Act I: Snowcatcher (Part 3)
Pine Barrens, New Jersey: today
There was a brief moment of disorientation, then I stood next to the portal to wait for Dewey. Ponies that had never teleported before staggered out of the portal, but the most jarring part of the experience for me was winking somewhere I had no reference for. I’d never left between and arrived somewhere new before. Dewey stepped through and we trotted towards the bus that would take us to our new lives.
The bus was painted like a rainbow. Shiny and colorful. Ponies can’t miss it. Intentionally so, since most ponies would be intimidated by it otherwise. I wrinkled my nose as I stepped inside. Pity the inside isn’t as nice as the outside.
I stared at the seat – it was the least offensive of the empty seats from an olfactory perspective. Despite that, odors coming from it were awful. Food, bodily fluids, even smoke – it all assaulted us at once, overpowering us.
“Page 46.”
I looked at Dewey, then flipped to the appropriate page in my go-to spellbook, and the bus seats lit with the soft orchid glow of my magic. I repeated the cleansing spell three times before we were satisfied enough to sit for the journey. Even then, it still smelled rank.
“Well, we’re here. What’s the plan?”
I shrugged. “I don’t really have one yet.”
“Since when do you ever not have a plan?”
“When I need more data. We need a source of income and a place to live. I figured we could let the duchess at the consulate help with that. That’s her job, after all.”
“Seems anticlimactic for you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I turned to look at Dewey. My best friend, the pony who’d stood by my side since we were foals.
She shrugged. “Nothing. It’s just the Snowy I know would be telling the duchess what she wants to do with her life, instead of asking her for suggestions.”
“Well forgive me if having my dreams shattered and then my life upturned as I move to a completely different world cramps my plan making.” I flicked my tail.
“I just thought you’d have planned it all out before making the decision to come here.”
“Even I can be spontaneous.”
Dewey snickered. “Since when? Let’s be honest, you planned this ‘spontaneous’ trip to Earth months ago. Which means you’ve had more than enough time to come up with a patented Snowcatcher Great Idea.”
“I know what you’re trying to do, Dewey.”
“Oh?”
“You’re goading me into coming up with a plan.”
“Is it working?”
“Yes.” I stood up.
“Where are you off to?”
“I’m going to go make some inquiries. There are dozens of ponies on this bus. Maybe inspiration will strike once I find out what brought everypony else to Earth.”
“Good luck.”
Sarcastic ‘good luck’. You’re the only pony in the world I’d let get away with that, Dewey.
I looked around the bus. The brightest and best Equestria has to offer, my flank. The ponies surrounding me were scared, desperate, lost, and broken. Our wild ancestors dealt with danger by trying to outrun it, and that’s what all the ponies on the bus are doing, too: running away from their problems, real or imagined. I sighed. Dewey and myself included.
We’re also a herd species, and a herd will follow a strong leader no matter how ridiculous her ideas are. Dewey’s expecting me to lead these ponies to something. But what? I scanned the bus, looking for anypony who bucked the trend. There! That lavender earth pony. She’s one of the few ponies on the entire bus that’s exuding confidence. She knows what she wants and she’s going to get it. I sat down next to her.
“Hello?”
“Hi! I’m Snowcatcher, and I was wondering what your plans are now that you’re here on Earth?”
She hoofed a few brochures over to me. “My name’s Daisy Dreams and I’m trying to decide on a school to attend.”
I looked at the pamphlets: Yale, Harvard, Rutgers, Princeton, and Mount Holyoke. Colleges. This mare is smart, she’s got a plan, and maybe I can pick her brain a bit and find some inspiration. “Where are you going to stay in the meantime?”
“I figured I’d use the stipend and get a hotel for a few months until classes start.”
Hotel. Hotel! Duh, everypony needs a place to stay, human hotels are bland and lonely, and ponies visiting earth would be much more likely to stay in a pony-owned hotel. I’d need… a lot of money up front. Dewey and I can’t afford to buy a property, but if we combined our stipends with everypony else’s… I looked up and took a rough head count – there were more than sixty ponies on the bus. If I can convince at least a quarter of them to go in on this… without numbers I don’t know how few I can get away with, but the more the merrier. “If you’re going to spend your whole stipend on a hotel anyway, why not pool your money with some of us and we can open our own Equestrian style hotel. You’d have someplace to live between semesters. Or you could even commute.”
“Who else is going in on this besides you and me?”
“I don’t know yet. Let me go ask some ponies. I need to crunch some numbers when we get to the consulate. I need some data on regulations and land prices. But I know we’ll need more than just the two of us. Well, three. I know Dewdrop’s in on whatever I decide. We’ll probably need at least a dozen of us, maybe more. I’ll start asking now.”
“Good luck!”
I could sense by the dismissive way she wished me luck that she didn’t think I had a chance. That shouldn’t have grated my nerves so badly, but it got under my skin nonetheless. I’d never liked being told I couldn’t do something. Dewey had already pushed that button intentionally, so I was already feeling a bit sensitive, then Daisy triggered it too. Come Tartarus or high water, I’m doing this.
The first rejection was tough. That came from a unicorn and an earth pony who were coming to Earth to be part of a cooking television show. The next pony I asked just clutched her saddlebags close to her barrel and refused to even speak with me. It wasn’t until the fifth pony I talked to that somepony actually seemed interested: a pegasus who gave off the vibe of being upper class – the giant diamond on her flank more or less confirmed it. I’d expected her to blow me off but she seemed very enthusiastic at the idea, and promised to mention it to her traveling companion as well. The only problem was she’d already spent some of her stipend, but I could work with that – I had some money I’d been saving up for the expedition to the Frozen North that we’d never get to go on that I’d be willing to loan her.
Diamond Rose’s enthusiasm for the idea was enough to see me through the next round of rejections. Getting called a ‘scammer’ hurt the first time.
It still hurt after the tenth.
I’d never been a social pony. Talking to others wasn’t something I was good at. Dewey’s faith in me notwithstanding, I was an awkward conversationalist and a lousy salesmare. Ponies follow charismatic ponies; the loudest, proudest, and most willing to tell them what they want to hear; not nerdy shut-ins like me. Intelligence doesn’t matter. Intentions don’t matter. It’s all in how you sell the deal. If I was on commission, I’d starve.
This is why I never went into politics. But most of these ponies need a leader. The bus reeked of desperation and broken dreams. Somepony has to do it, and if it isn’t me… who will? The ponies who want to be in positions of leadership are often the ponies we should least trust with it. I don’t want to become one of those ponies.
The duchess can help them. I… I don’t need to get involved. The hotel is a silly idea. I should give up, now, and figure out something else for Dewey and I to do.
If somepony tells me I can’t do something, I prove them wrong. My own words came back to haunt me. They said I’d amount to nothing, but now I can be anything. The world awaits…
Those last few months in Canterlot, staying at home… I shuddered. I lost my edge, my drive. I could be anything… and I became nothing. That’s not me.
Hotelier? Not exactly what I expected to do with my life, but it beats not doing anything. All I know is, whatever path lies ahead, I’ll be the best at it. Look out world, here comes Snowcatcher.
I sat down next to a pair of pegasi. My eyes wandered to their wings. Focus, Snowy. I’m looking for business associates, not a love connection.
“Hi! I’m Snowcatcher. What brings you to Earth?”
The purple mare opened her mouth to say something, but the yellow one cut in before she could. “Puberty.”
I blinked. “I have questions.”
“Wow, you weren’t kidding when you said you were good at putting your hoof in your mouth, Sunny.”
“I’m going to start with ‘what?’ ‘What?’ bears repeating, followed immediately by ‘what?’ and concluded with ‘what?’”
“It’s a long story.”
“It’s a long bus ride.”
The pony who’d been addressed as Sunny nodded. “True, but I’ve seen you going up the aisle, talking with everypony. If I go into my backstory you won’t have time to finish talking to everypony on the bus. Your choice. I’m Sunny Rays, by the way, and this is my new friend, Flitterheart. Maybe… maybe you’re a new friend too?”
“I’d like to be. You’re right. I’ve got a task to accomplish and a set time to get it done. I guess I’ll cut to the chase: what are your plans now that you’re here?”
Flitterheart shrugged. “I don’t care. I’ll scrub toilets if I have to, as long as I’m out of Equestria. Hopefully my family can join me someday soon.”
Sunny Rays also shrugged. “I was thinking of going on tour.”
“See the sights?”
“Something like that…”
“If you’re looking for a place to settle down for a bit, a few of the other mares on the bus and I are thinking of starting up an Equestrian-style hotel.” I looked at Flitterheart and smiled. “You’d probably have to scrub a few toilets now and then, but at least it wouldn’t be all day, every day.”
Flitterheart smiled back. This mare needs to smile more. Oh my gosh, what a pretty smile!
“I think I’d like that. A place to roost and make a new start.”
“If Flitterheart’s in, I guess I’m down for that too. At least for a little while ‘til the ol’ wanderlust kicks in. My Earth World Tour can wait a bit.”
“Awesome!” My mental tally jumped from four to six. I still had a long way to go, but I was making more progress than I’d expected. “I’ll need to crunch numbers at the consulate, but if I can find enough ponies to go in on this, we can make it work. If I can’t… I’ll think of something. I’m not going to leave anypony hanging.”
I bid them farewell, and moved on to the ponies across the aisle. There was no empty seat to sit in, so I stood in the aisle. Before I could introduce myself, an earth pony mare had wrapped her legs around me in an embrace. “Hi! I’m Minty! And this is Kimono and Razzaroo!” She motioned to a dark purple unicorn and a lighter purple earth pony.
“Hello.”
“Hiyas!”
“What brings the three of you to Earth?”
Minty blushed. “I accidentally broke Hearth’s Warming.” She waved her forelegs around, gesturing that something had broken. “Crackly little pieces.”
I waited for further explanation, but none was coming. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Minty’s a little clumsy, but she means well. Yes, yes, yes.”
I better change the subject quickly. That was a bad leadoff question. “Any plans now that you’re here?”
“Yes.” Kimono’s horn glowed and she pulled a worn book from her saddlebags. Much to my surprise, it was filled with pictures of cars. “We’re going to open a car wash.”
That doesn’t sound like a bad idea… Unicorn magic could get into the spaces humans fingers couldn’t. There’s a lot of potential there. If the hotel doesn’t work, maybe I’ll look into that. “Good luck! I was going to suggest going in on a hotel, but it sounds like you’ve got a good plan in place.” They’re in good hooves.
“We heard your spiel when you were talking to the mares in the seats across from us. It sounds like a good idea, and we wish you luck as well. If the hotel doesn’t work out, look us up.” Kimono put the book away. “We’re looking for ponies with good business sense.”
“Likewise. We’ll leave the door open for you.”
“Isn’t that supposed to be ‘you’ll leave a light on for us’?” Minty asked, tilting her head. “Leaving the door open will let all the heat out in the winter. Or all the heat in during the summer.”
I had no response to that, so I settled on agreeing with her. “Good point.” Kimono just shook her head and Razzaroo facehoofed.
I had six, but I’d started with three and I’d already asked half the ponies on the bus. If I thought I’d had lousy luck previously, the second half of the bus proved to be a lesson in humility. I only managed to find two more ponies who wanted to join up with us. Eight was a start, but nowhere near what we needed.
I sat down next to Daisy Dreams again. “I’m up to eight. That’s not enough, but it’s not a bad start. You still in?”
She nodded.
“Did you make a decision?”
“I think so. Rutgers seems most in line with what I’m looking for. And we just passed it a few minutes ago.”
I took the brochure and flipped through the pages. “I’m not going to lie, I’m jealous. It looks like a great school. I wish I could go too.”
“You could always apply.”
“I’ve got to focus on getting this hotel off the ground. I was nervous when it was just Dewey and myself that I was looking out for. Now though, there’s eight of us counting on me. And soon there will be more. You’ll just have to learn enough for both of us and teach me too. The degree isn’t the important part, it’s the knowledge that really matters.”
I smiled at her. “You know; those may be the wisest words I’ve ever heard.”
“Ponies often lose sight of their goals and what’s really important in life. What’s your major going to be?”
“I haven’t really decided yet.”
“If you plan on going back to Equestria when you’re done, go for something with technology. Look around at all of this – what these humans have done without magic is incredible. You’d be the only pony in the world with that skill set. If you’re planning on staying here, pick something that sets you apart from the rest of the herd. Play to your strengths. From what I’ve read, overpopulation is a problem on Earth and people are worried they won’t have enough food to go around in the future. But imagine what you could do if you mixed human technology with earth pony magic.”
She paused, and I was sure she’d gotten the mental image. “Who are you?”
“Snowcatcher. I thought I introduced myself earlier. I apologize if I didn’t.”
“You did. But I mean, what’s your background? These are good ideas.”
“Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns. First in my class.” I pulled my degree from my saddlebags. “We’re all in this together, for better or worse. If we can get along with griffons, dragons, zebras, yaks, and all the rest back home, we can get along with humans too. And maybe we can improve both worlds in the process.”
“I’d like that.”
“We all would. Some of us just don’t know it yet.” We sat there in peace and quiet for a few minutes as the city came into view. My immediate impression was that it put Canterlot to shame – New York City didn’t need to be built on a mountain to make a visual statement.
We passed over a massive suspension bridge – I’d read up on George Washington when studying to come to America, and I knew he’d been the country’s first president. I’d need to do further research to know if the bridge had been designed and/or built by him, or merely named after him. Either way it was an impressive feat of engineering. I stared out the window, transfixed by the bridge and city beyond. It was symbolically perfect: I was bridging two different worlds.
New York, New York. It’s been said that if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. I’ve already failed in Equestria… what does that say for my prospects in The City That Never Sleeps?
I trotted back to my original seat as the bus wound its way through the maze of streets that made up New York City. Dewey was sleeping when I came back. “Hotel.”
She woke with a start. “Hotel?”
“Hotel,” I repeated.
“Hotel it is.”
I sat and stared out the window – I hadn’t been able to approach all the mares on the bus, but I’d talked to most of them. Eight wouldn’t be enough, but it was a start.
Dewey turned to look out the window. “We’re already in the city? That means we’re almost there.”
I nodded.
“How long was I out?”
I shrugged. “We’ve been driving for about two hours.”
“Um, hi.”
“Hi.” I looked up and saw a mare I hadn’t seen while making my rounds earlier. But there was something vaguely familiar about her nonetheless.
“I’m Lily Blossom. You were talking with Diamond Rose on the bus, and she volunteered my services for this hotel thing you’re starting.”
I nodded. “That’s right. I’m Snowcatcher. I didn’t add you to the list officially yet. I never count chickens before they’ve hatched. Would you like to go in with all of us? You’d be number nine. By my calculations, I figure we need sixteen to twenty to succeed.”
“How much is the buy-in?”
“Your stipend. If you have anything else with you, keep it.”
“I think I’m going to pass. And Rose too.”
I frowned and looked at the list. “I understand, though I’d like to hear Diamond Rose speak for herself.”
“That’s fair.” Lily waved Diamond over, and I turned to Dewey. She looked at the list and shook her head. Eight was half. If Diamond Rose drops out there’s no point in continuing. Maybe we should all just go in on that car wash. We could be their second location…
“Snowcatcher.”
“Yes?” I turned to look at Lily again. Her expression had changed. She’s smiling?
“We’re in.”
“Awesome!” I added Lily’s name to the list. Nine’s a start. We need more though.
“And since I never got to say this a few years ago, thank you for saving our lives the day the Legion of Doom attacked.”
I looked at Lily to Diamond and back. “So that’s why the two of you look so familiar!”
“Forgive her, she’s bad with names and faces. I’m Dewdrop Dazzle.” She held a hoof up for Lily to bump.
“You know what this calls for? A song!” Sunny Rays landed in front of us and started tapping her hoof.
“Through the cold and dreary!” I started.
“And the bright and cheery!” Sunny Rays added.
“Escaping my sister’s past!” was Flitterheart’s contribution.
“Stop icecaps from melting too fast,” Bifröst sang.
“Assemble an ensemble cast,” it took Dewey long enough to join in.
“I’m doing it for the bees,” was Honeybuzz’s addition.
“Gonna earn my degrees!” contributed Daisy.
“Gonna make it on my own,” Diamond Rose proclaimed.
“Won’t have to do it alone!” Lily Blossom chimed in.
“The highest I’ve ever flown…”
The last line was added by somepony who hadn’t been there when we started singing. We all stopped mid-song cue to stare at the newest addition to our posse.
“Hi! I’m Feathermay!”
That’s odd. Her speaking voice sounds nothing at all like her singing voice. “I didn’t see you on the bus.”
“I kinda, sorta missed the bus. But I caught up!” She flapped her wings for emphasis and my eyes lingered on the magnificent appendages for a moment longer than they should have. But I had to take advantage of the situation. Opportunities to see pegasi showing off their wings up close were rare.
So jealous. She’s one of the first ponies to fly on Earth, but to her that’s no different than just being one of the first ponies on Earth.
“If Bifröst and Honeybuzz are in, I’m in too.”
“Welcome aboard!” I smiled. Feathermay makes ten. We might just pull this off after all…
The moment was over. The song cue, instantaneous as it had been, was done. Prematurely ended by Feathermay’s arrival, almost everypony else had started trotting into the consulate. The only exception was Sunny Rays, who was scribbling the lyrics and notes to the song we’d just sung. The problem with impromptu crowd songs was they were forever doomed to be lost to history. Sunny seemed desperate not to let the lyrics slip away. Alas, that was part of the magic of Equestria – ponies could perform incredible songs set to music heard only in their minds, but then the songs would fade away back into the æther. It was impressive that the magic worked on Earth as well. That means its inside each pony, and not background magic in Equestria. Another magical mystery solved. But will it fade with time the longer we’re on Earth?
Dewey pulled me aside as the others made their way into the consulate. “Do you know who that is?”
“Who?”
“The yellow pegasus.”
“She said her name is Sunny Rays.”
Dewey blinked. “You really have no idea who that is?”
I shook my head.
“I sometimes forget just how bad you are with facial recognition. She’s grown up, but that’s the Sunny Rays. The singer.” She started singing a song, then switched to another one. “I had all her albums when we were growing up.”
“She’s our age.”
“She was a filly star. Half of our class wanted to be her. I had a lunchbox with her picture on it.”
“Oh! Right! The cute filly with the freckles and the curly blue hair.”
“No, that’s Cozy Glow. The villain who tried to take over Equestria a few times. Now a statue in the Canterlot Castle gardens. Remember, we were there for the Battle of the Bell?”
“Of course I remember that. But why did you have a lunchbox with Cozy Glow on it?”
“I didn’t!”
We walked into the consulate and Dewey continued fangirling over Sunny Rays. It slowly dawned on me that I’d heard her music. As one of Dewey’s favorite artists, of course I had. I’d just never paid much attention since it wasn’t my genre of music.
“Oh, right. The one who had all those sad songs on the radio.”
“No, she had one sad song. Of course, that was also the one that became her biggest hit.”
I nodded. Suddenly it dawned on me why she had been planning on going ‘on tour’ here on Earth. She wasn’t going to see the sights; she was going to perform. It also explained why she was scribbling the lyrics to our impromptu song cue. She could make way more money going on the road. What would make her sign up with us? I made a mental note to find out the answer to that.
Dewey then pointed to Daisy Dreams. “Please tell me you know who that is.”
I looked at the earth pony again. She looked vaguely familiar. “Isn’t she the mare on the orange juice packaging?”
“No.” Dewey facehoofed. “Well, yes, she is, but she’s a professional model. She’s been on a lot of packaging and promoted a bunch of products.”
“It’s good orange juice.”
“Will you focus, Snowy? You have a famous model and a famous musician wanting to go in on this hotel with you.”
I shrugged. “Dewey, they’re ponies same as you or me. Celebrities have never meant anything to me.”
“Maybe they should. Think of the advertising potential.”
“No one on Earth knows who they are, Dewey.”
“Ponies are going to come visit eventually.”
“That would violate their privacy, and might make them want to pull out. We need all the investors we can get. I guess if we ever start advertising on television Daisy’s a natural in front of the camera and Sunny could do the jingle. If they want to.”
“If nothing else, think of the credibility it gives you when you talk to the Duchess. Because her office is your next stop. The hard part’s going to be getting you in there before a bunch of other ponies leave. We kinda dawdled singing that song.”
The waiting room had the capacity to hold almost twice as many ponies as there’d been on the bus. There were a few humans waiting, too, and all of them had found ponies to talk to. I wonder if these are humans looking to emigrate to Equestria, or if any of them are here to meet the ponies they’re talking to?
Our group took over an empty corner of the waiting room, and I went to find a guard while they got to know one another better. I found a thestral who introduced herself as Searchlight. I’d never seen a thestral in person before, and I had a hard time not staring at her exotic, membranous wings.
“How quickly can I get in to see the Duchess?”
Searchlight chuckled. “If you’re in a hurry, you can go first. There’s no set order, and nopony’s volunteered for the honor of going in right away.”
Looking around the room, I had a hunch I could tell why that was. There were snacks, and a lot of ponies were taking advantage of that. “I’d like to go first, please.”
Searchlight nodded, and I returned to my seat and waited.
Five minutes later, a blue pegasus mare trotted out of the office. “Presenting Her Grace, Duchess Ploomette of the House of Hurricane, Equestrian Permanent Representative to the United Nations, and Equestrian Consul General of New York City.” She stood aside, and Ploomette entered the room.
My breath hitched in my throat. She’s majestic.
Everypony in the room got to their hooves and bowed, myself included. My last visit with Equestrian royalty hadn’t gone like I’d expected. I was nervous as Searchlight called my name, but I stepped forward and introduced myself. Ploomette led the way into her office and I followed, Searchlight at my hooves. Once Ploomette and I were seated, Searchlight took her position behind the Duchess, where she could keep an eye on me.
The Duchess’ office was a unique blend of Equestria and Earth. There were pillows to sit on, much like in Equestria, but chairs as well. The consulate building had obviously been modeled in a late Unicornian aesthetic, drawing heavy inspiration from Canterlot Castle. That included stained glass in all the windows. Colors danced on the floor as the sun trekked across the sky, streaming through the multihued panes of glass that depicted the Duchess flying in front of a skyscraper.
“Interesting mix of cultures.”
“There’s more human in the mix than you might think. There are a lot of things that we think are pony in origin that really aren't.”
I nodded. “It’s a poorly kept secret that most of our major technological and medical advancements of the last few decades are human in origin. It’s why you can see a state of the art hydroelectric dam in a town that still boasts a one room schoolhouse.”
“It goes beyond that, my little pony.” She motioned to a chair across the room. “Have you ever stopped to think about how few things in Equestria work well with equine biology? You’ve sat in chairs back home. Do they really fit ponies, or were they originally designed to fit human anatomy? The fact that we both chose to sit on pillows to have this conversation speaks volumes. Yet we have chairs in Equestria. We have legends and myths of humans, and humans have myths of unicorns and pegasi. There’s no doubt in my mind that our worlds have had contact before, probably thousands of years ago.” She gestured to an artifact on the wall. “A gift from the Greek embassy. It depicts Pegasus.”
“You’re a history buff.” I smiled. “Me too!”
“I wouldn’t go that far. I’m well read. When something doesn’t make sense I try to find the answer. For example, most humans don’t know that ‘pegasus’ doesn’t refer to a species, or what we’d call a tribe, but is rather the name of a pterripus. In Greek mythology, ‘Pegasus’ was the name of a pterripus, while pterripus was the name pegasi were given as a whole. Who this pegasus was has been lost to history, but I would imagine that there was some sort of miscommunication in the translation. He was probably telling him that he was ‘a pegasus’ and they recorded it that he was named Pegasus.” Ploomette shrugged. “A mystery we’ll likely never know the answer to. Though I, for one, am grateful that humans aren’t calling us ‘pterripuses’ or ‘pterripusi’. It just doesn’t have a good ring to it. Things worked out for the best, but a lot of people don’t realize the truth.”
“Where did you learn all this?” There were several bookshelves scattered around the room, but the consulate was no library.
Ploomette laughed. “Greece was one of the first countries to send a diplomatic envoy to Equestria, and of course that meant having multiple meetings with me. They’re as enthusiastic about our arrival on Earth as we are. We suspect that there’s another portal somewhere in or near Greece, and we’re in the process of putting together an exploration team.”
I opened my mouth but closed it immediately. With my love of history, it wouldn’t take much to convince me to join an archeological expedition. But I had other ponies to think about. “I was about to volunteer my services.” I chuckled, sheepishly. “But I can’t. As much as I’d love to go, I’ve been talking things over with some of the other mares who were with me on the bus, and we’re planning to open an Equestrian style hotel. With all of our stipends put together, we should be able to afford a property that none of us could hope to afford individually.”
Ploomette nodded. “A logical decision.” She picked up my passport, and looked through my visa application. “I see that you graduated from Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns. Valedictorian.”
I nodded.
“I think we’re in a unique position to help each other out. I’m still waiting for the princess to send me the archmage I’m supposed to have. Would you be willing to take the position in the interim?”
“I would, but I’m not qualified to be an archmage…” I sighed. Oh how I wish I was.
“I don’t need you to be. I just need a powerful unicorn on staff until they send me the one I was supposed to have moons ago. In exchange, I’ll help you get your hotel off the ground, and promote it to ponies who don’t have plans. How many ponies have gone in with you so far?”
“Ten so far, including me.”
Ploomette whistled appreciatively. “Out of sixty-four ponies on the bus? That’s not bad. How many more are you looking for?”
“I’d like sixteen to twenty, total, so between six and ten more. I need to crunch some numbers later, but I think we can make it work with that. Much more than that would be too big, too unmanageable.”
Ploomette nodded and pointed to another room. “That’s my secretary’s office. Her name is Electric Slide. Please wait there and I’ll page her if I need you to talk about the hotel.”
“Don’t you want to meet the rest of the mares who are going in on this with me?”
“I do. I’ll meet with them all in turn, like I do with all the ponies that come through the portal. I’ll let them tell me in their own words that this is their plan. In the meantime, Electric Slide can assist you with anything you might need.”
I trotted into the room, and the blue mare who’d introduced Ploomette was waiting. “Hi! Can I get you a drink?”
“Uh, sure.”
“Coffee, tea, soda?” She opened a mini fridge, revealing dozens of cans of soda, in assorted colors and flavors.
May as well try something new today. I levitated a brown can over, choosing a beverage called A&W Root Beer. I took a cautious sip, before taking a bigger swallow. Not bad. “Thank you.” I took a seat on a chair in her office.
“You’re welcome.” She was distracted by some sort of handheld communications device. Probably a cellphone, but I couldn’t get a close enough look at it to be sure. She put it on her desk and finally turned her attention to me. “I’m Electric Slide.”
“I’m Snowcatcher.”
“Welcome to Earth.”
“Thank you. What’s it like living here?”
She shrugged. “Different in some ways, some ways not. It’s home, now, at least for the foreseeable future. For both of us.” She picked up her device and her hooves moved rapidly on it. “For example, I just ordered us all lunch.” Her phone buzzed and she looked at it. “Which should be here in about an hour.”
I blinked. “Wow…”
“Convenience. What you want, when you want it. For a price.”
“Of course. Fast, cheap, or good. Pick any two. It’s good to know there are some constants on both sides of the portal.”
She smiled. “Fast and good. The Duchess wouldn’t have it any other way. Only the best for her little ponies.”
I nodded and the silence turned awkward. We were both in a holding pattern, waiting for the duchess. Electric turned back to her computer, hooves clicking away on the keyboard.
I did what I always did when bored – I pulled out my spellbook and started paging through it, looking for anything I could practice while I waited. I ran through some of the basics, nothing complicated, but spells I hadn’t used recently, just so I could keep them fresh in my mind.
The unsettling feeling of being watched snapped me out of the trance I was in. I looked up, and Electric Slide was staring at me. She blushed at being caught. “I’m sorry. It’s just, I’m from Cloudsdale and you’re the first unicorn I’ve ever seen up close and personal. I’ve never seen magic like this before. Way cool!”
“I’ve been living in Canterlot for many years, so I don’t get to see pegasi very often either. I don’t suppose you’d mind showing me your wingspan?”
Pegasi loved to show off. At ease, Electric Slide spread her magnificent appendages. She even preened a loose feather. Wingtip to wingtip, she was slightly shorter than my sister, and significantly shorter than Princess Celestia. She had a few inches on the still adolescent Razzle Dazzle, though the younger pegasus would likely catch up eventually.
I continued to do magic tricks for her amusement, even mundane things like lighting my horn or levitating objects held her attention.
We were interrupted by her phone buzzing, and she picked it up. “Lunch is here.” The pastel blue pegasus moved what appeared to be a lamp, and a section of the wall slid out, revealing an empty passage straight down. Once more flaring her wings, she leapt into the secret passage.
I trotted over to it and watched the mare descending to the consulate’s ground floor. I pictured a door to the bottom, then stepped through between to reach the floor several stories below. “Need some help?”
“Oh, you can teleport? The Duchess will be thrilled to know that.”
I bet she will be, if she’s that desperate for an archmage that she’s picked me to take the position in the interim. I’m several percentiles short. Many orders of magnitude less powerful than a real archmage needs to be.
Electric Slide opened the door and a delivery person stood there, with twenty flat boxes of pizza. It smelled delicious. She paid, and I took the pizza boxes in my magic. With a pop, we winked out of existence, returning to Electric’s office. I pointed to the wall as she tilted the lamp back the way it had been. “Secret passages?”
Electric nodded. “We mostly use them as shortcuts. But our lead architect insisted on them. For safety.”
“Makes sense. If Equestria has any enemies on Earth, this would be one of their primary targets.”
“This, the embassy, and especially the portal. I can’t speak for the embassy, but the portal’s protected by the New Jersey National Guard and the Royal Guards. As for our consulate, it’s as safe as equinely possible.”
Electric pulled four of the pizzas off the stack, then led me into the waiting room, where I piled the rest of them on a table in the center of the room. She then pulled paper plates and cups out of a filing cabinet, and motioned to a refrigerator in the corner. I opened the door and pulled out a dozen large bottles of soda, levitating them to the table.
“Lunch is served, everypony!” Electric Slide dodged the melee and I followed her back to her office.
Three of the remaining pizza boxes had disappeared, taken by the consulate's staff, leaving one on her desk. She opened the lid, and I levitated a slice onto a plate for her, and another slice onto a plate for me. I picked up the pizza in my magic, and cheese started dripping off it. I quickly turned it another way, and grease and cheese both ran off. I reversed course, while Electric just giggled at me.
“Fold it in half, like this.”
She demonstrated, and I turned the pizza into a turnover, per her instructions. I bit into it and it was delicious. “Oh my. This is better than any pizza I’ve ever had in Equestria.”
Electric Slide nodded. “Yeah, the food’s pretty good here on Earth. It’s not healthy by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s oh so tasty.”
I nodded, devouring my slice. It had been a long bus ride, and I hadn’t anything to eat since the light breakfast I’d had at Sugarcube Corner. It hit the spot, and I quickly grabbed another slice, this time manipulating it with my magic in a way that wouldn’t drip cheese and grease all over the place.
Ploomette stepped into Electric’s office and grabbed a couple of slices, sitting down to talk with us while we ate. Electric Slide couldn’t wait to tell Ploomette about all the things I’d shown her magically, including teleporting with all the pizzas, so I quickly demonstrated some of my abilities for the duchess as well. Ploomette wasn’t nearly as impressed as Electric had been, likely having been exposed to unicorn magic far more frequently over the years.
My horn flashed, and with a pop, the three of us were standing in the parking lot where the bus had dropped us off. I took a bite of my pizza and with another pop we were standing just inside the front entrance to the consulate. Another bite, another hop, this time to the duchess’ office. Lastly, we returned to Electric Slide’s office, and I finished the last bite of my pizza slice.
“What I find most impressive about that is that you didn’t even spill any grease from your slice.”
I chuckled at Ploomette’s praise. “It’s too good to waste.”
Once we finished eating, it was back to waiting. I was only called in to talk about the hotel twice, which was disappointing. I could tell on the bus that most of these ponies didn’t have a plan, but I guess Ploomette had found things more relevant to their interests. Still, with Ploomette’s help, I’d managed to convince both ponies we’d conversed with to join us, bringing us up to a dozen. I could see the waiting room through a window in Electric Slide’s office, and it had thinned out since earlier. Those who’d agreed to go in on the hotel with me were sitting in a corner. They’d all met with the duchess, and they’d all stayed on board, and it meant a lot to me that complete strangers had this much confidence in my plan, and myself as an individual. The newest addition to our group, Rainbow Flash, was stealing glances at both Sunny Rays and Daisy Dreams. Somepony’s starstruck.
Aside from them, a few other ponies had met with the duchess and returned to the waiting room, while the number of ponies who had yet to meet with Ploomette had dwindled to one. A pink unicorn mare with a pie cutie mark. The one who’d been pretending to be asleep on the bus. She was called into the office, but I didn’t have much hope that she’d be even remotely interested. That left us with twelve. Three-quarters of my low-end goal of sixteen, and only sixty percent of my high-end goal of twenty.
Much to my surprise, the intercom buzzed, and I stepped into the duchess’ office yet again.
“This is Snowcatcher. She has a proposition for you.”
“My thought is to pool our resources and open an Equestrian style hotel. You know the type – we live there and cater to the whims of our guests.”
“It beats living off the land,” Ploomette added.
How badly broken is she that she was just going to rough it for five years? I internally cringed that that was this mare’s best plan. “There’s a dozen of us on board so far. I’m hoping for twenty, but if we can get to sixteen we can make it work. A lot of the other ponies already had plans, though a few of them changed their minds and decided our venture was a better idea. There’s nothing like it on Earth, so we have an untapped market.”
“And if you want to back out later, I can try to find somepony else coming through the portal to take your place and buy you out.” Ploomette was a better salesmare than I was.
“And if we fail?”
I’d gotten better at answering this question. “We’ll figure something out. By then we’ll have a better grasp on Earth’s culture, and we’ll be able to position ourselves accordingly. We have a wide range of talents, and if we all work together I’m sure we could bounce back from any theoretical setbacks…”
“Yeah, not interested. You’re asking a lot. The stipend we got? That’s every single bit I have to my name. I can’t afford to lose it.”
I sighed. “I’ve heard that a lot today. But if I had enough to reimburse everypony, I wouldn’t need investors in the first place; I’d be looking for employees instead.”
“And in a worst case scenario, if your venture fails, I’m here to help the ponies on Earth. I could certainly assist in finding new employment and lodging. Equestria isn’t going to just abandon its citizens here,” Ploomette assured her.
We stayed silent for a while, letting Cherry Pie make a decision on her own, without us pushing her into it. Her face scrunched up in concentration as she debated internally.
“You twisted my leg. I’m in. So what now?”
It took her long enough to come to the logical conclusion. “We go back into the waiting room and get acquainted with our new business partners. We just need three more.”
“Two more, my little ponies. And I’ll cover the other two shares until such time as you find your remaining investors.”
My jaw dropped at Ploomette’s words. I didn’t see that coming. I stopped in my tracks, and followed her back into her office, leaving Cherry Pie to introduce herself to everypony else. I shut the door behind me and plopped onto a pillow.
“As acting archmage, I expect you to stay here at the consulate. Rooms will be provided for you and your new business associates until such time as you can get your hotel off the ground. You’re free to work on setting things up, but you’re on call. If I need you, I expect you to drop everything and be ready to go. At any hour of the day or night. Furthermore, once you have the hotel up and running, I expect to have a room there, same as the rest of you. I expect another room reserved for my guards and my eventual official archmage.”
I nodded, and then she went into my expected duties: teleporting her where she needed to go, demonstrating magic for humans, and of course, protection in the event of an attack. There was a bomb shelter in the consulate’s basement that we all hoped we’d never have to use. Ploomette dismissed me, needing to take care of the remaining ponies in the waiting room. Ponies she’d met with earlier, but that had required following up with. Kimono, Minty, and Razzaroo were among them, no doubt they’d need Ploomette’s help setting up their car wash. I wonder if they’ll be staying at the consulate temporarily like us?
Electric Slide gave me a tour of the secret passages, many of which went straight down to said bomb shelter. Another led to the river directly adjacent to the property, with a few pieces of the hippogriffs’ transformation pearl sealed in glass. A small hammer dangled underneath, to break the glass in case of an emergency. I needed to familiarize myself with the exits, as I’d be responsible for getting everypony out. Teleporting everypony to a safe location would be the preferred method of escape, but first I’d need points of reference on Earth. The portal would probably be the best place. We could all cross back into Equestria if it came to that. I wonder if it’s possible to teleport across the portal? I’ll have to suggest we test that.
When we were done, I sat down with the rest of my new coworkers. They’d had time to get to know one another better, and that meant they all now knew one another better than I knew any of them except Dewey. I was counting on her to catch me up to speed on all of them.
The conversations all stopped as I approached the group. Twenty-four eyes looked at me. Twenty-four ears swiveled my way, eager to hear what I had to say. I hadn’t planned on making a speech, but apparently everypony was eager to hear one.
“Every single one of us has just taken two giant leaps of faith. The first, obviously, was by coming to Earth. The second is, of course, going in on a business venture with complete strangers. Maybe we’re brave, maybe we’re crazy. Perhaps we’re a little of both. But no risk, no reward. Thank you for putting your faith in this idea. We each have unique talents – combining them will see us through to success.” I held up a hoof and bumped it with everypony in turn.
I really wanted to pull Dewdrop aside and ask her insights about the mares we’d be working with, but I didn’t want to be rude to everypony else. Interacting with other ponies wasn’t my strong point, and likely never would be, so I could’ve used her thoughts. Instead I made awkward small talk, trying to project an image of confidence and competence – two things I had in spades, except when it came to social engagements.
Ploomette met with the other ponies left in the waiting room. Some of them left after their follow-up meeting with the duchess, but most of them returned to the waiting room with the rest of us. It was already getting dark as the January afternoon wore on. At 5:00, Ploomette led us all back to the bus, and the driver took us on a tour of New York City. I was tasked with memorizing each of the locations, so that future tours could be by teleportation, not bus.
We briefly stopped at some points of interest close to the consulate, including the United Nations complex a few blocks away, before ending up at a street vendor selling hot dogs.
“I was starting to think you weren’t coming.” The hot dog vendor chuckled, and his bulging belly jiggled. “I got a whole bunch of carrots for you, as promised.”
“Thank you. I’d like to introduce you to some ponies who’ll be staying around the city, at least temporarily.” Ploomette turned back to the rest of us. “Mr. Russo has graciously agreed to be the first purveyor of Equestrian cuisine on Earth. Right now, the vegetarian options are limited to carrot dogs, pierogis, and sweet potato knish, but that may expand in the future. Those of you with a special talent in cooking may wish to offer suggestions.”
The carrot dog was similar to the style offered in Manehattan, but softer, to the point where it barely needed to be chewed. There were toppings to put on them, and I opted for sweet peppers, onions, and a spicy brown mustard that cleared my sinuses out.
Ploomette covered the tab for everypony, and the tour concluded back at the consulate. In the time we’d been gone, rooms had been prepared for all of us. We’d be sharing them, four ponies to a room. Before we could get settled in, Ploomette called our group to her office.
We crowded around her computer. I’d seen pictures of smaller, portable computers, but this was a desktop with a massive hoof-friendly keyboard. Ploomette pulled up a website for House & Garden Real Estate and we started browsing properties for sale. I sat next to her, and Diamond Rose sat on her other side. Everypony else sat behind us, except for Dewey, who instead was looking out the window at the city. Night had long since fallen, but New York was well-lit, so there was no shortage of things to look at on a chilly January evening.
Ploomette focused on properties in New York City, and we quickly determined that Staten Island was the most cost effective borough. We couldn’t find anything that fit our needs at a price we could ever hope to afford. I eventually pointed out the absurdity of trying to put a tiny hotel in a city this size. Rainbow Flash’s suggestion to use the empty rooms in the consulate was immediately dismissed by Ploomette. She insisted that those rooms would be needed for ponies, who like us, would need temporary accommodations while she helped them with longer term arrangements. None of us could argue that.
Diamond Rose wasn’t helping matters, insisting that a proper hotel had to have an indoor pool and hot tubs in each of the rooms. She couldn’t seem to grasp that those were things that cost more money than we had. Cherry Pie, on the other hoof, was the exact opposite. If somepony told me gold wire had been invented by her pinching bits, I’d believe it.
Eventually I had enough of chasing rainbows, and put my hoof down that New York City wasn’t suitable. The duchess tried to argue, but I used logic to my advantage. Honeybuzz suggested we put the hotel by the portal, but Ploomette shut her down immediately. If the hotel couldn’t be in the city proper, it would go somewhere in the metropolitan area, opening us up to New Jersey, Connecticut, Long Island, and upstate New York.
With broadened search parameters, our hopes were high, but they were quickly dashed. Even the suburbs were proving to be out of our budget. Ploomette increased the budget repeatedly until there was a result. A fixer-upper in Wayne, New Jersey, it was exactly what we were looking for: an old mansion with a spacious yard. The fact that it needed renovations was perfect – we could snag it at a discount and we were already planning to remodel it to suit our needs anyway.
There was only one downside… it was triple what our pooled resources would cover. The duchess continued inflating our budget until we got a second hit. That one was almost five times what we could afford.
“I guess it’s this or nothing.” Ploomette picked up the phone.
“Wait!” I shook my head. “We can’t afford that. We should look further out.”
“We’ll just have to get a mortgage.”
“We can’t. I promised these mares that at the very least, if the business venture failed, we’d keep the roof over our heads.”
Ploomette put the phone down. “If you wish to tap into the market for New York City, you need to be close to the city. This is already too far away, but I don’t see any better options. Do you?”
“No.”
“Then if you wish to be hoteliers, this is your chance. If you want out, speak now. I can still assist you with other career options.”
My breath hitched in my throat. I had a plan, and I hated to let it go to waste. Running a hotel wasn’t high up on my list of things to do with my life, but at least it would be something we could call our own. We could all go in with Kimono, Minty, and Razzaroo on their car wash idea. If anypony objects, I’ll suggest that.
Ploomette’s words were met by the sound of silence. Never before had nothing been such a sweet sound. The others have faith in me. I can’t let them down.
“If you fail, I’ll hire you on to work at the consulate. All of you. You risk only the bits you came here with.”
“I’m still in.” I levitated my money from my saddlebag and dumped the silly-looking bills out on the table. “That’s my stipend and every last bit I had saved up prior to leaving Equestria.”
Dewey’s money joined mine on the table. “My vote of confidence.”
“I’m still in.” Flitterheart fluttered to the table and placed her cash next to ours.
I started dividing the piles in the event I needed to return somepony’s money. More and more money was joining ours on the table.
“My stipend. I’m keeping the rest.” Lily Blossom was the final pony to throw her cash in.
“That’s all I ask of any of you.” I stared at the money on the table. It hurt, but I separated the amount of the stipend from everyone’s stash and returned the rest. The overage wouldn’t have paid for the property, but it certainly would’ve helped.
There was one shortfall, and I levitated five thousand dollars from my own saddlebags to make up the difference. I looked Diamond Rose in the eye and told her, “Your percent of the proceeds will be garnished until you’ve contributed the same amount as everypony else. Further, I’m assuming control of your vote on all matters that come up until such time as I’m paid back in full. Are there any objections to this?”
“You’ll gain control over my vote as well, Snowcatcher. You shall be my proxy, as I won’t be available to assist in the day-to-day operations. I’ll have the paperwork drawn up as soon as we have a property purchased.” Ploomette once more picked up the phone. “If there are no further objections, I’m going to call the realtor and schedule a tour of this property.”
The realty office was closed for the day, but Ploomette left a message. With that, we were dismissed. Except for me. Once the others had gone to their temporary quarters, the duchess led me to a room in the tower reserved for the consulate’s staff. I was acting archmage, and I’d have the quarters until such time as the position was filled permanently. It hardly seemed fair, considering the others would be crammed four to a room.
Once I was sitting, Ploomette told me how much I’d be making as archmage. I quickly pledged the money to go straight toward the hotel’s mortgage – the longer I stayed in the position, the more of a dent we could make in what we owed. Unfortunately, she had no timetable for me. It might be a day, it could be a year; she was completely at the mercy of Equestria to provide her with a unicorn of sufficient talent. Unless by some strange coincidence, an archmage-level unicorn trotted through the portal looking to emigrate to Earth.
Ploomette then introduced me to another of her guards, Skyfire. She was the mare in charge of them, and was all too happy to let me know that starting at 0600 the next morning, I’d be getting a crash course in Equestrian military training. Like it or not, I was now tasked with keeping the duchess safe, and that meant learning whatever the Royal Guards deemed necessary.
When Skyfire eventually ran out of things to cover, I was left alone. First day in a new world, battling homesickness. Everypony else has company, and all I have is a big, empty room all to myself. I pulled the covers on the oversized canopy bed over my head and grabbed one of the many pillows between my forelegs to cuddle. Not the same as snuggling up to Dewey when I’m feeling lonely. I sighed as I stared at the underside of the blanket. Welcome to Earth. I hope it’s all I ever wanted.
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Why did you make Kimono a unicorn?
Nice to see the backstory keeping up the animation traditions of reusing resources.
I wonder what flavour Cherry Pies horn is. Mint Choc Chip?
After all, Everyone learns not to question it.
11061798
camo.fimfiction.net/I3z3H_mGHbKfIzSubppRYNruTCsgnmIUqGK-EVxFhq0?url=https%3A%2F%2Fimages-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com%2Ff%2F2908cd95-ef02-41e7-a303-eeeb79bd81af%2Fddodtab-0ed00c75-2bcb-4a0f-8097-46fb13b147d6.jpg%3Ftoken%3DeyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzI5MDhjZDk1LWVmMDItNDFlNy1hMzAzLWVlZWI3OWJkODFhZlwvZGRvZHRhYi0wZWQwMGM3NS0yYmNiLTRhMGYtODA5Ny00NmZiMTNiMTQ3ZDYuanBnIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmZpbGUuZG93bmxvYWQiXX0.njUcqAbcpLxMjhgWHjj8pexCZfS7T3sKNtgBv-yUagY
I'm not sure what it would taste like - I'd think a unicorn horn would be rather bony, though with her name, maybe it would be cherry-flavored?
11061493
First of all, my apologies if that broke your immersion in the story.
I think all the stories I've written to date have Kimono as a unicorn. She features in the Car Wash series, which is set here on Earth, and I thought it would be a nice nod to that series by seeing them come through the portal.
But the true answer to your question involves diving deep into my back catalog. Years ago I had a series of fics revolving around G3 characters, and almost all of them were earth ponies. So I changed a few to pegasi or unicorns to even things out. Kimono and Sparkleworks became unicorns while Sunny Daze and Skywishes became pegasi (even Hasbro made the latter a pegasus in G4). And while that series isn't canon to this story, several elements from those stories have made it into this one (including the pegasus duchy with Starcatcher & Ploomette).
The most relevant of the series would be If Wishes Came True.
I'll be releasing a story in the near future with Lolligiggle as a pegasus, even though she was an earth pony in G3. However, that's because I found an adorable vector of her as a pegasus, and I'm using it in the cover art. A teaser (though the cover image will likely change between now and then, this is the placeholder):
cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/vjvu-1637819489-503876-full
11061817
Good answer!
I really don't understand how it threw me in this story but I glossed right over it both times I read Car Wash. Kimono is one of two ponies I actually have had since long before G4, along with Crystal Slipper Princess Desert Rose, plus she lives outside of town because other ponies are morons, so I feel a certain connection with her. Anyway, if anypony could put a horn to good use, it'd be Kimono.
I wonder how Star Catcher feels about Skywishes getting promoted to wingaling pony. Certainly alters the dynamic of that relationship.
11061962
That surprises me too - she does magic in Car Wash so theoretically that should've been more jarring.
I'm jealous! I don't have either in my collection. My only G3s are a true G3 Minty with socks, and the four recent Basic Fun repops of Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Applejack. G3 is my favorite generation, so this is a thing I need to rectify one day. I'm really hoping Basic Fun does some more G3 reissues (Minty and Kimono would be no-brainers with their existing G3 earth pony mold, and I'd love if they did Starcatcher and Skywishes too).
I love that about Kimono too. One of these days I really need to follow her lead and move out of town. Kimono truly is the wisest pony in all the land. And the one most likely to survive the Minty-caused disaster of the week.
I 100% agree with Kimono making a great unicorn. She could do great things with magic.
It does, but I think it does so in a good way. Now they can go flying together. I don't think either of them would be unhappy with that development.
I just wish Starry had gotten a toy in G4. My poor G4 Skywishes is lonely without her.
Ow, the last few paragraphs hurt Q-Q
EDIT: Only 800 views? Now that's criminal, the quality of your writing and storytelling is among the best this site has to offer!
Does the Archmage's duties include using teleporting to help arrange discrete rendezvous between the Duchess and her secret lover the human pizza boy without causing any political scandals or repercussions, mayhaps? Even if none of the 16 main mares are going to go native and find a human love, it's an open possibility for Ploom or one of her retinue, right?
11062585
Thank you!
11062599
If the duchess commands the archmage to teleport her to someone's bedroom, that's very much within the scope of the archmage's job responsibilities (discretion comes with the job). And if Ploom was going to hook up with a human, I can't argue with your logic as to who (she certainly sees him enough, or rather them; she doesn't always get the same guy, or for that matter, gal, delivering). However, Ploom is chaste, and she plans on keeping it that way for the forseeable future (it's less complicated that way). In her case, who she marries is of political consequence, so she's taking a wait and see attitude on that. She'll probably end up with Ivory Tower, though she may decide to just buck expectations and hook up with Electric Slide, who's an absolute nobody from a political standpoint. Additionally, Ploom is still trying to figure out if she likes stallions or mares better and doesn't want to do anything she might eventually regret. She spent a good chunk of puberty setting up a consulate general and being an ambassador to the UN, and adding to that, she didn't exactly have a whole lot of ponies around her (and those that were there were almost exclusively female). While her coming to terms with who she is probably won't be addressed in the story (due to the rating), who she picks likely will be a plot point at a later point in the story.
While Ploom won't be doing so, I can guarantee that archmages have been/are currently/and will be used in the future for such endeavors. Remember, this is an 'E' rated story, so any potential romantic encounters will only be alluded to. Ploom also has an honor guard or Royal Guards that escort her everywhere. While she could conceivably give them the slip, one of their duties is to preserve her honor (read: 'virginity').
Human/pony romance is a thing that will happen more frequently the longer the portal remains open. First, because there will be more ponies on Earth/humans on Equus and secondly, because it gives everyone time to get over any internal biases as to what they do/don't consider attractive. But the honor of being first has already gone to Danny & Surprise.
Ploom is one of our sixteen, and she won't be hooking up with any humans, but it's certainly within the realm of possibilities for other ponies crossing the portal. I'd originally planned Plumsweet's reason for coming to Earth to be with a human penpal boyfriend, only to find that she didn't really like him like that after a few weeks of living with him. If one of our cast members were to hook up with a human, I'd say it would most likely be Plumsweet. Not only because the idea was already there, but because she's been shown to be the pony most likely to experiment. She loves to try new things. Meat? She's eaten it. TV? She's been on it. She didn't dip a hoof in the pool that's human culture so much as she jumped right into it. That said, the hotel has a policy: the mares sleep with their guests, but they don't sleep with their guests. That's a different kind of business entirely, one that they very much don't want to be confused with. What she does in her free time, (specifically off hotel property) with ponies (or humans) who are not guests of the Mareiott is at her discretion.