them, despite their shortcomings. I didn’t resist when they put a magic suppressor on my horn, nor when they put me in the back of a wagon.

---

Canterlot: today

I’d spent the last three and a half weeks in jail as the guards gathered evidence to use against me, and while my court-appointed defense attorney desperately tried to do her job.

I was led to the courtroom in shackles. Discord was of course there, along with his pet pegasus, Fluttershy. He was still wearing a cast, but now it was on his other leg. The neck brace was new, though.

My trial had turned into a media circus – a pony with the capacity to injure Discord was newsworthy. My hopes that it was the silent majority, here to praise my actions as a hero were quickly dashed. I was booed as I walked to my seat. Oh well, I’ve never been popular. Ponies don’t question authority; they just do what they’re told to like the herd creatures we are.

My case was important enough that Twilight Sparkle was presiding over it. That gave me a glimmer of hope. Twilight was supposedly a logical pony. I could appeal to that logic and make her see reason. She banged the gavel and the courtroom instantly became as quiet and well-behaved as a foal on Hearth’s Warming Eve.

“Starbeam Twinkle, you stand accused of assault in the first degree, and grand theft magic. How do you plead?”

“Guilty.” There was no sense prolonging the torture. I could tell at a glance the trial would be naught but a farce.

“With just a snap of my claws, I could erase this mare from the time stream. She’d cease to have ever existed. The fact that I haven’t done so already should show exactly how far I’ve come in my rehabilitation.” He snapped his claws and a halo appeared over his head. “Should I, Twiley? She won’t even be a bad memory.”

Twilight Sparkle sighed. “Discord, please don’t call me ‘Twiley’. That nickname’s reserved for the exclusive use of my brother. Secondly, please don’t threaten the defendant. Justice will be served, not revenge.”

He was overestimating what was left of his abilities. Even if I’d been interrupted before I could finish draining his power away, what he’d lost was theoretically gone forever. Released into the æther, it wouldn’t come back just because the guards interrupted me before I could finish the job. I’d sapped at least 90% of his magic. Not enough to render him completely harmless, but he was certainly neutered. I suppose it’s possible he could retrieve his magic from where I sent it, but it’s not going to come back on its own. I’ve done more to save this country than the idiot princess presiding over this trial. I’m a hero. She released Discord, which makes her a traitor.

“Starbeam Twinkle, do you have anything to say?”

You better believe I have something to say. You’re in for an earful, princess. “I really don’t care what consequences my actions have. I’m incredibly magically talented, in case you failed to guess that from my being able to go hoof to… hoof, claw, foot, paw…whatever with Discord. I could have been anything. I could’ve gone to Princess Celestia’s school. I could’ve been an archmage, or a scholar, or a professor of magic. But no, I’ve willingly thrown my life away for this. I knew that going in, and did what I did anyway. I’ve burned every bridge behind me. I did this for the greater good. If you can’t see that, if you’re that blinded by this maniac, then to Tartarus with all of you.”

My defense attorney facehoofed. “Are you trying to end up in the statue garden?” she whispered to me.

As if a court-appointed public defender had any chance of winning this. If I’m going down in flames one way or another, I’m going to speak my mind. I have an audience with the only pony that matters, and if I can get her to see the logic in my actions, and the fallacy in believing anything Discord says, it’ll all be worth it.

“I…see…”

From Twilight Sparkle’s response, I could tell that no, she really didn’t see the big picture. “Miss Sparkle, I recognize your authority, but I don’t respect it.” The griffin guard standing alongside Twilight bristled at my words. “You’re the one who freed Discord in the first place. I know you were directed to do so by the previous regime, but some of the greatest atrocities our world has ever known have been committed under the guise of ‘just following orders’. You’re an intelligent mare, perfectly capable of making your own decisions. You could’ve said ‘no’. But you didn’t, and that makes you complicit. I respectfully ask you to abdicate.”

Twilight’s face ran the gamut of emotions, finally settling on a mix between bewildered and angry. “Abdicate in favor of who? You?”

I laughed. “Hardly. I want what’s best for Equestria, and that’s not me. I have no desire to rule. I’m a very angry pony, Twilight. Ponies don’t like me, and the feeling’s mutual. Look at this crowd. If anypony here agrees with me, they’re smart enough to keep their mouths shut because this crowd is angry. This crowd wants vengeance. And they shall have it. What’s your verdict?” I laid down in a relaxed, nonthreatening position. If I was about to spend eternity in the same pose, I wanted to be comfortable.

“Starbeam Twinkle, I find you guilty of assault and attempted magic thievery.”

“Lock her up! Lock her up! Lock her up!” Discord jumped from his seat and held his claws outstretched, ready to snap. “Say the word, and I’ll stone her forever.”

Twilight banged her gavel. “Order in the court!”

“Two quesadillas and a sarsaparilla.”

Twilight facehoofed, conveniently preventing most ponies in attendance from seeing her eye twitch at the mention of her least favorite food. “Of course you would make that joke. Discord, the wronged party doesn’t get to decide the sentence, and I will remind you that you also wronged the defendant, and started her down this path of revenge-obsessed villainy. Starbeam Twinkle, you wanted to live in a world free of Discord and chaos magic. Wish granted. As you fail to recognize my legitimacy as ruler of Equestria, I hereby exile you to Earth, remanded to the custody of Duchess Ploomette, of the House of Hurricane. She will determine how you can best be rehabilitated into a productive member of society. Should you prove incapable of reforming, she can determine your punishment. Further, this court sees fit to enact a restraining order. Neither party should come within five miles of one another, and neither party should use magic against the other, even from beyond that distance. I know you’re both capable of it, but seriously, don’t.”

The Starswirl approach: dump unwanted problems in another dimension. I suppose that shouldn’t surprise me; she studied him intensely, and has corresponded with him frequently since his return.

I was led from the courtroom in chains, an inhibitor ring rendering my horn unusable. Ponies jeered at me as I was marched out to a waiting wagon. Idiots. I was trying to save you from that monster. When he reveals his true colors once again, don’t expect me to save your stupid flanks.

We took the train to Ponyville, and then one of those new motorized transits from the train station to the portal. Twilight Sparkle accompanied me, along with a battalion of Royal Guards. Twilight stepped through the portal. The guards removed my shackles, save for my inhibitor ring, and I was unceremoniously shoved through the portal after her. I stumbled, but Twilight caught me with her magic.

“You have to watch that first step.” She levitated paperwork to the guards and soldiers. “I think you’ll find this is in order.”

“Yes Princess!” The Royal Guards saluted, though the human soldiers took their time processing the paperwork.

When they were done, we teleported, arriving inside a building that I assumed belonged to the duchess who’d be my new keeper. Ponies bowed to Twilight, and conveniently ignored my presence.

I stood there, as nopony there was worthy of my deference. Not the duchess, and certainly not the princess who’d freed the beast from his stony slumber.

I was ushered into the duchess’ office, which was crowded with the addition of the princess and all the Royal Guards who’d accompanied us. Twilight’s horn glowed, and we found ourselves in a soundproof bubble.

“I don’t entirely trust Discord not to listen in on this. Starbeam, what Discord did to you years ago was wrong, and perhaps he should have been held accountable for his actions. Princess Celestia thought that his time spent as a statue was enough. That was prior to my rule, and I assure you that back then I was just as uneasy with freeing him as you are. But he really is better now, though I don’t know how I can prove that to you. What you did was also wrong, and I’m tasking the duchess with helping you to see that. That’s why I’m going easy on you. There are ponies calling for your head.”

I sneered. “I wonder who could possibly have put them up to that?”

“Well, yes, I suppose Discord has been rather… vocal… about the whole situation.”

“Yes, like the perpetually petulant child he is. How many times must he betray all of us for you to see that he’s never going to change?”

“He’s saved Equestria a time or two as well.”

“Yes, all for Fluttershy, supposedly. Assuming that it isn’t an act, and he truly cares for her, what are you going to do when she’s dead, Twilight? Do you really think he cares one iota for the rest of us?”

“He’s building friendships with other ponies and creatures. He plays O&O with Spike and Big Macintosh.”

“And stirring up trouble by bringing together the enemies of Equestria and uniting them against us. Whatever. He’s never going to learn and if you’re too blind to see the truth, I’m glad I’m not welcome back in Equestria.”

Twilight sighed. “Your exile need not be forever. The day you apologize to Discord for your actions is the day you’ll be welcomed back to Equestria. I’m just keeping the two of you separated from one another until then. If you can both let bygones be bygones, I’d happily welcome you back.”

“A pointless endeavor. He’ll never forgive me.” I neglected to mention the permanence of what I’d done to his magic. I wasn’t sure if Discord had yet figured out that he wasn’t getting the rest of his power back or not, but it was very apparent that Twilight was oblivious to the fact. Even with less than ten percent of his power, Discord was still a formidable opponent for Equestria. But his days of being nearly invincible were over for good. For that, I’d been rewarded by being kicked out of my homeland and dumped on some primitive backwater world filled with hairless apes. There’s no magic in this air. Ugh, how do the natives stand it? “I fully expect that one day I’ll be poofed out of existence.” It was a strong possibility, as even neutered, Discord’s power was still immense; certainly stronger than mine. I’d caught him unprepared once, I wouldn’t be so lucky a second time.

Twilight leaned in, conspiratorially. “Teach me your spell.”

“Huh?”

“If you think Discord’s still a threat, I need to know what you did to combat him. In case I need to do it too.”

My respect for the princess shot up a notch. I showed her everything, and implored her to teach as many ponies as possible.

When I was done, Twilight smiled. “Duchess, I think you’ll find that Starbeam Twinkle is exactly the pony you’ve been looking for.” Twilight slid my passport over to the mare.

Ploomette scanned through the document, nodding. “Yes, I can certainly see to it that Miss Twinkle is put to good use.”

Twilight levitated the key to my horn ring to the Duchess. “You should keep this someplace safe.”

Ploomette nodded. With a flash, Twilight Sparkle was gone.

“It looks like you made a very powerful enemy, Miss Twinkle.”

She’s probably waiting for me to tell her she can call me ‘Starbeam’. She can keep waiting. “That’s what they tell me. You know, instead of listening to reason. Discord is a monster.”

“So you’ve said. Repeatedly. Do you know any English at all?”

I shook my head. “I had no interest in coming here.”

She paged another mare to join us, and a blue unicorn with a snowflake cutie mark entered. “Starbeam, this is Snowcatcher, my acting archmage.”

Archmage? Her? With a weather mark? I snorted in derision.

“Snowcatcher, this is Starbeam Twinkle, who’ll be taking over the archmage position permanently.”

What?

The key to my inhibitor was presented to Snowcatcher, who undid the lock. I felt my horn spark as magic surged through it once again.

“Starbeam doesn’t know anything about Earth. Do you think you can assist her with that?”

“Of course.” Snowcatcher nodded, touching her horn to mine. Knowledge flowed into my brain – languages, history, culture; it was overwhelming having all this hit my mind at once.

“Hold on.” She looked at me curiously as I touched my horn to hers. Understanding soon took over as I gave her the knowledge of my anti-chaos magic spells. “More ponies need to know this than just I.” I didn’t trust Twilight Sparkle as far as I could throw her. She was friends with Discord. Could Twilight truly be trusted to do what needed to be done if the situation came up?

“That’s interesting.” She blinked as more of the information processed inside her mind. “Very interesting.” She motioned for me to follow her, so I did. “Allow me to lead you to your new quarters. Which are currently my quarters, so I need to do a little packing. You’ve got a full lab, which I’m going to miss. I don’t suppose you’d be open to me using the facilities here periodically?”

The last thing I want is somepony I barely know in my private space. Still, I’d entrusted this mare I’d just met with my most precious spell, and somepony would need to lead the charge if I was incapacitated. “I’m sure we can come to some sort of arrangement once I’m settled in.”

Much to my surprise, the room was quite spartan. Aside from the lab and the furniture, there wasn’t much in there. I didn’t see any personal effects at all.

As if reading my mind, she quickly explained herself. “I always knew this day would come, so I never really kept things here. I have another place, but you’ll still be seeing a lot of me.” She laughed nervously. She’s hiding something.

“Spill it. I despise surprises.”

“You also have another place, so don’t make yourself too comfortable. You’ll spend most of your working time here, but you won’t be living here.”

From what I knew of archmages, that was abnormal. “I thought my duty was to stay by the duchess’ side?”

“She has another place. You’ll see.”

“Isn’t she supposed to live at the consulate?”

“Ploomette isn’t your normal Consul General.”

“Good, because I’m not your average archmage either.” I barely knew what archmages did. I was qualified for the job, but I’d never been interested in it, preferring to spend my time researching anti-chaos magic. I might not agree with many of the things Twilight Sparkle’s done, but I fully embrace her education reform, and the readily available research grants.

She’d quickly gathered her things, and I made note of exactly what she was taking, just in case anything was the consulate’s property, and hence now mine. With a pop, she disappeared, teleporting away. I didn’t know where she went, nor did I particularly care.

With the previous resident gone, I weaved the room with anti-chaos magic spells. Restraining order or not, Discord was likely going to come after me sooner or later. I wasn’t going to make it easy for him.

My own belongings had been unceremoniously deposited in my room, and I could tell they’d been gone through by the Royal Guards multiple times. Idiots. Everything was packed by the guards back in Equestria when they ransacked my house, looking for ‘evidence’. Why would they need to be checked again? I shook my head. The guards were useless, but that wasn’t a newsflash.

I pulled my journals out and chuckled. The evidence they’d been looking for was in these ‘blank’ journals. I lit my horn, illuminating the invisible text in the book. Good, I still have my research. I’m not done with you yet, Discord.

A little after 5:00, Ploomette knocked on my door. I let her in – she hadn’t given me any reason to dislike her. Yet. That would likely change with this conversation, or another in the future. “Yes?”

“I hope you’ve gotten settled in. Did Snowcatcher explain we don’t live on property?”

“Yes. Forgive me for asking, but isn’t that out of the ordinary?”

“Sort of. We have other arrangements. I like getting away from work at the end of the day.”

“Knock-knock.” Snowcatcher entered the room.

Great, the gang’s all here. Now what?

“Bring your things.”

I grabbed what I was taking in my aura and then we winked out of my room and into a parking garage filled with mechanical monstrosities. I realized I’d seen some like this before; a long time ago in Tailadega, when Discord was freed from stone the first time. I walked up to a red one. It didn’t look quite right, but it had the same chrome pony badge on the front. “Wheels?”

“Yeah, it has four of them. Five if you count the spare.”

I added the snow white thestral guard to my list of ‘ponies I don’t like’ as I turned and glared at her. “I met a wagon like this many years ago. His name was Wheels. He had friends. I forget their names, but Wheels saved my life when one of the others exploded.”

That was met by laughter from everypony else present. I glared at everypony in turn, adding them all to my enemies list.

“Cars aren’t sapient,” the thestral explained.

“This one was. He talked to me and said his name was Wheels. He was red and had a pony badge like this.”

“If it was an emblem like this, Wheels is a Ford Mustang. You say you saw a car like this in Equestria?”

“Yes. When Discord showed up the first time. The day after that freak of nature took my horn!”

The others all looked at one another. “I think we can explain that as ‘Discord being Discord’ and move on. But cars don’t normally talk here on Earth. Sorry for laughing at you, I can see this was a traumatizing experience for you. My apologies.” The thestral dipped her head to me.

“Hmph. Wheels was better mannered than any of you.”

We continued in silence before approaching a massive black car. The thestral hadn’t introduced herself, but she opened a door for the Duchess, who climbed in. Snowcatcher followed her, and I stopped gawking and got inside too.

There was something to be said about teleportation. And that something was ‘it beats stop and go traffic’. The latter was a new concept, but an infuriating one. Horns blared, people shouted, and I wanted to get out of the car and start bucking people in the face.

The long car ride was perfect for conversation. That only made me want to buck the car’s occupants.

“Just so you know, Discord’s going to try to poof me out of existence if he ever recovers his strength.”

“I thought he had his power back?”

“I didn’t use some ancient artifact. I created the spell I used to counteract his magic, and I did it in a way that anything I took from him would be lost to the æther in a way that he hopefully can’t recover it. My goal was to rid the world of his magic forever. Everypony focuses on his claim of being the only being with the ability to control chaos magic. Nopony ever points out that he’s been without it multiple times, and the world hasn’t ended. He could willingly give up his powers and the world would be a better place. Yet he doesn’t. Strange, isn’t it?”

“But he wouldn’t be himself.”

“So? You say that like that’s a bad thing.” I snorted at the duchess’ feeble argument. If that’s the best she can do, it’s a good thing for her that I’m here or ponies would just trot all over her.

“He’s a last resort. Pretend that Twilight Sparkle hasn’t done such an amazing job of befriending other nations. He could stop an invasion with just a snap of his claws. Imagine how many lives he’d save on both sides!”

“He’s just as capable of ending the world with a snap of his claws. He won’t, because it’s more entertaining to treat ponies like we’re his toys. If he breaks his toys, he can’t play with them anymore. I just love going through life being at the whims of a crazy draconequus.”

The duchess shrugged. “I’ve never met him.”

“Lucky. The first time I met him he took my horn.”

Snowcatcher cringed. “Ouch. My condolences.”

After that, we drove in silence.

“We’re here.”

The thestral snapped us out of the daze we’d all fallen into. I looked up at a sign that said ‘Mareiott’. “Why are we stopping at a rundown motel?”

Snowcatcher deflated like a balloon with a hole in it. “We kinda own it,” she said, meekly.

“Now that you’re archmage, this is what Snowcatcher will be doing full time. And as she’s proven from her dual role these past few months, it’s possible to split responsibilities between the motel and the consulate. I think it would do wonders for you if you worked here in your off hours. You really need to work on your social skills.”

I knew the duchess was going to say something to make me hate her. I’m amazed it took all afternoon.

“This is your typical Equestrian-style hotel, which means you must cater to the whims of your guests.”

I knew being made archmage was too good to be true. I’m being punished in the most imaginatively cruel way possible. I was prepared to be a statue. But customer service? Sweet filly Celestia, I’d ask what I did to deserve such a fate, but Twilight read the list of crimes I’d committed to me earlier and I haven’t had a chance to forget them just yet… “I assume I don’t have a say in this.”

“Of course you have a say in things. If you’d rather live in the consulate, I won’t stop you. But I’ll have to insist that you wear your horn inhibitor when not on duty. Of course, if you were on work release, nopony could reasonably expect you to wear such a gaudy, humiliating hunk of rock.”

“Blackmail.”

“Politics. The art of making sure nopony is happy. You’re not happy that Discord is allowed to roam free. Discord’s not happy that you’re not a statue. I’m not happy that my new archmage has a criminal background.”

“And I’m not happy that you’re not happy. You haven’t even started working here. You’re not allowed to be miserable yet,” Snowcatcher added. “When you get kicked in the hock by a bratty kid, then you can complain.”

“Is it too late to go back to Equestria and be turned into a statue?”

“Yes. I need an archmage, and like it or not, we’re stuck with each other. Work with me, and I’ll work with you. I’m in charge of reforming you, and this is my chosen method.”

I groaned. “That horn ring is looking mighty tempting right about now…”

Author's Note:

Story notes for this chapter: https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/972920/story-notes-16-starbeam-twinkle

Ask Starbeam Twinkle questions related to the story: https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/972919/meet-the-mares-starbeam-twinkle

Big thanks to RoyaleFanaticGal for the fanart of Starbeam Twinkle.

Comments

[Uncle Mike]

I want to give Starbeam a hug. "You're not alone, kiddo. A lot of us have been where you are. Let us in..."

[Roxylalolcat]

Oh man, this was really good. Probably my favourite chapter so far. It sucked me in so much that by the point where Starbeam got sentenced to banishment on Earth, I'd totally forgotten this was a prequel to a PoE story.

[readsponies]

I strongly object to Discord making more-than-death threats at the drop of a hat. He's a jerk, but unless you utterly reject the point of the show, he's not a bad guy anymore. You made him a full-on villain long after the point where he stopped being one--and a worse one than he was ever shown to be. And having him make the threat again, in court, in front of Twilight? What were you even going for there?

[Snowliasion]

Discord is the villain that won, the villain that suckered his opposition into getting petrified while he subtly snuck his way into the trust of ponies.

[NudeRei]

If you are trying to compete for being my favorite author, you're doing a great job!

A pony who sees Discord the way I do? I love her already!

[NudeRei]

11079256
Look at who's telling the story. Maybe Starbeam Twinkle is exaggerating his villainy in an attempt to make the reader more sympathetic to her position.

[Booster Spice]

People have trouble handling Celebiis time traveling abilities to reheal, and its about as complex as a piece of string compared to Discords nontemporal capabilities.

Poor KITT being boomed. Nice to see Wheels and Roadie from the cartoon Pole Position, given I thought at first they were Transformers.

[tirilee]

I was prepared to be a statue. But customer service?

Laughing so hard right now that I have tears in my eyes

[Dan]

IMO, Discord can be defeated with an Ofuda with a Sierpinski Triangle or Mandelbrot pattern drawn on it.

That's one of the prime examples of order coming from chaos they teach in schools. Though my class just programmed the script in our TI-83s instead of the full demonstration with dice and marker.

[AlwaysDressesInStyle]

11079256

Discord made the threat the first time while both angry and scared. The second time wasn't a threat, but an offer. Trying to convince Twilight that he could just poof her out of existence as punishment.

He's a jerk, but unless you utterly reject the point of the show, he's not a bad guy anymore.

The show itself utterly rejected the show from season eight onward. Discord is the one who suggested the punishment for the trio of villains he set loose on Equestria. He's suggesting a punishment here as well. I find this falls completely within character for him. He's a spirit of chaos, and he does as he pleases.

Starbeam is a threat to him. Discord isn't used to ponies who can go one-on-one with him. He reacted as I would expect a being of his temperament and his abilities to react - by having a temper tantrum.

[AlwaysDressesInStyle]

11078994

She could desperately use a hug, but I'm not sure how receptive she would be to one. She's closed herself off from the world and others. We'll see if working for the Mareiott can help her.

[AlwaysDressesInStyle]

11079002

Thank you!

[AlwaysDressesInStyle]

11079299

Quoted for truth.

[AlwaysDressesInStyle]

11079355

Thank you! Judging from the comments this chapter, you're not alone in seeing Discord that way!

[AlwaysDressesInStyle]

11079378

KITT gets boomed, but the explosion leaves him unharmed. I assume that's his molecular bonded shell. He continued driving along as if nothing happened. I've been wanting to do something with the cast from Pole Position for a while, as it's one of the few things I know of that hasn't been ponified yet. I need to fix that!

[AlwaysDressesInStyle]

11079390

That was one of my favorite lines too.

[Spamotron]

11079256
Speculative spoilers based on story notes. One of the things that inspired this story is Always Dresses’ feeling that Celestia and Luna were uncharacteristically cruel with their stoning of the villain trio, especially a powerless minor in Cozy Glow. All he’s revealed is that Something Is Wrong. Now if the former princesses are affected by something making them unusually vicious it’s likely Discord is too.

[Booster Spice]

11079591

The only episode specific thing I can remember is Daisy wearing the thought control headband for the hologram 3D game projecting pyramid. That was fun trying to imagine the tech needed when all you had t compare it against was a ZX Spectrum, and you dint have all the tech of that either.

At least I got the random exploration of phase space before I found it in a book for self learning AI.

[Emil]

11079663
Maybe the Nightmare entity didn't quite go away like it seemed. This is definitely a darker Equestria than most ponies would believe.

[Emil]

Also, I'm a little surprised that she didn't keep the spell up until the Guard dropped her with a volley of stun bolts, just to drain maybe 95% instead of 90%.

[AlwaysDressesInStyle]

11079766

That episode's The Race and it's probably available on YouTube. It's one of my favorites!

[AlwaysDressesInStyle]

11079945

I had toyed with that idea. But she's powerful enough to take on a squadron of guards and still keep up the drain on Discord. Honestly, all she'd need to do is divert half her power to a simple shield spell and the guards could've hit it with everything they had and she would've had time to complete the process, even if it would've taken six minutes at half power. By the time the Royal Guards could've gotten backup capable of taking her on, the job would've been done.

The problem with that from a storytelling perspective is she wouldn't have gotten off with a slap on the hoof if she'd done that. Discord would be completely powerless, and Twilight would've punished her far more harshly than she did. As it stands, things worked out far better for her than they had any right to. So instead, she recognizes the authority, even if she has no respect for it in the least.

[NudeRei]

Out of curiosity, have you ever heard the song "Ghetto Supastar"? If not, give it a listen and you'll know why I mentioned it.

https://youtu.be/gP3zuuGav-Y

[Fetch]

11079591
For those that don't know 'Pole Position'

https://youtu.be/dh_xGfrdbhY

[Fetch]

11080032
It is.
https://youtu.be/FUNJmwBahHQ

[Dan]

"KITT, Wheels and Roadie don't really exist? Then I will join forces with Wind Whistler and Snowy and Daisy and the finest minds the humans have and MAKE them a reality!"

And that's how Cybertron was made.

[AlwaysDressesInStyle]

11080447

I have - it's an interpolation of Islands In The Stream.

[AlwaysDressesInStyle]

11081389

I'm okay with this. So very okay with this.

[AlwaysDressesInStyle]

11081101

I'm glad I was able to avoid that! When one makes a move as dramatic as these mares have, usually there's a good reason for it. My goal was to give each of our sixteen main characters unique reasons for coming to Earth - to show that it can be an opportunity just as easily as it can be an escape.

[Reese]

"I just hadn’t cast it on yet."
"I just hadn’t cast it on myself yet."?

"It was treehouse of some sort"
"It was a treehouse of some sort"?

Yeeah. I realized partway through the chapter that this was a magically powerful unicorn mare with a name of the Skylight Lightverb form, and... yep. Really, I wonder if that sort of name for unicorn fillies might be getting a reputation at that point. :D

[AlwaysDressesInStyle]

11082784

I realized partway through the chapter that this was a magically powerful unicorn mare with a name of the Skylight Lightverb form, and... yep. Really, I wonder if that sort of name for unicorn fillies might be getting a reputation at that point.

Indeed, you see what I did there.

Twilight Sparkle
Sunset Shimmer
Starlight Glimmer
Starbeam Twinkle

This is our archmage, and the only main cast member capable of curbstomping Snowcatcher in a fight.

[Reese]

11083728
"Indeed, you see what I did there. "
:D

[BirdsBooksBrownies]

So you mentioned that her punishment would have been even more severe had she completed her goal...color me curious.

I don't know if I fully agree that Discord is an unrepentant monster who needed the axe, but I definitely believe that the show kept his powers as mere party tricks and sight gags as his true power would have been quite... intense for the target audience (intentional understatement).

She probably wouldn't 'tolerate' me, but hopefully if I visited the Mareiott and we had to actually interact beyond passing each other in the hall she would be willing to have a discussion and not put me on her imaginary list for immediate disembowelment.

[AlwaysDressesInStyle]

11086215

Thank you!

I have a good chunk of these characters mapped out on the Enneagram (but not all of them).

[AlwaysDressesInStyle]

11090061

So you mentioned that her punishment would have been even more severe had she completed her goal...color me curious.

Had she completely taken Discord's powers, Twilight wouldn't have been so lenient. Discord's her friend, after all.

I don't know if I fully agree that Discord is an unrepentant monster who needed the axe, but I definitely believe that the show kept his powers as mere party tricks and sight gags as his true power would have been quite... intense for the target audience (intentional understatement).

There's no getting around that Discord breaks the setting. With a snap of his claws, even. His reformation came out of nowhere and has been thrust aside multiple times if there's some delicious chaos that can be caused.

She probably wouldn't 'tolerate' me, but hopefully if I visited the Mareiott and we had to actually interact beyond passing each other in the hall she would be willing to have a discussion and not put me on her imaginary list for immediate disembowelment.

She'd probably tolerate you if you stayed out of her way. As for discussing things, she's prone to sarcasm. Most ponies tend to avoid getting into conversations with her. But if you do, you're usually okay as long as you don't try to defend Discord's actions.

[BirdsBooksBrownies]

11090795
I am fairly fluent in sarcasm myself so hopefully, even if we didn't become bosom companions, we could come to an understanding of sorts. And I never said that I agreed with Discord, I just don't entirely know if he himself is an unrepentant monster to the core like she seems to believe he is.

As to the show I 120% agree that for all its charm, the show was quite terrible about continuity and broke its own rules and characters to suit "the story" more times than I care to count. One problem is that, as I recall, they practically had each episode done by a separate team, and whenever they hired a new team, they seemingly were thrust into the "deep end" with little to no "initiation" shall we say. This led to what I tend to call "too many cooks syndrome".

[AlwaysDressesInStyle]

11133345

It is!

[AlwaysDressesInStyle]

11145598

Correct!

[Zanec]

Now this is an angle we did not expect.