> 16
>  by AlwaysDressesInStyle
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Prologue
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Good evening everypony and everycreature!  I’m Snowcatcher, but you probably all know that.  If not, you might be at the wrong coronation.”  I unfurled my new wings to shocked gasps from my audience.  Oh, how I wished they were real.  What little filly doesn’t dream of being a princess, after all?  “Whoops, wrong speech.”  I used my magic to tear the paper to confetti as my magical virtual appendages faded away.  “My bad.”

I made a show of rustling some papers, pretending to look for the correct speech.  “I seem to have misplaced my speech.  I guess I’ll just have to wing it.”  I may not be a princess, but the perk of being a CEO is everypony in the room repressed the urge to groan at that.  I waited for the few polite chuckles to die down and held up a few sheets of paper in front of my face.  “This is the speech I spent days working on.”  I set it down on the podium, and instead sat down on the edge of the stage, as close to the gathered ponies as possible.  “But speeches are for audiences.  Conversations are for friends, and I’m amongst friends.  So let’s have a conversation.  None of this would be possible without friends.”  I quickly listed the names of my closest friends, coincidentally the cofounders of our company, and used my magic to shine the spotlight on each of them in turn.

“I guess it’s obvious I do things a little differently than what most ponies would consider normal.  And I thank all of you for having the confidence in me to lead us in this venture these past five years.  Which brings me to the reason I’ve called this conference in the first place.  Tomorrow marks five years since the last of the original founders ventured through the portal.  And that means we can go home… if we want to.  Otherwise we’ve got a little less than two years left on our visas, and it’s time to explore citizenship.  And that, my friends, is why I want to have a conversation instead of making a speech.  If I could ask my cofounders to join me up on the stage, please?”

One by one they rose from their seats and trotted toward me.  Fifteen of us needed to make a decision.  Ploomette, on the other hoof, had official duties on Earth, and while she was technically free to leave at any time, things were significantly more complicated than that.  As Consul General of New York City, and Equestrian Permanent Representative to the United Nations, she served by appointment.  A descendant of Commander Hurricane, she was considered a duchess, though her older sister Star Catcher held the official position in Cloudsdale.  Serving on Earth as a representative of Equestria was certainly a far better use of her talents than sitting around waiting for either a tragedy to strike or her sister’s unlikely abdication.

“We’ve had our share of ups and down in those five short years.  I certainly didn’t expect we’d reach this point when we first started a ‘hotel’ in New Jersey that could best be described as a bed & breakfast with delusions of grandeur.  It’s funny in a way.  When I was a filly, nopony expected me to amount to anything.”  I turned to the side, to show off my cutie mark.  It takes a certain amount of grace to display a cutie mark without inadvertently mooning an entire auditorium full of ponies.  It comes with practice, and it’s a skill most ponies acquire within a few days of gaining their marks after shoving their hindquarters in the faces of everypony they know.

“As you can see, I’m no wizard with stars, comets, or other astral bodies on my flank.  You know what this represents?  My special talent is that I’m really good at catching snowflakes on my tongue.  Now there’s a skill in high demand in Equestria.”  This time the laughter was genuine.  Self-deprecating humor to the rescue!  “So here I was, this little filly, and I’m thrilled to finally have my mark, you know?”  My audience was primarily comprised of ponies, and they nodded their heads.  “And it was disheartening to me how quickly the adults just dismissed it as unworthy.  So I decided I’d show them that I could be somepony.  I’m lucky to be naturally gifted with a strong field, and I trained hard to build it up even stronger.  I wanted to prove the neighsayers wrong, and I did.  I graduated first in my class at Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.  And that’s when they went from saying I’d never amount to anything to saying I could be anything I wanted.  And do you know what happened?”

I waited for the murmurs and head shakes to stop before continuing.  “I became nothing.  I had plans and goals for my future, and they were all smashed into crackly little pieces.  In the end I came to Earth as a failure.  We all have our reasons for coming here, and this is neither the time nor place to go into them, but I think it’s safe to say none of us would be here today if everything was perfect back in Equestria.  You don’t make life-changing decisions like this lightly.”  The gathered ponies nodded their heads in agreement.

“But we built something here from scratch.  We’ve weathered our fair share of storms, and we’ve succeeded against all odds.  Our success is just that: our success.  Not my success, though many seem quick to assign it to me.  We’re a team, and we’re strongest when we’re all together.  I don’t mean that literally, as in all of us in the same room as we are now, but figuratively with everybody on the same page working towards the same goals.”

I stomped my hooves to show my appreciation for all their efforts, then waited for the round of applause to die down before continuing.  “And that’s why you’re all here.  My cofounders and I have a lot of discussing to do, but whatever we decide is going to impact all of us.  Will we stay here on Earth?  If we stay, now that our five years are up, we can go back to Equestria any time we want.  So there’s that.  I’m not going to lie, I miss my family and friends back home.  And yet I’d miss all of you if I returned to Equestria.  I admit, I’m torn.  I haven’t made my decision yet.  If any of us decide to return to Equestria permanently, there are going to be vacancies that need to be filled.  And that’s why this is a conference instead of a private meeting between just the cofounders.  What we decide effects all of us.  Of course, while we go have that private meeting, the rest of you are free to enjoy all the amenities of The Hotels Horsey: Montreal.”

There was even more applause for that, of course.  It was the newest location in the chain, and I absolutely adored it.  The history!  The culture!  The snow!  Especially that last one.  I'd spared no expense making this the ultimate resort for winter lovers the world over.  With a team of trained pegasi on staff, the temperature outside would continue to stay right below the freezing mark on the hotel's property, and there'd always be adequate snow cover for skiing, sledding, and the like.  And any time I feel like running out of my office and catching a few snowflakes on my tongue, nopony's going to stop me.

I’d wanted to build in Aspen, but even with our successes, I couldn’t justify the expense.  Failing there would drag the whole chain down with it.  It was a completely unacceptable risk, so I settled for my second choice.  Well, third choice, honestly.  But Antarctica has a surprisingly slow tourist trade so I never seriously considered it.  Maybe I can figure out a way to retire there when the time comes.  Right now though, I’ve got business to discuss.  “Come on, everypony.  Let’s go to one of the conference rooms.  The sooner we get this all over with, the sooner we can get out there and join the rest of friends in enjoying ourselves.”

The others followed me down the hall to the conference room I’d specifically designed for meetings with all sixteen of us.  It was the first time any of my friends had seen this room, and I took delight in watching their jaws drop one at a time.  Specially designed chairs, personalized with the owner’s cutie mark, were just the start.  Even without the chairs, it was blatantly obvious where everypony was supposed to sit.  I’d had the walls decorated to best represent all of us.  The wall immediately surrounding the entrance to the room was the same color blue as my coat.  Decorating this section was a snowy landscape, showing all of us enjoying ourselves frolicking in a winter wonderland.

I took my seat at the head of the table and watched my friends as they trickled into the room.  As fascinated as they all were, it took some time for everypony to settle down.  “Regardless of what we decide today, I’ve dedicated this conference room to all of us, and to the business we started.  But mostly to our friendship.  No matter what happens, we founded this chain and no one can ever take away our accomplishments.  A wise mare once said that friends are the family you choose.  And I consider you all my sisters.  At the same time, I know we all have friends and family back in Equestria that we miss tremendously.  Five years is a long time to go without seeing loved ones.”

I slid a hat to the center of the table.  “If everypony would be so kind as to drop their answers into the hat.”  I always insisted on them coming up with their answers in advance.  Mostly because it forces everypony to have their own opinions instead of parroting whatever I say.  We're a herd species and nopony wants to be the odd one out.  Of course I can’t say that out loud.

In theory, typed responses should give everypony a degree of privacy, but in practice it was surprisingly easy to know who wrote what.  I could probably guess by the words and phrasing, but instead every single one of my friends had made it easy for me by picking a different font that had remained constant over the years.  And that served all of us fine.  There was no point in hiding this answer, anyway.  The first response I looked at was in the default MS Word font, Calibri.  That had to be Dewdrop Dazzle.  Hearts over the i’s & j’s?  Care Bear Family was my chosen font, as well as Flitterheart’s.  Of course, I already knew my answer, so I knew this was hers.  Comic Sans?  That could only be Cherry Pie, and a quick scan of her response raised my eyebrows.  I was usually pretty good at predicting the responses of my friends, but this certainly wasn’t the answer I was expecting.  I reread it, just to make sure.

My friends have spoken, and it’s time to let the chips fall where they may…
> Act I: Cherry Pie
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Canterlot: twelve years, six months, and thirteen days ago


Why are Mommy and Daddy walking so fast?  There are so many cool things to see!  Oh, and hear!  And touch! And smell!  Oh, whatever that is smells so good!  I want to taste it!  I chomped on Mommy’s tail to get her attention.

“What is it, Cherry Pie?”

“What’s that smell? It smells so good!”

“That’s the bakery, dear.”

“Can we go in? Please, Mommy?”

Mommy sighed.  Mommy does that a lot.  It makes her face all wrinkly so she should really stop doing that.

“Maybe another day.”

“But I wanna go in now!”

“Of course you do, but right now we really need to get to your first day of school.”

I don’t know what a school is, nor do I really care. Whatever it is I’m smelling is more important!  So I let go of Mommy’s tail and ran into the store with the delicious smells.  I stuck my snout in the air and sniffed.  There! Whatever that is, I must eat it! I pressed my nose against the glass, desperate to take in a whiff.

Mommy’s aura grabbed my tail and started pulling me back out the door, but I fought it, galloping as hard as my little legs would go.  Mommy was winning the battle inch by inch, but I made her work for it.  It only took a few seconds of struggling for her to enter the store and pick me up by the scruff of my neck, but I looked longingly at the pastry that had caught my fancy.  It was a cherry pie, my namesake.  And it smelled far better than anything Mommy had ever made.






Dodge Junction: ten years, two months, and seventeen days ago


I stared out the window as the train slowed to a stop.  At first the scenery had been interesting, but we’d been traveling through scrub country for hours.  We’d travelled halfway across Equestria for the Cherry family’s yearly reunion.  The initial excitement of the journey had worn off during the train ride that had taken up most of the day.  Now I was bored.

Daddy hadn’t joined us, so it was just Mommy and me trudging from the rail depot to Cherry Jubilee’s farm in Dodge Junction.  We were tired from the long trip.  I picked up the pace as I caught a whiff of the cherries on the trees, fatigue instantly forgotten as excitement coursed through my veins.  I kicked up clods of dirt from the path as I raced down the road to the farm, Mommy struggling to keep up behind me.

We arrived just in time for the Cherry family dinner.  Auntie Cherry Jubilee welcomed us with a smile, then herded us to the dinner table. Or rather, tables.  With so many Cherry family members present, multiple tables had been set up.

While the adults discussed their plans for the upcoming harvest, I sat at the foals table with my cousins.  I wasn’t the only unicorn – there was also a brown filly with pink and red hair by the name of Cherry Spices.  The others were all earth ponies; a green colt with yellow and red mane named Fresh Cherries, Sweet Sakura, a pastel pink filly with a cherry blossom cutie mark, and Cherrywood, a white colt with tan hair and a cherry tree cutie mark.  I was jealous of my two cousins who’d already managed to earn their cutie marks, but mine would come someday too.  With luck, before next year’s gathering.

Cherrywood was the oldest and he took charge of our table, pretending he was an adult and pledging to keep the rest of us ‘in line’.  The instant he said that, it was like the rest of us all came to the exact same decision at the same time – we’d make him eat those words.

It was Fresh Cherries who made the first move, picking up his cherry cobbler and throwing it at Cherrywood.  I didn’t see who fired next, because suddenly I was wearing my namesake, cherry pie.  Somepony was going for irony.  I licked my lips.  Delicious irony.

I wasn’t about to let that go unpunished.  I had no idea who’d hit me, so I levitated my cherry juice in my aura and whirled it around the table, soaking everypony.  I lost my grip on the glass in my wobbly magic when somepony hit me with a cherry tart.  It smashed to the table, shattering.

It was loud enough to attract the attention of the adults at the other tables.

“Who’s going to clean up this mess?”  Cherry Jubilee tried glaring at all of us, but the amusement in her eyes gave her away – she was trying hard not to laugh.

Four hooves pointed at Cherrywood.

Auntie Jubilee nodded. “Such is the problem with responsibility, Cherrywood.  You took ownership of keeping your younger cousins in line and failed to do so.  So cleaning up will also be your responsibility.”

The rest of us giggled.

“And the four of you can help him.”

We groaned in unison..






Dodge Junction: ten years, two months, and sixteen days ago


We woke at dawn the next morning.  This was a vacation – a working vacation.  The family reunion conveniently coincided with harvest.

After breakfast, Auntie Jubilee divvied out chores to the adults, all of whom disappeared into the orchard immediately after receiving their assignments. 

That left my cousins and I as the only ponies not doing anything important.  Instead, we were playing in a neglected part of the orchard. It was an eerie area with scraggily trees that had seen better days, and was the perfect spooky setting with Nightmare Night approaching.

We ran to-and-fro, Cherry Spices doing her best impression of an evil sorcerer.  Her magic was stronger than mine, so I joined my cousins in running away from her.  I felt her magic grab my leg.

“Eh-heh-heh!  I’ve got you now!”  She laughed evilly.  “I shall turn you into a newt.  No, a toad. Wait, even better!  I shall turn you into… Kumquat Pie!”

“Noooooo!  Lemme go!”  Cherry Spices dragged me closer to her as I kicked and wailed for my cousins to leap to my rescue.

Sweet Sakura and Fresh Cherries each grabbed onto one of my legs, and Cherrywood chomped onto my tail. All three of the earth ponies dug their hooves into the ground and stopped my eminent ‘doom’.

Cherry Spices was sweating as her corona flared.  Suddenly, all four of us were sliding towards her.  But she was struggling and the trio of earth ponies started tugging me in the opposite direction.  Suddenly what had been fun was starting to hurt.  “Ouch!  Time out!”

As one, everypony stopped.

I stood up on shaky legs. “Tug-of-war isn’t fun when I’m the rope.”

My squeal had attracted Aunt Jubilee’s attention.  She looked down at all of us.  “And what are you mischievous foals up to, hmn?”

“Just playing!”  I pointed to Cherry Spices.  “She was gonna turn me into Kumquat Pie!”

Cherry Spices let out a cackling laugh.  “I would’ve gotten away with it to, if not for my meddling cousins.  And that dog over there.”  She pointed and we all turned to look, but there was no dog anywhere.

When we turned back she was gone.

“Muhahahahaha! There’s no escape from the Wicked Sorcerer of the Cherry Orchard!”

Auntie Jubilee stamped in approval.  “Quite the flair for the dramatic!  Do we have a future actress in our midst?”

“Nah.”  Cherry Spices reappeared and shook her head.  “It’s fun to play pretend, but it’s a lot of work to act. I was a background pony in the school play a few months ago and all those practice sessions where I didn’t do anything but stand around were so boring.”

“Practice makes perfect, as they say.  All things in life take time, my dear little ponies.  That said, I have a special task for the five of you.”

My ears perked up and my tail wagged.

“This section of the orchard has been… shall we say, unproductive, for many years.  The trees here are dead and we’ll be cutting them down during the offseason.  To make our job easier, I want you to collect as many dead branches as you can from the ground and add them to a pile right here.”  She scuffed her hoof in the dirt, making a giant ‘x’ on the ground.  She turned to Cherry Spices and I.  “As for the two of you, grab as many branches from the trees as you can with your magic.  It’ll make it easier to fell the trees.”  She looked at all of us.  “But most importantly of all, have fun!”

Thus encouraged, we made a game of it and started singing a foalhood classic.  “One, two, nail my shoe.  Three, four, close the door.  Five, six… pick up sticks!  Seven, eight, shut the gate.  Nine, ten, do it again!”

Cherry Spices’ magic was stronger than mine, and she had an easier time stripping the twigs from the dead trees.  She could pull down thicker, sturdier branches than I could, so I helped her by guiding them with my magic, preventing them from hitting anypony.

With the persistence of youth, we kept at the task, singing our silly song until it was lunchtime.  We enjoyed an assortment of cherry dishes while Auntie Jubilee inspected our work.

After lunch we galloped outside to see if we’d impressed Auntie Jubilee.  She was waiting for us, a smile plastered on her face.  “That’s an impressive pile of sticks.  Now, let’s do something with them.”

We all looked at her expectantly.

“Your next task is to find a nice, sturdy tree.  These trees may be dead, but they could stay standing for decades if we let them. We’re going to leave one of them up, so we can build a clubhouse for all the Cherry family foals.  When you’ve found the right tree, then you’ll come back here and sort out the thickest, sturdiest branches to use as building materials.”

“Yay!”  We cheered and scattered through the orchard, each of us hoping to earn bragging rights for finding the best tree.

We each dragged Auntie Jubilee to our picks, and Cherrywood’s was the biggest and strongest of the lot.  With a cherry tree as his cutie mark, it was fitting and not particularly surprising. Auntie Jubilee looked up at it with a sad smile.  “Ah yes, this is…was Mirada.  Mirada grew big and strong, and was always one of our best yielding trees.  You couldn’t have made a better choice.”  She patted Mirada’s trunk.

With a tree selected, we bounded back to the pile of sticks and brought the best ones over to Mirada. We returned to find that Auntie Jubilee and most of the other adults standing next to a pile of boards.

“Looks like we found some more wood while all y’all were gone.”

We spent the rest of the afternoon building a treehouse.  






Canterlot: nine years, eight months, sixteen days ago


The kitchen was a mess. All my attempts to clean it had only made things worse.  Mommy’s probably going to tan my hide the instant she gets home, but it’ll all be worth it.  I think I’ve finally hit the right combination of ingredients, because this pie smells amazing.  If it tastes half as good as it smells, I’ll get my cutie mark for sure!

I had to keep reminding myself that a watched pot never boils.  Not that I’m boiling the pie, because that would just be silly, but Mommy says the saying means it takes longer for something to happen if you’re standing there watching it the whole time. So a watched oven doesn’t cook?  Blah, something something, something or other.  So I’m not very good with words.  Words are boring.  You know what else is boring?  Watching this oven!  Come on, pie, bake already!  It’s been ten whole seconds since I last looked!  That’s gotta be enough time!

The squeak of the front door opening threw a wrench into my plans.  “Uh-oh.”  Mommy’s home.  Saying that the kitchen was wrecked was putting it nicely.  She’s going to have a fit.

“Hi sweetie, I’m home.” She sniffed.  “Whatever you’re making smells delicious.”

“Hi Mommy!”  I dashed out of the kitchen and threw my forelegs around hers.  “I made a pie for you!”  So that’s a little bit of a fib.  I made the pie because my name’s Cherry Pie and this has to be my destiny and I want my cutie mark.  But Mommy can help eat it.  So that means it’s kinda for her, right?  I don’t like fibbing.  Fibbing is what bad ponies do and I don’t want to ever be a bad pony.

My attempt to block Mommy from entering the kitchen and seeing the mess I made failed miserably. She’s bigger, stronger, and knows me too well to be fooled that easily. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve tried making pies…  Though it is the first time the results could be considered edible.

The timer dinged and we both looked at the oven.  Saved by the bell!  Er, timer.  Or something like that.  If I ever decide to write the story of my life I’m paying somepony else to write it for me.  The pie appeared to be ready.  It also looked and smelled perfect.  Yes!  I finally made it right!  Wait, I shouldn’t celebrate until I try it.  I levitated the pie out of the oven with my magic.  My mana flickered a bit, but held firm, and the pie was gently deposited on the table to cool.

Mommy and I sat at the table, staring at the pie.  Well, I was staring, while Mommy was critiquing it.  “It certainly smells delicious.  Looks good too, though your lattices could certainly be straighter.”

She was right, of course. I’ve gotta work on that.

There was one last thing that was missing.  As soon as the pie was cool enough, I topped it with a cherry.  A little something extra to set my pies apart from all the rest. A signature of sorts.

The lights flickered for a moment, but I paid them no heed.  The pie was baked, the power could fail now and I wouldn’t even care.

“Looks like you got your cutie mark.”

Oh!  So that wasn’t a flickering lamp.  “Yay!” I turned around, craning my neck to see my rump.  That wasn’t as easy as it sounds, and Mommy giggling at my antics certainly didn’t help matters much.

“It’s a nice cherry pie. It’s a good thing you got your mark in baking, otherwise you’d be earning it in kitchen cleaning.”

I cringed.  I knew that was coming sooner or later.

“But since your talent is for baking, I guess I’ll just have to help you clean.”






Canterlot: seven years, two months, and three days ago (takes place during Season 9, episodes 24/25: The Ending of the End)


There wasn’t much in the way of open space in Canterlot.  I suppose that was the downside to building a city on the side of a mountain.  Homes in town tended not to have much in the way of yards, and parks were few and far between.  So to entertain ourselves, my friends and I played tag in the streets, racing up and down the cobblestone roads and weaving in and out of the ponies and carts to avoid being tagged ‘it’.

Sparkly Stars and I dashed down the main thoroughfare, Cosmic Dreams hot on our hooves.  We split an oncoming wagon, Sparkly dodging right, while I veered left.  Had our friend Feather Duster been there, she would’ve just flown over it.

I turned to Sparkly as we started running alongside one another.  “Where’s Feather?”

“You didn’t hear?  Her parents got fired by the nobles they were working for and they left town.  I can’t blame them.  I mean, who wants pegasi living with them, am I right?  We’re better off without that dirty cheater mucking up our games, anyway.”

Sparkly’s venomous words took me by surprise and I stumbled.  It was enough for Cosmic to catch me and tag me.  “You’re it!”  Cosmic turned tail and ran back in the direction we’d just come, but Sparkly was still just ahead of me – it would be easier to tag her than it would be to turn around and chase after Cosmic.

Besides, it would give me a chance to continue our conversation.  “You don’t really believe all that unicorn superiority nonsense, do you?”

“Why wouldn’t I? Unicorns are inherently better than mudponies and feathered barbarians.”

“But what about the windigos and the spirit of Hearth’s Warming?”

“You really believe that old mare’s tale?  Look around you, Cherry.  Canterlot was built by unicorns.”  She stopped galloping and tapped a hoof on the nearest building.  “Solid stone.  That’s a proper building material, unlike clouds.”

Cosmic finally realized nopony was chasing her, and caught up with us.  “What’s the holdup?”

“Cherry’s a pegasus sympathizer.”

“Really?”

“I didn’t say that!  I was just asking about Feather Duster. You know, our friend?”

“She’s not our friend.”

“She used to be!”

“We were young. Mistakes were made.”

“Yeah, Cherry, I know you’re a softie, but listen to Sparkly an’ me.  Feather Duster and them other pegasi are nothin’ but trouble.”

“Okay, I believe you. I was just asking.”

“You’re still it!” Sparkly took off running, Cosmic right behind her.

That was a lot to take in. We’d all grown up with one another. Living in the working class part of the city, none of our parents were rich.  We’d all started hanging out with one another because we were at the bottom of the income-based Canterlot hierarchy.  We might not have had much, but at least we had each other.  I’d just found out I’d lost one of my best friends, and was seriously considering cutting my losses with the other two.  I didn’t put a lot of effort into trying to catch either Sparkly or Cosmic.

Up ahead a cart exploded into flames and was tossed aside.  Sparkly and Cosmic crashed into each other trying to avoid the wreckage. I came to a stop and watched, horrified, as a pink alicorn marched up the street, Royal Guards futilely clinging to her hooves.

Sparkly Stars and Cosmic Dreams ran off in the other direction and I tried to follow them, but tripped in my haste.  To my surprise the alicorn reached out with her magic and propped me back on my hooves.

“Your new empress appreciates your bow, loyal subject.”

She paid me no further heed, and I took a good look at this mysterious pony as she continued marching towards the castle.  She was about my age, with curly blue hair and a rook cutie mark.

I ran home and hid under my bed until the all clear came hours later.






Canterlot: six years, eight months, thirteen days ago


Feather Duster and I sat on a bench in the castle’s statue garden.  The graffiti-covered statue of the so-called Legion of Doom was to our right.

A lot had changed in the wake of their rampage through Canterlot.  Ponies had come together with each other and the various other sapient races to defeat them.  Friendship and cooperation had saved the day once again, and everypony was quick to forgive one another for things said months earlier.

Feather Duster’s parents were rehired by the noble family they’d worked for, and she went from being ‘one of my friends’ to ‘my best friend’ as I tried to distance myself from Sparkly and Cosmic.  Dusty might be able to forgive the things they’d said about her, but it still rubbed me the wrong way that they could buy into unicorn supremacist propaganda so easily, and that they’d tried to sell that load of manure to me too.

“Bit for your thoughts.”

I chuckled.  “That’s overpaying for these thoughts, Dusty.”

“You’re still obsessing over what happened six months ago, aren’t you?”

“Can you blame me?  If you’d only heard the things they were saying about you.”

“And you should have heard the things the pegasi were saying about unicorns.  Ponies are a herd species, Cherry.  Everypony tries to conform with the herd, it’s some sort of convoluted survival trait.”

“That may very well be, but as individuals we all know better.  The fact that so many ponies were quick to abandon the very core basics of equinity bothers me.”

Dusty nodded.  “And what was the reaction Sparkly and Cosmic had to you trying to stick up for me?”

“They tried to cast me out, too.”

“Like I said, we’re a herd species.  An individual is vulnerable, while the group is safe.  Conform to the groupthink, or be at the mercy of the world’s predators on your own.” 

“That’s the thing, Dusty. I met the apex predator.  I was at her mercy.  And she picked me up off the ground and walked away.”  I turned to look at the pegasus part of the statue. “Cozy Glow had me dead to rights and she didn’t hurt me.  A pegasus. When even the unicorns in town had turned their backs on me.”

Dusty shrugged.  “She and Chrysalis are the ones who started the hate propaganda in the first place.  Twilight traced the rumors back to them.”

“They used hate as a tool, and in doing so demonstrated exactly how fragile the peace between the tribes really is, even thousands of years removed from the first Hearth’s Warming. It bothers me that all it takes to get our entire society to self-destruct are whispers and lies.”

“That’s deep.  And more than a little messed up, yet I can’t refute any of it.  What I can say is what’s in the past is in the past.  Forgive Sparkly and Cosmic and move on.  Regardless of what they said about me, they’ve been nothing but nice to me since I got back.  And maybe, stop thinking about things so much.  Everypony has learned from this, and we’ll never see anything like that ever again.”

I sighed and nodded.  Dusty’s a good friend, but not exactly the pony I should be having deep philosophical conversations with.  “I just wish I could be as sure as you are that this is the last time we’ll ever see something like this.”






Dodge Junction: six years, two months, and thirteen days ago


Thankfully, I knew exactly who I could talk to about the questions burning through my mind – I just needed to be patient. 

At harvest time, Mom and I made our yearly pilgrimage to the cherry orchards, while Dad made his normal excuse about work being too busy for him to take off.  For two weeks it was all hooves on deck, and Cherries from across Equestria descended upon Dodge Junction to collect the harvest.

The hardest part was catching my aunt alone.  I didn’t want anypony else overhearing this conversation.  She delighted in spending time with her nieces and nephews, so I knew it was only a matter of time until I had her attention.  But could she make time to talk to me solo?

With every passing year there were younger foals to meet.  Us older fillies and colts were given more responsibilities, mostly looking after the younger ones.  We also had the run of the clubhouse, which was really nice.  We’d helped build it, after all, and Aunt Jubilee was insistent that we use it as our ‘base of operations’ whenever we were on the farm. Probably to keep us from being underhoof.

Cherrywood and Cherry Spices were old enough to help with the real chores, so it fell to Fresh Cherries, Sweet Sakura, and myself to keep the youngest members of the Cherry herd in line.  It was a lot of responsibility, and now I understood how disappointed Cherrywood felt when we started that food fight at dinner years earlier.  The actions of our younger cousins reflected on us as well. If they were well-behaved, it made us look good, but when they misbehaved we took the fall right along with them.

Of course, they liked misbehaving because the little brats enjoyed seeing us get in trouble.  Just like we had when we were their age.  I sighed.  They’ll regret this in a few years when it’s their turn to keep an eye on the foals but that doesn’t help me now. 

Guignolet launched herself off the treehouse’s balcony while I was distracted.  That wouldn’t have concerned me if she were a pegasus, but the Cherry family was distinctly lacking in that particular tribe.  My corona flared as I galloped to the railing. I caught her in my magic before I could even see over the edge.  When I looked, I saw her floating above Cherry Jubilee, who waved at me.

“Shucks, I was gonna catch her, but I’m glad to see you’re on the ball keeping an eye on the youngin’s.”

I exhaled.  “She about gave me a heart attack.”

“You get used to it. Foals get into all kinds of mischief. Like food fights.”

I blushed as she reminded me of past transgressions.

“How you doing, sweetie? It’s been a while since we last chatted.”

I scraped a hoof on the floor.  I finally had my aunt’s attention and I was tongue-tied.  “Just puzzled over some things.”

She chuckled.  “You’re at that age, all right.  Plenty to be confused about right now, but it’ll all start to make sense in a few years.  You’ll find your place in the world eventually.  Did you ever wonder why I hire outside labor to work the orchard all year, when you can see there are plenty of family members who could do the job?”

I nodded.

“Every pony has their own unique interests and personality.  I encourage that – I want everypony to go out and do what makes them happy.  Your mother, for example, married a city slicker and moved to Canterlot.  She was never happy on the farm.  She may be my older sister, but we both knew I was going to inherit the farm from our folks.  I have the talent, and earth pony magic to back it up.  She doesn’t.  She’s got a horn instead – there aren’t too many unicorns in the Cherry family tree, and bless their hearts, I don’t think our parents knew exactly what to do with her. She found her own place in the world, and I must say she’s been an inspiration to me.  I look at her as a success story in her own right – she was lost and found herself, just like you will someday.”  She tousled my mane.  “There’s always a place for you here on the farm, but I don’t think this is what would make you happy for the rest of your days.”

I shook my head – I might not know where my place in the world was just yet, but I did know where it wasn’t, and she was right.  I wasn’t a farmhoof, and no amount of trying was ever going to make me one.

“But you’ve got family here, and family sticks together, even when we drive each other crazy. Like your father, for example.  I bet he gave you some lame excuse about why he couldn’t come with you this year.  The same excuses he makes every year, right?”

I nodded.

“He’s not allowed on the farm ‘til after harvest.  Nice enough pony, but he’s about as useful as an aphid infestation.  Bless his heart, he tries hard.  Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen somepony try as hard as he did.  But he’s not an earth pony, so he has no connection to the land.  He doesn’t have cherries in his blood like you and your mother do.  He hasn’t been back to the farm since… the incident.”

“What happened?”

She said nothing, but pointed to the unused section of the orchard filled with stumps – the trees my cousins and I had helped strip of dead branches years earlier.  Some of the stumps had been pulled, but no real effort had been put into the land.  I could tell the stumps were a low priority, something that was done when there was nothing else worth doing.  On a farm, that was rare.

“Oh.”

“I still can’t get anything to grow there.  It’s like I was saying – everypony has their talents. Your father contributes to society in his own way, but he’ll never be a cherry farmer.  If nothing else, he’s made my sister very happy, and given me an adorable niece I get to see a few times a year.”  She nuzzled me.

“I love you too, Aunt Jubilee.”

“Anything else on your mind, kiddo?  Time’s short, I’m afraid.”

“Well…”  I scraped a hoof in the dirt.  “Some things happened in Canterlot last year.”

She chuckled.  “That’s an understatement.”

“I don’t understand something.  Cozy Glow was right in front of me, and there I was, terrified and shaking in my horseshoes. I’d tripped while I was running away from her and she just picked me up with her magic and thanked me for bowing to her.  Then she continued on toward the castle, guards clinging to her futilely.  She could’ve hurt me, or stolen my magic, but she didn’t.”

“I’d be grateful for that, if I were you.”

“I am, I definitely am. But I’m trying to figure out why.”

“With that crafty filly, there ain’t no telling.  Maybe she really did think your stumble was a bow.  Admittedly, that’s the kinda thing that would appeal to an ego the size of hers. Maybe she thought that by showing you kindness, you could be her backup plan in case things went poorly for her, so you could do like you’re doing now, and questioning her motives.  Or maybe it’s because you’ve got a horn, but don’t have wings to go with it.  She was probably a might too focused on the alicorns to worry about a little unicorn filly.”

“So you don’t think she has any good inside her?”

“Of course she has good inside of her.  Everypony in Equestria has good in ‘em, just like everypony has ill in ‘em too.  She made her choices and she’s paying the price for them.  Maybe someday the princesses will give her another chance, but we’ll both be long dead and buried before that happens.  I wouldn’t worry too much about it.  The princesses have been ruling for a long time.  Ain’t no point in second guessing them.”

“Thank you.  I needed to have this conversation.”

“No problem.”  She nuzzled me.  “Now I got a question of my own.  You meet any nice colts yet?”

“Uh, not yet.”  I shifted uncomfortably.  “Don’t you think I’m a little young to be worrying about such things?”

“One of these years you’re going to want to talk to me about all the things you can’t talk to your parents about.”  She looked me up and down.  “If y’all ain’t interested in boys yet, it won’t be much longer.  Then you’ll be talkin’ my ears off about how great your coltfriend is.  Or maybe fillyfriend – don’t think you have to find yourself a colt just to please Auntie Jubilee.  If your heart leads you to a mare, you follow it.  If y’all want to stay single, that’s okay too, but I’ll warn ya in advance – life’s a lonely road when you’re all alone.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”






Canterlot: six years, one month, and eight days ago


Mom and I had been back from Dodge Junction for almost a month when I finally decided to approach Dad about what Aunt Jubilee had told me.  Mom was out getting her hooves polished, so I waited until Dad was done reading the newspaper to start up a conversation.

It used to be so easy to talk to my parents, but it seemed it was more difficult as I got older.  I was unsure of the best way to bring up this topic – I wasn’t sure there even was a good way to do so.  So I tried the direct approach.  I sat in front of his favorite easy chair and once I had his attention I just blurted it out. “What did you do to Aunt Jubilee’s orchard?”

“Uh, so you finally found out about my darkest secret.”  Dad blushed. “Your mother and I were still newlyweds at the time – believe it or not, that was our honeymoon.  Cherry Jubilee lets the family do what they want for the rest of the year, but she calls everypony home every year for harvest.  She does a marvelous job managing the farm… and I wish I’d realized that back then.  But I was young and stupid, and from Canterlot.  You know that superior attitude so many ponies around here have?  That if a pony isn’t from Canterlot, they aren’t worthy?  I wasn’t as bad as others, but I had some of that thinking too.  I just… I just thought I could do it better.  I couldn’t.”

“What happened?”

“I had all kinds of plans drawn up, and none of them worked.  I was looking mighty foolish in front of my new bride and I got desperate. Two salesponies found me in town one day that week, and they told me all about this new miracle fertilizer they were selling.  They had apples for cutie marks, and they were unicorns, so I thought they knew better. I just wanted to contribute so badly I was willing to try anything.  Turns out the only thing that was really fertilizer was the word of those two no-good scammers.  I trusted them because they were unicorns, and I’d been told ‘unicorns are smarter than earth ponies’ so many times growing up here in Canterlot that I actually believed it.  Not my proudest moment, I admit.  I don’t know if Flim and Flam are smarter than earth ponies, but they certainly outsmarted this unicorn.  Whatever chemicals were in the ‘fertilizer’ they gave me killed an entire section of orchard before your aunt stopped me.  How is that section doing these days, anyway?  All those years since I was last there, and your mother has never told me.”

“Eh… it’s doing better. Much better.”  That wasn’t a complete fabrication.  Pulled stumps are certainly an improvement over dead trees.

“Good to hear.  But maybe you can learn something from my mistakes. We all make mistakes, and you’ll make plenty of your own, so there’s no sense repeating those made by your dear old dad.  First, just because we’re unicorns living in Canterlot, we don’t know everything.  Second, don’t try to impress other ponies, especially when you’re not in your own area of expertise.  There’s an old saying about pride going before a fall.  Actions have consequences, and something to keep in mind is those consequences don’t only effect you.  I deserved to be shown up.  Cherry Jubilee didn’t deserve to have part of her farm ruined for years to come by an ignorant unicorn.”

I nodded.

“I’ve been too embarrassed to go back, and your aunt won’t let me anywhere near the farm during harvest. Can’t say I blame her one bit.”

“Me either.”

“But on the bright side, I guess I won’t have to make up reasons why I won’t be joining you for your annual pilgrimage anymore.”  He chuckled. “As embarrassed as I am, I hate fibbing to you even more.”

I nuzzled him.  “You tried your best, and you recognize that your talents are elsewhere.”

“Thanks.”  He nuzzled me back and maybe all wasn’t right in the world, but at least everything was right in our living room.  “That’s also why you get to take two vacations every year, young filly.  You work hard with your mom on the farm, then you get to play someplace exotic.”

“Baltimare, Las Pegasus, and Chicoltgo aren’t all that exotic, Dad.”

“Maybe next year we’ll go up to the Crystal Empire.  Is that exotic enough?”

I nodded.  “That would be awesome!”



Canterlot: five years, six months, twelve days ago


With singlemindedness my classmates were quick to make fun of, I dedicated my summer vacation to the exploration of every bakery in Canterlot.  My quest was simple: to find the best cherry pie in the city.  My goal would be harder: once I found the best, I had to improve my recipe until mine was better.

I visited eight different bakeries each day, purchasing a cherry pie from each.  Or in the case of Filly Creek Cupcakes, I bought a cherry cupcake since they didn’t offer pies on the menu.  And since there was no way I could eat eight pies on my own, I shared with my friends and family in exchange for their opinions on which ones they liked best.

That came with its own set of consequences.  My own preference for tart pies wasn’t shared by most of my focus group.  Thankfully, that was an easily solved problem.  Why limit myself to one type of cherry pie?  I’d already planned on offering a range of cherry desserts, and there was no reason I couldn’t offer variations catering to the various tastes of my customers.  There’s more than one type of cherry, after all!

Three days in, twenty-three pies and one cupcake taste tested.  Surprisingly, the cupcake not only held its own, it was leading the way. It was far and away the best of the sweet desserts I’d tried, and I even preferred it to more than half the tart pies I’d tasted to date.  Not that there were many of those to pick from.

I had enough of a sample that it was time to experiment.  I rarely made sweet cherry pies, but now I had a target to meet or beat. I gathered my ingredients, opting for black cherries and enough sugar to make my dentist cringe.  My first attempt was a failure.  So were my second and third attempts.  The fourth time I ended up with something edible, and the fifth was competitive with the best sweet cherry pies I’d tried.  I had Dad try a slice – Mom and I were blood members of the Cherry family, while he’d married into it.  As such, he preferred the sweet pies to the tart ones.

“This is really good. Could be just a little bit sweeter though.”

Oh Dad, you wouldn’t say that if you knew how much sugar was already in there.  Then again, my competition is likely dumping even more sugar in their pies than I am. “Thanks, Dad, I’ll keep tweaking it.” Maybe if I try blending a few different types of cherries…  I grabbed several different types of cherries and put them out on the counter.  I ate a cherry, slowly, savoring the flavor, then washed it down with water to cleanse my palate.  I repeated the process with the other cherries, taking note of the subtle nuances of their respective flavors.  

Satisfied, I selected the cherry with the blandest flavor.  I had a hunch that the key to making the perfect sweet cherry pie involved it having only the faintest hint of cherry.  I sighed.  These ponies don’t like cherries, they like sugar.  I also added a pinch of cinnamon to further mask the cherry taste.

I sat there in the kitchen, keeping an eye on the oven.  An undercooked pie could be put back into the oven, but an overcooked pie was ruined. Normally I savored the smell of cherries as the pies baked, but there was only the barest whiff of cherry in the air. Is this what they mean by ‘selling out’?






Canterlot: seven months, two days ago


Finally, the big day! I’d spent my entire college savings on it, but my bakery was ready for business!  Cherry Pie’s Cherry Pies wasn’t the most imaginative name, but it was easy to remember.  The best cherry pies bits can buy!  I should write that down so I remember to make that my slogan.

In addition to pies, I had a wide range of cherry desserts available, everything from cherry cobblers to cherry cheesecakes.  Sadly, I’d never had a shred of luck making apple pies or any other baked goods sans cherries.  Once the bits start rolling in, I’ll hire another baker to better compete with the other bakeries in town.

I couldn’t afford the rent on any of the buildings on one of the main thoroughfares, so instead I’d settled for a side street.  It didn’t get as much traffic as I would’ve liked, and while I was well aware of the old adage ‘location, location, location’, there was only so much I could do with such limited funds.

I just need to make enough these first few weeks to afford a little advertising in the Canterlot newspapers.  Despite all this unsold inventory, I’m sure I can manage that.

I’d been overly enthusiastic about the grand opening, and my optimism had resulted in a surplus. Rather than tossing them out, I opted instead to pass them out as free samples after closing for the night.  With no budget for billboards or even flyers, word of mouth advertising was my best friend.






Canterlot: five months, twenty days ago


My bakery was sparsely decorated – my budget hadn’t allowed for anything extravagant.  A few paintings of cherries hung on the walls, along with a map of Cherry Jubilee’s orchard.  A half dozen small circular tables were set near the window, offering a view of the hustle and bustle of the city.

Cherry Pie’s Cherry Pies had only been open a little over a month, but I’d already attracted some regular customers that I could count on seeing on a near daily basis.  One of them, an elderly pegasus stallion with a blue coat and rain cloud cutie mark was sitting at his usual table.  Whatever colors his mane and tail had once been had faded to grayscale, but he still had most of his hair.  Every day he’d sit and read the paper while enjoying a slice of cherry pie.  His tastes in dessert were similar to mine – he enjoyed his pie as tart as possible to truly savor the flavor.

Like most days since I’d opened, business was slow.  I refilled his coffee mug, then pulled up a chair and sat across the table from him. “Anything new and exciting, Stormy Night?”

“I’m still breathing. That’s excitement enough for me.”

“I could stand a little more excitement.”  I motioned around to the nearly empty bakery.

“You mean business, not excitement.  Excitement is when things go wrong, like when that Storm King fella invaded.  You want more business, find a new line of work.”

“What do you mean?”

“Canterlot’s got more than enough bakeries, and I guarantee yours will never catch on.”

“Why not?”

“Because I like it and that’s the kiss of death to restaurants.  My taste runs counter to mainstream.  You make a fantastic tart cherry pie.  Ponies don’t want that.  They want their pie so sugary sweet it tastes like diabetes.”

“I have sweet pies too.”

“And so does every other bakery in town.  Except they’ve got other options too, like doughnuts or apple fritters, or other things that don’t have cherries in them.  No, if you want to be successful, you need to get out of Canterlot.”

“But my family’s here.”

“You got foals?”

“No.”

“A husband?”

“No.”

“Then you ain’t got an excuse.  I’m a sire three times over, a grandsire eight times over, and I’ve lost count of how many great-grandfoals I’ve got at this point.  Take it from me, kid, it’s time to leave the nest.  You know where you’d have a chance of being successful? Here.”

He thrust his newspaper at me and I read the headline.  It was more talk about that parallel universe that had been discovered.  “Earth?”

“Yeah.  Them hairless primates are omnivores.  They got taste buds that can appreciate something other than sweet.”

“I’ll keep that in mind if my bakery fails.”

“When.  Ain’t been a restaurant I liked yet that made it a full year in this city.”

I stood up.  “That’s a lot to think about.”

“Don’t waste too much time thinking.  There’s a time for thinkin’, and there’s a time for action.””






Canterlot: five months, ten days ago


I looked up as I turned the page.  There was a bell on the door, and I knew that if anypony came in it would jingle, but I couldn’t help looking up every time I turned a page, just in case.  As had been the case for the last hour and a half, there were no customers to be seen.  Stormy Night’s right – the writing’s on the wall.

I turned my attention back to the textbook in front of me.  Learning a language from scratch without anyone to teach it to me or practice it with was challenging.  English was like nothing I’d ever heard before.  Still, I needed to learn this as fast as possible.  I’d have to learn a few basics of the other languages too; just enough to bluff my way through the requirements.  But if I was going to live there, I needed to know at least one of them for real.  And it wasn’t like I had anything better to do with my time…

But I’d stick it out here until the bitter end.  This had been my dream since I was a little filly, and I wouldn’t give up on it as long as there was even the slightest chance of success.

The next page was filled with pictures of the various gadgets humans had developed, along with the English name for each, and a brief description of what they did. “Automobile, television, computer, telephone…”  Those words just don’t roll off equine tongues very well.






Canterlot: four months, seven days ago


Business had picked up a bit.  Unsurprisingly, my strongest sellers continued to be the sweeter desserts.  It was to the point where I didn’t even bother keeping more than one tart pie on hoof at any given time.

The morning rush was still only half of what I needed to make a profit, but it was substantially better than what it had been a few weeks earlier.  There was still hope.

Conspicuous by his absence was Stormy Night.  Normally he was one of the first customers through the door every day.  As the rush died down, I started worrying about him.

The lunch rush came and went with no sign of him.  Some of the locals had discovered that my bakery was almost always empty, and hence made a great place to stop in for a quick bite to eat instead of waiting in the lines at Hayburger.  The problem was those ponies didn’t advertise that, since it would be counterproductive to their own reasons for coming in.

Stormy finally showed up five minutes before closing.  I rushed over to him and threw my forelegs around him, hugging him.  “I was worried about you!”

“You got better things to worry ‘bout than me.  Like keepin’ the lights on.”

“Oh don’t worry, I’ve got plenty of worry to go around.”

“Obviously.  You doing anything right now?”

“Just customer service. Your regular?”

“Yeah, gimme a slice of your finest to go.  After you close up, you got plans?”

“No.”

“I got a heavy package back at my place.  I need somepony young and strong to lift it for me.  Think you could manage to do that for an old geezer like me?”

“Sure.  Just let me finish up closing first.”  That wasn’t challenging – I hadn’t had any customers for the last hour, so I’d already completed most of the cleaning tasks that needed to be done before I could call it quits for the day.

I followed Stormy back to his home.  He lived in one of the nicer upper middle class neighborhoods of Canterlot.  The homes in his area tended to be owned by the most successful merchants in town.  The upper class neighborhoods were exclusively reserved for those with noble titles, so this was the most regular ponies could hope to aspire to.  It begged the question as to why he needed my help to move something.  Surely, he had ponies on staff to do things like that for him?

He opened the door and was greeted by an elderly yellow mare, whom he kissed.  “Sponge Cake, this is Cherry Pie.  Cherry Pie, my lovely wife, Sponge Cake.”

I curtseyed in greeting, then followed Stormy into the dining room.  I looked at the package on the table – it was addressed to me. “Uh?”

“It’s a little something for you, but it’s only to be opened in the event you have to close up shop.”

I lifted it in my magical field, grunting at the weight.  He hadn’t been kidding when he called it heavy.  “What’s in here?”

“Everything you need to make a new life for yourself on Earth.  As with anything else in life, it comes with a price, which is spelled out in a letter you’ll find inside.  That’s why you only open this if you go out of business.”

I nodded.  “Thank you?”

“You’re welcome.  Now you best get that home before that flicker you call your magical field gives out.”






Dodge Junction: two months, twelve days ago


My restaurant was on the verge of bankruptcy.  Closing for two weeks to go to the yearly reunion wasn’t the smartest business decision I’d ever made, but the Cherry family reunion was more or less mandatory and I couldn’t afford to pay anypony to staff the place in my absence.  Aunt Jubilee was understanding, and if I’d asked I’m sure she would’ve accommodated my absence for a year.  But it just seemed wrong somehow.  Family always comes first.

I traveled with Mom, as I’d been doing ever since I was a foal.  This year was the first I’d purchased my own train ticket; trying to keep up appearances so my parents wouldn’t know how much red ink I’d been using when updating my ledgers.

The train ride was relaxing, but overly long.  It gave me too much time to think about things.  How much money I was losing by not being open, how much money I was wasting on paying utilities for two weeks I wasn’t using them, all the wasted inventory I’d thrown out the previous night.  The thoughts wouldn’t shut off, and I wasn’t tired enough to sleep. You’d think I’d be ready to pass out between the exhaustion of working long hours as a sole proprietor and the sleepless nights due to stress, but apparently whatever restless sleep I was getting was somehow adequate. 

Instead I contented myself with watching the scenery.  The same scenery that had been so exciting and inspiring years earlier was now boring and routine.








If Aunt Jubilee noticed I wasn’t my usual cheery Cherry self, she didn’t mention it.  I sat at a back table, away from my aunt.  Instead I found myself seated with Cherry Spices and some relatives I barely knew: Cherry Sweet, Berries ‘n Cherries, and Cherry Treats. Cherry Sweet’s cutie mark was cherry cupcakes, reminding me instantly of one of my rival bakeries in Canterlot, Filly Creek Cupcakes.  Cherry Treats was her sister, both of the mares having bright red hair.  Their father had had a fight with Aunt Jubilee before they were born and he’d stopped coming to the family gathering.  They were slightly older than me, but this was their first time coming to the Cherry family reunion.  The entire situation was awkward, but at least they were trying to fit in.

Berries ‘n Cherries, meanwhile, had both a cherry and a raspberry in her cutie mark.  Her father had married into the Raspberry family, and Berries had never quite felt like she belonged with either family.  The Cherries and Raspberries weren’t exactly the Hooffields and McColts, but there was no love lost between our families. She sat there forlornly, mostly observing the rest of us and only joining the conversation when her input was asked for.  I had a hunch we wouldn’t be seeing her at many future gatherings, though the rest of us tried to keep her engaged in our chat.

I’d found my place amongst the rest of the outcasts.  But that didn’t explain why Cherry Spices was sitting at the table.  But there’s one way to find out.  I turned to my fellow unicorn.  “So what have you been up to?”

“Oh, not too much.  I won a cooking competition with a friend of mine, and we’re going to Earth for five years.  We’ve got a deal lined up for a TV show.”

Cherry Spices is planning to go to Earth?  No wonder she’s sitting here, as far away from Aunt Jubilee as she can get.  I can’t let her know Earth is my backup plan or she’ll ask why I’m going.  But… that also means she’s had more time to learn things. Maybe I can catch up if I pick her brain a bit… without making it seem too obvious.

“What’s a TV show?” Berries asked.

Or I can piggyback off everypony else’s questions.  Mix some real questions in with all the silly ones.

“It’s a moving picture, but on a small screen in your home,” she explained.

“You always were a good actor.”  I played dumb.  “Can you speak a few words of human?”

She laughed.  “Which language?”

I shrugged. “Whichever one you plan on speaking the most, I guess.”

“Blue dehydrated feline helicopter Massachusetts falcon hazard fetlock gyrating curlers.”

I know some of those words, and there’s no way that word soup makes any sense.  She’s just spouting random gibberish.  I once more played dumb, oohing in appreciation of the exotic language.  She humored me, but not in the way I was hoping.  I’m just going to have to study harder in my downtime.

I tuned her out as the others hung on her every word.  I just need to be careful not to run into her if I go to Earth.  Most importantly, if everypony was paying attention to her, they wouldn’t have time to ask what I’d been up to recently.  I was proud of my bakery, but admitting it would open me up to being asked about it at future gatherings.  If it failed… everypony would eventually know.






Canterlot: two days ago


It was appropriately dreary as I trudged through the predawn streets to my shop.  When I first opened, I bounced down the street eager to get started for the day.  But reality had long since set in: I couldn’t afford to hire help, and I couldn’t afford to close down even for a day.  I’d had such high hopes for my bakery.  But my books are written in so much red ink, my ledgers could double for… barn doors, or maybe ladybugs?  I dunno, they could double for something red.  I think it’s safe to cross ‘author’, ‘poet’, and ‘songwriter’ off my list of new potential careers.  Thoughts of career changes were more frequent for me these days, though I hadn’t come up with any truly good ideas.  Baking cherry pies is what I’m good at. Let’s see if I can make a miracle happen today.  Time to make the pies.

Or not.  I tried opening the door with magic, but it wouldn’t budge.  It was then I caught sight of the paper taped to the door.  An eviction notice for failure to pay the rent. The locks had been changed and the door was warded against magical entry.  Yeah, that was bound to happen sooner or later.  I looked sadly through the door at my hopes and dreams dying.  It was a good thing I’d packed up everything of value and all personal effects a while ago.  All my equipment however?  That would be sold off to pay off my debts.  Well, what little of it I actually owned, anyway.  The rest would be repossessed.

Ambitions don’t pay bills.  I could analyze the reasons for my bakery’s failure until I’m blue in the face. My location was horrible, but it was the only place I could afford.  Specializing in only cherry desserts limited my market.  But that couldn’t be helped since they’re the only thing I can really make.  Opening up in Canterlot, a city with insanely high rents and a market that’s already oversaturated with competitors.  But I lived here, so where else was I going to open up shop?  Blowing my college savings on a pipe dream.  Guess I won’t be getting a degree now.  I’m already deep in debt, I have no intention of adding school loans to the pile.

Oh well, that’s the whole reason I came up with a backup plan, after all.  I believe it’s time for me to fly.






Ponyville: yesterday


It’s time for me to fly.  I’m on the run, no time to sleep.  I’ve got to ride like the wind to be free again.

I sat outside the office, waiting my turn to interview.  Amazingly, there hadn’t been an entire battalion of Royal Guards waiting for me when I arrived.  So far so good.  I’d turned in my visa application the moment it started looking like my business was going to fail.  And fail it did.  Spectacularly even.  But the important part was I was here right now, and not in Canterlot.  With a little luck, I’ll be on the other side of the portal before anypony starts looking for me to collect on any of the many debts I owe.  It’s dumb luck that the portal is opening tomorrow.

Part of me feels guilty for this.  A large part of me, honestly.  But what other choice do I have?  My savings are gone.  My assets, what little I have that isn’t on me, will end up liquidated to pay off my creditors.  And the rest? I’ll be stuck paying it off for the rest of my miserable existence while I make minimum wage toiling away on Aunt Cherry Jubilee’s orchard.  I don’t have earth pony magic; I’d be just about useless at anything other than harvesting cherries.  My magic would give me a bit of an advantage there, but it pales in comparison to the earth pony ability to buck trees with their rear hooves and get cherries to neatly fall into buckets.  I’d love to know how they do that particular trick!

No.  I’m young and I have my whole life ahead of me.  I’m not going to let one false start ruin everything.  I’m not a bad pony.  I’m not a bad pony.  I’m not a bad pony.  If I repeat that enough times, maybe I’ll even believe it.

“Apple Pie?”

It took me a few moments to look up.  Right, I really need to get used to my alias. “Sorry, I was lost in thought there.” Time to find out if the fake identity I’d managed to create would stand up to scrutiny.  From what little I could find about Earth, they had pretty rigorous ways of checking out backgrounds.  Equestria was more or less on the honor system.  I just needed to provide a birth certificate as proof of my identity, and I’d picked up a copy from the Canterlot Archives specifically to alter.  All I had needed to do was change ‘Cherry’ to ‘Apple’, and while I wasn’t the most magically gifted unicorn on Equus, it wasn’t that difficult to forge the document.

Something tells me they’ll increase security soon enough. Or maybe this is their way of getting us bad ponies out of Equestria for a while.  I’m not a bad pony, I’m not a bad pony, I’m not a bad pony.  Still not buying it.

The bored stallion who’d called me into his office asked the first of the routine questions I’d expected.

“Reason for leaving Equestria?”

“I want to apprentice at a bakery and learn some new recipes.”  He seemed satisfied with that and wrote my response down.

“All right, we’ll get your application processed.  Minimum visa duration is five years, maximum is seven.  Due to heavy traffic through the portal, no visits home until five years have passed.  Will that be a problem?”

Only one question?  That’s surprisingly anticlimactic.  I had prepared responses for a dozen questions.  The small part of me that was disappointed was quickly silenced by the rest of me, which was relieved to pass through security with such little scrutiny.

“Not at all.”  Maximum of seven years?  Perfect, that’s just enough time for my debts to be legally wiped out.  Good luck finding me on Earth, creditors.

I used to be a good pony. I never lied or took things that didn’t belong to me.  But that was before I was both broke and broken.  The only real question is whether I’ll like Earth enough to immigrate there permanently, or if I’ll come running back through this portal seven years from now to avoid creditors on the other side.








I trudged up the stairs of my parents’ house to my bedroom.  I didn’t have a lot of time to pack, and I was only allowed to take so much with me.  I guess it’s finally time to open Stormy’s package.

I lifted the flaps of the box and was greeted by the glint of hundreds of bits.  My eyes just about bugged out of my head.  There was a letter on top of the pile, and I immediately tore open the envelope.

Cherry Pie,

I told you a bakery as good as yours was doomed to failure, but you didn’t listen.  I could’ve bought you out, but you’ve seen my house.  I’m not in the habit of making bad business decisions.  I could’ve hired you on to be my personal chef, but that would be selling you short.  In either case, I’m old.  I got maybe five to ten years left in me, and then what would happen?  My next of kin would sell the bakery or let you go as redundant.  And then you’re right back at square one.

Besides, I ain’t in the habit of providing charity to ponies either.  I told you that there was a price to be paid, and there is: this is a payment for your pie recipe.  You’ve got the mark for it, so it’ll never be as good as if you made it, but Sponge Cake’s pretty good.  She’ll manage to make something passable.  But I promise that’s as far as the recipe goes.  It’s still yours to do with it what you will.  I just want to purchase the rights for it for my own personal use.  I think you’ll find the enclosed payment sufficient, and if you don’t, you’re not really in any position to bargain, are you?

And that’s why I insisted you wait until you went out of business to open this.  Had you done so previously, you would’ve squandered these bits in a futile effort to keep your doors open.  But there comes a point where you have to stop throwing good bits after bad ones.

So take this and use it toward making a better life for yourself. And please mail your recipe to me at:

Stormy Night
1 Coltfax Cir
Canterlot

Stormy Night

I felt my faith in equinity restored somewhat.  I tallied up the bits and found there to be five hundred, total.  Creative use of these bits might have bought me another month in business.  He was right though, that wouldn’t have been enough to turn the tide.

I scribbled out my recipe and dropped it in the mail.






Ponyville: today


I looked at the hotel’s alarm clock and sighed.  3:45 in the morning.  Old habits die hard.  For months I’d needed to be up this early to start baking things for the morning rush.  Now though, conditioned by months of rising early, I had no hope of falling back asleep. It was way too early to get breakfast and there wasn’t much to do at this hour of the morning in Ponyville.  I looked out the window and the only lights I saw were the moon and the streetlights.  All of the buildings were dark.

In Canterlot, there were all-night diners and I would’ve had my choice between three of them within walking distance of home.  Not that it mattered, I didn’t have the budget for meals.  I didn’t have the budget for hotels, either, but it had been a necessary expense if I wanted to get through the portal on time.  I wasn’t risking staying in Equestria another day longer than necessary.

Rolling over and trying to go back to sleep was an effort in futility.  Instead I showered and packed.  Oh well, Cherry Spices is probably leaving today too.  If I get there early I can beat her through the portal and hopefully she won’t even see me. I’ll just blend into the crowd.

“Is everything okay?”

I’d woken the pony sharing the room with me.  She was supposed to cater to my every whim, but I’d opted for a ‘no frills’ stay, insisting on sleeping on the room’s cot instead of in the comfortable bed.  “I’m an early riser.”

She looked at the clock. “Apparently you’re a very early riser.”

“Yes.”  I’d paid for the room in advance so there was no checkout procedure that needed to be followed.  “I just need directions to the Earth portal and then you can go back to bed, miss.”

She’d been groggy until I mentioned where I was going.  “Are you crazy?  The portal’s in the Everfree Forest!  You can’t go in there at night.”

I shrugged.  “I’m not scared of a bunch of trees.”

She started listing the threats but I held up a hoof to stop her.  “I know, and I don’t care.  If it wasn’t safe, there’d be transport directly to the portal.  But there isn’t, so they obviously expect ponies to traipse through the woods to get there.”

She gave up arguing, pointed me in the right direction, and wished me luck.  I could see the light on in the room I’d vacated, with Loveshine silhouetted in the window, watching me.  Not that she could do anything to ‘protect’ me from there.  Not that it mattered, I wasn’t scared of the Everfree and if something did gobble me up… Equestria would be a better place.

The path to the portal was well marked, which made sense because the Everfree was still dangerous and they didn’t want ponies getting lost.  But the monsters feared ponies almost as much as ponies feared them.  The trail between Ponyville and the portal was heavily traveled. Even if we were supposed to be the first ‘official’ visitors to Earth, humans and ponies had been traveling back and forth for years getting everything ready for this day.  Most creatures would’ve moved further into the forest once they realized that the ponies traversing this trail weren’t easy pickings.  Poison joke had been cleared from the path.  Even in the predawn darkness the forest wasn’t as spooky as it had been years ago.  It was another sign of the progress ponies had made since Princess Twilight’s reign began just a few years ago.  Human technology had given us a jumpstart, even if most ponies were still hesitant to use any of it.

Nowhere in Equestria was that more blatant than Ponyville.  The path to the portal was rutted where human transits had driven back and forth to the nearby town.  Foreign scents lingered in the forest, even though there was no one around other than myself.  I guess this is a teaser for what’s to come. Earth’s going to smell very different from Equestria.

As I trudged through the forest, weighed down by my meager remaining belongings, I heard the hooting of owls and the distant howl of timberwolves.  Thankfully, they stayed distant.  No hydras or manticores pounced on me, and I made it to the portal intact. Not to mention exceedingly early. The guards were certainly surprised to see me.

After asking me a few questions to make sure I wasn’t up to anything suspicious, they checked my bags and gave me the all clear.  I’d get to be the first pony to trot through the portal to Earth.  Just not yet.  There was an official time for the portal to open, and there’d be a ceremony.

It gave me plenty of time to check out the sights… not that there was all that much to see.  There were a few prefab buildings – obviously imported from Earth.  One was a makeshift barracks for the guards, while another was used for processing the paperwork of those entering Equestria, and a third for those who were leaving Equestria.  My unexpectedly early arrival had caused a flurry of activity in the latter as it was prepped for the day.

I yawned as I watched the efforts of the guards.  Two stared at the portal, watching for unauthorized entries into Equestria.  A dirt embankment had been constructed directly across from the portal to stop speeding vehicles from crossing. Anything moving fast enough to elude the guards on the other side would be going too fast to avoid hitting the wall upon exiting on this side.

As other ponies started arriving I was ushered to the portal and told to remain standing twenty feet in front of it.  Ponies lined up behind me as they were cleared by security.  The line behind me was an odd mix of mares.  Some, like me, were downtrodden, staring at the ground and trying to draw as little attention to themselves as possible.  Others were boisterous, chatting with friends or making new friends with strangers.

I wonder what’s going on with the rest of these ponies?  How many of them are fleeing their problems like I am?  How many of these ponies are bad ponies like me?  How many are even worse?  Does anypony actually have positive reasons for leaving Equestria behind?

I was shaken out of my reverie by a mare’s voice.  “First Scoop with the Equestrian Press.  I’d like to interview you.”

“No thanks.”

She looked taken aback by that.  “Come again?”

“I decline to be interviewed.”

“This is an important moment and future generations are going to look back on this day.  You’ll be famous if you consent to the interview.”

Being famous is the last thing I want right now.  “Find somepony else to write about.”

“Fine, but you’re forfeiting your place in line.  Equestrian Press has an exclusive on this story and we get to pick who goes through first.”

“Seriously?  I’ve been waiting here for hours.  I just want to get this over with already.”  There, I’ll be whiny.  That’ll drive her off.  No story to be had here.

She left me alone after that.






Earth: today


First day in a new world.  I’d say ‘that’s always tough’ but this is my first time doing it.  And yeah, it’s pretty tough, all right.  As far as plans go, mine was pretty simple: find someplace warm and live off the land if necessary.  Thankfully, I could eat grass if I needed to.  The stipend for coming to Earth was generous, but it was intended as start-up money.  Something to help ponies transition from the world they were leaving behind until they could stand on their own hooves in their new homeland.  But it wasn’t enough to live off of for five years, and it was nowhere near enough to pay off my debts.  And it was all in silly green paper that looked more like play money from a board game than legitimate currency.

For all intents and purposes I’d pretty much given up.  I was barely out of school and already I was trying to put myself out to pasture. Shame, guilt, and a general feeling of worthlessness were the feelings I wrestled with.  Maybe I’ll volunteer to be somebody’s pet.  There’s certainly no shortage of people who want one of us for their own.  I sighed.  Mooching off some hapless family. Not helping my shame or guilt at all, really.  Not to mention the thought of selling myself out like a dog begging for table scraps didn’t help my self-esteem in the least.  It speaks volumes for just how far I've fallen that this is my backup plan.

Of course, I could always take the stipend and start my own business.  It certainly wasn’t a lot for seed money, but with the right idea or product, maybe I could make it work…  You know, if I hadn’t already failed at running my own bakery.  Where would I run to when this hypothetical one inevitably failed?

Living off the land it is.  First though, I have to check in at the consulate.  The nearest one to the portal is in New York City, which is the human equivalent of Manehattan.  That required a two-hour trip in a giant motorized carriage the natives called a ‘bus’. It was loud and smelled of disinfectants and air fresheners… and everything else those first two were trying to mask.  If it isn’t already common knowledge that pony noses are far more sensitive than human noses, it soon will be.  There’s an untapped market here.  Maybe I could come up with a line of cherry-scented air fresheners.  No!  Bad Cherry Pie.  No more business ventures.  Bad!

Making matters worse, there was a unicorn mare working her way up the aisle soliciting some idea she had, looking for investors.  Ha, not happening.  I pretended to be asleep when she passed my seat.  I’m keeping this money as long as I can, and no two-bit con artist is taking it from me.

We eventually arrived at the consulate, and the bus stopped, thank Celestia.  If there was any doubt whatsoever that I was a fish out of water, craning my neck to look at all the skyscrapers like a tourist from the sticks sealed the deal.  But to be fair, as far as Canterlot sprawled, it was spread out on a mountainside as opposed to built up like this city.

We’d all meet individually with the consul and she’d help us make our dreams a reality to the best of her ability.  There weren’t enough princesses to go around, and none here on Earth, so they’d brought in a duchess from Cloudsdale as consul – apparently some descendent of Commander Hurricane.  I’d never really paid much attention to either politics in general, or the royals in particular, though I was sort of regretting that now.  Still, matters of the state are hardly my concern.

There were dozens of ponies waiting for the consul’s attention, and I read magazines while I waited my turn.  I thought for sure that the con artist was going to set her sights on me, but instead she was the first one through the door to talk to Ploomette.  Must be my lucky day.  I’ll just wait until everypony else is out of the way.  Fortunately, Cherry Spices was one of the next ponies to talk to the duchess, and I made myself scarce until she was gone.  I was in no rush.  Hey, they have free snacks.  If I stick to my plan this may be the last time I eat something that I didn’t graze from a field.

Every so often a mare with a clipboard came out of the office and pulled another pony inside. It felt like the waiting room in the doctor’s office.  All that was missing was a bored receptionist shouting ‘Next’.  One by one, the rest of the ponies had their turn with the consul. Some of them left when they were done, though others returned to the waiting room.

“You must be Apple Pie.” I wonder if she figured that out from the process of elimination, or by looking at my cutie mark.

“Actually, it’s Cherry Pie. There must have been some sort of mix-up on my application, and when I got to the portal I found out they had my name wrong.  Is that something you can fix?”  This was it. The consul would undoubtedly see through my charade and the whole house of cards would come tumbling down.

“I have that power, my little pony.  Though I find it odd that you waited until now to bring it to somepony’s attention.”

“I was going to do so before our departure, but I didn’t want to cause any delays.  I’m sure fixing these things takes time.”

Ploomette nodded, much to my relief.  “They do, though regardless of delays, things like this should really be brought up before crossing the portal.  I’ll have my staff make you a new passport.”  She called a unicorn over, and explained what needed to be done. With a nod, the mare disappeared into another room.  “While we wait, tell me more about yourself.  What brings you to Earth?”

“The portal.”  I chuckled and noticed I was alone in doing so. “I never felt like I really belonged in the cherry orchards.  So I’m looking for a change, but I’m not really sure what I want to do.  I was thinking of heading someplace warm and living off the land until I figure it out.  That way I save my bits until I need them.”  There was a time I abhorred fibbing. Back then I thought lying was for bad ponies.  I still do, but I’ve reluctantly come to accept that I’m a bad pony.  I’ve also come to embrace the fact that I’m a very good liar.  It’s not a skill I’m proud of, and it’ll never go on my résumé, but it’s saved my flank more than once.  Thankfully, ponies are really trusting by nature.  Mostly because the vast majority of ponies are actually trustworthy. Unlike me.  Someday it’s going to catch up to me and I’ll deserve what punishment I receive when it does, but until then the lies are all I’ve got left. And maybe, just maybe, I can reinvent myself here on Earth and stop being such an awful pony.

“Living off the land is a thing you could theoretically do, but I wouldn’t really recommend it.  What if I could provide a better option for you?”

I’d say you should save it for somepony who deserves it. Instead I simply said, “I’m listening.”

She pushed a button on her intercom and one of the doors to her office opened.  In strode that same unicorn mare from the bus.  The scammer.  If she convinced the consul, she must be really good.  I might even be dealing with a better liar than myself.  I made a mental note to be exceedingly careful.

“This is Snowcatcher. She has a proposition for you.”

The blue mare wasted no time starting her sales pitch.  “My thought is to pool our resources and open an Equestrian style hotel.  You know the type – we live there and cater to the whims of our guests.”

“It beats living off the land,” Ploomette chimed in.

But on the flip side it would cost me almost every single bit I had to my name.  That was a hard choice.  I’m from Canterlot, so roughing it isn’t exactly in my nature.  I don’t even know if I have any survival skills.  What are the odds I randomly find some wild cherries?  At the same time, I’m from Canterlot.  I should be the one being pampered, not the one doing the pampering.  Still, a roof over my head sounded far more tempting than living in a forest somewhere.

“There’s a dozen of us on board so far.  I’m hoping for twenty, but if we can get to sixteen we can make it work.  A lot of the other ponies already had plans, though a few of them changed their minds and decided our venture was a better idea. There’s nothing like it on Earth, so we have an untapped market.”

“And if you want to back out later, I can try to find somepony else coming through the portal to take your place and buy you out.”  Ploomette was really on board with this idea.  It sounded legitimate.

With that many of us going in, we could afford the property none of us could hope to buy individually. But I’d just lost one business, and wasn’t keen on losing all my money a second time.  “And if we fail?”

Snowcatcher hung her head and stared at the floor.  “We’ll figure something out.  By then we’ll have a better grasp on Earth’s culture, and we’ll be able to position ourselves accordingly.  We have a wide range of talents, and if we all work together I’m sure we could bounce back from any theoretical setbacks…”

“Yeah, not interested.”

She looked crestfallen, like I’d just insulted her parents and kicked her puppy.  Either she was the world’s greatest con artist, or she was truly invested in this idea.  I get it, I really do.  I’ve been there myself, not that I’m going to admit it to the mares present.  If only I’d had ponies supporting me a few months ago when I opened my bakery, maybe I’d still have a bakery instead of shattered dreams.  Could I casually shatter somepony else’s dreams and just walk away?  I reminded myself I was a bad pony.  Bad ponies don’t have friends and don’t care about the hopes and dreams of others.  Is there any good left inside me?  I guess this is my chance to find out.

“You’re asking a lot. The stipend we got?  That’s every single bit I have to my name.  I can’t afford to lose it.”

She sighed.  “I’ve heard that a lot today.  But if I had enough to reimburse everypony, I wouldn’t need investors in the first place; I’d be looking for employees instead.”

“And in a worst case scenario, if your venture fails, I’m here to help the ponies on Earth.  I could certainly assist in finding new employment and lodging.  Equestria isn’t going to just abandon its citizens here.”

Ploomette’s really pushing for this.  I suppose this is a way for her to help both of us at once.  Perhaps I was rash to pass up this offer so quickly. I don’t want Snowcatcher to feel the same crushing defeat I did.  Together, maybe we can make something of ourselves.  Maybe somewhere deep down in my heart of hearts, I really do still care about my fellow equines.  I might not be an entirely bad pony.  Of course, selfishly, I’d also get a roof over my head, a job, and maybe even friends. I couldn’t afford to do something like this on my own any more than they could.  Ah, yes, doing the right thing for the wrong reasons.  Yeah, let’s go with that.  I knew there had to be some ulterior motives in there somewhere.  I really don’t want to forage for my meals. Still, I really hope I don’t regret this.  “You twisted my leg.  I’m in.” No going back now.  “So what now?”

“We go back into the waiting room and get acquainted with our new business partners.  We just need three more.”

“Two more, my little ponies. And I’ll cover the other two shares until such time as you find your remaining investors.”

Snowcatcher stopped in her tracks, then turned and followed the consul back into her office.  I stood at the entrance to the waiting room and looked out over my new… friends?  Housemates? Coworkers?  Business partners?  I guess all of the above, though we’ll probably have to work on the ‘friends’ part.  I really hope we can all get along under one roof or this is going to be a nightmare.

I smiled at them and gave a little wave.  “Uh, hi everypony.  I’m Cherry Pie, and I guess we’ll all be getting to know one another better.”
> Act I: Daisy Dreams
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Neighagara Falls: eleven years, seven months, and fourteen days ago


Eyes closed, I lay there daydreaming in the tall grass, enjoying the peaceful solitude of a sunny summer day.  Occasionally, I could hear the other fillies and colts playing hoofball or racing in the nearby fields, but I had no real interest in such physical pursuits.  Which was just as well, since I wouldn’t be invited to play anyway.  I’m an ‘egghead’, and apparently that means I have no skill at anything athletic.  I wouldn’t know – they never let me try.

Really, the only thing on my agenda for the rest of the day was to go back inside and do some more reading, but Mom insisted on my going outside for a few hours every day.  I can see why on days like this.  I could just sit here in the warm grass forever, golden sunlight beating down on my hide.  There was a cool breeze that carried the scent of my favorite flowers, daisies.  Maybe I’ll pick a few and give them to Mom. She loves it when Dad brings her flowers.

Reality had finally ended my fantasies about handsome princes and epic adventures.  I sighed and stretched my legs out, letting my blood circulate.  I was stiff from sitting in the same position too long.  Of course, there’s an easy way to solve that little dilemma.  I rolled through the grass, scattering dandelion seeds to the wind, and no doubt getting some stuck in the hairs of my coat as well.  I noticed I’d rolled over a few daisies, and I quickly made them into a midafternoon snack.  Daisies are beautiful, not to mention delicious. No one ever tells me I’m beautiful. Well, except Mom and Dad, but they don’t count.  Of course, no one ever says I’m delicious either, and I’d like to keep it that way. I looked around, but didn’t see any big scary monsters ready to turn me into a filly-sized snack.  Phew.

I picked some of the daisies I hadn’t flattened when I rolled through them, and gathered them into a bouquet which I presented to Mom as soon as I returned to the house.  “Mom!  I’ve got something for you!”

I hoofed her the daisies I’d picked and she sniffed them.  “They’re very pretty, sweetie.”  She kissed my forehead and gasped.  “You got your cutie mark!”

“I did?”  I hadn’t even noticed.  I turned to look at my flank as best I could, and sure enough, there was a daisy there.  Huh.  So this is what having a cutie mark feels like.  It doesn’t really feel any different.  Does this mean my special talent is bringing flowers to my mother? That’s a silly special talent. Maybe it’s a metaphor for something else.  Time to do some research!







Neighagara Falls: eleven years, six months, and one day ago


Unfortunately, my research turned up nothing of any use.  Maybe I got it because I really like daisies? I could spend time studying daisies, but they’ve already been extensively researched.  There’s not much about them that isn’t already known, and I’m not sure what else I could contribute to the world’s existing knowledge on the subject. Besides, just because I like daisies doesn’t mean I want to completely dedicate my life to a flower.  That’s what a lot of ponies do, of course, but it’s just not me.

Once it was apparent the daisy mark wasn’t a metaphor for anything, I tried experimenting.  Sure enough, my earth pony magic was in tune with daisies.  I could make them grow anywhere I wanted.  I had the same effect on other plants too, but it was strongest with daisies. Making things grow was what we earth ponies did best.  I’d never really considered myself much of a gardener before, but it was a talent that ran deep in my family.  My name is Daisy Dreams, and I was daydreaming in a field of daisies when I got my cutie mark.  I guess it makes sense.

Being the first in your class to get your cutie mark brought out a lot of different emotions in ponies. Especially when you acquired it over the summer vacation, and the first time anypony saw it was the first day back from break.  They all offered congratulations at first, but I could hear them whispering snide comments behind my back.

I’d been top of my class since day one.  That rankled some of the other ponies.  I was just an earth pony from a farming family.  My family wasn’t rich and I was never going to be a wizard.  Now though, with a mark of just a simple flower upon my flank, I started hearing accusations that I was cheating.  That would have been bad enough had I overheard one of my fellow students say it about me, but it was my teacher I overheard spreading those horrible lies.  I cried myself to sleep that night.  What does it matter what my mark is?  Am I not allowed to like learning and have an interest in daisies too?







Neighagara Falls: eleven years, five months, and twenty days ago


I followed my teacher to an empty classroom.  “There have been concerns you may be cheating, Daisy.  I know you understand how serious these allegations are.”  I nodded.  “So you’re going to take your test in here, away from your fellow students, and we’ll see if there’s any truth to those rumors.”

“Okay.”  I wanted to say more than that.  I wanted to cry because I was being singled out and treated as guilty until proven innocent.  But I didn’t.  I squared my jaw and did the only thing I could do to prove my innocence: I sat down at a desk and took the test while she watched me like a hawk.

I hoofed it back to her about half an hour later.  Life Lessons just stared at the paper in shock.  “So did I pass?”

She nodded.  “You not only passed, you got every question right.  Even the harder ones I slipped in.  I’m sorry, but I had to check.  You got a different test than anypony else.  I didn’t make up an answer sheet for this one, so there’s no way you could’ve seen the answers in advance.  I’m really, truly sorry we thought you were cheating, Daisy.”

“It’s my mark, isn’t it?”

Life Lessons sighed.  “It’s a farming mark.  It’s abnormal for ponies as smart as you not to get a mark with some sort of educational theme.  I would’ve expected you to get a book, or test tubes, or something.  Like your friend Book Smart.  He’ll probably get a book on his flank one of these days.  Cutie marks are what we use to help place fillies and colts to maximize their success in life.  But it’s not always an accurate system, as you had the misfortune to discover firsthoof.”

Now I allowed myself a smug grin.  “My name’s Daisy Dreams.  I have big dreams, and I usually have them lying in a field of daisies.”  I’d finally figured out what my mark meant, and I was going to own it.

She nodded.  “Stay after class today and I’ll buy you ice cream.  It’s not much, but I want to apologize for doubting you.”

An A+, an apology from my teacher, and ice cream.  I’ve had worse days.







Neighagara Falls: eight years, nine months, and three days ago


I decided to try something different for my weekly game night with my friends.  I’d picked up a copy of Ogres & Oubliettes, and my Dad had agreed to be our Game Master, creating the scenarios we’d face.  It required some creativity on all our parts, and I figured it would be a nice change of pace from our usual games of chance.

I took the opportunity to get a head start working on my character, anticipating I’d have to help my friends with theirs.  In the end I came up with an earth pony barbarian named Collateral Damage.  Lots of smashing – should be fun!

Book Smart arrived early, and I helped him design a unicorn wizard he named Deathbringer.  I rolled my eyes at that.  “Yes, we’d like to enroll our son in magic kindergarten.  His name?  Our little darling is named Deathbringer.  Um, why are the Royal Guards here?”

He stuck his tongue out at me.  “It’s his adventuring name.  You want a name that strikes fear into your enemies.  And also, something that isn’t your real name so they can’t track you later to enact their revenge.”

“So what’s his real name?”

“Bland Genericname.”

“Be serious, Book Smart.”

“Does it really matter?”

“Yes.  This is your character.  He should have a past, he should have motivations for his actions.  Think about it and be creative.”

Our other friends arrived, and I helped them with their character creations as well.  Pocket Protector chose a griffin ranger he named Gerald after a famous griffin king from antiquity, while Building Block envisioned a pegasus bard named First Strike.

Our adventuring party was ready, and as tradition dictated, they met at an inn.  After introducing our characters, we began playing.  Since we were still at the lowest level, Dad sent us after a minor nuisance so we could gain experience and hit points.

“Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to stop a wyvern from terrorizing the village of Tailadega.”

“What’s a wyvern?”

“It’s a distant, non-sapient relative of the dragons.  It’s bipedal, roughly ten feet tall, heavily armored, and carnivorous.  Some even have a poisonous tail barb.”

“What happens if we choose not to accept the mission?”

Dad shuffled his papers around before answering Pocket Protector.  “You move to Trotsdale, Mareizona, change your name to Al, and open a dry cleaning business.”

“That does sound safer than going after a wyvern.  We choose that.”

“No we don’t.  Your character can, if you want, but mine’s going after the wyvern!”

“Yeah!  You’ve got a griffin character while the rest of us are playing as ponies.  You could probably take the wyvern out all by yourself.”

Pocket grumbled, but relented.  Going on adventures was the whole point of the game, after all.

The game opened slowly, with our party tracking the wyvern through the countryside, and having a minor skirmish with a band of thieves.  Eventually we cornered the beast in its cave.

“I try diplomacy.”

Dad looked at Building Block, incredulous.  “An interesting tactic from the party’s bard.  Why do you think you can rationalize with a monster, and how do you do it?”

“Because it wouldn’t be right to just attack it without trying to find out why it’s terrorizing the countryside.  And uh, I talk to it?”

“Very well, what do you say?”

“Mr. Wyvern, are you angry about something?  Maybe you want to talk about it?”

“Roll.”

“Drat.”

“That’s a three.  The wyvern roars and lunges for you.  Roll to dodge.”

“Seven.”

“The wyvern scrapes you with a claw as you roll free of its barbed tail.  You fly back to the rest of the party, defeated.  Collateral, your turn.”

“I pick up a boulder and throw it at the wyvern.”  I rolled.  “Twelve.”

“Your boulder strikes the wyvern in its left leg, hampering its mobility slightly.  The wyvern loses one point to both speed and dexterity for the remainder of the conflict.  Deathbringer, you’re up.”

“I was thinking a two-pronged attack, if our bard’s up to it?”

“What did you have in mind, Book?”

“I attack the wyvern head on with a bolt of arcane energy, while you grab a cloud and hit it with lightning.”

“I’m okay with this if the GM is.”

“I’ll allow it, but don’t forget Gerald’s turn is in between the two of you.  So you go to get the cloud while Deathbringer strikes.”

Building Block nodded.  “First Strike goes to get a cloud.”

“Very good.  Deathbringer, roll to see how successful your frontal assault was.”

“Fourteen.”

“A solid hit, that knocks the wyvern off its feet.  If Gerald and First Strike act quickly, they can take it out while its down for the count.  Gerald, what are you doing?  First Strike, roll, but don’t announce.”

“Gerald lunges, attacking with a spear.”

“Roll.”

“Ouch.  That’s not going to end well.”  He’d rolled a one.

“Definitely not,” agreed Dad.  “What did First Strike roll?”

“Nineteen.”

“With the benefit of hindsight, Gerald indeed would have been better off opening a dry cleaning business.”  Dad rolled a die to determine the outcome.  “Gerald misjudges the distance and is felled by First Strike’s lightning attack.  Beware friendly fire.”

“You killed me!”

“It’s not my fault you got in the way of my lightning!”

Dad interrupted their banter.  “And because Gerald took the lightning strike, that means the wyvern didn’t.  You’re down a party member and your bard’s attack failed.  What do you do next?  It’s your turn, Collateral.”

“The wyvern’s in the cave, but the rest of the party isn’t, right?”

Dad nodded.  “That’s correct.”

“Collateral Damage bucks the side of the mountain, trying to collapse the cave.”

“Living up to your character’s name, I see.  Roll.”

“Sixteen.”

“You successfully collapse part of the cave, trapping the wyvern but not killing it.”

“Oh sure, the wyvern’s alive but the ranger isn’t.”  Pocket Protector huffed.

“You can create a new character when we’re done.  The party will need a new recruit to replace Gerald.  Deathbringer, it falls to you to finish off our wyvern.”

I hated to interrupt, but curiosity got the better of me.  “Let me get this straight: the wyvern is both trapped and injured.  What happens if Book Smart does nothing?”

“The wyvern will die when it either runs out of air, or starves to death.  Probably the former.”

“So this would be a mercy kill.”

“At this point, yes.”

“Can we save it?  Like, could Deathbringer grab it in his aura and forcibly relocate the wyvern to the Dragonlands?”

Dad paused.  “That’s a thing you could do, though you wouldn’t level up from this encounter.”

“I think it’s worth it.  What about you, Book?”  I smiled my most disarming smile at him.

“I think I named my character ‘Deathbringer’ for a reason.  Deathbringer vaporizes everything in the cave.”

“Roll.”

“Four.”

“You vaporized the rocks, freeing the wyvern.  First Strike?”

“I use the lightning strike again.  This time without any griffins jumping in front of it.”  She rolled a nine, while Pocket stuck his tongue out at her.

“The lightning strikes the wyvern, and it coughs smoke.  But it’s still standing.  Back around to Collateral Damage.”

“Collateral throws a small rock at its head, trying to knock it unconscious.”

“The barbarian is going for mercy?  You and Book may want to switch characters before the next game.  Roll.”

“Fourteen.”

“Your rock hits it, and slows it down.  It’s wobbly, but not unconscious.  Deathbringer?”

“I stun him with a sleep spell.”  He rolled.  “Eleven.”

“The wyvern falls to the ground, thrashing around.  It’s not asleep, but it isn’t able to get up, either.  First Strike?”

“I sing a lullaby.”

“Don’t even bother rolling, you’re a bard.  It works.”

“I carry the wyvern to the Dragonlands on my back.”

“I restrain the wyvern with my magic.”

“I keep singing.”

“Congratulations, you successfully removed the wyvern from the area and returned it to the Dragonlands.  And that wraps up this session.  So what did you kids think of O & O?”

I thought about it for a second.  “I liked it.  It requires all of us to work together to win, and I like that better than playing a game where one of us wins and the rest lose.” 

“Easy for you to say – your character didn’t die.”

“I thought it was interesting,” Book Smart added.  “I think I’d like to create a new character before we play again.  One with more backstory and less bloodlust.  Daisy’s got the right idea.  Friendship and tolerance is the pony way.”

Building Block grabbed her mug of root beer and lifted it in the air.  “I’ll drink to that!”







Neighagara Falls: four years, three months, and six days ago


My friends and I had come to really love O & O.  Even Pocket Protector warmed up to it once he created his second character, a dragon barbarian he named Club.  We had an opening for a barbarian since I rarely played as Collateral Damage, instead opting to play as an Abyssinian healer.  It didn’t take long at all to discover our tactics as a group were far more successful when we used diplomacy.

Granted, there were times when you just wanted to pound the ever-loving stuffing out of something, and it was on days like that when Collateral Damage and Deathbringer came out of retirement.  But even then, we’d opt to show our pummeled opponent mercy.  Needless to say we didn’t level up with any frequency.  But there was something satisfying about using low level characters to defeat some of the game’s bigger villains with nothing but words.

Pocket Protector liked to play brawler characters.  In real life, he was meek and avoided conflict.  And when we first started playing, he’d shown that same desire.  It had become a running gag to offer his character the chance to refuse the mission and open a dry cleaning business at the start of every new session.  But oddly enough, he started showing more confidence in game and that led to him being more confident in real life too.  So much so he even asked Building Block out.  She’d said ‘yes’ and they’d been dating ever since.

Building Block, on the other hoof, used our game night as a stress reliever.  It didn’t matter to her if we were smashing opponents and breaking things, or befriending them.  Our fantasy was a stark contrast to her reality: ever more difficult mathematics courses as she prepared for her eventual career as an engineer.  She’d long since completed all the math courses offered by our school, and had been taking college level courses to better prepare herself.

For me, it was a creative outlet.  After a few months, Dad had turned the GM role over to me and I’d been leading the way ever since.  It was rare that I got to play, but I was okay with that.  My fun was coming up with responses to the zany antics of the rest of the gang.  Not that they ever made that easy for me with the crazy plans they’d come up with.  Like the time they needed to break into a house and steal some blueprints to prevent a mad scientist from constructing a doomsday weapon.  That encounter ended with the entire neighborhood as a smoking crater.  While other times they’d harass random innocent non-player characters while the villain strolled by completely unopposed.  I got really good at thinking on my hooves as a result.

Our latest campaign was a recreation of the Terrible Trio’s attack on Canterlot.  Their characters had leveled up significantly from our first campaign, and I felt they were ready for such a challenge – and they’d indeed proven they were.  Building Block had somehow managed to keep First Strike alive over the years, and the bard was now a powerhouse.  With the villains separated from their magical artifact, it was up to her to finish them off.  “Deathbringer has successfully stolen Grogar’s Bell from Cozy Glow, and has syphoned their powers away from them.  Tirek’s reverted to his withered, ancient form.  Chrysalis has reverted back to being a regular changeling queen, and Cozy Glow’s lost her horn and is now just a very out-of-place pegasus filly.  First Strike, you’re up. Finish them.”

“Diplomacy.”

I should be used to curveballs by now.  I really, really should be.  “Pardon?”

“First Strike uses diplomacy.”

“Against a creature that eats magic, a master of deception, and a habitual manipulator?”

Building nodded.  “They’re at our mercy, let’s show them some.”

“Why?”

“Because what makes us better than them if we’re willing to do to them what they were willing to do to us?”

“The fact that we didn’t do it to them in the first place?”

“What they did to us is irrelevant.  ‘An eye for an eye’ is wrong, and you know it, Daisy.”

“The princesses didn’t give them a chance.”

Building shrugged. “We’re not the princesses, are we? Maybe the villains don’t deserve mercy. Maybe we’ll have to seal them in stone. We won’t know ‘til we try.  But I’m not attacking them until I at least offer them a chance to surrender.”

“All righty then, roll.”

“Eighteen.”

“You sing a song about friendship and the others join in one by one.  First Cozy Glow, then Tirek, and finally Chrysalis.  While your back is turned to announce your success to the rest of the party, Cozy Glow pulls a knife, Chrysalis bares her fangs, and Tirek reaches an arm out to you as if to syphon off your magic.  Roll again.”

She did.  “Sixteen.”

How does she always manage to roll so highly when using diplomacy?  “Cozy makes a show of discarding the knife, and several others, Chrysalis struggles with her facial muscles before finally getting them into a smile, and Tirek uses his outstretched hand to pull you, Cozy, and Chrysalis into a hug.”

“Like Book Smart said all those years ago, ‘Friendship and tolerance is the pony way.’  Which, if I remember correctly, was really your idea in the first place, Daisy.”

“But this was the ultimate evil.  There’s no bigger bad to throw at you.”

Building Block shrugged.  “You’ll just have to get creative for our next session and make one.”

I looked around the table to the others.  Everypony seemed satisfied with the outcome.  I had to admit, I liked it too.  Which prompted a question I didn’t voice.  Why didn’t the princesses show mercy when they had a chance to?  A shiver rolled down my spine and I tried to forget that I’d ever thought such a blasphemy.







Neighagara Falls: two years, three months, and twenty-three days ago


They say you should always be careful about what you wish for.  Back when I was a filly, I’d wished for other ponies to think I was beautiful.  They do now.  Oh gosh, all the colts who wouldn’t give me the time of day back then because I wasn’t good at sports want to woo me now.  But they still don’t like that I’m the smartest pony in school.  They want me to be a cheerleader.  Ugh!  Just what I want to do all day, stand on the sidelines and shake my hindquarters.  Not happening.

The colt I genuinely liked, the only one who’d been my friend for so many years, was nerdy like me. Unfortunately, ever since I hit puberty, he’d kept his distance because all the jocks kept vying for my attention. Book Smart had always been shy and suffered from low self-esteem, and he’d never thought he was good enough for me.

So I took matters into my own hooves and slipped him a note in our Equestrian class asking him to go to the prom with me.  His eyes flew open in shock and all he could do was nod.  If he didn’t think he was good enough for me, then I’d just have to prove to him that he was.

Mom made me a beautiful dress for the evening.  I don't come from an affluent family, and our family had always been generous when we did have extra bits.  She donated a lot to those less fortunate than us, and I’d always admired that about her. We may not have much, but at least we have each other.  And happiness.  And that happiness is worth more than all the bits in the world.  So my dress wasn’t fancy and it wasn’t from a designer label like Rarity’s Boutique, but I didn’t care and neither did my date.  Judging from his loose-fitting tux, it had once been his dad’s and had been hastily sized down for him.  I just giggled and kissed his cheek.  “You look handsome tonight.  Of course, you look handsome every night.”

Suffice it to say First String wasn’t particularly happy to see me with Book Smart at the prom.  Star athlete of the hoofball team, basketball team, and hockey team, he was also the tallest stallion in school, and he had no problems standing out in the crowd.  He also had no problems making that crowd part for him when he wanted it to. I sighed as I watched the rest of our classmates make an opening for him.

“Well, well, well.  What do we have here?  It looks like the prettiest mare in school is dancing with the wimpiest colt.  Get lost, twerp.”

Book Smart flinched.  The flight part of the ‘fight-or-flight’ response was trying to kick in, but he stood his ground.  I’d never been more proud of him, nor more worried for his safety.  “No.”

“No?  That’s a word ponies don’t say to me.”  He reared, then slammed his front hooves back down on the hard wooden floorboards of the gymnasium.  Book Smart flattened to the floor and covered his eyes with his hooves.  Not the most valiant of poses, but at least he didn’t run away.  “I’m just gonna take what’s mine now.”

“I don’t think so.  I don’t belong to you, or Book, or to anypony else but myself.”

“You don’t get it.  I’m the best thing to ever come out of this school.  I’m gonna be a pro hoofball player.  I’m going places, and you’re coming with me.”

“No First String, you’re the one who doesn’t get it.  I like Book Smart because he cared about me when nopony else did.  Do you think just because puberty was overly kind to me I could forget about all the years you ignored me or mocked me?  You’re shallow, and I have no time to waste on you.  It’s ponies like you that make him think he doesn’t stand a chance with somepony like me.  Not everypony bases their dating decisions on looks.  I don’t.  You’re eye candy, absolutely.  Which means you’d just rot my heart like candy rots teeth.”

“Sick burn.”  Book had returned to his hooves.  It was the first time I’d ever heard anypony speak to First String like that, and I thought for sure the stronger stallion was going to hit him.  First String looked to him, then looked back to me.

“Your loss.  Watch this.”  He trotted up to the band and shoved their lead singer out of the way.  “I just wanted to let all you lucky mares out there know I’m single.  Who wants to dance with next year’s top draft pick?”  Half the mares present rushed over to him, many of them leaving their own dates behind.  “Don’t crowd, there’s more than enough of me to go around, ladies.”

I kissed Book Smart on the cheek again.  “Don’t ever act like that.”

Book Smart returned the kiss.  “As long as you don’t act like all of them.”  He pushed his glasses up his snout.  “And he’s wrong.  He’s not the best thing to ever come out of this school.  You are.  You’re going places, and he’s not.  Maybe the linebackers of the National Hoofball League can knock the stupid out of him.”

“I wouldn’t bet on it.”  I laughed.  “Come on, let’s dance!”







Neighagara Falls: two years, one month, and twenty-six days ago


I looked down at the letter I held in my hoof.  I’d read the words several times over, but they hadn’t really sunk in just yet.

My looks had drawn the attention of more than just the local stallions.  Neighagara Falls was a popular vacation spot, especially for couples.  It was also frequently photographed, and more than one photographer had taken notice of me and tried to convince me to join them for a photoshoot.  A few had even tried enticing me with modeling contracts.

I’d declined all of them and had every intention of continuing to do so.  I wouldn’t have even given this most recent one a second glance if not for the fact it offered a full scholarship to any four-year school of my choice in exchange for two years of service.  I’d had a few partial scholarships offered to me based on my scholastic merits, but none was to a school actually worth attending.  Any school.  That opened up a wide array of choices.  I already attract too much attention in Equestria.  I’ll attract even more if I model for the next two years, but now that we’ve discovered there’s another world out there…  They have to have institutions of higher learning.  Maybe by then we’ll be allowed to travel there.

It was the hardest decision I’d ever made, and I had to break the news to Book Smart.

“So you’re leaving?”

“Not forever.  You’re off to college soon yourself.”  He’d gotten a partial scholarship to a school in his field of interest, library science.  “We’ve each got to do what’s right for us.  Both of us have been gifted an opportunity that’s too good to pass up.”  I kissed him.  As first kisses go, it could’ve been better.  I had no idea what I was doing, and neither did he.  “What’s important is that we’ll always love one another, no matter how far apart we are.”

“I’ll write whenever I can.”

“Me too.”  Our second kiss was a bit better.  I traced a hoof along his barrel.  “I got us something.”  I reached into my saddlebags and pulled out a pair of heart-shaped lockets and a pair of scissors.  He nodded and I cut a lock of his hair off his tail and placed it in one of the lockets.  Then I put that locket around my neck.  “Your turn.”  I offered my tail to him.

“If you’re going to be a model, don’t you need all this hair?”

“They’re not going to miss an inch.  Snip, my love.”  He did, and soon he was wearing the matching locket.  We kissed one last time.  It was going to be an awfully long time before we saw one another again, so we made it last as long as we could.  With my uncertain modeling schedule, I was unsure if I’d ever have downtime to visit home.  Still, Neighagara Falls had a reputation for lovers, so it was very possible I might find myself on photoshoots here from time to time.  Probably posing next to pompous eye candy like First String.  Ugh.  Give me substance every time.  A stallion who can make me laugh or make me think is a better pick than one who just looks good standing next to me.  Likewise, anypony who loves me for who I am, as opposed to what I look like, is the one for me.







Maris, Prance: one year, six months, and twelve days ago


Walk down the runway. Turn.  Sashay hips.  Walk back the way I came.  Repeat in a different outfit.  Modeling was neither difficult nor fulfilling work.  From what I’d heard from my coworkers, the difficult part was surviving all the backstabbing from overambitious competition.  They all knew I was only in for two reluctant years and then hightailing it to get my degree, so they left me alone for the most part. Except when photographers wanted to give me a more prominent spot than them.  That was when they were catty.

My contract saw to it that my expenses were paid while I was working in exchange for a deferred tuition reimbursement.  And since the majority of the outfits I modeled were custom tailored to fit me, I got to keep some of those, too.  That would’ve meant more to me if I actually had use for such an extensive wardrobe.  My travel arrangements were handled by the agency, and my meals and makeup were picked up by whoever the client was at any given time.  Unlike the others, I didn’t receive a paycheck for any of the photoshoots I was sent on.  On the downside, it meant I couldn’t afford to travel home during my downtime, so I sent a lot of letters home to Book Smart and my family.  The plus side was that it freed up more of my time to study for my eventual trip to Earth.  Learning multiple foreign languages without the benefit of somepony to practice conversing with may not be impossible, but it was certainly challenging.

I really didn’t fit in with the other models.  Fleur-de-Lis was the top model of this generation, and she was the only one I could’ve named off the top of my head before I entered the field of work myself.  Now that I’ve worked with her, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that she’s the prettiest mare I’ve ever laid eyes on.  She’s built like an alicorn, and I have no problem seeing what other ponies see in her.  I’m not built like that, and I’m not really sure what sets me apart from others.  Supposedly I have a nice flank.  I guess that’s a compliment?  I’d rather get compliments on my accomplishments as opposed to my hindquarters.  I don’t think with my butt.  Ha!  Considering some of the comments I’ve heard my coworkers make, I guess that’s another way I differ from the rest of them.

Aside from Fleur, the rest of the ponies I work with liked to party constantly.  As soon as a photoshoot was over, they immediately headed to the nearest club.  Which left the two of us plenty of time to talk.

Overcome with curiosity, one day I blurted out, “How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Keep your marriage to Fancy Pants strong no matter how much distance is between you.”

“It helps that Fancy Pants also travels frequently.  We try to coordinate things to be as close to one another’s schedules as possible.”

“I miss my coltfriend.”

“Understandable.  That’s why the rest of them don’t date anypony.  They’re single, and they live it up.”

I nodded.  “Even if I was single, that’s not the lifestyle I’d ever choose for myself.  I’ve always been a nerd.  And then this happened.”  I motioned towards my body.  “It surprised me just as much as it surprised everypony else.  I’ll always think of myself as the nerdy dork with her snout buried in a book.  The one the other kids grumbled about because she broke the curve on every single test.”

“Just because you’re pretty doesn’t mean you can’t be smart.  And just because you’re smart doesn’t mean you can’t be pretty.  Your beauty doesn’t diminish your intelligence any more than your intelligence diminishes your beauty.  I know that modeling isn’t your thing, but take advantage of it.  Right now you have somepony to do your makeup and your hooves.  Watch how they do it and take note of what products they use.  When you go back to your normal life, nothing says you can’t look as gorgeous as you do now.  Your coltfriend will appreciate it.”

She made sense.  I nodded and thanked her for the advice.  She was right, just because I didn’t see myself as pretty didn’t mean I couldn’t change that mental image.







Ponyville: yesterday


Book Smart had journeyed with me to the portal to see me off.  He was halfway through college, so regrettably he couldn’t join me for the voyage.  He’d wanted to, but I stopped him.  I was off to get my education, and he needed to finish his too.  He’d be done before me, and then he could come join me… if the rules allowed it by that point.  Otherwise it was going to be another five years before we saw one another.

I’d taken Fleur’s advice.  I was still styling my mane, and using all the beauty products I’d been using during my modeling career.  Book Smart kissed my cheek and whispered into my ear.  “You’re beautiful.  Stop hiding it behind all that makeup.”

He’s not the most romantic of ponies, and yet, every once in a while, he’ll say something that makes my heart go pitter-patter.  I nuzzled him.  “You’re sweet.”

“You’re sweeter.”  He hugged me.  I leaned into it, staring into his deep blue eyes.

I hated to break the embrace, but it was time to go.  “I need to get going.”

“I know.  I love you.”

I kissed him.  “I love you more!”

“No way!”

“Yes way!”  I winked and blew him a kiss as I trotted through the door to go through security.







Pine Barrens, New Jersey: today


The ride to the consulate was interesting.  There was nothing like a bus in Equestria, and it was equal parts fascinating and nauseating.  Human technology is absolutely incredible.  Despite having no physical magic of their own, they’ve created technical masterpieces ponies haven’t dreamed up.  That said, the seats weren’t particularly comfortable.  I could tell at a glance they were the stock seats designed for humans with a quick retrofit for ponies.  Hopefully they’ll upgrade to actual equine seats as ponies become more common on Earth.

I was browsing some college pamphlets while we were riding, trying to decide what schools I was going to apply to.  The problem was every time the bus crested a hill or took a sharp corner I could feel my stomach churning.  One of the other ponies on the bus said the natives called it “carsickness” and it was only exasperated by my reading during the ride.

I was so lost in thought I didn’t even see the blue unicorn until she plopped down on the seat next to me.  “Hello?”

“Hi!  I’m Snowcatcher, and I was wondering what your plans are now that you’re here on Earth?”

I hoofed a few of the brochures over to her.  “My name’s Daisy Dreams and I’m trying to decide on a school to attend.”  Yale, Harvard, Rutgers, Princeton, and Mount Holyoke were my top choices.  I’d be the first pony attending school on Earth, and a number of institutions of higher learning had been happy to accept my applications.  I’m not sure if it was my grades, or the novelty of being the first school on Earth to host a pony, but I didn’t receive a single rejection.  Three of these were Ivy League schools, which apparently had some prestige attached to them.  That meant they were probably pretentious, and with my earth pony roots in a small town, that didn’t sit well with me.  The names would mean nothing back in Equestria, just as Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns had no prestige here on Earth.  As a simple mare with simple tastes, I was leaning towards Rutgers or Mount Holyoke, the latter of which being an all-girls school appealed to me.

“Where are you going to stay in the meantime?”

“I figured I’d use the stipend and get a hotel for a few months until classes start.”  I didn’t mention I was already used to living in hotels. Thankfully, she didn’t seem to recognize me.  My modeling career was in the past, and I didn’t even want to think about it ever again. That shouldn’t be a problem on Earth, and if I decide to return to Equestria five years hence, hopefully that would be enough time for any ad campaigns featuring me to have run their course.

As soon as I said that I could see the gears in her mind turning.  “If you’re going to spend your whole stipend on a hotel anyway, why not pool your money with some of us and we can open our own Equestrian style hotel.  You’d have someplace to live between semesters.  Or you could even commute.”

That sounded appealing.  “Who else is going in on this besides you and me?”

“I don’t know yet.  Let me go ask some ponies.”  She smiled.  “I need to crunch some numbers when we get to the consulate.  I need some data on regulations and land prices.  But I know we’ll need more than just the two of us.  Well, three.  I know Dewdrop’s in on whatever I decide.  We’ll probably need at least a dozen of us, maybe more.  I’ll start asking now.”

“Good luck!”  I dismissed it as a pipe dream on her part.  No way was she going to convince that many ponies to go in together with our stipends.  I could tell just by looking around that the stipend was all the money in the world some of these ponies had to their names.  But if she could get it to work, that would be great.  It would be nice to have a ‘home’ so to speak, and it would also be nice to be around other ponies considering I’d be exclusively around humans at school.

I went back to looking at the brochures.  Rutgers or Mount Holyoke?  We’d be passing right by New Brunswick on the way to New York, so at least I’d get to see the main Rutgers campus from the bus.  With the exception of Princeton, it would be the closest of all of these choices to the portal.  And since either I’d be returning to Equestria someday, or Book Smart would be moving here, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to stay close.  As an added bonus Rutgers was about halfway between the portal and the consulate.  I might need the consul’s services again in the future.  The more I thought about it, the more Rutgers was looking like the best choice.  I looked through their brochure again.

Sadly, I can only go to one school.  They all had such good programs, and I wanted to go to all of them.  But there can be only one, and I’d made my decision.  I kept watching the exits on the New Jersey Turnpike as we continued closer to their campus.  I pressed my snout against the window as we passed, but the view was blocked by a passing tractor trailer.

Snowcatcher eventually sat down beside me again.  “I’m up to eight.  That’s not enough, but it’s not a bad start.  You still in?”

I nodded.  If she couldn’t find enough other ponies to go in on it, I could still fall back on my original plan.  It really didn’t make that much of a difference to me, though it would be really convenient if she could pull it off.

“Did you make a decision?”

“I think so.  Rutgers seems most in line with what I’m looking for.  And we just passed it a few minutes ago.”

She took the brochure from me and looked at it longingly.  “I'm not going to lie, I’m jealous.  It looks like a great school.  I wish I could go too.”

“You could always apply.”

She gave me a sad little half-smile.  “I’ve got to focus on getting this hotel off the ground.  I was nervous when it was just Dewey and myself that I was looking out for.  Now though, there’s eight of us counting on me.  And soon there will be more.  You’ll just have to learn enough for both of us and teach me too.  The degree isn’t the important part, it’s the knowledge that really matters.”

I smiled at her.  “You know; those may be the wisest words I’ve ever heard.”

“Ponies often lose sight of their goals and what’s really important in life.  What’s your major going to be?”

“I haven’t really decided yet.”

“If you plan on going back to Equestria when you’re done, go for something with technology.  Look around at all of this – what these humans have done without magic is incredible.  You’d be the only pony in the world with that skill set.  If you’re planning on staying here, pick something that sets you apart from the rest of the herd.  Play to your strengths.  From what I’ve read, overpopulation is a problem on Earth and people are worried they won’t have enough food to go around in the future.  But imagine what you could do if you mixed human technology with earth pony magic.”

I started picturing it.  “Who are you?”

“Snowcatcher.  I thought I introduced myself earlier.  I apologize if I didn’t.”

“You did.  But I mean, what’s your background?  These are good ideas.”

“Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns.  First in my class.”  Her horn lit up and she pulled her degree from her saddlebags.  “We’re all in this together, for better or worse.  If we can get along with griffons, dragons, zebras, yaks, and all the rest back home, we can get along with humans too.  And maybe we can improve both worlds in the process.”

“I’d like that.”

“We all would.  Some of us just don’t know it yet.”  She smiled and lost herself in her thoughts.

With no further conversation forthcoming, I looked out the window.  We were on a suspension bridge larger than any I’d ever seen, and the city skyline we’d been traveling closer to was now lost amongst the individual buildings looming in front of us.  It was then the magnitude of everything finally hit me.  This city is much bigger than anything I’ve ever seen on Equus, and I’ve been to Manehattan, Equestria’s largest city.  What have I gotten myself into?
> Act I: Dewdrop Dazzle
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------





Whinnyapolis: sixteen years, zero months, and thirty days ago


According to Mommy, the first snowfall of the year was always a big deal in Whinnyapolis.  She’d bundled me up in a heavy winter coat, boots, and a scarf Nana had crocheted for my birthday.  I rode on her back to the big hill outside town.

I stood at the base of the hill watching ponies skiing and sledding.  That looks like fun!  But Mommy hadn’t brought a sled with us, so all I could do was watch.  Maybe I can build a snowmare with some of the other fillies.

I heard a whooshing sound and looked up – a sled was heading right for me.  I squeezed my eyes shut and flattened to the ground in anticipation of the crash.  Soon I was airborne, wondering why getting hit by a speeding sled didn’t hurt.

I cautiously opened my eyes and saw the filly on the sled was levitating me.  The sled gradually lost momentum and we slid to a stop.  I looked down at the filly who was levitating me – she was about my age and already strong enough to levitate somepony her own size.  That’s impressive!  My own horn barely sparked whenever I tried to do magic. Even though we’d come to a stop the other unicorn was still floating me in her magic.  “Are you gonna put me down, now?  Please?”

“Huh?”

“Put me down!”

“I don’t know how!”

She looked left, and I turned with her.  Then she looked right and I went with her again.  She looked up and I went higher.  Not helping.  Then she looked down and I crashed into the powdery snow. I poked my head up and saw her bounding towards me.

She apologized as she helped me out of the snow.  “I’m sorry! I don’t know how I did that!  I’ve never lifted anything before!”  She held up a hoof to bump.  “I’m Snowcatcher, but you can call me Snowy.”

“Dewdrop Dazzle.”  I shook myself out as best I could.  “But you can call me Dewey.”

“Nice to meet you!” She curtseyed, and I tried to do the same but slipped, falling muzzle first into the same snowbank I’d just been pulled out of.  She bit onto my tail and tugged me out for the second time.  “Wanna come sledding with me?” she asked.

“Sure!”  She’s lucky she has a sled!

I helped her pull the sled up the hill and she showed me the proper way to ride on the sled so I wouldn’t fall off.  Since I was behind her, I kicked off and down the hill we sped.  It was fun, and we zipped down the hill.  Everything was going good until the trees appeared in front of us.  I told Snowy to steer left, but she didn’t know how.  We both leaned to that side and fell off the sled entirely.  Snowy skidded to a stop and I tumbled into her. I had no idea where her sled got to.

I stood up, dusting snow off my coat yet again.  Snowy checked to see if I was okay, retrieved the sled, and invited me to go again.  I didn’t even hesitate.  I wanted to keep sledding and between the two of us we’d figure out how to steer it eventually.

“Besties?” she asked.

“Besties,” I replied, tugging on the sleigh to drag it back up the hill.









Whinnyapolis: thirteen years, eleven months, and twenty-six days ago


I sat in the waiting room, tapping my hoof restlessly.  The place reminded me of my doctor’s office and I wanted to turn tail and bolt out of there.  But Daddy was in there talking to some unicorn stallion.  Mommy was reading some fashion magazine that had been on the coffee table when we came in.

“Dewdrop?”

I looked up – the stallion my father had been talking to was motioning for me to join them in the office. Mommy ushered me inside.

“Good afternoon, Dewdrop. My name is Yapple Dapple, and I’m going to show you how to use your magic.  Why don’t you show me what can you do?”

“Not much.”  My horn sparked as I tried to coalesce magic into it.

“What are you trying to do?”

“Anything!”  I reared and threw my front hooves up in frustration.

“Magic needs to be focused, Dewdrop.  We’ll start with the basics.  Illuminate is one of the easiest spells.”  Yapple turned out the light.  “Now that it’s dark, we can see the results of our spell better.”  His horn brightened the room for a few seconds with a yellowish-green glow. “Now you try.”

I closed my eyes and focused on my horn.  Illuminate.  Light.  Glow you stupid horn!  My horn emitted a few mint-colored sparks, but that was it. The same as always.

Yapple nodded.  “You may be trying too hard.  It’s dark in here.  I want you to close your eyes and picture the sun in your mind.  A millennium ago unicorns raised the sun every day.  That connection is still there; the sun is in your blood.”

I looked at a scabbed over wound from when I’d taken a shortcut through some brambles.  I didn’t recall seeing it emitting light when it was bleeding.  Yapple Dapple saw me looking at my leg and explained that that was a figure of speech. The important part was that my tribe had moved the sun more than a thousand years ago and unicorns still had a sympathetic connection there.

“Think of it this way – the sun is inside you and wants to get out.  Let the sun out and light this room, Dewdrop.”

I pushed my left legs and right legs apart, bracing myself as I clenched my eyes shut.  I poured all my concentration into my horn, ignoring everything else around me.  I pictured the sun, I pictured light.  “Illuminate!”

My horn sparked but the room didn’t get any lighter.

“It’s okay, Dewdrop, this is your first lesson, after all.  It’ll come to you.  One day you’ll be able to do things like this.”  He grabbed a few items from around the room and levitated them around his head in a spinning circle.  “Yapple Dapple!”  His field flickered and the items he was levitating all crashed to the ground and he shrugged.  “I guess I yappled instead of dappled.”

I couldn’t help but laugh as he picked everything up.  “Are you okay?”

He nodded.  “Even adults fail sometimes.  It’s okay to mess up.  Just remember that nopony’s perfect.  Not me, not your parents, and not your teachers.  Even Princess Celestia makes mistakes.  What’s important is that you learn from them.”

“So what did you learn from that mistake?”

“I learned that you have a cute smile.  You should smile more often and stop stressing about what you can’t do right now. You’ll get the hang of it eventually. Let me worry about teaching you magic – guaranteed or your parents’ money back!”

“Why did everything drop when you said your name?”

“My special talent involves canceling all magic around me, and I activate that by saying my name.”

“Canceling magic?”

He nodded.  “Mr. Dazzle, could you lift this in your field, please?”  My father levitated a rubber duck.  “Yapple Dapple.”  As soon as he spoke the words, the duck fell to the ground with a squeak as my father’s magical field sputtered out.  

“It comes in really handy when a student has a magical surge.  That’s why it activates when I say my name – just in case I’m incapacitated.”

“Does that happen often?”

“Once every month or two.” He moved a potted plant, revealing scorch marks on the wall.  “I haven’t gotten around to repainting yet.”  He lifted a painting off the wall; there was a hole underneath.  “It also forces me to redecorate periodically, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  Come to think of it, that window in the corner wasn’t always there.  That colt’s surge actually caused structural damage.  Last I checked he was an apprentice mage in Tackoma. It’s been a while; he might be a mage by now.”

“And you taught him magic?” I gasped.

“I helped to, anyway.”

“Wow!”  With Yapple teaching me, I could be a mage someday!









Whinnyapolis: twelve years, ten months, and seven days ago


Yapple Dapple was waiting for us at the door of his office, and instead of ushering us inside, he locked his door and flipped his sign around to ‘closed’.  He motioned for us to follow him, and he led the way to an ice cream parlor a few blocks away.

It was a blustery winter day, but ponies unable to eat ice cream on the coldest day of the year rarely stayed in Whinnyapolis for long.  The cold didn’t bother any of us.  Though that didn’t stop me from ordering a hot chocolate to go with my blueberry ice cream cone.

“Dewdrop, you’ve been receiving lessons from me for a little over a year, and in that time I’ve seen no progress at all.”

My ears flattened in shame.

“That’s not your fault.” He levitated some papers over to my parents.  “It’s my teaching that’s deficient.  I have good news and bad news.  The good news is, Dewdrop’s test results are in.  She doesn’t have a magical deficiency.  Quite the opposite, in fact.  She seems to have an impressive mana reserve.”

I didn’t know what all that meant, but the relief on my parents’ faces was contagious, so I smiled too. Though it made me curious. “What’s the bad news?”

“I’m completely out of ideas on how to unlock your potential.”  He levitated a bag of bits onto the table.  “In two decades of teaching magic, this is only the second time I’ve had to offer a refund.  You’re capable of greatness, Dewey, but I’m not the one who’s going to help you achieve it. I’m sorry.”  He gave my parents a stack of business cards.  “These are some of my peers.  I’ve discussed your case with all of them, and each of these ponies is willing to take you on as a student at no cost.  Maybe one of them can explain things in a way I can’t. Once again, I’m sorry I failed you, Dewdrop.”

I ate my ice cream in silence as Yapple Dapple left to return to his office.  I can do magic.  But nopony knows how.









Whinnyapolis: eleven years, nine months, and eighteen days ago


Much to my delight, spring had come early to the upper plains of northern Equestria.  The snow had melted quickly, leaving lots of puddles behind.  I was thrilled, being one of the rare ponies that likes wet and rainy days, taking to puddles like a duck to water.

I was in my element, while my bestest friend in the whole world, Snowy, was in mourning.  Winter had passed, and she was struggling to hold onto it despite the ever increasing temperatures.  Snowy’s a silly pony sometimes. There she was, trying to make a snowpony out of the rapidly melting slush, while I happily splashed through the meltwater the snow was leaving behind.

Snowy and I were a lot alike.  So much so, I’d taken to calling her my sister from another mister.  We were born less than three months apart.  We were both half-breeds, each of us having one pegasus parent and one unicorn parent.  We were both named in line with pegasus traditions despite being unicorns.  And we both really liked playing in the rain and snow.

There were some differences between us, of course.  Our coloration was similar, but my coat was more on the greenish side of blue-green while Snowy’s was firmly on the blue side.  She was better at magic – Snowy was well ahead of other unicorns our age, while I couldn’t get my horn to do anything more than spark uselessly.  And, perhaps the biggest difference of all, my flank was still blank and she got her cutie mark playing in the snow a few months ago.

You’d think getting a cutie mark would make her happy, but she’d been pretty bummed out since not long after she got it.  Our teacher thought for sure she was going to be an archmage someday, but now everypony just dismissed her as a wannabe.  It hated seeing that.  She’s still the same awesome filly she’s always been, what does it matter if her cutie mark is of a snowflake instead of a shooting star?

Seeing the reactions of all the adults around us is why I wasn’t jealous that my friend got her cutie mark before me.  Part of me was jealous, but at the same time I was worried my own mark would be as much of a disappointment to everypony as hers.  With similar interests it was likely mine would be similar to hers.  If I had to guess what mine’s gonna be, I’d pick waterproof boots for jumping through puddles.

Thankfully, expectations weren’t as high for me as they were for her.  Being so far behind the rest of the unicorns my age, nopony was planning my future for me.  Well, except my parents.  Mom wants me to work on the weather team like she does, while Dad’s hoping I’m a late bloomer and that my magic will get stronger eventually. But that’s all for future Dewey to worry about.  Right now there’s puddles that need splashing in!









Whinnyapolis: eleven years, nine months, and zero days ago


The snow was finally gone, and so were the puddles.  I’d been begging Mom to make it rain for two days, but she said the water levels were already too high.  It was warmer than it had been a few weeks ago, but it was still too cold to go down to the lake and go swimming.  Snowy and I wandered the streets of town, dejectedly.

“Wanna go to the arcade?”

“Nah.”  That was a lie, but my allowance had been withheld this week because I tracked mud into the house.  Again.

“We could catch a movie? Or go for ice cream.”

I had to give Snowy credit; she was at least trying to have a good time despite the sunny weather.  We just needed to think up something that didn’t cost any bits.  “Let’s go to the playground.”  Snowy nodded at my suggestion and followed my lead.

We took turns going down the slides and pushing each other on the swings, then we spun on the carousel for a bit.  Eventually we just started playing tag, dashing up and down the seesaws and weaving in and out of the rest of the playground’s equipment.

I stopped mid-gallop when I heard the quacking of a duckling.  That was mistake number one.  Snowcatcher was it, and she was hot on my hooves at the time I came to a halt. She couldn’t slow down in time, and instead slammed into me, flattening me to the ground while simultaneously catapulting over me.  She landed in a heap a few yards away, but quickly bounced to her hooves.  “That totally counts as a tag!  You’re it!”

I stood up and shook the cobwebs off.  I’d taken the brunt of the impact, cushioning her fall, yet I didn’t appear all the worse for wear.  “You win.” I conceded defeat and turned my attention towards the quacking I’d heard.  I poked my snout into the bushes and found a few mallard ducklings sitting around a dried up puddle.

“Poor little duckies.” Snowy had squeezed in next to me.

I sat there looking from the ducks to the sky and back.  If the weather team wouldn’t give them rain, I’d just have to do it myself.  Horn sparking, I stood up and aimed it straight up into the sky.

“Dewey?  What are you doing?”

I poured everything I had into a stream of raw magic with one basic request: rain.  The clouds above turned from white and fluffy to dark and stormy.  A minute later it wasn’t raining so much as it was pouring.  I guess I’d overdone it.  There was a flash of lightning behind me and I yelled to Snowy that we should head for cover.

“That wasn’t lightning! You got your cutie mark!”

I whipped my head around and much to my surprise I saw an umbrella sheltering a pair of hearts. That was way better than the galoshes I’d been expecting!  “Woo-hoo!” I dashed through the rain, splashing in all the puddles along the way, Snowy struggling to keep up.









Whinnyapolis: eleven years, seven months, and twenty-nine days ago


Snowy and I stood next to the largest lake in the area.  It was getting warmer, but it was still too cold to go swimming.  Not that that was why we were there.

“Come on, Dewey.”

“What do you expect me to do, Snowy?”

“I don’t know, exactly. But I have a theory.  Or hypothesis, rather.”

“Enlighten me. Because Sun and Moon know my horn certainly won’t.”

“Your magic seems to be tied to water somehow.  The exploding fountain at school, the rainstorm you summoned when you got your cutie mark…  There’s a pattern here, I’m just not sure what it is.  So we’re going to experiment a bit.”

I groaned.  “Snowy, please give up.  I already have, my magic tutor refunded my parents because he couldn’t teach me, and none of the others he recommended were able to either.”

“He doesn’t know you like I do.”  She picked up a pebble and threw it at me.

“Hey!”  I dodged it.  “What are you doing?”

“Come on, block it.” She tossed another pebble at me, but I sidestepped it again.

“I don’t know how!” My pleas for her to stop went unheeded as she continued picking up pebbles.  Nothing big enough to hurt me, but that didn’t mean I wanted to be pelted with tiny rocks.

“You wanted the bullies to stop picking on me, and the fountain exploded.  You wanted it to rain for the ducks, and it did.  I wanted you to get out of the way when I was sledding all those years ago and somehow I lifted you.  I don’t think you need to ‘know how’ to make something happen so much as you need to really want something to happen.”

“I really want my horn to light up but it still won’t.”  A pebble hit me while I was distracted.  “Ow!”

“Come on, Dewey.  I know you can do it.  You really want to block the rocks.”  She shrugged.  “I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t think of anything else to trigger this.”

If she couldn’t think of anything else, I did the only thing I could do – I galloped away as she continued hurling rocks at me.  She picked up pebbles from in front of me, forcing me to change direction.  I looked behind me and saw more stones headed my way. Before I knew it I’d reached the shore of the lake and had nowhere left to go but into the water.

I plunged in, wading out a few yards from shore so only my head was above the water.  It was colder than I would’ve liked, but it was better than having rocks hit me.

Except pebbles kept raining down on me from the beach.  I started splashing her, hoping that somehow cold water would be enough to deter a mare who was most comfortable in snow.  That had about as much hope of succeeding as me lighting my horn.

I kept splashing her harder and harder and eventually she screamed in terror.  I looked up, and a wave had her pinned to the sandy beach. It was just floating there, from the lake to Snowcatcher.  I could feel a connection to the water.  It would do anything I wanted, and right now it was holding Snowy as still as could be.

“That worked, Dewey. You can let me go now.  Please?”

“I dunno.  You’ve been throwing rocks at me.  I feel like that’s pretty awful behavior for a friend to exhibit.”

“Hey!  They were tiny pebbles and I proved the hypothesis!  You can do magic!  The ends justify the means, right?”

“Nope.”  I pulled the wave back, flinging Snowcatcher into the frigid lake.  She may have very strong magic, but she really needs to work on her pony skills.  Much as she’d picked tiny pebbles so as not to hurt me, I knew a dip in the snowmelt-laden lake wouldn’t hurt her.  Snow and cold didn’t bother her, and I was quickly determining that water didn’t bother me, either.  Not even cold water.

Snowy surfaced, spitting out water.  “Yeah, I deserved that.”  Then she splashed me.  “Now that you know how, show me what you can do.”

“Careful what you wish for, Snowy.”  I grinned and Snowy disappeared beneath the surface.  I created an air bubble around her head, then kept her beneath the waves, completely at my mercy until her air supply started running out.  I brought her to the surface and she gasped, inhaling fresh air.  “Impressed?”

“Yes.”  She swam to shore and shook herself dry.

It was a pity I wasn’t done with her yet.  I grasped her tail with the water, and the liquid water felt solid to me as I yanked my friend back into the water.

“Hey!”

“Doesn’t my bestie want to play in the water with me?”

“Will my bestie forgive me if I do?”

“You know it!”  I hugged her, letting her know that I wouldn’t hold it against her.  Besides, now I can do magic.  She succeeded where even the professionals failed.  But her methods need some work…





Canterlot: eleven years, six months, and ten days ago


It was crowded in the auditorium of Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns.  Most of the other prospective students were nervous, but I wasn’t.  I knew I had no hope of passing the tests, regardless of whatever shenanigans Snowy was planning on cooking up.  I knew I didn’t belong there, so there was no reason to be nervous.

Snowy, on the other hoof…  I looked over at my best friend, who was practically bursting with nervous energy, not that she had anything to worry about.  She’s got this.  Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns would be foolish not to accept her.  I only came here to support Snowy.  They’ll dismiss me as unworthy and I’ll go back to Whinnyapolis while she stays here in Canterlot.  I’ll miss her, of course.  She’s my best friend.  She’s my only friend…

One by one they pulled us inside a room to impress our evaluators.  Snowy emerged from the room and I knew it was my turn.  She held the door for me, and I entered the room of doom. Four ponies sat behind desks with clipboards in their magical auras.  I gasped when I saw one of them was Princess Celestia herself.  I hastily bowed, but she told me to rise to my hooves.

The first test was simple by unicorn standards.  Simple for any unicorn other than me, anyway.  All I needed to do was light my horn.  The simplest of all unicorn magic, yet it was something I’d never managed to accomplish.  I gulped. Princess Celestia was sitting right there in front of me, next to three gifted mages, and I couldn’t even make a spark of magic to impress them with.  Two words came to my mind: epic fail.

Much to my surprise my horn lit up in a brilliant ball of light.  It was then I saw Snowy hiding under one of the desks in the very back of the room.  Snowy, you’re the best friend a filly could ask for. But they’re going to figure out that I cheated my way in when I fail every test I take.  I just hope they don’t kick you out too.

I scrunched my face up in concentration and a faint orchid glow filled my vision – Snowy’s magical aura. The objects in front of me levitated, dancing through the air as the observers scribbled notes on their clipboards.

The rest of the tests were no problem for Snowy, though they would’ve been too much for me. Eventually we were done, and Princess Celestia looked at the clock.  “I think this is a good place to stop for lunch.  We’ll pick up with the next in line in an hour.”

The other three reviewers left the room and I started to follow them but found myself restrained by a golden aura.  “I’m sure you’re anxious to eat, Dewdrop, but I’d like to talk with you first.  And you too, Snowcatcher.”

Busted.  So very busted. That didn’t take long at all.  Snowy emerged from her hiding spot and stood next to me as we awaited judgement.  “Did you fillies know that every unicorn’s magic has its own distinctive signature? Or did you just think we wouldn’t notice Snowcatcher took the entrance exam twice?”

“I don’t belong here.”

Snowy nuzzled me. “Yes, you do.”

“I can’t even light my own horn.”  I closed my eyes and focused as hard as possible on my horn.  It sparked with a few hints of mint green magic and gave off a faint glow.  “That’s the best I can do.  I can’t levitate anything at all.”

Snowy sighed.  “She sells herself short.  Do you have a lake near here?”  The princess quirked an eyebrow but nodded.  “Can you take us there, please?”

“An odd request, but I requested an explanation and you’ve piqued my curiosity.  Consider it done.”  With a brilliant flash we were standing on the shore of an alpine lake higher up the mountain.  I could see the town of Canterlot below us, the castle standing prominently over it.

“Whoa.  Can you teach me that?  Please?”

Celestia smiled at Snowy. “We’ll see, my little pony. That’ll depend on Dewdrop proving she belongs in my school.  Because if she doesn’t, I’m not accepting your application either.”

Snowy shrugged.  “She will.  If she’s not allowed in, I don’t want to go here anyway.”

“You can’t throw your future away like that.”

“I’m not.  I have faith in you.”  She patted my withers.

“No pressure.”

Snowy shrugged again. “No pressure.  Whatever happens, happens.  We’ll still be friends no matter what, and that’s the most important part.”

I sighed and stepped up to the edge of the lake.  “What should I do?”

“Just be yourself, Dewey.”

I jumped into the lake. Even the summertime sun couldn’t take the chill out of the frigid water.  In hindsight, I probably should’ve waded in slowly.  Magic air bubble time.  I spent the next twenty minutes exploring the bottom of the lake, not that there was anything of any interest.  We were high up on a mountain, so there were no shipwrecks or even fish.  There was nothing in the lake except crystal clear water.  I could easily see Snowy and the princess on the shore, so I waved to them.

My bubble’s air supply ran out after twenty minutes, so I returned to the surface.  “Thank you, princess.  This lake is perfect.”  I turned around to face the depths from which I’d just emerged and my horn ignited. My magic impacted the surface and suddenly the tranquil lake turned turbulent.  Waves crashed along the shoreline and I fired a blast of magic into the sky as well.  Soon it started pouring.  “Because there are no fish in this lake, I don’t feel the least built guilty for what I’m about to do.”  Two more blasts erupted from my horn, one towards the lake and one towards the clouds. The lake froze solid, waves and all, while the rain turned into snow.

“Thank you, Dewdrop, for that wonderful demonstration of your talents.  Would you mind returning the lake back to normal now?”

I nodded at the princess’ request, returning the lake to its tranquil, liquid state.

“I haven’t seen a water elemental in centuries.”

“Did she pass her entrance exam?”

Princess Celestia nodded. “You were right, my little pony, she belongs here too.  And our tests never would have discovered that.”  She turned to me.  “More importantly, Dewdrop, we have ways to teach you to harness your power over water to substitute for the basics.  For example, there’s water vapor in the air around you, and you can use that in place of levitation.  When you consider that water covers approximately 70% of the planet’s surface, then factor in that everypony requires water to survive, and then throw in the fact that water comprises about 60% of our bodies, having power over water is a truly amazing gift.”

Snowy pouncehugged me and the princess giggled.  “I suppose this means the two of you would like to be roommates?”  We both nodded.  “I’ll make sure the arrangements are made.  There’s just one last thing.  There’s still the little matter of the fact that the two of you were cheating. You could’ve just come right out and stated you were a water elemental instead of going to all that effort.  We could’ve adjusted things accordingly.  I think a suitable punishment is hoofing it back to the school.”  She vanished with a pop, leaving the two of us standing there, gawking at the place she’d just been standing.

“I’m totally learning how to do that.”

“I wish you already knew.”

“Me too, Dewey, me too. Hey, you know, she didn’t say we had to go back immediately.  Think this is one of those mountains that has snow year ‘round?”

“Only one way to find out.” I grinned.

“Race you to the top!”

“You’re on!”









Canterlot: eleven years, three months, and one day ago


I sat in the front row of Majesty's classroom, next to Snowy.  She was furiously scribbling notes with her magic.  Notes that I'd have to borrow once we were back in our dormroom since I couldn't mouthwrite as fast as our teacher could talk.

The classroom grew brighter as Princess Celestia entered.  “Dewdrop Dazzle.”

I quickly bowed to the princess, and she excused me from class.  I followed her downstairs into the school's basement.

“Dewdrop, I’ve seen you struggling here, despite having the best teachers Equestria has to offer, and even a friend like Snowcatcher who’s so willing to help.  That’s understandable considering how rare your talents are, but it’s completely unacceptable for my school not to accommodate every student who goes here. So I’ve decided to try something a little unorthodox.  This isn’t a decision I made lightly, but I feel it’s in your best interests and I’m willing to take a chance if it means you succeed.  From now on you’ll be getting one on one instructions.”

A pair of royal guards entered, with a very reluctant stallion between them.  He had the look of a colt who’d been forced to play dress up when all he wanted to do was roll around in the dirt.

“This is Seven Seas. You may remember I mentioned that we haven’t had a water mage in hundreds of years.  Seven Seas was the last one.  Fortunately, I was able to revive him from a prolonged stay in the statuary.”

“Yarrr.”  Princess Celestia glared at him.  “I mean… I be Seven Seas.  Pleased to meet ye, lass.  I’ll be teachin’ ye to use your powers.”

“Seven Seas was a rather notorious pirate in his day and was sentenced to the statue garden for his crimes. He’ll be instructing you in your magic… under supervision, of course.  In exchange, the Crown is offering him a full pardon if he cooperates.”

“Hang yer pardon. Everypony I gave a whale’s blowhole about has been dead ‘n’ buried for centuries.  I’m only doin’ this because I know what it’s like to struggle mightily with even the simplest tasks.  Grabbin’ things with my mouth like a common mudpony ‘til I figured out me powers. But I showed ‘em all in the end.”

“Ahem.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m not s’posed to be braggin’ ‘bout that.  Or calling other tribes derogatory slurs.  I have a lot of ‘adjusting’ to do to modern society.  Or so they be tellin’ me.”

“Despite being rough around the edges, by choosing to show you how to harness your powers in a way that will help you in daily life, Seven Seas has shown that underneath his gruff exterior is a pony who cares.  You’ll, of course, have other teachers for the rest of your subjects.  I’ll see to it that your schedule matches Snowcatcher’s as much as possible.  Also, for obvious reasons, Seven Seas won’t be going anywhere without his guard detail or a magic inhibitor.”

“I’m sayin’ this for your benefit, Princess.  I’ll play by your rules for me parole.  Ain’t got no reason not to.  No ship, no crew.  All I got to me name is this piece of onyx jewelry that makes me an earth pony with a decorative horn.  Can’t even pawn the cursed thing.”  He sighed. “So let’s be getting started, shall we? Ye probably think ye’ve been cursed, and in a way ye have.  Ye’ve also been blessed, filly.”

I looked up at the pirate, while Celestia watched both of us with what looked to be a hint of amusement in her eyes.

“Ponies is made up of mostly water.  Close ye eyes.  My guards and I will be moving ever so quietly to another spot in the basement. Use your senses and see if’n ye can be tellin’ where we are.”

I’d never even considered that I could ‘feel’ the ponies around me, but once I took notice of it I couldn’t not sense it.  “You’re by the furnace.  That’s… that’s way cool.  And Princess Celestia is…”  I opened my eyes.  The source of water I’d sensed by the windows had disappeared when I’d said her name. “…Apparently teleporting away.”

“Nopony ever got the drop on me ‘ceptin’ when I was sleeping.”  He chuckled.  “Yarr, lass, now I want ye to be findin’ the closest source of water.”

I closed my eyes and flattened my ears, letting my other senses overwhelm me.  Unsurprisingly the bathroom was the nearest large source of water. But I could also sense moisture in the air around me and the pipes running through the building.

“Yarr, by that smile on yer lips I be thinking the pieces are fittin’ together right nicely inside yer head.  I wish I’d’ve known that trick meself when I was a wee lad yer age.  These are the tools ye’ve been given, and I’ll teach ye how to make the best of them.”

I can’t wait to see Snowy’s face when I tell her I have an honest to goodness pirate as my teacher.  Heh, he’s a pirate, so that’s probably more accurately ‘dishonest to goodness’.









Canterlot: nine years, four months, and sixteen days ago


I relaxed on the shore of what I’d come to think of as ‘our’ alpine lake.  Snowy and I were the only ones who ever came here, and it was the perfect place to come to get away from it all.

Unsurprisingly, Snowy had excelled at the courses offered at the school, while I’d struggled.  Part of me wanted to drop out and continue at the normal school back home, but the rest of me wanted to learn how to truly harness my powers so I could at least do most of the things other unicorns could do. There was no place else on Equus where I could learn this.  And I didn’t want to leave Snowy behind.  She was the whole reason I’d taken such a crazy chance in the first place.

There was a small rock next to the lake.  Levitating it would be a breeze for any other unicorn, but my magic fizzled as I tried to grasp it.  I’d have to use the water molecules to do the lifting for me.  It was easier to practice by the lake since it was a large source of water.  Pulling water from the lake and levitating it around and under the rock was no problem, nor was it an issue to lift the water with the rock coming along for the ride.

It was much more difficult when I tried to pull the water vapor from the air.  There was no lake in the classroom, so in order to get a passing grade, I needed to be able to levitate things by manipulating the water molecules around the object in question.  I closed my eyes and reached toward the rock with my magic.  Once I found the rock, I turned my attention to the air around it. When I focused, I could sense the water vapor.  Then I moved the molecules where I wanted them, and up.  I opened my eyes.  The rock was levitating.  Barely, but it was off the ground.  I concentrated and lifted it higher as I watched it levitate in front of me.  Success! I’d never be as good at levitation as other unicorns, but at least I could do it… at the expense of great personal effort on my part.  I let the rock collapse back to the ground.  It was a good thing I was used to grasping things the earth pony way, because I wouldn’t be using this spell with any frequency.

Lighting my horn up was an effort in futility.  There were no spells that offered a way to convert water to light.  I could freeze water vapor and use the resulting ice crystals to reflect light, but that was useless in a pitch black room.  Even Seven Seas had offered no suggestions, and instead offered a note to excuse me from taking the test.  Sadly, that wouldn’t help me much in the real world when situations arose where I needed light and couldn’t produce any.

It would forever be my gift and curse alike to always be ‘that freak that uses water to do everything’ to the rest of my peers.  I sighed. If only they knew just how difficult it was for me to do the things they take for granted.

I looked at the peaceful lake.  Gentle waves lapped at the shore in the gentle breeze.  I could do anything with this water.  My horn sparked with my mint green aura and the water in the lake shot up into the air.  I shaped it into a duck then froze it, creating an instant ice sculpture.  That was well beyond the abilities of most unicorns. I melted the ice sculpture, restoring the lake to normal.

My powers were incredible, but what good were they from a practical sense?  I could control weather, sure, but so could a full third of the population.  Mom had made it abundantly clear that there was a weather team job waiting for me back home.  Ever since my magic manifested, Mom had been urging me to join the team someday.  It was my fallback plan – if everything else failed, at least I had something waiting.

I wouldn’t mind exploring the oceans, but only twenty minutes of air at any given time would never be sufficient.  I could probably map the bottoms of lakes and rivers, though having the ability to make light would help exponentially with that.

I looked at the position of the sun – Snowcatcher’s class was just about be over.  I trotted back down the mountain.  With luck I can make it back to our dorm room before Snowy gets back.









Canterlot: eight years, seven months, and six days ago


Seven Seas always had the same guards.  Day in and day out they stood there, always watching.  Seven Seas was quite friendly with them, often outright flirtatious.  Which was probably another reason why Princess Celestia had trusted him to be my instructor – he had no interest in my booty.  Though I found it very interesting that she hadn’t selected mares to guard him.

To their credit, the guards stood there as stoically as was ponily possible under the circumstances. Not that Seven Seas made it easy when he did things like flopping onto their backs during one of his many impromptu song and dance numbers.  He didn’t take life all that seriously, which could probably be explained by his having cheated death for centuries.

Today though, Seven Seas seemed subdued.  It was the first time I’d seen him sad and a frown on his face was as out of place as snow on a tropical beach.  “What’s wrong?”

“We’ve reached the end of what I can teach ye, lass.  You know every trick I learned to harness me powers.  From here on out, I’ll be countin’ on you to be teachin’ me.  This institution of higher learnin’ is dedicating resources to discovering ways to teach you how to do even more.  I’m not a teacher, and I’ve never been much of a researcher.  I adapted to me lot in life as best I could, but there are things I just never learned how to do.  This will be our last lesson, as I just joined the Royal Guard this mornin’.”

My face fell – he was crazy, but I thoroughly enjoyed his tutoring.  Nopony could relate to me like he could.

“I spent a great deal of my life runnin’ from the guards, and fightin’ with them.  But if’n I never teach you nothin’ else, remember this: if you can’t beat an enemy consider joining up.”  That led to a song cue about ants and picnics and eventually conceding defeat and colluding.

“I’m very confused right now, Mr. Seas.”

“Yarr, I told ye not to be callin’ me that.  But I suppose you’re bein’ entitled to an explanation.  I’m just not adapting to modern society the way I’d like.  I was a pirate, ain’t ashamed t’ say I plundered with the best of them.  But I only ever stole from the Crown and the nobility.  Today’s pirates don’t sail the ocean looking for ships filled with treasure, they swindle it legally from widows and foals.  They’re real estate speculators there with a lowball offer on an inherited property for immediate cash, not even waiting for a pony to properly mourn their loss.  Insurance adjusters who promise to take care of you in your time of need, only to take advantage of you when you’re at your most vulnerable.  Talent agents that offer fillies or colts a chance for success… for a price.  Vultures, all of ‘em.  I’d like to introduce ‘em to the pointy end of me cutlass.  If’n I still had a cutlass.”

He struck the pose that he always did – head held high, looking slightly to the right.  His left front leg was lifted slightly, like he was about to take a step forward, but he never did.  A pose that I vividly remembered a statue in the garden holding when I’d first arrived at school.  A statue that had conveniently disappeared not long after that.

“Or those folks with the Bits 4 Valuables kiosk.  Yarr, if I’d known ponies would just sell me their treasure for ridiculously low prices I wouldn’t have wasted years of me life plunderin’ it.”

I hated to interrupt his rant, but I had to ask the question.  “Why the Guards?”

“It’s the only place I can really be myself.  They’ll let me have me cutlass back.  And I can finally be riddin’ meself of this cursed horn ring.  But mostly because I’ll be in the Royal Navy.  Out at sea with dozens of strapping young hunks on board the HMS Sunburn.

I rolled my eyes.  I give him a week before he’s a statue again.









Canterlot: seven years, four months, and twelve days ago (takes place in the aftermath of Season 9, episode 17: The Summer Sun Setback)


Trotting around Canterlot it was hard to believe that thousands of years had passed since the first Hearth’s Warming and the Fire of Friendship that united the three pony tribes and staved off the windigos.  Tensions between the tribes were at an all time high, and no place was that worse than Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.  A school specifically for unicorns run by an alicorn in a unicorn-majority city.  It was the perfect breeding ground for unicorn supremacists.

At first glance, that shouldn’t have been a problem.  At least not for Snowy or myself.  We both had horns, after all.  The asterisk to that was our heritage, with neither of us being full-blooded unicorns. It had never been an issue previously, but unicorns had nothing good to say about pegasi or earth ponies, and while earth ponies and pegasi also grumbled about the other tribes, they were minorities in Equestria’s capital city.  Many of them migrated, with pegasi fleeing to Cloudsdale and earth ponies moving to surrounding farm towns like Ponyville.  With fewer targets to direct rage at, ‘tribal impurity’ from mixed parentage became the latest outcry, and Snowy and I soon found ourselves ostracized.

The school grounds were mostly safe, but that didn’t help us when we were off campus.  We’d opted to see a movie, and we lingered at the ice cream shop afterwards a little longer than anticipated.  It was well past dark as we trekked back to our dorm.

A gang of four of our classmates materialized out of an alley and stopped us.  “Well, well, well, look what we have here, boys.”

“Looks like a couple of cute young fillies.”

“Looks like a couple pegasus wannabes.  Check out their flanks.  We’ve got a special little snowflake and a dumb umbrella.”

“A dumbrella!”

“My Mom’s a weather pegasus, dumbflank.”

“Half-blood.”

Snowcatcher’s response was instantaneous, “My father’s a pegasus.”

“Two weak little half-bloods wandering the streets at night.  You might want to consider paying the toll for safe passage back to school.”

Snowy readied a teleport spell but it fizzled out.

“Oh yeah, we know you can teleport.  I developed a blocking spell.  Can’t have you leaving this party before it starts.”

Ever since that day Princess Celestia winked us to the lake high up the mountain, Snowy had become extremely proficient with teleportation.  It wasn’t exactly a secret, and it was the last piece of proof we needed to know we’d been specifically singled out.

We could try running, but they were older, more athletic, and they also had the benefit of longer legs. We could attempt fleeing, but it would be a short race with dire consequences for the losers.  We could attempt to make a ruckus to attract the attention of the Royal Guards, but then it would be a he said-she said situation. Even if we had somehow managed to get away, we would never hear the end of it.

Instead we stood up for ourselves.

Four unicorn stallions, all of them older than us, and all of them students at the same gifted school as us.  This wasn’t going to be a fair fight.  We’d just have to even the odds.

Seven Seas’ training kicked in and I reached out, looking for sources I could draw power from.  “Aim down, full blast.”

Snowcatcher nodded and blasted a hole deep through the cobblestones, rupturing the water main I’d sensed below us.  The street flooded as we squared off against the older stallions.  I wasted no time blasting one of the stallions full force with the water, then flash froze him.  One down, three to go.

And then the street disappeared and we were falling.  “Snowy?!?”

“Right here, Dewey.  I teleported us all a mile straight up.”

“Why would you do that?”

“I figured it might give us a chance to talk things out.  But it seems our company is too interested in screaming in terror to do any conversing.”

“I don’t blame them! You’re crazy, you know that?”

“I know.  Anyways, thanks for blasting the one with the teleport blocker.”

“If I’d known you were going to do this, I might not have!  You know more spells than anypony I know; couldn’t you have used something other than teleportation?!?”

“I have half a dozen spells going through my mind right now.  But I don’t know if I could make any of them work without hurting anypony. I don’t care if it could be considered self-defense, I’d never forgive myself if I injured somepony.  If we can’t talk things out with them, at least this buys us a few minutes to think up a better strategy.”

“Unless we splatter!  How about you teleport them to a jail cell, and us back to our dorm?”

“Remind me to start teleporting us to and from locations around town from now on.  Speaking of…”  We winked again, once more coming out a mile above Canterlot.  She turned her attention to the three stallions who could still speak.  “So do you boys want to talk about why we find ourselves plummeting towards our deaths?”

“You’re crazy!”

She nodded.  “Yes, but we’ve already established that.  I’m not the one who started this fight.  So why don’t you tell me why we’re all in this predicament right now?”

“Because you’re inferior to us!”

“Oh?  Doesn’t look that way from where I’m falling.  I can save us any time I want, yet none of you seem to have any spells at your disposal to get out of this situation.  I can keep doing this all night, but if you’d prefer I can always find another spell to use instead.”  She levitated a spell book out of her saddlebags and casually flipped it open as we fell.  “Nope, nope, nope, definitely not.  Wow, who came up with that one?  Oh! This could work: Barker’s Gelding Spell. Would you prefer that one instead?”

Their eyes just about bugged out of their heads and I struggled not to burst out laughing at Snowy’s perfect deadpan delivery of that.  She has to be making that one up.  It was then that I looked down.  “Uh, Snowy?  Ground!”

“Hmn?  Oh!  Silly me, I almost forgot about that.”  We teleported yet again and continued our descent.  “Now where were we?  Right, I think you three were about to promise that we’re all equals and that you’ll never call us half-bloods ever again.  Preferably before I start getting tired since it takes about a dozen more teleports to bleed off speed.”

Three stallions swore to Celestia they’d never bother us again, and true to her word, Snowy teleported us again.  Except this time, we came out sideways.  That was immediately followed by another teleport.  We continued coming out sideways or even upside-down as Snowy slowed our momentum to something that could survive a landing.  The last teleport exited right above the river, and we all fell to the water below.  The current was pulling us rapidly toward the waterfall.  Snowy teleported us to the shore, but left the stallions in the water. “Going to keep those promises?” Three waterlogged unicorns nodded, and Snowy winked them to the shore as well.

I unfroze the fourth, and one final teleport found Snowy and I in our shared dorm room, sans the stallions. Snowy collapsed from the effort, that last teleport being beyond her safe range.  All that mattered was we were safe – she’d be fine after two hours of rest.  It wasn’t the first time she’d pushed herself too far, nor would it be the last. Levitating her with water molecules was a new challenge, but I managed to get her tucked into bed.

Equestria is likely the safest nation on Equus, but every once in a while you run into a few idiots who think they can just take whatever they want.  The truth is, there’s always a bigger fish.









Canterlot: seven years, two months, and three days ago (takes place during Season 9, episodes 24/25: The Ending of the End)


There was always a bigger fish.  Always. And that bigger fish was now attacking Canterlot.  The school was being used as a shelter, but only for unicorns.  Pegasi and earth ponies were on their own.  Even though nopony kicked us out, Snowy and I left in disgust.  Snowy teleported us to our favorite lake; our safe haven away from the rest of the world. Nopony ever bothered coming up this way.

We watched as an unknown pink alicorn with curly blue hair demolished everything in her path as she made a beeline right for Canterlot Castle.  “Flurry Heart?”

“She’s not that old, and her hair’s not blue.  I have no idea who it is.  We’re too far away to get a good look at her.  But she looks to be about our age.”

“Are you telling me you don’t have a binocular spell in your inventory of tricks?”

Snowy pondered that for a minute, and flipped open her saddlebags.  “There’s got to be something like that in here.”

“Page 97.”

Snowy flipped to the page and found what she was looking for.  “How’d you know that?”

“Just because I can’t perform most of the spells in there, that doesn’t mean I can’t memorize the names of the spells and what they do.  Ever since we were attacked a few months ago, I want you to have options other than just dropping us all from a mile up.  I’ve seen what happens to you when you go past your limits, and splattering isn’t the end I’d wish for either of us.”

“You’re never going to forgive me for that one, are you?  I can go a mile at a time constantly without tiring.  It’s when I go more than a mile and a half that’s the problem.  Suffice it to say I’ve learned to judge distance really well.”

“Suffice it to say I came up with my own emergency contingency plan if you ever pull that stunt again.  As long as there’s enough water in the area, I can make a giant water slide to gently bring us down to a splashdown in the nearest body of water.”

“Nifty!”  She was now sporting a pair of magical binoculars. “Some mare with a rook cutie mark is draining everypony of their magic.  Looks like she’s got some kind of artifact.  Any ideas?”

I shook my head. “Nope.  What are we going to do?”

“Nothing right now.  I’ve run every scenario I can think of, and there’s nothing the two of us can do to stop her.  She’d walk all over us just like she did all those Royal Guards that are desperately clinging to her legs.”

“So we’re just going to sit here and watch Canterlot burn?”

“Until there’s something we can do to put an end to it, we don’t really have a better option. What’s the smarter course of action? Making a valiant, though ultimately worthless sacrifice, or developing an effective strategy to help?  For example, the best thing we can do at the moment is this…”  There was a flash and a pop, and suddenly an earth pony mare and her two foals were standing next to Snowy, confused.  “There are caves further up the mountain.  You’ll be safe up here.”

“But you’re unicorns. Why are you helping us?”

“We’re half-bloods. They don’t want us in the shelter either.  Dewey, show her the way to the caves and then get back here.  We’re going to have a lot of company very soon.”









When I returned, there were dozens of pegasi and earth ponies gathered around our lake, along with two griffons, a zebra, and even a dragon.

“I got everypony, and uh, everycreature I could find.”  She continued scanning the streets looking for stragglers.  An explosion drew her attention, along with everyone else’s, to the castle.  More than half of the structure was just gone, obliterated in a flying field of debris. Snowy’s horn glowed and more ponies joined us as she rescued maids and guards from the remains of the castle.

My stomach twisted in knots as I watched the debris settle on the valley floor far below.  “Was anypony in there?”

One of the maids shook her head.  “That was the stained glass wing.  Princess Celestia has more stained glass windows than the castle had windows to put them in, so she had just dedicated that new wing specifically for the windows. We’d already evacuated it.”

“That was half the castle!”

“The princess really likes stained glass windows.”

“Dewey!  Use the moat.”

I turned my attention to Snowy, and then the disaster scene below us.  Flames were licking the remnants of the castle.  “Get me down there.”

“Listen up, everypony. There are caves up the mountain. You’ll be safe there.”  Snowy pointed the way.

The three Royal Guards Snowy had rescued rushed up.  “If you’re going down there, take us with you.”

“One of you needs to stay here to protect the evacuees.”  They looked amongst one another and one of them volunteered to stay behind.  Then Snowy winked the rest of us right into the middle of the chaos.

The smoke stung my eyes as I directed the water out of the moat and onto the blaze.  While I concerned myself with putting out the fire, Snowy and the guards searched the smoldering remains for ponies to rescue.

Thankfully the castle had been built next to a waterfall, and there was a constant stream of water to pull from.  I had the flames extinguished by the time Snowy and the guards returned with more survivors that had been hiding in the caves under the castle.  Miraculously, there were no casualties, and only minor injuries.  It could’ve been much, much worse.

I found Snowy gazing down the mountain and it didn’t take a genius to know what she was pondering. “Oh no, you’re not going down there. Not without me, anyway.”  She didn’t even bother responding, she just winked us halfway down the mountain, and then winked us the rest of the way.

More than a quarter mile of formerly pristine forest at the base of the mountain was littered with the wreckage of what had until recently been the stained glass wing of the castle. The two of us spent the rest of the day and half the night combing the remains, but thankfully the maid had been correct, there was nothing there but broken masonry and shattered glass.  Snowy even invented a boot spell to help us traverse the glass-covered terrain.  I was thankful for that, as it was nice not to have to pick shards of colorful glass out of my hooves after traipsing through the debris-strewn woods for hours on end.

We teleported back up the mountain, but things were quiet.  Most of the city of Caneterlot was intact; the mysterious alicorn’s rampage had been limited mostly to flinging carts and wagons out of her way as she stormed the castle.  Canterlot Castle had taken the worst of it, and I couldn’t help wondering if the remains would be torn down and replaced, or if they’d rebuild it from what was left.

We returned to the caves where we’d left the others.  They were empty, but rather than try to determine if it was safe yet, or if the guards had evacuated everypony else to another, safer location, we decided to just call it a night and sleep there in the cave.  We were absolutely exhausted from searching through all the wreckage, and we were covered head to hoof in soot from the fire in the castle.  Even though it’d been years since the last time we’d gone camping, it was just like old times snuggling up next to Snowy for warmth, and letting her soft snores lull me to sleep.









Whinnyapolis: two years, zero months, and sixteen days ago


I trotted out of Snowy’s house – she’d teleported us home for our Hearth’s Warming break from school, but the long distance had knocked her out.  With as many times as we’d made the trip we had a routine.  She winked into her bedroom, a safe place since nopony else had any reason to be in there.  Then she’d collapse, and I’d drag her into bed and tuck her in.

It was still early afternoon, and rather than go home I decided to go shopping in town.  It would be easier to get Snowy something if she wasn’t tagging along.  I’d taken care of getting gifts for my parents and most of my siblings while in Canterlot – it made it less likely that I’d get somepony the same thing one of my siblings did.

My first stop was an art supplies store.  Tradition born of necessity dictated that I make Snowy a gift.  We did that every year as a way of saving money and having fun. We both felt that giving a gift from the heart meant more than giving a gift bought at a store.  What it really boiled down to was kindergarten arts and crafts time.  Looking around the store I decided to do something with beads.

I still needed to get my youngest siblings toys of some sort.  I stood outside the art store, trying to remember the location of the toy store.  With as little time as I spent in Whinnyapolis, it was getting harder to navigate the city I technically called home.  Things that had been intuitive just a few years earlier had faded from my mind from lack of use.

“Dewdrop Dazzle?”

I looked up.  An older unicorn stallion had addressed me.  With a pale green coat and thinning red and yellow hair, it took me a moment to place him.  “Yapple Dapple?”

“Long time, no see. How are you doing?”

I coalesced my magic in my horn, using water molecules in the air to levitate my saddlebags in the air.

He chuckled.  “You’re doing well I see.  I knew you could do it.  I’m still teaching, so please tell me your secret.  What hurdle did you overcome to make this possible?  If I ever encounter another foal like you, I want to be able to help them.”

“I’m a water mage. Princess Celestia says that there hasn’t been a pony like me in centuries.  Harnessing my magic is like trying to drink a lake through a straw.”

“That’s… that explains a lot.  You’ve met Princess Celestia?”

“Yes, I go to her gifted unicorns school now.  It’s the only place qualified to teach me how to use my magic.  Though there are some things I’ll never be able to do no matter how hard I try.”  I nuzzled him.  “You did your best, and I can’t fault you for not being able to teach me.  You tried your hardest, and when I thought I was a complete failure you lifted my spirits and told me that everypony fails sometimes and not to let those failures dictate my life.  You may not have taught me magic, but you still gave me life lessons I use to this day.  Thank you.”

He blushed.

“Last time we saw each other, you treated my parents and I to ice cream.  Want to catch up over some hot chocolate?”

“I need to get home to my wife.  I’m supposed to be picking things up from the market, but it’s not every day I run into a former student.  Besides, you’ve got better things to do than have drinks with an old teacher.”

No, actually, I really don’t.  I sighed and bid him farewell.  It was a reminder that Whinnyapolis was less and less like home with each passing year.  Spending most of my time in Canterlot meant missing out on things in Whinnyapolis. But if I hurried through shopping, I could still catch the lighting of the Hearth’s Warming lights on the city’s giant ball of yarn.  I checked my watch.  Snowy will have slept off her teleport by then, I can drag her along with me.

My first stop was the toy shop, where a wooden train immediately caught my fancy.  For Razzle. Wait, is Razzle too old for this now? I could give it to Misty or Sunshine…  I realized I was seeing so little of my siblings that I couldn’t really gauge what to get them anymore.  We were growing up without each other and growing apart.  That won’t do.  I purchased the train for an as-yet-undetermined younger sibling and returned home.

Rainbow was reading to Misty and Sunshine when I came in.  Our two younger sisters were snuggled up against her in front of the fireplace.  Raindrop was lounging on her bed listening to her Fleetwood Tack record.

My brothers were playing ball in the backyard.  There was no snow… yet.  The first snow of the season had been planned to coincide with the lighting of the giant ball of yarn.  Officially, anyway.  I couldn’t help but think that unofficially, Mom had waited until Snowy and I returned home from Canterlot.

Razzle was in the kitchen making a snack for herself.  I helped myself to some crackers.  “You coming to the lighting ceremony tonight, sis?”

She shrugged.  “If you’ve seen that eyesore lit up once, you’ve seen all there is to see.”

“Oh.  Well, I was planning on going and was hoping to spend some time with you.  I don’t get to see any of you as much as I used to.  Misty and Sunshine weren’t even born yet when I started attending school in Canterlot.”

“Rub it in, sis. Gifted unicorn gets to spend all her time with the other gifted unicorns.  Like Snowcatcher.  Is she going tonight?”

“I think so.  I haven’t asked her yet because she’s still sleeping off the teleport.”

“Fine.  If she goes, I guess I’ll go too.”

That’s an oddly specific requirement.  I dismissed that and rounded up the rest of my siblings – at least the ones old enough to be trotting across town at that hour of the night.  Rainbow and Raindrop were happy to come, and Sunshine and Misty practically begged to come. I had to twist my brothers’ legs to go. They were ‘too cool’ to hang out with their sisters.  I rolled my eyes and explained that if they really wanted to impress the mares in their class, not only would they hang out with us, they’d personally keep an eye on their youngest sisters.

Once my siblings had all bundled up in their winter gear, we trotted next door to get Snowy.  Rainbow suggested we ring the doorbell in traditional Hearth’s Warming fashion.  When Snowcatcher opened the door, she was greeted by Hailstone, Thunderhead, Rainbow, Raindrop, Razzle, Misty, Sunshine, and myself all singing a carol.

“Silent night, starry night
All is calm, all is bright
‘Round the forest, parents and young
Gentle creatures, every one…”

Snowcatcher trotted back into the house.  “Snow’El, it’s for you.”

Her older sister took one look at all of us on the doorstep and did a double-take, then started counting us.  She blinked. “There’s more of you than I remember there being.”  She looked at us all in turn.  “You I know, you I know, you I know.”  She puffed up her chest as she looked at my brothers.  “You two I definitely know.”  She looked at the two youngest fillies on her doorstep.  “Okay, who are you two?”

“I’m Sunshine Dazzle!”

“And I’m Misty Dazzle. Pleased to make your acquaintance.” My youngest sister did an adorable curtsey.

Snow’El was the oldest of us, so it stood to reason that she’d stopped playing with my siblings once Snowcatcher hadn’t been around to rope her into it all the time.  She took things in stride, kneeling down to look Misty in the eye.  “It’s a pleasure to meet such a well-mannered young filly.”  She glared at my brothers.  “The rest of you should take notes.”

“Would you like to join us to watch the lighting ceremony at the ball of yarn?”  Misty looked up at Snow’El with the most adorable, pleading look, flitting her wings.

The older pegasus looked like she wanted to say no, but she relented.  “Let me go get dressed.  Want me to drag my sister along too?”

I nodded.  “That would be great.  Tell her we’re done singing.  That should do the trick.”

Snowcatcher had already gotten dressed while we were talking to Snow’El.  She’d put on her parka, a scarf, and boots.  It wasn’t snowing yet, but that was part of the ceremony.  She might not need the boots yet, but she would by the time the evening was over.  I quickly scanned my siblings’ hooves – all of them were wearing boots too.

I looked down – I’d forgotten my own boots, but I didn’t really need them.  If I didn’t want to get splashed, I wouldn’t.  One of the perks of my magic – I could repel water if I desired.  There were so many amazing things I could accomplish with my magic.  If only I could do the basics every other unicorn took for granted without them draining me, I’d consider my magic a gift instead of a burden.  What good was the ability to change the state of water from liquid to solid in the middle of the summer without breaking a sweat, if just picking up a quill and writing my name took all my energy and concentration?

I flash froze water vapor, creating a series of steps.  Sunshine hopped from one to the other, eventually landing on my back.  Misty, meanwhile, was offered a ride by Snow’El. With the two youngest members of our group accounted for, we strode off towards the outskirts of town.  Even with the issues I’d had finding my way earlier in the day, there was no getting lost this time.  The massive ball of yarn dominated the western part of the city’s skyline.

We arrived as the last rays of sunlight painted the cloudy sky a rainbow of colors.  Soon the sky would go from cloudy to completely overcast, but by then the darkness would obscure the weather team working high above us.

Without the sun’s warmth the temperature quickly plummeted.  Despite our winter gear, we closed the gaps between one another to keep warm.  Thunderhead and Hailstone were denied the opportunity to show off to the mares in their class, as Snow’El took Misty and Sunshine under her wings to keep them warm.

Despite the plunging temperature, the mayor read a lengthy speech to stall for time before the celebrity guest, Superstar, finally flipped the switch to light up thirty stories of yarn. Superstar then started singing Hearth’s Warming carols and the crowd joined in.

I cheered along with the rest of the crowd.  Even Razzle offered a half-hearted ‘yay’ from next to me.  She’d wedged herself between Snowy and myself.

Much as my little sister had suggested, it wasn’t all that exciting to watch.  More exciting was that the snow finally started falling, right on cue.  Mom and her team of pegasi had once again delivered the first snow of winter to Whinnyapolis.  By morning, the city would be coated in white.









Canterlot: five days ago


My freshly minted diploma adorned the wall of our shared apartment, right next to Snowy’s.  Both of them rattled when Snowy announced her return by slamming the door.  I looked up from the pot of rice I was boiling for dinner.  My aura never faltered as I kept the water at the ideal temperature.  Snowy had become somewhat adept at baking, but when it came to boiling, stoves would never compare to my horn.

“So things didn’t go so well?”

“Prone to understatement much?”  Snowy’s tail was lashing back and forth like an angry cat’s.  “No, things didn’t go well.”

“What are we going to do now?”

“You can still take that weather team position back in Whinnyapolis.  Your mom’s been keeping that spot open for you and you know it.”

“And you know as well as I do that I didn’t spend the last eleven and a half years getting an education just to go back home and be a weathermare.”

“You tied your star to mine and unfortunately for both of us, my star just crashed and burned.  Cut the rope now and you can still save yourself.”

“Not happening.  I tied my star to yours, as you so eloquently put it, because your star shines brighter than anypony I know.  It’s almost impossible not to get swept up in your enthusiasm.  So you had a minor setback.  So what? You planned for this, didn’t you? You always have a contingency plan. Remember the day the Terrible Trio attacked?  I would’ve rushed in and had all my magic drained, but you took a wait and see response, and we ended up rescuing ponies instead of needing to be rescued ourselves. You’re more creative than I am.  You’re smarter than I am.  I know you’re going to argue that, but seriously, don’t. I’ve seen your test scores and I’ve seen mine.  What’s the backup plan?”

“I was thinking I might move back home to Whinnyapolis to make snowflakes for the weather team.”

I raised an eyebrow at that. Menial work or not, I could see her enjoying that.  Still, it would be a tremendous waste of her talents.  “You dream big – surely you have other dreams.”

“I may dream big, but you ground me.  I need you. And if you want to go home to the weather job that’s waiting for you, so will I.”

“And I need you.  So there’s no breaking up this duo.  I already told you I’ve got no intention of taking that position.  Together we can accomplish anything.  Whatever you’re planning, I’m in.  You know that.”

“Are you sure?”

I nodded and she tacklehugged me.  “I’d follow you to the ends of Equus, Snowy.”

“I was thinking about going a little beyond that…”  She levitated a book over to me.  “Here’s the contingency.”

It was my turn to ask, “Are you sure?”

She nodded.  “Doors have closed in Equestria, but there are windows opening on Earth.  Let’s get in with the first wave of immigrants so we can establish ourselves early.”

I looked over the requirements.  “Snowy, have you read these requirements?  The first wave of immigrants leaves this week!  How do you expect to learn all this in five days? Not to mention get the paperwork processed?”

Snowy’s horn glowed. “Hold still, this is going to tickle…”

“Parlez-vous français?”

“Oui.”

“How do I now know half a dozen languages I’ve never even heard of?”

“Like you said, I always have a contingency.  I already studied everything, I just transferred the knowledge from my brain to yours.  I’ve already got my passport.  You can have yours the same day you apply.”

“How did you have time to learn all this and still manage to get your senior project done?”

“Studying these human languages was my relaxation time from the stress of working on my project.”

“You’re the only pony I know who thinks taking a break from studying means studying something else instead.”  I swirled the rice around the pot, creating mini currents to keep all the kernels cooking evenly.  I noted with irony that I was literally stirring a pot while figuratively stirring Snowy’s.

“Hey!  I know how to cut loose and have fun.  Remember karaoke night?”

“Nopony will ever forget karaoke night.  Though there are many who’ve tried…”

“They rebuilt.”

“Rebuilt this city on rock and roll…”

Snowy couldn’t help herself and burst out laughing despite her foul mood.  “You’ve been saving that one, haven’t you?”

“For months,” I admitted, as I poured the rice into a strainer, draining the water away.  With subtle manipulation of the water vapor in the air, I dumped the contents into a pair of bowls and levitated them over to Snowy. That took all my concentration, but it was worth it to have the same basic ability most unicorns took for granted. Snowy made school look easy, while I earned my degree the hard way.  “Dinner is served.”

“Merci.”  She reached for a bottle of ketchup, drowning her dinner in red.  I opted to cover mine in butter, allowing it a few moments to melt into the rice.

I levitated my glass of cider towards hers.  “To open windows and new beginnings.”

She clinked her glass against mine.  “To new beginnings and old friends.”









It was a good thing that Snowy’s magic was so strong.  After we finished dinner, she teleported us home, bringing everything we owned along in the process.  I barely had enough time to write a letter of resignation for my job before we left. We forfeited our security deposit since we broke the terms of our lease by leaving early, but neither of us really cared.

I tucked Snowy into her bed and calmed Snowflake down – the poor kitty absolutely despised teleporting. I was unsure if that was because of the event itself, or because his ‘Mama’ was incapacitated afterwards. Once he was snuggled up to Snowy I turned the lights off.

I’d never learned to teleport.  My magic was a learning experience – not just for me, but for the professors at Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns as well.  Even Princess Celestia hadn’t known a way that I could harness water to make my horn glow with light.  So the professors researched – there were deep sea fish that could produce light, and so they figured out how. Sometimes answers were found in ancient tomes, volumes that weren’t available anywhere else in Equestria. And sometimes I discovered how to do things completely by accident.  Two of my professors had written their own books on the subject.  If another water mage ever appears in Equestria, they won’t be as lost as I was. I was lucky that Seven Seas had been petrified for his crimes, which meant Princess Celestia could bring him back to help me.  But he hadn’t caused any problems, and last I’d heard he was thoroughly enjoying himself in the Royal Navy.  He did his time, learned his lesson, and turned his life around.  But that means he won’t be there next time.  Hopefully I’m not either.  I’d really prefer not to be a pigeon roost, thank you very much.

Since I couldn’t wink to my own home, I made the familiar trek through the Snows’ house from Snowy’s bedroom to the door.  Her parents waved as I passed the living room and I waved back.  I’d let Snowy break the news to them about our next destination, I had to go tell my own family.

Thunderhead and Hailstone weren’t home.  They’d taken jobs on the weather team, and Mom had kept a place on the team for me. Snowy could have one too, if she wanted. I’ll have to let her down easy.

Rainbow and Raindrop were lounging around the living room – the twins were just under the cutoff age to go to Earth.  They’d sprawled out on opposite ends of the same couch, so I sat in the middle.  The two unicorns closed the books they’d been reading.  Raindrop had a cheap paperback romance novel – the kind the drugstores sold.  Rainbow appeared to be doing homework; at least I assumed she was, because nopony her age ever chose to read that book willingly.

“I see you’re reading Withers Heights, that new book all the teenagers are talking about.”  They chuckled at my joke.  “Have I ever told you about the time our literature class assigned us A Connecticolt Donkey In King Grover’s Court?”

They shook their heads. “Snowcatcher turned a two-page book report into a seventeen-page term paper, giving the book a scathing review highlighting all of the historical inaccuracies and pointing out that King Grover’s real adventures were far more interesting than his fictional exploits in the book. The teacher took a quick glance at it and wrote an ‘A’ on the paper.  Snowy’s insistence that he actually read her report was met with the rebuttal that her grade would go down if he did, and that the assignment never specified that she had to enjoy the book, only that she had to read it.”

They laughed.

With the ice broken I decided to drop the news on them.  “But that’s not why I wanted to talk to you.  There’s no easy way to say this, but I’m going to Earth.”  That got their attention.  I held up a hoof to stop their questions before they could even ask. “I leave in a few days.  Snowy and I wanted to come home and see everypony one last time first.  Unless things change, it’ll be five years before we see any of you again.  They’re still looking for the brightest and best mares to go to Earth.  The two of you will soon be old enough to cross the portal.  I’m not saying you should, but it’s an option you should at least consider.” 

They peppered me with questions.  They had some interest, but they both wanted to finish school first, which I agreed with. I promised them I’d write once we got settled and advise them as to whether they should or shouldn’t join us.

Razzle was harder to find. She wasn’t in her room, so that meant she was probably flying around.  Unfortunately, her turquoise coat blended into the sky well.  I dragged one of the lounge chairs out of storage and set it up in the backyard.  I probably looked silly ‘sunning’ myself in the winter, but eventually she spotted me and landed.

“What’s up, sis?”

“I just wanted to tell you a few things.  I’m going to Earth in a few days and I won’t be back for five years.”

She gasped.  “Is Snowy going too?”

“Yes.”

She pouted.  I’d finally figured out she had a crush on my friend, and since it hadn’t faded as she grew older, I figured I’d sow a few seeds. “I’ll write to you once we get settled in.  Maybe you can join us in a few years, if that’s where your heart leads you.”

“I… well, maybe.  I kinda promised Mom I’d join the weather team. Whinnyapolis keeps expanding, so there’s always a need for more pegasi in the sky.  But Earth sounds so much more exciting than pushing clouds around.”

“I’m sure it would be. Of course, you’d probably have to stay with some already established mares until you got up and galloping on your own.”  I shrugged. “Good thing you know a couple of ponies on their way to get established.”

Razzle wagged her tail at the thought.  Sun, Moon, and Stars, she’s even picking up Snowy’s mannerisms.  There was no way of knowing if she’d outgrow her little crush or not, but if that was still her desire when the time came, I’d certainly do my best to facilitate things. They both deserve happiness – whether it’s with each other or not. Razzle has plenty of time to figure out that last part on her own. But at least now she knows she has my blessing if this is a path she wishes to pursue.









Earth: today


“Page 46.”

Snowy flipped to the appropriate page and the bus seats lit with a soft orchid glow.  She repeated the cleansing spell three times before we were satisfied enough to sit for the journey.  The entire interior still smelled like the chemistry lab back at school, only with less smoke.  Well, at least until the engine started.

“Well, we’re here. What’s the plan?”

Snowy shrugged.  “I don’t really have one yet.”

I arched an eyebrow at her. “Since when do you ever not have a plan?”

“When I need more data. We need a source of income and a place to live.  I figured we could let the duchess at the consulate help with that.  That’s her job, after all.”

“Seems anticlimactic for you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

I shrugged. “Nothing.  It’s just the Snowy I know would be telling the duchess what she wants to do with her life, instead of asking her for suggestions.”

“Well forgive me if having my dreams shattered and then my life upturned as I move to a completely different world cramps my plan making.”  

Agitated tail flick?  Check.  “I just thought you’d have planned it all out before making the decision to come here.”

“Even I can be spontaneous.”

Had I been drinking something, she would’ve been wearing it.  Instead I snickered.  “Since when? Let’s be honest, you planned this ‘spontaneous’ trip to Earth months ago.  Which means you’ve had more than enough time to come up with a patented Snowcatcher Great Idea.”

“I know what you’re trying to do, Dewey.”

“Oh?”

“You’re goading me into coming up with a plan.”

“Is it working?”

“Yes.”  She stood up.

“Where are you off to?”

“I’m going to go make some inquiries.  There are dozens of ponies on this bus.  Maybe inspiration will strike once I find out what brought everypony else to Earth.”

“Good luck.”

Fire of motivation lit under Snowy’s hindquarters?  Check.  I’ve known Snowy my whole life.  I know where the buttons are and I know just how to push them.  She hides it well, but lurking under her modesty is an ego.  I don’t insult her pride often, but I’ll do it in a heartbeat to stop her from wallowing in doubt and self-pity.  She knows my buttons too, and I’d probably be a weathermare back in Whinnyapolis if not for her pushing mine from time to time.

I closed my eyes, content in the knowledge that Snowy would have a plan by the time I awoke.  The seats weren’t the most comfortable in the world, but the monotonous sound of the tires on the pavement lulled me to sleep regardless.

I awoke sometime later to Snowy in my face.  “Hotel.”

I blinked my eyes, trying to get the sleep out and process what I’d just heard.  “Hotel?”

“Hotel,” she repeated.

I could live with that. It was a plan, it was a goal, and it was something we could work towards together.  I nodded.  “Hotel it is.”









I trailed behind the group as we entered the consulate.  Snowy had done a remarkable job drumming up interest in her crazy shot in the dark hotel idea.  I don’t know what I’d been expecting, but I took stock of our burgeoning company’s payroll. With the last second additions of Lily Blossom and Feathermay, we’d jumped to ten total investors.  I can’t help but notice that six of them are attractive pegasi.  Biased much, Snowy?

Not to mention two bona fide celebrities in Sunny Rays and Daisy Dreams.  I still can’t believe either of them was here, let alone that you convinced them to go in on this crazy hotel idea.  Or the fact that you didn’t recognize either one of them.

Snowy was always the ideas mare – the brains behind everything we did.  But her pony skills were severely lacking, and that was my specialty.  She’d solve the problems, and I’d keep everypony happy.

Snowcatcher led our group into the building, which was to be expected.  The others already thought of her as their leader, and acted accordingly. I brought up the rear, sizing up the mares in front of me.

Diamond Rose followed Snowcatcher, brimming with the overconfidence that comes with knowing that the world revolves around you.  Daisy Dreams was next in line; any insecurities the uptight model might be feeling were masked by the experience of years in the limelight.  Feathermay followed, with an exuberance that could be likened to a foal’s natural curiosity. She was the only pegasus in our group that insisted on flying instead of trotting.  Bifröst was next in line, blissfully unaware of anything going on around her.  Sunny Rays and Flitterheart walked side by side, the former laying a wing on the latter’s withers, possibly for moral support, as Flitterheart looked like she wanted to fly off at every sudden loud noise in a city filled with them. Honeybuzz trailed them, observing things much as I was.  That left Lily Blossom directly in front of me, completely disinterested.  She followed the others without a sound other than the clip-clop of her hooves, and without taking in any of the exciting sights around us.  She looked as if she’d rather be anywhere else, trying too hard not to get emotionally invested in Earth.

By the time we made it to the consulate’s waiting room I’d already drawn some quick conclusions.  I’d expected the celebrities to be the egotistical ones, but it seemed that Diamond Rose was the prima donna of the group. Sunny Rays, on the other hoof, was way more laidback and low key than I would’ve expected.  I’d have to be gentle when dealing with Flitterheart and firm with Diamond Rose.  I’d have to calm Feathermay down and hype Lily Blossom up.  I’d need to keep Bifröst focused on the tasks at hoof and loosen Daisy up a bit.

Snowcatcher wanted to meet with the duchess immediately, and she disappeared into the office while the rest of us awkwardly made small talk.  Or rather, the rest of us listened to Diamond Rose brag about her accomplishments. If there was something the pompous mare despised, it was silence.

When Snowy returned I hastily volunteered to be the next to meet with the duchess to get away from Diamond’s prattling nonsense.  Besides, there was something else on my mind, and I wanted to get it out in the open before Ploomette could talk to anypony else.  I’d missed the opportunity to inform Snowy because inspiration hadn’t hit until after she was already meeting with Ploomette.

I’d barely sat down before Ploomette started speaking.  There were no formalities, she didn’t waste time requiring bows.  With the number of ponies still in the waiting room, it was obvious she didn’t have the time for such societal nuances.

“I hear you wish to go in with Snowcatcher on the hotel she’s starting.”  Ploomette was straight to the point.

I nodded.  “That’s correct.  Though the more I think about it, the more I think it might make more sense if we started our own weather team.  Earth’s weather is uncontrolled – I’m a water mage, Snowy’s a master of any spell, and out of our eight other investors, somehow we ended up with six pegasi amongst them.  We could easily handle the weather of a small settlement of a few hundred people.”

“I have no doubt of that, if not for one problem.  This was communicated to every pegasus before crossing the portal, but Earth has treaties specifically banning countries from altering the weather.  As of right now, what you propose is illegal.”

I blinked.  “Why wouldn’t humans want to control the weather?”

“It’s not that they don’t want that kind of control, my little pony, but rather how said control is achieved, and also who achieves it and what they could do to those that oppose them.  Politics on Earth are wildly different than those back home in Equestria.  You get used to it after a while.  We expect to be able to change this as time goes by, but like I just said, things work differently here.  Think of it as if there was no princess, and the Canterlot nobles and Earth Pony Council controlled everything.”

She conveniently skipped adding the pegasus duchy in there. “Nothing would ever get done.”

“So for now, there will be no weather teams on Earth.  Is this hotel not what you wish to do?  You’re not obligated, no matter what you may have said on the bus.  If you were coerced into agreeing to this, I’ll get you out.”

I shook my head. “Snowcatcher’s been my best friend since we were foals.  I’d follow her to Tartarus and back.  I trust her with my life.  And my future, for that matter.  I was just suggesting something that would play to our strengths, something she probably hadn’t considered since she had the idea of a hotel prior to anypony other than me agreeing to join her.  When it was just her and I, it wouldn’t have been feasible to be a two-mare weather team. But with the two of us and six pegasi? It would be stupid not to at least suggest it.”

“Very well then.  Do you have any other questions or concerns?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Then please take a seat in the waiting room.  I’ll meet with all of you later.  Together.”









I looked out the window of the consulate at the incredible city outside.  Closely paralleled to our own Manehattan, Earth’s Manhattan was significantly bigger and busier than its Equestrian equivalent.  The sidewalks were crammed with people and the roads were filled with cars.  I could just catch a glimpse of the United Nations building through the window, but there was another building between us that blocked most of it from view. Equestria had built their consulate as close to the UN as possible.

Behind me, I could hear the others debating the specifics of our upcoming hotel, but I didn’t feel much need to offer my two cents.  Whatever Snowy thought worked best would get my vote.  She absolutely hated having a yes mare, but in all the years I’d known her, I’d never once come out ahead in a debate with her, and neither would these mares.  Not even the duchess.

So I stood silently, listening to the others.  Snowy could deal with the objections as they arose, but I wanted to get a feel for what each of these other mares was like.  Ploomette was adamant that the hotel had to be located within the New York City metro area, but immediately shot down Rainbow Flash’s suggestion of using the empty rooms in the consulate building.  Cherry Pie appeared to know a few things about running a business, but she clammed up the second Snowy asked about her qualifications.  Diamond Rose just liked the sound of her own voice. Whatever her background, she seemed more concerned with amenities like hot tubs than crucial things like where we should locate the hotel in the first place.  Lily Blossom hadn’t said a word, and indeed I could see a scowl on her face every time I caught a glimpse of her reflection in the window.  Feathermay was indecisive, often agreeing with whoever had last spoken.  Honeybuzz was laid back, interjecting only periodically and after a lot of thought. Sunny Rays’ sense of humor did little to ease the tensions in the room.  And saying Bifröst thought outside the box would be an understatement.  She’d left the box back in Equestria.

The duchess was already losing her argument about wanting the hotel to be as close to the consulate as possible.  Snowy was fine with ‘New York metropolitan area’ but firmly refused to be in the city.  She’d outmaneuvered Ploomette by showing her the land prices in the city and surrounding suburbs.  It was significantly less expensive the further you got from the city.  Honeybuzz chose that moment to ask what land prices looked like near the portal, suggesting there’d be a market as traffic through the portal increased.  Ploomette nixed that one as ‘too far from the consulate’ before Snowy could weigh in. Then she explained why she wanted it to be so close.  It wasn’t just for ease of commute, but rather she wanted us close so Equestrian visitors to the consulate would have all the comforts of home if they so desired, and it would serve as a place she could invite human guests to experience Equestrian culture for themselves.

Nopony could argue with her rationale.  She even suggested that once we got our hotel up and running, we could look at expanding to a second location by the portal if we were profitable.  It wasn’t an order, as the duchess had no authority to make decrees, but she outranked everypony else present.  She didn’t need to decree it.  She stated it, and nopony objected, not even Snowy.  Then it was decided to limit the search to the outer suburbs for a property that hit the sweet spot between size, price, and location.

Snowy did what she did best: solve problems with logic.  And I did what I did best – I listened to the ponies she was conversing with.  Snowy’s brilliant, but she’ll never be a herd pony, or ‘people person’ as they say here on Earth.  That falls to me.  And now that I have a grasp on the agendas each of our new business associates has, I can work with Snowy to make sure everypony gets what they want.  Some would be higher priority than others, and determining the order of importance jumped to the number one spot on my task list.

The others, meanwhile, were using Ploomette’s laptop to find a suitable property.  They were all crowded around the device, jostling for position.  Once again, I stayed off to the side, observing.  I could tell a lot about the mares by watching them.  Diamond Rose was self-important, and needed to be as close as possible to the device.  Honeybuzz, Flitterheart, and Lily Blossom stayed near the back, though the latter was mostly out of disinterest.  A hierarchy was forming, and that was another thing I’d have to nip in the bud.  We’re all equal partners in this.

Ploomette was steering the computer, since none of the rest of us had ever even seen one except in pictures.  There was no shortage of properties for sale in southwestern Connecticut, northeastern New Jersey, Long Island, and the southernmost counties of upstate New York. Once Ploomette figured out how to filter by location and price, the amount of properties available to look at decreased dramatically.  To the point where there was absolutely nothing suitable within our budget. Ploomette kept increasing the price until results started showing up.  The first good fit showed up in Wayne, New Jersey.  It was everything we wanted: a vintage mansion with a large, spacious yard.  The only downside?  It was triple what we could afford.  The next best option was almost five times our budget.

“I guess it’s this or nothing.”  Ploomette picked up the phone.

“Wait!  We can’t afford that.  We should look further out.”

“We’ll just have to get a mortgage.”

“We can’t.  I promised these mares that at the very least, if the business venture failed, we’d keep the roof over our heads,” Snowy continued her argument.

Ploomette put the phone down.  “If you wish to tap into the market for New York City, you need to be close to the city. This is already too far away, but I don’t see any better options.  Do you?”

“No.”

“Then if you wish to be hoteliers, this is your chance.  If you want out, speak now.  I can still assist you with other career options.”

I held my breath. This was the moment of truth.  If anypony objected, it was over.  The house of cards would collapse and we’d all be looking for new paths forward.  Would that be the worst possible thing? Running a hotel isn’t exactly my first pick for a career choice.  I silenced my internal objection with logic.  It’s better than no plan at all, which is what we have without this.  Then I reminded myself that customer service wasn’t my strong point, let alone Snowy’s.

The room remained silent. Nopony wanted to be the first to abandon ship.  Cherry Pie opened and closed her mouth a few times.  Every time she got ready to object she stopped herself.

“If you fail, I’ll hire all of you to work here at the consulate.  You risk only the bits you came here with.”

“I’m still in.”  Snowy levitated a bag of money from her saddlebag and dumped the funny looking bills out on the table.  “That’s my stipend and every last bit I had saved up prior to leaving Equestria.”

I opened my saddlebags. My own money joined Snowy’s on the table.  “My vote of confidence.”

“I’m still in.” Flitterheart fluttered to the table and placed her cash next to mine.  Snowy quickly separated the piles and labeled them.  One by one the rest of the ponies also added to the pile on the table.

“My stipend.  I’m keeping the rest.”  Lily Blossom was the last pony to speak up.  She pulled the necessary amount of money from her saddlebags and walked back toward one of the corners.

“That’s all I ask of any of you.”  Snowy looked at the pile of money on the table.  She counted out exactly the amount of the stipend for everypony there and returned the rest.  Snowy levitated some money from her own pile to make up for the shortfall on Diamond Rose’s. She turned to the snow white mare. “Your percent of the proceeds will be garnished until you’ve contributed the same amount as everypony else. Further, I’m assuming control of your vote on all matters that come up until such time as I’m paid back in full. Are there any objections to this?”

There weren’t, though Lily must have found it funny since she snorted in laughter.  Everypony had already figured out who was going to be running the day-to-day operations of the business.  Snowcatcher was the one with the plan.  Objecting would mean taking on more responsibility personally, and nopony present thought they could do a better job.  At least not yet.  Sooner or later there’ll probably be internal politicking, but for now everypony’s on the same page.

“You’ll gain control over my vote as well, Snowcatcher.  You’ll be my proxy, as I won’t be available to assist in the day-to-day operations. I’ll have the paperwork drawn up as soon as we have a property purchased.”  Ploomette once more picked up the phone.  “If there are no further objections, I’m going to call the realtor and schedule a tour of this property.”

Not bad, Snowy.  We might just make this work after all.
> Act I: Diamond Rose
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Canterlot: twelve years, zero months, and twenty-eight days ago


I had the house to myself, not that there was anything abnormal about that.  Daddy was at work and Mommy was out at some fundraiser or another.  Of course, the staff was home, but they were paid to remain on the premises.  And none of them would dare interrupt me lest I say something to Daddy.

Not that it really mattered since they weren’t allowed in the master bedroom unless at least one of my parents were home.  Technically, I wasn’t supposed to be in there either, but nopony was going to stop me. I made a beeline for the oversized portrait of Mommy hanging on the wall over the bed.  Anypony with even half a brain can figure out that it’s obviously masking a safe.

17 left.  26 right. 2 left.  Daddy’s birthday, Mommy’s birthday, and mine.  I kept it to myself that I knew the combination – it certainly wasn’t my fault that Mommy always mumbled the numbers whenever she opened the safe.  Which she did frequently, since she kept all her jewelry in there.  All the shiny necklaces and rings and bracelets that I took out when they weren’t home because they made me feel as pretty as Mommy whenever I put them on.

I opened the safe like normal, but much to my surprise, there were sparkly gems in there along with all the jewelry I was already familiar with.  Playing dress-up was quickly forgotten as I pulled all the flawless diamonds, rubies, sapphires, and pearls out of the safe and set them on the bed. Chilly to the touch, but with a surface as smooth as glass.  I got goosebumps as I trailed my hoof along the cuts, admiring their precision as much as their beauty.  The absolute best one was a massive pink diamond.  A diamond that was pink like a rose.  Could anything be more fitting for me?  I clutched the massive stone to my barrel, hugging it.

I hopped up onto the bed. Normally I wore all the pretty jewelry, but there was no easy way to wear any of the gems.  So I did the only thing I could do – I rolled on top of them. The cold touch of the gems on my coat, combined with their unique shapes and textures, made my body tingly.  It was a unique sensation, and I couldn’t make up my mind if I liked it or not.  But eventually I tired and rested there on my back, still laying on top of the gems.  A flash of light brightened the room.  At first I thought it might be a photographer, but the windows were all closed and the servants were all downstairs where they belonged.

That could only mean one thing.  My cutie mark!  I turned to look at it and my wave of exaltation quickly turned to dread as I realized the lavish pink diamond on my flank was identical to the one on the bed. There was no way anypony would believe it was a coincidence.  Unless I could come up with a plan, and quick, I was busted.

Back when I was a foal, and too stupid to know that some things don’t belong in your mouth, the medicine cabinets had been locked up.  I had long since reached an age where my parents no longer bothered with the foalproof locks.  I’m smart enough not to ingest anything I’m not supposed to.  I wasn’t looking for medications anyway, but rather makeup, which Mommy kept plenty of. More specifically, Mom kept some makeup specially made to blend in with my coat color, to cover up any blemishes or bruises I might have when I needed to put in an appearance at some social function or another.  The ones where I’m to be seen and not heard. Never, ever heard.  You’d never believe I was a filly, let alone a pegasus filly, by the way I’m never seen with any sort of scrape from a failed landing attempt or a bruise from roughhousing with my friends.

If I had friends, that is.  Sure, there’s Lily, but she doesn’t count.  Her mother’s on the staff here.  She has to be my friend, though I don’t have to be hers.  And I’m not.  A pony of her station is beneath me, and not fit to be a friend of mine.  There were so few ponies that were truly worthy of being my friend, so most of the time I just slummed it and played with Lily.  I sighed as I applied a generous helping of makeup over my new cutie mark.  It was such a shame to cover it up.  And it took a lot of makeup to cover it.  Ugh, it’ll take forever to wash it all out.

It doesn’t matter.  Right now, all that matters is that my newly-earned mark stays hidden. I just have to come up with a better way of hiding it.  I used up most of the makeup, so I’m only getting away with this today and maybe tomorrow.  I need an idea.  C’mon, Diamond, think.  What can I do?

When I was younger, I used to cut out pictures and tape them to my flanks to pretend I had my cutie mark. And it was all the better, because I often had two different cutie marks, making me twice as special as anypony else.  Cutie marks don’t work that way, of course, but I could always pretend to go that route again.  While doing that was normal for foals of the age I was back then, it would be considered extremely childish for a filly of my age.  I’m grasping at straws here.

Oh well, I’ve got at least a day to figure it out.  I’ll come up with something, or I’ll be grounded for an insanely long period of time…







Canterlot: twelve years, zero months, and twenty-seven days ago


I set my alarm for far earlier than normal to make sure I was up before either of my parents.  Amazingly, my makeup job held up decently overnight. I only needed to do some slight touchups to it to hide my incredible cutie mark.  Blah.  I don’t want to keep doing this.  The world needs to see the rose diamonds on Diamond Rose’s flanks.

I trudged down the stairs towards the kitchen.  My plan to be awake before everypony else had worked, but it also left me feeling tired. I like my beauty sleep.  Thankfully, the servants were already up for the day.  That’s what Daddy pays them for.  The instant they heard the clopping of my hooves on the stairs they’d started preparing my breakfast.

I sat at the table and a bowl of cereal appeared in front of me.  All the cereal pieces had been picked out, leaving only the marshmallows swimming in a bowl of milk.  Just the way I like it!

I still had almost an hour and a half until school started.  Or should I say, before my tutor arrived for the day.  I didn’t go to public school with the peasants, my parents hired the best teacher money can buy so I could have the absolute finest education.

I yawned and stretched, then trotted back up the stairs towards my bedroom.  I laid down on my bed, careful not to rub any of the makeup off my flank.  Who, what, where, when, why, & how. Obviously the answer to ‘who?’ was me. What?  Making my cutie mark ‘appear’.  Why? To avoid my parents finding out how it really happened.  Where?  Their bedroom.  When? When they’ve got the safe open, preferably in the morning when they’re in too much of a rush to be paying attention. How?  Beats me.

Scheming really isn’t my strong suit.  I absentmindedly clicked a flashlight on and off with one of my wings as I sat there thinking.  On.  Off. On.  Off.  My inspiration is definitely ‘off’ right now.







Canterlot: twelve years, zero months, and twenty-four days ago


I continued getting up early the rest of the week, but my plans had finally been officially spoiled. I’d finally run out of makeup.  Today, it’s do or die.  I’d been studying the patterns of my parents each morning, and it’d be very easy for me to be underhoof while they’re getting ready for their respective days.

But first I had to scrub all the caked-on makeup off my flank.  Rolling around in my sleep had done some of the work for me, but the rest took a while to clean off.  My shower was exceptionally long as I scrubbed my flank nearly raw.  But it was worth it – completely visible for the first time in days, my cutie mark once more greeted me!

I draped a towel over my flank as I trotted back to my room.  My parents had their own private bathroom accessible from their room, while mine was located down the hall.  Once safely back in my room I gathered the needed supplies.  My brainstorming had been a light drizzle at best, but I was out of time. It was a simple solution, but that didn’t matter if it was successful.  I prepped myself, then waited for the sound of water running from my parents’ bathroom. Daddy was always the first one to the shower, since he generally left the house earlier than Mommy.  Though sometimes Mommy kicked me out of my bathroom if they both needed to be somewhere early in the morning.  I hated those days.  It meant I had to trot all the way to the downstairs bathroom just to relieve myself.  Mommy can be so inconsiderate.

I shook myself from my thoughts.  Showtime!  Everything depended on my parents not paying much attention to me.  As plans go, that was actually a fairly solid one in all honesty. There are days I think I could turn into a tiger and they wouldn’t even notice.  They’d just say ‘that’s nice, dear’ while reading the stock market page of the newspaper.  For once, I could use that to my advantage.

I desperately needed all the advantages I could get, since my plan left me with a critical liability: hampered mobility.  I nudged the door to their room open with my nose, and looked around.  Daddy was in the shower, as expected.  Mommy was still in bed, and I crept into the room and laid down at the foot of the bed.  Normally, I’d hop up and snuggle with Mommy, but there was no way I could do that without the crinkling of paper giving me away.  That was my brilliant plan: hiding my cutie mark under a few sheets of white paper.  One of the perks of having a pure white coat meant ordinary paper would blend in under casual observation.  Closer scrutiny would no doubt reveal the deception, but it was a risk I had to take. If my parents paid as much attention to me as usual, it wouldn’t be much of a risk.

The irony wasn’t lost on me – younger me had paraded around the house wearing paper adorned with imaginary cutie marks, while present me was hiding my real cutie mark behind blank paper.  Life’s funny like that sometimes.

The water stopped running, and Daddy returned to the bedroom.  He didn’t even notice me as he rummaged in a dresser for a tie.  Mommy got up and headed for the bathroom, while Dad passed me on his way downstairs.

“What are you doing up so early, princess?”

“Couldn’t sleep, Daddy.”

He nuzzled me.  “How’s my pretty little princess going to stay my pretty little princess without her beauty sleep?”  He kissed my forehead.  “Come on, let’s get you some breakfast.”  He patted me on my hindquarters, trying to herd me towards the staircase.

“I already ate.”

He felt my forehead with a hoof.  “You must not be feeling well.  I’ll send word to your tutor that her services won’t be needed today.  Back to bed to rest.”  He picked me up by the scruff of my neck like a kitten and returned me to my bedroom.

Well, that could’ve gone better.  At least he didn’t notice the paper crinkling when he tucked me into bed.  Once he’d gone downstairs for his own breakfast, I replaced the wrinkled blank papers with fresh sheets and returned to my parents’ room, just in time for the water to stop again.  Last chance.

Mommy had a towel wrapped around her hair when she came back into the room.  As always, she muttered the combination under her breath.  “17… 26… 2.”

She was opening the safe! Success!  Well, for the first part of my plan, anyway.  I still needed to pull off everything else.  I needed my wings, so that meant I had to stash the items I’d tucked under them somewhere else.  Fortunately, the maids had yet to make their bed, so I slipped them under the blanket.

“Mommy!”  I fluttered through the room and landed on her back as she opened the safe.  I nuzzled her.  “I love you Mommy!”

“I love you too, sweetie. But Mommy’s trying to get ready to go out.”

Oh, believe me, I know.  That’s the whole point.  “Where are you going?”

“There’s a Habitat for Equinity fundraiser this morning.”  She levitated a pair of necklaces in front of her, as she decided which one to wear for the day.

I pointed to the one on the left.  “Wear that one, Mommy.  It’s my favorite!”  And it really is.  I love wearing that one when she isn’t.  Time to sink or swim. “Oh!  What’s that?”  I reached my hoof into the safe and retrieved the diamond that had so fascinated me the past few days.  “So pretty!” I hopped off Mom’s back and fluttered to the bed.

“That’s the Rose of Cimarron.  The world’s biggest pink diamond.”

“Oh!  So it’s like me!  A diamond named Rose!”  I clutched the diamond to my barrel and waited for Mommy’s attention to drift elsewhere.  When she reached down to put her necklace on, I grabbed the items I’d stashed under the covers, discreetly tucking them under my wings.  I reached back with my primary feathers, subtly trying to undo the tape fastening the paper to my flank.  The fatal flaw in my plan then revealed itself: I’d used so much tape to prevent the paper from rustling when I moved that I couldn’t quickly undo it.  I gave up my efforts as Mommy returned her attention to me.

“Sweetie, that’s worth a lot of bits.  I need to put it back in the safe now.”  I pouted, but it was all for naught as Mommy snatched the diamond from my grasp and tucked it back into the safe.

I was so close.  I slinked back to my room to sulk and think about why my scheme hadn’t worked.  My plan was needlessly overcomplicated. Flashlights tucked under my wings to provide the flash of light that accompanied a cutie mark acquisition had hampered my mobility.  The papers disguising my mark were necessarily taped securely to my flank, but unable to be torn off in a hurry.  That was the point of failure.

I removed the papers from my flank and grabbed my crayons.  I started sketching the diamond absently as I berated myself for blowing my only chance.

Mommy poked her head into my room.  “Your father said you’re not feeling well…”  She trailed off as she stared at my flank.

Horseapples.  I turned my head to follow her gaze, knowing what I’d find.  “A cutie mark.  I got my cutie mark!”  I hopped on the bed and fluttered into the air and did a loop.  “I got my cutie mark!”  Time to celebrate like I’d wanted to the other day but couldn’t!  Will Mommy buy its authenticity?

Mom came into my room and stared at the papers I’d been drawing on.  “I guess the Rose of Cimarron made an impression on you.”  She kissed me on the cheek. “Congratulations.  It’s a very fitting mark.”

After all that planning, for everything to end like this was both disappointing and relieving.  But at least I don’t have to hide my cutie mark any more.







Baytona Beach: nine years, ten months, and six days ago


My parents had decided I was old enough to pick our vacation destination for the year, and I made a snap decision that I wanted to go to the beach.  That blossomed into spending two weeks at ‘the world center of speed’ during the lead-up to the yearly Wonderbolts race, the Baytona 500.  The first race of the Wonderbolts’ schedule, it was held in the middle of winter.  Of course, winter was the best time to visit Baytona, as the temperature was more in line with late spring back home in Canterlot.  From what I’d heard, it wasn’t a good place to visit during the summer due to the heat and humidity. 

As I laid there on the warm white sand, I couldn’t think of a better place to go during the winter.  I slathered sunscreen on myself and rolled onto my stomach.  I pulled the latest Daring Do book out of my saddlebags and started reading until my eyelids felt heavy.  Regardless of how exciting a book might be, there was something about reading in warm sunshine that made a pony tired, so I let sleep claim me, feeling the rays of Celestia’s sun warming my hide.

I awoke an hour or so later, stretched, and stood up.  I can sleep at home.  I looked at the ocean, a few yards away, and galloped straight into it.  The water was colder than I anticipated, but not unpleasantly so.  The salty sea spray stung my eyes as I waded out into the surf. After a few minutes, I returned to shore.  Ultimately swimming in the ocean wasn’t nearly as good as swimming in our indoor pool back home.  The pool is chlorinated and contains neither salt nor fish, and we don’t have crowds or rocks at home.

I packed everything back up, and Mom and I trotted back to the hotel.  I grabbed a quick shower, then looked over the schedule of events at the track.  There were a series of races all week, and the schedule indicated we were currently missing qualifying for Sunday’s big race.  I read and reread the paragraph explaining the qualifying procedures. The words were the same the second time through – it really was that convoluted.  The top two qualifiers would be locked into their spots for the race, while everypony else would have to race their way in via a pair of qualifying races.  From thirty-first to fortieth were spots in the field reserved for anypony else who’d qualified well in time trials but choked during the qualifying races, then there was a pair of spots reserved for distinguished Wonderbolts who hadn’t made the field otherwise.  I didn’t understand half of it, and I didn’t really care.  All that meant was that there’d be more racing to watch, and I was perfectly okay with that.

The main draw for today was an exhibition race for the Wonderbolt cadets and reservists.  The up and comers in the academy who had yet to realize their dreams and become a full-fledged ‘Bolt.  The winner of the race would earn the forty-third and final starting spot in the big race.  I briefly fantasized about being out there racing with all of them.  Maybe someday.

“You want to go see some more racing?”

I nodded.  “That’s what we’re here for.”  Well, technically we were here mostly for the beach, but that wasn’t nearly as exciting as I’d originally expected it to be.  I’m glad Dad decided to schedule our trip to coincide with the races after all.

Dad had, as usual, spared no expense.  He’d rented one of the luxury skyboxes at the venue.  That gave us access to all of the amenities of the track, including their five-star restaurant.  As an added bonus, they had waiters who delivered the food right to the suite so nopony had to miss the racing action.

Mom had no real interest in the Wonderbolts, while Dad had skipped going to the beach with us so he could watch qualifying.  Rather than ‘hello’, ‘hi’, or even ‘howdy’, he greeted us with, “Fleetfoot’s on the pole.  Surprise will start second.”

Fleetfoot winning the pole wasn’t particularly surprising.  She was a notoriously fast sprinter who struggled over longer distances.  She’d earned the top qualifying spot for three of the last four Baytona 500s, but had yet to actually win the five-hundred-mile event.  Two hundred grueling laps on the two-and-a-half mile trioval wore her out.  Surprise, on the other hoof, was always a mystery.  Sometimes she was fast, other times not, and she had an incredible ability to come out of nowhere in the closing laps.

There were a few hours to go before the exhibition race, and Dad led the way to a meet and greet with the racers.  There was a small crowd of ponies, most of whom were gathered around a blue pegasus with rainbow hair sitting on the end.  Since none of the other competitors had lines, we started on the opposite end with a black stallion with gray and blue hair.  The placard in front of him indicated his name was Thunderlane.

“Well howdy there, little filly.”

I’m not little!  I just turned eleven!  “Hi.”

“You know; I’ve got a brother about your age.  He really wanted to come down to Baytona with me, but he couldn’t because of school.  He’s got his heart set on joining the Wonderbolts someday.  You might just see him sitting here in another ten years or so.  How about you?  You planning on trying out for the team someday?”

Only in my dreams.  “I hadn’t really thought of it.  My flying’s pretty good, but it isn’t Wonderbolts quality.”

“She’s still working on her landings.”

Thanks, Mom.  “Yeah, my landings need a little bit more work.”

He motioned me closer and bent down to whisper in my ear.  “I’ll let you in on a secret.  See that blue mare at the opposite end of the table?  She needs to work on her landings too.  We call her ‘Rainbow Crash’ behind her back.  If you’re a good enough flyer, landings don’t matter.”  He smiled and quickly autographed a photo of himself for me.

I snickered and thanked him.  Then we moved on to the next pony in line, a purple mare with a spiky white and blue mane.

She’s got style.  I looked to her nametag.  “Hi Cloudchaser.”

“Hiyas!”  She stamped her hoof down on a picture of herself, marking it with her autograph.  “Who should I make this out to?”

“Diamond Rose.”

“Oh!  What a pretty name!”  She scribbled with the marker, and eventually passed the autograph to me.

A tawny mare with a black mane was next.  We worked our way to the other end of the table, waiting in the long line for ‘Rainbow Crash’.  I wondered what her real name was as we waited.  Rainbow Flash?  Rainbow Brite?  The answer turned out to be Rainbow Dash, as I learned when we finally made it to the front of the line.  Unlike the others sitting on her side of the table, Rainbow wasn’t content with merely signing autographs.  She had a pony with a camera taking pictures of her posing with her fans.

I stood next to Rainbow and she wrapped a wing around me as the camera clicked.  “There you go!  A photo with tonight’s winner!”  The photo printed out of the camera and she quickly stomped a hoof on it, signing it.  And then she was off to greet her next fan, and my family and I were ushered toward the exit.

“What did you think, sweetie?  Tomorrow’s ‘Bolts, today!”

“I think we’re going to see a good race tonight.”

We detoured to the restaurant while we awaited the start of the race, sitting down to enjoy a late lunch.  I’d been expecting the track’s restaurant to serve carrot dogs, oat burgers, and hay fries, the kinds of food you’d expect to be served at a sporting event, but it turned out to be gourmet.  I ordered lasagna, perhaps not the most exotic entrée, but I couldn’t pronounce most of the others.  It was a safe option.

After eating we returned to our skybox, and we watched as the racers awaited the random draw for the starting grid.  The dozen ponies I’d chatted with and gotten autographs from earlier were all hoping to get the pole position.  “Wildfire.”  The crowd cheered as the tawny pegasus mare took the inside line.  “Cloudchaser.”  The mare with the spiky mane I liked lined up alongside her.  “Midnight Strike.  Meadow Flower.  Cloud Climber.  Mercury.  Island Delight.  Rainbow Dash.  Aurora Mist.  Morning Monarch.  Thunderlane.  And last, but certainly not least, Star Flight.”  It was obvious from the crowd reactions that Rainbow Dash was the favorite.

The green flag was dropped and the ponies took off in a flash.  Rainbow Dash jumped out to a formidable lead, easily taking the inside lane despite starting much higher up the track.  The rest of the field fell into line behind her, Wildfire having managed to hold onto second.  From third on back it was a scoring nightmare.

It quickly became apparent this was a race for second.  Each lap Rainbow increased her lead, and by the tenth lap she started lapping the backmarkers.  By the end of the twentieth circuit she’d lapped everypony.  She visibly started slowing down on the forty-seventh lap, but by then it was too late for the rest of the field to catch up.  By the time she reached the finish line, she’d resorted to gliding, but it was enough to take the victory by more than a lap over second place Wildfire.







Baytona Beach: seven years, ten months, and eight days ago


I’d gone from being a casual fan of the Wonderbolts after my first Baytona 500 to being a rabid one. Two years prior, Surprise had finally crossed the Baytona 500 off her list of races she’d won, finally completing a career grand slam of the four major races: Cloudsdale, Baytona, Indianeighpolis, and Canterlot.  In an emotional victory speech, she announced her retirement, effective immediately. As with everything concerning Surprise, it came as a shock to those of us listening.  She’d obtained all her goals in racing and wanted to go out on top. She’d since gone on to start a family with her husband.

It had been a momentous occasion, and being there for it had no doubt cemented racing’s place in my life. But as special as the Baytona 500 was, my personal favorite was the up-and-comers race, the Newbie Clash. Most of the racers were friendlier than the veterans, not having had years of interacting with fans dull them to the experience.  They still remembered when they were just star struck foals with the hope of joining their idols one day, even now that they were living that dream.  Mostly though, I liked the Newbie Clash best because there were fewer demands on the cadets’ time, so it was easier to chat with them at the pre-race meet & greet.

As previously, one of the racers was attracting more attention than the others, so I started on the other end of the table they were all sitting at.  A cream mare with a giant red bow in her hair enthusiastically greeted me.

“Hiyas!”

“Hi!”

“I’m Angel Wings.  And you are?”

“Diamond Rose.”

“Nice to meet you!” She stamped her hoof on a photo of herself and gave it to me.  I stashed it in a scrapbook I’d brought with me for the occasion – this might be the only time any of the cadets I’d meet today would be here.  The Wonderbolts were exclusive and there were always more recruits than open positions.

“That bow has to hamper your aerodynamics.”

“About three tenths of a second each lap on the Wonderbolts course.  Probably more than that here.”  She scraped a hoof on the floor.  “I might take it off for the race.”

I almost walked past the next cadet.  He was barely tall enough to see over the table.  “Oh wow!  You must be a really good flyer if you’re trying out for the Wonderbolts at your age.”

“I’m twenty years old, stupid!  I’m a fully-grown stallion!”  I walked past the foul-tempered ‘adult’ and moved on to the next pony in line. “Hey!  Don’t you want my autograph?”

“Maybe when you grow up.”

“I’m an adult!”

“Not what I meant.”  I flicked my tail and addressed the next mare, Hyacinth Dawn.  “Hi there!”

“Well howdy, miss. Don’t mind Short Fuse.  He’s all bluster, but he’s not a bad colt.  I mean stallion.  He’s not a bad stallion.”  Short Fuse screamed in frustration and Hyacinth winked at me.  “It’s so easy to get his goat.”

“Seems like that would be a big disadvantage on race day.”

“I am literally still right here listening to you!”

We continued ignoring him, talking about him in front of his face.  “He tried to buck the caterer because his sandwich had tomatoes in it. I think his legs almost made it up to the mare’s hocks.”

Short Fuse stomped off and we giggled at his antics.  If I felt my collection absolutely needed his signature, I was confident my father could acquire it at a later date, but honestly I felt he was rather forgettable.

Rolling Thunder was the next mare, and she had the cocky attitude I expected from Wonderbolt hopefuls. She wasn’t shy like Angel Wings or angry like Short Fuse.  She exuded confidence as she stamped a hoof onto her photo.  “You’re quite the pretty little filly.”  She kissed my cheek.  “Look me up when you’re older.”

“Why?”

“You’ll figure it out.” She wiggled her eyebrows for some reason.

Eventually I reached the end of the table, where a mare and stallion sat next to each other.  Vapor Trail didn’t attract much attention, but the stallion sitting next to her was the talk of the room.  Sky Stinger was heavily favored to win, and he was soaking up the attention like the ponies on the nearby beach were soaking up the sun. I found him to be about as abrasive as the sand on that beach.  Even Vapor Trail was making googly eyes at him.

I didn’t see what all the fuss was about, and he certainly wasn’t handsome enough to catch my eye.  Maybe Vapor just has low standards.  I cleared my throat and Vapor finally turned to acknowledge I was waiting for her.  “You know, if you want his autograph that bad, we can switch places.  You can wait in line and I’ll sign pictures.”

She blushed.  “I’m sorry.  It’s just Sky Stinger’s really special.”

“If you say so.”

“Just watch him in the race later!  He’s going to win going away!”

“I’ve only been coming here for a few years, but shouldn’t you be bragging about how you’re going to win?”

“I, um, that is to say… that would be nice, but I’m a realist.  I know when I’m outclassed.”

“Then he’s already beat you. Daddy says racing is almost as much mental as it is physical.  If you think he’s better than you, he’s going to be better than you.”

“I’m okay with that.”

I rolled my eyes.  I looked at the line for Sky Stinger and decided I’d rather hit the track’s upscale restaurant than wait around.  Suffice it to say I wasn’t overly impressed with the year’s crop of rookies.  Hyacinth Dawn was my favorite of the bunch.  Unlike the rookies, the restaurant didn’t disappoint with their selections.  I’d decided to be more adventurous and try something I’d never had before, Quiche au Camelbert.









By the time we were done eating, it was nearly race time.  Daddy and I took seats as close to the window as possible, while Mom just relaxed in the opulent luxury of the skybox.

Much to my glee, Hyacinth Dawn had the pole position as they took the green flag, with Hippity Hop alongside, followed by Rolling Thunder, Loosey-Goosey, Sky Stinger, Twirlerina, Angel Wings, Daisy May, Short Fuse, Windy Wisp, Vapor Trail, and Mountain Haze bringing up the rear.

Sky Stinger dropped to the back at the start, allowing Vapor Trail to fall in line behind him. Slipstreaming together, they steadily moved their way forward in the field, taking the lead on lap eight. Rolling Thunder fell into line behind them.  Angel Wings and Hyacinth Dawn had managed to catch their draft as they shuffled for position, and the five of them slipstreamed together, extending their advantage over the rest of the field until most of the others gathered in line behind Mountain Haze.

Lap after lap passed, with the ponies staying nose to tail.  Watching through binoculars, I could plainly see Vapor Trail shifting her wings to give Sky Stinger periodic boosts.  She’s not even trying to win. I groaned in frustration.

“What’s wrong, honey?”

“This is how they’re going to finish the race.  Vapor doesn’t want to win.”

“Don’t be silly, sweetie. Everypony wants to win.”

“Dad, did you see her at the meet and greet earlier?  She’s in love with Sky Stinger, and he’s too in love with himself to notice.  She’s just going to keep following him and blocking the others.”

By lap twenty they’d started lapping the ponies who hadn’t lined up in one of the drafts.  As they passed Short Fuse, he washed up the track from the turbulence.  True to his nature he flipped out, flying off the course and out of the race, screaming and cussing the whole way.

They continued playing follow the leader for another twenty-nine boring laps.  Vapor Trail might’ve been content to finish second, but Rolling Thunder definitely wasn’t.  Halfway through the final lap, all Tartarus broke out.  Rolling Thunder rolled up on Vapor Trail and goosed her.  Vapor Trail lost her concentration and broke formation. Rolling Thunder went low to pass her, but Vapor wasn’t having any of that and deliberately crashed into her. They tumbled to the ground and Angel Wings and Hyacinth Dawn flew over them.  Still drafting, the duo ganged up on Sky Stinger, blowing past him like he was standing still.

In the infield, Vapor and Rolling Thunder were rolling around on the ground beating the living daylights out of one another.  Defeated, Sky Stinger banked and flew back to the fight while Angel Wings crossed the finish line first, ridiculously oversized bow and all, virtually ignored by the audience.  Sky tried to break up the fight, pulling Vapor off Rolling Thunder, but then Rolling Thunder kicked him, and suddenly it was two on one.

By the time Mountain Haze’s group caught up to them, it was full pandemonium, and the racers scattered as they tried to avoid getting drawn into the fight, which had spilled out of the infield and back onto the track.  Short Fuse had materialized from somewhere and had joined the fracas, teaming up with Rolling Thunder to make it two on two.

“Wow.  That was unexpected.”

“It’s never over until the checkered flag, sweetie.  Anything can happen on the last lap.”

“I didn’t think goosing was a legal move.”

“It isn’t.  Neither is fighting.  It remains to be seen, but I can almost guarantee they’re going to kick Rolling Thunder out of the Wonderbolts, they’ll probably get rid of Short Fuse, and there’s a chance they might get rid of Vapor Trail and Sky Stinger for fighting.  It’ll probably depend on if the ‘Bolts consider it justified or not.  I’d argue it was, personally.  Rolling Thunder cost them a one-two finish.”

I shrugged. “I hate to say it, but Sky Stinger wouldn’t have done well in the 500 without Vapor Trail pushing him.  I don’t know how good Angel’s going to do in the big race, but at least she’ll be more entertaining to watch.”







Baytona Beach: five years, ten months, and six days ago


Fleetfoot and Rainbow Dash had both learned to pace themselves, and had dominated the series in ensuing years, as much of the old guard retired.  Spitfire called it a career, opting instead to focus entirely on managing the day-to-day operations of the team.  Soarin’ was still racing, but it was obvious to those of us in the stands that he should’ve retired a few years ago.  A number of the up-and-comers I’d seen in my first Speedweeks had gone on to become full-fledged Wonderbolts, including Wildfire, Cloudchaser, Thunderlane, and of course, Rainbow Dash.

We’d gone from renting one of the luxury skyboxes to Dad outright purchasing one.  We hadn’t missed Speedweeks since.

I sat in the skybox, reading the latest Daring Do book while I waited for the exhibition race for up-and-coming Wonderbolt cadets and reservists to begin.  Much to my shock, a former winner of the event sat down next to me.

“Hey.”

“Rainbow Dash?  What are you doing here?”

“Your dad just hired me to be a spokesmare for his company.  I’m not racing tonight, and this as good a place as any to watch the race from.  Unless you object, of course.”  She flashed her trademark cocky grin and I couldn’t help but grin back.

“Not at all.”  I put my book down and she glanced at the cover.

“You're a Daring Do fan?  Me too!”

“I like the earlier books better.  No offense to A. K. Yearling, but the Daring Do series has really gone downhill since she started working with Caballeron and Ahuizotl.  The books just aren’t as exciting anymore.  The three of them teamed up against a bunch of pirates just doesn’t have the same appeal as one pony on her own.  When she was still solo, Yearling made Daring’s actions feel like they were her own.  You could feel her danger, and that sense of wonder when she discovered an ancient artifact from a lost civilization.  In this book, whenever she's trapped or cornered, she can count on one of the other two to rescue her.  Every single time.  No more death-defying escapes from traps.  And somehow Ahuizotl knows how to read all of these lost ancient languages, so there are no more puzzles to figure out.  Yawn.”

Rainbow’s grin faltered a bit.  “I agree that they’re not as exciting as they used to be.”  She sighed.  “You can blame my friend Fluttershy for that.”

“How so?”

“She convinced Daring, I mean, Yearling, that working together was better than maintaining rivalries. And she’s right, you know.  Sometimes it makes for a lousy story, like in the book you’re reading.  Other times, it makes for a better one.  For example, do you know who’s racing tonight?”

I listed off the names of the ponies I’d just met a few hours before.  She stopped me when I got to Lightning Dust, the pony most were expecting to dominate the event in the way Rainbow had four years earlier.

“Lightning Dust was in the academy at the same time I was.  Had everything worked out for the best back then, we would’ve duked it out for the win that year, and I honestly don’t know which of us would’ve taken the checkered flag.  She’s good. Really good.  But she’s reckless.  She almost got my friends killed, and Spitfire kicked her out of the academy and banned her from the Wonderbolts for life.  Once I made the team, I asked her to reconsider that.  She reduced it to a three-year ban, and this is her first year of eligibility. She’s learned a lot in the years since.” She chuckled.  “Breaking half the bones in her body in a stunt gone wrong probably helped knock the chip off her shoulder.”  She told me about how Lightning had started a rival team, the Wash Outs, and how that had backfired on her spectacularly.  “As a Wonderbolt I’m not allowed to play favorites and cheer on any particular recruit over the others.  But I really want to see Lightning win tonight.  You’re not gonna tell anybody if I cheer her on, will you?”

I shook my head and she smiled.

“Awesome!  I knew this would be the perfect place to watch the race from.”  She reclined the chair she was sitting in and shut her eyes.  “Wake me when it’s race time.”







Canterlot: four years, eleven months, and seven days ago


Light streamed through the cracks in the blinds and I opened one eye hesitantly.  Most days it was a struggle to get out of bed, but today was different.  I bounced up, ready to get a head start on the day.  Happy birthday to me!  Sweet sixteen!

My parents invited all my friends to attend my big party tonight, and I was admittedly anxious to meet them.  I trotted down to the dining room, and was served my favorite breakfast.  The cereal pieces had been picked out, as always, leaving just the marshmallows floating in sugary milk.  I poked my head into the kitchen, to check on preparations for the party.  A massive confetti cake shaped like the number 16 was being frosted.  It looked delicious, and I sat there supervising for the next hour as it was completed.

From there I inspected the ballroom, and found the servants in the midst of decorating.  Even Lily was helping her mother blow up balloons.  Lily turned sixteen a few months ago, but she didn’t have a party.  I guess she doesn’t have any friends.  Well, aside from me, of course.

With preparations going well, I decided to go dress shopping.  It wouldn’t do to be seen at my sweet sixteen in something I’d worn previously.  And of course, it was impossible to go shopping without a gal pal.  My choices were limited to Lily, Lily, or Lily, so I chose Lily Blossom to join me.  It wasn’t like she could say ‘no’ after all.  She was my favorite kind of audience: a captive one.

I flagged down a passing pegasus chariot, and we took it to Rarity’s Canterlot Carousel.  I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my birthday than trying on dozens of new outfits.  Lily just sat there and gave me a wing’s up or wing’s down depending on if she liked how it looked on me or not.  She had no sense of fashion, so I went with my normal plan of buying anything she disapproved of.  She really seemed to hate ruffles and frills, but those were always in style.

Eventually I whittled my selections down to my five favorites, coincidentally the ones Lily had the most adverse reactions to.  As the boutique’s manager, Sassy Saddles, was ringing up my selections I noticed that Lily didn’t have a dress.  As a guest of my party, I’d expect her to be dressed appropriately, and Lily hadn’t even bothered trying anything on the whole time I was shopping.  Come to think of it, I’d never actually gotten her anything for her own sweet sixteen.  Oh well, better late than never.

I quickly scanned the discount racks, looking for something without ruffles or frills.  I wouldn’t want her to hate the dress, after all.  Besides, it wouldn’t do for her to outshine the birthday filly.

“You’re looking through the clearance rack?”

“Yeah.  Which one do you think looks best?”

She pointed to the one I’d expected her to pick.  It was the one I liked the least.  “Perfect.”  I grabbed that one and added it to my purchases.

“You’re actually taking one of my suggestions?”  She looked shocked.  I suppose that was to be expected, being the first time and all.

I nodded and hoofed a stack of bits to Sassy.  “You getting anything?”

She shook her head and followed us to the fitting room.  Sassy measured me, then started altering each of the dresses to fit me.  I intentionally buried that last selection under the rest.  When she reached the plain, unadorned dress I stopped her.  “It’s for her.”

Lily’s jaw dropped.  She worked it open and closed a few times, finally sputtering out something vaguely resembling words.  “But…but…but…”

“I’d prefer it if you walked in, but if you insist...”  I complied with her ‘request’ by butting my head against her hindquarters, and shoved her into the fitting room in the process.  Sassy didn’t waste time, quickly sizing Lily and altering the dress to fit her.  “Happy really belated sweet sixteen.”

“Thank you.”

We trotted home, each of us wearing a new dress, and Lily carrying the rest of my purchases in her saddlebags.

We’d spent more time at Canterlot Carousel than I’d thought.  Already the sun was well past its zenith and nearing the horizon.  I picked up the pace to a canter to make up for lost time.  Evening traffic was thick with ponies heading home from work, so we took to the skies.  With the benefit of hindsight, I really should’ve kept the chariot on retainer all day.  Ugh, I’m going to get sweaty flying home.  I really hope it doesn’t ruin this lovely new dress.

We arrived to my party fashionably late, or right about the time everypony else also showed up.  All of the movers and shakers of Canterlot were there, including Prince Blueblood, the most eligible prince in all of Canterlot!  Of course, he’s the only prince in Canterlot, but I digress.  If I catch his fancy I could be a princess!  My parents really do think of everything!  So he’s double my age – so what?  He’s a prince!

Even if things don’t work out with Bluey, oh, I sure hope he’ll let me call him Bluey, there are several other good candidates in attendance; eligible sons of nobleponies.  Stop drooling, Diamond.  Keep it together.  Cool, calm, collected.  You’ve got this.

Oh my gosh, Prince Blueblood.  Yay!  Best birthday gift ever!  So he’s not wrapped up, I’m going to keep him, anyway.  Giggling, I made a beeline for him.  He kissed my hoof like a true gentlecolt.  Squee!  Should I go by Princess Diamond or Princess Rose?  I suppose the latter sounds better…

My fantasies were interrupted by another mare, who practically shoved me out of the way to fawn all over Blueblood.  She immediately got her comeuppance as another mare bumped her aside to get the prince’s attention.  All of the single mares from my age bracket were jockeying for the best position to be Blueblood’s consort for the evening.  It’s my birthday!  He’s my gift, darn it!  These are the ‘friends’ I’ve been waiting to meet?

“Consider him a distraction.”  Lily Blossom appeared next to me and herded me in the direction of a number of stallions our age.  “While they’re all gold-digging, here’s your chance to meet some single stallions.”  I noticed her own eyes wandering the line of stallions.  Well, if she wants second choice, I won’t stop her.  Better her than those jerks swarming all over Blueblood.

Lily introduced me as the birthday girl, and the quartet of eligible bachelors introduced themselves. At length.  The way they all talked about themselves, you’d think they were in charge of raising the sun every morning.  It didn’t take long for Lily to lose interest in them.  By golly, it’s my birthday, and I’m going to dance with somepony.  And it’s not going to be my father or Lily.

I grabbed the handsomest stallion and dragged him onto the dancefloor.  The band started playing some sentimental ballad, and I danced as he stood stock still and droned on about how many homes his family owned, how much money they made last year, where all their properties were located…  I don’t need to know all the details of his balance sheet.  Or rather, his father’s balance sheet.

I yawned as I passed him off to another mare and grabbed the next stallion in line.  It was more of the same.  Ugh, no wonder stallions like these end up with gold-diggers.  They have no romance, no passion.  It’s all economics, all the time.  Boring.  I want to live my life, not spend it acquiring money so I can say I was the richest when I died.  I mean, how would that even work?  Come back as a ghost to rub it in on those still alive?  Then they could rub in the fact that they’re still alive.  Stupid.

With horror I realized I was likely destined to marry one of these wimps.  Nope.  Not happening.  I crave excitement and adventure.  I’m not going to get that with any of these colts playing dress-up.  You can put a colt in a stallion’s suit, but that doesn’t make him a stud.

My thoughts were interrupted by my father clinking a spoon against a glass.  “A toast to the birthday filly.  My little princess is growing up.  Happy sweet sixteen, sweetie.”  He motioned to a table piled high with presents.  “We all got you a little something.”

My train of thought completely derailed as I trotted over to the pile of gifts.  Wrapping paper flew through the air as I shredded it.  Jewelry, fancy gowns, gift certificates to the spa, etc.  The one that stood out from the pack was some bright red, lacey lingerie.  I made a conscious effort not to react to it, nor did I show it off.  Instead I silently moved it to the pile of already opened presents and moved on to the next gift.  Obviously it was from one of the stallions, one with high hopes and the wrong idea.

I finished opening the gifts, and the few ponies who were watching me returned to hobnobbing with the rest of the snobs who hadn’t even bothered paying attention to the birthday filly.  Needless to say, I was unimpressed with the ‘friends’ that I hadn’t even known I had.  As always, it was Daddy who saved the day.  “One last gift, pumpkin.”

Unlike the others, it wasn’t wrapped.  I lifted the lid off the box and was greeted with a glinting hunk of pink diamond.  I blinked.  “No way.”

“Way.  It’s the Rose of Cimarron, and it’s all yours now, sweetie.”

Daddy nuzzled me, as I sat there staring at the diamond that had so infatuated me as a filly.  Truth be told, I’d more-or-less forgotten about it in the ensuing years.  But now, holding it in my hooves again, the memories came flooding back.  Diamond Rose now owns the largest rose diamond in the world.  Seems appropriate.  The party faded to background noise as I stared at the gem.  Best birthday gift ever!







Canterlot: three years, eight months, and four days ago


I cornered the stallion I’d had my eye on as he was trotting home from school.  “You’re taking me to prom.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’ve made my decision.  You’re taking me to prom.”  There weren’t any truly good choices at the local school, but I’d made a chart correlating attractiveness to net worth, and picked the best stallion accordingly.  Like me, most of the other nobles were privately tutored.  And since none of us went to the public high school, none of us could go to the prom without an invitation from one of the attending students.  He’ll do for now.  It’s only a dance – it’s not like I need to marry him.

“I have a marefriend.”

“So?”

He struggled for a reply to that.  “So I like her?”

“That’s your problem right there.  You only ‘like’ her; not ‘love’ her.  You should leave her for somepony better.  Like me.”  And then you can go crawling back to her when I dump you immediately after prom.  It’s not like I care what plebeians do.

He started sweating and stammering.  I had him right where I wanted him.  He’d crack quickly.  I’m the prettiest mare in town, and one of the richest.  I get what I want, and right now I want him to take me to the prom so I can get dressed up all fancy and dance the night away.

“What do you think you’re doing?”  Of course Lily Blossom would show up.

“Arranging my date for the prom.”  She looked at me like I’d just grown a horn.  Maybe someday.

“You don’t even go to this school.”

I rolled my eyes.  “I know, right?  It’s so unfair.  In order to attend prom, I need an invitation from one of the students here.  I chose this guy.”

“That.  Is.  My.  Coltfriend.”

“He is?”  That certainly explained why I’d seen less of Lily Blossom the last few months.  He was well above her station – good for her.  I just want to borrow him for the night, she can have him after that.  “He just told me he doesn’t love you.”

She whirled on him.  “Is that true?”

“I… uh… I…”

“Oh, he likes you well enough.  But he doesn’t love you.”  I suppose this is the part where I’m supposed to add ‘you can do better’ or some other such nonsense, but she really can’t.  This is the best she’s ever going to get.  He comes from a nice middle class family – they’re not rich like me, but they’re not hurting for money, either.  “What does love matter anyway?  Ponies marry because they’re attracted to each other, or to improve their station in life.  He’s fairly handsome, and he’s richer than you.  He’s suitable.  I just want him to escort me for the night.  You go to the school; you can certainly invite somepony else if you so desire.”

Lily gave me the look she always gives me when I’m making sense and she doesn’t like what I’m saying.  Then she glared at him.  “Is what she said true?”  He gulped and nodded.

She slapped him across the face with a hoof.  I cringed.  That’ll leave a mark for sure.  Good thing prom’s still over a month away, that should be plenty of time for his face to heal.  If not, I’m sure I can get some makeup to hide it.  Lily looked at me and opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out.  She just growled in frustration, slapped her coltfriend again, and galloped off.

“Pick me up at six.”  I batted my eyelashes at him.  He just stood there, completely flabbergasted.  I have that effect on stallions.  He’s wrapped around my hooves already.  I left him standing there.

I returned home, knowing Lily would already be there.  Her mother lived with us since she was on call 24/7, and Lily shared a room with her.  It wasn’t hard to find her.  I knocked on the door to their room.

“Go away!”

I tried the handle, but it was locked.  As if that could keep me out.  I just grabbed the master key from the safe and opened it up.  “Lily.”

She was lying face down on her bed, head buried in her pillow.  When she looked up to speak, I could see the tears streaming down her cheeks.  “What the hay, Diamond?  I want to be alone.  You just broke up my relationship.  What more do you want from me?”

I waved a hoof, dismissively.  “As your best friend, I couldn’t stand to see you distraught.”

“You’re not my best friend.”

“Pish-posh.  Of course I am.”

She laughed at that.  “I’m your best friend, but you’re not mine.”

I laughed back at her.  “Oh, you’re not my best friend.  I don’t even really consider you a friend.  More like an acquaintance.”

“If not me, who do you consider your best friend?”

I paused, thinking.  The only ponies I ever interacted with were my parents, the staff, and Lily.  And Lily was the only one who was my age.  We’d played together as foals.  There was no one else.  “I don’t know.”

“Face it, Diamond.  Not only am I your best friend, I’m also your only friend.”

The words stung.  I don’t have any friends.  This must be what it feels like when I’m speaking the truth and Lily doesn’t like what I’m saying.  Is this how she feels every time we talk?  This... this hurts.  “I’m sorry.” The word ‘sorry’ felt foreign to my tongue.  I hadn’t apologized for anything since I broke a vase when I was a foal.  The vase that Lily then claimed to break to save me from punishment.  Horseapples.  “I’m a horrible pony.”

“Well, at least you admit it.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d really like to be alone right now.  I just dumped my coltfriend because of you.”

I turned to leave, but then thought better of it.  Instead I climbed into the bed behind her and wrapped my wings and legs around her in an embrace.  She cried herself out that way, as I lay there holding her.







Canterlot: three years, seven months, and twenty-six days ago


Prom night.  Most fillies fantasized about this night, hoping to spend it with the perfect stallion.  Slight change of plans.  Since Lily Blossom’s ex had evidently vacated Canterlot for parts unknown, he wasn’t going to be accompanying either one of us.  I really need to ask Lily what his name is again.

We both dressed up in our fanciest attire, or should I say, we both dressed in my fanciest attire, and then spent the evening playing Crazy 8’s and Old Nag.  I felt bad for wrecking Lily’s relationship – if I’d known that he was dating her, I never would’ve made a move on him.  Of course, then Lily would have never known how he really felt, and I guess that would’ve led to heartache and drama further down the line.

Lily is a good pony, and she deserves the best.  She was also beating me in cards, badly.  Our conversation last month had changed a lot of things between us.  We’d started treating one another as friends, and that meant she’d stopped letting me win any time we played a game.

I’d spent my life up to now trapped in a box of my parents’ making.  I was sheltered, and any exposure to the world beyond was measured and sanitized for my protection.  But I had no one else to blame but myself for the superior attitude I’d developed along the way.  We weren’t better than anypony else just because we were better off financially.  Even though I’ll forever struggle with that concept doesn’t make it any less true.

Dad interrupted our game of cards and threw down the Canterlot Gazette.  “I know you’re not one for keeping up with current events, but even you should read this.  Every once in a while, something comes along and shakes everything up.  This is one of those times.”

Chills ran up my spine as I read the lead headline: Parallel Universe Confirmed.  Lily gasped as she read the words.  It appeared that Equestria’s best minds had known about this for the last four decades, but were only now getting around to announcing it.  ‘Earth’ has been thoroughly researched, and contact made with the natives.  Equestrians had been secretly living there for nearly forty years, but were recently revealed by the unexpected arrival of more ponies.

Now that the cat was out of the bag, the Equestrian government was looking for ponies to go to Earth and settle there, and seeking volunteers to host the native species of that world, ‘humans’, here in Equestria.  Dad was right – this changed everything.  I’d been craving the excitement and adventure I was missing out on sitting around on my hindquarters all day.  It’s so far away my parents can’t overprotect me. This is exactly what I’ve been looking for.

“Ugh.”

I turned to Lily.  “What?”

“Those human things are ugly.  They don’t have much hair and their bare skin is showing over most of their bodies.  What are those weird things at the end of their forelegs?  And how can they see anything with those ridiculously small eyes?”

Lily had a bit of a point – they were awkward looking, but no doubt they would say the same about us.  The important part was the address to write to for more information on emigrating.  There were a number of requirements that needed to be met, but there was also plenty of time to prepare since the departure date wasn’t for another three years.  “I’m going.”

Lily snickered at my declaration.  “So you finally admit you’re crazy?”

“Lily, this is just the thing I’ve been wanting since my birthday last year.  All the ponies here are just stuck-up snobs.  Their idea of an adventure is creative accounting.”

“If you want to meet real ponies, instead of snobs, you could hang out with my friends from school.”

“Do you go on adventures anywhere beyond the mall or ice cream shop?”

“Not exactly…”

“I’ve been to every mall in Canterlot.  There’s nothing exciting there, sorry.  It’s not like you have to come with me.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t.”







Ponyville: today


“Isn’t this exciting, Lily?” We were sitting at Sugarcube Corner, waiting for our chance to cross the portal to Earth.

“Not really.”  Lily stifled a yawn.

“But we’re going to be some of the first ponies on Earth!  And we’re eating breakfast at Sugarcube Corner!  The heroes of Equestria have eaten here.”

“One of them even worked here.”  The waitress had materialized out of nowhere.  “Pinkie Pie was my babysitter.  You know, when she wasn’t saving the world time after time with her friends.  I’m Pumpkin Cake, what can I do you for?”

“A cup of tea and scones, please.”

“She likes her tea equal parts tea, milk, and sugar,” Lily helpfully added.

“And for you, miss?”  Pumpkin turned to Lily.

“You’re way too chipper for this hour.  I guess I’ll have a coffee.”

“Milk, sugar, or as black as your shriveled-up heart?” the unicorn asked with a wink.

“I’m not a morning pony,” Lily growled.  “I don’t care what it is, just bring me something with lots of caffeine in it.”

“You got it, hon.” Pumpkin Cake roller skated back toward the kitchen to place our orders.

Once she was out of earshot I scolded Lily.  “Take it easy on her, she’s just a filly.”

“She’s a tween, only a few years younger than us.  Stars, I hope I wasn’t that annoying when I was her age.”

“Trust me, you were.” I wasn’t though, I was a good filly.

She banged her head on the table.  “It’s too early to be dealing with you or her, and I’m stuck with you.  She’s optional.  It was your idea to get breakfast.  What’s with you?  I’m not used to you getting up before noon.  When we went to bed last night I thought I was going to have to drag you out of bed this morning to get to the portal on time.  Instead you get me up two hours early.”

“I couldn’t sleep.  I was too excited!  And a little nervous.”

“If you’re that nervous, it’s not too late to turn back.  All we have to do is return the stipends and we can go home.”

“Nope.  My mind’s made up on this, Lily.  I’m going to Earth.  I’m not twisting your leg.  You can go home if you want to.  I’ll survive without you.”

Lily laughed so hard I thought she was going to choke.

“Oh!  Somepony’s mood has improved!”  Pumpkin Cake placed our orders in front of us.  She’d also added a doughnut to Lily’s order, and she squirted whipped cream on it in the shape of a smiley face.  “Now your doughnut is happy as you are!”

“I didn’t order this.”

“You ordered caffeine, and this is a triple chocolate doughnut.  The whipped cream is just because you’re a grumpy meanie-pants and I can’t take you seriously if you’re licking whipped cream off your muzzle.”

Lily was blushing bright red.  “I’m not really a meanie grumpy-pants, am I?”

Pumpkin shook her head. “No, you’re a grumpy meanie-pants, that’s totally different.”

Lily’s head hit the table again.  “I’m going to need more caffeine.”

“Okie dokie lokie!” Pumpkin sashayed back to the kitchen.

“Wasn’t she wearing roller skates earlier?”

I nodded.

“She’s giving me a headache.”

I chuckled.  “Logically, that’s probably from all the caffeine…”

“What in the wide world of Equestria…”  Lily stared at her breakfast in shock.  “The whipped cream eye just winked at me.”

“Don’t be silly, Lily. You’re just imagining things because you’re tired.”  She pouted while I ate the last of my scones.  She still hadn’t touched her doughnut, and she pushed it across the table to me.  I cocked my head as I looked at it.  “I thought you said this had a smiley face on it?”

“It does.”

I looked at the dessert. It was definitely frowning.  I shook my head.  “Lily, a smile is when your lips curl up, like this.”  I smiled at her to demonstrate the correct facial expression.  “This doughnut is a frown.  Sorta like your default expression.”  Lily’s face twisted in response.  “Hmn, no, that’s more of a scowl…  Has anypony ever told you that you’re really bad at smiling?”

Lily got up and stomped outside.  Poor Lily.  She’s always unhappy.  I should do something nice for her.  I know! 

I flagged down Pumpkin and ordered three of Lily’s favorite sandwich – that way she’d have something to eat on the other side, since I’d eaten her breakfast.  While I waited for the sandwiches, I looked around the dining area.  How many of these ponies are locals, and how many of them are on their way to Earth like me and Lily?

Lily returned, looking calmer than she had when she left.  “Aren’t you done yet?”

I shook my head.  “You were only gone for a few minutes.  Sit down and finish your coffee.  You’ll feel better once you wake up.”

She grumbled, but the cool morning air had robbed her eyes of the fire that had been burning inside them. She was no longer on edge, and that in turn made me relax.  I know she doesn’t want to do this.  Her nerves are shot.  Even more than normal.

Pumpkin Cake materialized out of thin air, placing a rose in front of me.  “My brother said to deliver this to the cute mare at this table.”

“Your brother thinks I’m cute?”  My heartrate increased.

Pumpkin Cake shrugged. “He didn’t specify which one of you, so I’m guessing.  Seems like a safe bet.”  She stuck her tongue out at Lily.

“Easy there, Diamond, you don’t know what he looks like.  For all you know, he may be her younger brother.”

“He is, by about twelve minutes.  We’re twins.”

“Sweet Celestia, there’s two of them.”  Lily’s head hit the table again.

“Literally.”  Pumpkin giggled and pranced off to the next table.

“Diamond, promise me that when we come back from Earth, we’re not eating here.”

“But I like this place. Pumpkin’s got a great sense of humor.”

“Ah, yes, your favorite kind of jokes.  She’s making fun of me.”

“To be fair you really are a grumpy meanie-pants, Lily.”

“I’m never going to hear the end of this, am I?”

“Nope!”

“Nope!” chorused Pumpkin from the kitchen.

“Let’s get out of here.” Lily’s eyes were on the door.

“I’m just waiting on one thing yet.”

“Not anymore!” Pumpkin once more appeared next to me with my to-go order.  “Oh! And take this too.”  She grabbed a portrait of a pegasus colt off the wall. “That’s my brother.  You should totally take him with you to wherever it is you girls are going.”

He’s adorable.  “We’re going to Earth, and they’re not currently letting colts or stallions through the portal.”

“Phooey.”

“Forgive my sister. I’m Pound Cake.”  The colt from the photo had joined us – the photo was a few years out of date, and it was obvious the tween’s voice was in the process of changing.  He chuckled nervously.  “Pumpkin and I had a fight last week and she’s been trying to get rid of me ever since. Yesterday she tried to get an elderly couple to adopt me.  Last Friday, when she was still really angry, she tried convincing a griffin to eat me.”

“I was doing a pretty good job of it, too.  I think if we’d had enough barbecue sauce on hoof you’d be nothing but a bad memory right now, bro.”

“You wish, sis.”

“You two should kiss and make up.”

The twins stopped fighting and turned to look at me, absolutely horrified by my suggestion.  “Ewwww,” they said in unison.

“Look!  You finally agreed on something.  Now bump hooves and agree to disagree.”

“Fine.”  Pumpkin held a hoof up to her brother.

He bumped the offered hoof. “Friends?”

Pumpkin rolled her eyes. “Don’t push your luck, bro.  I’m still mad at you.”

“For how much longer?”

Pumpkin shrugged. “Dunno.”  Her tail lashed.  “But I promise to stop trying to give you away.”

“It’s a start.”  I draped a foreleg over each of them, pulling them into a group hug.

Pumpkin shrugged my leg off and returned to the kitchen.  I looked to Pound for an explanation.

The shy colt shuffled in place.  “I suggested she tone down her interactions with the customers a teensy bit.  She’s trying to be Pinkie Pie, but she isn’t Pinkie Pie.”  He ran a hoof through his mane.  “She’s costing us business.  There are locals who won’t come in anymore.”

“Maybe you should try serving, and let her work in the kitchen,” Lily suggested.

He shook his head. “Pumpkin’s really good at what she does, and she’s way better than I am at waiting.  She’s got that part of the job down pat.  It’s her customer interactions that need some work.”

“I thought she was really funny.”

“I didn’t.”

Pound looked to both of us in turn.  “She’s rather hit or miss.  You either really like her, or really loathe her.  There’s not much in between.”

We thanked him, and I paid for our meals.  We still had plenty of time before the portal was set to open, and I really wanted to explore Ponyville, but Lily was in one of her moods, so instead we trotted into the Everfree Forest to take our place in line.

I had hoped my parents would have been able to see us off, but they had other obligations.  Instead it was just Lily and I, and unlike others who were trying to be at the end of the line so they could spend a few last moments with loved ones, we had no qualms about walking right up to where the line was starting to form.

“Diamond Rose?”

I turned at the sound of my name.  “Yes?” I asked the yellowish orange mare with a newspaper cutie mark.

“First Scoop with the Equestrian Press.  Today’s a very important day in the history of two worlds, as I’m sure you well know. I’m covering the momentous occasion, and my employers have paid a large sum to ensure that the first pony trotting through the portal has a good story.  Imagine my surprise seeing Shiny Diamond’s daughter in line.  A multi-billionaire heiress going through is bound to make a splash in the headlines.  The papers in Canterlot and Manehattan would eat it up, as would the tabloids.  Of course, there’s a way to make that even better.  How’d you like to go first, Diamond?”

“Sure!  As long as Lily here can be the second pony through since we’re traveling together.”

“Oh, does the heiress have a secret lover?  This story is getting juicier already!”

“Oh no, no, no, no. Lily Blossom is staff.”  It wasn’t a lie, even though it had taken me way too long to realize she was more than just that.  She’s my best friend.  But the paper doesn’t need to know that. ‘Hoofmaiden’ has such negative connotations associated with it.  “She’s my mare-in-waiting.”  Much better.  “I’m going to see the sights and she’s going to assist me along the way.”

“Beautiful, beautiful.” First Scoop ushered us into a prefab building.  “I’m going to ask you some questions while security speaks with your traveling companion. Then you’ll switch places.”

Lily followed a Royal Guard into another room while First Scoop started her interview.  She asked many of the same questions the guards had asked me when I’d applied to go to Earth.  Then she asked more personal questions – if I had a coltfriend, if I’d been having any problems with my family, etc.  I probably bored her with my responses, but there was no way I was revealing my ulterior motives to her so she could blab them to the world. Secrets like the precious gem in my saddlebags.  No way was I leaving the Rose of Cimarron behind for five years.

The door to the other room opened, and Lily returned, meaning it was my turn to get hassled by the portal’s security.

“Do you have anything to declare?”

“Yes.”  I started stacking gold bits on the table.  “It seems I forgot to take all these solid gold bits out of my saddlebags before leaving home.  Since I can’t take them through the portal with me, I’d be ever so grateful if you could find it in your heart to give them a good home. From one forgetful pony to another, if you just happen to forget to check my saddlebags I’m sure we could call it even.”

“I’ve got to at least look, miss.  You know the humans will also be checking you on the other side, right?”

Horseapples.  “No sir, I didn’t realize that.”

“Let me see just what you have in here…”  He trailed off, whistling.  “It’s not hazardous, so I’ll look the other way on this, but I can’t guarantee the humans will.”

“I’ll, uh, I guess I’ll take my chances.”  I gulped. “Too late to do anything about it now.”

“If were you, I’d make up a story right quick.  It matches your cutie mark, so roll with it.  Say that without it, you’d lose your purpose in life, or something.”

“That’ll work?” I asked, incredulous.

“Probably not, but at least it gets your foot in the door so you can try bribing your way out of the situation.”

Lily looked uncomfortable when I returned, and it wasn’t hard to guess why from the snippet of conversation I heard before First Scoop clammed up.  The reporter was pressing her for household gossip – anything that might make a good story.

“I didn’t miss anything important, did I?”

First Scoop cleared her throat.  “I must commend you on your choice of staff, Miss Rose.  I couldn’t get anything useful out of Miss Blossom.”  She stood up.  “The guards will escort you to the front of the line, and our staff photographer will be on hoof to take pictures of the event.  If you’ll excuse me, I need to go get ready to interview the first human through the portal.”

The guards immediately marched us to the front of the line, and the pony who was standing there complained. She shut up when the guard reminded her that she’d declined to speak to the press, forfeiting her right to go first. I took note of her cherry pie cutie mark.  Probably sour cherries.

The portal glowed in front of me, only a few yards away.  I wouldn’t get the honor of truly going first – ponies and humans alike had been crossing from one side to the other for years.  But those who’d gone to Earth before me had been instrumental in setting things up – politicians, diplomats, guards, architects, construction crews.  A good mix of Equestria’s movers and shakers, and the ponies who actually got stuff done.  I was in the former category, while Lily was definitely in the latter. Instead, I’d be the first pony to ‘officially’ cross the opened portal.  But the first human would get to go first.

The first human to cross was female, tall like most members of her species – I’d say she was easily over five feet high.  Unlike those in line behind me, I had no time to gawk at her.  Instead it was my turn to be stared at on the other side of the portal.  I took a step, dramatically pausing for the photographers, then crossed through.  The disorientation lasted for a moment, and I found a Royal Guard on the other side helping me up and moving out of the way so the second human could go through.

I didn’t even get to wait for Lily Blossom before I was led to a wooden structure that looked like a military barracks.  With as many soldiers as there are here, it probably is.

“Do you have anything to declare?”

I hoofed over my saddlebags. There was no sense forcing the issue. He was going to find the Rose of Cimarron one way or another, and doing things the easy way would put me in a better bargaining position.  And to think, Dad doesn’t believe I pay attention to his business advice.

“That is one big hunk of diamond.”

“It’s really pretty, isn’t it?”  I feigned ignorance, turning my flank toward him to present my cutie mark.  “It’s the Rose of Cimarron.  It means the world to me.  It’s my most precious possession.”

“You can’t bring this to Earth.”

“I can’t leave it behind in Equestria.  This is my source of identity.”

“Let’s say I believe that you don’t intend to sell this on the black market.  I don’t by the way, but let’s pretend for a minute that I do. That doesn’t mean that it couldn’t be stolen and sold off to the highest bidder.  If enough rocks like this come through the portal, it could cause the world’s diamond markets to collapse.”

“I only have the one. I don’t really care about other gems as much, but I’m Diamond Rose.”  I held up my passport.  “This is Equestria’s largest pink diamond.  It’s as much a part of me as my mane or tail.  I’m not leaving here without it.”  Time to put the ball in his court. Offering a bribe is a crime. Asking for one is also a crime. Smuggling is a crime, one I’m already guilty of.  He knows I’m not going to rat him out.  “What do I need to do to walk out of here with my diamond?”

“How did you get it past the Equestrian side?”

“I had a large pile of Equestrian bits with me.  Which, apparently, also aren’t allowed on this side of the portal.  The guard on my side was happy to, uh, watch them for me while I’m here on Earth.  And if they should happen to get spent sometime during the next five years, I’m not going to be upset.”

“So you bribed him.”

“I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that I have a rather tidy sum of your currency in my saddlebags.  I don’t need all of it.  If some of it should be left here, say as a deposit to prove that I’ll be bringing the Rose of Cimarron home with me, I’m sure that could be arranged.  And if it just so happens that you’re not here when I come back through the portal in five years, well, we ponies are firm believers that sharing is caring.”

He put his hand out.

Here goes nothing.  This either ends with me trotting out of here with my favorite possession, or me in hoofcuffs and shipped back to Equestria in shame.  I started giving him pieces of silly-looking green paper.

“Come on, a mare with a big gem like that can surely afford to pay a hardworking man such as myself a little more than that to ensure that your precious cargo gets labeled as ‘baggage’ and not ‘contraband’.

“I can’t give you all of it. I need to keep some of it for myself. It’s not like I can just get more money while I’m here.”

“You can when you sell that.”

“I’m not selling it.”

He shrugged, a gesture that looked odd on a human.  “I don’t really care what you do with it, but if you want to leave here with it I need more than this.  I’m sticking my neck out here for you, and I don’t have to.  Make it worth my time.”

We agreed on him taking a quarter of my cash, leaving me with just $15,000 left of my stipend.

“Welcome to New Jersey. You already speak the interdimensional language, so I’m sure you’ll get further ahead than your little pony compatriots.”

“English?”

He laughed and pointed to the pile of cash.  “Money.”

“They say it makes Equestria go ‘round.”

“Earth too.”

I trotted outside the barracks poorer, but still in possession of the Rose of Cimarron and my freedom.

“What kept you?”  Lily Blossom was waiting under a tree.

“Just had to do a little negotiating.”

“What did you do, Rose?”

I opened my saddlebags. “I wasn’t leaving home without it.”

“I really don’t know if you’re crazy, stupid, or both.  Let’s just get on the bus.”

We stepped aboard the bus. Even with my delay in security, being the first ponies through the portal meant there were still plenty of choices on where to sit.  “I want a window seat!”

“No problem.”

I charged down the aisle and picked a seat near the back of the bus.  “What do you think?  It’s pretty neat, right?”

“It’s just a transport. Like a pegasus chariot.  But enclosed.”  She shuddered at that.

I had to agree with her on that.  Pegasi and confined spaces really didn’t mix well.  To be fair, the bus was noisy, smelly, and cramped.  Still, there was nothing like it in Equestria.  We’re among the first ponies to ever ride a bus, and that’s exciting.

I felt my saddlebags to make sure my most prized possession was still safely inside.  The Rose of Cimarron was still there.  Thank goodness humans are just as easy to bribe as ponies.  Who cares if I bring it with me, it’s not like I’d ever sell it.

“What do we do first?” Lily asked.

“I was thinking we’d get jobs.”

Lily blinked at me. “Come again?”

“We need to find employment. We can’t live off the paltry sum we got as a stipend to come here.  Especially not with how much I already spent.”  I'd only anticipated needing to bribe the Equestrian guards, so having to bribe both the ponies at the Equus checkpoint and the humans at the Earth checkpoint had cost a lot more than I’d planned.

“What about all that money your dad specifically had converted to dollars for you?”

“I may have intentionally left it sitting on my bed at home.  I’m sure the bank will convert it back to bits for him.”

Lily looked panicked. “What?  What?”

“I want to make my own way, Lily.  Everypony has done everything for me my whole life.  And don’t get me wrong, that’s awesome, but there’s more to life than that. I’m my own mare, and I want to do things my way for once.”

I don’t think Lily’s jaw could drop any lower than that.  “What happened to seeing the sights for the next five years?  You know, living like the heiress you are?”

“I lied.  That was never my plan, but there’s no way my parents would’ve let me come here if they’d known I was planning on doing something crazy like earning a living.  If I’d tried this back in Canterlot, you know they’d have been checking up on me constantly.  Besides, if I get desperate, I can always write home and I know he’ll send me the money if I ask him to.  But the whole point of coming here was to do something with my life.  Succeed or fail, I want to control my own destiny for once. Why’d you come with me anyway? You were dead set against the idea right from the start.”  Lily choked on her reply.  “Just wanted to see the sights?  Live it up for five years on my Dad’s bits?”

Lily couldn’t meet my eyes and I chuckled.  “Lily, it’s okay.  Dad offered to pay your way because he wanted somepony here to watch out for me.  He figured that the two of us together would be safer than me out on my own.  And what could be safer than working some mundane nine-to-five?”

“You’re crazy.  I mean, my respect for you just shot up a bunch of points, but Diamond, this is my life too.  You’ve had your whole life to live it up and travel exotic places. This is the first vacation I’ve ever had.  And now it turns out it’s not going to be a vacation at all.”

“It means a lot that you came with me.  I promise we’ll take a vacation while we’re here.  A different one every year!  And I’ll even let you pick the first one!  We just need to earn a little money first.”

“This is a lot to take in. I need a few minutes to think.” She got up from her seat and trotted toward the restroom at the back of the bus.

While she was gone, I occupied myself with taking in the sights of my new home.  ‘New Jersey’, as the natives called it, seemed like an endless expanse of highway.  Trees lined both sides of the road, but I could see buildings poking out from behind many of them.  There were entire towns hiding back there, and I spied occasional glimpses of them through gaps in the foliage.  According to the green signs, we were getting closer to one of the major urban areas.  Lily plopped down on the seat next to me, and I turned to talk to her, only to discover a completely different pony. She looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t the place the face.  There was no mistaking the Canterlot accent, though.

“Hi!  I’m Snowcatcher.  Some of the other mares and I are starting up an Equestrian style hotel here on Earth, and I was wondering if you’d be interested in joining us?”

I was an expert on hotels – I’d stayed at enough of them over the years.  It would be a lot of hard work, but it would have its perks too. We’d be living there, so all the amenities, like the hot tub, would be available in our downtime.  Sounds pretty good to me!  “You’ve got my attention.  I was planning on looking for a job anyway.  What’s the catch?”

“We’d all be pooling our resources, so you’d have to give up your stipend in exchange for an ownership share in the newly formed hotel.”

“That’s a bit of a problem. I already spent some of mine.  But I could convince my friend Lily to go in, too.”

“That would be great. I guess we could just dock your earnings for a while until you’ve bought your way into a full share.”

“That’s fair.  I wouldn’t want any special treatment.”  I smiled.  For once, I’m going to be just one of the mares.  So exciting!  She smiled back and moved on to the next potential recruit. “I can’t wait to tell Lily! She’s going to be thrilled!”
> Act I: Feathermay
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------





Steedville: ten years, three months, and four days ago


“Up and above the clouds, the only way to fly...”  I pumped my wings faster as I continued singing. “Is on the wings of love.”

I don’t get it.  I’m a pegasus, and my cutie mark should be something to do with flying or weather.  Yet I’ve spent countless days flying around bucking clouds and gathering storms, and I still don’t have my cutie mark.  I get that cutie marks are supposed to represent something you enjoy doing.  I enjoy flying.  I also love hiking through the woods, and I do that enough that if I was going to get a forestry cutie mark, it would’ve appeared by now.  Besides, tree cutie marks are usually for earth ponies, not that I’d complain if I had a nice evergreen adorning my flank.

Honk!  Honk! Honk!

A flock of geese!  I tucked into the rear of their V formation, no doubt an odd sight to anypony who might observe me.  Not that that would be a concern out here in the middle of nowhere.  Steedville’s sole claim to fame was being the home of Dusty Songs, the only notable pony to ever reside in this town.  I laughed at that thought.  It wasn’t like you could really call it a ‘town’ with a population of all of fifty-two ponies.

“Honk!”  Okay, so my goose impression needs a little work.

As I continued flying, I picked up a menagerie of birds following me.  Doves and blue jays, hawks and hummingbirds.  Predator and prey alike trailed behind me as I swooped and twirled through the air.

“I'd be so delighted if you would come with me.  On the wings of love, up and above the clouds, the only way to fly... is on the wings of love.”  I’d heard of those crazy musical moments other ponies have, but I never thought I’d be in the middle of one, let alone leading one of my very own! Okay, so it wasn’t an original song, and I didn’t know all the lyrics, but that didn’t matter.  I had backup singers cooing and chirping in tune with me.

Eventually the musical number ended, and the various birds returned to their lives, and I landed to get my bearings.  I’d ventured significantly further away from home than I’ve ever flown solo before.  I couldn’t see home any more, nor any recognizable landmarks.  I was officially lost.

Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha.

At first I thought somepony was laughing at my misfortune, but instead it was the call of a pileated woodpecker.  I’m being mocked by a bird.  Ha!  He’s not even a mockingbird, he’s a woodpecker!  The woodpecker continued his call, and soon I was joined by a blue jay, a goldfinch, and a cardinal.  I recognized all of them as having flown with me earlier.  They were all incredibly close to me.  I wish I had a camera with me!  For that matter, I wish I owned a camera…

The goldfinch, cardinal, and jay took off, and motioned for me to follow, so I did.  Instead of the loops and spirals from earlier, we flew in a straight line, and in less than an hour we were over terrain I recognized. I banked and saluted them with a wing, thanking them for leading me home.

I landed in the woods, eager to stretch my legs with a good run.  But before I could start running, the three birds landed in front of me. One blue, one yellow, and one red, each presented me with a feather.  I flared my wings and quickly preened three feathers of my own, exchanging them with my new bird buddies.  My flanks flashed, and I found three feathers matching those that had been given to me now marked my rump.  By the time I turned my attention back to them they were gone, their feathers being the only sign they’d ever been there.  The three feathers I’d given to them were gone, and I mused that they’d taken them back to their nests.  It was at that moment that I realized that despite all the time I spent in prime avian habitat, I knew very little about birds.  I made a mental note to check some books on birds out of the library as I galloped through the woods toward home.








Steedville: nine years, five months, and twenty-two days ago


Galloping through the forest was one of my favorite pastimes.  I’d been playing in these woods since I learned to walk, and I knew every tree like the bottom of my hooves.  My parents often worried about me because there were supposedly bears in these woods.  But last I checked bears can’t fly.  Well, except for bugbears, but there aren’t any of those around here.  I hope…

Unfortunately, it was too hot to gallop, and I was more interested in cooling down in the creek. While the shade of the trees had already cooled me off a little bit, the swimming hole in the woods was the perfect spot for taking a dip on a scorching summer day.

I hovered over my favorite swimming spot, tucked my legs against my body, and folded my wings into their resting position.  Gravity did the rest as I cannonballed into the water with a mighty splash.  The water cascaded off my head and down my back as I emerged from the water.  I continued swimming for the rest of the morning and much of the afternoon, attracting ducks and swans in the process.  While pegasi were the most graceful tribe of ponies, waterfowl were much more graceful in the water than ponies of any tribe.

We swam in circuits around the pool, and with my wings too waterlogged to take off, I periodically climbed onto the bank and dove back in to the bemusement of my avian friends. Eventually I tired of swimming and diving, and crawled onto the riverbank one last time to dry out.  As I lay there soaking up the sun, a heron touched down and started fishing in the pool.

Fishing was a rare occurrence in Equestria, usually only practiced by griffins and those ponies who owned carnivorous pets, such as cats or dogs.  I had yet to acquire any carnivorous birds, but I was familiar with the basic premise of fishing.  It was a helpful skill to know for when I eventually acquired a hawk, falcon, or eagle. A real fishing pole with a reel would’ve helped immensely, but I jerry rigged a makeshift rod from a sturdy stick, a vine, and a sickle-shaped stone.

For bait I raided my picnic basket.  I’d already eaten most of the food earlier, but there was still a daffodil and daisy sandwich hiding at the bottom.  I scarfed down the flowers and set to tearing up the mayonnaise-covered bread into small chunks.

Once baited, I cast the line into the water and waited.  And waited. And then waited some more.  At some point the combination of the boredom of waiting and a warm sunbeam caused me to drift off to sleep.

I awoke to the crude pole jerking underneath me.  I instinctively grabbed it in my teeth and yanked my head back.  The fish flew out of the water, past me, and landed several yards behind me.  Maybe I yanked a smidge too hard.

I trotted into the woods and retrieved the fish.  It was flopping around on the ground, and for a moment I felt bad for it.  It was about to get eaten, and it was all my fault.  Such is the circle of life.  Though as an herbivore, it was a little unnerving knowing I was ending a fish’s life.

I hesitated, and briefly considered cutting it free and returning it to the pond.  But I’d gone out of my way to catch it for the heron, so once I’d bitten the vine in two and pulled the stony hook from the fish’s mouth, I held it out to the majestic bird.  He walked over to me cautiously, then quickly jabbed the fish out of my hooves with his pointy bill.

He polished it off as quickly as I’d eaten the flowers, and nodded his appreciation to me.  He unfurled his wings, then took off for parts unknown.








Steedville: nine years, four months, and nine days ago


“Whatcha doing?”

“Tap dancing.”  Uncle Mayweather’s response was sarcastic, as he dipped the paint roller into the tray next to him.  “I’m painting, smartflank.”

Obvious answer is obvious, but that’s what I get for asking such a stupid question.

“And what are you doing, little missy?”

“Watching you.”  Two can play at the obvious answers game!

He rolled his eyes as he hovered in front of his house.  A fresh coat of chocolate brown paint covered the faded slate blue of his two-story home. “Why are you watching me work?”

“Supervising.  You missed a spot over there.”

He turned to look, but there was no gap in the paint.  “You’re a real pain in the rump, you know that?”

I nodded.

“You want your own pain in the rump?”

I shook my head.  His threats of spanking me were just that – he’d never laid a hoof on me in all the years I’d been pestering him.

“You sure?  Cause I’d be happy to send Honeydew home with you.”

Aunt Honeydew opened the kitchen window.  “I love you too, ya old goat.  You keep an eye on him, May.  Make sure he ain’t slacking out there.”

“Why don’t you come out here and help me paint, dumbflank.”

She stuck her tongue out at him and slammed the window shut.  They bickered like an old married couple, which technically they were.  Uncle Mayweather was more than twenty years older than my Dad.  He’d once explained to me that Dad was an ‘oops’ for their parents.  I loved that about him – he never treated me like a foal, and was always willing to tell it to me straight.  When the other adults talked about things in whispers, I knew I could always count on him to tell me about it later.  It would be nice if everypony would treat me like they treat each other.  I’m not a foal anymore.

“If you’re that bored that you’ve got nothing better to do than watch me work, grab the other roller and start helping me.”  He dropped his roller in the pan and watched me fumble with the other one.

“You missed a spot.”

“Nice try, but I’m not falling for that!”  I couldn’t stick my tongue out due to the roller in my mouth.

“Seriously.  You missed a spot there, and there, and over here too.”

I spotted just a hint of slate blue in my peripheral vision, and when I turned my head I saw that he wasn’t yanking my chain.  I groaned at my sloppy workmareship.

“Painting takes finesse, May.  You can rush through life doing a half-baked job, then have to go back and fix the mistakes, or you can take the time to do it right the first time.  In the end, the rush job takes longer because you have to do it again.  There are no shortcuts in life.  What’re you in a hurry for, anyway?”

I sighed.  “I just wanted to get done so we could play cards.” I loved playing games against my uncle – unlike my parents, he never let me win.  Whenever I beat him, I did so fair and square… even if Honeydew and I usually had to gang up on him.

“We’ll play another day, May.  Ha! Look at me – I’m a poet and don’t know it.”

“Don’t quit your day job.”

“Bah!  Everypony’s a critic.”

“Get your flank down here and eat up!”  Aunt Honeydew brought out some lemonade and oatmeal raisin cookies for us, and I moved the paint bucket and roller pan out of the way so we could eat.

Uncle Mayweather dropped the roller in the paint tray and sniffed at the offered cookies.  He wrinkled his nose in disgust.  “Would it kill you to make chocolate chip cookies? At least the lemonade’s appropriate, ya old sourpuss.”

“No, but it might kill you, ya bitter old grump.  The doc said your blood sugar level’s more sugar than blood.”

“He’s a quack that don’t know what he’s talking about.”

“I’d be sad if anything happened to you, Unk.  Don’t you want to see me graduate from school?  Don’t you want to be a great-uncle someday?”  I chuckled.  “You’re already a great uncle, but you know what I mean.”

He sighed and bit into one of the oatmeal raisin cookies.  “Only for you, little chickadee.”  He tousled my mane, and I leaned into his hoof.

After our snack, I stepped back to admire our work.  We’ve made good progress on the west side of the house.  Clip clop clip splash.  Right, that’s where I put the paint bucket so it would be out of the way.  Smooth, May, smooth.  I turned to look at my left hind leg, which was now chocolate-colored from the hock down. Brown was also the color of something else, which everypony was going to assume I stepped in.  “Horseapples.”

Uncle Mayweather burst out laughing and Aunt Honeydew whacked him with a wing.  “Why’d you teach her that word?”

“She was gonna learn it eventually anyway.”  He picked up the hose.  “Get your flank over here and let’s see if we can wash that out.”

We couldn’t.  In the end, it only made things look worse.  My leg went from being entirely brown to fuchsia streaked with brown.  I’d gone from looking like I’d stepped in something to looking like I’d had an accident.  “Horseapples.”

Uncle Mayweather looked at my leg.  “Exactly. You gotta stop eating that spicy food. Just runs right through ya.”

I couldn’t help myself, and giggled.

“Well the good news is now you won’t be tracking paint all over the place.  The bad news is you look like you just ate at a cheap taco place. Again.”

I felt the heat in my cheeks.  “I was three!”

“I remember, I was there. I’m amazed you remember that.  You were still knee-high to a grasshopper’s rump.”

“You won’t let me forget it.”

“Parents love to embarrass their foals.”

“You don’t have any foals!”

“Yup, so I have to embarrass my brother’s kid instead.  That’s you, by the way.”

“No foolin’.  If your memory’s so good, why don’t you ever talk about when you were a colt?  I’d love to know what dinosaurs were like!”

Uncle Mayweather pulled a razor out of his saddlebags.  “Is that any way to talk to the stallion who’s about to shave your leg?  I’m an old stallion, you know how it goes.  My wings and hooves are a little shaky. Oops, I slipped.  Sorry about the blood loss.”

I started backing up. “Why are you going to shave my leg?” He motioned to the brown paint that still stained my coat.  “Oh, right. It’ll grow out.”

“The question is, do you want it to be brown while its growing back, or bare?”

“I think I’ll just invest in some socks.  But thanks anyway, Uncle Mayweather.”

“Suit yourself, but I reckon I’ll take care of the painting from here on out.  You don’t look good in brown.”

“Neither does the house.” I stuck my tongue out as I left.  Ugh, and he’s going to paint the trim orange.  Who does that to their house?!?  Earth tones might’ve been in style forty years ago, but it was a mistake then, and there’s absolutely no excuse for orange trim whatsoever.








Steedville: nine years, three months, and twenty-seven days ago


The next time we went to the ‘city’, I begged my parents to get me a pair of parakeets.  I had issues calling a population center with merely six hundred or so ponies a ‘city’, but it was the biggest town in the area and the only one with a pet store.  My intent was to breed them, but we ended up with a pair of females.  I was positive my parents did that intentionally to permanently limit the parakeet population of our household to two.

Being mimics, parakeets could be taught to speak Equestrian words, though they couldn’t string them together into a cohesive conversation.  Teaching my pets became my new goal, since breeding them was out.

My mind went into overdrive. What should I teach them first?  Most ponies went for ‘Polly want a cracker’ even if their bird’s name wasn’t Polly. That seemed really stupid to me, and I’d made sure neither of my parakeets was named Polly.  Instead I’d named them Dolly and Holly.  If anypony asks, I’m going to claim they’re Polly’s sisters.

I’d definitely inherited my uncle’s corny sense of humor.  Thinking of him was what finally inspired me as the perfect thing to teach my birds.

“Twenty-one paces past the palm tree.”  I kept repeating it until Dolly and Holly picked up on it.  They were fast learners, and soon I had them randomly blurting out various snippets from a fictional treasure map.  So what if pirates tended to keep parrots instead of parakeets?  As sad as this is, a lot of ponies can’t tell the difference. They’re all birds.  Besides, we live in the middle of nowhere.  We don’t get visitors – not even door-to-door salesponies venture this far out into the sticks.  I guess we’ll never get the Encyclopedia Equestria or a new vacuum cleaner. The only exception are the Filly Guides, because they’re the most voracious pack hunters to ever walk the land – timberwolves and sickle-clawed ponysauruses have nothing on them!  Hmn, I think we still have a few boxes of Thin Mints in the back of the pantry…

I confirmed that and grabbed one of the boxes, polishing off the chocolatey mint cookies one by one as I taught Holly and Dolly more map instructions.  “Eighteen paces due west and the light of the setting sun will shine on the ‘X’.”

I had no idea why pirates always buried their treasure.  You’d think they’d spend it on something instead.  I know I would!  I’d have a mountain of toys and candy!  I shrugged. I’m not a pirate, and I’m not planning to be one, so it doesn’t really matter.  I would, however, love to train a parrot to sit on my withers all day, because that would be cool!








Steedville: eight years, two months, and twelve days ago


My efforts training my parakeets had gone far beyond my expectations.  Not only were they talking, I’d managed to teach both of them to ride around on my back without flying away.  They were riding along as I trotted into the newest addition to the family homestead: the chicken coop.  Unlike with Dolly and Holly, my suggestion to acquire some chickens was met with excitement from my parents.  I’d already proven myself responsible enough to keep pets, and they loved the idea of having fresh eggs every day.

They especially loved it when I set up a stand in town to sell the surplus.  Well, the ‘city’ of six hundred, because there was a bigger market there.  It was thirty miles away, or about an hour by wing, so I started getting up when the rooster crowed.  That was usually just enough time for me to make it there in time to catch the morning rush.

I loved it because it got me out of the house and interacting with other ponies.  I was homeschooled because there weren’t enough foals in the area to support a full time school.  Which meant I didn’t have any friends my own age.  My besties were my uncle and Dusty.  Granted, it was cool to be neighbors with a retired rock star. He was always giving me shirts and guitar picks, and his wife was a sweetie who was always baking delicious treats. My parents and I were even allowed to use their hot tub any time we wanted.

One would think my fellow sellers in the market would hate the arrival of new competition, but the opposite proved true.  The apple seller was relieved, and gave me a dozen hens so he could stop worrying about keeping the town stocked with eggs and get back to focusing on his orchard. 

Sales were good enough to pay for the costs of the chickens and net a decent profit.  The market wasn’t big enough to expand, but a pony could make a living doing this if they wanted to.








Steedville: seven years, one month, and three days ago


Uncle Mayweather was sitting on the porch reading the newspaper when I trotted up to his house. He folded the paper up as I approached. “May, did you hear about the cheese factory explosion in Prance?”

“Oh my gosh!  Is everypony okay?”

“Everypony’s fine, but da brie is everywhere.  Get it? Da brie, debris?”

I groaned and he chuckled.

“You’re so gullible, little chickadee.”

I pouted and sat down in front of him.  “Be serious!”

“I am serious.  You’re very gullible.”

“Hey!  That’s not what I meant!”

“May, you’re naïve and innocent.  You’re adorable, but there are ponies out there who take advantage of ponies like you. We don’t have many ‘round these parts, but that’s mostly ‘cause we don’t have many ponies ‘round these parts, period.”

I shrugged.  “So then why’s it matter?”

“‘Cause ‘not many’ ain’t the same as none, and ‘cause I can see the ol’ pegasus wanderlust in your eyes. It’s as plain as the snout on your face. Ain’t no way you’d be satisfied to stick around these here parts the rest of your life, and I ain’t always gonna be around to protect you.  I don’t know much about what comes after the final curtain call.  Some ponies think you go to the Eternal Fields if you’re good, and rot in Tartarus if you’re bad.  All I know is if somepony hurts you, you bet your sweet little rump I’m gonna do my darnedest to come back and haunt them.”

“Don’t say that.  You’ll be around a good long time to come.”

“Cut the horseapples, kiddo. I’m more than sixty years older than you and my health has seen better days.  Quite frankly, I didn’t care about taking care of myself and I’ve reaped what I’ve sown.  I ain’t got much longer for this world and we both know it.  Five years ago, if you’d asked me, I would’ve told you I didn’t regret a thing.  Now that it’s too late I finally have a reason to stick around.  I wanna watch you grow up, but it just ain’t meant to be. All I can do is fill that pretty little head of yours with the wisdom of my years and hope some of it sticks with you so you don’t make the same mistakes I made.  Stars above, you’ll make enough of your own.  But there’s days when we talk when I think your head’s nothin’ but a tunnel for my words to pass through on their way out your other ear.”

“Hmph.”

“Look at me when I’m talkin’ to you.  This is important, May.  You’ve got a brain in that head.  I know, because I’ve seen you use it.  You’re a clever filly.  But you can’t focus worth horseapples.  If you memorized your schoolwork like you do the woods, you’d be sittin’ pretty.  You wanna be outside all day?  I reckon I can’t blame you none.  Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that.  But you’ve got to utilize your time better.  Like when it’s rainin’ and you can’t be out in the woods. Or when it’s cold and windy.  Then you should be doing your schoolwork. Maybe even get ahead with it so you don’t have to miss out when the weather’s nice.  What’s the point of staring out the window, hoping the rain’ll stop soon?  We have a weather schedule, May.  You know darned well when the rain’s going to stop.”

“But…”

“No buts, little missy. You want to waste your life being a cloudpusher, more power to you.  Stars above, we could use more weather pegasi around these parts.  Maybe that’s what you’re best suited to, always on the move, wrangling storms.  I think that’s a waste of your talents, personally, but if you want to drift through life, you can do that.  Move from town to town, staying with the storms.  But if you want to make it in this world, you need to apply yourself.”

I sighed.  As much as I hated to admit it, he had a point.








Steedville: five years, eight months, and twenty days ago


Sitting still was never my forte.  I’d always been an active filly, preferring to be out and about, playing in the woods, exploring nature, not sitting around the house.  It was the reason I was glad I was homeschooled; I wouldn’t last long in a public school.  I could do my classwork and homework on rainy days, humid days, or bitterly cold days. There were a lot of all three in the middle of nowhere.

It was ironic that the sun was shining.  I fought the urge to fly up there and make the sky weep like I was.

Uncle Mayweather was gone and it wasn’t fair.  He had so much more to teach me, and I had so much more to learn.  He had so many more corny jokes to tell for me to groan at. So many more games to play.

From now on the only game he’d be playing was the quiet game.  Permanently.  He’d tried that on me once when I was a little foal.  It hadn’t worked on me then, and I wished with all my heart that it wouldn’t work on him now.

Steedville was a small village, and everypony loved my uncle.  The entire town had turned out, and even some ponies from surrounding communities had made the trek for the funeral.  In our small corner of Equestria, that was the norm.  Unlike larger cities, our community was exactly that – a community.  Everypony came together in times of need.  Albeit, for some, it was mostly an excuse to gossip – the downside to living someplace where everypony knows your name… and what you did last summer.  And the summer before that, and the summer before that, and so on.

There was a podium next to the casket, and ponies paid their last respects to my uncle.  I heard their words, but couldn’t focus on them.  My parents urged me to go up and say something, but I couldn’t.  I couldn’t find the words, and I couldn’t have stopped crying even if I’d had a beautiful speech ready to go.

My buddy.  My mentor.  Gone.  He wouldn’t get to see me grow up and graduate school and get married and have foals. And those foals would never know their great-uncle, and have no point of reference for how great he really was when I inevitably rambled on about him.

Dusty stood next to the podium.  He didn’t say a word.  He dipped his head and started playing his steel guitar.  It wasn’t one of his own compositions, but a traditional dirge.  He didn’t preface his performance with his normal jokes about the rest of his bandmates not being able to make it because they were sick… of him.  If I hadn’t already been crying, I would’ve lost it then and there.  Dusty was usually so full of life, but standing there he looked every year of his age and then some.  It was a stark reminder that he wasn’t as young as he used to be either and it wouldn’t be much longer ‘til we had his funeral too.

As Dusty played, the pallbearers picked up the coffin and carried it to the waiting pyre, gently placing it on top.  I’d helped decorate the pyre, covering large sections in some of Uncle Mayweather’s favorite jokes.  My drawing skills were middling at best, but I’d insisted on being the one to draw his picture.  Nopony, not even Aunt Honeydew, was taking that from me.  I’d poured my all into that image, and it showed.  It was the best thing I’d ever drawn, hooves down.

Aunt Honeydew lit the fire and we watched as the flames consumed the mortal remains of one of the greatest stallions to ever live.  My parents each draped a wing over me as I struggled to pull myself together until the end of the ceremony.

Uncle Mayweather had once told me that the pegasus funeral pyre was an ancient tradition started before the unification of the tribes.  A tradition borne of necessity, to prevent unicorn mages from reanimating deceased pegasi and using them to attack pegasus settlements.  In reality, he’d made that up to make a tedious ritual seem more exciting to an impressionable, easily bored filly.  The truth had turned out to be much more mundane – pegasi traditionally lived in cloud cities, and burying things in clouds was an effort in futility.  His version was better.  Why let facts get in the way of a good story?

Pegasi were uncommon in our predominantly earth pony region.  As such, funeral pyres were rare in Steedville, happening only when a member of my family passed.  Earth ponies preferred to be buried, letting nature reclaim them and serving as fertilizer for the crops.  I’d never been to a unicorn funeral, so their traditions were a mystery to me.

One by one each of the attendees added something to fuel the flames.  Dusty added a guitar pick emblazoned with his band’s logo.  The Pony pick wouldn’t contribute much to the combustible mass, but that was only part of the tradition – the better attended the funeral, the brighter the fire would burn.  The other part was sentimental symbolism.  The pick had meaning to Dusty, and it was a tribute to Uncle Mayweather.

I added an old rag doll to the flames.  A much loved toy from my fillyhood, it had seen better days.  I’d carried it around everywhere back then, including on many trips to see my aunt and uncle.  As I watched the flames consume my once-favorite toy, I thought back on those good times.  There’d be no going back in time, those days were gone forever.  Uncle Mayweather wasn’t coming back, a point hammered home by the fire.

The fire burned bright, fueled by the pyre, the ceremonial coffin, and the town’s offerings.  The heat was intense, and we all backed away, watching the last goodbye of Uncle Mayweather from a safe distance.

Hours later the fire had burned itself out, much like my uncle’s star.  The smoldering remnants had been reduced to ashes, which were then scattered to the winds, leaving behind nothing but a few shards of bone. I was overcome by an overwhelming urge to grab the biggest piece of bone I could find, so I did so and stashed it in my saddlebag.  I’d heard of ponies keeping the ashes of their loved ones in vases, but I had a different idea in mind.

Once home, I raided Dad’s toolshed for a drill brace and bored a hole through the bone.  Tears stung my eyes I dug through my meager collection of jewelry, looking for an old necklace.  Once I found one with a good chain, I yanked the cheap pendant off and strung the chain through the hole I’d drilled.  Other ponies might call it morbid, but this way I could always keep a piece of my uncle close to me.

Once I’d accomplished my task, I buried my face in my pillow and cried myself to sleep.








Steedville: five years, three months, and sixteen days ago


I trotted the two miles to Dusty’s ranch, enjoying the mild evening.  We were technically next door neighbors, but we both had big properties. I found Dusty and his wife, Sweet Treats, in the hot tub.  I dropped my towel down on the picnic table and carefully slid into the tub so as to not to splash my friends.

We all sat there in silence, enjoying the tranquility.  Eventually Dusty broke the silence.  “May?”

“Mn?”

“You ever think about what you want to do when you grow up?”

I nodded.  “Same as I do now: raise chickens and sell the eggs in town.”

He thought about that a moment.  “Are you going to be happy with that life?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’ve always been a free spirit, hon.  Dusty and I worry about you a lot.” 

I turned to Sweet Treats. “Why’s that?”

Dusty answered my question with one of his own.  “Do you know why I retired here, May?”

I shook my head.  “You were born here, right?”

“Nope.  I found this place on one of my last tours.  By then, the boys and I were playing county fairs and small towns instead of big arenas and major cities.  It’s a beautiful area and I fell in love with it immediately. Sweet Treats agreed, and once my bandmates and I decided to call it a career, this is where we settled down. It’s peaceful here.  It’s a great place to retire.”  I nodded.  I couldn’t argue with any of that.  “But it’s a lousy place to live.”

I cocked my head and looked at him.  “I like living here.”

“You don’t ‘live’ in a town like this; you survive instead.  Up at the break of day and work the land until the sun sets.  Half the ponies in this town have never traveled more than thirty miles from here.  They go to ‘the city’ once a month to get supplies and then they come back home.  Does that sound like ‘living’ to you?”

“I guess not.”  I frowned.  I hadn’t thought of it like that.

“What Dusty’s trying to say is you’re a smart kid, May.  Don’t you have any hopes or dreams to shoot for?”  

I chuckled.  “I always wanted to be a jungle explorer, documenting new species of birds in the rainforest.  I’m a few centuries too late for that.  Every few years somepony will discover an unknown insect, but there hasn’t been a new bird discovery in over two hundred years.”

Dusty nodded.  “That would be a problem.  I see the same wanderlust in you that I had myself at your age.  I think you’d do well to see as much of Equestria as you can.  Me?  I discovered I had a talent for music, and I made a decent living at it.  It was a great excuse to travel, and I never felt like I worked a day in my life.  Aside from those times my bandmates and I had creative differences, I enjoyed almost every minute of it.”

“I can’t sing.”

“We know,” they answered in unison.

At least the birds like my random musical numbers.  But I’ll give Dusty a pass since he knows good music when he hears it.  “So what can I do?”

Dusty shrugged. “That’s up to you, kiddo.  If you think you’ll be content the rest of your life just raising chickens and selling eggs, more power to you.  But if you ever feel trapped, like you’re denying part of who you are, just look within and you’ll understand what I mean.  I’ve always felt like you’re a caged bird that wants to fly away.”

“And there’s nothing wrong with that,” Sweet Treats added hastily.  “This town owes you nothing, and you don’t owe it anything either. I’ve heard it said that nopony from this town ever amounted to anything.  So why don’t you go out and be the first, hon.”

“What do ponies know? Don’t listen to those who never leave the comfort of the herd mentality, or you’ll never realize your potential. Never regret what you’ve done, only regret the stuff you didn’t do.  Follow your dreams.”

I mumbled something noncommittal and the silence dragged on awkwardly until I decided to get out of the hot tub.  I grabbed my towel, thoroughly dried out my wings, and then I took to the sky, towel wrapped around my hair as I headed for home.  I had a lot to think about.  Were my friends trying to shove me away, or just push me out of the nest because my parents never would?








Steedville: three years, two months, and one day ago


Gossip traveled quickly around these parts, but legitimate news took forever to show up.  I’d spent the last few years planning out an expedition well beyond the borders of Equestria.  There was a band of parrot pirates I planned on joining up with on a quest to Klugetown and beyond.  Just because every bird species in Equestria has already been documented doesn’t mean there aren’t new species out there waiting for me that have never been seen by pony eyes.  And I’m gonna find them.

Then everything changed. A parallel universe was discovered. Teeming with life very similar to ours, and home to a sapient species, we’d apparently been discreetly infiltrating them for forty years without the general population of either world knowing. But now the secret’s out, and it’s time for action.  Equestria was looking for recruits to go to Earth, and volunteers to host humans here in Equestria.

Aside from learning the local laws and languages of the areas we intended to travel to, there were no specific requirements to go there.  We’re on our own to do as we please, as long as we don’t do anything stupid and/or illegal since we’ll all be ambassadors on behalf of our country, and even our species – anything we might do wrong would reflect poorly on ponykind as a whole.

Sounds good to me!  I tossed out my previous notes and instead started working on a new plan of action. My first order of business was to write to the address indicated in the newspaper to get the training materials. I’d been homeschooled my whole life – teaching myself a few new languages isn’t going to be that difficult.

No, the difficult part would be trying to figure out what to do with myself once I’m there.  The newspaper indicated that as a parallel universe to our own, the plants and animals were all very similar to what we have here in Equestria.  As soon as I confirm they’ve got birds, I’m all in.








Heiferson City: two years, eight months, and eleven days ago


I was lying in a pile of hay in the back of a wagon as I was pulled to ‘the city’.  Steedville lacked a restaurant, so our dinner reservation was the nearest population center.  Six hundred ponies do not a city make.

Not that there were all that many options in town either.  Just the cheap taco place and Irma’s Diner.  Irma was a middle-aged mare with an unkempt white coat and stringy black hair that was almost as greasy as the food.  Her hairnet was purely decorative – it did absolutely nothing to prevent her hair from getting in the food.  The fact that her cutie mark was of said hairnet, and not a picture of something edible, should’ve been a giant flashing warning sign.  The truly mind-boggling part was that none of the other ponies in town were better cooks.  Statistically, there had to be at least a few good chefs in town.  If any of them ever decided to compete they’d run Irma out of business in less than a week.

My date brought the wagon to a stop and I fluttered out.  As far as colts went, Wheat Bread wasn’t unattractive.  He still had all of his teeth, which was a small miracle considering even ‘the city’ didn’t have a dentist.  Unsurprisingly, every time a pony left town with the intention of becoming a dentist, they set up their practice somewhere with more patients.

I sighed as I stood outside the restaurant.  I’d eaten at Irma’s a few times previously.  Once because I didn't know any better; the rest under protest.  This would sadly have to fall into the latter category, and our date certainly wasn’t starting off on the right hoof as a result.

Once he’d hitched the wagon to a post, we went in and took a seat at the counter.  The taco place had booths and tables, but Irma’s just had a counter.  I was already regretting that we hadn’t gone there, but Wheat wanted to impress me.  Irma’s isn’t going to cut it in that department, but I can’t hold our geography against him.  It would be better if he had a family that could cook.  Or better yet, if he was a good cook personally.

I ordered a plain salad, with nothing but iceberg lettuce.  I figured it was something even Irma couldn’t mess up.  The fact that it was served to me burnt wasn’t a good omen.

“It’s something new: salad flambé!”  

“Seriously?”

“Sorry little darlin’, we had a small kitchen fire.  Just tryin’ to make the best of it.”

As soon as she turned tail my head hit the table in defeat.  It was a reminder as to why I packed a lunch on the days I was selling in the market.

Wheat Bread’s meal looked even less appetizing, though he bravely ate every last bite of it.  Most impressively, he did so without gagging even once.  I nibbled at my salad, but burnt lettuce had little appeal.  When my date asked if I was going to finish it, I happily shoved my bowl over to him.  If he wanted to eat it, more power to him.  He was paying for it, after all.

“So what’s the deal with your necklace?  It almost looks like it’s made of bone.”

I nodded.  “It is.  This was the biggest piece of my uncle left after his funeral pyre.”

He spat out the mouthful of salad he’d just bitten into.  “Are you serious?”

I nodded.  “Very.”

“That’s weird.”

“It is?”

“Very,” he parroted me.

I shrugged.  “He meant a lot to me.  Still does.”

“He’s dead.”

“I know.”  It was a good thing the food was unappetizing to begin with, because the conversation would’ve made me lose my appetite either way.  “He was a great stallion.”

“I remember him.  I don’t remember there being anything special about him.”

Of course.  Everypony in Steedville knows everypony else.

“Then you didn’t know him like I did.  Are you done yet?”

He slurped the last of the salad dressing from the bottom of the bowl and then went to pay while I sat there fuming.

Dinner had been unpleasant, and I really didn’t want to spend any more time with Wheat Bread, but he insisted we see a movie while we were in town.  Rather than move the wagon we trotted the three blocks to the picture house.  

It was a short walk, but Wheat Bread absolutely freaked out when a robin pooped on him.  He tried to throw a rock at the bird, but he was way too slow and the bird was out of sight before he’d even picked one up.  He stood there cursing until I nudged him toward the theater.  Whatever good will I’d had left for him disappeared at that moment.  Even the birds don’t like him, and they’ve never led me wrong.

Unlike the cities that had big multiplexes, we had a single screen picture house, meaning we were at the mercy of whatever the cinema had chosen to show for the week.  They’d picked a sci-fi epic about an alien invasion, and I couldn’t help but notice that the aliens looked suspiciously similar to humans.  They were bipedal with furless bodies and long, gangly limbs, but more colorful than the humans I’d seen pictures of.  And they had long, leonine tails, which humans also didn’t have.  At least not to my knowledge – maybe they were hiding their tails under their clothing?

Ugh.  Playing on the fears of ponies.  Humans are different than ponies, and hence obviously evil.  Themes like that were common in works of fiction, and especially popular in the heartland of Equestria.  Wheat Bread ate it up, of course.  He spent half the movie making snide comments about humans, and continued taking potshots at them as he attempted to convince me to abandon my plans to go to Earth.  I hadn’t told anypony that except for my parents, so it wasn’t hard to guess who’d tipped him off.

It had started to rain while we watched the movie.  That would be unheard of in most parts of Equestria, but there just weren’t enough pegasi in the area to keep rogue storms from wandering in, especially not at night.

Wheat’s hooves splashed in the puddles as he trotted towards my home, while I rolled around in the pile of hay like a filly, concealed by the darkness and the canvas top.

As I played in the hay, my mind wandered to all the small-minded ponies I knew – Wheat, my parents, most of the town.  I was starting to see what Dusty meant about this being a place to retire, and not a place to live.  Steedville was stagnant, a place that was trying to stay frozen in time because things were better ‘in the good old days’ decades or even centuries earlier.

Times change, ponies change.  Steedville didn’t.  Couldn’t. Wouldn’t.  The community tolerated our family because my parents said the right things, but mostly because somepony needed to wrangle the weather so they could grow their crops.  If not for that, they’d probably tie us to the next train heading out of town.

The wagon came to a stop and Wheat poked his head under the canvas top.  Raindrops cascaded off his finely sculpted jaw.  He was certainly attractive physically, if not mentally.  “How about a roll in the hay?”  He wiggled his eyebrows for some odd reason.

“Nah.  I rolled in the hay the whole way here.”  I stood up and dusted bits of hay off my dress, then stretched my wings and took to the air.  “But the wagon’s all yours if you want to pick up where I left off.  Thanks for dinner, but I really don’t think you’re my type.  Sorry!” He stood there in the rain, watching me fly out of his life.

In a small town, everypony knew we’d been on a date.  It also meant everypony knew I’d left him standing in the midnight rain.  Not that I cared – I was leaving town anyway.  My parents had set me up with the only eligible colt in my age bracket in a convoluted attempt to keep me from going to Earth.  Pity he was a teenage dullard.  Nice rump though.  Celestia knows I had a perfect view of it the whole way to the city and back as he pulled the wagon.  I’m positive that was intentional.  Chivalry my wing feathers, he just wanted me to stare at his hindquarters all night.  Darn my raging adolescent hormones for falling for it. I’m glad I got rolling around in the hay out of my system before he asked.  Who knows where that could have gone otherwise…

You can do better.  My inner voice sounded a lot like Uncle Mayweather.  Regardless of whether it was a message from beyond the grave, or just my overactive imagination, I couldn’t argue with the message.  My sample size was one immature colt, and I certainly wasn’t going to settle down with him just because he was the only boy in town within five years of my age.  It was tough because he was hot.  He worked on a farm all day and it showed – muscles that rippled when he moved.  My breath caught in my throat as my heartrate sped up.  I forced myself to stop remembering watching his rump as he walked.  But I’d rather be alone than be with him.  No sense fantasizing about a pony that makes my skin crawl.








Steedville: one month, and six days ago


When the time came to announce my departure to Earth, I didn’t even have to say a word.  I hadn’t told anypony except my parents, not up until the last day I was spending in town.  They’d told Wheat Bread, but if it had made the rounds in the rumor mill, I hadn’t heard it.  I trotted over to my neighbors, wondering how I was going to break the news to them.  I knew they’d support me, but it didn’t make goodbye any easier.  It didn’t help that they’re both getting up there in years.  There’s no guarantee they’ll both be around when I return five years hence.  I tried to put that thought out of my mind.

“You’re leaving.  Good for you.”

I blinked.  “How’d you know?”

“You’re all fired up. There’s a burnin’ in your eyes I haven’t seen since you were a little filly.  What did you decide on?”

“I’m going to Earth. From what I can tell, a lot of the bird species are the same, but they’ve got some we don’t have, and while most of them are already known, they’re still finding a few new species each year.  Even if I never go out looking for any, personally, there’s enough known species on their world to document.  I’m going to gather specimens of as many as I can, bring them back to Equestria, and start an aviary.”

“When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow.  We won’t be allowed through the portal until next month, but it’ll take a few days to travel to the Everfree Forest, and then I’ve got to jump through hoops and pass all their tests.  I’m leaving a few weeks early because I found a pen pal who’s also going, and we want to practice speaking the various human languages to one another before we go in to take our tests.  Learning the words isn’t difficult to do solo, but learning how to converse is decidedly more challenging on your own.”

Dusty nodded.  “I suppose it would be.  I’m proud of you, May.  It’s not an easy decision to leave everypony and everything you know behind to chase your dreams.  But I’ve known you almost your whole life at this point.  There’s nothing you can’t do when you put your mind to it.”  He nuzzled me, and I reciprocated with a peck on the cheek.

“Thanks, Dusty. You’ve been my mentor for as long as I can remember.  The pony I go to for parental advice on the stuff I can’t ask my parents about.”

He chuckled.  “We’re gonna miss you, May.”

“I’m gonna miss you two, too.”  I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.  “I should get going.  Have to finish packing, make sure I’m not forgetting anything.”  Maybe find a nice quiet place to cry.

Excuses made, I trudged home, not trusting my wings to make it.  Never fly when you’re an emotional wreck – that was a lesson I’d learned the hard way more than once.  I was going to miss them, I was going to miss my parents, and I was even going to miss these woods that I’d galloped through so many times.  I’d spent so much of my fillyhood playing in this forest, exploring every nook and cranny.  And the river, where I’d spent so much time swimming with the ducks and fishing with the herons.

It’s hard to leave it all behind, it really is.  But Dusty and Sweet Treats are right – I need to keep moving.  I’ll come back someday, because this little slice of Equestria will forever be home.  I’m just not sure if it’ll be to settle down and raise a family here like my parents, or to retire here like Dusty did.  The furthest I’ve ever been from home is that day I got lost and the birds led me home. I’ve never even spent a night alone from my parents.  It’s time to change that, no matter how hard it is.  Five years isn’t that long.  I’ll be coming back home eventually.

Sneaking through the house, I climbed the steps and made a beeline for my room.  If my parents were to see me like this, they’d try to talk me out of going again.  Instead I crawled under the covers and hugged my pillow tight against my barrel, burying my muzzle into it to muffle my sobs.

I’ve gotta keep reminding myself of the fun I’m going to have; of all the adventures waiting for me.  I’m going to become Equestria’s leading expert on the birds of Earth.  Probably our only expert on such a topic.  That’s exciting.  Big cheery smile to go with those red, puffy eyes.








Ponyville: one month, and two days ago


It had been less than a week since I left home, and I was already homesick.  The train ride took the better part of two days, and I spent the third day recovering.  Try as I might, I found it nearly impossible to sleep on the train, and I only managed to catch brief catnaps along the way.  The third day was mostly spent sleeping.

But Ponyville beckoned, and since my pen pal lived there, there was no time like the present to get started.  The picture Bifröst had sent me indicated she was a pink pegasus with a rainbow cutie mark. She’d also graduated from the School of Friendship, and I couldn’t help but be more than a bit jealous of that accomplishment.  I’d earned my diploma two years early because the homeschool lessons weren’t particularly challenging, and there wasn’t a whole lot to do otherwise, especially in the winter.  So I’d worked ahead per Uncle Mayweather’s advice, and it paid off.  It had given me plenty of time to focus on learning Earth’s laws and languages.

I’d go to college if continuing my education interested me, but it had been two years since I last did schoolwork, and having a break from it had dulled any enthusiasm I once had towards the idea.  Had I attended a real school and made friends I might’ve felt differently.  Instead I’d rather flee Equus entirely and spend my time hanging out with birds instead of ponies.

I pulled out my favorite headband, adorned with three feathers still as pristine as the day they were given to me, and trotted into town.  Ponyville was in the process of turning into a tourist trap, but the quaint charms of the small town it once was hadn’t completely faded away just yet. Once such charm was Sugarcube Corner, which is where my pen pal requested I meet her.  I took a seat and an adolescent filly trotted up to take my order.

“Hi!  I’m Pumpkin Cake!  What can I get ya?”

“What’s good?”

She giggle-snorted. “The easier question to answer is what isn’t?”  She added in a whisper, “The carrot cake, but don’t tell Dad I said that.”

I nodded and settled on a raspberry tart and a glass of lemonade.  I’d intentionally arrived over an hour early for my meeting so I could do something I almost never had the opportunity to do back home in Steedville: pony watch. Dusty had mentioned more than once that he sometimes gathered inspiration by watching ordinary ponies going about their daily lives.  Ponyville wasn’t a major metropolis by any stretch of the imagination, but it was an order of magnitude bigger than ‘the city’ back home.  I could properly call it a ‘town’ as opposed to a village with delusions of grandeur.

More to the point, it was the biggest town I’d ever set hoof in and I wanted to get a feel for it.  I wasn’t used to interacting with ponies, especially those my own age.  My pen pal was a little older than me, I’d say about five to seven years if I had to guess, but I was all right with that.  I’d always gotten along great with those older than me, no doubt because of how much time I spent around both my uncle and Dusty.  I couldn’t believe it’d been almost six years since Uncle Mayweather passed away.  I’m too young to be reminiscing about the ‘good old days’ but I miss him something fierce.  He had a goofy sense of humor and a heart of gold.  And he never sugarcoated things.  If it needed to be said, he said it.  I learned more from him than anypony else.

I munched my snack as I watched Pumpkin dart from table to table, always with a smile on her face. She’s a little social butterfly, and I wish I could be like her; the ease of which she starts and continues conversations.  She never let anypony’s drink get below halfway filled.  Well, ‘anypony’ is a bit of a misnomer considering that Ponyville’s population of non-pony citizens is the highest in all the realm. Hippogriffs, kirin, yaks, dragons, griffins, and more all called the town home these days, and I was in awe of all the different creatures.  If I wanted to see diversity back home all I needed to do was look in a mirror.  As a pegasus, I’m rather exotic back home.  No one had even given me a second glance since I arrived in Ponyville.  Except that one pink mare with the poofy hair.  She took one look at me, gasped, and ran off the other way before I could even say ‘hi’.  Talk about crazy!  I’m not that scary looking.

A unicorn stallion walked in and took a seat in the corner.  Pumpkin materialized next to him as if out of thin air.  She’s really good at customer service.  With a dark blue coat and silver mane and tail, I found the unicorn kinda handsome, even though he looked old enough to be my father.

“How are you?”

“As crazy as ever and thrice as ugly!”

She stuck her tongue out at him.  “You use that line every time.”

“Not every time. Sometimes I check my pulse.”

“And then you pretend not to find it and do that silly zombie impression.”  She giggled and rolled her eyes.  “What can I do ya for?”

“Speaking of predictable, you ask me that every time, too.  And I keep telling you to ask me that when you’re older.”

“But I am older!  It’s been three whole days since the last time you came in!”

“You’ll know when you’re old enough.  And when you realize exactly what you’re saying, you won’t ask it anymore.”  He tousled her hair.  “I’ll take my normal.”

It felt like the temperature in the room had gone up fifteen degrees.  I could feel my heart racing.  Call it love.  I drained my lemonade, trying to cool the heat I felt in my cheeks.  I never realized it, but I like my stallions mature. He has that same corny sense of humor as my uncle.  And he didn’t dismiss the filly because of her age, just treated her like he would anypony else.  Just like my uncle used to treat me, the little tagalong filly he got stuck foalsitting constantly.

Pumpkin once again appeared out of nowhere with a pitcher of lemonade, ready to refill my drink.  I stopped her.  “The stallion who just came in.”

“Hmn?”

“Does he have a marefriend?”

Pumpkin put a hoof to her chin.  “I don’t think so.  I’ve never seen him with any of the mares around town.  He keeps to himself for the most part.”

“He does now.  Put his meal on my check.”

“Don’t you think he’s a little old for you?”

“You should ask yourself the same thing.  I know you know exactly what you’re saying.”

She giggle-snorted. “Of course I do.  He thinks I’m an adorable, innocent filly, so he tips better. It’s one of the many tricks I learned from Pinkie Pie.”

“Pinkie Pie?  The Pinkie Pie?  Equestria’s premiere party planner?  Element of Laughter?”

“The very same!  She used to work here.  She used to live upstairs.  She was my first foalsitter.  She taught me everything she knows!”

“Tsk, tsk.  I taught you everything you know, but I didn’t teach you everything I know.”  The pink mare that I’d briefly interacted with earlier was standing next to us.  “I don't feel the need to give such secrets away. But if you insist, on knowing my bliss, I’ll tell you this…  When you want to know what the reason is, I only smile when I lie, then I’ll tell you why.”

A bona fide Pinkie Pie song number!  Sure, it was a slightly tweaked Foal & Oats song, and not an original, but that meant I knew the lyrics!  “Because your kiss, your kiss, is on my list!”

Pinkie giggle-snorted, and I instantly knew where Pumpkin had picked up that habit.  “You’re cute, hon, but I’m married.  I only kiss my hubby.”  She winked and blew a raspberry simultaneously, while my cheeks lit up redder than a mare of my fuchsia coat color has any right to.  “But if you’re looking for somepony to kiss…  Hmn…”  She tapped a hoof to her chin, mischievously.  “I might just know the perfect stallion!”  She headbutted me, pushing me across the restaurant right toward that unicorn stallion I’d had my eye on.

“Swiftspeed!  I want you to meet Feathermay!  She’s new here in Ponyville, and only staying for a month. But I think you two should get to know one another!”

How did she know that?  I hadn’t told her any of that.  I hadn’t told anyone in Ponyville anything about myself, so she couldn’t have overheard it somewhere.  Pinkie Pie was a legend, so I chalked it up to ‘Pinkie being Pinkie’ and rolled with it. “Uh, hi!”  Smooth, May, smooth.  I resisted the urge to facehoof.  Pinkie had me even more flustered than I already was.

“Hi.”

“Your kiss is on her list of the best things in life!”  Pinkie Pie continued being helpful, and Swiftspeed quirked an eyebrow at that. “I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone!” She smooshed us together and disappeared in a cloud of dust.

Swiftspeed pulled away. “You okay?  I don’t know what’s gotten into Pinkie.  She’s normally subtler than this.”

“Because she wanted to get it through your thick head that this cute mare likes you.  Because I assure you, being subtle doesn’t work with you.”  Pumpkin Cake hadn’t left with Pinkie Pie. “If this doesn’t work, I’m going to beat you over the head with a baseball bat that says ‘Feathermay likes you’ on it.”

“Do I even get a say in this?”

“Nope.  Pinkie Pie has spoken!  The two of you should be a couple.”

“I’m pretty sure nopony actually goes to Pinkie Pie for relationship advice.  I thought that was more Rarity’s thing.”

I wisely kept my mouth shut, watching their exchange.

“If Pinkie hadn’t acted, you wouldn’t have noticed until three months from now, when she’s already gone… say, where are you going, anyway?”

I guess Pinkie’s ability to know everything about everypony was one of the tricks she’d withheld from Pumpkin’s education.  With the spotlight thrust back onto me, I stammered out, “Earth.”

Pumpkin whistled. “She’s going to be gone for at least five years.  You’d probably never see her again.  Now though, interaction!”  She threw her hooves in the air and confetti exploded all around us.  “Make sure you get her contact info so you two can write! You should totes doodle little hearts in the margins!”

Swift glared at Pumpkin. “There goes your tip.”

“Worth it.  Besides, we both know that five minutes after storming out of here without leaving a tip, you’d feel guilty, come back, and leave twice as much as you would’ve left in the first place.”

“Except I’ve got the tab, and I won’t feel the least bit guilty stiffing you.  Say, Swift, can I call you Swift?  Are there any other restaurants in this town?”

“Sunny Meadows’ place is great.  But it isn’t open during the day.”

“A place named Sunny Meadows is only open at night?”

“Yes.  The owner’s a thestral.”

“A thestral named Sunny Meadows?”

He nodded.  I couldn’t think of a good response to that.  Uncle Mayweather would’ve had a good one-liner. I bet Swift does too.

It was at that moment that Bifröst walked in.  Horseapples. I’d forgotten all about her.

She looked around, spotting us immediately.  She pulled up a chair, confused to see me sitting with one of the locals.  “Hello, you are being Feathermay, yes?”  Her accent was thick northern Equestrian.  It was going to be challenging just to converse with her in my native language, let alone all of the foreign ones.

“Yes.  Bifröst I presume?”

She nodded.  “Shall we begin with the learning, or am I interrupting the something?”

“We can start momentarily. Just let me wrap this up.”  I was already completely embarrassed, both by Pinkie Pie and my own complete failure to make a good impression.  There was no reason not to go all in.  I leaned over and kissed him.  I patted one of his forehooves with mine.  “I’m really not normally this awkward and tongue-tied. Pinkie caught me off guard and got me all out of sorts.”

He shrugged.  “If it’s any consolation, you’re really cute when you’re flustered.  If you’re serious, I’ll give you my mailing address.  But I’m probably old enough to be your dad.”

“Good.  Colts are too immature.  I like a good sense of humor and the wisdom of life experience.”  And the amusing anecdotes that go along with them.

He slipped me his address, then left.  Mission accomplished?  Sure enough he left a tip for Pumpkin Cake.  I saw him arguing with Pumpkin, trying to pay for his meal, but she denied him.  I guess she’s earned that tip after all.

Speak of the little brat… She appeared to take Bifröst’s order. “Oh, you two are totally pink and pinker!”

I ignored the comment. Pink coats, like Bifröst’s, were common in Equestria.  Bright fuchsia coats, while not unheard of, were significantly less common.  It also meant finding clothing and accessories that didn’t clash horribly with my natural colors was nearly impossible. Suffice it to say, I never cared for ponies making comments about it.  I’ve been in the vicinity of reflective surfaces; I know what I look like.  I’m not pretty in the least.  It’s unfair – I exercise regularly, I eat relatively healthily, and take great pains to maintain a perfect figure.  All ruined by a color scheme that looks tacky: a fuchsia coat with red, orange, and yellow hair.

Bifröst clopped her hooves together.  “Let us get to the conversing, then I shall be taking you to see your stallion when we’re done.  He is being the local blacksmith, very easy to find.”






Ponyville: sixteen days ago


I was supposed to be staying with Bifröst and her roommate, Honeybuzz, but I’d invited myself to stay at Swift’s.  He was obviously a night owl, and the clanging coming from his shop at all hours of the night explained why he didn’t have any nearby neighbors.  I’d adjusted as best I could, but I’d always been a morning pony and it was hard to keep my eyes open much past midnight.  Not that it mattered – Swift only had one bed and insisted I take it.  When I woke up the first morning I found him sprawled out in the back of a wagon.

The next night I made him promise to join me in bed.  I awoke the following morning with him on the far side of the bed, facing away from me, like he was intimidated by me.  I rolled over and wrapped my hooves and wings around him, pulling the unicorn tight against me.  I was half his size, so my trying to be the big spoon probably would’ve looked ridiculous to any outside observers.  Fortunately, there wasn’t anypony around to see me draped over him like a blanket.  I could feel him breathing and it felt nice to be close to my special somepony.  That gave him the hint, and from then on I woke up to find him cuddling me.  Aside from my language practice with Bifröst, I had no place to be, so I’d just lay there until he woke up, usually around noon.

I could feel he was waking up.  “Morning, sleepyhead!”

“If it’s still morning, it’s too early.”  He yawned, never opening his eyes.

I wiggled backwards, snuggling up against him.  “What do you call a fish with no eyes?”

“Fsh.”  He yawned again.  “You’ve gotta get up pretty early in the morning to pull one over on me.”

I could feel his heartbeat slowing as he relaxed back into sleep.  “Yeah, really early.  Noon, at least.”  He was already fast asleep and my ironic retort fell on deaf ears.  I was impressed though – even at his worst, first thing in the morning, he was witty and sharp enough to answer silly jokes correctly.  I vowed to come up with one that he wouldn’t guess the answer to.

I wiggled out from under his embrace and made my way to the kitchen.  Swift’s apartment was directly over his business, and the neighborhood had given the smithy a wide berth – there were businesses nearby, but no residences.  I watched ponies shop as I sat at the table eating authentic Manehattan bagels with real Fillydelphia cream cheese.  Steedville was too far off the beaten path for the general store to stock such niche goods, and it was nice to experience things I’d heard about in magazines.

The scent of freshly toasted bagels was enough to rouse Swift from his slumber, and we chitchatted about everything and nothing as we enjoyed our midday breakfast.  He’d been up most of the night straightening the frame on a wagon that had been in an accident.  I was surprised to learn that wooden wagons had metal frames for strength and rigidity.

He went downstairs to work, while I headed to Bifröst’s apartment to practice languages.  Bifröst had an advantage, since her roommate Honeybuzz was also headed to Earth.  But they hadn’t ended up picking the same languages, so I practiced French and Dutch with Bifröst, and German with Honeybuzz.  English was mandatory, and the three of us practiced that one together. Nopony else I knew had chosen to learn Arabic, so I did the best I could with that one solo.

We started with English, and once Honeybuzz left for work, Bifröst and I switched to Dutch.

I opened a European tour guide booklet and placed it on the table between us – it had pictures and basic descriptions of all of the countries on the continent.  I flipped to the pages highlighting Netherlands and the Low Countries.

“Nederlands is niet zo moeilijk als ik dacht, wat vind jij van de locaties in dit book Bifrost?”

“Ze hebben kastelen in Nederland en veel windmolens, zijn tulpen bloemen die wij ook hebben?” Bifröst’s reply was steadier than mine, with less hesitation.  She’d been living in Ponyville since before the portal to Earth had been announced, and had the benefit of having attended one of Equestria’s foremost schools. She’d had ponies to practice with and it showed.

“Geen idee maar ze zijn erg kleurrijk, hoezo? Wil je er een paar proeven?”  My reply was shaky, and my pronunciations were probably awful – human vocal chords were different than pony vocal chords, and their languages didn’t roll off equine tongues nearly as easily as they did human tongues.

“Misschien wel ja, maar niet uit een kas, Ik wil ze uit het wild of van een veld, om te zien of het weer dat zonder pegasus ponies word geregeld de smaak van bloemen verandered.” Her reply was almost instantaneous and I was jealous of her speed and accuracy.

I continued our Dutch conversation as best I could, “Ik wil lokale vogels zien als we daar zijn, de meeste zijn dezelfde als dat wij hebben maar misschien zijn er subtiele verschillen.”

“Wel dan hebben we in ieder geval een plan, misschien monumenten of steden bezoeken terwijl we toch bezig zijn?”

“Goed idee, toeristische steden zoals Amsterdam of Rotterdam klinken leuk.”








Hours of talking shouldn’t have been as exhausting as they were, but it was mentally taxing trying to think about everything I wanted to say in one language, and then have it come out of my mouth in another.

By the time we were done, it was after dark, and I stopped at Sunny Meadows’ All-Nite Café on the way back to Swift’s place.  I’d almost started thinking of his apartment as ‘home’ and that would be dangerous.  Nothing is forcing me to trot through the portal.  I haven’t received my stipend yet.  I can back out anytime.  I shook off the traitorous thoughts and reminded myself I didn’t owe it to Equestria, I owed it to myself.  Equestria doesn’t care if I stay behind as long as I don’t take the money.  But this is what I want.  This is what Dusty wants for me.  It’s what Uncle Mayweather would’ve wanted for me.

“Hey May.”  Sunny Meadows greeted me with a smile.  I’d been coming in long enough for her to learn my name. 

“Hi Sunny!”  I’d adapted to eating later so I could get meals at Sunny’s instead of Sugarcube Corner.  Sugarcube Corner had great food too, but Pumpkin Cake rubbed me the wrong way. I didn’t like her teasing Swift – that was my job, and only my job.  Sunny was everything the tween Cake brat wasn’t – polite, mature, and respectful.

“The normal?”

I nodded and she passed me a box.  She didn’t need Pinkie’s training to have a dozen cream-filled powdered doughnuts ready to go for me.

I could hear the clanging from halfway down the block.  It didn’t matter that it was past sundown – there was a job to do, and Swift was going to get it done.  I walked through the open garage door.  It didn’t matter that it was almost Hearth’s Warming, his shop got hot and he needed ventilation.

I’d hung around Uncle Mayweather and Dusty long enough to know the fastest way to get a stallion’s attention was food.  I could’ve walked in wearing the sexiest little skirt I could find and he probably wouldn’t even look up and notice it.  But doughnuts?  One whiff and he stopped what he was doing.

If I really want his attention, I should just roll around in powdered sugar.  I filed that thought away for our honeymoon.  Assuming I could convince Swift to marry me.  For a pony that spent all his time working with metal, he treated me like I was made of glass – like I might break if he touched me.  There’d be time to convince him – little love letters I could send him from Earth, to stoke the fires of our love.  To let distance make his heart grow fonder.

From what I’d managed to gather, it had been years since Swift had last dated.  I couldn’t help but wonder if I had enough time to worm my way into his heart.  I don’t know what happened to him, but there’s a fortress around his heart.  He’s so guarded, he never lets anypony get close. Will our romance survive me trotting through the portal?

“Somepony’s been to Sunny Meadows’.”

“No manure, Sherclop.”

“I should hope not.  I’d expect that kind of service from Pumpkin Cake.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at that.  He’d picked up on my disdain for the young Cake.  “So what have you been working on all day?”  He’d been hammering when I came in, but I couldn’t see anything in the shop. Whatever it was, it wasn’t as obvious as a broken wagon.

“Just a little somethin’.” He’d already started munching one of the doughnuts.  “If you want to see, look in my saddlebags.”  He pointed to where they were hanging across the shop.

I grabbed one of the doughnuts before Swift could eat all of them, then trotted over to the saddlebags. I don’t remember them being this shiny.  I stopped in my tracks as I got close.  Is that… Oh my gosh, it is!

Pinned to his saddlebags was a life-size replica of my cutie mark, with sapphires, cymophanes, and rubies set inside three golden feathers.  “It’s beautiful!”

“Open the bag.”

I did so, and found it contained a matching cutie mark – Swift’s.  Also made of gold and set with precious gems.

“Figured we could keep them as reminders of each other.  You know, when you’re far away.  You can pin it to your saddlebags, or to clothing, or just keep it someplace safe. I’ve never worked with gold before, and as tricky as it was, the hardest part was bribing the diamond dogs to find me gems.”

It was the nicest thing anypony had ever done for me, and I was speechless.  So I did the only thing I could do – I kissed him.






Everfree Forest: today


“Beauty is more than coat deep.  You’re beautiful, May.  I know you’ll never believe me when I say it, but I mean it.”  Swift held up a mirror.  “Pretty mare.”

The dork has a romantic streak.  Why did he wait until now to show that?  I could still stay behind.  Nopony’s forcing me to go to Earth.  My parents would be thrilled if I didn’t trot through the portal.  But Dusty would be disappointed in me, and I’d be disappointed in myself.  I have a goal.  I have to go.  I pounced on Swift, peppering him with kisses.  “You’re sweet, funny, and even handsome.  How were you not already claimed?”

“Because I’m also annoying, keep odd hours, and a recluse.”  He patted his stomach.  “And about thirty pounds overweight.”  He looked me up and down.  “There’s not an ounce of fat on you at all.  You know you can do better than this.”  He motioned to himself.

“Don’t want to.”  I nuzzled him.  “Mine.”

“Yours.  For now.  Until some colt on the other side catches your fancy.”

I waved a hoof dismissively.  “Not happening.  They’re not allowing colts or stallions across, unless they’re already married.  And those couples are being warned well in advance if they plan on having foals, they’re to have them here in Equestria.  We’re all Equestrian citizens, and they don’t want the mess of dual citizenship arising.  At least not yet.”

“Are they only sending one gender of humans here?”

I shook my head.  “Look around, Swift.”  I swept a foreleg behind me, motioning toward Ponyville, hidden in the distance by the thick foliage of the Everfree.  “You’ve lived in Ponyville a long time.  Does it look like we have a problem with allowing creatures other than ponies live in Equestria?”

“I guess not.”

“Humans are the only sapient creatures on Earth.  This is an experiment to see how well people and ponies do living alongside each other.  That’s why we’re locked in for five years.  We have to give this enough time to see if it works or not.  Five years from now, the princess might recall all of us back to Equestria and cut ties with Earth entirely.  Or we could open completely new avenues to the ponies who follow in our hoofsteps.  Time will tell.”  I kissed him one last time, then knelt down so he could load me up with all of my belongings that he’d so chivalrously carried along in his magical field.

He trudged to the viewing platform, reluctant to leave my side, while I scanned the crowd for Bifröst. I was hoping to travel to Earth with her, but she was walking with a group of her friends.  I chuckled to myself.  I’ve been a tagalong for years, I’ll just follow them.  Nopony wants to go alone, after all.  I waved to Swift, then galloped to catch up to them.

The queue to cross through the portal was long, and my dawdling with Swiftspeed had left me near the end of the line.  I’d never been one for staying still in one place for long, and I suppose that was why Dusty suggested a change of venues.  Despite all my nervousness and doubts, this still felt like the right thing to do.  But it was so boring waiting in line.  All around us I could hear the calls of the birds of the Everfree Forest, and I desperately wanted to go running off to explore the spooky forest.  If there are any undocumented species of birds left to find in Equestria, they’re in there somewhere.  Along with hydras, timberwolves, and thunderbats.  The trick would be living long enough to find them.

Only a few more ponies left to go through until it’s my turn. I scanned the crowd on the viewing platform, trying to find Swift.  Maybe it was the distance, or more likely the blurriness in my eyes, but I couldn’t spot him. I must’ve gotten a speck of dust in my eyes again.  I can’t cry.  Not now. Just a few more minutes.  I can break down on the other side, but for now I’ve got to be strong.  For Swift. For Dusty.  For me.







Pine Barrens, New Jersey: today


The forest on the other side of the portal wasn’t quite as spooky, though it was no less dense. Both security checkpoints were on this side, Equestria’s and Earth’s alike, since it was safer on the Earth side of the portal.  The ponies who’d already passed through security were being loaded onto a large motorized metallic transport the natives refered to as a ‘bus’.  It was nothing like anything I’d ever seen, and I admit to being fascinated by it.  Still, it was an enclosed space, and pegasi hate being confined for any length of time.

Before I could board the bus, however, I spotted a flock of seagulls, and I had to check them out.  The first thing I noticed was that the wildlife of Earth was noticeably more skittish than Equestria’s.  When they finally allowed me to get closer, I couldn’t discern any visual differences from Equestria’s seagulls.  Sooner or later I’d have to collect a breeding pair, but I didn’t think they’d like it very much if I brought birds to the consulate, so now definitely wasn’t the time.

A blue jay landed right in front of me.  Perhaps I’d been hasty to dismiss all of Earth’s birds as skittish.  This one certainly wasn’t.  Seconds later the jay was joined by a cardinal, and then a goldfinch.  Déjà vu.  Each raised a wing, displaying a magenta feather mixed amongst their natural plumage.  My eyes about bugged out of my head.  “My feathers.  My friends.”  I reached into my saddlebags with a wing, quickly putting the headband I’d made on, proudly displaying the feathers they’d given to me.

Before I could gauge their reactions, I heard the motor on the bus fire up.  “Horseapples!  I forgot all about the bus!”  I turned back to my avian friends, but much as last time, they’d disappeared by the time I turned back.  It would be really convenient to be able to do that right now to get on that bus!  I flapped with all my might, but the bus was already on the road by the time I caught up to it.

I flew alongside the bus, but the windows were tinted.  They could probably see out, but I couldn’t see in.  Instead I followed the bus, enjoying the flight through the Pine Barrens, and taking the opportunity to examine Earth.  The motorized vehicles came in all shapes and sizes.  Some were colorful, while others were bland.  I could see humans inside of many of them, and more than once a driver or passenger noticed me and pointed and waved at me.  I returned the waves, continuing to trail after the bus I was supposed to be on.

I’m probably the first pony any of these people have ever seen. I guess that means I need to make an especially good impression.  I’m no Rainbow Dash, but I’m no slouch in the air either.  I did loops and dives, barrel rolls and corkscrews for the amusement of my new human audience.  If they like this, just wait until they see a Wonderbolt!

I noticed a red car with a pony emblem at the very front.  The chrome pony was mid gallop, and I imitated the pose as I flew alongside the car.  The driver gave me a thumbs up.  According to my studies on human cultures, that was a sign of approval.  Thumb up is good, middle finger up is bad.

I was so focused on my aerobatics, I almost lost sight of the bus I was supposed to be following.  Whoops!  I flapped my wings furiously to catch up.  Unsurprisingly, I’d attracted the attention of several different birds, all of whom were now following me.  I’d never seen another pegasus have this effect on avians.  And while there weren’t a lot of pegasi back home, there was no shortage of them in Ponyville.  In the month I was there, I didn’t see a single bird following a pegasus for more than a few seconds.

I’d been flying for at least an hour when an overpowering stench hit my nostrils.  What on Equus…er what on Earth is that?  I climbed, seeking altitude to get away from the noxious odor.  Thank Celestia that pegasi have better than average vision.  It was no problem to keep an eye on the bus from up here, as long as I didn’t get it mixed up with the dozens of other ones.  I forced myself to concentrate on watching it.

The sound of an engine approached and, much to my horror, I found myself staring down a helicopter.  I dove.  I’d forgotten that Earth’s skies are filled with machines that pose flying hazards to pegasi.  Staying close to the ground wouldn’t cause any problems, but going too high would put me in airspace restricted for aircraft.  I guess I’m the first pegasus to inadvertently break that law.  I hope no one saw my faux pas.

Okay, the good news is I’m low enough to be out of the flight paths of aircraft and high enough to avoid the stink below me.  The bad news is I have no idea which of those buses down there is mine.  I groaned in frustration.  Back into the stench I go to figure out which bus is the right one.  Maybe I’ll just ride on the roof.  I facehoofed.  Why didn't I think of that earlier?  Right, because I wanted to show off for all the humans.

Before I could dive back into the stink I noticed a great horned owl riding on one of the buses. That couldn’t possibly be a coincidence – a nocturnal bird with a sense of smell so notoriously bad that they were the only routine predator of skunks, riding a bus through obnoxiously noxious fumes in the middle of the day.  I don’t know how or why they do it, but the birds are looking out for me, even here on Earth.

Much to my amazement, several parakeets swarmed around me as we flew closer to the large suspension bridge looming in the distance.  They definitely weren’t natives to this area – not many parrots could survive in temperate climates, but apparently these parakeets were able to.  I could see the city skyline clearly from here.  It looked vaguely similar to pictures I’d seen of Manehattan, but bigger.  Much, much bigger.  

I landed on the roof of the bus.  As fun as flying through the maze of buildings looked, I knew I’d never find the bus again if I got separated from it.  There’d be plenty of time for that after meeting with the duchess.  My plan is to build an aviary near the portal.  Hopefully she has some ideas on people I can work with.  There have to be experts, and if anyone can find them, it’s the duchess.

The bus kept coming to stops at the intersections, and I found myself ducking or fluttering over traffic signals until we finally came to a stop for good.  Once the ponies inside the bus started disembarking, I glided down to the ground and joined them.

Bifröst approached me.  “I saw you doing the flying outside the bus.  I wish I had been thinking to do that too.  The bus was cramped and uncomfortable.  And it is smelling funny.”

I laughed.  “I assure you it smelled funny outside the bus too.  There was one section before the bridge where I had to fly high to get away from a horrendous stench.”

She nodded.  “We were smelling that on the bus too.  Oh, and just so you are knowing, there was a pony on the bus who is wanting to open a hotel.  I am deciding to go in on it.  Perhaps you should be considering this also?”

“Interesting.”  If it isn’t too far away from here, I could make that work as a home base.  And if she’s getting a bunch of us to pool resources…  Suddenly I don’t need to worry about paying for a large parcel of land for an aviary.  “Yeah, I think I want in on that too.  Can you point her out to me?”

“She is talking to those two mares right now.  She is being the blue unicorn with the pink hair and snowflake mark.  Her name is being Snowcatcher.”
> Act I: Flitterheart
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



West Milfoil: eleven years, two months, and six days ago


As I styled my little sister’s hair, I couldn’t help but think about things my friends have said about their own brothers and sisters.  They talked about ‘sibling rivalries’ and it always made me wonder how family members could act that way towards one another.  My sister and I have been best friends since she was born. Maybe it helps that she was born less than two years after I was, so we’re close in age.

Since Mom wouldn’t let me play with scissors, the most I could do with her bright blue locks was to curl them. Her wings fidgeted at having to stay at rest for so long, but that was understandable.  Pegasi were meant to be soaring through the sky, not cooped up in a house.  But it was raining and neither of us wanted to be outside, even if instincts were hard to ignore.

Her hair was always a tangled mess.  How had this unruly mane not driven her up the wall?  I always hated having bedhead, even when I was her age.  I just couldn’t leave her pretty mane messy.  My hope was that she’d start taking more pride in her appearance.  As long as she didn’t go to the extreme like our cousin, Proudheart.  Her siblings’ number one complaint was how long she spends in the bathroom.

I painstakingly removed the curlers from her mane and tail.  It worked!  “Voila!” I hoofed her a mirror so she could see for herself.

“Golly!  I’m so pretty!”

“You’re adorable, sis.” I nuzzled her.  “I’ll teach you how to do this so you can take care of your own hair from here on out.”

“That would be peachy-keen!”









West Milfoil: ten years, eight months, and sixteen days ago


I stared at the chessboard in confusion.  The rules were complicated, yet my younger sister seemed to grasp them perfectly.  I hadn’t captured a single one of her pieces, but I was down to only a hoofful of my own.  It wasn’t a matter of if she was going to win, but when.

Oh well, if it made her happy, I was okay with losing.  Most of the time I let her win, anyway, so it would be a nice change of pace for her to win on her own for once.  I moved a piece, and she followed suit immediately.

“Checkmate!”

I looked at the board. I couldn’t see what she was seeing. I guess the castle looking piece kills me if I move there.  And the other castle piece kills me if I move to the other side.  “Good game, sis.  You’ve got a knack for this.”

There was a flash of light and I stared at her hindquarters.  “Your butt’s glowing!”

“You said the b-word!” She giggled.

“Cozyheart!  You got your cutie mark!”

She turned and looked at it. It was one of those castle chess pieces like she’d used to box me in.

“Oh!  A rook!  My special talent is chess!”

Not only had my younger sister beaten me at chess, she’d also gotten her cutie mark before me.  I wrapped my forelegs and wings around her. “I’m so proud of you, Cozy. You’re smart, and you’re going to go far in this world.”

“Oh!  Now your butt’s glowing, sis!”

I stuck my tongue out. “You said the b-word!”  But I looked down, and sure enough, there were two intertwined hearts on my rump.  “Wow!  We both got our cutie marks together!  I couldn’t have gotten mine without you!”

“And I couldn’t have gotten mine without you!”  She nuzzled me.

I nuzzled her back. “I think this calls for ice cream! I know where Mom keeps it.” Cozyheart buzzed her wings and followed me to the kitchen.  I flew up to the highest cabinets and grabbed a pair of bowls, which I hoofed down to her, then I opened the freezer and grabbed the tub of ice cream out.  We only had vanilla, but that was okay – I knew how to spruce it up a bit.  I pulled the whipped cream and chocolate syrup from the fridge, then set about looking through the cupboard for the rainbow sprinkles.

Mom came downstairs as I was squirting whipped cream on Cozy’s ice cream.  “Are you two having dessert without me?”

“Sorry, Mom,” we said in unison.

I grabbed another bowl from the cabinet and scooped some ice cream out for Mom too.  “We were just celebrating.  Cozyheart got her cutie mark!”

“And Flitterheart got hers too!”

We turned our rumps towards her at the same time, and she studied our newfound marks.  She smiled at mine, but her jaw dropped when she saw Cozy’s.  “A chess mark?”  She pulled out a scrapbook.  “I don’t think anypony in the family’s ever gotten a cutie mark that didn’t have a heart in it in some way, shape, or form.”

She hugged us both tightly as she flipped through the pages of the scrapbook.  There was a heart with wings, a heart within a star, a heart-shaped balloon with party favors and candy, a heart-shaped medal, etc.

Mom nuzzled Cozy. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.  I would’ve given you a chess-related name. We can get your name changed if you want?”

Cozy nuzzled her back. “I like my name.”  Mom smiled at that.

We ate our ice cream while we looked through the scrapbook, but there were no cutie marks without a heart. Cozy was unique among our family.









West Milfoil: ten years, zero months, and seven days ago


“Flit?”

I cracked an eye open. The clock indicated it was just past two in the morning.  Cozy was hovering there in the doorway clutching her favorite stuffed toy, a gray tabby kitten she called 'Lucky'.  “Yeah sis?”

"I had a bad dream."

My heart went out to her. She’d been having a lot of bad dreams lately, though she never specified exactly what they were about, always saying I was better off not knowing.

“Can I sleep in your bed?”

“Sure.”  I wiggled over to make room for her, and she slipped in behind me.  I rolled over and massaged her back in gentle strokes, up and down, right between her wings. It always relaxed her, and this time was no exception.  Once she’d calmed down, I wrapped a foreleg around her.  “Sleep well.”

“You too.  Love you, sis.”  She wiggled backwards, pressing herself against my barrel as closely as she could.

I pulled her even tighter against me.  “Love you too, Cozy.”









Pumpkin Lakes: nine years, four months, and seven days ago


There were no major amusement parks near West Milfoil, but every year a traveling carnival set up in a field in the next town over, Pumpkin Lakes.  And every year Auntie Treatheart took us.  Keeping with family tradition, adorning her flank was an ice cream cone with a second heart-shaped scoop of ice cream on top of the first.

As can probably be surmised from her name and cutie mark, my aunt had never met a sweet she didn’t like. She and Uncle Braveheart never had any foals of their own, but she loved to spoil her nieces and nephews.  Every day of the carnival she’d take a different set of nieces and/or nephews, and she’d pig out on all the carnival food. Caramel apples, cotton candy, funnel cakes – whatever we wanted she bought, and she made sure to get some for herself, too.

Of course, traveling carnivals never had giant roller coasters or extreme thrill rides, but they did feature a number of smaller rides.  There was usually a mini-coaster of some sort, a Ferris wheel, bumper cars, merry-go-round, and a few rides of the centrifugal force variety.  Taking center stage was a midway featuring games of chance, with carnies eager to separate ponies from their bits.  It was the perfect way to spend a summer evening with a couple of fillies.

We wandered the fair for hours, playing games and munching on all the junk food.  First we had popcorn, then caramel apples, then cotton candy.  Auntie Treatheart had even managed to polish off an entire funnel cake all by herself. I’d won Cozy a giant purple penguin, and she was carrying it around on her back like a rider.  Neither of us faired that well with the bumper cars – the older colts ganged up on us and we could barely get a bump in edgewise.

The swing ride was more our speed, and we went on that a few times until Cozyheart wanted to move on to the Ferris wheel.  As we were stopped at the top of the wheel, I pointed out the sights to my sister.  The humidity of the day had given way to a beautiful summer evening with a pleasant summer breeze.  Truly a perfect night.  I looked down and spotted Auntie Treatheart buying a pizza for us all to enjoy. We made our way to the ground, one car at a time, and eventually it was our turn to be let out.  We dashed over to a picnic table, just in time for our aunt to set an extra cheese pizza out in front of us.  Cozy and I were good for two slices each, while Auntie Treatheart polished off the other four.  She even ate Cozy’s crusts.  I don’t know where she puts it all!

Next up was the Tilt-A-Whirl, but the carnie didn’t want to let Cozyheart on.

“That kid’s gonna puke.”

“I am not!”

“I ain’t lettin’ you on the ride.”

“Now let’s be reasonable here,” Auntie Treatheart stepped between them.  “I’m paying for them to go on this ride, and they’re going to go on the ride.”

“Fine, then you’re going on with them.”

“I don’t do rides.”

“Then they ain’t getting’ on.  Either one of ‘em.”

“Please Auntie Treatheart?” Cozyheart and I chorused.

She caved in instantly. “All right.  Three tickets please.”

We got into one of the cars, Cozy securely in between us.  Then the ride started and Cozy and I threw our hooves up, though our aunt kept a death grip on the bar keeping us secured in the car.  “Wee!”

“Woo!”

We spun this way and that way, but eventually the ride came to a stop.  I hopped out, Cozy hot on my hooves.  The carnie blocked our paths.  “I told you that kid was gonna vomit.”

“What are you talking about, mister?  I didn’t hurl.”

I looked to my sister and then back to the carnie.  “Yeah, she didn’t throw up.  She was having a blast.  So was I.”

It was then that Auntie Treatheart staggered off the ride and made her way over to the adjacent bushes. After that, we left the park.









West Milfoil: eight years, six months, and seventeen days ago


I saw the same colt waiting outside the school every day.  Electric Blue was in my class, and like me, he had a younger sister.  We’d wait around for their class to get out, then we’d fly our respective sisters home.  I could tell he was shy, but he eventually worked up enough courage to talk to me.

“Hi.”

Well, it was a start.

“Hi!”

“Come here often?”

It took all my effort not to cringe at that corny pick-up line.  “Weekdays, same as you.  Our sisters are in the same class.”

He nodded, just as our sisters bounded up to us.  We went our separate ways, and once we were out of earshot, Cozy blurted out, “Oh gosh! Flit has a coltfriend!”

“Don’t be silly. Colts have cooties.”

Cozy giggled at that. “They do not.  That’s just a story grownups say so fillies and colts don’t do anything they’re not supposed to.”

“How do you know that?”

She shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Ever since I got my mark, I just know things.  Golly, you know how Mom can always tell when somepony’s lying?”

“It’s her special talent. She’s not named Trueheart for nothing.”

“I can do that too, except I’m so good at bluffing I can even deceive Mom.  I tried, and it worked.”  Her ears flattened.  “I still feel guilty about it, but I needed to know.  And that’s not all of it, I see things.  Like, in chess, I can see all the potential outcomes of moving my piece to a given square.  Simultaneously.  And it works in real life too.  I can see the outcomes of various different replies I might give, and then pick the best one to achieve the happiest outcome.”

“That’s incredible!”

“No, it really isn’t. It’s terrible and I want to get rid of it.  Imagine this: There are three things I could say to that colt right now to make him go out on a date with you, guaranteed ‘yes’ to all three.  And fifteen different things I could say that would make him never speak to you ever again.  All you have to do is say the word and I can have him eating out of your hooves or out of your life entirely.”

“That’s… uncanny.”

“It’s horrible is what it is.  You want a teddy bear?  His little sister is in my class and just got a new teddy bear yesterday.  There are two different things I could say to him to make him trade her for it, just to give to you.  Does this sound like the kind of power ponies are supposed to have? There’s temptation everywhere.”

“Is that why you don’t hang out with your friends anymore?”

“You mean your friends. They were never my friends.  I was always the tagalong that no one minded. I…I could make them my friends.  I could make them despise you.”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“I don’t!”

“Why would you even think something like that?”

“I can’t help it.  And I don’t want to.  And I’m telling you this so maybe you can help me.”

“What do you want me to do? I’d do anything for you, sis.  You know that.”

“Just believe in me. No matter what happens.”

“Always.”

She cried into my leg. “Sis, bad things are gonna happen to me. The best case is I’ll succumb to madness before I’m ten.  After that I really don’t know what I’ll do.”

“Don’t say things like that.”  I hugged her tight and kissed her forehead.

I could tell there was more she wanted to say but she didn’t elaborate.  She just clung to me and cried herself out.  She whimpered.  “I’m a bad pony.”

“Shhh.  Don’t say that, Cozyheart.”

“Cozy Glow.”

“Hmn?”

“Cozyheart was a good pony. I think I’m going to take Mom up on her offer to get my name changed.”  That was the last she said on the subject.









West Milfoil: eight years, three months, and twenty-eight days ago


“Ta-da!”  Brightheart whipped a covering off his latest gizmo.

I stared at it, as did Cozyheart, Swiftheart, and Proudheart.  I scratched my head in confusion.  “What is it?”

“It’s a caring meter. I’ve been researching Princess Twilight’s Cutie Map and this is a portable version that seeks out ponies who need to be reminded of the fire of friendship.  The hope being that we can get there and restore these ponies’ faith in equinity before a dark entity like the Nightmare can fill the void in their hearts.”

Proudheart, Swiftheart, and I all looked at one another.  Cozyheart piped up, “It finds ponies who are sad and then we go cheer them up.”

Brightheart nodded. “Exactly, Cozy.”

“So is this going to make us all into friendship princesses or something?”  Cozy picked up the gadget and started examining it from all angles.

Brightheart chuckled. “No.”  Cozy put it back down in disappointment.  “But it will help us make new friends with the ponies when they need friendship the most.”

“So instead of letting evil spirits exploit the weak and helpless, we exploit them instead.  Okay, got it.”

I looked at my sister in shock.  “Cozy! We don’t exploit ponies.”

She shrugged. “Friendship seems an awful lot like a nice way of say ‘manipulating ponies into doing things for you for free’ to me.”  She started laughing.  “Golly, I’m just kidding.  You should see all your faces right now.”

“That’s not really funny, Cozy.”  I glared at her.  “We help ponies.”

“Golly, isn’t making ponies laugh helping cheer them up?”

“Are any of us laughing right now?”

“Proudheart’s right, little cuz.  Jokes are s’posed to be funny.”

“You guys just don’t have a sense of humor.”

I changed the subject. “So how does this thingamazooie work, Brightheart?”

Half an hour later, I regretted breaking the awkward silence.  My eyes had glazed over, Swiftheart had fallen asleep, and Proudheart had long since stopped paying attention and was nodding randomly whenever there was a slight pause in the conversation.  Cozyheart was the only one who seemed to understand any of what he was saying. For some reason, that was more disconcerting than it should’ve been.

“I think a test is in order.”  Cozy snatched the device from Bright’s hooves and started fiddling with it.

Swiftheart’s ears swiveled from Brightheart to Cozyheart.  The little sneak’s been faking being asleep.

“It works.  Come on, follow me.”

Cozy started galloping, but she didn’t make it far before Swiftheart swooped down and grabbed the caring meter from her.  “Yoink! Finally, some action!  Everypony follow me!”  She took off, flying at a rate of speed none of the rest of us could ever hope to match.  Brightheart, Cozyheart, Flitterheart, and Proudheart all get into a race with a pony named Swiftheart.  Who do you think’s going to win?

She was toying with us, flying far enough ahead to be out of reach, but never flying so far ahead as to shake us off her trail.  We’d been flying with her our whole lives – if she wanted to lose us she already would’ve done so.

Instead, we flew over suburban sprawl.  West Milfoil wasn’t far from Manehattan, and there were a number of other local communities in the shadow of the metropolis.  The city was only a few hours away by train, so the surrounding towns had turned into suburbs, oftentimes with just a sign noting where one town began and the next one ended.  We flew out of West Milfoil, through Pumpkin Lakes, Pumpkin Plains, and into Pasternson.

As we flew past Pasternson the colors started fading from the ground below us.  Buildings, streets, the ground, and even the ponies were all various shades of gray.

Swiftheart slowed to a hover, allowing the rest of us to catch up.  “Either this is the worst case of air pollution I’ve ever seen… or we’ve found our caring problem.”

Brightheart retrieved his invention from Swiftheart and examined it.  He blinked as he looked at the numbers.  “The caring meter is off the charts.”

“Is that good or bad?”

“Depends on how you look at it, Flit.  It’s bad for this town because there’s a definite lack of caring going on.  But it’s good for us, because we found the disturbance.  Which is really good, because that means it works.”

“Where are we?” Proud Heart asked.  “We’re not that far away from home, but I don’t recognize this place at all.”

Cozy pointed to a sign proclaiming the town as Drab City, the dullest place in Equestria.  Probably a safe claim, I can’t imagine there are too many other towns wanting that title.

We landed outside of town, where the houses were still colorful.  A filly Cozyheart’s age bounded out of one of the homes.

“You still have all your colors!”  The mottled grayish-brown earth pony examined us from all angles and blushed.  “I’m sorry, it’s just most ponies have gone gray.” She sighed.  “It didn’t used to be this way.”

“Like you?” asked Cozy.

Our new friend giggled. “Nope!  This is my natural coat color!  My colors are dull by nature, so maybe that’s why I’m still intact?  I don’t know what’s going on, but when ponies turn all gray they lose all their feelings too.  It’s like they’re nothing but zombies.  The dullness isn’t so bad here, on the outskirts.  My parents work in town and they turned all gray a long time ago.”  Her face fell.  “So did all my friends.  I’m Cinnamon, who are you?”

“I’m Flitterheart, and this is my sister, Cozyheart.”  She didn’t correct me with ‘Cozy Glow’ and I was thankful for that.  “And these are our cousins, Brightheart, Proudheart, and Swiftheart.”

“Pleasure to meet you.” Proudheart curtseyed.

“Oh, you’re fancy!” Cinnamon giggled and curtseyed as well.

After a quick tour of her house and neighborhood, all of which were still colorful, we headed toward town.  The further into town we went, the grayer things got.  In addition to the dulled palate, the condition of the neighborhoods declined with each block we traversed.  First it was just garbage littering the streets, and soon it was wagons sitting on blocks and buildings with broken windows.

Ponies gave us strange looks and gave us wide berths as we passed by.  Brightheart continued leading the way, his caring meter beeping as we went.

“Oh, and that’s my school!” Cinnamon pointed out a drab three-story building.  A few fillies and colts could be seen milling around the playground behind the fence, with a coach with a whistle hanging from her neck directing them in gym class.

“Why aren’t you in class?”

“Oh, I stopped going to school ages ago.  As you can see, school’s in town, where it’s all gray.  The teachers and all my classmates turned gray a long time ago, and none of them care if I show up or not.  My parents don’t care either, so I stopped going so I wouldn’t turn all gray too. Those are my friends, over there. The pony with the grayscale mane is Starr, and the twins are Ruby and Topaz.”

“Don’t you miss them?”

She nodded, sadly.  “I said my goodbyes to them years ago. They’re not the same ponies they once were.  My friends are long gone, and their bodies are nothing more than shells going through the motions.”

“That’s so sad.”  I wanted to cry, but held it in.  I had to be strong for Cinnamon’s sake and Cozy’s sake.

“It is, but there’s nothing that can be done about it except to stay far away from town.  We really should get out of here now.  Your sister’s already starting to change.” She pointed at Cozy’s hooves.

“Oh golly, she’s right.” Cozyheart was gray up to her hocks.

“We fly.”  Brightheart didn’t even look up from his device as he took to the air.

“What about me?” Cinnamon asked in alarm.

Swiftheart, Proudheart, and I all scooped up the earth pony in our grasp and followed Brightheart, with Cozy bringing up the rear.  Once we were airborne it was easy to see that our hooves had all turned gray, though Cozy had gotten the worst of it.

Being airborne helped mitigate some of the effect, but as we continued closer to the source, the grayness got worse.  We didn’t just turn gray, we started snapping at each other.  We started caring less and less.  We knew we were on an important mission, but it just seemed less and less important as we went on.

There was no more sightseeing, and even Cinnamon didn’t feel much like pointing out the sights in her hometown in our desperate race against time.  Then, suddenly, Cinnamon got heavier.  I was struggling to keep her aft end in the air, while Swiftheart and Proudheart carried her forelegs.  A glance to my side told me everything I suspected – Cozyheart was flying off in another direction, and Cinnamon’s other hind leg was dangling.  “Cozy!  Come back. Please!”

“What difference does it make.”  The grayness had overtaken my sister’s barrel and tail, leaving nothing colorful below her neck.

I looked down and the dullness had only claimed my legs.  “C’mon Cozy, I can’t support Cinnamon all by myself.”

“Who cares?”

“I care!  I care very much!”  Cinnamon was quite vocal in her displeasure.  “I’m terrified of heights!  Please, please, please come back.”

“Fine.  But be quick.  You’re heavy.”

“And you’re just a sweet ray of sunshine.”

“Stop fighting.” Brightheart turned around to look at us. “You’re making it worse.  The caring meter can’t decide if we should keep going forward to the source of the trouble or turn around and help the two of you. The longer this takes the less likely our chance of success…  I don’t want to be all gray, do you?”

Cozy shrugged.  “I don’t care.”  She grabbed Cinnamon’s other leg regardless.

“Let’s hurry,” I urged the others on.  I wasn’t sure how long we could keep Cozyheart’s mind on the task.

“That’s my line, cuz!”

“There!  It has to be coming from that construction site.”

We’d made our way to the outskirts of town, where the skeleton-like frame of a building had been erected in a field.  The area was fenced off, but that wasn’t a problem for pegasi like us.  We landed inside the site, next to a trailer proclaiming the work was being done by Cherrywood & Fettuccini Construction. Work had apparently stopped at some point, because everything was in disarray, and there’d even been some vandalism. The walls of the trailer were graffitied, and the fence was torn down in spots.  In a society where a third of the population could fly, some unicorns could teleport, and most earth ponies could buck it into splinters, fences were merely suggestions.  Something that was put up as a warning for legal and insurance purposes.  Something to indicate that the owners at least made an effort to keep ponies off their property.

Cinnamon was grateful to no longer be airborne, and she made a show of kissing the ground below us. “I’m never leaving you again.”

“Then how are you getting home?”

“I’ll hoof it. Turning gray is better than falling to my doom.”

“At least you still care about staying alive,” Brightheart noted.  “True apathy would be indifference to even that.  We just need to figure out what’s causing the problem. Now where’d Swiftheart go?”

“I’m way ahead of you!” Swiftheart was on the other side of the yard.  “I could be wrong, but this giant glowing gem might be the problem.”

The rest of us galloped to where she was hovering, and sure enough there was a massive stone emitting a sickly green glow.  The caring meter was going crazy and Brightheart confirmed that was the source of Drab City’s dullness.

“What are we going to do?” Proudheart asked.

“Why don’t we just dump the gem in the bottomless pit?”  Cozyheart pointed to a scar in the earth conveniently on the other side of the rock.

“There’s no such thing as a bottomless pit.  We live on a planet; a sphere spinning in space.  Theoretically, if this hole went all the way through the planet that would be the ‘bottom’ and you’d drop out the other side and into space.  But that’s impossible.  Gravity would stop you at the planet’s core.  That would also require the planet to be hollow.  Do you know what you’d get if you had a hole that reached down to Equus’ mantle?  A volcano.”

“Blah, blah, blah, Brightheart.  Are we gonna do somethin’ about this rock, or are we going to all go gray listening to you yack?  Literally.” Swiftheart lifted a leg to demonstrate her limbs had completely turned gray.

The six of us pushed against the gem to no avail – it was too heavy for us.  Our close proximity to the stone caused the effect to speed up. Cozyheart was the first to succumb, wandering off as soon as she completely turned gray.  Cinnamon wasn’t far behind.

“Retreat!”  Brightheart’s order came too late for me.  I could find no motivation to move from my spot leaning against the giant rock. Brightheart, being the least athletic of us, also fell victim to the dullness before he could put enough distance between himself and the gem.

That left Swiftheart and Proudheart as the only two ponies who could do something about the situation. I watched them fly off, and I couldn’t find it in me to care if they succeeded or not.  I couldn’t even muster the desire to go locate my little sister.

Swiftheart reappeared hours later, or maybe it was only minutes, I couldn’t say.  I just didn’t care.  I couldn’t even care that she’d somehow figured out how to start and drive one of the construction company’s bulldozers.  She’d gone completely gray too, but she was still on course.  The bulldozer slammed into the rock, pushing it into the pit.  Swiftheart, dull with gray, didn’t even care enough to stop the bulldozer as it joined the massive gem, plummeting into the depths.  If not for Proudheart swooping down and grabbing her, she would’ve gone down the hole with the dozer.

With the stone gone, color started returning to the world.  As soon as Brightheart’s purple coat was restored he was on his hooves, waiting by the pit, listening for a crash that never came.  “That’s impossible!  It has to have a bottom!”  He tried to fly down the hole but Swiftheart grabbed his tail in her mouth.  “What if there’s an aquifer down there?  What if we just dumped that into the town’s water supply?”

“If you go down there, you’re not coming back, bro.  I’m five times the flyer you are and I wouldn’t make it back.”

“But there has to be a logical explanation!  Holes have to have bottoms.  And why was there such a deep pit right next to the gem?  Gah!  It doesn’t make sense!  It’s too convenient!”

“Maybe it was a meteorite, and the deep pit was a crater?”  Cozy’s explanation was rational, but Brightheart shot that one down too, arguing that the rock’s composition wasn’t consistent with known meteorites, and also that a crater should be crater-shaped and not just a big hole.

Cinnamon found an excuse to run off and find her friends at school, while Cozyheart, Proudheart, Swiftheart, and I all had to listen to Brightheart explain how craters form, and the physics involved.  In great detail.  Then he ranted about how just getting rid of the strange rock shouldn’t have immediately restored color to everything.  He was right – nothing about the ordeal made any sense whatsoever.

We caught up to Cinnamon at the playground, where she was playing with Starr, who’s grayscale locks had turned into a rainbow, as well as Topaz and Ruby, both of whom shined in the afternoon sunlight, the former a crystalline blue and the latter red.  I hadn’t even been able to tell they were crystal ponies when we stopped at the school earlier.

They were playing and we didn’t want to intrude, so we headed for home instead.









West Milfoil: eight years, two months, and two days ago


Cozy and I looked absolutely adorable in our princess costumes.  Cozy had really started taking her appearance seriously.  I was thrilled that she’d kept the curls.  They made her look so cute!  I wished I could say the same for Uncle Braveheart, but at least he matched us.  He’s a goof, and I love him and he loves us, but oh stars, he makes an ugly mare.

I knocked on the first door of the evening and it slowly crept open.  “Nightmare Night!  What a fright!  Give us something sweet to bite!”

“Good eveeeeeeening.” It was our neighbor, Stage Fright, dressed like a vampire.

“Aieeeee!”

I turned to Cozy. “You don’t need to be scared, sis.”

“Wasn’t me.”

I looked behind us to find Uncle Braveheart in a tree ten yards away.  I couldn’t help but wonder if his parents had named him ironically.

“Really good costume, Stage. How’s Uncle Braveheart’s acting? Did you believe he was scared?”  I did my best to cover for him.

Stage Fright nodded as he levitated some candy into our fright-or-bite bags.

We went from house to house, adding to the ever-growing pile of candy in each of our bags.  Uncle Braveheart, meanwhile, was getting a lot of exercise.  Jumping in fright, wild wing flapping, hyperventilating, etc.  I fluttered my wings as I chuckled.  Our uncle’s just a big softie. How many other uncles would have gone to the extreme of dressing in a matching princess costume just to make his nieces happy?  Though perhaps he should dress in a Cowardly Lion costume next year.

We stopped at the local ice cream shop since they were giving out scoops of pumpkin spice ice cream for the holiday.  It was their yearly tradition to use up all their inventory so they could move on to the next seasonal flavor: peppermint for Hearth’s Warming.  Considering how much I loved their mint flavor, I started drooling at the prospect of that being available the next day.

The ice cream break was just enough time for Uncle Braveheart’s heart to stop racing.  Then, it was back to fright-or-biting.  When we rang the bell of the next home, the door was opened by a skeleton.

“Ahhhhhh!”  Uncle Braveheart leapt to the house’s roof, perfectly styled mane standing on end.

Cozy sighed.  “This is getting old.”  She took the skeleton’s skull mask off, revealing the owner of the local aquarium.  “See, it’s just Red Herring.”

Red shook a hoof at us as his wife, dressed as a Royal Guard, led him back into the house.  “And I would’ve gotten away with it too!  If it wasn’t for you meddling princesses. And that queen.”









West Milfoil: eight years, one month, and eight days ago


Cozy Glow.  I was having a hard time adapting to my sister’s new name.  Mom had made it official at the town hall earlier in the day. She’d changed – she wasn’t the happy-go-lucky filly I remembered.  She spent a lot of her time staring into space.  It was almost as if she wasn’t even there most of the time, like a toy that spent most of its time on a shelf.

But if you spoke to her, she’d spring to life with a syrupy sweet smile.  I’d made the mistake of initiating contact and I was already regretting it.  I never thought there’d come a day I would consider talking to my sister a mistake, or that I’d regret it, but my relationship with my sister seemed to be on a one-way elevator ride: all the way down.

I sighed as I helped her dye herself pink, hiding her beautiful purple coat.

“Golly!  Don’t you think I’m just the cutest thing ever, sis?” Cozy was staring at her reflection, her blue curls bouncing as she turned her head.

“You’ve always been the cutest filly, Cozy.”

“But I’m even more adorable now!  Pastel pink is 2.46% cuter than pastel purple.  Who’s a pretty pony?  I am!” She booped the nose of her own reflection.  “But for maximum adorableness I need these…”  She started drawing freckles on her cheeks.

“But… you have freckles naturally on your purple coat!”

“Purple’s just not cute enough, sis.”

“What about your cutie mark. How cute is that?”

She shrugged.  “Your mark’s way cuter, but I have to leave ponies some clues.”

“Clues to what?”

Cozy giggled.  “That I’m more than meets the eye.  That I’m not just an adorable face.  Though I’m definitely adorable.”

“I liked you better the way you were, Cozy.”  I didn’t add in that I meant that in more ways than just her new appearance.

“Living in the past, like always, Flit.  That’s why I’m going places and you’re not.”

Rude.  Cozyheart was never like this.  If this is new and improved Cozy, I’ll gladly keep living in the past and remembering the Cozy I loved.









West Milfoil: seven years, ten months, and twelve days ago


Things had been weird the past few days.  Magic had stopped working, and unicorns were panicking.  Then devices started failing.  According to the newspaper, magic was being drained out of Equestria.  Thankfully, the magic had come back the prior evening. If the newspapers weren’t sensationalizing things, we were mere minutes away from losing all our magic forever.

Disaster averted, it was back to business as usual.  I’d gone to school like I would on any other weekday.  It was a normal day until science class.  Halfway through class, the principal walked in and spoke with our teacher.  Then my teacher asked me to go with the principal.  I followed her back to her office, mind racing.  What did I do?  Nothing jumped to mind.  I’d always been a good student, and I’d never caused trouble.

She opened the door to her office and motioned for me to go inside.  Mom’s already here, so whatever it is must be really bad.  My panic turned to worry when I saw Mom had been crying.  I sat next to her and she immediately wrapped a wing around me.

The principal closed the door to her office, leaving me alone with Mom.  “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Cozy.”

“No!  What happened?  Is she okay?”

“She’s in Tartarus.”

I blinked.  Tartarus was the place bad ponies went when they died. “My sister’s dead?”

“It’s punishment for the wicked, but also a maximum security prison for the living.”  Mom hoofed me a newspaper and sobbed into my shoulder.  I read the headline and my stomach sank. Cozy had been responsible for the magical drain.  I read the article, tears blurring my vision.  At the very end it was mentioned that she’d been thrown in Tartarus for her crimes.  There was no mention of how long she’d be incarcerated for.

“Is there anything we can do?”

Mom shook her head, but I refused to give up on my little sister that easily.  The principal told me to take the rest of the day off, so I walked Mom home.  Mom had always been the strong one, and it broke my heart to see her so weak she needed to lean on me for support just to walk ten blocks.

Mom went to bed, while I made dinner.  Mom never let me use the oven, but we had bread and vegetables.  Cucumber sandwiches might not be the best meal in the world, but at least it was something to put in our tummies.  I hoofed one to Mom, then ate my own in silence at the foot of Mom’s bed.  I just couldn’t wrap my head around why Cozy would do such a thing.  The paper had indicated she was attempting to overthrow the princesses and be ‘The Empress of Friendship’.  What does that even mean?  Last time I saw my sister, she struggled with the concept of making friends.

“Flitterheart?”

“Yes Mom?”

“There’s a journal in the top drawer of my dresser.  Hidden at the very bottom.  Could you bring it here?”

I followed Mom’s instructions and found the book she wanted.  Mom flipped through the pages until she came to an intricately detailed drawing of my cutie mark.  “Oh! Pretty!  Who drew this?”

“I did, when I was pregnant with you.  Did you ever wonder how ponies end up with names related to their special talents when those special talents have yet to materialize?”

I shook my head.  I never thought about it, but now that she mentioned it…

“There’s a special bond between mother and child, and at some point during the pregnancy, a mother will get a vision of what her foal’s eventual cutie mark will be.  That’s yours.”  She flipped further forward in the journal to an image of a heart wearing a knit cap. “That’s Cozyheart’s.”

I blinked.  That was no rook.  “How?”

“I don’t know.  I’ve been trying to figure it out for three years with no luck.  There are no recorded instances of a foal earning a cutie mark differing from the one foreshadowed.”

“Something went horribly wrong somewhere along the line.”

Mom nodded, lost in her own thoughts.  She reached a cautious hoof to the sketched cutie mark as if it were a fragile vase that might shatter if she touched it too hard.

I returned to my room and buried my head in my pillow.  It isn’t fair.  Something happened to happy, loving Cozyheart that turned her into delusional, megalomaniacal Cozy Glow.  But what?

My somber introspection was interrupted by a stone hitting my window.  I glanced at the clock – school had just let out.  My friends were no doubt trying to get my attention.  I opened the window, but that didn’t stop the rocks from flying in my direction.  I ducked as my friends continued their stony assault.  I cringed as the rocks hit my Sapphire Shores and Songbird Serenade posters.  “Stop! Please!”

The rocks stopped and I dared to poke my snout out the window.  My best friend, Spice Cake, stood in front of the rest of our friends. “Spice?”

“Flit.  I’ll keep this brief.  Don’t talk to us.”

“But we’re friends…”

“Not anymore.”

As one, they turned their backs on me and flicked their tails to show their disdain.  Then they walked slowly away, out of my life with heads held high.  It hurt to watch all of my friends abandon me for something my sister did.  I wanted to hate them.  I wanted to hate Cozy.  But I couldn’t.  Deep down inside I knew something was wrong.  Nothing felt right; nothing felt like it was supposed to.  But I couldn’t put my hoof on what, exactly.

I closed the window and once more flopped on my bed.  My tears stained my pillow as I cried myself to sleep.









West Milfoil: seven years, ten months, and eleven days ago


I awoke to more stones hitting the window.  I blinked the sleep from my eyes and looked at the clock.  It was well past midnight.  Who do I know that would be up at this hour?  I opened the curtains to find myself face to face with a pegasus outside my window.  I shrieked and jumped back.

“It’s good to see you too, cuz.”

“Swiftheart?”

She rubbed her barrel. “The one and only.  Fastest pegasus in all Equestria!”

“Rainbow Dash? Wow!  To what do I owe the honor?”

Swiftheart huffed. “Is that any way to treat the pony who’s here to rescue you?”

“Rescue me?”  The memories of everything that had happened over the past few days flooded back to me.  “How?”

“We brought carts.” She motioned to her siblings, Brightheart and Proudheart, behind her.  “Put everything you value into these carts, and then we’re hightailing it out of here.  Mom and Dad are helping your parents.  No time to waste.”  She clopped her hooves together.  “Chop, chop. Move it!”

My body started going through the motions, piling the first cart high with toys, games, and mementos with sentimental value.  “Where are we going?”

“Tonight?  To the clouds above town.  Tomorrow we move.  I don’t know where.  I don’t think the rest of the family’s quite figured that out yet.  But we need to go somewhere nopony knows us.”

Proudheart and Brightheart climbed through the window and helped me load the cart that Swiftheart hovered outside my window.  With two carts loaded to capacity, I turned to the third.  I had everything I valued packed up, and I had another two carts waiting down there.  “C’mon.” I motioned to Brightheart and Proudheart to follow me.  I led the way to Cozyheart’s room.  It was at that moment I resolved to never use the name ‘Cozy Glow’ ever again. Cozyheart was my sister, now and forever.  Cozy Glow, on the other hoof, was an imposter.  An abomination that shouldn’t exist.

“I don’t think she’s going to need this anymore…”

Brightheart trailed off as I glared at him.

Proudheart nodded. “If it means that much to you, we understand.  You knew her better than we did.”  She started packing things into a crate.  Cozy had taken things with her to the friendship school, but it seemed as if she’d left her most prized possessions here.  Her plush kitty, Lucky, was sitting on the dresser, forlornly looking out the window.  ‘She likes to watch the birds,’ Cozyheart’s voice echoed in my mind.  Something definitely wasn’t right.  She never would’ve left this stuff behind.  It was as if she’d shed her entire personality when she left.

Swiftheart finally figured out what were up to and pulled the cart alongside Cozyheart’s window.  With her speed, she could probably clear the room faster than the three of us combined, but none of the rest of us had her wing strength.  We couldn’t keep a cart hovering in place for any length of time.  It would’ve been better if Brightheart had been the one outside, his dark purple coat would’ve blended in better than Swiftheart’s powder blue.  The longer we kept at it, the more I noticed Swiftheart keeping an eye out on the neighborhood around us.  Normally brash, confident, and cocky, it was unnerving to see her nervous, and that in turn made me nervous.

Once we’d loaded as many of Cozyheart’s belongings into the carts as we could, we fluttered to the ground. My parents and their parents were already waiting for us, four carts of their own filled.  Swiftheart wasted no time, not even bothering to land.  With a wave she flew out of sight.  Her parents, Loyalheart and Gentleheart, took off after her, as did her siblings.  My parents waited for me to get airborne, then took off themselves.

It was hard leaving our house behind.  It was the only home I’d ever known, and I doubted I’d ever see it again.  I circled it, taking one last look, before plunging into the night ahead of me.  It didn’t take long to overtake Brightheart, who was struggling under his load.  Nopony was ever going to accuse him of physically fit.

When we finally broke through the clouds, it became apparent that Uncle Braveheart and Aunt Treatheart had been busy while we were loading up our possessions.  They’d formed a crude, temporary house in the clouds for all of us.

We landed, adding our carts to the row of carts already parked around the house.  I did some quick math – there were more than twice as many carts as ponies to pull them.  How are we going to take them all with us?

“Get as much sleep as you can.  We move at first light.”

I heeded Uncle Braveheart’s command, and hunkered down in one of the rooms in the cloud house. There weren’t enough for all of us to have our own rooms, and my cousins joined me.  Snuggled up against them, I fell into an uneasy sleep as my Dad and uncles took turns keeping watch.









I opened my eyes slowly. Uncle Braveheart hadn’t been kidding about moving at first light.  The sun hadn’t even poked over the horizon before we were on the move.  All of us, together towing the section of cloud containing the house and the carts.  Some of us pulling, the rest pushing.

We continued on for days, heading west across Equestria until we reached Salt Lick City.  Not my first choice, but that was the point.  It wasn’t much to look at, but it was home now.  At least until things calmed down.

As far as attractions go, it has Equestria’s Biggest Ball of Cashmere Yarn.  Specifically cashmere yarn.  According to the proprietor, the largest ball of yarn in Equestria was in Whinnyapolis. This one was still pretty impressive, and even had a restaurant at the top with a landing balcony for pegasi.

And that was pretty much it in terms of attraction for the city located on a vast salt flat.









Salt Lick City: seven years, nine months, and twenty-six days ago


Dear Princess Celestia,

I’m writing this letter in the hope you’ll grant mercy on my little sister.  She’s been a bad pony, but I know her to be a kind and generous pony, albeit one who has trouble making friends.

If you could find it in your heart to remand her to our custody, we’ll keep her under house arrest and see that she gets the help she obviously needs.  I know in my heart she’s a good pony.

My sister’s name is Cozyheart, though she’s been using the alias ‘Cozy Glow’ for a while now.

Your faithful subject,
Flitterheart









Salt Lick City: seven years, two months, and two days ago


Months went by with no reply from the princess.  We’d already started making plans to travel to Canterlot during the Hearth’s Warming school break.  Not just me, not just my parents and I, but the whole family.  We thought that perhaps if the princess saw there was a support group ready to take care of her, she’d be more inclined to listen to us.

But any hope I once had of Princess Celestia freeing my sister from Tartarus were dashed to pieces by Cozy’s assault on Canterlot.  Incredibly, there were only three casualties: Tirek, Chrysalis, and Cozy Glow themselves. I wish that meant that her alias was dead and buried, and that I had my sister back for good, but no.  She and her partners in crime had been executed by petrification.  The magic-stealing centaur, Tirek, and the shape-shifting changeling queen, Chrysalis – their misdeeds were already the stuff of legends.  How had Cozyheart gotten herself mixed up with them?

Now they were all dead. Stone statues serving as the latest tourist attraction in the Canterlot Castle sculpture garden.  Where was the mercy shown to Discord?  To Starlight Glimmer?  To all the other threats to Equestria?  Instead they executed a filly, turning her to stone.  What kind of monsters do that? They didn’t even have the decency to give her a traditional pegasus funeral pyre.

I’ll never see my sister again.

I cried until I had no more tears left to cry.









Salt Lick City: five years, three months, and twenty-two days ago


I spent years going through the motions.  Cozyheart and I had been close.  Not having her there anymore hurt in the way losing a wing would’ve.  It was like part of me was gone, and nothing could ever make me whole ever again.  I had been a happy filly.  There hadn’t been a more loving, more caring family in all of Equestria than ours.

I wasn’t alone in wallowing in pity and bitterness.  It was sad to think about just how far our family had fallen.  We didn’t bother buying a house, instead we all pitched in to build a home in the clouds big enough for all of us.

Once it became apparent we wouldn’t be moving back home, we sent notice to Great Uncle Coldheart to sell our homes and remaining assets.  The only earth pony in a family of pegasi, his personality lived up to his name.  With a blue coat and white hair, he was an imposing stallion with an icy cold glare. One look at his cutie mark, a heart encased in a block of ice, was all it took to give most ponies a bad case of shivers.  He hadn’t moved with us – he didn’t need to.  Nopony was messing with him.  He was also a ruthless businesspony, and more than happy to take care of disposing of our superfluous assets in exchange for a significant cut of the proceeds.

But life went on. There was nothing more that anypony could do for Cozyheart.  Our final request that the princess turn Cozy’s statue over to our family so we could hold a proper funeral pyre for her went unanswered.  Just like all previous correspondence to the princess.

If we couldn’t get closure, the best that we could do was move on.  Back in West Milfoil, we’d been heavily involved with a number of charities. Everypony in town used to call us the Care Mares.  The stallions in the family took some ribbing for that, of course.

They’d never called us anything even remotely like that since moving to Salt Lick City.  It was finally time to change that.  I joined Habitat For Equinity as winter was approaching, and the demand was highest for new housing.

I already had a little experience building a house when we first moved to Salt Lick City, so I joined the pegasus crew, helping to build cloud homes in the sky for those pegasi unable to do so themselves.  Clouds might be soft and fluffy, but it was backbreaking work turning raw clouds into stable, sturdy buildings.

Swiftheart was in the middle of her daily flight practice when she spotted me.  Without a word she dropped to the clouds beside me and grabbed a hammer.  Word spread, and by the end of the day our whole family was on site, helping.









Salt Lick City: five years, three months, and twenty-one days ago


The next day our entire family was present, and we broke off into our own work crew, just like old times. Well, almost like old times.  We were still one member short, and rather than help Proudheart with the interior, like Cozy and I used to, I chose to help with the manual labor outside.  The only way I could get through it was to be outside.

It was a constructive use of our time, not to mention therapeutic.  Not only were we building homes, we were rebuilding our lives simultaneously.  It felt good to be giving back, just like it used to.  I’d missed this, and judging from the smiles on the faces around me, I think it was safe to say we all did.

We’d volunteered to build the biggest house, a two-story with eight bedrooms for a widow and her seven young foals.  Brightheart had immediately tweaked the design, adding two additional bathrooms to the home.  I chuckled at that – even after building a new home here where Proudheart was given her own bathroom, that was apparently still a sore subject for her brother.

Work was progressing at a good clip on the exterior.  Swiftheart’s speed was like having three extra ponies on the jobsite.  As I sat down for lunch I looked from the house to the family that was to occupy it and back.  All those foals.  Proudheart put a hoof on my shoulder as I sat staring at the house.

“The Cozyheart we knew and loved would want you to do it.  I’ll help.”

I smiled.  “There’s a trick to it…”

“I know.  I watched the two of you do it enough times.”  We grabbed the longest piece of rainbow from the supplies, then started flying in a corkscrew.  Tools dropped as everypony in the family stopped what they were doing to watch.  Mom broke down in tears and Brightheart took his cap off and held it over his heart.

When were done there was a spiral rainbow slide in the home’s backyard.  The foals quickly started taking turns sliding down it, while I collapsed, sobbing, into Proudheart’s hooves.

She stroked a hoof through my mane as I cried myself out.  Eventually she went back to working on the house’s interior as I sat there sniffling.  The young widow sat down next to me.  “I’m guessing there’s something very special about that slide.”

“It was my sister’s design. We… we haven’t made one since her passing.  But I saw you have foals and…and it’s what she would’ve wanted.”

She wrapped a wing around me and we sat there watching her kids enjoy the rainbow.  “It gets easier.  Eventually. It’s been five years, and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about my husband.”

We sat there swapping stories of our lost loved ones for the rest of the day.  My family didn’t mind, even if it took them a bit longer to finish the house without my help.

I vowed to never again forget that I’m still alive.  No more zombie am I.









Salt Lick City: four years, six months, and one day ago


Proudheart, Brightheart, and I were lounging around the family room of our combined family house. We didn’t spend nearly as much time together as we’d used to.  Our family was fracturing – Cozyheart hadn’t been the glue keeping us together, but her absence was felt.  My parents blamed themselves and threw themselves into their work.  They’d worked the weather back home, and we’d ended up in Salt Lick City because the city needed an entire weather team.  With my aunts and uncles pressed into service, the Hearts became their new weather team.  It was likely my destiny to join them in a few years.  What ambition I’d once had to be a teacher was long gone.

There was significantly less enthusiasm in our household than there’d once been.  Even putting us all under one roof hadn’t rekindled the fire of love and the spirit of caring in our hearts.  If anything, the situation deteriorated further, because we were constantly around one another, and had fewer things to occupy our time other than get on each other’s nerves.

Brightheart turned a page in his book and Proudheart snapped at him.  “Can’t you turn those pages quieter?  Every minute, flip, flip, flip.  It keeps breaking my immersion.”

“If that means you can’t write lousy poetry, I’m doing the world a favor.”

“Hey now,” I interrupted. “Where’s the old Care Mares spirit?”

“We haven’t been the Care Mares since…” Proudheart trailed off.  “We haven’t been the Care Mares in over a year.  It’s painful, but you need to hear the truth, Flit.  We left the Care Mares name back in West Milfoil and it’s not coming back.”

“As much as I dislike that nickname, I disagree.”  Brightheart put down the book he was reading.  “We’re still the Care Mares Family.  We’ve all been coping in our own ways.  Swiftheart’s thrown herself into her training.  Flitterheart’s burying herself in nostalgia because living in the past is easier.  And speaking of needing to hear the truth, Proudheart…  You went from ‘mourning’ to just plain goth.  That makeup looks ridiculous, and your poetry isn’t edgy, it’s just awful.  You’re better than this, sis.  We’re all better than this.”

“You seem to be doing fine, ‘Mr. Know-It-All.”  Proudheart’s tail lashed.  Beyond an annoyed flick, this was more akin to an angry cat.

“I’m coping in my own way.” Brightheart patted the book he was reading.

“Like that’s different than normal?  You’ve always had your snout buried in a book since we were just foals.”

“It isn’t reading that’s out of the ordinary, it’s what I’m reading that’s changed.”  He flipped the book around to show us the cover: Evil Entities & Proven Possessions.  “I think Cozyheart may have been taken over by an evil spirit.  Like when the Nightmare infected Princess Luna and caused her to turn into Nightmare Moon.”

I gasped.  It made sense.

“I’ve been compiling data in the hopes of getting some answers.”  Brightheart sighed.  “There’s also…  Let’s wait until Swiftheart gets home from her workout session.  I only want to have this discussion once.”

Brightheart buried his snout back in the book he was reading, while the normally talkative Proudheart sat there, deep in thought.  I would’ve sighed, but I didn’t want to break the awkward silence.









Hours later Swiftheart entered, drenched in sweat.  “‘Sup?”

Proud Heart wrinkled her snout in disgust.  “You. Shower.  Now.”  She pushed her sister up the stairs.  The normally energetic Swiftheart was too exhausted to offer more than a token protest.

Brightheart opened one of his books.  “While we’re waiting for them, maybe you can answer some questions.  I have some basic ideas, but you were closer to her than any of us.”

“Okay.”

“Have you ever seen purple goo?”

“No.”

“I didn’t think so. But Hydia was one of the most powerful sorceresses of antiquity – she even fought Starswirl the Bearded to a standstill before the combined forces of Celestia and Luna drove her through a portal to another dimension.  Purple Smooze was one of her methods, though not the only one.  Still, she hasn’t been heard from in thousands of years, so it probably isn’t her.”

“Ancient evils pop up every few years, so you never know.”  I shrugged.  “Of course, that’s assuming it’s an ancient evil and not some new evil on the block looking to make a name for itself.”

He nodded. “True.  If a portal from that dimension opened to this one, it’s possible she’s returned, but it’s even more likely that this is an entirely new entity, something that nopony’s ever seen before.  There’s also the possibility she’s been possessed by the very same Nightmare that took over Princess Luna.  Her personality completely changed from when she was little to the time of… her departure.”  There was no nice way of phrasing what had happened to my sister, but Bright’s word choice was the kindest I’d yet heard.  “Did Cozy’s coat ever dull or turn gray entirely?”

I shrugged.  “She started dying her coat pink, so who knows.”

“Before or after her change to Cozy Glow?”

I spat in disgust. “Don’t call her that.”

“I’m not.  I’m calling what possessed her that.”

“After.”

Brightheart scribbled some notes down.  “Probably not Discord then.  Discorded ponies eventually turn grayscale.  Like that debacle with the meteorite in Drab City.”

“They call it Rainbow City these days.  I miss those days when we used to go on ‘caring missions’ and cheer up ponies. Did you ever finish that caring meter you were working on?”

Brightheart shook his head. “If it couldn’t detect…” he trailed off. “It was unable to detect a nearby evil spirit so it must have been defective.”

“It was so promising in the tests.”

“Lots of things are promising in early testing that never make it to production.  Moving down the list, did her cutie mark ever disappear? Perhaps replaced with an equal sign?”

“No, but…”  I grabbed a quill and paper and sketched a heart wearing a ski cap.  “This was supposed to be her real cutie mark.  She wasn’t supposed to have a rook.  Chess was never her special talent.”

Bright raised an eyebrow and jotted down some more notes.  “How would you know what her cutie mark was supposed to be?  Cutie mark magic is some of the most powerful magic known.  You can’t force a mark to appear, and only one pony has ever managed to unlock the secret of removing a pony’s cutie mark.”

“Starlight Glimmer,” I replied immediately.  Brightheart wasn’t the only pony who knew how to research things.

My cousin nodded. “You’ve done your homework.”

“Of course.  I want to find whoever did this, and I’m going to make them pay for what they did to my sister.”

“I want you to think long and hard about this, Flitterheart.”  He didn’t use my nickname.  The conversation had already been serious, but somehow it turned more serious.  Deadly serious.  “We don’t know for sure that she’s dead inside the statue.  Princess Luna was sealed inside the moon for a thousand years, and Discord was petrified for even longer.”

“They’re ancient magical beings and Cozy was just a child.  Maybe Chrysalis and Tirek could survive being stoned for eternity, but, really, is being petrified any different than death?”

“Yes.  Yes, it is.”

“Are you saying we could bring her back?”

“Possibly.  It depends entirely on what I’m about to ask you. There are… powerful magical entities. Evil spirits like the Nightmare. Some of them are even worse. These are spirits that look for ponies like you.  Ponies who are hurt, sad, angry, bitter, lonely, jealous… any negative emotion is like a beacon in the dark.  They make deals… the kind of deals that are sealed in blood.  The kind of deals that require blood.  There are magical beings, demons really, that could bring Cozy back from where they’ve sent her.  If she really is dead, it wouldn’t matter – her body is preserved in stone.  That makes things simpler.  But you’d have to be sure.  You don’t summon something like this and then change your mind – not without consequences.  If you’re willing to turn your back on everything the Hearts have stood for since the founding of the family… it can be done.”

“I…  That’s a lot to take in.  Are you talking dark magic?”

Brightheart nodded. “How bad do you want Cozyheart back?”

“With all my heart.”

“Are you willing to do what it takes, Flit?”

“I don’t know.  Ponies have tried to cheat death before.  They never come back ‘right’.  Cozy was already pretty ‘wrong’ when we lost her…”  I sighed.  “The best we can hope for is to have the ‘wrong’ Cozy returned to us and at worst…”  I shuddered.  “Let’s not think about what kind of eldritch abomination she might turn into.  So no.  I guess not.  Isn’t there any other way?”

Brightheart breathed a sigh of relief.  “I had to make sure you weren’t blinded by love… or corrupted by the same entity as Cozy.”

He whistled, and Proudheart and Swiftheart returned from cleaning up.  The former had washed away her eye shadow and other makeup, while the latter actually looked pretty.

I hadn’t been expecting that, and neither had Brightheart if his reaction was anything to go by.

“What?  You talk a lot.  We had some extra time.”

“But you…and her…and not goth…  Huh?”

“You’re right, dark and dreary just aren’t my colors, darling.”

“I think you broke his brain, sis.”  Swiftheart hoofbumped Proudheart.

“I think we both did, Swiftheart.”  Proudheart grinned.  “You do look quite stunning in that dress.  I knew you’d clean up well.”

“Of course I clean up well. Sheesh, why does everypony think I’m a tomcolt?  Am I not allowed to be pretty too?”

Proudheart shrugged. “If it was up to me you’d look this good every day.”

“No need to go overboard. One makeover per year is enough.”

“That.  That’s why everypony thinks you’re a tomcolt, sis.”

Swiftheart shrugged. “That’s legit.  So what did we miss?”

“Flit’s on board.”

“Oh good, so she’s not corrupted by an evil spirit.”

“Swiftheart!”

“What?  You were worried about that, weren’t you?  You made a big deal about having to make sure.”

Brightheart facehoofed. “Yes.  Anyways, we won’t be summoning any dark entities.”

I blushed.  “That option was never on the table.  I hope.”

“It wasn’t.  Yes, I’ve been researching evil spirits, but my goal is to stop them, not empower them.  Believe me, I want to bring back Cozyheart as much as you do, but not if she’s going to be an evil entity that needs to be stopped.  Again.  I don’t know if it’s possible, and that’s why I keep reading.”

“So what’s the plan, bro?” Swiftheart wasn’t known for her patience.

“There isn’t one.” Brightheart sighed.  “There’s just no way of bringing her back.  Not without compromising our beliefs and doing things we’d never forgive ourselves for.  Not without hurting innocent ponies.”

“So what now?”

“We move on with our lives. I’ll never stop looking – if there’s a way, I’ll find it.  But we can’t wait forever.  There’s a very real chance that there’s nothing we can do for her, so we have to do what’s best for ourselves.  I’ll keep studying.  Swiftheart, you keep flying fast.  It’s what you do.  Flitterheart, you’ve got to figure out what you want to do with your life.  Do you still want to be a teacher or not?  Proudheart, I have no idea what your ambitions are. Seriously, if I was going to pick the most likely member of our family to try overthrowing the government, it would’ve been you.”

“Totes legit, sis.” Swiftheart wasn’t one for wasting words. Or for using complete words, for that matter.

“Fine, fine.  I shall settle for merely taking over the eastern seaboard.  Happy?”

Despite myself, I couldn’t help giggling at my cousins’ antics.









Salt Lick City: three years, seven months, and twenty-six days ago


I’d spent the last few years rebuilding my life.  Progress was slow, but the important part was that I was making progress.  My cousins all had goals and plans for the future. Brightheart and Proudheart were planning on attending college, while Swiftheart still clung to her dream of being a Wonderbolt.  I, however, was just drifting through life, looking for purpose.

And then I found it in the newspaper.  A parallel universe had been discovered, and they were opening up the portal between our worlds to ponies who met certain requirements.  Learn a few languages?  No sweat.  More history?  Lay it on me.

Earth.  A place I could rest, then make a new start.  After everything that had happened, the idea of making a fresh new start without any of the baggage I’d been carrying around the past few years sounded extremely appealing.  I kept reading to get all the details – my mind was already made up, I was going.

There was no magic on Earth, but they’d compensated with technology the likes of which ponies had never even dreamed of.  Instantaneous communication with others around the world, no dragon fire needed. Brightheart would love that, he’s always tinkering on some gadget or another. I bet I could convince him to go with me… Oh, it says they’re only allowing mares for now.  There’s no way I’m convincing either Proudheart or Swiftheart to come with me.  Blah.

Oh well, either way, it’s a place where my sister isn’t considered the worst pony to have ever lived.  And that’s all right by me.









Cloudsdale: three months, and eleven days ago


My cousins had moved on with their lives.  Brightheart had been accepted into every college he applied to, eventually choosing to go to Equestrian Institute of Technology, or EIT for short.  Proudheart had accepted a full scholarship to Canterlot University.  Swiftheart, meanwhile, had turned down scholarships at three different schools to focus on applying to the Wonderbolts. 

Most of our family had turned out to see her tryouts.  Some of the other candidates had dropped out during the training, and a few hadn’t passed the exam.  Swiftheart had aced everything the Wonderbolts had thrown at her.  All that was left was her final evaluation – showing off her tricks and giving them one last reason why she should be on their team.

“All right, newbies, you’ve survived Trials Week for the Wonderbolts Academy.”  Spitfire commanded everypony’s attention.  “There’s just one last thing you need to do.  It’s really, really simple.  You’ve got five minutes to do anything you want, and all you have to do in those three hundred short seconds is impress me.”

Easier said than done, but Swiftheart’s got this.  She’s got more natural talent than anypony since Rainbow Dash.

“You’ll be judged on your speed, strength, agility, and technique.”

“You!”  Spitfire pointed to a yellow-coated stallion with red, white, and green hair.  “You’re up. Think you can impress me?”

“Yes ma’am!”  He saluted and took to the skies.  He started his routine by bucking a cloud, causing lightning to set one of the hoops on fire.  He flew through the flaming hoop to cheers from the crowd. There was just one slight problem – he’d singed his tail, and it was still burning.

He realized it about halfway through his routine.  A comedienne might even say it lit a fire under his rump.  At the very least, it lit his rump on fire.  He finished his routine with his still smoldering tail, leaving a trail of smoke behind him.

“Impressive.  It’s not often I have a recruit set himself on fire for me.”

She pointed to a nervous mare who shot into the air before Spitfire could even blow her whistle. Her routine wasn’t as death-defying, mostly because she didn’t light herself on fire.  She wasn’t as fast as the stallion, but she had agility and precision.  I liked her – she flew more like me, flittering here and there, turning on a tenth-bit.  While she made an impression on me, Spitfire looked underwhelmed.  Oh well, that’s why my cousin’s out there and not me.

Third in line was a black stallion with silvery streaks in his white and red mane.  Introduced as Ironhead, his routine consisted of smashing through any obstacle put in his way.  He seemed better suited for a demolition derby than a Wonderbolts rally.

“That’s one way to use your head.” Spitfire looked to the next recruit in line and my heart skipped a beat.  It was Swiftheart’s turn.

Come on, cuz, let’s see what you can do!  Proudheart and Brightheart were cheering her on, too, as was a good chunk of our family.  I looked around and realized Uncle Braveheart was missing.  Just his luck – what a bad time to make a pit stop!

Swiftheart started her routine slowly.  Obviously she’s building to something.  She went through the slalom course.  Come on, what are you doing?  She was making it a point to do the same basic drill that every pegasus had to do in flight school.  Everypony watching her could do that routine in their sleep.  Some of them probably have.

She finished the course with a double inside-out loop, the same way all of us had all those years ago. There was nothing at all spectacular about her routine.  Spitfire was yawning.  She’d already burned up four of her five minutes.  If you’re going to do something, cuz, do it now.

She returned to the starting line and flashed Spitfire a cocky grin, and then she was off in a blue blur.  She zipped around the same course again, completing it in less than a minute. More than a few jaws dropped at her performance.

Well, she isn’t named ‘Swiftheart’ for nothing.

Uncle Braveheart sat down next to me thirty seconds after Swiftheart finished her routine.  “Can you believe the refreshment stand isn’t open because this is only a try-out and not a rally?”

“Normally there are more ponies here for a rally, Uncle Braveheart.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense.  Did I miss anything?”

“…Nothing you haven’t seen before.”  Technically that was true.  He’d seen Swiftheart fly many times, and at some point in his past, Uncle Braveheart had to have done the flight school training course too.

“You know what would be really cool?  If somepony crashed through all the obstacles instead of flying around them.  Oh, maybe with their tail on fire.”

I guess he missed those recruits.  “You should uh, work on that, Uncle Braveheart.  If there’s anypony out there who could do a routine like that, it’s you.”  And he had. Albeit he’d never done both simultaneously.  Or, for that matter, intentionally.

“Gosh, you really think so?”

“Absolutely.  Or my Mom’s not Trueheart.”  I pictured him crashing through things with his tail on fire. It wasn’t a hard mental image to conjure.  Wait, what does Uncle Braveheart crash into more than anything else?  …Water. My visual ended with Uncle Braveheart splashing down into a lake.  ‘My tail done went out.’  “You know, on second thought, that sounds really dangerous, Uncle Braveheart.  You could get hurt.”

“Yeah, probably.  So, pretty much like any other day.”

I wanted to refute that, but it was too accurate.  Instead, I patted his withers.  “We love you, Uncle Braveheart.  You don’t have to be a Wonderbolt to be the world’s best uncle!”

“Aww, shucks.  I’m not the best uncle in all of Equestria.”

“Sure you are!  How many uncles would dress up like a princess to go fright-or-biting with his nieces?  How many uncles can shrug off adversity like it’s nothing?  You taught me the meaning of the word tenacity. You’re awesome, Uncle Braveheart.”

“Ten-ass-it-ee? What’s that?”

“Determination.  When you set your mind to something, you do it, no matter what gets in your way.”

“You’re right!”  He stood up.

“Where are you going now?”

“I’m gonna get a hayburger, and I don’t care if the refreshment stand’s not open.  Let me know when Swiftheart’s up.  Charge!”

I facehoofed.









Swiftheart had joined us as we watched the last half a dozen recruits left: Swervin’, Awesome Thrill, Lake Speed, Highline Flair, Smokey Skies, and Slick Trickle.  All of them stallions, and I couldn’t help but wonder if promising mare recruits had forgone applying to the Wonderbolts in favor of heading to Earth.

“I just want to say you’re my favorite Wonderbolt recruit!”

I blinked.  Angel Wings!?!  No way, one of the actual Wonderbolts just called my cousin her favorite.

The two bumped rumps, and I immediately saw why Swiftheart had caught her attention.  They both had very similar cutie marks: winged hearts.

“I think it goes without saying, but I love your cutie mark.”

“Are you kidding?  I love your cutie mark!”

They hugged, and my family wasn’t about to be left out, turning it into a giant group hug.

“I look forward to working with you, rookie.”  She paused and looked around at all of us.  “How do I get out of this group hug?”









Salt Lick City: sixteen days ago


I stood in my room, trying to decide what to pack.  Space was at a premium, as they’d limited us to taking only what we could carry.  But there was no limit on what could be mailed to us after the fact, which meant I didn’t really need to stress about it, and my parents had promised not to throw any of my things out.  When it comes to promises, Trueheart and Nobleheart are two of the best at keeping them.

I looked at my phonograph. Records were in the process of making a comeback on Earth, but they were considered an outdated format for playing music.  Humans and equines alike were hard at work digitalizing Equestria’s music history. I didn’t need to bring my music collection.  The same was true for my library.  Archivists had been prioritizing books for digitalization for years, and while textbooks and spell books had been given the highest priority, they’d already moved into popular fiction.  My parents were willing to send anything I’d forgotten, so I had the luxury of taking a wait and see attitude on that.

Most of what I’d packed was clothing, along with a few items of sentimental value.  Humans were almost always clothed, so I felt the need to pack accordingly.  But I still had some space left, and so I wandered into Cozyheart’s room.  When we first moved in, we were optimistic that she’d return to us again one day, so we’d built a room for her.  We’d never bothered unpacking her things, at first because we figured we’d let her set it up as she liked, and later because there was no point in making up a room for somepony who’d never use it.  So it had served as a storage closet for years, with Cozy’s belongings shoved to the very back wall.

I passed the exercise bike that Dad never used, old craft projects I’d made in art class or at summer camp, and the assorted other items that had accumulated over the course of our lives.  I blew a layer of dust off the first of the boxes, and started going through them, looking for a memento of Cozy’s I could take with me.

I could take her chess set, the one she’d used to earn her cutie mark by utterly embarrassing me on the field of battle.  But I refused to associate her with chess.  That was her false mark.  I kept digging, trying to find something suitable.

Her favorite book!  How many times did I read this to her when I was just learning to read?  I picked it up and opened the cover to read the inscription.  It had been a Hearth’s Warming gift to her.  Much to my surprise an envelope flittered out from between the pages.  The front had a crayon drawing of my cutie mark, so I opened it.

Flitterheart,

Traveling down memory lane again, you sentimental softie?  I knew you’d find this eventually if I left it in here.

If you're reading this, odds are pretty good things didn't go quite as planned.  I tried explaining things before, but I didn't want to burden you with this. There's nothing you could have done, so why make you worry?

Golly, where do I start?  Ever since I got my mark, it's as if life is a game to me.  Specifically, a game I have to win at any cost.  The smartest option would be to wait until I'm adult, and take enough time to build up a good network of loyal followers. But my brain won't let me wait.  I need to do this now; I need to win the game and prove that even though I'm still a kid, I'm the best and smartest pony out there.  You see the fallacy in this, right?  So do I. It's why I'm 90% confident I'm going to fail even though my plan's absolutely foolproof.  But there's no shortage of fools in Equestria, and I'm sure one of them will be along to foul up my plans with something completely unexpected.

Or maybe you're reading this because I succeeded and you're wondering why your Empress doesn't have time for her own family anymore. Quite frankly, it's because I love you, sis.  We have a wonderful family, and I love all of you so much.  I can't bear to manipulate you like I do everypony else.

That's why I changed my name, regardless of how much it hurt you, Mom, and Dad, but I did it to protect all of you.  Win or lose, I'm going to have a lot of enemies.  And a loving family is an exploitable weakness. In chess terms, since that's how my brain processes things, you're the pieces I'm unwilling to sacrifice.

I wish I could give you some heroic story about how I'm a misunderstood freedom fighter, but I can't lie to you.  You've lived in Equestria your whole life, same as me. The princesses are great.  But they're not me, and well sis, it's all about the power.  They've got it and I'm going to take it from them.

No matter the cost.

I know how much you love me.  I love you too, sis, and that's why I'm telling you to let go.  Cherish the memories, but I'm not the pony you used to know.

Love always,
Cozyheart

P.S. Look after Lucky for me.

Why, oh why, oh why did she have to include that postscript?  My heart broke all over again.  I dug through the boxes, searching for the little plush cat Cozyheart had taken everywhere with her.  Lucky had to be somewhere in the boxes, I packed her when we fled West Milfoil personally.  What better toy could there be to represent Cozyheart in my memories?  Especially since she’d taken almost every picture of herself with her when she’d left home for the School of Friendship.

The only pictures she’d left behind were the ones where one or more of the rest of us were in the shot. My hooves clinked against a picture frame and I pulled out a photo of Cozy and I on Nightmare Night.  Princess Cozyheart, how ironic in hindsight.  I kept digging and came across some pictures from the Pumpkin Lakes carnival photo booth.

Eventually I found Lucky, and I packed her and half a dozen of the photos I’d found in with my belongings.









Canterlot: yesterday


Some goodbyes were easier than others.  Parting with my family in Salt Lick City had been painful, and was made even more difficult by the long train ride that had immediately followed.  I had too much time to think, or more accurately, to dwell on the past.

With very few exceptions, portal access had been limited to mares.  Specifically, young, educated mares who’d passed the necessary requirements. The government was keen on sending the brightest and best Equestria had to offer to Earth.  It made sense – who better to learn from what they see and experience while there?  They were banking on us bringing that knowledge back to take Equestria to the next level.  That meant Swiftheart, Proudheart, and myself were the only ponies eligible from our family. Swiftheart was still focused on becoming a full-fledged Wonderbolt, while Proudheart had been accepted to Canterlot University.  I couldn’t blame either of them for following their dreams, but I couldn’t stay in Equestria. My heart just wasn’t in it anymore. That was why I’d come here.

Proudheart met me at the train station, and I was thankful for the company.  She was in her first semester of college, and she was as happy to see a familiar face as I was.  She led the way to a café near the railway depot, and we ordered tea and crumpets.

“How have you been?”

“Crazy busy.  College isn’t anything like high school.”

“As smart as you are, it’ll be a breeze.”

“Well of course it will, darling, but I don’t like to brag.”

“You’ve been here for a few months now.  Have you… gone there?”  I didn’t need to specify the location.  I don’t think I could’ve gotten it out even if I’d wanted to say it.

Her ears flattened.  “I keep her statue clean.”

I cringed.  “Yeah, I guess the birds make a mess of her.”

“Not really.  There’s a hawk that perches on Tirek and scares them off.  Vandals are the problem.  Whatever enchantment is on the statue prevents it from being damaged, but it doesn’t stop ponies from, uh, expressing themselves.  With spray paint.”

I hadn’t thought of that. “I think I’d rather hear it was birds.”

Proudheart nodded. “Love and tolerate everypony and everycreature.  Except for Cozy.”

“And her cohorts.”

“Funny how everyone claims that they were unrepentant.  I could be wrong, but I seem to recall Discord was a statue when he was released. Doesn’t sound very repentant to me.” She took a sip of tea.  “And according to the Friendship Journal, the only reason Starlight Glimmer turned over a new leaf is she was shown her actions led to the complete extermination of life on the planet.  Luna had no intention of stopping until the Elements of Harmony stripped the Nightmare from her mind.  Sunset Shimmer didn’t have any remorse for her actions until she found herself at the bottom of a rainbow-induced crater.  Yet, with the entire world watching, Celestia pronounced judgement and sentence.  No trial. Not even a chance to apologize for their actions.  Not that they would have, but it’s not like any of the others did either.  For all we know the rainbow laser beam purified them like it did all the rest.”

“You can’t reason with some ponies.  You should join me.  There are far fewer ponies on the other side.”

“I will.  As soon as I’m done with college.”  She shrugged.  “But you know; humans could be just as bad.”

“I’m willing to take that chance.”

We’d moved across country before Cozy’s rampage, so I’d never seen her statue in person.  But Proudheart had given me an idea.  We finished our tea and I asked the question I knew would get her undivided attention.  “Want to go shopping?”

Her eyes lit up. “Yes!”  Proudheart never turned down the chance to shop.  “But we should finish eating first, of course.”

“Of course.”

She daintily nibbled on a scone.  That’s my cousin.  Even when eagerly anticipating going shopping, she can’t discard being prim and proper for even a second.  At the rate she’s going, we’ll be here for hours.

It was then that a pair of light blue hooves grabbed me from behind.  I struggled against them as Proudheart giggled.  “Hey cuz!”

My eyes flew open at the sound of Swiftheart’s voice.  “What are you doing here?  Shouldn’t you be at the Wonderbolts Academy?”

“There’s a derby here in Canterlot this weekend.  I volunteered to prep the stadium.  You know, go through and clean everything up, make sure all our equipment’s working. Move things out of storage.”  She sighed.  “It was boring, but it was totally worth it to see you off.  It’s a good thing I can get three days’ work done in less than one.”  She buffed a hoof on her chest.  “It means I’ve got the next two days free.”  She grabbed a hoofful of the crumpets from the plate on the table, finishing them off.

“Oh good, the crumpets are done.  We can leave now.”  Proudheart clopped her hooves together.  The little sneak had been stalling for time until Swiftheart could finish at the stadium and join us.

Finding a hardware store proved more challenging than I expected.  We were in the tourist trap section of Canterlot, home to the exclusive boutiques that Proudheart loved.  The retail district was near the castle, and the homes surrounding it were the exclusive domain of ponies who hired other ponies to take care of menial things like home repairs.  In other words, if I wanted to find a hardware store, I needed to head downhill toward the working class section of the city.

Or perhaps a hardware store wasn’t necessary after all.  My eyes fell on a store likely to have what I needed, probably at thrice the price, but bits wouldn’t do me any good where I was going anyway.  I led the way into an art supplies store and my cousins followed. Swiftheart was lost, but Proudheart picked up on my plan as soon as she saw what I was browsing.  With her eye for detail, she was quick to point out the correct palette for what I needed to do.

Since Proudheart had a handle on what I was planning on doing, she led the way to Canterlot Castle, or more specifically the statuary.  I finally got my first look at Cozyheart’s petrified remains and my heart sank. From the expression frozen on her face, her last moments must have been absolutely terrifying.  Proudheart hadn’t been lying about the hawk perched on Tirek’s head – he didn’t even budge when we approached.  Once I confirmed there were no guards in the vicinity, I whipped open my saddlebags and brought out a can of purple spray paint.  Proudheart grabbed the can of blue and started on my sister’s tail.  Swiftheart finally caught on to what we were doing, grabbed a can of white paint and a paintbrush, and started detailing Cozy’s eyes and teeth.

It wasn't much, but if we’d forever be denied the chance to let her rest in peace, the least we could do was make her look like she used to.  Cozy had dyed her coat, mane, and tail after she left home.  Whether it was to look cuter, conceal her identity, or possibly a combination of both, I couldn't say.

Well, maybe not exactly how she used to look.  There was one change that needed to be made.  The image of Cozyheart’s true cutie mark was forever burned in my memory: red heart, with a purple ski cap.  Nopony was ever going to call me an artist, but I did my best to represent what she should’ve looked like.  And maybe, just maybe, it’ll be enough to remind ponies that she used to be a pony too, and they’ll think twice about desecrating her corpse.  Statue or not, that’s her body.  Whatever else she is, she’s still a pony.

“Goodbye, sis.  Love you, always and forever.”  With that, I turned and walked away.  One last kindness to the one I’d be forever leaving behind.  I needed this closure to completely move on with my life.  Tomorrow starts a new life in a new world.









Ponyville: today


Swiftheart and Proudheart joined me in Ponyville to see me off, but we had some time to kill before it was time for me to leave.  We trotted around Ponyville, taking in the sights of a town struggling to balance rapid growth with traditional down-to-earth wholesome charm.  Across town from the new School of Friendship was a one-room schoolhouse.  Those had been phased out in most towns across Equestria years ago, but this one still stood proud.

We trotted through town, and Proudheart let out a squeal of delight at seeing the original location of Rarity’s Boutique.  Of course we went in, and Proudheart tried on a bunch of dresses.  She even roped Swiftheart and I into trying some on. Well, I didn’t take much convincing, but Swiftheart looked like she hated every minute of it.  An act, of course.  I’d known her long enough to see through her tomboy exterior.

As we left the boutique, my eyes caught sight of something I never expected to see.  The sign on the building across the street proclaimed Cutie Mark Crusaders: Cutie mark problems? We’re here to help!  Ponies that specialized in cutie mark reading?  Curious, I trotted inside, my cousins hot on my hooves.

“Howdy!  Y’all got a cutie mark problem?”

“Not a problem, so much as some questions.”

“Well, come in and take a seat!  I’m Apple Bloom, and this here is Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.  We’re the Cutie Mark Crusaders!”  They turned to bump their rumps together and I was immediately drawn to the fact they all had nearly identical cutie marks.

“Well, that’s something you don’t see every day.  How about you start off by telling me how you got your marks?”

As they explained how they got their marks helping a classmate understand her cutie mark, the gears in my mind were turning.  Maybe my sister isn’t the only pony to have had her destiny changed.  “This is a weird question, but do any of you know what your cutie marks were supposed to be?”

“Huh?”

“What else would it be if not for this?  I mean this is our destiny, right?”  Sweetie’s voice went up an octave on that last word.

“Yeah, we tried like, everything, to get our cutie marks.  Zip lining, mountain climbing, writing newspaper columns, monster truck driving…”

Sweetie Belle clunked Scootaloo upside the head.  “We didn’t even know about monster trucks back then.”

“Yeah, but you have to admit that monster truck cutie marks would be epic!”  Apple Bloom nodded while Sweetie Belle cringed.

“What did y’all mean about what our marks are s’pposed t’ be?”

“Ever wonder how most ponies are named appropriately to their special talent?  It’s because every mother has a dream while they’re pregnant, detailing exactly what their future foal’s cutie mark is.”

“I never heard of that, but it kinda makes sense.”

“Do any of your mothers live close that we could ask?”

“My Mom’s exploring Sire Lanka.”

“My parents died in an accident when I was a foal.”

I stammered out an apology.

“We could ask my Mom. But…  She’s not always the most accurate.  She told me babies come from storks.”

“A lot of parents tell their foals that.”

“I was a teenager.”

There was no appropriate response to that, so I kept my mouth shut as we all followed Sweetie Belle to her parents’ house.  We introduced ourselves, and Sweetie explained that we had a cutie mark question that the Crusaders weren’t qualified to answer.

With the attention of everypony in the room on me, I started explaining.  “To start with, did you have any dreams or premonitions about what your daughter’s cutie mark would be?”

“Oh yes, for both of them. Rarity’s came in exactly as expected, but Sweetie Belle, your cutie mark took me by surprise when I saw it.  It was supposed to be something more like this.” Cookie Crumbles sketched a heart with a swoosh and some sparkles.  “It’s why I named you ‘Sweetie Belle’ – like a sweetheart.  Once you started talking, and we heard that beautiful voice of yours, I just figured you’d grow up to be a popstar singing love songs and power ballads.”

It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, though I couldn’t help but notice this new information weighed heavily on Sweetie Belle’s mind.  This was the lead I’d needed, and I had ponies I could talk to about this.  For all of an hour before I need to be in the Everfree Forest.  I could see my cousins glancing at the clock nervously.

“I’m going to write to my Mom and find out what my mark was supposed to be!”

“I guess I’ll ask Granny Smith if she knows.  Maybe my Mom said something to her or my siblings.”

Sweetie Belle turned back to me.  “But why did you ask?  Is your mark different?”

I shook my head.  “Not mine.  It was my sister’s.”  I roughly sketched out what it was supposed to be, though it was nowhere near as detailed as my mother’s drawing.  But I hadn’t taken her sketch with me.  “This is what it was supposed to be: a heart with a knit cap.”

“And what is it?”

“She’s deceased.”

The Crusaders cringed. “Sorry,” they chorused.

“It’s okay, it was a long time ago.  And I really don’t feel right sharing what it was since it was this dubious new ‘talent’ that got her killed.”

“But if we don’t know, I’m not sure we can help.”

“That’s okay, you’ve helped enough as is.  It’s not like anypony can do anything about it now, I guess I just wanted to know if it was possible to change your special talent.  I just wanted some closure.  I’d say write to me if you find anything out, but I’m heading to Earth in another hour. But once I get settled I’ll write to you with my address, and if you ever make sense of this, please let me know.”

“Of course we will!” Scootaloo hopped up on the coffee table.

“And y’all’ve given us something to look into.  We’re the cutie mark experts, and we didn’t know about the premonition dreams.”

Cookie Crumbles laughed. “That’s because none of you are mothers yet.  Sweetie, honey, that reminds me.  I was talking to a handsome young stallion the other day, and he’s single.”

“Mother!”

Cookie shrugged. “I’ve given up on Rarity – she seems bent on not giving me any grandfoals because her career is oh-so-important, so it’s up to you to keep the family line going.”

My cousins and I quickly slipped out, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo right behind us.  The latter gave me a business card.  “It has our address on it.”

“Thank you.”

“No, thank you!  This is an amazing opportunity.  I can’t wait to find out what my mark was supposed to be. I bet it was epic!  Like lion tamer or maybe something to do with archery!”









Earth: today


Alone.  It was amazing how one could be alone in a bus crowded with ponies.  In the physical sense, I was surrounded by others. Mentally, I was as alone as I’d ever been.  I was far away from my family.  We’d always been strongest when we were all together, and now we’d fragmented.  It fell to me to make Earth a home.  And when the time came, the others would join me.

There were perks to having been one of the first ponies through the portal.  I’d had my pick of seats on the bus, so I picked the one directly behind the driver.  My hunch proved correct, as most of the other ponies sought seats further back in the bus. I wasn’t in the mood to be social.

Out of the blue I had company.  There were still plenty of other seats to pick from, but a yellow pegasus mare with a trio of suns on her flank sank down on the seat next to me.  “Hi there!  I’m Sunny Rays, nice to meet you!”

“Flitterheart.  Nice to meet you too.”  I smiled, and she smiled back.

“You look like you’re in need of a friend.”

I chuckled.  “There was a time I used to do that too.  Seek out the loneliest pony in any gathering, keep them company, and offer my friendship.”

“It’s a great way to make friends.  What made you stop?”

“Life.”

“You can do better than that.”

“My little sister got killed doing something stupid.”

Sunny Rays winced. “Sorry.”

“It’s been years.  The wound has healed, but it never truly goes away.”

Sunny nodded.  “It’s worse without friends.”

I couldn’t argue that. It had stung so badly when all my friends deserted me after Cozy’s first incident that I’d put up walls to prevent anypony from getting close to me again.  I’d withdrawn into the support group that was my family, and we’d healed one another as best we could.  “You’re right.”

She shrugged.  “I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.”

“I was so hurt when my friends went away after my sister’s incident.”

“Then they weren’t friends. Whatever your sister did, it couldn’t have been that bad.  It’s not like she was Cozy Glow.”

I cringed, and from the look on her face I could tell she’d already put two and two together.  “Her name was Cozyheart.”

Sunny sat there looking at me, completely stunned.  I braced myself for what I knew was coming next: Sunny Rays making an excuse to get as far away from me as possible.  Then she’d probably tell everypony else on the bus my secret.  Some ‘new start’ this turned out to be.

I felt hooves embrace me. Sunny pulled me in close, hugging me tight.  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.  The papers always said she was an orphan.”

“That was the lie she used to get into the School of Friendship.”

Sunny hadn’t let go of me. “Her crimes aren’t yours.  I stand by my original assessment: if your friends abandoned you because of that, they weren’t true friends.  I’m very sorry for bringing it up.  Can we start over?  Hi, I’m Sunny Rays and I have a bad habit of putting my hoof in my mouth.  Or, in this case, all four of them at once.”

“Hi Sunny Rays, I’m Flitterheart, and I’m carrying more emotional baggage than anypony you know.”
> Act I: Cozyheart (Bonus Chapter)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



West Milfoil: thirteen years, eight months, and sixteen days ago


Oh golly!  There were presents piled up in front of me, and my sister and parents were encouraging me to open them.  The box on the top of the pile was pink, and I love pink.  I grabbed it and tore the pretty pink paper to pieces to find a box inside.  “Kitty!”  I clutched the stuffed kitten to my barrel.  “Kitty, kitty, kitty!”  I rubbed noses with the little gray-striped plush cat.

“Gotta name her, Cozy.”

Flit’s right.  Flit’s always right.  I fluttered into the air on shaky wings and buzzed around the living room, clinging to the plush kitten.  “Kitty!”  I went into a loop – I’d never managed to successfully pull off a loop, but Flitterheart’s shown me how to do it hundreds of times.  Instead of stalling out, I completed the loop and landed next to my sister.  “Oh golly!  Kitty is lucky!  Lucky kitten!”

Flitterheart grinned down at me.  “Sounds like you came up with a name.”

I kissed the kitty on the head and nodded.  “Lucky!”

“Happy birthday, Cozyheart.”  Mommy handed me another box, and I shredded the wrapping paper to get to the toy inside, Lucky perched on my head.

“Dolly!”  A little pony doll looked out through the clear plastic keeping her confined.  I couldn’t figure out how to get the box open and started crying.  “Dolly!”

“I got it.”  Flitterheart rescued the doll from its prison and hoofed it to me.

“Dolly!”  I smiled and opened the next box.







West Milfoil: ten years, eight months, and sixteen days ago


The day dawned bright and cheerful, as scheduled.  I had to give props to the West Milfoil weather team – they’re really good at adhering to schedules.  I kicked the blankets off, rolled out of bed, and stretched out all four of my legs.  Once each had made a satisfactory crack, I stretched out both wings to their fullest.

After showering and preening my wings, I ventured downstairs for breakfast.  My sister was eating a bowl of cereal, and she poured a bowl for me as soon as she saw me.  “Good morning, Cozy!”

“Mornin’ Flit.”  There’s no such thing as a ‘good’ morning if it means having to get out of my comfy, cozy bed.  I nuzzled Flitterheart.  “Love ya!”

“Love you too.”  She nuzzled me.

Despite my disdain for mornings, I was bubbling with excitement as I poked at my breakfast.  My family’s very involved with charitable work, and I was finally old enough to help.  We were headed to an empty patch of clouds where we’d build a cloud home for a needy pegasus family.  I looked over the blueprints as I absentmindedly shoveled cereal into my mouth.  I couldn’t make heads or tails of what I was looking at though.  “What will I be doing?”

“We’re going to help our cousins with the interior.  Brightheart, Proudheart, Swiftheart, and I have been doing this for a few years, so if you have any questions, just ask and we’ll be happy to help!”

“Okie dokie!”









We arrived at the worksite to find Uncle Braveheart and Auntie Treatheart hard at work building the external walls.  They’d managed to get an entire corner of the house built before the rest of us arrived.  They didn’t have any foals of their own, so it had just been the two of them working until we showed up.  Uncle Loyalheart and Aunt Gentleheart arrived with our cousins a few minutes after us.  Brightheart was grumbling with how long Proudheart had taken in the bathroom, as usual.

Uncle Braveheart waved to us all from the ladder and immediately tumbled off to the clouds below.  “Whoooooooa!”

I was the closest to where he’d landed, so I zipped over and poked my head into the hole he’d punched into the clouds.  “Are you okay?”

“I landed my head, so no harm done.”  He climbed out of the hole and patted the fluffy clouds we were standing on.  “And clouds are kinda soft.”

I chuckled.  Pegasi were supposed to be graceful, but he had an absolutely horrible sense of balance.  At least he always kept a good sense of humor about it, laughing about his misfortunes instead of complaining about them.

He and Auntie Treatheart had started work not long after sunup, and they’d managed to get most of two exterior walls built in that time.  That gave us something to work with, and I watched Flitterheart and our cousins to get a feel for what I was supposed to do.  They started by shaping interior walls, and I followed their lead.  My first attempt was a little crooked, but my second was just about perfect.  Proudheart made a few minor alterations to it, but nothing drastic.  I quickly noticed everypony had their own style.  Swiftheart was incredibly fast, but prone to making mistakes.  Her errors were tolerated, however, because her speed offset them – it was like having two extra ponies working with us.  On the opposite end of the spectrum, Brightheart was slow, but incredibly precise.  Flitterheart fell somewhere between the two extremes, while Proudheart was a perfectionist, going over everypony else’s work like a supervisor.

“Swiftheart, there’s supposed to be a door here.”  She’d effectively walled all of us into the room we were working in.

“Oops.”

Proudheart cut a doorway into the wall, and Swiftheart immediately started working on the next room.  Instead of following Swiftheart, Flitterheart instead turned her attention to crafting furniture for the room we were in.  It didn’t take long to guess from both the size of the room, and the fact my sister was sculpting a sofa, that this was intended to be a living room.  I set my attention on making an end table.

And so it went for the rest of the morning and half the afternoon.  By the time we were done, there was a split level house built where there’d been empty clouds hours before.  It had been grueling work, but I felt better for all the effort expended.  A family is going to live in a house I helped build.  Cool!  Wait, a family?  “Mom?”

“Yes Cozy?”

“Does the family we made this for have any foals?”

“Yes.  Two of them.”

I grinned.  “Flitterheart, give me a hoof with something really quick.”

“Okay?  What do you have in mind?”

“We’re going to make a little playground for the kids.”

“Oh, good idea!”

“Help me grab that rainbow over there.”

I yanked the rainbow from the clouds it was resting in, and Flit grabbed the other end.  Between the two of us, we flew it back to the newly-built home.  “Fly in a corkscrew, sis.”  Flitterheart followed my lead, and we twisted the rainbow into a spiral.  Once we had it in the proper shape, I sculpted some clouds into the shape of a ladder, and Flit attached the end of the rainbow to the platform I added at the top.

Inspired by what we’d just accomplished, our cousins started shaping a simple merry-go-round.  

“Swing set?”

I nodded at Flitterheart’s suggestion, and let her take the lead.

When we were done with the swings, we finished wrapping everything up and we all returned to our respective homes.

“Come on, Cozy, let’s get cleaned up.”

“Do I have to?  I already showered once today.”

“Yes, you have to.  We got really dirty and sweaty with all the work we did.”









After we’d freshened up, Flit pulled some games out of her closet, and we set them up on her bed.  I won two rounds of Candyland and The Game of Life.  “Oh wow, I forgot I even had this game.”  Flitterheart blew a layer of dust off a box.  “Risk.”

“How do you play?”

“I haven’t got a clue.  I never played it.  Great Uncle Coldheart got it for me a few years ago for my birthday, but you were too young to play against, and I sorta forgot about it.”

Risk turned out to be a strategy game, with an emphasis on conquering the entire world.  Equestria, the Dragonlands, the Griffin Empire, Yakyakistan, Mt. Aris/Seaquestria, the Crystal Empire, Mustangia, Abyssinia, and Saddle Arabia were all labeled on the game board, and divided up into six territories each.

“Pick a country, Cozy.”

“I like cats.  Give me Abyssinia.”

“I guess I’ll take Equestria.  Then we each put troops in the other territories.  You’ll get more troops for every full country you control.”

Without really intending to, we’d divided the game board almost perfectly in half.  We each controlled three countries, and we were splitting three others.  I had the eastern side of the world, while Flitterheart controlled the west.

As always, my sister insisted I start things off.  I had no clue what I was doing, but my best strategy was to try and overpower my sister for a fourth country.  That would mean more reinforcements during future turns.  It seemed like the most logical course of action, and I had slightly more troops in the Crystal Empire than she did.  Thus my quest for world domination began.

The Crystal Empire fell to me on the first turn, but Flitterheart forcibly took Seaquestria, evening the score.  That left the Dragonlands as the only contested area on the board.  It was tempting to try taking it, but it seemed like the obvious move – the one she’d be expecting.  Gaining an advantage in material can come from acquiring an entire country, or from just occupying one of the six territories in a given country and preventing Flit from getting the reinforcements she expected.  It also puts her on the defensive.  Now she’s forced to either deal with the intrusion to her territory or continue to lose vital reinforcements.  I nodded my head to the sage advice.  I didn’t know where the sudden strategy had come from, but I giddily invaded the under-protected Mustangia.

She took the territory back on her turn, but I’d anticipated that.  Instead I’d beefed up my forces on Abyssinia and used the sea crossing to attack the game board from the opposite side.  A sneak attack on Yakyakistan, which my sister had also unwittingly left vulnerable to attack.  She’d doubled down in Equestria, which was a prized territory in terms of reinforcements with two extra troops per turn than any other territory.  But all the other countries, combined, will be Equestria’s undoing.

One by one Flit’s defenses fell, and I conquered territory after territory, then country after country.  Battle tactics weren’t her forte, but then again, they’d never been mine until now, either.  I don’t know where the voice in my head came from, but it’s smart.  A few more turns and the game was officially over, when Flitterheart’s final Equestrian stronghold, Canterlot, fell to my troops.

Complete world domination!  Now to win the game of life.

Oh, I already won that before you showed up.

Correction: Flitterheart let you win before I showed up.  And I’m not talking about that silly game, but real life.  Do you really want to go to school, slave away at a career, have a few foals, and die?  We’re better than that.  We’re better than everypony, and it’s time to make them see that.

How?

By winning.  Not some stupid game, but rather real life.  If we were to conquer Equestria and become an alicorn, we’d be immortal.

That would be cool.

Then we’d crush our enemies to dust under our hooves.

That doesn’t sound very nice.

“That was a good game, Cozy.  You thoroughly kicked my flank.  You’ve got a knack for this game.”

I grinned.  “Beginner’s luck.”

Flit pulled a chess set out of her closet.  “When it comes to strategy games, chess is the standard all other games are held to.”

“Have you ever played it?”

“Well… not exactly.”

“Do you know how to play it?”

“Nope!  But there are instructions in the box.  So like Risk, we’re both going in blind.”  She pulled the instructions out and explained how the game worked.  The pieces all moved in unique ways, and the rules were complicated.  It was a far cry from my favorite game, Candyland.  I barely understood how to play when she was done reading the instructions.  I had a feeling she was in the same boat.

Flit had given me the white pieces, meaning I got to go first.  I stared at my pieces, trying to determine which one to move.

Do you want to win?

Yes!  That’s the whole point of playing a game, right?

Of course it is.  Now just listen to me and you can’t go wrong.  Jump the third pawn from the left out two spaces…  I did as I was told, moving the pawn exactly where the voice told me to.

It wasn’t long before I started picking off her pieces.  I ignored Flit’s pawns for the most part, instead removing her main threats one at a time.  She’d jumped out one of her knights, and was awkwardly maneuvering it around the chessboard.  And moving it from her back rank left a very exploitable hole in her defenses.  Move your bishop out one space, then take her rook.

Oh golly!  That’s devious!

It’s smart.  She won’t even be able to take your bishop in retaliation because her own bishop is in the way of her queen.  Leave it there.

I shouldn’t move it back for protection?

Nope.  If she doesn’t take the bishop and doesn’t move her king, we can use it to checkmate her later.  Now that Flitterheart’s down on material, I think it’s time to bring the big dogs into play.  Let’s break out the rooks.

Rooks are more powerful than bishops.  Both pieces can advance all the way across the board in one move, but bishops are limited to diagonals, and can only be used on one color square or the other.  Rooks can cross the board by rank or by file, regardless of the color of the squares they pass over.  While they may not be as powerful as a queen, you get two of them.  Remember, the point of chess is to trap your opponent’s king in a way that he can’t escape.

My rooks made a mockery of my sister’s defenses.  Because Flit had yet to take a single one of my pieces, my own pawns were more of a hindrance to my moves than any of hers.  Rather than go for the easy victory, I cruised my rooks around the board, picking off more of her pieces just because I could.

She moved a piece, ending the game immediately.  At best, she had half a dozen moves left.  But that was absolutely the worst move she could’ve made, and now the game was over.  Or it would be in just a second.

I moved a rook, effectively boxing her king in.  “Checkmate!”

“Good game, sis. You’ve got a knack for this.”

There was a flash of light and she stared at my hindquarters.  “Your butt’s glowing!”

“You said the b-word!”  I giggled.  She’s gonna be in so much trouble when Mommy finds out!

“Cozy! You got your cutie mark!”

I turned and looked at it.  “Oh! A rook! My special talent is chess!”

Not only had I just beaten my older sister at chess, I’d somehow managed to acquire my cutie mark before her too.  Best day ever!

She wrapped her forelegs and wings around me.  “I’m so proud of you, Cozy. You’re smart, and you’re going to go far in this world.”

Of course I am.

Wow, where’d that come from?  Mommy always says not to brag.

It’s hard not to brag when Flitterheart’s been utterly humiliated at chess.  And look at this shiny new cutie mark.  She’s almost two years older than us and we got our mark first.

I don’t like these thoughts.  Who… who are you?

You don’t?  That’s too bad, because you’re stuck with me now.  I’m the new and improved Cozyheart.  But if you need a way to differentiate us, call me Cozy Glow.  Right now, though, methinks you should really be paying attention to our sis.

The new voice in my head was right.  “Oh!  Now your butt’s glowing, sis!”

She stuck my tongue out.  “You said the b-word!”  But she looked down, and got a good look at the two intertwined hearts on her flank. “Wow! We both got our cutie marks together! I couldn’t have gotten mine without you!”

“And I couldn’t have gotten mine without you!”  I nuzzled her.

She nuzzled me back.  “I think this calls for ice cream! I know where Mom keeps it.”

I buzzed my wings and followed Flitterheart to the kitchen.  She flew up to the highest cabinets and grabbed a pair of bowls, which she hoofed down to me, then she opened the freezer and grabbed a big tub of ice cream out.  Vanilla was the only flavor, but she got the whipped cream and chocolate syrup from the fridge, and then found some rainbow sprinkles in the cabinet.

Mom came downstairs as Flitterheart was squirting whipped cream on my ice cream.  “Are you two having dessert without me?”

“Sorry, Mom,” we said in unison.

Flit grabbed another bowl from the cabinet and scooped some ice cream out for Mom too.  “We were just celebrating.  Cozyheart got her cutie mark!”

“And Flitterheart got hers too!”

We turned our rumps towards her at the same time, and she studied our newfound marks.  She smiled at Flitterheart’s, but her jaw dropped when she got a good look at mine.  “A chess mark?”  She pulled out a family scrapbook.  “I don’t think anypony in the family’s ever gotten a cutie mark that didn’t have a heart in it in some way, shape, or form.”

She hugged us both tightly as she flipped through the pages of the scrapbook.  There was an ice cream cone topped with a heart, a heart with wings, a heart within a star, a star within a heart, a heart wearing a crown, etc.

Mom nuzzled me.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.  I would’ve given you a chess-related name.  We can get your name changed if you want?”

I nuzzled her back.  “I like my name.”  Mommy smiled at that.

We ate our ice cream while we looked through the scrapbook, but there were no cutie marks without a heart.  I was unique among our family.

Of course we’re unique.  Had I not intervened, your cutie mark would’ve been lame: a heart wearing a ski cap.  You would’ve lived out your existence as a nurse, helping patients with a gentle touch, similar to your aunt’s.  Now we’re destined for greatness!

That mark sounds cute in all honesty…  And what’s wrong with helping ponies?

There’s nothing wrong with helping ponies.  Think about how many ponies we could help if we were in charge of Equestria.









As soon as we were done with our ice cream, I excused myself to go to my room.  I grabbed the chess set from Flit’s room and set it up on my bed.  Cozy Glow was more than happy to play me, even if I had to move her pieces for her.  Our first game was a disaster for me.  I was almost as bad as Flit was.  At least I took out two pawns and a knight before I got checkmated.

Our second game went just as poorly, as did the third.  I thought I was making progress on the fourth game – I captured Cozy Glow’s queen!  Only to immediately get checkmated on her next move.

Congratulations!  You just fell for a queen’s sacrifice.  A trap to draw out the unsuspecting and the uninitiated.  Remember, while the queen may be the most powerful piece in chess, the king is ultimately the only piece that matters.  The pawns, the knights, even the queen, they all exist to serve the king.

“Knock knock!”  Halfway through our fifth game Flit barged in.  She took one look at me playing against myself and giggled.  “Sneaky!  Getting practice in.  You should teach me how to play better.”

I will, as soon as I finish learning.  At the rate I’m getting my flank hoofed to me, that might be a while…

Muhahahahaha!

That laugh is really creepy.

But so much fun!  So here’s how this is going to go down, you’re going to learn by me telling you where to move, and she’s going to learn from us spanking her.  Repeatedly.

But spankings are bad.  I thought back to the few times I’d been naughty.  I don’t want to spank her.

It’s an expression.  It means we’ll defeat her so easily she shouldn’t have even bothered trying.

I started moving the pieces back to their correct starting positions.  I’d at least learned that much, even if the strategy aspect was still unfamiliar.  I set the black pieces on my side.  “White always goes first, sis.”

She looked down at the checkered game board and made a surprising first move – opting to hop a knight over her row of pawns.  She really likes the knights.  Let’s break her of that habit, shall we?  Knights have a limited number of options per turn.  You can more or less guess where she’s going with this.

My vision blurred and I saw dozens of potential outcomes for the game.  In almost all the scenarios, my pawns picked the knight off before it even got close to being a threat.  But if I moved the wrong pawns and failed to move the right ones, she could trap my king behind the row of pawns.  Sneaky.  Do you think that’s what she’s trying to do?

If she was a better player, yes.  In this case, that would be dumb luck.  But we’re not going to give her that option, are we?

I moved the pawn out from in front of my queen.  My king would no longer be trapped, and if the knight landed somewhere close, it could be dispatched quickly.

She did a bit better the second time around, and she even managed to capture a few of my pawns.  She continued improving with each game, while I really started grasping the game with the ability to see all the potential outcomes of moving any given piece.

Flit threw in the towel after having her rump kicked a bunch of times.  I set the pieces up another time, and once more I played Cozy Glow.  I’d improved dramatically, but she was still the superior chess player, beating me as easily as we’d beaten Flitterheart.

Eventually Mom came in and turned the light out, signaling it was time for bed.  I brushed my teeth and put my pajamas on – the super comfy footy pajamas that kept me warm and cozy.  I curled up under the blanket, then Mom tucked me in and kissed me goodnight.  

Try as I might, my brain refused to turn off.  It was like trying to fall asleep on Hearth’s Warming Eve.  I stared at the ceiling in my darkened room.  I rolled over onto my side, trying to get more comfortable, cozy even, but that only resulted in staring at a wall instead.  My last resort was to cocoon myself in my blankets.  When that didn’t work, I threw my hooves up in frustration.

I want to cuddle with Flitterheart.

Tell her we had a bad dream.

But that would be lying.  I could say ‘I can’t sleep.’  That’s the truth.  My mind quickly formulated my sister’s reaction.  It was, of course, positive.  There’s nothing I could say to her that would result in her refusing me the chance to cuddle with her.

‘I wet the bed.’

I looked down.  No, I didn’t.  I haven’t done that since I was a foal.

She wouldn’t let you sleep with her if you said that.  Oh sure, she’d help us get cleaned up, probably even change our bedding for us, but she wouldn’t let us snuggle up with her.  ‘I hate you, Flitterheart’ wouldn’t work either.

Why would I say that?  Why would I even think that?  I love my sister!

They’re possible things we could say.  Not that we would.  We’re a good pony.  Remember how we could see all those various outcomes when we were playing chess?  We can do that with the things ponies say, too.  But let’s just go with ‘I can’t sleep.’  That’ll work, and we’ll get what we wanted.  Isn’t that swell?

I nodded as I wriggled out of the blankets.

Take the cat.

I looked at the little gray-striped tabby plush on my bed.  My absolute favorite stuffed animal, I took her everywhere.  Lucky?

Yes.  We’ll look even cuter and more huggable with a plush toy.  We’re the most adorable filly in all Equestria.  Gotta use that, girl.

Oh golly, now you sound like Mommy.  She’s just biased.  I’m not the cutest filly in the whole world.

Oh yes we are.  In case you’ve forgotten, your mother is named Trueheart.  She’s a living lie detector.  So if she says we’re the cutest, we really are.  I wouldn’t be here otherwise.  Only the cutest, sweetest, most innocent pony is worthy to have me grace their presence.

I thought you were me.

I am you.  But I’m also me.  It’s complicated.

So does that mean I’m still me too?

Nope.  You’re us.  I’m also us, yet still me.

I don’t get it.

It doesn’t matter.  We are one.  Now grab the toy and march our little hooves into Flit’s room.  The sooner we do that, the sooner we sleep.  Don’t forget – we’ve got a big day tomorrow.

Lucky clutched between my forelegs, I fluttered into my sister’s room.  “Flit?”

“Hmn?”

“I can’t sleep.  Can… can I cuddle with you.  Please?”

“Of course.”  She lifted the blankets up and I snuggled up against her.  She wrapped a foreleg around me and pulled me against her barrel.  I sighed in contentment and mirrored her pose, pulling Lucky tight against me.  Flit will keep me safe, and I’ll keep Lucky safe.







West Milfoil: ten years, eight months, and fifteen days ago


Since it was a special occasion, Mommy made my favorite breakfast: pancakes!  They were Flit’s favorite too, so that wasn’t surprising.  As always, Mommy had drizzled the maple syrup into smiley faces, with a big pat of butter for a snout.

I almost felt bad eating them, but they were so tasty.

“Wanna play?”

“Of course!”

I followed Flit outside, and we stared at our empty backyard.  “Are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“I think so, Flit, but this time you wear the tutu.”

“Right.  Wait… huh?  What tutu?”

“I’m just being silly, sis.  Of course I’m thinking what you’re thinking.  We just built a playground for complete strangers yesterday, and we have all this space in our backyard.”

She nodded.  “That slide you came up with is awesome.  Let’s start with one of those.”

I beamed at the compliment.  “Yeah, it looked like a lot of fun.  It’s a shame we didn’t get a chance to try it out.  We need to do this so we can, uh, test for defects.  Right?”

“Right.”  Flitterheart grinned.  “Let’s do this!”

Since we lived on the ground, we couldn’t use clouds as a building material.  We scrounged up some wood, nails, and a few unused clothesline poles and set to work making our own playground.  Our parents came out and assisted us with the project.  After a few hours’ work, we had a swing set, a spiral rainbow slide, and a seesaw.  We’d wanted to make a merry-go-round, but since we hadn’t helped with that one, we weren’t sure how they’d worked it out.  Brightheart had a gift for engineering that neither Flit nor myself shared.

Daddy finished packing down the dirt, and our parents sat on the swings to test the strength of the swing set.  We’d used sturdy boards, and it held.  Once we were positive it was safe, Flit and I sat in the swings, and Mommy pushed me, while Daddy pushed Flitterheart.

The slide was supported by a pair of clothesline poles.  Flit and I had wings, so we didn’t need ladders to get up to the platform.  I fluttered to the top and slid down the corkscrewing rainbow slide, giggling the whole way down.  “Oh golly!  This is super-duper fun!”

Flit followed me down, but instead of sailing off the end and landing in the grass, she pumped her wings and flew into a loop, landing perfectly on all four hooves.  My jaw dropped.  “That was awesome!”

Flit chuckled.  “Hey, my little sister beats me at every game we play, I’ve got to be good at something.”  She tousled my hair.  “She even got her cutie mark first.  Talk about a little overachiever.”

I blushed.  “Oh Flit, you’re great at a bunch of things.”  I tacklehugged her and we fell to the ground in a heap.  “And you’re the bestest big sister, ever!”  I nuzzled her.

She nuzzled me back.  “And you’re the bestest little sister, ever!”

We got back to our hooves and I glanced at an empty space in the yard.  I want to make a merry-go-round like our cousins did.

Don’t look at me.  I don’t really do physics.  Now if you want strategy and foresight, however…  Don’t you know a few fillies and a colt who made one of these just yesterday?  Aren’t they stopping by later today for our, whatchamacallit, cutie mark thingie.

Cuteceañera.

Yeah, that thing.  Really important, big day and all.  I can’t wait for the party.  And we can ask our cousins for help.  Why, I bet if we asked in just the right way, they’d be happy to do it for us, as a gift.  Just think about it, and the right words to best get what we want will come.

“Cozy?”

“Yes?”

“You okay?”

“I’m super-duper, why?”

“You keep gazing off into space.”

We’ve got to work on our communications skills.  We begin multitasking training tonight.  Right now though say we’ve got a lot on our mind.  Make up some horseapple excuse.

“Sorry, Flit, I’ve just had a lot on my mind since I got my cutie mark.”  I’m gonna tell her about you and how I can see all these outcomes.

We can’t.  She… wouldn’t understand.  This is a unique ability nopony else has.  You can’t tell anybody because they’d think you were crazy.  Having voices in your head is usually a sign of dissociative identity disorder.

What’s that?

Multiple personalities.  Now answer Flit before she panics.

“I just, well, I guess I’m getting older.  It’s funny how I was in such a hurry to grow up, and now I’ve got my cutie mark and I’m growing up so fast.  Oh golly, I just want to play and enjoy being a kid.”

Flit pulled me in tight for a hug.  “Oh Cozy, you don’t have to grow up just because you got your cutie mark.  You got yours really young, I don’t know anypony else who had their mark at your age.”

“But doesn’t having a mark make me an adult?”

“Well, yeah, I guess legally you’re an adult now, but that’s really only so you can start apprenticing in your destined career choice.  Your cutie mark signifies who you are and what you enjoy doing.  You should have a pretty good idea what you want to do with your life from here on out.  I’m guessing you’ll want to be some sort of grandmaster of chess.”

Nod!

I nodded.  “Yeah, and I don’t know how to go about doing that.  What about you?  You got your cutie mark yesterday too.”

“Oh gosh, Cozy!  It’s wonderful.  Everything’s so clear to me now.  I’m going to be a teacher, working hard to bring out the best in fillies and colts.  I couldn’t have gotten my mark without you – helping you discover your talent enabled me to find my own.  I want to keep doing this.”

“That’s awesome, Flit.”  I wrapped my wings around my big sister.  “You’ve got such a big heart.”

“We all do, Cozy.  We’ve got ‘heart’ right there in our names.”

I chuckled and she wrapped her wings around me in an embrace.









Spice Cake was the first of the guests to arrive.  A friend of my sister’s, I took door duty to give them a chance to catch up with one another.

Ding dong.

I opened the door and was shocked to see the latest guest to arrive.  Oh golly, even Great Uncle Coldheart came to see us!  His blue coat and frosty white hair matched well with his cutie mark: a heart frozen in a block of ice.  An earth pony, he was the only Heart family member that wasn’t a pegasus.

Maybe that’s why he’s so mean – he’s jealous that we can fly and he can’t.  I’d say he was just getting cantankerous in his old age, but he’s always been like this.

How do you even know that?

I have my sources.

“Here.  I got you both something.”

And by ‘both’ he means ‘share this solitary gift that I bought from the clearance rack of the toy store’.

Be nice.

I’ll be accurate.  See which one gets us further in this world.

“Are you going to let me in, or are you just going to stand there gawking all day with your mouth hanging open?”  He glared at me and I shivered under his gaze.

“Sorry.”  ‘I’m just surprised to see you.’  Negative reaction.  ‘Thank you very much!’  Also a negative reaction.  ‘Come right in.’  Indifferent reaction, but the best possible outcome.  Appropriately named.  Oh stars, now Cozy Glow has me doing it.  “Come right in!”

“Whatever.  Where’s the cake?”

I pointed the way and he disappeared into the house.

More of Flitterheart’s friends showed up next: Caramel Sundae and Glitter Bomb.  They went off to play with Flit and Spice Cake.

Where are our friends?

Flit’s friends are our friends too.

I repeat: where are our friends?

I don’t have any friends of my own.

Our classmates are just jealous of us.  We’re cute, we’re smart, and we’re super nice!  We’re better than them and they can’t handle that.

Nopony is any better than anypony else.

Oh?  Are you saying those scammers Flim & Flam are just as good as Princess Celestia?

No, I mean, I guess some ponies are worse than everypony else.

Which in turn means some ponies are better than others.

I guess.  That was an uncomfortable line of thought that went against everything I held dear.  Everything my family held dear.

My musing was once more interrupted by the doorbell.  “Uncle Braveheart!”  He looked a bit different.

“Uh, yeah.”  Uncle Braveheart grinned sheepishly.  “Sorry we’re late.  I uh, sorta stepped in bubblegum and didn’t realize it.  Then I was scratching my mane and well…”  He trailed off and turned his head, revealing a new bald spot. 

What a doofus.

Uncle Braveheart’s not a doofus.  Okay, he kinda is.  But that’s not nice to think.

Look on the bright side – he married into this family, so there’s no chance his genes are inside of us.

Auntie Treatheart giggled as she followed him in.  She hoofed a cake to me, and I carried it to the refreshment table.

Is it me, or did Aunt Treatheart get fatter since the last time we saw her?

She did not!

Did so.  I bet she bakes two cakes at a time.  One for her, and one for everypony else.

You’re cruel!  Her cakes are totally the best!

Ding dong.

Uncle Loyalheart and Aunt Gentleheart were the next to arrive, with our cousins in tow.  Or to be more precise, Proudheart and Brightheart were in tow, while Swiftheart had galloped to the door to be the first one inside.

Luckily for her, speed doesn’t kill.

It doesn’t?

Nope.  It’s that sudden stop at the end that gets you.  She’s right about one thing, though.

What?

In this life there are winners and losers.  Her mistake is she thinks life’s a race instead of a game.  That just makes her the fastest loser.  Keep listening to me and we’ll be a winner.

Proudheart was the next to enter, her father holding the door for her.

Announcing her royal highness, Proudheart!  A filly who doesn’t have a budget for beauty products so much as she has a percentage of the GDP.

I couldn’t help myself – I laughed at that one.  Her siblings were always complaining about how much time she spent in the bathroom, and she never left home without a mirror.

“What’s so funny?”

‘You had to be there.’  Negative reaction.  ‘You.’ Extremely negative reaction.  Wow, that filly can hold a grudge.  Golly, thirteen years before she’d even speak to me again?  ‘Your sister’s enthusiasm.’  Eye roll. ‘I know we’re not supposed to laugh at others, but…’  Bingo, we have a winner.  A little gossip is just the right sleight of hoof.  I motioned her close and whispered into her ear.  “I know we’re not supposed to laugh at others, but check out Uncle Braveheart’s new ‘do.  I dare you not to laugh.”

They were the last to arrive, and I moseyed towards the refreshments.  The cake had yet to be cut, but there were chips, pretzels, a fruit tray, and punch.  Great Uncle Coldheart was hovering over the snacks, and I decided I’d rather not have food if it meant not dealing with his icy stare.  I poured myself a cup of punch and wandered around the party.

Funny how we’re one of the guests of honor, but nobody has any time for us.  No one’s even looked at our flank to see our new mark.  Who cares, we don’t need them, anyway.  Listen to me, we’re going places, with or without all of them.

My parents were chatting with my aunts and uncles.  Flit was in her bedroom playing a game with her friends.  My cousins were out in the backyard, examining the playground Flit and I had built earlier in the day.  Perfect!

Showtime!  Show me what we’ve learned.

I fluttered up to the top of the spiral slide and pushed myself off, sliding down and into a loop just like Flit had taught me.

“Nice style!”  Swiftheart had given me a wing’s up.

I beamed at her praise.  “Thanks!”

“What you really need back here, though, is a merry-go-round.”

“Swiftheart!” Proudheart chased after her sister while Brightheart just groaned.

“It was supposed to be a surprise.  When we got here and saw you hadn’t made one, we were going to make one as a surprise for you and Flit.  Then you came out and Swiftheart was supposed to distract you.”  He rolled his eyes.

“Proudheart knows she’s never going to catch her, right?”

“I sincerely hope not.  The longer they’re occupied elsewhere the more time I have to work.  This’ll go faster without their assistance.”

I plopped my rump down on the end of the slide and watched the aerial dogfight between my cousins.  Swiftheart had speed, but Proudheart had agility.  Swiftheart was toying with her sister, letting her get close and then zipping off in a different direction.  That only made Proudheart more determined to catch her.

Brightheart whistled and I looked over to where he’d been working.  He’d finished the project quickly.  Swiftheart zoomed down to the clouds, landing next to her brother.  Proudheart dove right for her sister, but Swiftheart stepped aside at the last minute and Proudheart crashed into Brightheart instead.

“Dogpile!”  Swiftheart hopped on top of her siblings, and I followed her lead.

“Get off.”  Bright Heart stood up, shaking his sisters and I off of his back.  “Merry-go-round’s done.  I’m going to get something to eat.”  He turned to me.  “Congrats on your cutie mark.  I look forward to playing you in chess one of these days.”

Oh, he’s getting in over his little purple ears.  Still, he’s probably better than Flit, so at least he might be a step up from the tutorial mode.

Hey!

It’s the truth.

Brightheart went inside and I played on the newly-built merry-go-round with his sisters.  With Swiftheart galloping alongside, the roundabout got up to impressive speed.  There’s no way Flit or I could get it going this fast.

Eventually Mom poked her head out the backdoor and called us in to eat.  The cake Auntie Treatheart had brought was fantastic, as expected.  Then we had ice cream and opened our gifts.  Nothing really struck my fancy, but I thanked everyone for their gifts regardless.  It’s the polite thing to do.

It’s the smart thing to do.  You never know who’s going to be useful to you.  No sense burning bridges until you need to burn them.

I thanked everyone again, then excused myself to put everything away, and Flitterheart followed my lead.  Once I was done, Flit appeared in my room and hoofed me a box.  “Congrats on your cutie mark, sis.”

“Flit!  You got yours too.”

“I wanted to get you something.”

I’m so embarrassed, I didn’t get her anything.  I shredded the wrapping paper to discover a chess set inside.  I gasped.  “Oh Flit, it’s perfect.”

She reached over and enveloped me in her wings.  “Thought you might like that.  I picked up the fanciest one I could find.”

I leaned against her as tight as I could.  “You’re the best sister ever.”

“She nuzzled me.  “I try.”

We returned to the living room where the party was still going on.  Great Uncle Coldheart had split as soon as we’d eaten, and much to my surprise, Proudheart was restyling Uncle Braveheart’s mane.  The bald patch had been cleverly disguised and was no longer visible.  Apparently she had yet to inform him of that fact, as she was still working on the rest of his tangled hair.

Flit’s friends said their goodbyes, and the party was down to just the Hearts.  Mom suggested we have a sleepover with our cousins, which was met by enthusiastic cheering from four fillies and groaning from one colt.  I don’t know why he’s complaining.  Colts have cooties, so he gets to take my room, and the rest of us will all cram into Flit’s.

First of all, colts don’t have cooties.  That’s just a myth told by grownups so fillies and colts don’t do anything they’re not supposed to.  As for his complaining, it’s because instead of having to share the bathroom with two fillies in the morning, he’ll have to share it with four.

The rest of us aren’t as bad as Proudheart.

No one is as bad as Proudheart.

Four fillies galloped up the stairs, and one underwhelmed colt followed.

The first game we played was Twister.  “Right hoof, red.”  Four hooves touched red, and one colt collapsed from his lack of coordination, wiping out the rest of us in the process.

I popped out of the tangle of tails, legs, and wings.  “Maybe we should stick with board games.”

“I tried telling you that earlier!  Some of us aren’t flexible.”  Brightheart huffed and flicked his tail as he stood up.

“Or coordinated.”  Swiftheart added.

Brightheart glared at Swiftheart.  “I think I’m going to call it a night.”

“Not so fast.  We haven’t done makeovers yet!”  Proudheart was standing in front of the door.

Brightheart backed up until he was against the far wall, while the four of us closed in on him.  His sister may be the one with superequine speed, but he managed to open the window in record time and defenestrated his way to freedom.

“Hey!  Come back here!”  Proudheart flung herself out the window after him.

Swiftheart stretched and flopped onto Flit’s bed.  “They’re gonna be a while.”  She yawned.  “Wake me when Bright looks fabulous.”

“Why?”

“Because if I know my sister, I’m next, and I want time to escape.”

I hopped on the bed next to Swiftheart and Flit snuggled in behind me.  Swiftheart is really warm.  Must be all that running around she does.  I cuddled as close to my cousin as I could, and my sister held me tight.  Being between them was perfectly cozy, and I couldn’t think of a better way to end the day.  I’ve got the best family in the world.







West Milfoil: eight years, one month, and twelve days ago


Clarity was a rarity these days.  For all intents and purposes, Cozy Glow had officially taken over my mind.  I could see the writing on the wall, I knew it was only a matter of time before Cozyheart was gone completely.

So I made a deal.  I’d willingly go away if I could have just one more day free of her influence.  One day to settle my affairs and cut all ties with my past.

Tears stained the paper as I wrote out my notes.  The first was the hardest, and the one that, with luck, wouldn’t be read for a long time.  I knew right where to put it – my sister’s predictable enough that I know she’ll go through my stuff eventually to reminisce.

Flitterheart,

Traveling down memory lane again, you sentimental softie? I knew you’d find this eventually if I left it in here.

If you're reading this, odds are pretty good things didn't go quite as planned. I tried explaining things before, but I didn't want to burden you with this. There's nothing you could have done, so why make you worry?

Golly, where do I start? Ever since I got my mark, it's as if life is a game to me. Specifically, a game I have to win at any cost. The smartest option would be to wait until I'm adult, and take enough time to build up a good network of loyal followers. But my brain won't let me wait. I need to do this now; I need to win the game and prove that even though I'm still a kid, I'm the best and smartest pony out there. You see the fallacy in this, right? So do I. It's why I'm 90% confident I'm going to fail even though my plan's absolutely foolproof. But there's no shortage of fools in Equestria, and I'm sure one of them will be along to foul up my plans with something completely unexpected.

Or maybe you're reading this because I succeeded and you're wondering why your Empress doesn't have time for her own family anymore. Quite frankly, it's because I love you, sis. We have a wonderful family, and I love all of you so much. I can't bear to manipulate you like I do everypony else.

That's why I changed my name, regardless of how much it hurt you, Mom, and Dad, but I did it to protect all of you. Win or lose, I'm going to have a lot of enemies. And a loving family is an exploitable weakness. In chess terms, since that's how my brain processes things, you're the pieces I'm unwilling to sacrifice.

I wish I could give you some heroic story about how I'm a misunderstood freedom fighter, but I can't lie to you. You've lived in Equestria your whole life, same as me. The princesses are great. But they're not me, and well sis, it's all about the power. They've got it and I'm going to take it from them.

No matter the cost.

I know how much you love me. I love you too, sis, and that's why I'm telling you to let go. Cherish the memories, but I'm not the pony you used to know.

Love always,
Cozyheart

P.S. Look after Lucky for me.

The next letter was easier from an emotional standpoint, but harder from a writing standpoint.  How does one effectively run away from home without becoming the subject of a massive search?  If Cozy Glow is to be believed, the best lies are the ones wrapped in truths.

I put pen to paper and poured my heart out.  I told them where I was going, though I fudged the details as to why.  I promised to write as soon as I got settled.

Maybe Cozy Glow is rubbing off on me, but I’ve learned a thing or two about scheming from her.  I’m going to throw a monkey wrench into her plans.  I’m a good pony.  At least I used to be.  But the things Cozy Glow says and does… well, she does them with my voice, and with my body.  I can’t consider myself a good pony anymore.

But my family are all good ponies.  I don’t care what happens to me; it’s too late for me.  I’ve seen the paths, and every single one of Cozy Glow’s schemes ends up in defeat.  Even the victories are never permanent.  Overthrowing the government results in more uprisings, and eventually one topples the new regime as easily as Cozy Glow toppled Celestia’s.

I know my destiny, and it stinks.  But I can at least save the Heart family from what comes next.  My defeats… they never end well for the ones I care about either.  I need them to stop caring.  I know I’ve been distant lately; some of that’s because Cozy Glow’s normally in charge and she doesn’t have time for them, and the rest is because I’ve been preparing myself for the eventuality of what’s coming.

Whatever Cozy Glow is, at least she’s thrifty.  For some reason, none of her evil plans involve spending my money.  Not that there was all that much in my piggy bank, but it’s enough for what I need to do.  “One please.”

“Where to?”

“Ponyville.”

“That’ll be eight bits.”

I pulled the coins out of my saddlebags and dropped them on the counter.  A minute later I had my ticket.  When the train pulled into the station, I boarded it and took a seat right up at the front.  Nopony ever rides in the front unless the train’s completely full.

I hadn’t brought anything with me to read, so I watched the scenery go past.  The train sped west through foothills and farmland, stopping in small towns, and major cities alike.  As we neared Ponyville, I could see Canterlot in the distance, situated on a tall peak.

We slowed to a stop, and this time I got off.  I took to the air – my destination was visible from the train station.  It was probably visible for miles around, as both Twilight Sparkle’s castle and the newly-opened School of Friendship dominated the otherwise quaint Ponyville skyline.

I trotted up to the doors of the school and sighed.  There’s no going back.  I didn’t bring money with me for a return trip.  I steeled my resolve and walked inside.  Oh golly, this place is huge.  Where do I even go?  The corridors were like a maze, and eventually a bell rang.  I flattened against a wall as the hallways were suddenly filled with hundreds of students.  Oh my gosh!  A griffin!  Oh!  And an Abyssinian!  She’s so cute!  And a changeling – wow, they’re really colorful.  Not as colorful as the rainbow of ponies that make up the bulk of the student body, but it’s amazing seeing all these creatures!

“Hey, are you lost?”

I looked up to see a laid back green earth pony with turtles on his flank.  “I was wondering who I would talk to about enrolling?”

He thought about it for a second before replying.  “You’d want to talk to either Headmare Twilight, or our guidance counselor, Starlight Glimmer.”  He took another look at me and continued.  “Or rather, your parents should talk to them.”

Time to see if my acting is any good.  I let my eyes water up.  “There was an accident…”  I sniffled.  “A few weeks ago, my parents didn’t make it.  I heard about the school, and it sounded way better than going to some orphanage.  Oh golly, this is the School of Friendship, right?  Friendship sounds really, really good right about now.  Will you be my friend?”  Puppy dog eyes to seal the deal.

“Sure, little dudette.  Starlight’s office is on my way to my next class.  I’ll take you right to her.”

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!”  I hugged him.  He’s nice.  I bet everypony here is nice.  I really hope Cozy Glow learns about friendship.  Maybe… maybe we can share my headspace like we used to.  That would be swell.

He held a door open for me, then galloped off to his next class.  I peeked around the corner and saw a purplish mare sitting behind a desk.  She looked up when the door opened and saw me.  “Come on in.”

I cautiously approached, looking around the office in awe.  She really likes kites and potted plants.  “Um, I was wondering who I should talk to about, um, enrolling in this school?”

“Probably your parents.”  She chuckled.  I stared at the ground in response and she stopped laughing.

“My parents…  Oh golly, it was awful.  My parents died a few weeks ago…  Please, I don’t have any place left to go except an orphanage.  You wouldn’t make me go to an orphanage, would you?”

I could see her heart melting.  Success!  I know I’m an awful pony for playing with everypony’s heartstrings like this, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  And when it comes to manipulation, I learned from the best, even if I hate myself for doing this.  But Cozy Glow is serious about her attempts to overthrow the princesses, so she needs to be contained.

I rustled in my saddlebags.  “I have this.”  I pulled out a forged birth certificate.  When we’d had my name legally changed, I watched how they did the process.  It was ridiculously easy to forge, and if I’d been a unicorn I could’ve done it in my sleep.  The hard part was digging through the obits every week until I found a couple who’d tragically passed together in an accident.  I just substituted their names for my parents’.  If I get caught, it’s Cozy Glow’s problem, not mine.  I just need to get in.  Then I’m safe.  We’ll be surrounded 24/7 by teachers and students.  There’s safety in numbers, and she’ll be forced to play by their rules.  Oh gosh, if she doesn’t learn friendship, maybe she’ll get bored and just leave my head entirely.  That would be peachy-keen!  Then I could just sneak out of the school and go back home.

Starlight Glimmer looked it over and levitated it back to me.  “My condolences on your loss.  We can certainly accept you into the School of Friendship.  I’ll even assist you in finding a foster family here in Ponyville.”

“Couldn’t the school be my foster home?  Please?  I’m not ready for a new family just yet, and I want to focus on my studies.  After all, friends are just the family you choose.”  Even if I’ve never had any luck choosing family, my family’s been saying that for as far back as I can remember.

“I suppose that’ll be okay for a while.  But you should still have a family that loves you and a place to call home.”

“When I’m ready, I’ll let you know.”

Starlight nodded.  “Fair enough.  For now, it doesn’t matter, since you’d be boarding here at the school for the semester anyway.  Maybe when summer vacation rolls around, that way you have a few months to bond with your new family.”

“Do you think that’ll be enough time to get over my old family?”

“No.  The pain of losing your parents will never fully go away.  You just have to open your heart to a new family in addition to the love you’ll always feel to your birth parents.”

I nodded.

“Your classes begin tomorrow.  I’ll make up a schedule for you.  In the meantime, please follow me to your new room.”









I thought she’d never leave!  Does this school have so few problems the guidance counselor has nothing better to do?

I pumped my little wings as fast as they could go.  Of course she’d ended up talking for so long that I was in danger of missing the post office’s business hours.  My last order of business was to get a post office box so I had a place to receive correspondence where the school couldn’t intercept it.

I glanced at the clock on the train station as I passed it.  Three minutes to closing!  Oh golly, oh golly, oh golly.  I’m not going to make it.  It would help if I knew where I was going.  I hovered, looking for the familiar colors of the Equestrian Postal Service.  There!  I dove towards it, picking up speed.  I swooped through the doors with just a minute to spare.  I landed, out of breath.

“Can I help you?”

“I’d…like…to…get…a…P.O. box.”  I wheezed the words out between big, gulping breaths.

“Are you a Ponyville resident?”

“I am now.  I just got accepted into the School of Friendship.”

“Congratulations!”  She laid a plate filled with muffins on the counter.  “Help yourself.”

I was starving, so I snatched the closest muffin off the plate.  “Banana nut.  Really good!”

She nodded.  “I got them at Sugarcube Corner.”  She slid a form out to me.  “If you could fill this out, please?”

I finished chewing and grabbed a pen in my mouth.  The gray mare assisted me with the school’s address, and I scrawled in the rest of the needed details.







Ponyville: seven years, eleven months, and eight days ago


Mail call.

I blinked, aware of my surroundings for the first time in more than a week.  What have you been up to?

A little of this, a little of that.  I can’t thank you enough for bringing me here.  I had plans, but this is working out way better than I’d ever anticipated!

I cringed.  The last thing I’d wanted to do was help her.  I picked up the letter Flitterheart had mailed me.  Cozy Glow couldn’t write to Flit or the rest of my family.  She just couldn’t understand them, and she needed my help to keep them from getting worried.  My sole remaining purpose in life was to write to my family.  But hearing from them was the spark that kept me going.  The only thing that kept me from completely giving up.

Hi Cozyheart!

Love you lots!  I miss you so much!  It’s so boring here without you.  I’ve been teaching Spice Cake how to play chess, but for some reason beating her isn’t nearly as fun as losing to you.  I’ll keep practicing, and one day I’m going to defeat you!

Okay, probably not, but at least I’ll last against you longer than a few minutes.

Holly Bough broke her leg the other day, and I figured that since you’re too far away to sign her cast, you could send her a get-well card!  Just include it in your next letter to me and I’ll make sure she gets it.

Mom and Dad send their love!  Oh, and cookies.  Expect a package in the near future: Mom wants you to share with all those new friends you were telling us about!

I know it’s supposed to be a surprise, but we’re going to come visit you at school during Spring Break!  I’m excited!  I can’t wait to see you again!!!!

Miss you!

Love,
Flitterheart

Like me, she dotted certain letters with hearts.  I’d picked up the habit from her, and Cozy Glow had continued it, declaring it ‘sufficiently cute’, whatever that meant.

They’re going to visit?

Way ahead of you.  I volunteered to run the mailroom.  I already rejected permission to come visit.

Phew.  Every once in a while our best interests overlapped.  Love you too, Flit, but this is for your own good.

I finished writing my response, and Cozy Glow shoved me back to my subconscious.  Left alone with my thoughts, I didn’t even get to see what she was up to most of the time.  I was nothing more than an unwitting passenger along for the ride.  She’d long since figured out I wasn’t working with her, so I only got to come out to play when she needed me.  Mostly when dealing with my family, but also whenever feigned innocence wasn’t as good as the real thing.  Even then, the price of failure was steep: she’d hurt my loved ones if I didn’t play my part perfectly.







Middle of nowhere: seven years, two months, and three days ago


It’s been fun, but I do believe this is your last stop, Cozyheart.

Huh?  I groggily returned to my senses.  What’s going on?  Where am I?  How… how long have I been out?

Quite some time now.  It’s been fun, but you’re kind of a one-trick pony, and that single trick is coming to an end right before your very eyes.  Ta-ta, and taste the rainbow!

What rainbow?  My eyes just about bugged out of my head as I saw a rainbow laser beam headed my way.  What do I do?  What do I do?  There was no answer from ‘Cozy Glow’.

Visions of the awful things I’d done came flooding back to me as the rainbow hit me.  “Oof.”  I landed on the ground with a thud, alongside Tirek and Chrysalis.  Are they my friends?  I guess they are.  Everypony needs a friend, and if not for me, who else would bother trying to be friends with either of them?

What am I even doing here?  How did it get to this point?  I don’t want to be a bad pony.  I’m not a bad pony.  I used to help build houses for the homeless.  I bake cookies for the senior center.  Oh golly, I guess I am a bad pony now though.  Tirek and I backed up as Chrysalis shouted something towards everybody standing across from us.  Even Tirek is scared.  He’ll protect me.  Right?  I miss Flit.  I want my Mommy.  Mommy would make everything better.  I really wish I would’ve told my family I loved them more often.  I wish I hadn’t left them in the first place.  I hate my special talent.  That was the last thought I had before a giant cupcake flattened us.  Well, I guess Discord got his powers back.

I crawled out from under the massive, not to mention tasty dessert.  At any other time I’d have really enjoyed that.  My mind was racing.  The princesses will grant us mercy.  They’re responsible, benevolent ponies, and Princess Celestia has ruled Equestria for over a millennium.  She even gave Discord a second chance.  And if she could give him a second chance, she’ll give all of us a second chance too.  Oh golly, they look angry.

“There isn’t a punishment worthy of all you’ve done.”

Golly gosh gee whiz willikers gosh doggone dang it.  We’re toast.  I tried to initiate my special talent to no avail.  Dagnabbit, where’d my talent go?

That was my talent, not yours.

I thought we were one.

We were, but now we’re not.  You’re on your own from here on out.  For the few seconds you've got left, anyway.

Help!

Oh, I suppose I could give you one last taste of that ability.  It’s the least I can do for the doomed.

I blinked as the ability to see multiple outcomes once more overtook my brain.  I’m sorry!  The response that echoed in my head was far from comforting.  ‘You’re sorry you got caught.’  Next idea.  Please, I’m just a filly.  I cringed at the reply.  ‘Adult crime, adult punishment.’  There was nothing that could be said.  Nopony would believe a word coming out of my mouth.  The rainbow purified us.  That one might have worked if Chrysalis hadn’t just sworn revenge on everyone.  Am I the only one it cured?  Does the rainbow only work on ponies?  Did the rainbow even do anything to me?  Cozy Glow left before it hit…

Then Discord whispered something to the princesses.

“Oh, that does seem fitting.”

“May I help?  Please?”

I’ve got a really bad feeling about this.  Discord… Discord looks happy.  That’s gotta be bad.  Cozy Glow!  Come back!  I need your help!

Silly filly, I was never helping you.  Remember back when I was instructing you on how to play chess?  What did I tell you about the king?  He’s the only piece that matters.  Now you’re just a loose end that needs to be tied up, my little sacrificed rook.  Goodbye, Cozyheart.  Forever!

I didn’t have long to reflect on being someone else’s pawn – Discord and the princesses each shot a blast of arcane energy towards us.  Seconds later I felt myself slowly going numb as crackles of electricity arced around me.  I can’t feel my hind legs or tail.   Oh gosh, it’s creeping up my barrel.  I looked down and panicked as I saw my body petrifying.  They’re turning us to stone.  What on Equus?  Tirek and I were retreating.  We’re powerless.  We’re not a threat…  I’m just a filly.  I’ll never see Mommy, Daddy, or Flit ever again.  They’re not heroes, they’re monst…
> Act I: Honeybuzz
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Seaddle: eleven years, two months, and eighteen days ago


“Tag!  You’re it!”

Thanks, sis.  Of all the foals on the playground, you had to tag me.  I rolled my eyes and rolled with it, setting my sights on tagging the nearest pony. Tootsie Roll was nearby, but it didn’t feel right to go after the chubbiest colt since everypony else always did. Thankfully, my earth pony stamina was more than enough to outlast most of the faster runners in our class, so I galloped after the notorious braggart Jazz Hooves instead.  Star of the school’s plays, chorus, and dance recitals, her ego was the size of a skyscraper.  She was a decent sprinter, but she was no marathoner.  I started methodically running her down.

With a burst of speed she pulled away, a trick that worked most of the time, as pursuers would find easier ponies to tag, like Tootsie Roll.  But, then she fluttered into the air, turned around, and galloped straight at me.  “Bee!” With her head turned to look at the bee that wasn’t pursuing her, she completely forgot about the pony that was. I tried to sidestep, but it was too late.  With a massive crack, we collided.  As in any crash between two trains, there was a ‘winner’ and a ‘loser’ in the collision.  Her petite pegasus frame was no match for my sturdy earth pony body and lay crumpled on the ground at my hooves.

“Are you okay?”

She tried to get up but instantly collapsed.  She fluttered her wings, hovering, and it was then that the damage became apparent.  She’d fractured one of her forelegs in the collision.  “You big oaf!  Look what you did!  Now I won’t be able to dance in the recital this weekend!”

“What I did?  You’re the one who was running without paying attention to where you were going.”

“There was a bee!  You should’ve gotten out of my way!”

“So what?  It’s only a bee.  It’s not going to hurt you.”

“It’ll sting me!”

“Only if it’s threatened. It definitely wouldn’t have broken your leg.”

Jazz huffed and fluttered over to the teacher.

“Recess is over, everypony!” We groaned at Mrs. Roam’s decision to prematurely end playtime, then followed her back into the building as she escorted Jazz to the nurse’s office.

It was a sad fact of life: ponies hated bees, but they loved the flowers those same bees pollinated and the honey they made from nectar.









I trotted down the empty hallway after school.  It had been a long day, and I felt bad for Jazz Hooves.  I didn’t particularly care for her because of all her showing off, and for some reason that only made me feel worse that she’d gotten injured running into me.

“Bumblebuzz!”

I cringed. Bumblesweet was my identical twin, and most ponies couldn’t tell us apart.  ‘Bumblebuzz’, ‘Honeybumble’, and ‘Honeysweet’ were all nicknames we’d acquired from confused classmates and even a few teachers.  Twins or not, we were still our own unique ponies, and we wanted to be treated as such.  It’ll be easier once we get cutie marks.  I hope.

I turned to look, and to my surprise it was Jazz Hooves.  Her leg was in a cast, and she was hovering to avoid putting weight on it.  “Yes?”

“I’m not sure if it was you or your sister out on the playground earlier, but I wanted to apologize for my outburst.  It isn’t your fault that I’m terrified of bees.”  She prodded her good foreleg against my barrel.  “Or that you’re built like a brick wall.”

I chuckled, and we walked out of school together.







Seaddle: ten years, seven months, and six days ago


Being built like a brick wall had its advantages.  Nearly 90% of beekeepers were earth ponies, with good reason.  First, we were more in touch with the planet than unicorns or pegasi, but most importantly, we were sturdier and a lot harder to sting.  Not that we didn’t take precautions – my sister and I have had our own protective clothing and veils since we were old enough to walk.  Back then, it was for protection as we played in the surrounding meadows.

Our parents let us help out a bit more each year, introducing us to the family business a little at a time.

Bumblesweet and I followed our parents as they pulled a wagon filled with bee houses to Macoun’s orchard.  Some plants were capable of self-pollination, but apples weren’t among them.  That meant they needed pollinators to do the work, and Macoun had more trees than the local bees could visit.  That was where we came in: pollinators on demand.

It was a common misconception about beekeepers that our main source of income depended on sales of honey and beeswax.  In reality, that was a smaller chunk of our bottom line than renting our bees out to local farmers for pollination, or on a smaller scale, to local gardeners hesitant to rely on the feral bee population.  Another common misconception ponies had was that all bees live in hives.  Mason bees, for example, were solitary, and more efficient at pollinating orchards compared to honey bees, which tended to visit a number of other plants.  So we kept a few specially-designed bee houses filled with blue orchard bees on hoof for our orchard clients.  Because of their solitary lifestyle, there was no honey to harvest, meaning we kept them only for pollination purposes.

It had become somewhat commonplace for beekeepers to move from area to area, keeping an eye on the pollination schedules of the various towns across Equestria.  My family, however, remained adamant that doing so was detrimental to the health of the bees.  Happy bees were productive bees, so we took good care of them, and they took care of us. Even if it meant short term loss of profits, the long term success of the apiary was more important.

Bumblesweet and I were tasked with keeping an eye on the colony, and to do our best to ward off any potential bee predators that might show up.  Bees weren’t the top of the food chain, and several species of birds and other insects were happy to dine on bees, as were bears and skunks.  The latter two usually only went after hives, partially for the honey and partially for the bees themselves.  Chasing individual bees wasn’t worth the effort for animals their size.  Which is good, because I don’t want to tangle with either a bear or a skunk.

My sister and I paced up and down the rows of trees, doing our best to scare off bee-eaters and wasps. We didn't have much effect; mostly it was our parents’ way of keeping us occupied.

It was only somewhat more exciting than watching paint dry.  Nopony’s ever going to write my life story, that’s for sure.  Still, it’s what we do and we enjoy it, even if it’ll never make us rich.







Seaddle: ten years, three months, and twenty-one days ago


Honey.  Found in kitchens throughout Equestria, it wouldn’t exist without bees.  I wonder how few ponies appreciate the efforts beekeepers go through to put that honey on their tables?  An average hive only produces sixty-five pounds of honey in a given year, and of course we have to leave some of it for the bees.

My parents had finally decided my sister and I were old enough to help with the harvest, and so we suited up.  I’d be running the smoker, which would trigger a feeding instinct in the bees, not to mention mask their alarm pheromones.  That would clear the way for Bumblesweet to remove the honeycombs from the hive and harvest the honey.

Some ponies like to hum while they work, but I like to buzz.  I was buzzing out one of my favorite Coloratura songs when Bumblesweet broke my concentration.  “Great job with the smoker, sis, keep it up.”

But I hadn’t turned the smoker on yet.  I stopped buzzing to reply.  “It’s not on.”

“But the bees stopped.  Yipes!  Whatever you were doing, start doing it again!  I’m getting stung like crazy.” 

I started buzzing again and my sister visibly relaxed.  She backed away from the hive and I approached, only to see the bees frozen as if in a trance.

“Honeybuzz!  That buzzing is distracting them!”  I dared not stop buzzing to reply, so I nodded my head toward the hive.  Bumblesweet got the hint and quickly extracted a comb from the hive.  Once she was on her way back to the house I stopped buzzing and broke into a gallop to catch up to her.  I counted more than a dozen stingers buried in her protective clothing and silently mourned the loss of those poor bees.  But the thick cotton, mesh veil, and rubber boots all did their job, and while the stings may have caused her some discomfort, they didn’t penetrate her hide.  I sighed.  It would likely fall to me to extract the stingers and then thoroughly clean her suit, lest any lingering pheromones trigger bees to attack her the next time she put it on.  For some reason, Bumblesweet made it a habit to disappear any time chores needed to be done.

Once safely inside the house, Bumblesweet took the honey to be strained, while I stripped out of my clothes.  First I slid out of my boots, leaving them on the doormat to hose off later.  With my hooves free, I hung my hat and veil up.  No stingers were embedded in them, and that meant they didn’t need to be cleaned this time around.  That left the tricky part, getting out of the skintight cotton suit.  It was designed to fit snugly, because the last thing a beekeeper wants is a bee getting inside their clothing.  I grabbed the zipper in my teeth and pulled.  Once it was down far enough, I grabbed it in my hoof and pulled it the rest of the way.  It’s times like these when unicorn magic would come in really handy.

I carefully wriggled out of the outfit, taking care not to tear the fabric.  It was only after the suit had fallen to the ground at my hooves and I bent over to pick it up that I caught a glimpse of yellow on my flank.  I forgot about my clothing entirely and focused my attention on my flank.  A picture of a happy bee in flight greeted me.  I blinked and rubbed my eyes, but the image stayed the same.  I got my cutie mark!  I started bouncing around the kitchen.  “I got my cutie mark!  I got my cutie mark!”

I dashed down to the basement to show my sister.  She was crushing the comb to extract the honey and beeswax.  “Bumble!  Guess what!”  I shoved my hindquarters in her face before she could respond.  “I got my cutie mark!”

“Oh!  Nice one, sis!  Do you think I got mine too?”

“Only one way to find out!”  Since she was actually working for once, I untucked the suit from her protective boots, then removed the latter, putting them aside to hose off.  She’d already removed her hat and veil, so that left only her suit.  I grasped the zipper in my mouth and slid it down, a process that’s way easier when somepony else does it for you.  Before pulling it off Bumblesweet, I took a pair of tweezers and extracted all of the stingers, depositing them in the trash.  There were fifteen in all.  Fifteen less bees in the colony.  Bees don’t live long lives, and we lose bees on a daily basis, but these were unnecessary deaths.  Once they were disposed of, I gently slid her suit off.

Of course she had her cutie mark too.  I was happy for her, but I looked from her mark back to my own and felt slightly jealous.  I had a solitary bee.  She had an intricate design consisting of a trio of bees buzzing around a honeypot and a honey dipper.  “Congrats, sis!  You got your mark too!”

She was still focused on the task at hoof and couldn’t turn to look at it.  “Tell me about it.”

“I think you’re going to want to see it for yourself.  You’re gonna love it!”  She nodded, while I gathered up her boots and clothing.  May as well start laundry.  Pity we only got one comb extracted today.  Unless…  I dumped her suit in the washing machine and scrambled back to the kitchen and put mine back on.  I had an idea.

Buzzing in tune to a different song, I once more approached the hive.  The bees froze in place, watching me.  I walked up to the hive and extracted another honeycomb without interference from the bees.  I returned to the basement and left it with my sister, then went back for a third.







Seaddle: nine years, six months, and twenty-one days ago


Bumblesweet and I stood in a line outside the Princess Dome, home to the Seaddle Seaducks hoofball team. For one night only, it was host to Countess Coloratura.  The show had been sold out for months, but Jazz Hooves was part of the opening act. She had tickets for our whole class.

Maybe she was excited for the concert, or maybe she was just bored, but my sister was even in a good mood… for once.  We chatted as we waited to be let in, talking about everything and nothing.  I wish this was what all of our interactions were like.

A stallion was walking down the line, checking tickets.  When he got to us, he pulled us out of line and sent us with a mare that led us to a backdoor.  A bunch of fillies and colts were already in the room, and I recognized several of our classmates.  I spotted Tootsie Roll and trotted over to him.  “Do you know what’s going on?”

He shook his head. “I’m starting to think Jazz was lying and passed out fake tickets.  They’re probably going to send us all to the dungeon.”

I giggled at that.  “I don’t think they’d send foals to jail for trying to use fake tickets to get into a concert.”

A stallion walked into the room and clopped his hoof on the floor thrice.  “Attention everypony.  I’m Svengallop, manager to Countess Coloratura and Sunny Rays.  As I’m sure you all know, the countess enjoys meeting with schoolponies before her concerts.  You’ve all been chosen to meet her.”

There was cheering as we stomped our hooves in applause.

“All right, settle down. Quiet, quiet.  I know you’re excited, but there are some ground rules I need to cover.  First of all, no touching Countess Coloratura.  Secondly, no talking to the countess unless you’re spoken to first. One picture per pony, so make it count. Any questions?”

Almost every hoof in the room went up and Svengallop groaned.  “Not, it isn’t time yet.  You’ll meet with her in thirty minutes and the session lasts for an hour, and not one minute more.  Does that answer all your questions?”  He ignored the ponies that were shaking their heads ‘no’.  “Good, ‘cause we’re done here.  See you in half an hour.”

Thankfully the mare who’d led us to the room stuck around to answer questions, and the stallion who’d been checking tickets came in with a cart filled with snacks and drinks.  I grabbed an apple and a glass of orange juice.

It wasn’t long before Countess Coloratura entered the room, and after a collective gasp, the room fell silent.  “Greetings, everypony!”  She waved at all of us.  “I’m Countess Coloratura.  How many of you are here because you know Sunny Rays?”

A bunch of hooves went up, and she directed them to line up in the hallway outside.  Once they did, she took them somewhere, leaving the rest of us to wonder just what was going on.

She came back ten minutes later.  “How many of you know Jazz Hooves?”

I put my hoof in the air, as did the rest of my classmates.  Tootsie Roll was eating another apple, so I flicked my tail against his flank to get his attention.  He sheepishly put his hoof in the air too, apple and all.

She directed us to line up in the hall and we did so.  Then Countess Coloratura came out and led us to a room down the hall where a photographer was set up.  One by one we entered the room and she gave us her signature hoofsies as the photographer took our picture.  I could feel my sister’s death glare on the back of my head as I got to meet the countess before she did.  Coloratura stamped my cheek as the camera clicked.  She patted my head, and just like that I was standing in the hallway again.

Tootsie Roll joined me a minute later, and then Bumblesweet came through a minute after him.  She whispered in my ear, “Honeybuzz and Tootsie, sitting in the yard, K-I-S-S-I-…”

I pushed a hoof against her mouth.  “Grow up, sis.”  I rolled my eyes.  All because I got to meet Countess Coloratura before her.

After all of our classmates had had their pictures taken, a mare led us to the stadium where we’d be sitting.  We walked past row after row of empty seats and then I glimpsed the first group sitting in the front row.  We were heading right for them.  Oh my gosh, we’ve got second row seats!

Our teacher was sitting along the aisle and we filed past her.  Leading the way, I walked all the way through until I reached the other end of the row of seats.  Bumblesweet sat next to me, Tootsie Roll on her other side.

My face flushed red as I heard my sister say to Tootsie Roll, “Honeybuzz likes you.  Wanna switch seats so you can be next to her?”  He nodded, and they traded places.

I’ve never had any interest in Tootsie Roll.  She’s setting him up for failure, and he’s going to blame me when his heart gets broken.  We’re too young for love and crushes and all that.  What do couples even do?  Hold hooves, I guess?  I reached a hoof toward him and he bumped it.  And that was that.  He didn’t speak a word about it, so I didn’t bring it up either.  Maybe he already figured out that she's messing with me by messing with him? I don’t care if you play petty games with me, sis, but leave others out of it.

I couldn’t help but notice she’d upgraded her own seat in the process, sitting another seat closer to the center of the row.









The concert was as awesome as expected, and of course it was over far too soon.  Fireworks were going off, but much of the audience was leaving. Our teacher motioned for all of us to follow her, and she led us back to the room we’d been waiting in earlier.  Our photos were ready, and were distributed to us.

We milled about, and I learned that Sunny Rays was from Horsevallis and her drummer was from Tackoma.  Their respective classmates were staying in the hotel at the top of Bay’s Needle.

Eventually the stars of the show trotted in.  Coloratura quickly autographed the photos that had been taken earlier, the practiced hoof stamping of a pony that’s done this more times than she could count.  Sunny was slow, clumsy, and seemed embarrassed to be there.  A stack of glossy 5x7 photos had been given to her to autograph, and she did so.

I’d made sure that Bumblesweet was well ahead of me in line, and took my place at the end.  By the time she got to me, I could tell she was eager for the night to be over.

“Didn’t you already come through the line?”

“That was my twin sister, Bumblesweet.”

She paused to think about that.  “So you know Jazz Hooves?”

I nodded.  “I broke her leg.”

She blinked at that.  “Did she forget to pay you her lunch money?”

“Nothing that ominous. She was running away from a bee and smacked into me.  Earth pony versus pegasus, head-on, both of us at full gallop.”

She winced.  “Ouch.”

“That’s what we both said. Her especially.  It worked out for the best though.  We’re friends now because of it.  If she hadn’t broken her leg, she’d probably be dancing right now instead of being on tour with you.  Tell her you talked to ‘the brick wall she hit’ and she’ll give you all the details.”

We chuckled, and Sunny Rays stamped her hoof on a photo of herself and hoofed it to me.  “Nice meeting you, ‘Brick Wall’.”

“It’s Honeybuzz, actually.”

“Not anymore.”

“Don’t make me break your leg.”

She laughed.  “You’re supposed to say that before the show, not after it.”  With a hug, she turned and walked out, following Coloratura to the autograph session the rest of the fans were waiting for.







Seaddle: eight years, two months, and eighteen days ago


I sat in the bleachers, watching the tryouts below.  Part of me longed to be down there, competing with my peers.  The rest of me was glad I’d dropped out the instant my sister showed an interest in field hockey.  She was already the darling of the soccer, volleyball, and basketball teams, and apparently she couldn’t leave any sports for me.  I could probably make the hoofball team, but I don’t really have the desire to have other ponies slam into me constantly.  Our school had yet to start a buckball team, so that left only one option for me.  Across from the bleachers I could see a bunch of my classmates waving pom-poms and screaming out their school pride.  If my sister’s going to be the star athlete, the least I can do is cheer her on.

I walked around the field and approached the cheerleading coach.  “Is it too late to tryout?”

The coach looked me over and I could see the gears turning in her head.  I had a hunch I’d be at the bottom of a lot of pyramids.  “Not at all.  We can always use more team spirit!  Show me what you can do.”

I grabbed a pair of pom-poms and started imitating the moves I’d been watching for the last half hour.  It was unrehearsed and sloppy, but there’d be time to perfect the routine later… assuming I made the squad, of course.  “Come on team, and kick some flank!  You know you got this; it’s bits in the bank!”

“Not bad.  Take a spot on the end, and we’ll get you up to speed on the routines, kiddo.  Just follow along as best you can for today.”

I jumped for joy.  Internally of course.  Finally, a team I could join that I wouldn’t have to worry about my sister trying to upstage me on.  The cheerleading squad practiced while the sports teams practiced.  She couldn’t be two places simultaneously.







Seaddle: eight years, zero months, and twelve days ago


“Honeybuzz, why can’t you be more like your sister?”  My ears flattened.  I hated being compared to Bumblesweet.  “Look at her report card and then look at yours.”

My sister had straight A’s of course.  I had a mix of A’s and B’s, with a lone C.  Not perfect, but certainly not horrible.  Sitting behind my father, I could see her smug grin.  When she noticed my attention on her, she stuck her tongue out at me.

“Your sister’s volunteered to help tutor you.  Isn’t that right, Bumble?”

Her tongue disappeared back into her mouth before Dad’s head could turn around.  She nodded.  “Anything to help Honey get back on the right path, Daddy!”

I’d intentionally slacked off to lower a few of my grades.  I could apply myself.  That C he was complaining about would’ve been an A if I’d turned in the assignments I completed.  That wasn’t the problem – the problem was my sister saw everything as a competition and she absolutely hated losing.  Stepping up my own game would only make things worse, unless she could claim the credit.  I shrugged. “Bumble’s just smarter than me, Dad.”

“Your sister’s on all the sports teams and still manages straight A’s.  You’ve only got cheerleading and chorus.”

Chorus, one thing I could safely say my sister would never try to join.  She couldn’t carry a tune if you hoofed it to her.  Granted, the only reason I was interested in it was to improve my buzzing.  My sister may have gotten the better cutie mark, but I got the better special talent.

“I could take your place on the cheerleading squad.  My fall sports are over for the year, and I’m not playing as many spring sports.  That would give you more time to dedicate to your studies.”

“That would probably be for the best.  You should drop cheerleading to focus on your schoolwork, Honeybuzz.  Bumblesweet can take your place.”

I was blindsided by that. Since when has my sister been interested in cheerleading?  “Don’t you like it when I cheer you on to victory?”

“Of course I do, Honey. But I like seeing you do well in school even more.  If your grades are suffering, then it’s the least I can do to help.”

So that’s what this was all about.  She wanted my place on the cheerleading squad.  I conceded defeat yet again.  “All right, I’ll drop cheerleading.  I’m glad you’re available to fill my spot.  I’d hate to let the squad down and I know you’ll do a great job.”  Which was true.  I knew she’d do a great job, mainly because she wouldn’t rest until she was better at cheering than me.







Seaddle: seven years, eight months, and three days ago


I trotted down the corridor.  The school year was almost over, and I’d pulled all of my grades back up to where they would’ve been if I hadn’t been intentionally sabotaging myself.  Bumblesweet isn’t the only one who can earn straight A’s.

I didn’t see the orange hoof cross my path until it was too late.  I tripped, heavy textbooks landing all around me.  I looked up to see my friends from the cheerleading squad laughing at me.  Bumble emerged from the hallway she’d been hiding in.  “I told you she’s a klutz.  Aren’t you so glad to be rid of her and have me on the squad instead?  Talk about an upgrade.  A pony this clumsy could cause serious injuries to her teammates.”  She sat on me to prevent me from getting up, while my former friends kept laughing as my sister tormented me.  We were of about equal strength, but she had leverage and I was effectively pinned and at her mercy.  She wanted something.

“Rumor has it that my not particularly bright sister is doing better in some classes than I am.  Now, I know we promised your grades would improve if you dropped out of cheerleading, but it wouldn’t look good for the student to surpass her tutor, would it?”

“You haven’t even tried to tutor me.  I did this on my own, without your help.”

“Good, then you won’t need any help failing the next test in each of your classes, will you?”

“Go to Tartarus, sis.  If you insist on making this a competition, beat me fair and square.”

“Wrong answer, Honey.”  My former friends from the cheer squad pelted me with rotten tomatoes.  “I’m glad we had this little chat.”

She stood up, dusted herself off, and trotted off, followed by her two flunkies.  I stood up on shaky legs.  Let the cards fall where they may, but I’m not holding back this time.  I’ve turned the other cheek one too many times.







Seaddle: seven years, five months, and nineteen days ago


My sister and I were once more harvesting honey.  As usual, I was distracting the bees with my buzzing so she could remove the combs.  The bees were entranced while she was working with the hive.

With every ‘victory’ her ego swelled further, and somewhere along the line she lost touch with reality.  Her grades were almost always higher than mine, she pushed herself and her teams to victory more often than not, and she was even doing a great job on the cheer squad.

I’d never begrudge her for her abilities.  Her being ‘better’ at things doesn’t faze me.  It’s her attitude that’s the problem.  It’s her constant abuse towards me.  It’s her obsession with beating me at all costs.  It’s the fact that she’s even turning our parents against me.  I stopped buzzing.  I’m an awful pony for doing this, but I’m not nearly as awful as she is for pushing me into doing it.

“Ow!  Ow!  Honeybuzz!  Ow!  What the hay!  Ow, ow ow!  I’m getting stung!  Ow!  It’s going right through my clothes!”

Maybe you should try doing your own laundry sometime, sis.  It’s a shame your suit’s getting so threadbare.  I started coughing.  I dropped to the ground, hacking.  “Sorry…”  Cough.  Cough.  “Sis, got a…”  Cough.  “Tickle in my throat.”

I started buzzing again and stood up.  I looked at the hive, but Bumble was nowhere to be found.  And the hive was just about deserted.  Horseapples.  They’re chasing her.  I galloped towards the creek, and sure enough I found my sister keeping as much of herself underwater as possible as the bees hovered over the spot.  “Buzz.  Buzzzzz.”  I started buzzing again and the bees stopped.

Bumblesweet poked her head above the water and saw the bees frozen and heard me buzzing.  “It’s about time.”  She swam to shore and then galloped toward the house.  I slowly backed away from the bees, buzzing the whole time.  Once I was far enough away from them, I turned tail and ran after my sister.

I closed the kitchen door behind me and found my sister sprawled on the floor, panting.  “You okay, sis?”

“No.  They got me.  A lot.”

“Let me look.”  Oh dear.  There’s at least a hundred stings.  As planned, some of them punctured through her protective suit.  But this is more than I expected.  Way more.  I grabbed tweezers and started pulling the stingers out.  “Show me where it hurts most.”  She did her best to point out the ones that made it through her clothing, and I started with those.

Once I got the stingers out, I helped her up the stairs to the bathroom.  “You need a cold shower.  You’ve got too many stings for an icepack.”

I turned the water on and eased her into the shower.  I kept her talking as the water washed over her body.  Once her teeth started chattering, I reached in and turned off the water, then hoofed her a towel so she could dry off.

While she toweled off, I dug around in the medicine cabinet until I found some salve and a potion for bee sting relief.  Bumble climbed into bed and I rubbed the salve on her stings, then gave her the potion to drink.  I tucked her in and sat there chatting with her for a while.  It was nice to have an actual conversation with my sister.  It had been way too long since the last time we’d said more than a few words to one another.

Eventually sleep claimed her as the medication started working.  My guilty conscience kept me at her side until she woke up.  I didn’t mean for her to get stung this much.  I just wanted to get her back for that incident at school a few months ago.  Worst of all, was it wrong that I felt worse for losing more than a hundred bees than the fact that my sister was hurt so badly?







Seaddle: six years, seven months, and twenty-seven days ago


A year ago I would’ve found it difficult to believe things could get worse between my sister and I, but they did.  She never asked for my help ever again when it came time to harvest honey, instead relying on a smoker.

She eventually stopped talking to me.  She threw herself into her schoolwork and more extracurricular activities than ever before, and chased me out of the few I tried to get involved with.  The only upside was she never laid a hoof on me again.  I guess nothing makes a memory last like pain.  I’d proven myself capable of striking back, and I think it scared her.

Almost a year of silent treatment was more than I could stand.  Bitter rivals or not, we were still sisters and I still cared about her.  I saved every bit I had for months to get her exactly what she wanted for Hearth’s Warming.  She didn’t even thank me, and never even bothered to take the gift out of its box.  For our birthday, she had a party and invited everypony in school.  The only thing I could think to give her that she’d want was to not be there.  So I snuck out and blew my birthday bits at the arcade instead.

It was at that point I realized that the situation had deteriorated to the point where things were no longer salvageable between Bumblesweet and myself.  If the only way I could make my sister happy was to not be there, then I needed a way out.

Eventually I found one.  The School of Friendship was looking for more students to enroll in classes.  A quick check of an atlas confirmed that Ponyville was on the other side of the country from Seaddle.  That would be more than sufficient distance away from her.  I mailed in an application, with endorsements from three of my teachers.







Ponyville: six years, zero months, and seventeen days ago


I cracked an eye open as sunlight streamed through my window.  A quick glance at the clock indicated it was only half past nine.  I decided to do something about that: I closed my eye and rolled over, pulling a blanket over my head for good measure.

My bed was warm, and my dorm room was chilly.  I always sleep best when it’s cool and I’m tucked under a mountain of blankets and a nice, thick comforter.  With my roommate gone for the next month, I could finally keep the room as cool as I wanted.

My plans to take full advantage of that and catch up on sleep were dashed by a knock on my door.  I groaned.  “It’s open.”

Headmare Glimmer walked in and shivered as she stood in the middle of the room.  “Honeybuzz?”

“Yes headmare?”

“Call me Starlight.  I just thought I’d stop by and see how you’re doing.  There are so few students left on campus.”

“I’m fine.  Just enjoying the solitude and privacy.”

“You know we cover the heating bill.  You don’t have to keep it this cold in here.”

“I like it cold in here.  Helps me sleep.”

“I see.  Anyways, I just wanted to ask why you decided to stay on campus instead of going home for the Hearth’s Warming break?”

I rolled out of bed and stretched.  “My family’s back in Seaddle.  It’s a week there by train and another week back.  I didn’t want to waste all that time traveling.”

“I could teleport you there if you’d like.  I’ll even come back for you in a month.”

“No.”  That was probably too emphatic.  “You don’t have to put yourself to any trouble, Starlight.”

She shrugged.  “It’s no trouble at all.  Give me five minutes in the library and I’m sure I could find a reference point in Seaddle.  And once I have that, it’s just a few seconds there and back.  I’m certainly willing to do that for one of my students.  Of course, that’s entirely up to you.  If there’s a reason you don’t want to go home, we could talk about it.”

“I’d rather not.”

“And that’s perfectly acceptable too.  Part of friendship is knowing when to let sleeping dogs lie.  But if you ever want to talk about it, or address any complaints you may have, my door is always open.  For the record, I know what it’s like to not want to go home.”

“Oh?”

Starlight nodded.  “I come from the small town of Sire’s Hollow.  Ever heard of it?”  I shook my head.  “Not surprising, it’s a dot on the map.  My Dad’s a little overbearing.  As in, once I left town he decided the entire town had to stay frozen in time in my absence.”  She chuckled.  “He started the Sire’s Hollow Preservation Society.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad.”

“He had the bookstore designated a site of historical interest.  Nopony could buy the books.  Nopony was allowed to touch the books, so nopony could read the books.  And the baker was forced to use 100% ancient pony grains in making bread.  I sent his recipe and remaining inventory home with Yona last summer.”

“They eat it?”

“Of course not.  Last I heard they were using it as currency.  If not for all the new friends I’ve met here at the school, I never would’ve known that yaks place a lot of value on things that are impossible to smash.”

“Makes sense.  Your dad sounds like an interesting character.”

“He is.  And he’s a good stallion.  But I can only handle him in small doses, so I avoided going home for a long time.  But eventually I had to go back.”

“Needed money?”

She laughed.  “No.  By then I was already working at the School of Friendship, though at that point I was the guidance counselor.  Instead I was called home by the Cutie Map to solve a friendship problem.  Which turned out to be my relationship with my Dad, and Vice Headmare Sunburst’s relationship with his mother.  Sunburst and I grew up together, and even though we drifted apart for years, we had one thing in common – neither of us went home.”

“Understandable.  So what’s Vice Headmare Sunburst’s mom like?”

“I’m not sure if Stellar Flare started the Sire’s Hollow Development Committee in response to Dad, or vice versa, but she was in the process of turning Sire’s Hollow into a mall.  She used to drive Sunburst crazy by planning every detail of his life out for him.  At that point we thought we had the friendship problem figured out – all we needed to do was get his progressive mother and my preservationist father to compromise and we could get out of town as quickly as equinely possible…”

“I take it that didn’t work out quite like expected?”

“Not a chance.  They quickly found common ground – helping us.  And by ‘helping us’ I mean ‘driving us up the wall’.  Things got worse before they got better, but we eventually reconciled with them and the two of us go home regularly now.  Mainly because it prevents them from showing up here in Ponyville.”

I nodded.  “So if I ever want to get expelled, I should send your dad a bunch of Ponyville real estate listings.  Good to know.”

“Please don’t do that.”

“I’ll make you a deal: I’ll never do that as long as you never try to send me home for the holidays or summer.”

“Deal!  Now that that’s out of the way, do you want to tell me why you don’t want to go home?”

“Sure.”  I hoofed her an unopened letter from home.  “I got this in the mail a few weeks ago.  The penmareship is obviously my twin sister’s.  I haven’t opened it, but I’ll bet you a bit it’s a Hearth’s Warming card and that at least half the text is bragging about her accomplishments in the months since I left home.”  I placed a bit on the table to put my money where my mouth was.

Starlight took the card from me and scanned it.  She frowned as she continued reading it, and eventually she levitated a bit next to the one I’d put on the table.  “You obviously don’t want to know the contents, or you’d have already read it.”

“It isn’t hard to guess.  Knowing her, she made honor roll, scored at least one game-winning goal in one of the half dozen sports she competes in, and probably made head cheerleader too.  My sister’s competitive.  Hypercompetitive.  She hates losing.”  I rolled my eyes.  “A few years ago, we raced back home from school.  The next day she told everypony how she’d finished runner up in a big race, and how I’d finished next to last.”

She worked through that in her head for a few seconds.  “You beat her.”

“And her ego couldn’t take it.  I don’t view everything in life as a competition.  I don’t need to have higher grades than she does.  I don’t need to be more athletic than she is.  I don’t need to be more popular than she is.  So I stopped trying.  I just let her beat me at everything, hoping she’d either lose interest in beating me at everything, or decide I wasn’t challenging enough and find a ‘worthier’ opponent.  No such luck.  Then I started beating her in things, and that only made everything worse.  The problems between us escalated even further, and so I came here to get away from all that.”

“What about your parents?”

“Why do you think she competes?  She’s better at school, sports, and everything else.  She’s the favorite, and I’m the disappointment.”

“That’s the worst sibling rivalry I’ve ever heard of.  Which is odd, since twins normally have stronger relationships with one another.”

“So I’ve heard.  I talked to the twins that own the spa.”

“Aloe and Lotus Blossom.”

“And the twins on the weather team.”

“Flitter and Cloudchaser.”

“And they all have much better sibling dynamics than I do with Bumblesweet.”

Starlight read through the letter again.  “So your sister likes to brag?”  I nodded.  “How about you?”

“I prefer to let actions speak louder than words.”

Starlight grinned.  “They say a picture is worth a thousand words.”  Her horn lit up and we teleported.

That was a new feeling for me, and it was terrifying.  A second later we winked back into existence, except now we were standing in front of Canterlot Castle.  “Wow!”

“How’d you like to meet a princess?  How’d you like to meet all the princesses?”  She pulled a camera out of her saddlebag.  “Smile!”  Click.

With a whirr, the photo started printing out.  She hoofed it to me, and it was a shot of me in front of the castle.  “You know, just in case you wanted to send a letter back with a few photos to show what you’ve been up to these past four months.”

“You rock.”

She grinned, and trotted up to the guard at the castle’s door.  After a few words, the guard opened the door, allowing us to trot in.  Starlight led the way to a waiting room with the softest, most comfortable pillow I’d ever sat on.  About five minutes later Twilight Sparkle teleported in and my jaw dropped.  I struggled to get to my hooves, but she waved me back down.

“No need for formalities.  Starlight tells me you’re a student at the school I founded.  It’s a pleasure to meet you.  I’m sorry I don’t have a lot of time at the moment, things have been pretty hectic here lately.”

“That’s okay.  Really, I was just hoping you’d be up for a quick photo?”  Starlight waved the camera in her magical aura, and Twilight nodded consent.

Starlight wrapped a hoof around me, and Twilight did the same from the other side.  Starlight then levitated the camera away from us and clicked half a dozen shots.  I trotted over to where the images had fallen and picked them off the floor.

“Did they come out okay?”

I nodded, and the camera disappeared back into Starlight’s saddlebag.  “Thanks, Twilight.  Would you mind having Spike send scrolls to Celestia, Luna, and Cadence letting them know we’re going to be dropping by shortly?”

Twilight nodded, and we were off in yet another flash, this time to the Crystal Empire.  The scene repeated itself, pictures were taken, and then again in Silver Shoals where I met the retired princesses.

All too soon the best day of my life was over, and we were back at the School of Friendship.  We’d winked into the cafeteria, just in time for lunch.

“There you are, Starlight.”  The school’s guidance counselor pulled up a chair to the table we were sitting at.  “Trixie thought you’d gotten busy and forgotten our daily lunch.  Again.”

“Nah, just taking a little tour of Equestria to work up an appetite.”

“If you’ll excuse me, I have a letter to go write.”

“You’re excused.”

“Thanks, and thank you for the tour.  That was incredible.”

“You’re welcome!  I’m glad you enjoyed it!”

I grabbed an apple and a few granola bars, then trotted back to my room.

Dear Bumblesweet,

I hope you’re doing well.  Forgive my delay in writing back, it’s been crazy here.  I don’t have much time to explain what’s been going on, so I figured I’d just toss a few pictures in and let them do the talking.

I’m sorry I won’t make it back for the holidays.  Please pass my love on to Mom & Dad.

Happy Hearth’s Warming!

Your twin,
Honeybuzz

I trotted into town, purchased a card to slide the letter into, then mailed it off at the post office.









Ponyville: five years, eleven months, and fifteen days ago


Headmare Starlight had called me into her office, and from the look of it, I wasn’t alone.  It’s the first day of the semester.  There are always problems to resolve.  But what did I do?

I took a seat next to Rainbow Harmony in the waiting room.  “Good morning Rainbow.”

The pink pegasus filly took a look at me and cringed.  “You look awful, Honeybuzz.”

“I couldn’t sleep last night.  My roommate’s back from break and she keeps our room as hot as a furnace.”

The pegasus across the room snickered at that.  “Is her name being Citrine Spark?”

I turned to look at the pink mare.  “How did you know that?”

“I am also being a former roommate of hers.  I am liking it very cold because I come from Crystalvania, in the Frozen North.”

“I sleep better when it’s chilly.”

“Me too.”  She smiled.  “And I am having an off campus apartment and I have been doing the looking for a roommate.  Would you be showing the interest?”

“Yes.”

She clopped her front hooves together.  “Then let us do the talking to Headmare Starlight.”

I chuckled.  “That’s what we’re here for, isn’t it?  I didn’t catch your name?”

“I am being Bifröst.”

“Nice to meet you, Bifröst.”

Headmare Starlight popped out of her office.  “Honeybuzz, you’re next!”

I trotted into the office and she closed the door behind me.

“I suppose you’re wondering why I called you in on the first day of class.”

I nodded.

“I just wanted an excuse for you and Bifröst to meet.  I assume you’d like permission to move off campus?  Granted.”

“You’re very sneaky, headmare.”

“I know.  Send Bifröst in, and tell Rainbow Harmony she can go back to class now.”

I walked out of the office and sent Bifröst in.  Then I sat next to Rainbow Harmony.  “So what are you in for?”

“Starlight just wanted me to steer a conversation in the direction it needed to go.”

“She really is sneaky.”

“You have no idea.”

“Also, she said you can go back to class now.”

Rainbow shrugged.  “I have study hall right now.  Not much to study first thing in the morning on the first day back from Hearths Warming break.”  She stood up.  “See you at lunch?”

“Sure.”









Ponyville: five years, five months, and two days ago


“Honeybuzz?”

I opened my eyes. Bifröst was standing in the middle of the room we shared.  “Mn?” It was too early in the morning for full words.

“What are you doing in the bed?”

“Sleeping.”

“But I just did the seeing of you outside.”

My eyes flew open.  Horseapples!  It was no longer ‘too early’ for full words.  If somepony saw ‘me’ somewhere else while I was still in bed, that could only mean one thing.  No.  No, no, no, no, no.  It’s not possible.  She wouldn’t come here.  She can’t come here.  Can she?

Oh who am I kidding.  If she thinks she can make my life miserable, she’ll come here. Headmare Starlight, I really hope I can count on you…  At the very least I owed Bifröst an explanation.  “So, funny story.”

“I am liking the humor. What is being funny?”

“I have a twin sister. That I’ve never mentioned. Because we haven’t been on speaking terms since… uh, since well before I left Seaddle.”

“I was not even knowing that you were being from Seaddle.  You do not do the talking about your home life very much.”

“Because it was never really home.  The School of Friendship is more of a home than Seaddle ever was.”

“I feel like I should be doing the hugging of you.”

“Save it for later.  I have a bad feeling I’m going to need a lot of hugs by the time this day is over.  Where, exactly, did you see this other me?”

“Your twin is being in the town marketplace.”

“Thanks.  I hate to ask, but would you mind doing me a big favor?”

“It is not being a problem. What would you like me to be doing?”

“Get everypony from the school who’s still on campus.  Students, teachers, staff… freeloading magicians.”

“Okay?”

“Bring them to the market. I don’t know what Bumblesweet’s been up to, but I have some guesses…”

“Then what?”

I shrugged.  “I don’t have a plan.  I’m hoping Starlight will come up with one, but surely somepony from the school will have an idea of some sort.”

Bifröst nodded, then jumped out our second story window.  Defenestration is cheating. Without wings, I had to take the stairs, racing down them two at a time.  I galloped through town, and several ponies gave me dirty looks.  I really hope that’s because my running is disturbing them, and not because of something Bumblesweet just did.

It wasn’t hard to find my sister.  She was wearing a dress that conveniently covered her cutie mark as she riled up the locals while pretending to be me.  It’s not bad enough you had to turn everypony in Seaddle against me, you have to turn everyone in Ponyville against me too? She’s probably still angry that I met all the princesses…  Time to do damage control.

She spotted me before I could say anything.  “Well, look what the cat dragged in.  Took you long enough.”

“Nice to see you too, Bumblesweet.  Is there any particular reason you’re making a scene in town?”

She shrugged. “Consider it an attention getter. It got your attention, didn’t it?”

“…Yes.”  I rolled my eyes.  “You know, there are better ways to get somepony’s attention.”

“Of course I know that.” She smiled sweetly.  “But they’re boring.  Just like you.”

“So what brings you to Ponyville, sis?  Considering last I checked you weren’t even speaking to me…”

She pretended to gasp. She’d been the star of several school plays, so I knew her acting skills were better than that.  “I’m offended.  Can’t I come visit my favorite twin sister?”

“I’m your only twin sister.”

“Details, details.  I came here to patch things up with you, Honeybuzz.”

I quirked an eyebrow and waited for the other horseshoe to drop.  If she was on speaking terms with me again, it meant she wanted something badly.

“Say, does Princess Twilight still live here in Ponyville?”

And there it is.  You’re as subtle as an airship crash, sis.  “I’m afraid she moved to Canterlot.  But if you go to the end of the block and turn right, the train station’s only three blocks away.  You could be in Canterlot in a few short hours, and I’m sure Twilight would be thrilled to take time from her schedule to fawn all over you.”

“But I was hoping my sister who’s already such good friends with the princess could get me in to see her.  You do know her, right?”

“We’ve met.”  That much was true at least.

“Your Hearth’s Warming card said you knew all the princesses personally.”

“It said no such thing. If I remember correctly, it said I was too busy to write a full letter and to see the enclosed pictures.”

“That’s not what was in the letter I read out loud to our parents.”

Oh that little sneak.  She made up a story and then showed them the pictures of me with the princesses.

“I knew you were lying. Of course you were lying.  You could never hope to measure up to me, so you had to lie about how you’re such good friends with all of the princesses.”

“So you made up a story. You thought you were clever, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t make up anything. You said you were too busy to write, so I just filled in the gaps like any responsible sister would do.  Our parents worry about you, so it was nice to be able to give them an update that put their minds at ease.”

I massaged my scalp with a hoof.  “You only see what you want to see.  You warp the world to meet your twisted fantasies.  I’m tired of it, sis.  I came here, all the way across the continent, to get away from you.”

Bumblesweet again mock-gasped.  “You would throw away your own twin sister?  What kind of heartless pony are you?”

“That’s a question you should ask yourself.”  I threw my hooves up in frustration.  “Fine, if you want to ruin my life so badly, have at it.  I’ll just move to another town and this time I won’t be foolish enough to let you know where to find me.”

The crowd around us was getting thicker – Bifröst had thankfully rallied the School of Friendship to my side.  I owe you one, roomie.  I turned my back on Bumblesweet, knowing that dismissing her would infuriate her further.  I took the opportunity to scan the crowd for friendly faces.  Starlight wasn’t there, nor were any of the teachers, but a lot of the students were watching our altercation.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“The train station, since you aren’t.  Have a nice life, sis.  Do me a favor and forget I exist, k?”

“Oh no, no, no.  You’re not getting out of this that easily.  I challenge you to a contest.  I’ll even let you pick.  There’s nothing you can do that I can’t do better.”

“Why does everything in life have to be a competition for you?”

“Life is a constant race to stay on top.”

“No it isn’t.  I’m sorry you feel that way, but there’s way more to life than that.  Maybe you should try the School of Friendship.”

“If you want to concede defeat, here in front of everypony, by all means, go ahead.”

“Fine, you win…”  She smirked, thinking I’d conceded.  “…if a competition is what you want, I challenge you to a smashing contest.”

Bumblesweet snickered. “You always were good at breaking things, sis.  Like that time that you broke Jazz Hooves’ leg.  I think I underestimated you.  Maybe you really do have a chance at this one.”

“I know I’m not going to win.  That said, I don’t think you’re going to win, either.”  I held out a hoof and tagged one of my fellow students.  “I never said I’d be competing, Bumble.  Yona, this one’s all yours.”

“This is best day of Yona’s life.”  She gave me a bonecrushing hug then charged towards a pile of very smashable items in front of Curio’s Antique Store.  Yona absolutely obliterated a grandsire clock before my sister had even started moving in the direction of the store.

Bumblesweet gave it her all. She charged into the store and started throwing things out the window.

“Yes!  That’s the spirit, Honeybuzz pony clone!  Yona love challenge!”

I couldn’t help but laugh at Yona calling Bumblesweet my clone.  I could tell that rankled my sister – she really started getting into it. She bucked the front door off its hinges and into the street.  A lamp shaped like Discord was the next thing to fly out the window, followed by an entire display case filled with porcelain dishes.  My sister leapt from the building, trampling the lamp and bucking the remnants of the display case until nothing inside remained intact.

Knickknacks rained down on the cobblestone street as Bumblesweet bucked and stomped.  Tatters of a shredded coronation dress floated down from the second story.  Yona, meanwhile, gored and trampled, rammed and stomped.  She was in her element. 

Spectators backed up to the other side of the street as the two contestants in the first ever Ponyville Smashing Competition continued to destroy everything in their path. Sandbar and his friends were cheering on Yona.  Very few ponies were cheering for my sister.









Curio stood over the pile of debris that had once been her store’s merchandise.  “Let’s tally this up to see who won, shall we?  Grandsire clock, one hundred and five bits; seventeen vases, each priced to move at just eighty-eight bits each…”

Bifröst looked over the carnage.  “Who is going to do the paying for all of this?”

“Yaks have smashing budget. Only thing we all agree on.”  We all looked at Yona, incredulously. “What?  You didn’t think yaks go around smashing everybody’s stuff without paying for it?”

Everypony in the crowd looked to her, then to each other.  I’d never really thought about it before.  Glancing around, I don’t think anypony had.  It really prompted the question of where Yakyakistan was getting the bits for a smashing budget.

Curio nodded.  “Every time she needs to break stuff she comes here, and I get a check the next week from the Yakyakistanian treasury.  So I know her part of the damages are covered. Now, let’s total up your share of the smashing, miss.”

I saw my sister’s face pale as she realized she was going to have to pay for all the stuff she’d smashed.  Actions have consequences. Whoever would’ve imagined?

“We’ll start with my display window.  My front door.  Hmn, a couple of walls, one of which I think might be loadbearing.”

“Oh!  Yona never even think to break building.  Nice job smashing, Honeybuzz pony clone!”  She clapped Bumblesweet on the back, knocking my sister to the cobblestones.

She picked herself up, fuming.  “My name is Bumblesweet!  Seriously, has Honeybuzz never even mentioned me at all?!?”

“Nope,” I said, smugly. “Look on the bright side, sis. You out-smashed me.  You might even have out-smashed a yak, and that’s no small accomplishment.”

“Ha!”  Yona laughed.  “If Honeybuzz pony clone out-smash Yona, Yakyakistan will cover her share of the smashing too.”

Some semblance of relief washed over Bumble after Yona said that.  Her hypercompetitive nature showed through – she actually started trying to argue that things were more expensive than they really were.  Truthfully, nothing in Curio’s shop was particularly old or valuable.  It was a glamorized secondhoof shop, and the locals all knew it.  My sister, however, didn’t.

The end result was closer than I’d expected, but still a landslide for Yona.  The happy yak danced in the street while Bumblesweet started stammering an excuse as to why she couldn’t pay the proprietor almost five thousand bits.  Cheap junk or not, Bumblesweet had smashed a lot of it.  Bumblesweet snorted and stomped the ground in frustration.  The shop, already weakened from her earlier smashing, collapsed.

Dust coated all of us and I coughed as I congratulated my sister for winning.  “You really know how to bring down the house, sis.”

“Ha!  I win after all!”

“No fair!  Yona no know that building was fair game!”  She banged her head on the pile of debris and screamed in frustration.  “Yona need to smash something!”

Everypony with even a shred of self-preservation backed away from the angry bovine.  Sandbar, however, rushed over to her and led her away from Ponyville and the many, many smashable things within.  Ocellus shapeshifted into a cragodile and helped herd Yona toward the Everfree Forest.

“Like I said, there’s nothing I can’t do when I put my mind to it.  Even out-smashing a yak.”

“You should definitely put that on your résumé, sis.”

Bumblesweet glared at me. “I don’t need to.  I’ll inherit the family beekeeping business and you’ll get squat.”

I shrugged.  “If I cared about any of that I’d still be in Seaddle. I miss our bees, but that’s about it.”

“What seems to be the problem here?”  Starlight Glimmer stepped between Bumblesweet and myself.

Now Starlight shows up.  “My twin sister showed up in town and caused a little trouble.”  I motioned to Curio’s leveled shop.  “Quite a bit of trouble, in fact.”

“Did you really destroy this secondhoof shop?”

“Uh…”  Bumblesweet looked at the crowd, all of whom were nodding that she had, in fact done so.  “Yes… But I can explain.”

“Oh this ought to be good.” Starlight’s horn glowed and a folding chair appeared next to her.  She took a seat.  “Please, feel free to explain this destruction.”

“Well, you see… there was this contest and I had to beat a yak.  And well… the building didn’t make it but it counted toward my damage total which put me over the top.  And that means Yakyakistan will pay for the damages.”  She grinned smugly.  “Because I out-smashed a yak.”

I grinned.  “Bumblesweet said she wanted to meet Princess Twilight. I bet the princess would love to hear about all the damage my sister has done to her old hometown of Ponyville.  What do you think?”

“I suddenly no longer desire to meet Princess Twilight Sparkle.”

Starlight tapped a hoof to her chin.  “You know, that sounds like a wonderful idea.  I can get us an audience with Princess Twilight immediately.”

“I’m sorry, but I have other places to be right now.”  Bumblesweet turned tail and ran toward the train station.

I sighed.  “I want to love her.  There was a time I’d have given anything to have her treat me as an equal, as a sister.  The really crazy part?  Today was a step in the right direction, because she actually recognized my existence and spoke to me.  The entire last year I lived in Seaddle she didn’t say a word to me.  If I never see her again… I don’t think I’ll care.  All I can say at this point is good riddance to bad rubbish.”

“I can see now why you don’t go home.”

I shrugged.  “As I’ve said to you a bunch of times, I’m already home. Ponyville is my home.”  That prompted everypony who overheard me say it to give me a hug.  Ponyville is such a crazy old town, but it’s my kind of crazy.  I turned to Starlight.  “So, think we should send her to go meet your dad?”

“No.  I love my daddy, even if he drives me up the wall most of the time.”

I chuckled.  “That’s true.  He doesn’t deserve to put up with that.  Thank you.  I don’t think I need to worry about her showing up in Ponyville again.”

“Speaking as a former villain, never say never.  She came here to show you up and failed spectacularly.  Right now she’s really, really embarrassed, but soon enough that will turn to anger.  She’ll want revenge.  That said, you probably don’t have to worry about it any time soon.  It’ll be a long time before she shows up in Ponyville again.”

“I hope so.  Ponyville has enough villains who’ve sworn revenge on the town and its denizens that we don’t need to add my sister to the list.”









Ponyville: five years, three months, and eight days ago


After my sister’s rampage, I decided I needed to get a job in town.  Partially because it was nice to have a source of income, but mostly because I realized I needed to put myself out there more.  I wanted everypony in Ponyville to know who I was.  Not because I needed my ego stroked like my sister, but because if she ever came back, I wanted ponies to know she wasn’t me.

My first thought was to fall back on what I knew.  It’d been a few years since I’d last kept bees, and I didn’t want to lose the skills I’d learned.  Despite my begging, Starlight wouldn’t let me set up an apiary at the school. Considering she’d already helped me out a bunch of times, I wasn’t willing to force the issue.

It turned out I didn’t need to.  Professor Applejack kept me after class one day and insisted I follow her back to Sweet Apple Acres.  “This here part o’ the Acres isn’t being used for anythin’ thanks to me setting aside this land as part of a sanctuary for pesty vampire fruit bats.”

“That seems unusual.” I thought about it for a second.  “Fluttershy?”

“Got it in one.  She’s got a soft spot for any critter, even thievin’ varmints.  Had to designate this whole section of orchard as a nature preserve.  Ain’t usin’ it for nothin’ else, so may as well let you keep some bees here.  I could use a good pollinator ‘round these parts.”

I gasped.  “You don’t have a beekeeper in Ponyville?”  I hadn’t seen any apiaries, but I hadn’t gone looking for any either.

“O’ course we have a beekeeper.  I just don’t like him all that much on account o’ him ruinin’ my most darin’ pony contest with RD.  I would’ve won, too, if not for him callin’ his bees back.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Ponyville, but the downside to livin’ in such a small town is that when you’re feudin’ with somepony, an’ he ain’t got no competition, you don’t have any other options.  ‘Bout time he had some competition.  So you can use this here portion of the orchard and have as many hives as you want, an’ I’ll even let y’all sell your honey and candles and whatnot at my stall in the market.  Free o’ charge, since you’re such a good student, and since you’ll be pollinatin’ my orchard.”

“Thank you!”

“Don’t mention it.”

Applejack left me alone to start setting things up, not that I could do all that much without supplies. Mostly I mapped out where I wanted everything to go.

Half an hour later Applejack returned with her brother, Big Macintosh, in tow, and they started hammering and sawing.  Despite my curiosity, I watched them work in silence.  I’d known AJ long enough to know she didn’t like folks interrupting her when she was working.

A few hours later I had an office.  It looked a bit like a miniature barn, but that made sense since the Apples had a lot of experience raising barns.  I’d been living in Ponyville for only two years and their barn had been replaced four times since I’d moved in.  It was like the building was a magnet for disaster.









Ponyville: four years, eight months, and seventeen days ago


It felt good to be beekeeping again.  It was my special talent, after all.  Since Sweet Apple Acres was my patron, I decided to start with blue orchard bees to pollinate their apple trees.  There would be no honey from them, but that was okay.  My end goal wasn’t to replace Ponyville’s current beekeeper, but to get Applejack set up with her own source of pollination.  Something she could keep up if I decided to leave Ponyville after graduating from the School of Friendship.  If I decided to stay in Ponyville, I’d have to meet this other beekeeper for myself before deciding what course of action to take.  Applejack and Rainbow Dash were too competitive and reminded me a lot of my sister.  I had a hunch that Ponyville’s resident pollinator wasn’t to blame for whatever tiff AJ had with him.

With the orchard taken care of, I moved on to honey bees.  With only a few hives, I wouldn’t be making much off the sale of honey or wax, but like with the pollinators, I was mostly producing to meet the needs of Sweet Apple Acres, not Ponyville.  But I still needed some excess to sell.  The whole point of getting a job was to be more visible to Ponyville as a whole – and there was no better place to be seen than in Sweet Apple Acres’ booth in the town market.  Almost everypony in town bought apples.

I’d show up once a week with a few jars of honey and some candles and sell out of my meager inventory long before the Apples would.  But it was obvious that they needed help, so I stuck around regardless.  They had a huge orchard, and AJ and her siblings were the only truly able bodies they had to work it.  Granny Smith was frail, AJ had more demands on her time than ever now that she was a professor at the School of Friendship, Big Macintosh had started a family with a baker named Sugar Belle, and Apple Bloom was barely older than me and still in school.  They all had other responsibilities, and their parents weren’t around.  Something had happened to them – their pictures were prominently displayed in the farmhouse, but the Apples never mentioned them and I didn’t ask.

But it was obvious that they needed help.  So I pitched in, bucking trees here and pressing cider there.  I spent so much time at Sweet Apple Acres that the Apple family became a surrogate family for me.  If I was working out in the orchard, Sugar Belle would come around with drinks and snacks so I could ‘keep my strength up’.  Apple Bloom usually invited me to tag along whenever she went places with her friends Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.  Granny Smith insisted I stay for dinner every night, and Applejack made sure I was compensated for my time helping out at the market stand.







Ponyville: three years, seven months, and twenty-six days ago


“Any idea what’s going on?”

Bifröst shook her head.  “I am being as confused as you are being.”

We continued trotting towards the auditorium with the rest of the student body.  The auditorium was packed, filled with a menagerie of sapients: ponies, griffins, zebras, dragons, buffalo, hippogriffs, yaks, giraffes, Abyssinians, minotaurs, and even changelings.  It would’ve been an impossible gathering just a few short years ago.  According to Bifröst, when the school opened there’d been a solitary representative each from the changelings, yaks, hippogriffs, dragons, and griffins.  Now there were dozens.

Once everycreature was seated Headmare Starlight stepped up to the podium.  “Thank you all for attending on such short notice.  It’s rare that news this momentous is announced.  Researchers have discovered a parallel world to ours.  We’ve had ponies living there in secret for the last forty years, and now they’re looking for volunteers to travel there for a few years.  As the School of Friendship, our students are being given priority.  The princess is looking for the brightest and best, with an emphasis on those who’ve excelled in friendship lessons.  Starting next semester, we’re going to be offering classes preparing those who wish to travel to Earth.  We’ll be mailing the course catalog to any others interested in seeing Earth for themselves, but you’ll all have an advantage by being here.  This is a lot to take in, so classes are dismissed for the rest of the day.  We’ll distribute more details tomorrow, once we’ve had a chance to print them off.”

The assembly dispersed, most of the students thrilled to have the rest of the day off.  Bifröst and I were among the last to leave the auditorium, and Headmare Starlight stopped us.

“A word with the two of you, if I may?”

We followed her back to her office and pulled up seats.  “What’s up?”

“You each have unique situations, and honestly, I think this chance to go to Earth is perfect for both of you.  Once we have the fall course catalog ready, I’d recommend you both enroll.  As you know, I’m close friends with the princess, and as such, I have some information that’s not available to the general public just yet.”  She slid a pair of envelopes across the table, one addressed to each of us.  “I believe you’ll find you each have a skill set desperately needed on Earth.”

I opened my envelope to find pamphlets in a foreign language I couldn’t read.  But they had bees on the cover.  “Um?”

“I am not understanding either, Headmare Starlight.  I am seeing pictures of the arctic.”

“You’ll of course need to learn some of Earth’s languages, and in particular these works are printed in English.  I have yet to learn these myself, and I’m scrambling to find linguists able to learn new languages in three months so we can offer them as courses this fall.  I’m really pressing the princess to have some of the ponies who’ve been over there for a few decades come and teach here for a few years.  Thankfully, due to their research we have Equestrian-English translation guides, but I don’t have anypony on staff who knows the language yet.  At the very least, I want an English class.  What you need to know is that unlike Equestria, they don’t control the environment on Earth, and things aren’t going so well.  Bees are in decline, and the polar icecaps are melting.  I know these are areas of interest to you, and I’m thinking that Equestria could make a great impression on the people living on Earth if we could solve some of their environmental issues for them using pony magic and know-how.”

I nodded.  “I’ll think about it.  It seems well-suited for me and I have no qualms uprooting my life and moving someplace new.  I did it before, and I can do it again.”

With that, Bifröst and I walked home to contemplate this new development in our lives.







Pine Barrens, New Jersey: today


“The wheels on the bus go ‘round and ‘round, ‘round and ‘round, ‘round and ‘round, all through the town.”

“The wipers on the bus go swish swish swish, swish swish swish, swish swish swish, all through the town.”

“The horn on the bus goes beep beep beep, beep beep beep, beep beep beep, all through the town.”

“The ponies on the bus bounce up and down, up and down, up and down, all through the town.”

Bifröst had started the song, and the rest of our friends quickly joined in.  We giggled as we finished, substituting ‘ponies’ for ‘people’ in the last verse.  Ponies are musical by default, and random crowd songs are a known phenomenon.  We’d found the song while researching buses; once we found out we’d be riding on one, we of course wanted to know what it was.  The rest of the bus likely didn’t know the song, but that didn’t stop them from continuing it with their own improvised lyrics.

“The engine on the bus goes vroom vroom vroom, vroom vroom vroom, vroom vroom vroom, all through the town.”

“The brakes on the bus go squeal squeal squeal, squeal squeal squeal, squeal squeal squeal, all through the town.”

The bus driver came on the intercom and added one final line, “The radio on the bus plays Air Supply, Air Supply, Air Supply, all through the town.”  And then he turned the radio up.

I know just how to whisper, and I know just how to cry, I know just where to find the answers, and I know just how to lie…

“Oh, they have a human equivalent of Mare Supply!”

Making love….

“Out of nothing at all!”  I really don’t think the driver expected his passengers to sing along.

I glanced out the window and saw Feathermay flying alongside the bus.  I nudged Bifröst and pointed out the window.

“What is Feathermay doing being outside the bus?”

I shrugged.  “She must’ve gotten distracted before we left.”  I’d only known the mare for a month, but ‘scatterbrained’ was a good way to describe her.  She was a sweetheart, but she had the shortest attention span of any pony I’d ever met.  If the fate of the world were to ever rest in her hooves, we’d all be doomed.

“I am wishing I would have thought to do that.  The bus is being enclosed.”

“And it smells funny.”

“That too.”

“Salutations!”  Bifröst and I turned to look at a blue unicorn standing in the aisle.  “My name is Snowcatcher, and I’m just curious what brings you to Earth?”

“The bus.  It is bringing you too.”

I resisted the urge to facehoof at Bifröst’s reply.  “I think she’s asking why we’ve chosen to leave Equestria to come to Earth.”  I hoofed the unicorn one of the pamphlets Starlight Glimmer had given me all those years ago.  I could read it now, and had learned about the mysterious Colony Collapse Disorder and the slow decline of feral pollinators.  “I come from a long line of beekeepers, and this is a mystery worth solving.”

Bifröst nodded.  “Yes, I am coming to Earth for a similar reason.  Earth is heating up due to greenhouse gases, and the polar icecaps are doing the melting.  I am also looking to be solving problem for humans.”

Snowcatcher nodded.  “Good goals.  What are your immediate plans once we get through the consulate?”

“I was going to start an apiary.  If I’m going to get to the bottom of what’s messing with Earth’s bees, I need to start working with them.”

“I am not sure.  I was going to be asking the duchess how I should best be proceeding.”

“I’m looking to start an Equestrian style hotel.  You know the type – where we all live on site.  I’m willing to accommodate everypony in any way I can.  I was planning on finding a property with a large yard, and I’d be happy to add an apiary to the final plan if you’d be willing to go in on this with us.”

“We’d all be pooling resources?”

“I’m asking for everypony to contribute their stipend.  Anything else you may have brought along, you’d keep.  I know it’s a lot to ask, but if enough of us go in we can afford a decent property big enough for all of us.  Individually, our stipends won’t go far, but if we all pitch in, who knows what we could do.”

If humans are anything at all like ponies, they won’t want to live next door to thousands of bees.  That meant I’d need a lot of land for my apiary.  “What’s the catch?”

“What isn’t the catch?  We’ll be gambling all our bits on a business venture with no guarantee of success.  The upside is even if the hotel fails, we’d still have the property as long as we don’t go into debt.  At that point we’d just have to evaluate our individual talents and see if there’s something else we could do instead.  Or look for jobs individually.”

I chuckled.  “Great sales pitch.”

She laughed.  “I’ve been practicing it here on the bus, but as you can tell I’m no salespony.  It is what it is.  I’m just giving everypony an option they didn’t know was available.  You need a lot of land, and I’m sure you know better than I do that beekeeping is an occupation with low profit margins.  This way you get an apiary and an extra source of income.”

She might be a lousy salespony, but she made a logical argument.  “All right, I’m convinced.  How about you, Bifröst?

“I am thinking it is being a good idea to have a roof over my head.  Like you, I can be doing my research in my down time.”

Snowcatcher beamed.  “Thank you!  We still need more ponies to go in on this, but I’ll keep you posted.”
> Act I: Lily Blossom
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Canterlot: sixteen years, one month, and eight days ago


I bounced through the snow, making it a game to leap from one of Mama’s hoofprints to the next.

“Come along, Lily.  This is important and we can’t be late.”

It’s not fair, there’s never enough time to play.  I trotted alongside her, doing my best not to splatter snow on her.  Because if we were going somewhere important, that meant we couldn’t arrive muddy or messy either.

I followed Mama all the way to a man…mansh… to a really big house.  We stood in front of the doors for a few minutes while Mama dried me off, combed my mane, and made me put on a fancy dress.  It was so pretty!  Then she combed her own mane, and rang the doorbell.  A stallion in a fancy suit answered the door, and then he led us to some other ponies sitting in a big room with a fireplace and a really soft carpet.  I really wanted to roll around on the carpet, but Mama wanted me to behave in front of these fancy ponies so I didn’t.

“Tiger Lily, I presume?”  The stallion who greeted her was tall and dressed even fancier than the first one.  And he wore glasses, but only over one of his eyes.  “Do take a seat.  I’m Shiny Diamond.  And this lovely young filly is?”

He looked at me and I squeaked in surprise.  “I’m Lily Blossom, sir.”  I curtseyed, just like Mama taught me to do when introducing myself.  “Charmed to meet you.”

“What fine manners you have, Miss Blossom.  Please take a seat.”

I blushed under his praise.  “Thank you.”  I curtseyed again and took a seat on one of the pillows.

Mama and the stallion started talking, but I couldn’t make sense of most of what they were talking about and instead looked around the room.  It was so big!  There was a golden chand…shan…really fancy light hanging from the ceiling.  There was a balcony all around the room, with doors upstairs that overlooked the room we were in.  One of them opened up and a filly my age popped out of the room.  She fluttered to the railing and looked down.  She spotted me and waved.  Should I wave back?  It’s polite, but would that rude to the fancy stallion in the room?  I decided to risk it and waved back.  She smiled at me and glided down to the room.  As she was flying down I got a good look at her – she was very pretty!  With a pure white coat, bright red hair, and a pretty purple dress, she looked elega…elephan…fancy.  Really fancy.

She tried to land next to me but skidded into the sofa instead.  With a crash, she bounced off the couch and landed on her back, legs askew.  I rushed over.  “Are you okay?”

She rolled over and wobbled to her hooves.  “I’m good.  I’m getting the hang of gliding, but I still need to work on my landings some more.  How about you?”

“I don’t fly a lot because I crash a lot.”

“You’ve gotta glide before you fly.  That’s what Daddy always says.”  She galloped up the stairs and launched herself off the balcony again.  Once more she glided down into the room, and once more she crash landed, rolling head over tail on the thick blue carpet.

“That makes sense.  But I don’t have a nice soft carpet to crash into.  Every time I hit the ground it’s cold and hard.”

She picked herself off the floor.  “Oh.  Yeah, that would be painful.  I’m Diamond Rose, by the way.”

“Lily Blossom.”  I curtseyed, and she giggled.

“Daddy!  Can Lily and I go play?”

“Sure thing, Rose.  Why don’t you go show her your room?”

“Good idea, Daddy!  Come on, follow me!”  And with that, she bounded out of the room and up the stairs.  I followed her as best as I could.  She was flaring her wings as she jumped up the stairs, and using them to help glide upstairs.  She was way better at gliding than I was.  But I guess going up and down these stairs every day would be great practice, so of course she’d be really good at it.

She led me to her room, but there was a mare in there.  “Hi Mommy!”

“Rose, sweetie, we have company so I expect you to be on your best behavior.  No more jumping off the balcony.”

“Awww, but I wanted to show her how to glide better!”

“You have all these toys and games in here.”

I looked around the room – her bedroom was huge!  She had a four-poster bed and shelves all around the room filled with dolls, stuffed animals, and toys of all kinds.  Rose’s mom wasn’t kidding – it was like stepping into a toy store!

Diamond Rose pulled a pair of dolls off the shelves, and a dollhouse, and we played with them.  She took the mare and hoofed me the stallion, and we pretended they were a married couple.  And then they had some foals, and we added a filly and a colt to the household.

“Why does your daddy only wear glasses over one eye?”

“That’s a monocle.”

“Oh.”  If that was supposed to explain it, it didn’t.  But I didn’t want her to think I was dumb, because that would be making a bad impress...impressing… because Mama wouldn’t be happy. 

Rose shoved her mare into my stallion, making them kiss.  Then she dropped another foal into the house.  Every time our ponies kissed she added another foal.  Soon we were up to ten.

“Isn’t that enough foals?”

She giggled.  “They’re a hoofful, all right.  I guess we’ll just have to hire a maid.”  She dropped another mare in the house.  “Oh!  And a butler and a chef.”  Two more stallions joined the household.  “And maybe a nanny.”  Another mare joined the very crowded dollhouse.

“I think we’re going to need a bigger house.”

She reached off the shelf and brought another dollhouse down.  “We’ll just buy the one next door.  There we go!  Now we have two houses.  One for the girls and one for the boys.”

Rose’s mom had stayed in Rose’s room the whole time, splayed out on the bed watching us.  Eventually she ushered us back to the drawing room.  We stepped out onto the landing, and I could see Rose open her wings.

Her mother moved to block her.  “No gliding.”

Rose stamped a hoof in frustration and snorted.  Then she trotted down the stairs, and I followed.  This time I was able to keep up with her easily.

“Rose, Lily, so nice of you to join us again.  Did you have fun playing?”

“Yes Daddy!”  Rose nuzzled her father.

I nodded.  “Me too.  Thank you!”

“That’s good to hear.  While the two of you were playing, your mother and I have come to an agreement.  Tiger Lily has taken a job here, and the two of you will be moving in immediately.”

I looked around the enormous house.  I get to live here?!?  This is a palace!







Canterlot: fifteen years, four months, and nineteen days ago


I was sitting on my bed doing homework when I heard a crash in the drawing room.  I left my alphabet practice behind and poked my head out of the room I shared with Mom.  Rose had once again been practicing her gliding by jumping off the second floor railing.  This time she’d crashed into an end table and destroyed a vase.  She was sprawled on her back right in the middle of the debris field, pieces of shattered pottery decorating her tail and stomach.

“Your mother always tells you no gliding in the house.”

“I wasn’t gliding!  I was flying.  Well, sorta.”  She looked at the mess.  “My parents are going to kill me.”

“Ya think?”

“I was so sure I’d stick the landing this time.”

“Just like last time, and the time before that, and the time before that…”

“I know, I know, I know.  Help me glue this thing back together.”

I laughed.  “Rose, do you see all the crackly little pieces and all the dust?  Dust, Rose.  We’re not gluing dust back into anything remotely resembling a vase.  Especially not in the thirty seconds or so we have until one of the staff members shows up.”

Diamond Rose flicked her tail, scattering more shards and dust on the floor.  It was then that I noticed she was bleeding.  “Come on, Rose.  Let’s get you patched up.”  I led her into the bathroom and grabbed a washrag.  I cleaned her scrapes and applied bandages.  I’d gotten very good at cleaning Rose’s wounds since I’d moved in.  At first I’d panicked and gotten my Mom, but I learned quickly from watching her.  I had to be a quick study, because Rose was always working on her flying.  To be fair her gliding was very good, and her flying was improving all the time.  It was the landings she was terrible with.

She looked absolutely miserable.  I hated seeing her like that.  It was then that the front door opened and Shiny Diamond stepped inside.  It didn’t take him long to find the crime scene.  “Diamond Lynn Rose!”

“I am soooooo dead.”  She trotted into the drawing room.  “Dad, I can explain…”

“It was me.”  I blurted it out without even thinking.

Both Diamonds turned to look at me.  Shiny Diamond cleared his throat.  “Miss Blossom, a moment of your time please.”  He opened the door to his study and motioned for me to go inside.

I gulped, but entered the large, ornate room.  He followed, closing the heavy wooden door behind him.  According to Rose, the room was soundproof.  She’d tried listening in on his conversations previously with no luck.  Nopony will hear my cries.

I whimpered as I laid down on the floor, and presented my flanks to Mr. Diamond.  I don’t know how hard he spanks, but this is probably going to hurt.

Mr. Diamond took a quick look at me as I cowered in his presence.  “I’m not going to spank you.  Just sit down and indulge me for a few minutes.  You know what I see when I look at you?”

“A bad filly who doesn’t listen and deserves to be punished?”

“Quite the opposite.  My daughter is covered in scrapes and bruises.  Yet when I look at you, I see a filly who doesn’t have a mark on her.  Instead, I see a loyal friend who’s willing to take the punishment for something she didn’t do.”

“You knew?”

“Of course I know who did it.  Maybe if Rose had showered, she might have washed the tiny shards out of her mane, but I still would’ve known.  Just like I also know I don’t keep anything of value in the drawing room because my daughter has a history of jumping off that railing to practice her flying.  It’s why I covered the hardwood floors with such thick carpeting.  More to the point, I’ve never seen you practice your flying even once.”

I stared at the floor.  “I’m not very good at flying, sir.  I got hurt a couple of times and decided I’d just stick to the ground instead.”

“Quitters never win in this life, Lily Blossom.  Look around you.  This opulent mansion?  All of these luxuries?  My grandfather worked hard to acquire all this.  My father worked hard to keep it and I’ve worked harder still to add to it.  We didn’t get rich by quitting because something was too hard.  Your mother’s never mentioned what happened to your father, and I’ve never asked.”  He held his hoof up to stop me from interrupting.  “And it’s really none of my business.  But I’m going to give you some fatherly advice: my daughter has the right idea.  She’s not happy that her flying is poor, so she keeps working on it.  She will, eventually, learn how to land without breaking things, and when she does, maybe I’ll start keeping things of value in the drawing room again.  But in the meantime, if you should start practicing your gliding, and just happen to break something, no harsh hoof of judgement is going to smack your hindquarters, understand?  We’re pegasi, and the sky is our dominion, our birthright.  To deny yourself that freedom would be a shame.”

“But Mrs. Diamond is always telling Rose not to glide in the house.”

“Yes, because my wife is a unicorn and hence never learned how to fly.  She’s more concerned that Rose might hurt herself.  Yet she’s way safer practicing in here over that soft carpet than she is outside on the hard, unforgiving ground.  Think about it – have you ever heard me yell at her to stop?”

“No.”

“Exactly.  I’ll let you in on a little secret: every pegasus hurts themselves learning to fly.  Nopony masters it on the first try.  Not even the Wonderbolts.  And I’d rather she breaks a hundred vases than even one bone.”  He sighed.  “However, in the interest of keeping up appearances, I’m afraid I must ask you to do me a favor and start crying.  Also, avoid sitting down for the rest of the evening.  Pretend I’ve throttled your hindquarters without mercy and that your rump is sore.  Perhaps that will guilt my daughter into admitting what she did.  I’m not disappointed in her for breaking the vase, but I’m very disappointed in her for letting you take for the blame for it.  I really thought I’d taught her better than that.”







Canterlot: fourteen years, nine months, and one day ago


I trotted through the drawing room on my way to the room I shared with Mom.  Much to my surprise Diamond Rose swooped down and nailed the landing perfectly.  On my back. 

“Aw yeah!  Four-point landing!”

“Get off!”  I sat down and Rose slid off my back and landed on the plush carpeting.

Rose huffed.  “You walk really smoothly and Daddy wants me to learn how to do that.  I’ll help you work on your flying if you’ll teach me how to be graceful.”  She dragged me up the stairs and pointed to the balcony.  “Jump with me.”

I stared down at the room below.  The carpeting was so thick Rose hadn’t even made a sound when I dumped her on the floor, and her father had suggested it was safer than trying to learn how to fly outside.  I gulped and leaped.

“Open your wings!  Open your wings!”

Soft carpeting or not, there was a thump when I landed.  Rose landed next to me.  “I think I know what you’re doing wrong.”  She opened her wings and fluttered them.  “You need to use these when you’re flying.  Otherwise it’s less flying and more falling.”

I stood up on shaky legs.  “That hurt way less than I expected it to.”

“This carpeting is great.  Now that you know that hitting it doesn’t hurt, how about we try again?”

“Okay.”  I was too stunned to argue, so I followed her up the stairs.

She flared her wings.  “Spread your wings like this.  Gliding is super easy.”

I followed her lead and leapt.  With my eyes closed, I didn’t even know the sofa was there until I hit it.

“That was a pretty good glide.  Your landings need a little work, but so do mine.  Keeping your eyes open will help with things like steering.”

I stood up less easily than last time.  As comfortable as the sofa was to sit on, it was decidedly not as soft to crash into.  “How about we work on your balance for a bit and come back to gliding?”

“Okay!”  Rose pranced in place.  “How do we do that?”

I grabbed a few books from the bookshelf and I heard her groan.  “Not reading.  I’m still learning my letters.”

“Not reading,” I repeated as I set the books on my head.  “We walk across the room with them balanced on our heads.”  I started walking toward the far wall.  “Head held high and straight.  Tilting it will result in the books falling.”

She made it two steps before the books fell, while I made it across the room and back without them falling off even once.  Rose straightened her head, threw her snout in the air, and set the books on top of her head.  They, of course, slid off the back of her head.

“Head straight.  Don’t put your nose in the air.”

We kept that up until she got frustrated, then we switched back to gliding.  After a few more attempts it ceased being scary and started being fun.  Though my landings made Rose’s look good in comparison.  Now I know why she’s always practicing…







Canterlot: twelve years, eight months, and six days ago


Diamond Rose was bored.

When recapping any given day’s adventures to an irate Shiny Diamond, those four words started most of them.

How Diamond could be bored when she had every toy she could ever want, all the games she could possibly play, and an indoor heated swimming pool she could use every day of the year was beyond me, yet Diamond Rose managed to get bored frequently.  The more bored Diamond Rose was, the more trouble we were guaranteed to end up in by the end of the day, like there was some sort of humorous correlation between ‘boredom’ and ‘mischief’.

Opulent wasn’t the word to describe the Diamonds’ residence.  The family embodied the very definition of affluenza – they were so wealthy it was sick.  Money was no object, which meant that the Diamonds had to show the entire world exactly that, with a huge mansion situated on acres of prime Canterlot property, an award-winning garden surrounding a statuary, and even a ponymade pond out back solely for the purpose of having a pair of swans floating around it.

The swans weren’t even a bonded pair – the Diamonds weren’t interested in having cygnets every year, so both swans were female.  One pink, one white, named Rouge and Blanc respectively.

In theory, the pond was supposed to be serene, tranquil.  In practice… swans might be beautiful, but they weren’t cooperative.

Despite having an indoor swimming pool, Diamond Rose wanted to play in the pond instead, specifically because of the swans.  As we approached, Blanc flared her wings to make herself look bigger, and Diamond mirrored her pose, extending her own wings.

I rolled my eyes as I watched them hissing at one another.  Diamond Rose has no finesse.

I broke the stalemate by throwing some bread to the swans.  Rouge happily gobbled up the impromptu meal, while Blanc kept a wary eye on Rose before nibbling at the pieces.  The bread was fresh out of the oven – there was no such thing as ‘stale’ in the Diamond household.  Except for the wine.  For some reason, nopony ever went through the wine cellar to get rid of all the expired bottles – some of them were more than a century out of date.

Then Diamond jumped into the pond and all Tartarus broke out.  I latched onto Diamond’s tail to try and stop her, but her momentum carried us both forward and into the water.  Feathers flew as the two swans took off.  Diamond took off after them while I stood in the pond spitting out water.

I swear that filly got dropped on her head as a foal. Repeatedly.  It was probably all those crash landings when she was learning how to fly.

With risk came reward – Diamond had been active in her flight training while I’d neglected it for far too long.  Once she was airborne, Diamond Rose was as graceful in the air as the swans she was ‘battling’ for air supremacy.  To her, it was a game.  To the swans, it was instinct to defend their territory.

I sat on the ground and watched their aerial acrobatics.  Diamond Rose never hurt the swans – she just wanted to play.  Blanc, however, was more than happy to nip at Diamond whenever she got too close.

Diamond eventually landed, covered in new scrapes, bruises, and missing some feathers.  I sighed.  Neither of us is getting dessert tonight.







Canterlot: eleven years, five months, and six days ago


Her Royal Highness was on vacation with her family, which left me to my own devices.  I had the run of the estate, for whatever little that was worth.  The thing I hated to admit to myself was that I was bored without Diamond Rose around.  I wasn’t allowed to invite any of my friends from school over, and none of them had seen fit to invite me over to their homes, either.

With nothing better to do I followed the gardener, Mr. Tree, around.  He’s a hulking earth pony stallion with a dark coat and rippling muscles.  Most of the mares on the staff swooned over him, and I could see why.  He most certainly fit the bill for tall, dark, and handsome.  Nopony knew his first name, but that was okay in a way – no puny first name could be sufficiently intimidating enough for a stallion like this.

Despite his gruff exterior, he was a big softie.  He spent a lot of his time volunteering down at the youth center, giving generously to the colts and fillies who had nothing.  And he was planting flowers, as if in open defiance of his macho appearance.   

“Any particular reason you’re following me around like a puppy?”

“I’m bored.”

“Ain’t nopony allowed to be bored on my shift.  Pick up one of those flowerpots and bring it over here.”  

I did so, because when Mr. Tree asks you to do something, you do it.  He slid the biodegradable pot into the ground, and packed the dirt down around it.  He dug another hole, and he didn’t need to ask a second time.  I had the next flower ready and waiting for him.

“I’m gonna dig the holes.  Think you can manage to plant the flowers and stamp the dirt down?”

“Yes sir!”  I saluted him.  “These are very pretty flowers.”

“Thank you.  I call it Pink Perfection.  It’s a hybrid lily I cultivated.”

“You grew these?”

He nodded.  “Just like those shimmering roses that are all around the property.  Roses that shimmer like a diamond.  I thought it was about time we had some lilies blossoming in the garden too.”

I blushed.  “Thank you.  You’re an amazing gardener, Mr. Tree.”

He kept digging holes and I kept planting flowers.  With the two of us working together, we finished well before lunch.  I stood up and wiped the sweat off my brow.  I never realized how much work went into gardening.

“Nice cutie mark.”

“Huh?”  I turned to look at my flank.  “Oh my gosh!  Cutie mark!”  I hopped around in circles around Mr. Tree.  “I got my cutie mark!”

“It’s right pretty.  We should go inside and celebrate.”

We went in through the kitchen and I immediately showed the household’s chef, Keen Bean, my new cutie mark.  She stomped her hooves on the kitchen tile in appreciation.  “This calls for a celebration!”

I dashed through the house, excitedly.  “Mom!  Mom!”

“What is it, sweetie?”

“I got my cutie mark!”  I turned around and shoved my flank in Mom’s face.

“That’s very nice sweetie.”  She calmly pushed me away from her.  “It’s very pretty.”

“My special talent is helpin’ Mr. Tree plant lilies!”

Mom chuckled.  “Working with lilies runs in the family, dear.”  She turned and presented her own cutie mark for my inspection.  Tiger daylilies, just as her name suggested.

“But daylilies aren’t real lilies, Mom.”

She sighed.  “Now you sound like your grandparents.  I was going to take you out for ice cream to celebrate, but if you’d rather make fun of me…”

“Nope!  Ice cream sounds better!”

I pulled Mom toward the door, but we got intercepted before we could leave.  Keen Bean and Mr. Tree were carrying a candle-bedecked cake and singing the traditional cuteceañera song.  We all sat down at the dining room table, the big one the Diamonds use, and enjoyed the cake.  Keen Bean even grabbed some ice cream from the freezer to go with it.

After we were done eating, we all went downstairs and enjoyed the indoor pool.  It’s not Baytona Beach, but it’s not a bad way to celebrate.







Canterlot: nine years, four months, and twenty-nine days ago


Diamond and I were excited. The newest princess was planning a summertime Friendship Festival – not in Ponyville, but right here in Canterlot. Preparations had been underway for weeks, and today was the big day.

There were few events that the Diamonds couldn’t get premium reserved seating for.  It was all a matter of greasing the right hooves with the requisite number of bits.  But the Friendship Festival was a different story entirely.  There were no seats to reserve, and no bits to change hooves. The entire festival was free, with carnival rides and games of skill and/or chance lining the streets and alleys of the city.  It meant that, for once, Diamond Rose actually had to get up early if she wanted to take part in the celebration.

Amazingly, she got out of bed early without me having to nag her into doing so.  She must be really excited.

Equestria had all but come to a stop for the three-day festival.  Mr. Tree escorted Rose and I to downtown Canterlot, where the festivities were beginning.  We started with the games, because the selection of prizes was best first thing, though ‘best’ was a bit of a misnomer.  Carnival prizes were notoriously cheap to begin with, but the prizes to be won here were even cheaper than normal since they were being provided for free.  Costume jewelry that looked more like leftover beads from Party Gras, plush Windy the Wendigo dolls that the stuffing was already coming out of, and assorted other baubles.

Not that the cheapness mattered.  It was fun winning the prizes, regardless.  The limit was one win per booth, and Diamond and I quickly won everything either of us were interested in.  We tossed rings, knocked down milk bottles with softballs, and even popped balloons with darts, winning the shoddy prizes easily.  Being early had its perks, and we were each able to get a Windy the Wendigo that wasn’t already in the process of self-destructing.  I had no expectations that the Flim-Flam Industries dolls would survive all day in our saddlebags, but all we could do was try.

Next we watched a magician’s stage show.  The Great and Powerful Trixie’s act was entertaining, even if it felt like it was more sleight of hoof than true magic.  She set off fireworks periodically throughout the show, generally whenever speaking her name, which I thought was a nice touch.  Unfortunately, the fireworks drew the attention of monsters, who quickly broke up the show.

A little hedgehog introduced himself as Grubber and announced that the Storm King had just claimed control of Canterlot, and further demanded that we all surrender immediately. Having lived through the changeling invasion, Tirek’s rampage, and other disasters, ponies opted to flee in all directions. 

The Storm King’s guards started trying to herd us all up.  Trixie tossed some smoke bombs to cover her tracks as she bolted away from the fracas. I wish she would’ve stayed – we could really use a great and powerful unicorn to take care of all these stormy monsters.

We huddled close to Mr. Tree as he kept himself between us and the guards.  “Girls, get out of here.”  Mr. Tree bucked one of the Storm Guards into another one, causing both of them to tumble away from us.

“Where?”

“Fly.  Get as far from Canterlot as you can.”

“But what about you?” I didn’t want to leave the powerful earth pony behind.

“I can handle myself. Now scoot!”  While he was distracted, five more of the monsters jumped on top of him.

Without Mr. Tree we didn’t stand a chance of fighting them, so we joined the thousands of pegasi that were evacuating the city.  Some of us even managed to get away…

…Diamond and I weren’t so lucky.

We followed Mr. Tree’s instructions and flew off, out of range of the ground bound Storm Guards. Their airships were faster than pegasi, but too big and unwieldy to effectively chase us down.

Diamond had been working on her flying since before I’d met her, back when we were both foals.  She would always be the stronger flyer of the two of us, and she took the lead.  My choices were to follow, or be left to my own devices – it was a no-brainer, and I did my best to keep up with her.

Rather than head straight for Cloudsdale, Diamond instead detoured to fly over our home. Unfortunately, both her mother and mine were being led out of the house by one of the Storm Guards.  Both were in chains, along with the rest of the household’s staff.  They hadn’t gotten Shiny Diamond, because he was in Las Pegasus on business.

Ignoring Mr. Tree’s instructions to fly to Cloudsdale, Diamond Rose started descending.  I started hyperventilating.  Oh gosh, do I keep going to Cloudsdale, or do I follow Diamond Rose?  She’s going to get caught.  Oh stars, I don’t want to go to Cloudsdale by myself.  Mom’s down there too.  I’d rather be with her in slavery than all alone but safe in a town I don’t know.

Diamond landed right in front of the Storm King.  “Let my Mommy go!”

“Awww, how precious. Little filly has come to rescue her mama.”

I landed next to Lily. “Let my Mom go too.”  This is stupid, this is stupid, oh stars, this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.

“You’re robbing us!” Diamond puffed up her wings to look bigger than she was.  As if an indignant filly could intimidate a yeti or his monster guards.

“Robbery is such an awful word.  I prefer ‘looting’, or ‘pillaging’, or even ‘sacking’.  Those are the words they use when describing pirates, and everybody love pirates, am I right, mateys?  Yar, this be the life.  A pirate’s life.”  He grabbed Diamond and I by the scruffs of our necks as he took a closer look at us.

“What is with all you little horses being so flipping adorable?  Cutesy, pastel rainbow ponies.  I hate cute.” He tossed Diamond away; she didn’t have enough space to right herself, and hit the ground with a thud.

He handed me to one of the Storm Guards who grunted something unintelligible.

“No, Kurt, we’ve been through this before.”  He facepalmed.  “Why can’t you be like the other guards?  Creatures that talk are not food.”

There was more grunting from the one he’d called ‘Kurt’.

“Well, yes, I suppose with as young as she is, she would be really tender and succulent.”  Kurt grunted again and the Storm King continued, “No, I don’t know if they’re as sweet as they look.  Cute doesn’t always mean tasty.”  Kurt grunted and the Storm King raised an eyebrow.  “Really?  Always? I was unaware.”  The guard nodded enthusiastically.  “Aren’t you concerned about them being poisonous?  Bright colors are nature’s way of saying ‘don’t mess with me or you’ll regret it.’”

There was more grunting from Kurt and the Storm King put a hand to his chin.  “Look, I don’t want to see you eat her.  Tempest would also object, but she’s away chasing down that other pansy princess, and I’m about to leave this room…  So I guess as long as I don’t see anything…”  He made air quotes with his hands.  “‘Plausible deniability’ and all that.”

Diamond Rose sprang to her hooves and charged at the Storm King, bucking him for all she was worth. “Leave her alone!”  Mr. Tree could’ve bucked him clear across the room.  All Diamond managed to do was chip her own hoof polish.

“Ho, ho, ho, you’ve got spunk, kiddo!”  He picked Diamond back up.  “I hate spunk even more than I hate cute.  I was going to spare you and ransom you back to your parents since its obvious from your butt mark that your family’s rich, but if you want to join your friend in the kitchen, don’t let me stop you.”  He handed Diamond to Kurt, who still had a firm grip on me.  “Looks like she just volunteered to be dessert, Kurt.  Just do me a favor, make it look like an accident.  Er, no, never mind, nobody’s going to buy that.  Don’t leave any evidence.  That’ll work.  These two fillies just went missing.”  He closed the door behind him.

Only to open it a few seconds later.  “Oh, I almost forgot, you should totes boil them alive – it really locks in the flavor.” He closed the door again.  It opened three seconds later.  “And add some cinnamon – that’s the secret ingredient in just about everything.”  He slammed the door, and this time it stayed closed.

I gulped, the only sound I could make with the muzzle constricting my face.  Tears streamed down my cheeks as Kurt carried us to the kitchen.

He hummed a happy little tune as he searched for a pot big enough to boil us in.  In most households, that would be a challenge, but the Diamonds were rich.  Of course they had a pot big enough to fit a couple of fillies.  Never know when you might have to cook for forty ponies on short notice.

Once the pot was on the stove Kurt started chopping up vegetables and tossing them in: onions, peppers, the works.  Diamond was whimpering.  Thanks to her impulsiveness and inability to follow directions, we were about to be slow roasted in our own juices.

As Kurt was adding mushrooms to the pot, two Storm Guards kicked down the door and dragged him out of the kitchen.  Restrained, Diamond and I could do nothing but stand there watching.  The Diamonds’ house overlooked the Canterlot Cliffs, and Kurt was unceremoniously thrown over the edge by his fellow guards.

The Storm King strode into the kitchen.  “I hate when underlings argue with me.  When I say ‘don’t eat somebody’ I don’t expect to be debated on the subject.  Besides, you’re my slaves, not his.  Of course, nothing’s his anymore.  Not since his little accident a few moments ago.  He always was a little clumsy.  Oopsy.” He cackled evilly.  “Besides, I have just the job for two adorable, spunky little pegasuses that are full of so much energy.”

We’d been rescued from the literal frying pan only to be dumped into the proverbial fire.

“You know, I get it. A big scary monster invaded your home. I had the same problem recently – a little unicorn stowed away on my flagship.  She might not have been big or scary, but she was cute, and you both know how much I hate adorable things.  I could’ve forgiven her cuteness, but I have a policy when it comes to stowaways – they go overboard.  I don’t take kindly to others getting in my personal space.  So I get it, two scared little kids trying to protect their home and their loved ones.  I’m in your personal space.  But I am the big scary monster, and I get to do what I want, when I want.  Do you understand?”

With no way to talk, we both nodded.

“Good.  I can forgive your little kick, but only if you’re an obedient little pony from here on out.  Which leads me to your punishment…”

The guards who’d tossed Kurt to his doom harnessed Diamond and I to a chariot.  The Storm King climbed on and cracked a whip above us. “Mush, little ponies!  Or is it giddy-up?  Oh, who cares?  Just get going!  Come on, flap those pathetic little wings!”

Jerkily, Diamond and I got off the ground, the chariot rising with us thanks to our pegasus magic. That same magic kept it level behind us, even though Diamond and I had no formal training on flying in unison and continued getting in each other’s way.

“Oh, ho, ho!  I like!  This is the only way to travel!”

From our aerial perspective, we had a great view of Canterlot being sacked by the Storm Guards. Parts of the city were burning, and few buildings had escaped completely unscathed.

How could an entire invasion fleet sneak into Canterlot undetected? It’s not like the city’s on the coast, Canterlot’s completely landlocked.  How is that nopony in Equestria saw this coming?  I know everypony jokes about how useless the Royal Guards are, but are they really that incompetent?

What few pockets of resistance I could see were easily being overwhelmed by the superior forces of the Storm Guard.  You’d think that in a city this size, primarily comprised of unicorns, there’d be hundreds, if not thousands, of powerful mages. Even without the princesses, there’s no reason our city should be this defenseless. 

One of the fights caught my eye.  A coal-black stallion was clobbering Storm Guards, even though it was three-on-one. Mr. Tree is still free!  There’s still hope!

The Storm King directed us to Canterlot Castle, which he’d made his own base of operations during the invasion.  I’d seen the castle many times previously, but this was the closest I’d ever been to it. Sadly, it had seen better days. Stained glass littered the ground, and scorch marks decorated the towers.  The Storm King left us parked in the courtyard, and we weren’t even allowed to unhitch ourselves from the chariot.  The guards glared at us if we so much as shuffled our hooves.

Standing there next to Diamond Rose was frustrating and boring.  For once, even her inane chatter would’ve been preferable to the silence that our muzzles forced us into.  At least we were alive, which hadn’t been a sure thing just an hour previously.

We stood there for hours, surrounded by guards, with no possibility of escape.  We couldn’t see inside the castle, and there was no way for us to know what he’d done with the princesses.  Twilight Sparkle had obviously escaped, but the others had been petrified in onyx.  Canterlot had been attacked before – there’d been the changeling invasion, Tirek’s rampage, and of course the chaos caused by Discord when he escaped his stony imprisonment, but this was different.  The changelings had cocooned the princesses in order to feed off their love, Tirek had merely drained them of their magic, and Discord just tortured everypony in his own unique ways.  The Storm King’s minion had frozen the princesses solid, and Luna would’ve shattered had it not been for Princess Twilight’s quick thinking.  There was no way of knowing if the princesses were still intact inside the castle or not.

It was a terrifying proposition.  Ponies were resilient; the Storm King might’ve taken Canterlot, but his forces were too small to hold the entirety of Equestria.  The rest of the country would come for us, eventually.  Assuming he even stayed long enough to be challenged. From our vantage point, we had a great view of the Storm Guards looting the royal treasury.

It was quite possible he’d be gone, off to loot the next empire, by the time rescuers made it to Canterlot.  He didn’t seem overly interested in running things – there was no puppet government in place, just monsters putting ponies in chains.  With Cadence among the petrified, the Crystal Empire would be ripe for the picking.  What if he doesn’t unpetrify the princesses before he leaves?  What if he’s already shattered them?  What will we do?

Oh my gosh, what if he takes all of us with him to be his slaves? I don’t want to pull his chariot forever.

My introspection was broken as two Storm Guards flew over us and crashed against the side of the castle.

“I pity the foals who mess with my fillies!”

Half a dozen guards rushed Mr. Tree, but he tossed them away like it was nothing.  He picked up one of the fallen monsters and used him as a club against the others.  Half of the Storm Guards turned tail and ran.  The others experienced the worst beatings of their lives.  While big and intimidating looking, the Storm Guards were proving to be as ineffective as the Royal Guards.

When he was done mopping the floor with the last of the guards, Mr. Tree ripped the harnesses away from us and threw our muzzles to the ground.

“Come on, kids, we’ve got to get outta here.  Now!”  We didn’t need to be told twice.  Once we were a few blocks from the palace, he stopped us.  “Fly to Cloudsdale and don’t stop for anything.  Go!”  He swatted our flanks.

“But my Mom…”

“Don’t you worry, I’ll get her, Diamond.  And I’ll get Tiger Lily and the rest of the staff too.  You two focus on getting yourselves to safety and leave everything else to me. Now get!”

Diamond had learned a lesson from earlier, and this time we did as we were told, climbing high in the sky and away from the smoldering city we called home.

Once we arrived in Cloudsdale we were directed to the Wonderbolts Arena, which had been set up as a temporary shelter for refugees.





Hours later Mom came to get us.  Mr. Tree had managed to free her and the others, and they’d fled to Ponyville. Mr. Tree had stayed in Canterlot to rescue as many ponies as he could.

Canterlot had taken extensive damage and thousands of ponies had been captured.  Most had been at the festival, or lived close to the castle. Those further out had managed to flee, though it seemed as if the Storm King wasn’t worried about capturing as many of the citizens as possible.  He just wanted enough to claim as ‘spoils’ from the war.  Ponies he could use as manual labor for his next conquest – from what I’d overheard of the Storm King’s plotting, that was likely to be Grundleland.

Many of Ponyville’s citizens had been at the Friendship Festival, and as such there were a lot of ponies willing to open their doors to those of us displaced by the Storm King. Those who’d been there and escaped could relate, while those who had loved ones still among the missing were eager for any shred of news they could get.

Mom had arranged for us to stay with a pegasus named Flitter – she was on the Ponyville Weather Team, and she and her twin sister Cloudchaser had been the unlucky ones to have to stay behind and work while their coworkers went to the festival. After the attack, Cloudchaser, a Wonderbolts reservist, was called up to help repel the invasion.  Flitter was desperate for any news of her sister.  Unfortunately, none of us had seen her.  Mom had seen Spitfire among those chained up, which was disheartening.  But Cloudchaser had arrived in town well after the first wave of the invasion, and might have fared better than the team’s captain.

Diamond Rose had joined Mom and I.  Like me, she’d never spent time in a cloudhouse before and didn’t want to miss the opportunity.  Mrs. Diamond was probably thankful for the peace and quiet – as a unicorn, she couldn’t join us in the home in the sky.  My Mom took the couch, while Flitter put Diamond and I up in her sister’s room.

Cloudchaser’s room was decorated with Wonderbolts memorabilia, as was to be expected. Almost every pegasus had some sort of memento from the team, and she had much bigger connection to the group than most.

Flitter stood by the door, amused as we looked through the wall decorations.  Diamond Rose gasped.  “I met your sister at Baytona this year!  I really like her mane.”

Flitter chuckled. “She gets that a lot.”  She sighed.  “I just wish she hadn’t been up against such stiff competition.  Rainbow Dash mopped the floor with them.”

Diamond Rose blushed. “I wasn’t going to say it… but yeah, she kinda did.”

“Rainbow Dash is Ponyville’s Weather Manager, and she’s actually our boss.  She likes to boast that she can clear the sky in ten seconds flat. The thing is, she can back it up. If you were there this year, that means you met Thunderlane too.  He’s another of our coworkers.”

“Oh wow!”  Diamond was absolutely gushing.  “You work with a lot of talented ponies.  Did you try out for the ‘Bolts too?”

“Oh, no, definitely not.”

“Why not?” I asked.

Flitter looked out the window.  “We’ve still got some daylight left, come outside and I’ll show you.”

We followed her out the window as she explained that the Wonderbolts put a heavy emphasis on speed and precision flying.  She then started hovering, then zipped quickly to the right, turning instantly like the dragonflies decorating her flank.

“Flitting is fun, and definitely precise, but it isn’t exactly what the Wonderbolts consider exciting to watch.  But it comes in handy for my line of work.  I get the delicate tasks the others can’t do.”

“Can you teach me to do that?”  I’d never hope to come close to matching Diamond Rose’s speed, but maybe I could have my own flight tricks she couldn’t duplicate.

“I want to learn too!”

Of course she does.  I resisted the urge to groan.

Flitter was happy to show us her trick.  Diamond Rose was, as always, gung-ho to try it.  As was par for her course, she went into the turn flat out and spun out of control when she tried to quickly change directions.

“It’s not about speed. Other ponies go fast; I take life as it comes.  It’s so easy to rush through things, but where does it get you?  Five years later you wonder where all the time went, having never stopped to enjoy any of it.  Watch me again.”  Flitter flew forward at a reasonable clip of speed.  She slowed as she prepared to turn, then darted to the left, picking up speed rapidly.

Since I wasn’t as fast as Diamond, I didn’t have any problems slowing down before trying to turn quickly in another direction – my problem was lack of quick acceleration. I could turn quicker than Diamond, but I couldn’t dart like Flitter.  Diamond’s lack of finesse came back to bite her in the flank yet again.  Try as she might, she couldn’t turn on a tenth-bit. She slowed into a glide, then banked into a turn, but that wasn’t what she was trying to accomplish.  Every time she tried to turn fast she went out of control.

“Just keep practicing, girls.  You’ll get it eventually.”

No, we won’t.  Especially not Diamond.  I watched as she somersaulted past her turn and landed face first in a cloudbank.  I wasn’t doing much better, but at least I wasn’t crashing.

We continued practicing until it was dark.  At some point Mom had sprawled out in the clouds to watch us make fools of ourselves.

“The ‘Bolts are crazy if they don’t want you on their team.  That’s a lot harder than it looks.”  Diamond dusted herself off after her final crash landing of the evening.

Flitter smiled and patted her head.  “Thanks, sweetie.  But put me on an oval racecourse and I’m only average speed at best.  If they had obstacle courses, or tracks with lots of sharp left and right turns, I’d try out for the team.  But they don’t, and there’s no point in taking up a position that could be better filled by somepony with the talents their looking for. Ponies like Cloudy.”  She sighed and looked in the direction of Canterlot. We’d taken her mind off recent events for most of the afternoon, but there was no ignoring the smoke coming from the capital city on the distant mountain.

Quick, distract her.  “We can’t fly like you, but maybe you could teach us how to do our hair?”

Her face lit up and she squealed in excitement.  “I always wanted to have fillies so I could do their hair!”  She ushered us both back inside, practically bursting with anticipation. She spent an hour braiding my long, golden locks with ribbons.  I looked so adorable in the mirror.

Diamond Rose’s mane was shorter than mine, and Flitter opted to decorate it with one of her spare bows. Then she pulled out another ribbon and tied it to Diamond’s dock, to give her a tail bow as well.  It was a surprisingly good look for Diamond – it made her look cuter, without putting in hours of effort that would come undone in her next crash.

Then Flitter decided my tail needed ribbons to match my mane, and by the time she was done I looked like I’d gotten lost in a bow factory.

She giggled.  “Okay, maybe that’s a few too many bows after all.”

I couldn’t help but giggle too, and Diamond fell off the couch laughing at how ridiculous I looked.

Flitter started pulling the ribbons out of our hair.  There were tears trickling down her cheeks.  “Thanks.  I needed that.”

I nuzzled her. “Cloudy will come home.”

Diamond nodded. “She’s got too much spirit not to. She raced against Rainbow Dash despite knowing she had almost no hope of beating her.  That didn’t stop her, and neither will the stupid Storm King!”

Flitter smiled and tucked us into Cloudy’s bed.  Diamond snuggled against me and I cuddled her.

“Good night you two. Your mothers are really lucky to have such wonderful daughters.”







Canterlot: seven years, two months, and three days ago (takes place during Season 9, episodes 24/25: The Ending of the End)


Canterlot had always been a unicorn majority city, but that had never been a problem until recently.  Tensions were running high between the tribes, and there was an exodus of earth ponies and pegasi to surrounding communities, primarily Ponyville and Cloudsdale, respectively.

Shiny Diamond couldn’t abandon his business interests, while his wife was a unicorn who saw no reason to leave town.  Neither Rose nor I left the house anymore unless Mr. Tree escorted us.  Earth pony or not, nopony messed with Mr. Tree.

Eventually, Shiny decided that enough was enough and arranged for Rose’s mom to escort Diamond Rose and I to the airship station.  He’d already sent my Mom ahead to make arrangements for a place for us to stay in Cloudsdale.  

But it was already too late, a fact we learned as downtown Canterlot started burning.

“Riots.”

“No, it’s another siege.”  Rose had flown higher to take a better look.

I whimpered.  “I don’t want to end up in chains again.”

“It’s not the Storm King.  It’s Tirek.”

I shuddered.  “That’s even worse.  He’ll steal our magic.”

“No he won’t.  He’s headed toward the castle.  According to the evacuation plans set forth by the city after the last invasion, we’re supposed to head to the School for Gifted Unicorns to bunker down.”

Rose landed and we turned back in the direction we’d come.  It was only a few short blocks to Princess Celestia’s school, but the Unicorns only sign on the door indicated only one of us was welcome there.  Rose’s mom refused to abandon us, though I couldn’t help but wonder if she would’ve saved herself and left me to fend for myself if her daughter hadn’t been there.

“Let’s go home.”

Not having a better plan, Rose and I followed her mother.  We’d only made it a few blocks when we found our way blocked by the deposed changeling queen.  Chrysalis hissed at us and we tried to find a safe place to run to, but we were trapped.

“Bah.  You have nothing to offer me but fear.”  She changed forms to that of Princess Celestia.  “Since you wretched ponies love your princess so much, give her your love.  Love me, you worthless peons.”

With a pop we disappeared from where were standing.  I wanted to scream but I couldn’t.  I was frozen in place.  It only lasted a terrifying second before we materialized next to a lake high up the mountain.  I blinked as I reoriented myself.  “Who are you?”

“Snowcatcher.  There’s a cave further up the mountain.  Follow Dewdrop.”  Rose and her mother started trotting behind a blue unicorn mare, and I rushed to catch up.

“Why are you helping us?”

“Snowy and I are both half pegasus.  We attend the School for Gifted Unicorns, and we left in disgust when we saw they were only letting unicorns into the shelter.  Snowy came up with the idea to hide here and rescue our fellow outcasts.”

“Is there anything we can do to help?”  I never would’ve expected Rose to ask that.

Dewdrop paused.  “Actually, maybe.  While Snowy and I may be part pegasus, neither of us has wings.  Would you mind scouting out an escape route for us?  If the Royal Guards lose the battle for Canterlot, we’re going to want to get as far away from town as we can.  Can you find us a safe route off the mountain?”

Rose nodded and hopped into the air.  For once, I followed her lead of my own free will.  We soared to the far side of the peak, out of the line of sight of the city and castle further down the mountain.  Trails were nonexistent and the cliffs were too steep.  It would be almost impossible to traverse.

The explosion shook the mountain below us.

“Mom!”  Diamond Rose hightailed it back towards where we’d left the rest of the evacuees.  I followed, but she was the better flyer and easily outpaced me.

Everyone was safe, but half of Canterlot Castle was gone.  There was a guard directing everypony into the cave, and Rose and I followed his lead.  Diamond Rose tearfully embraced her mom, while I stood there awkwardly, worried about my own Mom as I gazed on the chaos below us.  Who knows what Cloudsdale is like right now.

The fighting had moved on, away from Canterlot, and it was only a few hours later before we returned to town.  Incredibly, the city was mostly intact, including our home.  With the villainous trio defeated, solidarity between the tribes returned.  There was no longer any need to flee the city, and I flew to Cloudsdale to retrieve Mom.

There was something to be said for things returning to normal.  I’ll gladly take dull and boring if excitement means invasions and riots.







Canterlot: five years, nine months, and eleven days ago


“Happy Sweet Sixteen, sweetie.”  Mom smiled.  “It’s not much, but it’s the best I could do.”

I nuzzled Mom.  “It’s a day away from Diamond Rose.  We could have had this in a dumpster-filled alley behind Hayburger and I would’ve been happy.”  A bed and breakfast three blocks from home isn’t exactly the most exotic vacation destination.  It’s not Maris, Prance or Baytona Beach, or any of the other places the Diamonds go on vacation, but it’s something.  It’s not that I’m ungrateful for the hospitality they’ve shown us over the past decade, but the price it comes with is steep.  I lose a piece of myself every time I’m with Diamond Rose.  I can’t disagree with her.  I can’t tell her when she’s wrong.  I can’t even win a game if I’m playing against her.  I can’t be myself.

“If you want, I could quit.  I could find another job.”

I shook my head.  “No.  Dealing with Diamond Rose is… difficult, but not impossible.  She’s very set in her ways, and I don’t like or agree with most of the things she says or does.  As I get older, I need more time away from her.  I don’t know what went wrong.  We got along really well as fillies, but somewhere along the line she changed.  And while Rose isn’t my favorite pony to be around, her dad’s been nothing but nice to us.  Now that I’m sixteen, I was thinking maybe I’d pick up a part-time job somewhere.  It would be more time away from Diamond, and I’d be contributing.”

Mom sighed.  “Technically, you already have a job.  Shiny Diamond didn’t hire me for my services as a maid, he hired you to be Diamond’s friend.  Your earnings have been going into a bank account we set up for you.”

“And when, exactly, were you planning on telling me about this?”

“On your sixteenth birthday.  Uh, surprise?”

I stopped to really process that information.  It explained more than a few things.  “That’s horrible.”

“I’m sorry.  We thought it best to secure your future.  Had you had access to the funds as a filly, you likely would’ve spent it all on toys and candy.”

“What?  No, not that.  Paying somepony to be his daughter’s friend.  Rose is dreadfully unprepared for real life.  Everypony gives her everything she wants.  Nopony ever tells her when she’s wrong.  She’s never even lost a game.  How is she supposed to learn humility?  How’s she supposed to make friends when she doesn’t know how to be a friend?  She doesn’t have friends; she has yes ponies, us included.”

Mom shrugged.  “That’s her problem.  We’ve done what we were paid to do.”

Blah, I feel bad for Diamond Rose.  Blah.  On my birthday, nonetheless.  “Can we change the topic?”

“Sure, sweetie.  What do you want to do today to celebrate?”

“Let’s go shopping.  I want to buy things that don’t have ruffles or frills.”

We shopped for a few hours.  I got a few new dresses, some cheap jewelry, and a few new accessories.  With our budget, it was either blow it all on one moderately-priced item, or look for bargains and get a variety of things I might not like as much, but desperately needed.

When we were done, we headed to Hayburger for my party.  Mom had rented out the party room, normally reserved for foals, for the afternoon.  It wasn’t my first choice, but it was the only place Mom could afford, so we made do.  When we got there, my two best friends, Dazzleglow and Razzleberry Delight, were already waiting for us.  

“Your reservation got canceled.”

“What?  Why?”

Dazzleglow shrugged.  “They didn’t tell us.”

“But if you want, you can come back to my place.”  Razzleberry’s family, like mine, came from modest means.  But the pinkish-purple earth pony had a heart of gold.  “I made dessert.”

“Sounds good to me.  But maybe we should wait in case anypony else decides to come?”

“Nopony else is coming.”  Dazzleglow looked at her hooves.  “Hayburger isn’t exactly the place to be seen.”  She sighed.  “You know how it goes.”

I shrugged.  “It is what it is.  At least I’ve got my two besties in the whole world.”

They smiled, and I wrapped one wing around the unicorn and the other around earth pony as we trotted to Razzleberry’s parents’ house in the working class neighborhood of Canterlot.  The homes were crammed together tightly and there were no yards to landscape.  Razzleberry held the screen door open and I pushed the front door open.

“Surprise!”

I jumped back, fluttering to the ground.  As the light shone inside, I could see all my friends were there.  “Razzleberry, you little sneak!”  I tacklehugged her.

“I really did make dessert.”

I laughed.  “That explains the crowd.”

“Oh you.”  She shoved me off her.  “They’re here for you, and you know it.”

“Hi everyone.”  I blushed as ponies started singing Make A Wish (It’s Your Birthday).  There was a pile of gifts on the table, and Razzleberry’s signature razzleberry delight sitting front and center.  A delicious blend of raspberry and blackberry filling topped with vanilla ice cream and fresh berries.  I started drooling at the sight of it.

Friends.  Real friends.  I wish I got to spend more time with them.  It was a good wish, and I blew out the candles.







Canterlot: four years, eleven months, and twelve days ago


I slipped into the store, trying to attract as little attention to myself as possible.  Diamond’s birthday was coming up, and since her parents were throwing an epic Sweet 16 party for her, I needed to come up with a gift for her.  Her parents had even given me a large sum of money to go shopping with, and I’d spent it all on dresses that I despised.  The general rule of hoof was the more I hated it, the more she liked it.  Ruffles?  Frills?  Ick.  But she liked them, and I’d gotten really good at figuring out what she’d like.  While I hadn’t paid for those out of my own funds, those gifts would officially be coming from me.  I’d be paying for this one on my own, yet I wouldn’t be advertising the fact I was the giver of this particular present.

“First time shopping here, miss?”

I blushed.  “Is it obvious?”

“The trenchcoat and sunglasses are always a dead giveaway.  There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.  This is a perfectly respectable business.”

I took a look at the wares on display.  More specifically, the underwear on display.  “I’m looking for something frilly.  You probably hear this all the time, but I’m shopping for a friend.  I’ve been shopping with her enough times I have her measurements memorized.  She has a pure white coat, so she’ll look good in almost anything except for white and perhaps really pale pastels.  And she absolutely loves ruffles and frills.  As you can see, she has horrible taste.  What do you have that fits the bill?”

“Normally when ponies tell me they’re shopping for a friend I’m skeptical.  That’s a little too specific to be ‘discreetly shopping for yourself’ though taking your lover’s tastes into account is quite admirable.  Most of the time ponies just pick what they’d like to see their marefriend wearing.”

I flicked my tail.  “She’s not my marefriend.”  In all honesty I don’t know how I’d describe her.  ‘Friend’ isn’t really accurate either.  She annoys me constantly, and yet I don’t hate her.  Mostly I just pity her.  She lives in a bubble crafted by her father, while her mother considers her an accessory at best, and an annoyance at worst.  I’m the closest thing she has to a friend, and she’s completely out of touch with reality.  “If I’m really lucky, I’ll never have to see her wearing this.”  I paced around the store.  “She’s a spoiled brat and I have to do whatever she says.  I hate it.  Do you know what it’s like to have to constantly give in to the whims of some arrogant mare?”

She coughed and motioned to the store around us.  “I might have an idea.”

“Oh, right.  You work retail.  That was a stupid question.  I guess you’re used to pretentious snobs.”

“We do live in Canterlot.”

I sighed.  “Don’t remind me.  Someday I want to move someplace quiet.  Peaceful.  Someplace rustic like Ponyville, or better yet, out in the middle of nowhere like Appleloosa.”

“You’d eventually miss civilization.  Ponyville’s only a two-hour train ride away from here.  But Appleloosa?  Dodge Junction?  You’re talking a few days by train to get to a major population center.  Better be sure you want to be a hermit before committing to something crazy like that.”  She motioned to the racks of merchandise.  “You think a store like this could survive in Appleoosa or even Ponyville?  Ponies don’t wear clothes most of the time, so for something as niche as this, I have to live in a major metropolitan area, preferably one with a high median income.  As such, my choices are limited to Canterlot and Manehattan.”  She looked at my mark.  “Probably not much market for flowers on the frontier, either.”

I pondered that.  I have no idea what this cutie mark actually represents.  I’m not an earth pony.  I don’t have the gift for making lilies bloom anywhere I want them to.  “That’s true.”

She levitated over a bright red, lacey, frilly, silk teddy.  I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that.  “Perfect!  It even matches her hair.”  I hoofed her a sheet of paper.  “These are her measurements.”

She smiled as she started making alterations.  “Now that you’ve found the perfect gift, is there anything here that catches your fancy?  May as well browse while you wait.”

I should have expected that – she’s a salespony after all, and probably the owner of the shop at that.  “I don’t even have a coltfriend.”

“So?  It doesn’t have to be about pleasing somepony else.  Pick something that makes you feel sexy.  The clearance rack is by the door.  If anything catches your eye, I’ll throw it in for free with your other purchase.”

I’ve never understood the point of lingerie.  We don’t normally wear clothing.  Why would clothing make us appear more attractive?  Does it hide flaws?  But considering how much this gag gift is setting me back, I may as well get something for myself while I’m here.  The only thing on the clearance rack that worked well with my coloration was lacey and frilly.  Of course.  I tossed it on the counter and she smiled.

“Kinda frilly for somepony who hates frills.”

I blushed.  “Nothing else matches my coat color.”

She skimmed the rack and held up a few garments to me for a closer look.  Eventually she agreed with my assessment that this was the best choice, and rang me out.  She even gift wrapped the present for Rose.  I trotted out of Tori’s Secret with my purchase.  It’s lacey and frilly, and yet she’s going to absolutely hate it.







Canterlot: four years, eleven months, and seven days ago


Dress shopping with Diamond Rose.  The single most tedious waste of my time ever.  Our taste in clothing couldn’t be further apart, and she often selects her purchases based on how strongly I react negatively to a given outfit.  My hatred of all things frilly has only inspired her to dedicate herself to that particular fashion.

I personally prefer things that are subtle and understated.  Elegant, not ostentatious.  As I looked around the shop, my heart sank.  Everything I liked was on the clearance racks.  My worst nightmare had come true: frilly was actually in style.

It only got worse as Diamond Rose presented her selections to me.  They were all horrible.  I gave wings down after wings down.  Worst of all, I couldn’t find much in the store that I wouldn’t give a wings down to.  Rarity’s Boutique is known for being cutting edge, and that gave me a sense of dread for the upcoming fashion season.  Oh well, not my problem since I’m never invited to fancy parties.  At least Diamond Rose will be in style… for once.

Then Diamond started going through the clearance rack – that was unlike her, especially considering there was nothing even remotely frilly in there.  “You’re looking through the clearance rack?”

“Yeah.  Which one do you think looks best?”

I pointed to the one I liked best, knowing she’d hate it.  But she asked for my opinion, so I gave it to her.

“Perfect.”  She grabbed it and added it to her purchases.

“You’re actually taking one of my suggestions?”

She nodded, then asked if I was getting anything.  I shook my head and followed her to the fitting room.  I took a seat outside, ready to let her know how she looked.

Rose came out and twirled around, displaying the first dress in all its glory.  Sassy Saddles is a professional, and I couldn’t find any faults with the fitment, even if the dress itself wasn’t to my taste.  Wings up.  On the plus side, if ruffles and frills are in, it means I should start hitting the clearance outlets and thrift shops to keep an eye out for dresses I might like getting dumped because they’re out of style.

Dress number two actually looked good on Rose.  That’s the one I hated the most of the whole bunch when she picked it off the rack.  I better check my temperature when we get back to the house, I must not be feeling well.  I gave it two wings up.  “Rose, I was wrong about that one.  You look absolutely radiant.”

She paused by the mirror.  “This one is my favorite of the bunch too.  If you like it, it must really be special!”  She nodded at her reflection.  “Yup!  This is tonight’s party dress!”

Thrice more Rose paraded new dresses in front of me, but I barely paid attention to them except to give them the token wings up that they fit correctly.  Sassy levitated the final dress, the one I actually liked, and Diamond Rose shocked me.  “It’s for her.”

“But…but…but…”  I had no coherent response to that.  It was the first time Rose had ever gotten me something.

“I’d prefer it if you walked in, but if you insist...”  She headbutted me into the dressing room, and Sassy wasted no time taking my measurements.  “Happy really belated sweet sixteen.”

I thanked her.  The world continued on around me while my brain took a lengthy time out.  Eventually my brain started functioning again, but by that point we were already halfway home.  I was still wearing my new dress, and Sassy had done an impressive job making it fit just perfectly.  I guess that means going easier on the desserts tonight than originally planned.

We were a little late for the party, but so was everypony else.  We arrived at the same time as all of the guests, but ducked around to the kitchen entrance so we could avoid the line.  It wouldn’t do for the birthday girl to wait to get into her own party.

We emerged in the drawing room, and I took note of all the guests.  Is that Prince Blueblood?  Seriously?  I knew the Diamonds were rich, but this is ridiculous!  Diamond Rose, of course, made a beeline right for him.  I rolled my eyes.  Predictable.  While she went to make an undoubtedly poor first impression on the prince, I checked out the other eligible stallions.  The nice thing is, none of these ponies have any idea who the birthday girl is, let alone me, so nopony realizes I’m poor and hence don’t belong at a high society party.  Thanks to Diamond, I’m actually dressed appropriately for this occasion, and I’d be foolish to let it go to waste.

I should feel guilty for this…  But let’s face reality – at their income level these stallions want a trophy wife.  If they’re shallow enough that looks are the only thing that matters, I can be shallow enough to dig some gold.  The real question is am I pretty enough?  I found a quartet of bachelors by the refreshments.  As long as I’m being shallow, there’s not a looker in the bunch.  Oh well, it should make gold digging easier…

Since none of them were really jumping out at me, I just initiated a conversation with the nearest stallion.  He introduced himself, specifically by going into his parentage.  He got as far as his great-great-great-great grandparents before I excused myself to go get Diamond Rose.  I shuddered as I realized he could probably recite his heritage all the way back to some noble prior to the unification of the tribes.

“And this is the birthday girl, herself, Diamond Rose!”  I left her talking to ‘name every branch on his family tree’ and set my sights on the next stallion in line.  Rather than bore me with his lineage, stallion #2 regaled me with his balance sheet, or rather his parents’ balance sheet.  How many homes they owned, and where.  It was more of the same from the other two.  I looked around the opulent mansion that had been my home for most of my life.  If I wanted to live in such luxury as something other than live-in staff, this was the tradeoff.  Is it worth it?

“We don’t just own a beach house in Acapulcolt, we own all the beach houses there.  We go for two weeks every winter, and there’s nothing more annoying than a beach crowded with common rabble.  Now the beach is exclusive to only us and our guests.  You should join us next year.”

I’d absolutely love to go to Acapulcolt, but not with you.  I’m just common riffraff, you classist snob.  I held my tongue.  “A nice secluded beach sounds wonderfully romantic, but we’ve only just met.  Perhaps we should start with a dance before planning mutual vacations?”

He was as bad at dancing as he was at conversing.  It wasn’t long before I passed him to Diamond Rose and tried the next in line.  It’s actually possible to be more of a stuck up snob that’s woefully unprepared for the real world than Diamond Rose.  The next stallion was so underwhelming I didn’t even bother with the fourth.  I have more respect for myself than this.  I bailed and made for the refreshments.  The party guests may have been insufferable, but at least the host spared no expense.  Fancy new dress that’s perfectly tailored or not, the dessert table was calling me.  Death by chocolate?  There are worse ways to die.  Pretty much all of them.  I grabbed some of the triple chocolate dessert and started eating it as Shiny Diamond clinked on a glass to draw everypony’s attention.

“A toast to the birthday filly.  My little princess is growing up.  Happy sweet sixteen, sweetie.”  He motioned to a table piled high with presents.  “We all got you a little something.”

Oh stars.  The presents.  I completely forgot I got her that gag gift.  Guilt washed over me as I realized Rose had been nice to me today, even generous, buying me a dress on her own birthday.  Granted, it was from the clearance rack, but Diamond isn’t mean.  She’s abrasive, ignorant, and annoying, but not malicious.  I’m an awful pony.

Unlike me, Diamond didn’t bother to open the giftwrap carefully to save it for another use.  She shredded it in her enthusiasm, and the scraps of torn paper piled up on the floor at her hooves in a patchwork rainbow.  Sadly, most eyes in the room weren’t on the birthday girl.  Many had swarmed the buffet, while others were still jockeying for position around Blueblood.  I was partially relieved, and partially disappointed, when she failed to make a scene over the lingerie I’d picked out for her.  She just moved on to the next box as if nothing had happened.  Maybe she doesn’t hate it after all.

I was still lost in my thoughts when Shiny Diamond gave his daughter one last gift.  Unlike the others, it wasn’t wrapped.  She lifted the lid off the box and stuttered, “No way.”

“Way.  It’s the Rose of Cimarron, and it’s all yours now, sweetie.”

I blinked.  The Rose of Cimarron?  The massive pink diamond adorning her flank?  Are you crazy?!?  Yeah, he’s crazy all right.  Crazy rich.

Rose lost all interest in her party after that, staring at the diamond like a lover.  I sat next to her, knocking her out of her stupor the few times somepony showed an active interest in conversing with her.  Sadly, sitting there in silence was the most fun I had at the party.







Canterlot: four years, four months, and eighteen days ago


Razzleberry and I were hanging out at Sweetcream’s Scoopers.  Neither of us received much of an allowance, but we generally had enough money for ice cream once a week.

I’d started spending less time in the Diamond household – Diamond Rose could get on my nerves faster than a cat pouncing on a mouse.  While it might’ve technically been my ‘job’ to be Diamond’s friend, it wasn’t one I wanted. I wanted to live my own life, hanging out with my friends and trying to impress a handsome colt.  Or at least a rich one.  Unfortunately, I was at a disadvantage due to having wings instead of a horn.  Of course, if I’d had both wings and a horn, I’d have had more suitors than I could’ve ever dreamed of.

A pegasus and an earth pony sitting at an ice cream shop in Canterlot weren’t going to attract much attention, regardless of how cute we were.  Razzleberry had a more colorful mane than mine, but a huskier earth pony build than my dainty pegasus build.

I poked at my vanilla ice cream sundae.  I’d only had enough bits for a small, and I wanted to savor it as much as possible. Razzleberry had opted for black raspberry, to the surprise of nopony.  “You should start setting up at the Canterlot Faire.”

Razzleberry looked at me. “Hmn?” she asked, mouth full of ice cream.

“You should get a booth at the Canterlot Faire on weekends and sell your desserts.”

“That would be nice, but I don’t have enough bits to rent a booth.”

“The story of our lives.”

“You could teach poise and grace to pretentious unicorn fillies.”

“Ugh, I did that for Diamond Rose.  Once was enough.”

“She learned pretty well, so you must’ve done a good job.”

The irony wasn’t lost on me – despite my own working-class roots, my Mom had taught me how to behave like a Canterlot noble.  Diamond Rose, while not from a noble lineage, came from a wealthy family but was a stereotypical rough and tumble pegasus foal.  I’d had to teach her how to behave around adults, and she’d taught me how to fly. It was one of the few happy memories I had of Diamond Rose.  I can’t wait to rid myself of that stuck-up brat.

A large sundae was set in front of me.  Loaded with toppings and dripping with whipped cream, it looked fantastic.  It also looked fantastically expensive, and the meager bits in my saddlebag couldn’t hope to cover the purchase price.  “I think there’s been a mistake, miss.  I didn’t order this.”

“It’s compliments of that colt sitting at the table over there.”

Razzleberry picked up her dessert.  “I’ll just find another table.  Good luck!” She winked at me.

“Wait…”  She ignored my protest, and her seat was momentarily filled by the colt who’d purchased my ice cream.  I recognized him from school – Falling Star wasn’t somepony I’d spent much time interacting with, but he was certainly easier on the eyes than the nobles I’d met at Diamond’s Sweet 16.  Not perfect by any stretch of the imagination – he could’ve stood to lose a few pounds, but he wasn’t obese.

“M’lady.”  He took my hoof in his and gave it a quick kiss.

I giggled.  “No need to be fancy, I’m no noble.”

“Nor am I.  I’m just an average colt, in the company of a goddess.”

“Flatterer.  Tell me more.”

“Your eyes sparkle like amethyst, and your mane is as beautiful as the wind rippling through the amber fields of wheat outside Ponyville.”

I blushed.  He’s pouring it on thick, but I asked for it.  It was… nice… to hear somepony say nice things about me for once.  “I can’t eat this whole thing by myself. Would you like to share?”

“I wouldn’t say ‘no’, m’lady.”

Falling Star ended up eating more of it than I did, considering I’d had my own small dish as an appetizer… followed by a chaser of a newfound desire not to put on weight.  Gotta keep this colt’s attention.  Maybe one day I can move far away from Diamond Rose… and the invasion capital of Equestria she calls home.  I want to live someplace quiet, someplace nopony in their right mind would try to invade.







Canterlot: three years, eight months, and four days ago


I trotted down the street, thankful for the excuse to get away from her royal highness.  It was nearly prom time and she wanted to go, but couldn’t, and I was sick of hearing about it.  Boohoo, your parents spent a fortune tutoring you so you don’t go to some public school.  It also means you don’t get a prom, that’s the trade-off.

Ever since I’d started dating Falling Star I’d spent less time at the mansion.  The Diamonds were surprisingly okay with me spending less time with their daughter, but kept hinting that should I find any handsome, intelligent studs I should introduce them to Rose.  Not surprising, considering how well their own plans to introduce her to some suitable stallions had failed miserably.

I was still two blocks away from the ice cream shop we were meeting up at when I saw Falling Star standing in the road talking with Diamond Rose.  Why is she talking to my coltfriend?  I inserted myself between them.  “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Arranging my date for the prom.”

I resisted the urge to facehoof.  “You don’t even go to this school.”

Diamond Rose rolled her eyes.  “I know, right?  It’s so unfair.  In order to attend prom, I need an invitation from one of the students here.  I chose this guy.”

“That.  Is.  My.  Coltfriend.”

“He is?  He just told me he doesn’t love you.”

I turned to him.  “Is that true?”

“I… uh… I…”

“Oh, he likes you well enough.  But he doesn’t love you.  What does love matter anyway?  Ponies marry because they’re attracted to each other, or to improve their station in life.  He’s fairly handsome, and he’s richer than you.  He’s suitable.  I just want him to escort me for the night.  You go to the school; you can certainly invite somepony else if you so desire.”

I stared at her with my mouth agape as my brain processed the words my ears had heard.  I turned to Falling Star, giving him the absolute dirtiest glare I could manage.  “Is what she said true?”  He gulped and nodded.  My hoof shot out and slapped him across the face.  I looked at Rose and opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.  Instead, I growled in frustration.  Thankfully, I’m very good at not hitting Diamond Rose.  If I had a bit for every time I’d wanted to hit her over the years, I’d be as rich as she is.  Besides, there’s somepony else here I’m just as angry with, so I hit him again.  That done, I turned and galloped away.  I need to cry, and there’s no way in Tartarus I’m letting either of them see me do so.

I somehow managed to make it home with the tears blurring my vision.  I made a beeline for my room, locking the door behind me.  Once I was sure I could keep Diamond Rose out, I buried my head in my pillow and bawled for all I was worth.  I loved somepony who didn’t love me back.  What a fool I’ve been to believe he could ever love a mare like me.  I really thought he was better than that, but he’s just like those stuck up snobs that were at Diamond’s Sweet 16.  How could I have been so blind?  This is Canterlot.  Nopony loves anypony else, it’s all a game of who can marry the richest or the prettiest.  I don’t want to be the richest or the prettiest, I just want somepony to love me for who I am.

A knock on the door interrupted my pity party.  “Go away!”

A key turned in the lock a few minutes later and I thought Mom was going to come in.  Instead it was Rose.  “Lily.”

I should’ve figured she’d have a key to get in.  So much for privacy.  “What the hay, Diamond?  I want to be alone.  You just broke up my relationship.  What more do you want from me?”

She dismissed that with a wave of her hoof.  “As your best friend, I couldn’t stand to see you distraught.”

“You’re not my best friend.”

“Pish-posh.  Of course I am.”

I couldn’t help myself, I laughed at that.  “I’m your best friend, but you’re not mine.”

She laughed as well.  “Oh, you’re not my best friend.  I don’t even really consider you a friend.  More like an acquaintance.”

May as well press my luck.  I’ve got her undivided attention for once, may as well keep the epiphanies coming.  “If not me, who do you consider your best friend?”

“I don’t know.”

“Face it, Diamond.  Not only am I your best friend, I’m also your only friend.”  Ha!  Go on, talk yourself out of this one, I dare you!  Let’s see your logic for how you’re incredibly popular.

“I’m sorry.”  There was a pause as she reflected on things.  Apologizing was a new concept for her, and I guess she needed some time to work it all out in her head.  She finally added, “I’m a horrible pony.”

“Well, at least you admit it.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d really like to be alone right now.  I just dumped my coltfriend because of you.”

I felt the bed sag and then her wings and legs wrapped around me in an embrace.  I cried myself out as she lay there holding me.  Is this personal growth from Diamond Rose?







Canterlot: two years, eleven months, and seven days ago


Shiny Diamond pulled me aside on my eighteenth birthday.  “Lily, in another few months my daughter’s going to be eighteen, and your services will no longer be needed.”

I’m free!  I’m free at last!  That thought came to a screeching halt.  I have only hazy memories of a time before Mom and I lived here – as sad as it is, this is all I know.  Worse, I’m about to be kicked out.

“Unless…”

“Unless what?”

“Well, Rose has it in her head that she wants to go to Earth.  From what I can tell, if you go through the portal, you agree to be gone for five years.  You and I both know she won’t last five minutes out in the real world, let alone five years, and that’s my own fault for sheltering her so much.  So I’ve got a little proposition for you: if you go to Earth with Rose, I’ll hire you on permanently.”

I blinked.  Earth, the place with all those icky hairless apes.  “You want me to go to Earth with Diamond Rose?  No way.  Not happening.”

“I’ll pay you.”  He scribbled a number on a piece of paper and slipped it to me.

My jaw tried to drop to the floor when I saw the figure.  What they hay, may as well push my luck.  “Double that, and add a zero to the end.  In front of the decimal point.”

“Done.”  He wrote out a check and hoofed it to me.  “In addition, I will provide you with an equal amount of spending money as I do for Diamond Rose.  I expect you to be able to budget your funds and by doing so, budget her funds as well.”

That’s a crazy amount of money – more than I could hope to earn in two decades.  It might make it worth putting up with Diamond Rose. It’s not like I haven’t been doing so my whole life anyway.  What’s another five years or so?  She’ll probably get bored and come home in two weeks.

“I worry that someday when I pass on, Diamond Rose will squander the entire family fortune and die poor.  She needs guidance.  She needs somepony she’ll listen to.”

I laughed.  “That ain’t me.”

“As hard as this may be to believe, she listens to you far more than she listens to her mother or me.”

That’s sad.  “My condolences.”

He chuckled.  “Perhaps I should be the one saying that to you.  She’ll be out of my hair for five years, but she’s going to be in yours that whole time.  I’m counting on you to keep her safe.  If anything bad happens to my baby, I will hold you responsible.”

I gulped.  “Uh, what are her plans once she’s on Earth?”

“She wants to go sightseeing.  She absolutely loves the idea of being the first pony to set eyes on all of Earth’s greatest attractions.  Knowing my daughter, I’m assuming she means shopping malls.”

I laughed.  “Probably.”

“You’ve got a lot of work ahead of you.  You’ll need to learn some languages, and the laws of any places the two of you plan on traveling.”  

I nodded absently.  What have I just gotten myself into?







Pine Barrens, New Jersey: today


Eyes closed, I sat on the bus in an aisle seat, because of course Diamond had to have the window seat.  Not that it mattered much to me, since I didn’t even want to be here on Earth in the first place.  She wants to see the sights, I just want a paycheck.

“Isn’t this exciting, Lily?”

“Not really.”  I stifled a yawn.  “It’s just a transport.  Like a pegasus chariot.  But enclosed.”  I let out an involuntary shudder.  “What do we do first?”

“I was thinking we’d get jobs.”

I blinked in surprise.  “Come again?”

“We need to find employment.  We can’t live off the paltry sum we got as a stipend to come here.  Especially not with how much I already spent.”

“What about all that money your dad specifically had converted to dollars for you?”

“I may have intentionally left it sitting on my bed at home.  I’m sure the bank will convert it back to bits for him.”

“What?  What?”

“I want to make my own way, Lily.  Everypony has done everything for me my whole life.  And don’t get me wrong, that’s awesome, but there’s more to life than that.  I’m my own mare, and I want to do things my way for once.”

My jaw dropped at her revelation.  “What happened to seeing the sights for the next five years?  You know, living like the heiress you are?”  Why didn’t you tell me that was your plan right from the start?!?

“I lied.  That was never my plan, but there’s no way my parents would’ve let me come here if they’d known I was planning on doing something crazy like earning a living.  If I’d tried this back in Canterlot, you know they’d have been checking up on me constantly.  Besides, if I get desperate, I can always write home and I know he’ll send me the money if I ask him to.  But the whole point of coming here was to do something with my life.  Succeed or fail, I want to control my own destiny for once.  Why’d you come with me anyway?  You were dead set against the idea right from the start.  Just wanted to see the sights?  Live it up for five years on my Dad’s bits?”

I had no reply to that.  That’s exactly what it looked like, and I wasn’t about to admit her dad was paying me to be here with her.

“Lily, it’s okay.  Dad offered to pay your way because he wanted somepony here to watch out for me.  He figured that the two of us together would be safer than me out on my own.  And what could be safer than working some mundane nine-to-five?”

“You’re crazy.  I mean, my respect for you just shot up a bunch of points, but Diamond, this is my life too.  You’ve had your whole life to live it up and travel exotic places.  This is the first vacation I’ve ever had.  And now it turns out it’s not going to be a vacation at all.”

“It means a lot that you came with me.  I promise we’ll take a vacation while we’re here.  A different one every year!  And I’ll even let you pick the first one!  We just need to earn a little money first.”

“This is a lot to take in.  I need a few minutes to think.”  I walked toward the rear of the bus.  There was a bathroom there, and it was the only place I could have privacy.  Looking at the flimsy door, it wouldn’t be soundproof, so I couldn’t let my internal screaming become external screaming, but at least it was someplace quiet to think.  I breathed in, holding the breath for four seconds.  I exhaled, again letting it go for a full four seconds.  I repeated this until I had completely calmed down.

As soon as my brain started thinking rationally again, inspiration struck immediately.  She has no work experience and no real skills.  She’ll end up working retail, and she’ll rage quit within hours of starting.  Then I’ll talk her into doing a little sightseeing to keep up appearances, so she has some pictures and souvenirs to show off, then convince her to go home early.  I bet Mr. Diamond would give me a nice bonus for bringing her home quicker than anticipated.  As soon as we stop, I need to do some research and find out what employers have the worst reputation and suggest she apply for jobs with them.  A plan so simple it’s brilliant!  It’s so simple, even Diamond Rose can’t mess it up.

I trotted back down the aisle and took my seat again.  “Hey Lily!  Guess what?”

“What Rose?”

“I got us jobs already!”

I could feel my blood pressure going up.  She’s going to be the death of me, I just know it.  “And how, exactly, did you do that?”

“There’s a mare on the bus looking for investors to start a hotel.  I signed us up.”

“Rose, Rose, Rose.  That’s probably a scam.”

“Oh.”  She seemed crestfallen at that idea.  “But she didn’t take my money.”

“Not yet, but mark my words, she probably will.  Yours, mine, and everypony else naïve enough to go in on this.”

“I’ll point her out once we get to the consulate.”

I nodded.  “All right.  As long as you didn’t give her any money, no harm done.”

I’m not even going to be able to let her out of my sight for a minute if I’m to keep her from getting hoodwinked.  Just look at her, she practically has ‘sucker’ written on her face in bright red block letters.







New York City, New York: today


Diamond got off the bus and immediately directed me to a blue unicorn with a snowflake cutie mark and pink hair.  Where have I seen her before?  “Um, hi.”

“Hi.”

“I’m Lily Blossom.  You were talking with Diamond Rose on the bus, and she volunteered my services for this hotel thing you’re starting.”

She nodded.  “That’s right.  I’m Snowcatcher.”  She looked down at the list hovering in her aura.  “I didn’t add you to the list officially yet.  I never count chickens before they’ve hatched.  Would you like to go in with all of us?  You’d be number nine.  By my calculations, I figure we need fifteen to twenty to succeed.”

“How much is the buy-in?”

“Your stipend.  If you have anything else with you, keep it.”

The stipend was a mere pittance compared to what Shiny Diamond had given me to cover expenses.  Still, I wasn’t keen on losing it, especially not within hours of crossing through the portal.  “I think I’m going to pass.  And Rose too.”

She frowned as she looked at her list.  “I understand, though I’d like to hear Diamond Rose speak for herself.”

“That’s fair.”  I waved Diamond over, as Snowcatcher turned to talk with another blue unicorn mare.  My eyes caught sight of the other mare’s cutie mark: an umbrella sheltering a pair of hearts.  Suddenly it all clicked.  These are the mares who saved our lives when Chrysalis was threatening us.  They’re heroes.  If I can’t trust them, who can I trust?  It was worth the gamble.  “Snowcatcher.”

“Yes?”

“We’re in.”

Her face lit up and she added my name to her list.  “Awesome!”

“And since I never got to say this a few years ago, thank you for saving our lives the day the Legion of Doom attacked.”

Snowcatcher looked from me to Diamond and back.  “So that’s why the two of you look so familiar!”

“Forgive her, she’s bad with names and faces.  I’m Dewdrop Dazzle.”  She held a hoof up for me to bump.

I returned the bump.  Rose will hate working for a hotel just as much as she would hate working retail.  I can still work with this.
> Act I: Lulu Luck
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Siami Beach: eleven years, two months, and ten days ago


I trotted down the street, the clopping of my hooves making everyone else turn to look at me.  Siami Beach: the only place in Equestria where the clopping of hooves was the exception, not the rule.  The padded paws of Abyssinians never made a sound when they walked down the cobblestone roads.  Descended from predators, stealthy cats caught more prey than those who announced their presence.

The population used to be predominantly pony, but that had changed over the past few years.  Abyssinia was in turmoil, and many felines had fled their homeland for Equestria.  It was to the point where felines outnumbered equines five-to-one in Siami Beach.  From what I’d seen in the local newspaper, some guy calling himself the ‘Storm King’ invaded their homeland, and the ones who didn’t come here were holed up in their capital, Panthera.

Aside from being absolutely adorable, Abyssinians had invented all kinds of gadgets we didn’t have here in Equestria.  Felines possessed no natural magic of their own, so they’d developed their technology to compensate, building devices that didn’t run on magical charges.  I found their tech fascinating, and I had an entire corner of my room dedicated to taking their gizmos apart and attempting to put them back together.  Sometimes I got it right, and other times I was left with a pile of broken parts.  With age came experience: I broke far fewer devices as I got older.

I trotted into Circuit Kitty and the salescats didn’t even bat an eye.  I came in at least once a week to browse, but rarely to buy.  I’d been saving my allowance, and I finally had enough to get the radio I’d been eyeing for months.  It was only after I'd levitated it over to the sales counter that the employees were finally surprised.

With my purchase securely floating in my aura, I stopped at Gato Bell to pick up dinner.  Abyssinians were carnivores, and that meant most of the menu options contained fish.  But Siami Beach was still part of Equestria, and ponies still made up a sizable minority of the population.  So they offered a few token vegetarian options, and I opted for a kale roll.  It was the only thing on the menu I could afford after purchasing the radio, and I spent my last bit on it.

I munched the kale roll as I took my newly purchased radio apart.  I documented all the pieces and how they were supposed to go as I took it apart.  I was already an expert at disassembling things, so the real test would be getting it put back together again.  If I want to listen to this radio, I need to put it back together correctly.  Otherwise I just wasted three months’ allowance on a radio-shaped paperweight.

Reading about how something works is great, but the only way I can really understand what makes it tick is to tear it down and rebuild it.  Once I get the knack of ‘rebuilding’ I’ll move on to ‘improving’.  I need to see the individual components in order to comprehend how they all come together to work as a whole.  That’s why I like Abyssinian tech so much – with the magical devices favored by ponies, it’s almost impossible to reverse engineer a spell.  The few times I’ve managed to unravel a spell, that was it for the device, it was kaput for good.

I snapped the case back into place, sealing the radio.  I held my breath and turned it on.  There was a crackle of static, then a burst of music.  Success!







Siami Beach: nine years, one month, and twelve days ago


The sun warmed my hide as I lounged on the beach.  The little timer Mom kept in the picnic basket dinged and I rolled onto my back to expose my tummy to the sun.  The afternoon sun was blinding, so I slipped on a pair of sunglasses as I looked over to Mom, laying on the sand next to me.  The timer had roused her from her slumber, and she too rolled onto her back to avoid burning.

I levitated the book I’d been reading over my head.  My magic was finally strong enough that I could keep a book suspended for hours and manage to flip the pages without dropping it on my face.  As an added bonus, it would help keep the sun out of my eyes.

Most fillies my age opted to read Daring Do or Prancy Blue mysteries, or romance novels.  I made a face at that last one.  My idea of fascinating reading was slightly less fictional.  Schematics and enchantment diagrams were hardly the stuff little fillies dreamed about.  That might be true for other little fillies, but I could get lost in them and often did.

I’d previously experimented with magical devices, though to less than stellar results.  A master unicorn could keep little gears and springs running indefinitely by blending magic and technology.  My record was all of sixteen seconds before they collapsed back into a pile of their component parts.

I put the book back into the picnic basket, stood up, and stretched.  The afternoon sun was relentless, and many of my fellow beachgoers had taken to sheltering under umbrellas.  Those were mostly the locals who, like me, spent a good bit of time at the shore.  You could always tell the locals from the tourists – locals wore swimsuits, while tourists didn’t see the need to.  Ponies rarely wore clothing, so why would they hamper their tanning or swimming with unnecessary garments?  Because they’d never experienced getting a grain of sand stuck someplace uncomfortable.  I hadn’t either, but I’d heard about it from ponies who had, and I’ve always preferred to learn from the mistakes of others.

I trotted down to the surf and let the cool waves splash against me, then joined a group of fillies and colts playing in flank-deep water.  One of the colts was pretending to be a shark and the rest of us giggled as we tried to avoid being ‘eaten’ by him.  When we got bored of that game, one of the fillies suggested we play a game of volleyball to dry out.

The volleyball courts were further up the beach, away from the water.  That section of the beach was popular with the ever-growing Abyssinian population, and unsurprisingly we found a few kittens on the court.  They didn’t have enough to start a game, so we split into groups, mixing equines and felines to make the game fairer.

The cats were taller than us, and bipedalism certainly worked in their favor to make spiking easier.  Still, their paws couldn’t swat the ball with the force an equine hoof could.  I bucked the ball skyward and one of the cats on our team, Catrina, leapt up and spiked it.  Her aim was true and it landed right between the pair of colts guarding the back row.

Shadows fell across the volleyball court, and we all turned our attention to the sky.  An entire fleet of airships was up there, and I recognized their Abyssinian design.  More refugees, and lots of them.  “I’m gonna go watch the dirigibles dock!”  The other foals and kittens groaned, as this would put a halt to the game until they could find a replacement player.  I dashed across town, eager to beat the airships to the mooring masts.

Airship engines were some of the biggest, most complex motors in existence, and I never missed an opportunity to get close to them.  Every once in a while, a crew would see me watching them intently and invite me onto the ship for a tour.  They’d never let me get more than a glimpse of the engines though.

I got there just in time to watch the airships dock.  There wasn’t much activity visible on the decks, which was very odd.  Mooring lines had already been thrown overboard, and were just dangling from the ships in the fleet.  The dock’s unicorns and pegasi attached the ropes to the masts, and then all was still for a few minutes.

Finally, a lone pony trotted down the ramp.  At first I thought she was an earth pony, but then I caught sight of the broken stub of what had once been a horn.  I couldn’t tear my eyes away, and instinctively reached for my own horn just to assure myself it was still there.

“Can I help you?”

“Uh, I just like watching the airships come in.  I don’t suppose you could give me a tour of your ship? Please?”

She glared down at me.  “My crew is staying on board.  We’re merely stopping for fuel.  Our true destination is Canterlot.”

She was intimidating, but almost all the airships that came through here were crewed by Abyssinians.  I always had a better chance of getting a tour of the ship when it was captained by a pony, so I pressed her further.  “I won’t take long!  You won’t even know I’m there!”

“You’re right.”  She lowered her neck to look me right in the eyes.  “I won’t know you’re there, because you won’t be there at all.  She lowered her head further so her nub of a horn was directly in my field of vision.  “Do you know how a unicorn loses her horn?”

“Uh…”

“By sticking it in places it doesn’t belong.”  She stood up to her full height.  Between her dark purple coat, the jet black outfit she was wearing, the scar on her face, and her broken horn, she was scary looking, especially when she stood up straight.  “Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to talk to strangers?  Scram, kid.”

I ran away, but as soon as her back was turned I hid behind some moorings.  She’s not getting rid of me that easily.  She’s hiding something, and I’m gonna find out what.  My curiosity piqued, I watched her trot into the office to arrange the refueling.

Once she was out of sight, I primed my horn.  The ships were low enough that I could teleport without pushing myself.  With no point of reference on board the ship, my only option was to aim for the top of the ramp.  I’d been up there a bunch of times, sometimes even when there were no ships moored there.  I winked out of existence.

I winked out of between 1.2 seconds later, atop the mooring mast’s ramp.  The airship bobbed in the breeze next to me, but all was quiet.  It was somewhat unsettling.  Airships were normally hubs of activity, but this one seemed like it was deserted.  I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong, and I even briefly considered turning back.  What if she’s a pirate captain and the real captain and crew of the vessel are being held captive?  I have to help them.  It was a crazy theory, but I couldn’t completely dismiss it.  I examined the facts: it was an Abyssinian ship with a very suspicious pony captain who didn’t want me looking around.  It was a mystery, and I intended to solve it.

I jumped onto the ship’s deck and started looking around.  There was nopony to be seen.  Of course, my main concern was getting down to the engine room, so I started looking for the way into the depths of the ship.  I was less familiar with Abyssinian designed ships, but the layout proved to be similar to Equestrian vessels.  I climbed down the stairs and my jaw dropped as I looked around the hold.  Gold and precious gems surrounded me.  “Whoa.”  No wonder she didn’t want me on board.  Where did all this treasure come from?

Engine forgotten, I instead explored the cargo hold.  A golden ball of yarn?  This is Abyssinian.  Is the scary pony helping the Abyssinian royals evacuate, or did she loot their treasury?  Either way, the Storm King would no doubt be looking for her.  And she said she’s going to Canterlot?  I gasped at the thought of her potentially leading the Storm King right into the heart of our nation.

I continued deeper into the hold, mesmerized by the sheer volume of treasure the ship contained.  Part of me was shocked the airship could remain in the sky with this much weight holding it down.  The rest of me was trying to fathom exactly how much this treasure was worth.  I’m used to crunching numbers from an engineering standpoint, not an economic one, but suffice it to say there’d be a lot of zeroes involved.

Eventually I reached the end of the hold, and the engine room directly beyond.  To me, it was the greatest treasure on board.  All the other fillies I know would be distracted by the fortune, fantasizing about the jewelry and dresses they’d spend it on.

The ship shuddered, and my heart skipped a beat as I realized the airship had disconnected from the mooring mast and we were on our way to Canterlot.  Worst of all, my magic hadn’t recharged yet from my first teleport.  Clopping of hooves echoed from the hold and I realized I was trapped.  The only way in or out of the engine room meant going through whoever was coming, and I had a pretty good idea it would be the unicorn I’d talked with earlier.  Hide.  Unlike the hold, which had mountains of gold I could sink into, the engine room was bare except for the motor I had no hope of blending into.  The best I could do was hide behind the door and make a break for it when she wasn’t looking.

The scary unicorn entered the engine room and examined the engine.  She fiddled with the controls, and it roared to life.  I’d never been so close to a running airship engine before.  It was louder than I expected.  Loud enough to mask the clopping of hooves.  Even though I desired nothing more in the world than to watch that beautiful engine run, I realized if I was ever going to escape, it was now or never.  With the engine running, she had little reason to stay in the engine room.  I slipped around the door into the ship’s hold, scanning the piles of coins and golden trinkets for a hiding place.

“You.”

Discovered, I galloped for all I was worth, but the scarred pony had longer legs and was gaining on me.  I charged my horn to teleport.  I closed my eyes and pictured the ramp on the mooring mast, and hoped it wasn’t too far away yet.  But before I could release the spell I smacked into something.  I bounced off and landed on my back.

“Oh ho ho, what do we have here?”  Something picked me up by the tail.  “Aren’t you just the cutest, most adorable thing ever?  Tempest, babe, why didn’t you tell me that baby unicorns are totes adorbs?”

“Because I didn’t think you liked cute or adorable things, sir.”

“You’re right, I don’t!”  He dangled me in front of his eyes and I got an upside down look at what had to be the Storm King I’d read so much about.  “Are there any baby unicorns on the manifest?”

“Uh, no sir.”

“So she’s a stowaway?  That presents a problem, since my normal policy on stowaways is to toss them overboard.  But she’s just a child, and even I’m not that evil.  I mean, there are just certain things I don’t do to children.  I don’t throw them in Tartarus, or seal them up in statues, and I most assuredly don’t go tossing them off airships to their doom…”  He laughed, yet there was nothing at all reassuring about his mirth.  He threw me towards Tempest.  “So Tempest, you do it.”

Her broken horn sparked, but her magic was strong enough to catch me.  “But sir, she doesn’t even have her cutie mark yet.  She’s just a blank flank filly.”

“A cutesy what now?”

“It’s a symbol that appears on a pony’s flanks when they discover their special talent.”

“Is that all?”  He yelled up the stairs.  “Hey Stanley!”

Seconds later a big monster entered the cabin.  The two of them grunted and the giant yeti-thing turned his attention to me.  I backed away as he walked towards me, but eventually I bumped up against the cabin’s wall.

“Stanley here is an absolute expert tattoo artist.”  The Storm King showed off a few tattoos.  “So anyways, give the little pony a tattoo on her butt.  Whatever she wants.”

“That’s not exactly how cutie marks work…” I started, but he silenced me with a glare.

“I’d hate for you to never get a cutie mark.”  He made air quotes over the words ‘cutie mark’.  “It’s only fair to give the condemned a last request, and Tempest over there thinks this is what you want.”

My eyes widened to the size of saucers as Stanley pulled out the needles.  “Nope.  No thanks.”

“Your loss, kid.  What do you want instead?  Ice cream maybe?”

“How about you don’t throw me overboard?”

“I should’ve seen that one coming.  All right, you sure you want to waste your last request that way?”

I nodded.

“All right, Tempest, you heard the kid.  No throwing her overboard.  Push her off the railing instead.”  He snickered and I groaned.

“I’m not sure I can do this, sir.”

“Don’t you want that horn of yours back?”

“Of…of course I do, sir.  It’s just…  I’m a pony.  Ponies don’t do things like this.”

The Storm King laughed.  “You’re a pony?  That’s a good one.  Fizzlepop Berrytwist was a pony.  But you, Tempest Shadow, are a soldier.  Unless, of course, you’d like to be a pony.”  He pulled a book out of his cloak.  “Is that covered under my inclusiveness policy?  Let’s see: gender, religious beliefs, orientation, species, personal identification.  Okay, so yeah, you can identify as a pony, or a tree, or even a minotaur if you want to.  But you’re still a soldier.  And your superior just gave you an order.  Pony or not, are you going to be a good soldier and obey that order, or are you going to be the next in a long line of ex-commanders?  Because if she doesn’t go over the railing, I’m promoting her to commander and tossing you overboard instead.”

“I…I… I understand, sir.  Consider it done.”

“Good, good.  Oh, and Tempest.”

“Yes sir?”

“Don’t ever question one of my orders ever again.”  He turned away from us at that point.

“Yes, sir.”

He left, without even turning around to acknowledge her salute.  I stared at her, but she didn’t even so much as glance at me.

“Let’s just get this over with.  Do you remember a few hours ago, when I told you not to stick your horn where it doesn’t belong?  Now you know why: I was trying to protect you.”  She placed me on the railing, and clamped a hoof on my tail so I couldn’t try to escape.  “It’s a long way down, kid.  Can you teleport, or levitate?”

I shook my head.  She didn’t need to know I could do the first.  She’d only come looking for me.

She sighed.  “It would make this easier if I knew you could escape somehow.  I don’t want to do this.  If I hadn’t been so stupid and expected him to grant you mercy, maybe I could’ve hidden you in my cabin for a few days until we got to Canterlot.  But now this is a test, and if I don’t go through with it, he’ll have us both executed.”  There were tears in her eyes.  “He’s watching us.  Any last words?”

“Monster!”

“I deserve that.  Goodbye, kiddo.”  I screamed as she pushed me off the railing.  I primed my horn to teleport, but landed before I could.  I blinked.  Falling a mile should’ve taken longer and hurt more.  Tempest just grinned down at me and winked.

I scrambled to my hooves and looked around me – I’d landed on a wing.  At the speed we were cruising, the wind wouldn’t be enough to blow me overboard unless we encountered a storm.  I’d be more in danger if someone looked over the railing and spotted me.

I was safe… for now.  But I had no intention of riding on a wing and hoping to make it to the destination in one piece.  I had two options: I could teleport to the ground, a mile below, or home if I really wanted to push my magic.  A mile was more than I could safely go, and home was a good bit behind us already.  I might not ever make it out of between if I tried to go that far.  Or I could teleport into the engine room and sabotage the ship.  Teleporting on a moving vehicle meant factoring in speed.  Sure, I was on the airship, but there’d be 1.2 seconds from the time I popped out of existence and back into it.  1.2 seconds the ship would still be moving.

They’re trying to invade Equestria, and I’m the only pony who knows they’re coming.  My odds of living through this are slim even if I just stay here, out of sight.  But I could eliminate one of the biggest threats we’ve ever seen before he even makes it to Canterlot.  I have to.  I can’t let him get away with this.  Even… I gulped.  Even if I don’t make it.

I created a little globe of light and released it.  1.2 seconds later I made a note of exactly how far it was away from me.  I closed my eyes, visualizing the depths of the ship I’d explored earlier, trying to pinpoint where in relation to my current position the engine room was.  Once I had a good visual of the ship, I teleported to where I hoped it would be 1.2 seconds later.  The alternative was… a long fall and a quick but painful death.

1.2 seconds later I reemerged in the engine room.

“You certainly took your time.”

I froze.  This is bad.  I don’t have enough magic left to do another teleport so soon after another.  My heart started beating again when Tempest answered him.  They were walking on the deck above me.

“Sorry, sir.  I was just… soothing her nerves.  Telling her I wouldn’t do it.  Telling her I couldn’t do it.  And then, right when she looked up at me with hope in her eyes… over she went.”

“Oooooh, nasty!  Here I thought you’d enjoy breaking her horn off.”

“Nopony should have to go through that.  That’s… unnecessarily cruel.  She was just a kid.”

“You should totes do that to the princesses once we get to Camelot.”

“It’s Canterlot.  Camel-lot is in the desert near Saddle Arabia.”

“Canterlot?  Saddle Arabia?”  He slapped his forehead.  “You ponies and your horse puns.  Anyway, nice work out there.  For a minute there I didn’t think you’d do it.”

“I… I didn’t want to.”

“You’re a soldier, Tempest my dear.  There are lots of orders you’re going to hate obeying.  I had to test your loyalty.  But look on the bright side.  If you could do that, it means you won’t choke when it comes time to face enemy soldiers and the princesses.  This is war, Tempest.  There are casualties in war.”

Once they’d moved out of earshot I trotted to the engine and finally took the time to examine it in all its glory.  A pang of regret washed over me for what I had to do.  This glorious motor was built by someone, probably over the course of weeks or even months, but it’d only take me a few seconds to destroy it.  I said a silent apology to the unknown creatures who’d designed and built this work of art.

It may have been huge, but it was still an engine.  It still had all the parts and pieces I expected to be there; they were just far bigger than the ones I was used to.  I grabbed hold with my magic and pulled the fuel lines.  Diesel spewed from the severed connection, and I doused the engine with it.  When the heat of the engine wasn’t enough to start the spilled diesel on fire, I shot a few sparks from my horn to do the trick.  And then I galloped away from the motor and toward the cargo hold.

Moments later Tempest came to see what the problem was.  “Sweet Celestia.”  She climbed back up to the deck and I could hear her ordering the crew to abandon ship.

I did it!  I stopped their invasion!  My inner celebrations were short-lived.  I felt the ship shudder as another airship pulled alongside.  Surprisingly, they hadn’t even bothered to scoop up any of the gold or precious gems in the hold.

Perhaps that wasn’t overly surprising.  Acrid smoke stung my eyes as I climbed out of the hold, but I could still make out the retreating ships in the distance.  I guess that makes me the captain of this vessel, now.  With the fire raging out of control below me, I took the wheel.  I scanned the horizon looking for potential landing spots.  I was coming up on a city, and the last thing I wanted to do was crash into a populated zone.  The city had been built near a lake, so I steered the burning airship towards the body of water.  But I still had too much altitude.  Searching the deck, I eventually found a harpoon, which I shot into the gasbag.

That did the trick, perhaps a little too well.  The ship started dropping faster than I wanted it to.  I still had to clear a forest before reaching the lake, and the rough calculations I ran through my head said I wasn’t going to make it.  Weight.  I ran around the deck, dropping the sandbags and throwing anything else I could overboard to lighten the load as much as possible.  By then the blaze had reached the rudder, and I lost the ability to steer.  All I could do was hope for the best as the ship careened out of control.  

By some miracle the ship cleared the trees and started its final descent into the lake.  I took the opportunity to teleport away, making the short hop to the beach below.  I watched, awestruck, as the airship impacted the waves and came to rest on the lakebed, half sticking out of the water.  Steam poured from the wreckage as the blaze was extinguished by the lake.

It was only then as I lifted my head to see the city on the opposite shore that I realized just how deceptively big the body of water truly was.  From the ground, the city wasn’t visible in the distance.  I sighed and started trotting around the lake.

By nightfall, every muscle in my body was screaming for mercy.  My brain urged me forward, reminding me that every second I dallied was a second the Storm King’s forces got closer to Canterlot.  My body, however, reminded my brain that I was still only a filly, and not a particularly physically fit one.  The light from my horn was a beacon in the dark to any predators that might be lurking in the woods, and so I conceded defeat and shimmied up the first fruit-bearing tree I found.

Coming across a pony in a tree is a rare sight, mostly because climbing a tree trunk with hooves is difficult.  It’s easier with magic, and a little ingenuity.  I weaved some vines together until I was satisfied they could hold my weight, and tossed the makeshift rope across a sturdy branch, securing it around the trunk of a sturdy nearby pine.  Then I tied the other end around my barrel and started climbing.  Once I was securely on a branch I levitated some of the tree’s fruit over for a late dinner.  Oranges, or so I thought.  I bit into it, only to realize it was something entirely different.  Really sweet.  Same size, shape, and color as an orange...  Mirabelle plums?  There’s only one place in Equestria those grow: the Prench Quarter of New Horseleans.  I guess some have made it out into the wilds too.

Realization dawned on me.  That giant lake I was circumnavigating was Lake Ponychartrain.  I groaned.  It’s funny how random things I’d learned in school eventually turned out to be relevant.  Like, for example, Lake Ponychartrain’s dimensions: forty miles wide and more than twenty miles across.  Six months ago, sitting in Mrs. Spinning Globe’s class, I never envisioned I’d need to trek around the whole lake.







New Horseleans: nine years, one month, and ten days ago


It had taken me two days to trudge the whole way to town, and by then I was already too late.  The newspapers all had the Storm King’s picture prominently featured on the front page.  He succeeded.  I failed.  Canterlot was conquered and the princesses had been turned to stone.    It did my heart good to see the Equestrian flag was still flying in front of the town hall.  He may have taken Canterlot, but he hasn’t taken Equestria.

I turned to look at my flank.  My cutie mark was still an unfamiliar, not to mention unwelcome, sight.  I’d acquired it sometime over the course of my long walk to New Horseleans, and I suppose it was only fitting that it was a pair of intertwined horseshoes.  My special talent is walking.  It’s bad enough I’m the last pony in my class to get my mark, but a mark this lame only makes it worse.  Oh well, at least most of my class is made up of Abyssinians who won’t know the difference.

I’m hundreds of miles from home, I have no money, and my parents are probably worried sick about me. I wandered into a park and sat on one of the benches.  It felt nice to give my legs a rest after days of walking.  The sun was shining, the temperature was perfect, and I let myself relax to the sound of birdsong.  No panicking.  Panicking doesn’t solve anything.  I want to be an engineer.  Engineers solve problems.  Come on, Lulu, solve this problem.

I’d spent a lot of time thinking over the past few days, most of it about what I was going to say to the Royal Guards to convince them I was telling the truth about the imminent invasion.  I could, theoretically, still go to the guards and explain what happened.  For proof, they’d need only look in the lake for the flagship jutting out of the water.  In theory, they’d probably help me get home.

I could walk back the way I’d just come, swim out to the wreckage, and grab some gold from the hold.  But that would be stealing.  That treasure rightfully belongs to the Abyssinians.  Besides, do I really want to spend another two days walking there, and another two days walking back?  No!

Conversely, I could sell my story to the press and use the bits I earned to buy a train ticket home.  I’m going to be in so much trouble as is, there’s no sense showing up on my doorstep with a Royal Guard escort.  Mind made up, I trotted into the Times-Picayune’s office.

“I’m sorry, sweetie, but we’re not looking for any paperfillies at the moment.”

“Actually, I’m here with an exclusive scoop.”

“Oh.  Somepony will be with you shortly.”

I took a seat and waited.  And waited, and waited some more.  Forty minutes later a light orange filly barely older than me approached.  “Hi, I’m Thousand Words.  I hear you have a story?”

I nodded.  “Aren’t you a little young to be working for the paper?”

She sighed.  “I’m an intern.  They normally give me the crackpot conspiracy theorists and Bighoof sightings.  Anypony they don’t take seriously or don’t want to be bothered with.  But you don’t look like a conspiracy theorist or a cryptozoologist.”  Her tail wagged.  “So maybe you’re going to be the big break my career needs to be taken seriously?”  She smiled.

I chuckled.  “I certainly hope so.  Let’s go for a walk.  I can prove some of my story, so if you’ve got a camera, you might want to bring it.”

She opened her saddlebag to show off the photography equipment inside.  “Let’s go.”  She was full of excitement and a burning passion to prove herself.  Once I got a look at her flank, I could see her cutie mark was a camera identical to the one in her saddlebag.

I led her to the waterfront.  Much as the situation had been on the other side, the far shore wasn’t visible, nor was the shipwreck.  “Two days ago an airship crashed into this lake.  I was on it.”

She looked at the lake and then to me.  “I don’t have a boat.”

“But you’ve got a zoom lens.”

She quickly attached it to her camera and started scanning the lake for signs of wreckage.  I was starting to lose hope that she’d spot it when she lowered the camera.  “Is that one of the Storm King’s vessels?”

“His flagship.  I took it down personally.”

She looked at me incredulously.  I could see the hope in her eyes that I could give her a story worth printing.

“So, think you can wrangle us up a boat?”

She nodded absently, and I followed her down to a pier.  She only had a few bits in her saddlebag, but managed to convince somepony to rent her a dingy old motorboat.  It was better than nothing, and I recounted my story to her as we sailed out to the wreckage.

The now completely deflated gasbag hampered our efforts to get aboard the broken ship, so Thousand Words had to take my word that the riches of the Abyssinians lay in the hold.  We circled the ship, the charred rudder confirming that part of my story.

“How did you get off?”

“Like this.”  I closed my eyes and charged up my horn.  Seconds later I was on the shore.  I waved to Thousand Words, and she brought the boat to shore.

She continued to pepper me with questions.  I finally broke in with one of my own.  “What I don’t understand is how nopony saw the crash.  I’d expect a lake this size to be filled with boats.”

Thousand Words laughed.  “We were in the middle of Party Gras.  The whole city comes to a crashing halt for a week while we celebrate the end of winter with feasts and parades.”  She scowled.  “Normally, it would still be going on for another two days, but we ended things early because of the Storm King.  It’s hard to party when your country’s being invaded.  The fact that you took down one of his ships outside town?  A lot of ponies here are going to consider that payback for him ruining Party Gras.  He may have subjugated Canterlot, but he riled us up.  If he comes here we’ll fight him to the last pony.  I heard from an anonymous source that the fireworks the city was planning to shoot off to end Party Gras have been repurposed as anti-airship weapons.  He’s not taking New Horseleans.”

I whistled.  “I guess a sneak attack only works once.”

She nodded.  “I’m sure other towns and cities are making their own preparations, though we’ve heard nothing about any other towns being invaded.  His troops seem content with just holding Canterlot.”

“From what I saw of him, I take him to be a glorified pirate.  He’s more interested in looting than actually ruling anything personally.  He’s probably in the process of plundering the vaults of Canterlot Castle, and when he’s done, he’ll be off to conquer another country.”

She scribbled that down in her notebook.  “How did you make it to town?”

“I walked.  All the way around the lake.”

“Through the swamp?!?”

I nodded.  “It took me two days.  The ground was soft in a lot of spots and the forest was thick where the ground was solid, so I couldn’t gallop.  I wish I’d managed to make it to town sooner.  We could’ve warned Canterlot of the impending invasion.  They could’ve been ready for him.”

“We’ll beat him yet.”

I grinned.  “Yes, we will!”

“I guess there’s one last thing.  Uh, this is embarrassing, but I didn’t catch your name.”

“Lu…”  I stopped.  “I’d rather not have it published.  The Storm King thinks I’m dead, and I’d prefer he not find out otherwise.”

“The paper won’t publish anonymous accounts.  Somepony has to take responsibility, you know, just in case it turns out the account was false.  You understand our transparency, of course.  Think of it this way: you’ll be a local hero.”

I sighed.  I needed the money to get home.  I’d just have to deal with the consequences if the Storm King showed up.  “Lulu Luck.  From Siami Beach.”

“Oh wow, you’re a long way from home.”

“I noticed.  That’s why I’m selling my story – for train fare home.”

Thousand Words looked at me.  “If it’s true, your story’s worth more than that.  How’s fifty bits sound?”  I was in no position to barter, so I just nodded my consent.  “I don’t have that much to give you, though.  First I have to get the Royal Guards out here to confirm you’re telling the truth, then I have to write the story, and then I’ve got to convince the paper to pay me for the story.  Then I can pay you for the story.”

I sighed.  “What am I supposed to do in the meantime?  My parents are probably worried sick right now.  You can keep the rest of the payment; I just want enough bits to go home.”

She looked to the sky, and then to me.  “It’s already getting late.  By the time we get to shore it’ll be too dark to get the guards out here today.  Besides, the last trains have already run for the day anyway.  You can stay at my place tonight.  We’ll just tell my parents it’s a sleepover.”

“After two nights of sleeping in trees, it would be nice to sleep in a bed.  All right, sleepover it is.”







Siami Beach: nine years, one month, and eight days ago


The train pulled up to the station and I disembarked.  It was no airship, but at least the engineer had let me study the locomotive for a while at one of the longer stops.  I had no luggage to claim, and instead I trotted for home.

I passed a paper stand, and the lead headline was, Storm King Offers Bounty for the Capture of Twilight Sparkle.  So he didn’t get all the princesses after all.  There was still hope.

I pushed open the front door.  “Hi Mom!  Hi Dad!  I’m home!”  My parents looked at me like they’d seen a ghost.

First came the hugs and tears of joy.  Then came the explanation.  Last came the punishment.  I really don’t think they can get away with grounding me forever, but I’ll chalk it up to them being scared.







Siami Beach: nine years, one month, and two days ago


The mail came, and with it a package from New Horseleans.  When she’d seen the treasure was exactly how I’d described it, Thousand Words paid for my train ticket home out of her own money.  I opened the package to find fifty bits and a dozen copies of the paper with my story as the lead headline.  She didn’t even deduct the train fare from my payment.

There was a letter included, so I opened that first, not even bothering to check the story.  I’d lived it once; I could relive it later.

Dear Lulu Luck,

I hope this message finds you well, and not in too much trouble with your parents.  Enclosed please find your payment in full, as well twelve copies of the paper for your records.  I can’t thank you enough.  I got my first byline!  They even called me a reporter, not an intern!  The other ponies in the office are actually treating me with respect now.  They’re still giving me all the crackpot leads since I’m the youngest on the staff, but I’m also getting some credible leads now too.

I know you’re still beating yourself up for failing to stop the invasion, but you did what you could.  You did more than any other pony, including the princesses.  Don’t dismiss it as just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  You were there for a reason, and that reason is you’re a hero, pure and simple.

So many other ponies would’ve seen there was something amiss and ignored it.  But you didn’t.  You charged in and even when you were in over your head, you didn’t let it get you down.  You were willing to sacrifice everything to make the world better for the rest of us.  That, my friend, is the mark of a true hero.

Please stay in touch!

Your friend,
Thousand Words

I waited until my parents got home, then let them read the article.  Dad read it aloud, and both my parents were moved to tears.  Thousand Words was an amazing wordsmith, elegant yet filled with a passion not yet dulled by years of desensitization to the stories she was reporting on.  She’d likely be running that newspaper in another decade or so.

The newspaper calling me a hero certainly helped to reduce my punishment from permanently grounded to the much more reasonable time served.







Siami Beach: eight years, seven months, and sixteen days ago


With my fifteen minutes of fame over, I’d fallen back into the same routines as usual.  The Storm King had been dealt with by Twilight Sparkle and her friends, real heroes, and life had gone on.  I was still tinkering with anything I could take apart, and finally getting relatively good at putting it all back together again.

I certainly wasn’t expecting a package to arrive from Abyssinia.  At first I thought I was being pranked by one of my feline classmates, since the return address was the Abyssinian palace.  I opened the box carefully, not knowing what to expect.  A coronet and hundreds of gold coins were certainly nowhere near the top of the list.  There was also a letter, but it was written entirely in Felidae.  

I put the letter in my saddlebag and headed to the beach.  I found Catrina, as usual, by the volleyball courts.  She was sunning herself on a lounge chair, waiting for there to be enough players for a game.  “Slow day?”

She rolled onto her back and stretched.  “Very.  What’s up?”

“Do you know Felidae?”

She laughed.  “Of course.  Even if we primarily speak Equestrian, most of us know our native language.”

I hoofed her the letter, and she took it in her paws.  Her jaw dropped as she looked at it.  “That’s the royal seal!”  Her eyes zipped back and forth as she scanned the letter, growing wider with each word she read.  “Congratulations.”

“On what?”

“You’re the new Baroness of Calico.”

“What?”

“In summary, this letter grants you honorary Abyssinian citizenship and bestows upon you a title.  You’ve also been rewarded with gold and a coronet signifying your rank, and if you present this letter to any Abyssinian airship, it will grant you free passage to the kingdom.  What the hay?”

“Uh, it’s a long story.  I have a newspaper article at home if you want to read it.”

She stood up.  It was the fastest I’d ever seen her move off the volleyball court.  “I’m a cat.  Consider my curiosity sufficiently piqued.”

I led the way to my house and hoofed her one of the copies of the Times-Picayune.  She read through the article and stared at me.  “You did all that?”

I nodded.

She clapped me on the back.  “Wow, girl, that’s outstanding!  You’re a hero!  This happened months ago!  Why am I only finding out about this now?”

“I didn’t think it was important.”

“Didn’t think it was important?  You helped bring down the Storm King and were responsible for the safe return of our treasures.  I think I speak for all felines when I say we consider that pretty important.”

I shrugged.  “It doesn’t change who I am.  I like going to the beach and playing volleyball with you, and I love taking apart gadgets and putting them back together.  I’m no superhero, just an ordinary filly.”

“An ordinary filly who’s done some extraordinary things!”

“Can we not mention this to anyone else.  Please?”

She looked at me as if I’d just sprouted wings.  “But…  All right, fine.  I won’t say a word to anyone.”

“Thanks.”  I hugged her.  “This is… a lot to take in.  Maybe I’ll make an announcement after it all sinks in.”

She nodded.  “That’s understandable.”

She bowed to me and left.  Felines are by nature very flashy.  Like a pet cat who brings home a mouse to prove what a good hunter he is, Abyssinians like to show off.  She doesn’t grasp that I don’t like attention.

But I do want to go to Abyssinia.







Panthera: three years, five months, and twenty days ago


Learning a new language is easiest when you’re surrounded by native speakers.  Catrina had helped me learn Felidae, and she’d joined me for a journey to her home country.  True to the letter’s word, presenting it to an airship captain had indeed resulted in free transit for Catrina and I.  At least after we’d convinced him of its authenticity.

After nearly a week of travel, much of which was spent in the engine room, Abyssinia was finally in sight.  Catrina dragged me up on the deck, and the view took my breath away.  From sandy beaches to rolling mountains, Abyssinia was beautiful.  As we traveled inland, the sandy beaches gave way to picturesque vineyards, sprawling orchards, and alpine villages.  Cats were fishing from boats on the crystal clear lakes, and great herds of elephants roamed the prairies.

As we approached Panthera, I was captivated by Abyssinia’s unique architecture.  Ledges and platforms decorated the structures, providing ample places for felines to lounge in the sun or exercise by jumping from one level to another.  It had been just five years since the Storm King’s invasion, yet no traces of the devastation he wrought remained.  New structures were under construction throughout the city as the former refugees returned to their homeland.  Siami Beach’s population had halved in the same time, leaving entire neighborhoods vacant as the exodus of felines continued.  Catrina’s probably not joining me on the trip home.

We approached the mooring masts and I bounced up and down in excitement.  Catrina looked at me funny.  “What?”

“You’re dancing.”

“I’m excited.  I’ve never been on an airship when it’s docking.  I’ve watched hundreds of airships dock, but the only time I was ever on an airship I teleported off prior to the crash…”

“Ah.  Yeah, it’s nothing exciting.  The ship rocks a bit, and then it stops.”

I turned to the ship’s crew.  “Can I throw the rope overboard?  Please?”

They looked at me in confusion, but eventually one of them nodded his head.  “Sure.”

I grinned and grabbed the rope in my aura, sending it over the railing and into the paws of the felines waiting down below.

Docking was just as mundane as Catrina had indicated it would be, but I didn’t care.  I’d finally gotten to help land an airship that wasn’t crashing.  We’d touched down at the royal palace, and the ship stayed docked only long enough for Catrina and I to disembark.

We were greeted at the palace by the queen herself.  We bowed to her, and she led the way inside and gave us a tour of the palace.  “We’re honored to have you here, Lulu Luck.  As you can imagine, there’s much interest in the pony who returned our treasure.”

I blushed.  “I did what anypony else would’ve done.  Technically the Royal Guards returned it.  I just let them know where it was and who it belonged to.”

The queen nodded.  “Yes, but our records indicate you were but a kitten at the time.  Or rather the pony equivalent of kitten.”

“Filly.”

“Yes, filly.  It was you who saved the treasure from the Storm King.  We’ve heard the full story.  Modesty aside, you’re a hero.  Abyssinia doesn’t grant titles often, or without cause, and it’s unprecedented to be granted to a foreigner who’s never set paw…um, hoof on Abyssinian soil.  You’ve earned your reward, Lulu Luck, Baroness of Calico, and we’re most grateful for your actions.  There will be a parade this weekend.  Floats, giant inflatable cartoon characters, ticker tape, the works.  For the duration of your stay, you shall be a guest of the Royal House of Heathcliff.”

“I was hoping to study here for a few years.”

“We’d be honored to have you for as long as you wish to stay.  Should you desire to move here permanently, accommodations shall be arranged.  I shall leave you in the capable hooves of our head of security.  I believe the two of you are already acquainted.”

“Long time, no see.”

I turned around, and much to my surprise Tempest Shadow was there.  “You!”  I slammed my hoof into her face without thinking.

To her credit, she stayed standing.  “Normally I would’ve blocked that, but I had that one coming.”  She rubbed her jaw with a hoof, but made no move to retaliate.  “I’m impressed, kid.  That probably would’ve leveled most ponies.”

“I’ve taken some self-defense classes since we last met, Tempest.”  I eyed her warily, keeping myself between her and Catrina.

“Call me Fizzlepop.  I don’t like going by ‘Tempest’ any more.  It brings back …unpleasant… memories.”

“How in the wide, wide world of Equus are you head of Abyssinian security?”

“Who better to prepare this kingdom to repel future invasions than an experienced invader?  I didn’t get involved with the Storm King until after his invasion of Abyssinia, though I offered my services here as restitution for all the damage he did regardless.  I was responsible for much of the damage in Equestria, and while many ponies back home have forgiven me, I’ve not forgiven myself.  I spent months helping clean things up before I left, including an airship that crashed into Lake Ponychartrain.  I don’t suppose you know anything about that?”

I nodded.

“Did you know New Horseleans has dedicated a statue of you in the town square?”

I nodded once again, while Catrina looked at me dumbfounded.  I hadn’t mentioned it to anyone, not even my parents, but Thousand Words had written to let me know about it, enclosing the article she’d penned for the occasion, not to mention half a dozen pictures of the statue from different angles.  “They made my flank too big.”

Fizzlepop Berrytwist almost cracked a grin at that.  There was a slight twitch of her lip muscles when she lost control of the stoic façade for a fraction of a second.  So her face isn’t frozen that way.  Good to know.

“To be fair, the statue is larger than life.  About three times larger than you, if I had to guess.”

“And my flank’s five times too big.”

“There were scant few pictures of you to work from.  Your reporter friend didn’t take pictures of your rear.”

Realization dawned on me.  “You helped them make the statue?”

She nodded.  “Least I could do, really, considering I left you for dead.  I’d hoped you could stay there on the wing the whole way to Canterlot.  I would’ve snuck you food at night.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“It was you or me.  What would you have had me do?”

“I’ve thought about that for years.  The only thing I’ve come up with is that you should have bucked him right off the ship.  He had no magic and no wings.  If he went overboard, that would’ve been it for him.  You could’ve stopped the invasion then and there.”

“We would’ve been trapped on an airship filled with loyal soldiers of the Storm King.”

“All of whom abandoned him after his sudden death in Canterlot.  They would’ve followed you.”

“Perhaps.  Though I really didn’t wish to kill anyone.  Certainly not you, and not even him.”

I nodded.  “I understand.  I feel the same way.  Had the situation been reversed, I’m not sure I would’ve done anything differently.  Doesn’t stop me from being bitter about it.”

She shrugged.  “That’s your prerogative.  But I do wish to make amends, if you’ll let me.”

“Will you let me call you Fizzy?”

She groaned.  “Nopony’s called me that since I was a filly.”

“Goes against that whole dark and brooding image you’ve got going on, doesn’t it, Fizzy?”

She sighed.  “Fine.  I find your terms acceptable.  Friends?”  She raised a hoof to bump.

“Friends.”  I bumped her offered hoof.

She visibly relaxed.  “Good, because I’m supposed to be your escort while you’re here.  Equestrians are in short supply around these parts.”

“How short?”

“The Abyssinian pony population doubled roughly two hours ago, coincidentally at exactly the same time you got off the airship.”

Catrina cracked up at that.  “Abyssinians are carnivores.  Most ponies get nervous around large groups of cats.  You’ve seen that firsthoof in Siami.”

I nodded.  “The pony population declined when the feline population boomed.”

“When you say it like that, you make it sound like we started eating you guys, instead of a mass equine exodus to Baytona Beach and other points north.”

I chuckled.  “So if you were going to eat a pony, would you use catsup?”

Catrina groaned.  “First of all, that was a horrible pun.  Secondly, most cats hate ketchup because it’s too sweet.  Third of all, Fizzlepop, feel free to throw her off another airship.”

“Last time I tried that, she destroyed the airship.  Airships are expensive and I’m in charge of Abyssinia’s fleet.”

“Hey Fizzy, are there any good stores around here for Abyssinian electronic gizmos?”

She nodded.  “Dr. Claw’s Gadgets is only a few blocks from the palace.  Follow me.”








Siami Beach: sixteen days ago


It felt nice to be home again, even if it was only temporary.  My parents were happy to see me after more than three years spent in Abyssinia.  They were less enthused to hear that once I left it would be another five years before they’d see me again. 

I’d stopped in New Horseleans on the way home to catch up with Thousand Words, and to finally see the statue of me in person.  She insisted on getting photos of me with the statue.

It was one of those photos that was on the front page of the latest paper that she’d mailed to me. The headline read, Local Hero’s Newest Adventure!

This should be good.  There was no doubt that Thousand Words was a master of the written word.  She’d built her career on my adventure, and her periodic articles about my life in the years since had always proven to be popular with her paper’s readers.  But this was the first time I’d been on the front page since that first article about me taking down the Storm King’s airship.

As always, there was a letter enclosed, and I skipped the article praising my exploits in favor of seeing what my friend had to say about it.  The article would be hyperbole; friend or not, Thousand Words was a journalist first and foremost.

Dear Lulu Luck,

It was great seeing you again!  I hate that you had to leave so soon.  There will always be a place for you in New Horseleans.  If you ever get tired of traveling the world, New Horseleans would welcome you with open hooves.  Seriously, if you announced a candidacy for mayor you’d win.  You wouldn’t even need to campaign.  You’re our hometown hero, even if you don’t actually live here.  Maybe that’s for the best, you know what they say about never meeting your heroes.  By staying away you’ll always stay a beloved legend here.

I know this has always seemed strange to you, but that’s because you don’t live here.  Party Gras is serious business to the natives.  As a town we work hard for fifty-one weeks of the year, and we take our collective weeklong break just as seriously as our respective jobs.  We were powerless to do anything about the Storm King’s invasion. New Horseleans wasn’t even on his agenda, we know that now, but we couldn’t have known it then.  It wouldn’t have mattered anyway; we couldn’t have kept partying while our fellow Equestrians were wearing chains in a burning city.

You took one of our darkest days as a country and gave us hope. You gave us the payback on the Storm King that we so desperately wanted.  Most importantly, you gave us something to be proud of.  …And a new tourist attraction.

The downed flagship is now a museum.  Dedicated to you, of course.  Your parents should still have the copies of the paper I sent when it opened. Many apologies, but at the time I didn’t have your temporary address in Panthera.  Besides, we both know that your parents appreciate these articles far more than you do.

I know that you hate the limelight.  That’s why I didn’t mention it when you were here last week. I suppose that’s probably why you stay away.  If you lived here, you’d never be able to trot down the street here without attracting attention.

So when you told me you were going to Earth, I had to write about it.  It’s the latest in a series of adventures – the brave filly who battled the Storm King is off to brave a new world entirely.  I’ve enclosed a photo of the dozen ponies from New Horseleans planning on going to Earth.  As you can imagine that was a big story itself, and maybe you’ll run into some of these young mares in your travels.

So many ponies have told me I live an interesting life, yet I’d say yours is far more intriguing.  We’re the same age and you’ve already seen and done so much more than I ever will.  We both know that without you, I’d probably still be a lowly intern, struggling to get a decent scoop.  I owe you so much, and it’s infuriating sometimes that you’re so humble.  I write these articles about you knowing that you’d really prefer I not do so.  It makes me feel like such a bad friend, but somepony needs to toot your horn for you.  I’ll continue to do so as long as there’s still a single pony left who’ll listen.

I know it’ll be years until we see each other again, but please stay in touch.  If I can use my journalist credentials to take vacation on Earth, you better believe I’ll come visit you!

Your friend,
Thousand Words

P.S. This time our staff photographer made sure to get some pictures of your hindquarters.  I’ve already started a fundraising campaign to fix your statue.

I blushed as I read the postscript.  For the first time, I was actually glad I’d be gone for five years.  I’m not sure I can show my face around New Horseleans again after this.  Or my rump, for that matter.







Ponyville: yesterday


The initial rush of ponies moving to Earth and of humans moving to Equus had died down somewhat.  The first few months had been busy, but now the portal was primarily being used to exchange goods instead of beings.

I had to check out the portal.  I knew they wouldn’t let me experiment on it, but I wanted to get readings to research ways to duplicate it.  I’m not keen on the 5-year rule, and I’d really like to come up with a way I can come and go as I please instead of committing myself for five whole years.  Better yet if I can choose where I come out on the other side, instead of always having to cross through at a fixed location.  So many things can happen in five years.  Obviously, I want to keep in touch with my family, but I also want to keep abreast of new Abyssinian inventions and new Equestrian magical developments as well.  Having the ability to go from Earth to Abyssinia to Equestria quickly would be really convenient.

Once I had my readings, I sat and watched the flow of traffic through the portal.  It was a little like watching unicorn teleportation.  A pony was there and in the blink of an eye, she was gone.  Once that unicorn had made it safely to the other side, it was Earth’s turn to send someone or something to Equestria.  One second the portal was empty, the next some sort of vehicle drove through it.  It had my attention.  It was painted black, but had no problems navigating the rough terrain of the Everfree Forest.  I trotted after it – it was the first human technology I’d seen, and I wanted to examine it up close.

It easily outpaced me through the forest, but I found it parked outside Ponyville’s town hall.  I looked over the vehicle appreciatively.  This was something Equestria definitely needed.  A motorized transport such as this would cut down travel times exponentially.

One of the humans saw me nosing around, and I thought he was going to yell at me or chase me off.  Instead he reached inside the vehicle and opened the engine compartment.  “What is it?” I asked in somewhat broken English.  I’d learned the required languages, but I’d had nopony to practice with, making it more challenging than when Catrina had taught me Felidae.  I knew the words, but was hesitant about the pronunciations.

“It’s a Jeep Wrangler Unlimited.”  I paid close attention as he explained the engine ran on hydrogen, and suggested that if I wanted to, I could even make some fuel for the vehicle.  I leapt at the chance, and once he explained the process, I converted water into its base components.

He went into more details, explaining how the Jeep had been lifted and fitted with larger than normal tires to traverse the rough terrain through the Everfree.  Surprised by my rapt attention and relevant questions, he pulled out a small telecommunications device and started showing me photos of his personal car, which was a white and blue vehicle he called a ‘Trans Am’.  It was smaller, lower, faster and burned gasoline instead of hydrogen.  It was also far better looking than the boxy Jeep, with a blue phoenix graphic splashed across the hood.

“Equestria needs things like this.”

He nodded.  “You’ll need the infrastructure first.  You need roads, fueling stations, traffic lights, etc.  Right now the only cars we can drive here are these specially modified SUVs.  You want a ride?”

“Yes!”

We got in, and he drove back to the portal.  “You thinking of coming to Earth?”

“That’s why I’m here.  Tomorrow’s the big day.”

“I think you’ll like it.  Most ponies are intimidated by human technology, but you seem to enjoy it.”

“I’ve always been fascinated with machines and magical devices.  Can I own a car on Earth?  How expensive are they?”

He chuckled.  “I’m not sure what the rules are when it comes to ponies driving.  You don’t have cars, so none of you have driver’s licenses.  And you’re not going to be American citizens, at least not yet, so I don’t think we can issue you licenses either.  You’ll have to bring it up when you meet the consul tomorrow.  As for how much, it depends on what you want.  You can get an old, barely running car cheap, or a new, top of the line model for significantly more than that.”  He paused.  “I get the impression you’d probably enjoy getting something old and fixing it up personally.”

“Is that hard to do?”

“Depends on how old you go.  You seem to know the concept of an engine, and older cars have relatively simple motors.  Modern cars, well, you saw this one’s engine.  You’d need specialized tools to work on something like this.  If I were you, I’d look for something from the 1970s or older.  As for what, well, I’ll leave that up to you.  There’s a wide variety of cars and trucks out there to pick from.  You’ll know what you like when you see it.”

We reached the portal and I got out.  I waved as he crossed through to the other side, marveling at how such a large vehicle could be there one second and gone the next.  It has to work like unicorn teleportation.  I will unravel the secrets of this portal.

I cantered back to Ponyville for a second time, this time with my tummy rumbling.







Pine Barrens, New Jersey: today


Most of my fellow passengers on the bus complained about the smell and the noise, and while I couldn’t necessarily disagree with them, it didn’t bother me as much.  I’d certainly heard louder engines, and any transport used by this many ponies and humans would obviously start reeking without proper cleaning.  I tried a few cleansing spells, without much success.

While the other ponies conversed amongst themselves, I stared out the window at the passing cars.  They really did come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.  But almost all of them were modern cars, and nothing really stood out as something that appealed to me.

We came up on a massive bridge, the signs for which called it the George Washington Bridge.  Had I stayed on my original career track, I’d be designing things like this.  Bridges and buildings still interested me, just not as much as machines.  Cars were my latest fascination, but I couldn’t wait to get my hooves on one of those personal communications devices like the human had shown me pictures on.  I honestly couldn’t decide which one interested me more, or which of the two would have a bigger impact on Equus.

It wasn’t much longer before the bus pulled up to the consulate.  I was in no particular hurry, so I waited until everypony else got off.  That put me last in line to meet with the consul, but that didn’t faze me as I looked around the waiting room.  There were of course pictures from Equestria, as well as some of our new home.  Various trinkets from both worlds were on display, but what caught my attention was a neglected computer in the corner.  None of the ponies in the room wanted to get close to it.  Their loss.

I sat at the terminal and tried to start it.  There’d been scant few books available on computers and human technology, and I’d read every single one.  I turned it on and looked around the screen.  There has to be a way to access the internet.

Curiosity getting the better of them, several of the other ponies watched me navigating the computer.  From a distance, of course, but I could feel their attention on me as I moved the cursor around looking for something that would let me start doing some research.

One of the Royal Guards came over and explained how to get online, and asked me what I was trying to accomplish.  I explained I wanted information about Earth, and she directed me to Wikipedia.  I started with the bridge we’d crossed over, and from there looked up the city the consulate was located in.  One by one the ponies around me disappeared, until I was alone in the room.  I hadn’t even noticed the crowd thinning out, I was so engrossed in what I was learning.  It was only when the same guard tapped me on the withers that I finally looked up.

“It’s your turn.”

“Already?”

She chuckled.  “It’s been over three hours.”

“That was amazing.  Thank you for showing it to me.  I learned a lot!”

I followed her into the consul’s office, and it was only then that I noticed she was a white-coated thestral.  That’s unusual.  I’ve never seen a thestral that wasn’t midnight blue, royal purple, charcoal gray, or black as coal.

She introduced the consul, “Presenting Her Grace, Duchess Ploomette of the House of Hurricane, Equestrian Permanent Representative to the United Nations, and Equestrian Consul General of New York City.”

“Please tell me you get paid by the word every time you say that.”

She cracked up, and even Ploomette grinned.

“Lulu Luck, Baroness of Calico.”  I’ve never dropped my title before, to anypony, ever.  But this time it’s funny.  Besides, my secret will be out the second she looks at my passport.

Ploomette blinked, then laughed.  “You’ve got quite the sense of humor.  But I know all the royals and nobles of Equestria, and we most certainly don’t have…”  She trailed off as I slid my Equestrian passport to her, directly followed by my Abyssinian passport.  

“Never said it was an Equestrian title.”

She looked from one to the other and I thought her brain might start overheating like an engine with insufficient cooling.  “This is most unusual.  I’ve never met a pony with dual citizenship before.  Ponies tend not to stray far from Equestria.  The few that do tend to have reasons for not coming back.  Which country do you claim as home?”

“Equestria.  I was born there, though I’ve resided in Panthera for the last three years.  My area of interest is technology, specifically how to meld Abyssinian tech with Equestrian magic.  When I found out about Earth, I knew I had to come here and see all this for myself.”

“It’s true.  She was the only pony to touch the computer today.  I think she might be the only one who’s used it all week.”

“Normally, I wouldn’t ask this as it’s impolite, but I’m afraid duty demands I inquire regardless.  How, exactly, did you end up with a title in a foreign country?”

I explained everything, and Ploomette and the guard listened intently.  After I’d caught them up on the events of my life, I chuckled.  “As you can see, a lot of fuss has been made just because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“Sounds more like you were in the right place at the right time to me.  It all worked out in the end.”

“I guess.  This probably shouldn’t be the first thing I ask, but I really want to know the answer, and I don’t want to run the risk of forgetting…  How would a pony go about getting a driver’s license?”

“This might surprise you just a bit, but we do have a policy in place for this.  We can set you up with a driving instructor, so you get some practice, and then you’ll demonstrate your competency to my staff’s expert, Searchlight.”

“That’s me, by the way.”  The thestral guard smiled.

“Once she approves you, I’ll issue your license.  It’s a bit more difficult than it looks.  To clarify, driving isn’t difficult, it’s the way cars are set up that’s the problem.  Obviously, they’re designed for humans, not ponies, and while there are a multitude of similarities between our species, we definitely don’t bend in the same ways.  As a unicorn, you’ll have it a bit easier than a pegasus or earth pony would.”

“I’ll make it work.  It probably wouldn’t be hard to retrofit a car with an interior ergonomic to ponies.  I’ll have to look into it.”

“Is that what you want to do while you’re here on Earth?”

“I hadn’t thought of that until right now.  Really, my only desire is to learn as much about technology as I can.  I was planning on going walkabout.”  I motioned to my cutie mark.  “Just wander as much of the globe as I can, acquiring samples of technology along the way.”  I thought back to the trip from the portal to the consulate.  “I saw lots of larger vehicles on the road.  There has to be some sort of motorized home I could drive around.  If not, I’ll invent one.”

“They exist.  I believe they’re known as recreational vehicles.  Is that right, Searchlight?  You’re more up on cars than I am.”

Searchlight nodded.  “RVs for short.  They’re also known as motorhomes.”

“Great.  Then that’s what I want to do: get my license, then acquire an older RV and drive around acquiring as much human tech as I can.”

Ploomette nodded.  “Then it’s settled.  You’ll need to stay in the area for a few weeks until you get your license, and I happen to have the perfect place.  I’ll make the arrangements.”

“You can go back and play on the computer some more, if you’d like.”

I took Searchlight’s suggestion and spent the rest of my time at the consulate browsing Wikipedia.  I started researching RVs, and found a Winnebago from the 1970s I kind of liked.  It looked like nothing I’d seen on the roads to date.  At 5:00, Searchlight interrupted my internet browsing and let me know it was time to go.  I followed her to where Ploomette and another guard were already waiting in a black SUV.  I still hadn’t learned enough about cars to identify makes and models yet, so I cheated and looked at the badge on the vehicle that proclaimed it as a Lincoln Navigator.

Searchlight drove, while I sat in the passenger seat next to her, observing her motions as she explained what she was doing.  She had plenty of time to go into detail, as we sat in traffic for an hour, barely making any progress out of the city.  We crawled through the city, eventually reaching a tunnel.  It took another hour to get to our destination: a hotel called the Mareiott.

Searchlight grabbed the door, and I followed Ploomette inside.  The pony behind the front desk smiled and waved at the duchess as she entered, and Ploomette waved back.  “Good evening, Plumsweet!  Are there any vacancies tonight?  We have a guest.”

Plumsweet laughed.  “The better question would be if we have any guests.”  She looked at the book in front of her.  “Looks like it’s Bifröst’s turn.  Room #7.”  Ploomette and her guard detail entered room #1, and I followed Plumsweet to room #7.

She knocked on the door, and a pink pegasus answered.  “Hello!  I am being Bifröst!  How are you this evening?”  She had a thick northern Equestrian accent that made understanding her difficult.

“I’m good.  You?”

“Better now that you are being here!”

She made me dinner, then we played games until Searchlight knocked on the door.

“I know it’s late, but I need you to take this test.”  I levitated the paper into my hooves and read the first question.  It was a driver’s exam.  “I know you haven’t had a chance to see any driving material yet, but if you can pass this based on what I explained earlier, I can issue your learner’s permit tonight.”

I floated a pen over and filled in the multiple choice test, then passed it back to her.  She scanned the results and smiled.  “Perfect!  I’ll go fill out your permit, and then we’ll spend some time practicing over the next few weeks until you feel ready to take the road test.  You’ll also need to pass a harder test to get your license.  Since we don’t have cars in Equestria, we’re using the New Jersey Motor Vehicle Commission’s test.”

I nodded.  “One more thing before you go.  Where do I go about getting some Earth tech?  I’d like to get a computer.”

“If you’re planning on roaming, you’ll want a laptop and a cell phone.  There’s another mare here by the name of Snowcatcher – she’s the first Equestrian civilian to earn her driver’s license.  I’m sure if you ask her to take you over to the mall, she’ll help get you set up.”

“I can be introducing you to Snowcatcher!”

Searchlight nodded to my temporary roommate.  “Bifröst’s got you covered.  Have a good night!”







Little Falls, New Jersey: day 1


I awoke to Bifröst snuggled against me.  “You are being awake!  I shall be going to make you the breakfast.”

“Thank you.”

While Bifröst cooked, I sat at the room’s desk and started making a list of the essentials I’d need for my travels:

recreational vehicle
computer laptop computer
cellphone
atlas/maps
bedding
cooking supplies
non-perishable food

I tapped the pen idly against my snout as I pondered what else to purchase.  Bifröst interrupted my planning with a breakfast of hay bacon, bagels, and croissants.  It smelled delicious – I’d been living amongst felines for so long I’d forgotten just how good properly prepared Equestrian food could taste.

After breakfast, Bifröst took me on the tour of the hotel.  It was still very much a work-in-progress.  They hadn’t even officially opened yet, and like me, the scant few other guests were also ponies recently arrived on Earth.  Half the rooms were ready, while the rest of the staff was busy renovating the second floor of the converted mansion.

A rainbow-maned unicorn poked her head out of room #9.  Her paint-splattered coat did an unintentionally good job of matching her hair. “Flitterheart, darling, could you come in and check to see if this looks okay?”

A pegasus with pair of intertwined hearts on her flank stopped what she was doing and trotted past us. A glance in room #10 showed a blue unicorn installing a bathroom in the corner closest to the door, while a yellow pegasus was busy painting the ceiling in another room.

We reached the end of the hall, and the thus far untouched room #16.  Inside, an earth pony was tweaking the finer details on the blueprints a unicorn was revising accordingly.

“Snowy?”

“Yes, Bifröst?”

“We are having guest who would like to be going to the mall.”

“I’d like to get a cellphone and a computer.”

“I can drive you over a little later.  I hate to ask this since you’re a guest, but can you wait until noon?  That’s when we break for lunch.”  She sighed.  “I’m sorry for the state the hotel’s in.  If I’d had my way, we wouldn’t have opened until we had all the rooms ready, but Ploomette insisted.  I really couldn’t turn down her request since she floated us a loan to cover the cost of the renovations.”

“I understand entirely, and maybe I can help you out.  I like to tear things down and rebuild them, and I’ve been wanting to get my hooves on some Earth tech since I found out about it.  Do you have anything that doesn’t work?”

“Diamond Rose.”  The others all cracked up at that, but I just blinked.  Seeing my confusion, she explained.  “Sorry, she’s one of our coworkers.  With very little emphasis on the ‘work’.  Can you fix laziness and/or incompetence?”

I shook my head.  “I was thinking more along the lines television sets or radios…”

Snowcatcher shrugged. “We don’t have anything like that. The place was pretty much gutted before we moved in.”

“But that worked out great for us.  Since it wasn’t habitable, we got the place cheap, and as an added bonus, we could start renovations immediately.  Hi, I’m Daisy Dreams, apparently lead architect on this project, despite having never so much as looked at a blueprint until two months ago.”

“Lulu Luck, bewildered guest of this hotel.”

“Nice to meet you.” She bumped my hoof.  “In addition to completing the hotel, we’re also still working on our customer service skills.  Snowy, we can survive for an hour or two without you.  Go take Lulu to the mall.”

Snowcatcher led the way to a garage and we all climbed into a van that was the same color yellow as all the taxicabs I’d seen in the city yesterday.  ‘Mareiott’ was stenciled over the door, almost as an afterthought.

The interior was nowhere near as nice as the SUV I’d ridden in the day before.  “What kind of car is this?”

“It’s a Ford Econoline. This one was used as an airport shuttle for many years.  It’s been used and abused, and it barely runs.  But it was cheap, fits all of the Mareiott’s employees, and has plenty of cargo capacity.  I’ve filled this thing on trips to Home Depot or At Home.  I’m hoping to upgrade to something better by the time we open. Our vehicle will be one of the first things guests see when we arrive to pick them up at the airport or train station, so I want something that’ll make a good first impression.”

“Of course.  The SUV the consul has is really nice.”

“Those are well out of our budget.  I looked into them, because I also thought they were nice.  We can’t afford one of them, let alone several.  We’re going to need more than one car.  Eventually, the rest of the staff will get their licenses too. Ideally, each of us would have our own car.  Realistically, we’ve got enough room in the garage for about five or six cars we can share. It would be nice if they all matched. Something that sticks out as part of our brand identity.”

“I’m doing some research into vintage vehicles.  It was recommended to me to get an older car, because they’re easier to fix.  If you want, I can see if I can find anything that fits the hotel’s needs while I’m doing research on my own car of choice?”

“I’d appreciate that. Though I’m not sure we have anypony on staff who’s mechanically inclined.”

“It is not being me,” Bifröst added from the backseat.

“Nor I,” Snowcatcher conceded.  “Though I’m sure I can learn.  I’ve been learning a lot about central air conditioning the past few weeks.  Before that it was electrical wiring.  There’s a lot of work that needs to be done, and we can’t afford to hire experts.”

We drove longer than I’d expected for something that was supposedly ‘close’ to the hotel, but with long distances speedily traversed by cars, it made sense that close would be subjective.  That didn’t bother me, it gave me more time to observe how she drove and learn more rules of the road.

Much to my surprise, it wasn’t a mall that we eventually stopped at.

“I hope you don’t mind, but if you want to learn how to drive I thought this might be a good place to start.”  Snowcatcher opened the door and Bifröst and I got out.

I looked around at broken vehicles as we entered a salvage yard.

“Driving is a huge responsibility.  Many of Earth’s natives take it as a right, not a privilege.”  She patted the hood of a car that had the entire side of the vehicle caved in.  “Doing that can have dire consequences.  This car was struck in the passenger compartment by another vehicle.”  She brushed some debris off a big pickup truck with a crumpled front.  “This truck might’ve punched a hole in a house.”

We continued walking around the salvage yard looking at destroyed and/or derelict vehicles, with Snowcatcher quick to point out anything she thought was important to go over. An SUV with the roof smashed in was the next example.  “Cars can be rolled if turned too quickly.  This is especially an issue with vehicles with higher centers of gravity, like our hotel’s van, or the RV you’re interested in buying.”

Eventually we reached the part of the yard reserved for older cars.  These were primarily less damaged, but more dilapidated from age.  “I get the feeling I don’t need to explain this part to you, but cars need to be maintained.  Vehicles end up looking like this because of neglect.”

I nodded.  “Like any machine.”

“Exactly.  For the record, I’m not trying to discourage you from driving.  You seem ready for the road, but sometimes it helps to see the consequences of actions in advance.  Nopony has yet had an accident while controlling a vehicle and I want to keep it that way.”

“How many ponies are able to drive?”

“Counting you?  Half a dozen.”

“That’s a pretty small sample size.”

“It is, and eventually the law of averages is going to catch up with somepony, but for now ponies have a 100% safe driving record and I’m eager to maintain it.  Don’t drive distracted – a lot of these accidents were caused by people texting, or eating, or doing any number of other things behind the wheel that they shouldn’t.”

It was food for thought as we left the junkyard and headed to our primary destination.  I continued observing, this time paying closer attention to the signs.  Most seemed straightforward – the red octagonal sign that said ‘stop’ meant bring the vehicle to a halt, the yellow diamond-shaped signs warned of upcoming curves, intersections, or hazards, while white rectangular signs with numbers limited the speed of the vehicle.  All of them seemed pretty straightforward.  Whenever I had questions I asked, and Snowcatcher answered to the best of her abilities.

Eventually, the van came to a stop in front of a sprawling shopping complex.  It was unlike anything I’d seen either in Equestria or Abyssinia. “Wow!”

“The Willowbrook Mall is the fifth largest mall in New Jersey.”

“There are bigger ones?”

“Oh yes, lots of them.”

“Humans go all out, don’t they?”

“‘Go big or go home’ is a saying here on Earth.”

“They went big, all right.”

She led the way into a store with an apple-shaped logo.  My jaw had dropped a little upon seeing the size of the mall, but it hit the floor when I looked into the Apple Store.  It was everything I’d ever wanted, and more.

Snowcatcher giggled. “Keep in mind Apple only sells a few products.  There’s an At Home store we’ll stop at so you can check out more mundane appliances too.”

The saleshuman was happy to assist me, and started explaining all the variations on what they sold, asking me questions on what I planned to do, and what I was looking for. Snowcatcher added her thoughts periodically, but Bifröst remained quiet.  Like most ponies, she was somewhat intimidated by technology.  I hadn’t seen her use her phone even once, though Snowcatcher had mentioned that everypony at the Mareiott had one.

In the end I trotted out with a laptop.  I very quickly determined that the level of technology was well beyond anything I could grasp.  If I take this apart, I’m never going to get it back together again.  I sighed. There were some things it was going to take me years to understand.  But the fastest way to get started was to use it and figure out what it did.  After I have a handle on that, maybe I can reverse engineer an old one that no one wants.  Once I was out of the store, I teleported the laptop to my personal pocket dimension.

“Can you teach me that trick?”

“Maybe.  It really depends on your field strength.  It involves teleportation, so if you can’t do that, you can’t do this either.”  I’d no sooner finished saying that then Bifröst, Snowcatcher, and myself found ourselves standing in front of the At Home store.  I blinked, and looked across the parking lot at the mall we’d just vacated and calculated the distance – it was further than I could safely go.  “Yeah, I think I can teach you.”

“Awesome!  I’ve got a few interesting spells you might be interested in too.”

Shopping there wasn’t even close to being as mesmerizing as the Apple Store, but I purchased half a dozen appliances that I felt comfortable tearing into.  I wouldn’t have use for any of them on the road, so if they were still usable when it was time for me to leave, I’d just let the hotel keep them.

Like the laptop, I moved them to my personal storage space, but this time I explained exactly how I’d performed the spell step-by-step for Snowcatcher’s benefit.  “But be careful when you’re first learning this spell. If it’s not something you can afford to lose, don’t try storing it until you know you can perform the spell flawlessly. There’s a learning curve.”

She nodded, and we winked back into the mall, in front of a restaurant declaring itself as The Cheesecake Factory.

“You are remembering my favorite!”  It was the first time I’d seen Bifröst smile since we’d arrived at the mall.

Snowcatcher smiled back. “We’re here, we may as well have lunch. Lulu, this is the best place we’ve found on Earth so far.”

I sat with my newfound friends, and we attracted quite a few stares from the restaurant’s other patrons. That wasn’t surprising.  What shocked all of us was that we weren’t the only ponies in the restaurant.  Neither Snowcatcher nor I recognized the pair of mares, but Bifröst immediately waved to them.

“Flitter! Cloudchaser!  It is good to be seeing you again!”

“Bifröst!  We haven’t seen you in ages!”

She wandered over to their table to catch up, while Snowcatcher described the restaurant to me. “You haven’t been on Earth long enough to notice it yet, but human cuisine is severely lacking in calories. Some of that is because humans consider vegetarian options to be ‘diet food’, while the rest is that ponies naturally consume more calories in any given day.  The Cheesecake Factory is one of the few restaurants that comes close to Equestrian style food: specifically their desserts.”

I licked my lips as I read through the menu.  Snowcatcher was right, their salad selections seemed mediocre at best.  I opted for a pasta dish, as did Bifröst.  Snowcatcher selected a double order of mozzarella sticks. My meal was good – nothing to write home about, but it certainly hit the spot.  Dessert, on the other hoof, was outstanding.

We paid, Bifröst exchanged contact information with the twins, and then Snowcatcher winked us back to the van.  “Did Searchlight issue you a permit?”

I nodded.  “Last night.  She said she’d try and work in some practice on evenings and weekends. Whenever she’s not on duty at the consulate.”

Snowcatcher floated the van’s keys over to me.  “Feel comfortable driving it back to the hotel?”

I grinned. “Absolutely.”

“We’ve got a nice, big parking lot here.  It’s not very busy today, so there’s a lot of empty space.  So take a few laps around the lot to get comfortable with the vehicle, and when you’re ready I’ll give you the directions back to the hotel.”

I put the van in gear and the tires squealed when I depressed the accelerator with my magic.

“Easier on the pedals.”

I nodded and coasted to a stop.  Then I tried again, and managed a less jerky start.  The third time was smoother yet.  “This isn’t hard at all.”

“The car does most of the work for you.  Your input is mostly steering, accelerating, and braking.  The challenging part is when you’re out on the roads and there’s other traffic and pedestrians to watch out for.”

It took a few loops of the parking lot, but the finesse needed to operate the old van came to me quickly.  The front wheels steered the vehicle, while the rear wheels propelled the van.  The harder I pressed the accelerator, the faster the van went.  The harder I pressed the brake pedal, the faster the van stopped, brakes squealing.

“Don’t forget to use your turn blinkers. This isn’t a BMW.”

“Do BMWs signal automatically?”  From what I could tell, modern cars had enough technology to almost drive themselves.

Snowcatcher laughed. “No, it’s an Earth stereotype. BMW drivers are well-known for not using their signals.”

“I never was much a fan of stereotypes.  Even though many of them exist for a reason, that’s no reason to perpetuate them.”

“You say that now, but I’m going to follow-up before you leave and see how many BMW drivers you’ve cussed out.”

I ignored her as I caught a glimpse of movement in the rearview mirror.  I was surprised to see Bifröst on her phone.  It was the first time I’d seen her use the device, and I’d been starting to think she didn’t even have one.

I turned my attention back to the road.  Driving was a big responsibility, and I was in charge of a multi-ton van that could seriously injure someone if I hit them.  I continued following Snowcatcher’s directions as we drove back to the Mareiott.

“You can go a little faster. The speed limit’s thirty-five through here.”

I looked down and the speedometer needle was hovering around twenty-seven miles per hour, so I pressed the gas pedal a little harder.

“Turn right here.”

I signaled my intention to do so, and a white sedan cut in front of me to make a left turn onto the same road I wanted to turn onto.  I jammed the brake pedal to the floor and the van skidded to a stop.  “Did I read the manual wrong?  I thought that the vehicle making a right turn had the right of way unless the opposing left turn lane has a green arrow.”

“Nope, you’re correct.” Snowcatcher said between laughs.

“Am I missing something? Why are you laughing?”

“That was being a BMW,” Bifröst helpfully pointed out.  “You can be telling by the black roundel emblem with the blue and the white checkers.”

I sighed and levitated my wallet out of my saddlebags and over to Bifröst.  “Grab a dollar out of there.  We had a swear jar growing up…”

“But you didn’t do the swearing of the words.”

“I thought it, and that’s close enough.”  I shook off the near miss, taking my hoof off the brake.  The van started moving again.

Snowcatcher patted my withers from the seat next to me.  “Welcome to New Jersey.”









The rest of the drive was uneventful, and once we were back at the Mareiott, Bifröst disappeared.  I found that highly unusual considering the hotel’s gimmick.  But I really didn’t care if somepony was waiting on my every whim.  If I wanted that, I’d just move to New Horseleans.  I found the silence welcome after all the socializing.  I stretched out on the bed and took a nap.

When I woke up, the room was empty.  Not only was Bifröst not there, but neither were any of her belongings.  The room had been stripped bare except for the furniture, my own possessions… and her cellphone, which was lying next to the TV.  I did a quick inventory and wasn’t missing anything. I haven’t been robbed, but I appear to have been abandoned.

I headed upstairs looking for Snowcatcher.  Aside from Bifröst, she was the staff member I knew the best.  I found her still puzzling over the blueprints.  “Um, hello?”

She looked up.  “My apologies.  Bifröst quit when we got back from our shopping excursion.  The twins she ran into at lunch offered her a job and she accepted.  I can’t blame her – they need pegasi and they offered her a competitive wage we couldn’t hope to match.  There was also something to do with the climate, something Starlight Glimmer tasked her with doing.  Her new job will allow her to interact with the weather and she’ll start getting a feel for it.  Honeybuzz is in the same boat, but with bees.  In case you were wondering about the apiary out back.”

“I hadn’t even noticed it.”

“Sorry, I’m rambling. I’m at my wit’s end.  I came down to help her pack so she wouldn’t disturb you from your nap.  I would’ve stuck around with you until you woke up, but as you can see we’ve got a lot to do at the moment.  Anyway, we can move you to another room, or you can stay in room #7 solo for the duration of your stay.  You don’t have to decide right now, and if you need anything, let any of the rest of us know.”

“No worries.  I won’t be a bother, I assure you.”

“I know you were planning on traveling but how’d you like to join us?  Your stipend’s the buy-in.  Any old or broken technology would become yours to do with as you please.  It’s not much of an offer, but it’s the best that I can do.”

“So you want me to pay you to work here.”

“You’d be part owner along with the rest of us, of course.”  Snowcatcher facehoofed.  “Oh, who am I kidding?  Yes, please invest your stipend into an unfinished hotel that’s barely staying afloat even with the duchess’ direct intervention.  Join us in this money pit as we watch our futures sink further and further into the abyss.  If you have even a shred of common sense you’ll gallop away now.”

“Sold.  I’m in.”

She looked up.  “That was quite literally the world’s worst sales pitch.”

“You believe in this hotel, or you’d be leaving along with Bifröst.  That’s enough for me, and I’m not exactly hurting for bits.  I won’t miss the stipend.”

“Would it change your mind if I told you I can’t leave?  I’m technically in charge of this band of misfits.”

“Do you believe in this hotel?”

She nodded.  “I think we can make it work.  We just need a little luck.”

“I’m a little pony and I’m named Lulu Luck.  Will that work?”

She smiled.  “We can use all the luck we can get.  Welcome aboard.”

I smiled back and levitated the blueprints away from her.  “I was originally planning to be an architect.  I’m not certified, but despite that I get the feeling I might be a bit more qualified than Daisy.”

“Can you actually read one of these things?”  Snowcatcher motioned to the blueprints hovering in the air in front of me.

“Yes.”

“In that case, you’re definitely more qualified than us.  We’ve been learning as we go.  Have at it.”

“I need to see the building codes.”  They’ve already finished half the rooms, including mine.  They shouldn’t be struggling with the remaining ones.  And if they are…  I trotted back to my room, Snowcatcher trailing behind.  I pulled my tape measure from my pocket dimension and started measuring, absentmindedly taking the building code book from Snowy.  “I need to do some reading first, but I think we’re going to have to make some changes.  Who drew up these blueprints?”  There was no way either Daisy or Snowcatcher had come up with them.

“Frisco.”

I looked at the blueprints again.  Yeah, that explains a lot.  No wonder they were so lost.  Amateurs trying to follow an expert’s design.  “How did you manage to get one of Equestria’s most renowned architects to draw up your renovations?”

“Ploom had her under contract to do the consulate buildings, and she was still here on Earth.”

“Hmn.”  This is way beyond what any of us could hope to do.  “I’ll talk to Ploomette later.  In the meantime, can you show me every single change you’ve made to these blueprints?”

Snowcatcher’s horn lit up and the tracing paper over the blueprints lifted.  “All alterations were done on transparent paper.  Just in case.  We didn’t alter anything we didn’t have to, but there were a lot of things in there we just couldn’t figure out how to do.”

“So I see.”

“Did we mess up?”

“You’ve got inadequate resources and no experience.  I’m impressed you followed these as well as you did.  But that doesn’t change the fact that this is well beyond me, too. We need an experienced crew to finish this place.”  Especially all these fortifications.  “We need to get whoever worked on the consulate.”

“But we can’t afford…”

“No buts.  I’ll take care of this.”  Or rather Ploomette will, as soon as I explain what Frisco’s trying to do.  Her safety is paramount, and by extension, that applies to our safety as well. If Equestria has enemies on Earth, the consulate would be one their first targets.  If they find out that the duchess is in a poorly-guarded hotel…. it won’t end well for any of us.  This isn’t a castle, but these reinforcements are probably the best that can be done with what we’ve got to work with.  They’ll have to do.  If Frisco’s satisfied with them, they’re good enough for me.
> Act I: Ploomette (Part 1)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Cloudsdale: fourteen years, eight months, and twelve days ago


I focused on the teal, mint, and pink tail in front of me as I chased my older sister through the sky.  I zipped after my sister as best I could, but couldn’t catch her.  Every time I got close, she pulled away, using her larger wings to her advantage.

She landed and I dive-bombed her, knocking her to the clouds, while I cartwheeled over her and tumbled end over end; eventually landing upside-down with my legs splayed.  Maybe I could’ve thought that one through a little better.

Fluffy white clouds and Star Catcher’s legs filled my vision.  “Are you okay?”

“Never better.”

“Are you going to get up?”

“Eventually.”  Starry fussed over me like our mother does.  I rolled my eyes as I rolled onto my belly and then stood up.  I hit clouds, not concrete.  I’m not even bruised.  I’m a little dizzy, but I’m not hurt.

“I think that’s enough flight practice for one day.  You’re really improving out there!”

“Thanks!”  I beamed at the praise.  I’d been practicing, and it was nice to hear my efforts were paying off.

I flopped back into the soft clouds and stretched out.  My sister curled up next to me as we napped in the summer sun.







Cloudsdale: twelve years, six months, and eighteen days ago


Why do I have to be here for this?  Mom glared at me as I fidgeted in my seat.  I was front row center, so I just stared at the podium and tried to keep still.  Eventually my sister trotted out.

“Salutations, everypony, and thank you for joining us tonight for the premiere of the new Catch-A-Wish Foundation.  Please allow me to introduce my partner in this charity, Skywishes.”

We all stamped our hooves appreciatively.  I like Skywishes.  She’s got a fun sense of humor that Starry’s missing.

“Hi everypony.”  Skywishes waved, then immediately hoofed the mic back to Star Catcher.

“I’d also like to introduce tonight’s guests of honor: Cloud Walker, Emerald Spark, and Thunderstorm.”

The crowd once again stomped as two fillies and a colt trotted out onto the stage.  I gasped at the first.  The poor orange filly was missing a wing.  I clenched my wings to my side.  I can’t imagine what it would be like to never be able to fly.

Starry passed the mic to the first filly.  “I’m Cloud Walker, but you can call me Cloudy.  I want to fly with the Wonderbolts.”

Starry took the mic back from her.  “With your donations, we can help Cloudy get a prosthetic wing.  Our goal is to have her flying by the Wonderbolts’ show here in Cloudsdale next summer.”

Starry passed the mic to a bright green unicorn filly.  She gave a little wave, much as Skywishes had done.  Then she hid behind my sister who took the mic back.  “Emerald’s a little shy.”  She whispered to the filly, and she nodded in response.  “Emerald has a magic deficiency.”  The filly was laying on the stage, and she lit up her horn.  It sparked a few times, then fizzled.  “But she’s not willing to let that stand in her way.  With your donations, we can send her to Giraffrica with a scholarship to study with master zebra alchemists.”

Lastly Star Catcher turned the mic over to the charcoal gray colt.  “Hey, I’m Thunderstorm.  You’re probably thinking that’s a pretty weird name for an earth pony.”  He waited for the nods, then continued.  “Mom’s a pegasus, and I was born without the ability to sense the earth under my hooves.  I have magic, it’s just the wrong type.”  Skywishes floated a cloud out to him and he hopped on top of it.  Everypony in the room gasped as he remained standing on top of it.  He stamped his hooves and unleashed a torrent of rain from the cloud.  “I think storms are cool, and I want to work in the Weather Factory someday.”

Starry once more took the mic.  “As you can see, Thunderstorm has no problems moving about the clouds like a pegasus.  But without wings, he has no way to get back and forth between the ground and the sky.  Even if he chooses to move to Cloudsdale at some point in the future, his father’s an earth pony.  He’ll need a way to get back and forth.  With your donations, we can get him a balloon and a scholarship to the Cloudsdale Meteorology School so he can get the education he needs to make it rain.”

Thunderstorm jumped on top of the little cloud, and it rumbled with thunder as it dissipated.

“The Catch-A-Wish Foundation is all about helping fillies and colts catch the dreams that would otherwise always remain out of reach.  Please help us help them.”

There was enthusiastic stomping from the audience.  It doubled when my sister’s cutie mark came in: a big red heart with a bunch of little stars off to the side.  I always knew sis had a big heart.  Now the whole world can see it too!







Cloudsdale: eleven years, five months, and twenty-three days ago


Of all the things we had to learn as part of our training, stoicism was the most difficult, and the most boring.  Star Catcher and I stared ahead, expressionless.  Making a filly sit still for hours on end ought to be considered cruel and unusual torture!

Mom entered the room, and I briefly thought we were done for the day.  My hopes were dashed as soon as she opened her mouth.  “Just an hour more to go, girls.  You’ve done such a good job, I feel like it’s time to step things up just a bit.  We’ve got some guests today to help with your training.  Remember, no looking away, and make no sounds.  No fidgeting, no talking, no laughing, no crying, nothing.”

Two of the Wonderbolts walked into the room and I struggled to resist gawking at them.  Spitfire!  I finally get to meet the team captain and I can’t even say ‘hi’?

“So you two think you’ve got what it takes to be a duchess?  Well let me tell you something: you don’t!”

Harsh.

“Look at you pathetic little whelps.  You call yourselves descendants of Commander Hurricane?  Bah!  Cloudsdale General probably mixed up foals in the maternity ward.”

Spitfire pressed her snout against Starry’s muzzle and lowered her sunglasses.  “Blink!”  I didn’t dare turn my head to find out if she did or not.  Don’t take anything she says to heart.  She’s trying to psyche us out.

She turned her attention to me, and I could feel her tracing a hoof along the base of my wings.  What is she doing?

“Huh, they really are attached.  I thought these wings might be part of a cheap Nightmare Night costume.”

No reaction.  I won’t give her the satisfaction.

“Drop and give me twenty wingups!”

I’m not a Wonderbolt, you have no authority over me.  You don’t get to order me around.

“Who does your hair?  Your mother?”

I could feel beads of sweat dripping down my forehead as she turned her attention back to Starry.  It wasn’t so much the things she was saying, but rather the tone she used.  She’s a drill sergeant, she’s used to screaming at ponies.

Surprise then flopped on the floor between us.  “You two look so tense.  You really do need to learn to lighten up.  Life’s too short to be serious all the time.”  Her wings extended, and suddenly I felt her primary feathers brushing against my stomach.  Tickling?  That’s not playing fair.

I’m extremely ticklish.  I folded like a piece of paper in an origami contest, bursting into laughter as she tickled my barrel.  That only encouraged her, and I soon found myself panting for breath as she continued tickling.  I rolled over, trying to force her off.

Suffice it to say if somepony ever resorts to tickling me, my façade will crack into more pieces than a shattered bottle.

Well, I’d obviously lost all dignity and failed the challenge, so I pounced on Surprise and started tickling her.  I don’t care if I’m forced to do stoicism practice every day for a month, two can play that game.

She giggled and flopped to the floor.  “See!  Isn’t it more fun to lighten up?”

Spitfire rolled her eyes.  To her credit, Starry was still staring straight ahead.  With Surprise in hysterics, I decided it was time to try out some of my other training.  I’d been taught to project my voice when speaking, or what the princesses referred to as the ‘Royal Canterlot Voice’.

“Spitfire!  I’m ashamed of you!  Admit it, the only reason you joined the Wonderbolts was so you could spend all day yelling at ponies!”  Her ears flattened as I got in her face.  “What’s the matter, doc?  Can’t take your own medicine?  I want you to go back to the barracks and scrub them clean.  With a toothbrush!”

I could see my antics were starting to make Starry crack, so I eased up.  No sense in both of us flunking out of this one.  “Drop and give me fifty wing-ups!”

Surprise was rolling on the floor while Spitfire was blushing.  I think I hit a nerve.







Cloudsdale: ten years, eight months, and one day ago


In a way, I envy other fillies and colts my age.  They go to normal schools, learn normal topics, and get to have social lives.  I get privately tutored on a wider range of subjects, and I’ve never had a summer vacation.  The worst part of it was all this was in preparation for a role I’d most likely never fill.  Star Catcher was the oldest, and the heir apparent.  Eventually, she would turn the position over to her own oldest foal, and the line of succession would bypass me entirely unless something happened to Starry – and that was the last thing I wanted to see happen.  Not only did I love my sister, but being duchess was what Starry was born to do – she was perfectly suited for it.  Deep down in my heart of hearts, I knew I’d never be half the leader Starry already was.

Because charity was a thing I was to learn, I’d tried volunteering with Catch-A-Wish, but it was just too hard.  Not the work – that was so easy anypony could do it.  The hard part was seeing those poor kids and hearing their tales.  I don’t know how Starry and Skywishes do it.  I couldn’t.  I started desensitizing to the pain of others, and as soon as I caught that happening I ran out of there, hid under my blankets, and cried myself dry.  They’re ponies, not statistics.  Any leader who forgets that isn’t worthy of her position.

But I needed to find a charity I could work with.  Starry had already started laying the groundwork for her own charity by the time she was my age, and I could tell Mom was getting antsy that I hadn’t.

I took advantage of some rare free time and trotted downtown.  That was another thing Mom had instilled in us: a good duchess gets out amongst her subjects and sees how they’re doing up close and personal.  That didn’t stop my honor guard from accompanying me, of course.

Most of the ponies who noticed me smiled and waved, and I waved back to them.  As Mom had repeatedly warned us, everything we did was scrutinized under a microscope.  Returning waves was crucial – missing even one could result in a subject feeling snubbed or slighted, and that just wouldn’t do.

One of the reasons I was so confident my sister would do such a good job as duchess was her amazing ability to remember everypony’s name.  Had she been trotting down the street in my place, she’d have been able to greet many of these ponies personally.

It would be nice to get to know some of our subjects better.  What better way to see how they’re doing than to hang out with them for a while?  I looked around at all the smiling and waving ponies, quickly returning them.  While a few of them seemed forced, most seemed genuine.  The majority of Cloudsdale’s population loved us.  How much would they pay to spend time with one of us?

I made a beeline for Tira Mi Su’s.  Cloudsdale’s fanciest restaurant, it was also my sister’s favorite.  Half of her honor guard was posted outside, which almost assuredly meant the other half was inside the restaurant with her.  Success!  Starry, I love you, but you’re incredibly predictable.

“Duchess Ploomette!  A pleasant surprise!”

“If it’s not too much trouble, could I be seated with my sister, please?”

“Never trouble for you, Duchess.”  He led the way to a private room at the back of the restaurant.  “Forgive me, but first I must check with Duchess Star Catcher for her permission.”

“Of course.”  There was nothing surprising about that.  The room was reserved for us at all times, but there was a pecking order.  If I was in there, Starry could force me out, and if she was in there, Mom could evict her.  In reality, we respected one another too much.  If I was in there, even Mom would refuse to disturb me.  That situation would also depend on me coming here more frequently.  I couldn’t remember a time I’d voluntarily eaten here without one or both of them.

“Right this way, Duchess.”

I was escorted into the room.  The restaurant had spared no expense.  Mahogany paneling covered the walls, decorated with pictures of the current and previous duchesses.  The chairs were padded with red crushed velour.  Not as soft as clouds, but certainly more durable.  It was suitably elegant.

Unsurprisingly, Starry was dining with Skywishes.  I pulled up a chair, and ignored the menu I’d been given.  “Spaghetti, please.”

“Of course, Duchess.”

I have a policy when it comes to food: if I can’t pronounce it, I don’t eat it.  That eliminated 90% of their menu.

Star Catcher shook her head.  “Oh, Ploom.  You should broaden your horizons.  They have such phenomenal food from all around Equus.”

“I’m not even hungry, sis.  I just needed to talk to you.”

Skywishes stood up.  “I’ll leave the two of you be, then.”

I shook my head.  “This concerns you too.  It’s about your charity.”

She sat back down, and I had their undivided attention.  “First of all, I want to apologize for dropping out after only a week.”

“Sis, you’ve apologized for that a dozen times already.  Believe me, I understand.  It’s… challenging.  But they need the help.”

I nodded.  “And I want to help.  I can’t do what you do, but that doesn’t mean I can’t offer up something else instead.  I’m going to donate myself.  Or rather, I should say, I’m going to auction myself off to the highest bidder.”

They looked at each other.  “Ploom, you’re way too young for that.  You don’t even have your cutie mark yet.  Yes, a decade from now there’s a slight chance you could end up in an arranged marriage of political benefit, but I really don’t think Mom would do that to you.”

“Huh?  Who’s talking about marriage?  I was just going to auction my Saturdays off.  Hang out with a subject, listen to any concerns they might have, and then talk to Mom and you about it after the fact.  They get an ear, the charity gets money, and everypony wins.”

“We’ll have to run that one by Mom first, but I’m certainly not opposed to it.  Perhaps a set fee?  Something that’s not out of reach of all but the rich.”

“But then it wouldn’t be as much money for the charity.”

“Indeed, but it would give you a much better cross section of subjects to listen to.  I think it would be great experience for you.  I also think the input you’d get would be invaluable to all of us.”

“A lottery.”

“Hmm?”  Starry and I both turned our attention to Skywishes.

“Anypony who wants to be heard gets their name put in a barrel and we draw it out.  We do that three weeks a month, but the first week of every month is open to the highest bidder.  You’ll argue that it’ll skew the sample, but would it really?  Your mother listens to the nobles every single day.  Can you name even one noble whose agenda your mother doesn’t already know by heart?  How about one you don’t know?”

“Point made and taken.  I still don’t think Mom’ll be too keen on letting Ploomette wander around Cloudsdale with random ponies though.”

“I’ll have my honor guard.”

Star Catcher laughed.  I can’t remember the last time I saw Starry laugh.  “If Mom agrees to this, you’ll be lucky to leave the palace with anything less than an honor battalion.”

We hashed out the details while I ate my spaghetti, then planned what we were going to tell Mom while we had dessert.







Cloudsdale: ten years, seven months, and nine days ago


My alarm blared and I groaned.  It’s Saturday.  I don’t need to get up.  It took a few moments for my brain to process why my alarm was going off on a Saturday.  Right.  I tossed the blankets off and rolled out of bed.  Mom had agreed to my idea.  That didn’t surprise me, because she wanted me to do charitable work, but it caught Starry completely off guard.  Mom also didn’t insist on an entire battalion, because that would’ve been silly.  She did, however, have a platoon ready to go, composed entirely of the most skilled guards we had.

The maids helped me get ready, styling my hair and bringing out my finest jewelry.  It was nothing compared to what Mom had, but it was suitable for spending a day with a noble.  Once I was ready, I was escorted by my honor platoon to find a middle-aged mare with a dark green coat and graying hair.  One of the most prominent nobles, I recognized High Tower immediately.  “Duchess Ploomette, marvelous to see you.”  She curtseyed, as did I.  “There’s the little matter of payment.”

A stallion appeared beside her and placed a bag overflowing with bits on the floor.  He returned with another.  And then a third.  “100,000 bits, as agreed.”  She raised a hoof and I bumped it.  We held the pose while photographers clicked shot after shot of the two of us standing there.  “To a worthy charity!”

Flashes of light kept going off, and then somepony shouted, “Cutie mark!  She got her mark!”

The flashes picked up in intensity as I struggled to refrain from looking at my flank.  It’s irritating that everypony else in the room has seen my mark and I haven’t.  What kind of mark do you get because somepony hoofs you a large sack of money?  I probably don’t even want to know.

Journalists frantically scribbled on their notepads, while Starry and Skywishes joined us for more photo opportunities.

“It looks wonderful,” Starry whispered to me.

Meanwhile, Skywishes spoke loud enough to command the attention of everypony in the room.  “We can’t thank you enough.  You’re going to help so many foals.”

High Tower nodded.  “Like I said, it’s a worthy cause.”

The journalists and photographers left, having gotten what they most wanted.  I was somewhat surprised that the paparazzi weren’t going to tail us the entire day, but I wasn’t going to argue with it.  My first look at my cutie mark will probably be when I see it splashed on the front page of a special afternoon edition of the Cloudsdale Gazette.  “What would you like to do first?”

“Me?  I’m afraid I have a great many plans today, Duchess Ploomette.”  She stamped a hoof, and a colt two or three years older than me stood up from where he’d been sitting the whole time.  “This is my son, and he’ll be taking my place today.  Have fun you two.”

Of course.  Instead of listening to a concerned citizen, I’m going to listen to a spoiled noble brat try and woo me.

“Hi.  I’m Ivory Tower.”  He bowed.  “What would you like to do first, m’lady?”

Okay, he’s kinda handsome and he’s got chivalry down pat.  Maybe this isn’t the worst thing that could’ve happened.

“I hadn’t really thought about it.  You’re paying for this, or rather your mother is, so you lead the way.”

One of my guards grabbed the door for us before he could do so, but Ivory insisted I go through first.  He followed, and the remainder of my platoon fell into position around us: six in front, two on each side, and the remaining six behind us.

Thankfully, Tira Mi Su’s wasn’t open at that hour of the morning, though I had pretty good idea where we’d be dining for lunch and/or dinner.  Instead he led the way to a quaint little coffee shop in the historic district.  The structure had been a mansion in the early days of Cloudsdale, when this had been the ritziest residential neighborhood in town instead of the center of the business district.  The architecture had aged well, which probably helped explain how it hadn’t been razed in the ensuing centuries.

Half my guard detail went in ahead of us and ‘secured’ the building for our safety, and the rest surrounded the outside of the building.  I would’ve sighed if I didn’t have company.  I’m never going to have the ability to blend in.

Ivory held the door open for me and bowed as I passed through it.  I glanced at the sweets under the counter and immediately knew which one I wanted.  “Crumb cake and hot chocolate, please.”

“I’ll have the same.”

We sat at a table by the window, and my guards took the remaining window seats.

“Get the guards what they want too.  Put it on my family’s tab.”

That was a generous offer.  What’s his agenda?  One way to find out, that’s what this is supposed to be all about, after all.  “So what would you like to talk about?  You’ve got me for the day, and I’m supposed to address any concerns you might have to the best of my abilities, and forward the rest on to Mom.”

He shrugged.  “I don’t have any issues.  This was all Mom’s idea.  She has this crazy notion that we’re meant to be a couple.  I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.”

“I’m sure you’ll end up doing something related to your special talent.”  I resisted the urge to look at his cutie mark.  I still hadn’t even looked at mine and it was tearing me up inside.

“I don’t even have my cutie mark yet.  I know right?  I’m twelve and I don’t have my cutie mark.  How pathetic is that?  And when I was telling Mom about how nervous I felt because I don’t have my mark, she said not to worry so much because you don’t have your mark either.  Except now you do.  I’m so confused.”

“Hmm, that sounds like an issue to me.  Let’s see if we can figure out what your special talent is.  What do you like to do?”

“I love reading.”

I clopped my hooves on the floor.  “Let’s go to the library!”

“We can’t.”  He sighed.  “We’ve got a schedule to adhere to.”

“What schedule?”

“This one.”

He pushed over a folded note and I read what was on it.  “An opera?!?”  I blinked and looked at the time it was scheduled.  “I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be home before that ends.”

Ivory nodded.  “Probably.  But Mom’s solution to everything is to just throw more money at it until the problem goes away.  So if your parents get mad, she’ll just open her purse and keep the bits flowing until they aren’t.”

“I don’t even like operas.”

“Neither do I.”

“So why would we go to one?”

“Because it’s on the schedule.  Because my Mom’s already paid for the tickets.  Because my Mom bought all the tickets to the showing so we’d have the theater entirely to ourselves.”

I picked the note up in my teeth and started chewing it.  “Oh darn, looks like you lost the schedule.”  I took a big swallow of hot chocolate to wash down the nasty-tasting paper.  “Can I get a refill, please?”

“One refill coming up, Duchess!  Whipped cream?”

“Of course!  Leave the can.”  Whipped cream is the best food group.

Meanwhile Ivory Tower was having a panic attack.  “Ivory, chill.  Today is about you, not your mother.  So what do you want to do?”

“But Mom paid for this!”

I nodded.  “So she did.  And if she had stayed, I would’ve made today all about her.  But since she’s not here and sent you instead, it’s your call as to what we do, not hers.”

Ivory just looked at me blankly.  Oh dear, his mother plans everything out for him, doesn’t she?  “Like maybe the library?”

He nodded.  “I like the library.”

I took another sip of my hot chocolate, taking a generous portion of whipped cream with it.  I squirted some more on top of the remaining chocolate while I waited for him to make a decision – quite possibly the first real decision he’d ever made in his life.

“We’ll spend the day in the library.”

Not bad, only took him a minute and a half to decide to discard his mother’s schedule.  Some of the other nobles’ kids would’ve locked up entirely at the thought of defying their parents.

With a destination in mind, Ivory led the way, and it was refreshing to see a young noble not only take an interest in reading, but one so avid that he actually knew the location of the public library as opposed to his family’s personal library.

Once inside, he was like a completely different colt.  I told him to grab his favorite book and once he did, I led the way to one of the reading rooms.  I hopped up on the comfy couch and patted the empty space next to me.

“Aren’t you going to grab a book too?”

I shook my head.  “I was thinking you could read to me.”

So he did.  His chosen book was a high fantasy, with a swashbuckling pegasus and griffin fighting their way through the wild jungles of the Mareazon Basin, fighting against mythological creatures like elves, humans, and even long-extinct ponysaurs.  A little too silly for my liking, but he’s really enjoying himself, and it’s nice to see him come out of his shell.  And I love the little embellishments he makes when he’s reading in-character.  He’s totally adorable.

I had to give him credit, very few of the words tripped him up.  He was so caught up in the book, he didn’t even notice lunchtime had come and gone.  Good, Tira Mi Su’s was on the schedule, so we probably would’ve ended up there regardless of the schedule change.

It was nearly closing time when he finished reading.  “I’m sorry, m’lady, I was so caught up in the book I forgot to stop for food.”

I waved a hoof dismissively.  “We’ll just have to make up for it with dinner.  What do you like to eat?”

“We have reservations for dinner at Tira Mi Su’s.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I… I like hayburgers and fries.”

“Me too!”

“Mom will disown me if I take you to Hayburger.”

Just as well…  I normally send one of my guards out for takeout since the paparazzi would have a field day if they caught me there.  Fortunately, there were other options in Cloudsdale, ones that wouldn’t scandalize us if we were caught there.  “How about Sugar Apple’s?”  Dinner and dessert.

“Mom won’t be happy if we don’t go to the finest restaurant in town.”

I could hear the hesitation in his voice, so I repeated my original question.  “What do you want to eat?”

“Sugar Apple’s sounds really good.  I get tired of eating at Tira Mi Su’s.”

I nodded.  “Me too.”

Leaping off the library’s second floor balcony, we flew to the restaurant.  Once more, my guards secured the building for us before we entered, and we were escorted to the banquet room.  In the privacy of the banquet room, I had no qualms ordering a hayburger and fries, and Ivory followed my lead.

Our burgers were deliciously messy, and my muzzle was probably just as splattered with ketchup and grease as Ivory’s was.  There’s nothing like real food.  Not like the tasteless, unpronounceable, and ridiculously small portioned food that gets served at the fanciest restaurants.

But no trip to Sugar Apple’s would be complete without dessert, and my mouth watered as I looked at the massive caramel sundae I’d ordered.  Topped with whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and a rainbow of sprinkles, it was an edible work of art.  Now this is a meal fit for a duchess!

With our bellies full, and time running short, I turned my attention back to the problem I’d yet to solve.  We’d spent the day doing things he enjoyed, but his cutie mark hadn’t come in.

“Would it be accurate to assume the library is something you take an interest in?”  He nodded, and I continued.  “Therefore, perhaps library funding is relevant to your interests?  New books are always being written, and libraries only have so much space.  Rather than sell off books that are less-frequently checked-out, perhaps you could talk to your mother about donating a substantial amount to the Cloudsdale Public Library?  In return they could expand and name the new addition to the building ‘the Ivory Tower wing’ or something along those lines?”

Nothing ever said this can’t be a two-way street, with me making suggestions on how the nobles and the rest of our subjects can help better Cloudsdale or the pegasus tribe as a whole.

“Oh!”  He lit up at the prospect.  “That would be wonderful!”

With his decision made, we trotted back to the palace.  Some of his family’s staff was waiting to escort him home, though his mother was nowhere to be seen.  “I had a wonderful time tonight.  I hope we can do this again sometime.”

Once he’d left, I galloped to my bedroom to finally check out my cutie mark.  A heart wearing a crown?  I looked from my flank, to a picture of the family crest on the wall, and back.  It was a perfect match.  Rule with compassion.







Cloudsdale: ten years, five months, and twenty-six days ago


The alarm blared, and I rolled out of bed.  By now I was used to my new Saturday routine, and I hurried through my morning hygiene routine.  I’d been advised in advance not to wear my finery or any jewelry, which helped speed up the process.

A mare named Rainbowshine met me outside, and I followed her to the Weather Factory, my guards surrounding us as normal.

“What’s the backbone of Cloudsdale’s economy?”

“Weather.  It’s our primary export.”

“You ever make weather before?”

“Not exactly.”

“Figures.  Do you know how rainbows are made?”

I shook my head.

“Of course not.  Weather work just ain’t important enough for a duchess to dirty her hoofs with.  Today you’re gonna help me make the rainbows.”

She pulled a lab coat out of a closet and put it on.  I followed her lead, as did my guards.  Then we all acquired goggles and followed her onto the factory floor.  A large vat of steaming water sat in the middle of the room, and Rainbowshine motioned to it.  “First we start by bringing water to a boil.”

She rummaged around in a supply closet and hoofed me a jug.  I picked it up and winced under the weight.  She makes it look easy to heft this around.

“That’s red.  Pour the whole thing in the vat.”

I struggled under the weight of the container, and one of my guards picked it up and dumped it into the vat for me.

“How do you get ‘red’ and what’s it made of?”

“We get it from Canterlot.  The colors of the rainbow are extracted from natural pigments.  Red comes from the hottest peppers.  Orange comes from the fruit of the same name.  Lemons bring us yellow.  Green consists of rabbit’s foot ferns, blue is made from blueberries, and purple comes from grapes.  Technically, rainbows are nontoxic.  In practice, it’s not advisable to taste the rainbow.  The few ponies foolish enough to try drinking liquid rainbow have declared it ‘spicy’, no doubt due to the peppers overpowering the other flavors.  Solid rainbows will break your teeth if you try to eat one.”

Why would anypony try to eat a rainbow?

She didn’t even bother hoofing me any of the other colors, dumping each of them into the vat one at a time.  Once the water looked like a rainbow, Rainbowshine poured it into a trough leading outside.  The rainbow water streamed into cooling ponds.  We filled various templates with the cooling rainbow water, then used our weather magic to speed the cooling process and freeze them solid.  Rainbowshine was an expert on all things rainbows, and listed a number of facts I hadn’t known about them: rainbows freeze at a temperature well above ambient temperatures in all but the hottest locations.  Rainbows didn’t fare quite as well in the tropics.  Rainbows are incredibly durable, and were often used as a flexible building material.  The only other factory capable of making rainbows was in Las Pegasus.

The rainbow trivia broke up the otherwise monotonous labor.  We repeated the process, again and again, until lunchtime.  Rainbowshine pulled a brown bag out of the breakroom’s refrigerator, while I sat watching her eat until one of my guards could make it back from a restaurant with food.  Unfortunately, by the time she returned, our lunch break was over.  Lunch went into the fridge, and we went back to work.

Dump jugs into the vat.  Pour.  Freeze the rainbows solid.  Repeat.  All day long.  This is horribly tedious.  I finally managed to eat my lunch on our second designated fifteen-minute break.  Sadly, Swoop had picked up sandwiches, and the once crisp lettuce had turned the bread soggy.  I just squirted more ketchup on it and hoped for the best.  “Is this all you do at the Weather Factory?”

“It’s all I do, but the factory itself makes all the weather for Equestria.  Each type of weather has a separate department.  They’ll probably move me into snowflake crafting in another five or six years.  Whenever I start slowing down and struggling with the jugs.  You know how heavy they are.  Talk about dull, though.  I don’t want to spend the rest of my career sitting behind a desk making snow.”

If you ask me, it sounds a lot better than lifting and pouring all day…

Two hours later we finally finished working.  Remaining regal was proving difficult.  I’d strained or pulled something in my back, and it was all I could do to stand upright.

“Congratulations, Duchess.  You actually worked one day in your life.  Now you know how the other 90% lives.  That puts you above the rest of your family, the princesses, nobles, and assorted other upper class snobs.”

“That’s what this is all about.  Getting to know our subjects and seeing what you do on a daily basis, and seeing if there are ways we can improve things.”  I shrugged off the lab coat and hung it back in the closet I’d gotten it from.  “Thank you for an eye-opening experience today, Rainbowshine.”  I’d add ‘I won’t forget it’ but that could be taken as a veiled threat and I don’t want to scare the mare.  “What’s next?”

She laughed for the first time all day.  “You’re tenacious, I’ll give you that.  But I’ve got a family to get back to.  So you’re off the hook for the rest of the day.”

I’m tired, sore, and a bit insulted.  But mostly I’m embarrassed.  This mare’s three times my age and running circles around me.  I’m so tempted to order my guards to carry me home.  They’d do it without hesitation.  But that would be showing weakness, and I refuse to show weakness, especially not to somepony who can’t grasp that we work hard in our own way.

I trotted off, head held high, though at a slower pace than usual.  Visions of relaxing in the palace’s hot tub was the motivation to keep going.







Cloudsdale: nine years, six months, and thirteen days ago


My eyes opened as sunlight danced across my face.  The alarm sounded as I rolled out of bed and stretched my legs and wings out.  Another Saturday, another citizen to spend the day with.  I put on my finery as I waited for Sunshine Smiles to show up.  His name had come up nearly two months earlier, but he’d requested a postponement due to a scheduling conflict.

With a name like Sunshine Smiles, I wasn’t surprised to find a pony with a yellow coat and a smiley face cutie mark.  Even the rainbow mane and tail didn’t seem all that out of the ordinary.  The fact that he was a stallion, five times my weight, and built like a brick wall certainly subverted all preconceived conceptions.

“Howdy.  I’m Sunshine Smiles.”

“Hi!”  I squeaked the word out in my surprise.  He’s got muscles on top of muscles.  I bet he could take out half my honor guard single-hoofed!

“This here’s my daughter, Electric Slide.”  He introduced a shy blue filly, slightly younger than me.

She looked at me with wide eyes, and I revised my initial impression from ‘shy’ to ‘awestruck’.  “Hi.”

“Hi.”  I smiled to put her at ease, then turned my attention to her father.  “Today’s all about you, Mr. Smiles.  What would you like to talk about?”

“Shucks, I ain’t much for talkin’.  I figure actions speak louder than words.  I was just thinkin’ I’d take my daughter and our guest to Six Nags Cloudsdale.”

Years of stoicism practice were the only reason I resisted the urge to jump for joy.  Amusement parks were very low on the list of priorities, and as such, I’d never been to one.  Of course my inner cynic had to analyze the situation looking for ulterior motives.  Is he trying to bribe me?  No agenda, no ranting, no forcing me to work a day at his job, no trying to make a love connection.  Come to think of it, he didn’t even call me his daughter’s ‘new friend’ but rather their ‘guest’.  If he was sincere, it was a breath of fresh air.

Sunshine bought my ticket, despite my protests that the duchy would cover my costs and the park’s insistence that I’d be allowed in for free.

Electric Slide galloped for the park’s biggest roller coaster, and I trotted along behind her, at a pace that was still unreasonably quick for a duchess.  It was also unreasonably slow for a filly in an amusement park.  Like everything else in life: split the difference and please nopony.

I finally caught up to her at Skyfall, a coaster billed as the greatest thrill in Equestria.  I stared out at the expanse of track.  Unlike conventional roller coasters, there was no upward sloping hill.  Instead the tracks pulled out of the platform and immediately plunged off the side of Cloudsdale, plunging thousands of feet toward the ground below.  Not content with merely dropping its passengers, the track corkscrewed for more than half the length of the plummet.  Then it rose halfway back to Cloudsdale, before plunging into a series of loops bringing riders perilously close to the ground.

It had been built to the extremes, because it was competing with a pegasus’ own wings.  Not even the Wonderbolts could fly such a pattern.  It was physically impossible.  Not that that would stop ponies like Rainbow Dash from trying…  Forget ‘must be accompanied by an adult’, if you didn’t have wings you had to sign a waiver.  Unsurprisingly, the line consisted almost entirely of pegasi and griffins, with a few dragons small enough to fit in the seats and hippogriffs being the only exceptions.

For unicorns, yaks, and other beings without wings, flying was a thrill.  But flight had its own hazards, and flyers tended to be drawn to extreme thrills to get an adrenaline rush: the riskier and more death-defying the better.  It was the coolest thing I’d ever seen.

The park had only just opened for the day, but the line was already snaked around more than half of the waiting area.  We took our place at the end of the line, and that lasted for all of five seconds before every pegasus in line stepped aside to let us pass.  The other creatures in line followed their lead, so as not to be accused of line cutting.  I groaned internally.  We’re going to go straight to the front of every line here.  That’s going to score me lots of points in the popularity department with everypony we bypass.

Electric Slide and I took the front seats, while her dad took the seat directly behind us.  A car that could seat twelve left the platform with just the three of us, with my guards hovering at strategic spots around the course of the track to make sure everything was safe.

I felt my stomach jump to my throat as we dropped toward the ground thousands of feet below us.  Electric shrieked in delight, and I echoed her mirth.  She threw her forelegs into the air as we plunged, but I had a death grip on the safety bar.  I couldn’t have let go of it even if I’d wanted to – the g-forces were so intense I couldn’t move my legs at all.

By the time we hit the corkscrews we were moving faster than I’d ever gone in my life.  The corkscrews weren’t quite as intense as I’d been expecting; they were more gradual than they’d looked from the platform.  The reason for that quickly became apparent – at the speeds we were moving anything more than that would have caused riders to black out.

By the time we exited the corkscrews I was thankful we hadn’t stopped for breakfast.  I was already dizzy and nauseous, and the ride wasn’t even half over.

“Smile!”

“Huh?”

“Smile!”

I flashed the best grin I could manage under the circumstances.  I could feel my cheeks flapping in the wind as a camera flashed.  “Paparazzi?”

Electric Slide giggled.  “No, Duchess.  There’s a camera there that takes pictures of everypony at that point.  They sell them as souvenirs.”

Not much past that the track curved upward, and the momentum from the plunge carried us up the steep slope towards the loops.  We soared through the loops, and then spent what felt like an eternity spiraling back up to Cloudsdale.  Electric Slide sighed.  “This is the boring part.  What goes down, must come back up.  I could fly up there faster.”  The harnesses and lap bar prevented us from doing so.

There’s always a reason for things.  Think, Ploomette.  I looked toward our destination, then at the track ahead of us which meandered in lazy spirals instead of rising straight up.  Aha!  They’re letting the riders reorient themselves.  They don’t want the liability of somepony flying dizzy and crashing.

“Finally!”  Electric Slide grinned as we disembarked from the car.  I’d forgotten about the photo that had been snapped of us during the ride, but it was ready as we trotted out the exit gate.  Another reason for the long ascent back – the staff needs time to recover and develop the film.

Sunshine Smiles dropped some bits on the counter.  “Three copies, please.”  The mare behind the counter smiled and let us know we could pick up the photos in an hour.

Electric Slide dragged me away from the photo stand.  “We did my favorite ride first, now it’s Dad’s turn!”

Sunshine Smiles laughed.  “You know what I like.  Lead the way, sweetie.”

I followed them to the bumper cars.  As before, the line parted to allow us to proceed to the front.  Now I know why we never go to theme parks.  Mom would have a fit if she knew I let ponies do this.  But today’s Sunshine Smiles’ day, and he’s apparently turned it over to his daughter.  I’m not going to make them wait in line, even if I do feel a little guilty about receiving special treatment.

As we waited for the ponies currently enjoying the ride to finish, I took a good look at the cars we’d be using.  They were clouds on wheels, with a seat hollowed out in the middle.  Each had a racing number on the side, with a pair of painted on stars decorating the front, obviously intended to replicate the headlights of a carriage.  Completing the look was a big red heart on the rear.  Not quite a bullseye, but close enough.

The ride came to a stop and the ponies disembarked from their cars.  Several of them had caught sight of me, and had lined up along the barrier separating the bumper car ring from the rest of the park.  I trotted to the nearest car, but Electric Slide shook her head.

She led me to the car decorated with the racing number 1.  “You’re number one!”  She and her dad climbed into cars that were parked close to mine, and other ponies quickly filled the remaining open rides.

I rode around, but nopony other than Electric Slide bumped into my car, and even she refused to spin me out.  That defeats the purpose…  My thoughts were interrupted by a colt bumping me from behind.  I grinned.  Finally!  Some fun!  Any thoughts I had of bumping back the only pony brave enough to slam into me were immediately dashed by Sunshine Smiles.  He plowed into the colt’s car from behind and pushed him all the way into the retaining wall.  After that, nopony even glanced in my direction for fear of a similar reprisal, so to be fair I refrained from bumping into anypony other than Sunshine Smiles or Electric Slide.

When the ride ended, the colt who’d been utterly demolished by Sunshine took off at a gallop.  Sigh.  He’s going to hold that against me for a long time to come.  I wish Starry was here.  She’d probably know him and then I could go apologize.

There was a map of the park not far from the bumper cars, and they implored me to pick the next ride.  It was only mid-morning, but it was already getting hot and humid, so I selected a water slide to help cool us all down.

I should’ve expected that even a simple thing like a water slide would be amped up at a theme park like this.  Not content to merely slide down a hill into a pool of water, the slide instead ended in a ramp, giving riders the option of splashing down in the water a dozen feet below, or for those with wings, a chance to fly away.

I went first, and sailed off the edge of the jump, somersaulting twice and landing rump first in the refreshingly cool water.  I swam away from the impact zone and Electric Slide glided down and skimmed across the water.

Then Sunshine Smiles catapulted off the ramp.  He tucked himself into a cannonball and splashed down with enough force to create waves in the pool.  He poked his head above the water and flashed a cocky grin.  “Now that’s a splash!”  He fluttered into the air, shaking his coat out like a dog.  “I think we should have some breakfast while we dry off!”

His idea of ‘breakfast’ was decidedly different than most ponies’.  Funnel cake.  I had been aware of its existence, but being carnival fare, I’d never had the occasion to actually sample it.  It looked deliciously unhealthy.  That’s probably a whole week’s worth of calories.

“You’re only young once.  Enjoy, Duchess!”  Sunshine plopped three entire cakes on the table – one for each of us.  I stared at the monstrous pastry in front of me.  I only wanted a slice, not an entire cake.

The cake sat in my stomach like a lead weight.  If I was a cartoon character, my stomach would be horribly distended right now.  Please no more rides until this digests… probably sometime next week.

We returned to the bumper cars, and I was grateful for the chance to just drive around without fear of being bumped by anypony else as my stomach settled.  Thank the stars for the metabolism of youth and pegasi, both.

When asked to pick the next ride, I went with the Ferris wheel, which much to my delight, was a run of the mill example of the ride.  It was still family friendly fun, and an enjoyable ten minutes of slowly going in a circle.  My stomach finally settled down, and I no longer felt like I’d swallowed a basketball.

By the middle of the afternoon we’d gone through all the best rides in the park, some of them multiple times.  Sunshine picked up the photos from our first ride of the day, and then we left the park.  I’m surprised we’re not staying until closing time.

“You ever been to a demolition derby?”

I shook my head.  I’d heard of them, but my parents thought that sport was too barbaric for a filly my age to witness firsthoof.

“Then you’re in for a real treat!  The Fairgrounds Classic is tonight, and I got us prime tickets.”

I started gliding toward the front row, but Electric Slide grabbed my tail and steered me towards the nosebleed section.  Force of habit: we always get front row seats for any venue.  Their idea of ‘prime’ tickets are probably the best they can afford.  Oh gosh, I hope I don’t seem ungrateful.  It was then that I noticed that Electric and I were alone.

“Where’d your dad go?”

“It’s supposed to be a surprise.”

“Well, he better hurry or he’ll miss the derby.”

“He wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

I was excited – possibly even more than I’d been to finally go to the amusement park.  My parents didn’t think I was old enough to experience a barbaric sport like this.  More likely they probably thought it would taint our public image to be seen spectating a brutal event such as this.  Demolition derby was one of the few gladiatorial games that had survived to modern times, the others having been abolished centuries earlier due to the bloodlust of the competitors and fans alike.

“You want a snack?”

Memories of the funnel cake were forgotten as I nodded my head.  Electric Slide left me surrounded by my entourage of guards as she went to get refreshments.  I’d spent most of my life surrounded by these ponies, and I could sense their internal excitement.  They’d been underwhelmed by the amusement park, but I could feel the spark of energy emanating from them now.  I turned to Swoop.  “Have you ever seen a demolition derby before?”

“Me Swoop once compete in demo derby.”

“You did?  Wow!  How’d you do?”

“Me Swoop finish dead last, spend three days in hospital, then join Royal Guards.  Military less dangerous for Swoop.”

I blinked.  Swoop was one of the most capable guards we had.  Nopony was ever going to accuse her of being the smartest pony, but she was strong, and highly skilled in hoof-to-hoof combat.

“Me still remember like yesterday.  Right up to point me was knocked unconscious.  Good times for Swoop.”

“That sounds like quite the experience.”  I’m not sure I’d use ‘good times’ to describe it, personally.

Electric Slide brought back a giant box of popcorn and a couple of extra-large sodas.  She set the popcorn between us and we each dipped a wing in to grab some.  The buttery kernels melted on my tongue, but the salt made me keep reaching for my beverage.

“Welcome demolition derby fans to the thirty-seventh annual Fairgrounds Classic!  Competing tonight is reigning champion, Clubber!”

A stallion sporting a Mohawk haircut and gold chains entered the arena and the audience split into a nearly equal amount of booing and cheering.  Electric Glide was very much in the first category, heckling him with taunts he’d never be able to hear.  It was hard not to get caught up in her enthusiasm, and I had to remind myself not to take sides – all the competitors were pegasi, and all likely lived in Cloudsdale.  It wouldn’t do for any member of the duchy to favor one competitor over another.

“Two-time former champion, Leif Spring!”

A massive blue stallion bowed to the crowd to wild applause.  I looked at his choice of headgear – an ancient Viking helmet.

“Last year’s Most Popular Flyer on the derby circuit, Buffly Tuff!”

The hot pink stallion also received a fair amount of cheering, though Electric Glide had been silent thus far aside from booing Clubber.  Her favorite has yet to be announced.  I wonder who it is.

“Boxcar goes from town to town taking odd jobs, whether it be boxing, bucking, or derbying.”

The pony who trotted out to join his fellow competitors was completely covered in mud.  It made it impossible to determine any details to his identity.  The crowd started booing him.

“Last year’s Fairgrounds Classic Rookie of the Year, Sunshine Smiles!”

My jaw dropped as my host for the day waved to us from the arena.  “You didn’t say your dad was competing!”

“Like I said, it was a surprise.”  She grinned.  “He’s really good!”  She added her voice to the chorus of cheering, though he hadn’t mustered as much noise as most of the others before him.

I’m not supposed to take favorites, but how could I not?  I cheered him on, and cranked up the volume with the Royal Canterlot Voice.

Electric filled me in on the details of her dad’s derby career, and I completely missed the names of the other pegasi competing as they were announced.  But I knew Electric Slide could fill me in on those once the derby started.

Two dozen burly stallions took to the arena.  Some of them even dwarfed Sunny, who was right there in the thick of things.  I felt incredibly small and fragile looking at them.

A petite mare waved a green flag and then bolted for the safety of the locker room.  She galloped, not daring to venture into the sky that was now filled with burly stallions slamming into each other.

“How do you win?”

“By being the last pony flying.  If you hit the clouds, you’re out.”

A few of the stallions had already fallen to the clouds and out of contention, knocked out of the sky less than a minute in.  

Sunny was still flying high, putting pressure on Buffly Tuff.  I absentmindedly reached a wing into the popcorn bucket.

Clubber absolutely dominated the upper reaches of the playing sky.  The biggest of the participants, he was a target, and a lot of his opponents came at him at once hoping to overwhelm him.  They didn’t.  Several fell to the clouds for their efforts.

Electric Slide was watching Clubber nervously.  “He’s in good form tonight.  He’s always tough to beat, but tonight he’s really dealing out the damage.”

I nodded.  “It was five on one and he eliminated two of them and forced the other three to retreat and recover.  That’s impressive.”

“Dad’s impressive too,” Electric replied, defensively.  “Sorry.”

“I didn’t say he wasn’t.”  I smiled.

“It’s just Clubber’s the best of the best and we all know it.  He won eight out of ten derbies last year.  Dad won one of the other two, but Clubber didn’t even show up.  Dad’s never beaten him.”  Tears started trickling down her cheeks.  “And he got lucky – he inherited that win when the only other two ponies left flying collided head-on and took themselves out.  He was kinda hoping that if he had you here it would spur him on to victory.  Give him somepony worth fighting for.”

“He already has somepony worth fighting for.”  I lifted her muzzle with a hoof so she was looking me in the eye.  “I’m just a duchess, but you’re a princess.”

“I’m no princess.”

“You’ll always be his princess.”  I hugged her, holding her tight until she stopped sniffling.

“Brutality!”

I turned away from Electric Slide and my jaw dropped in surprise.  Three pegasi in a row slammed through the wall and into the first few rows of seats; the second pushing the first, and the third pushing them both.

“That’s why the good seats are up here, Duchess.”  Electric Slide patted a hoof on my withers.

I looked at the carnage below, instantly worried that there were injuries.  The competitors pulled themselves out of the hole and returned to the arena.  Spectators, on the other hoof, groggily got to their hooves and were treated by a staff nurse.

The announcer blared through the stadium’s speakers.  “Demolition derby has more spectator injuries than any other sport!”

The crowd cheered.  What the hay?  They’re cheering the fact that they have a better than average chance of being hurt.  Are they crazy?!?

I stood up and glided down to the damaged bleachers.  “Is anypony hurt?”

A few ponies raised their hooves and I looked them over.  I had some basic training in first aid, but mostly I knew that by coming down here, my guards would follow.  Between them they had more skills and supplies on hoof than I did, but I couldn’t stand by and do nothing when my ponies were injured.

The nurse nodded to us in appreciation as we set to work on treating the injured.  She was already working on the most serious injury: a dislocated shoulder.

Once I was satisfied everypony had been patched up to the best extent possible, I returned to my seat.  Now I know why Mom never let me watch one of these derbies before.

I grabbed some more popcorn from the rapidly emptying bucket.  I’d lost track of how many wingfulls I’d had, but it was safe to say a lot of them.

The field had thinned by more than half, with only nine pegasi left aloft.  A loud crack echoed around the arena and I turned my attention skyward.  Leif Spring was dropping like a rock in one direction, his helmet in another.  Leif had taken the brunt of the impact, but Clubber also looked shaken from what must have been an absolutely massive hit.  Sensing weakness, his opponents closed in on him, and soon the champ joined Leif on the clouds below.

“Are they going to be okay?”  I couldn’t comprehend injuring oneself for the entertainment of others.  Instead I was concerned about the ponies competing.  Competing for what?  Bits?  Glory?  Nothing in the world could possibly be worth going out there and putting their lives on the line.  “Why do they do it?”

“It’s hard to explain, Duchess.  Everypony gets into derbying for different reasons.  The prize money’s a big draw.  A top five finish nets a pony more than they could earn in a month at the Weather Factory.  Not bad for a few hours’ work.  In Dad’s case, he was bullied when he was a colt.  He doesn’t talk about it, but that’s why he started working out.  Deep down inside, I think he goes out there to show any would-be bullies that they’re messing with the wrong stallion.  I know it seems barbaric, but it’s not that much different than hoofball.  Linebackers slam into each other constantly too.”

Clubber stood up and walked over to where Leif had fallen.  Clubber hefted him up and draped him over his back, then headed toward the locker room where a doctor was waiting.  The fans who’d so zealously booed him earlier cheered him for his heroic efforts.

“Clubber’s a good pony.  The whole bad guy act is just that: an image.  When they’re not competing, they’re all the best of friends.  He’d do anything for any of the ponies out there flying with him, and they’d do the same for him.”

“Didn’t stop you from booing him earlier.”

“He wins too much.  I may be a bit biased, but I like seeing Daddy win.  Besides, he takes silence as a bigger insult than booing.  Silence means indifference.  Love him or hate him, but don’t take the middle ground.”

“Looks like Leif Spring’s going to be just fine.  Just as soon as his bones finish knitting.  But don’t worry, folks.  He’ll be back two weeks from now for the Fairground Figure 8!”

The derby was down to just a half a dozen participants, most of whom looked like they were struggling to remain aloft.  Sunshine Smiles plowed into the broadside of Buffly Tuff and the pink stallion careened out of control and into the clouds below.

“Woo!  Go Daddy!”  Electric Slide hopped to her hooves and screamed at the top of her lungs.  “He’s gonna finish in the top five.”

Considering there were now only five ponies flying, that was a given.  Another pony landed with a wing sprain, and an unlucky stallion crashed into the clouds trying to dodge Boxcar, and it was down to three: Sunny, Boxcar, and a pony Electric Slide had identified as Clamshell.  All three were wobbling, and Boxcar was flying erratically.  Clamshell took him out and then he and Sunny started circling one another warily.  Nopony else left in the sky but the two of them.  No place left to hide.  It was the moment everypony had been waiting for: a one-on-one battle for air supremacy.

I knew nothing about Clamshell.  He was probably a good pony, so I felt a pang of regret as I rooted for Sunshine Smiles to win.  They collided, but they were in such close proximity to one another that it wasn’t much of a collision.  Repeatedly they slammed against one another, looking each other over for signs of weakness.  There was no pulling away to gather momentum, where one went the other followed.

For a full five minutes they crashed into one another until Sunny finally found his opening – Clamshell drifted too far away and it was enough that Sunny could get enough speed to lay a decent hit on him.  Winded, Clamshell dove for the clouds.  Gliding, he was trying to goad Sunshine into slamming into the ground, but Electric Slide’s dad wasn’t falling for it.  Clamshell conceded defeat and landed and the crowd erupted into thunderous applause for Sunny.  I added my voice to the uproar.

“Tonight’s winner is #115, Sunshine Smiles!”

He took a victory lap around the arena, waving to all the fans.  Then he fluttered over to where we were sitting and hoisted his daughter up on his back.  Then he took another lap around the arena, letting Electric Slide wave to everypony, before finally landing next to the announcer for the winner’s interview.

“That was quite a performance out there tonight!”

“Thanks!  I owe it all to my number one fan!”  He kissed his daughter on her forehead.  “And my good luck charm for the evening, Duchess Ploomette!”

He waved a wing at me and I waved back, sheepishly.  Oh, I really wish he hadn’t put me on the spot like that.  I don’t want anypony to think I’m playing favorites.

The crowd thinned out and eventually Sunny and Electric returned to where I was sitting.

“I hope you had fun today, Duchess.”

“I did, but today’s supposed to be about you, not me.”

“I had lots of fun.  I reckon Electric Slide did too.”

“I’m supposed to listen to your concerns and address them the best way I can.”

“Well, I suppose that as a parent, I’m concerned that I see a young filly not enjoyin’ herself ‘cause she’s too worried about others.  You have to remember to take some time out for yourself.  Life’s a balance.  There’s a time for responsibilities, and there’s a time to have fun.  I’m gonna let you in on a secret: it’s not easy to win a race, but I ain’t never heard of a pony losing a party.”

“Thank you.”

“If you want to thank me, just keep doing a good job.  You watch over Cloudsdale the best you can – that’s all I ask.”

“Will do, Mr. Smiles.”

“Call me Sunny.  ‘Mister’ is way too formal for my liking.  I figure this here prize money is burning a hole through my wallet and we’ve got just enough time to get ice cream before I need to have you back at the palace.”

I’ve had funnel cake and a ton of popcorn, I really shouldn’t have ice cream too.  Willpower, Ploom, resist temptation.  “Sure!”  Dagnabbit.

After we had dessert, they escorted me back to the palace and I bid them adieu.  Once inside, I stripped off my finery, depositing it in the laundry basket, and then showered.  I’d worked up a sweat and the water felt refreshing as it washed the filth off my body and down the drain.  Where does Cloudsdale’s wastewater go, and why have I never thought about that until now?  I yawned.  That’s a question for another day.  I turned the water off and toweled dry, wrapping my mane in the towel as I trotted to my bedroom.

Mom was waiting for me, as always.  Part of it was being an overprotective parent, and part of it was wanting to get feedback while it was still fresh in my mind.  “How did you like your first demolition derby?”

“I don’t really understand it.  I watched ponies get hurt tonight.  I don’t see the appeal, and yet I couldn’t look away.  I… I feel so ashamed.”

“Don’t be.  Pegasi are natural thrill seekers and risk takers.  Everypony there knew what they were getting into, and consciously made a choice to do so.”  Mom kissed my forehead.  “Sweetie, never forget we’re descended from a militaristic tribe.  Gladiatorial battles are a thing of the past, but demolition derbies sate some of our darker instincts.  There’s no shame in enjoying yourself.  They wouldn’t be out there competing if there weren’t fans in the stands to show off to.  No fans, no prize money.”

“Would that necessarily be a bad thing?”

“Considering the alternatives, yes.  Demolition derby is by far the tamest of the events our ancestors enjoyed.  We’re drawn to danger, Ploom.  This is the safest of the games of old.  It’s a connection to the past and the glories of Pegasopolis.  That’s more important than you think it is, perhaps even more important than it should be.  But traditions are important to ponies, and we wouldn’t be here today if not for those ancestors who weren’t as cultured as we are today.  More to the point, by remembering the mistakes of the past, we won’t repeat them.  So what does Mr. Smiles want?”

“Well, first of all, he wouldn’t want you to call him ‘Mr. Smiles’.  As weird as this is, Sunny just wanted to treat me to a fun time and let me be a normal filly for a day.  No agenda.  Every time I tried bringing up anything even remotely political he changed the subject.”  I shrugged.  “I’ve got nothing to report aside from I’ll probably have a stomachache tomorrow.  Funnel cake, popcorn, and ice cream.  So good, but my belly feels like it’s doing flip-flops.”

Mom preened my wings as I laid down on my bed.  My soft, warm bed.  Today’s been the most fun day of my life, but I’m exhausted.  My head hit the pillow and that was it for the night.







Cloudsdale: nine years, four months, and twenty-two days ago


I stood in awe of Cloudsdale’s new library.  When High Tower commits to a project, she goes all out.  The new structure was three times the size of the old building, and featured towers on all four corners.

Ivory’s cutie mark had come in when the new library was in the planning stages, with the towers on the building matching the one on his flank.  He’d emerged from his family’s shadow and come into his own with the project.  He’d made it his baby, and matured in the process.  Gone was the awkwardness and shyness, replaced with confidence and determination.  He spotted me and rushed over to me.  “M’lady!”  He bowed and kissed my hoof, proving his chivalry had survived intact  “I’m so glad you could make it!”

“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”

“If it wasn’t for you, this new library wouldn’t exist.  I owe you so much.  You gave my life purpose.”

I shook my head.  “No I didn’t.  You gave your life purpose.  I just made a suggestion.  You took it well beyond my wildest expectations.”

“Your guidance made this possible.”

“My duty is to help my citizens with any problems they might have.”  I booped his snout.  He’s cute when he’s flustered.

I patted my saddlebags to make sure my surprise was still inside as I followed him to the makeshift stage.  We took our places as we waited for the ceremonies to begin.  First the head librarian said a few words, thanking the Towers for their generous donation.  High Tower went next, heaping praise on her son for his vision.  Then Ivory Tower trotted to the microphone.

“My name may adorn the building, but none of this would have been possible without Duchess Ploomette.  She’s the true visionary here, and I’m honored she’s here to dedicate the Ivory Tower Cloudsdale Public Library.”

I stood up and took my place next to him behind the podium.  “Thank you, Mr. Tower, but you give me far more credit than I deserve.  Before I cut the ribbon, I have a little something for you.  Ivory Tower, it’s my pleasure to present you with the Key to the City of Cloudsdale.”

It took him completely by surprise and he stammered out his thanks as the crowd cheered in appreciation.

“Without further ado, I hereby declare the Ivory Tower Cloudsdale Public Library officially open!”  I grabbed the comically oversized pair of scissors and neatly sliced the ribbon in front of the doors.

The gathered ponies crowded inside the new building, with some exploring the architecture, others exploring the newest selections the library had to offer, while most made a beeline for the refreshments.  Ivory and I just sat down on the chairs we’d been sitting in and watched everypony else.

It would be so easy to fall for him.  Sadly, that was exactly what his mother was hoping for.  She was using her own son as a pawn in the game of politics.  A union between us would elevate the House of Tower’s social status, and no doubt she’d expect favors from her son.  His mother had positioned him like a chess piece.  I couldn’t afford to be naïve about such things.  With the nobility, ulterior motives abounded.  It’s a shame that such a nice colt is caught up in the middle of political machinations.  Not to say it would be impossible for the two of us to be together someday.  I was most likely destined to marry among the nobility, and he was certainly the most suitable suitor I’d yet met.

Thankfully, we were both still too young for such things.  There’d be plenty of time to determine the best course of action.  For now, I was content just enjoying his company.







Cloudsdale: nine years, two months, and twenty-seven days ago (takes place during Season 5, episode 5: Tanks For The Memories)


The seasons changed with regularity in Equestria, and Cloudsdale was at the forefront of weather.  In towns all across the country, ponies were partaking in the Running of the Leaves in preparation of the arrival of winter.  But it was Cloudsdale where the weather was made.  Cloudsdale was unique among Equestrian cities, in that it didn’t have any one stationary location.  Cloudsdale went where we wanted it to go, and as the fall segued into winter, we started with the northernmost towns and worked our way south, delivering winter weather as we went.  The city would winter in Siami, then work its way north as winter wrapped up throughout the land.  I looked at the calendar – today’s stop was Ponyville, with Canterlot to follow tomorrow.

I looked out my window, dreaming of running with the ponies below to help bring autumn to a close.  As a pegasus, I’d really have more luck flying between the trees and using my wingpower to knock the leaves off, but that wouldn’t be in the spirit of the competition.  It would, however, be far more efficient.  We had no need for a similar event in Cloudsdale – nothing grew in the clouds, so Cloudsdale itself never received weather of any kind, aside from a few inches of snow on Hearth’s Warming Eve to set the mood for the holiday.

It was hard to wrap my head around the logic of traditions I’d never been a part of.  I looked at leaf removal through the eyes of a pegasus antsy to drop our load of snow on the countryside and move on to the next town.  I reluctantly left the window and returned to my studies.

Clock Watcher knocked on my door five minutes before noon, advising me to head to the dining room for lunch.  Mom’s secretary, she was adept at making sure we were all where we needed to be when we needed to be there.

While I couldn’t identify the meal that was served to Mom, a heaping bowl of mac & cheese sat at my place at the table.  I’m a filly of simple tastes.  If it tastes good, I like it.  I wonder if Dinner Bell cringes when it’s time to make my meals?  Regardless of simplicity, he’d outdone himself.  It was the creamiest mac and cheese I’d ever eaten.

Sadly, my enjoyment of it was cut short.  The town’s emergency sirens blared, and Mom galloped for the door.  I ran to the window to see what was going on.  It didn’t take long to spot the smoke billowing out of the Weather Factory.  Oh my stars…

My first thought was of Rainbowshine.  I hope she’s okay.  I hope everypony’s okay.  I felt helpless as I watched first responders rush toward the burning factory.  I could just make out Mom in between buildings downtown as she rushed to the scene.

I stayed home.  Away from the danger.  Not because I didn’t want to help, but because there was nothing I could do except get underhoof, and that wouldn’t help anypony.  Being relegated to an observer didn’t make me feel any better about the situation.  I tried going back to reading about pegasus history, but my mind kept drifting back to what was going on across town.  Eventually I gave up and set my reading glasses on my nightstand.  I stood silent vigil by the window, hoping for the best and planning for the worst.  Mom would quiz Starry and I later on what we would’ve done in the same situation, so I had to have a good answer ready for her.

Hours later Mom returned home, coated in soot.  I took one look at her and started to draw her a bath.

“Don’t.”

I looked up.  “Why not?”

“Because Equestria needs that water more than I need a bath.  The firefighters saved the factory, but it’s an absolute mess inside.  The Weather Bureau is already drawing up plans on how best to avoid a drought.  They’ve got some retirees that know some old techniques for cloud making, before we had machines to manufacture them en masse.  I’ve already stopped all other building projects in the city and diverted all construction resources toward rebuilding the Weather Factory.”

“Equestria still has water.”

Mom nodded.  “Equestria has lots of water.  But it doesn’t help anypony if it’s in all the wrong places.  I sent a messenger to Princess Celestia.  I’m sure she’ll have her own ideas, but I requested all skilled weather workers be recalled to Cloudsdale until the crisis passes.  Local weather teams can’t do much if there’s no weather to distribute.”

I shoved Mom towards the bathroom.  “You’ve had a long day.  Let’s get you cleaned up.”  I dipped a washrag into the cloud floor of the palace and used my pegasus magic to heat it up, then I started scrubbing the grime off her.

“Was anypony hurt?”

“Luckily there were only minor injuries.  A few ponies got banged up in the evacuation, and a couple of firefighters are down for the count with smoke inhalation.  But everypony’s expected to make a full recovery.”

“What happened?”

“It looks like sabotage.  There were multiple failure points.  One’s an accident.  Two’s a coincidence.  More than that is suspicious.”

I gasped in shock.  “Who would do such a thing?”

“I don’t know, but we’ve got our best detectives investigating it.”







Cloudsdale: seven years, ten months, and twelve days ago


I’ve never seen Mom so frazzled before.  “What’s wrong?”

“The magic drain was initiated by a pegasus.”

I cringed.  “I’m assuming we’ll have to have that trial on the ground.  Canterlot?”

Mom swished her tail.  “There won’t be a trial.  They’ve already thrown her in Tartarus.”

“What?!?”

“That was my question.  I’m still waiting for an actual answer to it.  Considering the crime is treason, we’d have to have the trial in Canterlot, with one of the princesses presiding.  There’s precedent for that, of course.  What’s unprecedented is the complete lack of a trial.  That’s completely unlike Celestia.”

“Poor mare.  Sounds like she deserved it, but she should at least get a chance to plead her case.”

“From what I gather she was caught red-hooved.  It’s not a matter of ‘if’ she did it, but ‘why’.  Furthermore, she’s not a mare; rather a filly.  Younger than you.”

“And they threw her in Tartarus?  The place where all the monsters are sent?”

“Yes.”

“And everyone’s okay with this?

“Yes.”

“Did the princesses go insane?”

“I don’t know.  I don’t agree with their decision at all.  I’ve already requested that she be remanded to our custody.  We’ve got a dungeon, and we can arrange a trial.  Then we can select a punishment that’s appropriate.  The problem is, Celestia refused to acknowledge the request, or even explain why she did what she did.”

“Something’s wrong.”

“Something’s very wrong.  In all my years as Duchess, I’ve never seen her act like this.”

“Does Starry know?”

“She’s trying to get clearance to enter Tartarus to visit the prisoner and get her side of the story.  As a pegasus, she’s technically one of our subjects and deserves the same basic rights as anypony else.  After she’s proven guilty, then the book can be thrown at her.  But not until then, and certainly not a sentence that harsh.  Nopony’s ever been thrown in Tartarus before, and there’ve been worse crimes committed.”

“Does the kid have any family?”

Mom shrugged.  “She was at the School of Friendship and claimed to be an orphan.  Whether that’s true or not is anypony’s guess.  If somepony out there loves her, we’ll get a letter.”
> Act I: Ploomette (Part 2)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Canterlot: four years, two months, and three days ago


Every member of the House of Hurricane had been called to the castle.  There were eighty-three of us total, and our bloodline was healthy and in no danger of dying out any time soon.  That stood in stark contrast to the House of Platinum, with Blueblood as the only living descendant of Princess Platinum.  Blueblood and the other unicorn nobles were present, as were the elected members of the Earth Pony Council.  There were enough members of the House of Hurricane that the pegasus nobles had been excluded from the meeting.  We’d catch them up to speed once we returned to Cloudsdale.

As was fitting of my position, I’d memorized all of their names and titles, even if this was my first time meeting many of them.  The unicorns never changed, but the earth ponies were subject to elections and could be replaced if their constituents were unhappy.

As second in line for the duchy, everypony in the room knew me.  Many thought that by currying my favor, I could influence Mom or Starry.  Or maybe they were preparing, just in case something happened to both of them.  I shuddered involuntarily.  I miss the days when I was less cynical.

We’d taken our traditional places in the balcony, Mom seated front and center, with Starry to one side and me to the other.  The rest of our family took their assigned seats, based entirely on where they fell in order of succession.  The room quieted down as the other nobles and officials took their seats and Princess Twilight trotted out.  She didn’t need a microphone to command all attention in the room, the Royal Canterlot Voice was more than up to the task.

“Greetings, my little ponies.  I’ve gathered you here today to share in one of the most important discoveries of our era.  Possibly the most important discovery of any era.”

Well, my curiosity is piqued.  Now to just sit here, not squirming, while she takes half an hour to get to the point.

“Allow me to introduce some very important ponies.  Wind Whistler.”

A pegasus trotted out, and while I didn’t recognize her at all, Mom straightened in her seat.  The mare was blue colored, and had a trio of whistles adorning her flank.  She looked very similar to a mare I’d seen around town by the name of Windy Whistles.

“Heart Throb.”

Another pegasus joined the first.  She had a pink coat, bright red hair, and a cutie mark comprised of a trio of winged hearts.

“North Star.”

A third pegasus I’d never heard of.  Pinkish-purple in coloration, with a compass rose mark.  She looked like she was right at home exploring the jungles, like Daring Do.

I recognized the fourth pegasus before the princess announced her.  It wouldn’t do for a duchess not to recognize a retired Wonderbolt.

“Surprise.”

Under normal circumstances, Surprise would have used an introduction as an invitation to do something surprising, such as appear on the other side of the host presenting her, but for once she remained stoic.  I could see her muscles twitch as she resisted the urge to be funny.  Her white coat was offset with brilliant chartreuse hair.

“And lastly, Firefly.”

Another mare I didn’t recognize, she was also pinkish purple, with blue hair and a cutie mark that had more than a passing resemblance to Rainbow Dash’s.

“Many years ago these mares made a discovery.  But I’ll let them tell you about it in their own words.”

North Star hovered in the middle of the room, with all eyes on her.  She might not have had the Royal Canterlot Voice, but she made do by positioning herself to best project her voice through the crowded room.  “Years ago, we were exploring the Everfree Forest.  We were young, foolish, and lucky.  Emphasis on that last one.”

She paused, waiting for chuckles that never came.  “We’d ventured into the woods to explore the Castle of the Two Sisters, but in doing so we found the Rainbow Bridge.”

She paused again, this time for dramatic effect.  There were no gasps of shocked awe.  I could tell North Star was used to speaking to groups of students and not royals and nobles.  We trained ourselves so there wouldn’t be any unintentional slips.  Nopony in the room was going to be the only one to titter at a joke or let their jaw go slack in surprise.

To her credit, she adapted her speaking style to account for her audience.  She wanted audience participation, and she was going to get it one way or another.  “I suppose some of you may be curious about my accent.  Can anypony in the room place it?”

I certainly couldn’t, and judging from the lack of replies, nopony else could either.

“Not surprising, since only a hoof full of ponies have been where I’ve been living for the past few decades, and most of them are right here in this room.  What we discovered on the other side of that bridge was another world, teeming with life.  Much of it was familiar, but not all of it.”

Training or not, everyone in the room gasped at the trio of beings that joined the pegasi on the stage.  Props to you, North Star.  You even got Mom to drop her jaw.  I’ve never even managed to do that, and believe me, I’ve tried.

Bipedal, and mostly hairless except for their manes, the trio took a look around the room.  It was obvious they were used to ponies, since they weren’t gaping at us like we were all gawking at them.  “Greetings, everypony.  My name is Megan Williams.”

She spoke Equestrian, though her name was unpronounceable.  I tried mouthing it to no luck.  Her accent was even heavier than North Star’s, but it was quite apparent they were one and the same.  I heard her struggle with some Equestrian words, no doubt due to the differences in vocal cords, tongues, lips, etc. between our two species.  Exactly as I’d struggle to pronounce their names, and likely anything else in their native language.  With dread, I realized I was probably going to be learning their language soon.  I’d already learned a number of foreign languages as part of my education, so obviously I’d be forced to learn another useless language I’d never have occasion to use.

“I know we must look quite strange to all of you, but I assure you we mean you no harm.  This is my brother, Danny Williams, and my sister, Molly Williams.  We’re humans.  I know you have a lot of questions.  We’ll do our best to answer them.  Perhaps you’d be more comfortable if we looked a bit more like you.”  A trio of unicorns appeared and each cast a spell on one of the humans.  Moments later there were two mares and a stallion in their place.

“We’ve been known to visit.”  Megan chuckled.  “Turns out there’s a spell for that.  It’s temporary, but it’ll work for a few hours.  I suppose the first thing to address is we come from a world without magic.  We have advanced technology to do many of the things you rely on magic for.”  With the change in appearance, her words flowed more naturally than they had in her true form.

I suddenly recognized the stallion.  That’s Surprise’s rarely seen husband.  He certainly made a pretty cute stallion.  He and his sisters slipped out of the now comically oversized clothing they’d been wearing.

Wind Whistler spoke up.  “We’ve spent a few decades integrating the best of mankind’s technology into Equestria.  Think back to all the medical advancements of the last thirty years – you can thank humans for much of that.”

Megan trotted to the front of the stage, commanding attention.  She’d transformed into an earth pony, with a white coat and long blond hair.  I couldn’t say how attractive she was as a human, but as a mare, more than a few of the stallions in the room couldn’t take their eyes off her.  “As you can see, superficial differences like species really don’t matter.  We’re more alike than you’d think just by looking at us.  There are good humans and bad humans, just as there are good ponies and bad ponies.  As a species, humans are more confrontational, and certainly more predisposed for war.”

“Which is why we’ve taken a wait and see attitude on opening up contact between our worlds.”  Wind Whistler had once more taken control of the conversation.  “I, for one, am vehemently opposed to expanding contact.”

“But she’s been outvoted.”  Firefly nudged Wind Whistler out of the way.

Heart Throb spoke next.  “Humans can be all of the things ponies can be.  Intelligent, humorous, peaceful, and even romantic.  The rest of us feel it’s time to finally expand contact between our worlds.”

Wind Whistler nudged her way forward again.  “‘Worlds’ is a bit of a misnomer.  To be technically accurate, we’re from parallel dimensions.  In our world, horses evolved as the dominant species.  On Earth, it was primates.  Geographically, however, our dimensions are very similar.  The main differences being the way we’ve each adapted to our environments.  Humans have exploited their resources, and some of the features that should be there no longer exist.  Ponies work with the environment, and protect it.  Lights.”

The auditorium dimmed and images projected on a screen behind Wind Whistler.  A map of Equus was superimposed over a map of Earth, and the similarities were immediately noticeable.

“As you can see, many of the coastlines differ.  Much of that is due to our mastery of the weather on Equus.  Our coasts suffer far less erosion than those on Earth.  Others are…subtler.  Outside Manehattan, there’s a geological feature, specifically a canyon, that we call the Palominosades.  Here’s an image of Earth’s equivalent.  Notice how much of it is missing?  Much of the ‘New Jersey Palisades’ was mined to be used as ship ballast.  I know that the gears are turning.  I know I’m the only one standing in the way, and now that we’ve exposed the existence of Earth to all of you, it’s only a matter of time before official contact is made.  Many of you see dollar signs… er, sorry, dollars are the American unit of currency.  Many of you see bits in your eyes.  ‘Untapped new markets.’  I know that in the end, logic, caution, and common sense will be thrown to the wind in favor of making a quick bit.  Just keep in mind that Earth also has businesses that will want to exploit Equestria.  They can flood our market with things we don’t have an equivalent for.”  She held up a tiny, shiny black object.  “For example, this is a population pacification device.”

Megan rolled her eyes.  “It’s a cellphone.”

“You call it by its official name, and I’ll call it what it is.”  She huffed.  “I could trot down the street and a number of humans wouldn’t even notice because they’re too engrossed in their phones.  I know this because I’m as guilty of this as any of them.  I’m completely addicted to my own devices and using the internet.  I couldn’t move back to Equestria if I tried.  I don’t want to see other ponies end up like me.”

Once more images played on the screen behind her, but this time it was a movie.  Unlike Equestrian films, it was crystal clear.  “Allow me to present humankind’s greatest achievement.”  A cat rolled across the screen, chasing after a red dot that kept moving around the floor.  “Cat videos.”

The ponies in the room watched the video with rapt attention.  I could see half of them following the red light with their own eyes, and a few were even pawing at it like they wanted to pounce on it like the cat was doing.

“Wind Whistler.  We’ve discussed this before.  Cat videos aren’t the pinnacle of human culture.”

“Really?  Then what would you suggest in their stead, Megan?  Perhaps nuclear weapons?  Sport utility vehicles?  Telemarketing?  Gunpowder?  Offshore banking?”

Megan sighed.  “While Wind Whistler’s words ring true, there’s a lot of good in humans, too.  We have an incredible ability to destroy, I won’t deny that.  But we also create.  We love, we care, we tolerate.  Most of us are just average people doing average things.  Wind Whistler’s being difficult because she loves Equestria.  I understand Wind Whistler’s concerns, I truly do.  But as she already stated, we’ve been funneling the best human technology into Equestria for decades.  The rest of us think that thirty years of observing one another is enough.”

She was interrupted by Wind Whistler taking a pen out of her saddlebags.  A red dot appeared on the wall above our heads, and three of my younger cousins raced after it.

“Laser pointer.”

“Are you done?”

Wind Whistler nodded.  “Carry on.  I merely wished to ensure that our audience has some understanding of the potential consequences of contact.  Once we do it, there’s no turning back.  I want them to keep this in the back of their minds while they listen to your arguments.”

Megan continued, “I’m a human, and I desire nothing more than to be your friend.”

Heart Throb stepped forward.  “Thirty-six years ago we didn’t have access to the things we do now.  The cellphone that Wind Whistler showed?  We all have those.  It’s a device that enables us to reach something known as the internet, a place where minds can gather to discuss thoughts.  We’ve been anonymously interacting with humans for twenty years now, and while we’ve certainly run into those we wouldn’t wish to meet in real life, the vast majority of them are fine.  Considering there are ponies that we’d also prefer not to run into, I suspect the ratio of good people to bad people is quite similar to that of good ponies versus bad ponies: a small fraction of the population.  I feel it’s time to move forward and bring Equestria into the modern era.”

“Some of you may recognize my husband.”  Surprise motioned for Danny to join her.  “Yes, I married a human.  Love knows no boundaries.  Thanks to the spell you witnessed, we’ve even had a pair of foals together.  Not only are humans capable of love, ponies are just as capable of loving them.”

“Three and a half decades back, I was a brash, young pegasus who was exploring the Everfree Forest with her friends.”  Firefly struck what she probably thought was a dramatic pose.  “North Star wanted to find the ruins; I was just there to pretend I was Daring Do.  I rushed off ahead, and well… I ended up trapped in a well.”

“The well that Firefly got stuck in was on my family’s farm.  I pulled her out, and it was a bit of a shock, to say the least.  It was even more surprising when the rest of her friends tumbled out of the sky after her.”

“Like my friends, I was intrigued by Earth.  We’ve all ventured home from time to time, Surprise and myself most of all due to our jobs. For those of you who don’t recognize me, I’m a professor of history and archeology at Canterlot University.  Equestria’s been worth returning to, time and time again. Like Heart Throb, Firefly, Surprise, and the Williams family, I feel it’s time.  Being one of just a few ponies to know a secret was exciting. But I went into archeology to make incredible discoveries and share them with the world.  The time has finally come to share this secret with the world. Both worlds.  I think we’re ready.”

“We’re ponies.  Friendship is what we do best.  It’s time we made friends with more than just three humans.”  Heart Throb hugged Megan and Molly.  “If we can be friends with griffins, minotaurs, hippogriffs, and yaks, we can be friends with humans too.”

I whispered to Mom, “What do you think we should do?”

“If Celestia were still in charge, this would be just for show.  She would’ve already made up her mind, and the fact we’re being informed of it means that it would already have her approval, and our own approval would merely be a formality.  Anything that she disagreed with never made it to us.  But this is Twilight Sparkle, and knowing her eagerness to learn and make new friends, I’d imagine this is exactly the kind of thing she’d want to see approved.”

Twilight once more took center stage.  “I think this is an absolutely incredible discovery, and I think we’d be foolish to waste this opportunity.  As Princess of Equestria, I hereby declare we shall make contact with Earth.”

I blinked.  Starry blinked.  Even Mom blinked.  If she was going to make the pronouncement, why’d she summon all of us here?  Even Celestia let us formally make the declaration, even if she’d already made the decision.

“Furthermore, we’re going to need ponies to make first contact possible.  We’ll of course extend the offer to our allies, so that we can all make ourselves known to the inhabitants of Earth.  We’ll need ambassadors to the various countries of Earth.  We’ll need consuls.  That’s where all of you come in.  Prince Blueblood, you’ve delegated all your authority in Canterlot to various other ponies.  I ask you to serve as ambassador to the United States, the home of both the portal and the Williams family.  This is the most important, most prestigious position I can offer.”

“I accept.”

“There will be hundreds of open positions that need to be filled.  The remaining positions will be divvied up equally between the House of Hurricane and any pegasus nobles they wish to recruit, former members of the Earth Pony Council, or current ones willing to resign their post, and unicorn nobles.  The Williams’ have generously typed up a list of countries that will need ambassadors, and cities that will need consulates.  They then used a ‘photocopier’ machine to duplicate them.”

North Star distributed the lists to everypony in the House of Hurricane, while her friends distributed copies to the unicorns and earth ponies sitting on the ground floor.  Mom would determine who was going, and where they’d be stationed.  She spoke at length with North Star and eventually nodded in satisfaction.  The gears of progress were momentarily stopped with us.  Since Blueblood had been more-or-less appointed, we’d have the pick of the next position.

Mom stood up and proclaimed, “The House of Hurricane selects Ploomette as the Consul General in New York.”

Me?  Not Starry?  And why’d she skip all the ambassador positions?

I sat there stunned as the rest of the positions were divided up.  Needless to say there was much squabbling over the ambassador positions by the unicorn nobles and Earth Pony Council.  Mom, meanwhile, filled as many as the consul general positions as she could with my cousins.

During one of the longer gaps while we waited for the unicorns, I asked Mom why she hadn’t gone for the ambassador positions.

“Trust me, you don’t want to be an ambassador.  Twilight picked Blueblood for the position because he’s an arrogant, useless excuse for a pony.  Furthermore, you got what’s likely the single most important position of the bunch.”

“Why not Starry?”

“Star Catcher needs to stay in Cloudsdale.  She’ll take over someday, and she needs to stay close.  That way she can remain connected with our citizens and run her charity.  I think this’ll be a good experience for you.  You need something you can truly call your own.”

The unspoken implication said the rest.  It would be good practice for me if the worst happened.  I might lose touch with our citizens by being gone for years, but in the wake of a tragedy, I’d be welcomed back with open wings.

So in addition to completing my education on how to be a duchess, it looked like I’d be getting a crash course in how to be a consul general too.







Canterlot: four years, zero months, and twelve days ago


After a week of debate, you’d think we would’ve managed to accomplish at least one of our objectives, but no such luck.  We needed a timeline.  We needed guidelines.  We needed less shouting and filibustering.  I massaged my forehead with a hoof.  I could feel a migraine coming on the longer Tex drawled on.  He was using words he didn’t understand strung together in a way to make him sound intelligent, but it was just coming out as gibberish.  I checked the list of assignments: he’d be going to Houston, Texas.  Tex goes to Texas, makes sense.  Houston, we have a problem, and we’re sending him to you.  He’d resigned from the current Earth Pony Council to take the position.

Under normal circumstances, an embassy outranks a consulate.  Instead, because Blueblood was to be the ambassador, Twilight had decided to only appoint one consul-general, and I’d be in charge of all the consulates in the country.  That meant Tex was going to be my problem.  Thankfully, Mom had managed to fill most of the consulates with our relatives, while the unicorn nobles and earth ponies on the council were too busy fighting for the embassies, because they were more prestigious.  We had the benefit of a cohesive family unit.  Blueblood was the last of his family, and the nobles and council ponies only represented their own interests.  They weren’t teams and were racked with in-fighting.  Mom, meanwhile, saw what needed to be done and did it.  Not that there wasn’t pettiness and squabbling behind the scenes, but publicly we presented a united front.

Fancy Pants took the floor, and my ears swiveled to see if he had anything relevant to say.  Thankfully, he’d taken the consul position in Washington, D.C., no doubt to keep Blueblood in check.  I could see the strategy at play, and no doubt whichever of the pegasi had distributed the paperwork to him had nudged him into choosing a specific position, much like North Star had urged Mom to go for the consulates.  The important thing was that I could count on Fancy Pants.

“It’s noon on day five.  We’ve only got five hours left to accomplish, let’s see, all of the tasks we were entrusted with.  We need a timetable.  We need to organize infrastructure to be ready on that date when the portal opens and traffic starts passing through freely.  We need rules for our citizens.  We’re not leaving here until we have everything ready to go.”

I clopped my hooves on the floor in appreciation for the noble’s words.  Fancy Pants had been at this game a long time, and it showed.

In the end, his efforts were rewarded with even more ponies screaming at each other.  I flattened my ears to my head and tried to ward off the impending migraine.  Much to my surprise, Fancy Pants sat down next to me.

“M’lady.”  He kissed my hoof.  “Methinks that the rest of our compatriots are too busy arguing about trees to see the forest.  Shall we get the job done, as they say?”

I nodded.  “Sounds good to me.  Should we start with the timetable?”

“Makes sense.  Everything hinges on when, after all.”

“It’s almost New Year’s.  I think we should start right at the beginning of the year.”

“Ah, but what year?”

“That would be the question.  Obviously not the upcoming one.”

“Of course.  I think it’s safe to dismiss the next two, too.”

“We’re going to need infrastructure.  We could probably push the infrastructure through in two years, but everypony needs time to learn the languages.  We haven’t even officially announced ourselves to Earth yet, and they may not want us at all.”

“That’s out of our hooves.  Princess Twilight will be handling those negotiations personally.”

“So let’s say four years, then.  We can’t start working on infrastructure until such time as we know we’ll need it.”

“So we focus on learning the local lingo first.”  Fancy Pants nodded.  “Next up, some guidelines.”

I shrugged.  “I’m at a loss on those.  Other than ‘obey the laws of Equestria and the laws of your host country’ I don’t really see a need for other restrictions.”

“Makes two of us, but there are certain things that need to be addressed.  For example, should there be a minimum stay, and if so, how long?”

“If we have a minimum stay, do they get to return home to visit during that time?”

“A good question.  One that I suppose depends entirely on whether we’re able to open other portals to Earth or not.  If there’s only one portal, probably not.  Traffic will be too congested as is.”

“So let’s say there’s a five-year minimum to keep traffic flowing.  That seems an awfully long time to be away from friends and family, so we’ll pay them for that.”

“Up front, like a stipend of some sort.”

I nodded.  “That sounds a lot better than trying to send them paychecks.  How much?”

“Enough for seed money to help them get situated, but not enough to live off of for five years.”

“Encourage them to get jobs, learn from them, and bring that knowledge here.”  I pushed my glasses back up my snout.  “Perhaps some sort of motivation to return with that knowledge instead of just staying on Earth?”

“New business financing.  Low interest loans for anypony who comes back and demonstrates a skill set that Equestria’s in dire need of.”

“What about our entrepreneurs?  Should we encourage them to market their wares on Earth?  Wind Whistler seemed to think that the native businesses would crush anything we tried to export.”

“I think we need more data.”

“Let’s get it straight from the horse’s mouth.”  The five pegasi who’d discovered Earth and their three human friends were watching the proceedings in disgust.  We sat down at their table.  “Can we ask you some questions?”

“That’s what we’re here for.”  Megan tended to speak for the group when she was present.

“About time somepony finally makes use of our services.”  Wind Whistler snorted.

“We’re brainstorming why ponies would want to move to Earth, for a better understanding of what we’re doing.  So let’s say a pony had a product they wanted to sell on Earth…”

Wind Whistler whipped out her cellphone and showed us some pictures.  “This is a Walmart.  There are thousands of them.”

My eyes flew open at the selection of merchandise.  “It’s like a Barnyard Bargains, but much bigger.”

“Yeah.  If you had something unique, and could convince Walmart or one of the other retail or grocery chains to carry it, you’d still be stuck with the production aspect.  You’d need to be able to make enough to stock thousands of stores.  There are still small stores that specialize in things the big box retailers don’t, and you could always try marketing things via the internet…  But either way it would be an uphill battle.”

I shook my head.  “That answers everything I wanted to know.  No incentives for merchants heading to Earth.”

“What happens to our economy once they start selling things here?”  Fancy Pants had a number of business ventures, so I could understand his concern.  I was worried for Cloudsdale’s future too.

“We don’t have the infrastructure for it.  Things like cellphones?  We don’t have towers or Wi-Fi hotspots.  We don’t even have roads for trucks to get merchandise to stores.  No one’s going to want to drive an 18-wheeler over cobblestones and dirt.  Not to mention the portal isn’t big enough to fit a tractor trailer.”

Wind Whistler’s words went over my head.  “So the conveyance used by the humans to get products to market is too big to fit through the portal?”

“Yes.”

“Surely the humans have smaller wagons?”

“Of course they do, and stop calling her Shirley,” Surprise piped up.  She’d appeared to be napping, but she snapped to attention to utter what I guess was a joke of some sort.

I don’t get it.

“But if we were to intentionally preserve Equestria’s lack of infrastructure, perhaps under the guise of not ruining its rustic charm, we could potentially keep these foreign interests out in the short term?”

Wind Whistler nodded to Fancy Pants’ suggestion.  “Furthermore, we can limit what vehicles are allowed through the portal.  We have no gas stations, nor will we build any.  We don’t want air pollution.  We also don’t have the infrastructure for electric vehicles.  Instead, we’ll limit the vehicles crossing the portal to hydrogen-powered only.  Hydrogen-powered vehicles are rare on Earth, since it’s expensive to make both the vehicles and the fuel.  However, any unicorn could convert water into hydrogen.  Making the fuel is a bit harder, but certainly not impossible for most unicorns.”

A thought hit me.  “Would it be possible to convert one of these vehicles to run on magic?”

Wind Whistler shrugged her wings.  “That’s a Twilight Sparkle question.  Regardless, limiting the types of vehicles allowed through the portal will help shelter the local economy short term.  Long term, humans are quite creative; I daresay far more so than ponies.  This will be looked at as a challenge.  To survive long-term, we will instead need to learn to compete.  Whether that be by making the same products they make at a lower cost, or by creating our own market niches, things humans can’t recreate, like magic.  Magically turning water into hydrogen is a marketable skill.  We can do it cheaper and easier than humans can, and it’s a thing we can easily use to get a hoof in the door to Earth’s economy.”

Fancy Pants was taking notes, using his magic to scrawl on paper far easier than I could with my mouth.

While Wind Whistler and Fancy Pants were talking, I slid my own notes over to Megan.  “Here’s what we’ve got so far.  Probably more than anypony else.”

“Your nobles like hearing themselves talk.”

“It makes them feel important.”

She sighed.  “No different than our politicians.”

“Hey, some of us know how to get things done.”

She snickered.  “Then you’d never make it as a politician in my world.”

I looked at the clock and frowned.  It was nearly four.  “Let me know if there’s anything you might want to add.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re running the New York Consulate-General?”

I nodded.  “I am.  Ploomette, of the House of Hurricane.  My mother, Royal Rose, is the current Pegasus Duchess, and my older sister is heir to the throne.  I’m the expendable daughter.”

She chuckled.  “You got the best gig, trust me.  You can thank your friends here for that.”

Five pegasi blushed.  It was North Star who spoke up.  “We did some research.”

“On both sides of the portal,” Wind Whistler added.

“We wanted somepony competent for the position.  The duchy is far more stable than either the unicorn nobles or the Earth Pony Council.”  Firefly rubbed a hoof on her chin.

“We all agreed on that.  Even me.”  Wind Whistler blew a strand of hair out of her eye.  “There are three consulates that are close to the portal, including the embassy.”

I pulled out my map and looked.  “Here’s New York.  The human equivalent of Manehattan.  This is Philadelphia, their version of Fillydelphia.  And Washington, D.C.”

Wind Whistler nodded.  “We didn’t put it on the map, but the portal’s right about here.”  She pointed to a spot that was slightly closer to Philadelphia than to New York, but it was readily accessible from all three cities.  “You’re the pony everypony is going to see on their way in.”

“With you in New York, and Fancy Pants in D.C., we know things are in good hooves.  You’ve already proven that, as the only two ponies to get anything done all week.”  Megan smiled at me and I returned it.  “Just make sure to keep New York, Philadelphia, and Washington staffed with your best ponies, and everything should be fine.  Most of our settlers are probably going to end up living close to the portal.  At least at first.”

Curiosity got the better of me.  “Is there any reason the five of you didn’t take any of the positions?”

“We’ll be advising.  Rather than tie ourselves to any one post, we’ll be traveling between the locations.  I’m doing I.T., which means nothing to you at the moment.  In other words, I’ll be taking care of your computers and other technology.  Setting everything up and showing you how to use it.”  Wind Whistler pulled her phone out again.  “I’m addicted to this.  It’s a good fit for me.”

North Star went next.  “I’m your historian.  I may have earned my degree here in Equestria, but I’ve spent more time digging through human history than our own.  It’s just as fascinating.”

Surprise followed.  “I’m in charge of arts and entertainment.  That may sound silly now, but sooner or later you’re going to call me up asking ‘who sings this song?’ or ‘what does this meme mean?’  Mostly though, I’m here to advise you so you don’t make a silly faux pas.”

“Military advisor.”  Firefly cringed.  “I really hope you never have need of my services.”

That left only Heart Throb.  “It’s better if you don’t know.  Plausible deniability and all that.  Suffice it to say if I contact you, stop whatever you’re doing, it’s important.”

“And we’re your human advisors.  We’ll be your eyes and ears when you need someone who can blend in with the natives.”

“As well as advise you when it comes to human customs.  Believe it or not, Surprise doesn’t know everything.”  It was the first time I’d heard Molly speak up all week.

Fancy Pants and I put our heads together and revised what we had until we were satisfied with it.  Fancy Pants whistled and the background noise faded to nothing.  He turned to me.

All eyes on me.  I’ve done public speaking.  Just never to this many ponies, especially not ponies as powerful as this.  Sound authoritative, Ploom.  “We’ve come up with a few things, and are opening the floor to discussion.  First, the portal will officially open to travel and trade in four years' time, on New Year’s Day.  That will allow time for contact to be made, and infrastructure to be built.”

There were no interruptions, so I continued.  “Next, we have some basic rules for everypony to follow:

Rule 1: Any Equestrian departing Equestria for Earth must learn the languages and laws of five different countries, including their destination country.

Rule 2: Obey the laws of both Equestria and your host country.  In the event that these laws conflict, default to the laws of your locality.  We are guests, let us not forget this.

Rule 3: Equestrians using this as an opportunity to learn a new skill will qualify for substantial new business loans and tax breaks upon their return to Equestria with a demonstrated skill that's in high demand.

Rule 4: Excepting tourists, the minimum stay on Earth is five years.

Rule 5: A stipend shall be paid to any pony committing to stay five years on Earth.”

When I was finished, Fancy Pants spoke up.  “Does anypony have any additions or concerns?”

“I do.”  Haute Cuisine stood up.  “Of course, if they return home early for some reason, they forfeit their stipend and have to repay it in its entirety.  I feel it’s necessary to prevent abuse of the system.  Those are our bits, I mean, the taxpayers’ bits.”

I’d been expecting something like that.  Nobles love spending money, except when it benefits someone other than them.  I countered with, “Perhaps a prorate of some sort?  The amount that needs to be repaid decreases by 20% each year?”

There was grumbling, but the rest of the gathered ponies agreed to the compromise.  We were too short on time to hash it out further.  Princess Twilight was expecting a plan by the end of the day.  Anything else would put her behind schedule, and she was a slave to schedules.

“I wish to propose one further rule.”

All eyes in the room turned to Prince Blueblood.  I mentally groaned while refusing to let my external façade show it.

“Not counting those of us going to consulates or embassies, I suggest we limit the ponies crossing through the portal to only mares.  As we all know, there are twice as many mares in Equestria as there are stallions.  Furthermore, it would eliminate the possibility of foals being born on Earth.  Any foal born on Earth would have dual citizenship, to Equestria and whatever country it may be born in.  That’s a headache we don’t need, especially if we decide five years hence to cut ties with Earth entirely.”

Wow, he’s heaping that manure up high.  What benefit is it to him… Realization washed over me.  He doesn’t want the competition.  He wants an unlimited source of mares with no other stallions around, because he’s Prince Charmless.

“Furthermore, because we want the brightest and best to go, I would highly recommend setting an age cap of twenty-five.  It doesn’t make sense to send some old geezer to Earth just for her to come back to Equestria and die before making good on our investment.”

“I suppose we should only send the attractive ones, too?”  The sarcastic words slipped out of my mouth.  That was supposed to be internal dialogue, not external.

“I wasn’t going to suggest that, but I’ll support you on that.  It makes sense if you think about it.  We want to make a good impression on the natives of Earth.  It wouldn’t do to send ponies who’d frighten the humans.”

Oh stars, he’s trying to make it sound like that was my idea.  He flipped my sarcasm around, taking it at face value, and now he’s promoting it as a good idea.  And if it gets shot down, he can blame me for bringing it up.  This.  This is why stoicism practice was so important.  Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Sometimes it was easy to forget that Blueblood wasn’t actually an idiot.  Pompous, absolutely.  Egomaniac?  Without a doubt.  Incompetent?  Only so much as to dissuade ponies from giving him responsibilities.  But he’d been playing the game for years, and he’d played me for the novice I was.

While my sarcasm hadn’t gone over many heads, Blueblood and his allies would use my ‘suggestion’ as leverage to push through the ‘mares only’ rule.  They’d compromise by getting rid of the ‘attractive’ clause.  I’d be hard-pressed to get the ‘under twenty-five’ addition struck from the record.  Time was already running out.  Come on, Ploom, think.  Mom would know how to get out of this.  No, Mom wouldn’t have gotten into this mess in the first place, and Starry probably would’ve avoided it too.

In the end, I failed.  We were out of time, and the attractiveness clause was the only thing removed.  Despite Blueblood insisting on us wanting ‘the brightest and best’ to go to Earth, there was no addendum to his rule specifying educational requirements, just age and gender.  Funny how that works.

I should be proud.  I was instrumental in authoring five of the six rules, and only one of them was modified.  Even that was compromised in a way that I can’t fault.  Instead I keep going back to that final rule.  The one that undermines everything I stand for.  The rule that made me strike my name from the authorship, so as not to have my legacy be forever tainted by it.

Later that evening Twilight Sparkle signed the rules, making them official.  I’d hoped that she would take one look at that last one and decide it was unfriendly, and hence strike it from the record, but no such luck.

I looked at the paper in my hooves, stamped with the official seal of the princess:

Rule 1: Any Equestrian departing Equestria for Earth must learn the languages and laws of five different countries, including their destination country.

Rule 2: Obey the laws of both Equestria and your host country.  In the event that these laws conflict, default to the laws of your locality.  We are guests, let us not forget this.

Rule 3: Equestrians using this as an opportunity to learn a new skill will qualify for substantial new business loans and tax breaks upon their return to Equestria with a demonstrated skill that's in high demand.

Rule 4: Excepting tourists, the minimum stay on Earth is five years.

Rule 5: A stipend shall be paid to any pony committing to stay five years on Earth.  Failure to stay on Earth for the full five years will result in forfeiture of 20% of the stipend per year returned early.

Rule 6: The portal shall only be opened for mares twenty-five years of age or less.







Canterlot: four years, zero months, and nine days ago


I pushed my reading glasses up my snout as I reread the list I’d been working on.  Things hadn’t gone quite the way I wanted with the rules, but I had free reign over the staff at the consulate and I’d spent the last few days going over the choices for each position.  I needed competent, trustworthy ponies for the positions.  

I’d already chosen my deputy consul-general, half a dozen consuls, and a dozen vice-consuls from the pegasus nobility.  Having had the opportunity to meet so many of the nobles during my charity fundraising efforts had given me an idea of which ones I could work with and which ones I couldn’t.  Mom and Starry were both happy to make suggestions, and they helped me pick good ponies for the most important posts in exchange for me offering out-of-the-way posts to some of the nobles they had the most problems with.

Pulling Ivory Tower away from his mother was an easy decision.  If he accepted the position, he’d have a chance to really come into his own and not end up as yet another spoiled scion; a puppet to the whims of ancestors who’d passed on centuries ago.  So many of the nobles just regurgitated the things their parents had told them, and their grandparents had taught their parents, and so on down the line.  The ‘tradition’ that so many of the noble houses clung to was antiquated and in dire need of an overhaul.

But I hadn’t limited myself to just the nobility.  Rainbowshine was a no-brainer.  She might not know the first thing about diplomacy, but she was one of the most competent ponies I’d ever met.  Diplomacy could be taught, competency not so much.

For my secretary, I wanted somepony personable.  Somepony friendly, outgoing, and someone I got along with well.  The name that kept leaping to the forefront of my mind was Electric Slide, so I penciled her into the position, pending her acceptance.

With her, another piece of the puzzle clicked into place.  The consulate needed guards.  I’d have my honor guard, but their job was to protect me, not the consulate as a whole.  The consulate would need their own, and Electric Slide’s mountain of a father, Sunshine Smiles, seemed like a great pick.  I calculated how many guards we’d need at any given time, then calculated how many hours each would be working, and made a note to ask Electric Slide which of the other derby flyers could be considered trustworthy and reliable.  Then I’d have the Royal Guards screen those choices, just to be sure.

As for my honor guard, I’d already made my decision on who’d be accompanying me to Earth: Swoop, Searchlight, Mirage, Cloudraker, Skydive, and Skyfire.  Mom had already signed off on it, so they were the only ponies I knew for sure would be joining me.

I looked over the list of other consulates in the United States: Philadelphia, Chicago, Los Angeles, Atlanta, San Francisco, Houston, and Washington, D. C.  I’d be overseeing all of them, even if I wasn’t working that closely with any of them.  Mom had managed to get relatives in charge of all but two of them.  Houston had gone to that Earth Pony Councilmember, Tex, while D. C. was the embassy – I had confidence in Fancy Pants, even if I didn’t have any in Blueblood.

I’d already scheduled meetings with my cousins, and we’d go over their choices for staff members in the coming weeks and adjust them as needed.  I’d leave D. C. entirely to Fancy Pants, so that left only Tex.  I groaned as I thought back to his speech.  I need to deal with him, and I need ponies I can trust in positions under him.

I wrote out invitations detailing the position being offered and asked for a response within a week’s time.  That would give me enough time to go to my next choices if needed, though I felt confident in most of my picks.  There was no sense wasting time extending offers to ponies likely to decline.

Once my invitations were done, I turned my attention to the issue that most needed addressing: Houston.  I wrote Tex a letter, asking him for details on how he planned to run his consulate, and who he wanted working with him.  My mind was already racing with ideas, and after confirming that Houston was in a warmer climate, I suggested a few pegasi be added to the staff to help moderate things.  90% humidity in the summer?  We’d have to get permission from the city, of course, but we could easily regulate the humidity and make the summer less oppressive for residents and visitors alike.  What better way to make a good first impression on our host city?  I, of course, had recommendations for him.
> Act I: Ploomette (Part 3)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Everfree Forest: three years, eight months, and six days ago


The Everfree Forest had lost a lot of its mystique in recent years.  Ever since the Elements of Harmony had defeated Nightmare Moon, ponies ventured into the Everfree more frequently than they had in years past.

While the forest had lost some of its spookiness, it was still dangerous.  Half a dozen Royal Guards marched around me as we trekked towards the portal.  We were all loaded down with supplies, which made progress slower than we would’ve liked.  Above us, Firefly kept watch as she led the way to our destination.

It was easy to see why ponies hadn’t stumbled across the Rainbow Bridge with any frequency.  It was well off the beaten path, though one had to wonder how frequently our two worlds contacted each other a millennium ago, before Everfree City was left to return to the earth.  Ancient Equestrian legends spoke of humans, and per the Williams’, Earth had legends of unicorns and pegasi as well.  Those legends had to come from somewhere, though Princess Celestia and Princess Luna had abstained from commenting on any past contact between our worlds.

Eventually we reached the Rainbow Bridge and I took a good look at the derelict remains.  “You want us to go through that?”

“It’s safe.  The bridge got hit by a tornado on the Earth side last year, and I guess the twister was sucked through to our side.  But the portal itself is fine.”  As if to prove her point, Firefly disappeared through the shimmering portal.  A moment later she stuck her head back through.  “See!  I’m perfectly fine.”

I took a good look at the splintered wood and fragments of rainbow surrounding the clearing.  “Be that as it may, we’re going to have to demolish what’s left of the surrounding structure, or a lot of ponies are going to rethink their travel plans.”

The effects of the tornado, and the hurricane that spawned it, had been mostly erased in the Everfree.  That wasn’t the case on the New Jersey side.  Some trees had been uprooted, and many of the others had lost branches to the storm.  Random debris was scattered around the area, and we stepped around it as carefully as possible.

Megan was waiting for us with a vehicle of some sort.  I still wasn’t used to her human form, and I only had a rudimentary grasp of the English language commonly spoken in the area we were traveling.  To offset my shortcoming, I’d had the guards accompanying me, the most trusted mares of my honor guard, go through a four-month crash course on the language.  Now they were instructing me on the nuances of the language as we traveled.  My education never ended, not even when I was on the go.

Official contact had yet to be made.  That was my job.  Twilight’s idea of ‘handling it personally’ was to delegate it to me.  She’s following Celestia’s model to the tee.

My guards continued to strengthen my tenuous grasp on the English language as we rode in the back of the transit vehicle.  The harnesses for the passengers weren’t designed for equines, so we’d opted to ride in the cargo compartment.  It was obvious the Williams’ were used to carting around ponies, as the back was filled with pillows and cushions.  The windows were heavily tinted, so the interior of the vehicle felt more like a cave than a transit.  A thestral, Searchlight seemed right at home.  As for myself and the rest of my honor guard, we were all pegasi, and none of us liked being in an enclosed, dark space.  That probably explains why Surprise, Heart Throb, North Star, and Wind Whistler hadn't accompanied Megan on this trip.

Half an hour later we arrived at the Williams’ farm.  It was quaint, and wouldn’t have looked out of place in Equestria.  There were, sadly, some signs of damage from the storm they’d mentioned that had passed through the Rainbow Bridge linking our worlds.  I felt a pang of guilt.  They’d been so busy helping our citizens return home, and then assisting all of us with making contact, that they’d neglected to repair their own home.  That won’t do.  I made a mental note to get in touch with the best contractors in Cloudsdale.  We’d get things patched up as good as new in no time.

We walked inside the house and were greeted by an unfamiliar human with blonde hair, similar to Megan and Molly’s.  I assumed she was another sibling of the Williams’.  She looked at me expectantly and finally huffed in annoyance.  “Don’t recognize me, Ploom?  Always so serious.”

“Surprise?!?”

She grinned.  “The one and only!”

“But… you’re human!”

“Only on the outside.  I’m still a pony on the inside, where it counts.”  She thumped a hand across her chest, indicating her heart.  “Remember how the Williams’ were transformed into ponies while they were in Equestria?  There’s a spell to go the other way too.”

A pinkish-red unicorn with stars adorning her flank trotted into the room.  “Salutations, Duchess.  I’m Galaxy, an archmage.”  She chuckled. “Princess Celestia appointed me Archmage of New Jersey years ago.  Mostly it means assisting with the pony-to-human transformation process or vice versa.  If you could gather your guards, I’ve been tasked with turning you all human until such time as we officially make contact. It’s temporary, so we’ll have to redo the spell every two hours or so.”  She looked me up and down.  “This is going to feel very strange, but I assure you, the process is harmless.”

Then a beam of energy shot out of her horn.  My body felt like it was tearing itself apart.  My hooves split into five pieces each, my back straightened, and my tail retracted into my posterior.  I should’ve been in agony, but instead, when the process was over, I stood up…and up…and up some more.  “Whoa.”  I looked around the room, my head at a height more akin to hovering than standing.

Around me, my guards also stood up.  I noticed we were all wearing the same clothing as we’d had on as ponies, which was to say, none at all.  Galaxy levitated a tape measure to my nude form, and took measurements of various parts of my body.  Looking at my guards, I finally had an understanding of why humans tended to dress in clothing.  Without natural coats and tails, everything was exposed to the elements, and in general.  I shivered, and Surprise handed me a blanket to wrap up in.

“If you’re about to ask for clothing, we’re already on it.  Molly’s at a store and she’s just waiting on your measurements.”  She levitated a cell phone over and pushed a button.

“Hello?”

“It’s Galaxy.  The eagles have landed.  Our VIP’s 32B-23-30.  Height’s 5’5”.  As for her guests…”

I couldn’t make sense of the numbers and letters that Galaxy was rattling off.  Surprise handed all of my guards blankets of their own, and I excused myself.

I locked the bathroom and dropped the blanket to the ground.  So this is what a human looks like.  Nothing is in the right place.  I turned to look at my back in the mirror.  The lack of wings was jarring.  Where’d they go?  I felt them recede into my body, but how?  Everything just sort of melted.  I wiggled my fingers and toes.  The fingers especially seemed useful for grasping things, as I’d seen the Williams’ do previously.  They were even more dexterous than wings.  Still not worth the trade.  I want my wings back, and I want them back now!

Keep it together, Ploom.  It’s a temporary spell.  We don’t have a permanent version.  Nopony wants to end up trapped as a flightless biped forever.  It’ll wear off.  I hope.  What if it doesn’t?  It will.  It has to.  If it doesn’t, I’m sure Twilight Sparkle can devise a cure.  Deep breaths.  Relax.  Go back and comfort my guards.  They’re going through this too.

I returned and explained what I’d done.  One by one my guards excused themselves to do the same thing.  If we were going to be forced to be humans temporarily, we needed to know what these forms looked like and how they worked.

Molly returned with clothing for us, and she and Heart Throb assisted us in putting it on.  Humans apparently dressed in layers.

Pony clothing was light and airy, and pegasus garments in particular were designed not to impede wing movement.  By comparison, I felt I was being strangled by my human clothing.  Everything was so tight.  “You’re sure there’s a taboo against going naked?”

Molly nodded.  “In almost every culture in the world.”

“But not all of them?”

“There are a few tribes deep in the jungles that don’t.”

“That’ll work.  Let’s relocate the consulate to one of them.”

“What is it with ponies not liking clothing?  I’ve seen you wear clothes in Equestria.”

“Our clothing is different.  It’s designed to be light and breezy.  This is tight, constraining, and itches like crazy.”

“It’ll keep you warm and modest.”

“We’re indoors, so the temperature’s not a concern.  And what’s modesty got to do with anything?  I’ve been trained since birth to always be modest and humble.”

“Never mind.  Just keep your clothing on when you’re in human form.”

She was the expert, so if she said I needed to keep it on, I listened to her.  As Mom was prone to saying, ‘Why have experts if you don’t listen to them?’

The spell wore off while we were in transit, but we’d once again opted to sit in the cargo bay.  There were straps to keep us securely in the vehicle in the event of a crash, with three along each side and another two fastened to the back of the rear seat.  Between Galaxy, my honor guard, and myself, it was at capacity, and I couldn’t help but wonder if that was why I’d been instructed to bring no more than six guards with me.

Firefly, Heart Throb, North Star, Surprise, and Wind Whistler had chosen to ride as humans.  Heart Throb was riding with Molly in her sleek red transit.  It was tiny, and she drove it fast.  It appeared designed for speed, as it had little room for cargo and the rear seats would only be comfortable for a couple of ponies, but certainly not for humans.  Surprise was unsurprisingly riding with Danny in his massive vehicle.  His appeared to be designed primarily for hauling things, as the passenger compartment was small, but there was an open cargo bay behind them.  Wind Whistler, North Star, and Firefly were riding with us in Megan’s vehicle.  Her ride was obviously designed to transport both passengers and cargo, making it the largest of the trio.  It was the most sensible choice of the bunch, but it didn’t move me the way Molly’s did.  I loved the little pony galloping on the front of her little red car.  I’ll have to ask her for a ride in it.

We slowed to a stop in front of a large mall.  “All right, Duchess, we’re going shopping.  You need some fancier attire, and I want you to pick it out yourself.  Our primary objective is getting you decked out in a way that befits addressing the people of Earth.  Our second objective is getting your guard detail suitable matching outfits appropriate to their position.  Galaxy, if you’d do the honor?”

Once we were unstrapped, magic shot out from her horn, and she transformed all of us into the human forms we’d become acquainted with a few hours earlier.  Megan ushered my guards and I into a clothing boutique, while Danny, Molly, and the other ponies remained outside.  I may have had no concept of the value of a dollar, as there was no exchange rate, but I could see that most of the dresses cost many, many dollars.  “These dresses are too expensive.”  My words were hesitant and likely oddly pronounced, but I got the point across.

“Of course they are, but that’s the point.  Get whatever you want.  We’ve been given a budget for this.”  Megan held up a small, shiny rectangle with the word ‘Discover’ emblazoned on it.

“And how much, exactly, would that be?”

“None of your business.”  Megan folded her arms.

My English was too limited to express my disdain for spending outrageous sums on one-time use items.  Once I revealed my true nature, I’d never need this human disguise again.  I bet you regret teaching me numbers now.  I kept reminding myself that humans used base-10 instead of base-16.  Eventually, I gave up on finding anything even remotely resembling a bargain and picked something I thought looked pretty.  Time was short, and I didn’t want to run out to the parking lot to have the disguise renewed.

Once paid for, the dress needed to be fitted to me.  That process was slightly more complicated than the Equestrian version.  Once everyone was convinced I looked absolutely ravishing, I was led to the jewelry counter.  “I have jewelry.”

“Bet you didn’t bring it with you.”

I wanted to argue that, but couldn’t.  The duchy’s antique jewelry was far too precious to risk losing here on Earth.  I nodded, sheepishly.

“Get something that’ll match the dress.”

I looked over the selection of gems.  They were all smaller than similar Equestrian offerings.  Finally, they’re being reasonable about the costs.

A heart-shaped ruby caught my eye.  It would match the red dress I’d picked out perfectly, not to mention it would complement my cutie mark.  I wonder if I can get it altered to look exactly like my mark?

Megan chuckled when she saw what I picked.  “I had a hunch you’d be drawn to something in the shape of a heart.”

She paid, and we returned to the cars to have the disguises recharged.  Molly and Danny were sitting on the tailgate of Megan’s transport, with a golden retriever laying on their laps.  As we got closer, I noticed the canine had a conspicuous bulge on her head.  “Galaxy?”

“Woof!”

I cringed.  I’d never heard a bark with an Equestrian accent before.  “Why do you look like a dog?”

“Because it’s easier to wear a costume and pretend to be a dog.  If I transform myself, I’ll lose my magic for two hours.  That’s a risk we can’t take.  Besides, it means belly rubs.”  She grinned as she looked up at Danny and Molly.  She wagged her tail, expectantly.

Molly rolled her eyes.  “We’re well-trained tummy rubbers, believe me.”

Galaxy rolled off their laps and leapt into the back of the car.  I followed, as did the rest of the Equestrians in my entourage.  She recharged us, and then we drove over to a restaurant.  It looked fancy and I had flashbacks to Tira Mi Su’s.  “You know, honestly, I’d rather just have pizza.”

“Pizza?”

“Pizza.”

My guards laughed.  “Me Swoop, me been guard for decades.  Duchess never eats anything she can’t pronounce.”

“It’s true.  You want to make me uncomfortable?  Sure, let’s stop at the fanciest restaurant in town.  You want to know how that’s going to go down?  I’ll order spaghetti.  I suspect getting a hayburger around these parts is impossible.  So pizza.  If nothing else, it’ll be cheaper.”

“Pizza it is.  Oh, and Duchess?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t forget you’re on Earth.  If you order spaghetti, you better clarify you don’t want meatballs, sausage, or meat sauce.  Unless, of course, you want to try meat.  Surprise and I have eaten meat in these human forms.  Just make sure you keep getting the human spell recharged, because if you don’t, you’ll be in gastronomic agony for hours.”

“None of us are ever going to forget that, Firefly.  It took us three days to clean that bathroom.”  Megan repressed a gag at the memory.

“But bacon.  Bacon is so good.”  Firefly licked her lips.  North Star and Wind Whistler rolled their eyes but kept out of the debate.  I had a hunch this was a topic that had been beaten into the ground by them over the years.  Heart Throb and Surprise would probably be relieved they rode with Molly and Danny, respectively, if they found out we had this conversation.

“What’s bacon?”

“Pig.”

“I can’t eat a pig.”

“I assure you that you can.  Now beef’s a bit of a gray area.  Beef comes from cows, and Surprise and I were loath to try that for obvious reasons.”

“I’m definitely not eating a cow.”

“Humans are extreme omnivores, Duchess.  We’ll eat just about anything.”

“Ponies?”

“Uh, you’re better off not knowing.”

“Do humans eat ponies?”

“There are places on Earth where eating horses is acceptable.  This isn’t one of them.”

If I wasn’t already sitting, I would’ve needed to take a seat.  “Why are we making this contact?  We need to call this off.  I’m not going to send a bunch of Equestria’s citizens here just so they can be dinner for humans.”

“Ploom?”

I turned to Searchlight.  If she addressed me by my nickname instead of with my title, it was serious, and it was off the record.  “Yeah?”

“Griffins can eat ponies.  Do they?”

“No.”

“How about minotaurs?  Dragons?”

I shook my head.

“Just because a species can eat us, doesn’t mean they will.”

“What do we do if they do?”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.  If we get to it.”







Woodland, New Jersey: three years, seven months, and thirty days ago


After a week of speaking nothing but English and being coached by the Williams’, I was as ready as I was ever going to be to make contact.  Trial by fire at its finest.  Send in a pony with almost no political experience to make first contact.  Nope, no way that could backfire spectacularly.  I took a deep, calming breath.  I’ve spent my whole life up to this point preparing for a life in politics.  I have the skills, if not the practice.  They trusted me with this mission because I was the best option available.  Not that it’s hard to come out better than Blueblood in a one-on-one comparison.

The Williams’ had been working hard on a plan to get a meeting with anyone representing the United Nations, but they’d gotten nowhere.  Since they couldn’t get an audience with anyone representing the UN, they settled on what had to be the craziest idea of all time: sending a video of Equestria to the New York consuls-general of the smallest nations in the organization.  One responded, asking for more evidence.  The Williams’ responded by sending more videos and an invitation to a teleconference.

A few days went by with no response and we’d just about given up hope.  Then came the invitation to their country’s consulate-general in New York.  Oh good, I’ll actually get to see what a consulate-general looks like.  Maybe they can even offer some tips on how to set up our own when the time comes.

That meant another hours-long car ride.  This time around we only took the big vehicle.  Danny drove, while Megan rode up front with her.  Molly shared the backseat with the five ponies she’d grown up around.  Galaxy, my guards, and I all played cards in the cargo compartment to pass the time.  Surprise periodically flopped over the rear seat to play a few rounds, often winning despite playing upside down.

Periodically I glanced out the windows, but the dark tint reduced the vibrancy of the colorful world around us.  Like the colors outside, I could feel the excitement of being on Earth dulling.  Part of that was because the first few days had been hectic, then we’d spent the rest of the time waiting around.  All the long road trips certainly hadn’t helped.

Then I got a glimpse of the big city.  Buildings so tall they touched the clouds, bridges so long the other end was barely visible, and the hustle and bustle of millions of people.  This was the city I’d been told about over the past few months, the city I’d be living and working in, The City That Never Sleeps.  It’s so big.  We’re going to need more ponies.

Danny stopped to let his sisters out, then started driving around the city aimlessly.  The plan was pretty simple, if Danny didn’t hear back from his sisters by a certain time, he’d hightail it out of the city and head someplace safe.  It was just like some of the movies the Williams’ had entertained us with over the past few days.  Spies and adventures, code words and mysteries.  But those were only works of fiction.  Right?

Wind Whistler had her phone out, waiting for a signal.  ‘Paradise’ was the word we were all hoping to hear.  That was the all clear, the word that would see us return to the consulate-general and reveal ourselves to the world.  After half an hour of tensely driving around the city, her phone finally chirped, announcing an incoming text message.

“They found paradise!”

We cheered at Wind Whistler’s words, and Danny steered us back.

Galaxy turned us into humans again, and we walked into the consulate.  I didn’t care that I looked like a slack-jawed yokel, I took in every detail of the exterior and interior both, getting an overall vibe for how fancy my own consulate-general would need to be.  Ornate, but not ostentatious.  The exterior architecture certainly didn’t match any of the surrounding buildings, and I surmised it was something more akin to what would be seen in the home country.  I closed my eyes for a second and pictured a Pegasopolis-themed building with thick cloudy pillars.  I blinked and imagined a Canterlot-inspired castle.  It’s probably best to go with the latter, we’d have to import clouds, and everypony loves castles.

The interior managed to stop just short of gaudy.  We were either dealing with a rich country, or one that desperately wanted everyone else to think they were.  Works of art lined the walls, and if not for the maps hanging on the walls, the interior could pass for any one of a dozen noble homes in Cloudsdale.

As much as I wanted to stop and examine the maps, I had a job to do.  I wasn’t looking forward to it, but procrastination would only delay the inevitable.  Butterflies the size of griffins fluttered around my stomach.

The security guards opened the doors to a conference room and my entourage walked inside.  My guards conferred with the local guards and took up appropriate positions.  Megan, Molly, and my pegasus advisors took seats at the table, and saved a seat directly opposite from the Consul General for me.

“I was expecting technicolor quadrupeds.”

“We wished to remain incognito while traveling, and we thought it best to make introductions this way as well.  Our hope is this will be less distracting.  The transformation spell will wear off in less than two hours.”

“Spell?”

“Unicorn magic.”

“Are you a unicorn?”

I shook my head.  “I’m a pegasus, as are most gathered here.  You’ve been introduced to the Williams’, who are the only real humans in our group.”  I pointed to Searchlight.  “Searchlight is a thestral, a pony with bat wings instead of the feathery wings of a pegasus.  The rest of us are all pegasi.  We have a unicorn traveling with us, but she’s waiting outside.  In the meantime, let’s discuss what our options are.  We wish to reveal our existence to the United Nations.  It’s our desire to start diplomatic relations with your world.  Of course, by putting your faith in us, we intend to reward your country with the first Equestrian embassy, and invite you to start the first human embassy in Equestria.  I’m sure you have many questions.”

“Absolutely.  I guess the first is where, exactly, is Equestria located?  Are you aliens?”

“We’re from a parallel universe.  I don’t know the details, though Wind Whistler can go into the science behind it.”

“The short of it is that on Earth, humans evolved as the dominant species, while on Equus, it was horses.  Aside from that, our worlds are very similar.  The geography is nearly identical, and there’s much overlap in both vegetation and wildlife.  There are some major differences, however, in that humans have developed incredible technology, while ponies have magic.  I can go into more specifics if there’s anything you’d like to know more about.”

“That’s well beyond my area of expertise, so I’ll leave that to the scientists.  There’ll be plenty of time for them to ask you questions, and believe me, they will.  I’m a diplomat, and I’ll focus on what I know best.  What are you looking for out of this?  What do ponies gain by making contact with humans?”

“New friends.  As you’ll soon learn, ponies love making friends.  It’s what we do best.  We also hope to encourage trade between our worlds.  We can assist you with magic, while you can bring us into the technological age.  Your strengths are our weaknesses, and vice versa.  Together we can overcome any obstacle.”

“No one on this world is going to believe that.”

“Understandable.  The dragons and griffins on our home world are also prone to being overly-suspicious of outsiders, or even their own.  Are humans the same way?”

“We are, but let’s back up a minute.  Did you say you have dragons and griffins too?”

I nodded.  “Indeed, as well as changelings, yaks, hippogriffs, minotaurs, buffalo, and a host of other creatures.  But it’ll be up to them to make their own arrangements with your world.  I represent Equestria and those living there only.”

“This gets more unbelievable by the minute.  Especially since I’ve yet to see any ponies.”

Megan handed her some photographs we’d taken once we got to the city.  “These are Polaroids we took this morning.  That’s today’s issue of the New York Times.  If these were all faked, we must work incredibly quickly.”

The consul-general shook her head.  “There are ways it could be done.  Animatronics, for example.  Regardless, are the ponies in these photos all of you?”

I nodded and took the pictures from her.  I quickly shuffled through them, putting each pony’s photo in front of the human it depicted.

She studied my photo.  “Your name and rank?”

I said my name and she stared at me, confused.  It’s a pity human ears are so expressionless.  You can learn a lot about how a pony feels by looking at their ears.  “There’s no direct translation for it.  It relates to plumage.  It’s been suggested I go by the name ‘Ploomette’ on Earth, and you may call me that.  I’m a duchess, second in line to inherit the position, behind my older sister.”

“And you’re here to negotiate?”

I nodded.  “I’m acting on behalf of Equestria.  Our ruler is Princess Twilight Sparkle.”  I named my advisors and guards, in turn.

“Why do you all have tattoos on your rumps?”

“Those are cutie marks.”  I hiked my skirt to reveal the mark on my thigh.  “They represent a pony’s special talent, and they show through even when in disguise.  Mine is the crest of my family, a heart topped with a crown.”

I looked up to see the Consul General blushing and both Megan and Molly facepalming.  “What?  All the areas you implied need to remain covered are still covered by the undergarment.”

“Please forgive the Duchess.  As a species ponies rarely wear clothing, and when they do it’s merely for decoration, not concealment.”  Molly turned to me.  “Underwear is intended to remain under the outer layer of clothing at all times.  That’s why it’s called underwear.”

“I apologize for any offense.  It was not my intention.  I do not find your species’ obsession with clothing logical.  These clothes are both tight and confining.  As a pegasus, I yearn to be free.  There’s not even a cutout in this blouse for my wings.”

“There are a few minor culture shocks to deal with.  Having been to Equestria, personally, I can also advise it takes some getting used to on our end.  Faux pas are to be anticipated.”

“It’s okay.  It’s a lovely mark.  I can see you’re quite proud of it.  You say it represents your special talent?”

“Oh yes!  With it being the family crest, it shows I’m a natural politician.  I have a way of bringing ponies together in a way mutually beneficial to all parties.  I got my mark by arranging a donation of 100,000 bits to a local charity.  The noble was happy, the charity was happy, and my cutie mark appeared.”

She chuckled.  “When introducing yourself, I’d make sure to skip the part about it signifying you’re a natural politician.  People tend to have a rather unpleasant view of politicians in our world.”

“Oh.  We’re kinda beloved in ours.  I’m guessing I shouldn’t mention that either?”

“Not unless you’re prepared for a massive migration of politicians into Equestria.”

Megan and Molly were shaking their heads, violently.  “No!  Whatever you do, Ploomette, you don’t want that.”

“I will take your word for that.  We were hoping to start the process with an exchange program of sorts.  We’d like to send ponies to Earth, and extend an invitation to humans to visit Equestria.  We can learn from one another.  Our ruler is very big on both friendship and education.”

“That may prove to be more complicated than you’d like.  There are currently 193 countries represented by the United Nations.  That’s not counting observer states, or other supranational organizations like the European Union.  You’re looking at needing to broker approximately two hundred individual treaties.  Good thing you were born for this, right?”

“I’m glad we’re not in a hurry to do this.  Still, I’m up for the challenge!”

“In addition, you might find several of these nations hostile to you and your interests.”

“We’ve had threats of war, previously.  We prefer to resolve our differences without violence.”

“Most of us do too.  But there’s also a policy of ‘speak softly and carry a big stick.’  Put more bluntly, it’s easy to dictate policy to other nations when you have the upper hand from a negotiating standpoint.”

“I have been advised of ‘nuclear weapons’ and wish I had not.  This was included in the report to Princess Sparkle, but she has faith that if you aren’t using them to blow each other to smithereens, you won’t use them on us, either.  Regardless, that’s not my call to make.  She’s decided contact will be made, and I’m to do it however I see fit.”

“In the interest of full disclosure, Monaco is tiny, and doesn’t have nukes.  We do, however, have alliances with countries that do.”

“Your global politics must be very interesting, and very exhausting.”

“We’re a minor player.  A pawn in the international game of chess.  Are you sure you want to get in on this?”

“It’s not my decision.”  I sighed.  And if it was, I’d probably be running the other way.  At least for a little while.  All I can do is trust the reconnaissance work of those who’ve been on Earth longer.  I’ve been here all of a week; that doesn’t give me the right to make this call.

I felt a tingle throughout my body.  That was no nervous chill, though it was perfectly timed, nonetheless.  Looking at my compatriots, they had all experienced the same shudder through their own bodies.  Last chance to retreat.  No.  I can’t retreat.  I won’t retreat.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.  The spell’s wearing off.  That was the five-minute warning, letting us know to either get the spell recharged or return to a safe location.  I’m really hoping this is the latter, because you’re about to see some ponies.”

The conversation stopped as the Consul General stared at us in anticipation.  Mostly, she was staring at me.  I was the one she’d been talking to, so I was the one she most wanted to see.  She got her wish a few minutes later.  I was starting to get used to the transformation process, as my body stretched in ways it was never intended to.  Bones and muscles reconfigured themselves to my natural pony shape, and I stood there in a pile of oversized clothing.

“Oh my gosh!  You’re adorable!”

I bet we’ll be hearing that a lot at first.  I shook off the clothing, and stretched my wings out.

Heart Throb trotted up.  “I’ve been here a while, and I’ve seen that reaction before.  You really want to hug one of us.”

“That obvious?”

Heart Throb nodded.  “Go ahead and glomp me.”

They embraced and I could tell from her blissful look she desperately wanted this to be real.  Luckily for her, we’re telling the truth.  I could also tell from Heart Throb’s look of contentment that she enjoyed the attention.

“I can feel your heart beating.”

“We’re real.  Promise.”  Heart Throb nuzzled our host.

“You’ll have to forgive my skepticism on this.”

“It’s unbelievable, but it really is real.”

“From what I can see, I’m inclined to believe.  However, I’m going to need more proof.  I’m afraid I’m going to need to ask for some samples.  I need to have some blood and DNA tests run.”

“Take Swoop’s blood.  Me Swoop have plenty.  Me Swoop no know what DNA is, but you can take that from Swoop as well.”

One of the consulate’s guards guided Swoop into a private room to take the requested samples.  The Consul General turned back to me.  “I’ll be in touch once I receive the results of these tests back.”







Woodland, New Jersey: three years, seven months, and twenty-three days ago


The Williams’ farm was located in a sparsely-populated area.  Despite that, they’d taken all manner of precautions, having had a number of unicorns enchant the property over the years.  We could fly or trot around their farm all we liked with no worry of being seen.  The only caveat to that was we had to stay below the cloud level.

I flew up to the clouds and poked them with a hoof.  In the two weeks I’d been on Earth, they hadn’t moved even once.  Sure enough, they were of Equestrian origin.  I hollowed out a little nest inside the fluffiest cloud for a nap.  I’d slept poorly the previous night – mattresses just weren’t as comfortable as cloud beds.

It was Mirage who found me a few hours later.  “Duchess!  We’ve received word from the Consul General.  The results are in.”

I blinked, awareness returning to my senses one by one.  “What now?”

“The Consul General wants to see us immediately.”

“About time.”  I stretched, cracking my back.  “When do we leave?”

“We don’t.  The Consul General is already on her way here.”

“Get everyone together.”

She saluted and I glided toward the ground below.  I looked around the Williams’ farm.  It was a beautiful, picturesque ranch, and it would've looked right at home in Equestria.  It was hardly the kind of place I’d been led to believe humans conducted meetings as important as this.  But it was private, and unlikely to be spied upon.

There was a long black car out on the road, with little red and white flags waving from the front fenders.  I recognized their design from the consulate.  No doubt trying to catch us off guard with an unannounced visit.  One last test to make sure everything’s legit.  Mom hates when we show off, but… I think even she’d understand the need to in this situation.

Once the limo turned into the driveway, I buzzed it.  I waved a hoof at each of the windows, though I couldn’t see inside due to the window tint.  I climbed and turned it into a somersault, then corkscrewed above the car.  Satisfied with my display, I raced ahead to check out the preparations.

My guards were hastily arranging picnic tables.  There was no sign of Danny’s pickup truck, but everyone else was accounted for.

“What’s the plan?”

“Discussions over lunch.  Danny’s grabbing pizza.  Normally, we would’ve cooked, but the Consul General is already on her way here.”

I shook my head.  “She’s not on her way.  She's here.”

Megan looked up and saw the limousine pulling up the driveway.  “She called five minutes ago.”

“I bet she wanted to catch us off guard.  In case there’s some sort of trick that takes a while to prepare.”

“You’re flying!”  The Consul General’s mouth was hanging open at my aerial show.

“My wings aren’t there for decoration.”  I grinned cockily, just like I’d seen Rainbow Dash do at the last Wonderbolts show I’d attended.

“Forgive us!  We weren’t prepared for your visit.  My brother’s out getting pizza for all of us right now.”

“That’s okay, I’m not here for food, I’m here to discuss business.  The tests came back and as I’m sure you’re all aware, you’re vaguely related to terrestrial equines.  Our scientists have never seen anything like this before.  They want more data, but that’ll be up to you to provide to them if you want to.  I assure you, we’re not going to take you to some lab to experiment on.”

Megan chuckled.  “Good to know.”

“Accountability.  We need to introduce you to the entire United Nations at once.  No nation can make you disappear if every country in the world knows about you.”

“That’s been our goal from the start.  How do we make it happen?”

“I’d love to say you could walk, um, trot right in, but I don’t have that kind of clout.  I can’t get you an audience in front of the UN.  I can mention your existence, but nobody’s going to believe me.  Instead I contacted my country’s Prince, who in turn called our closest ally’s president, and both of them are waiting in the limo.”

Megan’s jaw dropped.  “Am I to assume you have two world leaders with you?  Here on my farm?”

“Yes.  Your duchess’ aerial demonstration has already made an impact.  They’re both very anxious to meet her.”  She opened the door, and I made contact just as Twilight Sparkle had directed me to.

I curtseyed as they both stepped from the car.  “Forgive me, I’m just a duchess.  Had I known we would have a prince and a president here today, I would’ve made sure our Princess was here in my stead.”

“Then take us to your pony Princess.”

Put up or shut up.  That’s fair.  “Galaxy, can you get the Princess?”

She nodded.  With a flash she was gone, much to the shock of the foreign dignitaries.  While we waited, I answered questions while Firefly put on an aerial show.

There was a pop and Galaxy and Twilight stood before us.  She quickly introduced herself, and the three heads of state walked off to confer in private.  Danny eventually arrived with the pizzas, and I busied myself with eating while waiting for further instructions.  Everything’s out of my hooves now.  All I could do was hope for the best.

“Ploomette.”  Twilight had returned.  “I hereby appoint you as our Observer to the United Nations pending our acceptance into the organization, at which point you will become our official Permanent Representative.”  She levitated a few slices of pizza from the table and then teleported away.

“Thank you for your time, Duchess.  We’ll be in touch with what you need to do next.”  With that, the consul general joined the Monégasque prince and French president in the limo.

The limousine disappeared and I stood there watching it go.  “What just happened?”

“What needs to happen.”  Heart Throb landed next to me.  “We start as an observer to the organization, and then once our admission is approved, you’ll become Equestria’s official representative.  You’re already in New York so it’s convenient.  It’s why we urged your mother to assign you here, Duchess.  It’s a dual role, but we’re all confident you can pull it off.  They’re off to do the paperwork so we can get our admission submitted once we reveal ourselves to the world.”

“How do you know…?”

“Shh, no questions, remember?  Plausible deniability.  They’ll work on all that and let us know what we need to do and when.  Right now, there’s nothing you can do about it, Duchess.  So relax and have some more pizza.”







New York City, New York: three years, six months, and sixteen days ago


I walked to the podium, my formal dress billowing out behind me.  It still itched and felt confining, but this was likely to be the last time I’d have need of it.  “Greetings, everyone.  My name is Ploomette, and I’m a pony.”  A video played behind me, showing my other form dancing through the sky.  “What you see on the screen is what I normally look like.  Soon the magic will wear off and I’ll reveal my true self to all of you.  But for now, it’s less distracting if I look like all of you.  I know there are a lot of questions, and I’ll do my best to answer them all.”

There’d been a preview for the United Nations delegates.  Equestria’s admission had already been submitted by the Security Council, and this speech was entirely for the benefit of the television cameras broadcasting my speech to billions of people around the world.  There were no reporters, thank the stars.  All the questions that were supposed to be asked had been rehearsed.

“Today I come forward to reveal the existence of my nation, Equestria, and also to seek admission to the United Nations.  As you may have already guessed, Equestria isn’t on Earth.  But I’m not an alien from outer space; my planet, Equus, is a parallel Earth.  There are ponies who can explain the technical aspect of it, but the short version of it is that on Equus, it was equines who evolved into the dominant species, not primates.”

I shuffled papers in my hands, moving to the next page of my speech.  “There are many similarities between our worlds, from geography to wildlife.  There are differences, of course.  There are three main tribes of ponies: earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi.  I, myself, am a pegasus.  Back home, I’m a duchess.  Here, I’m an observer, and I like what I see.  Ponies are very friendly, and that’s what I wish to emphasize: I’ve come here to extend a hoof in friendship.  Your strengths are our weaknesses, and your weaknesses are our strengths.  Together, we can achieve harmony.  With human technology and pony magic, who knows what we might accomplish.”

The video behind me changed to that of Equestria as a whole, with the three main tribes represented.  “Yes, I said magic.  The mythological unicorns of Earth’s past weren’t just myths – we suspect our worlds have been in contact with one another before, and while the reasons we fell out of contact have been lost to history, we rediscovered the door and it’s time to open it once and for all.  Equestria is a principality, and our current leader is Twilight Sparkle.  It’s important to note that Equus is home to a multitude of nations and a menagerie of sapient beings.  I represent only Equestria, but there are also zebras, minotaurs, griffins, dragons, yaks, giraffes, hippogriffs, changelings, Abyssinians, and more.  It will be up to all of them individually if they wish to explore diplomatic relations with Earth.”

I stepped away from the podium and motioned behind me.  “There are ponies waiting on the other side of the curtain.  I could stand up here and talk all day, but I think it’s time to satiate everyone’s curiosity.  Without further ado, Galaxy, please come out and introduce yourself.”

With a pop, Galaxy materialized next to me.  I held out the microphone to her and she levitated it away from me.  “Salutations!  My name is Galaxy, and I’m a unicorn.”  The microphone glowed in her aura, floating in front of her muzzle.  She twirled it around before bringing it back to her mouth.  “This is not an illusion; you’re actually seeing levitation.  I know this is incredible to a species devoid of magic, but it’s actually a mundane everyday ability for unicorns.  Since my arrival here I’ve witnessed firsthoof just how incredible your technology is.  You have technological solutions to problems we didn’t even know existed.  But we have magic that can do things your tech can’t do.  Imagine the possibilities if our species’ started working together.  I don’t know how I can prove that what you’re seeing is real aside from asking for volunteers.  If everyone in the audience could hold something up, I’ll levitate it away from you.”

Lifting a pen or paperclip with magic wasn’t difficult except for the youngest unicorns.  Levitating hundreds of small objects simultaneously was impressive, and showed a level of finesse most unicorns lacked.  Simultaneously playing tug-of-war with the owners of some objects and keep-away with others was just showing off.

“No wires!  No tricks!  Real magic.”

I took a few sips of water while everyone’s attention was on Galaxy.  I was still a little nervous, but I’d gotten better at giving speeches.  I need to stay focused and stoic.  No one will take us seriously if they think we’re all goofy, adorable ponies.  Which means it’s time to put an end to Galaxy’s silly antics.  Let them see that we’re friendly, playful, and have a good sense of humor, but not too far.  Balance.  That fine line I always trot.

“Anybody left unconvinced that our magic is real?”  Silence was my only response.  “Now, it’s time I introduced you to some pegasi.”

The curtains opened to reveal the five pegasi I’d come to know so well over the past month, with Surprise and Firefly leading the way.  The former Wonderbolt dazzled the audience with her tricks, while Firefly showed off her speed.  North Star, Heart Throb, and Wind Whistler flew lazy loops just above the heads of the UN representatives.

I felt the tingle letting me know my human disguise was about to wear off.  Perfect.  I knew I was getting close on time.  The eyes of the crowd, not to mention the cameras, were still on the pegasi in the air.  If I can possibly save this dress, I’m going to.  It was expensive and maybe Molly can use it.  She’s about the same size as my human form.  Clothing tended not to fare well during the transformation process, especially not for pegasi.  Though ponies were considerably smaller than humans, our bodies weren’t designed the same way.  Wings, in particular, tended to poke through clothing.  I ducked behind the podium, pulling the dress down over my shoulders as I sank to my hands and knees.  Once I was no longer in view I pulled the dress down past my waist, and allowed the transformation to take place unhindered.

Less than a minute later I stepped out of the dress and into view of the representatives.  I stretched my wings, just to make sure they were still there and working properly.  I flapped, and soon I was airborne with the others.  It would be undignified to race with Surprise and Firefly, and foolish of me to even try, considering both were my superior in speed.  Instead I settled into a series of short flights, gliding from representative to representative, letting them see a pony up close and personal.  It was rare I could move amongst others without my guard detail flanking me, and I took full advantage of it.  In addition to the goodwill it was hopefully generating with what I hoped would be future allies, it was strategic in that it allowed me to see which representatives weren’t enthralled with us.  I made note of those countries for future research – was it a personal bias of the representative or cultural?  Obviously, we want to be friends with everyone, but if that’s not feasible, it’s prudent to know who our enemies are.

Once my tour of representatives was completed, I landed on the podium.  I was no longer tall enough to see over it, so I adjusted to standing on top of it.  “I know we’re running out of time, but I’d like to take some questions before we wrap up.”  I pointed to one of the representatives.

“I’m a little concerned that some of your citizens fly.  We have a number of aircraft in the skies and striking a pegasus would be good for neither the pony nor the jet.”

I nodded.  “We’re aware of your powered flight capabilities.  This has been a concern of ours as well.  It seems as if restrictions on airspace would be the best short term strategy.  Pegasi won’t fly close to airports, and perhaps the lowest thousand feet of airspace can be reserved for us?  It’s our sincere hope that we can come up with a better long-term solution that combines magic and technology.  There are enchantments we could put on planes and helicopters that would repel pegasi, as well as birds, bats, and any other flying creatures they might encounter.  Unfortunately, dragons are immune to those enchantments.”

“Tell me more about your mastery of the weather.  Can you make it rain in arid areas?”

I nodded.  “It’s easier with Equestrian clouds as there’s a lot of background magic back home.  My home city of Cloudsdale is in the clouds.  To clarify, that’s a city in the sky, built in the clouds, with clouds used as the building material of choice.  No, we’re not planning on building such a city on Earth due to your aircraft.  It might be feasible to build around an existing mountain or even a skyscraper, such as those here in New York, or other places your aircraft already avoid.  That’s something that can be discussed at a later date.”

“What’s your level of technology?”

“Nowhere near yours.  We don’t have phones, cars, or internet.”

“Are you open to humans moving to Equestria?”

“Absolutely!  We’re all about friendship.  Consider the invitation extended.”  I held up my hooves.  “I think that’s a good place to leave off.  No further questions at this time.”  I glided down from the podium, gathered up my discarded clothing, and trotted out of the room, the others hot on my hooves.







New York City, New York: three years, two months, and seven days ago


The last few months had been a blur.  Equestria had been accepted into the United Nations as a member.  It certainly hadn’t hurt that one of our sponsor countries was a permanent member of the Security Council.  Unfortunately, between making contact, negotiating treaties with as many of Earth’s countries as possible, endless press conferences, and my duties as Equestria’s Permanent Representative, I hadn’t had much time to devote to my other position.

I’d finally made time to dedicate to setting up the New York Consulate-General.  The first order of business was scouting land for a building, and that hadn’t taken long at all.  I knew it would have to be extremely close to the UN building, and there was vacant land less than two blocks away.  Purchasing that land had been the biggest headache.  I’d always hated spending the taxpayer’s bits – ponies work hard for that money and it was my responsibility not to spend it frivolously.  Acquiring that parcel of land was the one place I’d allowed myself to spend money like it was no object.  Vacant land in New York City was rare, not to mention expensive.  Especially when the land wasn’t officially for sale.  I sighed.  Equestria’s taxpayers would be paying for this for years to come.  I just had to remind myself it was a necessity and not an extravagance.

Equestria’s most famous architect, Frisco, had drawn up blueprints for the building.  She’d agreed that the only appropriate building to represent Equestria was a Canterlotian castle.  This was the fourth revision and I could tell she was agitated by the way she kept flicking her tail.

“What’s been changed this time?”

“Had to get rid of the balconies.  Despite the fact that a full third of our citizens can fly, we can’t have access points above ground level.  Also, the windows have to be secured.  So no one inadvertently falls out.”

“The point was so pegasi could leave the building in flight.”

“I think they’re trying to hamper that as best they can.  They don’t want ponies flying around.  One thing they can’t get rid of are these access doors on the roof, so I doubled the number of towers the castle has – more roofs, more access doors.”

“Makes sense.”

“At least something makes sense.”  She growled in frustration.  “Permits, environmental impact studies, building codes, fire codes, seismic codes, building inspections.”

“Don’t you already design buildings in harmony with the environment?”

“Of course!  My designs are better than LEED Platinum.”

“LEED?”

“Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design.  I’ve yet to see a pony-constructed building that didn’t meet their criteria.  And don’t get me started on the seismic codes.  They think they know what they’re doing when it comes to earthquake resistance, but if I build it like they say I have to, it’ll be weaker than it would be if they’d let me do it my way.”

“How bad a difference?”

“In theory, not horrible.  This area isn’t a heavy seismic zone.  I can feel the faults, Duchess.  My special talent, the reason everypony says I can ‘grow’ buildings, is that I have a deep connection to the earth.  I can’t grow plants to save my life, but I can feel the ground underneath me in ways other earth ponies can’t.  I can sense the bedrock; I can feel every deformity.  This was a failed rift zone 200 million years ago.  There are more faults around here than the United States Geological Survey has record of.  I’m fighting hard to get this done my way.  I had to consult with an engineering firm to help navigate this mess of paperwork.  They’ve already told me that my ideas are groundbreaking and will revolutionize earthquake resistance in the years to come.  But that doesn’t change the current laws.  You’d think the biggest concern would be flooding considering this is a waterfront property, but nope, that hasn’t come up once the entire time.”

“But you’ve already planned accordingly, I take it?”

“Of course.  Along with some secret passages that aren’t in the blueprints, Duchess.  In the event of a crisis, I want you to have safe ways to exit this building.”

I was familiar with the secret passages in our palace back in Cloudsdale, so that really didn’t come as a surprise to me.  I hadn’t asked for them, but I wasn’t going to refuse them.  “How are you going to slip them past the building inspectors you were just complaining about?”

“I’m not.  I won’t put them in until after the building’s complete and fully inspected.”

She grinned and I couldn’t help but smile back.  “What they don’t know doesn’t hurt us.”

“They wouldn’t be much of a secret if they were in the blueprints.  Good thing they’re all right up here.”  She tapped a hoof to the side of her head.

“How long?”

“If I ever get these permits approved, I’ll need a year to get it built.”

“Good thing you’ve got three.”

“The way things are going, I’m going to need them.”

“Good luck.”







New York City, New York: six months, and twenty-two days ago


I stood in the middle of the still empty plot of land two blocks from the United Nations.  Construction had yet to begin, and the portal was set to open in less than seven months.  I closed my eyes and sighed.  The bills were piling up and Equestria had nothing to show for it but a vacant lot.

I’d already started looking into leasing space, temporarily.  Another unnecessary expense.  I’m amazed Twilight Sparkle hasn’t come in with an army of auditors demanding to know what’s going on.  She doesn’t normally tolerate this level of incompetence.

Frisco and her assistant, Denim Blue, trotted up to me.  “More bad news?”

“Quite the opposite.”  Denim thrust paperwork at me and I skimmed it.

“Approved?  Approved!”  I could scarcely believe what I was seeing.  “When you can you start?”

Frisco laughed.  “Two years ago.  I’ve been directing construction of the building in Equestria.  It’s in pieces small enough to get through the portal, and we’ll just put them together here.  There’s a team of ponies coming tomorrow to start laying the foundation.”

Relief washed across my face as I felt the weight of the world stop pressing down on me.  “ETA?”

“It’ll be up in six months, Duchess.  I guarantee it.  You’ll be greeting the first wave of settlers right here.”

“What do you need to make this happen?”

“I’m glad you asked.  Denim?”

Denim pulled out some expense requests and I scanned them.  Tractor trailers, fencing, contractors, construction crews, heavy equipment…  Everything was properly justified, and the forms were filled out in triplicate.  I couldn’t sign off on everything fast enough.  I took a page out of Mom’s book.  “I’ll pay a bonus to anypony that has the foundation dug out by the time I wake up tomorrow.”

Frisco smiled.  “I like the way you think.  I’ve got just the pony in mind for that.”  She whistled and an earth pony trotted up.  I immediately recognized her from when I’d approved her temporary work visa.  There weren’t many ponies on Earth, and I knew all of them.  Now that the portal was known, the Royal Guards and the New Jersey Army National Guard had set up camp and were intensely guarding both sides.  Nothing went through one way or the other without permission from both.

“Duchess Ploomette, Petunia Paleo.  She’s a paleontologist and a master of digging holes.”  Frisco's introduction was completely unnecessary, but appreciated nonetheless.

“I keep any fossils I find.”

“Deal.”

“Let’s do this!”  She wasted no time tearing up the topsoil like a dog burying a bone.

“I was expecting Rockhoof.”

“Not a chance.  I want this excavation done with the precision of a somepony trying not to destroy valuable relics.  If the Palisades Sill reactivates, then we’ll call in Rockhoof.”







New York City, New York: twenty days ago


Frisco is brilliant, that’s all there is to it.  I gazed in awe at the splendid new castle on Manhattan Island.  Not Manehattan, not Cloudsdale, and not even Canterlot, but New York, New York.  Frisco was the most-renowned architect in Equestria, and it showed.  In just six short months the castle that spent more than three years on the drawing board had become reality.

The building inspectors had already given it their stamp of approval, and Frisco was hard at work directing others in invalidating the inspectors' work.  We all have secrets.  This may be your city, but this is our building.

I stared at the list of improvements that were being made to the building.  “Just how strong is this place?”

“It’s a literal fortress.  Did you read that list Wind Whistler printed out for us?”

I nodded.  “If I'm reading this right, there’s been at least one embassy or consulate attacked in every year since 1962.”

“My job is to keep you and any other Equestrian citizens safe in the event of a terrorist attack.  That’s why you’re getting these tunnels too.”  She pointed to a spot on the blueprints.  “This is your failsafe.  If everything else goes wrong, this is your last resort.”

“I think we may be going a little overboard on paranoia.”  When I found out humans were omnivores, I kept looking over my shoulder expecting someone to try eating me.  No matter how many times I think back on that, I cringe in shame for ever having been that foolish.

“Better safe than sorry, Duchess.  It’s exceedingly unlikely this building will ever be shaken by a magnitude 10 earthquake, but doesn’t it make you feel better knowing that it can withstand it?”

“Well, yes.”

“Think of this as just another precaution.  The goal is that you never need to use it.  It shouldn’t get to that point, but I’ve watched a bunch of movies in the past few years and it seems like no matter how well something’s designed, someone comes along with a plan that somehow escapes detection.  I’ve spent a few years running scenarios that would make blockbuster Hollywood movie directors jealous.”

“They’re just movies.”

“Sometimes life imitates art.  I’m putting my hooves down, Duchess.  The safety of our citizens comes first.”

“Are all the other consulates fortified like this?”

“We took over existing structures for all other consulates.  I assure you I’ve done the best I can with what we have to work with.  If you ever want to commission new buildings, let me know.  But with all the holdups here, we couldn’t risk the delays elsewhere.”

“And the embassy?”

Frisco shrugged.  “Blueblood hired another architect for that.  I haven’t been looped into anything they’ve done so your guess is as good as mine.  Knowing Blueblood, more emphasis was placed on luxury than safety.”

I made a mental note to contact Fancy Pants later.  “Can I start moving us in now?”

“Have at it!  My team and I won’t be in your way at all.”







New York City, New York: two days ago


After living in a hotel for three years, it was nice to finally have a place I could call home.  I had one of the castle’s towers all to myself, while my guard detail was sharing one of the other towers with the consulate’s security.  The remaining towers were apartments for the staff.  We’d all be living on site to cut down on expenses.

I really do have this whole tower to myself… and the guards on duty.  It was with no small amount of pride that I’d completely forsaken personal servants in favor of independence.  No fillies-in-waiting, butlers, or hoofmaidens for me.  I’d hired a cook and a cleaning crew, but their services were intended for the entire building, not just me.

Besides, I don’t need a personal cook.  New York has an incredible amount of take-out options.  I can get pizza at any hour of the day or night!

I trotted out of my tower, and one of the guards at the door fell in behind me, while the other stayed to guard my living quarters.  The clip-clop of our hooves echoed down the expansive corridor.  Decorating had been a challenge, one I’d left to ponies with better taste than myself.  We’d filled much of the space with Equestrian artifacts and artwork.  Nothing that was of such significant historical, cultural, or monetary value that removing it from Equestria would be deemed irresponsible, but nothing cheap or gaudy either.  It was a fine line, and it had involved requesting museums and galleries send us pieces that weren’t currently on display.

The stained glass windows, however, had been commissioned by me and made especially for the consulate. Rather than commemorate great moments in pony history like the ones in Canterlot Castle, I’d instead opted to showcase ponies interacting with New York’s most famous attractions.  My favorite was of myself flying around the Empire State Building.  Part of that was personal bias, since the artist had ignored my express desire not to be immortalized in stained glass.  In the end, it looked so good I decided that it was okay as long as I didn’t make a habit of it, though if the artist had to insist on including me in a window, it should’ve been of me eating a slice of pizza.  Bah, that’s probably not ‘majestic’ enough.  Another of the windows showed the portal, with ponies on the Earth side and humans on the Equestrian side.  The rest depicted landmarks like the Chrysler Building, Brooklyn Bridge, Madison Square Garden, but the one that was sure to be the most popular with tourists was a bunch of fillies singing Hearth’s Warming carols in front of the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center.

“Good morning!”  Electric Slide fell into step alongside me.  She hoofed me a cup of tea and I smiled.  She’d already gotten used to my preferences.  “Not much going on today.  You’ve got a 10 o’clock and you need to be at the U.N. by 3:00.  Aside from that, your day is clear.”

“Perfect.  That means we can do one last check to make sure everything’s ready to go.”

We started at the bottom and worked our way up.  The parking garage was mostly empty, except for Danny teaching Searchlight to drive the SUV we’d acquired for transportation.  Nopony else had a license, let alone a car.  The remaining cars in the lot all belonged to people looking to immigrate to Equestria.  We watched Searchlight practice for a few minutes before moving on.  The elevator ride to the ground floor was smooth, and I inspected the waiting room.  The lobby had been designed to seat a hundred ponies, and maps of both Equestria and Earth decorated the walls.  This was the first stop after the portal for ponies entering Earth, and the first stop for anyone who wished to enter Equestria.  I wanted everyone to know where they were going so they wouldn’t get lost.  It gave them something to study while waiting.

There was also a computer in one of the corners; Wind Whistler had set it up when she’d set up the rest of our communications equipment.  It had a massive keyboard designed for hooves, and even I thought it looked silly compared to the computers I’d seen humans using, but hooves were significantly less dexterous than fingers.

The two people waiting ignored the computer, instead focusing on their own handheld devices.  They’re sitting about as far away from one another as they can, and completely engrossed in their electronics.  And they want to go to Equestria?  Ponies, by contrast, would normally choose to sit next to one another and socialize.  I really hope the wave of human immigrants and the resulting tech boom that follows doesn’t completely destroy Equestria’s charm.

We flew past the waiting room, taking to the air so as not to have the clip-clop of hoofbeats disturb our guests.  I knocked on the door to Rainbowshine’s office and she opened it.

“Yes, Duchess?”

“Two in the office waiting.”

She looked down the hall to her pair of vice-consuls, Stuffed Shirt and Alimony Suit.  Neither was doing anything, per normal.  Mom had made me take some problematic young nobles off her hooves, and I’d in turn given them the lowest ranking positions in the consulate.  As expected, they’d leapt at the chance without doing research, automatically assuming that ‘vice-consul’ meant being my second-in-command.  Instead, they’d found themselves at the bottom of the totem pole, below not only me, but the Deputy Consul General, Ivory Tower, and a half dozen consuls, including Rainbowshine.

I’d allocated a pair of vice-consuls to each of the consuls, and had intentionally assigned Rainbowshine the two biggest pains in the flank.  If anypony can teach them responsibility and a good work ethic, it’s her.  Rainbowshine had agreed with my approach, and looked forward to the challenge, stating that ‘it beats making snowflakes all day.’

She reined in the stallion and mare, marching ‘Esses’ and ‘Ali’ to the waiting room.  I watched as they each introduced themselves to one of our waiting guests, then showed them back to their respective offices.  If their interviews went well, Rainbowshine would meet with each of the potential immigrants in turn to review their applications and either approve or deny them.

I opened my own office and Electric Slide followed.  I sat at my desk and Electric briefed me on my upcoming appointment: a potential trade deal with a major toymaker that wanted to sell their wares in Equestria.

She showed him into my office promptly at the appointed time, and their rep started his spiel.  He never even bothered to sit down, instead projecting a PowerPoint presentation onto the wall of my office.

He started with a brief history of Mattel, then launched into their current product lines.  Barbie dolls?  Humans are the latest obsession in Equestria right now.  They’ll sell like hotcakes.  Monster High?  Not so much.  American Girl?  More realistic, that’ll do better than Barbie in Equestria.  Hot Wheels?  Cars are new and exciting in Equestria and most ponies have never seen one.  They’d probably do okay but they’re kind of garish and silly looking.  Matchbox?  Like Hot Wheels, but more realistic.  That’s a keeper.  Masters of the Universe?  I’ll have to run that one past Ivory – he likes fantasy.

“American Girl and Matchbox.”

He stopped mid-sentence.  “What about them?”

“They’re the most realistic looking of the bunch, and the toys I think would sell best in Equestria.”

He jotted that down in a notebook, then pulled samples of each out of one of the duffel bags he’d brought in.  “Ponies like realism?”

I nodded and he handed me a couple of dolls and a half dozen miniature cars.  “Ponies like tradition.  Keep in mind that humans and cars are very new to us.  I don’t know how kids on Earth feel about Monster High or Hot Wheels, but I can’t see either brand doing well in Equestria.  Ponies don’t have a point of reference for normal humans or automobiles, let alone fantasy versions of either.  This is your opportunity to introduce an entire nation to your culture.  Do it right.”

“Thank you for the insight!”

“You can thank me by hiring some ponies.  We don’t have your mass production methods, and you’ll run every traditional toymaker in Equestria out of business in months if I let you flood the market.  Bear in mind there are no large toy companies in Equestria; you’ll be literally competing against homemade toys.”  I pushed the intercom button.  “Electric, please send in Law Suit.”

The Mattel rep’s eyes went wide but I waved a hoof dismissively.  “It’s his name.  He’s our lawyer.”  He’s also Alimony’s dad, and another of the ponies Mom had wanted out of her hair.  In Cloudsdale, he’d become famous for bringing frivolous lawsuits and made a small fortune by settling out of court.  On Earth, though, he’d found his calling.  He was one of the few ponies who could not only navigate through all the legalese on this side of the portal, but give it right back to people.  He’d gone from being a pain in the flank back home to being indispensable on Earth.  Ponies were trusting by nature, and I was guilty of it too.  He wasn’t.

Law Suit trotted into the room and I introduced him to the toy rep.  “Send a letter to Filthy Rich in Ponyville.  Include a product catalog for American Girl and Matchbox and ask him how many he thinks he can sell throughout the Barnyard Bargains chain.  Then ask him if he knows any toymakers who might be interested in moving to Earth and working for Mattel.  And make sure they keep their trademarks and copyrights.”

He nodded and directed the rep to his own office, where they’d draw up a letter of intent.  The door to my office closed and I sank down in my chair.  Their foot’s in the door now.  There’s no going back.  How many livelihoods did I just destroy?  Once ponies back home get their hooves on things like this, they’re never going to want to give them up.  I twirled one of the American Girl dolls around in my hooves, inspecting it from every angle.  This is going to be most ponies’ introduction to humans.  I set it down and removed one of the Matchbox cars from its packaging.  I smiled as I rolled it around my desk.  I can see foals making ‘vroom vroom’ noises as they’re pushing these things around the floor.

“Are you still playing with toys?”  Electric Slide giggled as she set a glass of soda on my desk.  “It’s almost lunchtime.  Want me to order some pizzas for everypony?”

I shook my head.  “Two days from now we’re going to get really busy, and it’s probably not going to slow down any time soon.  We may as well take advantage of the last free time we’re going to have and take a nice flight on lunch and get it ourselves.”

Electric grunted in reply and I looked up to see her rolling another of the Matchbox cars around.

I chuckled at her.  “Addictive little things, aren’t they?  Every foal’s going to want one.”

“One?  You can’t do this with just one of them.”  She let hers loose and it crashed into mine, flipping them both off the desk and onto the floor.

I gasped, expecting the worst.  I looked to the floor and instead of being broken into crackly little pieces the cars were fine.  I blinked.  “Surprisingly durable.”

Electric laughed.  “Of course they are.  You should see the safety regulations toys have to meet just in order to be sold here.  The rep was telling me all about them while he was waiting for his appointment.  He seemed very excited at the prospect of a world with less litigation.”

She pulled the remaining cars out of their packaging, then flipped them over to read what they were.  “Let’s see, we’ve got an Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser… I hope I’m saying that right, an Express Delivery, a Volkswagen Beetle, a Jeep Wrangler, a GMC Scenicruiser, and a Volvo something.  How do you pronounce a letter and a bunch of numbers?  P-one-eight-zero-zero?  P-eighteen hundred?  Payteen hundred?  Pone-eight-zero-zero?”

“I like Pone-eight-zero-zero!”

“Me too!”

“Let’s see how many of these cars we can spot on our trip for lunch!”  I spread my wings in anticipation, then sheepishly folded them back up.  This isn’t like back home, I can’t jump out the window.  Instead I led the way back to my living quarters.  She stopped following me and galloped ahead when she caught sight of who was guarding the entrance to my tower.

“Dad!”  She nuzzled him and he kissed her forehead.

My security staff was made up of mostly ex-derby pegasi, with a few unicorns and burly earth ponies mixed in.  I was still waiting for the archmage the princess had promised me.  Why does Blueblood take priority?  He’s a unicorn and so is every single one of his staff members.  I need a powerful unicorn on my staff.

They started talking and I stood there awkwardly.  I could go into my private tower, but I knew from experience that if we didn’t enter together, Electric Slide wouldn’t come in of her own accord – not even if I left the door wide open.

She asked him what he wanted for lunch and I snapped to attention.  Sunshine Smiles opened the door and my honor guard swept in, making sure everything was safe for me.  We flew up the stairs, not even bothering to go into my rooms.

We exited through the door on the roof and glided down to the street, staying fifty feet above it – high enough to avoid traffic and power lines, but low enough that we wouldn’t be in the way of aircraft.  New York City was like a maze with hundreds of paths and no dead ends.  There were dozens of ways to get to our destination, and I tried to take a different one every time.  I was feeling playful, so I weaved in and out of the buildings, leading Electric and my guards on a chase through the city.  Aside from a few Express Deliveries, I didn’t see any cars that resembled the Matchboxes we’d acquired.

It felt wonderful to be aloft, alive.  I did loops and barrel rolls for no other reason than I could.  Electric Slide matched me move for move, egging me on by doing stunts of her own, daring me to match them.

I was working up an appetite.  I inhaled greedily, filling my lungs with air as I continued to keep up the pace I’d set.  Panting, I took a deep breath and came to a stop.  I took another whiff.  That smells really good.  Instead of heading toward the pizza parlor I’d become attached to, I followed my nose to a cart on the sidewalk, similar to the carrot dog vendors in Manehattan.  “What is that?”  I pointed to something that I suspected was meat.

“Kiełbasy.  I’ve got that, bratwurst, hot dogs, and sausages.  Whatcha want?”

“I don’t suppose you have carrot dogs?”

He shook his head.  “I never heard of carrot dogs.  I don’t got anything vegetarian, sorry.”

I turned away.  “Sorry for wasting your time.”

“Come back tomorrow.”

“Hmn?”

“You want a carrot dog?  I’ll make you one tomorrow.  Gotta go get some carrots after work.”

“Thank you!”

“No, thank you.  Every once in a while, someone asks me for a vegetarian option and I never could figure out what would be good.  I’ll put ‘em on the menu and test ‘em out, see if they sell.”

I smiled and took flight.  I should make a list of pony-friendly places to eat around the consulate.







New York City, New York: today


I trotted through the halls of the Equestrian Consulate-General.  The building was done.  The utilities were connected.  My staff had moved in.  Wind Whistler had set up our computer system and phones.  We were as ready as could be for the first busload of settlers.

We’d been working with humans wanting to move to Equestria since before the doors officially opened, but this was different.  This was what I’d come here for.  I’d delegated interviewing people interested in moving to Equestria to the consuls and vice-consuls, but when it came to Equestrian settlers, I’d made up my mind that nopony would meet with my little ponies but me.  There were many reasons to make the move from Equestria to Earth, but what they all had in common was that ponies were leaving Equestria.  That meant we’d failed these ponies in some way, shape, or form, and it was up to me to figure how to make things right.  I wouldn’t know where to begin unless I talked to each pony, individually.

Anticipation filled me as the minutes dragged by.  I looked at the clock – the bus was already five minutes late.  Probably caught up in traffic.  Nothing to worry about, Ploom, lots of people get caught in traffic every day.

There was a GPS tracker on the bus, and I turned on my laptop to figure out where it was.  The Matchbox GMC Scenicruiser had been repainted to resemble the bus that would be taking ponies from the portal to the consulate, and I absentmindedly rolled it around my desk as I waited for the computer to boot up.

“The bus!  The bus!”

I looked up and followed everypony’s gaze to the rainbow-colored bus pulling to a stop in front of the consulate.

“There’s a pony on the bus.”

I laughed.  “There are a lot of ponies on the bus, Swoop.”

“Pony not in the bus.  Pony on the bus.”

I blinked and looked again.  Sure enough, there was a fuchsia pegasus riding on the roof.  “Electric Slide, take a note.  More training for the guards at the portal.  Everypony gets on the bus to the Consulate-General, no exceptions.”

She nodded, though my pleas would no doubt fall on deaf ears at the New Jersey Army National Guard.  Once the ponies entering Earth showed their passports to prove they were here legally, the natives really didn’t care what their visitors did with themselves.  We’ll just have to hire some of our own guards for this side of the portal.

The bus pulled to a stop outside and I smiled.  “This is it, everypony.  This is what we’ve waited for.”
> Act I: Plumsweet
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Trotsdale: twelve years, three months, and eleven days ago


“Fatso!”

“Lardflank!”

I whimpered as I covered my face with my hooves.  I was surrounded by my classmates and they stomped around me, calling me names and insulting me.

“Bum-beat!”

The gathered fillies and colts started kicking my flanks as I cowered, wishing they’d go away.

“Look at the way her hindquarters jiggle!”

“That’s enough of that.  Go on, shoo.”

I heard the bullies scatter and I risked a peek.  Dark green hooves were in front of me, and I looked up to see who’d come to my rescue: a young unicorn mare with a pine tree cutie mark.  I felt magic grasp me and found myself on my hooves.

“Can you walk?”

“I… I think so.”  I tested each of my legs in turn and put weight on each.  I nodded.  “I’m okay.”

“Good.  My name’s Pinecone.  What’s yours?”

“Plumsweet.”

“What was that all about?”

“Same as always.  I’m chubby, so the others pick on me.  They like rhyming my name with things like ‘bum-beat’ ‘cause it gives them an excuse to do just that.”

“Your name does rhyme with lots of things.  Sure, there’s negative ones, but there’s also positive ones like ‘Drumbeat’, ‘Chum-meet’ or even ‘Hum-neat’.  It’s just a matter of perspective.  At the end of the day, the only one that really matters is ‘Plumsweet’, because that’s your name, and you should own it.  Unless you don’t like it.  In which case, you could always talk to your parents about possibly renaming you something more in line with your special talent.”  She gazed toward my flank, looking for the cutie mark I didn’t have.

Except, I did!  “I got my cutie mark!”  I danced around Pinecone, giggling madly.

“Nay, filly, that’s a bruise.  And quite a nasty one at that.”

“Maybe it’s a bruise-shaped cutie mark?”

She looked at me and waited for me to fully process what I’d just said.

“Okay, maybe I don’t want my special talent to be getting beaten up by bullies.”

“Now that’s an acceptable answer.  Come along, I’ll walk you home so they won’t bother you.  But I can’t do this every day.  You’ve got to learn how to deal with them on your own.”

“But I’m not as strong as they are.”

“So?  I didn’t say you had to go and kick their flanks.  Make them laugh or smile.  Tell them jokes or give them compliments.  Ponies like feeling good, and if you make them feel good, they’ll be less inclined to make you feel bad.”

“That makes sense.”







Trotsdale: eleven years, eight months, and thirteen days ago 


“Your mane looks lovely today!”

“Thanks!  Mom styled it for me so I’d look extra pretty today!”

“She did a wonderful job.  And you’re always pretty.  You’re making the rest of us fillies look bad!”  I winked and stuck my tongue out and she giggled.  My own appearance was frumpy.  With unkempt mane and outdated accessories, I used my lack of style to highlight how much better everypony else looked.

I turned the corner and bumped into a hulking mass of earth pony colt, Corn Field.  His mane was as unkempt as mine, and he wore no accessories.  His cologne was a noxious mix of body odor and fertilizer.  There was nothing easy to compliment him on, and a scowl was already forming on his face since I’d so rudely bumped into him.

“Sorry!”  I reached a hoof out to him, tentatively.  “Do…do you work out?”  I poked his foreleg.

“Uh, yeah.”  He scratched his mane, sheepishly.  “I lift when I’m not tilling.”

“It shows.”  I gave his muscles an affectionate pat.  “Rock solid.”

He grinned, and his breath added to the nausea-inducing aroma that followed him around.  “I’m about to go hit the gym now.”

Must breathe through mouth.  “Have fun!”  I waved as he trotted off.  The odor lingered where he’d walked.  As soon as he was out of sight I dashed into the nearest bathroom to wash my hooves.  Ugh!  I splashed my face, as if the scent of water could cleanse my suffering nostrils, dry-heaving the whole time.

I stared into the mirror and my ears fell.  Sometimes ponies don’t make it easy to find something worth complimenting.  Like me, for example.  What kind of compliment could I give myself?  My sole purpose in life is to serve as proof to others that they’re better than somepony else.  Compliment myself.  C’mon, Plumsweet, you can do it.  Tears streamed down my face the longer it took to think of something I could compliment about the mare in the mirror.  I finally turned away in shame.  I don’t even want to look at myself.







Trotsdale: ten years, two months, and twenty-six days ago


My classmates waited with baited breath as I mixed ice cream floats for all of them.  I’d saved my allowance up for a month to buy enough ice cream and soda to do this.  They deserve it more than I do.  It’s been a long time since anypony beat me up or called me names.  It’s the least I can do.

There were a dozen different types of soda to pick from, and an equal number of ice cream flavors.  They placed their orders and I served them up in turn.

“Cherry soda and cherry ice cream, please.”

“Root beer and vanilla.”

“Cola and raspberry ice cream.”

“Sarsaparilla and mint chocolate chip.”

Once everyone else was enjoying their floats, I scooped a few different flavors of ice cream into a glass and poured birch beer over them.  When the fizzing stopped, I squirted on whipped cream and added a cherry to the top.

“Look!  She got her cutie mark!”

I turned to look at my flank – sure enough, there was an ice cream soda decorating it.  I shook my rump, triumphantly.  “Yeah!”

My party for my classmates turned into an impromptu cuteceañera for me.  That way they don’t even have to buy me presents.  How convenient for them.

But parties didn’t last forever, and a few hours later I was left alone with my family.  My parents were, of course, proud of me, and were already trying to arrange apprenticeships with local ice cream makers.  That was presumptive of them, considering I didn’t make the ice cream.  My special talent is making ice cream sodas, which means I’d be better suited working as a server.  I sighed.  That’s assuming that the mark is related to the dessert I was making.  The other possibility is less satisfying: it’s quite possible that my purpose in life is sucking up to ponies and bribing them to like me.

At least everypony else enjoyed my party.  That was the point, after all… 







Trotsdale: eight years, ten months, and twenty days ago


I pulled a batch of caramel brownies out of the oven, and slid a tray of cupcakes in to take their place. I was relieved that my special talent turned out to be making desserts and sharing them with ponies.  My entrees were average at best, but I was just about unbeatable with treats and sweets.  I should try making my own ice cream one of these days…

Ever since my cutie mark came in, baking had been therapeutic.  Whenever I found myself in the kitchen, all the doubts and self-loathing that normally fogged up my brain faded away, leaving clarity.  Needless to say, the weight gain that went along with that was noticeable.  I was already somewhat pudgier than my classmates before my mark came in, and that pudge had called in reinforcements in the year since.

I bit into a brownie and the caramel oozed between my teeth and attacked my taste buds.  This is absolutely scrumptious.  With just a bite, I found bliss.  With the second, the brownie was gone.  Another appeared in my hoof as quickly as I swallowed the remains of the first.  So I’m not the prettiest mare in school, and I’ll never be the most popular, but everypony knows the fastest way to a stallion’s heart is through his stomach, and I can bake rings around everyone else I know.  Looks are fleeting, but baking’s a skill that lasts a lifetime.  I burped and looked around the kitchen in embarrassment, but I was alone, so it didn’t matter.

Sampling complete, I piled the brownies into a basket to take to school.  I washed everything so it would be clean for round two: cupcakes.  I’d discovered a red velvet recipe in a cookbook I’d borrowed from the library, and I was desperate to try it.  With tried and true chocolate on standby, it was okay if they were ignored by the masses.  It was a feeling I knew all too well.  Sometimes I feel like the carrot cake of life.  That’s a dessert that even I don’t like.  There’s a time and place for vegetables, and dessert isn’t it.  Yuck!

Somewhat ironic thoughts, considering some recipes for red velvet cake use beetroot for color.  Not this one though, and that was why I so eagerly anticipated trying it.

Red is the color of Hearts and Hooves Day, after all, and just because I don’t have a special somepony to celebrate with doesn’t mean I can’t make a special treat for my friends.  If I make some chocolate chip cookies, too, I could almost ensure I get all of the cupcakes…

Ha, as if I need to eat more desserts.  If the cupcakes come out poorly, I’ll make cookies.  If not, I’m sharing them with everypony at school.

I put the cupcakes into the oven to bake, then once more cleaned all the pans, bowls, and utensils I’d used.  If I need to make cookies, they’ll be ready.  If not, they’ll be ready the next time I want to bake something.  Probably tomorrow.

I finished up my homework while I waited for the oven timer to ding.  Not as fun as baking, but certainly necessary, nonetheless.

Ding!

I grabbed a potholder in my mouth and pulled the tray from the oven.  They smelled fantastic.  My mouth watered, and it was hard to resist taking a bite before they were cool.  My patience was rewarded, and the cupcakes were just as good as they smelled.  I think I’ve got a new signature dish.







Trotsdale: five years, one month, and three days ago


I trotted through the halls of school lost in thought, trying to remember what I’d been studying the night prior for the test I had coming up later today.

My concentration was interrupted by the excited whispers of a pair of colts.  “Check out the new transfer student!”

“I think she’s even fatter than Plumsweet!”

Ouch.  The blow to my ego sent me reeling.  I leaned against a locker.  Is this what they say about me behind my back?

A brown unicorn headed towards us, being trailed by fillies and colts shouting awful things at her.  Her cherry red hair and chocolate brown coat instantly reminded me of a Black Forest cake without the whipped cream.

Using my earth pony strength, and leveraging my not inconsiderable bulk, I shoved the pair of colts out of the way and cut in front of the mystery unicorn.  I held up a hoof for her to bump.  “Hi!  I’m Plumsweet.”

“Howdy, I’m Cherry Spices.  I just moved here from Lubbuck.  Pleased to meet you.”

“The pleasure’s all mine.  I hope these foals haven’t been bothering you.”

“Nothing much.  Just the normal weight jokes.”

I nodded.  “It’s lunchtime.  Wanna grab some dessert and leave these fillies to their salads so they can ‘watch their figures’ and ‘attract a hot stallion’?”

“You’re reading my mind.”

“Us pudgy fillies have to stand together.”  The taunts and torments died on the lips of those surrounding us.  I’d long since realized that the best way to stop others from picking on me was to beat them to the punch.  I’d heard all the jokes, and they couldn’t hurt me if the words were coming from my own mouth instead of theirs.  What’s the matter?  Did I take your ammunition away?  “Like lettuce counts as food.”

“I know, right!  It should be the very top of the food pyramid.  Eaten rarely, or better yet, not at all.”

“Nah, sweets and treats deserve to be at the top.  What could possibly top them?”

“I like the way you think!”

“Spices, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”







Las Pegasus: one year, two months, and eight days ago


If I had to sum up Las Pegasus in one word, it would be ‘excess’.  Everything was over-the-top and calling the décor ‘tacky’ would be insulting both the décor, and the definition of tacky.  No, it was shamelessly gaudy.  If it could be gold-plated, it was.  If it shouldn’t be gold-plated, it was anyway.  If it was physically impossible to be gold-plated, somepony has paid a tidy sum to a unicorn to enchant it… so it could also be gold-plated.

I lounged on the bed of my hotel room, several cookbooks and a stack of index cards in front of me.  Cherry Spices was exploring the casino, but I had a policy on gambling: quit while you’re ahead.  Since quitting before even starting was the only way to come out ahead, I’d walked past the rows of slot machines and card tables and had made it to my hotel room with all my bits still safely within my purse.

I stretched out my legs, cracking my knees.  I’ve been sitting for too long.  I left the human-authored cookbooks on my bed and trotted out the door.  There was more to do in Las Pegasus than gamble, and I’d completed what little research I could do.  Only a few cookbooks from Earth were available, and I’d read all of them multiple times.  We’d been selected to participate in a human-sponsored contest, and while I had no idea what ingredients the judges would be subjecting us to, I felt like I had a good grasp on what they’d like.

The prize money was more than enough motivation for most ponies, but Spices and I were more interested in being among the first ponies to sample Earth’s cuisines.  Having the opportunity to take those basic ingredients, foods unknown to ponies, and make something edible from them?  That was all the motivation either of us needed.  Even if we weren’t victorious, we’d still consider ourselves winners if Earth’s foods were half as tasty as they looked in the photographs we’d seen in the books.

Humans had a wide array of foods ponies had never even thought of.  Of course, since humans were omnivorous, some of those new foods were meat.  I’d read through griffin cookbooks before, and there were a number of meats available on Earth that even the griffs didn’t have an equivalent for.  I really hope there are some griffins in the competition, because I want to compare notes.

Additionally, humans had developed a variety of ways of preserving foods so they didn’t spoil as quickly.  That opened the door to even more possibilities, as there were many pony treats that had limited availability due to quick spoilage.  And to think, there are kooks who think making contact with Earth was a bad idea.

The lobby of our hotel had its own amusement park, yet another sign of the excesses of Las Pegasus.  Most carnival rides held no interest for me, and I trotted past them without so much as a second look.  The arcade, however, caught my attention.  Prance, Prance Revolution.

Like most ponies I enjoyed both music and dancing.  I was pretty good at the latter, and I’d always wanted to try PPR…  It might not be gambling, but it was yet another way that Las Pegasus sought to separate ponies from their hard-earned bits.  I’ll spend no more than five bits.  Mind made up, I tossed the first bit into the coin slot and the machine lit up.  Time to see what I can do.

It took a few minutes to get the hang of it, and I certainly hadn’t earned a free game with my performance.  I could hear some snickering and some snide comments, but it didn’t faze me in the least – I was used to the things ponies said behind my back.

Bit number two went into the slot and my audience started hurling insults again.

“Earthquake!”

“The jiggling is almost hypnotic.”

They stopped when my performance started improving during my second game.  I had the hang of it by then and bits three and four earned me a few free games each.  I pulled the final bit I’d earmarked for the challenge out of my purse and slid it into the slot.  Here goes nothing.

My hooves hit the indicated spots time and time again.  I got used to the ‘free game’ screen popping up after a while.  After seven straight free games I started panting.  By the ninth I waved the closest pony over and told her to keep my streak going.  I collapsed on the nearest bench.  That could almost be considered… exercise.  Utter blasphemy – exercise isn’t supposed to be enjoyable.  Like ‘military intelligence’ and ‘tasty health food’, ‘enjoyable exercise’ was an oxymoron.

A filly hopped up on the bench next to me and offered me a glass of water.  “That was amazing!  You must be the best PPR player in all of Equestria!”

I thanked her and gulped down the water.  I think I was dehydrated.  And I worked up an appetite.  “I’m sure there are better players out there.  Look how easily I get out of breath.”

“You just need more practice to build up some stamina.”

Easy for a filly to say.  What am I saying?  I’m not even twenty.  When did I become an old nag?  Next I’ll be telling her to get off my lawn.  Instead I nodded.  After a few more seconds she decided watching me pant for breath wasn’t entertaining, and she galloped off.

Once my heart was no longer galloping a mile a minute I stood up and set to exploring more of Las Pegasus.  The local architecture was a bizarre mix of styles from across Equestria and beyond – each of the hotels had a theme.  One had replicated the Manehattan skyline as its façade, while another had crystal spires reminiscent of the Crystal Empire.  A third was a passable facsimile of Canterlot Castle.  Well, it was a passable match under the right conditions: if you squinted, at night, during a power outage when none of the neon signs were lit up.  The mishmash of conflicting styles was what helped Las Pegasus remain the chintz capital of Equestria.

By then I’d wandered into a buffet, which was fine by me.  Because Las Pegasus was a gambling town, everything else was cheap – hotel rooms, food, and even some of the entertainment.  The rest of the entertainment tended to be out of reach of all but the highest of rollers.  All of it was designed to attract ponies into coming here in the hopes of striking it rich.  I’m not the smartest pony of all time, but I’m not that bad at math.  And because I’m not bad at math, I’m going to take advantage of the low prices on everything else.

“How many tonight?”

“Table for one, food for seven.”

I quickly learned the problem with cheap buffets: plentiful food, but none of it tasty enough to want to eat in quantity.  I left feeling disappointed, and determined to not waste any bits on low-quality entertainment.  The prairie dog act I’d really wanted to see had gone on the road, so that left my options limited.  Looking at all the posters, the two that jumped out the most were Britneigh Spears and Trapeze Star.

Scrawny mare performing acrobatic feats I had no hope of ever replicating, or washed-up musician?  Britneigh hadn’t been one of my favorites back when she was relevant, and I hadn’t wasted any tears when Sapphire Shores, Coloratura, and Songbird Serenade all dethroned her in short order.  Pop stars have a shelf life, and if you’re not the hip, new thing, you’re yesterday’s news, relegated to the clearance bin at the record store.

So the twig it is.  I wasn’t disappointed by her performance – her act had combined acrobatics and magic into one show.  She even pulled a bunny out of her hat.  So cute!  Is there anything cuter than bunnies?  Well, aside from kittens.

I trotted past the world famous Rainbow Fountains and headed for my hotel room.  By now Spices is either a millionaire or flat broke.  If I was a betting mare, my money would be on the latter.

Much to my surprise, she wasn’t in the room when I returned.  There were plenty of things to do in Las Pegasus at all hours of the day and night, so I had no intention of waiting up for her.  I turned off the lights and crawled under the covers.







Las Pegasus: one year, two months, and seven days ago


Spices had returned at some point after I’d gone to bed, and was snoring behind me.  I flattened my ears and got up, doing my best not to wake her up.  I went through my morning hygiene routine, showering and making myself look pretty, but spent more time than normal on the latter.  

Have to make a good impression on the judges.  Since I was trying to impress humans, I exaggerated my makeup to make me look cuter.  It had quickly become common knowledge that most humans found ponies adorable.  Cosmetic companies had taken advantage of that, and the market was now flooded with products designed to make mares and fillies look cuter.  Stallions, on the other hoof… well, even the products designed to enhance masculinity didn’t help much – humans still thought they were cute.  Black and red hair dyes had become quite popular with the boys, but it really didn’t work nearly as well as they thought it did.  I snickered at that, since for most of them it only made them look even cuter, or emo.  Neither did anything for their street cred.

By the time I was done, Cherry Spices was up, and she took her turn in the bathroom while I packed our saddlebags with our supplies for the day.  There were strict limits on what we were allowed to bring to the competition, and supposedly there’d be space set aside in the kitchen for each of us to work with.

I finished before Spices, and stared out the window at the hustle and bustle of Las Pegasus.  I never really grasped the concept of ‘pony-watching’ before, but in Las Pegasus, suddenly it made sense.  What would be abnormal anywhere else was absolute mundanity here.  Showgirls in outrageous outfits trotted past businessponies in custom suits.  A stallion was trying to herd an elephant down the main street, and no one even batted an eye at him as they went about their daily business.  I couldn’t tear myself away from the window.

Not until Spices was ready, anyway.  She’d also dolled herself up and was looking quite spiffy.  I was under no delusion – we weren’t going to be catching the eyes of any nice stallions, but I thought we looked sufficiently cute for our human audience.  

We trotted out of our hotel and joined the menagerie of ponies going about their business, probably the two least exciting ponies to watch in the entire crowd.  That really won’t do.  We’re on our way to a competition where we want to stand out from the crowd.  Blending in is the exact opposite of what we want to do.  “Spices?”

“Yeah?”

“No pun intended, but I think we need to spice things up.”

“Crowd song?”

“Crowd song.”  Music started playing in my mind, and I tapped a hoof to it.  Spices immediately picked up the beat.

Oh, what should we make?
Cookies we shall bake!
Vanilla milkshake
And strawberry shortcake
They'll be judging us

I took the first verse, and Spices immediately responded with the second.

Lots of dishes to try
Potatoes to fry
Razzleberry pie
Goes right to my thigh
They'll be judging us

Showgirls galloped over to us and formed a chorus line, belting out the chorus:

No time to panic
When things get frantic
For sanity's sake, don't want a tummy ache

The crowd was really getting into it by this point – the showgirls probably helped that.  Everypony sang the next verse.

No time for a break
Won't make a mistake
Too much is at stake
The prize we will take
They'll be judging us

I spun around a light pole, not caring that I was probably going to have to redo my makeup when we got to our destination.  I soloed.

They're demanding, and we're under such duress
Remember, can't get distracted by the stress
When we're done, can't leave the kitchen a mess
It's all worth it, when we reach for our success
I keep hoping, maybe, maybe...please?

I held the ‘please’ and the crowd responded enthusiastically, stomping in appreciation.  Then the showgirls picked up the chorus again.

No time to panic
When things get frantic
For sanity's sake, don't want a tummy ache

Spices finished us off with the last verse.

No time for a break
Won't make a mistake
Too much is at stake
The prize we will take

Then the crowd started fading out with the last line, repeated a dozen times by different ponies, getting softer until there was nothing left.

I panted and wiped my forehead.  Yeah, my makeup’s toast.  “Nothing like a crowd song to get the blood pumping!”

Spices leaned against me, apparently even more winded than I was.  “Indubitably!”

In the grand scheme of things, our makeup getting messed up didn’t matter in the least.  Most of the ponies we were to compete against had arrived early.  The human crew, however, was taking their sweet time setting everything up.  Hurry up and wait.  Great.  It just meant there was more time to touch ourselves up.

I finally got my first look at a human.  The females of the species were really oddly proportioned, and that was exaggerated even more by her thin frame.  She works for Food Network, how can she possibly be so scrawny?

She eventually introduced herself as Jada.  It was a very pretty name, and so exotic.  She only stated her given name, but from what I’d read, human surnames were based on their occupations.  If she was a blacksmith, she’d be Jada Smith.  If she was a carpenter, she’d be Jada Carpenter.  Like ponies, talents ran in human families, so you’d often end up with a bunch of Smiths or Millers or Carpenters in the same family.  It’s always important to study these things in advance, so as not to end up culture shocked.

She explained she was an intern, which likely meant her full name was Jada Intern.  There was no equivalent Equestrian word for ‘intern’, but I figured it must be a very important position for the company to have sent her all the way here.  Considering that the portal wasn’t even ‘officially’ open yet, she must’ve pulled a lot of strings just to get here.  From the images I’d seen of humans, I estimated her to be fairly young, so she was no doubt very good at her job to have climbed so high in the company so quickly.

Every competitor had their own table, but there was no stove.  Instead, there was an electronic box I recognized as a human invention known as a ‘microwave’.  This one had a logo for ‘Panasonic’ on the front, and I saw there were banners for the company hung all around the competition area.  Jada quickly explained these were prototype hoof-friendly microwaves the company was planning on marketing as ‘Ponysonic’.  She also explained that engineers from the company would be walking around with clipboards, taking notes on everything from our reactions to the devices, to how we used them.  Their goal was to take the data learned from the competition and use it to refine the prototypes into production models.

Finally getting down to business, she started assigning ponies to tables, and when we got to ours I studied it.  The ingredients sitting on our table were a mix of the familiar and the unknown.  Everything we were using had been brought from Earth, so this demonstrated there was significant overlap in the respective diets of humans and ponies.  But there were exceptions, primarily among artificial flavors and processed foods, areas where humans excelled.

“What on Equus is this?”  Spices levitated a package of tofu in front of her.

I immediately recognized it from my research – humans had developed a number of variations of soy as a healthy alternative to some of their other traditional foods.  It was mostly used to emulate meat for those humans that had chosen a more pony-style diet.  Imagine the possibilities – a meat replacement that ponies could use when entertaining griffin or hippogriff guests.  If any of the other competitors had read the books that had been provided to us in advance of the competition, they’d know what it was too.  If they were smart, they’d focus on it.

Spices had already opened the package and taken a bite of the tofu.  She stuck her tongue out.  “Bland.  Do humans not have taste buds?”

“It’s intended to be bland.  It’s primarily used as filler; something that absorbs the flavor of what it’s cooked with.  Like zucchini and eggplant.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever eaten either of those.”

“Makes two of us.”  I giggled.  “Why fill up on filler when you have more of the good stuff?”  Spices agreed with me and I dumped the tofu into the trash – we wouldn’t be needing it.  Go all out or go home.  No wasting time and calories on unnecessary fillers.

Cherry Spices had levitated another mysterious new ingredient to her.  “Whatever this is, it’s very savory and salty.  Pretty sure this is meat.”

I nodded as I grabbed more of the bacon.  That’s not bad.  I had some more.  Yeah, I could develop a taste for this.  “It is, but we’re not cooking for ponies, are we?”  I ate some more of the bacon, trying to get an idea of what other ingredients it would best be paired with.  It definitely wasn’t suitable for most desserts, and seemed a much better fit for a main course or an appetizer.  “Any ideas?”

“Maybe mix it with the cream cheese and use it as a spread?”

“That could work.”  I opened a pink and orange box labeled ‘Dunkin’ Donuts’ and cleaved a doughnut in half.  “Doughnut sandwiches.”

“Sounds deliciously unhealthy.”

“Indubitably, my dear Spices.”

She grinned.  “I wouldn’t have it any other way, my dear Plum Chum!”

That's a new nickname.

Seeing my look of confusion, she expanded on it.  “If we win and get out in front of an audience, we should have really good nicknames for one another.”

I agreed with her, but didn’t have the heart to tell her that she’d have to keep working on it until she found one.  “We may be getting ahead of ourselves.  We’ve got to win, first.”  I scanned the ingredients.  “We’ve got cocoa and Philadelphia cream cheese.”

“I know what you’re thinking.”

“Red velvet cake.  We’ve got everything I need.”

“Do it.”

I smiled.  “What are you going to make?”

“I’ll take care of the doughnut sandwiches.”

“Perfect!”  I started prepping the cake while Spices chopped the doughnuts in half.  I looked from the cake to the microwave – I had no idea how to bake a cake in something other than a proper oven.  I’d read that microwaves significantly cut down the cooking time needed, but I didn’t know by how much.

My internal debating on how much time I should put my cake in for was interrupted when my tummy started gurgling.  I looked around for the nearest bathroom.  Spices was already halfway to it, and I slowly walked in that direction, afraid that a faster gait would evacuate the contents of my stomach immediately.

Jada and her assistant, Chad, trailed after me.

“You brought bacon?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Ponies are herbivores, dummy!”  Jada glared at him and brandished the Official Guide To Visiting Equestria.  “Did you even bother reading this before coming here?”

“Bacon isn’t a vegetable?”

Jada looked from him to Spices and me and then back to him, mouth agape.  “How did you get a job with Food Network?”

He shrugged.  “I just move things around.  I can follow directions and lift more than fifty pounds.  Those were the job requirements.  Being around great food all day is just a perk.”

The bathroom door shut behind me before I could catch her reply.









I staggered out of the restroom almost an hour later.  Spices was leaning against a pillar waiting for me.  “Are you okay, Plum?”

I shook my head.  “No.  How about you?”

“Definitely not.  I don’t think I can make it back to our table.”

“I don’t even want to.  Our table’s too far away from the toilet.”

She nodded.  “We can kinda see what’s going on from here.”

“We don’t have a chance of winning if we don’t get back in there and start whipping up some of our signature desserts.”

“I don’t care.”

I thought about it for a few seconds and decided I agreed with her.  “Maybe we should just go back to our room?”

“That would require moving.”

I couldn’t fault her logic.  “This pillar is really nice.”

“That’s what I said.  Very ornate.  Shiny even.”

I joined her in leaning against it as my stomach struggled to settle down.  It felt good to take some of the load off my hooves.  We continued standing out of the way until after the competition ended.  The judges went around, sampling the offerings while the cooks happily talked up their dishes.  They even stopped by our vacant table and tried the doughnut sandwiches.  At least our suffering hasn’t been in vain.  They’re giving us a chance.  It was only then that I noticed my red velvet cake wasn’t sitting on the table.

I moaned, partially in agony, and partially in frustration.  “One of our competitors must’ve stolen my red velvet cake off our table.”

“There’s nothing we can do about that now, Plum.”

“Maybe whoever grabbed it figured out how to make it in the microwave.”

“Or maybe they couldn’t and what would’ve been a guaranteed victory was taken away from them, as easily as they took it away from us.”

I laughed, but that turned out to be the last thing my stomach needed.  I returned to the bathroom.

Spices pulled me out of the restroom when it was time for them to announce who won.  By that point, I’d long since given up on caring – it wasn’t going to be us.

We once more leaned against the pillar.  Let’s get this over with.

“Our winners today demonstrated a willingness to explore the ingredients and come up with a dish that their intended audience thoroughly enjoyed, even at the cost of having to personally miss most of the competition due to unforeseen events out of their control.  While I’ve had words with my assistant regarding the inappropriateness of bringing bacon, we also feel that they most embodied the spirit of the competition, actively trying things and thinking outside the box.  It’s rare that herbivores prepare a meat dish for omnivorous judges.  We applaud their ability to adapt to the situation.  Our winners are Plumsweet and Cherry Spices!”

But we only made one dish.  As proud as I was of winning, I wanted to protest.  But that required effort, and all I really wanted to do was go take a nice hot shower and then crawl into bed.  A glance at Cherry Spices was all it took to know she felt the same way.

Jada made her way toward us, thankfully sparing us the agony of walking all the way to her.  “Congratulations!  Your prize is five hundred Equestrian bits, and an opportunity to join us on Earth to film your own cooking show.  I’ll get started on the contract once I return home to Earth and my boss delegates it back to me.”

“Thank you!”  Spices had somehow found reserves of energy to answer on our behalf.  I don’t think she’d eaten as much of the bacon as I did – she hadn’t attempted to acquire the taste for it like I did.

Unfortunately, I had, and my stomach was protesting the fact that I was still standing.  Jada complimented my red velvet cake, and explained they’d found it abandoned on our table and taken it to the kitchen to bake in an oven.  I smiled, and thanked her.

But that was about all I could manage, and I had to lean against Spices all the way back to our hotel room.







Trotsdale: three months, and one day ago


Spices and I had been approved to go to Earth, since Food Network had expressed interest in starring us in a culinary show on the entertainment device the humans called a ‘television’.  We would be cooking and acting simultaneously.  It was complicated, and compounding matters was that neither Spices nor I had any acting experience.  Spices joined a theatrical production for the play Hinnie In The Hills, while I decided to test the waters in a different way.  We’d each need individual stage personas to play off of in front of the audience, so I opted to go for comedy.

The local theater had a range of uses, from putting on plays to karaoke.  Once a week they offered a stand-up comedy night, and there was a monthly amateur night.  I nervously paced back and forth behind the curtain.  With no experience whatsoever, I had to go first.  The other comedians explained that the only thing worse than missing the mark was missing that mark directly after somepony else hadn’t missed it.

I peeked through the curtain at the audience.  Full house!  I gulped.  No pressure or anything.

All too soon it was time for me to perform.  I nervously took my place on stage.

“I ever tell you about the time I electrocuted a draconequus?  I was working in Manehattan and my boss told me to plug in ‘dis cord’.”

I waited for the laughter that never came.  Okay, that one didn’t do so well.  I better step up my game a bit.

“What’s Cozy Glow’s favorite condiment?  Tartarus sauce!”

Once more there was a lack of laughs.  Tough crowd.  Time to go to the guaranteed material.  “I’d say I’m losing the audience, but I never had you to begin with.  You’d have better off staying home and watching paint dry.  Think about it.  My name is ‘Plumsweet’ or ‘P.S.’ for short.  Even my parents think I’m an afterthought.  Every year they send out a Hearth’s Warming Card with updates on the family, and it’s ‘P.S.: Plumsweet did some stuff too but it wasn’t important.’”

There was some genuine laughing.  Self-deprecating comedy to the rescue, as always.  “What kind of name is Plumsweet anyway?  All kinds of things rhyme with that.  Scum-eat, for example.  On a totally related note, I’d avoid the potatoes tonight.  Then there’s the ever-popular Bum-beat.”  I smacked my flank.  “There’s a lot of it, too.”  I half-turned to show off my cutie mark.  “I may have had one or two too many ice cream sodas over the years, but hey, it’s ice cream.  Is there anybody out there who doesn’t like ice cream?  If a big rump is the tradeoff, well, that’s worth it!”

I trotted out from behind the microphone stand.  “So I’m a little chubby.  Plumsweet is Plumpsweet.  Dessert is the most important meal of the day.  Am I wrong?”  I paused, waiting while the ponies in the audience shook their heads.  “Of all the things my name rhymes with, the one I love most is ‘Come eat!’”  I patted my belly for emphasis.

Things hadn’t gone as well as I’d hoped, but I’d managed to salvage the act at the end… at the expense of my dignity.  Not like I had all that much self-esteem to begin with.







Trotsdale: three months ago


Waiting was the hardest part.

Ever since Spices and I had been chosen the winners in the contest, we were in a holding pattern. We needed to learn Earth’s languages, culture, history, etc. while also preparing for our future careers, while simultaneously trying to earn some semblance of income.

There was no point in getting permanent jobs, so we’d taken to apprenticing at a bakery. Specifically, we were each apprenticing at different bakeries.  We met for lunch every day at a third, neutral bakery.

“How’d things go last night?”  Cherry Spices wasted no time, looking at me with expectant green eyes.

“Could’ve gone better. Ponies weren’t laughing at my jokes so I had to slip into my A-game material.”

“You mean the self-deprecating garbage.”

“It works.”

“Yeah, it works to undermine your self-confidence and reinforce everything everypony has ever told you.  The bullies don’t need to bully you anymore, you do it enough for them.  They’ve won, Plum.”

I couldn’t look my best friend in the face.  “I had to do something.”

She sighed.  “You’re still that same scared filly deep down inside. We’re adults now, Plum.  Let go of the past, and live life to the fullest. Those fillies and colts that used to torment us are mares and stallions now.  They’ve grown up, and most of them would probably be ashamed of their actions in their younger days.  Sure, there are a few jerks who’ll never grow out of it, but ignore them.”

“Or sit on them.”

“Plumsweet.  I’m serious.  You’re so bad to yourself.”

“Maybe sometimes, but I also know how to treat myself right.”  I motioned to my plate, piled high with cookies, cakes, and assorted other pastries.

Spices nabbed a cupcake off the pile and nodded.  “I’ll give you that.  But maybe tone down the self-deprecating humor a bit once we get to Earth.  It’s a new world and a new start.  You have the opportunity to be a whole new Plumsweet.”

“What’s wrong with the old Plumsweet?”

“Low self-esteem.  If we could just get rid of that, the old Plumsweet would be perfect.”

“I’ll try.”

“That’s all I ask.  It hurts me to see you hurt yourself so. Words can be weapons, just as dangerous as swords or spears.  Perhaps even more dangerous, because it’s far easier to inadvertently cut yourself or somepony else with them.”

“I suppose.”

“No, no supposing. Listen to me, Plum.  This is important.  One can’t succeed in life if one sets oneself up for failure every single time.  If you make fun of you, others will follow you.  You say they’re laughing with you, but they’re laughing with you, at you.  You make it acceptable, so even ponies who wouldn’t laugh at you do so.  Because you encourage it.”

Spices rustled around in her saddlebags while I mulled over her words.  She’s not wrong.

“Here.”  Spices slid over a compact, and I opened it.  “What do you see?”

I looked into it, seeing my reflection in the mirror.  “I see me.”

“What else do you see?”

“The wall behind me.”

Cherry Spices groaned. “Come on, Plum, be serious.  Look closer at yourself and tell me what you see.”

“I see an overweight earth pony with a white coat and pink and red hair.”

“Keep looking.  I want you to say something nice to your reflection.  We’re not leaving here until you do.”

“I’ve got a nice smile.”

“You definitely do. Your sense of humor is a breath of fresh air.  You love to make ponies laugh.  Say something else nice.”

“I’ve got great taste in friends.  I tried to say something nice to my reflection years ago with no luck, yet you've made me do so successfully.”

“Stop looking on the outside and say something nice about your inner self.”

“I’m good at complimenting ponies.”

Spices shook her head. “You’re good at flattery.  Which you do by propping everypony around you up on a pedestal while simultaneously putting yourself down.  Tell me something, Plum – what makes them better than you?”

“I…”  I paused, contemplating that.  “I don’t know.  Nothing, really.”

“Exactly.  Remember that colt you were crushing on?  You kept saying he could do better, and you know what? He did exactly that.”

“…Thanks.”

“He found a mare with self-confidence, a mare who wasn’t afraid to accept a compliment.  He was interested in you, but you turned him off with your constant self-deprecation. If you keep giving ponies reasons not to like you, they’re not going to like you.  The bullies are gone, Plum.  The only one left bullying you… is you.”

“When you say it like that, it sounds really stupid.”

“In that case, I challenge you to find a way to say it and make it sound smart.”

“I’m…. uh, keeping my ego in check?”

“What ego?  You buried your ego under the playground at the elementary school.  It’s time to fix that.  What are you going to do the next time somepony picks on you?”

“I’m gonna tell them to go nuzzle a cactus.”

Cherry Spices slammed a hoof on the table.  “Darned tootin’ you are.”







Earth: today


Friends made interdimensional travel better.  Cherry Spices and I sat near the back of the bus and relaxed.  Unlike some of our fellow travelers, we had a plan and jobs waiting for us.  Within the week we’d be the first ponies on TV, and the ponies most Americans would get to know first.  We were going to be the face of Equestria to an entire country.  At least for the segment of the population that enjoyed watching cooking shows.  It was exciting!  We’re going to be famous!

A blue unicorn mare talked to us about a hotel she was starting, but we declined immediately.  We had neither the time nor interest in going in on that with her.

While it was amazing to meet an actual duchess, it was merely a formality.  We had to check in, but there wasn’t anything for her to really do.  The folks from Food Network were already waiting in the parking lot when our bus pulled in – so the bulk of our time spent with Ploomette was basically an exit interview on why we’d left Equestria.  The short of it was that the opportunity was too good to pass up.

Once we were done at the consulate, we were driven to the network’s headquarters, which conveniently also happened to be in New York City, and went through what they called ‘the orientation process’ which meant hours of filling out paperwork and watching videos on the computer.  I’d never been so bored in my life.  A lot of it seemed really simple and straightforward and could be boiled down to: respect your coworkers and play nicely with each other.  It was the kind of thing most ponies would’ve considered kindergarten-level education.  It was nothing like working in Equestria, where you apprenticed with somepony experienced in your chosen field.  Most of the time, training was on-the-job and you started working the minute you set hoof in the business.

By the time we were done for the day, I was exhausted and I didn’t feel like I’d accomplished anything at all.  Spices and I had decided to split a hotel room not far from the network’s headquarters, and we trotted there when we finished for the day.  The downside was it was expensive, but the upside was it was fairly upscale.  For the prices they were charging, they had to provide decent amenities.

Boring paperwork and pointless videos faded to the back of my mind as I relaxed in the hot tub with Spices.







New York City, New York: day 5


I walked around our kitchen, making my final inspections before the show began.  The cookies I’d made earlier were ready to go, and just as delicious as they’d been when I pulled them out of the oven.  Our ingredients were sitting on the counter, with the exception of those that needed to be kept refrigerated.

The kitchen itself was a marvel – I sincerely doubted anything like this existed anywhere in Equestria.  And this is just a studio.  Imagine what I could do if this was a real kitchen.  A brick oven was next to a massive conventional oven suitable for a restaurant.  There were two stainless steel refrigerators, on opposite sides of the studio from one another.  Their contents had been organized specific to the needs of what we’d be preparing on any given day.  The plan was to film three episodes each day until we’d built up an entire season’s worth of material.  With luck, our show would be a resounding success and we’d be picked up for additional years.

This is it.  This is what we’ve been waiting over a year for: our own cooking show.

Spices and I trotted out to the ‘front’ of the kitchen, technically a missing ‘fourth wall’ where the cameras and studio audience were located.  The audience was filled to capacity, and I wondered how many were here because they wanted to see us cook, and how many were there just to see ponies up close and personal.  It had been less than a week since the portal opened, so ponies were still a novelty on Earth.

“Salutations, and welcome to Two Pudgy Fillies!  I’m Cherry Spices, and this is Plumsweet.”

I curtseyed as my friend introduced me.  “Pleasure to meet all of you!”

“I know what you’re thinking.  You’re wondering why anyone would want to watch a cooking show hosted by ponies.  But I assure that we eat more than just oats and hay.”  Spices was a natural in front of the camera, and I let her take the lead.

I patted my belly.  “You don’t get this figure from eating oats.  We love good food and we’re not ashamed to admit it.”

“She’s right.  Ponies love desserts.  Some of us love them more than others.”  Cherry giggled, and her laughter was contagious.  “If you want healthy choices, there are plenty of other shows here on Food Network that can help you with that.  But if you want unashamed indulgence of the things that aren’t, you’ve come to the right place.”

“Our definition for ‘calorie’ is that it’s a unit of measure for how good something tastes.  Without further ado, take it away, Spices!”

“This is our kitchen.”  She paused, waiting for the camera to pan around the room to show off our state of the art studio.  “This is where the magic happens!”  She lit up her horn for emphasis on that last part.

The audience oohed in appreciation.  It was likely the first time any of them had seen magic in person before. 

As Cherry kept up her spiel, I started pulling the ingredients out.  “What… what is this obscenity?”  It hadn’t been there on my final tour of the kitchen half an hour earlier.

“Margarine.”  Cherry Spices backed away from it in mock horror.

I swept a leg along the countertop, knocking the offending substance into the trash where it belonged.  I placed a container of butter where the margarine had been.  “I don’t know how this…this…monstrosity ended up in our kitchen, but accept no substitutes.  Butter is better.  If you want a quality dessert, you have to use quality ingredients.  I’m sure there are some dishes where margarine is appropriate.  I can’t think of any, personally, but they might exist.  How about you, Spices?”

Cherry Spices shrugged.

“Exactly.  No kitchen should be without butter.”  I gathered the needed ingredients from the closest fridge as Spices explained what we’d be making.

“Today we’re going to make chocolate raspberry cheesecake.  I’ve been looking forward to trying this recipe since I first heard about it.”

“Me too!  First we start with our crust.  You could use a store bought, pre-made crust…”  I paused for the studio audience to boo.  “But that’s selling the end result short.”  I pulled a tray of freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies out of the oven.  “So instead, we’ll start with these chocolate chip cookies!”

The audience cheered, on cue, to the teleprompter directing them.

“The best part about doing this is that it’s combining two amazing desserts into one.”  Cherry Spices started pulverizing the cookies into crumbs.

“Au contraire!  The best part about starting with chocolate chip cookies is this.”  I grabbed one off the tray and munched on it.  “Leftovers!”

The studio audience laughed and I grinned for the camera.

“As for the filling: instead of cream cheese, we recommend ricotta.  But not just any ricotta, but authentic Italian ricotta for that sweet flavor.”

I held up the ingredients as Spices rattled them off, and then we prepared the dish for the cameras.  Once we were done, we put it into the oven.  But thanks to the magic of television, the audience needn’t wait to see the results.  I pulled an already baked cheesecake from the oven.

It smelled fantastic and looked sublime.  I knew it would be – we’d spent the last two days perfecting the recipe.  Ingredients were different on Earth, and we played around with them until we were satisfied we could match their Equestrian equivalents.

“Each slice is approximately 5,000 calories.”  The camera then zoomed in to show I’d cut the cake in half, one slice each for Cherry Spices and myself.

Once more the audience erupted into laughter.

“Good night, everypony!” Cherry and I chorused, and the audience applauded as the video camera cut off.

Spices levitated the mics off of us and we started eating our respective slices of the cake.

“I think that went well.”

“Me too.”  She levitated her fork in front of her.  “This is incredible.”

“That it is.”  I took a bit, savoring the flavor.  I licked my lips, struggling to reach the whipped cream smeared on my cheeks.  “And the audience really seemed enthusiastic.”

“Ladies.”

I looked up to see the director.  He’s probably here to congratulate us on a great episode.

“I don’t know how things work in Equestria, but that tub of margarine was there because Parkay was our sponsor.  The key word there is ‘was’, because as of thirteen minutes ago they canceled their contract with us.  They’re also going to pursue legal action if we don’t pull your show.  You’re both fired.  Get your stuff and get out of my studio.”

“Can’t we get Breakstone to sponsor us?  Or Land O’ Lakes?”

“No.  Get out.  Security!”

“We’re leaving!  We’re leaving!”

I grabbed my saddlebags from my changing room as security showed us out of the building.  Standing on the sidewalk outside Food Network’s headquarters, I turned to my friend.  “Now what?”

“I’m going back home.  I only spent what the studio paid us in advance.  I never touched my stipend.  I’ll just pay it back.  You?”

“I don’t know.  I spent some of my money, but I could probably pay it back.  The network still owes us for what we’ve done since we got here.  Even if they’re not happy with us, they legally have to pay us.  Besides, we just got here and I’m not keen on going back, especially not with my tail tucked between my legs.  We’re among the first ponies on Earth – it’s an opportunity.  I guess I’ll talk to the Duchess.  Maybe she’s got some ideas.”

“You do that.  When you come home to Equestria, look me up.”

“If you leave, you can’t come back for five years.”

She waved a hoof, dismissively.  “I’m not really concerned.  If you’re going to insist on staying here, do us both a favor and find a human that’s proficient with video equipment.  Equestria will eventually have the infrastructure to support television and we’ll be positioned to have the first cooking show.”

I nodded.  “I can do that.”

We trotted to the consulate, each lost in our own thoughts.  Cherry went in first, and returned to the waiting room a few minutes later.  “I’m leaving tomorrow.  When the bus leaves here to pick everypony up from the portal, I’ll be on it along with some human immigrants to Equestria.  You should join me.”

“I’ll think about it.”  I trotted into Ploomette’s office for the second time in less than a week.  She’s here to help.  Let her help.

“Come in, Plumsweet.”

She remembered my name!  “Thank you, Duchess.”

“Do you also wish to pay back your stipend and return to Equestria?”

I shook my head.  “Not unless it’s the only option.  I just got here.  I don’t want to go home already.”  It’s not like there’s anything I really care about back home anyway, or I wouldn’t have left in the first place.

“If you want to stay in television, I can help you with that.  There are several networks interested in hiring ponies.  How’s your acting?”

“Nonexistent.”

“In that case, ESPN 8: The Ocho is looking for a pony to cover sporting events for the network.  They televise a variety of lesser-known sports, and they’ve recently added buckball to the mix.”

“So I’d just be covering buckball games?”

“Not exactly.  You’d also be covering dodgeball, sumo wrestling, monster truck racing, karate tournaments, roller derby, steeplechasing, javelin throwing, and everything else the network telecasts.”

“I don’t know the rules to buckball, and I’ve never even heard of the rest of those sports.”

“Aside from your friend who’s going home, you’re the only pony who’s been in front of a camera for a television program.  That makes you the closest thing to ‘experienced’ as they’re going to get.”

“They’d be better off with somepony who’s played buckball in the past.”  She shook her head and I realized there were no former Equestrian athletes on Earth.  “I don’t really care if I stay in show business or not, but I guess I could give it a try?”

She smiled and promised to make the necessary arrangements.







Bristol, Connecticut: day 7


ESPN’s headquarters wasn’t in New York, but nearly one hundred miles away in another state entirely.  Ploomette had assured me that unlike border crossings between countries, crossing state lines was like passing from one town to another in Equestria.  Some laws might be a bit different, but there were no checkpoints or customs to go through.

A trip of that distance in Equestria would take all day, but on Earth, it was only a few hours on a train, and a short car ride to the office.  The network had a car waiting for me at the train depot, and I rode in the back as my driver took me where I needed to go.  She escorted me to my interview, waiting outside while I auditioned for the job.

My lack of knowledge on sports wasn’t as big a hurdle as I expected it to be – they could teach me the intricacies of the various events I’d be covering; what was more important to them was how good I looked on camera.

Thankfully, I was the first pony any of them had ever seen in person.  I’d spent the previous day in my hotel room watching ESPN and I’d noticed the hosts tended to be fairly athletic looking themselves.  The female sportscasters in particular looked to conform to what males of the species would most find attractive.  Certainly none of them were chubby like I was.  I was no model, not like Fleur-de-Lis or Daisy Dreams, but they really had no point of reference as to what stallions would find appealing.  They were evidently well aware that their demographic was primarily male.

But right now ponies are barely represented on Earth, and stallions are a tiny percentage of what few ponies have made it through the portal.  A few dozen at most.  That means they’re catering to their existing demographic, which prompts questioning the need for a pony reporter in the first place.  I’m a novelty, no doubt.

I followed their directions and they liked what they saw, so they hired me.  It seemed easier than it should’ve been – they really wanted a pony on staff and I was their only option.  I hope I can live up to their expectations.







San Antonio, Texas: day 12


I stepped off the airplane and disembarked into the terminal.  My first flight was an interesting experience, and one I wasn’t looking forward to repeating.  Flying is for the birds… and the pegasi.  I wonder how many more flights I’m going to have to take before I get used to traveling this way?

I’d gone through yet another orientation process, and then ESPN had sent me to some local sporting events to get an idea of what they were like.  I’d watched some high school basketball games, and a regional hockey game, and I wasn’t sure I had a great grip on either one of the sports. Especially the latter, because the teams would randomly break out into fighting throughout the event.

My first on-air event had been a sumo wrestling event the night before.  It had been an interesting contest, where two large men attempted to push each other.  With my earth pony strength, I’d been tempted to get out there and challenge the winner. I was positive I could’ve beaten him, but I was a reporter, and I was supposed to observe and offer commentary – I wasn’t supposed to compete.

My next assignment was Monster Jam at the Alamodome.  I figured it would involve humans wrangling monsters.  Such events weren’t unheard of in Equestria, where some boastful ponies would fight manticores and hydras for the entertainment of others.  It was generally frowned upon and completely illegal. But they’d host the events in places like the Everfree Forest that didn’t fall under any town’s jurisdiction.

It begged the question of just what humans considered monsters on Earth.  I arrived early, because I wanted to learn the sport and interview some of the competitors before the show started.

The Alamodome turned out to be a massive arena, bigger than anything I’d ever heard of in Equestria. I got lost and wandered around the stadium for half an hour before I finally found my way out onto the floor of the arena. It was dirt, and there were multiple hills.  I trotted up one of them, and was sweating before I made it to the top.  Obviously the athletes competing would be in much better physical condition than me, and would have no trouble climbing the hills. Once I ascended the hill, I looked out over the playing surface.  Two of the hills were more like buttes, with no easy way of scaling them.  Oddly, there were metallic containers buried at the tops of the buttes.

Downhill was a lot easier, and at the bottom I came across four green cars parked next to one another. While I’d ridden in a few cars, I hadn’t yet had the opportunity to really examine one up close.  So I took the opportunity to check them out.  They didn’t seem to be nearly as nice as the ones I’d seen previously, and even though there were no windows in the car on the end, I couldn’t get the door open.  I probably could've bucked it open, but I didn’t want to damage someone’s vehicle. I was a guest on Earth, after all, and it wouldn’t make a good impression if I went around destroying other people’s property.  A thinner pony could’ve squeezed through the window, but I hadn’t been small enough to fit through that opening since I was a young filly.  The last thing I wanted was to get stuck in there when monsters might attack at any time.  I had yet to see any of the monsters, though there were people milling about by some oversized trucks along the wall.

I returned my attention to the green cars, and noticed that what I thought were the lighting fixtures were also painted green.  One would think that would defeat the purpose of lights, but I’d seen humans had tiny lights that could shine very brightly, so perhaps they didn’t need big lamps like I’d seen on other cars.

Closer examination indicated that the cars had been hastily repainted, as I saw overspray on the seats when I stuck my head inside.  But why?  Perhaps these are also obstacles for the monsters to navigate?  Or maybe they use the cars as traps.  I bet it would be very easy to trick a monster into getting stuck inside!  I bet that’s why they paint them – to camouflage them!  Oh, I do hope they don’t kill the poor monsters.  Maybe they have a Tartarus on Earth that they lock them up in too.

I decided to head over to the giant trucks, no doubt the vehicles used to bring the monsters to the arena.  It seemed logical to assume that the monster cages would be near the transports.  The first truck I came across was blue, with spikes along the top, and two big horns curving from the roof.  It had ‘Dragon’ emblazoned on the side and I gasped.  Dragons aren’t monsters!  I thought Equestria explained we have dragons back home.  Perhaps Earth’s dragons can’t speak the language, so the humans think they’re mindless beasts.  This won’t do!  I have to stop this!

A human wearing a shirt the same color blue as the ‘Dragon’ truck turned his attention to me.  “You like it?”

“I demand to be taken to the dragon at once!”

“Uh, it’s right here. The truck.  The truck is Dragon.”

I blinked.  “So it’s not hauling a real dragon?”

He laughed.  “Right, you have dragons back in Horseyland.  There aren’t any dragons on Earth.  We just call this truck Dragon.”

“Oh.  Dragons are fierce, so I guess that makes sense if fighting monsters.  Explain to me what this truck is used for if it doesn’t haul a dragon to be fought?”

“Wow, you really are new to this.  The trucks are the monsters.  Monster trucks.  There’s two main events: racing, where two trucks square off against one another to see who’s the fastest, and freestyle, which is where one driver gets a minute and a half to do anything they want in the arena, hitting as many of the obstacles as they can, with the goal of impressing the audience the most with their stunts.”

“So no real monsters?”

He shook his head.  “Nope, just trucks.”

“That still sounds very interesting.  And less scary.”

“It’s perfectly safe. They don’t let fans sit in the first few rows of seats anymore.”

The ‘anymore’ at the end of that sentence begged questions, but I wasn’t an investigative reporter, rather I was a sports reporter.  I wasn’t supposed to look for mysteries to solve.

I looked at the next truck in the row.  That one had the biggest crowd around it – it was black with green flames, a giant skull, tombstones, and bright red headlights.  The name on the side indicated it was Grave Digger.  I blinked.  Why would anyone want skulls and gravestones decorating their truck?  What is wrong with these people?!?

I didn’t get to see any of the other trucks, because my camera crew had arrived and was setting up – I saw the big ESPN 8: The Ocho logo and introduced myself to the team.  One of them looked relieved – a young lady who ushered me into a private room where she started doing my makeup.  I was impressed at just how quickly she could do it – hands were way better at applying makeup than hooves or mouths.  What would’ve taken me an hour only took her five minutes.

Then I was back out on the arena floor, and she steered me straight towards another lady.  She was standing next to a truck called Whiplash.

My handler gave me a microphone and introduced me to her – she was apparently the driver of the Whiplash truck.

“Greetings!  I’m Plumsweet, and I’m covering this for ESPN 8: The Ocho!  This is my first ever monster truck event.  Tell me what I can expect to see tonight.”

“You’re in for a treat. You’re going to see the biggest, most powerful monster trucks in the world as they destroy everything in their path. You’ll see trucks perform incredible death-defying stunts.  You’re gonna love it!”

“Okay.  I look forward to it.”  I had no idea what else to ask her.  I must look like a fool.  “Any tips you can give to a first-timer?”

“Don’t blink or you might miss something.”

“Got it!”

The trucks fired their engines and my ears flattened.  It was easily the loudest thing I’d ever heard, and my ears were begging for mercy as the trucks pulled out of the arena, staging themselves for the qualifying session.

The roar of the engines was made worse by the echoes as the noise reverberated around the Alamodome. I couldn’t help but think this would be a much better event if it was held outdoors.

As if the noise wasn’t bad enough, the fumes from the trucks were awful.  Whatever fuel they were using made my eyes burn.  It was even worse than the smelly bus we’d ridden in to the consulate.

I relocated to my position for the event.  Qualifying involved watching the trucks run around the course.  The goal was to get the fastest time – the lower the number, the better.  I followed the scoring, even if I didn’t completely grasp what was so exciting about watching trucks go in a circle.

The racing bracket had the fastest qualifier against the slowest, and the second-fastest versus the second-slowest, etc.  In theory it meant that the best trucks should all advance to the next round.

The racing was loud with two trucks racing around the arena simultaneously, but mercifully short. With my ears flattened, I could block some of the sound.  Dragon won the racing, and the truck shot flames out of the front in celebration.  I couldn’t help but wonder what dragons back home would think of knowing there was a monster truck named after their species. It was obnoxiously loud, shot flames, and it was extremely destructive.  They’d probably approve.

As my job demanded, I went down to interview the driver of Dragon.  “Great work out there.”

“Thanks.  The truck was really hooked up tonight.”

“Hooked up to what?”

He chuckled.  “It’s an expression.  It means the truck was really working optimally tonight.”

“Forgive me, I’m still new to Earth and English.  Congratulations on the win.  Also, the flames are cool.  But you probably already know that.”  I stopped talking before my mouth could express any more of my embarrassment.

Freestyle started, and the massive trucks defied gravity.  I’d heard it said that pegasi shouldn’t be able to fly because their wings are too small for their bodies, but these trucks were flying and they didn’t even have wings at all!  They’d hit the ramps or obstacles and launch themselves thirty feet in the air.

The line of green cars didn’t stand a chance.  A truck hit the first one in line and flew over the rest of them.  The car on the end, the one I’d stuck my head into earlier, was absolutely obliterated.  The metal was deformed and debris was everywhere.  The door I hadn’t been able to open was lying on the ground next to the car.  The truck landed on the car on the other end, squashing it flat.  The truck was moving so fast it had already jumped off one of the other obstacles before my attention shifted away from the destruction of the poor green cars.

One popular trick was to hit the dirt mound with the shipping container buried inside and make the truck turn a backflip.  The crowd went nuts every time a driver landed a backflip.

As the night dragged on I learned new terminology from my cohosts.  Things like ‘wheelstand’ where a truck would rear up and drive on its back wheels only.  The shorter term was ‘wheelie’ and it came in multiple flavors.  The ‘power wheelie’ was the basic maneuver, where the truck reared up under acceleration.  There was also the slap wheelie, where the truck would rear up after hitting something, and finally the sky wheelie, where the truck would rear up in midair with no wheels on the ground after hitting one of the obstacles.

The winner of the freestyle portion of the event was the same lady I’d interviewed earlier.  I grabbed my microphone and once more asked her some routine questions.  At least I hoped they were routine questions.

My ears were ringing when we finally left.  It had been… interesting.  I really didn’t know how to describe it.  I sort of enjoyed myself, but I hated all the noise and fumes.  I’d have to look into getting some sort of ear protection before covering my next monster truck rally.



Los Angeles, California: day 13


Another day, another sporting event.  I’d stayed overnight in San Antonio, then flown to LAX on another plane.  ESPN had arranged all my travel, and there was a lady waiting at the baggage claim holding a sign with my name on it.  With so few ponies on Earth, that probably wasn’t necessary.  I followed her to a waiting car and she drove me to my hotel.  I took a quick shower to freshen up, then we drove to the World Dodgeball Tournament.

The top sixteen teams in the country were competing for the championship through a series of eliminations.  ESPN 8 was only covering the highlights of the round of sixteen, but starting with the quarterfinals, all the games would be televised live.  It gave me eight games to learn the sport from the ground up – the rules, the terminology, and what fired up the crowd.

The teams were a bizarre mix of amateurs and professionals.  Some represented cities or regions, while others were representing organizations or businesses.

The first game was the top-ranked Philadelphia Phelons against the lowest-seeded Serenity Hills Trailer Park IROCs.  The Phelons all wore matching orange jumpsuits, while the IROCs all wore jeans and white tank-tops.

I quickly determined that the object of the game was to pummel the other team’s players with balls.  If you hit one of the opposing players, they’d be eliminated from competition, but if they caught the ball, the person who’d thrown it would be eliminated instead.  I couldn’t tell how much was luck, and how much was strategy, but the Phelons came out on top.

The Phoenix Firebirds walked all over the Florida Panhandlers in game two, and the third round was an easy win for Girl Scout Troup 440+6 over the Detroit Lions.  A lot of fans seemed very disappointed by that, and I was informed that the Lions were a professional football team and were expected to perform better.  I thought they did really good considering they were dealing with much smaller targets than their opponents were.

The fourth game saw the downfall of the National City Savings & Loan Sharks at the hands of the Talladega Knights.  Game five was dominated by the Caldor Black Friday Shoppers, leaving the Main Street Mimes speechless.

In addition to learning about the game, I quickly picked up that unlike Equestrian reporting, Americans liked their sports coverage over-the-top.  It wasn’t enough to merely say who won and the score.  The audience wanted to hear that the losing teams were decimated, crushed, embarrassed, slaughtered, curbstomped, trampled, and more.

The North Avenue Irregulars demolished the Hadrian’s Bricklayers, while the Tacoma Galloping Gerties collapsed under the assault of the Ventura County Aces.  The last game before the quarterfinals was between the Centerville Public Library Volunteers and the New Jersey Legitimate Businessmen, with the latter team notching the victory.  They also had the nicest uniforms: matching three-piece suits.

Each round of games got better as weaker teams were eliminated from competition.  After a particularly brutal semi-final game that saw Girl Scout Troop 440+6 ejected from the tournament for exceedingly unnecessary roughness, the finals came down to the Phelons and the Legitimate Businessmen.

It was the most exciting game of the night, right up to the point where one of the Phelons tripped over a rolling ball and lost control of the one he was in the process of throwing.  Instead of heading towards his opponents, the ball came towards me instead.  I reared up and caught it, much to my surprise, and the shock of everyone else present.  Hooves really weren’t designed to catch balls quite the way hands were.

I was reporting, not competing, and a good journalist isn’t supposed to become the story.  The Legitimate Businessmen insisted that since I caught the ball, the player who’d thrown it should be eliminated from competition.  The Phelons, meanwhile, argued that I wasn’t playing and so it shouldn’t count.

Words were exchanged between the teams and the referee.  Eventually he ruled in favor of New Jersey, and the Phelons expressed their displeasure by throwing balls.  Specifically, they each threw a ball at the source of their irritation: me.  I’d gotten lucky by catching one errant ball.  I had no hope of catching five lobbed my way nearly simultaneously.

Then the ref disqualified them, giving the win to the Legitimate Businessmen, and the whole arena started rioting.  Cut off from my camera crew, I hid under one of the benches.

“Come with me if you want to live.”

I looked up and one of the Legitimate Businessmen was extending an arm to me.  “Thank you.”

“You did us a favor, and if there’s one thing we’re big on, it’s repaying favors.”

Once I was to safely back in my hotel room, I took a long soak in the bathtub.  When I finally got out, I wasn’t surprised to see nearly half a dozen welts on my body from where I’d been hit by the balls.  I whimpered as I traced a hoof across them – I was going to be tender for a few days.  I haven’t been this banged up since I was getting bullied on a daily basis back when I was a filly.  I thought those days were behind me now that I’m an adult, but apparently not.  This is the kind of thing I came to Earth to escape in the first place.

Monster truck racing and sumo wrestling had been bad enough, but dodgeball was the final straw.  I hadn’t enjoyed any of my assignments, so I called my boss and resigned effective immediately.  Sporting events just aren’t my thing.







New York City, New York: day 14


Maybe the third time’s the charm?  I trudged into the Equestrian Consulate yet again.  Last chance – if the next job doesn’t pan out, I’m finding someone who can work a video camera and going back to Equestria.

Despite her busy schedule, Ploomette didn’t seem bothered that I was at the consulate for the third time in two weeks.  We exchanged pleasantries and I explained that ESPN 8 just wasn’t for me.

She didn’t even seem disappointed.  She said she’d have her staff add my former job to the list of positions on Earth they were trying to fill.  They were actively advertising open jobs in Equestria trying to find qualified candidates for them.

“What did you have in mind?”

“I want to do something with cooking.  Is anybody looking for a pony cook?”

“Well, not exactly, but…”  She slid a folder towards me.  “But I think your talents might be suited for this.”

I looked at the offered documents. “A hotel?”

“Guests and staff have to eat.  You’re also very personable and easy to talk to.”

I kept reading.  Stipend’s the buy-in.  This sounds like what that mare on the bus was pushing a few weeks ago.  I can afford that, but if the venture goes south…  I’m stuck on Earth for five years.  Would that be a bad thing?  “Sounds interesting.”  I continued pondering the idea while I waited for a sales pitch that never came.  What have I got to lose?  The Food Network’s where almost all the cooking shows are, so there’s no way I’ll ever get my show back.  The lack of a spiel was the most effective sales pitch I’d ever heard.  “All right, sign me up.”

She nodded.  “I’ll call Snowcatcher and let her know.”









The hotel I was staying in had a restaurant, so I decided to give it a try.  I got off the elevator at the correct floor and trotted in.  A hostess seated me, and I looked at the menu.  

Da-da-da, da-da-da.

My ears swiveled at the familiar sound.  I turned around and groaned as I saw that all the TVs were tuned to SportsCenter.  The less I thought of my former career the better I’d like it.  Just my luck this place would be a sports bar.

Perusing the menu, I saw several options that looked promising.  I kept having to ask the waitress what some of the words meant.  ‘Calamari’ for example, was squid.  After my experience with bacon back in Equestria, I had no desire to ever try meat ever again.  I decided to have an appetizer of mozzarella sticks and waited for the waitress to return so I could place my order.

“It’s time for Not Top Ten, where we look at the ten worst plays of the past week.”

I idly watched the sports bloopers.  Football, basketball, hockey – they were sports I’d learned about, but hadn’t seen.

“This week’s number one is right up there with the Butt Fumble: Pony reporter pelted by dodgeballs!”

My face turned beet red.  I didn’t need to look at the television behind me to know what was being shown.  I galloped for the exit while everyone’s attention was on the television.

Forget that hotel the Duchess was talking about!  Cherry Spices was right, I’m going back to Equestria where I belong!  Once I was safely back in my own room I started packing.

I was startled by a knock on my door.  Under normal circumstances, it was impossible to be stealthy with hooves.  Thankfully, this was an upscale hotel and the room had a deep, plush carpet.  I crept to the door and peered out through the peephole.  A pony?  Who else knows I’m here?  I immediately opened the door and let the unicorn in.

“Plumsweet?”  I nodded.  “I’m Snowcatcher.  The Duchess said you were interested in joining up with the hotel we’re putting together?”

It’s the mare from the bus.  I’ve already turned her down once.  Could I do it a second time?  I really should.  I’m never going to live down that dodgeball incident.  But I can’t.  This time I made a commitment and I’m a mare of my word.  I nodded again.  “Just packing, and getting ready to go.”

“Great!  If you want, we can leave as soon as you’re done.”

“Appreciated.”  The more distance between me and all those sports fans who know all about my failure the better I like it.  Maybe I can dye my hair or something.  Humans probably think ponies all look alike, anyway.
> Act I: Rainbow Flash
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Gaitlinburg: twelve years, ten months, and twenty days ago


Ring!

Recess, finally.  Equestrian is so boring.  I speak good already, why do I need to learn fancy words?  Most of the other unicorns gathered on the side of the playground to ‘practice’ their magic.  Really, all they were doing was showing off to each other.  My horn sparked at the thought, a common occurrence.  I had little interest in magic, so I hadn’t even learned the basic spells.  Like school, magic was just a distraction, and my horn was just unnecessary weight.  I already know what I want to be when I grow up.  My cutie mark hasn’t come in, yet, but it’s only a matter of time.  I don’t need to waste time on things that aren’t important.

I joined a group consisting mostly of earth ponies and a few pegasi, and some of them groaned as soon as they saw me coming.  It was good-natured though, an acknowledgment that they’d already lost.  A few colts seemed to think they had a chance, and one of them grinned at me and volunteered to race me first.

“To the tree and back.  First one across the line wins.”  As if either of us needed the rules explained to us – all of us had run the course so many times we ran it in our sleep.  I stared at the line in the dirt, and crouched down into a starting position.  My overconfident opponent mirrored my pose, and with a stomp of hooves from the starter, we were off and running.

Heart pounding, grass under my hooves, wind in my mane, I had three lengths on him by the time I got to the tree, and I’d already rounded it before he got to it.  He gave up at the tree, but I didn’t.  Quitters never win.  If I want to be the fastest runner in Equestria, I can’t back off just because my opponent does.

I thoroughly trounced all comers, as usual.  I really need better competition.  I sighed.  Recess was over, and it was time to head back to class.  Mrs. Bobtail droned on and I tuned her out.  It took all my energy not to fall asleep in class – that would certainly get me into trouble.

“Rainbow Flash.”

Ugh, she’s calling on me and I didn’t even hear the question.

“If you have two apples, and I give you three more, what do you have?”

“Lunch.”

The class cracked up and Mrs. Bobtail gave me a look that only teachers and mothers could manage.  A look that said my sorry flank was hers.  “See me after school.”









The bell sounded at three o’clock, and I tried to join my classmates in vacating the building, but found my path blocked by Mrs. Bobtail.  My plan to slip out with everypony else thwarted, I looked up at the old nag.

“Rainbow.”

“Mrs. Bobtail.”

“You’re failing everything but gym.  You can’t do basic math, you can barely write anything, and having somepony read to you is not reading.  It’s obvious that you’re not taking your studies seriously.  I know you’re planning on being a great athlete, but that means nothing if you don’t get an education.  Let’s say you beat the odds and become one of Equestria’s top athletes.  If you can’t write, how are you going to sign autographs?  How will you write a best-selling autobiography?  If you can’t add or subtract, how will you manage your money?  If you can’t read and you play a team sport, how will you read the playbook?”

I had no answer to that.  Those were all valid points I hadn’t considered.

“What if the worst happens?  You break a leg in training and miss your chance to go to the big leagues.  Then what?  You have no practical skills to fall back on.”

My heart sank.  That was my worst nightmare.

“You’re going to stay every day after school until we get your grades up to where they belong.  Do you understand?”

I nodded.  “Yes, Mrs. Bobtail.”







Gaitlinburg: twelve years, two months, and eighteen days ago


Even without practicing after school, I had remained the school’s fastest runner by a wide margin.  With a lot of help from Mrs. Bobtail, I managed to pass kindergarten.  First grade was a new start, and I refused to make the same mistake again.  This time around I took my schooling seriously so I could focus on what I really wanted to do after school.

The local athletic club had a track team, and while I was way too young to be an official member, Coach Bay had no problem letting me train with the team.  I was faster than some of the adults, spurring some of them to train harder, and others to drop out completely.  Nopony wanted to be beaten by a kid.

Many of the ponies at the club were preparing for the Equestria Games, hoping to represent Gaitlinburg in front of a national audience.  I wouldn’t be eligible for another dozen years or so, but earning a few gold medals was my dream.  Someday.

“Rainbow!”

“Coach!”  I nuzzled him.  “What’s first?”

He chuckled.  “I wish everypony else on the team was as enthusiastic as you are.  Let’s start with warm-ups.  Two laps around the track at a trot.  Don’t let me catch you galloping.”

I groaned.  “But warming up is boring!”

“You don’t want to hurt yourself out there.”  He stomped a hoof.  “Now get going!”

“Yes, coach!”

The sun was shining down on me, and I enjoyed the warmth on my flanks as I trotted the lazy laps.  It took all my will not to burst into a gallop.  It was mid-autumn, but the Running of the Leaves was still a few weeks away, and temperatures had yet to plunge dramatically.  After two easy laps I hadn’t even broken a sweat, but that wouldn’t last once everypony else showed up and we started training for real.

When I was done, I moved on to stretches, knowing well that Coach Bay wouldn’t let me get a head start on practice.  Ugh, where is everypony?

“Rainbow!  Team meeting in the club.”

I groaned.  Meetings are a waste of time.  We run.  There’s not all that much need for discussion.  I galloped to the building, making up for the lost practice time as best I could.

“Surprise!”

I stopped in my tracks and looked around.  Streamers, balloons, a massive cake… I was just here an hour ago.  It wasn’t decorated then.

“Get your hooves up, party’s starting out right now.  Everypony, everypony get down.  Time to make a wish, better make it right now.  It’s been a year and today’s your birthday party.  Make a wish, it’s your birthday!  Make a wish, it’s your birthday party.”

“My birthday’s not ‘til tomorrow.”

Country Roads placed a party hat on my head and I gave up protesting.  It was obvious we weren’t going to spend any time training.  They’d even gotten me presents: water bottles, t-shirts, headbands, and more – all branded with the club’s logo.  Not that I minded; I was proud to be part of the club and my parents rarely bought me any of their merchandise.

We had cake, potato chips, ice cream, and all manner of sweets and snacks that had no business being served in an athletic club.

I didn’t get any training in for the day aside from my warm-up and stretches.  The sugar rush had died down by the time the party wrapped up, and Coach Bay was insistent that running after eating so heavily was a bad idea.

I was so tired that I couldn’t even walk home.  My friends didn’t want to stop the party, and it got late and my eyelids started getting heavy.  I nestled on her back as Country Roads took me home, back to the place I belonged.







Gaitlinburg: twelve years, two months, and seventeen days ago


I woke up early the next morning and went for a jog.  Between the previous evening’s activities and today’s planned agenda, I knew I needed to squeeze in some running time.  A casual jog wasn’t my preferred speed, but I didn’t want to upset my tummy.  I shouldn’t have eaten so much cake.  My legs feel like weights.

Gaitlinburg is a tourist trap.  I reminded myself that the city boasts more wedding chapels than any other city in Equestria, save Las Pegasus.  Gaitlinburg was also a fraction of the size of the other city, which led to the curious arrangement of the city’s downtown.  Restaurant, wedding chapel, movie theater, wedding chapel, Royal Guard station, wedding chapel…  You couldn’t pass more than two buildings without one of them being a chapel.

It meant that I couldn’t really run, or even jog, in my neighborhood.  I’d be tripping over ponies and getting underhoof at the most inopportune times.  I knew that from experience.  So I power walked to the park, and once there I set off on my jog.  It was a crisp fall day, and there was a biting chill to the air.  It was better weather for flat out galloping, to help keep from overheating, but it would do for a jog.  I pulled my favorite scarf around my neck – all the colors of the rainbow, I always felt like I was dressed in style whenever I wore it.

I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my birthday than running, but I knew that my party guests had no interest in such an activity.  So I had to get it out of my system early.  I still felt full from the previous day, and it made my workout harder.  I had to push through and overcome my stomachache.  I wasn’t going to let a little thing like that stop me from being the fastest runner in Equestria.  Even if I limited my top speed to a trot, I spent two hours at the pace.  If I couldn’t focus on speed, I’d work on building endurance.

I lost myself in the colors of autumn as I ran.  The park’s trail was only five miles long and I covered it repeatedly in those two hours.  It gave me time to pick out the prettiest tree in the park – an oak that had half-turned and had a near rainbow of green, yellow, and red leaves.

That, in turn, reminded me that the Running of the Leaves was a little more than a month away.  I’d been running the course for years, and had long since memorized it.  This year my parents had finally decided I was old enough to compete, even if I didn’t have my cutie mark just yet.  I was hoping it would come in before then, of course, but I’d be running regardless.

Mrs. Bobtail’s nagging hadn’t been wasted on me.  My horn glowed and I opened my saddlebags.  I’d started taking magic lessons as seriously as schoolwork.  I was still too shaky to levitate my canteen out of my bag, but at least the flap was out of the way.  Someday I’d be able to drink on the run.  It’s funny how once the practical applications of learning magic became obvious, learning it became more appealing.  Just think, if I’d started practicing when everypony else did, I’d be levitating things by now.

I paused at the pretty oak to gulp down water.  A tapping sound caught my attention, and I lifted my head to look in the branches of the tree to find a woodpecker pecking away at it.  I chuckled.  Well, not every creature can appreciate the aesthetics the way ponies can.

I practiced levitating my canteen back into my saddlebag.  I could do it, just not while I was moving.  It didn’t hurt that I’d drained it, so it was also lighter than it had been a few moments earlier.

Once it was safely tucked away, I continued my trot around the park.  Three more laps.  I’m out of water, so I can’t go past that.  Normally I’d bring more water with me, but I needed to force myself to be home by eleven.  I needed time to take a bath and make myself pretty before my party.

I almost hated to admit how relaxing the trotting was.  Normally when I traversed this path, my hooves flung clods of dirt as I thundered around the park in a never-ending quest to beat my best time.  Maybe I’ll start doing a warm-up lap and a cooldown lap at a trot.  The slower pace had given me the opportunity to observe things I normally missed, nor had it terrified the local wildlife.  No birds had yet to fly off, startled, nor had rabbits or squirrels dashed away from my noisy approach.

Two more laps.  On this circuit, I challenged myself to spot at least a dozen different types of birds.  Blue jay.  Cardinal.  Sparrow.  Crow.  Falcon.  Goldfinch.  Quail!  Almost missed that one.  Too busy watching the sky instead of the bushes.  Oriole.  I looked as I passed the colorful oak, but the woodpecker was gone, so I couldn’t count it.  Just need four more.  As I closed in on the finish line, I spotted a swift, bringing my final total to only nine.  Disappointed, I started my final lap with no particular challenge in mind.  I heard familiar tapping, and there was that pesky woodpecker again.  Where were you last lap?  I stuck my tongue out at the bird as I passed.

Exercise finished, I trotted home.  Building stamina wasn’t as thrilling as working on my speed, but just as necessary.  Even the fastest runner can’t win a race if she doesn’t finish.

Once home, I drew a bath and slipped into the hot water, letting the heat ease the pain in my sore muscles, the scent of the raspberry bath bomb I’d dropped in tickling my nose.  The radio on the window sill was playing some sentimental sappy ballad.  Sapphire Shores maybe?  Coloratura?  Songbird Serenade?  Today’s pop songs all sound the same to me.  Give me classical music any day.

I stayed in the tub until the water started cooling, then showered to clean off.  You know, everyone has this horrible misconception that I’m a tomboy, just because I like athletics.  I like dressing up too!  Like almost every filly, I like feeling pretty and special.  I wish everypony would understand that.  Most fillies and colts my age hated baths, let alone showers, but a piping hot bath was the closest I could get to a spa treatment at home to relax my muscles.  As for following it with a shower, soaking in a bath might be relaxing, but you end up laying in all the filth washed off your own body.  Considering the sweat I’d accumulated while trotting, that water was nasty.  Of course I wanted to wash it off.

Once I dried off I put on my favorite dress – I always dress in style on my birthday.  I managed to make it downstairs before the guests started arriving, even if my hair was still a little damp.  

Sweetie Blue was the first to arrive, and she flopped on the couch next to me.  An aspiring baker, she was the only one in our class with a cutie mark.  I was, like everypony else in class, jealous when she got hers first, but I consoled myself with the knowledge that I already knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. That meant was only a matter of time before I earned my mark too.

Sweetie had left a present on the table by the door – something I’d open later, during the party, but as we sat on the couch she pulled a muffin out of her saddlebag.  I drooled a little as the scents of bananas and nuts battled for superiority.

“I know you’re probably planning on having cake later, but I really wanted to make you something special for your birthday.  Something that comes from the heart instead of the store.”

I nuzzled her, then bit into the scrumptious treat.  Still warm – she must’ve just finished baking it before coming over.  It was just as tasty as it smelled, and she smiled as I savored every last bite.  Something tells me I’m not running tomorrow either.  Totally worth it.

Mom had extended invitations to everypony in my class, though there were a few that I’d been hoping wouldn’t attend.  Those hopes were dashed when they walked in.  Together.  Hardwood, and her ever-present shadow, Milk Toast.

It wasn’t that I disliked either of them.  If they were bullies, I’d have put my hoof down.  Instead, they tended toward troublemaking, often sweeping up the rest of us in their mischief.  Having them here, in my house, worried me.  It feels a little like inviting a lion in, and then pouring ketchup over myself and everyone I love.

The rest of the guests arrived in turn and the party began in earnest.  The piñata shaped like Grogar from Gusty The Great was smashed to pieces in short order, and the candy inside was consumed just as quickly.

Then we played pin the tail on the princess, before it was time for cake.  My parents had gone all-out, getting a giant ice cream cake for the occasion.  Even with a dozen of my classmates, we’d only managed to polish off less than half of the cake.  I looked forward to finishing it off a slice at a time over the next few weeks.

Then I opened presents and we played some more games.  By then it was evening, and we all retired to my room.  It wasn’t a school night, and most of my friends were staying over for a slumber party.

Unfortunately, that included Hardwood and Milk Toast.  Once we were upstairs and away from the prying eyes of my parents, Hardwood placed a soda bottle on the floor and announced the next activity: spin the bottle.

Most of the fillies looked excited by that prospect, while I could see the colts nervously eying the door, except for one pegasus who was instead looking toward the window as his own escape route.

The fillies had all taken seats, including me.  We were watching the colts to see if any of them would be brave enough to sit down, or if they’d try fleeing.

“I’m in.”  Cauliflower Sprout sat down between two fillies.  Of course, it didn’t matter where he would’ve chosen to sit in the circle.  As the first colt to join us, he would’ve been between two fillies regardless.  One by one the rest of the colts took seats as well.

“Birthday girl goes first!”

Thanks for putting me on the spot, Hardwood.  I spun the bottle, not really caring who it selected for me.  I didn’t have any crushes on my classmates.

It was a little amusing to see who I’d have to kiss once it stopped spinning.  Irony of ironies, it pointed straight at Hardwood.  So I kissed her, right on the lips.  Ha!  I bet you regret picking this game now!  “Well, Hardwood, your turn.  I hope the bottle picks a better kisser for you than the one I got stuck with.”

Some of my classmates chuckled at that, but Hardwood was uncharacteristically quiet.  She spun the bottle, almost absently.  It landed on Milk Toast, who looked quite enthused at that prospect.  By the time the game was over, I think almost everypony had kissed everypony else at least once.  My take away from that was that Sweetie Blue was the best kisser in our class.

Though that may have been mostly because her lips tasted like cupcakes.







Gaitlinburg: twelve years, two months, and ten days ago


I’d been sluggish all week, and at first I blamed it on overindulging on sweets and treats on my birthday.  But that couldn’t explain why my muscles were sore.  I felt exhausted, and it was a struggle just to move my legs.

Pain is just weakness leaving the body.  I forced myself onward, inwardly embarrassed at my laziness.  A few days of a less intense workout routine and I fall apart.  How pathetic!

I pushed myself down my favorite trail, but I couldn’t make it.  Running was impossible, and even just walking had become difficult.  Worse, I could barely breathe.







Gaitlinburg: twelve years, two months, and nine days ago


I blinked.  I must’ve passed out while running.  Where am I?  The last thing I could remember was being on the trail, but now I was in a bed… curiously not my own.  

“Don’t move.”

I didn’t recognize the voice, which was all the more reason not to obey it.  That proved more difficult than I’d imagined, as my body refused to obey my commands.

“Rainbow Flash?  I’m Dr. Gentle Touch.  You’re in Gaitlinburg Regional Hospital.”  An orchid unicorn materialized in my field of view.  I couldn’t see her cutie mark, however, and moving wasn’t really an option.

“What happened?”

“You collapsed in the park yesterday.  I need to ask you some questions.  First of all, what do you remember?”

I explained everything to the doctor – how I’d overeaten, then struggled to maintain my normal exercise regimen in the days since.  Then I told her that most of muscles were sore, and how I’d been having trouble breathing as I continued trying to run.  Much to my dismay, I realized that breathing was still hard.

“You have poliomyelitis.  Or, as it’s known to most ponies, polio.”

I gasped.  I didn’t know what that was, but it sounded bad.

“My next question is very important.”  She once more entered my limited line of sight.  “Have you kissed anypony in the last three weeks?”

I felt the heat rise to my cheeks.  “Yes.”

“Who?”

I blushed even harder as I started listing off the names of most of my classmates.  Dr. Touch just looked dumbstruck after the tenth name.  “My birthday was last week and we played spin the bottle.  I kissed almost everypony there.”

“I need a list of everypony who was at your birthday party.  Even the ponies you didn’t kiss.  This is very important.”

I recited the names again, and a nurse copied them all down.  Then she left, off to track down everypony who’d been at my party.  Nopony was ever going to accuse me of being brilliant, but it didn’t take a genius to realize this disease must be highly contagious.  Great, my classmates will forever remember my party as the place they all got sick.

My parents were in the room – I could tell they’d spent the night.  Mom’s cheeks were stained with dried tears, and Dad looked like he hadn’t slept in three moons.

“We’ll be here for you, sweetie,” Dad promised.

There was no false promise that everything would be okay.  I was thankful that my parents didn’t patronize me, though part of me yearned to hear the words anyway.  I couldn’t express my thoughts, however, as I’d used all my energy to list off the ponies who’d been at my party.  Breathing shouldn’t be so hard.  Even when I’d been galloping flat out for miles I’d never struggled so hard just to breathe.

It wasn’t long before I was moved to a different room.  There were rows of long metallic tubes and the doctor placed me inside one of them.  Then she closed it and I was trapped inside, except for my head and neck, which stuck out one of the ends and rested on a pillow.  The tube was tight against my neck – not so tight that I couldn’t breathe, but just tight enough to be uncomfortable.  Like the apron they use at the manestylist to keep hair clippings from getting all over.  Dr. Touch assured me that was to make it airtight.

And then she turned it on and I could breathe again.  Or rather, the machine breathed for me.  Soft Touch called it an iron lung.  It was horrible and wonderful all at the same time.

“The bad news is that you aggravated your symptoms by trying to force your exercise routine.  The good news is that because you’re in wonderful physical condition, you should be able to beat this in time.  Some ponies have to rely on iron lungs for the rest of their lives.  With a little luck, you might not need it any more after a few months.”

Months?!?  I can’t be out of commission for months.  I’ll have to start my training from scratch!  My muscles will be mushcles.  This can’t be happening.







Gaitlinburg: eleven years, eleven months, and nineteen days ago


Half of my classmates had been infected with polio at my party.  None of them had it as badly as I did, though.  Only Milk Toast had also required the use of an iron lung, and she’d only needed it for a couple of months.

I was the only one still down for the count.  The hours dragged by in the hospital.  My parents were at work and my classmates were back in school.  My only company were the nurses who checked on me periodically.  I busied myself with strengthening my magical field.  My muscles had atrophied, so I was reliant on my magic to do as much as possible.  It was somewhat ironic how I’d gone from not caring about magic at all to practicing it with the fervor I’d once spent on training myself to be a better runner.

I concentrated as I levitated half a dozen objects around the hospital room.  It required finesse to manipulate so many things simultaneously without dropping any of them.  Increased magical proficiency was the only upside to my prolonged hospital stay.

I couldn’t see the clock from my vantage point in the iron lung, and I was in a basement with no natural light.  I think they did that intentionally so patients couldn’t watch the clock.  Time drags by slowly when you can’t move and there’s nopony to talk to.

“Well if it isn’t my favorite patient.”

I looked up.  Which wasn’t hard since that was about the extent of my mobility.  A nurse I didn’t recognize was looking down at me.  From my vantage point she was upside down.  But she was smiling, and her long blonde mane spilled over her face, obscuring most of it.

She opened the iron lung and helped me into a wheelchair, then pushed me to the restroom.  She waited outside, which I appreciated.  Some of the other nurses insisted on accompanying me.  I was weak, not completely crippled, and it irritated me when ponies tried to take what little independence I had left from me.

Once I was done, I returned to the wheelchair.  Instead of immediately wheeling me back to the iron lung like usual, the nurse pointed the wheelchair toward the exit.

“I thought maybe you could use a little fresh air, sugar.  It’s probably been a while since you were outside.”

I nodded.  “Thank you.”

“No problem, sweetie.”  She hummed a little tune, which I vaguely recognized as a popular duet between Kenneigh Rogers and Dolly Hearton.

When she reached Dolly’s solo lines I sang along.  “I can't live without you if the love was gone…”

I caught a hint of amusement in her humming when I started singing, but I didn’t care.  I knew I probably wasn’t in tune, but who cared if a little filly could carry a tune.  I sang because it felt great to be out of the iron lung, because it felt good to be outside, and it felt good just to be alive.  So I sang because I could.  The nurse joined me in the duet, singing Kenneigh’s part.  

“Sail away,” she sang.

“Ooh, come sail away with me,” I answered.

We turned the corner and she stopped pushing me.  I heard some chuckling and I opened my eyes and was shocked to see my parents, my teacher, and all my classmates waiting.

“Bet you’re not used to singing Kenneigh’s part, are you, Dolly?”

It suddenly dawned on me just who was pushing me when my ‘nurse’ giggled.  “She started singing along, so I just adapted accordingly.”

“Dolly Hearton?”  I turned around to get a better look and gasped.  “Oh my gosh!  It is you!”  Dolly was Gaitlinburg’s most famous resident – she’d had a very successful music career, and had a number of business ventures in the town, including an amusement park I’d been fond of going to back when I had more mobility.  “What are you doing here?”

“It came to my attention you’d been stuck in the hospital for a while.  I figured you could use a little good news.  What would you say if I said you could go home today?”

“I’d jump for joy.”  I sighed as I remembered that was impossible at the moment.  “If my legs would let me.”

“I’ve made some arrangements for you.”  She patted my head.  She’d shrugged off the scrubs to reveal an elegant blue dress underneath.  Form-fitting, it flattered her figure nicely without being pretentious.

Our entourage trotted through Gaitlinburg to my home, where I found my bed had been pushed into a corner to make room for my own personal iron lung.  There was also a pile of books, which Dolly assured me would help pass the time and ease the boredom.  She promised that when I finished these, there’d be more waiting for me.  I thanked her and she nuzzled me.  Then she left, as did most of my classmates.  My teacher gave me my latest assignments, then also took her leave.  That left only Sweetie Bluer, who asked if she could spend the night.  I was thrilled to have the company, and my parents quickly agreed.







Gaitlinburg: eleven years, one month, and three days ago


Mom had quit her job to stay home and take care of me, so I saw her more often.  I had her company, and I had a never-ending supply of books to read.  I was at the mercy of whatever was sent to me, and not all of the books truly appealed to me.  But reading was something to do, and I hoped that with all the variety, I’d eventually discover my special talent.  I’d given up on my dream of being Equestria’s fastest runner.  It was obvious that I’d be lucky just to walk again someday.

That meant finding a new passion.  That was easier said than done.  I’d always been so focused on just one thing that I’d never developed interest in anything else.  I’d even considered my horn merely unnecessary weight for the longest time.  But times had changed, and I’d been building my field strength as I now relied on my horn for everything.

I’d tried reading some of Starswirl’s works but quickly abandoned them.  While magic was a great tool, magical theory wasn’t something that interested me.

I had a lot more time on my hooves.  At first, Sweetie Blue visited me daily, and she slept over almost every weekend.  Then she started skipping days here and there, and I saw her less frequently as the months dragged by and I was still confined to the iron lung.

Part of me wanted to resent her for that, but she’d stuck with me long after the rest of our classmates abandoned me.  She had her own life to live, and I couldn’t say I’d have done any differently if the horseshoe had been on the other hoof.  Nopony wanted to be stuck with the useless pony in the iron box.

Part of me was bitter, but I directed that emotion toward the real source of my problems: polio.  The disease that had taken my mobility, my friends, and even my talent from me.  Giving up would be the easy thing to do.  Equestria would take care of me and I’d never have to work a day in my life.

I suppose some ponies would have thrown in the towel, but that wasn’t me.  I was used to pushing myself to go even faster.  How many times had I urged myself to keep going for just one more mile even when my legs were aching so bad I thought they’d fall off?  I refused to give up.  Maybe running is a pipe dream, but I swear to Celestia that I will get back to the point where I can walk more than a few wobbly steps.  I will get out of this stupid iron lung.

I rang the bell my Mom kept in the room to let her know when I needed her.  She let me out of the iron lung and I shrugged off her help as I marched defiantly to the bathroom.  I can do this.  I took slow, determined steps, pausing every few paces to catch my breath.  Mom hovered behind me, never interfering, but ready to swoop in at a moment’s notice.  Twenty more steps.

It took more than five minutes, but I made it to the bathroom without falling down even once.  I grabbed a magazine in my aura and flipped it open.  One of Mom’s fashion magazines, I laughed at what was passing for current trends.  I could design something better than this.

I thought back to the elegant dress Dolly Hearton had been wearing when I met her and realized I really could design something that looked better than what I saw in the magazine.

My legs were burning, and as badly as I wanted to walk back to my room, I had ideas I wanted to get down on paper.  I asked Mom to carry me back to my room and she did so without complaint, praising me for having made it all the way there on my own.

Once I was back in my room I put my thoughts to paper and cringed at the results.  What I saw in my head wasn’t what I saw on the paper.  Just like learning to walk all over again, I was going to need to take baby steps.  The first step was going to be learning how to properly draw ponies.  I levitated one of my books over and traced a pony from an illustration.  For now, I’ll have to cheat…

I still wasn’t happy with my dress design when I was done with it.  I had a vision in my head that I couldn’t quite translate to the sketch.  I didn’t have anything better to do, so I kept practicing.







Gaitlinburg: ten years, two months, and eight days ago


I’d built up my respiratory muscles to the point where I could spend a few hours out of the iron lung each day.  One hour in the morning, and another in the afternoon.  I could push that to two in one sitting if I didn’t overexert myself.  So I spent two hours every morning sitting at my desk, sketching, and one hour every afternoon building up my leg muscles.

For that, I worked with a physical therapist, High Hopes.  My therapy with her was radically different from my training from Coach Bay.  The key was not to push myself too far.  I could walk.  Not well, and not for long, but that was what we were trying to fix.

I’d had much more luck improving my art.  I’d started with tracing, but I’d since gone on to drawing figures from scratch.  At first I’d just drawn the same figure I’d traced over and over again.  Then I switched to drawing ponies from different angles.  I’d keep sketching the same angles over and over again, but with different subjects as the inspiration: various ages, genders, and body types.  Once I felt I had a good grip on a particular angle, I moved on to a new one.

It helped me envision the outfit; how it would move with the pony wearing it.  I found that I really liked dynamic poses – action shots sold me on the design, so hopefully they’d also sell my potential customers on them.

Once I felt I had a good enough grip on the design side, I started on the production side.  My first few attempts were awful.  My next attempts were only slightly less awful.  The less said about those monstrosities the better – they haunted my nightmares for weeks.  I was thankful Mom had ignored my pleas to buy the good fabric.  Instead, I’d ruined only scraps and remnants, and felt better for knowing that I hadn’t wasted anything of value.  Mom had taken on a part-time job; one she could work from home so she was available when I needed help.  Which was less often than it had been, but still more frequently than I would’ve liked.

The doorbell rang and I ignored it – another of Mom’s clients.  I did my best to not bother her when she was working directly with somepony, but they were all aware Mom might sometimes need to interrupt their meeting if I needed something.  I hated that feeling of weakness.  I used to say ‘pain is just weakness leaving the body’ but this was a different kind of weakness.  A feeling of helplessness that no amount of training or physical therapy could overcome.

I was sketching absentmindedly.  I let my mind wander a bit when I was in the zone.  I found it helped my inspiration to follow my thoughts.  If they were serious thoughts, I tended to sketch more formal attire.  Mostly suits for stallions.  If they were fun thoughts, I ended up with elegant bridal dresses.  Dark thoughts… the less said about my goth phase the better.

Since I was feeling scared, I’d gone the formal route and drawn a tuxedo.  It was a little dreary though, and I livened it up with some accessories.

“Not bad, darling.  If it was me, I’d add in a few diamonds, but working with gems is my specialty.”

I turned around to face my visitor.  Rarity?!?  Oh my gosh!  The hottest new designer in Equestria?  And she’s critiquing my designs!  My mind was galloping a mile a minute, but my mouth was muttering gibberish.  I must’ve fallen asleep.  This has to be a dream – there’s no other way to explain this.

“Rarity.  Charmed to meet you.”

She curtseyed, and I slowly stood up to do the same.

“No need to get up on my account, darling.”  Her horn glowed and she shuffled through my sketches.  “I sense a theme here.  Wedding dresses, bridesmaid dresses, and tuxedos.  Hopeless romantic?”

“Gaitlinburg is the wedding capital of Equestria.  I just plan on giving ponies what they need.”

“I suppose that makes sense.  I commend your business sense – it’ll serve you well in the years to come.”  She frowned as she put my sketches down.  “How about you show me some of the things you’ve designed just because inspiration hit?  Something that isn’t wedding related.”

That was a much smaller stack, and I levitated them over to her, hoping she wouldn’t point out the obvious.  Rarity’s eye for detail was well-known, so there was no way she was going to miss something so blatantly obvious.

“Hmn.”  She looked from the sketches to me.  “Yes, I do think all of these would look good on you.”

I blushed.  I’d drawn myself as the model.  All of them were supposed to be things I made for myself.  Practice before moving on to bigger and better things.  If I wasn’t willing to be seen wearing something I’d created, how could I possibly expect anypony else to want to wear my wares?

“And the genuine articles, darling?”

“Er…”  I opened my dresser drawer with my magic and floated a few of my better attempts to her.  They were all very much works in progress.

She briefly examined them, and to her credit, she didn’t cringe at all.  Which was good, because I was cringing enough for the both of us.  I watched as she started pulling stitches out of one of my ‘garments’, disassembling the piece to its base components.

“Please grab hold of this fabric with your magic, darling.  I’m going to resew this, and I want you to feel what I’m doing and how I’m doing it.”

She taught me the ins and outs of sewing, or at least as much as she could cram into her visit.  I hadn’t wanted to get back in the iron lung, but both Mom and Rarity insisted I do so.  Rarity stayed despite my lack of mobility, and even showed me how to adjust my techniques to account for laying on my back instead of sitting or standing.

Once she felt I had a good grasp on what she’d taught me, she disassembled another of my practice attempts and had me resew it from scratch several times until she was satisfied with the results.  She admitted to being a perfectionist and urged me to always strive for the highest possible standards.

When Rarity finally bid me adieu hours later, I felt confident in my abilities for the first time since I was running.  My mind was overloaded and I felt both tired and inspired simultaneously.  I sketched dresses from my confinement in the iron lung, pressing the paper against the ceiling so as not to push the quill through the paper.  Again.

Mom sat down on my neglected bed – it had been well over a year since the last time Sweetie Blue had stayed over.  I’d repurposed it as a display area for my plush toys.  I felt they added a splash of color, and some much needed life, to a room dominated by the metallic cylinder that kept me alive.

“Did you enjoy your surprise?”

I nodded to the best of my ability.  “How did you get Rarity to come here?  She’s the hottest designer in Equestria right now!”

“She came here on behalf of the Catch-A-Wish Foundation.”  Mom ran a hoof through my mane.  “She’s a very kind-hearted pony.”

I chuckled.  “Mother!  Fluttershy’s kindness.  Rarity’s generosity.”

“Kindness and generosity go hoof in hoof.”  She kissed my horn.  “Love you, Flashy.”

“Love you too, Mom.”







Gaitlinburg: nine years, eight months, and twenty-one days ago


Mom still hadn’t bought any quality fabric for me, but I’d proven proficient enough with a sewing needle to warrant an upgrade to full sheets of fabric, instead of a mishmash of whatever remnants she could scrounge up cheap.  It meant I could finally make a dress.  I started with one of my easiest designs and it turned out better than I expected.  I would be proud to be seen in public wearing it.

If only it was made out of sturdier material.  I didn’t have high hopes for its durability, and if I was still as active as I had been when I was younger, there was no way it would survive even a week.  But I was a lot slower than I’d once been.  I’d continued building up my strength, and I’d reached the point where I only used the iron lung at night while sleeping, and on really bad days.

I’d even gone back to school… somewhat.  I was only going half days, twice a week.  I never thought I’d be excited to go to school, but it was nice to get out of the house and see other ponies again.

I’d reconnected with Sweetie Blue, and she walked me home from school every day.  She’d even slept over a few times, just like old times.  I appreciated the company far more than I could ever express.  I really need to do something nice for her.

“Mail call!”

I looked up from the dress I was working on.  I hope it’s the latest issue of Equestria’s Hottest Fashions.  Instead it was a rather sizable box.  I blinked. I wasn’t expecting any packages. I looked at the return address: Rarity’s Boutique in Ponyville.  Oh my gosh!  Rarity sent me something!

I made short work of the package, revealing several dresses.  I recognized the first three – they were my own designs, brought to life by Rarity with her trademark stunning elegance.  The rest were all Rarity originals, and I gasped when I realized she’d sent me nearly a dozen of them.  There was a letter tucked inside the top dress, and I opened it.

Dear Rainbow Flash,

I hope this letter finds you well!  Forgive me my tardiness, I really wanted to have this ready a month ago, but I’ve been quite busy here, preparing for Fashion Week in Manehattan! This is my first time competing!

But enough about me.  I hope you don’t mind me beating you to the punch, as it were.  Your designs were inspiring, and I couldn’t help myself. I suspect you’ll look absolutely radiant in these dresses.  You have quite the eye for detail, darling, and it shows in your work.  I’ve included a few Raritys as well, though I apologize that some of them are hoof-me-downs that my little sister, Sweetie Belle, has since outgrown.  If you need any assistance tailoring them to fit you, don’t hesitate to contact me and I’ll be over to help as soon as possible.

Your friend in fashion,
Rarity

I looked through the dresses again, though I couldn’t figure out which ones had previously been owned by her little sister.  They all looked fantastic.  Either her sister hadn’t worn them, or more likely Rarity had refurbished them before sending them my way.

Looking at them I felt inspired.  Dresses.  Sweetie. I’d been looking for something nice I could do for Sweetie Blue.  What could possibly be better than a dress designed especially for her?  I started sketching.







Gaitlinburg: nine years, eight months, and sixteen days ago


Sweetie Blue had decided to stay the night, and she arrived as soon as school let out.  I was much better company now that I didn’t need to stay in the iron lung.  We played board games while she caught me up on the latest gossip from school.

I saved my surprise until after we’d had dinner.  Once we returned to my room I asked her to grab something from under the bed.  She pulled out a box I’d wrapped with my scrap fabric remnants.  I no longer needed them, and they were pretty much used up from all my practice attempts.

“What’s this?”

“A little something for you.”

“But it’s not my birthday or Hearth’s Warming.”

“Who says I can only give my bestie a present on special occasions?  Go on and open it!”

It wasn’t long before she revealed a purple and pink dress that worked well with her powder blue coat and two-tone pink hair.  “Oh my gosh!  It’s beautiful!”

“Try it on.”

She smiled as she slipped it over her head.  She pranced over to the mirror on the back of my bedroom door and twirled slowly, the dress billowing around her.  It was slipping off her in spots as she moved, but that didn’t surprise me.  I didn’t have Sweetie Blue’s measurements, so I’d intentionally made it loose-fitting.

I levitated my sewing supplies over to me.  “Let’s make that fit better.”

She stood still as I tailored her dress to fit.  Once I was satisfied I had her walk across my room like she was strutting on a runway.  She paused at the mirror and turned, examining the fitment in the reflection.

“How’s your movement?”

“Really good.  This dress is amazing!  Thank you so much!”

I blushed.  “Thank you for being my friend.”  There was a flash of light, and I thought Sweetie had taken a photograph of herself in the dress.

“Rainbow!  You got your cutie mark!  It’s pretty!”

I turned to look at my flank.  Oh my gosh!  I was starting to lose hope that I’d ever get my mark.  A rainbow over a sun poking through a cloud.  I love it!

Sweetie nuzzled me, and I rubbed my muzzle against hers.







Gaitlinburg: nine years, four months, and twenty days ago


I didn’t have money, but I had time on my hooves.  Too much time on my hooves, in all honesty.  I wanted to repay Rarity’s generosity, even though I know she would’ve appreciated the fact that I’d paid it forward to Sweetie Blue more.  But I really wanted to do something nice for Rarity too.  She was a very pretty unicorn – and quite an influential one, too.  I’d found myself using the word ‘darling’ more frequently.  It wasn’t even intentional on my part, I’d just slipped into the habit and found myself uninterested in breaking it.

It became my goal to see her wearing something I’d designed and made myself.  I couldn’t afford the best fabrics, but I saved up for months and bought the best within my budget.  I didn’t have her measurements, but she was frequently featured on the pages of the fashion magazines I read, so I estimated as best I could from her pictures.  She also made herself very accessible to the press, a point I made a mental note to remember in the future for my own career.  It meant that she’d been the subject of many interviews, so discovering what she liked and disliked wasn’t difficult at all.  I designed the dress accordingly.

Dear Rarity,

I’m doing well, and I hope you are too!  I only use my iron lung at night now.  When I’m sleeping, just in case.  The doctor says I might not need to use it at all in another couple of years if I keep improving at the same rate.  I also got my cutie mark!  It’s a rainbow over a sun peeking through the clouds (see return address – I sketched it).  That seems appropriate since the sun is finally starting to poke through the clouds that have been my life these past few years.

You came into my life during my darkest hours and gave me a gift I can never repay: hope.  When I was younger, I was the fastest runner in school and my dream was to win a gold medal in the Equestria Games.  We both know that has no chance of happening now.  I was wallowing in pity and self-doubt when I started dabbling in fashion.  I jumped in with all four hooves, but I wasn’t getting very far with it until you trotted into my life.  In a few short hours, you changed my life for the better, and I’ll never forget that.

I apologize for the delay in my response.  I wanted to have something to send along.  I’ve gotten better thanks to your tutelage, and I wanted to share my latest creation with you.  You do so much for so many other ponies, I wanted to give you something special.

I know what you’re going to say, and I assure you that I’ve already paid your kindness forward.  You’re not the first to be surprised with a Rainbow Flash original, nor will you be the last.

Sincerely,
Rainbow Flash

I reread the letter one last time, then placed it in the box, which I sealed up and left for the mailmare to take.







Canterlanta: five years, two months, and eleven days ago


Once I felt my designs were durable enough, I started donating some of them to the Catch-A-Wish Foundation.  It was a way I could give back – maybe someday I’d be famous and could donate time and money to the organization, but until then this was the best I could do.

Or so I thought.  I received a letter back from them, thanking me for my donation, and asking me to share my story with potential donors.  How could I refuse?

Sweetie Blue had tagged along for the trip, and she and my parents were sitting in the front row.  It was nice to see familiar faces up front in that sea of strangers.  I’d never done any public speaking before and I was nervous.  I took out the speech I’d written for the occasion.  All I have to do is read this and remember to make eye contact with the audience periodically.  I can do this.  I’ve read and reread these words a hundred times – they’re as good as they’re going to get.

“Salutations.  My name is Rainbow Flash, and it’s thanks to the donations of ponies like you that I’m able to stand in front of you tonight.  Imagine, if you will, being a prisoner.  The default mental image is of a dungeon or jail cell.  Instead, picture your bedroom.  The room isn’t the prison, rather it’s your body.  Your mind is awake and alert, but the flesh is weak.  You can command your legs to move, but they don’t.  Even something involuntary, the very act of breathing, becomes difficult.  To save you, they put you in a machine that breathes for you.  The iron lung looks like a prison, but it’s not.  It’s the only thing keeping you alive.”

I paused to make sure everypony had the mental image. “I don’t need to imagine it.  This was my life for years.  I caught polio as a filly, and it’s taken me years to get to the point where I can stand here before you.  I don’t use my iron lung much anymore.  It’s there when I need it, but I’ve gotten stronger.  It’s fortunate that I was physically fit before catching this nasty disease.”

The slide projector showed images of my earlier years, when I was an athlete.  “This was me before polio.  I was a runner, the fastest in my school.  I used to train with adults at the athletic club because I was in a different league than the rest of my peers.  Pushing myself was what caused my condition to be so much worse than that of my classmates, many of whom caught it at the same time I did.  I thought I’d overindulged at my birthday party, and that I just needed to push through and tough it out.  It was the worst thing I could have done.  I’ll never win a gold medal in the Equestrian Games.  I limp and get winded way too easily these days, so my fillyhood dream is dead, taken from me by that cursed disease.  I, however, am not.  I’m very much alive to stand before you tonight.”

Some of the ponies in the audience were crying at my story.  I wasn’t – I’d long since shed the last tears I had for my past.  “I might not be here right now if not for a lot of ponies coming together in my time of need.  To this day I don’t know who found me in the park where I collapsed.  That pony is a hero, whoever she or he is.  I’d have died on a trail in the woods if not for my mysterious benefactor.  I would’ve died in the hospital if not for Dr. Gentle Touch.  I would’ve spent years in the hospital if not for my hometown hero, Dolly Hearton.  She heard of my plight and bought an iron lung and donated it to my family so I could go home.  I was still stuck, but at least I was in my own space.  Mom quit her job to take care of me.  And in those darkest hours I reinvented myself.  I found a new passion, and that’s where the Catch-A-Wish Foundation comes in.”

I twirled around on the stage, showing off my dress.  “I made the dress I’m wearing tonight.  I became interested in fashion as a way to pass the boring days when there wasn’t much else I could do.  I don’t know how far I’d have been able to go with it.  I’d started sketching out some designs, but I didn’t know the first thing about making dresses, and Mom wasn’t much help.  As amazing as she is, Mom’s no seamstress.  That was when Rarity showed up unexpectedly.  Yes, that Rarity.  Element of Generosity and one of Equestria’s hottest designers.  I thought I was dreaming, but she came in and donated her time to teach a novice fashionista the ropes.  Thanks to her, fashion became my passion.  In my dreams, I still gallop around the track faster than anypony else.  But my reality is fashion.”

I motioned to the side of the stage, and Rarity joined me.  “But Rarity’s involvement in my life didn’t end there.  A pony as busy as Rarity has stayed in touch with me over the years, helping me when I needed it.  How many fillies can say they have a Rarity-designed dress in their closet?  I had nearly a dozen.  Though I had few places to wear them, that didn’t matter.  In those days when I was struggling to learn how to walk all over again, those dresses were my motivation.  I’d put one on and walk to my bedroom door, which conveniently had a mirror on the back.  I’d twirl around and stare at my reflection and strut right back to my closet like a model.”

I wrapped my hooves around Rarity.  “Thank you.  Thank you, Rarity.  And thank you to Catch-A-Wish for bringing this special pony into my life.  This is why your donations are so important.  An iron lung saved my life, but Catch-A-Wish made it worth living.  Thank you for your donations.”  I nuzzled Rarity, then walked across the stage to nuzzle the charity’s founders, Star Catcher and Skywishes.







Gaitlinburg: four years, three months, and six days ago


Rarity was many things: the Element of Generosity, a leading fashionista, and an incredibly shrewd businessmare.  From her visits to Gaitlinburg to see me, she’d realized she needed a presence in a town that had this much wedding tourism.  Some of that was my influence, and some of that was her own observations.

That she’d opened a Carousel Boutique location in my hometown wasn’t a surprise.  She’d been grooming me to take a place in her business empire, little by little.  The next step was an apprenticeship, and the location conveniently opened just when Rarity determined I was ready.

The location was run by Sew-and-So, an orange earth pony with gorgeous pink and purple hair.  The fashion field was dominated by unicorns, who had a natural advantage with telekinesis.  Earth ponies and pegasi weren’t necessarily uncommon in the profession, but they were limited to hoof-stitch or machine-stitch, and couldn’t do intricate details with magic-stitch like unicorns could.  Many ponies dismissed their talents as a result, so when an earth pony or pegasus made it to the top of the profession, it was especially impressive.

Gaitlinburg Boutique was the chain’s seventh location, behind the original location in Ponyville, Manehattan, Canterlot, Hope Hollow, Las Pegasus, and Fillydelphia.  I wasn’t Rarity’s first protégé, that honor went to a colt by the name of Pistachio, who was apprenticing with Coco Pommel at the Manehattan location.  I was also positive I wouldn’t be the last – Rarity had a reputation for generosity that was well-earned.  She had a keen eye for talent, and a genuine desire to help ponies reach their dreams. 

But she wasn’t stupid – her generosity had been taken advantage of more than once.  The terms of my apprenticeship were generous… to a point. Rarity’s fashions took center stage – which was fair since she was the owner.  Sew-and-So could display her own designs in secondary display areas.  My own designs would be in the back, near the discount rack.  For a designer of my experience, that was an incredible opportunity.

If I wanted to remain with Rarity’s Boutique, I’d graduate to my own store in three years at the conclusion of my tutoring.  Possibly the Gaitlinburg location, but that would entirely depend on if Sew-and-So was willing to relocate or not.  She had seniority, and hence first choice.  If not, then I’d be at the mercy of wherever Rarity was expanding three years hence.

If I chose not to remain with Rarity’s, there was a two-year non-compete clause attached.  That was the catch in a contract that would be too good to be true otherwise.  I’d come out of my apprenticeship with the knowledge needed to succeed, but couldn’t immediately put it to use.  It was a fair contract and I had no problems signing it, but I wanted to make my own mark in the world of fashion.  I wouldn’t be satisfied with just having my own store, I wanted ponies to brag that they were wearing a Rainbow Flash original.  My competitive spirit hadn’t died when I stopped running; it’d just turned to a different outlet.

But in order to be the best, I needed to be out from under Rarity’s shadow.  At the same time, I owed her everything.  It wasn’t like when I was running and I wanted the competition to eat my dust – I wanted to coexist with her.  She was my mentor, my benefactor.  She’d done so much for me; I’d never forget who’d given me a chance. Could I be happy being a store manager?

I had a lot to think about. Thankfully I had plenty of time.







Gaitlinburg: three years, six months, and twenty-five days ago


The candle flickered in my room as Sweetie Blue and I cuddled in my bed.  We’d fallen into a relationship with one another.  Neither of us had planned on it, neither of us had even realized we had feelings for one another until the day she was massaging my bad leg.  We’d shared the bed together many times over the years, but that was the day she asked if she could snuggle with me.  She admitted she felt scared that one day she’d wake up and I wouldn’t, and that she’d feel better if she could feel me breathing.  How could I refuse that?

Sweetie was snoring softly, her foreleg draped around my barrel.  There was a time this probably would’ve killed me – a day when I was so weak a machine had to breathe for me.  I was stronger than I had been back then.  Now it was a comfort.  She was a morning pony, necessitated by her apprenticeship as a baker.  My internal clock got out of whack when I was stuck in the iron lung, and I’d long since learned that inspiration didn’t keep normal business hours either.

I turned the pages in my fashion magazine, doing my best not to wake my marefriend.  The latest issue had jumped on the bandwagon, and had dedicated the entire issue to the newly-announced Earth.  There were articles dedicated to human fashion history, current styles, and of course, some enterprising humans had even penned some articles for the issue as well, likely hoping to create demand in Equestria for their work.  I repressed a whinny as I thought a pony should go over there and design clothes for them.

It was a silly thought, but one that wouldn’t leave my head as I continued reading.  As soon as I read that almost all humans spend the vast majority of their time clothed, the gears in my head started turning.  I could do this.

I levitated some paper and a quill and sketched a few humans.  Much like my early attempts at drawing ponies, they were weirdly-proportioned.  I gave up and returned my paper and quill to the desk.  I snuffed the flame on the candle with my magic, then closed my eyes.  There’d be plenty of time for practice.







Manehattan: sixteen days ago


Rarity had left the Ponyville location to former students of hers, Sandbar and Yona.  She divided much of her time between the Canterlot and Manhattan locations, and most of the rest of it was spent in Maris, Prance, the center of the fashion world.  All the while keeping an eye out for new towns to expand into.  Her chain had grown to more than twenty locations, and if I wanted to stay with the company, I’d get the next one: Trottingham.

That’s what I’d come to talk to her about.  I walked into the shop and Coco Pommel greeted me.  It’d been months since we’d last seen one another, and we nuzzled. Six and a half months ago to be exact, for the grand opening of Chicoltgo Boutique, run by Coco’s former apprentice, Pistachio.

Rarity was expecting me and I took a seat in her office while I waited for her to finish what she was working on.  I gazed around the room as she worked.  Her Canterlot office was her ‘home’ office, but she spent nearly as much time in Manehattan.  Half-finished sketches lined easels around the room, while three of the walls were adorned with pictures of celebrities wearing her dresses, including Princess Twilight Sparkle.  The wall directly behind her desk was a map of the world, with pins in every city that had a location of her chain.  Other cities had circles around them, including Trottingham, and that likely meant she was evaluating them for potential locations.

As cluttered as the office was, her desk was the opposite.  It was empty except for a photo of herself and her sister, Sweetie Belle, and whatever document she was currently in the process of reading.

Rarity finally looked up. “Salutations, Rainbow Flash.  I apologize for my rudeness, but I was in the middle of reading this document and legalese is rather tricky to negotiate effectively when distracted.” She looked at me and I could see the sadness in her eyes. “You’re here to turn down the Trottingham branch.”

I nodded.

“Not really a surprise. I’m sorry, Sew-and-So is rather fond of the Gaitlinburg location, and I can’t force her to leave.  I suppose I could, but it wouldn’t be right.”

“I’m not sure I would’ve stayed on even if she’d taken the relocation offer.  You know how ambitious I am.”  I hadn’t hidden anything from her.  We were in frequent correspondence, and she knew where my dreams were taking me.

“Indeed.  I can’t fault you for wanting to make your own mark on the world.  You have more to prove than most ponies.  You’ve been open and honest with me, and I appreciate that.”  She sighed.  “However, you can’t fault me for wanting to keep you in the fold, as it were.  You are quite a talent, after all.  Is there nothing I can do to change your mind?”

I shook my head.

“Then I wish you luck, Rainbow Flash.”

“Thank you.  I hope we can continue being friends?”

“Of course.  As your friend, let me say that there will always be a home waiting for you at Carousel Boutique should you ever desire it.  As your peer, let me warn you just what you’re getting into.”  She gestured to the easel behind me, which was filled with unfinished designs for a fall line.  Upon scrutiny the trends depicted appeared to be several years out of date.

“This was supposed to be my fall line… three years ago.  I may find time to finish it when it comes back into style, fifteen or twenty years hence. As you know, I started in Ponyville. I apprenticed under Ribbon Heart, and took over the boutique when she retired.  Unfortunately, Ponyville was a small town back then, a backwoods joke to the sophisticated ponies of Canterlot and Manehattan.  Being a small town, Ponyville didn’t have much demand for a dress shop.  Weddings, proms, school dances… these were the things that kept me afloat in the early years. Eventually I quite literally bumped into Fancy Pants in Canterlot.  Thanks to my connections with Princess Celestia, he took a fancy in me and eventually invested in my business.  If not for him, I’d have never been able to expand as quickly, or possibly at all.”

She swept her hooves around the room.  “These days I spend more time running the business than I do designing.  It’s why I rely so much on ponies like Sew-and-So, Coco Pommel, and Sassy Saddles.  It’s why I’ve invested in promising young designers like Pistachio and yourself.  This is a cutthroat industry.  I try to take on as many up-and-comers as I can because there are less scrupulous ponies out there all too willing to take advantage of the talented and naïve.  Coco could tell you about her time working for Suri Polomare.  I saw firsthoof that it was unpleasant for her.  Not only was Suri verbally abusive toward Coco, she also stole my designs.  This is what awaits you… in two years.  Have you considered your plans for the next few years?”

I replied in English. “Yes, I’ve put some thought into this.”

She responded in perfect English.  “I commend you for thinking outside the box.  It’s a risk, but without risk there can be no reward.  While I won’t hold you to your non-compete clause on Earth, I will warn you that I’m also looking to expand into that market eventually.  However, technically, I’m not currently doing business there and you wouldn’t be competing with me.  Please keep in touch.  When the time comes, perhaps you’ll be selling my designs in your shops.  I think I would quite like to see that.”

“You’d let me sell your designs?”

“Of course, darling. If you invest in building a network on Earth, it would be foolish of me to do the exact same thing.  Instead, we could partner by selling each other’s designs through our own distribution networks.  I sincerely hope I haven’t seen the last of your work in my shops.”

“Makes two of us.”  I smiled.

She smiled back.  “Very well then.  I look forward to seeing the rise of your fashion empire, Miss Flash. Good luck, and should the worst happen, remember there will always be a place for you at Rarity’s Boutique.”







Ponyville: Today


I blinked away the last remnants of sleep as a bright ray of sunshine played across my face.  There was something comforting about waking in the embrace of an earth pony, especially in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar town.  I’m going to miss this.  I’m going to miss her.  There was still time to change my mind, but I had a goal.  My childhood dream had been crushed by circumstances out of my control, and I refused to give up on this one too.

“You finally awake, sleepyhead?”  Sweetie nuzzled me.

“Five more minutes.  It’s going to be a long time before we see one another again.  I want to enjoy this as long as possible.”

She kissed my cheek and rested her head on my shoulder as we both watched the clock ticking down on our time together.  I’d committed to being gone from Equestria for five years, but Sweetie promised she’d come visit as soon as they opened the portal to tourism.  Or she’d join me on Earth if I struck it big in the fashion industry.  I had the same deal with her – if she became a successful baker, I’d return the stipend and move back to Equestria.  We’d set a lofty financial goal, and if either of us reached it, the other would move.  We both knew I had the higher chance of success… and the bigger risk of failure.

I sighed as I slipped out from under Sweetie’s leg and levitated the blanket off of us.  It was now or never.  Such was the price of chasing our dreams.  I nuzzled her, then we left our hotel, grabbed some muffins from Sugarcube Corner, and trotted to the portal.

There were lots of tearful goodbyes happening all around us – parents bidding adieu to their daughters, coltfriends kissing their fillyfriends goodbye, etc.  Our own public display of affection was lost in the crowd.

All too soon it was time for me to go for real.  Around me I could hear snippets of conversations.  Ponies saying goodbye, ponies talking about their plans, ponies gossiping.  It was a bit like walking through a train station.  Nopony paid me much mind, which was fine by me.  While I was planning on making a big splash someday soon, this was neither the time nor place.

Only one pony left in line ahead of me.  I could vaguely make out Sweetie Blue in the distance.  It was hard seeing her through the tears in my eyes.  Then I was next, and it was over so quickly.  One second I was on Equus, the next I was on Earth.  I wasn't sure what I’d been expecting, but I was a bit disappointed by the lack of theatrics.  It was as simple as walking from one room to another, although I felt a bit disoriented by the process.  A Royal Guard helped me along, clearing room for the next pony to step through and fill the spot I’d just been standing in.

As my head stopped spinning, I started examining my surroundings.  The forest was similar to the one I’d just left behind, albeit far less spooky.  That said, it was the humans I was most fascinated by.  I resisted the urge to stare at them.  They weren’t gawking at us, so I extended them the same courtesy.  I got on the bus, as directed, and sat in the first available window seat.  I’d immediately noticed the tinted windows on the bus, so I had no qualms openly staring out the window once I was safely on the vehicle.

Pictures may be worth a thousand words, but they can’t convey how someone moves.  Bipeds moved quite differently from quadrupeds.  I watched with fascination until the bus started moving.  Once we were in transit, there was nothing to see but trees until we made it to the highway, and from then on, I only caught glimpses of humans in their vehicles.

Once we got off the freeway, there were pedestrians, and I watched them as best I could from the moving bus.  Movement was important – clothing was meant to be worn.  My designs would be useless if they impeded movement in any way, which is why I did my best to pay attention.

I was so busy paying attention to the people going about their daily routines that I didn’t even notice we’d arrived at the consulate until the bus stopped and ponies started disembarking.  Once inside I was in no particular hurry, so I stood by a window watching people outside.

I was broken from my reverie by one of the Royal Guards tapping me on the withers.  “You’re next, miss.”

The waiting room had thinned out significantly in the time I’d been staring out the window at Manhattan.  I followed the guard to the duchess’ office.  She had a beautiful white coat, very unusual for a thestral.  I envisioned an outfit for her, and pulled a piece of paper and a pencil from my saddlebags as I sat across from Ploomette.  I sketched the design as she asked me questions, which I answered somewhat absentmindedly.

I finally set the pencil down, finished.  It was a very rough sketch, but the basic idea was there in front of me.  I looked up at the duchess.  There was a bright red clown’s nose at the end of her snout.  I blinked, and it was still there when I reopened my eyes.  Was she wearing that when I got here?  I berated myself.  I’m so good with spotting little details, how could I miss something so blatantly obvious?

“Can I interest you in a snack while we chat, Miss Flash?”

The duchess didn’t mention the clown nose, so I didn’t either.  Maybe this is a normal thing?  It makes sense, we’re all guests in a foreign land, and it would be rude to point out something we think is strange.  She’s probably testing me.  Thankfully, I was used to ignoring things like that.  I’d spent a lot of time around other foals with disabilities in the hospital or at the charity, and I didn’t like it when ponies stared at me, either.  Especially when I’d been stuck in the iron lung.

“No thank you, duchess.  I had some while I was waiting.”

“No comments on my nose?”

“It’s nice?  I guess?”

She laughed.  “I put it on because you were so distracted earlier.  I have to admit, I’m a little surprised you didn’t point it out.”

“I spent years of my life in an iron lung.  I’ve been around a number of ponies with issues they were born with… or had thrust upon them due to illness or unfortunate circumstances.  I’ve been making dresses for fillies on behalf of the Catch-A-Wish Foundation for years.  I have to design clothing to accommodate those disabilities.  I know from personal experience that nopony wants to be reminded of their problems, so I pretend not to see anything.”

“The Catch-A-Wish Foundation?”

“Oh yes.  It was through their efforts I met my hero, Rarity.  I decided to give back once I was back on my hooves and able to.  It’s a great charity.”

Ploomette gasped.  “I’m quite familiar with it.  My sister founded it and I’ve personally raised several million bits for their benefit.”  Ploomette got out from behind her desk and hugged me.  “You look good.  Is everything… all right?”

I nodded.  “It was a long road to recovery and I’ll never achieve my foalhood dream of winning a gold medal in the Equestria Games.  I was an exceptionally fast runner as a filly.  Then… well, polio.  It took years of rehab, but most ponies can’t even tell I was in an iron lung for years.”  It’s obvious to me though.  I can’t run as fast as I could when I was younger, and I’ve still got a slight limp in my right hind leg, a side effect of being bedridden for years while I was still growing.

“What brings you to Earth?  Are you perhaps looking for treatment?  Humans have nearly wiped out the disease, though there are a few corners of the world where it still claims lives every year.”

I shook my head.  “I’m as recovered as I can be from it.  I haven’t used my iron lung in years.”  I flipped my sketch around so she could see it.  I’d done a passable job of drawing the guard’s wings, so hopefully Ploomette would be able to recognize her since she was the only thestral I’d seen on Earth so far.

Ploomette looked over the drawing.  “Searchlight.  Come here.”

The guard saluted and approached.  She looked over the sketch and immediately recognized herself.  She gasped and asked, “You drew this since we got in here?”

“Inspiration hit and I had to capture it before it was gone.  I’m sorry for ignoring you, Duchess.”  She’s probably not used to that.  “I came here seeking to make a name for myself in the fashion industry.  Humans tend to wear far more clothing than ponies do.”

Ploomette nodded.  “I see.  You also realize that with nudity being a taboo in most human cultures, there are already plenty of options out there for those wishing to cover up.”

I nodded.  “More competition, but also more opportunity.”

“I would never discourage a pony from trying for her dreams.  But you’re starting from nothing in a cutthroat industry.  Have you ever worked with humans before?  Have you ever made clothing that would fit a bipedal creature?”

I shook my head.

“Then I have a suggestion – one from which you can continue your pursuit to take Earth’s fashion world by storm, while having the opportunity to build up your experience first.”  She pushed a button on her intercom and one of the doors to her office opened.  In strode a unicorn mare with a snowflake cutie mark.  “This is Snowcatcher.  She has a proposition for you.”

“My thought is to pool our resources and open an Equestrian style hotel.  You know the type – we live there and cater to the whims of our guests.”

“I don’t know anything about hotels.  I’ve never even stayed at one before.”  I sighed.  “It’s hard to travel when you rely on an iron lung to keep you alive.  I’m not saying ‘no’, I’m just saying I’m grossly unqualified.”

“In the interest of full disclosure, so are the rest of us.”  Snowcatcher ran a hoof through her hair.  “As far as we were able to determine, Earth doesn’t have anything like it, so it’s technically an untapped market.  But it’s also a risk, because we don’t know if humans will accept it.  There are deep differences between our cultures.  But if enough of us go in on it together, we’ll make it work.  If we can’t, we all have our own unique talents, and we can bounce back from any potential setbacks.”

“In a worst case scenario, Equestria isn’t going to abandon its citizens.  If your venture fails, you can come to me for help.  That’s why I’m here.  I could certainly assist in finding new employment and lodging, even if the latter is here at the consulate, temporarily.”  Ploomette pointed to a poster on the wall, indicating that there was no problem too big, nor too small, to talk to her about.

“If we get enough investors, we can buy our property outright.  Then at least we have a guaranteed roof over our heads even if our business fails.”

I countered Snowcatcher's argument, “Maybe we’d just be better off investing in a house together and finding jobs individually?”

Snowcatcher tapped a hoof against her chin.  “That’s… plausible.”

“A number of other ponies have indicated they plan on sharing expenses that way.  The difference is they all knew each other previously, and came here together.  Like the consulate – everypony working here is somepony I either knew, or came highly recommended by friends or family.  A lot of the ponies here are family members of mine.  Cousins, mostly.  It keeps us out of the way.”

“Duchess?”

Ploomette smiled at me.  “I call it like I see it, Rainbow.  My older sister is in line for the duchy.  I’m the expendable heir, unless something happens to Star Catcher.  Earth is a great opportunity – this is giving each of us something to call our own.  I bring this up because the hotel is something you can call your own.  Cohabitating wouldn’t give you that aspect.  You’d just be roommates.  Then somepony will find a job first, and they’ll feel like they’re picking up the slack while everyone else is just lazing away doing nothing.”

I cringed.  I could see that happening, all right.

“Besides.  I think you might want to look at this first, before dismissing the idea.”  She slid over a piece of paper and I levitated it off the desk.  “These are the ponies you’d be going in on this with.”

Snowcatcher, I’d obviously just met, Dewdrop Dazzle, Flitterheart, Sunny Rays, Daisy Dreams… Okay, I know those last two.

She must’ve seen my eyes light up at seeing a model on the list of investors, because she immediately dashed my thoughts.  “Daisy Dreams has retired to focus on her education.”

“Why bring her up?”

“Potential conflicts of interest.  I need to know if you can live under the same roof with a former model without bugging her constantly.”

I nodded.  “If she doesn’t want to talk about it, I can respect that.”

“Excellent.  In that case, are you interested?”

That’s the 10,000 bit question.  What have I got to lose?  The stipend isn’t enough start-up capital to make a go of it on my own.  I nodded.  “I think I’d like that.”
> Act I: Snowcatcher (Part 1)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Whinnyapolis: sixteen years, zero months, and thirty days ago:


I stood at the top of the hill and looked down over the city of Whinnyapolis.  That’s a long way down.  I laid down on the sled and pushed off with my hind legs.  I zipped down the hill on my sled, passing other sledders and skiers on my way down.  This is fun!

I’d reached the bottom of the hill, but the sled still had a lot of momentum.  Much to my dismay there was a unicorn filly in my path.  There was no way to avoid her – I was going to plow right into her.  I closed my eyes and waited for the impact.  I wish I could get her out of the way!

A few seconds later I opened my eyes.  I hadn’t crashed.  She must’ve moved.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  The sled was slowing down and I saw the filly hovering above me in an orchid aura.  Wait, she’s a unicorn, not a pegasus.  How is she flying?!?

The sled skidded to a stop and the filly was still hovering above me.

“Are you gonna put me down, now?  Please?”

“Huh?”

“Put me down!”

I crossed my eyes to get a look at my horn – it was lit up.  Oh my gosh!  I’m levitating her!  That’s awesome!  How do I stop?  “I don’t know how!”  I turned my head, and the filly turned with me.  No matter which way I turned my head, the poor filly was directly in front of me, airborne.  I looked down and she landed upside down in a snowbank.

I bounded over and helped her out.  “I’m sorry!  I don’t know how I did that!  I’ve never lifted anything before!”  I held up a hoof to bump.  “I’m Snowcatcher, but you can call me Snowy.”

“Dewdrop Dazzle.”  She shook herself out, though the powdery snow stubbornly clung to her coat.  She thought for a second.  “But you can call me Dewey.”

“Nice to meet you!”  I curtseyed, and she tried to do the same but slipped, falling muzzle first into the same snowbank I’d just pulled her out of.  I bit onto her tail and tugged her out for the second time.  “Wanna come sledding with me?”

“Sure!”

With Dewey’s help, we were able to get the sled back up the hill a lot easier than had I been able to do on my own.  Once we reached the top, Dewey kicked off and down the hill we went.  With Dewey’s extra weight, we were going faster than I’d gone on my solo run.  Everything was awesome until the tree appeared directly in front of us.

“Steer left, quick!”

“How?”

“I don’t know!  It’s your sled, Snowy!”

We both leaned to the left and the sled tipped over.  Dewey, myself, and the sled all continued sliding down the hill, no longer connected to one another.  I landed in a heap at the bottom of the hill and Dewey tumbled into me.  The sled continued on past us.

I stood up and dusted myself off.  “Are you okay?”

“I think so.”

“Wanna do it again?”

“Yes!”

I smiled and bumped her hoof.  “Besties?”

“Besties!” she confirmed.







Whinnyapolis: twelve years, seven months, and six days ago:


It was the end of the school year, and we’d just completed our final test.  There was nothing left to do but wait impatiently while Miss Hocus Pocus graded our papers.

I sat at my desk, talking with Dewey about our summer vacation plans.  My family was planning a trip to Indianeighpolis to catch the 500 mile Wonderbolt race, while hers was headed to Las Pegasus later in the summer.

“Dad never misses the Indianeighpolis 500.”

“I wish I could go.  Mom and I love the Wonderbolts, but Dad just isn’t interested at all.”

I nodded.  I’d pick her up some Soarin’ merchandise like I did every year.  She’d get me a tacky souvenir from Las Pegasus, like she did every year.  Thanks to her, I had a small collection of merchandise from cities I’d never been to.  I gave her bonus points for always finding the most horribly cheesy things from everyplace she traveled.  The city’s name was almost guaranteed to cover at least sixty percent of the item’s surface area.  The first had been an oddity, but now I was up to four and that constituted a collection.  I’d even picked one up for Whinnyapolis, celebrating Equestria’s largest ball of yarn.  It was just as tacky as anything Dewey had picked up for me, but I had high hopes that Las Pegasus, a city known for its gaudiness, could achieve new levels of awful.  I glanced out the window, and could see the top of the giant ball of yarn all the way across town.  Whinnyapolis might not have the tackiest souvenirs, but if anypony ever offers an award for ‘tackiest skyline’ we’re a horseshoe-in.

Miss Hocus Pocus returned our tests, and allowed us to leave as soon as we received our paper.  Dewey was pleased with her B+, but waited around for me to get my test back.  Of course, my paper was the last in the stack and all our classmates had departed by the time Hocus Pocus gave me mine.  I stared at it.  There’s no grade on it.

“Snowcatcher, I’d appreciate it if you could have your parents meet me here at 6 o’clock this evening.”

“Yes, Miss Pocus.”  I shuffled out of the classroom, Dewey trailing after me.

Once we were out of the classroom, Dewey asked me what I’d done.  I shrugged.  I led the way to the city library, and we spent the next few hours comparing our answers, then looking up any questions Dewey had answered wrong.  As far as we could tell, I’d gotten every question right.

“It doesn’t make sense.”

“Maybe she thinks you cheated?”

I groaned at Dewey’s suggestion.  “She never left the classroom.  She would’ve noticed if I’d been cheating.”  I returned the test to my saddlebag and Dewey followed me home.

The front door creaked as I opened it, alerting Mama to my presence.  “Is that you, Snowy?”

“Yes, Mama.”

“How was the last day of school?”

“I don’t know.”

If ever there was a way to get a parent’s complete attention, that was it.  Mama’s hooves thundered as she ran down the stairs.  “What happened?”  Her voice wavered; without more information she was unable to decide if she should be stern or protective.

I hoofed her my ungraded test, and Dewey passed her B+ over to Mama too.  “Miss Pocus wants to see you and Dad tonight at six.  I don’t know what I did wrong.”  My ears flattened as I continued, “We stopped at the library on the way home.  I looked up the answers and they’re all correct.”

Mama scooped me into a hug and told me everything was going to be all right.









I accompanied my parents to their meeting.  If I was accused of something I didn’t do, I fully intended to be there to defend myself.

I sat across from Hocus Pocus, my parents on either side of me as she sorted through her desk drawer.  She shuffled some papers, then started laying them out on the desk between us like a card dealer in a poker game.  “Math, 100%.  Science, 95%.  History, 110%, with both extra credit questions correct.  And this Equish essay is easily on a level with students three years her senior.  Read this.”

My parents looked over my essay as I sat there confused.  It doesn’t sound like she thinks I was cheating.  But why would she call my parents in to speak with her?

“Your daughter’s a prodigy.  She may be a genius.  Have you considered having her take an IQ test?”

Me?  A genius?  That’s just silly.  My writing’s only better than my classmates’ because I like to read a lot.

“The next step is up to you, of course, but you have my full endorsement if you want to look into having Snowcatcher skip a grade.”

Skip a grade?  That would be cool!  But… Dewey’s in my class.  I can’t leave her behind.  That wouldn’t be right.  Best friends forever and ever!

“Furthermore, Snowcatcher’s also very advanced magically for her age.  You may wish to consider pulling her from this school entirely, and apply to Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns.”

It was a lot to take in.  As we walked home, Mama asked me what I wanted to do.  I thought about it and decided I didn’t want to take the test.  Knowing my IQ wouldn’t make me any smarter, and in the end all it meant was having a number associated with my name.  I didn’t want to skip a grade because it would mean leaving Dewey behind.  I also wasn’t interested in going to school in Canterlot, yet I was very interested in taking advanced magic lessons.







Whinnyapolis: twelve years, zero months, and twenty days ago:


The last vestiges of the dream I’d been having slipped away and my mind groggily came to for the morning.  My first thought was that my bed was warm and snuggly.  I always slept best cocooned in blankets, and the chill of winter only helped that.  My first really coherent thought was the memory of Daddy promising that there’d be six inches of powdery snow when I woke up.  As Whinnyapolis’ weather manager, he’d know.

My second thought was to prod my loose tooth with my tongue to see if it had fallen out while I slept.  It hadn’t.  My third thought was to see if my sister was awake yet.  “Snow’El?”

“Snow-C?”

“You up?”

“No.  This is a recording.”

Ever since she’d turned twelve, Snow’El had become quite adept at sassiness.  But she was still my big sister, and we still loved one another.  Because she was both older and a pegasus, she had the top bunk, which I was quite jealous of.  Not because she had the top bunk, but because her bed was an honest to goodness cloud.  Even if there had been a ladder to get to her bed, I’d have just sunk right through it if I could get up to it.  But it looked so comfortable I was always tempted to try it regardless.

“It snowed.”

“Of course it snowed.  It was scheduled.”

“Wanna build a snowmare?”

Snow’El opened her mouth to make a smart-alecky retort but stopped in her tracks.  Finally, she muttered, “Yes.”

I grinned.  My sister was in a hurry to grow up, but there were still certain things I could do or say to snap her out of it and get her to enjoy her fillyhood a bit longer.  Playing in the snow was one of the few things we had in common.  I didn’t know how many more years I’d be able to convince her to join me in letting her mane down and having fun, so I intended to cherish every last moment.  I pulled the blanket off her bed and she fluttered into the air and tried to dive bomb me.

“Give that back!”

“Okay.”  I shoved it back toward her.  “It got you out of bed.”

She hadn’t been expecting me to give it back without a fight and her flight trajectory caused her to get tangled up in it as I deftly sidestepped the crashing pegasus.  Someday she’ll grow into those oversized wings of hers, but until then… she’s about as graceful as a minotaur in a china shop.

She looked out the window as I put on my boots and scarf, then she followed my lead, putting on her own winter gear, including the new goggles she’d gotten for her birthday.

“You know, if we go downstairs Mom’s gonna make us eat breakfast first.”  She unlocked the window and pushed it up.  “Maybe we should take a different path down.”

“That’s easy for you to say!  You’ve got wings!”

Snow’El grinned as she stalked me through our room.  I backed up until my hindquarters bumped against my bed.  “Commander Hurricane had a saying back in the day: Everything’s air-droppable at least once.  Including annoying little sisters.”

As a student of history, I felt it was important to point out the obvious.  “That last bit isn’t part of the quote.”

“Maybe.  Maybe not.  But there’s only one way to find out if it’s true or not.”  She scooped me up under my forelegs and I was at her mercy as she defenestrated us.  I dangled from her forelegs as she made a circuit of the backyard, before she unceremoniously dumped me in a snowdrift.

I flopped around in the snow, doing the one thing I knew would make my sister jealous – making a snow angel.  It was her cutie mark, after all.  As expected, she hovered above our yard, then struck a pose and let gravity do the rest.  With her wings outspread, she made a perfect snow angel that put my best effort to shame.  Show-off.

No sense trying to compete with her.  I started rolling up a big ball of snow that would serve as our snowmare’s body, while Snow’El started on the legs.  Once she had the legs done, I levitated the body on top of them, taking care to line everything up perfectly.  Snow’El had the head ready to go once I’d mounted the body, and once more I levitated it into position.  She ran off to find a broom for the tail while I added a few lumps of coal for eyes, and an arc of them for a mouth.  Then I levitated a carrot to serve as a unicorn horn.

Snow’El returned with an old broom, and her tail swished back and forth as she put the finishing touches on our snowmare.  Presented with such a target, I couldn’t resist throwing a snowball at her.  I timed it perfectly, scoring a bullseye right on her rump while her tail was out of the way.  She yelped in surprise, then chased after me.

I ducked under some bushes to evade her, using my smaller size to my advantage.  She couldn’t fit under the branches without scratching herself, so she flew out of my line of sight.  I knew better than to think she’d given up.  We both knew that sooner or later I’d have to come out.  When that time finally came, she’d be waiting.

Not that I’d be totally unprepared.  I scooped up some snow and brought it to my hiding place, forming snowballs so I wouldn’t be completely defenseless.  I weighed our advantages and disadvantages as I waited.  My magic was my best asset, followed closely by my petite size.  I could also use the landscape to my benefit, staying close to trees, shrubs, and the house.  On the flip side, my blue coat was easily seen against the snow-covered ground.

Snow’El, meanwhile, had the advantage of flight.  She could spot me from further away, and her own silvery coat would blend in with the overcast sky from the ground.  But she was a larger target, and unless she could harvest it from the trees, she’d have to land to get snow.  She was also limited to what she could carry in her hooves, while I could carry far more ammunition in my aura.  On paper, it looked like a pretty even fight.

The first move was mine.  She knew where I was, but she couldn’t reach me.  As long as I chose to remain hidden beneath the shrubbery, I was in control.  The second I stepped outside, all the plans in the world wouldn’t amount to a hill of beans.

I glanced through the branches, but my sister was well-hidden herself.  She could be hiding on a cloud, or in one of the trees.  If I was lucky, I’d emerge on the opposite side of the bush from where she was hiding.  That would buy me a few extra seconds – precious time that might mean the difference between making it to an easily-defended position or being completely pelted with snowballs.  But I could no more hit her from my position than she could get me.  It was time to move.

I somersaulted out of my hiding place, tail whipping through the branches above me.  That seemed way cooler in my head.  I used the momentum to launch into a gallop, but all the noise I’d made had immediately alerted Snow’El to my position and she dive bombed me, strafing me with snowballs.  After she unloaded her meager supply at me, I returned fire on the now unarmed pegasus, forcing her to retreat to the safety of the sky, to heights I couldn’t lob snowballs.

I continued unimpeded to the relative safety of the woods adjacent to our property, where I could use the trees for cover.  Unsurprisingly, with my now unobstructed view, I confirmed that Snow’El was using our treehouse as her own base of operations.  It was the most logical place for a pegasus.  She was playing to her strengths as much as I was playing to mine.

When Mom finally called us in to eat lunch, we’d fought to a stalemate.  She’d dropped snow on me from above, while I’d lobbed snowballs at her from below.  She had to keep landing to reload, while I just scooped up snow in my magic as I ran.  In the end, it didn’t matter if there was a winner or not; we’d both had an enjoyable winter morning playing in the snow.  What more could two fillies ask for?

Snow’El helped me get my boots off, and I returned the favor.  Then Mom made us go back outside to shake ourselves off.  When we got back inside, there were three steaming bowls of macaroni and cheese waiting on the table for us, along with a massive loaf of garlic bread.

Mom broke the bread into three big pieces, buttered them, then finally levitated a slice to each of us.  The garlic taste was subtle, not overpowering, and perfectly complimented the pasta.

I scooped a spoonful of mac & cheese onto my slice of bread and bit into it, savoring the flavors blending together.  With the second bite, I bit into something hard, and spit it out onto my napkin.  My tongue wandered to a newfound gap in my teeth as I looked at the tooth that had finally come out.

“My tooth fell out!”  I held up my tooth for Mama and Snow’El.

“Looks like somepony’s getting a visit from the Tooth Breezie tonight.”  Mama kissed my forehead.  “My little foal’s growing up so fast.”

I pranced up the stairs to put my tooth under my pillow.









Mama, Pop, Snow’El, and I all sat around the fireplace, a jigsaw puzzle on the folding table between us, and mugs of hot chocolate within reach.

I yawned and dumped a few marshmallows into my cooled hot chocolate, then took a sip.  It was at the perfect temperature, and I had to stop myself from draining the mug in a few gulps.

I stretched out on the couch, pulling the blanket Mama had crocheted over me.  My eyelids grew heavy in the cozy glow of the fire.

I awoke sometime later as I shifted positions and found nothing underneath me.  Thinking I’d rolled off the couch, my eyes flew open in a panic.  I wasn’t falling, Mama was levitating me up the stairs to my bedroom.

“Sorry, sweetie, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

She set me down and I bounded up the steps in front of her.  Snow’El was already in our room when I hopped into my bed.  I snuggled under the blankets and Mama kissed my forehead.  Then she kissed my sister on the forehead and I heard Snow’El halfheartedly grumble about being too old for that.

How can anypony be too old to love Mama?  I hope I never get that old.

Mama chuckled as she blew out the candle, then trotted out of the room.

Once Mama was out of the room, Snow’El stuck her head over the side of the top bunk and looked down at me.  “Wanna stay up late and see if we can spot the Tooth Breezie?”

“Yes!”

Snow’El climbed into bed next to me.  Once I was comfortable she wrapped a foreleg around me and we laid there, watching the window.  She’d already lost all her foal teeth, but she still wanted to see if she could catch the Tooth Breezie in the act.  We had a perfect view of the window, and we stayed up, chatting about everything and nothing at the same time.

It was nice snuggling with my sister – it had been a long time since we’d last done so.  Once she started approaching adolescence, I wasn’t cool enough to hang out with anymore.

“I had fun today.”  Snow’El tousled my mane.

“Me too, sis.”

The nap I’d taken had left me feeling invigorated, but it didn’t take long for Snow’El to drift off to slumber.  Eventually, her soft snores lulled me into dreamland as well.







Whinnyapolis: twelve years, zero months, and seventeen days ago:


As I quietly put my boots on, I decided not to wake Snow’El up.  If I bug her every day, eventually she won’t come out to play in the snow at all.

Dewey slipped away from the game she was playing with her siblings, and we ran around my backyard chasing each other.  It was still snowing, and we enjoyed pelting each other with snowballs, before we decided to see who could catch the most snowflakes on her tongue.

I galloped around the yard, my tongue hanging out, trying to catch the biggest flakes on my tongue.  Nopony had ever beaten me at catching snowflakes, and I aimed to keep it that way.  I’d cut Dewey slack in everything else, but this was my event – the one I was named for.  Got one!  I enjoyed the cool sensation of the flake melting on my tongue as I pulled it inside my mouth.

I caught a few more on my tongue, then decided to catch one without sticking my tongue out.  That was trickier, and I’d never managed to pull it off previously, but I opened my mouth and pointed my snout to the sky.  Soon a flake landed perfectly in the gap between my teeth, tickling my gum where I’d lost a tooth three days earlier.  That tickles!

I pranced around to celebrate my success and Dewey came running over.  She pointed behind me, but I wasn’t falling for that trick.

“Cutie mark!”

Dewey wouldn’t joke about that.  I turned and much to my surprise, there was a snowflake on my rump – one that would never melt.  “Cutie mark!”

We did a silly little dance, then I raced back to the house, Dewey a few lengths back.  I burst through the kitchen door, not even stopping to wipe my hooves like Dewey did behind me.  “Mama!  Mama!  Guess what!  Guess what!”

“What, sweetheart?”

“I caught a snowflake in my mouth without usin’ my tongue!  It tickled and everything!”

“That’s nice.”

“And I got my cutie mark!”  I hopped up on the coffee table and proudly displayed my newly-decorated flank.

“That’s great!”  Mama kissed me on the forehead, at the base of my horn.  “We’ll have to plan your cuteceañera later!”

I nodded my head, my mane bobbing up and down.  “Can Dewey come?”

“Please?” Dewey pleaded from the hallway.

“Of course, honey.  Anypony you want to come will be invited.”

I thought about it, but couldn’t think of anypony else I wanted to invite.  “Just the Dazzles and us would be great.  I don’t need to invite everypony at school.”  Half of them don’t even acknowledge my existence, so why would I want them to come?

“If you’re sure that’s everypony you want to invite; we could probably have it tonight.”

I nodded.  “Yup!  That would be swell!”







Whinnyapolis: twelve years, zero months, and six days ago:


The weather team had added to the existing snow overnight, blanketing our backyard with a fresh coating of snow.  Gone were the hoofprints we’d trampled into the previous snowfall, and the snow was still coming down.  Anypony could request more snow for their property at any time, but aside from the Dazzles and us, few others ever did.  It helped that the Dazzles were our neighbors.

It was a blank canvas.  I fought the urge to run out there right away.  “Snow’El?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s snowing!”

“I know.  Let me sleep.”

I’d been anticipating her reluctance to join me outside after the first snow.  I signaled out the window, and, as one, a herd of interlopers descended on our backyard.

“But the Dazzle horde is laying claim to our backyard right now.  Who’s going to help me repel their invasion?”

Her eyes opened.  Seconds later her snout was pressed against the window alongside mine.  “Those sneaky little brats!  That’s our snow!”

Pegasi were notoriously territorial.  It didn’t matter that Snow’El was half-unicorn – the Dazzles intruding on our property was a challenge.  Challenges needed to be responded to.  Preferably escalated.

She opened the window and grasped me under my forelegs.  Then I was airborne.  I’m flying!  My flight was short-lived before Snow’El found her target and dropped me.  I’m falling!

“What do you know, little sisters are air-droppable at least twice!”

“It’s raining mares!” was the last thing Dewey said before I crash landed on top of her.  She checked her watch.  “You’re way early.  It’s only a quarter past eight.  You’re not supposed to show up until half past ten.”

I rolled off my friend and groaned.  The disco song she’d referenced would likely be stuck in my head for the rest of the day.  I scooped up some snow in my aura.  “If you wish to continue Stayin’ Alive, I suggest you start running now.”

She giggled and started galloping toward her own backyard, with me in pursuit.  I continued scooping up snow as I chased her, forming perfectly spherical snowballs that trailed behind me, waiting for the perfect moment to be unleashed in righteous fury.

The battle for air supremacy raged on overhead, as Snow’El faced off against two of Dewey’s brothers, and Dewey’s youngest sister, Razzle, who could barely hover off the ground for a few seconds at a time.  Partly because of her young age and inexperience, but mostly because her mother had wrapped her in so much winter clothing she could barely even flap her wings.

Much like my sister, I was outnumbered too.  In addition to Dewdrop, two of her sisters were also unicorns.  While both were younger than Dewey, they were surprisingly efficient at guerilla warfare, launching snowballs at me from behind trees and snowdrifts.

The Dazzles had the numerical advantage, but my magic was easily the strongest of the four of us.  I dispatched Rainbow Dazzle with a barrage of snowballs.  She dropped her own and galloped toward her own house – she didn’t make it.  Her hat and scarf went flying as she tumbled end over end after tripping over something that had been left in the yard and completely covered by the snow.  I trotted up to her and smooshed a snowball into her muzzle.

I offered a hoof to help her up, but she yanked me to the ground with her magic and we grappled in the snow.  The two-and-a-half-year age difference was in my favor, and I pinned her fairly quickly.  For her efforts, she earned another snowball to her snout.  For my efforts, Dewey and her other sister Raindrop pelted me with snowballs while I was distracted with Rainbow.

My horn lit up and they both ducked behind a tree.  I grinned – that was exactly where I wanted them to go.  I snapped a few branches above their heads, showering them with snow.  I stood up and pulled Rainbow to her hooves, then marched her over to where her sisters had fallen.  Dewey’s pink, yellow, and purple tail was sticking out of one side, while Raindrop’s lavender legs were the only sign of her.  I lit my horn and waved my hooves.  “Truce!”

Snow’El and Dewey’s brothers landed, and we pulled the Dazzle sisters from all the snow I’d dropped on them.

My horn remained lit as I used my magic to help extricate my friends.  That wasn’t the only thing I was doing with my magic, but it was important that the Dazzles saw my aura being used for something – that way they’d never suspect I was simultaneously sculpting snowballs from the snow covering the branches way above us.

Once Dewey and Raindrop had shaken themselves off, it wasn’t long before I felt a snowball hit my flank.  My ‘prisoner’, Rainbow, had ‘escaped’ and retaliated.  I laughed as I decided to teach her the meaning of the word ‘futility’.  I pulled one of the snowballs I’d made from its hiding place in the trees and chased her around the yard with it.  She was so focused on the snowball chasing her, that she didn’t see the rest of them as they came at her from the sides.

With the truce officially broken, I pulled the rest of my snowballs from their hiding place and sent them hurtling toward each of the Dazzles.  Well, except for Razzle.  We all had an unspoken agreement not to pick on the barely-mobile yearling.  I even clunked my sister in the back of the head with one, making sure that it came from a direction that made it look like it had been thrown by one of Dewey’s brothers.  That lit a fire under her rump and she tore off after him with a vengeance.

“It wasn’t me!  It wasn’t me!” he screeched as he whooshed past me, Snow’El in hot pursuit.

With Snow’El’s attention firmly on Hailstone, that left me to deal with the rest of the Dazzle horde.  All things considered, it was a relatively even fight.  The odds tilted in my favor once Thunderhead decided to save his brother from Snow’El.









We’d burned off most of our energy by lunchtime, and Snow’El and I joined the Dazzles.  Sorry, Mama, as much as I love you, Mrs. Dazzle’s the better cook.  Mrs. Dazzle was more than willing to feed us, since we’d occupied the horde for a few hours.  She was one of the few mares I knew who could make the mundane magnificent.  Case in point – she served us corn and potato chowder.  A simple meal by anypony’s definition, and yet it was sublime.

After eating heavily, the last thing any of us wanted to do was run around, so instead we started building snow forts.  The Dazzles’ fort was a simple construct, a wall with delusions of grandeur.  It paled in comparison to the fort Snow’El and I made.  It had four sides, a tower, and a trench around the entire structure.  It would force approaching unicorn invaders to jump down and then climb up the wall, while suffering an onslaught from my sister and myself.  It was probably completely unnecessary from a strategy standpoint, as the pegasi would fly over it, but we needed to pull the snow from somewhere to build the fort; might as well make it serve two purposes.

Dewey and I each grabbed large tree branches and stuck them into the snow, then I borrowed a pair of dishrags from the kitchen that we attached to the branches to serve as makeshift flagpoles.  Whoever captured the other’s dishflag would be the winner.

I looked up at my teal rag flying in the breeze, then looked at the mint one I was trying to capture.  I really hope Mama’s not planning on doing the dishes today.  As I continued gazing at my opponent, I realized she was rolling up snowballs with her magic.  Way to go, Dewey!  Your magic’s improving.

Without taking my eyes off my friend, I rolled a few hundred snowballs.  I split my pile in half, and shared it with sister.  We were better prepared, but suffered from a distinct numerical deficiency.  I was in charge of defending our fort from the Dazzles, while Snow’El would alternate between trying for the Dazzle’s flag and backing me up if anypony got too close.

Our strategy was uncomplicated.  We were outnumbered six-to-two, so rather than go on the offensive, we climbed to the top of the little tower I’d built and let the Dazzles come to us.  Dewey’s brothers took the bait, Thunderhead and Hailstone circled our fort from afar.  Close enough to spy on us, but just out of snowball range… but ammo was the one thing we weren’t low on so I lobbed a few their way just in case.

The rule was five hits and you were out.  I studied our opponents and realized they’d made a tactical blunder we could exploit.  “Sis?”

“Yeah?”

“They’ve only got two snowballs each.”

She did the same math I did and I was airborne seconds later, snowballs trailing behind us in my field.  The two panicked pegasi made a beeline back to their own fort, but not before Snow’El got me close enough to land multiple hits on each of them.

Once we started receiving incoming snowballs from their sort-of-a-fort, I noticed that only Raindrop was harassing us.  I turned and spotted Rainbow galloping towards our undefended base.

“Snow’El!  It was a distraction.  Back to base!”

Snow’El flapped her wings as hard as she could, but Rainbow was staying far enough ahead of us that the game would surely be over by the time we returned to our fort.  Then Snow’El dove.  She gathered speed and we started catching up to Rainbow.  The unicorn raider looked over her shoulder and redoubled her efforts to evade us.  She dodged and ducked, but to no avail – Snow’El had gotten me within range.  I let loose with everything I had in my aura and she tumbled to the ground in a sea of snowballs.

Rainbow went back to her own house to sit out the rest of the game and warm up with some hot chocolate.  Hailstorm and Thunderhead were hot on our hooves, and I’d expended all our ammo on Rainbow.  My sister banked, but I didn’t.  Snow’El gained altitude and I landed in front of the fort.

I’m getting really tired of being airdropped, sis.

The battle raged overhead, and Dewey’s brothers evened the score.  Snow’El was unarmed and they weren’t.  My sister made laps around the tower while I pelted Hailstone and Thunderhead with snowballs.  In short order Hailstone and Thunderhead were eliminated from the game, but they’d nailed Snow’El three times.

I started rebuilding our supply of ammunition as Snow’El hovered over our fort, keeping watch.  “Raindrop’s holding the fort.  I don’t know where Dewey is,” I shouted up to her.

“She’s probably using the woods to sneak up on us.”

The thought had crossed my mind as well.  If the Dazzles managed to take my sister out of contention, that would be my strategy to get to their fort.  What if Rainbow had been the real distraction the whole time?  She was galloping right in the open.  Dewey could be anywhere.

“I’m going to check the woods.”

“Snow’El, wait!”

My words fell on deaf ears and I scrambled to the top of the fort’s tower.  It was only ten feet above the ground, but without wings of my own, it was the best vantage point I was going to get.  I sighed.  Why does Snow’El have to be so impulsive?

I stared off into the trees, trying to plot my sister’s course with no luck.  A few minutes later there was a surprised squawk, and Snow’El returned from the forest and landed in the fort with a tail swish.  She didn’t even glance in my direction, which told me she was embarrassed because Dewey got the drop on her.

That left me to face Dewey, Raindrop, and Razzle Dazzle on my own.  At least I had an idea of where Dewey was – my sister’s sacrifice needn’t be in vain.  I started shaking snow out of the upper branches of the trees around where Snow’El had been caught unaware.

Dewey yelped and I knew I had her.  I kept shaking the snow and finally she screamed, “You got me!  I surrender.”

“You may need to go dig her out, sis.”

Snow’El nodded, a smile forming at the corners of her mouth.  She realized that with Dewey down for the count, the Dazzles were down to just Raindrop and Razzle, the latter of whom didn’t really count.  Razzle was hop-gliding across the snow between our respective forts, but making horribly slow progress.  I had no idea what she was planning on doing if she actually made it all the way to our fort.  She certainly wasn’t going to be able to fly up and retrieve our flag.

Dewey trotted out of the woods, with one of Snow’El’s wings draped across her withers.  They decided to wait in the fort until the game was over.  I would’ve kept them company, but I had a game to win.

Raindrop was halfway to our fort when I exited ours.  There was no point in either of us sneaking through the woods – it was down to a race against time.  One would stand, one would fall… and I had no intention of being the latter.

Raindrop had an average field strength, and she’d gathered a fair number of snowballs to use against me.  But I had more magic, and hence more snowballs.  What followed was a one-sided battle, as the snowballs she threw at me never made it through the wave of snow I sent her way.  She ended up on her back in the snow, legs splayed and completely dazed.  I helped her to hooves and patted her on the withers.  “Good game.”

She mumbled the same back to me, and I set my sights on claiming my prize.  With the Dazzles defeated, I trotted toward what was left of their snow fort to retrieve their dishflag.  Just as I approached it, I heard the Dazzle siblings all cheering.  I turned and bowed to them, but much to my surprise I saw Razzle Dazzle entering my fort.  She jumped and glided, but couldn’t quite reach the flag.  I galloped across the snow, as Razzle’s siblings shouted words of encouragement to their youngest sister.

“You can do it!”

“Hurry!  Snowcatcher’s coming!”

I slowed as I approached my own fort.  Razzle wasn’t even close to getting our flag.  She was hampered by her clothing – she couldn’t even flap her tiny wings.  I could easily trot back to her fort and retrieve her team’s flag without having to worry about Razzle succeeding.  Or if I wanted to cheat, I could just grab it with my magic.  Instead, the next time she leapt, my horn glowed, unfastening our flag from the makeshift flagpole.  The teal dishrag landed atop her head, and the Dazzles all burst into cheers.

“I did it!  I did it!”  Razzle Dazzle pranced in a circle, giggling.

Winning isn’t everything.  I levitated the filly onto my back and trotted over to her house, her siblings and Snow’El in tow.







Whinnyapolis: eleven years, eleven months, and fifteen days ago:


I walked to school, Dewey by my side, eager to show off my new cutie mark.  Unless one of our classmates also got their cutie mark over the Hearth’s Warming break, I was the first pony in our class to get her mark.

“Looks like you’re already attracting some attention.”

I followed Dewey’s gaze to some of our classmates pointing at me, but we were too far away to hear what they were whispering about.  They’re probably jealous.

Summer Breeze swooped down for a closer look, landing perfectly on my back.  “Snowflake!  Cool cutie mark, Snowy!  You see did what I did there, right?  Cool.  Snow.”

“Yes, I see that.  Get off.  I’m not a pegasus transport.  Personal space, Summer.”

Summer Breeze hopped off my back with a huff.  “Sheesh, Snowy.  Always such a grouch.  You should be nicer to me.  It’s not like there’s a line of ponies who willingly interact with you.  For what it’s worth, it’s a really nice mark.”

“Thank you.”

Summer smiled at me.  “That wasn’t so hard, was it?  You’re welcome!”

She was a grade ahead of us, but somehow Summer Breeze was even less popular than Dewey and I.  At least we had each other, but Summer Breeze marched to the beat of her own drummer.  Occasionally, that meant inserting herself into our activities because we were the only ones who would let her.

She hopped into the air and flew to school ahead of us, and I watched her go with a tinge of jealousy.

“You’re doing it again, Snowy.”

“What?”

“Staring at a pegasus in flight.”

“I can’t help it.  Look at how much faster she’s getting to school than we are.”

“We could beat her if we gallop.”

I sighed.  “There’s nothing majestic about a unicorn galloping.”

Dewey giggled.  “Depends on the unicorn.  An athlete, yes.  Us?  Not a chance.”

I conceded the point and we trotted the rest of the way to school.

We took our seats in Mr. Frostbite’s room and waited for the first class of the new year.  I could hear snippets of conversations around us, and for once I was the topic of gossip mill.  That was something I could live without, but at least ponies were talking about me in a good way… for once.  A new cutie mark was a big deal.

Mr. Frostbite barged into the classroom and sat behind his desk.  “Good morning, class!  It’s a Monday, and the first day back from a month long holiday break.  You know what this means?”

We shook our heads.

“Pop quiz!”  He started laughing as we all groaned.  “I’m just kidding.  It means I don’t want to be here today any more than any of you, so how about we talk about what we did over the Hearth’s Warming break.  That should take us up to lunch.  Then maybe we’ll do some math or history or something after we eat.”

I forgot how lousy a teacher Mr. Frostbite is over the break.  I really miss Hocus Pocus.  Maybe I should seriously consider going to Princess Celestia’s school after all.

Half the class pointed to me.  “Snowcatcher got her cutie mark over the break.”

I stood up and displayed my flanks for the benefit of those who hadn’t seen my newly-minted cutie mark, or who’d only caught a glimpse of it from afar.

“A snowflake?”  Mr. Frostbite scratched his head.  “That must be quite disappointing for a filly of your talents.  I’m sure you were expecting a shooting star or something else of that nature.”

I blinked.  Disappointing?  But I like snow.  “How so?” I finally stammered out.

“Most powerful unicorns get astral bodies as their cutie marks.  Stars, comets, the sun, or even the moon.  Snowflakes are for... well... ponies working on the weather team.  Most of whom are pegasi for a reason.”

“Can you imagine a unicorn cloud pusher?”  I didn’t need to look to know which of my classmates had shouted that – Moonbeam had never liked me.

“With your field strength I have no doubt you could push clouds around all day without setting hoof out of the weather team’s office, but that would be a tremendous waste of your potential.  Keep in mind there’s much more to the weather team than just pushing clouds.  For example, you could focus on snowflake-making.  However, the weather team has plenty of options, and I’m sure you’ll find one to your liking.  With your intelligence, you could probably advance into upper management pretty quickly.”

“Who said I want to work on the weather team?”  Not that I would mind, really.  But I want to make that decision for myself.

“It’s what your cutie mark is telling you to do.  Weather marks for weatherponies.”

“Is wanting to make snowflakes wrong?”

Mr. Frostbite shook his head.  “Of course not.  It’s your talent – if making snow is what makes you happy, then that’s what you should do with your life.  I just thought you were more ambitious than that.”

“I do have more ambition than that!”  I frowned and my classmates giggled at my outburst.  I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up, but I don’t think I want to spend the rest of my life making snowflakes.  On the other hoof, I wouldn’t hate it…  I’m so confused.

“Would you like to share with the class how you got your cutie mark?”

“I caught a snowflake in my mouth without using my tongue.”

The class erupted in laughter and I tried to sink through the floor.  There’s probably a spell for that…  Mental note: if it exists, learn it.  If it doesn’t exist, create it.

“She’s a special little snowflake!”

“That’s your special talent?”

“How utterly useless!”

“Settle down, class.”  Mr. Frostbite attempted to bring things back under control as I curled my tail around my flank to hide my cutie mark.  “I’ll remind all of you that the pony you’re all mocking has the highest grade average in class.  Before anypony says another word, ponder what that says about all of you.”

That shut the rest of the class up, but the damage had been done.  I stared at my desk in shame.  Dewey slipped a note onto my desk and I unfurled it in magic.

One day you’ll show all of them just how special a snowflake you really are!

“Cutie marks are all about finding yourself.  Snowcatcher found herself, and I have confidence that she’ll rise to the occasion and make her mark on the world, regardless.  I’ll be the first to admit I’m a lousy teacher.  I don’t have the mark for it.”  He turned to present his own mark to the class: a hoof covered in ice.  “I was born down south in Chattaluna, but I discovered my special talent is I’m nearly impervious to cold temperatures, so I moved here to Whinnyapolis.  I fell into this teaching position because plowing snow is a seasonal job.  I offer you my apologies, Snowy.  I didn’t mean to disrupt class, I genuinely expected you to get an astral mark of some sort.  You don’t have to be a weatherpony.  I tried to be one myself, but there’s no real demand for earth ponies on the weather team.”  He turned to look at everypony else in class.  “As for the rest of you, I want each of you to write an apology to Snowy for homework tonight.”

Everypony groaned and I raised my hoof in the air.

“No, Snowy, you don’t have to do the assignment.”

“Dewey didn’t laugh at me.”

“Dewey is also excused from the assignment.  I expect everypony else to write a one-page apology, due tomorrow.”

I could hear my classmates grumbling about that, and I could tell they were blaming me for it.  Like I care.  None of you has ever given me so much as the time of day, so at least now you’ll have an excuse to hate me and Dewey.









The school day was over and Dewey and I waited until our classmates vacated the classroom before leaving.  I suddenly found myself caring that they were blaming me for the extra homework.  Our popularity had plunged from ‘barely tolerated’ to ‘despised’ with that single assignment.  I knew that letting my classmates leave first was inviting disaster, but I also knew that if we tried to be the first ponies out the door we stood absolutely no chance of outrunning any of them.  By letting them have a head start, my hope was that they’d give up and just go home.

I should be that lucky.

Seriously, it would make life so much easier.

Much to my dismay, most of our classmates were milling about the hallway and Dewey and I were separated.  Nopony ever stayed after school without a reason, so it was blatantly obvious they intended to enact their revenge.

“Looks like little miss smarty-pants is gonna be a weatherpony.”

Three of my classmates surrounded me and started shoving me around.  Earth ponies, all of them, they all were stronger and heavier than me and I couldn’t break out from between them.

“Such a useless talent for such a useless little unicorn.”

“I bet her magic isn’t even really all that strong.”

Not strong?  I’ll show you not strong!  My horn glowed and I yanked on her tail.  I tugged hard enough to send her skidding down the hallway.  With the newly-created gap, I galloped toward safety.

Unfortunately, they were in far better physical condition than I was and caught up to me quickly.  Just as they closed in on me, Dewey appeared.

“Looks like it’s a two-for-one sale on useless unicorns!  We get the one that can’t even do magic, too.”

“How about I throw in a pegasus?”  Snow’El appeared behind Dewey, escalating the situation, as was her wont.

“Make that three.”  Hailstone and Thunderhead let the bullies know they were now outnumbered.

“If you want to see some unicorn magic, we can arrange that.”  Rainbow Dazzle’s horn sparked.

The three mean fillies started backing away, but Rainbow’s twin sister, Raindrop was behind them, and tripped one of them.  The other two fell over her and Snow’El and the Dazzles advanced on them.  “You mess with one of us…” Raindrop started.

“You mess with all of us!”  The rest of them finished her sentence.

They took the hint.  With the tables turned, they jumped to their hooves and galloped out of the school as fast as possible.

I was still shaking when Dewey nuzzled me.  “It’s okay, Snowy.  I saw what they were doing to you and got backup.”

“How did you get away from everypony else?”

“I tried to do some magic and it fizzled out like usual.  But for once I think my magic actually did something, because the water fountain exploded.  It’s probably just a coincidence, but if so, it couldn’t have been better timed.  Everypony scattered when they started getting splashed on.  It’s cold outside and nopony wants to go out there soaking wet.”

I nuzzled Dewey.  My bestie.  “Friends forever.”

“And ever!”

“Yeah!”  Our respective siblings chorused their agreement.  Come what may, the Snows and Dazzles would always have one another’s backs.

“Come on, sis.  There’s a gallon of ice cream at home with your name on it.”  Snow’El draped a wing over me and herded me toward the door.  I let her lead me in the direction of our house, the Dazzles surrounding us.

If everypony in Whinnyapolis is this close-minded, that settles it – I’m applying to Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns, and one way or another, I’m taking Dewey with me.







Whinnyapolis: eleven years, seven months, and two days ago:


“You did what?!?”  Dewey panicked at my revelation.

“I enrolled both of us in Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns.”

“I’m not gifted!  There’s no way they’ll accept me!  How did you even get my parents to agree to this?”

I shrugged.  “I didn’t.  I just sent your application in with mine.”

Dewey facehoofed.  “You can’t do that, Snowy.”

“Can, and did.  You deserve to be in just as much as I do.  I’ve seen what you can do with water.  You’re incredible.  Maybe they’ll have somepony there who can teach you how to use your power for levitation and illumination.”

Dewey stared at the ground.  “How am I supposed to pass the entrance exam if I can’t do the basics, Snowy?”

I grinned and my horn glowed.  Coincidentally, Dewdrop’s horn illuminated the room at the same time.  “I can get you in.”

“I’ll immediately flunk out.”

“Not if I can help it, you won’t.”

“Snowy, just no.”

“I’m not going without you.  Besties forever.”  I smiled at her.  I knew I had her over a barrel – she didn’t want to go, but she didn’t want to see me not go.  It’ll be a good thing for her.

“You’re crazy.  They’ll catch us and kick you out too.”

I shrugged.  “Their loss, then.”

“You’re gambling with your future, Snowy.”

“Worth it.”  I watched her expression carefully.  She was almost to ‘resigned to her fate’.  “If my future is making snowflakes while you create storm clouds, at least we’ll do it together.”

“You really are crazy.”  She flicked her tail and I knew I’d won her over.  “Fine, I’ll play your game, but when they kick us out, I’m so saying ‘I told you so!’”

“Deal!”







Canterlot: eleven years, six months, and ten days ago:


Dewey and I trotted next to each other, Mama to my other side and Dewey’s dad to hers.  Several hundred other prospective students and their parents were on the tour with us – so many that they’d broken us into twenty groups.

The campus for Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns spread out over at least a dozen city blocks of prime Canterlot real estate.  The castle was visible almost everywhere on campus, and there were nobles who’d happily raze the school to the ground to build mansions here.  That made sense – the princess would almost certainly want to check in on the school periodically, and wouldn’t want to travel far to do so.

Our tour guide pointed out the library and I started drooling.  The thought of all those tomes of ancient knowledge called to me.  The guide then pointed to a tower near the library, where a purple unicorn was scowling down at all of us.  “That’s the residence of Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia’s prized pupil.  She’s apparently not having a good morning, so let’s move on.”

I blinked.  Is that a dragon next to her?!?  Wow!  I’ve never seen a dragon before!  Mama, meanwhile, was watching me with amusement.  “What?”

“Has anypony ever told you that you’re like a foal in a candy store when you get excited?”

“…No.”  Except Dewey, my teachers, Snow’El, Pop, and Mama, repeatedly, so she knows I’m lying out my rump.

“You’re adorable.”  She booped my nose.  “Don’t let me stop you.”

I stopped the tail I hadn’t even realized I was wagging and took a deep breath.  Focus, Snowy, focus.  Don’t get kicked out for being a silly pony.  The school was everything I’d ever wanted in an institution of learning.  I don’t want to blow this chance.

“Over here is the Athletics Department.  Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns is active in all sports, and we play our games in Starswirl the Bearded Arena, a state of the art facility built just three years ago.  It’s the most modern arena in all of Equestria.  Our sports teams are… adequate.  Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns has stringent qualifications that must be met for a student to enroll, and unlike some other schools that make academic exceptions for particularly athletic individuals, we do not.  We’re not particularly known for our hoofball program, but we’re the team to beat in any of the magical sports.”

I didn’t really care about sports, so I stopped listening at that point.  Dewey’s father, however, was quite interested in knowing more, and more importantly, where he could buy merchandise for the team.

We started moving again, and the next stop on our tour was the science buildings.  If there were any doubts left in my mind that I wanted to go to school here, they were banished immediately.  They had real labs, not a Bunsen burner and a couple of test tubes, and the students were allowed to be hooves and horns-on.  I had to consciously stop myself from wagging my tail.  Dignified, Snowy.

I didn’t think things could get better than that, but our tour guide saved the best for last.  “This is our Magic Department.”  Even the ponies who’d been feigning indifference took notice.  Mine wasn’t the only tail wagging this time.  “Ancient tomes, priceless artifacts, and more.  No other institution of learning has what we have here.”

Unlike the other buildings on the tour, we were led inside the Magic Department to an auditorium.  “Please take a seat.  The evaluations will begin soon.”  About half the groups had made it back before us, with the rest arriving soon after.

Most amazing school in the world or not, the auditorium was set up with the most boring slideshow ever.  We’d already seen everything that it was showing.  There were no magazines to read like there were at the dentist’s office, but at least they had some trays set up around the perimeter that had snacks.  I idly munched a daffodil as I wondered how we could keep ourselves occupied.  Mama pulled a puzzle book from her saddlebags, and I set to work solving Number Place puzzles.

Dewey looked over my shoulder and gasped.  “I’ve never seen a crossword puzzle with numbers before.”

I looked at the puzzle in front of me and grinned.  “Hey Dewey, what’s a nine-letter word starting with ‘7’?”

“Seventeen,” she replied without hesitation.

I mentally tallied up the number of letters in ‘seventeen’ and found she was right.  I clopped my hooves on the ground.  Well-played, my friend, well-played.  “Yup, that works.  Thanks, Dewey!”

Seeing that Dewey and her dad were still sitting there bored, Mama pulled a pack of cards out of her purse and the four of us played Old Nag until it was time for my evaluation.

“Snowcatcher.”

I dropped my cards, including the old nag, and followed the mare to the examination room.  I can’t consider that ‘winning’ the game, especially since I was holding the nag card, but it’s certainly a new way of ‘not losing’.

Entering the room, I dropped into a bow as I noticed Princess Celestia seated with the other evaluators.  She motioned for me to rise and I did so.  Wow, that puts extra pressure on me.  I bet that’s the point, to weed out those who crack under pressure.

I smiled at the ponies who would be judging me.  They didn’t bother introducing themselves, and they didn’t have name tags.

“Snowcatcher?”

I nodded.

“Light your horn.”

I did so, letting it glow with my orchid aura.  The evaluators frantically scribbled on their clipboards as I brightened my horn further.

“Levitation.”

I looked around the room, trying to figure out what they wanted me to levitate.  With nothing obvious to pick, I grabbed the classroom’s empty chairs and started levitating as many of them as I could, moving them around in a lazy figure eight.

Once again quills scratched on parchment as I demonstrated my abilities for them.

“Please demonstrate your special spell.”

I shrugged.  “I don’t have one.”

“You have your cutie mark.”

I sighed.  So this is how they’re going to pass on accepting me.  “My talent is… catching snowflakes on my tongue.  It’s not anything magic related and I don’t have a special spell.”

“Every unicorn has a special, you just haven’t learned yours yet.  We can assist you with that.”

“You… you can?”

“Once you’re a student here.  If you become a student here.  We’ve seen enough, please send in the next pony, Dewdrop Dazzle.”

I stepped out of the room and motioned to Dewey, holding the door open for her.  Once she was inside, and all eyes were on her, I snuck back inside, closing the door gently behind me.  I hid under a desk in the back of the room, someplace where I could see Dewey, but the evaluators couldn’t see me.  When they instructed her to light her horn, I lit it for her.  Her horn glowed with my orchid aura.  Dewey, I don’t care what I have to do to get you in, I’m not leaving this place, and I’m not leaving you behind.  The way that instructor said they could help me learn my special spell before she corrected herself… I’m in.

“Levitation.”

This time I grasped random objects from around the room and paraded them in front of Dewey, while simultaneously keeping a glow over her horn to make it look like she was doing all the work.  They kept the tests coming for Dewey, and I no longer knew what to expect.

“Precision.”

I compressed my field down to a pinprick around Dewey, then manipulated a piece of chalk, filling the blackboard with nonsensical characters.

“Dexterity.”

Technically, writing on a chalkboard should be considered an example of that, but if you want to see just how much I can do simultaneously…

I once more surrounded Dewey’s horn with a glowing light, while levitating some plants off the windowsill, and erasing everything I’d scrawled on the blackboard.

“Special spell?”

I winced.  I had no way to replicate Dewey’s special.

I kept my glow over Dewey’s horn and hoped that if I kept it bright enough, it would obscure her own pale mint field.  She trotted to the window and opened it, firing a blast of magic into the sky.  I could hear the thunder as the clouds outside turned stormy.

“Weather magic.  How unusual.”

Princess Celestia interrupted the evaluation.  “I think this is a good place to stop for lunch.  We’ll pick up with the next in line in an hour.”

The other three reviewers left the room and Dewey started to follow them but found herself restrained by a golden aura.  “I’m sure you’re anxious to eat, Dewdrop, but I’d like to talk with you first.  And you too, Snowcatcher.”

Horseapples.

“Did you fillies know that every unicorn’s magic has its own distinctive signature?  Or did you just think we wouldn’t notice Snowcatcher took the entrance exam twice?”

“I don’t belong here.”

I nuzzled Dewdrop.  “Yes, you do.”

“I can’t even light my own horn.”  She closed her eyes and her horn sparked with a few hints of mint magic and gave off a faint mint glow.  “That’s the best I can do.  I can’t levitate anything at all.”

I sighed.  “She sells herself short.  Do you have a lake near here?”  The princess quirked an eyebrow but nodded.  “Can you take us there, please?”

“An odd request, but I requested an explanation and you’ve piqued my curiosity.  Consider it done.”  With a golden flash we were high above the castle, overlooking Canterlot below us.  We stood on the shore of an alpine lake.

“Whoa.  Can you teach me that?  Please?”  I couldn’t help myself.  Teleportation was magic I hadn’t learned yet, because I didn’t have anypony who could teach me.  I’d read about it in books, but it seemed too risky to attempt on my own without instruction from an expert.

“We’ll see, my little pony.  That’ll depend on Dewdrop proving she belongs in my school.  Because if she doesn’t, I’m not accepting your application either.”

I shrugged.  “She will.  If she’s not allowed in, I don’t want to go here anyway.”

“You can’t throw your future away like that.”

“I’m not.  I have faith in you.”  I patted Dewey’s withers.

“No pressure.”

I shrugged again.  “No pressure.  Whatever happens, happens.  We’ll still be friends no matter what, and that’s the most important part.”

She sighed in defeat and stepped up to the edge of the lake.  “What should I do?”

“Just be yourself, Dewey.”

Dewey’s talents needed to be seen to be believed.  I’d witnessed them firsthoof, and now Princess Celestia was watching my friend trot around the bottom of a lake, with an air bubble surrounding her.  Then she turned the lake turbulent before flash freezing it.  After that, she demonstrated her weather magic again, causing us to get soaked in a shower, before she turned the rain to snow.

“Thank you, Dewdrop, for that wonderful demonstration of your talents.  Would you mind returning the lake back to normal now?”  Dewey complied with the princess’ request, while Celestia continued, “I haven’t seen a water elemental in centuries.”

“Did she pass her entrance exam?”  I had to know.  In that moment, nothing else mattered, even if tact would dictate not blurting out something like that in front of the princess.

Princess Celestia nodded.  “You were right, my little pony, she belongs here too.  And our tests never would have discovered that.  More importantly, Dewdrop, we have ways to teach you to harness your power over water to substitute for the basics.  For example, there’s water vapor in the air around you, and you can use that in place of levitation.  When you consider that water covers approximately 70% of the planet’s surface, then factor in that everypony requires water to survive, and then throw in the fact that water comprises about 60% of our bodies, having power over water is a truly amazing gift.”

I tacklehugged Dewey, and the princess giggled.  “I suppose this means the two of you would like to be roommates?”  We both nodded.  “I’ll make sure the arrangements are made.  There’s just one last thing.  There’s still the little matter of the fact that the two of you were cheating.  You could’ve just come right out and stated you were a water elemental instead of going to all that effort.  We could’ve adjusted things accordingly.  I think a suitable punishment is hoofing it back to the school.”  She vanished with a pop, leaving the two of us standing there, staring at the place she’d just been standing.

“I’m totally learning how to do that.”  My mind was made up – teleportation was awesome and convenient.

“I wish you already knew.”

“Me too, Dewey, me too.  Hey, you know, she didn’t say we had to go back immediately.  Think this is one of those mountains that has snow year ‘round?”

“Only one way to find out.”

“Race you to the top!”  I grinned.

“You’re on!”

As Dewey and I raced to the summit, I realized we’d missed lunch entirely.  Oh well.  Food or having fun in the snow?  I know which one we’ll pick every single time.  We can eat anytime, but we’re not getting to play in snow again back home for months.
> Act I: Snowcatcher (Part 2)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Canterlot: ten years, eleven months, and twenty-nine days ago


I sat at my desk, three textbooks open in front of me: history, math, and Equestrian.  Whenever I needed a break from one subject, I switched to another immediately, rather than force myself to continue.  Dewey often poked fun at me for that, but I found it helped keep things fresh, and allowed me to focus better.

History was usually my favorite subject, but there were certain topics I just didn’t care for.  Wars and fighting were tops among them.  For some reason, some of my classmates glorified them, but wars meant senseless death and destruction.  There hadn’t been many wars over the last millennium.  There’d been plenty of invasions and temporary takeovers, but there’d only been one true war… 

Griffins on the Equestrian continent have historically preferred to live in and around Griffinstone, while most ponies on the continent of Gryph call Prance their home.  Prance is Equestria’s oldest ally, and the two pony nations have never fought a war with one another.  Prance’s sovereignty has been threatened multiple times over the centuries, most recently in the year of Princess Luna’s exile.

While Princess Celestia was in the midst of overseeing the repairs to Everfree City following Princess Luna’s corruption by the Nightmare, King Gerald took advantage of the situation and invaded Prance.  Ponies abandoned their homes and fled as the griffin army approached the capital, Maris.  Prance was caught woefully unprepared, and tried unsuccessfully to pull garrisons from around the country to protect the undefended capital.

Princess Celestia teleported to Prance and met the army on the battlefield, offering them leniency if they threw their weapons to the ground and returned to their own territory.  Kind Gerald refused to back down, and was vaporized by the princess on the spot.  Several units attacked the princess, and joined their king.  The rest surrendered immediately.

The Griffin Kingdom fell into a state of anarchy in the power vacuum created by King Gerald’s passing, as his descendants fought each other for the position.  The country descended into civil war, and has never fully recovered.

I paused after reading that, mourning those that had lost their lives all those years ago.  It was hard to believe the benevolent mare that ran the school, not to mention the entire country, could also be the same mare I’d just read about.  She has to make hard decisions.  I don’t think I could take another creature’s life, not even for the greater good.  Thankfully, I’d never have to worry about needing to do such things – eventually I would be exploring the Frozen North, far away from other ponies.  Maybe Dewey will come with me so I’m not completely alone.

War was a heavy topic.  My brain needed a break, so I moved on to Equestrian.  I hadn’t gone far when there was a knock on the door.  Dewey opened it and immediately fell into a bow.  I quirked an eyebrow at that until Princess Celestia trotted into the room.  I stood up and immediately bowed as well, but the princess motioned us both to get back onto our hooves.

“Snowcatcher, are you still interested in learning teleportation?”

Words failed me, so I nodded enthusiastically.

“Are you free right now?”

I continued nodding, and she motioned for me to approach her.  I did so, and suddenly the two of us were in the castle.  I gawked like a tourist at the splendor, trying to relate each of the stained glass windows to the corresponding moment in history.  I recognized the nearest window, which had a serpentine creature puppeteering ponies.  Discord.  I shuddered.  The Discordian Era had been unpleasant to learn about, and I suspected it had been even less pleasant to live through.

I realized that I had an audience with the only pony who’d lived through all of the events I’d studied, and been a central figure in most of them.  “Can I ask you a question, Princess?”

“Of course, my little pony.”

“I was reading my history assignment when you came in, and it was about King Gerald.  What really happened that day?”

“Many, many horrible things.”  The princess sat on her haunches and wrapped a wing around me, pulling me next to her.  “The history books are sparse on details for a reason.  Are you sure you want to know more?”

I nodded, and she continued.  “Very well.  But if you want me to stop at any time, I understand.  King Gerald was an aggressive leader, never happy with what he had, and always planning his next conquest.  The griffins united behind him, because he told them what they wanted to hear.  He was also winning, and griffins like that.”  She held up a hoof.  “Ponies also like winners.  We’re herd creatures, and while the griffins will never admit it, so are they.  Gerald was quite popular in his own kingdom, but he was very unpopular with the other world leaders of the era.  He conquered most of Gryph in less than two decades.  His empire stretched from the border of Prance in the west to the border with Saddle Arabia in the east.  He resisted instigating conflict with those two nations specifically because they were our allies.  Declaring war on either would be the same as declaring war on Equestria.  He waited until we had our own problems before he reneged on the Treaty of Maris.”

“Princess Luna?”

Celestia nodded.  “Indeed.  While the incident with Nightmare Moon was brief, it caused significant damage to Equestria’s then capital, Everfree City.  I was in the process of relocating the government to Canterlot when Gerald invaded Prance.  The Elements of Harmony were no longer an option.  My bond to them had been broken when I banished my sister to the moon.  I think they sensed my resentment to the fact they’d taken my sister from me, even though it was the correct decision.”  She sighed with the weight of a thousand years of guilt.

“I was a mess, and King Gerald thought it was a sign of weakness.  I tried so hard to get him to back down.  His was the first life I ever took.  It was a decision I always worried I’d need to make someday – the ending of someone’s life.  I gave him every opportunity to turn around and go home.  When his troops started attacking me though…  I had no choice.  It was either end a few lives, or let his army kill hundreds or possibly thousands of innocent ponies.”

“The book says you vaporized him.  How did you do that?”

“I’ll show you, but only if you promise me two things, first.”

“Okay?”

“I won’t teach you how to do this, so don’t ask.  This isn’t ‘cool’ or ‘epic’ or any other such nonsense.  With great power comes great responsibility.  I’ve done things that still haunt me to this day, because not doing them would have been worse.  Secondly, please don’t think any differently of me after I demonstrate my abilities.  I’ll always do what I need to do to protect my little ponies, but I’m not a monster.  I haven’t taken many lives, and those that I have, I didn’t take lightly.  Almost all of them were on that day.  I’ve come up with other, less permanent, solutions since then.  I regret that I didn’t have them sooner.”  There was a tortured look in her eyes as she remembered events long since lost to history.  “I never thought there’d be somecreature I couldn’t reason with.  Other than Discord, of course.  It’s hard to reason with chaos incarnate.”

I nodded, repressing a giggle.  It felt like the princess was trying to lighten the mood with some mirth, but the events were too serious to laugh at.

“Sadly, Gerald couldn’t be reasoned with, and I didn’t have an artifact that could turn him to stone or seal him in the moon for a thousand years.  Instead, I used my natural talents.”  She motioned to her cutie mark.

The princess stood up and started trotting.  “We need a few supplies.  So let’s walk and talk.”

I sprinted to catch up with her, practically galloping to keep up with her longer strides.  “Couldn’t we teleport?”

“We could, but ponies were meant to trot and gallop.  You can’t just teleport everywhere for every little thing.  Patience is a virtue, my little pony.”

I groaned.  “Mama says that too.”

“Your mother is a very wise mare.”

“But there’s so much to learn!”

“Indeed there is.  Can I let you in on a little secret?”

My eyes opened wide and I nodded my head vigorously.  Oh my gosh, Princess Celestia trusts me enough to tell me something nopony else knows!

“Nopony can learn everything.  I’ve been alive for millennia, and I still learn new things on a daily basis.  But there’s more to life than learning – you must always remember to take some time off to have fun as well.  It pleases me immensely that you have a friend that you care for so deeply that you were willing to sacrifice coming to school here.  I’ve seen your progress, Snowcatcher.  You want to be here.”

“Of course!  Your school is incredible!”

The princess smiled.  “It really is, and the reason for that is I’ve surrounded myself with many good ponies through the years.  You and Dewdrop Dazzle are very good friends, but it takes more than just two little ponies to make a herd.  There are many opportunities at my school, please take advantage of all of them.  That includes making more friends.”

We stopped in front of a supply closet as I tried to figure out why making more friends was so important.

“You’ll need these for my demonstration.”

A pair of dark glasses floated over to me and I grabbed them in my own field, putting them on.  “Okay?”  The glasses covered my eyes in their entirety, darkening my surroundings as if it was a dark, overcast night, with no moon overhead.

Then we teleported to the middle of the salt flats outside Salt Lick City.  I blinked, adjusting to the change of scenery through the darkened glasses.  The landscape was barren in all directions, though there were half a dozen equinnequins dressed in Royal Guard armor and brandishing swords and spears surrounding us.

“Quick!  They’re attacking!  Which one is hostile?”

I scanned them, and pointed to the one thrusting a sword directly at us.  “That one!”

Several things happened simultaneously.  Princess Celestia put up a force field in front of me, while a beam of brilliant sunlight lanced from the heavens and struck the lifeless dummy in front of us.  I could feel the heat through the magical shield as the sun melted the armor and weaponry to slag metal and reduced the equinnequin to ash.

Even with the darkened glasses, I blinked repeatedly to remove the spots from my eyes.  Once my vision was fully restored I took the glasses off and saw that only the one I’d pointed to had been vaporized.  The other five were still standing, untouched.  “Wow.  Incredible precision.”

“My bond to the sun.  I couldn’t teach you this, even if I wanted to.  My special spell is a burden, a curse.”

“I… I think I see that now, princess.  Kinda hard to talk things out with a pile of dust.”

“It’s permanent.  There’s no undoing it if I’ve made a mistake, or if the creature in question has learned their lesson.  It’s a thing I can do if needed.  I try not to need it.”

I nuzzled the princess, rearing up on my hind legs to lick her cheek.  “With great power comes great responsibility.  You’re a very responsible mare, princess.  If you wanted to… you could burn everybody on the planet to dust.  But you haven’t, though I bet some of the nobles tempt you every once in a while.”

She snorted at that.  “You have no idea.  Come on, let’s get this cleaned up, and then I’ll teach you teleportation.”

Before I could move we’d teleported back to the castle’s supply closet, with the equinnequins, armor, and weapons were neatly replaced, minus one set.

“I guess you don’t need help with the cleaning.”

She chuckled.  “Not particularly.”

We winked again, this time to the campus’ empty gymnasium.  A nice, big space, perfect for working on teleportation.  I grinned excitedly.  Finally!  The princess stood against one wall, and I joined her, looking out at all the empty space.

“The most important part of teleportation is to picture your destination in your mind.  It’s highly recommended to memorize specific points of reference.  Start with places you can visibly see.  Once you’re comfortable with that, move on to locations you’re very familiar with, such as points around your house, your dorm room, or a certain lake I introduced you to.”

I blushed as the princess continued.  “Yes, I know you and Dewdrop Dazzle have a fondness for the location.  The land belongs to the Crown, so you’re not trespassing.  Nopony ever goes there, which is a shame considering the beauty of the location, wouldn’t you agree?”

I nodded.

“Which makes it an ideal location to practice.  You know it well, and you can be reasonably certain that it’s clear of other ponies.  That’s the next most important thing to keep in mind – you can’t teleport into something.  It’s physically impossible to wind up stuck inside a wall, despite that old mare’s tale continuing to make the rounds.  The only exception to that is if you teleport into an object that has room for you to fit, like a hay bale.  In that scenario, you’ll just displace the hay.  It won’t hurt, but you’ll look silly.”

I giggled at the mental image of a unicorn’s rump sticking out of a bale of hay.

“If the space you attempt to teleport into is occupied by a denser object or another being, it results in what’s known as recoil.  Your teleport will complete, but instead of emerging where you expected, you’ll emerge from between in motion, moving away from your intended destination.  If another pony or creature is occupying the spot, or a smaller, mobile object, the force of your failed teleport will also move that object or being away from you at a similar speed.  I can’t emphasize this enough: failed teleports hurt.”

She paused, allowing me time to soak in all the knowledge.

“Next up, while it’s a simple spell to learn, it’s magic-intensive.  Almost any unicorn can pull off a successful teleport, but the ability to do multiple winks in a short span of time is something only gifted mages can manage.  Attempting another while your magic is recharging will result in your magic fizzling out.  For somepony of your talent, that might not be a problem.  Gifted unicorns can teleport repeatedly with no problems whatsoever.”

“What about passengers?”

“Interestingly enough, there’s no additional magic output required for bringing somepony with you.  Every bit of magic expended is used opening a portal from where you are to where you want to go.  Passengers and cargo will need to be close to you, preferably touching, or you can carry them in your aura.  Any other questions so far?”

I shook my head and she continued, “Furthermore, there’s a safe range for teleportation.  Every unicorn is different, but the general rule is that the more powerful your magic, the further you’re able to go.  That said, there’s not really a limit to how far you can go if you’re willing to deal with the consequences.  You could, in theory, teleport home to Whinnyapolis from here, however, your safe range is likely only within a mile or two of your present location.  Going beyond that is extremely painful.  That’s why it’s rare that unicorns use teleportation as a means of getting around.  The safe range for a unicorn of average magical ability is approximately a tenth of a mile.”

“How painful?”

“Have you ever had a migraine?”

I shook my head.

“It’s painful enough that most unicorns decide teleportation isn’t worth it except as a last resort, such as trying to escape from danger.  Think about how rarely you see unicorns teleport.  Nothing makes a memory last like pain.”

“Is it possible to get stuck between?”

“It’s impossible to teleport without a destination.  The door won’t open.  Teleporting directly to between doesn’t work because it isn’t a destination.  Ponies have tried to intentionally wink to between, but rather than picture a blank space, they instead picture pitch blackness…”

“What happens?”

“They end up in space.  It’s instantly fatal, and it’s the most common method of suicide among unicorns.  Whether intentionally or not.”

I shuddered.  “That’s a lot of risks.”

The princess nodded.  “Indeed, my little pony.  Teleportation is a skill worth knowing, even if one never utilizes it.  But the dangers must be emphasized.  As we discussed earlier, power comes with responsibilities.  If you continue to practice, you’ll eventually suffer recoil.  For example, let’s say you teleported to the alpine lake, a place you know well and can reasonably expect to be unoccupied.  But there was an avalanche you didn’t know about.  You can’t materialize inside the rocks, it’s physically impossible.  Instead, you’d recoil, being pushed to the nearest unoccupied space, regardless of direction.  That might be up, putting you on top of the rocks, or it might be off the side of the mountain entirely.”

I gulped at that mental image.

“There’s no way to predict recoil.  Furthermore, in order to learn your limits, you’ll have to surpass them.  When that time comes, you’ll know it.  Your horn and head will ache worse than you ever thought possible.  Recovery time differs from unicorn to unicorn, but it’s rarely less than six hours.  Starswirl could shake such a thing off in ten minutes, but he was the exception, not the norm.  This is why unicorns use teleportation sparingly.  In theory, one could wink to work, but it’s not practical to spend six hours recovering to skip a ten-minute trot.” 

I nodded.  That was just common sense.

“So now that you have the background, it’s time to learn how.  It’s easy.  Almost every unicorn is capable of teleporting.  Light your horn and visualize a door or window in your mind.  The kind of door doesn’t matter, so long as you can see through it.  You should picture your destination on the other side of the door, and then open the door.  By opening the door, you step into between for exactly 1.2 seconds.  This is important, because if you attempt to teleport onto a moving vehicle, such as a train, you’ll need to factor in the location of exactly where the train will be at the moment you step out of between.  Merely picturing the inside of the train car won’t be sufficient.  That’s an advanced lesson, and even then it’s suggested to be used sparingly.  You need to be very good at calculating quickly to pull it off successfully.  The results of a miscalculation can be deadly.”

She’s not doing a very good job of selling me on wanting to do this.  That’s probably the point.

“Are you ready to try?”

“Yup!”  No hesitation.  I don’t scare easily, princess.

“Picture a door.  In theory, you could use a window, but most ponies prefer a door.  It can be a screen door, or a sliding glass door, or an automated door like they have at the store, the important part is that you must be able to see through it.”  She projected a simple door with a transparent pane of glass in front of us.  “This is my door.  It’s nothing fancy, and both the door and the house it was once attached to have been dust for thousands of years.  It was the door of the house I grew up in.  You’ll likely also wish to use a door you’re familiar with.  Do you have a door pictured?”

I nodded.  “Yes, Princess Celestia.”  I projected it – it was the screen door to my home’s kitchen, complete with the dent I’d put in it playing ball with Dewey.

“Very good.  Now, let’s pick a destination.  For your first lesson, it should be something you can see.”  She trotted to the center court and motioned to the empty space next to her.  “Picture this on the opposite side of your door.  It should be easy, as you should be able to see it through your door.  Open the door, Snowcatcher.”

I felt my magic grasp around the door handle of the imaginary door.  Whoa, it feels solid.  Without even trying, I tugged the door open and I was standing next to the princess.  “Wow…”

“It wasn’t hard at all, now was it?”

I shook my head.

“Do you feel tired, my little pony?”

I shook my head again.

“Do you feel like you could do it again?”

I nodded vigorously.

“Then don’t let me stop you.”

I looked around the room and pictured a door to the top of the bleachers.  I stepped through and waved to the princess.  I winked to the other grandstand across from the one I was standing on.  My next teleport was to the entrance of the locker room.  Finally, I winked back to where the princess was standing.

“It appears as if you’ve got the basics down.  I told you it isn’t challenging.  Now, let’s try something more difficult.”  She beckoned me to follow, and led me into the locker room.  “Hold my hoof and picture the gym.  I want you to open a door to anywhere in the gym you want.”

With the princess’ hoof touching mine, I pictured the top of the bleachers.  We stepped through and both of us were there.  “It’s really that simple?”

The princess nodded.  “It is.  It also looks like your magic level is sufficient for unlimited short range teleports.  Congratulations!  It’s time for the hard part.”

“What’s that?”

“A few months from now, Professor Supernova will have an evaluation to determine how far our newest students can safely teleport.  Your safe range will be accurately measured to the tenth mile, and medical staff will be on hoof to ensure nothing goes wrong.  The hard part is not pushing yourself beyond a tenth of a mile before that.  You’ve already safely demonstrated being able to go that far.  You have the basics down, but you should keep practicing.  From here to the lake is too far.  From here to your dorm room is too far.  Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, Princess Celestia.  Can I take Dewey with me?”

“If she desires to come along.  Most ponies are wary of winking with a novice for obvious reasons.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense.  But I’ll show her I’m really good at it.”  My tail was wagging and I forced it to stop.  The princess seemed more amused by my embarrassment than the fact I’d been wagging my tail in the first place.

“Are you familiar with the concept of a cost-benefit analysis?”

I shook my head.

“It’s an economic concept, one you’ll learn about eventually.  In this case, once you experience the pain of going past your limits, you’ll have to ask yourself if it’s worth it to go that far ever again.  The cost is the pain.  The benefit is the ability to go almost anywhere instantaneously.  Only you can make the decision, and you’ll probably find yourself making it more than once as the years roll by.  Like, for example, going home.  Take a train and lose three days each way, or wink and lose a few hours to the pain.  That’s the decision you’ll need to make… once you understand the consequences.”

I nodded.  It was a fairly simple concept.  “If the benefit of saving time outweighs the cost of the pain.”

“You’ve got it.  Any other questions, Snowcatcher?”

I shook my head.  “No, Princess Celestia.  Thank you for taking the time to teach me all this.  I didn’t think you did personal tutoring.”

“I make exceptions sometimes.  Especially when one of my little ponies explicitly asks me to teach them something.”

I blushed as I remembered our conversation on the day Dewey and I were evaluated.  “I just meant I wanted to learn.  You didn’t have to do it personally.  I know you have more important things to do…”

She stopped me.  “Don’t discount the value of education.  I cleared time in my schedule just for this, as I’ve done countless times in the past, and will continue to do in the future.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.  Unfortunately, if you don’t have any more questions, I do have to return to my duties.  Unless you want to fill in for me?  Half the nobles wouldn’t even notice; their snouts are perpetually pointed at the ceiling.”

I giggled at that image and she left, waving to me as she winked away.







Canterlot: ten years, eight months, and sixteen days ago


I opened an eye as daylight streamed into the room.  I was buried under half a dozen blankets and my bed smelled rank.  I’d been sick the last few days, and my fever had apparently finally broken at some point overnight, judging by how clammy my bed felt.

“Dewey?” I croaked out, voice scratchy from disuse.

“How are you feeling, Snowy?”

“The sheet’s soaking wet, and it feels like there’s a freight train running through the middle of my head.  Which is an improvement, believe it or not.  What’s the weather like?”

“The clouds are cotton candy and it’s raining chocolate milk.  Also, all the trees on campus are tap dancing.”

Maybe the fever hasn’t broken yet.  I’m still fever dreaming.  “Okay, sounds good.  I’m going back to bed now.”  I pulled the blankets over my head and drifted to sleep.







Canterlot: ten years, seven months, and fourteen days ago


Under the watchful eyes of Professor Supernova, I trotted a tenth of a mile along with a dozen of my other classmates.  When we reached the mark, we each teleported back to the starting line, one-by-one.  Everyone in the class made it a tenth of a mile with no problems.  Then we moved out to a fifth of a mile, then a quarter of a mile.  By the time we got to a mile, it was just me.  The others had all reached their limits and were resting in a darkened classroom.

The thought of joining them wasn’t all that appealing, but I had to know my limits.  Mile and a tenth, no problem.  Mile and a fifth, easy.  Mile and a quarter, no sweat.  Mile and three tenths, nailed it.  Mile and two fifths, and even Supernova was starting to look impressed.  Mile and a half, still no problem.  Mile and three fifths, still good.  Mile and three quarters…

Pain.  Pain everywhere.  I collapsed on the ground as the world started spinning around me.  It didn’t matter that it was an overcast day, it was too bright outside.  I don’t wanna die.

I vaguely felt myself being levitated, and I could sense through my squeezed-shut eyes that I’d been transferred to the darkened room with my classmates.  Something cold pressed against my horn, and I welcomed the slight relief from the pain it brought.  I could hear moans of agony around me, and I added to their chorus.  I spent that first hour worried that I was going to die.

I spent the next hour worried that I wasn’t.  The pain was excruciating.  It was like somepony took a knife, edgy and dull, and cut a six-inch valley through the middle of my skull.  With each breath, I wanted to give up the battle and let the darkness take me.  I made my peace with the world and wanted nothing more than to just slip away.  I could now understand why so many unicorns abandoned teleportation.

Then, as suddenly as it had come on, the pain started fading.  Clarity returned to me.  I could still hear the anguished cries of my classmates as I blinked, testing my vision.  The room wasn’t spinning, that was a good sign.  I sat on my haunches, testing weight on my front legs.  Once I was satisfied they weren’t about to collapse, I stood up all the way.  All of my classmates were still down for the count – not only had I outperformed them, I’d recovered faster as well.  I trotted out of the room, head held high.  My limit is just past a mile and a half.  I can work with this.

I found Supernova recording our performance on a scroll.  She looked up as I exited the impromptu infirmary.  “Congratulations on the teleportation distance record for your class.  It’s been three years since we had a unicorn who could go further than you.”

“Thank you.”

“I hope you won’t let the pain deter you.”

I shook my head.  “Not a chance.  I know my limits now.  Is there any way to improve my distance?”

“I’m afraid not.  It’s related to overall magical ability, which is an innate talent.  Unless you enhance yourself with an artifact of some sort, your limits are just that.  It’s a lot different from when you’re a foal just learning magic.  At that point in your life, you can’t even come close to your limits.  Now you’re stuck with them.”

I nodded.  “That’s what I thought, but it never hurts to check.  Thank you!”  with that, I left, eager to start mapping Canterlot in mile-and-a-half increments.







Whinnyapolis: ten years, zero months, and sixteen days ago


“Snow’El!  Guess what, sis!  It snowed!”

“Seriously?  You knew it was going to snow last night.”  She still hadn’t opened her eyes.

Time to be a bratty little sister.  “Get up!”  I yanked her blanket off her with my magic, wrapping myself in it.  I noted that the blanket not only smelled like my sister, but also perfume.  That was new, my sister hadn’t been wearing any scents before I left for school.  The problem with going to school half a continent away is that I feel like a stranger in my own home.  Maybe… maybe I need to risk the headaches more often and just come home a few weekends each month instead of just the longer holidays.  Dewey would probably appreciate seeing her family more often, too.

“You are such a pain sometimes, Snowy.”

“You barely see me anymore!  Come on, let’s play in the snow.”  Come on, take the bait.  Don’t make me get even more annoying, this is undignified enough for both of us, as is.

“Fine.  You want to play in the snow, we’ll play in the snow if it’ll shut you up.  And if you let me sleep in the rest of the winter break.”

“Don’t you like playing with me anymore?”

She groaned.  “I like playing with you, but not so early in the morning.”  With no blanket to pull over her head, she rose from bed and swooped down toward me.

I didn’t dodge, letting her snap me up like a hawk catching a mouse.  She opened the window and we were flying.  “What was our count.  Was it three?  Or four?”

I feigned innocence.  “What…what count?”

“How many times little sisters can be airdropped.  Time to find out!”  She let go.

I winked out, trying to guess where she’d be 1.2 seconds later so I could land on her.  I miscalculated slightly – instead of landing on her, mid-flight, I came out in the exact spot she was occupying.  The recoil pushed us apart; Snow’El crashed into a tree, while I slammed into the side of our house.

“What the hay was that?”

“Recoil.  It happens when a unicorn teleports into a space occupied by somepony else.”

She stood up, dusting herself off.  “When were you planning on telling us you learned how to wink, squirt?”

“When I successfully landed on you in midair.”

“You planned this whole thing?”

I nodded.  “Now I can airdrop you.  Shall we find out how airdroppable big sisters are?”  I grasped her in my aura and then teleported us a mile straight up.  Snow’El had nothing to be afraid of – she had wings.  She was safer up here than I was.  Or, she would’ve been, if I wasn’t binding her wings to her barrel with my magic.

She struggled against my magic to no avail.  Nope, sis.  This plays out how I want it to.

When we dropped to within a hundred feet of the ground, I teleported us back up into the sky.  “That’s once.”

“Come on, Snowy.  Please let me go!”

I pondered that.  “On two conditions.  First: you never airdrop me again.”

“Fine!  And second?”

“Uh, I’ve never actually done this before.  I have a theory I want to test, but, uh, if I get too close to the ground, would you mind saving me?”

“I could sleep in from here on out if I didn’t rescue you, but Mom would be mad.  You’re her favorite.”

I shrugged, knowing full well that she’d rescue me.  “That’s fair – you’re Pop’s favorite.”

“So what’s this theory you have?”

“I think that if I come out sideways or even upside down, I should be able to bleed off speed and make a landing I can trot away from.  If not, I need you to help me.  I’ll let you know.”

I winked and came out sideways.  I started falling immediately, but there was no doubt that I’d scrubbed off speed.  Rapid-fire teleports were the way to go – the key being to wink again before I could pick up more downward momentum.  My last teleport was to right above the ground, but I opened it upside down, bleeding off speed going straight up.

In theory, it was a good idea.  In practice, I found myself above the tree line by the time I stopped moving upward.  At that moment I opened a door to between and stepped out on the patio in the backyard below.

Snow’El landed next to me.  “That was pretty cool, sis.”  She bumped my hoof.  “We’ll have to go flying sometime.  I’ve heard there are some unicorns who can levitate themselves for extended periods of time and learn to fly that way.  Think you can do that?”

Whoa.  How come I haven’t heard of that?  Is she making it up…?  One way to find out.  My horn glowed and I lifted myself.  Not knowing exactly how best to pick myself up, I focused my magic under my forelegs, as if one of my parents was picking me up.  I successfully levitated myself in the air, but it was in an extremely awkward position, and I wasn’t sure how I could actually fly that way.

Snow’El nodded.  “Cool.  Work on that and maybe we can go flying when you come home for summer vacation.  Just don’t try out for the Wonderbolts or anything like that.  I’ll never hear the end of it from my friends if my younger, unicorn sister is a better flyer than me.”

“Would I do that to you?”

“Yes.”







Canterlot: seven years, five months, and nineteen days ago


There was something nice about ice skating in the middle of summer.  Dewey had frozen ‘our’ alpine lake, and we were skating around it.

The Summer Sun Celebration was a few weeks in the past, and the whole country had gone to Tartarus in the meantime.  We should’ve been home in Whinnyapolis, but there was rioting.  The mostly pegasus town had turned on unicorns, and Mama had insisted I stay at school.  Dewey’s parents had urged her to do the same, so that’s what we did.  In theory, we’d be okay in a predominantly unicorn city, especially the seat of power.  The princesses would never allow tribist jerks in the capital.

Except that it was unavoidable, even in Canterlot.  The earth ponies and pegasi of Canterlot were being ostracized, and many of them had left the city.  Other species had fared even worse, and if the pony tribes could be that nasty to one another, the only thing worse was to not be a pony at all.

We spent most of our time in our dorm room, or at the lake.  They were safe places, for even having a horn didn’t matter when your parentage was clearly visible on your flank.  My snowflake and Dewey’s umbrella may as well have been neon signs announcing we each had some pegasus in our family tree.  Canterlot nobility was entirely based on who your ancestors were and most unicorns in the city could cite their heritage back generations.  Pedigree meant everything, and Dewey and I fell short in one very crucial area: we each had a pegasus parent.  We were ‘half-bloods, unworthy of breathing the same air as real unicorns’ according to the purebloods.

As hard as it was to believe, things were worse back home, and Mama hadn’t left the house in weeks. At least we could still move amongst the unicorns of the city if we concealed our cutie marks.  Mama and Dewey’s dad weren’t so lucky back home in the predominantly pegasus city of Whinnyapolis.

As usual, Dewey and I entertained ourselves.  Figure skating was a nice way to relax, and we skated figure eights around the lake, dodging each other at the intersection.  Usually.  Every now and then one of us wouldn’t be able to slow down in time, or dodge out of the way and we’d go tumbling across the ice.  But that was part of the fun.

Ice skating on a lake overlooking Canterlot wasn’t how either of us had expected to spend our summer.  We both longed for home, missing our families, but it was more important that we all stayed safe.  This is the greatest city in the greatest nation on Equus.  If this is how the ponies act here, is it any wonder why we want to go explore the Frozen North?  Someday Dewey and I will be exploring up there, mapping everything, and we won’t have to deal with other ponies except when we want to.

Ponies are supposed to be friendly, so why is it that Dewey and I never made any other friends?  Maybe that’s why Princess Celestia didn’t take me on as a personal student, like she had Twilight Sparkle.  I hadn’t seen her since the day she taught me teleportation, and it seemed she rarely visited the school that bore her name anymore.  She’s probably busy ruling the country.







Canterlot: seven years, four months, and twelve days ago


‘Ironic’ was the only word I could use to describe the movie Dewey and I had decided to see.  Ever since the Summer Sun Celebration fear had spread around the city.

That meant that a movie about a griffin joining the Wonderbolts was exactly the wrong movie at the wrong time.  One could make a very good argument that it was the right movie at the right time, but being a movie that the public really needed to see meant nothing if the general public refused to watch it.  It was a pretty good movie – dramatic when it needed to be, heartwarming in the right places, and sprinkled with humor throughout.

We decided to discuss the movie over ice cream.  Our normal hangout, The Cotton Candy Café, had been vandalized, and the earth pony proprietor had fled town.  We detoured further from the school’s campus to find an open ice cream shop.

Sweetcream’s Scoopers was open, and we trotted in.  Sweetcream Scoops stood behind the counter, and we ordered.  I opted for raspberry, while Dewey ordered mint chocolate chip.  We enjoyed the desserts and talked about the movie we’d just watched – what we’d liked, what we didn’t, what we would’ve changed about it, and most of all, how relevant it seemed to the current social environment of Equestria.

Overall, we’d both liked the movie.  If bits weren’t in such short supply, we probably would’ve gone back to see it a second time.  It had given us a lot to talk about, and it was dark by the time we left.  We were further away from the campus than I could safely wink us, so we trotted toward the campus.

A gentle wind blew down the avenue as four of our classmates stepped out of a darkened side street and blocked our way.  All of them unicorns, all of them stallions, and all of them older and bigger than us.  I’ve got a bad feeling about this…

“Well, well, well, look what we have here, boys.”

“Looks like a couple of cute young fillies.”

“Looks like a couple of pegasus wannabes. Check out their flanks. We’ve got a special little snowflake and a dumb umbrella.”

“A dumbrella!”

“My Mom’s a weather pegasus, dumbflank.”

I cringed as Dewey admitted that.  As our classmates they probably already knew that, but now you’ve confirmed it for them.  We might have been able to bluff our way out of it, but now that option’s off the table.

“Half-blood.”

Oh well, only one thing left to do.  Support my friend.  Come what may, we’ll face it together.  “My father’s a pegasus.”

“Two weak little half-bloods wandering the streets at night. You might want to consider paying the toll for safe passage back to school.”

Time for us to make like Journeigh and Escape.  I lit my horn and pictured our dorm room on the other side of the door.  The portal started opening…  Wham!  The door slammed in my face.  Ow!  That stings!  What happened?  That was unlike any recoil I’ve ever experienced.

“Oh yeah, we know you can teleport.  I developed a blocking spell.  Can’t have you leaving this party before it starts.”

Teleport denial?  That’s clever.  I flashed my corona, testing my magic.  It was only my teleportation spell that was blocked.  They took our ability to run away, but not our ability to fight.  So that’s what these boys want – an excuse to pummel us ‘half-breeds’.  They’re underestimating us, that’s good.  If they hate pegasi so much, I could absolutely fry them with lightning.

With great power comes great responsibility.  I’ve done things that still haunt me to this day…  Princess Celestia’s words echoed in my head.  No.  All I need to do is get us out of here.  Learn from her mistakes.  She told me that for a reason, I don’t want blood on my hooves.

“Aim down, full blast.”

Dewey’s words snapped me back to attention.  I nodded and focused all my magic into the cobblestones below us, blasting a hole into the street and severing the water main that Dewey had apparently sensed beneath us.  It’s still two on four, but that evens the odds a bit.  Dewey’s in her element.  Literally.

Come on, think.  I know hundreds of spells, why are none of them useful right now?

I felt a change in the air and looked to the side.  Dewey had frozen the stallion who was blocking my teleports.  Perfect.  There’s the door.  Destination?  I looked up.  Works for me.

“Snowy?!?”  Dewdrop was hysterical.

“Right here, Dewey.  I teleported us all a mile straight up.”

“Why would you do that?”

“I figured it might give us a chance to talk things out.  But it seems our company is too interested in screaming in terror to do any conversing.”  I glanced to our companions, three of whom were screaming, while the other was frozen in a block of ice, courtesy of Dewdrop.

“I don’t blame them!  You’re crazy, you know that?”

“I know.  Anyways, thanks for blasting the one with the teleport blocker.”

“If I’d known you were going to do this, I might not have!  You know more spells than anypony I know; couldn’t you have used something other than teleportation?!?”

First order of business: calm Dewey down.  “I have half a dozen spells going through my mind right now.  But I don’t know if I could make any of them work without hurting anypony.  I don’t care if it could be considered self-defense, I’d never forgive myself if I injured somepony.  If we can’t talk things out with them, at least this buys us a few minutes to think up a better strategy.”

“Unless we splatter! How about you teleport them to a jail cell, and us back to our dorm?”

Oh Dewey, I can’t teleport them to jail.  They haven’t committed any crimes except harassing us, and it’s our word versus theirs.  “Remind me to start teleporting us to and from locations around town from now on.  Speaking of…”  We winked again, once more coming out a mile above Canterlot.  Having done all I could do to soothe Dewey’s nerves, I turned my attention to the three panicked stallions who could still speak – trusting them to talk on behalf of themselves and the ice cube.  “So do you boys want to talk about why we find ourselves plummeting towards our deaths?”

“You’re crazy!”

I nodded.  “Yes, but we’ve already established that.  I’m not the one who started this fight.  So why don’t you tell me why we’re all in this predicament right now?”

“Because you’re inferior to us!”

Seriously?  Calm down, Snowy.  No time for sarcasm, it’s time to put on my serious face.  “Oh?  Doesn’t look that way from where I’m falling.  I can save us any time I want, yet none of you seem to have any spells at your disposal to get out of this situation.  I can keep doing this all night, but if you’d prefer I can always find another spell to use instead.”  I levitated a spell book out of my saddlebags and casually flipped it open as we fell.  “Nope, nope, nope, definitely not.  Wow, who came up with that one?  Oh! This could work: Barker’s Gelding Spell.  Would you prefer that one instead?”

That suggestion did absolutely nothing to calm their nerves.  Three tails somehow defied gravity as they tucked between six legs as we continued falling.

“Uh, Snowy?  Ground!”  Dewey was pointing below us, and I nonchalantly gazed at Canterlot below us.

I’m sorry, Dewey, but if you’re going to panic, I’m going to use that to our advantage.  If you’re panicked, then they’ve got no proof that I’m not crazy.  “Hmn?  Oh!  Silly me, I almost forgot about that.”  I teleported us yet again and we continued our descent.  “Now where were we?  Right, I think you three were about to promise that we’re all equals and that you’ll never call us half-bloods ever again.  Preferably before I start getting tired since it takes about a dozen more teleports to bleed off speed.”

Once I was satisfied with their responses, I started the process of landing.  Eventually we all splashed down in the river, and I winked Dewey and I to the shore.

I looked at the stallions sputtering in the water.  “Going to keep those promises?”

The stallions nodded and I grinned as I opened a door to between.  Instead of walking through, I reached through with my aura and grabbed the three stallions, then opened another door to the opposite shore of the river from Dewey and I, depositing them on their rumps.  As soon as Dewey unfroze the other stallion I winked us back to our dorm room.  I hit the floor with a thud, safe teleportation range exceeded.  I felt Dewey trying to get me into bed as I slipped out of consciousness.







Canterlot: five years, zero months, and seventeen days ago


The first snow of the season decorated the city as Dewey and I trotted through town.  Hearth’s Warming was less than two weeks away, and we were doing some holiday shopping before I teleported us home to Whinnyapolis for the winter break.

Canterlot was the social and political hub of Equestria.  There was no end to shopping opportunities in the city.  The only limit was our budgets, which being students, were perennially near zero.  I tried to get each of my relatives something special – for Mama, an exquisite snow globe, for Pop, a model railroad layout, and for Snow’El, I got lucky and found an amazing dress for her at Rarity’s Boutique.  The rest of my meager bits went toward stocking stuffers for the three of them, and supplies to make something for Dewey.  Such had been our tradition for years; simultaneously a way to save money and give a gift that came from the heart.  Something that required time, not bits.

I was mostly done with my shopping, while Dewey still needed to visit a few more stores to find things for all her siblings.

“Mrow.”

I stopped upon hearing the faint, but unmistakable, sound of a cat and Dewey crashed into me, knocking us both into the slushy road.  I lifted my head and looked around.  Off to the side of the road was a kitten.  He was laying on his side in the snow, ribs showing through patchy fur every time he took a labored breath.

I approached him slowly, but he made no attempt to get up.  “You poor kitty.”  He flopped lifelessly in my magic as I levitated him onto my back.  I yanked my scarf off and wrapped it around his shivering body.

“Three blocks that way.”

I looked up.  “Huh?”

“There’s a veterinarian’s office three blocks from here.”  Dewey pointed in the direction we needed to go.  I broke into a gallop, and Dewey passed me, punching a hole through the crowd so I could follow.  She came to a stop in front of a sign for the Broken Wings Animal Hospital.  Dewey held the door for me, and I kept a magical hold on the kitty nestled on my back.

The hospital was empty, and we walked right up to the counter.  The mare there introduced herself as Doctor Fauna, and she took the feline into the back.

Dewey took a seat to wait, while I paced laps around the waiting room.  I wonder what happened to him?  I wonder how many other ponies heard his cries and just kept trotting?  I wonder… if he’s going to make it?

The minutes dragged by, turning into the longest hours of my life.  Dewey read every magazine in the waiting room while I continued pacing.  I couldn’t sit still.  Not without knowing the kitty was going to be okay.

I had to continuously fight the urge to name him.  A name meant attachment.  A name meant I couldn’t just leave and go back home like nothing had happened.  The school doesn’t allow pets.

My thoughts were interrupted by Doctor Fauna emerging from the back room.  She looked tired as she said, “He’s going to be okay.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, and Dewey joined me, standing in front of the veterinarian.

“He’s going to need to stay here for a few weeks.  He’s a very lucky kitten.  If you nice young mares hadn’t stopped for him, he wouldn’t have lasted much longer.  Have you decided on a name yet?”

“Oh, we can’t keep him.  I’m sure he’ll make a great pet for somepony, but we’re students.  We can’t have pets in the dorm.”  I stared at the floor.  I really wanted a cat.

“I won’t tell if you won’t, Snowy.  How about you, Doc?”

“Who am I going to tell?”  Doctor Fauna winked at us.  “All I care about is making sure the little guy goes to a good home.  I’d be remiss if I let you walk out and never come back for him.  If you didn’t care about his well-being, you would’ve just dropped him off and left.”

“In that case, his name’s Snowflake.”  I’d lost the battle not to name him within minutes.  I’d been denying it, but the name felt right.

Doctor Fauna nodded.  “A very appropriate name.  When you return from your Hearth’s Warming vacation, he should be healthy enough to go home.  That should be about a month from now, right?  Come see me when you get back to town.”

I nodded, and we let ourselves out.  Once we were outside I hugged Dewey for all I was worth.  “You’re the best, you know that?  But do you really think we can get away with keeping a cat on campus without anypony finding out?”

“We’re the least popular ponies in school, Snowy.  You’re a loner by nature, and everypony thinks I’m a freak because I have to use water to utilize my magic correctly.  When was the last time somepony voluntarily came to our room?”

“Point.”

“Just cast a sound deadening spell on the room and nopony will ever be the wiser.”







Canterlot: four years, eleven months, and thirteen days ago


My senses slowly returned to me.  My head was throbbing, and I felt something cold and damp against the base of my horn.  Icepack.  Right, I teleported us back to school.  It was cool and dark, but there was a droning sound that had woken me up.  My ears flattened as I tried to go back to sleep.

“Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.”

Dewey.  I reminded myself that Dewey was incapable of reading minds and tried to speak.  My mouth opened but no sound came out.  On the third try, I finally squeaked out her name.  “Dewey?”

“Yes?”

I whispered, the sound of my own voice causing my ears to flatten in pain.  “Are they jackhammering our dorm?”

She chuckled.  “That’s the sound of a content kitty.”

Snowflake!  Oh my gosh!  Dewey got Snowflake for me!  I felt a small vibration against my withers and realized that Snowflake was laying on me, purring.  I opened my eyes and immediately wished I hadn’t.  The room started spinning and I shut my eyes.  Snowflake must’ve sensed my discomfort because he started licking the nape of my neck.

Dewey climbed into bed behind me and wrapped a foreleg around me and I fell asleep in her embrace, Snowflake happily purring between us.







Canterlot: four years, eleven months, and nine days ago


I lounged on my bed reading, while periodically swishing my tail off the side.  Snowflake attacked my tail, batting at it, pouncing on it, and occasionally yanking out pink or red hairs, but I didn’t mind.  I was just happy to see him doing better.

He’d bounced back from his near-death experience.  He’d put on weight while under Doctor Fauna’s care, and his ribs no longer showed.  His fur had done a marvelous job of growing back, and while the spots that had been bare were still thinner than the rest of his coat, he was looking much healthier than he had when I found him.  He was energetic, playful, and the most affectionate cat I’d ever come across.  He seemed genuinely grateful that Dewey and I had taken him in.  I had no way of knowing what he’d been through previously, but there was no way I’d ever let him suffer like that on my watch.

The door opened, and Dewey came in.  I could see the sparkle of amusement in her eyes as she watched Snowflake.  “Congratulations, Snowy!  You’ve performed spectacularly at Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns, ranked number one in our class, and are a horseshoe-in to be valedictorian.  You’re sufficiently qualified to be a cat toy.”

“He’s healthy.  That’s all that matters.  If I lose a few tail hairs, so what?”

“He’s more than just healthy.  He’s happy.”

I smiled.  “If he’s happy, I’m happy.”

“Makes three of us, then.”  She opened her saddlebags and revealed a small fish.  Snowflake’s nose twitched, and he lost all interest in playing with my tail.

“Mrow!”

Dewey dropped the fish into Snowflake’s food dish, and he tore into it like he hadn’t eaten in a week.

“Where’d you get a fresh fish at this time of the year?”  I was watching my budget, because I had no income and cat food was expensive.  Cats are obligate carnivores, so he couldn’t eat pony food.  That meant I couldn’t sneak him food out of the cafeteria, and the only places that sold meat tended to make you pay for their exclusivity.

“The river, not far from the castle.  I did some ice fishing.  It’s not all that hard for a mare of my abilities.  The hard part was finding the right fish – not so big that he wouldn’t be able to eat all of it, and not too small that it wouldn’t fill him up.”

“Thank you.”

She shrugged.  “No sense wasting bits.  We’re perfectly capable of catching our own fish.”

Snowflake had finished the fish and flopped over in a sunbeam for a post-dinner nap.  I wrinkled my nose.  “Indeed we are.  I just wish they didn’t stink.”

“Beats hanging out in the griffin meat markets.”

I nodded.  “Those places smell like death.”

“Smelling one dead fish is better than smelling thousands of them.”

Snowflake was done with his meal and I levitated the fish’s remains to the garbage, then tied up the bag and levitated it into the hall.  “I’m gonna take the trash out, Dewey.”

“Good idea.”







Canterlot: three years, ten months, and five days ago


After a long day of class, there was nothing Dewey and I liked more than visiting the little lake high up on the mountain.  It was winter and the days were still short, but if I teleported us directly from our last class of the day, we could manage a few hours of frolicking before starting on homework.

It had been a particularly brutal day, with tests in three of our classes, and we’d been too busy studying the past few days to have had any time off to play.

It meant we were pent up and needed to really cut loose.  Thankfully, nopony ever bothered with ‘our’ lake, not even in the summer, let alone the middle of winter.  We were alone, and that meant we could go all out.

Dewey’s magic was strongest around water, and between the lake and the snow, she was in her element.  The snow meant I was also at my peak, and we squared off against one another in a battle for the ages.

As always, I let my friend go first.  The fight was almost over before it began.  I could see Dewey’s horn glowing, but I couldn’t figure out what she was doing with it until I was hock-deep in snow.  The packed snow beneath my hooves was slowly swallowing me.

How subtle.  I teleported from the trap and onto the middle of the lake, skating to a stop on the far side.  Dewey had me on the run early, but with the ability to teleport, I held the overall advantage.  I unleashed a spark of magic into the air which boomed as it exploded in magical fireworks.  It also triggered an avalanche, and a wall of snow raced down the mountain toward us.

C’mon, Dewey, show me what you can do.

The more snow and water, the stronger Dewdrop’s magic.  She reacted best when she didn’t think about things, hence why I’d caused an avalanche.  The idea was to force her to do something big, like when she’d gotten her cutie mark.  On that day she’d summoned a downpour on a sunny day.

With more raw material than she’d ever have access to unless she went to the ocean, Dewey sculpted a magnificent, much larger-than-life replica of Princess Celestia.  She even utilized the debris caught up in the avalanche, with rocks becoming her regalia and a mighty pine tree becoming her crown.  It was a sight to behold, and Dewey placed it at the top of the peak, where everypony in Canterlot could look up at it and behold its magnificence.

“Beat…that…” she huffed.

I shrugged.  “I can’t.  You win.”  It didn’t happen often, but I was never disappointed when she beat me in our magic battles.  “Want to go skating?”

Dewey nodded.  “Just let me catch my breath a bit first.”

I nodded and draped a wing over her withers.  At that moment she went from panting for breath to holding it in awe.  She stared at my horn and wings in turn.

“Is something wrong, Dewey?”

“Wings.”  She fainted.

My horn blinked out and my ‘wings’ disappeared.  A simple illusion spell, it was one of my favorites.  Combined with another spell to simulate the weight of the wing and the feel of feathers, they felt as real as they looked.

I grasped Dewey in my aura and teleported us back to our room.  That’s enough playing for one day.







Canterlot: six months, and twenty-two days ago


Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns was prestigious enough that every year the senior prom was held in the Canterlot Castle ballroom.  I was bedazzled by the opulence on display, from the finest woods to the brightest gems.  Most of our classmates came from noble houses, and were dressed in finery and jewelry that had been hoofed down from generation to generation.

Dewey and I didn’t have all that – we didn’t even have dates, so we’d gone together.  We’d spent far more than either of us would’ve liked at Rarity’s Boutique, and had to hope that the gems the fashionista had worked into our dresses would be enough.

The school had spared no expense, and Mare Supply was performing on a stage near the center of the room.

“♫ Trotting along the boulevard, speaking into the air… ♫”

We sat dejectedly by the refreshments, hoping against hope somepony would actually ask us to dance.  We weren’t rich.  We weren’t from a noble house.  We weren’t even pureblooded unicorns.  In Canterlot, that meant we kept sitting, regardless of how pretty we looked.  We’d gone all out and I thought we looked really nice.  It was a shame to just sit there on prom night.  We both knew better than to come here, but we did it anyway because we only get one prom night.  Better to have come and failed than to have always wondered ‘what if we’d gone?’ the rest of our lives.

“♫ Here I am, playing with those memories again… ♫”

Memories overwhelmed me as I thought back on my life.  In almost every memory Dewey was right there beside me.  She’d always been there.  Is that love?  Have I been mistaking love for friendship all these years?  Only one way to find out…

I want to dance.  Dewey wants to dance.  Mind made up, I yanked my best friend in the world onto the dance floor.

“♫ You know you can’t fool me, I’ve been loving you too long… ♫”

Like most of Mare Supply’s catalog, it was a romantic song.  The couples around us were kissing one another.  I looked at Dewey.  My best friend forever.  I’d never felt any attraction to her before, and as far as I knew, she’d never felt any toward me, but it was prom night and she looked radiant in her dress.   Everypony should get a kiss on prom night, and everypony on campus already thinks the two of us are dating.  I moved my snout closer to hers and she made no move to stop me.

If I was supposed to feel sparks or see fireworks, I was disappointed.  It felt like kissing my sister, and Snow’El was the last pony I wanted to think about when making out with somepony.  Dewey had already opened her eyes by the time I opened my own and she shook her head.

“Wanna get out of here?”

She nodded, and I levitated a request to Mare Supply’s lead singer, Tender Heart.

He looked at the request and frowned.  “Are you sure?”

I nodded sadly.

“My condolences.”  He quickly told Heart Song, and Dewey and I trotted out as the two of them started playing one of the saddest songs in their repertoire.

“♫ …I’m trying to survive, love and other bruises, makes us all good losers… ♫”

I held the door for Dewey and then we trotted back to our dorm room.  I sighed – we were probably going to have a very long talk about what was and wasn’t going on between us.  Things that had never been questioned were suddenly no longer black and white, and it was all my fault.

Dewey’s the only friend I’ve ever had.  I don’t want to be alone…







Canterlot: six months, and sixteen days ago


A week later I was still having a hard time looking at Dewey without blushing in embarrassment.  We’d had a long discussion to clear the air between us.  We both realized that dancing together at prom was the closest either of us had ever come to having a date.  Fate, it seemed, had pushed us together.  Even if neither of us was the other's ideal partner, we weren't opposed to spending our lives with one another.  It beat being alone.  We decided to keep our minds open to the idea, to see if feelings blossomed between us.

I apologized for kissing her, and she apologized for not beating me to it.  The thought had been on her mind too.  Neither of us regretted having our first kiss at prom, or with each other.  If anything, we were disappointed that sparks hadn't flown.  We were both adamant that a rash moment of awkwardness wouldn’t ruin more than a decade and a half of friendship.

We’d been the talk of the school for the last week, with other ponies thinking we’d had some sort of lover’s spat at the dance.  They seemed confused that we still seemed inseparable, standing next to each other in gowns and caps.  Since the diplomas were given out in alphabetical order, Dewey razzed me that she’d graduated before me.

An hour later it was my turn to go up, except I had to give a speech, since they’d named me class valedictorian.  I stood there in front of my classmates, in front of family and friends of the graduates.  As I looked out on the crowd, I couldn’t find my own family in the audience until Snow’El and Razzle Dazzle flew out of their seats, unfurling a banner that read ConGRADulations, Snowcatcher! with an intentionally punny misspelling.  They were stuck in the back, far away from the premium seating reserved for the noble houses of Canterlot.  Money might be able to purchase a diploma, but it couldn’t buy talent.

“When I was a filly they told me I’d never amount to anything.  My special talent was catching snowflakes on my tongue, about as useless a real world skill as they come.  I didn’t know it back then, but I was starting my life in a hole.  But I’m tenacious, if nothing else.  If someone tells me I can’t do something, I prove them wrong.  A dozen years later I stand before you a graduate of Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns.  Thank you for taking a chance on a unicorn from Whinnyapolis with a weather cutie mark.  I’ve learned so much in the years I’ve been here and I really can’t thank you enough for the opportunity.  They said I’d amount to nothing, but now I can be anything.  The world awaits, just as it awaits all of my classmates.  I wish all of you luck in your future endeavors.”

It was a short speech.  I wasn’t a noble, I didn’t belong, and I wasn’t going to waste words on ponies I didn’t like, and who didn’t like me.  I winked back to my place to allow the next graduate to be called.









When it was finally over, Dewey and I met our families in their hotel.  They weren’t hard to find – the Dazzle horde took up most of the hotel’s lobby space.  Dewdrop had several siblings younger than Razzle now, though I was embarrassed that I didn’t actually know any of their names.  A quick look at Mrs. Dazzle showed her heavy with foal yet again.  Bringing everypony out here must have cost a small fortune.  I’d been too busy to bring them out, but I made up my mind that I’d teleport everypony home to save money.

We headed to Canterlot’s famous Restaurant Row to celebrate.  Agreeing on which place to eat was about as challenging as getting everypony gathered to agree on pizza toppings.  Personally, I wanted to go to The Cotton Candy Café, but that wasn’t on Restaurant Row.  Dewey suggested The Tasty Treat, and I had no objections, so that’s where we ate.

I sat with my family at one table, and Dewey’s family took the remaining tables.  The Dazzles don’t patronize businesses so much as they overrun them.

“Welcome to The Tasty Treat, my name is Coriander Cumin.  May I take your order?”

My family turned to me.  “Today’s a special day, sweetheart, so feel free to order anything you want.”

“Hayburger and fries.”

“Are you sure, Snowy?  We’re celebrating your graduation.  There’s a bread steak that’s supposed to be really good.  It better be good if it costs that much.”

“Okay, Pop.  Hayburger and sweet potato fries.”

“Fine, but I’m ordering the bread steak.”  Pop grumbled, while Mama and Snow’El chuckled and placed their own orders.

Our food arrived soon after and my burger had fried onions, crisp lettuce, bread and butter pickles, and was absolutely dripping with ketchup and mayonnaise.  Dad’s bread steak smelled interesting.  It had been marinated with some sort of sauce and flavored with exotic spices.  It was the most fragrant of our entrées and while curious to try it, I didn’t regret my own choice for a second.

My parents had asked me to repeat my speech, so I indulged them between bites of my burger.  It was likely the shortest speech in the history of the pretentious school primarily attended by stuffy, egotistical nobles who liked to hear themselves talk.  I trailed off halfway through my recital, as I turned my attention to something behind Pop’s shoulder.  When he turned to look I snuck a bite of his bread steak.  Mama and Snow’El did the same.  When Pop turned back around, half his dinner was missing.  He looked from his plate to the three perfectly innocent mares sitting at his table and just grumbled something about the silly fillies he lived with.

The chef appeared and introduced herself as Saffron Masala.  “I’m told that you just graduated today!  Congratulations!  I shall bring you some of our signature curry on the house to celebrate.”

She didn’t stop there – when we were done with dinner, she brought out a cake for all of us as well.  How did she make a cake this big that quickly?

I scanned the room and Razzle Dazzle was looking a little too smug, even considering her age.  Hmn, Dewey ‘picked’ this restaurant that we’ve never even been to in all the years we’ve lived in Canterlot.

“Hey, Razz.”

The pubescent pegasus fluttered over to me.  Her legs were too long and her wings were comically large for her petite frame – she’d grow into both eventually, much like Snow’El had done years earlier.  When did Razzle grow up?  Has it really been that long since she was the adorable little yearling I helped ‘win’ that snow battle all those years ago?  But there was a different question I voiced instead.  “Level with me.  How’d you know about this place?”

“You figured out it was me.”  She beamed and hoofed me a book.  “Pinkie Pie’s Perfect Picks: Relatable Restaurant Reviews gives this place five party balloons.”

“I’ve always been partial to Cotton Candy Café, personally.”

“You always find a place you like, then never go anywhere else.  Live a little.  Be adventurous!  Like a pegasus!”  She flared her wings and wiggled her rump as if she was about to take off.  Not that she’d get very far inside the restaurant.

Much to my surprise, she hopped onto one of the other tables.  Much to her older sister’s surprise, she snagged Raindrop’s slice of cake and made a break for it.  I looked over to Snow’El, licking my lips at the slice of cake still sitting on her plate.

“Don’t even think about it.”

Too late, sis, and threats aren’t going to work on me.  My horn glowed and she hunched over her cake, protectively.  Instead I opened the door to between and the cake appeared in front of me, taking her completely by surprise.  I gave it back to her since there was still plenty of cake left if I wanted seconds.  Which I did.  More importantly, I wanted a slice my sister hadn’t been eating from.  Yuck.







Canterlot: four months, and six days ago


I spun the globe absently as I filled out an application to petition Princess Cadence in the Crystal Empire.  They’d write back if the princess agreed to meet with me.  But I’d never believed in putting all my eggs in one basket, so as a backup plan I decided to apply for a visa to go to Earth.  I’d already studied everything I needed to know to get approved.  The ads indicated they wanted the brightest and best mares to apply, and I was confident I’d be approved if that’s what I decided to do.

I had the apartment to myself – Dewey had taken a job with the Canterlot Department of Water, which was paying for the apartment.  I’d suggested getting a job also, but Dewey was adamant I focus on our long term goal, while she took care of the short term living expenses.  So I’d spent the last few months researching the presentation I was going to give to Princess Cadence.

I flipped through the books on Earth again.  Their polar regions were already well-explored, a point I made sure to bring up in my presentation to the princess to prove how essential it was.  But it meant that if I had to go with the contingency plan, I’d be stuck on Earth for five years doing who knew what.  It most likely wouldn’t have anything to do with their arctic or Antarctic.  Maybe I could figure out how to save them before they’re gone.  I looked at the data yet again and wondered for the umpteenth time how the humans could have trashed their planet that badly.  I sighed.  Their idea of fixing it is to just keep pointing the blame at one another.  Do I really want to get involved in all that?  If they don’t listen to their own scientists, they’re certainly not going to listen to me.

I looked at the clock – quarter to four; Dewey would be home in an hour and change.  I fed Snowflake, then started working on dinner for Dewdrop and myself.  Nothing overly fancy – just baked macaroni and cheese.  Snowflake rubbed against my legs as I worked, and I scratched him behind the ears with my magic.

I stared out the window as dinner cooked.  Canterlot didn’t stop living just because I was bored out of my mind.  Ponies were pulling carts and wagons through the street, while messenger pegasi zipped to and fro delivering messages.  Maybe I’d been living in Canterlot too long, but it wasn’t hard to pick out the tourists from the locals.  Nor was it difficult to pick out the true natives from those who’d moved here from elsewhere, like I had.  I chuckled to myself.  This isn’t what I expected I’d be doing after graduating.  I reminded myself it wouldn’t be for much longer.  But I was used to having multiple projects going at any given time, whether it be term papers or science experiments.  Being idle was a new feeling, and not one I particularly liked.  I just have to keep focusing on what’s important.  As soon as I get through this presentation, good or bad, I’ll know what direction my life’s going in.

The scent of baking mac & cheese tickled my nostrils – it actually smelled good.  Either my cooking had improved to the point where it wouldn’t give us food poisoning, or we’d built up resistance to it.

I sighed as I looked out the window for Dewey.  Waiting for Dewey to get home.  Waiting for a reply from the princess.  Waiting, waiting, waiting.  I was sick of waiting around doing what felt like nothing.  I was used to being a mare on the move, never slowing down for a second.  But I was stuck in a holding pattern, and it was driving me up the wall.

The timer dinged and I turned the oven off, then took dinner out and put it on the table. 

I need to get out and do something.  The Crystal Empire, the Frozen North, Earth… it doesn’t matter.  I just need a change of scenery.







Crystal Empire: five days ago


I stepped off the train and into the brilliant sunshine.  After nine hours on a train, it was blinding.  I should have brought sunglasses with me.  I didn’t have a lot of time before my appointment, but I had enough to have a late lunch.

There was a café near the railway station, so I took a seat inside, near a window, so I could let my eyes acclimate to the bright sunshine.  The daffodil and daisy sandwich was nothing to write home about, but the crystal berry shortcake was phenomenal.  As I paid, my eyes were drawn to a photo on the wall behind the cash register – it showed Princess Flurry Heart eating at this very restaurant.  She looked to be entering her early teens, though she was probably a few years younger than that.  Alicorns were taller than the rest of the population, so she probably towered over ponies her own age.

My meeting was with Flurry’s mother, and I checked the clock as I left the restaurant.  If I teleported, I could do a little sightseeing before my appointment.  I could see the stadium where the Equestria Games had been held a decade prior, and I made that my first stop.  It was now home to the Crystal Empire Hearts buckball team.  I teleported to the top row of seats, and looked around the city from my vantage point.  I could see a statue nearby, and in the blink of an eye I was there, reading about Spike the Great.

I glanced at the sun in the sky – I was running low on time.  I could see another statue, and I winked to it, surprised to discover it was a monument to King Sombra.  The locals had covered it in graffiti, and the signs posted encouraged the defacement of the statue.  I read the placard – thankfully the letters had been carved into the crystal, so they were still legible under the layers of graffiti.  It was, unsurprisingly, the typical propaganda one would expect from a dictator like Sombra.  The Empire was better off without him.

With time running out, I teleported to the Crystal Castle, and momentarily stood in awe of it.  It was much more aesthetically-pleasing than Canterlot’s castle.  A guard trotted up to me and led me inside.  I took a seat in the waiting room and made myself comfortable.  As I sat there, I tested the wards.  As expected, the castle was warded against teleporting in.  Thankfully, it wasn’t warded against teleports out.  If my meeting ran long, I could wink to the train station if needed.  With such a long distance to go, there was only one train in and out of the Crystal Empire each day.  I’d brought enough bits with me that I could stay overnight if things went really well, and the princess wanted to have a follow-up meeting, but if I didn’t need to spend the bits, I was hoping not to.  I’d scheduled my meeting in the window between the train’s arrival and departure, so with luck I could save some money.

Eventually, it was my turn, and I bowed to the princess as the guard announced my name.

“Greetings, Snowcatcher.  How may I assist you today?  Have you traveled this great distance looking for love?”

Of course she would think that.  That’s probably the only reason ponies ever petition the Princess of Love.  “No, Your Highness.  I would like to offer my services to you.”  I turned and presented my mark to her.  “It’s been my dream since I was a filly to explore the Frozen North.  I recently graduated from Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns, and I propose an expedition to map the Frozen North on behalf of the Crystal Empire.”

“I really don’t think that will be necessary.”

I blinked.  That was the last reaction I would’ve expected.  “We wouldn’t require much money.  My team would consist solely of myself and my partner, Dewdrop Dazzle.  We’d need basic supplies: nonperishable food, portable shelter, etc.  We could do this much cheaper than anypony else.”

“Tell me more about your partner.”

“Dewdrop?  She also just graduated from Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns.  She’s a water mage, and between the two of us, we’d be able to overcome any obstacle in our path.”

Princess Cadence nodded.  “How long have you known her?”

“Since we were fillies.  I nearly ran her over on a sled and ever since we’ve been inseparable.”

“How close are the two of you?”

“She’s my best friend in the world.  There’s nothing we wouldn’t do for each other.”

“That’s it?  Just friends?”

Oh.  Right, Princess of Love.  “That’s correct.  Neither of us has a special somepony.”  I’m losing her!  Think!  “Which is why we want to do this now.  While we’re fresh out of school, and before we’re ready to settle down.”

“With each other?”

I shook my head.  “I mean, I suppose it’s possible, but I’d think that with as long as we’ve known each other, we’d know by now if we had feelings for one another.  I certainly wouldn’t object to having her as a partner, in that regard, but I don’t think that really fits the definition of love.  What do you think?  Love’s more your specialty.  You’re the expert here.”

“I think you should go home to Dewdrop and you should kiss her.”

I blushed.  “Uh, Princess.  We’ve… we’ve kissed before.”  My face was redder than a tomato.  “Neither of us had dates for prom, so we went together, and we were dancing to romantic songs and I guess we got caught up in everything going on around us…  All the other couples were kissing so we did too.”  I stared at the floor.  “It was the most embarrassing moment of my life.  Everypony else was looking lovingly into the eyes of their dates, and Dewey and I were just standing there, staring at each other awkwardly.  I didn’t feel anything, and she didn’t either.”

“You could just be a bad kisser.  Try it again.”

My throat went dry.  Every time I opened my mouth to respond, no words came out.  Thanks, Princess.  Now I have a new most embarrassing moment in my life.  Eventually I mumbled something noncommittal and tried to steer the conversation back to why I was there in the first place.  “If I do that, will you sponsor our expedition?”

Princess Cadence shook her head.  “I thought I made myself clear, earlier.  I’m not sponsoring or authorizing any exploration of the Frozen North.  It’s much too dangerous, even for mares of your talents.”

“I know the risks.  I’ve studied what scant texts there are on the subject.  The neverending blizzard, yeti, polar bears, etc.  We’re on friendly relations with Yakyakistan these days, so it’s never been safer to explore.  I’m even willing to pay out of my own pocket.  This is what I’ve wanted to do since I was a filly.  This is my dream.  Please?”

She shook her head.  “Guards.  Miss Snowcatcher was just leaving.  Please ensure that she finds her way out of the castle.”

“I can find my own way out.”  I winked out of the castle.

I teleported to the railroad station platform and quickly bought a ticket.  I sat on a bench with a good view of the castle, just in case any guards were on their way to detain me.  I gulped.  I could teleport to Canterlot.  But I don’t want to be incapacitated when I get there.  If I arrive, and I’m down for the count, and Cadence tells Twilight and she sends guards… our house is the first place they’ll come looking for me.  I’ll be trapped.

My panic was unnecessary – no guards came looking for me, and I boarded the train in peace.  My irritation must have been obvious, because nopony even tried to sit next to me.

Is there something out there she doesn’t want ponies to know about?  Ancient ruins?  It’s possible that the lands buried by the windigos could be there somewhere – the original homelands of the three tribes.  But why wouldn’t she want something like that to be discovered?  

It was a long train ride home to Canterlot.  It gave me a lot of time to think.  I had a contingency plan, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through with it.  I pulled the guide out of my saddlebag.  Earth.  Is it worth it?  I sighed.  It’s going to have to be.  I can’t stay in Equestria.  I probably made Cadence angry today, and I’d rather not find out if the Princess of Love carries a grudge.








Ponyville: today:


“Mrow!”

“It’s only for a few months, Snowflake.”  I kissed his head as I levitated him into the cage. “I’m sorry.”

We really weren’t supposed to take animals across the portal.  I’d jumped through hoops to get Snowflake to come with me, but at the cost of three months in quarantine.  “I’m going to miss you.  I don’t think I’m allowed to visit, but when your ninety days are up, Mama will be there when the doors open.  Love you, Snowflake.”

My kitty just glared at me, hurt and betrayed.  I could’ve snuck him in, but that would’ve caused more problems when someone eventually found him.  Being without him for ninety days or five years – it was an easy decision, at least on paper.  But my heart ached as I watched him get loaded into the back of a truck with the rest of the baggage.  I reminded myself that I’d probably need those three months to find a place to stay and get settled in.  It was for the best, but that didn't make it any easier.

I caught up with Dewey and we took our place in the line.  Most of the ponies around us were saying goodbye to their loved ones, jockeying to be among the last to go through the portal to squeeze in a few last precious seconds with one another.  Nopony had come to see Dewey and I off and we were near the front of the line as a result.  We probably would’ve been the first ones through the portal if I hadn’t needed a few hours to sleep off a long distance teleport – we’d decided to spend our last days in Equestria at home with our families.  We’d been expecting to say goodbye to them for a few years for a different reason, and I think they were relieved that we were going somewhere safer than the Frozen North.

The portal opened for business and I watched as the first non-diplomat, non-politician, non-military visitor from Earth stepped through.  She looked around with her jaw hanging open, and since she was the first human most of us in line had ever seen, we mirrored her expression perfectly.

Then it was time for the first pony to trot through.  One moment she was there, the next she was gone.  It seemed like any other teleport in that regard.  As we inched closer to it, one pony at a time, I reached my magic out to try and get a grasp on how it worked.  It was unlike anything I’d ever felt before; I couldn’t describe it if I tried.  The portal itself was magic – some of the most powerful magic on the planet.  There was technology too; somepony had stabilized it to keep it permanently open.  Given enough time to properly study it, I could probably break it down into its component spells; but even with all my arcane ability I wouldn’t be powerful enough to cast it.  Only a true archmage would ever have a hope of doing so.

I was so lost in analyzing it, Dewey had to poke me to let me know I was next.  The guards searched my saddlebags, then waved me through.  I took a deep breath and stepped through.

Brave new world, here I come.
> Act I: Snowcatcher (Part 3)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Pine Barrens, New Jersey: today


There was a brief moment of disorientation, then I stood next to the portal to wait for Dewey.  Ponies that had never teleported before staggered out of the portal, but the most jarring part of the experience for me was winking somewhere I had no reference for.  I’d never left between and arrived somewhere new before.  Dewey stepped through and we trotted towards the bus that would take us to our new lives.

The bus was painted like a rainbow.  Shiny and colorful.  Ponies can’t miss it.  Intentionally so, since most ponies would be intimidated by it otherwise.  I wrinkled my nose as I stepped inside. Pity the inside isn’t as nice as the outside.

I stared at the seat – it was the least offensive of the empty seats from an olfactory perspective. Despite that, odors coming from it were awful.  Food, bodily fluids, even smoke – it all assaulted us at once, overpowering us.

“Page 46.”

I looked at Dewey, then flipped to the appropriate page in my go-to spellbook, and the bus seats lit with the soft orchid glow of my magic.  I repeated the cleansing spell three times before we were satisfied enough to sit for the journey.  Even then, it still smelled rank.

“Well, we’re here. What’s the plan?”

I shrugged.  “I don’t really have one yet.”

“Since when do you ever not have a plan?”

“When I need more data. We need a source of income and a place to live.  I figured we could let the duchess at the consulate help with that.  That’s her job, after all.”

“Seems anticlimactic for you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”  I turned to look at Dewey.  My best friend, the pony who’d stood by my side since we were foals.

She shrugged. “Nothing.  It’s just the Snowy I know would be telling the duchess what she wants to do with her life, instead of asking her for suggestions.”

“Well forgive me if having my dreams shattered and then my life upturned as I move to a completely different world cramps my plan making.”  I flicked my tail.

“I just thought you’d have planned it all out before making the decision to come here.”

“Even I can be spontaneous.”

Dewey snickered. “Since when?  Let’s be honest, you planned this ‘spontaneous’ trip to Earth months ago.  Which means you’ve had more than enough time to come up with a patented Snowcatcher Great Idea.”

“I know what you’re trying to do, Dewey.”

“Oh?”

“You’re goading me into coming up with a plan.”

“Is it working?”

“Yes.”  I stood up.

“Where are you off to?”

“I’m going to go make some inquiries.  There are dozens of ponies on this bus.  Maybe inspiration will strike once I find out what brought everypony else to Earth.”

“Good luck.”

Sarcastic ‘good luck’. You’re the only pony in the world I’d let get away with that, Dewey.

I looked around the bus. The brightest and best Equestria has to offer, my flank.  The ponies surrounding me were scared, desperate, lost, and broken.  Our wild ancestors dealt with danger by trying to outrun it, and that’s what all the ponies on the bus are doing, too: running away from their problems, real or imagined.  I sighed.  Dewey and myself included.

We’re also a herd species, and a herd will follow a strong leader no matter how ridiculous her ideas are. Dewey’s expecting me to lead these ponies to something.  But what? I scanned the bus, looking for anypony who bucked the trend.  There! That lavender earth pony.  She’s one of the few ponies on the entire bus that’s exuding confidence.  She knows what she wants and she’s going to get it.  I sat down next to her.

“Hello?”

“Hi!  I’m Snowcatcher, and I was wondering what your plans are now that you’re here on Earth?”

She hoofed a few brochures over to me.  “My name’s Daisy Dreams and I’m trying to decide on a school to attend.”

I looked at the pamphlets: Yale, Harvard, Rutgers, Princeton, and Mount Holyoke. Colleges.  This mare is smart, she’s got a plan, and maybe I can pick her brain a bit and find some inspiration.  “Where are you going to stay in the meantime?”

“I figured I’d use the stipend and get a hotel for a few months until classes start.”

Hotel.  Hotel!  Duh, everypony needs a place to stay, human hotels are bland and lonely, and ponies visiting earth would be much more likely to stay in a pony-owned hotel. I’d need… a lot of money up front. Dewey and I can’t afford to buy a property, but if we combined our stipends with everypony else’s…  I looked up and took a rough head count – there were more than sixty ponies on the bus.  If I can convince at least a quarter of them to go in on this… without numbers I don’t know how few I can get away with, but the more the merrier. “If you’re going to spend your whole stipend on a hotel anyway, why not pool your money with some of us and we can open our own Equestrian style hotel.  You’d have someplace to live between semesters.  Or you could even commute.”

“Who else is going in on this besides you and me?”

“I don’t know yet. Let me go ask some ponies.  I need to crunch some numbers when we get to the consulate.  I need some data on regulations and land prices.  But I know we’ll need more than just the two of us.  Well, three.  I know Dewdrop’s in on whatever I decide.  We’ll probably need at least a dozen of us, maybe more.  I’ll start asking now.”

“Good luck!”

I could sense by the dismissive way she wished me luck that she didn’t think I had a chance.  That shouldn’t have grated my nerves so badly, but it got under my skin nonetheless.  I’d never liked being told I couldn’t do something.  Dewey had already pushed that button intentionally, so I was already feeling a bit sensitive, then Daisy triggered it too.  Come Tartarus or high water, I’m doing this.

The first rejection was tough.  That came from a unicorn and an earth pony who were coming to Earth to be part of a cooking television show.  The next pony I asked just clutched her saddlebags close to her barrel and refused to even speak with me.  It wasn’t until the fifth pony I talked to that somepony actually seemed interested: a pegasus who gave off the vibe of being upper class – the giant diamond on her flank more or less confirmed it.  I’d expected her to blow me off but she seemed very enthusiastic at the idea, and promised to mention it to her traveling companion as well.  The only problem was she’d already spent some of her stipend, but I could work with that – I had some money I’d been saving up for the expedition to the Frozen North that we’d never get to go on that I’d be willing to loan her.

Diamond Rose’s enthusiasm for the idea was enough to see me through the next round of rejections. Getting called a ‘scammer’ hurt the first time.

It still hurt after the tenth. 

I’d never been a social pony.  Talking to others wasn’t something I was good at.  Dewey’s faith in me notwithstanding, I was an awkward conversationalist and a lousy salesmare.  Ponies follow charismatic ponies; the loudest, proudest, and most willing to tell them what they want to hear; not nerdy shut-ins like me.  Intelligence doesn’t matter.  Intentions don’t matter.  It’s all in how you sell the deal.  If I was on commission, I’d starve.

This is why I never went into politics.  But most of these ponies need a leader.  The bus reeked of desperation and broken dreams.  Somepony has to do it, and if it isn’t me… who will?  The ponies who want to be in positions of leadership are often the ponies we should least trust with it.  I don’t want to become one of those ponies.

The duchess can help them. I… I don’t need to get involved. The hotel is a silly idea.  I should give up, now, and figure out something else for Dewey and I to do.

If somepony tells me I can’t do something, I prove them wrong.  My own words came back to haunt me.  They said I’d amount to nothing, but now I can be anything.  The world awaits…

Those last few months in Canterlot, staying at home…  I shuddered. I lost my edge, my drive.  I could be anything… and I became nothing. That’s not me.

Hotelier?  Not exactly what I expected to do with my life, but it beats not doing anything.  All I know is, whatever path lies ahead, I’ll be the best at it.  Look out world, here comes Snowcatcher.

I sat down next to a pair of pegasi.  My eyes wandered to their wings.  Focus, Snowy.  I’m looking for business associates, not a love connection.

“Hi!  I’m Snowcatcher.  What brings you to Earth?”

The purple mare opened her mouth to say something, but the yellow one cut in before she could. “Puberty.”

I blinked.  “I have questions.”

“Wow, you weren’t kidding when you said you were good at putting your hoof in your mouth, Sunny.”

“I’m going to start with ‘what?’  ‘What?’ bears repeating, followed immediately by ‘what?’ and concluded with ‘what?’”

“It’s a long story.”

“It’s a long bus ride.”

The pony who’d been addressed as Sunny nodded.  “True, but I’ve seen you going up the aisle, talking with everypony.  If I go into my backstory you won’t have time to finish talking to everypony on the bus.  Your choice. I’m Sunny Rays, by the way, and this is my new friend, Flitterheart.  Maybe… maybe you’re a new friend too?”

“I’d like to be.  You’re right.  I’ve got a task to accomplish and a set time to get it done.  I guess I’ll cut to the chase: what are your plans now that you’re here?”

Flitterheart shrugged. “I don’t care.  I’ll scrub toilets if I have to, as long as I’m out of Equestria. Hopefully my family can join me someday soon.”

Sunny Rays also shrugged. “I was thinking of going on tour.”

“See the sights?”

“Something like that…”

“If you’re looking for a place to settle down for a bit, a few of the other mares on the bus and I are thinking of starting up an Equestrian-style hotel.”  I looked at Flitterheart and smiled.  “You’d probably have to scrub a few toilets now and then, but at least it wouldn’t be all day, every day.”

Flitterheart smiled back. This mare needs to smile more. Oh my gosh, what a pretty smile!

“I think I’d like that. A place to roost and make a new start.”

“If Flitterheart’s in, I guess I’m down for that too.  At least for a little while ‘til the ol’ wanderlust kicks in.  My Earth World Tour can wait a bit.”

“Awesome!”  My mental tally jumped from four to six.  I still had a long way to go, but I was making more progress than I’d expected.  “I’ll need to crunch numbers at the consulate, but if I can find enough ponies to go in on this, we can make it work.  If I can’t… I’ll think of something.  I’m not going to leave anypony hanging.”

I bid them farewell, and moved on to the ponies across the aisle.  There was no empty seat to sit in, so I stood in the aisle.  Before I could introduce myself, an earth pony mare had wrapped her legs around me in an embrace.  “Hi!  I’m Minty! And this is Kimono and Razzaroo!” She motioned to a dark purple unicorn and a lighter purple earth pony.

“Hello.”

“Hiyas!”

“What brings the three of you to Earth?”

Minty blushed.  “I accidentally broke Hearth’s Warming.” She waved her forelegs around, gesturing that something had broken.  “Crackly little pieces.”

I waited for further explanation, but none was coming.  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Minty’s a little clumsy, but she means well.  Yes, yes, yes.”

I better change the subject quickly.  That was a bad leadoff question.  “Any plans now that you’re here?”

“Yes.”  Kimono’s horn glowed and she pulled a worn book from her saddlebags.  Much to my surprise, it was filled with pictures of cars.  “We’re going to open a car wash.”

That doesn’t sound like a bad idea…  Unicorn magic could get into the spaces humans fingers couldn’t.  There’s a lot of potential there.  If the hotel doesn’t work, maybe I’ll look into that. “Good luck!  I was going to suggest going in on a hotel, but it sounds like you’ve got a good plan in place.”  They’re in good hooves.

“We heard your spiel when you were talking to the mares in the seats across from us.  It sounds like a good idea, and we wish you luck as well. If the hotel doesn’t work out, look us up.”  Kimono put the book away.  “We’re looking for ponies with good business sense.”

“Likewise.  We’ll leave the door open for you.”

“Isn’t that supposed to be ‘you’ll leave a light on for us’?”  Minty asked, tilting her head.  “Leaving the door open will let all the heat out in the winter.  Or all the heat in during the summer.”

I had no response to that, so I settled on agreeing with her.  “Good point.”  Kimono just shook her head and Razzaroo facehoofed.

I had six, but I’d started with three and I’d already asked half the ponies on the bus.  If I thought I’d had lousy luck previously, the second half of the bus proved to be a lesson in humility.  I only managed to find two more ponies who wanted to join up with us. Eight was a start, but nowhere near what we needed.

I sat down next to Daisy Dreams again.  “I’m up to eight.  That’s not enough, but it’s not a bad start.  You still in?”

She nodded.

“Did you make a decision?”

“I think so.  Rutgers seems most in line with what I’m looking for. And we just passed it a few minutes ago.”

I took the brochure and flipped through the pages.  “I’m not going to lie, I’m jealous.  It looks like a great school.  I wish I could go too.”

“You could always apply.”

“I’ve got to focus on getting this hotel off the ground.  I was nervous when it was just Dewey and myself that I was looking out for.  Now though, there’s eight of us counting on me. And soon there will be more. You’ll just have to learn enough for both of us and teach me too.  The degree isn’t the important part, it’s the knowledge that really matters.”

I smiled at her.  “You know; those may be the wisest words I’ve ever heard.”

“Ponies often lose sight of their goals and what’s really important in life.  What’s your major going to be?”

“I haven’t really decided yet.”

“If you plan on going back to Equestria when you’re done, go for something with technology.  Look around at all of this – what these humans have done without magic is incredible.  You’d be the only pony in the world with that skill set.  If you’re planning on staying here, pick something that sets you apart from the rest of the herd.  Play to your strengths.  From what I’ve read, overpopulation is a problem on Earth and people are worried they won’t have enough food to go around in the future.  But imagine what you could do if you mixed human technology with earth pony magic.”

She paused, and I was sure she’d gotten the mental image.  “Who are you?”

“Snowcatcher.  I thought I introduced myself earlier.  I apologize if I didn’t.”

“You did.  But I mean, what’s your background?  These are good ideas.”

“Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns.  First in my class.”  I pulled my degree from my saddlebags.  “We’re all in this together, for better or worse.  If we can get along with griffons, dragons, zebras, yaks, and all the rest back home, we can get along with humans too.  And maybe we can improve both worlds in the process.”

“I’d like that.”

“We all would.  Some of us just don’t know it yet.”  We sat there in peace and quiet for a few minutes as the city came into view.  My immediate impression was that it put Canterlot to shame – New York City didn’t need to be built on a mountain to make a visual statement.

We passed over a massive suspension bridge – I’d read up on George Washington when studying to come to America, and I knew he’d been the country’s first president.  I’d need to do further research to know if the bridge had been designed and/or built by him, or merely named after him.  Either way it was an impressive feat of engineering. I stared out the window, transfixed by the bridge and city beyond.  It was symbolically perfect: I was bridging two different worlds.

New York, New York. It’s been said that if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.  I’ve already failed in Equestria… what does that say for my prospects in The City That Never Sleeps?

I trotted back to my original seat as the bus wound its way through the maze of streets that made up New York City.  Dewey was sleeping when I came back.  “Hotel.”

She woke with a start. “Hotel?”

“Hotel,” I repeated.

“Hotel it is.”

I sat and stared out the window – I hadn’t been able to approach all the mares on the bus, but I’d talked to most of them.  Eight wouldn’t be enough, but it was a start.

Dewey turned to look out the window.  “We’re already in the city?  That means we’re almost there.”

I nodded.

“How long was I out?”

I shrugged.  “We’ve been driving for about two hours.”









“Um, hi.”

“Hi.”  I looked up and saw a mare I hadn’t seen while making my rounds earlier.  But there was something vaguely familiar about her nonetheless.

“I’m Lily Blossom. You were talking with Diamond Rose on the bus, and she volunteered my services for this hotel thing you’re starting.”

I nodded.  “That’s right.  I’m Snowcatcher.  I didn’t add you to the list officially yet.  I never count chickens before they’ve hatched.  Would you like to go in with all of us?  You’d be number nine.  By my calculations, I figure we need sixteen to twenty to succeed.”

“How much is the buy-in?”

“Your stipend.  If you have anything else with you, keep it.”

“I think I’m going to pass. And Rose too.”

I frowned and looked at the list.  “I understand, though I’d like to hear Diamond Rose speak for herself.”

“That’s fair.”  Lily waved Diamond over, and I turned to Dewey. She looked at the list and shook her head.  Eight was half.  If Diamond Rose drops out there’s no point in continuing.  Maybe we should all just go in on that car wash.  We could be their second location…

“Snowcatcher.”

“Yes?”  I turned to look at Lily again.  Her expression had changed.  She’s smiling?

“We’re in.”

“Awesome!”  I added Lily’s name to the list.  Nine’s a start.  We need more though.

“And since I never got to say this a few years ago, thank you for saving our lives the day the Legion of Doom attacked.”

I looked at Lily to Diamond and back.  “So that’s why the two of you look so familiar!”

“Forgive her, she’s bad with names and faces.  I’m Dewdrop Dazzle.”  She held a hoof up for Lily to bump.

“You know what this calls for?  A song!” Sunny Rays landed in front of us and started tapping her hoof.

“Through the cold and dreary!” I started.

“And the bright and cheery!” Sunny Rays added.

“Escaping my sister’s past!” was Flitterheart’s contribution.

“Stop icecaps from melting too fast,” Bifröst sang.

“Assemble an ensemble cast,” it took Dewey long enough to join in.

 

“I’m doing it for the bees,” was Honeybuzz’s addition.

“Gonna earn my degrees!” contributed Daisy.

“Gonna make it on my own,” Diamond Rose proclaimed.

“Won’t have to do it alone!” Lily Blossom chimed in.

“The highest I’ve ever flown…”

The last line was added by somepony who hadn’t been there when we started singing.  We all stopped mid-song cue to stare at the newest addition to our posse.

“Hi!  I’m Feathermay!”

That’s odd.  Her speaking voice sounds nothing at all like her singing voice.  “I didn’t see you on the bus.”

“I kinda, sorta missed the bus.  But I caught up!”  She flapped her wings for emphasis and my eyes lingered on the magnificent appendages for a moment longer than they should have.  But I had to take advantage of the situation.  Opportunities to see pegasi showing off their wings up close were rare.

So jealous.  She’s one of the first ponies to fly on Earth, but to her that’s no different than just being one of the first ponies on Earth.

“If Bifröst and Honeybuzz are in, I’m in too.”

“Welcome aboard!”  I smiled.  Feathermay makes ten.  We might just pull this off after all…

The moment was over. The song cue, instantaneous as it had been, was done.  Prematurely ended by Feathermay’s arrival, almost everypony else had started trotting into the consulate.  The only exception was Sunny Rays, who was scribbling the lyrics and notes to the song we’d just sung.  The problem with impromptu crowd songs was they were forever doomed to be lost to history. Sunny seemed desperate not to let the lyrics slip away.  Alas, that was part of the magic of Equestria – ponies could perform incredible songs set to music heard only in their minds, but then the songs would fade away back into the æther.  It was impressive that the magic worked on Earth as well.  That means its inside each pony, and not background magic in Equestria.  Another magical mystery solved.  But will it fade with time the longer we’re on Earth?

Dewey pulled me aside as the others made their way into the consulate.  “Do you know who that is?”

“Who?”

“The yellow pegasus.”

“She said her name is Sunny Rays.”

Dewey blinked.  “You really have no idea who that is?”

I shook my head.

“I sometimes forget just how bad you are with facial recognition.  She’s grown up, but that’s the Sunny Rays.  The singer.”  She started singing a song, then switched to another one.  “I had all her albums when we were growing up.”

“She’s our age.”

“She was a filly star. Half of our class wanted to be her. I had a lunchbox with her picture on it.”

“Oh!  Right!  The cute filly with the freckles and the curly blue hair.”

“No, that’s Cozy Glow. The villain who tried to take over Equestria a few times.  Now a statue in the Canterlot Castle gardens.  Remember, we were there for the Battle of the Bell?”

“Of course I remember that. But why did you have a lunchbox with Cozy Glow on it?”

“I didn’t!”

We walked into the consulate and Dewey continued fangirling over Sunny Rays.  It slowly dawned on me that I’d heard her music.  As one of Dewey’s favorite artists, of course I had. I’d just never paid much attention since it wasn’t my genre of music.

“Oh, right.  The one who had all those sad songs on the radio.”

“No, she had one sad song.  Of course, that was also the one that became her biggest hit.”

I nodded.  Suddenly it dawned on me why she had been planning on going ‘on tour’ here on Earth.  She wasn’t going to see the sights; she was going to perform.  It also explained why she was scribbling the lyrics to our impromptu song cue.  She could make way more money going on the road. What would make her sign up with us? I made a mental note to find out the answer to that.

Dewey then pointed to Daisy Dreams.  “Please tell me you know who that is.”

I looked at the earth pony again.  She looked vaguely familiar.  “Isn’t she the mare on the orange juice packaging?”

“No.”  Dewey facehoofed.  “Well, yes, she is, but she’s a professional model.  She’s been on a lot of packaging and promoted a bunch of products.”

“It’s good orange juice.”

“Will you focus, Snowy? You have a famous model and a famous musician wanting to go in on this hotel with you.”

I shrugged.  “Dewey, they’re ponies same as you or me. Celebrities have never meant anything to me.”

“Maybe they should. Think of the advertising potential.”

“No one on Earth knows who they are, Dewey.”

“Ponies are going to come visit eventually.”

“That would violate their privacy, and might make them want to pull out.  We need all the investors we can get.  I guess if we ever start advertising on television Daisy’s a natural in front of the camera and Sunny could do the jingle.  If they want to.”

“If nothing else, think of the credibility it gives you when you talk to the Duchess.  Because her office is your next stop.  The hard part’s going to be getting you in there before a bunch of other ponies leave.  We kinda dawdled singing that song.”

The waiting room had the capacity to hold almost twice as many ponies as there’d been on the bus. There were a few humans waiting, too, and all of them had found ponies to talk to.  I wonder if these are humans looking to emigrate to Equestria, or if any of them are here to meet the ponies they’re talking to?

Our group took over an empty corner of the waiting room, and I went to find a guard while they got to know one another better.  I found a thestral who introduced herself as Searchlight.  I’d never seen a thestral in person before, and I had a hard time not staring at her exotic, membranous wings.

“How quickly can I get in to see the Duchess?”

Searchlight chuckled. “If you’re in a hurry, you can go first. There’s no set order, and nopony’s volunteered for the honor of going in right away.”

Looking around the room, I had a hunch I could tell why that was.  There were snacks, and a lot of ponies were taking advantage of that. “I’d like to go first, please.”

Searchlight nodded, and I returned to my seat and waited.

Five minutes later, a blue pegasus mare trotted out of the office.  “Presenting Her Grace, Duchess Ploomette of the House of Hurricane, Equestrian Permanent Representative to the United Nations, and Equestrian Consul General of New York City.”  She stood aside, and Ploomette entered the room.

My breath hitched in my throat.  She’s majestic.

Everypony in the room got to their hooves and bowed, myself included.  My last visit with Equestrian royalty hadn’t gone like I’d expected.  I was nervous as Searchlight called my name, but I stepped forward and introduced myself.  Ploomette led the way into her office and I followed, Searchlight at my hooves.  Once Ploomette and I were seated, Searchlight took her position behind the Duchess, where she could keep an eye on me.

The Duchess’ office was a unique blend of Equestria and Earth.  There were pillows to sit on, much like in Equestria, but chairs as well. The consulate building had obviously been modeled in a late Unicornian aesthetic, drawing heavy inspiration from Canterlot Castle.  That included stained glass in all the windows.  Colors danced on the floor as the sun trekked across the sky, streaming through the multihued panes of glass that depicted the Duchess flying in front of a skyscraper.

“Interesting mix of cultures.”

“There’s more human in the mix than you might think.  There are a lot of things that we think are pony in origin that really aren't.”

I nodded.  “It’s a poorly kept secret that most of our major technological and medical advancements of the last few decades are human in origin.  It’s why you can see a state of the art hydroelectric dam in a town that still boasts a one room schoolhouse.”

“It goes beyond that, my little pony.”  She motioned to a chair across the room.  “Have you ever stopped to think about how few things in Equestria work well with equine biology?  You’ve sat in chairs back home.  Do they really fit ponies, or were they originally designed to fit human anatomy? The fact that we both chose to sit on pillows to have this conversation speaks volumes.  Yet we have chairs in Equestria.  We have legends and myths of humans, and humans have myths of unicorns and pegasi. There’s no doubt in my mind that our worlds have had contact before, probably thousands of years ago.”  She gestured to an artifact on the wall.  “A gift from the Greek embassy.  It depicts Pegasus.”

“You’re a history buff.” I smiled.  “Me too!”

“I wouldn’t go that far. I’m well read.  When something doesn’t make sense I try to find the answer. For example, most humans don’t know that ‘pegasus’ doesn’t refer to a species, or what we’d call a tribe, but is rather the name of a pterripus.  In Greek mythology, ‘Pegasus’ was the name of a pterripus, while pterripus was the name pegasi were given as a whole.  Who this pegasus was has been lost to history, but I would imagine that there was some sort of miscommunication in the translation.  He was probably telling him that he was ‘a pegasus’ and they recorded it that he was named Pegasus.”  Ploomette shrugged.  “A mystery we’ll likely never know the answer to.  Though I, for one, am grateful that humans aren’t calling us ‘pterripuses’ or ‘pterripusi’.  It just doesn’t have a good ring to it.  Things worked out for the best, but a lot of people don’t realize the truth.”

“Where did you learn all this?”  There were several bookshelves scattered around the room, but the consulate was no library. 

Ploomette laughed.  “Greece was one of the first countries to send a diplomatic envoy to Equestria, and of course that meant having multiple meetings with me.  They’re as enthusiastic about our arrival on Earth as we are.  We suspect that there’s another portal somewhere in or near Greece, and we’re in the process of putting together an exploration team.”

I opened my mouth but closed it immediately.  With my love of history, it wouldn’t take much to convince me to join an archeological expedition.  But I had other ponies to think about.  “I was about to volunteer my services.”  I chuckled, sheepishly.  “But I can’t. As much as I’d love to go, I’ve been talking things over with some of the other mares who were with me on the bus, and we’re planning to open an Equestrian style hotel.  With all of our stipends put together, we should be able to afford a property that none of us could hope to afford individually.”

Ploomette nodded.  “A logical decision.”  She picked up my passport, and looked through my visa application.  “I see that you graduated from Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns. Valedictorian.”

I nodded.

“I think we’re in a unique position to help each other out.  I’m still waiting for the princess to send me the archmage I’m supposed to have. Would you be willing to take the position in the interim?”

“I would, but I’m not qualified to be an archmage…”  I sighed. Oh how I wish I was.

“I don’t need you to be. I just need a powerful unicorn on staff until they send me the one I was supposed to have moons ago.  In exchange, I’ll help you get your hotel off the ground, and promote it to ponies who don’t have plans.  How many ponies have gone in with you so far?”

“Ten so far, including me.”

Ploomette whistled appreciatively.  “Out of sixty-four ponies on the bus?  That’s not bad.  How many more are you looking for?”

“I’d like sixteen to twenty, total, so between six and ten more.  I need to crunch some numbers later, but I think we can make it work with that.  Much more than that would be too big, too unmanageable.”

Ploomette nodded and pointed to another room.  “That’s my secretary’s office.  Her name is Electric Slide.  Please wait there and I’ll page her if I need you to talk about the hotel.”

“Don’t you want to meet the rest of the mares who are going in on this with me?”

“I do.  I’ll meet with them all in turn, like I do with all the ponies that come through the portal.  I’ll let them tell me in their own words that this is their plan.  In the meantime, Electric Slide can assist you with anything you might need.”

I trotted into the room, and the blue mare who’d introduced Ploomette was waiting.  “Hi!  Can I get you a drink?”

“Uh, sure.”

“Coffee, tea, soda?” She opened a mini fridge, revealing dozens of cans of soda, in assorted colors and flavors.

May as well try something new today.  I levitated a brown can over, choosing a beverage called A&W Root Beer.  I took a cautious sip, before taking a bigger swallow.  Not bad.  “Thank you.”  I took a seat on a chair in her office.

“You’re welcome.”  She was distracted by some sort of handheld communications device.  Probably a cellphone, but I couldn’t get a close enough look at it to be sure.  She put it on her desk and finally turned her attention to me.  “I’m Electric Slide.”

“I’m Snowcatcher.”

“Welcome to Earth.”

“Thank you.  What’s it like living here?”

She shrugged. “Different in some ways, some ways not. It’s home, now, at least for the foreseeable future.  For both of us.”  She picked up her device and her hooves moved rapidly on it.  “For example, I just ordered us all lunch.”  Her phone buzzed and she looked at it.  “Which should be here in about an hour.”

I blinked.  “Wow…”

“Convenience.  What you want, when you want it.  For a price.”

“Of course.  Fast, cheap, or good.  Pick any two.  It’s good to know there are some constants on both sides of the portal.”

She smiled.  “Fast and good.  The Duchess wouldn’t have it any other way.  Only the best for her little ponies.”

I nodded and the silence turned awkward.  We were both in a holding pattern, waiting for the duchess.  Electric turned back to her computer, hooves clicking away on the keyboard.

I did what I always did when bored – I pulled out my spellbook and started paging through it, looking for anything I could practice while I waited.  I ran through some of the basics, nothing complicated, but spells I hadn’t used recently, just so I could keep them fresh in my mind.

The unsettling feeling of being watched snapped me out of the trance I was in.  I looked up, and Electric Slide was staring at me.  She blushed at being caught.  “I’m sorry.  It’s just, I’m from Cloudsdale and you’re the first unicorn I’ve ever seen up close and personal.  I’ve never seen magic like this before.  Way cool!”

“I’ve been living in Canterlot for many years, so I don’t get to see pegasi very often either.  I don’t suppose you’d mind showing me your wingspan?”

Pegasi loved to show off. At ease, Electric Slide spread her magnificent appendages.  She even preened a loose feather.  Wingtip to wingtip, she was slightly shorter than my sister, and significantly shorter than Princess Celestia.  She had a few inches on the still adolescent Razzle Dazzle, though the younger pegasus would likely catch up eventually.

I continued to do magic tricks for her amusement, even mundane things like lighting my horn or levitating objects held her attention.

We were interrupted by her phone buzzing, and she picked it up.  “Lunch is here.”  The pastel blue pegasus moved what appeared to be a lamp, and a section of the wall slid out, revealing an empty passage straight down.  Once more flaring her wings, she leapt into the secret passage.

I trotted over to it and watched the mare descending to the consulate’s ground floor.  I pictured a door to the bottom, then stepped through between to reach the floor several stories below. “Need some help?”

“Oh, you can teleport? The Duchess will be thrilled to know that.”

I bet she will be, if she’s that desperate for an archmage that she’s picked me to take the position in the interim.  I’m several percentiles short.  Many orders of magnitude less powerful than a real archmage needs to be.

Electric Slide opened the door and a delivery person stood there, with twenty flat boxes of pizza. It smelled delicious.  She paid, and I took the pizza boxes in my magic. With a pop, we winked out of existence, returning to Electric’s office.  I pointed to the wall as she tilted the lamp back the way it had been.  “Secret passages?”

Electric nodded.  “We mostly use them as shortcuts.  But our lead architect insisted on them.  For safety.”

“Makes sense.  If Equestria has any enemies on Earth, this would be one of their primary targets.”

“This, the embassy, and especially the portal.  I can’t speak for the embassy, but the portal’s protected by the New Jersey National Guard and the Royal Guards.  As for our consulate, it’s as safe as equinely possible.”

Electric pulled four of the pizzas off the stack, then led me into the waiting room, where I piled the rest of them on a table in the center of the room.  She then pulled paper plates and cups out of a filing cabinet, and motioned to a refrigerator in the corner.  I opened the door and pulled out a dozen large bottles of soda, levitating them to the table.

“Lunch is served, everypony!”  Electric Slide dodged the melee and I followed her back to her office.

Three of the remaining pizza boxes had disappeared, taken by the consulate's staff, leaving one on her desk.  She opened the lid, and I levitated a slice onto a plate for her, and another slice onto a plate for me.  I picked up the pizza in my magic, and cheese started dripping off it.  I quickly turned it another way, and grease and cheese both ran off.  I reversed course, while Electric just giggled at me.

“Fold it in half, like this.”

She demonstrated, and I turned the pizza into a turnover, per her instructions.  I bit into it and it was delicious.  “Oh my.  This is better than any pizza I’ve ever had in Equestria.”

Electric Slide nodded. “Yeah, the food’s pretty good here on Earth.  It’s not healthy by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s oh so tasty.”

I nodded, devouring my slice.  It had been a long bus ride, and I hadn’t anything to eat since the light breakfast I’d had at Sugarcube Corner.  It hit the spot, and I quickly grabbed another slice, this time manipulating it with my magic in a way that wouldn’t drip cheese and grease all over the place.

Ploomette stepped into Electric’s office and grabbed a couple of slices, sitting down to talk with us while we ate.  Electric Slide couldn’t wait to tell Ploomette about all the things I’d shown her magically, including teleporting with all the pizzas, so I quickly demonstrated some of my abilities for the duchess as well.  Ploomette wasn’t nearly as impressed as Electric had been, likely having been exposed to unicorn magic far more frequently over the years.

My horn flashed, and with a pop, the three of us were standing in the parking lot where the bus had dropped us off.  I took a bite of my pizza and with another pop we were standing just inside the front entrance to the consulate.  Another bite, another hop, this time to the duchess’ office.  Lastly, we returned to Electric Slide’s office, and I finished the last bite of my pizza slice.

“What I find most impressive about that is that you didn’t even spill any grease from your slice.”

I chuckled at Ploomette’s praise.  “It’s too good to waste.”

Once we finished eating, it was back to waiting.  I was only called in to talk about the hotel twice, which was disappointing.  I could tell on the bus that most of these ponies didn’t have a plan, but I guess Ploomette had found things more relevant to their interests.  Still, with Ploomette’s help, I’d managed to convince both ponies we’d conversed with to join us, bringing us up to a dozen.  I could see the waiting room through a window in Electric Slide’s office, and it had thinned out since earlier.  Those who’d agreed to go in on the hotel with me were sitting in a corner.  They’d all met with the duchess, and they’d all stayed on board, and it meant a lot to me that complete strangers had this much confidence in my plan, and myself as an individual.  The newest addition to our group, Rainbow Flash, was stealing glances at both Sunny Rays and Daisy Dreams.  Somepony’s starstruck.

Aside from them, a few other ponies had met with the duchess and returned to the waiting room, while the number of ponies who had yet to meet with Ploomette had dwindled to one. A pink unicorn mare with a pie cutie mark.  The one who’d been pretending to be asleep on the bus.  She was called into the office, but I didn’t have much hope that she’d be even remotely interested.  That left us with twelve.  Three-quarters of my low-end goal of sixteen, and only sixty percent of my high-end goal of twenty.

Much to my surprise, the intercom buzzed, and I stepped into the duchess’ office yet again.

“This is Snowcatcher. She has a proposition for you.”

“My thought is to pool our resources and open an Equestrian style hotel.  You know the type – we live there and cater to the whims of our guests.”

“It beats living off the land,” Ploomette added.

How badly broken is she that she was just going to rough it for five years?  I internally cringed that that was this mare’s best plan.  “There’s a dozen of us on board so far.  I’m hoping for twenty, but if we can get to sixteen we can make it work.  A lot of the other ponies already had plans, though a few of them changed their minds and decided our venture was a better idea.  There’s nothing like it on Earth, so we have an untapped market.”

“And if you want to back out later, I can try to find somepony else coming through the portal to take your place and buy you out.”  Ploomette was a better salesmare than I was.

“And if we fail?”

I’d gotten better at answering this question.  “We’ll figure something out.  By then we’ll have a better grasp on Earth’s culture, and we’ll be able to position ourselves accordingly.  We have a wide range of talents, and if we all work together I’m sure we could bounce back from any theoretical setbacks…”

“Yeah, not interested. You’re asking a lot.  The stipend we got?  That’s every single bit I have to my name.  I can’t afford to lose it.”

I sighed.  “I’ve heard that a lot today.  But if I had enough to reimburse everypony, I wouldn’t need investors in the first place; I’d be looking for employees instead.”

“And in a worst case scenario, if your venture fails, I’m here to help the ponies on Earth.  I could certainly assist in finding new employment and lodging.  Equestria isn’t going to just abandon its citizens here,” Ploomette assured her.

We stayed silent for a while, letting Cherry Pie make a decision on her own, without us pushing her into it.  Her face scrunched up in concentration as she debated internally.

“You twisted my leg. I’m in.  So what now?”

It took her long enough to come to the logical conclusion. “We go back into the waiting room and get acquainted with our new business partners.  We just need three more.”

“Two more, my little ponies. And I’ll cover the other two shares until such time as you find your remaining investors.”

My jaw dropped at Ploomette’s words.  I didn’t see that coming.  I stopped in my tracks, and followed her back into her office, leaving Cherry Pie to introduce herself to everypony else.  I shut the door behind me and plopped onto a pillow.

“As acting archmage, I expect you to stay here at the consulate.  Rooms will be provided for you and your new business associates until such time as you can get your hotel off the ground.  You’re free to work on setting things up, but you’re on call. If I need you, I expect you to drop everything and be ready to go.  At any hour of the day or night.  Furthermore, once you have the hotel up and running, I expect to have a room there, same as the rest of you.  I expect another room reserved for my guards and my eventual official archmage.”

I nodded, and then she went into my expected duties: teleporting her where she needed to go, demonstrating magic for humans, and of course, protection in the event of an attack. There was a bomb shelter in the consulate’s basement that we all hoped we’d never have to use.  Ploomette dismissed me, needing to take care of the remaining ponies in the waiting room.  Ponies she’d met with earlier, but that had required following up with. Kimono, Minty, and Razzaroo were among them, no doubt they’d need Ploomette’s help setting up their car wash. I wonder if they’ll be staying at the consulate temporarily like us?

Electric Slide gave me a tour of the secret passages, many of which went straight down to said bomb shelter.  Another led to the river directly adjacent to the property, with a few pieces of the hippogriffs’ transformation pearl sealed in glass.  A small hammer dangled underneath, to break the glass in case of an emergency.  I needed to familiarize myself with the exits, as I’d be responsible for getting everypony out.  Teleporting everypony to a safe location would be the preferred method of escape, but first I’d need points of reference on Earth.  The portal would probably be the best place.  We could all cross back into Equestria if it came to that.  I wonder if it’s possible to teleport across the portal?  I’ll have to suggest we test that.

When we were done, I sat down with the rest of my new coworkers.  They’d had time to get to know one another better, and that meant they all now knew one another better than I knew any of them except Dewey.  I was counting on her to catch me up to speed on all of them.

The conversations all stopped as I approached the group.  Twenty-four eyes looked at me.  Twenty-four ears swiveled my way, eager to hear what I had to say.  I hadn’t planned on making a speech, but apparently everypony was eager to hear one.

“Every single one of us has just taken two giant leaps of faith.  The first, obviously, was by coming to Earth.  The second is, of course, going in on a business venture with complete strangers.  Maybe we’re brave, maybe we’re crazy.  Perhaps we’re a little of both.  But no risk, no reward.  Thank you for putting your faith in this idea.  We each have unique talents – combining them will see us through to success.”  I held up a hoof and bumped it with everypony in turn.

I really wanted to pull Dewdrop aside and ask her insights about the mares we’d be working with, but I didn’t want to be rude to everypony else.  Interacting with other ponies wasn’t my strong point, and likely never would be, so I could’ve used her thoughts.  Instead I made awkward small talk, trying to project an image of confidence and competence – two things I had in spades, except when it came to social engagements.

Ploomette met with the other ponies left in the waiting room.  Some of them left after their follow-up meeting with the duchess, but most of them returned to the waiting room with the rest of us.  It was already getting dark as the January afternoon wore on. At 5:00, Ploomette led us all back to the bus, and the driver took us on a tour of New York City.  I was tasked with memorizing each of the locations, so that future tours could be by teleportation, not bus.

We briefly stopped at some points of interest close to the consulate, including the United Nations complex a few blocks away, before ending up at a street vendor selling hot dogs.

“I was starting to think you weren’t coming.”  The hot dog vendor chuckled, and his bulging belly jiggled.  “I got a whole bunch of carrots for you, as promised.”

“Thank you.  I’d like to introduce you to some ponies who’ll be staying around the city, at least temporarily.”  Ploomette turned back to the rest of us.  “Mr. Russo has graciously agreed to be the first purveyor of Equestrian cuisine on Earth.  Right now, the vegetarian options are limited to carrot dogs, pierogis, and sweet potato knish, but that may expand in the future.  Those of you with a special talent in cooking may wish to offer suggestions.”

The carrot dog was similar to the style offered in Manehattan, but softer, to the point where it barely needed to be chewed.  There were toppings to put on them, and I opted for sweet peppers, onions, and a spicy brown mustard that cleared my sinuses out.

Ploomette covered the tab for everypony, and the tour concluded back at the consulate.  In the time we’d been gone, rooms had been prepared for all of us.  We’d be sharing them, four ponies to a room.  Before we could get settled in, Ploomette called our group to her office.

We crowded around her computer.  I’d seen pictures of smaller, portable computers, but this was a desktop with a massive hoof-friendly keyboard.  Ploomette pulled up a website for House & Garden Real Estate and we started browsing properties for sale.  I sat next to her, and Diamond Rose sat on her other side.  Everypony else sat behind us, except for Dewey, who instead was looking out the window at the city.  Night had long since fallen, but New York was well-lit, so there was no shortage of things to look at on a chilly January evening.

Ploomette focused on properties in New York City, and we quickly determined that Staten Island was the most cost effective borough.  We couldn’t find anything that fit our needs at a price we could ever hope to afford. I eventually pointed out the absurdity of trying to put a tiny hotel in a city this size.  Rainbow Flash’s suggestion to use the empty rooms in the consulate was immediately dismissed by Ploomette.  She insisted that those rooms would be needed for ponies, who like us, would need temporary accommodations while she helped them with longer term arrangements.  None of us could argue that.

Diamond Rose wasn’t helping matters, insisting that a proper hotel had to have an indoor pool and hot tubs in each of the rooms.  She couldn’t seem to grasp that those were things that cost more money than we had. Cherry Pie, on the other hoof, was the exact opposite.  If somepony told me gold wire had been invented by her pinching bits, I’d believe it.

Eventually I had enough of chasing rainbows, and put my hoof down that New York City wasn’t suitable. The duchess tried to argue, but I used logic to my advantage.  Honeybuzz suggested we put the hotel by the portal, but Ploomette shut her down immediately.  If the hotel couldn’t be in the city proper, it would go somewhere in the metropolitan area, opening us up to New Jersey, Connecticut, Long Island, and upstate New York.

With broadened search parameters, our hopes were high, but they were quickly dashed.  Even the suburbs were proving to be out of our budget.  Ploomette increased the budget repeatedly until there was a result.  A fixer-upper in Wayne, New Jersey, it was exactly what we were looking for: an old mansion with a spacious yard.  The fact that it needed renovations was perfect – we could snag it at a discount and we were already planning to remodel it to suit our needs anyway.

There was only one downside… it was triple what our pooled resources would cover.  The duchess continued inflating our budget until we got a second hit.  That one was almost five times what we could afford.

“I guess it’s this or nothing.”  Ploomette picked up the phone.

“Wait!”  I shook my head.  “We can’t afford that.  We should look further out.”

“We’ll just have to get a mortgage.”

“We can’t.  I promised these mares that at the very least, if the business venture failed, we’d keep the roof over our heads.”

Ploomette put the phone down.  “If you wish to tap into the market for New York City, you need to be close to the city.  This is already too far away, but I don’t see any better options.  Do you?”

“No.”

“Then if you wish to be hoteliers, this is your chance.  If you want out, speak now.  I can still assist you with other career options.”

My breath hitched in my throat.  I had a plan, and I hated to let it go to waste.  Running a hotel wasn’t high up on my list of things to do with my life, but at least it would be something we could call our own.  We could all go in with Kimono, Minty, and Razzaroo on their car wash idea.  If anypony objects, I’ll suggest that.

Ploomette’s words were met by the sound of silence.  Never before had nothing been such a sweet sound.  The others have faith in me.  I can’t let them down.

“If you fail, I’ll hire you on to work at the consulate.  All of you.  You risk only the bits you came here with.”

“I’m still in.”  I levitated my money from my saddlebag and dumped the silly-looking bills out on the table.  “That’s my stipend and every last bit I had saved up prior to leaving Equestria.”

Dewey’s money joined mine on the table.  “My vote of confidence.”

“I’m still in.” Flitterheart fluttered to the table and placed her cash next to ours.

I started dividing the piles in the event I needed to return somepony’s money.  More and more money was joining ours on the table.

“My stipend.  I’m keeping the rest.”  Lily Blossom was the final pony to throw her cash in.

“That’s all I ask of any of you.”  I stared at the money on the table.  It hurt, but I separated the amount of the stipend from everyone’s stash and returned the rest.  The overage wouldn’t have paid for the property, but it certainly would’ve helped.

There was one shortfall, and I levitated five thousand dollars from my own saddlebags to make up the difference.  I looked Diamond Rose in the eye and told her, “Your percent of the proceeds will be garnished until you’ve contributed the same amount as everypony else. Further, I’m assuming control of your vote on all matters that come up until such time as I’m paid back in full. Are there any objections to this?”

“You’ll gain control over my vote as well, Snowcatcher.  You shall be my proxy, as I won’t be available to assist in the day-to-day operations.  I’ll have the paperwork drawn up as soon as we have a property purchased.”  Ploomette once more picked up the phone.  “If there are no further objections, I’m going to call the realtor and schedule a tour of this property.”

The realty office was closed for the day, but Ploomette left a message.  With that, we were dismissed.  Except for me.  Once the others had gone to their temporary quarters, the duchess led me to a room in the tower reserved for the consulate’s staff.  I was acting archmage, and I’d have the quarters until such time as the position was filled permanently.  It hardly seemed fair, considering the others would be crammed four to a room.

Once I was sitting, Ploomette told me how much I’d be making as archmage.  I quickly pledged the money to go straight toward the hotel’s mortgage – the longer I stayed in the position, the more of a dent we could make in what we owed.  Unfortunately, she had no timetable for me.  It might be a day, it could be a year; she was completely at the mercy of Equestria to provide her with a unicorn of sufficient talent.  Unless by some strange coincidence, an archmage-level unicorn trotted through the portal looking to emigrate to Earth.

Ploomette then introduced me to another of her guards, Skyfire.  She was the mare in charge of them, and was all too happy to let me know that starting at 0600 the next morning, I’d be getting a crash course in Equestrian military training.  Like it or not, I was now tasked with keeping the duchess safe, and that meant learning whatever the Royal Guards deemed necessary.

When Skyfire eventually ran out of things to cover, I was left alone.  First day in a new world, battling homesickness.  Everypony else has company, and all I have is a big, empty room all to myself.  I pulled the covers on the oversized canopy bed over my head and grabbed one of the many pillows between my forelegs to cuddle.  Not the same as snuggling up to Dewey when I’m feeling lonely.  I sighed as I stared at the underside of the blanket.  Welcome to Earth.  I hope it’s all I ever wanted.
> Act I: Starbeam Twinkle
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Tailadega: twelve years, three months, and six days ago


I hopped up and down on my bed, my new sundress billowing up and down from the motion, bouncing higher and higher.  I wonder if I can touch the ceiling?

Try as I might, I couldn’t, and eventually I collapsed on the bed, completely tuckered out.  My weight hitting the bed was the straw that broke the pony’s back.  Or, rather in this case, the bedframe.  With a crack the mattress landed on the floor, bringing me along for the ride.

“Starbeam!  What was that?”

I cringed – Mommy had heard the bed break.  I shook off my daze and rolled off the mattress.  I need to fix this, and I need to fix this now.  Sparks of magic shot from my horn.  Please, please, please do something!

Much to my amazement, my horn delivered.  The broken pieces of the bed were mended, and the mattress levitated onto the newly repaired frame.  Just in time for Mommy to fling my room door open.

“What’s going on in here?”

“N-n-nothing, Mommy.” I put on my best innocent face.

She gasped as she looked at my flank.  Oh no, I must’ve cut myself on one of the broken boards…  I never even thought to patch myself up.

“You got your cutie mark!”

I blinked and looked back at my rump.  Sure enough, a bunch of stars greeted me – a turquoise star was the most prominent, and next to it was a yellow one, and two smaller ones.  “Whoa…  So pretty.”

Mommy ran a hoof through my mane, ruffling my hair.  “I’ve never heard of a pony getting a cutie mark this young.  Congratulations, sweetie!”

“Thank you.”  I beamed at the praise.

My pride was short-lived. “Care to explain what you were doing that caused a crash and earned you your cutie mark?”

“…Not really?”

“Hmn.”  Mommy tapped a hoof on her chin.  “I suppose you could tell me all about it over ice cream… or I could just assume you were being naughty and ground you accordingly.”

“Ice cream sounds good.” And it buys me a few minutes to come up with an excuse.  “No grounding, right?”

“I guess that depends on if you were being a naughty little filly or not.”

I waved a hoof around my room.  “Go ahead and look around.  Nothing’s broken.”

Mommy nodded.  “Which is all the more suspicious.”

Oh well, if I’m going to get grounded, at least I’ll get some ice cream first.

I followed Mommy down to the dining room and hopped onto one of the chairs.  When she put a bowl in front of me, I shoved it off the table and it shattered on the floor.

“Starbeam Olivia Twinkle!”

My horn glowed, and the bowl fragments levitated in front of me, reassembling themselves.  There were more pieces of the porcelain than there’d been of the wooden bedframe.  Worse, there were some tiny shards of dust.  This is more difficult than the bed. Uh-oh…

I stuck my tongue out of the corner of my mouth as I concentrated, finally bringing the shards back together and restoring the bowl to ‘as new’ condition, even eliminating some caked-in stains in the process.

Mommy looked at the bowl and inspected it for cracks or damage.  Finding none, she put it in the sink to wash, and gave me another bowl. “That’s a neat trick, but let’s not go breaking anything else intentionally.”

I nodded as Mommy scooped ice cream into my dish.






Tailadega: eleven years, six months, and twenty-two days ago


I yawned and stretched as I stepped out of bed.  It was ridiculously early, but Mommy insisted we get up early on competition days.  Despite the early hour, breakfast was already waiting for me.  There were bags under Mommy’s eyes and I wondered if she’d slept at all.

She stresses herself out too much.  I hugged her.  “I love you.”

“I love you too.”  Mommy nuzzled me.  Her horn lit up and she pulled a chair out for me.  “We’re going to try something different today, sweetie.”

She levitated a magazine to me and I looked at it as I ate my pancakes.  The article announced Big Hair Is In! in bold letters.  The mares on the pages certainly had very poofy hair.

After breakfast, it was time for grooming.  First was the hoof pick.  Mommy scraped the dirt out of my hooves that I’d missed the night before.  I winced as Mommy dislodged a stubborn pebble that had wedged itself in the collateral groove of my left front hoof.  She chastised me for missing it during my hygiene routine before bed the previous night.

I bathed, with Mommy scrubbing every speck of dirt out of my coat and mane, and smothering me with the sweetest-smelling shampoo on the market.  With my hair still wet from the bath, Mommy teased my mane, feathering it in an imitation of the models in the magazine.  While I used a blow dryer on my damp coat, Mommy layered my hair by color, alternating between blue and teal, towering my hair until it was almost at her own eye level.  Then I covered my eyes with my hooves as she applied hairspray to keep it in place.

I giggled as I looked in the mirror – I’d gained a surprising amount of height.  “Can we stop at Six Nags Canterlanta on the way home? I think I’m finally tall enough to ride all the roller coasters.”

Mommy chuckled.  “I don’t think it works that way, sweetie, and we won’t have time today.”  She pinched my cheek, which she wouldn’t have dared to do if we’d already applied my makeup. “But we’ll go tomorrow.  Either as a victory celebration… or a consolation for a tough defeat.”

“Okie dokie!”  I smiled.  That sounded great to me.

Next Mommy brushed all the tangles out of my coat.  Then she dusted glitter over my cutie marks to make the stars on my flanks shine.

Nearing the end, we moved on to applying makeup, and lastly hoof polish, painting my hooves blue and teal, matching my hair.  I stared at myself in the mirror – I was so very pretty.

Then the hardest part of all – worse than all the hours spent grooming, were the hours spent traveling to the pageant.  I rode in our wagon and had to move as little as equinely possible.  It was so hard to resist the urge to jump out of the wagon and gallop as fast as possible, but if I did that, it would ruin all of Mommy’s hard work.

Worse, the wagon was covered, so as not to let the wind mess up my hair.  So I had one view – out the back.  Watching where we’d been.  So boring.  With nothing better to do, I practiced my magic.  It took more than beauty to win a pageant, and I had the magical talent to back up my adorable looks.  My magic had come in early, and powerfully.  My magic was already stronger than my parents’, and my magic teachers were still trying to find my limits.  Nothing they’d yet devised had taken me more than three tries to master. My teachers all wanted me to go to Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns, but I wasn’t interested.  If I did that, I’d have to move away from my family.

We arrived in Canterlanta with my hair intact, and my boredom alleviated by a two-hour nap, which helped offset some of the sleep I’d missed.  Not enough sleep means bags under my eyes, and those aren’t cute at all.

Even though I’d been a very good filly and hadn’t mussed up my makeup at all, Mommy spent half an hour fussing over me and touching it up.  As she worked, I checked out the competition.  I recognized many of the fillies from previous pageants.  Some were more formidable opponents than others. There were some that had never won a pageant – that was usually a sign of a misguided mother trying to live vicariously through her daughter.  That, or a filly who was deluding herself into thinking she was prettier than she really was.

There were some others that I’d lost to in the past.  I’d competed against them enough times to know their strengths and weaknesses, but there wasn’t really anything I could do about it.  The decision rested solely with the judges, based on their preferences and biases.

Most importantly though, of the ponies I recognized, I’d also beaten all of them previously.  That was always an encouraging sign.  As was the lack of the two fillies I considered my biggest rivals.  ‘Pageant brat’ was a term that existed for a reason, and the two of them lived up to the stereotype.  I never cared if I lost, as long as neither of them won.  I’m glad those stuck-up little prima donnas aren’t here.

A mare came in and announced that it was almost time for the pageant to begin, and from the anguished wails of a few parents, some of the contestants weren’t ready.  I was, and I happily trotted out of the dressing room to the backstage area.

A choreographer quickly reviewed a simple dance that we were to perform when the orchestra started playing. Due to the restrictions on time, space, and movement it was only four steps, repeated for the short duration of the introduction music.  It was short and simple out of necessity: we were packed tightly on the stage, and too much movement would start us sweating, potentially ruining our makeup. I felt bad for the dance instructor – her talents were being squandered.

It took me all of five seconds to memorize the dance.  The fact that such a ridiculously simple dance took some of my competitors twenty minutes to learn was disheartening.  Pageant brats.  Ugh.  Mommy and daddy do everything for them.  They can’t be bothered with unimportant things like learning.  I wonder how many of them have cheat sheets in their saddlebags reminding them how to breathe?

I’d never been so ready for the lights to go down.  Once more, I could hear the panicked squeals of my peers who were still trying to get their dance steps down as the lights dimmed.

“Let’s get this show on the road, uh-huh-huh.  I’m Gladmane, and welcome to my resort.  A little slice of Las Pegasus, right here in Canterlanta.”

The curtain went up and the orchestra started playing.  And we danced.  Like a wave on the ocean we crashed forward onto the shore and rolled back to sea.  Left.  Forward. Right.  Backward.  Repeat. You couldn’t ask for a simpler dance – we were moving in squares.

It was also mercifully short.  The orchestra played for a whopping twenty seconds before Gladmane once more took over. “Tonight’s celebrity judges are Kenneigh Rogers, Swanky Hank, and of course, myself, Gladmane.  Uh-huh-huh.” 

I took a good look at the judges – earth ponies, all of them.  My hopes for winning were slipping away, and the competition hadn’t even started. It wasn’t that the judges were intentionally biased, but each of the tribes had their own ideals of beauty. Earth ponies were drawn to stocky, muscular ponies.  As a unicorn, I was anything but.  Worse, my magic likely wouldn’t impress them all that much in the talent part of the competition.  I was starting in a hole.

Then Kenneigh sang the Equestrian national anthem and we all stood at attention.  When he was done, it was time for the first competition of the night.  We paraded across the stage, one by one in alphabetical order, showing off the dresses we’d chosen to wear.  My own dress was frilly and bedecked with sequins that sparkled as I passed under the spotlights, reflecting the light in a hundred pretty rainbows.

After that was the talent portion, and I had to wait for my turn.  It was frustrating – I wanted to get out there right away and set the bar high. Instead I suffered through a few good performances and a bunch of lackluster ones.  But my name was near the end of the alphabet, and I was up after a pegasus filly named Springtime Fresh.  Sadly, as impressive as her flight routine was, it went over as well with the judges as I expected my magic would.

I trotted to center stage when Springtime was done.

Kenneigh Rogers is one of the judges.  Mommy styled my hair like Dolly Hearton’s.  Their duet is a huge hit right now.  Magic won’t win me this contest, but maybe quick-thinking can.

“Your talent, Miss Twinkle?”

“I’m going to sing Islands In The Stream.”  Stage right, I could see Mommy’s jaw drop.  Sorry, Mommy, we’re going off-script.  I bowed to Kenneigh.  “Would you mind?”

He chuckled.  “My pleasure, little missy.”  The orchestra started playing the song, and Kenneigh started singing the first verse.

I joined him at the appropriate place in the song.  “You do something to me that I can’t explain…”  The notes came to me, and the lyrics flowed from my mouth like a stream from its source.  Microphone firmly grasped in my magic, I moved across the stage, dancing and singing, doing my best not to trip over the gown I was wearing.  If there was a dance that went along to the song, I didn’t know it. I just made one up as I went along.

And then I was on my own, soloing.  All ears swiveled toward me.  I’d done enough pageants that I was long since used to being the center of attention. I hit my mark and poured my heart into it.

All too soon it was over. I curtseyed to the judges, the orchestra, and the audience in turn, then trotted off the stage.  Mommy’s going to be mad that I got all sweaty in my best dress.

“What was that?”

Oh.  Right. She’s also probably upset that I improvised a talent.  “Uh, improv?”

“It was awesome.  I didn’t know you could sing so beautifully!”

“I didn’t know I could either.”  Looks like I’ll be singing while performing feats of magic from here on out.  “I didn’t think magic was the right talent for this crowd.”

“I’m inclined to agree. That was quick thinking.  I was a little worried at first, but you nailed it like a horseshoe.”

I smiled at Mommy’s praise. I breezed through the interview round and the judges eventually declared me the winner.  It was my third win of the season, and with it I qualified for the Little Miss Equestria pageant in Canterlot.  The biggest of the filly pageants, it was the only one that really mattered.

It meant the next day’s visit to Six Nags would be extra enjoyable as I savored my victory.






Tailadega: eleven years, zero months, and fifteen days ago


I’d already qualified for the Little Miss Equestria pageant, so there was no need to compete in any more of the lead-up events.  I made an exception for Little Miss Tailadega.  My hometown pageant, it would be rude to snub it.  The prize was to be part of the race day activities for the Wonderbolts’ Tailadega 500, the longest, fastest track on the circuit.

With Wonderbolts serving as the judges, I fully expected the win to go to a pegasus filly.  That didn’t stop me from putting in my best effort. It was a matter of hometown pride – I wanted to be crowned the prettiest filly in town.

A unicorn filly walking the runway in a Wonderbolts outfit seemed a little silly, but that’s what the rules stated – blue and yellow flight suits, no dresses or sportswear.

This time I’d talked it over with Mommy in advance – I was changing my talent routine again.  This time I’d had a chance to practice it.  I trotted on stage in front of the judges: Soarin’, Silver Zoom, and Lightning Streak.

“Please demonstrate your talent, Miss Twinkle.”

I didn’t know much about flying.  But I’d watched enough pegasi compete in pageants to know what a normal flight routine looked like.  My horn glowed and I started levitating.  I couldn’t do all the things a pegasus could do, but I could do things they couldn’t, so I focused on the latter.

I dared a peek at the judges, and all three of their jaws were hanging open.  I’d say I’ve made an impression on them.

I finished the routine, somersaulting to a landing directly in front of the three Wonderbolts.  The crowd was electrified; it was the most enthusiastic I’d heard them all night.

“Thank you, Miss Twinkle. Our next contestant is Strawberry Cheesecake.”  A pink earth pony filly replaced me on stage and I returned to where Mommy was waiting for me.  She touched up my makeup while I waited for the final event: a short interview with the judges.  They’d ask a pointless question, and I’d answer it like I was some all-powerful, important pony.  Maybe I will be someday.  My magic is strong; there’s a chance I could be a great wizard in the future.

I reviewed the answers I’d rehearsed to the most commonly asked questions.  When the time came, I was pleasantly surprised that it was the single most clichéd question of all.  Soarin’ stood up and asked, “If you were princess for a day, what would you change?”

“Nothing.”  The auditorium hushed, waiting for me to elaborate. “Equestria’s really good the way it is. Why would I think I could make better decisions than a pony who’s been doing the job for over a thousand years? The princesses do a great job, so I would change nothing.”

Hooves stomped in applause until a serpentine creature materialized on the stage between the judges and myself.  “Oh, I wouldn’t go that far.  Sunbutt is a stodgy old fuddy duddy who doesn’t know how to cut loose and have fun.”

The judges leapt into action, and the three Wonderbolts circled the stranger.

The beast chuckled. “What are you three going to do? Fly laps around me?  You really think that’s going to stop the Spirit of Chaos?”  The beast snapped his claws and the Wonderbolts tumbled from the air, wingless. “No flying.”

My vision went red in anger at his mistreatment of the others.  I sparked my horn, jumping over the fallen judges and planting myself between the now defenseless Wonderbolts and the mysterious fiend.  I unleashed a blast of raw magic at him but he swatted it away with a baseball bat.  With another snap of his claws my horn was gone.

“And no magic.”

I skidded to a stop in front of the mishmash creature.  “Who are you? What do you want?”  I backed away from the beast, not daring to take my eyes off him.  With a snap of the beast’s claws, I was floating upside down in front of him as he inspected me from every angle.  I whimpered, unable to move.  I tried sparking my horn, but it was gone, and my magic with it.

“My name is Discord. You’re an adorable, strong-willed, and feisty little pony.  I find it amusing that a mere filly has presented me with more of a challenge than three members of the oh-so-elite Wonderbolts.  You’ll do.”

I gulped.  “Do?  Do what?”

He tapped a talon to his face.  “I haven’t decided just what yet.  Whatever it is, it’ll be very funny.  Like this for example.”  With another snap of his claws I started falling, only to land in an oversized banana cream pie.

“Oh, what a messy little pony you are.  I’ll just have to clean you up.”  He snapped his talons again and a dunking booth appeared in the middle of the stage. He dropped me inside it, and I sat on the platform, dreading what was to come next.  He started lobbing tennis balls at the dunking mechanism, but they all missed.  The last one rolled to a stop in front of the dunking tank, before sprouting a pair of purple wings and flying to the bullseye.  The tennis ball reached out a newly grown hand and pushed the target, dropping me into the ice cold water below.

I emerged from the water, sputtering.  There was no escape hatch out of the tank.  I couldn’t even see a way I could climb back onto the ledge I’d fallen off of. With a snap of the monster’s claws I once more returned to the platform.

Discord stared out at the audience.  “It’s time to play Dunk-A-Brat!  Congratulations!  You’re our first contestant.”  He pulled a random stallion from the audience and gave him a tennis ball.  “Go on!  Give the filthy filly a bath!”

The stallion lobbed the ball toward the booth, but it was way off course.  At least until it started curving around, looping this way and that.  With a ‘ding’ it hit the target and I plunged into the chilly water yet again.

“Looks like that’s a Bulls-Eye!”  Discord snapped his claws and the stallion was drenched in what looked and smelled like barbeque sauce.  He grabbed a mare from the audience and gave her a tennis ball.  “Dunk that naughty little pony.”

The startled mare could barely throw the ball, and it landed far short of the dunking booth.  Once again, that didn’t matter.  The ball grew in size, rolling all the way to the bullseye and tapping against it.  I whimpered as I hit the freezing water yet again.

“Right on Target!” Discord snapped his claws again, and the mare found herself in a white shopping bag with a bright red bullseye on it. The bag floated over to the mare’s seat and dumped her out over it.  She landed with a thud, legs in the air.

“Who’s next?”  Discord paused, a faraway look in his eyes, as if I were a momentary distraction from some bigger picture he was seeing.  “Well, isn’t that interesting.  I’m afraid I must say ‘ta-ta’ now.  Something just came up.”  With a snap of his claws he disappeared in a flash of light.

A pegasus mare in the audience swooped down and scooped me out of the dunking booth, while pageant officials rushed to get me towels and a robe.  The judges, still missing their wings, hastily declared me the winner, not that it mattered.  I’ve been humiliated and mutilated.  My horn is gone.  My life is ruined.

A mountain gorilla approached me and I started backing away from it.  This day keeps getting worse!

“Starry, I know I look scary, but I’m your Mommy.  That…thing did this to me.”

“Mommy?”  That was definitely Mommy’s voice.  I sniffed her, and the gorilla vaguely smelled like Mommy.

Mommy wrapped me in towels, then carried me back to the dressing room.  Once she’d dried me off, I stood up on shaky legs and looked in the mirror.  Luckily, I didn’t have any cuts, but I definitely had some bruises.  More than anything else, my eyes were drawn to my face.

My horn was missing. I reached a hoof to my forehead to confirm that.  My magic, my source of identity… just gone.  I hadn’t been turned into an earth pony.  Earth ponies have their own magic that grants them incredible strength, more durability, and increased longevity, not to mention a connection to the earth and the plants and minerals that grew in the soil.

I had none of that.  I was just a hornless unicorn.  My mana was still there, I could feel it, but without a horn, I had no way to store it, focus it, or release it.  I stood staring at my reflection in shock.  It hadn’t been broken off; my head was perfectly smooth, as if there’d never been a horn there to begin with.  That’s physically impossible.  I’ve seen unicorns with broken horns before.  There should be a jagged edge where it separated from the rest of my body.

I don’t know how long I stood there, but eventually Mommy picked me up and carried me home.  I went to my room, blankly staring out the window as day turned to night and back into day, and then back into night…  The sun and moon couldn’t decide which one should be in the sky.  There was a mountain range where there hadn’t been one before, splitting Tailadega in half. Making things more confusing, the mountains were upside down.  There was a river running from the clouds to the ground, complete with islands.  Buffalo danced by my window in tutus, and my neighbor trotted out of his house with his muscles and internal organs on the outside of his body.

I don’t know what that thing is, but no one should have this kind of power.  Especially not someone with Discord’s obvious lack of sanity.  It became apparent by looking out the window that I’d been lucky to get off with just having my horn taken.

I did what any normal filly my age would do when confronted with such a situation: I crawled into bed, pulled the covers over my head, and cried myself dry.






Tailadega: eleven years, zero months, and fourteen days ago


Daddy was the most fortunate of us, having had his mane and tail turned rainbow-colored.  I was actually jealous of that, as having rainbow hair would add to my cuteness.

Things were awkward most of the day, as we wondered what would be the next thing to go wrong.  The sun and moon continued their duel for dominance in the sky, and it was only by watching the clock that we had any idea what time it was.  That was assuming the beast hadn’t messed with the clocks or even time itself.

In short, life was chaotic. Everypony was miserable.  Not many were brave enough to venture outside, but I’d figured out that it didn’t matter if you were trotting down the street or hiding in a closet, if he wanted to do something to you, he would.  I ventured outside, as I didn’t have much left to lose. He already had my magic, and I didn’t feel ‘whole’ without it.

There was a massive paintbrush in the sky, painting fluffy white clouds that floated away from it.  The upside down mountain range from the day prior was gone, replaced by railroad tracks that looped around Tailadega in a big oval, like a model railroad set around a Hearth’s Warming tree.  The train was decorated in racing numbers, and continued making left turns.  The engine was bright red with a #9 on it.  The coal car was black with a white #3.  Behind it was a trio of passenger cars: a blue and orange #43, a rainbow #24, and a red and white #21.  Last was a red and yellow caboose #5.

The river was still flowing from the sky, and I peered at it.  There was no source for the water, nor was it pooling on the ground where the river ended.  I poked a leg into the water and pushed it down, as far into the ground as I could go. Sure enough, I saw a little pink leg waving at me from the sky.  I quickly retracted my leg from the crazy river.

A dog rubbed against my leg, purring, until a cat started barking and chased it away.  The dinosaur skeletons from the museum walked past, and candy started raining down from the sky.  Vines shot out from a rosebush and started dragging me toward it.  The roses had been replaced with miniature sawblades, and they started spinning as I drew closer.

Okay, maybe going outside was a bad idea after all!  At least nothing in my house has tried to kill me… yet.  I quickly gnawed at the vine, breaking free from the plant’s grasp, but cutting the inside of my mouth on the thorns in the process.  More vines shot towards me, but I galloped away, smacking straight into the side of a black, wedge-shaped cart with a flashing red light on the front.

“Michael, I’m glad I found you.  I think something is wrong with my sensors.  Nothing makes sense.”

“I’m not ‘My-Call’. I’m Starbeam Twinkle.  Your ‘sensors’ are probably working fine. Everything’s gone crazy.”

“Thank you, Michael.”

The strange looking wagon continued following me, and was joined by a red one and a blue one.

The red wagon started talking.  “KITT, that’s not Michael.  That’s a pastel pink talking pony.”

“My sensors indicate that Michael is a talking pink pony.  Michael is not a talking pink pony; therefore, I am malfunctioning. Self-destruct sequence activated.”

A door opened on the red wagon.  “Come with me if you want to live!”

Staying alive sounded like a good idea, and despite my initial reservations, I had a pretty good idea that being around something that was about to ‘self-destruct’ was probably a bad thing, so I dove into the wagon.  Both the red and blue wagons raced away from the black one at a higher rate of speed than I’d ever traveled before.  I watched out the back window as the black cart that had been referred to as KITT exploded.  When the smoke cleared, KITT was still there, and he started driving around again.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Wheels, and this is Roadie.”

“What are you?”

The display inside the wagon changed and started showing schematics.  “We’re computer modules that autonomously control automobiles.”

That was extremely helpful.  I don’t even know what any of those words mean.

Somehow the wagon knew where my house was and stopped in front of it.  “Last stop.  Everypony out.”

The door opened and I wasted no time getting out.  “Thank you.”

“You’re quite welcome, little pony.”  The two wagons drove off and I trotted toward my house.

Meowing caught my attention, and I looked down at a kitten sitting on the walkway.  The cat opened her mouth, revealing a miniature tree on her tongue.  A tree in a cat.  Discord has a really warped sense of humor.

I removed the little tree, only for another to immediately appear in its place.  I tried three more times, with the same results.  Giving up, I grabbed the cat by the scruff of her neck and brought her into the house with me.

“Mommy, I found a kitten.”

Mommy took the tiny cat in her massive hands and started petting it.  How a gorilla could be so gentle with a tiny kitten was amazing and bewildering all at once.  I had to keep reminding myself that the gorilla was Mommy – the same pony who tucked me in at night and read me bedtime stories when I was a foal.  The same pony who so painstakingly made me pretty once or twice every month for pageants.  Mommy knew how to be gentle, even if she might not know the limits to her new, hopefully temporary, body.

I shuddered at that thought. That monster could give her yet another new body at a moment’s notice.  Or end her existence entirely.  Or mine.

A wave of pink exploded through the house, knocking us all off our hooves.  When we stood up, Mommy had her body again, Daddy’s hair was normal, the kitten no longer had a tree inside her…  I reached a hoof to my forehead and felt the solid bone of my horn. Tears of joy streamed down my cheeks. I don’t know what happened, or who saved the day, but I need to write them a thank you letter.






Canterlot: ten years, five months, and eight days ago


I hadn’t been to a pageant in months, not since the day Discord disrupted my life.  I really didn’t care if I never competed in another beauty pageant.  It’s amazing how an experience like that can change your perspective on what is and what isn’t important in life.  I’d realized that my family was the most important thing to me.  I also realized that my magic was the next item on the list.  My magic was a part of me.  Looks are fleeting, but my magic was what would eventually determine my career.

I wouldn’t have even bothered with the Little Miss Equestria pageant if not for one thing: it was held in Canterlot.  It gave me a legitimate reason to go there.  I needed to see Discord’s statue with my own eyes – and make sure he was gone for good. Canterlot was a long way from Tailadega and we arrived a few days before the pageant so we could see the sights. We wandered around Canterlot, eventually coming to the castle’s statue garden.

I took note of how many Royal Guards were on duty in the gardens – not many.  It would be easy to sneak in unnoticed.  Especially at night.  I had a job to do, and I wouldn’t rest until I saw my task through to completion. After hours of searching the statue garden, I couldn’t find Discord’s statue.  The princesses are smart – they probably moved it someplace safer so he can never escape ever again.

Finally giving up, I asked one of the guards where to find him.  His reply left me dumbfounded.  Princess Celestia had had the Elements of Harmony release him, and he was being reformed by Fluttershy.

I revised my previous thought about Celestia’s intelligence, and added ‘conquer Equestria’ to my to-do list. She’s obviously gone crazy, so it’s time for a regime change.

My plans to sneak into the garden at night and shatter his statue into gravel thwarted, I resigned myself to competing in the pageant.  One last hurrah before I retired from competition for good.






Tailadega: eight years, two months, and twenty-nine days ago


Since finishing fifth in the Little Miss Equestria pageant, I’d dedicated all of my free time to researching chaos magic.  There were scant few books on the subject, and most of what was written in them was hearsay more than facts.  There were also a few fiction books starring Discord, most of which were romances.  I gagged at the thought.  A pony would need be very desperate to find him desirable in even the slightest.

With my horn out of commission when I was interacting with him, I hadn’t had the opportunity to entangle my magic in his and get a feel for it.  That irritated me, and for the hundredth time I berated myself for impulsively charging in and getting my flank kicked and subsequently tormented by the monster.  If I’d have tried studying him then, I might have a clue how to stop him now.  Instead I was still at square one two years into my research.

But that was about to change.  I hauled the package to my room from where the delivery pony had left it on the porch. Discord had started selling objects that had been enchanted with his chaos magic.  This was a lamp that just happened to be designed to look like him. It lit up when the word ‘illuminate’ was spoken, and turned off at ‘deluminate’.

Aside from testing it once, to make sure it worked as intended and wasn’t a scam of some sort, its function didn’t matter.  I disassembled it, dissecting the spells that bound it together, learning its secrets one by one.

The first thing I learned was that I’d need to buy more objects that had been enchanted by him. The spell was complex, and designed in a way to make tampering with it nearly impossible.  As I unwove the spell, it accelerated, breaking apart faster than I could process.  I learned little from the lamp.

At least I had fun smashing it to pieces when I was done.






Tailadega: seven years, seven months, and seven days ago


I regretted passing on the opportunity to go to Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns.  I had power but no knowledge.  If I was to have any hope of defeating Discord, I needed to change that.  I hit all the bookstores in town, buying up as many spellbooks as I could find.  I knew the basics, but I’d already surpassed the limits of what my teachers had to offer.  If there was anything else I wanted to learn, I was on my own.  And there was definitely more to learn.  Much more.  I started with defensive magic.  Against Discord, it would be useless unless I incapacitated his chaos magic first, but that was my endgame, after all.  Once his chaotic powers had been nullified, I’d be on the defensive. Discord was going to be angry and on the attack, and I had to be ready for anything.

Despite my initial reservations, that meant learning offensive magic as well.  My goal was to neutralize his threat, not end his existence. I wanted him alive.  I wanted him to know what it was like to be someone else’s plaything.  I don’t know if monsters are capable of remorse, but there’s only one way to find out.

I’d also acquired as much information on Discord as I could.  Most of it was out of date, written while he was still a statue, legends meant to terrify foals into behaving lest Discord get them.  Scholars talked about the ‘Discordian Era’ in textbooks, but finding eyewitness accounts of the time was surprisingly difficult. It had been over a thousand years prior, but we’d had a stable government the whole time – things shouldn’t be ‘lost to history’ unless someone was actively trying to lose them. Worst of all, for a being who loved being the center of attention, there hadn’t been much written on him since his ‘reformation’.  What is he hiding?

What little I’d learned indicated that he’d changed his ways thanks to forming a friendship with Fluttershy, one of the Elements of Harmony, and hence one of the mares who’d helped encase him in stone.  You’d think the Princess of Friendship would want to write a dissertation on reforming the spirit of chaos, but that wasn’t the case.  Every month I’d check the library in hope that something new had come out, with no luck.

With no useful information about Discord, all I could do was train and build up my magic.  Without knowing his weaknesses, I’d just have to create one.






Tailadega: five years, one month, and twenty-two days ago


I stared at the pages of the mail-order catalog.  Over time I’d ordered one of each type of product Discord was offering to enchant. I hadn’t learned as much from them as I would’ve liked.  Unsurprisingly, the chaos magic was unstable.  Even the slightest bit of messing with it made it go poof, gone.  All that money spent and I barely know more than I did when I started.  Sadly, that probably makes me Equestria’s leading expert on chaos magic with the possible exception of Fluttershy.  I kept tabs on Discord as best I could, and he was particularly close to the notoriously shy Element of Harmony.

I idly levitated the remains of the last Discord-enchanted product I’d bought, a radio that would change channels automatically by voice command.  Discord was fond of voice-activated products.  I hadn’t smashed this particular product since it still worked as a radio, even if the voice control function had been lost forever once I started tampering with it.  My restoration spell that had been useful so many times since I was a foal could restore something I’d smashed to pieces, but it couldn’t restore the chaos magic once it had been dispelled.  Like everything else I’d tinkered with previously, I was left with a normal, non-enchanted item.

Just like everything else.  Stars above… that’s it.  No.  It can’t be that simple.  I can’t have wasted the last three years and all this money for something so simple as this…

I’d been trying to dissect chaos magic with normal magic.  The ordered, structured magic of Harmony repelled chaos magic.  Chaos breaks harmony.  Harmony breaks chaos.  The way to break chaos magic is with structure.  They’re mutually exclusive.  I felt brilliant and stupid at the same time.  Brilliant for cracking it, and stupid for taking so long to do so when the obvious solution was right there in front of my snout the whole time.  Shooting a blast of unicorn magic at Discord wouldn’t do anything.  I’d tried that and paid the price.  But zapping chaos with order?  That would be the game-changer.  If I’m right, the spell that got me my cutie mark should be sufficient to counter chaos magic…

With a potential way to counter Discord’s magic, I moved to phase two of my plan to permanently eliminate chaos magic: testing.






Ponyville: four years, seven months, and five days ago


It had been a long time since I’d competed in a pageant.  I was no longer an adorable, precocious filly.  I’d turned into an adolescent.  Fortunately, I wouldn’t need to compete with adorable little fillies, I’d be competing against pageant brats my own age.  Emphasis on the brat.  Even as kids, many of my competitors had ginormous egos.  Add another six years of competing to the mix…

But I needed an excuse to go to Ponyville.  One could reasonably expect to find Discord if one stayed close to Fluttershy long enough. And Fluttershy didn’t venture far from her animal sanctuary.

But I had appearances to keep up, and that meant checking in for the pageant.  My expectations were subverted the second I set hoof inside the convention center hosting Junior Miss World.  This was something different.  There were unicorns, earth ponies, and pegasi.  There were also dragons, minotaurs, yaks, changelings, hippogriffs, Abyssinians, and more.  A menagerie of sapients from across Equus.  I hadn’t come with the intention of truly competing for the win.  I’d come solely as a field filler, using the competition as a cover for my true goals.  But seeing everycreature…  It was a challenge unlike any other.  I almost allowed myself to give in to my urge to go for the gold.  Instead, I remained steadfast in my desire to win nothing more than a participation trophy.

It’s rare to be self-aware of the exact moment you transition from filly to mare, but I can offer up no other explanation for my feelings. Giving up the foolish dreams of youth to focus on what’s truly important.  I’m proud of myself.

I was a little surprised I’d been allowed to enter the pageant considering how long it’d been since I’d last competed, but I guess they liked my ‘coming out of retirement’ angle. That, and my entrance fee money. There was no automatic berth this time around, and I’d saved up my allowance for the occasion.  Mom would’ve covered it herself if she’d known I was interested, but I wasn’t going to waste my parents’ money on something I wasn’t giving my all.  I had no problems with them covering the travel expenses though – win or lose, it was still a vacation.

One of the event organizers explained that this would be a contest focusing on friendship and inner beauty.  Good thing I’m not trying to win this, or I’d be in trouble.  I don’t have friends.  I group ponies into two categories: those I tolerate, and everypony else.  I heard some groans and instantly knew who the divas were – not all of them were ponies, interestingly enough.

I hadn’t brought makeup, since I wasn’t intending to go all out, and it amused me to watch so many of my competitors scrubbing their faces to get it off.  A few decided to go forward with what they’d already applied, and others just blithely ignored the advice and continued applying even more.

I slipped out of the room with the excuse of needing the ‘little fillies room’ and trotted around backstage.  It was nice to get away from the others, with their endless gossip and girl talk.  I had no desire to pick one of the members of ‘N Pink or Backstreet Colts as a favorite.

I turned a corner and caught sight of a butter yellow pegasus with pink hair and a butterfly cutie mark.  I’d never seen Fluttershy, but I recognized her from photos.  And where Fluttershy goes…  I ducked into a storage closet as I realized who was also likely in attendance.  Sure enough, I heard his voice a few seconds later.

“Really, Fluttershy, is this necessary?  I don’t know the first thing about beauty pageants.”

“But you don’t have to. This contest is a celebration of diversity and inclusion.  You don’t have to pick the prettiest pony… or griffin, or dragon, or changeling…”

Rut me.  Rut me in the hindquarters.  Not only is Discord here, but he’s one of the judges?  I can’t do this.  I’m not ready to face him.  Not yet. I didn’t trust walking in the hallways.  They’d been walking towards the private dressing rooms, but I wasn’t taking any chances.  I teleported back to my place backstage.

Once I’d recomposed myself, I cornered one of the event’s organizers.  “What in the blazes of Tartarus is Discord doing here?”

“Who better to be an impartial judge?  He’s the only one of his kind, and his body is made up of many other creatures.”

“Then I’m out.  I’m withdrawing and I expect my entry fee refunded.”

“No refunds.”

“That’s a steaming pile of horseapples.  He did horrible things to me.”  I explained the trauma he’d put me through, ending with, “I refuse to go on with any show he’s a part of.”

“He’s changed.  He doesn’t do things like that anymore.”

“I’m sorry, is that supposed to make my suffering any less real, just because he doesn’t do things like that anymore?  I’m out of here.  I showed up, I met my obligations.  I’m willing to go on with the show if not for him.”  The longer I talked to him, the angrier I got.  My corona flared involuntarily.  Several other contestants shielded their eyes from the brightness of my horn.  “Give me my money back.”

The earth pony who was more than twice my size started backing away from me.  “Okay.  I’ll refund your money.”

With those four words the wind was taken out of my sails.  My horn flickered out and the red tint to my vision faded.  “What did you say?”

“I’ll refund your money. Just calm down.”

“Thank you.”  I stared at my hooves, reminding myself that this poor stallion hadn’t wronged me and wasn’t my enemy.  “I’m sorry.  I get a little worked up when I think back on that day.  It’s why I haven’t competed in another pageant in all the years since.” That wasn’t a lie, though not for the reason I was implying.  I despised liars with every core of my being, though I had no qualms letting ponies jump to incorrect conclusions from insufficient data.

“I can see that.  I’m sorry things didn’t work out.  I hope you won’t let this stop you from making a comeback somewhere else.”

“This was going to be once and done.”  Again, I wasn’t lying.  The next part was a bit improvised, though not necessarily inaccurate.  “Win and go out on top, or lose and fade away.  I don’t know of any Junior pageants bigger than this one.”

Once I had my bits, I slipped into the audience.  This was an unexpected boon.  I’m not here to compete.  My main objective will be sitting right there.  I can observe him and perhaps gain exactly what I need without having to stalk Fluttershy.

With thousands of ponies and creatures in the audience, I didn’t worry that he’d somehow spot me.  He had a hundred contestants to focus on. They’d even found an alternate to take my place.  That wasn’t surprising, there was no shortage of ponies and creatures willing to compete. They probably had standbys in case of emergencies.

With a pop, the judges materialized in their seats.

For the love of Celestia.  An ironic blasphemy from me, as I have no love for the former solar princess.  Not since she released him.  Discord wasn’t just one of the judges.  He was all of the judges.  Somehow he’d cloned himself and there were three Discords sitting in front of the stage.

It was a reminder of just how powerful he was; a warning that I might be biting off more than I could chew.  Go all out or go home.  I’ve come too far to be intimidated. 

As I watched the pageant, I realized I had no idea what yaks, dragons, etc. found cute. Tailadega was off the beaten path, and we were lucky just to have all three pony tribes represented in our population.  The diversity on display in Ponyville was unlike anything I’d ever seen before. Having been on the stage before, I had no idea how anyone could fairly judge such a contest.  No wonder they chose Discord to be the judge – the very concept of a multi-species pageant is chaos.  All he needs to do is pick someone and no one will even question his decision.

Discord opened the ceremonies with a short speech, and a few demonstrations of his vast power.  It was odd to see him use it for such mundane purposes as making flowers appear to give to each of the contestants.  Every time he snapped his claws I flinched, afraid for my life.  The memories wouldn’t go away.  My parents had suggested therapy, but that wouldn’t have worked.  Nothing short of a full Mindwipe was going to suffice. Forbidden spell or not, I’d found it and learned it.  I just hadn’t cast it on myself yet.  My mission is important, not just for me, but all of Equestria.  When the threat is neutralized, then I can, and will, cast it on myself.  Ignorance, is as they say, bliss.

I left halfway through the pageant.  Discord kept snapping his talons and… I just couldn’t take it anymore, I had to get out of there.  There were a lot of reasons why I felt it was necessary to visit Ponyville.  With Discord and Fluttershy occupied elsewhere, I passed the latter’s cottage on the edge of the Everfree Forest.

I didn’t know what I’d hoped to find by just walking past her home, but I wasn’t disappointed.  I could feel the chaos energy radiating from the property half a mile away.  Most ponies wouldn’t notice – it was subtle.  But they hadn’t dedicated years of their lives to studying it.  I had, and it was unmistakable.  I suspected it was a perimeter alarm.  If I stayed on the path toward the forest, I’d be fine. But if I ventured onto Fluttershy’s property, well, with Discord there was no way of knowing what might happen. I didn’t stick around to find out.

But I did get a good feel for his magic while I was there.  Once I was in the untamed Everfree, I replicated it to the best of my ability.  It took me more tries than normal, because it was the antithesis of the magic I’d known since I was a foal.

Once I got it right, I unleashed a blast of chaos at a field of poison joke.  As one, the flowers turned into tulips.  I aimed at a tree and it turned purple with yellow stripes. Happy with the results, I used my extra special spell to return the tree and flowers back to normal.  It was the proof I needed that my restoration spell could indeed combat chaos.

But I needed more than that. It would take more than just one spell to defeat Discord.  Structured magic, the magic of Harmony, was needed.  Harmony and chaos were always at odds.  If it was harmonious, it wasn’t chaotic, and if it was chaotic, it wasn’t harmonious.  The Elements of Harmony had supposedly been destroyed; shattered by King Sombra in a convoluted scheme thanks to Discord, who’d summoned him in the first place.  That part always gets glossed over, for some reason.  Something’s rotten in Equestria, and it’s apparently up to me to figure out what.  Once Discord’s powerless, that should solve the problem.  If not, I’ll figure out the next threat and take it out too, and so on and so forth until Equestria is the safe nation it used to be.

So I visited the final resting place of the Elements, the Castle of the Two Sisters, or more accurately, the crystalline tree that had taken root there.  It was a treehouse of some sort, the focal point of a park dedicated to the memory of the original Tree of Harmony.  It’s a pity they turned the tree into this.  I could’ve used my restoration spell.

My horn flared and just as quickly I put it out.  Holy Luna.  There’s more chaos magic here than there is at Fluttershy’s cottage.

Mental note: research Sombra’s magic.  I thought he used dark magic.  Is there a connection between dark magic and chaos magic?  If not…

The ramifications of that hit me like an anvil on a cartoon character.  One thing was certain: there was no Harmony here to help me.






Canterlot: twenty-five days ago


I looked at my freshly drawn picture.  I’d drawn the same thing enough times to see a marked improvement in my efforts.  I’d also drawn it in a place that would certainly attract a lot of attention – a billboard for Barnyard Bargains.  The graffiti was taller than I was; easily visible to ponies trotting on the streets below.

I’d been at it for the better part of a month, and the guards were no closer to catching me than they’d been that first night.  Teleportation is such a cheap trick, but it’s effective.

“Now that’s not a very nice thing to say about a draconequus.”  

I recognized the voice. It took him long enough to show up.  “It’s accurate though.”  I looked at my work – a crude drawing of Discord with the word ‘traitor’ scrawled over it.  I was no artist, but he had a very distinctive body shape.  It wasn’t all that difficult to draw a squiggly line and give it arms, legs, and eyeballs.

I made no move to get away from him.  He was the one entity in the world that it would be nearly impossible to escape from. I smirked.  For now.  It’s showtime.  I pulled the hood down and revealed my face to the fiend.  “Remember me?  Because let me assure you, I remember you.”

He shrugged.  “I’ve seen a lot of ponies over the years.  I’m personal friends with the princesses and their friends.  I’m sorry to say that you’re quite insignificant in the grand scheme of things.”

Discord was exactly where I wanted him.  Lighting my horn would reveal I was casting a spell, so I’d enchanted my cloak with the anti-chaos spell.  The closer he was to me, the more effective it would be.  Fortunately, Discord was rather lax on the concept of ‘personal space’. I wasn’t worthy of his time, which is why it had taken weeks for him to show up, even though he was the subject of my graffiti.

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. Maybe I don’t care how significant I am in your grand schemes.  Maybe I’m more concerned with putting an end to those schemes once and for all.”

He laughed.  “What makes you think I have schemes?”

“Since when do you not?”

He smirked.  “That’s for me to know, and you not to find out.”

I shrugged.  “I wouldn’t expect a straight answer out of you, anyway.” I lit my horn, and the magic drain sped up exponentially.

“I grow weary of this conversation and your company.  I was sent to apprehend you.  Perhaps you’ll be more willing to cooperate with the Royal Guards.”  He snapped his claws and nothing happened.  He snapped them again, and my horn kept glowing. “Um… you should be in the Canterlot dungeon right now.”  He snapped his talons yet again with a growing look of panic as I advanced on him.

Payback time.  “I would’ve waited an eternity for this.”  I leapt into the air, whipping my body around midair, roundhouse kicking him in the face, Buck Norris-style.  He went flying and I pressed my advantage.  Without his chaos magic, Discord was all but powerless.  He scrambled away, but I yanked him back with my magic.  “Don’t be in such a hurry to leave, ‘friend’.  This is what friendship means to you, isn’t it?  Ponies are just toys for your amusement.  Not anymore.  Your abuse ends today.”

“But I don’t do that anymore.  I swear!”

“Your word is just as worthless as Tirek’s.”  I levitated him into the side of a building.  “You messed with the wrong little pony, Dissy.  How does it feel to be mortal?”

“I’ll show you mortality.” He continued snapping his claws, uselessly.  “I don’t know what you’re doing, or how you’re doing it, but you are a mortal, and you will eventually get tired.  When that happens, I’m going to eliminate you from existence.  Not only will you cease to exist, but you’ll be erased from the timestream itself.  I’ll make it so you won’t ever have been born, you’ll have never existed at all.”

I ignored his threat. When I’m done, he won’t have his magic anymore.  I just need to keep this up for another twenty-six minutes.  The more he tries using his magic, the faster it’ll be absorbed into the æther.  “I wonder if I can knot you up like a pretzel?”

Discord’s body proved less flexible without his chaos magic, and I stopped as I had no desire to cause him serious harm.  I wanted him to know what the rest of us felt like.  I wanted him to know embarrassment and pain.  I wanted him to know regret.  Most importantly, I wanted him to live long enough to dread his own mortality.  He wouldn’t have time to reflect on his actions if he was dead.

“It’s funny.  Everypony says that you’re the only one who can contain your chaos magic.  It’s taken as fact, yet we both know that’s just not true, Dissy.  Tirek absorbed your power before.  That’s why you sentenced him to stone, permanently, isn’t it? He scares you.  You know who else scares you?  Me.  Maybe you’ll manage to get out of this and poof me out of existence.  You know how many horseapples I give?  None.  Even if you make it so nopony else in the world remembers me, you will.  You’ll remember that I bested you, even if only temporarily.  And when you remember, you’ll be afraid.  Because maybe it could happen again.  Maybe some other pony you’ve wronged will come back and beat you once and for all.  Maybe they’ll finish what I started.”

Goading him was working – he kept struggling, exhausting his power faster than if he’d just stood still. “You’ve held the power of life and death over every pony on the planet.  The tales of your atrocities from back in the day are the stuff of nightmares.  Now you’re getting a taste of your own medicine.  Pain.  Trauma. Stress.  Terror.  Panic. Hopelessness.  That crushing weight of helplessness as you realize there’s nothing you can do to stop this.  Go ahead, snap your claws again.”

I snickered as I brought Discord eye-to-eye with me.  “Now you learn what it truly means to be mortal.”  I took a sheet of paper and slid it against his arm.  “Paper cut.”  I put a flea on his back.  “An itch that you can’t reach no matter what you do.”  I flattened my ears as I dragged Discord’s talons on a chalkboard. “Every day there are these little annoyances.  Things you’ve never experienced, but you will.  Oh, how you will.  In another three and a half minutes your magic will be gone forever!”

“You’re crazier than I am!”

“Yes.  Yes, I am.  All thanks to you.  You’re a monster, and I’m the monster you created.”

“Freeze!”

Oh sure.  Now the Royal Guards show up.  I could teleport away, but Discord knows who I am.  I dimmed my horn, unceremoniously dropping Discord.

He snapped his claws and materialized standing next to the guards, adorned with bandages, a cast on his left leg, and his right arm in a sling.  “Arrest this mare!  She assaulted me.”  With another snap of his claws, an oversized salt shaker appeared over his head, sprinkling salt on him.

I nodded.  “That’s true.  I beat the living daylights out of this monster, and I’ll do it again.”

The guards all laughed. “You beat Discord?  That’s a laugh.”  The lead guard turned to the monster.  “If you’re done clowning around, is this the vandal we’ve been looking for?”

The guard either missed the brief look of fire in Discord’s eyes or ignored it.  The draconequus had bristled at the words ‘clowning around’ and I made note of that for future reference.

The Royal Guards were incompetent.  That was Equestria’s worst kept secret.  I cooperated with them, despite their shortcomings.  I didn’t resist when they put a magic suppressor on my horn, nor when they put me in the back of a wagon.






Canterlot: today


I’d spent the last three and a half weeks in jail as the guards gathered evidence to use against me, and while my court-appointed defense attorney desperately tried to do her job.

I was led to the courtroom in shackles.  Discord was of course there, along with his pet pegasus, Fluttershy.  He was still wearing a cast, but now it was on his other leg.  The neck brace was new, though.

My trial had turned into a media circus – a pony with the capacity to injure Discord was newsworthy. My hopes that it was the silent majority, here to praise my actions as a hero were quickly dashed.  I was booed as I walked to my seat.  Oh well, I’ve never been popular.  Ponies don’t question authority; they just do what they’re told to like the herd creatures we are.

My case was important enough that Twilight Sparkle was presiding over it.  That gave me a glimmer of hope.  Twilight was supposedly a logical pony.  I could appeal to that logic and make her see reason.  She banged the gavel and the courtroom instantly became as quiet and well-behaved as a foal on Hearth’s Warming Eve.

“Starbeam Twinkle, you stand accused of assault in the first degree, and grand theft magic.  How do you plead?”

“Guilty.”  There was no sense prolonging the torture.  I could tell at a glance the trial would be naught but a farce.

“With just a snap of my claws, I could erase this mare from the time stream.  She’d cease to have ever existed.  The fact that I haven’t done so already should show exactly how far I’ve come in my rehabilitation.”  He snapped his claws and a halo appeared over his head. “Should I, Twiley?  She won’t even be a bad memory.”

Twilight Sparkle sighed. “Discord, please don’t call me ‘Twiley’. That nickname’s reserved for the exclusive use of my brother.  Secondly, please don’t threaten the defendant.  Justice will be served, not revenge.”

He was overestimating what was left of his abilities.  Even if I’d been interrupted before I could finish draining his power away, what he’d lost was theoretically gone forever.  Released into the æther, it wouldn’t come back just because the guards interrupted me before I could finish the job.  I’d sapped at least 90% of his magic.  Not enough to render him completely harmless, but he was certainly neutered.  I suppose it’s possible he could retrieve his magic from where I sent it, but it’s not going to come back on its own.  I’ve done more to save this country than the idiot princess presiding over this trial.  I’m a hero.  She released Discord, which makes her a traitor.

“Starbeam Twinkle, do you have anything to say?”

You better believe I have something to say.  You’re in for an earful, princess.  “I really don’t care what consequences my actions have.  I’m incredibly magically talented, in case you failed to guess that from my being able to go hoof to… hoof, claw, foot, paw…whatever with Discord.  I could have been anything.  I could’ve gone to Princess Celestia’s school.  I could’ve been an archmage, or a scholar, or a professor of magic.  But no, I’ve willingly thrown my life away for this.  I knew that going in, and did what I did anyway.  I’ve burned every bridge behind me.  I did this for the greater good.  If you can’t see that, if you’re that blinded by this maniac, then to Tartarus with all of you.”

My defense attorney facehoofed.  “Are you trying to end up in the statue garden?” she whispered to me.

As if a court-appointed public defender had any chance of winning this.  If I’m going down in flames one way or another, I’m going to speak my mind.  I have an audience with the only pony that matters, and if I can get her to see the logic in my actions, and the fallacy in believing anything Discord says, it’ll all be worth it.

“I…see…”

From Twilight Sparkle’s response, I could tell that no, she really didn’t see the big picture.  “Miss Sparkle, I recognize your authority, but I don’t respect it.”  The griffin guard standing alongside Twilight bristled at my words.  “You’re the one who freed Discord in the first place.  I know you were directed to do so by the previous regime, but some of the greatest atrocities our world has ever known have been committed under the guise of ‘just following orders’.  You’re an intelligent mare, perfectly capable of making your own decisions.  You could’ve said ‘no’.  But you didn’t, and that makes you complicit.  I respectfully ask you to abdicate.”

Twilight’s face ran the gamut of emotions, finally settling on a mix between bewildered and angry. “Abdicate in favor of who?  You?”

I laughed. “Hardly.  I want what’s best for Equestria, and that’s not me.  I have no desire to rule.  I’m a very angry pony, Twilight.  Ponies don’t like me, and the feeling’s mutual.  Look at this crowd.  If anypony here agrees with me, they’re smart enough to keep their mouths shut because this crowd is angry.  This crowd wants vengeance.  And they shall have it.  What’s your verdict?”  I laid down in a relaxed, nonthreatening position.  If I was about to spend eternity in the same pose, I wanted to be comfortable.

“Starbeam Twinkle, I find you guilty of assault and attempted magic thievery.”

“Lock her up!  Lock her up!  Lock her up!”  Discord jumped from his seat and held his claws outstretched, ready to snap.  “Say the word, and I’ll stone her forever.”

Twilight banged her gavel. “Order in the court!”

“Two quesadillas and a sarsaparilla.”

Twilight facehoofed, conveniently preventing most ponies in attendance from seeing her eye twitch at the mention of her least favorite food.  “Of course you would make that joke.  Discord, the wronged party doesn’t get to decide the sentence, and I will remind you that you also wronged the defendant, and started her down this path of revenge-obsessed villainy.  Starbeam Twinkle, you wanted to live in a world free of Discord and chaos magic. Wish granted.  As you fail to recognize my legitimacy as ruler of Equestria, I hereby exile you to Earth, remanded to the custody of Duchess Ploomette, of the House of Hurricane.  She will determine how you can best be rehabilitated into a productive member of society.  Should you prove incapable of reforming, she can determine your punishment.  Further, this court sees fit to enact a restraining order.  Neither party should come within five miles of one another, and neither party should use magic against the other, even from beyond that distance.  I know you’re both capable of it, but seriously, don’t.”

The Starswirl approach: dump unwanted problems in another dimension.  I suppose that shouldn’t surprise me; she studied him intensely, and has corresponded with him frequently since his return.

I was led from the courtroom in chains, an inhibitor ring rendering my horn unusable.  Ponies jeered at me as I was marched out to a waiting wagon.  Idiots.  I was trying to save you from that monster.  When he reveals his true colors once again, don’t expect me to save your stupid flanks.

We took the train to Ponyville, and then one of those new motorized transits from the train station to the portal.  Twilight Sparkle accompanied me, along with a battalion of Royal Guards.  Twilight stepped through the portal.  The guards removed my shackles, save for my inhibitor ring, and I was unceremoniously shoved through the portal after her.  I stumbled, but Twilight caught me with her magic.

“You have to watch that first step.”  She levitated paperwork to the guards and soldiers.  “I think you’ll find this is in order.”

“Yes Princess!”  The Royal Guards saluted, though the human soldiers took their time processing the paperwork.

When they were done, we teleported, arriving inside a building that I assumed belonged to the duchess who’d be my new keeper.  Ponies bowed to Twilight, and conveniently ignored my presence.

I stood there, as nopony there was worthy of my deference.  Not the duchess, and certainly not the princess who’d freed the beast from his stony slumber.

I was ushered into the duchess’ office, which was crowded with the addition of the princess and all the Royal Guards who’d accompanied us.  Twilight’s horn glowed, and we found ourselves in a soundproof bubble.

“I don’t entirely trust Discord not to listen in on this.  Starbeam, what Discord did to you years ago was wrong, and perhaps he should have been held accountable for his actions.  Princess Celestia thought that his time spent as a statue was enough. That was prior to my rule, and I assure you that back then I was just as uneasy with freeing him as you are.  But he really is better now, though I don’t know how I can prove that to you.  What you did was also wrong, and I’m tasking the duchess with helping you to see that. That’s why I’m going easy on you. There are ponies calling for your head.”

I sneered.  “I wonder who could possibly have put them up to that?”

“Well, yes, I suppose Discord has been rather… vocal… about the whole situation.”

“Yes, like the perpetually petulant child he is.  How many times must he betray all of us for you to see that he’s never going to change?”

“He’s saved Equestria a time or two as well.”

“Yes, all for Fluttershy, supposedly.  Assuming that it isn’t an act, and he truly cares for her, what are you going to do when she’s dead, Twilight?  Do you really think he cares one iota for the rest of us?”

“He’s building friendships with other ponies and creatures.  He plays O&O with Spike and Big Macintosh.”

“And stirring up trouble by bringing together the enemies of Equestria and uniting them against us. Whatever.  He’s never going to learn and if you’re too blind to see the truth, I’m glad I’m not welcome back in Equestria.”

Twilight sighed. “Your exile need not be forever. The day you apologize to Discord for your actions is the day you’ll be welcomed back to Equestria.  I’m just keeping the two of you separated from one another until then.  If you can both let bygones be bygones, I’d happily welcome you back.”

“A pointless endeavor. He’ll never forgive me.”  I neglected to mention the permanence of what I’d done to his magic.  I wasn’t sure if Discord had yet figured out that he wasn’t getting the rest of his power back or not, but it was very apparent that Twilight was oblivious to the fact.  Even with less than ten percent of his power, Discord was still a formidable opponent for Equestria.  But his days of being nearly invincible were over for good.  For that, I’d been rewarded by being kicked out of my homeland and dumped on some primitive backwater world filled with hairless apes. There’s no magic in this air.  Ugh, how do the natives stand it?  “I fully expect that one day I’ll be poofed out of existence.”  It was a strong possibility, as even neutered, Discord’s power was still immense; certainly stronger than mine.  I’d caught him unprepared once, I wouldn’t be so lucky a second time.

Twilight leaned in, conspiratorially.  “Teach me your spell.”

“Huh?”

“If you think Discord’s still a threat, I need to know what you did to combat him.  In case I need to do it too.”

My respect for the princess shot up a notch.  I showed her everything, and implored her to teach as many ponies as possible.

When I was done, Twilight smiled.  “Duchess, I think you’ll find that Starbeam Twinkle is exactly the pony you’ve been looking for.”  Twilight slid my passport over to the mare.

Ploomette scanned through the document, nodding.  “Yes, I can certainly see to it that Miss Twinkle is put to good use.”

Twilight levitated the key to my horn ring to the Duchess.  “You should keep this someplace safe.”

Ploomette nodded. With a flash, Twilight Sparkle was gone.

“It looks like you made a very powerful enemy, Miss Twinkle.”

She’s probably waiting for me to tell her she can call me ‘Starbeam’. She can keep waiting.  “That’s what they tell me.  You know, instead of listening to reason.  Discord is a monster.”

“So you’ve said. Repeatedly.  Do you know any English at all?”

I shook my head.  “I had no interest in coming here.”

She paged another mare to join us, and a blue unicorn with a snowflake cutie mark entered.  “Starbeam, this is Snowcatcher, my acting archmage.”

Archmage?  Her? With a weather mark?  I snorted in derision.

“Snowcatcher, this is Starbeam Twinkle, who’ll be taking over the archmage position permanently.”

What?

The key to my inhibitor was presented to Snowcatcher, who undid the lock.  I felt my horn spark as magic surged through it once again.

“Starbeam doesn’t know anything about Earth.  Do you think you can assist her with that?”

“Of course.”  Snowcatcher nodded, touching her horn to mine. Knowledge flowed into my brain – languages, history, culture; it was overwhelming having all this hit my mind at once.

“Hold on.”  She looked at me curiously as I touched my horn to hers. Understanding soon took over as I gave her the knowledge of my anti-chaos magic spells.  “More ponies need to know this than just I.”  I didn’t trust Twilight Sparkle as far as I could throw her.  She was friends with Discord.  Could Twilight truly be trusted to do what needed to be done if the situation came up?

“That’s interesting.” She blinked as more of the information processed inside her mind.  “Very interesting.”  She motioned for me to follow her, so I did.  “Allow me to lead you to your new quarters.  Which are currently my quarters, so I need to do a little packing.  You’ve got a full lab, which I’m going to miss.  I don’t suppose you’d be open to me using the facilities here periodically?”

The last thing I want is somepony I barely know in my private space. Still, I’d entrusted this mare I’d just met with my most precious spell, and somepony would need to lead the charge if I was incapacitated.  “I’m sure we can come to some sort of arrangement once I’m settled in.”

Much to my surprise, the room was quite spartan.  Aside from the lab and the furniture, there wasn’t much in there.  I didn’t see any personal effects at all.

As if reading my mind, she quickly explained herself.  “I always knew this day would come, so I never really kept things here.  I have another place, but you’ll still be seeing a lot of me.”  She laughed nervously.  She’s hiding something.

“Spill it.  I despise surprises.”

“You also have another place, so don’t make yourself too comfortable.  You’ll spend most of your working time here, but you won’t be living here.”

From what I knew of archmages, that was abnormal.  “I thought my duty was to stay by the duchess’ side?”

“She has another place. You’ll see.”

“Isn’t she supposed to live at the consulate?”

“Ploomette isn’t your normal Consul General.”

“Good, because I’m not your average archmage either.”  I barely knew what archmages did.  I was qualified for the job, but I’d never been interested in it, preferring to spend my time researching anti-chaos magic.  I might not agree with many of the things Twilight Sparkle’s done, but I fully embrace her education reform, and the readily available research grants.

She’d quickly gathered her things, and I made note of exactly what she was taking, just in case anything was the consulate’s property, and hence now mine.  With a pop, she disappeared, teleporting away. I didn’t know where she went, nor did I particularly care.

With the previous resident gone, I weaved the room with anti-chaos magic spells.  Restraining order or not, Discord was likely going to come after me sooner or later.  I wasn’t going to make it easy for him.

My own belongings had been unceremoniously deposited in my room, and I could tell they’d been gone through by the Royal Guards multiple times.  Idiots.  Everything was packed by the guards back in Equestria when they ransacked my house, looking for ‘evidence’.  Why would they need to be checked again?  I shook my head.  The guards were useless, but that wasn’t a newsflash.

I pulled my journals out and chuckled.  The evidence they’d been looking for was in these ‘blank’ journals.  I lit my horn, illuminating the invisible text in the book. Good, I still have my research.  I’m not done with you yet, Discord.

A little after 5:00, Ploomette knocked on my door.  I let her in – she hadn’t given me any reason to dislike her.  Yet.  That would likely change with this conversation, or another in the future. “Yes?”

“I hope you’ve gotten settled in.  Did Snowcatcher explain we don’t live on property?”

“Yes.  Forgive me for asking, but isn’t that out of the ordinary?”

“Sort of.  We have other arrangements.  I like getting away from work at the end of the day.”

“Knock-knock.” Snowcatcher entered the room.

Great, the gang’s all here.  Now what?

“Bring your things.”

I grabbed what I was taking in my aura and then we winked out of my room and into a parking garage filled with mechanical monstrosities.  I realized I’d seen some like this before; a long time ago in Tailadega, when Discord was freed from stone the first time.  I walked up to a red one.  It didn’t look quite right, but it had the same chrome pony badge on the front. “Wheels?”

“Yeah, it has four of them. Five if you count the spare.”

I added the snow white thestral guard to my list of ‘ponies I don’t like’ as I turned and glared at her. “I met a wagon like this many years ago. His name was Wheels.  He had friends.  I forget their names, but Wheels saved my life when one of the others exploded.”

That was met by laughter from everypony else present.  I glared at everypony in turn, adding them all to my enemies list.

“Cars aren’t sapient,” the thestral explained.

“This one was.  He talked to me and said his name was Wheels. He was red and had a pony badge like this.”

“If it was an emblem like this, Wheels is a Ford Mustang.  You say you saw a car like this in Equestria?”

“Yes.  When Discord showed up the first time.  The day after that freak of nature took my horn!”

The others all looked at one another.  “I think we can explain that as ‘Discord being Discord’ and move on.  But cars don’t normally talk here on Earth.  Sorry for laughing at you, I can see this was a traumatizing experience for you.  My apologies.”  The thestral dipped her head to me.

“Hmph.  Wheels was better mannered than any of you.”

We continued in silence before approaching a massive black car.  The thestral hadn’t introduced herself, but she opened a door for the Duchess, who climbed in.  Snowcatcher followed her, and I stopped gawking and got inside too.

There was something to be said about teleportation.  And that something was ‘it beats stop and go traffic’.  The latter was a new concept, but an infuriating one.  Horns blared, people shouted, and I wanted to get out of the car and start bucking people in the face.

The long car ride was perfect for conversation.  That only made me want to buck the car’s occupants.

“Just so you know, Discord’s going to try to poof me out of existence if he ever recovers his strength.”

“I thought he had his power back?”

“I didn’t use some ancient artifact.  I created the spell I used to counteract his magic, and I did it in a way that anything I took from him would be lost to the æther in a way that he hopefully can’t recover it.  My goal was to rid the world of his magic forever.  Everypony focuses on his claim of being the only being with the ability to control chaos magic.  Nopony ever points out that he’s been without it multiple times, and the world hasn’t ended. He could willingly give up his powers and the world would be a better place.  Yet he doesn’t.  Strange, isn’t it?”

“But he wouldn’t be himself.”

“So?  You say that like that’s a bad thing.”  I snorted at the duchess’ feeble argument.  If that’s the best she can do, it’s a good thing for her that I’m here or ponies would just trot all over her.

“He’s a last resort. Pretend that Twilight Sparkle hasn’t done such an amazing job of befriending other nations.  He could stop an invasion with just a snap of his claws. Imagine how many lives he’d save on both sides!”

“He’s just as capable of ending the world with a snap of his claws.  He won’t, because it’s more entertaining to treat ponies like we’re his toys.  If he breaks his toys, he can’t play with them anymore.  I just love going through life being at the whims of a crazy draconequus.”

The duchess shrugged. “I’ve never met him.”

“Lucky.  The first time I met him he took my horn.”

Snowcatcher cringed. “Ouch.  My condolences.”

After that, we drove in silence.

“We’re here.”

The thestral snapped us out of the daze we’d all fallen into.  I looked up at a sign that said ‘Mareiott’.  “Why are we stopping at a rundown motel?”

Snowcatcher deflated like a balloon with a hole in it.  “We kinda own it,” she said, meekly.

“Now that you’re archmage, this is what Snowcatcher will be doing full time.  And as she’s proven from her dual role these past few months, it’s possible to split responsibilities between the motel and the consulate.  I think it would do wonders for you if you worked here in your off hours.  You really need to work on your social skills.”

I knew the duchess was going to say something to make me hate her. I’m amazed it took all afternoon.

“This is your typical Equestrian-style hotel, which means you must cater to the whims of your guests.”

I knew being made archmage was too good to be true.  I’m being punished in the most imaginatively cruel way possible.  I was prepared to be a statue.  But customer service?  Sweet filly Celestia, I’d ask what I did to deserve such a fate, but Twilight read the list of crimes I’d committed to me earlier and I haven’t had a chance to forget them just yet…  “I assume I don’t have a say in this.”

“Of course you have a say in things.  If you’d rather live in the consulate, I won’t stop you.  But I’ll have to insist that you wear your horn inhibitor when not on duty.  Of course, if you were on work release, nopony could reasonably expect you to wear such a gaudy, humiliating hunk of rock.”

“Blackmail.”

“Politics.  The art of making sure nopony is happy.  You’re not happy that Discord is allowed to roam free. Discord’s not happy that you’re not a statue.  I’m not happy that my new archmage has a criminal background.”

“And I’m not happy that you’re not happy.  You haven’t even started working here.  You’re not allowed to be miserable yet,” Snowcatcher added.  “When you get kicked in the hock by a bratty kid, then you can complain.”

“Is it too late to go back to Equestria and be turned into a statue?”

“Yes.  I need an archmage, and like it or not, we’re stuck with each other.  Work with me, and I’ll work with you.  I’m in charge of reforming you, and this is my chosen method.”

I groaned.  “That horn ring is looking mighty tempting right about now…”
> Act I: Sunny Rays
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Horsevallis: eleven years, three months, and twelve days ago


It was a dreary day in Horsevallis.  There was nothing surprising about that; it was scheduled, after all.  Rain was in the forecast most days.  The joys of living in northwestern Equestria.  Storms came in off the ocean, and teams of pegasi broke them up.  But that moisture had to go somewhere.  Most of it was shipped to areas that needed it, but there was always a surplus.  As such, it was redistributed over the region, as nightly rainfalls and a nearly perpetual mist during the day.  Nothing that prevented ponies from being outside, but just enough to be annoying.

I was tired of all the rain. The very core of my being wanted to be up there, punching holes in the clouds to let the sun shine through.  Weather work is a family tradition.  My parents are both on the Horsevallis weather team.  My paternal grandparents were on the town’s weather team up until their retirement.  My maternal grandmother is the regional Weather Coordinator for the entire Seaddle-Tackoma-Vanhoover metropolitan area.  It’s in my blood; it’s in my soul; it’s my birthright.

Just like ElectroKaplosion said, ‘Now I see that even a cloudy day has sunshine, you just have to fly high enough to find it.’  I wasn’t supposed to fly above the crowns of the highest trees, because of the constant threat of rogue weather coming in from the sea. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I found a thermal, riding it above the canopy, soaring higher than I’d ever dared to fly before. The joy in my heart couldn’t be contained, and I felt the urge to sing as I flew ever higher.  So I did, singing the song of the pegasi.  A song of seasons changing, a song of sunny days and cloudy skies.  Of rain, and snow, and hail.  Gentle breezes and hurricanes, tornadoes and dust devils.  It was a song of weather.

I was so busy singing I didn’t even notice I’d reached the clouds until I crashed through them.  I’d never seen clouds up close before, aside from a few fluffy clouds my parents brought home from work for my siblings and I to play with.  But this was different.  These clouds had energy to them.  I could feel the lightning arcing through them.  Thunderstorms weren’t on the schedule, and the clouds were behaving as expected.  But I could tell they wanted to let loose their lightning.  I’ve never bucked a cloud before. I really wanted to, but I’d been warned of the dangers of lightning enough times to know better.  Without any weather training, I’m a danger to myself and anypony below me.  I’m just lucky I didn’t set off a thunderclap when I hit the clouds.

So I flew higher, up and above the clouds.  I’d found the sun, but the clouds were too stormy to flop on to sunbathe, much to my disappointment.  Instead I let the sun warm me as I flittered about.  I couldn’t help it – I sang.  I had no clue where the words or notes came from, I just rolled with it.

I’m just having fun, in the warmth of the sun

Flying here and there, with hardly a care

But my heart can’t soar, when the rainfalls pour

Dreary days bring me down, rain always makes me frown

That’s when I choose to fly; above the clouds, oh so high…

In the bright sunlight, I almost missed the flash of light that accompanied my cutie mark coming in. I turned and looked at the marvelous trio of suns decorating my flank.  I finished the song.

The warmth heats my flank, that’s now no longer blank.

It wasn’t long before my wings started tiring out, and I carefully carved my way through the sky, deftly dodging the electrically-charged clouds on my way back to the ground.

I glided, circling my neighborhood as I slowly lost altitude.  I didn’t have the strength to dive, and the thermal that had been so quick to lift me wasn’t letting me descend as quickly as I would’ve liked.  If I want to be a weatherpony like my parents and grandparents before me, I need to strengthen my wings.

I eventually made it to the ground, and immediately galloped into my house to check out my cutie mark in a mirror.  It was even more glorious than I thought!  I flicked my tail, and it covered the suns.  I giggled.  “Eclipse!”









When my parents came home from work, I sang my little tune for them.  They liked it so much, they asked me to sing it three more times, and they even recorded it the final time.

Then we started planning my cuteceañera.  More importantly, since I’d gotten my cutie mark, my parents agreed to sign me up for flight school.  One step closer to being a weathermare!







Horsevallis: ten years, eleven months, and nineteen days ago


The recording my parents had made of my song proved to be a hit with our friends, family, and neighbors. The local radio station had even played it a few times, and I’d gotten a small payment of royalties from them.  It was like Hearth’s Warming: not only were ponies listening to my song, they were even paying me for the privilege!

The Horsevallis Herald did an article on me, but my song slowly faded out of the public consciousness after a few weeks, replaced by the latest hits from Coloratura, Sapphire Shores, and Songbird Serenade.

I was doing my homework when the doorbell rang.  I ignored it, as I struggled with a math equation.  Long division is torture!

“Sunny!” Mom called from downstairs.  “You have a visitor.”

A visitor?  Probably one of my classmates hoping I can help with this math homework.  I dashed downstairs only to come to a halt in front of…  “Countess Coloratura!”  I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“You must be the filly I’ve been hearing about.”

“You’ve heard of me?” Countess Coloratura knows who I am?!?  Best day ever!

“As you may know, I’m on tour right now, and I just happened to hear your song on the radio.  I’d like to introduce you to my producer and manager, Svengallop.”

A stallion walked through the front door.  “Is this the little filly you’ve been talking about nonstop?”

“Um… hello?”

“My name’s Svengallop. You probably haven’t heard of me, but I’m the pony who made Countess Coloratura the star she is today.”  He paused, as if waiting for something. “Well, come on, we don’t have all day.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Sing.”

I gulped and started singing my song.  It was short, and acoustic.

“Not horrible.  You have talent, but you have no skill.  Get some singing lessons.  If you do that, I might be able to help your career like I did the Countess’.  Would you like to sign a contract today?”

I nodded my head.

“Very good.  I took the liberty of drawing up a standard contract in advance.  Sign here.” I stamped my hoof on the document so hard I almost pushed straight through it.  “Well this looks to be in order.  You agree to take vocal lessons, and will mail me a record every month at your cost so that I can monitor your progress.  If, three years hence, I think you’ve improved to the point where I can work with you, we’ll start on an album.  The other thing to keep in mind is you’ve signed an exclusive contract. You’re mine.”  His eyes wandered to my flank.  “You have your cutie mark, and that means your signature is binding.”

Countess Coloratura nudged him in the withers.  “You’re scaring her.”  She stamped my face with her signature ‘hoofsies’.  “Forgive him, he’s all business.”  She patted my head.  “Practice hard, and one day you might be opening concerts for me.”

“I will!”  I nodded enthusiastically.

“Practice really hard, and one day I might be opening concerts for you.”

“That will never happen.” I giggled.

“That’s where you’re wrong. Musicians have a shelf life.  Pop stars come and go, replaced by the next hot new thing.  It happened to Sapphire Shores when I came along, and it’ll happen to me someday too. At least if you dethrone me, I can say I hoof-picked my replacement at the top of the charts.”  She smiled at me and I smiled back.

Before I knew it, Svengallop herded Countess Coloratura out and I sat there, dazed, staring at the door they’d just left through.  What just happened?







Horsevallis: ten years, seven months, and eleven days ago


“Again.”

I closed my eyes and concentrated.  “So far away.  Doesn’t anypony stay in one place anymore?”  For the twentieth time in a row I started the Carol Sing song.  It had been written before I was born, even before my parents were born.  But my vocal coach Perfect Pitch was fond of it, and so that was the tune we used. Over and over again.

I didn’t see the point in vocal lessons.  I hadn’t known any of these techniques when I was singing the song that had caught Countess Coloratura’s attention, and ponies seemed to like it just fine. Perfect Pitch was old-fashioned, and just plain old.  All of the songs she had me sing were at least forty years old, and many of them were older than that.  I yearned to sing something first performed in my lifetime.

“One last time.  With feeling.”

With feeling?  The only thing I’m feeling is annoyed!  “So far away.  Doesn’t anypony stay in one place anymore?”  My annoyance with the selection energized the song, as I turned the sad ballad into an uptempo rocker.

Perfect Pitch nodded. “That was quite a bit of feeling. Do you think you could do it that way again?”  She motioned to her recording equipment.  “It’s almost time for you to send your monthly update to your manager.”  There was disdain in her voice on the last word. I’d noticed she never referred to Svengallop by name.

I did as directed, belting out the lyrics again.  Perfect had her own portable disc cutting lathe, and proceeded to cut a master record as I performed.  It was acoustic, but I’d been forced to listen to the song so many times, the music was playing in my mind.







Horsevallis: ten years, three months, and sixteen days ago


I stared at the sheet of paper in front of me.  It had been a nice, clean sheet of paper only a few minutes ago.  Now it was full of a few potential lyrics, but mostly scribbled out lyrics that were… not so good.

Maybe I should focus on being a singer and not a songwriter…

The radio hadn’t been all that inspiring.  Mostly songs about love – lost love, found love; in love, out of love; new love, old love; etc.  It was a popular topic – nopony wanted to be alone, and when they were alone, they wanted everypony to share their misery.  The commercial break ended and the first notes of a song started playing.

“So far away.  Doesn’t anypony stay in one place anymore?”

I blinked.  I knew the song well.  But that wasn’t Carol Sing.  The channel I was listening to hadn’t played one of her songs in at least thirty years. That was my voice, but not my envisioned rock version.  Instead it was an electronic song with distortion and glitching.

“Mom!  Turn the radio on!”  I galloped down the stairs, passing Mom as she exited the living room.  I skidded to a stop at the kitchen window, where Mom’s radio got the best reception.  I fiddled with the knob, and tuned it to my preferred station.

The song was nearing its end by then, but there was still enough left for Mom to instantly recognize my voice.

“Sunny?”

I shrugged.  “That’s the song I’m always singing at Perfect Pitch’s. She mailed a master record to Svengallop a few months ago.  But it didn’t sound anything at all like this.  It was just vocals.”

I had a lot of questions.

“And that was So Far Away by Horsevallis’ own Sunny Rays.  You may remember her from Warmth Of The Sun that we played a few times last year. Now she’s back in a big way!  All of us here at Princess 108 are expecting great things from this little filly.  Now a word from our sponsors.

“For the best in wagons, visit your local Studebaker-Packard dealership and test drive a Conestoga RV.  The wagon you can live in when you’re not pulling it.  Or if you’re looking for a basic around town cart, try a Lark Wagonaire.  Life’s a lark in a Lark!  Come in this weekend for our special Hearts & Hooves Day pricing!  Show your very special somepony just how much you care with a luxurious new Packard with all the bells and whistles.”

The radio continued playing commercials as I fantasized about being pulled around town in a luxurious new Packard wagon.  Maybe I could hire Countess Coloratura’s team of hunky background dancers to pull me around…

Pounding on the kitchen door snapped me out of my daydream.  I opened the door to find our neighbor, Cookie Delight.  “I heard your song on the radio!  Congratulations!”

“Thank you!”

“Can…can I have your autograph?”

“Uh… sure?”  I looked around for a piece of paper, then dipped my hoof in ink and stamped on it.

“Thank you so much! I’m going to make cookies to celebrate! Just for you!”  She disappeared out the backdoor as quickly as she’d entered.

“Mom!  I think we need to go see Perfect Pitch.”

Mom agreed, and hitched herself to the family’s old Studebaker Trotsmare wagon.  It was the exact opposite of the Packard the same company offered, with interior bits made of painted cardboard, and seats made of gray vinyl that barely cushioned the springs underneath.  It was as comfortable as sitting on rocks.  I did my best to stay out of sight.  I saw several of my classmates heading in the direction of my house, and either they didn’t see, or didn’t recognize, Mom as she pulled me to Perfect Pitch’s.

Mom knocked on her door, while I stayed in the wagon, sitting on the ‘comfortable’ vinyl seat that I could feel the springs through.  My mind was definitely made up – as soon as I started receiving royalties from my song, I was buying a luxurious new Packard.

The door opened and Mom stepped inside.  I looked up and down the block, and when the coast was clear I dashed for the house as well, slamming the door shut behind me.  “Sorry!”  I hadn’t meant to slam the door, but when you’re galloping flat out and grab it as you run past, that kinda happens whether you want it to or not.

After bringing Perfect Pitch up to speed on what had happened, her advice was, “I think you should talk with Carol Sing.”

“How am I supposed to do that?  Doesn’t she live across the country in Manehattan?  It’s not like I can magically call out her name and she’ll come running.  Carol Sing! Carol Sing, where are you?”

“Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call.  And I’ll be there.”

I recognized the song and the voice immediately.  I facehoofed. You’ve got to be kidding me.  Carol Sing is in this house right now and I just stuck my hoof in my mouth.  Way to make a great first impression, Sunny.

“You’ve got a friend.” Perfect and Carol chorused as the latter stepped into the room.

“Sunny Rays, this is my daughter, Carol Sing.  You’ve been practicing a number of her original compositions.  Carol, this is Sunny Rays, whom I’ve told you so much about these past few months.”

Carol Sing is her daughter?  I didn’t just stick one hoof in my mouth – I stuck all four of them in there at once. My normally yellow coat had turned pink from how badly I was blushing.  “Hi.”  I curtseyed. “As you can probably guess, I wasn’t expecting you to be here.”

“She’s adorable.” Carol patted my head and took a seat on the couch.  “Sunny, what do you know about remakes?”

“That ponies either really like them, or really hate them.”

“What else?”

I shrugged.  “I don’t know.”

“In order to record a remake, one must pay royalties.  It’s also generally considered good business practice to ask in advance, though there are those who don’t.  Svengallop is a weasel, but he’s upfront when it comes to contracts.  I had my lawyers look through it and he isn’t trying to pull one over on me.  What that means is I had to give him permission to release a cover of my song. I’ve known this was coming for two months.  I’ve been here a few weeks now, waiting for this day.  I listened to your last few sessions.  I think you’re progressing quite nicely.”

I blushed at her praise. “Thank you!  But the band?  All I did was vocals.”

“He probably used Coloratura’s backing band.  He’s too cheap to hire you a band of your own just yet.  Once the instrumental track was laid down, he would have laid your vocal track over it.  Then presto, it’s a song.”

“That makes sense.”

“Now let me ask you a question – would you mind if I took a look at your contract?  I’ve signed my share of recording contracts over the years, and if I can’t make heads or tails of it, I’ll have my lawyers look at it.”

“Sure.”

“I’ve been in the music industry for decades.  There are very few producers out there who aren’t trying to take advantage of starry-eyed foals, and Svengallop’s one of the worst.”

Since the contract was back at our house, Carol and Perfect Pitch had to come home with us.  I was embarrassed as Carol Sing climbed into my family’s beat-up old Studebaker wagon.  My mind was already made up that I’d be getting us a Packard, and if my parents tried to argue, I’d cite this example.  Mom pulled us home, and much as I’d suspected, there was a crowd gathered outside our house.

I don’t know what they’d been expecting, but it probably wasn’t Carol Sing.  She stepped out of the wagon and I fluttered out after her, landing on her back as she instructed me to.  She started singing, and I joined her.  Our voices complemented each other, which was good since we had no instruments accompanying us.  The dozens of ponies watching got one song – that was it.  That was enough for most of them, many of whom were my classmates. The crowd dispersed, and we shooed the stragglers away.

Once we had privacy, I brought out my recording contract for Carol to look through.  Her face scrunched up in thought as she read and reread the contract.  Finally, she shook her head.  “You’ve got two ways out of this contract.  The first is to buy it out.  Assuming you have a string of hits, it’ll still be years until you have enough money to do that.  The other way out is to perform below expectations.  If you’re not making him enough money, he’ll let you go, which will close almost every other door available to you.  Svengallop is slime, but he knows talent.  If he can’t make you a star, every other talent agent is going to avoid you like a plague.  Your career would effectively be over before it even begins.  So sabotaging yourself to get out of your contract would only hurt you in the end.  He’ll find somepony else.  There’s no shortage of naïve, starry-eyed fillies or desperate has-beens waiting in the wings.”

“There’s always the weather team.”  My words were hollow.  I couldn’t figure out why clearing clouds had suddenly lost all appeal.  My mark is for clearing clouds, isn’t it?

Isn’t it?

When did music become my life?  And why isn’t that bothering me?  Weather work is a family tradition…  But I was singing when my mark came in.  Singing a song about the sun, at that.  If only there were ponies skilled at deciphering cutie marks.

“Another thing you might want to consider is learning an instrument.  Many vocalists prefer the guitar or bass, though notable vocalists Superstar and Filly Collins are drummers.  I play the keyboards, personally.  While I wouldn’t urge you to pick one over the other, you already know a great piano teacher.  She taught me everything I know.”

Perfect Pitch smiled. “I’d be happy to teach you how to play.”

How deep am I going to fall down the music rabbit hole?  I don’t know, but I do know I haven’t hit the bottom just yet.  “Mom? Can I take piano lessons?”

Mom grinned.  “I think that can be arranged.”







Horsevallis: nine years, nine months, and twelve days ago


I had natural talent when it came to singing.  The same couldn’t be said of the piano.  At first, I’d eagerly looked forward to my piano lessons, but I’d quickly come to loathe them.  Perfect Pitch and Carol Sing made it look so easy, but it was anything but.

I’d improved, slowly but steadily.  I’d considered changing to a different instrument, but that would mean leaving Perfect Pitch’s instruction.  I liked working with her, so I endured the lessons.  They would be useful later – a fact I kept reminding myself of again and again.  So many times, I almost started to believe it.

I played my composition straight through for the fifth time.  I’d spent weeks tweaking it, and I was finally happy with it.  After five plays straight through without a missed note, Perfect Pitch was also pleased with it.  She started the recorder on the sixth play.

An original composition, on which I played piano and sang lead vocals – it was an entirely different demo than the cover I’d last sent in.  That one had climbed the charts, peaking at number seven.  Svengallop was expecting an album to cash in on the success of my first song.  I’d already recorded half a dozen additional covers, and I was hoping to have a few of my originals make the cut too.  I’d reworked Warmth Of The Sun, but Perfect Pitch advised me against sending that one to Svengallop.  I’d written and originally recorded that song before signing my contract with him.  He had no claim on it, and Perfect was adamant that he not get his hooves on it.







Seaddle: nine years, six months, and twenty-two days ago


I’d only managed to get one of my original compositions on the album.  I wanted one song to call my own, but the rest were all covers. Partially on the advice of Perfect Pitch, and partially because I was still new to composing, but mostly due to the fact I needed to put out an album immediately to capitalize on the success of the single.  Quite a few of my first drafts were embarrassingly bad.  I’d polished one of those drafts into The Sun Shines Brightest When I’m With You.

I was so proud of that song – I wrote it, I sang it, and I even played the piano on it.  I envisioned it as a power ballad, with a totally buckin’ guitar solo and an epic drumbeat.  Svengallop turned it into…  glitch hop.  Distorted to the extreme, a song I crafted with my own hooves turned into something I was ashamed of.

It wasn’t mine.  The words were mine; or to be more accurate, the words that remained after two whole verses were cut out were mine. What was left of the tune was mine. But the end result was awful.  I listened to it exactly once, my jaw hanging open the whole time.  At first because I was amazed I’d gotten another song on the radio, and then because it was nothing at all like I imagined it in my head.

To Svengallop’s credit, it performed well on the charts.  He had the frog of his hoof on the pulse of the music industry.  Glitch hop was popular, and power ballads were passé.  If I wanted to open for Coloratura, I had to pursue a career that mirrored hers.  Glitching and distortions were mandatory.  If I wanted to open for Journeigh, Svengallop would flat out drop me – he had no interest in ‘oldies’ acts.  Except, of course, for mining their back catalogs for potential reimaginings guaranteed to be hits.

I sighed as I forced myself to listen to the abomination for the second time.  I knew the song inside and out, but I didn’t know what my audience was expecting.  There was a unicorn who’d handle the glitching – the same one that helped Coloratura with the distortions in her songs.

I reset the needle on the record player, and the tune started playing yet again.  This time I didn’t flatten my ears.  The second and third verses were gone, while the first and fourth had been blended in a way that made the lyrics nonsensical.  The chorus had mostly stayed the same, the only addition being an echoing effect that I actually liked.  Not what I imagined when I wrote it, but worth keeping if I ever managed to perform the song as written.

The rest of my repertoire was comprised entirely of cover songs.  Perfect Pitch had picked the songs, and they’d been from all different genres: swing, country, disco, and of course rock.  I was singing songs everypony knew, but performing them in a style that ponies who hadn’t been around when they were written could enjoy them as part of their own generation’s music.

I spent the rest of the day trying to learn to like my own album.







Seaddle: nine years, six months, and twenty-one days ago


Svengallop had hired me a band.  He’d selected fillies approximately my own age to back me, and it was finally time to meet them.

A pegasus filly curtseyed and introduced herself as Jazz Hooves.  She would be singing backup vocals, and playing assorted instruments throughout the concert.  The next was the drummer – a rainbow-haired white unicorn by the name of Glow Stick. My guitarist was a pinkish-purple unicorn named Mirror Ball – she had a disco mirror ball emblazoned on her flank. My bass player was Love Song, a mint green pegasus with turquoise and purple hair, and a 45 record cutie mark. I’d be handling the keyboards personally.

Svengallop had selected them a month ago, and they’d all been practicing, solo, since then.  It was time for our first practice together. That would be nerve-wracking enough on its own, but our first concert was mere hours away.  As the opening act, we had a set list of ten songs, and one encore. My album only had twelve songs. We could play almost everything on my album, which the fillies had prepared for, or I could shake things up a bit.

My plan was simple: we’d open with my latest hit, The Sun Shines Brightest When I’m With You.  We’d work my other hit, So Far Away, into the middle of the concert, and repeat The Sun Shines Brightest When I’m With You as an encore.  I had eight slots open, and four brand new bandmates I wanted to make a good impression on.

There was a chalkboard in the practice room, and I scribbled down numbers one through eleven, then filled in the first, sixth, and eleventh entries.  Love Song was closest to me, and I turned to her.  “What’s your favorite song off my album?”

“Uh, I kinda like Love Is All Around.”

I scribbled that into the second slot.  “And your favorite song in general?”

“Aftermath’s Pull Me Through.”

I put it into the tenth slot and turned to Mirror Ball.  “Same questions.”

“Love Train and Peak Freak’s Shine.”

I jotted Shine into the third spot and Love Train into the ninth.  I looked at Jazz Hooves and she answered without me even asking.

“Memories and Vylet’s Historia de Equestria.”

Fourth and eighth were filled in, leaving just two spots left.

Glow Stick responded to my unasked question.  “Roar and Aviators’ Reach.”

With the fifth and seventh positions filled, we officially had a set list.  “We’ve only got the rest of the morning and the afternoon to learn these songs.  We can get to know each other better when Coloratura steps off stage later tonight, but right now we have to focus on getting the songs right.”

We started practicing with The Sun Shines Brightest When I’m With You.  If anypony in the audience is here to see me, and not Countess Coloratura, this is the song they want to hear.  To say ‘it went poorly’ would be an understatement along the lines of saying ‘the sun is warm’.  I stopped it halfway through.  Glow Stick’s drumming was at a much faster pace than the rest of us. Jazz Hooves was trying to drown me out. Love Song and Mirror Ball were trying to outdo one another in putting on a show, moving around the stage and throwing the rest of us off our rhythm.  In short, we looked and sounded like the amateurs we were.

I groaned as I stopped singing.  It took thirty seconds for the others to realize the pianist/lead vocalist had quit halfway through the song.  One by one the others came to a stop, embarrassed expressions on all their faces. “Well, that was a thing that just happened.  Let’s… not repeat that.  This time, how about we do it in harmony?”

Take two made it to the end of the song.  The best I could say about our first full run-through was that it was better than the album cut.  I despise the album cut – so much so that I’d rather listen to a violin going through an incinerator.  Our glitcher hadn’t arrived, so the music actually sounded more like I’d originally envisioned it.

But it was still awful.

But that was the whole point of practicing – when you have lots of room for improvement, it makes it easier to get better.  I didn’t care if we mangled some of my other songs, but we needed to get The Sun Shines Brightest When I’m With You right. Not only because it was my signature tune, but also because I wrote it.

One thing I noticed was that as we moved on to another song, it didn’t take as long to get it down pat. The improvements we’d made in working together on the first cut translated to the later songs.  Pacing was still a bit of a problem, mostly because everypony had practiced the songs solo.

We had a fully-catered lunch at noon.  My hopes for a short break were dashed, as the meal ate into our practice time.  The minutes ticked away, and once practice started up again, we’d lost ground.  Overindulging on lunch had made the rest of the band lethargic.

While the others were taking a potty break, I made it very clear that no more food was to be brought in until after the concert.  Love Song, Jazz Hooves, and I shook it off first, pegasus metabolism coming to our rescue. We’d lost the better part of an hour to lackluster practicing.  Frustrated, I walked over to my keyboard and started mashing the keys at random while letting out a scream.

Glow Stick started pounding the drums.  If I thought she was fast before, she proved then and there that she’d been restraining herself up 'til now – even on the first, aborted try.  Her drumsticks were naught but a blur.

Not to be outdone, Love Song and Mirror Ball started shredding.  Jazz Hooves had no instrument to play, and instead cranked her background vocals up to eleven, belting out the lyrics to I’ll Come Running.  She had a powerful soprano voice, and while she couldn’t hit the notes I could, she had far more intensity.

Ten minutes later we were panting for breath.  We’d poured everything we had into the impromptu jam session.  If nothing else, it had energized everypony out of the food coma we’d fallen into.

It was time to move on to another song.  With our schedule growing tighter by the minute, I opted to start practicing everypony’s favorite songs, since the material was unfamiliar.  What kind of idiot waits until the last second to put a band together? Making things infuriating was the fact Svengallop had probably had them all sign contracts with him too, and probably had done so quite some time ago.  So why am I only now meeting these ponies for the first time on the day of my first concert?









The time crunch had forced us to improve at a rapid pace.  By the time the concert started, we weren’t awful.  There was room for improvement, but we’d managed mediocrity. The songs that needed to be done well were passable.  The rest were hit and miss, but the glitching hid some of the errors.  Not that it mattered much – almost nopony in the audience was there to see us, anyway.

As the last notes of our encore faded away there was enthusiastic stomping.  I sincerely hoped it was for our performance, and not because they were thrilled we were done for the night.  Of course, their volume only increased as Countess Coloratura took the stage.  Even though I’d spent almost the entire day singing, I added my own hoarse voice to the cacophony – I wanted to see her just as badly as the audience.

Like my bandmates, I was hungry, sweaty, and exhausted, but riveted to the side of the stage, watching the hottest popstar in Equestria give it her all.  Part of me was fangirling, while the logical part of my brain was taking notes on what I’d need to do if I wanted to be more than a flash in the pan.

Countess Coloratura was electrifying – moving across the stage and dancing.  Her cutie mark glowed during parts of her show, and I sincerely doubted it was a visual effect.  I looked back at the trio of suns on my own cutie mark.  They’d never lit up once that I was aware of, but it would certainly be appropriate if they did.  This was a mare in her element, and she made our performance look pitiful in comparison. I think the rest of the band had the same thought, as I could almost sense the steely determination to improve amongst them.

I looked out over the audience – they were transfixed by the performance.  The first five rows were filled with schoolponies.  I recognized one entire row as my own classmates, and I had a hunch that the other four rows corresponded to each of my bandmates. Coloratura was adamant that she be allowed to meet with students prior to her concerts, and it seems our classmates were the lucky recipients of her attention this time around.  Coloratura’s signature hoofsies decorating their cheeks confirmed it.

Dinner was served, and we all opted to eat it while sitting offstage, watching Rara’s show.  Premium seating for my favorite singer’s concert and all-I-can-eat broccoli bites – what could be better?

The concert eventually ended after three encores and a fireworks display.  There was just enough time during the pyrotechnics for Coloratura to grab a quick bite to eat while a pair of roadies wiped the sweat from her.

Then she and I signed autographs until well after midnight, when the last pony finally left.







Manehattan: eight years, seven months, and three days ago


It was amazing how much could change in a short span of time.  The first horseshoe to drop was Countess Coloratura firing Svengallop. He tried to pass it off as him dumping her, to focus on me, but I knew the truth.  Coloratura and I had continued corresponding.  She bought out her contract, but Svengallop was fighting it. As such, he was spending a lot of his time meeting with lawyers, scheming ways to ruin her.

The second was Coloratura taking time off from the music industry to focus on rebranding herself from scratch, not to mention dealing with the ensuing legal battle.  It left her with a lack of time to write and/or record new music, or to go on tour.  There was a hole on the charts we were perfectly positioned to fill.

The third was that Svengallop wanted Coloratura to fail spectacularly, so he promoted us heavily. Like him or not, he had connections that we didn’t.  He called in favors to make sure our album was in heavy rotation on every radio station that mattered.

The last was that he was so blinded by rage that he left us alone for the most part.  It meant we recorded the album our way – with no glitches or distortions.

It was the perfect storm, and the end result was that Sunny Rays and the Sunbeams made it to the top of the charts.  My second album, The Perfect Storm, debuted at number three, moved to number one the next week, and then stayed there for two months.  A record we all had input on, it was one of Love Song’s tunes that became the biggest hit: Stormy Night.  A song that despite its name, wasn’t about a storm at all, rather a bad breakup.

I bought my parents a Packard to replace the one I’d bought them when my first album went up the charts. This time, I’d become a big enough star to get one custom-ordered.  But that was the extent of my frivolous spending – I needed something big and flashy so Svengallop wouldn’t suspect my true goal.  He didn’t like it when his stars weren’t spending money on lavish, gaudy trinkets.

The bulk of my share of the proceeds went straight into my savings, with the eventual goal of buying out our contract as Coloratura had done.  I’d realized I wasn’t willing to leave my bandmates behind, so I’d need to save more money to get us all out of our various deals with Svengallop.  If any of the others wanted to stay on with him, that was their choice, but the option to come with me was one I intended to leave open for all of them.







Seaddle: eight years, five months, and twelve days ago


I’d moved in with my grandparents to be closer to the rest of the band.  Everypony else lived in either Seaddle or Tackoma, and I was hundreds of miles away in Horsevallis.  I wasn’t particularly close to my father or siblings, anyway; a fact that had only been exacerbated by spending so much time on the road without them.  When I traveled, only Mom went with me.  I tried to get home at least once a month, but it didn’t always work out that way.

I grabbed the mail as I walked into my grandparents’ house.  I left the water bill in my Grandpa’s study, and tossed the junk mail concerning our cart’s extended warranty in the trash where it belonged. The highlight, though, was a letter from Coloratura.  I ripped open the envelope and started reading it.

Sunny Rays,


You asked why I hate The Spectacle so much.  This song represents everything about myself that I came to hate.  Imagine being fed a constant diet of praise, being told how amazing you are 24/7.  Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it?  It is, right up until you find that you’re losing yourself to a lie.  When you start thinking you’re ‘bigger than Celestia’ you’ve succumbed to it.  It took an old friend to snap me out of it; to remind me of who I am and what I stand for. I’m not a spectacle, I’m just plain old Rara.

If you ever need somepony to buck the stupid out of you, I’ll send my friend Applejack over.  She’ll give you the honest truth, whether you want to hear it or not.


Hoofsies,
Rara

I immediately penned my response:

Rara,

I understand entirely.  But there are ponies who still like it, so the song itself isn’t without merit.  Would you consider letting me cover it on my next album?

Your faithful student,
Sunny Rays








Seaddle: eight years, four months, and fourteen days ago


Sunny Rays,

I’ll give you permission on one condition: you let me do a cover of one of your songs.  Not right now, and I don’t know what song, but someday after you’ve put out some more hits, I’m reserving the right to pick one of my choice to cover.

Hoofsies,
Rara

P.S.: You’re not Twilight Sparkle, and you’re not my student.

Coloratura’s idea of granting a favor was to do it, on the condition that she would do me another favor at a later date.  My response was short and to the point.

Rara,

Deal!

Your faithful student,
Sunny Rays

P.S.: You may not be Princess Celestia, but you’re as much my mentor as she was Twilight Sparkle’s.  You discovered me when I was a filly with a little ditty that got played on the local radio station a few times, and for that you have my eternal thanks and respect.








Manehattan: seven years, four months, and eighteen days ago


I wanted to take Svengallop by surprise, so I’d sprung it on my band at the last possible second. Three of four accepted the buyout. The lone holdout was Jazz Hooves, and I could already see the gears turning in her head that she could replace me, just as I’d replaced Countess Coloratura, and she’d replaced Sapphire Shores…

More power to her if she could.  Coloratura’s newest album was weeks away from launch, and her new musical direction was being hyped.  ‘Coloratura as you’ve never heard her before!’  ‘The Countess is gone, call me Rara!’  I’d already heard it in its entirety, one of the perks of being Coloratura’s friend.  It was a great album, and it was going to do well on the charts.  Those who’d written her off as a ‘has-been’ based on Svengallop’s lies were going to be proven wrong, and I had no doubt she’d reclaim the title of most popular musician in Equestria.  From me.

Svengallop was expecting a new album from us to go hoof-to-hoof with Coloratura’s.  We hadn’t been working on one.  Each of us was, of course, working on our own musical projects, but there’d been no collaboration between any of us, intentionally on my part.

I trotted into his office and sat on the lumpy pile of pillows across the desk from him.  His luxurious chair was positioned so that he could look down upon those that visited him.  A pair of ponies in immaculately tailored suits followed me, and stood behind me.  “Svengallop, I’m here to buy out my contract like Rara did.”  I used her nickname, because he despised it.

He peered over his glasses at me, like I was an insignificant gnat unworthy of his time. In his mind, I probably was.  “You can’t afford it.”

One of my lawyers flicked open his briefcase and pulled a check out, then levitated it over to Svengallop.

“Interesting, I didn’t think you had this much money to your name.  Fine, if you don’t want the gift I’ve bestowed upon you, I’ll find somepony else who does.  I’ll accept your offer, but it’ll cost you.  In addition to this check, I expect an album, as promised.  You better make it count, because when I’m done with you you’ll never work in the recording industry again.  You’ll be flipping hayburgers before the decade’s out.”

“That would be a step up from working with you.”  I flicked my tail as I turned and walked out of his office.  My lawyers could take care of the details.  I had a band to return to.

Jazz Hooves had already left by the time I got back, and she refused to join us in the studio as we recorded our album.  We cobbled together some original songs from the outtakes we’d had left over from our first studio sessions.  Svengallop already knew about those songs, so there was no point in withholding them, because he certainly wasn’t going to let us take them with us when we left. The rest of the album was made up of covers.  We weren’t bringing our best material to the table; we wanted to hold it for our next album, when we’d be the ones to reap the rewards instead of Svengallop.  So the cover songs were where we put in the most effort – we needed at least one of them to be a hit so we’d stay relevant on the charts.  But I knew what we were up against – Coloratura’s first album as an independent was going to do exceedingly well.  We’d have to be free of Svengallop’s influence to be able to put out something of similar quality.

I’d already determined that we’d cover The Spectacle.  I knew how much she’d grown to loathe that song, but it had been a huge hit and ponies still liked it even if she didn’t.  She had loved the idea of the song being associated with somepony other than her, so she granted her permission immediately. Svengallop owned the rights to the song, so I knew he wouldn’t object.  He loved money – he wouldn’t object to getting more bits.

With one cover firmly in place, I turned things over to my band.  My suggestion was that we record the songs we’d covered in our first ever concert.  That was met with resistance from Love Song.  She suggested we pick obscure filler tracks and try to make them hits.

Before we could start arguing about it, I raised my hoof.  “We have twelve slots on the album.  We can salvage four tracks from our outtakes, do the four covers from our first concert, and pick four obscure songs to make into our own.”

There were no objections to my compromise and I breathed a sigh of relief.  We’d already lost Jazz Hooves, and Svengallop would no doubt try and ruin our careers as he’d been trying to ruin Coloratura’s.  Petty in-fighting would have been the end of the band.  When everything’s hanging by a thread, scissors are the wrong tool.

Mirror Ball had pulled the master record with our outtakes from the vault and we listened to them.  Nothing jumped out at us as a great starting point. These tracks had been left on the cutting room floor for a reason.

“Play that third one again, mate.  I got me an idea.”

Mirror Ball put the needle into the groove and Glow Stick started wailing on her drums.  “I want you to imagine this song with this beat.” She’d reimagined a bland mid-tempo ballad as a punk song.  And it worked better than it had any right to.

The rest of us nodded our heads.  “Well then, what’s wrong with the rest of this dreck?”  I played the first track again.  “Starting with this one.”

“The lyrics.”

I cringed at Love Song’s suggestion.  I’d written the song, after all.  “What do you have in mind?”

“Well…”  She hummed the song’s chorus.  “For starters, you’re way too fond of happy, sunny lyrics. What if we take this up-tempo and give it mournful lyrics about a lost love?”

I’m too fond of sunny lyrics, and you’re too fond of love songs. I dared not voice those thoughts. Love Song’s the best lyricist I know, and songs about love sell.  “All right, make it happen.”  I wasn’t fond of that song, anyway.

“Let’s try…”  Her tongue poked out the corner of her mouth as she scribbled some lyrics.

Moonlight; lying in bed

Can’t get you outta my head

 

“And that can come back to haunt the song’s protagonist at work the next day.”  More lyrics were scribbled.

 

Sunlight; I’m falling behind

Gotta get you offa my mind

I wasn’t sure they were great, but I gladly conceded they were better than what I’d come up with.

Wish I’d known then what I now know

Why did I ever let you go?

“That’ll be the chorus. I still need to fill in the lyrics, but it’s a start.  I think that’ll be the title, too: Why Did I Ever Let You Go?”

The rest of us just watched her work, offering suggestions whenever she stopped.  The new lyrics changed the melody of the song, and despite our best efforts, something new rose from the ashes of my silly little song about cantering on the beach on a sunny day.

“Let’s go back to my original lyrics.”  My bandmates turned to look at me like I was nuts.  “This is too good to waste on any album Svengallop is involved with.”

The others nodded. “What else is wrong with my song? It’s garbage, it’s okay to say it. If it wasn’t, it would’ve been on our last album.”

“The cheeky bugger doesn’t have any beat, mate.”  Glow Stick banged on her drums for emphasis.

“All right.  Give it the most inappropriate beat for the lyrics you can think of.  The song’s awful.  Let’s make it so bad that it’s ironically good.”

“Deliciously cheesy, even,” Love Song added.

“Glitch the Tartarus out of it and dedicate it to Svenny.”

We all laughed at Mirror Ball’s suggestion.  “Glitching it is.”

Once we’d determined that song was to be a hate sink, we threw everything at it.  Four-chord song?  Why not?  Extra nonsensical background lyrics that get repeated a zillion times?  ‘Na na na na na na na na na…’  Of course!  We loaded it up with everything we hated, and joked that it would probably end up being our biggest hit.

Oddly, it became a great source of inspiration.  Discussion of the things we loathed turned into discussion of the things we loved. Some of the things we tossed at it stuck to other songs instead.  The album was quickly shaping up to be one of the oddest, least consistent records of all time.  I’d originally intended Sun On The Beach to be a doo-wop song.  So we made it into doo-wop glitch.  Glitch-wop? The truly awful song’s worst curse was that it was a total earworm.  We all agreed it should be the last track on the LP.  That way it would be avoidable.

With the creativity flowing, I knew that we’d have no trouble meeting Svengallop’s deadline for a new album.







Seaddle: six years, nine months, and eight days ago


Even though our previous album was still on the charts, we wanted to get our new album out as soon as possible.  The lead single was Love Song’s Why Did I Ever Let You Go?  Even though the album hadn't been released yet, the song had gone to number one almost immediately. Then it stayed there.  Weeks went by, then months.

We had a second single ready to go as soon as the first dropped off the charts, which would give us enough time to get the record finished.  Sun In My Eyes was the last track that needed to be recorded, a piece Love Song had written to showcase my soaring soprano.

We started practicing it and I struggled to hit the notes.  It was so bad the rest of the band stopped playing.  Love Song glared at me and told me to stop goofing around.

The problem was I wasn’t joking.  I switched to singing one of my other tunes and couldn’t hit the high notes on that one either.

That’s when the others became concerned I might be coming down with a cold, but I assured them I felt fine.  I just couldn’t sing.  It was distressing, so I did the only thing I could – I took the next train back to Horsevallis.







Horsevallis: six years, nine months, and seven days ago


I’d gotten in late the night before.  Suffice it to say my parents were surprised to see me.

Perfect Pitch was even more surprised to find me on her doorstep.  She’d retired from giving vocal and piano lessons, but she let me in anyway.

With tears in my eyes I explained how I couldn’t sing.

She just chuckled as she boiled water for tea.  “How old are you, dearie?”

“Twelve.  What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Your body’s going through the changes.”

“What changes?

“You’re growing up. There are a lot of differences between fillies and mares.  Your voice is getting lower.  The normal slide is about half an octave, but your range was always higher than normal. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if you drop an entire octave, maybe more.”

“What other changes are there between fillies and mares?”

“Answering that goes well beyond my qualifications as a music teacher.  But rest assured, your parents should be able to tell you all about puberty.”

I drank my tea in silence as Perfect Pitch offered suggestions on how I should continue my career.









My head was still spinning when I walked into the house.  I’d spent hours at Perfect’s, and I still couldn’t believe I’d never be able to hit my trademark soaring soprano notes ever again.  Dad was sitting at the dining room table, reading the paper and drinking coffee.

“Dad, what’s a puberty?”

He spit his coffee across the room, took one look at me, and tried to jump through the window, a classic pegasus escape maneuver.  Except the window was small, and my father wasn’t as thin as he used to be.  He’d fallen out of shape since the last time I’d been home, months earlier.  How can he push clouds dragging around all that extra weight?

“Sweetheart, Daddy’s stuck. Could you maybe give me a push?”

Since Dad wasn’t going anywhere, I walked outside and sat down in front of him.  “Not until you tell me what a puberty is.”

“Ask your mother.”

I stomped a hoof. “But she’s not home and I want to know now.”

“Well, uh… you see. When a filly gets to be a certain age, she um… well, she becomes a mare.”

“Just like that?”

He nodded.  “Just like that.”

“So I don’t have to do anything?”

“Nope.  It all happens on its own.  It’s nothing to worry about.  Perfectly natural.”

“So what’s going to happen to me?”

“You’ll be a mare.”

“Yeah, I get that, Dad. But what are the differences between a filly and a mare?”

“I don’t know.  You’ll have to ask your mother.  I could tell you all about the changes from colt to stallion.”

“Okay, go ahead.”

“I could, but, um, er, but that isn’t going to help you.”

“Oh.  Well, Mom’s not home, and I’ve got time.”

Dad’s face flushed even redder than it had been.  Poor guy is really out of shape if just talking is getting him out of breath.

“To start with, a colt’s voice is a lot higher than a stallion’s.  Think about how your brother sounds compared to me.”

I nodded.  “My voice is getting lower too, so maybe all the things colts go through happen to fillies too?  Keep going!”

“Actually… they’re very different.  Like completely different.”

“How would you know they’re different?  You said you don’t know anything about fillies and mares, and my voice is getting lower too.  So maybe they’re exactly the same and you don’t know it because you never asked!”

“Knock, knock!”

I turned my head and Cookie Delight appeared with a tray full of cookies.  “Couldn’t help overhearing my favorite crooner is back in town.  Why don’t you have a few cookies while I help your father out of this window?”

“Okay.”  I sat on the couch, munching on chocolate chip cookies while I watched our neighbor try to extricate my Dad from the window frame without much luck.

Mom arrived.  My siblings materialized out of thin air when the fire department showed up, sitting on the couch next to me as we watched the firefighters cut the window out of the house to get Dad unstuck.

With everything going on, I never got the answer to my question.







Horsevallis: three years, eleven months, and twenty-eight days ago


My alarm clock blared and I cracked an eye open.  Is it noon already?

I’d abandoned the Seaddle music scene and moved back in with my parents.  Unlike my siblings, I’d dropped out of school.  I had my cutie mark, and hence the option to apprentice in my chosen field.  I’d skipped the apprenticeship, and jumped right into a career in the music industry. Even though my career had stalled out, I’d saved the bits from my last album, and I still made enough in royalties that I’d never have to work a day in my life if I didn’t want to.

I stayed in bed, snuggled under the mountain of blankets.  The radio station my alarm was tuned to was in the middle of a commercial break.  Even in my hometown, I rarely heard any stations play my music anymore.  I hadn’t had a hit since my voice changed, so the channels that focused on the current hot songs hadn’t played me in a few years. Considering I hadn’t even had my Sweet 16 birthday yet, my music wasn’t old enough to play on oldies stations. Once my songs dropped off the charts, there wasn’t a dedicated channel to play them.  At least not in Horsevallis, though the amount of royalties I was getting from airplay indicated they were getting played somewhere.

My band had scattered to the winds.  Jazz Hooves had a short run of minor hits, though even with Svengallop’s help she’d struggled to gain traction on the charts.  I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d dropped her in favor of somepony new.

The others had found different bands to work with.  Love Song had found a home with Mare Supply, the undisputed masters of love songs. Mirror Ball and Glow Stick had gone on to be session musicians, unaffiliated with any one act.

The commercial break ended, and a new song started playing.

Come on Sky Dream.  Come on Sky Dream.  Poor old Sunny Rays, sounded sad upon the radio, she broke a million hearts in mono…

I blinked.  What do they mean ‘poor old Sunny Rays’?  I’m not even sixteen!  I sighed.  Such was the life of a popstar – I was already washed up, just like Sapphire Shores.

 

Come on Sky Dream… Toola Roola, Toola Roola, hey…

The song ended and I waited for the disc jockey to give me the artist’s name.

“That was Expys Midnight Trotters with their new hit Come On Sky Dream available now on Svengallop Records.”

My head hit my desk as I slumped in defeat.  Of course Svengallop is involved.  He’s got a new act and he’s using them to take potshots at me.  Well, that’s it.  I’ve been officially put out to pasture now.  I looked at the material on my desk – I had enough songs for a new album, this time something more to my own taste.

By all accounts, puberty had been kind to me.  I could look in the mirror and see it.  There was no shortage of ponies that wanted to date me.

Puberty had been kind to me… in everything except for the one thing that really mattered: my voice had betrayed me.  All voices got lower as ponies aged.  That was an undisputed fact of life.  But filly voices weren’t supposed to drop two whole octaves during puberty.  I couldn’t reach the notes that I’d hit just a few years earlier.

This day can’t get any worse.  I shut the radio off and trudged down to the kitchen to get breakfast. ‘Lunch’ might be the more appropriate word, considering it was just past noon.

Mom was sitting on the couch, a dazed expression on her face.  Dried tears matted her face.  My siblings were in school, and I had no idea where Dad was, but I knew Mom should’ve been at work.  “Are you okay, Mom?”

“Your father’s gone.”

“What happened?”  I immediately feared the worst – he had gone out yesterday and hadn’t come home.  I’d been up until well into the wee hours of the morning and there was no sign of him when I went to bed.

“I found this on the doorstep.”  She motioned to a basket sitting on the sofa next to her.

“Cookies!”  I grabbed an oatmeal raisin cookie with my wing and stuffed it in my mouth.  I recognized Cookie Delight’s baking instantly.

Mom held up a sheet of paper.  “It seems your father and Miss Delight have run off together.”

I suddenly found it hard to enjoy the cookie I was eating.  “Why?”

“Your father and I have had… difficulties lately.”

I shook my head.  “I know that.  I’m more curious as to why would Cookie Delight would run off with Dad. I don’t know why you bothered staying with him.  He’s been freeloading since I hit it big, and on top of that he really let himself go these past few years.  Can he even get off the ground anymore?  She can do better than him.  So can you. I hate to say it, but honestly… good riddance to the lazy bum.”

“Looks aren’t everything, Sunny.  Just because you’re young and pretty right now doesn’t mean you’ll always be.  Would you like to know what some mares find more attractive than looks?”

“Personality?”

Mom laughed.  It was a bitter, mirthless sound.  “In your dreams.”

“A good sense of humor?”

“Money.  Lots and lots of money.  It’s a good thing you weren’t planning on continuing your education, because your college fund just flew the coop.  The first thing I did this morning when I found the basket was go to the bank. Your father cleared your account down to the minimum balance.  It was a joint account we set up when you were eight, so he had the authorization to do it.  I closed that account, and the remaining bits are on the table.  You can go to the bank and set up a new account – one that only you have access to.”  She buried her face in her hooves.  “I’m so sorry, Sunny.  I know you were saving those bits for a rainy day.  This… this shouldn’t have happened.”

My indifference to his leaving quickly changed to shock, then rage.  I was shaking with anger as I slammed the door behind me.

Mom reopened the door. “Where are you going?”

“To the train station. I’m going to find him, and I’m getting my money back.”  I paused. “Just so you know, I’m not angry at you.”

“Wait!  I’m coming with you.”

“What about Stormy and Iris?”

“We’ll get them on the way.”

We stopped at the school so Mom could pull Storm Front and Iris Mist out of their classes, and then the four of us headed to the train station.  I marched up to the counter.

“Oh my gosh!  Sunny Rays!”

“Yes.  I’m looking for a stallion and a mare.”  I slapped a picture of my father on the ticket counter. “Picture this guy, about five years older and significantly fatter.  He’s hard to miss.  Travelling with a pink earth pony, about a third his size, with a cookie cutter cutie mark.”

He nodded.  “They came in last night and bought tickets to Trottingham.  Would you like four tickets?”

I shook my head.  Trottingham was on the opposite end of Equestria.  They had the option to get off at any stop between here and there, and they had almost a full day’s head start.  I briefly considered hiring the fastest airship in the airdocks, but he hadn’t left me with enough money to afford it.  “Four tickets to Canterlot, please.”  There was more than one way to paint a picture.







Horsevallis: three years, seven months, and twenty-six days ago 


I’d used my celebrity status to gain an audience with the princess.  She agreed that the bits were intended to be ‘in trust’ for me, and that my sire had stolen them.  

The Royal Guards were alerted and towns across the country were checked.  There had been tantalizing tidbits of places he’d been, but none for where he was currently.  The trail had grown cold, and it was theorized that he’d left Equestria entirely, possibly for Klugetown. 

What it all boiled down to was my nest egg was gone.  Residuals still gave me a healthy income, but there were no guarantees my past successes would continue generating revenue.

I looked at the songs I’d written for a new album.  I’d composed them to account for my lower voice, but every time I tried singing them, I imagined a soaring soprano instead.  My options were to cut the record and hope my fans would accept me for who I’d grown into… or get a real job.

How could I ask my fans to accept the new me when I couldn’t even accept myself?

Which was how I found myself managing the Yakyakima Weather Team.  A predominantly yak settlement northwest of Horsevallis, and southwest of Seaddle, it was a two-hour flight from home each way.

The first thing I learned about yaks was that they had no interest in pony pop culture.  The second thing I learned was that yaks really like breaking things.  Most yaks had never heard one of my songs, but they all enjoyed watching ‘flying pony smash clouds’.

It was hard to believe that at one point in my life I’d dreamed of being a weather manager.  I’d accomplished that goal easily.  Far too easily, considering my family’s connections. Mom was absolutely thrilled at the idea of me continuing the family tradition, and abandoning my plans to put out another album.  Nepotism was alive and well, though while I’d gotten the position ahead of better qualified candidates, I was truly good at the job, or I wouldn’t have kept it long. Even without years of experience, I could do the job in my sleep.  Weatherbreaking really does run in my blood.

I had an office that I didn’t use much, except when I had to do paperwork.  I much preferred to be out in the sky with my team, and I’d hired a secretary to take care of the rest.  In short, I was living the pegasus dream, but I was unhappy.  Music had truly taken over my life in ways I never would’ve expected.









I glided across Horsevallis, my home in sight.  I landed and trotted through the kitchen door.  Mom had made cream of broccoli soup, and I grabbed a bowl and served myself from the leftovers.  It was cold, but after a long day in the sky, I didn’t care.  I carried dinner to my room and laid down on my bed, my sore muscles eager for rest.

Iris Mist barged into my room uninvited, as little sisters tend to do.  “Sunny!  Look at this!” she said excitedly, as she waved a newspaper around.

“I can’t if you keep moving it.”  She giggled sheepishly and placed the paper on my bed and I finally looked at it. “Earth?”

“They’ve been talking about it nonstop on the radio today.  It’s really cool!  There are other ponies out there.”

“It says here that they’re called humans.”

“Humans, yaks, dragons; they’re all ponies in my book.”

I motioned for her to lay down next to me and then draped a wing over her.  “Huh, those could be song lyrics.  I’m going to make a musician outta you yet.”

“Nuh-uh!  I’m gonna be a weather manager, just like you!”  She squirmed her way out of the hug and stood on my back, then she preened my wings as I ate.  

“Thanks, sis.”  Prior to Dad’s disappearance, my siblings barely spoke to me.  I was the success story, the overachieving older sister who was hard to follow.  I couldn’t blame them – I’d barely been around when they were younger and never had a chance to build rapport with them. After Dad left, they felt sorry for me. I’d had it all and had had it taken from me through no fault of my own.  Other, less sunny ponies, might’ve let that get them down.

When she was done preening me, Iris started massaging my back and wings.  I moved the mostly empty bowl to my nightstand and stretched out, letting her work the tension out of my wings.

My eyelids drooped as she worked, and I let them slide over my eyes.  Earth…  A whole new audience that doesn’t have any expectations for what I’m supposed to sound like.  Maybe I could go on tour.







Earth: today


I stepped through the portal and into the human world.  After shaking off the disorientation, being guided by a guard as a human stepped through the portal on his way to Equestria, I looked around.  Earth didn’t look all that much different from Equus. There were rocks and trees; rabbits and squirrels.

More than that, there was potential.  This world was mine for the taking.  I’d pulled some strings to ensure that I was one of the first ponies through the portal, and I intended to capitalize on that opportunity.  I’d packed records of my back catalog, along with all of my notes for future songs.  If New York was anything like Manehattan, I’d have no problem finding record executives to talk to.  My plan was to suggest releasing translated versions of my songs and going out on tour. But I’d have to prove I was commercially viable.  At the very least, having a pony musician on Earth would be a novelty, just like a human musician would be in Equestria.  Most importantly, I was first.

The bus was all the colors of the rainbow.  I climbed the steps and set my sights on finding a seat.  There were a lot of empty seats, but there was a sad-looking mare sitting directly behind the driver.  I plopped down next to her.  Maybe I can cheer her up.  “Hi there!  I’m Sunny Rays, nice to meet you!”

“Flitterheart.  Nice to meet you too.”  She smiled, and I smiled back.

“You look like you’re in need of a friend.”  There’d been no squeal of recognition when I introduced myself.  That meant I’d have to try harder to make her smile.

Flitterheart chuckled. “There was a time I used to do that too. Seek out the loneliest pony in any gathering, keep them company, and offer my friendship.”

“It’s a great way to make friends.”  She nodded, and I continued.  “So what made you stop?”

“Life.”

“You can do better than that.”

“My little sister got killed doing something stupid.”

I winced. “Sorry.”  Great first impression, Sunny.

“It’s been years.  The wound has healed, but it never truly goes away.”

I nodded.  “It’s worse without friends.”

“You’re right.”

I shrugged.  “I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.”

“I was so hurt when my friends went away after my sister’s incident.”

“Then they weren’t friends. Whatever your sister did, it couldn’t have been that bad.  It’s not like she was Cozy Glow.”

Flitterheart cringed and turned away from me, her cheeks redder than a sunburned mare on the beach. Oh horseapples.  No, it can’t be.  She can’t possibly be related to…  She cut my thoughts off.

“Her name was Cozyheart.”

Oh stars, she is.  I hugged her as tight as I could.  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.  The papers always said she was an orphan.”

“That was the lie she used to get into the School of Friendship.”

“Her crimes aren’t yours. I stand by my original assessment: if your friends abandoned you because of that, they weren’t true friends.  I’m very sorry for bringing it up.  Can we start over?  Hi, I’m Sunny Rays and I have a bad habit of putting my hoof in my mouth.  Or, in this case, all four of them at once.”

“Hi Sunny Rays, I’m Flitterheart, and I’m carrying more emotional baggage than anypony you know.”

“Now that we’ve gotten that awkward faux pas out of the way, how about you tell me about Flitterheart. There has to be more to you than just your sister.”

She sighed.  “I loved my sister very much.  I still do.  There will always be a place for her in my heart.”

I coughed.

“Oh, right, me.  I’m just your average pegasus mare.  Nothing special.  Born in West Milfoil, but moved to Salt Lick City after… events beyond my control.  I build cloud houses with Habitat For Equinity for homeless pegasi.  I’ve never held a job.  I wasn’t old enough to get one when they announced Earth, and as soon as the news broke I knew I was coming here the second I was allowed to, so there was no point in getting one.  I’m really hoping the rest of my family can join me someday.”  She looked at me.  “How about you?”

I chuckled.  “I guess I’m just your average pegasus mare too. I come from a long line of weatherwranglers, and I was weather manager for the little town of Yakyakima.  I enjoy singing, but who doesn’t?”

She giggled.  “With a name like that, I’d hope so.  So how many ponies come up to you thinking you’re that Sunny Rays?”

“More than you think.”

“That must get so annoying.”

“You have no idea.”

A blue unicorn was working her way through the bus, and she was getting closer to where we were sitting. I decided to steer the conversation away from sensitive topics until I could ascertain the other mare’s intentions.

“Favorite food?”

“Hay fries.  Though I really want to try those potato-based fries they have here on Earth.  But I think you have to go to France to get them.  What about you?”

“Anything spicy.  I’ve got a chili recipe that tastes like it’s trying to buck you right in the taste buds.  I can’t make it to save my life, but hey, at least I’ve got the recipe.”

She chuckled at that. It was a sweet sound; the gentle sound of a lullaby on a soft breeze.  “I’m a pretty good cook.  I come from a large family.  We love to have picnics and parties, and they’re always potlucks.  Everypony can cook.  Well, except my Uncle Braveheart.  Aunt Treatheart doesn’t let him in the kitchen since the last fire.”

“The last fire.  As in, he’s caused more than one?”

“Seven that I know of. It’s a good thing cloud homes aren’t very flammable.  Do you want to know what he was trying to make that last time?”

“Sure.”

“Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”

My jaw dropped.  “Just how…?”

“We’ve been trying to figure it out for years.  We think it may have spontaneously combusted.  There’s no other rational explanation.”

“Hi!  I’m Snowcatcher.  What brings you to Earth?”  The unicorn interrupted our conversation.

Flitterheart opened her mouth to say something, and I blurted out the first thing that came to mind to shut her up.  “Puberty.”

Snowcatcher blinked. “I have questions.”

“Wow, you weren’t kidding when you said you were good at putting your hoof in your mouth, Sunny.”

Snowcatcher’s brain finally started working again.  “I’m going to start with ‘what?’  ‘What?’ bears repeating, followed immediately by ‘what?’ and concluded with ‘what?’”

“It’s a long story.”

“It’s a long bus ride.”

I nodded.  “True, but I’ve seen you going up the aisle, talking with everypony.  If I go into my backstory you won’t have time to finish talking to everypony on the bus. Your choice.  I’m Sunny Rays, by the way, and this is my new friend, Flitterheart.  Maybe… maybe you’re a new friend too?”

“I’d like to be. You’re right.  I’ve got a task to accomplish and a set time to get it done. I guess I’ll cut to the chase: what are your plans now that you’re here?”

Flitterheart shrugged. “I don’t care.  I’ll scrub toilets if I have to, as long as I’m out of Equestria. Hopefully my family can join me someday soon.”

I shrugged.  “I was thinking of going on tour.”

“See the sights?”

“Something like that…” This mare doesn’t recognize me at all.  I just dropped what should be a giant clue that I’m the Sunny Rays and she’s oblivious, just like Flitterheart.  I smiled at her.  It’s actually a breath of fresh air that nopony recognizes me.  It’s just like Yakyakima.

“If you’re looking for a place to settle down for a bit, a few of the other mares on the bus and I are thinking of starting up an Equestrian-style hotel.”  Snowcatcher smiled as she looked at Flitterheart. “You’d probably have to scrub a few toilets now and then, but at least it wouldn’t be all day, every day.”

“I think I’d like that. A place to roost and make a new start.”

She’s so naïve – she reminds me of myself, before years in the recording industry made me grow up.  I’m not leaving her behind, and she never even gave me the chance to suggest she come on tour with me.  If this is what she wants, this is what she’ll get.  “If Flitterheart’s in, I guess I’m down for that too.  At least for a little while ‘til the ol’ wanderlust kicks in.  My Earth World Tour can wait a bit.”

“Awesome!  I’ll need to crunch numbers at the consulate, but if I can find enough ponies to go in on this, we can make it work.  If I can’t… I’ll think of something.  I’m not going to leave anypony hanging.”

Snowcatcher continued on her quest of signing up more ponies for the hotel and I whispered into Flitterheart’s ear.  “My advice is not to mention your sister at all, or you’ll find the problems you’re running from will follow you everywhere.”

She wanted to argue but didn’t.  But she’d finally put two and two together.  “Wait.  When you said you were planning to go on tour…”

“Yes.  I’m that Sunny Rays.”

“No way.”

“Way.”

“What are you doing on Earth?  You’re a huge star!”

“Even us huge stars have to check in at the consulate.”

She shoved me, playfully. “You had me going there for a moment. Though you do kinda look like her.”

“I’m serious.  You don’t have to work at a hotel.  Once I get my tour set up, you’re welcome to come with me.  You can be a roadie.  Unless you’ve got some musical talent you haven’t mentioned?  I’m going to need a band.  My old band all have their own projects these days, and none of them wanted to join me here on Earth.”

“But I gave my word to Snowcatcher, and a Care Mare never goes back on her word!  No offense, but I don’t think I’d like the rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle.”

“Care Mare?”  I didn’t bother correcting her about my lifestyle. As tame as I was for a musician, compared to her, I probably was pretty radical.

“Er, that’s what they call my family.”  She blushed. “We used to do a lot of charity work. We stopped for a while after… you know. But we put ourselves back together by getting back into it.  My family’s going to join me as soon as stallions are allowed across the portal. Brightheart would be on this bus with me if they’d have let him.  Proudheart will probably finish college first, and Swiftheart’s in the Wonderbolt Academy.  If she makes it in… I don’t know if she’ll come to Earth or not.”  She frowned.  “She promised me she’d come, but that’s her dream and it wouldn’t be right to take her away from it.”

“To quote a wise mare I know, ‘A Care Mare never goes back on her word.’  If she said she’d come, she’ll come.”  I draped a wing around her and she leaned against me.

Working at a hotel wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but it would give me time to make the contacts I needed to put my world tour together.  If I can’t convince Flitterheart to come with me, the least I can do is keep an eye on her and make sure no one takes advantage of her.  She’s innocent, idealistic, naïve, yet surprisingly bitter for somepony so young. She reminds me of myself, back when I was eight.  Except for the bitterness… that came later.

Ponies further back in the bus started singing and I quickly joined in.  Any remaining doubts Flitterheart may have had faded away as I hit my stride.  Once ponies started improvising lines, I added one too, soloing.

“The brakes on the bus go squeal squeal squeal, squeal squeal squeal, squeal squeal squeal, all through the town.”

The bus driver came on the intercom and added one final line, “The radio on the bus plays Air Supply, Air Supply, Air Supply, all through the town.”  And then he turned the radio up.

I know just how to whisper, and I know just how to cry, I know just where to find the answers, and I know just how to lie…

“Oh, they have a human equivalent of Mare Supply!”  Flitterheart exclaimed, as she clopped her hooves together.  She blushed.  “Sorry, I got a little excited there.  They’re my favorite band.  Um, no offense.”

I neglected to tell her that one of my former bandmates was working with them now.  I'd save that for a special occasion, such as having an opportunity to meet the band.  But that would have to wait until we returned to Equestria, unless they decided to take a tour of Earth too.

Making love…

“Out of nothing at all!” We all sang together, answering the radio.

That’s odd.  They have Air Supply; we have Mare Supply.  It’s obviously the same song, but in English instead of Equestrian.  Why, how, and is there a human equivalent for my songs?  If there is… that might put a damper on my touring plans.  The first thing I need to do is get some answers.
> Act I: Sweetie Swirl (Part 1)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Damden: thirteen years, three months, and eighteen days ago


Another summer had come to an end, and I found myself sitting in class for the first day of second grade.  It was nice seeing all of my classmates that I hadn’t seen in months, but aside from that I would've preferred to be back on summer vacation.  We really need an autumn vacation, winter vacation, and spring vacation to go with summer vacation.  Three months each.  With a week of school between each break.  I yawned, no longer used to being up early for school.  Pure fantasy, of course.

As was tradition for the first day of school, our new teacher went around the class asking us all to introduce ourselves.  I recognized most of my classmates from the previous school year, though there were a few new faces, as well as some who hadn’t returned for one reason or another.

Thag and Slag were the first to go, since the dragon twins were sitting directly to Miss Dream Weaver’s left.  They were for all intents and purposes identical, and I still couldn’t tell them apart, despite having known them since kindergarten.

Next was Crystal Clear, a recent arrival to Equestria from the Crystal Empire.  Just across the river from Fillydelphia, Damden was a melting pot of sorts, with myriad creatures mingling with long-established families from all the pony tribes.  I’d never seen a crystal pony before, but I tried not to stare.  I couldn’t help but wonder if we would be able to see what the translucent lavender filly ate for breakfast if we looked at her tummy.

Crumb Cake followed, and I was glad to see her back – her parents were great bakers, and she was quickly catching up to them in terms of skill.  I looked forward to the tasty treats she was sure to bring in, like she had the previous two years we’d been classmates.

Then it was Heartlight’s turn – a unicorn with a heart of gold, she’d been my bestie since kindergarten. I’d never met a pony who didn’t like her – she could make even the coldest heart light up in joy.

Since I was sitting next to her, that meant I was next.  I hated talking about myself, but Heartlight nuzzled me for encouragement.  “I’m Sweetie Marie Swirl.  I’m seven years old.  My favorite colors are purple and green.  Ice cream is my favorite food, but I like pizza with extra cheese and hay too.  I live in the Bucker Hill neighborhood of Damden.”

The tawny pegasus filly on my other side was new and introduced herself as Desert Moon – she’d just moved to Damden from Las Pegasus.  She looked around the room, and I could tell she was even more terrified at being the center of attention than I was.  I nuzzled her to calm her down, as Heartlight had done for me.

Desert Moon scooted a bit closer to me as Zach introduced himself – a zebra, he always rhymed his words. I thought it was cute, but a few of our classmates found it annoying.

I tuned out the introductions, as Desert Moon and Crystal Clear were the only new students – I already knew everybody else.  Instead I focused on inching my way closer to Desert Moon, and Heartlight did the same, getting closer to me.  Eventually the three of us were huddled together.

I groomed Heartlight as our last classmate, Sliced Bread, introduced himself.  His parents were bakers, and he had a stunning blue coat and fabulous violet hair.  I’d been crushing on him since kindergarten, and I hung on his every word, even if he didn’t say anything I didn’t already know.

That left Miss Dream Weaver as the only one who hadn’t introduced herself.  A teacher for more than thirty years, she’d been guiding young ponies and creatures on their path to success for decades.  She then passed out journals to everyone in the class and announced that updating it daily would be our writing assignment for the year.

Ugh.  I’ve never kept a diary before.  Seriously, I hate writing, especially about myself or what I’ve done on a given day.







Damden: thirteen years, one month, and six days ago


Winter was approaching – the Running of the Leaves had passed, and the air was already getting chilly. Recess was still outside, but gym class had moved indoors for the season.

Volleyball was on the agenda for the day, and Mayday and Gladys were the team captains.  Mayday wore his battle scars proudly – the blue pegasus was covered in scrapes and bruises.  He wasn’t the strongest flyer, but he was always trying to improve. Gladys, on the other hoof, was a boastful griffin who always tooted her own horn.

My bipedal classmates had an advantage and quickly found themselves picked by the team captains.  Thag the dragon and Arlene the Abyssinian were picked by Mayday, while Gladys picked Thag’s twin brother Slag, and Brick Wall, the minotaur.

With an odd number of students in the class, there was always one extra creature who ended up making the teams lopsided.  Who it was varied by sport, though unicorns weren’t particularly useful at volleyball since using magic was explicitly against the rules, and our horns impeded our ability to headbutt the ball.  Nobody likes having the ball burst in the middle of gameplay, least of all the unicorn taking an exploding volleyball to the face.

Sure enough, as the only three unicorns in class, Heartlight, Mica, and I were the last three chosen, with me being the odd pony out.  At least the team captains had deliberately picked Heartlight and Mica in turn so that Heartlight and I could both be on the same team.

With a whistle the game began, and Mayday started things off by bucking the ball straight up, leaping into the air and turning a somersault, then connecting with the ball on its way back down to send it deep into the other team’s back row.  Barring the fact that he landed on his head, it was pretty epic.

Brick Wall returned the serve, spiking it between Heartlight and myself.  We each went for it, stopped to let the other get it, then started again when the other hesitated.  We ended up colliding in a heap, but miraculously my hind leg managed to catch the ball and knock it back towards Heather Winds.  The pink earth pony fashionista was always dressed in style, even in gym class. Wearing a bright red tracksuit, she headbutted the ball over the net.

The ball was already headed for us again before Heartlight or I could get to our hooves.  Arlene lunged for it, passing it to Thag, who spiked it right for his brother.

Slag, however, wasn’t about to let his twin score a point on him, and sent the ball back across the net. By then Heartlight and I had returned to our hooves and apologized to one another for getting in the way.

It was a close game, and we only squeaked out the win by virtue of having an extra player.  There was that much less space for a ball to sneak through.

After gym was a math test. Some of my classmates were still struggling with the multiplication tables, but I had them memorized and got the highest grade in the class.

At the very end of the day, Miss Dream Weaver assigned the parts for the Hearth’s Warming pageant – I was to be Princess Platinum, while Heartlight was selected to play Clover the Clever, Crumb Cake got to be Smart Cookie, Heather Winds was playing Chancellor Puddinghead, Mayday was chosen as Commander Hurricane, and Desert Moon was picked to play Private Pansy.  Even though there were no minotaurs in the traditional play, Brick Wall was narrating. The rest of our classmates were to play various supporting roles, and Miss Dream Weaver had even written in parts to show what had happened to the crystal ponies, dragons, zebras, and Abyssinians when the wendigos appeared.

Mica Shine was disappointed she hadn’t been picked to play a major part, considering that was her profession.  Unlike me, she relished being the center of everypony’s attention.  The unicorn filly commanded attention when she spoke, due to her existing acting experience – mostly bit parts in theatrical productions and a few magazine advertisements.  But Miss Dream Weaver promised that anyone who’d had a smaller part would have a bigger role in the springtime production of Hinny In The Hills.  She also insisted that there was no such thing as a small part, only small actors.







Damden: thirteen years, zero months, and eight days ago


The pageant was in the closing act as I argued with Mayday and Heather Winds.

“Look!  The entrance is freezing over!” Heartlight proclaimed.

“Great, now there’s no way out.  We’re trapped,” Mayday complained.

Then it was my line, “You two deserve this horrible fate.  You’ve done nothing but argue with each other.”

“Earth ponies are numbskulls!”

“Unicorns are snobs!”

“Pegasi are brutes!”

Mayday, Heather Winds, and I delivered our lines in turn, then froze in place as the wendigos appeared. Mica Shine was in charge of the special effects, and she made mica appear in front of us, as if we were frozen in blocks of ice.  Mica was the only pony in class who could do that, and she’d seen the reason as to why she hadn’t been cast in one of the main parts as soon as we’d had our first practice.

I stood there for a few minutes while Heartlight, Desert Moon, and Crumb Cake solved the world’s problems and banished the wendigos back to whence they came.

Heartlight’s horn was soon the only thing left visible as the three of them huddled together, and Mica’s talents surrounded them with mica as she had all of us.  Heartlight emitted a light from her horn in the shape of a heart, and suddenly the ‘ice’ melted from the three of them, and then from the rest of us.  I watched the mica in front of me shatter, and then I walked over to congratulate my friends for saving us all.

The play ended as we all hugged and sang traditional Hearth’s Warming songs.

Brick Wall narrated the ending and called us each out in turn to take a bow.

My friends and I quickly changed out of our costumes and joined the rest of our classmates, friends, and family for a traditional Hearth’s Warming feast.

The thing about the play that has never made sense to me is why the three tribes didn’t take their newfound spirit of tolerance and cooperation home with them and unfreeze the pony tribes’ native lands.  Earth, Pegasopolis, and Unicornia remain buried somewhere in the Frozen North outside the Crystal Empire.  Why?







Damden: twelve years, nine months, and twenty-five days ago


Daddy lost his job today.  I know I’m supposed to talk about what happened in school but I’m too upset. Mommy says we have to move.  We started cleaning the house so we can put it up for sail sale.  I don’t want to move.  I like it here.

Can you please talk some sents sense into them Miss Weaver?

I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do, Sweetie Swirl.  If your parents have decided to move, they will be moving, and you’ll be going with them. Change can be good.  You’ll have new experiences and you’ll make new friends. Your classmates and I will miss you, but you can always write to us and stay in touch. -Miss Weaver







Damden: twelve years, six months, and fifteen days ago


I can’t believe it’s over already.  The last few months went by so quickly and I’ve been dreading this moment.  Normally I’d be celebrating the last day of school, but not this year.  Next week we move to Horsey.  They make choclate chocolate there, so it isn’t all bad.  But it isn’t home and I don’t want to go.  I can get Horsey bars in the store.  But Horsey choclates Chocolates (this is also capitalized because it’s part of the proper name of the company) hired both my parents, so that’s where we’re going.

Tomorrow is my last day of school.  I guess that makes this my last journal entry.  I won’t miss writing in this thing.  While I admit, my writing has improved whole bunches a lot since the beginning of the school year, it’s not something I really like doing.  Thank you, Miss Weaver.  It’s been a good school year and I’m going to miss you and all my classmates. Especially Heartlight and Desert Moon.

I’m sorry this entry is so short.  I’m crying again and you don’t need a lot to read on the next to last day of class anyway.

It’s been a pleasure having you in class.  Good luck in your future endeavors, and you can always write to me at the below address. You should get the addresses of your classmates before you go so you can stay in touch with your old friends, but don’t forget to make new friends.  Never forget that this is an opportunity for you.

Dream Weaver
173 Celestial Boulevard
Whitmare Park, Damden, Equestria







Damden: twelve years, six months, and fourteen days ago


It was more than just an end of the year ‘graduation’ party.  Miss Weaver turned it into a going away party for me, and some of my classmates even got me gifts.  Crumb Cake made her signature crumb cake and she even let me take the rest home with me. The rest of my friends all got me little toys, and Miss Weaver gave me a book of stamps.

I couldn’t help it.  I cried, my classmates cried, and it was a happy and sad day all at the same time.

None of us ever got our cutie marks.  They won’t get to see mine and I won’t get to see theirs unless I come back to visit someday.

I was going to throw out my stupid journal, but all my friends signed it.  Even Miss Weaver signed it.  How can I get rid of this book now? It’s precious to me.  I don’t think I’ll ever write in it again, but I’m keeping this book forever.







Horsey: twelve years, six months, and eight days ago


My parents had promised me that upon our move to Horsey they’d get me a season pass to HorseyPark every year for as long as we lived there.  I stared out at the amusement park in wonder – for the first time I was actually excited about my new home.

Roller coasters and a Ferris wheel towered over the other rides, beckoning me as I looked around like an out of place tourist.  There’d only been one amusement park in the Damden area, but it had earned a bad reputation from all the injuries suffered there, and later due to all the resulting lawsuits against the theme park’s owner, Flim Flam Industries.  Suffice it to say my parents had never taken me there.

HorseyPark was tamer by comparison, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.  I didn’t want to spend the rest of my summer vacation hospitalized.

Fillies and colts squealed as they galloped towards their favorite rides, breaking me out of the trance I’d fallen into.  I started with the carousel, the calliope music catching my attention.  The ride featured ursas, manticores, and hydras, and displayed varying amounts of wear and tear from the thousands of ponies who’d taken turns riding them.  The monsters had their scariness toned down, making the ride appropriate for foals. Still, it was odd seeing an adorable timberwolf or cute bugbear.

From there I went to Swing Thing, a ride that rose up and twirled the riders around in little swings. For a few brief moments I felt like a pegasus in flight, the wind in my mane and my tail whipping in the breeze. I couldn’t help but think back to Desert Moon.  Is this how she feels when she flies?

The Ferris wheel was my next pick, and it offered a spectacular view of the park and the surrounding town.  From the top I could tell that the park had five roller coasters – all of which had long lines.  There was also a flume ride, which due to the summer’s heat, had an even longer line for what appeared to be a ridiculously short ride.

I’d never been fond of crowds.  I wasn’t a herd pony, and being around lots of other ponies was something I desperately tried to avoid.  The most fun rides had the longest lines.  It didn’t take long to realize I could maximize my fun and reduce my time waiting by sticking to the least popular attractions.  I’d never been to the park before, so everything was still a new experience to me.  Summer vacation or not, my mind drifted back to math class – I could ride the bumper cars five times in the time it would take to get through the shortest line for any of the roller coasters.

So that’s what I did, finding my favorites and riding them repeatedly until it was nearly closing time. Only then did I get in line for one of the roller coasters, since they’d have to wait until everypony had had their turn before closing down for the night.  Knowing that there was literally nothing else I could be riding made the wait more bearable.

Nearly two hours later, I finally understood why so many ponies had waited around all day just to ride the coasters.  It was an exhilarating rush; in ways the smaller rides just couldn’t compete with. I looked forward to getting my parents’ money’s worth out of the season pass.







Horsey: twelve years, four months, and nineteen days ago


It’s a new school year in a new school in a new town.  I don’t have to write in this journal anymore, yet I need to get my thoughts out somehow.

I feel so gipped gypped.  I only had two months for summer vacation, because Horsey starts their school year a month earlier than Damden.  If that wasn’t bad enough, I didn’t make any new friends today at all.  My classmates have known each other for years and I’m new. They think I talk funny because of my acksent accent.  They all laughed when I said I’d just moved to Horsey because the locals all call it Horchy for some stupid reason.  I even pulled out a dictionary and showed that ‘horsey’ is pronounced the way I was saying it and that only made them laugh at me even harder.

I hate it here and want to move back home.

I guess I need to catch my own spelling mistakes now.  Miss Dream Weaver isn’t going to do that for me anymore.







Horsey: twelve years, four months, and five days ago


I looked around at my new classmates.  A filly sitting a few rows in front of me was almost twice my size, and she was the smallest pony in the class aside from me.  Furthermore, I was the only unicorn, and there were no pegasi at all. Everypony else in the class was an earth pony.

I’d been going to school here for two weeks and they’d already skipped me ahead two grades in that time.  This was my third week in the school, and my third new set of classmates.

At least this time I knew not to say the town’s name when introducing myself – I still refused to pronounce it the same way as the locals because that was obviously incorrect.  If they want it to be ‘Horchy’, they can rename the town accordingly.

I’d already figured out that the ponies here were way too serious, and lacked a sense of humor. They kept saying things like ‘getting up with the chickens’ which I thought was just an expression until I figured out that I was literally the only pony in my class to have an alarm clock, not a rooster.

Making friends had proven impossible with the first two classes I’d been placed in, and I had no doubt at all that it would be even less likely with this group.  They’re all big, strong earth ponies that don’t want anything to do with a unicorn that can’t manage to pull a plow more than a couple of yards.

As expected, my ‘edited to be as uncontroversial as possible’ intro still managed to rally everypony against me.  My accent hadn’t disappeared in two weeks, and nothing was going to make it go away other than living here for a while.

Worst of all, even in this new class, there was no magic in the curriculum at all.  I was still the only unicorn I’d seen in the school, and in two weeks of attending classes I hadn’t seen a single pegasus, let alone a zebra, dragon, or griffon.

“Foreigner.”

I looked up – it was the filly I’d noted as being the closest in size to me.  I think her name is Shoofly Pie.

The rest of the class continued to hurl sarcastic taunts at me whenever the teacher wasn’t paying attention – which was often.  Unlike Dream Weaver, my third teacher in as many weeks wasn’t particularly motivated to teach.  He had his favorites in the class, specifically ponies he could talk to.  Sports, mostly.  Buckball was unheard of in Horsey – there were no unicorns or pegasi to play.  Hoofball was the primary sport of interest, and watching eleven solidly-built earth ponies crash into a similar number of earth ponies on the opposing team appealed to Horsey’s earth pony demographic.  It was a game of strength.  Unlike the teams I’d seen in Damden, there were no unicorn quarterbacks or speedy pegasus wide receivers.  They’d be absolutely crushed by the earth ponies.  Passing was an unheard of concept – it was all about which team could run the ball furthest without the other team stopping them.  It eliminated a lot of the strategy of the game.

I sat at my desk trying not to upset anypony and failing miserably.  My very existence bothered them.  They continued whispering insults to me whenever they thought they could get away with it.  ‘Hornhead’ was a popular one, but I was soon given the derogatory nickname ‘The Little One’.

I can’t win.







Horsey: ten years, nine months, and twenty-two days ago


Lunch period was over, and I made my way to the restroom before the next class.

“Looks like somepony’s just in time for her swirlie.”

“A Sweetie Swirlie!”

I took a step backwards, but the door was blocked by a pair of earth pony colts that had no business being in the filly’s bathroom.  They’d been standing behind it so I couldn’t see them when I came in.  They’re starting to get clever.

“Little smarty pants, breaking the curve on the test, again.  I told you what was going to happen the next time you aced an exam.”

Bova Shankel grabbed one of my hind legs, while Wheat Chaff got the other one.  The two colts dangled me over the toilet bowl.

They paused so a few other gathered students could gawk at my predicament.  That hesitation was all I needed to not be there anymore.  I winked out of the bathroom and reappeared in the hallway 1.2 seconds later.  Some unicorns can go miles.  I get twenty-five yards.

Thankfully, it was enough of a head start that I made it back to the classroom ahead of them.  I couldn’t focus on class the rest of the day, as my mind played out various scenarios – things they could’ve done differently that I wouldn’t have been prepared for.  Teleporting worked this time. What happens if it doesn’t next time? If I teleport to the other side of the wall, outside, they’d have to go all the way across the building to get to the door.

I had a new plan for next time.

Because I knew there’d be a next time.  There was always a next time.







Horsey: nine years, four months, and twenty days ago


I stood at the sink in the science classroom, washing my hooves.  I heard hoofbeats and looked up to see Scrapple charging straight for me. I blinked.  That’s weird, he doesn’t normally bother me.  If it wasn’t for me he’d be the least liked pony in school.  I stepped to the side and he crashed into the spot where I’d been standing a moment before.

He bounced off the counter, breaking it in the process.  Our homeroom teacher hurried over and looked to me for an explanation.  I just shrugged.  It was obvious that there hadn’t been a fight – that was a thing I was almost assured to lose.  My magic would need to be much stronger to have a hope of holding my own against any of my classmates, or at the very least, I’d need to know some defensive spells. Instead, I’d honed my magic for a flight response since finding unicorn tutors in the Horsey area had proven impossible.

I wasn’t used to that flight response being a solitary step.  I had to fight the urge to gallop away, but with our teacher’s close proximity to me, nopony else was going to make a move on me.

Scrapple got sent to detention and I waited at my seat for the final bell to ring so we could all go home. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m not taking chances.  The instant the bell rang I teleported, putting me twenty-five yards ahead of my classmates.

I never went straight home. I didn’t want my classmates knowing where I lived, so I took roundabout paths on my way to and from school.  It made it more difficult for them to know where to ambush me on any given day.  After school, I usually stopped at Lickety-Split’s Ice Cream Parlour.  If I teleported out the school’s door, it was enough head start that I could gallop to the ice cream shop before anypony could catch me.  Sometimes they tried waiting for me, though Lickety-Split usually made sure the coast was clear before I left.

“How’d you like to have dessert on the house tonight?”

“I’d say I’m a broke student, so what do I have to do?  Need me to wash the dishes again?”

“Nope.  All I want you to do is try out this new recipe.  If you don’t like it, just remember it’s free.”

I chuckled.  “Well, the price is certainly right.”

She served me a dish of black raspberry ice cream and I bit into a spoonful.  No toppings, just plain ice cream to make sure I could take the most unbiased taste possible.  I savored the flavor, letting the ice cream melt in my mouth.  “Needs two percent more raspberry, a little less salt, and lose the seeds.  The seeds make for an awkward texture.  Anypony with a strong gag reflex isn’t going to be able to eat this.  Also, every other ice cream parlor offers raspberry. Why don’t you mix it up with some blueberry swirled in too.”

She blinked.  “That’s… much better feedback than I was expecting.”

“Oh, sorry, I mean ‘I like it’.”

“No, no, no, let’s go back to your recipe tweaks.  I didn’t think you could cook.”

“I can’t.”

“Hmn, let’s try out your recipe and see if you have any talent at coming up with flavors.”

I’d never made ice cream before, so I mostly watched.  Lickety-Split didn’t have any blueberries, so she sent me to the store to get some. She let me leave out the backdoor, and nopony was waiting for me so I took off to the market, pausing in front of Cloudberry’s booth.  She had a wide range of berries available and I quickly grabbed a bunch of blueberries and returned to the ice cream shop.

The blueberries were puréed in short order, followed by more raspberries.  Once the latter were liquefied, Lickety-Split strained them to remove as much of the pulp and as many of the seeds as possible.  I used my magic to get as many of the rest as I could.

The end result was a soft serve blueberry and raspberry swirl that was phenomenal.  Even Lickety-Split agreed that it was better than what she’d originally been trying to do.  So much so that she named the dessert after me: Berry Sweetie Swirl.

“Looks just as tasty as your cutie mark.”

“I don’t have…”  I jumped off my seat and turned to look at my rump – an ice cream cone, swirled in raspberry and blueberry greeted me. “I got my cutie mark!  I got my cutie mark!”  I grabbed hold of Lickety-Split and somehow dragged the earth pony around the floor of her shop, dancing with her.

Some of the students in my class had yet to get their marks, despite being two years older than me, so I vowed to keep my own mark hidden until all of them did.  No sense giving them another reason to bully me.  It’s nothing that makeup or wearing dresses can’t hide…







Horsey: eight years, six months, and twelve days ago


Horsey was a tourist trap. Between the chocolate factory and the amusement park, ponies from all around Equestria came to the town, mostly during the summer.  That included unicorns and pegasi.  The locals tolerated the outsiders because they brought bits with them to spend in the local economy.  That meant that HorseyPark was one of the few places in town I could be myself. Unicorns were still uncommon in the amusement park, but not completely absent.  Even my classmates left me alone when we crossed paths in the park, either ignoring me completely or recognizing my existence with a quick nod.

I took advantage of my season pass, going to the amusement park every day they were open.  It was more than a place to have fun, it was more than a safe zone.  It was someplace I could interact with other unicorns, many of whom were happy to teach me a little magic while we waited in line for the rides.  I could go on the rides any time, but the opportunity to learn new spells was nearly nonexistent.  Suddenly the crowds in the park became my friend – long waits in line during summer vacation turned out to be more instructive than the nine agonizing months of the school year.

For years I’d only had illumination and levitation.  Thanks to visiting unicorns I’d picked up teleportation, which was easier to cast than I’d expected it to be.  But I didn’t dare venture past twenty-five yards, because I had no safe way to truly test my limits.  I’d teleported myself from school to home one day, and been knocked out until the next morning.  It was an option I had, but one I used sparingly to avoid the pain.  The latest trick I’d learned was a defensive bubble, and it was one I was eagerly looking forward to trying.  Given the option of offensive or defensive spells, I always opted for the latter.  I consistently faced too many ponies at once to go on the offensive.  I’d just wear myself out and then they’d be able to pummel me at their leisure.  Defensive spells tended to use less energy and hold up better under prolonged and repeated attacks, giving me time to remove myself from the situation.







Horsey: eight years, two months, and one day ago


With HorseyPark closed for the season, I stared out the window, bored out of my mind.  Unlike the hustle and bustle of Damden, there was little of interest to see outside – just the same scenery that was there yesterday… and all the days before yesterday, too.  Venturing outside ran the risk of running into classmates, so I opted to remain bored at home.

I picked up my crayons and started drawing, but the end result looked more like random scribbles than the landscape I was trying to draw of our front yard.  Not getting the results I wanted, I started looking around for anything else to do that might alleviate my boredom.  I’d read all the books on my shelves, and didn’t feel like rereading them.  Practicing my magic was an effort in futility with no new spells to learn.

Not finding anything in my own room, I wandered the house, ending up at the storage closet in the hallway. Dusty board games rested on the top shelf, but I hadn’t had anypony to play against other than my parents since moving to Horsey so they sat neglected.  The family’s winter gear was hanging there – coats, sweaters, and boots waiting for cooler temperatures.

At the very bottom I found a cookie tin and popped the lid open.  Instead of tasty treats, I found canvas, tapestry needles, and yarn.  I sat in the hallway and pulled everything out. At the bottom of the tin I found a how-to guide and a book of patterns.  What is all this? 

I opened the instruction book, which covered the basics of needlepoint: thread the needle without knotting it, pull the needle through a square in the canvas mesh and go into the next mesh, whether that be adjacent or not.

I blinked.  Seems simple enough.  I grabbed the needle in my magic and started threading it with yarn.  The pink ball of yarn was the least musty-smelling, so I used that as I experimented.  It took a few tries, but once I got the hang of it I settled into a rhythm.  This is really relaxing.

I lay there in the hallway for an hour, so long that my Mom came home from work and found me sprawled out working on a mostly blank square of canvas, with a pink outline of the first pattern in the guide.

She chuckled.  “Your grandmother always wanted me to pick up needlepoint, but I never really found it interesting.  She’d be thrilled to see you following in her hoofsteps.”

“It’s kinda fun, and really calming.”  Exactly what I need after a stressful day at school.

“She’d be proud of you.” Mom tussled my mane.  “Sereneity Hills also crocheted this sweater for me when I was younger.  It’s yours now, if you want it.”

She reached into the closet and pulled out a black sweater with colorful stripes.  It smelled of mothballs, but I happily accepted the gift. Grandma Hills had passed away before I was born, so it was nice to gain a connection to her.

“If you want to learn crochet, too, somewhere in here there’s a box with everything you’ll need.”

I nodded my head.  Bring it on!







Horsey: seven years, four months, and twenty-nine days ago


I’d been ambushed in the bathroom again, and teleported outside, as had been my strategy for a while. Unfortunately, I’d winked right into the middle of a crowd of waiting classmates.  They’ve finally figured out this trick. Great…

“So nice of you to join us.”

I never thought I’d wish for teleport recoil.  Why couldn’t I have come out in exactly the same place as one of these morons?

“Words aren’t going to get you out of this this time.”

I always knew there’d come a day when I wouldn’t be able to talk my way out of things.  That was why I had contingency plans.  I had few spells at my disposal –  my magic was below average strength and I hadn’t had a magic teacher since I’d lived in Damden.  But I’d been practicing what I could, and managed to scrounge up what few books of magic could be found in the area.  I might not have had the best tricks at my command, but I’d learned how to fully utilize the ones I did.  I lit my horn – a trick so basic it was literally the first thing unicorns were taught to do with their magic.  I intensified it, making it far, far brighter than it needed to be to merely light my way.

With my classmates temporarily blinded, I shoved the two I was standing between, and then scrambled out of the way as they started wildly swinging at one another.  I put a defensive bubble around me as I dashed away from the fight.







Horsey: five years, eleven months, and seventeen days ago


I’d joined the Future Farmers of Equestria to try and understand my classmates and the community as a whole.  My first time in the club’s greenhouse was also my last time in the greenhouse.  We quickly discovered that I had no natural talent with plants.  It took a lot of earth pony magic to salvage the tomatoes after I was done with them.

After that fiasco, we all agreed it would be better if I focused on other parts of the curriculum. It was a practical club to join, as farmers often needed to patch their own equipment.  I learned the basics of welding, plumbing, and electricity, all of which were useful skills.  My magic gave me the advantage of being able to finely manipulate things, which was particularly useful in electrical work.

Unfortunately, it didn’t give me any advantage in reading diagrams.  I plugged in my electrical project and it lit up.  Unfortunately, rather than the still dark light bulb, the wires themselves had gone up in flames.  Somepony quickly yanked the cord out of the wall, extinguishing the blaze as I just sat there dazed, watching all my hard work go up in smoke.

What did I do wrong?  I was mystified, and quickly developed an appreciation of all the various talents my classmates had.  Especially considering they had to use their mouths and hooves to work.  They might be dumb as bricks, but even bricks are useful.  What does it say about me that I’m smart but utterly useless?

I took a lot of ribbing from my classmates, and for once it was justified.







Horsey: five years, eight months, and twelve days ago


I teleported to my desk. My last two classes of the day were in rooms so close to one another, I could actually do that.  With only one class left for the day, I started planning my route home as I waited for the classroom to fill up.

The bell rang, interrupting my thoughts.  Our teacher wasted no time announcing our latest project – much to my horror it was a group assignment.  I screamed internally.  Most of the ponies quickly paired up, and I knew I’d be the odd one out, as always. Much to my surprise, Shoofly Pie approached me.

I wasn’t even the only option left available.  Close, but for once, not the very last.  There really is a first time for everything.

I had two rules that had served me exceedingly well over the years – the first was I never gave anypony my address.  I didn’t invite classmates to my house, at all, under any circumstances.  Inviting enemies into one’s home was a stupid thing to do, so I didn’t do it.  The second was I didn’t go to anypony else’s house, either.  It prevented me from walking into traps.  Paranoia or not, I was unpopular.  I didn’t have friends: there were a few ponies who tolerated me, and a bunch who didn’t.  Even those that tolerated me only did so when it was convenient, and would choose the herd over me in a heartbeat.

We split into our groups, and I selected a spot as far away from the other groups as possible.

“I’m a little surprised you picked me.”  I waited for the other three horseshoes to drop.

“You’re the smartest filly in class.  I figured maybe we could make a deal – you do the work, we get a good grade, and I can make your favorite dessert?”

“I’m partial to crumb cake.”

“What’s that?”

“Never mind.”  Shoofly pie is molasses and brown sugar.  That’s sufficiently sugary, and it’s her mark, so it’ll be fantastic. “Make it a shoofly pie.  I’ll do most of the work and you can just help where I need it.”

“Okay!  Deal!  Wet-bottom or dry-bottom?”

‘Wet-bottom’ sounds so wrong, and if there’s anything I’ve learned from living here all these years it’s that the more wrong it sounds, the more right it tastes.  “Wet-bottom, please.”

“Good choice.”  She nodded enthusiastically.  “And to think, everypony says you have bad taste.”

“Because I don’t subscribe to herdthink.”

“What’s that?”

“Going along with the group because anypony who doesn’t will immediately be ostracized for daring to break societal norms.  I’m a firm believer in thinking for myself – sometimes I agree with the herd, and sometimes I don’t.  Just because everypony believes something doesn’t make it true.  For example, let’s take shoofly pies.  For the sake of argument, let’s say the herd prefers wet-bottom over dry-bottom.  I have a fifty-fifty chance of agreeing with the herd or disagreeing with the herd, but I’ll only make my decision after trying both.”  I could see the gears in her mind trying to process that and failing miserably.  “I imagine shoofly pie is one of those things that’s acceptable to deviate from the majority on.  Even herds must maintain some semblance of individuality, even if it’s naught but an illusion.”  Her eyes were as glazed over as a doughnut.  “Put simply, I’m an iconoclast.”

She obviously had no idea what that meant, but she didn’t want to appear dumb so she just nodded like that explained everything.  I could’ve said I was born in outer space and was only visiting Equestria to determine if there was intelligent life down here, and she probably would’ve believed that easier than trying to process my going against the grain.  Also, I’d have to report back to my home planet that no, there wasn’t.

“You’re also arrogant. Nopony likes that.”

“That’s just my matter-of-fact way of speaking.  I tell it like it is, with no sugarcoating.  Oh, and sarcasm.  I have plenty of sarcasm to go around.”

“Nopony likes sarcasm.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. If you want to be accurate, nopony likes being on the receiving end of sarcasm, and that goes for me too.  If you can’t take having sarcasm directed towards you, I’d recommend not initiating it.  I’m actually surprised my special talent isn’t sarcasm, but I have no idea what that cutie mark would even look like.”

“Probably a bunch of random symbols.  Like ‘#%@!’”

I pondered that and looked back to the ice cream cone decorating my flank.  “Hmn, that might be the better talent, but this one has the better mark.”

She sighed.  “If sarcasm isn’t your special talent, I’d hate to know you if it was.”

“That’s legit.”

I was surprisingly okay with our arrangement.  The only thing I could give Horsey was the food was amazing.  Many of my classmates had food-themed names and cutie marks, with good reason.  I was pretty much the only pony in class who couldn’t cook, despite also having a food cutie mark.  My parents weren’t exactly known for their cooking prowess either, so I took advantage of the rare opportunities granted me.  Sometimes my classmates cooked for the whole class, and that technically included me too.  I disliked most of my fellow students, and outright hated the rest of them, but that didn’t blind me to their talents.  Most of them weren’t particularly bright, though the longer I’d lived in Horsey the more I’d come to think of that as upbringing and less a legitimate lack of intelligence.

Mostly though, by doing all of the work personally it meant not having her over at my place, and not having to go to hers.







Horsey: five years, three months, and twenty-six days ago


One of the few Future Farmers of Equestria activities I’d exceled at was land judging.  Even without sharing an earth pony connection to the ground as they all did, I could look at slope, drainage, etc. and come out with a perfectly logical answer every single time.

I was standing at the bottom of a pit, examining the terrain when dirt started raining down on me, followed by some rocks.  Dippy Egg called out to me, “Find anything in that hole yet?”

“Three fossils and a water main, but there’s no sign of your IQ.”

What had started as a dirt shower quickly changed into Dippy bucking the entire pile of dirt into the hole.  Undaunted, I continued taunting him, “I admire you.  It takes a lot of courage to go into a battle of wits completely unarmed.”  That only served to rile him up even more, which was exactly the worst thing he could’ve done… to himself.  I teleported out of the pit as he collapsed the dirt pile into it.

There were too many witnesses – he didn’t get away with wrecking the competition.  “Hey!  What do you think you’re doing?”  One of the judges came running over and grabbed Dippy.

I won the competition – the first time I’d managed to win an FFE event, and if I was honest, it would likely be the only time.







Horsey: four years, ten months, and eleven days ago


I waited for the bell to ring to release class for the day.  Something was up, I could feel it in the air.  Tensions had been high all day and I wasn’t waiting around for everypony to relieve them.  I teleported the second the bell rang.

But it didn’t work – somehow many of my classmates had gotten out of class early, because they were standing outside Lickety-Split’s.  Those who hadn’t gotten out of class early were pouring out of the school, and some of them had already spotted me.  At this point my only hope for escape was to sprout wings and fly away.

I turned to the right and galloped for all I was worth.  Trying to outrun them was an effort in futility.  I should’ve teleported straight home, headache or not.

It was Sunnyside who caught me.  She stepped out of an alley and tripped me, sending me tumbling head over hooves.  I landed upside down, staring up at the gathering crowd.  There were a lot of ponies surrounding me and they whispered amongst themselves to try and figure out who was going to get the honor of rearranging my face.  My mana hadn’t charged up enough for another teleport.  This is going to hurt.

“She’s mine.  I had to do that stupid group project with her last year.”

A lot of the others cringed at Shoofly’s words and parted to let her through the crowd.

“Get up.”  Shoofly dragged me to my hooves, then swung her hoof at me.  I jerked backwards as she connected with my cheek, and I fell to the ground once more. It doesn’t hurt.  She pulled her punch…  She pushed me just hard enough to knock me off balance.

She loomed over me, inserting herself between me and the crowd who’d gathered to beat me senseless. “Aww, is little filly crying because she got a boo-boo?”

I’m not crying… Oh.  I started crying.  She’s grasping subtlety and going against the herd. What in Equestria happened to her?

“Do I need to kiss your boo-boo and make it all better?”  Quieter she added, “Just stay down until everypony leaves, okay?  No matter what I say.”  She kissed my cheek where she’d hit me, sucking on it. “Sorry for the hickey, but you need to show some bruising or nopony’s going to believe this.”  Louder she boasted, “I guess she’s not so tough after all. Was there any doubt?  Come on, get up you pathetic little wimp.  You talk big, but that’s all you’ve got, isn’t it?  Words can’t hurt a pony.  Except little foals like you.  I bet you go crying to mama every night because us big bad earth ponies hurt your itty bitty little feelings.  Poor baby.”

I stayed down, gritting my teeth and continuing to let the tears flow.

The laughter of our peers surrounded us, and she did her best to block me from everypony else’s sight. She kicked me while I was down, aiming for my saddlebag to absorb most of the impact.  I felt it, but I could tell she wasn’t trying.  “She’s not even worth my time, let alone anypony else’s. If I can beat her up, anypony can beat her up.  She’s like the training dummy of beatdowns.”

The others laughed at her insults.

“What, don’t you have a snappy little comeback?  No?  I didn’t think so.  Come on, everypony, show’s over.  Let’s get out of here.”  She turned to me.  “And if anypony asks how you got hurt, you tell them you tripped, got it?  Or it’ll be worse next time.”  The rest of the class guffawed at her comments as they left me alone in the dirt.

Once they were gone I got to my hooves.  My ribs were sore – my saddlebags had absorbed most of the impact, but not all of it. I’m glad she wasn’t trying to hurt me, because she did a number on me even trying to be gentle.  I opened my saddlebags, checking the contents for damage.  Shoofly hadn’t kicked me hard, but she was still an earth pony, and it didn’t take much effort for her to break things, regardless of whether she wanted to or not.  The first thing I found was a slip of paper I hadn’t put in there.  I picked it up.

I hope this note finds you okay.  The others are planning a little surprise for you after school today, so if you get this note you didn’t get away like you normally do.  With luck, it was me delivering your ‘beating’ and not one of the others.  If it wasn’t me, I’ll come visit you in the hospital.  But if you get this, and you’re not hurt too badly, meet me at the school tonight at 8.

It wasn’t signed, but it didn’t need to be for me to know who’d slipped it in my bag – probably when she was ‘kicking’ me.  My curiosity was piqued.  She could very well be lulling me into a false sense of security to lure me into a trap.  But the more I thought about it, the less sense that made.  She had had me at her mercy – if she had wanted to hurt me, nopony there was going to stop her.









I couldn’t let my parents see my bruised face, so I’d made an excuse as to why I couldn’t stick around as soon as I’d gotten home, shouting it up the stairs.  Instead I found myself sitting at the counter at Lickety-Split’s Ice Cream Parlour.  Lickety-Split took one look at me, bruised and covered in mud, and I had an unprompted hot fudge sundae in front of me a minute later.  An entire can of whipped cream was plopped down on the counter next to it.

“They finally got you?”

I nodded.  “Could’ve been worse.  I think… I think the filly who did this to me was going easy on me.”

“Maybe so.  Ponies aren’t malicious by nature.”

“I wish I could believe that.”  I squirted some more whipped cream on my sundae.  “I dodge this on a near-daily basis.  They finally got me today.  There I was, humiliated, crying on the ground while she boasted about easily beating me.” I left out the part about her whispering to me.  If any of my classmates came in, I needed Lickety-Split to believe the story and not contradict it.  Otherwise that wouldn’t make things worse for just me, it would make things bad for Shoofly Pie too.  Suggesting that she hadn’t gone all out, however, would explain why I wasn’t in a full body cast.  “If she would’ve been going all out, I’d be hospitalized.  I think it says more about how weak I am that she didn’t have to do so.”

I was unpopular. Lickety-Split had lost business because I patronized her shop.  My classmates had found other places to go once it became apparent that Lickety-Split wouldn’t allow them to torment me in her establishment.  That didn’t stop her from sitting on the stool next to me and stroking my back with a hoof, while I cried into her shoulder.  She was the only pony in Horsey I trusted, and she sat with me between customers.  During a slow period, she invited me into the kitchen, where she helped me clean off as best she could.  We probably broke a few health codes in the process, but at least we got all the dirt out of my coat and hair.

I stayed at the ice cream parlor until nearly seven, then walked back to the school.  I was an hour early, but the easiest way to avoid a trap was to be there before it was set up.  It was already dark, and I waited in a tree until Shoofly arrived.  Once I was sure she was alone, I teleported down to where she was standing.

“Um, hi.”  She shuffled her hooves awkwardly.

“Why?”  It was a simple question.  I didn’t need to specify what I was referring to.

“I owe you one.  If not for you, I would’ve been held back a grade. I was failing and acing that assignment was the only way I was going to bring my grade up enough to pass.  I knew nopony else would want to be your partner so I figured you could do all the work and I’d get half the credit.”

I nodded.  That had been our arrangement after all.  “At least you offered to make food.  The others don’t even do that when I get roped into doing all the work on a group assignment.”

Her ears flattened. “I really, really needed that A+. I couldn’t take any chances on you being unhappy with the arrangement, so I had to give you something, because we both know me trying to help with the work would’ve only resulted in us both failing.”

I nodded.  “Probably.”

She sighed.  “You’re smart and the others don’t like that.”

“I noticed.”

She sighed again. “I’m trying to apologize.”

“I know.”

She groaned in frustration. “Okay, fine, we’re gonna do this the hard way.”  She closed the gap between us faster than I could ready a spell.  She trapped me in her powerful forelegs.

This isn’t hurting as much as it should be.  I cautiously opened my eyes.

“Normally when somepony hugs you, it’s considered courtesy to hug them back.”

I looked down.  Oh, this is an embrace.  A sign of affection.  Even my parents don’t hug me anymore.  How long has it been since the last time somepony hugged me?

I reached my forelegs up and halfheartedly wrapped them around her.

“You can do better than that.”  She squeezed me tighter.

“Ow… I’m still a little tender there.”

“Oh, sorry.  I didn’t think I kicked you that hard.”

“You didn’t, but I don’t have earth pony strength or endurance and you do.  A ‘light tap’ for you is still going to be painful for me.”

She facehoofed.  “I am so, so, so very sorry about that.  I didn’t even consider that.  They needed to see you hurt and crying, so I had to make it look convincing.”

“You succeeded. Definitely hurt, definitely crying. Thanks for the subtle hint to do the latter.”

She shuffled in place. “It took me a while, but I finally think I understand what you were saying about going against the herdthink. When the herd thinks it’s a good idea to hurt somepony for no real reason other than they don’t like what you’re saying, I don’t like what the herd is thinking.  I’m sorry it took me so long to figure out what you were trying to tell me.”

“To be honest, I didn’t think you ever would.  I didn’t think anypony ever would.  We’re a herd species, so going against the group is a foreign concept to most of us. Believe me, it wasn’t my choice to suddenly be thrust into a new environment and get made fun of for everything from the way I talk to the way I think.  But I’m not changing my beliefs to conform to society, especially not when that society is actively sabotaging itself.”

“What do you mean?”

“The education around here is pathetic.  It’s not that I’m super smart, it’s that this school is designed to indoctrinate, not educate.  They’ve skipped me ahead two grades because I keep thinking outside their perfect little box. They don’t know what to do with me, so they want to get me out of school as fast as possible.  I’m dangerous.  I ask questions.  Now I’ve encouraged you to start asking questions. That’s their worst fear come true – if enough ponies start questioning the illusion, reality will eventually rear its ugly head.  Everything in this school is too convenient.  History is cherry-picked.  Most of the sciences are ignored unless it’s something that’s useful to local agriculture. Overall, it seems designed to push an agenda, and if I hadn’t moved here from elsewhere I’d have never noticed and I’d be in the same boat as everypony else.  Science teaches you to question the answers and experiment.  Somepony doesn’t want anybody questioning things. Speaking of questions, I’ve got a doozy of a question for you.  Where are all the unicorns and pegasi around here?”

“There aren’t many. The only pegasi around here are on the weather team, and they mostly keep to the little town they built up in the clouds.  Your family might be the only unicorns in the area entirely.”

“This isn’t normal. Where I’m from we had unicorns, earth ponies, pegasi, and we even had a crystal pony.  There were dragons, griffons, and hippogriffs.  There was diversity in Damden.  There’s none of that here.”

“Are you sure that Equestria isn’t mostly like Horsey, and Damden isn’t the exception to the rule?”

My brain came to a screeching halt.  “First of all, you’re thinking outside the box and I’m going to applaud you for that. You’re asking questions, and that’s one I never even considered.  I don’t have an answer to that.”

“The ponies that live here like it here.  Maybe it isn’t to your taste, but we like it just fine.  We don’t need dragons and crystal ponies to be happy.  We’re earth ponies – we just want to work the land.”

“And that makes you happy.” It wasn’t a question – I’d seen for myself firsthoof that the ponies of Horsey were happiest when growing plants or preparing a meal.

“Simple lives for simple ponies.  We don’t need complications.  Besides, it’s not just earth ponies.  All the tribes tend to stick together.  The pegasi have their cloud cities like Cloudsdale, the unicorns have their mountain cities like Canterlot, the crystal ponies have their empire, etc.  Earth ponies need more space to grow things, so we have lots of small towns across the land instead of a few urban strongholds.”

I blinked.  “That’s surprisingly deep for a pony that was failing school last year so badly that you were in danger of being held back a grade. Amazing what happens when you start questioning things.  It makes you want answers.  You’ve given me some new questions and an entirely different perspective.  This has been a wonderful conversation.  So much so that I completely forgot my ribs were sore until I just now reminded myself why we’re having this conversation in the first place.”

“I really am sorry about that.  I was trying my best not to hurt you.”

“It’s okay.  You don’t know your own strength.  I’m kinda used to it at this point.  Even when you’re not actively targeting me, I’m not built to endure like an earth pony.  I can’t run as far or as fast, I can’t jump as high, and I certainly can’t bounce back to my hooves as easily after falling.  I’m a unicorn, and not a particularly strong one.  I’m two years younger than everypony else in my class because they keep advancing me.  Sometimes I wonder if the school’s administration is secretly hoping that an accident happens and the frail little unicorn they don’t know what to do with is out of their hair forever.”

“You’re very bitter.”

“Can you blame me? I’ve been treated as ‘different’ ever since I got here.  I talk differently.  I think differently.  I apparently even walk differently – what did they call it, ‘with an air of unicorn superiority’?  How does that even work?  Unicorns hold their heads up.  Earth ponies look at the ground they’re connected to.  I’m not better than earth ponies because I’m a unicorn.  I am, however, smarter than all of you.  That’s not because I’m a unicorn, that’s just because I happen to be intelligent and this school offers me no challenges whatsoever. It took me a few years to figure this out, but the longer I live here the less I think all of you are stupid, and the more I’ve come to realize it’s a factor of your environment.  Everything here is designed to keep the masses ignorant. Even the smartest ponies here don’t think for themselves.  But you’re learning to.  How does it feel to open your mind?”

“Confusing.  I liked it better when the world made sense.”

“Lies can be comforting – as a matter of fact, the best lies often are.  Give ponies a lie they want to believe and they’ll choose to believe it over an uncomfortable and/or inconvenient truth every time.  It’s easier, especially when friends are involved. Who wants to go against the ponies they consider their friends?  You took a risk coming to my rescue today, and I can’t thank you enough for doing so. I won’t blame you if you prefer the company of the herd to that of the outcast.  I promise not to hold that against you.  But maybe you can… step in like you did today whenever somepony’s out to hurt me?  Maybe you can stop the herd from lashing out at me?”

“Maybe you could stop being so annoying to everypony?”

“Did you ever stop to think that all of you annoy me too?  Or, for that matter, that you all started it?”

“Not really, no.”

Well, we made some progress.  I can’t expect miracles.  “How, exactly, can I be less annoying?”

“Maybe tone down the thinking outside the box a bit.  Most of all, stop insulting everypony.”

“But it’s okay for them to insult me first?”

“They outnumber you. By a bunch.  This is for your own safety.  You asked how you can make it stop, and I’m telling you.  Oh, and start pronouncing words correctly and drop that nasally Damden accent.”

“We live in Horsey. That’s how that word is correctly pronounced in every dictionary in Equestria.  I’m not calling it Horchy just because the locals insist on calling it that.”

“You’d certainly blend in better.”

I raised my eyebrows, using them to point to the horn still situated in my skull.  “Yeah, us hornheads don’t exactly ‘blend in’ with the locals.”

She threw her forelegs up in frustration.  “If you insist on being, what did you call it again?”

“Iconoclastic.”

“Yeah, that.  If you insist on that, you’re going to keep getting picked on and there’s nothing anypony else can do about it.”

“The only way I’m not going to be picked on is if I cut my horn off, bulk up, learn how to effectively grow crops, recite the rhetoric the rest of the herd spews, and intentionally mispronounce words.  Nope, not happening.  I respect myself too much.  I like who I am, and really don’t care if nopony else does.”

“That’s why nopony likes you.  Just tone it down a bit.  Nopony expects you to bulk up like an earth pony.”

“What about cutting my horn off?”

“Uh… that has been mentioned a few times.  Put it this way, if you do so voluntarily nopony would stop you.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“No.  Well, not anymore.  I mean, to be fair, you use your magic against us!”

“Well, to be fair to me, big, strong earth ponies wanted to beat up dainty little me, so I’m not sorry for using my horn to defend myself.”

“And I don’t blame you for that.  At least not now.”

“Why did you ask me to come here tonight, anyway?”

“Partially to apologize, partially to thank you, and I really don’t know what else I was expecting. Maybe to come to some sort of mutually beneficial agreement.  A peace treaty of sorts?”

I sighed, reality was a bitter pill to swallow.  “The herd needs an enemy.  It took me a long time to figure that out, but it’s the role they need filled. There has to be an outsider, someone the herd can rally together to defeat.  If not me, then who?  There isn’t anypony else.  I could do everything I jokingly mentioned a few minutes ago, but it wouldn’t change anything because the herd sees me as the villain.  I don’t know if it was the sight of my horn, or the sound of my words, or a combination of both… but there’s no coming back from it.  Before my family came to town, who was it, the weather team?”

A look of horror crossed her face.  “We always blame the thieving pegasi whenever something goes missing.”

“The same pegasi you rely on to bring the rain that keeps your crops watered.  Maybe that’s why they stay in their little town in the clouds.  Did you ever think of that?”

“…Not until now, no.”

“I think we’ve both learned a lot today.  For your benefit, this conversation never happened.  I don’t think I need to tell you that the herd wouldn’t appreciate you associating with me.”








Horsey: four years, two months, and six days ago


It had been another long day at school and all I wanted to do was go home.  I’d managed to avoid the bullies all day, but they’d tired me out in the process.  I was mentally exhausted from trying to outthink the herd.  I reached into the coatrack and pulled out black thread.

My sweater!  Somepony had unraveled it.

“Uh-oh, looks like somepony’s going to be chilly-willy all the way home.”

I turned to find half a dozen ponies jeering at me and something in me just snapped.  “Unleash the kraken.”  It was a spell I’d been taught by a tourist while we waited in line at HorseyPark.  A simple illusion, using tendrils of magic to look like a giant squid’s tentacles.  It was meant to ward off others.

The tendrils were less illusive than I’d initially expected and I grabbed Amber Lager in my aura and lifted her above my head.  “Which one of you did this?”

Amber’s shaky hoof pointed to Shady Maple and I unceremoniously dropped her, then picked up the colt and pinned him against the lockers with my magic.  “My Grandma made that for my mother.  That was an heirloom, you little horseapple smear. She’s been dead longer than I’ve been alive.  I can’t go ask her to fix it.”

Shady was gasping for breath and our classmates rushed me.  I used Shady as a club, knocking them all away from me in turn.  I finally dumped him on the ground and glared at him. “Apologize.”

The colt easily twice my size stammered the words as he as he cowered at my hooves.  Then he and his cronies galloped away from me.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.  I got angry and let myself get surrounded.  Wait, I just fended off half a dozen bullies.  When did my magic get this strong?  Have I been underestimating myself all these years?

Normally I raced out of school as fast as possible, but I realized I’d never actually tested how much weight I could levitate.  Instead I headed to the weight room, surprising everypony inside, as I was the last pony anyone would expect to see there.  My being there was as stupid as a chicken making a nest in a fox’s den.

Before anypony could start taunting me I sat on one of the weight benches.  “Two hundred pounds, please.”

There was snickering as they loaded the dumbbell.  I lifted it in my aura without even struggling and set it back down.  “Make that three hundred.”

That cleared the room, as hulking earth ponies raced away from the petite unicorn filly, screeching about ‘freaky unicorn magic’.

With nopony else around, I discovered I could easily go up to four hundred pounds, but started struggling past that.  I could levitate more than that, but only for a short period of time, and at the cost of using most of my mana reserves.  That didn’t matter – most of my classmates weighed less than four hundred pounds.

I don’t think I need to worry about being bullied anymore.







Horsey: four years, one month, and eighteen days ago


Gym was my least favorite class.  At least in the others, I could use my brain to solve problems, but in gym I was the smallest pony in the class by a wide margin.  Partially due to my dainty unicorn build, and partially due to being two years younger than my classmates.  I’d been exempted from playing hoofball.  The coach took one look at me and made me get a doctor’s note to excuse me from playing.

As the years had gone by, I was excused from more and more sports.  Anything where I had to headbutt the ball?  Exemption due to my horn.  Anything with physical contact?  Doctor’s note because I was too fragile to play.  Dodgeball?  I’d been allowed to play that exactly once. My exemption for that one stated I was too small of a target.  The coach was trying to protect me as best she could, but I was sick of running laps every day while my classmates got to play games.

The rare times I was allowed to play I had to wear a horn inhibitor made of pure onyx.  Since softball was a non-contact sport, I was actually allowed to play for once.  Horn ring or not, it was a welcome change of pace from running laps.

I was sitting on the bench, waiting for my turn when the principal trotted up to the coach and pulled me out of class.  She escorted me to an unused classroom and prompted me to take a test.  One hundred questions, it only took me an hour and a half to complete it.

She sat there, grading it as I watched.  She stopped at the seventy-first question.  “Congratulations, you passed.”  She thrust a piece of paper at me.  “Here’s your diploma, now get out of here.  You’re not my problem anymore.”







Horsey: three years, four months, and six days ago


Meh, I’m not even bothering to get out of bed today. What’s the point?  I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep.  I had no desire to go work my dead-end job at HorseyPark.  They’d been the only place in town willing to hire me, yet I couldn’t care less if they fired me.







Fillydelphia: three years, one month, and eleven days ago


I was just across the river from Damden, and I’d never felt more homesick for the town I still considered home.  When planning my trip I’d considered staying an extra day, and trying to track down all my old friends.  But I couldn’t forget how Heartlight and Desert Moon had barely remembered me the last time I’d gone home, only a few years after leaving.  They’d had each other and found other friends besides. They’d moved on.  I never had.  I’d never had friends to replace them, and even if they didn’t remember me at all now, I knew I’d never find friends that could replace them in my heart.  I cherished that era of my life.

That’s why I’d ventured to Fillydelphia in the first place.  I needed to move on.  I needed to advance my life instead of staying stuck in the same old rut.  First and foremost, I had to get out of Horsey. I knew that.  The town had slowly been sucking the life from me for almost a decade.  My only reason to stay there was my parents, and I’d grown to resent them for bringing me to that Celestia-forsaken backwoods settlement.

I needed help.

I hated admitting that. I'd always helped myself, because no one else would.  So a self-help seminar seemed like just the thing I needed.  A guide for putting my life back on track.

I arrived at the stadium and found an open place to stand next to a nervous pegasus that kept glancing up at the sky.  She didn’t interact with me, and I was fine with that.

An old rock song started playing and fireworks exploded around a minotaur who took center stage. He started hamming it up for the audience, flexing to show off his powerful muscles.

“Welcome friends to the first day of the rest of your lives.  I’m Iron Will, and I’m here to turn you from puny pushovers into pony powerhouses.  Come on, stomp those hooves.”

We obliged.  If nothing else, he had a flair for showmareship.

“Iron Will needs a volunteer.”

I raised a hoof, as did dozens of others in the crowd.  The blue pegasus next to me panicked and did her best to hide behind me.

“You!”  Iron Will pointed at me.  I started trotting toward the stage but he stopped me.  “Not you, the blue pegasus hiding behind you.  Get up on stage.”

“Eep!”  The pegasus flattened to the ground.

I looked from her, to the minotaur, and back again.  I sighed as I lit my horn and picked up the hysterical pegasus and carried her to the stage.  If nothing else, I’d upgraded my seat in the process.

“What’s your name?”

The pastel blue pony muttered something incoherent.

“Louder.  The cheap seats couldn’t hear you.  The front row couldn’t hear you.  Iron Will who’s three inches in front of your face couldn’t hear you!”

“Th…Thistle Whistle, sir.”

“Ha!  I love pony names.  Ponies get cheery names like Thistle Whistle, while minotaurs get boring names like Immobile Object or Steel Force.  So Thistle, what brings you here today?”

She gulped.  “I have a crippling phobia that makes it hard to leave my house most days.  I’m hoping you can help me overcome it.”

“Spit it out, already!”

“I’m terrified of clouds.”

There was an awkward pause of silence before the rest of the audience realized that this pony was a pegasus.  Then there was laughter.

“You hear that Thistle Whistle?  They’re laughing at you!  Are you gonna take that from them?”

“Um?  Yes.”

Iron Will shook his head.

“No, I’m not going to take it?”

“No, you’re not gonna take it!  No! You ain’t gonna take it!  You’re not gonna take it, anymore!  When others laugh at you, you wrath at them!  You’ve got a problem.  Do you know the solution to that problem?  Of course you don’t, that’s why you’re here listening to Iron Will. So I’ll give you the solution, but it’ll cost you five bits first.”

She reached into her saddlebags and gave the minotaur the requisite amount of money.

“To conquer your fear, the skies you must clear.”  He picked Thistle up and forced her to look at the sky.  Several fluffy white clouds were hanging in the sky over the city and the blue pegasus trembled at their sight.  “Now get up there and buck some clouds!”  When she didn’t take off under her own power, Iron Will threw her at the nearest cloud.  “Don’t come back down until the sky’s empty!”

The minotaur posed dramatically as fireworks burst on the stage around him.  Then all eyes turned to the sky as Thistle cleared clouds the best she could.

A few minutes later she landed.  “No more clouds in the sky.”  Thistle shuddered.  “I touched clouds.”  She fainted.

“She faced her fears and beat them!”  Iron Will picked Thistle Whistle up by her foreleg and held her up.  “Let’s hear it for Thistle Whistle!”

The crowd stomped in appreciation, and I added my stomps to the crowd.  It was enough to snap the timid pegasus out of the daze she was in.

“You hear that Thistle Whistle?  That’s all for you!  The next time you’re scared of a cloud, you go up to it, give it the ol’ one-two!” He quickly jabbed with his left hand and followed-up with his right.

Iron Will dispensed advice to more ponies, and I slowly realized I didn’t really need his help. I already stood up for myself and didn’t let others push me around, even when that was detrimental to my health.

“If you’re living in the past, you’re gonna finish last.”

Iron Will’s words snapped me out of my thoughts.  That one’s useful.  Maybe this hasn’t been a complete waste of time after all.  My past is on the other side of the river. Maybe I should go say goodbye to it once and for all.

I slipped away from the self-help seminar.  It was mostly assertiveness training, which I didn’t need.  I had a way with ponies – the wrong way.  It was sufficient for getting them to leave me alone most of the time.  I’d been running away from the consequences of my assertiveness for long enough that it was more of a game to me than anything I was truly afraid of.  A game I needed to continue winning for my health, but a game nonetheless.

If you’re living in the past, you’re gonna finish last.  Iron Will’s words echoed in my head as I crossed the Flanklin Bridge into Damden.  Things had certainly changed in the decade since I’d last lived there, but the layout of the town was still the same, even if there were some new buildings that had been built in the intervening years.  Unlike Horsey, Damden was a dynamic city where change was the only constant.

My favorite ice cream parlor was gone, replaced with a griffin restaurant.  One sniff was all it took to determine meat was on the menu and I continued past without stopping.

Crumb Cake’s parents’ bakery was still open, so I wandered in.  I recognized her parents, though they were obviously a bit older than the last time I’d seen them.  If I can’t have ice cream…

“Crumb cake, please.”

“She’s not in right now.”

“I meant I’d like a slice of crumb cake.  Make that two of them.”

Crumb Cake’s mother looked at me, almost as if she vaguely remembered me.  I’d been living in Horsey long enough that my accent had changed into some sort of hybrid between the two regions.  Being in Damden, it was as noticeably out of place as it was in Horsey. If she recognized me, she didn’t mention it, instead hoofing over my order.

I took a seat by the window and reminisced.  Memories of cantering through that door, Heartlight and Desert Moon hot on my hooves came back to me.  I still missed them – I always would.  But life had gone on, and I had to do the same.  Still, I couldn’t help wondering what they were up to these days, or even what their cutie marks were.

Crumb Cake’s cutie mark wasn’t hard to guess, and easily confirmed since pictures of my former classmate were hanging on the walls.  I didn’t recognize anybody else in the pictures, though.  I guess she’s not close to anyone from back in the day anymore either.  And she doesn’t have the same excuse I do of not living here anymore.

I bit into the crumb cake, and the nostalgia washed over me again.  Stars above, it would almost be worth it to move back here just to be able to eat this again.  I watched the ponies and other creatures going about their lives, but I didn’t see anyone else I recognized.  Though to be fair, it was very possible that I’d known some of them back in the day.  Even if I had it wouldn’t have been worth it to reach out to them.  I was too far removed from being relevant in their lives. No, at this point I was naught but an outside observer enjoying a trip down memory lane.

I needed this.  I grabbed two more slices of crumb cake to take home to Horsey, and said a silent goodbye to Damden once and for all.
> Act I: Sweetie Swirl (Part 2)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Mareietta: two years, six months, and thirteen days ago


I’d never found my place in Equestria.  I hadn’t fit in at all in Horsey, and I’d proven to myself that too much time had passed – I couldn’t go back to Damden, either.  It was better to leave it in my past, where I could always treasure the memories.  My former friends had moved on, and I needed to too.

But that wasn’t a solution to the problem of what to do with my future.  I was lost, drifting through life.  Surviving, not thriving.  My dreams were just that – dreams that I had no hope of ever achieving.

I was looking for answers, searching for a purpose.  Most of all I wanted a place I could truly call my own.  I’d heard it said that ‘home is in your heart’ but I already spent too much time living inside my own mind.  Reality beckoned.

I’d heard of Earth, of course.  One would have needed to be living in Tartarus not to have heard about the newly discovered parallel universe, but I’d never given it more than a passing thought. Leaving Horsey was one thing; leaving Equestria entirely was quite another.

But the flyer for EarthCon arrived in the mail and I browsed it.  It was to be the first ever convention for all things human.  According to the info in the pamphlet, it would be an opportunity to experience Earth’s technology firsthoof, and even meet some real human celebrities.

I almost tossed the flyer in the trash, but before I did I had an epiphany.  What do I have to lose?

The answer had turned out to be hundreds of bits – the train ride there and back, the hotel for several days, and some spending money.  I’d arrived in town a day early, specifically so I could reserve a hotel room for the entire three-day event.  It turned out I wasn’t the only pony to think of doing such a thing, and the hotel sold out not long after I arrived in town.  Some of the other ponies who’d gotten rooms sat around the lobby, trying to find roommates to split the costs with, but I had no interest in doing so. I’d picked a room with only one bed – I’d come to see humans, not other ponies.  I’d seen enough ponies to last me a lifetime, and frankly I didn’t like what I’d seen of them.

Once I’d checked into the hotel, I had the rest of the day free, since the activities wouldn’t start until the next day.  Since it was summertime, and Mareietta was much further south than Horsey, it was much hotter and more humid than I was used to.  I decided to spend the day in the hotel’s pool, only to find that it was overcrowded.  I wasn’t in the mood to interact with anypony, so I returned to my room and stared out the window.  Which meant I was paying attention when a pair of trucks pulled up to the hotel, each towing a trailer.

Having never seen a human vehicle up close before, I looked down and calculated that I could safely teleport the distance from my room’s balcony to the ground below.  Seconds later I was staring at the vehicles as they parked in front of the hotel.  They were much, much bigger than they’d looked from my room, decorated with stripes and a blue oval with human lettering inside.  What they were towing was more interesting, however, as tarps were removed from the trailers to unveil a pair of cars, both of which had a shiny chrome pony galloping across the front.

With a rumble, the two pony-decorated cars drove off the trailers, and across the grass to an area behind the hotel.  I galloped after them, noting with dismay that the vehicles emitted a noxious odor. A paved road had been set up on the hotel’s property, running in a quarter mile oval-shaped circuit.

The cars parked on the tarmac, and the humans quickly set up velvet rope around the vehicles.  The cars attracted quite a crowd – the hotel’s guests, staff, and even ponies from the surrounding town had all come over to see the alien vehicles.

The pickups, meanwhile, were parked front and center in front of the hotel, while the trailers were removed and sat neglected off to the side of the building.  Ponies clamored around the massive trucks. There was writing on the side, though I hadn’t started studying any of the human languages yet so I couldn’t read it, but it appeared to have a solitary letter and a trio of numbers following it.  My first impression was that the vehicles were huge.  The cars looked appropriately-sized for the humans driving them, but the trucks looked comically large next to the humans who’d gotten out of them, and absolutely ridiculous next to the ponies gathered around them.  I couldn’t help but take a picture of the truck with the crowd of ponies next to it – a family of five could easily live in it.  It could probably seat about twenty ponies comfortably for a long trip, and that’s not even counting how many could squeeze into the open storage bed behind the passenger cab.

With so many ponies around, I started to feel nervous, but the crowd mostly ignored me.  After being bumped into for the third time, I teleported back to my room so I could continue observing, but limit my interactions with others.

Things continued picking up as the day wore on.  The next major event was the arrival of Mistmane.  As one of the Pillars of Equestria, she attracted quite a bit of attention.  I didn’t bother making a fuss, preferring to continue observing from afar.

A steady stream of ponies continued their colorful parade into the hotel, with assorted other creatures mixed in – a minotaur here, a griffon there.  It wasn’t just ponies who were interested in Earth.  Humans continued showing up as well, and they attracted crowds wherever they went.  I couldn’t help but wonder how many of them were nameless peons like me, completely unaccustomed to being the center of attention.  It stood to reason that the real celebrities would have entourages with them, people who could divert the crowd away from them.

Another truck pulled up to the hotel, this one dwarfing the two pickups.  It pulled a colorful trailer behind it, and even from my room on the fourteenth floor, I felt the rumble when the vehicles inside started up.  Ponies scattered from the obnoxiously loud noise, ears flattened. If nothing else, I’d just learned a new trick to get ponies to leave me alone: make a loud noise to spook them.

Two bright blue cars pulled out of the trailer, both decorated in what I guessed were racing graphics.  The cars were parked next to the ‘galloping pony’ cars, while the truck loomed over the pickups that I’d previously marveled at.  If the pickups could comfortably hold twenty ponies, the truck and trailer combined could easily contain an entire village.

I debated teleporting down to check out the larger truck and decided against it.  It was like the other ones, but bigger.  Humans seem obsessed with size.  Bigger isn’t always better.  I thought back to all the massive earth ponies I knew in Horsey and shuddered.  The mares who like muscular, hunky stallions have never been bullied by them.  I’ll take a frail, scrawny stallion, thank you very much.  I sighed at the thought – that was assuming I could ever find a stallion who’d accept me for me.  Maybe I should try wiggling my flank in front of some Ogres & Oubliettes nerd…  Is it too much to ask for love?  Or have I lived in Horsey for so long that I don’t have any self-esteem left?  You can only hear how worthless you are so many times before you start believing it.

I looked in the mirror. I was petite – more so even than the average unicorn mare.  Of course none of the stallions gave me even a passing glance – I didn’t jiggle in the right places.  No muscles, no fat, just skin and bones.  None of those stallions had ever even looked at me like I was a mare.

The feelings I’d struggled with for years threatened to overwhelm me, alone in a hotel room fourteen floors in the sky.  Useless.  Hornhead.  Foreigner. Worthless.  The Little One.  The taunts I’d heard so many times echoed in my mind with nothing to distract me from them. Horsey was hundreds of miles away, so there was nopony to outwit for my continued well-being.  I’d left my needlepoint at home, so I couldn’t even relax with my hobby.

My special talent is useless, I have no friends, and my interests lie in areas nopony else seems to care about.  Everypony loves eating ice cream, nopony but me gives a flying feather about its history.  What can I list as accomplishments from my school years?  Surviving?  Manipulating my classmates and playing them against one another?  Helping Shoofly Pie pass?  I pondered that.  No, my greatest accomplishment is opening Shoofly’s mind.  It might be the only thing I ever do of merit, but that relies on her keeping her mind open now that I’m not there to help her think outside the box.

I stared out the window, not paying attention to what was going on outside.  Maybe I can make something of myself on Earth.  Earth, that’s why I’m here.  Earth to Sweetie Marie Swirl, snap out of it.

My eyes started focusing on what was going on outside again.  The sun was noticeably lower in the sky than it had been when I’d last been paying attention.  I wobbled on my legs a bit and leaned against the wall.  It was too early for bed, and being alone with my thoughts was the last thing I wanted.  As much as I hated the idea of socializing, I had a sudden desire to be around other ponies.

I locked my hotel room behind me and walked down fourteen flights of stairs to the hotel’s lobby. Once there, I leaned against a pillar observing the world going on without me.  It doesn’t matter if I’m alive or dead. Life goes on.  No one here would care if I left right now.  If I just started walking, no one would miss me. Tartarus, even my parents wouldn’t care. I’m such a disappointment to them. I graduated early from high school and then got fired from every job willing to hire an inexperienced mare with an ice cream cutie mark who can’t actually make ice cream.  Even the chocolate factory won’t take me.  They have all the unicorns they need – my parents.

The change of scenery wasn’t helping.  I sat on the ground, no longer feeling stable leaning against the pillar for support. Even in the open lobby, it felt like the world was closing in on me.  A hundred thousand ponies, all telling me why I was a failure.

I snapped out of it when I felt something on my back.  I turned to look, and a blonde-haired human was resting her hand there.  There was concern in her eyes and she asked in perfect Equestrian, “Are you okay?”

I nodded my head. “Just…lost in thought.”  It wasn’t a lie.

“You looked like the weight of the world was on your shoulders.  Sometimes it helps to have a gentle reminder that you’re not alone.”

She moved her hand toward my ears and I didn’t object as she started scratching me.  As much as I normally loathed being touched unexpectedly, she’d waited for permission, so I didn’t mind.  Plus, it felt wonderful.  My ear flicked involuntarily as she scratched.  I had to forcibly stop myself from thumping one of my hind legs.

“Tell me about yourself.”

“I don’t like crowds.”

“Understandable.  So what’s so important that you’re out here braving all these ponies?”

“Earth.”  Oh gosh, I sound so stupid.  Here I am talking to a real life human and I’m tripping over my words.  Come on, Sweetie, you’re smarter than this.  You can make it through a simple conversation with a stranger.  “I want to learn more.  I’m thinking of going across the portal.”

“Why’s that?”  Her hand never left my ear.

“I need a change of scenery. I don’t know what I’m looking for, but I don’t think I’m going to find it in Equestria.  I might not find it on Earth either, but I feel like I’ve got to try.”

“That’s as good an explanation as any.  But oftentimes folks find the very thing they’re looking for is a lot closer than they think it is.”

“I don’t feel like I belong in Equestria.  At the very least, I know I don’t belong in the town where I lay my horseshoes.  I think the place I truly belong is long gone. Since I can’t go back to the past, all I can do is look to the future, and Earth is the future.  It’s intimidating, but the ponies positioned to succeed in tomorrow’s Equestria are the ones willing to embrace change, especially technology.”

“Wise words.  I don’t know if you’ll find what you’re looking for on Earth, but you’ve got the right mindset.  Keep an open mind and you’ll go far.”

“With all your technology, I bet you’ve solved all of Earth’s problems.”

“Not as much as you’d expect.  Technology brings its own set of problems.  What’s funny is I know some folks who think you’ve solved all of Equestria’s problems with magic.  The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.”

“There must be an earth pony living on the other side of that fence.”

She chuckled.  “I hope you’re feeling better.”

“I am.  Who are you?”

“You can call me Molly. I’ll be around all weekend if you have any questions.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome and have a good evening.”

“You too!”  If all humans are like her, I don’t think I’ll ever come back to Equestria.

She moved on, and so did I.







Mareietta: two years, six months, and twelve days ago


EarthCon was the first of its kind.  The closest thing I could think to compare it to was the Daring Do conventions I’d heard of ponies going to.  The company putting on the convention had years of experience hosting similar events on Earth, but this was new for them too.

They’d lined up celebrity guests and invited companies to set up their wares in a vendor hall. They had dozens of panels to attend, and the car company was giving rides in their cars on the makeshift track they’d constructed.  With so many choices, I had no idea what to do first.  So I wandered into the opening ceremonies.

Mistmane was on stage and well into a speech.  “…Starswirl’s spell.  It was culture shock, but most of us endured.  With the exception of Rockhoof, we all adapted to our new environment quickly. While those of you who choose to venture across the portal probably won’t lose a thousand years in the process, you’ll experience a similar culture shock.  Rockhoof eventually came around too.  I want all of you to congratulate yourselves.  You’re the early adapters.  Yes, the downside to that means you also get to be the trial and error test phase. Mistakes will be made by everyone, but you have a leg up on your peers by embracing change instead of waiting for it to come to you.”

The auditorium was too crowded for my liking, so I decided to check out the vendor hall instead.  It hadn’t opened yet, so I took a spot in line, not knowing what to expect when the room finally opened.  I’d managed to save up a few bits from my string of dead-end jobs, mostly due to still living at home with my parents – I’d brought all of them with me.  If nothing struck my fancy, they could all go back in the bank when I got home.  But I reasoned it was better to have them and not need them, then to find something I truly wanted to buy and have all my money hundreds of miles away.

There was no rhyme or reason to the ponies waiting in line with me.  There was diversity on a level I’d not seen since living in Damden – earth ponies, pegasi, unicorns, and assorted other creatures.  I’d gotten pretty good at recognizing accents from all the summertime visits to HorseyPark, as I’d conversed with unicorns from all around the country.  I recognized Canterlot, Las Pegasus, and Appleoosa accents immediately, and I had to stop myself from jumping out of line to converse with the Canterlotians. There were ponies from all walks of life, including a posh Manehattanite and an elderly pear farmer.  A Canterlotian heiress and her ‘stuff holder’, and a portly pegasus stallion who probably hadn’t gotten off the ground in years.

“I’m so excited!”

“Me too,” I replied, striking up a conversation with the griffin waiting in line next to me.  “I’m Sweetie Swirl.”

“I’m Gabby!  I’ve been waiting for this day for months!  I can’t wait to go across the portal!”

I hadn’t known a griffin in a decade, but my memories of Gladys, while dimmed from age, certainly painted a different picture of them.  I remembered Gladys as acting tough, and always bragging about her accomplishments.  The way she talked of Griffinstone made it sound like that’s how all griffins behaved. But Gabby sounded more like a pony than most ponies I knew.

“What are you most looking forward to?”

“Everything!” she gushed. She lowered her voice.  “I never fit in back home in Griffinstone. Everygriff is so grumpy and crotchety. You ponies are lucky that you never have to worry about that since you all get along so well with one another.”

I decided not to shatter her illusion of pony society.  “Ponies are very welcoming.  You’d fit in fine in my hometown of Damden.”

“As much as I love living around ponies, I want to experience something new.  I might like living amongst humans even more!  If not, I can always come home to Equestria.  Maybe I’ll even check out Damden.”

“There’s a griffin-specific restaurant in town.  It serves meat.  I’m guessing that’s something you don’t find in too many pony towns.”

She laughed.  “You’re right, and while I do miss eating meat sometimes, that’s not as big a deal for me as it is for other griffs.  Still, that’s a point in favor of Damden.  I like to keep my options open.  All I care about is that I live someplace where folks know how to have fun, and aren’t always grouchy meanies.”

“Avoid Horsey.”

She gasped.  “The place where they make all the chocolate?”

I nodded.  “Nopony there has a sense of humor.  Also, you’d be the only griffin, so they’d mock you. Unless you were to start eating them – that would shut them up pretty quickly.  If you want to do that, I’ve got a list of ponies you can start with…”

She chuckled.  “That bad?”

“I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Point made and taken. I guess ponies don’t always fit in, either.”

I sighed.  “Nope.  Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.”

She wrapped a wing around me.  “Us Equestrian misfits have to stick together!”

I tensed at the contact and relaxed as soon as I realized it was an embrace.

“Oh, sorry.  Most ponies I know like hugs.”

“I do too.  I just like to know they’re coming first.”  I wrapped my forelegs around her as she dropped her wing.

The vendor hall opened before either of us could make things more awkward, but I was fairly confident I’d just made my first new friend in years.  I marveled at the wares on display as I trotted into the hall.  The first booth was run by a company called Panasonic.  They had a magic box on display that could heat food almost instantly.  It was called a ‘microwave’ and they planned an entire product line of pony-friendly appliances under the brand name Ponysonic.

Unfortunately, the only thing they had to demonstrate it with was cans of Taco Bell refried beans. They smelled awful and tasted even worse, if such a thing was even possible.  The repugnant food didn’t even look appealing – it was mostly brown lumps that looked more like it was regurgitated than refried.  I really hope this isn’t typical human food.

Next to the microwave was a gadget known as a television, which played moving pictures like a movie, except in the convenience of your own home.  There was a note that the infrastructure for television stations would take years to implement, and that it would work best with pre-recorded content, conveniently the company also offered a Blu-ray player.  Each individual movie would need to be purchased separately.

The next booth was a pony who’d made plush human dolls.  She was doing brisk business as ponies snapped up her wares, desperate for a cuddly human of their own.  The mare had a number of designs available, though the most popular was an overweight male that looked quite snuggly with his plump middle.  She even had a life-size human plush for sale – a petite female, at a staggering thousand bits.  Amazingly, ponies were placing orders with her to make life-sized versions of the hefty male for twice the price.

I quickly moved on – I wasn’t her market demographic.  I’d consider picking up one of the smaller plushes if any were left available after I made it around the vendor hall, but I was more interested in what humans had brought with them to sell.

Sadly, as I perused the booths, it seemed that all of the human companies had brought demonstrator units, and nothing that was officially for sale.  The electronics weren’t yet compatible with pony electrical current. Other items were scheduled for production, but only if there was enough interest from ponies.  But the most commonly cited reason was ‘for legal purposes’ as the companies had lawyers working through what they could and couldn’t legally sell in Equestria.  Technically, nothing was supposed to be sold prior to the official opening of the portal two and a half years hence.

So it was the pony vendors who were making bits.  I discovered another plush maker, who’d made hundreds of miniature humans that were only fifty bits each.  Next to her was a vendor offering buttons and pins with pictures of famous people and places on Earth.  I browsed through the pins, as the architecture and landscapes interested me far more than the humans.  I bought a pin shaped like a palace, and the vendor explained it was the Taj Mahal.  A human at the next booth corrected her pronunciation, but neither of us could quite say it the way he had.  The words didn’t roll off our tongues.  I cringed as I realized that if I wanted to move to Earth, I’d need to learn the language and that meant getting the pronunciations right too. 

There was a door to the outside, and the booth closest to it was for Ford Motor Company.  I recognized the blue oval and galloping pony emblems from the previous day – this was the company responsible for bringing the cars and trucks.  The cars were called Mustangs, and the company was giving rides in them all weekend. Since their products were too big to fit in the room, the company had multiple televisions set up demonstrating their entire vehicle range in action.  The Mustangs were shown racing around tracks and city streets, while trucks were shown crossing streams and blazing trails off road.

I wasn’t the only pony mesmerized by the videos.  So many moving pictures at once was overstimulation.  I had to force myself to focus on one video at a time.

While none of the vehicles they’d brought were available for purchase – Equestria had firmly rejected allowing the sale of anything gasoline-powered out of environmental concerns, Ford had customizable souvenirs for visitors to take home.  I picked up a shirt with the Mustang logo customized to look like me – pink with blue, pink, and orange hair, and my cutie mark.  They had a human at the booth who took a picture of my cutie mark, then transposed the image onto the shirt design, then printed it.  The camera didn’t print out the photo, but it stored it in the camera, which was connected to the computer.  I was fortunate to be early, because the line for shirts had backed up behind me.

The next booth revealed a 3D printer, and several of the pony vendors were paying very close attention to how it made items.  I could see bits in their eyes as they pondered the money they’d earn from owning such a device.  If I were interested in staying in Equestria and going into business for myself, I’d have paid more attention to it also.  But neither thought appealed to me.  I wasn’t looking for reasons to stay in Equestria, and I certainly wasn’t a businessmare, nor did I want to become one.  Self-employed ponies risked their own money and worked long hours.  If one calculated what they made per hour worked, most times it came out well below what they’d make working some mundane nine-to-five job.  That was the tradeoff to being your own boss.  Some ponies thought it was worth it, but I wasn’t one of them.  I’d probably just get a job with some big company on Earth – thanks to EarthCon, I already had a bunch of possibilities.

I just need to market myself.  I need to convince a human to take a chance on a fresh out of school pony with no experience.  How am I ever going to convince someone else to hire me when I have no self-esteem?  I get tongue-tied whenever I try to talk myself up – it’s like my brain locks up whenever it has to direct my mouth to say good things about myself.  Yet I have no problem leaping to somepony else’s aid.

I backtracked a couple of tables – I needed to get my mind on something else.  I looked through the tiny human dolls and eventually grabbed one that I liked: an adorable girl with curly hair and wearing a sundress.  The doll’s maker told me it was patterned after a human named Shirley Temple.  I levitated little Shirley onto my horn and tied her there with a piece of string.  I don’t care if I look foolish, now I can just look up at my horn human any time I start thinking bad thoughts and little Shirley will make me smile.

While none of the corporations were allowed to sell anything in Equestria, that didn’t prevent them from offering free samples.  A human handed me a free bottle of shampoo as I walked past the table for Mane ‘n Tail. I also picked up a free bottle of a beverage called Coca-Cola.  Unfortunately, there were no ice cream companies represented in the vendor hall.  Of course, the thing I was most anxious to try was completely absent.

The vendor hall started getting crowded as the opening ceremonies had drawn to a close.  I finished my circuit of the room, a little quicker than I would’ve liked.  But if the vendor hall was where all the ponies were, I wanted to be elsewhere.  I pulled the schedule of events from my saddlebag and checked the time.  There were no panels I was interested in until later in the day, so I decided to get lunch.  I was just going to eat in the hotel’s café, but then Gabby waved me over and introduced me to some ponies she’d just met, and invited me to join them at Hayburger.

I fought the urge to turn tail and gallop away.  This isn’t Horsey, and they actually want to be friends.  Gabby’s nice.  Way too outgoing, but nice.  She wouldn’t lead me into a trap.  “Okay, I’m in.”

Hayburger was only a few blocks away and we trotted – I felt self-conscious about that, the lone unicorn amongst a griffin and pegasi, they could’ve flown if I wasn’t there.  There were plenty of unoccupied tables, but Gabby sat down with a blue earth pony who looked like she was ready to gallop away at the sight of the griffin and her entourage.

“Hi!  I’m Gabby!  Are you here for EarthCon?  We’re all here for EarthCon!”

“I’m, um, Sweet Stuff. Yes, I’m looking at moving to Earth.”

“I’m Kerfuffle, don’tcha know.”  The pegasus was missing one of her hind legs and had a prosthetic in its place.  “I’ve heard a lot of good things about human medical science and I’m hoping they can fix me up a bit better than Equestria could. My friend Torque Wrench did her best, bless her heart, but she’s not a doctor.”

“Hi, I’m Whizzer! Fastest pony in Hooveston!  Well, I was.”  She motioned to her clipped wings.  “I kept having accidents and eventually I hit the mayor as he was walking down the street…  The sheriff grounded me.”

“That’s awful.”  I couldn’t think of anything else to say – taking a pegasus’ flight would be like forcing me to wear a horn inhibitor to strip me of my magic.  I’d done so in gym class, but couldn’t imagine having to wear one for an entire year. I couldn’t think of anything worse.

“I had to miss the Wonderbolts tryouts this year, and I’m so behind on my practicing that I probably won’t make it to next year’s either.  So while I’ve been grounded I got into Earth big time.  I mean, who isn’t interested in humans and all their crazy technology?”

They looked expectantly at me.  “I’m Sweetie Swirl.”  Ack, what do I say?  These are ponies with real problems.  I’m just shy and awkward and unlikeable.  “I’m not really good at interacting with other ponies.”  I stared down at my half-eaten hayburger in shame.  “I spend most of my time trying to avoid social interactions at all cost.  Ponies back home don’t like me.”

Instead of dismissing my problems as pathetic like I expected, the others offered me encouragement.

“Me too,” said Sweet Stuff. “Ponies take advantage of me all the time.  I remember back in school whenever we’d play games at recess the others always made me be the goalpost.”

“I know the feeling. I was smaller and weaker than anypony in my class back in Horsey.  They picked on me all the time, but I spent most of my free time running away from them rather than trying to interact with them.”

“It’s okay, the two of you are among friends!”

“Whizzer’s right, don’tcha know.  We may have only just met, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t care.  Sometimes you’ve gotta look around a bit to find your place in this world.”

“I told you, us Equestrian misfits have to stick together!”  Gabby dragged us all into a hug.

I’d already had more hugs in one day than I had in the last three years, and I had a hunch that if I kept hanging around Gabby that number was only going to go up.  I changed the subject as best I could to break the embrace. “Sweet Stuff, do you have any nicknames? It’s going to be mighty confusing having a Sweet Stuff and a Sweetie Swirl.”

She chuckled.  “It’s going to get even more confusing, I like being called ‘Sweetie’.  So when somepony calls for you, I’m going to turn and look too.”

“Even your initials are the same, so we can’t even break it up by S.S. and S. S.”  Gabby tapped a claw to her beak in thought.

“Well, you’ve only got room for one Sweetie, so I’ll be going now.”  Sweet Stuff stood up to go.

Before she could leave I latched onto her tail with my magic.  “I only just met everyone else here today, so I hope I speak for us all when I say that that’s not how this group rolls.”

“I’ll agree to that!” Gabby slapped a talon on the table.

“Me too!” Kerfuffle put her hoof on Gabby’s claws.

“I’m gonna lose my speedy reputation for not being the first hoof on the table in support!  But I agree to that too!”  Whizzer added her hoof to the pile and I did so too.

Eight expectant eyes turned to Sweet Stuff.

“Well… I guess if you want me to stick around… it’s not like I’m doing anything else at the moment. Oh stars, I’m so bad at this.”

I patted her hoof. “Me too.  We can be the Socially Awkward Sweeties Society.  SASS for short.”

That got a chuckle out of her.  “I’m not sure I’m sassy enough for that.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got the sarcasm covered.  It’s a free service I offer.”

“All right, I’m in. What are the membership dues?”

“Five bits to get in, five hundred bits to get out.”  That cracked everypony up.  “You laugh now, but eventually you’ll pay that price because you’ll realize it’s worth it to get away from me.”

“Stop saying things like that.  Nopony’s going to sing your praises for you.  You have to be bold like a Wonderbolt!”  Whizzer shifted her wings into a launch position, even though with her wings clipped, she had as much chance of getting off the ground as I did. “Has anypony ever told you that you’re too self-deprecating?”

“No, mostly because they’re the ones saying these things about me in the first place.”

Gabby pulled me into another embrace.  “I’m going to keep hugging you until you feel valued.”

I gasped in mock horror. “Oh no, affection!  My one weakness!  I shall build a wall of sarcasm to save me!”

“It isn’t very effective.” Kerfuffle flapped her wings and flew over the imaginary wall, adding herself to the embrace.

Whizzer and Sweet Stuff piled into the hug and we just stayed there for minutes, hugging.  As much as I hated to admit it, it did make me feel a bit better.









We’d spent three hours at Hayburger just talking.  No wonder her name’s Gabby.  I’d come to EarthCon with the intent of talking to humans; I certainly hadn’t anticipated befriending Equestrians.  If nothing else it proved to me that I was still capable of making friends, something I’d been doubting for years.  Maybe I’m not the problem.  Maybe it really is my environment.  I allowed myself to be optimistic.

Time would tell if I’d drive them away or not.  I’d had friends in Damden, but we’d fallen out of touch one-by-one as the months dragged by after my move to Horsey.  The first wave of letters I wrote got replies, it was the subsequent replies that saw fewer and fewer responses.  Life went on, and without being there with my friends, it was difficult to remain relevant in their lives.  I’d never managed to make friends in Horsey – at least not in my own age bracket.  I certainly considered Lickety-Split a friend, though it was more a proprietor-client relationship.  We’d never spent any time together outside her ice cream shop, and while I’d demonstrated a knack for coming up with new flavors and tweaking existing recipes, I’d shown no talent in actually making ice cream, so she hadn’t let me apprentice with her.  Which was for the best – she’d lost business because I’d patronized her shop, if I was working there it would probably go out of business entirely.

I’d more-or-less driven my parents out of my life despite living under the same roof as them.  They changed after moving to Horsey, adapting to their new surroundings surprisingly well.  It didn’t matter that their coworkers picked on them constantly, they rolled with it.  I didn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t accept those same taunts coming from my classmates.  Those classmates would complain about the sole unicorn in their lives to their parents, who in turn would complain about me to my parents.  My sire and dam then made sure I heard about it when they got home from work.  My own grievances went ignored in favor of the herd’s words.  Having ponies around that genuinely enjoyed spending time with me was a nearly forgotten feeling.

The concept of me being a trendsetter would’ve caused everypony back in Horsey to roll on the floor in laughter, but I returned to the convention hall to discover I didn’t look as foolish as I’d originally thought.  I had no idea whether I’d started a trend, or if a bunch of unicorns all came to the same independent conclusion, but ‘horn humans’ was a thing.  I reached a hoof up to little Shirley, assuring myself that she hadn’t fallen off during my trot to and from Hayburger.  The string holding her in place was still intact, and the doll remained securely tied to my horn.

There were long lines to get autographs from the human celebrities, so I only had time to get one – King Richard Petty of NASCAR.  I had plenty of time to browse through the convention’s brochure while I waited, including the maps of Earth that had been printed within – try as I might, I couldn’t locate the country of NASCAR anywhere.  It was probably a tiny kingdom, which would explain why the king could take a week away from his country to come to an event on a different world entirely.

King Petty didn’t speak Equestrian, and there was no translator.  When I got to the front of the line he offered a smile and ten seconds of calligraphy.  While I couldn’t read his signature, it was certainly very squiggly and elaborate, befitting royalty.

With another smile I was quickly dismissed, and the next pony in line received their autograph.  I checked the con book again – there was a concert going on in the hotel’s courtyard, so I headed there.  Lena Hall was already on stage when I arrived. Unlike King Petty, Lena spoke Equestrian, and was performing a one-person play for the audience, alternating between short skits and singing.  It was interesting hearing her switch between conversing to the audience in Equestrian, then singing in her native tongue.

Rather than take a seat I remained standing in the back, away from the crowd.  I stayed for half a dozen songs and two skits before turning my attention to other things.  I could’ve stayed there watching her all day, but there were too many other things I wanted to do.

The convention also offered panels on various topics – some were hosted by ponies, while others were hosted by humans.  I decided to go to one of the latter.  I was still wearing my customized-to-look-like-me Mustang t-shirt, so I trotted to Ford Motor Company’s product seminar.

It was sparsely attended compared to the concert.  Ponies weren’t as enthralled by the cars as much as they were music.  The vehicles had managed to capture my attention, and the nice people working Ford’s booth in the vendor hall had also made a great impression.  It only seemed fair that I listen to their sales pitch.  I took a seat in the front row as curious ponies continued trickling in.

A human male stood up, with a pony translator by his side.

“Hi, my name’s Rob.  I work for Ford.  As you probably noticed we make cars and trucks.  Mostly trucks these days.  I understand Equestria has a heavily agrarian culture, and pickup trucks are the perfect vehicle for farm work.  But we offer more than just trucks.”

Images started projecting on a screen behind him.  “Our company was started by Henry Ford more than a century ago.  Our first car was the 1903 Model A, seen here.  But it was the 1908 Model T that made Ford a household name.  During this iconic car’s model run, more than half the cars in the United States were Fords. Here are some other significant heritage models from the following decades.”  More images popped up on the screen, showing the evolution of cars.  “In 1964, Ford introduced a car that remains one of our core products, the Mustang.”  More images flashed behind him.  “Now in its sixth generation, the Mustang is an American icon.  We brought along two of them this weekend and we’re offering rides in them.”  He chuckled. “Consider them pony rides. Furthermore, when this convention is over, we’re donating both Mustangs to Equestria.  The convertible will be going to a museum in Canterlot, while the coupe will be going to the Manehattan Museum of Modern Art.”

The slide changed again, showing a bigger, more rugged vehicle.  “While not Ford’s first truck, in 1948 Ford brought out the F-1, the very first F-Series truck.  In the decades since, this has become Ford’s best-selling vehicle, and it’s available in a number of different configurations.  This is the basic F-150, and we offer the Super Duty which is a heavier duty truck customizable to suit nearly any job that needs to be done.  In a few years we’ll offer an electric F-150, which we anticipate having to market a year or two after the portal opens for traffic.  So start saving up your bits!”

The slides changed once again.  “We also offer an array of sport utility vehicles and crossovers for families and those who occasionally need to haul things like sheets of plywood or bags of mulch. The Ford Escape, Ford Edge, Ford Explorer, and Ford Expedition.  We’re still determining what vehicles we’re going to sell here, but for those of you going to Earth this is our full product line.”

Rob cleared his throat. “Now that I’ve got that out of the way, it’s with much excitement that I announce that Ford will be bringing back the Bronco.  This seems like the correct venue to make this announcement.  We anticipate this model going on sale in late 2020.”

There was stomping of hooves, even if none of us actually knew what the Bronco was.  Pictures of various trucks decorated the slideshow behind the speaker, and he explained they showed pictures of previous Broncos.

“At the present time, we have no plans to reintroduce the Pinto.”

A picture of a cute little car with a big red ‘X’ through it appeared on the screen behind him.

The humans in the room laughed as the line was translated for the rest of us.  While the humans weren’t impressed, most of the ponies seemed intrigued by the little car – it was much more in lines with equine tastes as it was small, and looked old and quaint compared to the blobby cars and gigantic trucks that had been in the previous slides.  It was perfectly pony-sized.

“I’d buy a Pinto.”

“Me too!”

The translator started explaining what the ponies were saying to the Ford executive and his face paled as more ponies started placing orders for Pintos.

“I’m going to have to run this past our executive team in Dearborn.  But am I to understand small hatchbacks like this are cars you’d be interested in?”

There was stomping.

“How many of you would buy this?”

A picture of a Mustang was shown and there were quite a few stomps of approval.

“The F-Series pickups? This is Ford’s best-selling vehicle.”

One of the massive trucks parked outside was shown, and a few earth ponies stomped, all of whom appeared to be farmers, along with one diminutive red pegasus stallion who was likely trying to compensate for his short stature.

“This?”

One of the Broncos was shown, and there were a few stomps of approval.

“Lastly, the Pinto?”

The stomping was the loudest.

He said a few words that weren’t translated by the interpreter and the presentation ended quickly, with no follow-up questions.

Well, that didn’t go well.

It was getting close to dinner time but I was still full from lunch.  I trotted out of the room, and back into the vendor hall.  I’d rushed through the last half earlier, and wanted to see if I’d missed anything on my initial pass.

The first booth was a seamstress.  Her banner boldly proclaimed ‘Don’t go to Earth naked!’ and pictured a white unicorn with purple hair strategically covering herself as humans pointed and laughed at her.

“Howdy, friend.  My name’s Suri Polomare.  What’s yours?”

“Sweetie.”

“What can I do you for, Sweetie?”  She had the same fake smile I’d seen in Horsey so many times.  It was the smile of a pony looking to con a tourist out of their hard-earned bits.  It was a look of a pony who’d sell her own foal if she thought she could make enough of a profit.  She was a pony to avoid.

“Your cashbox would be a good down payment.  We can settle up after the con; you should be able to earn enough by then to afford me.” Her jaw opened and closed a few times as I moved on to the next table.

It was for a company called MasterCard that offered a magic plastic rectangle that would pay for things if you didn’t have any bits on you.  Buy now, pay later.  With interest, if the amount wasn’t paid off by the end of the billing cycle.  This is just taking advantage of ponies who are bad at math.  I kept trotting.

The next booth had my attention – a human artist was drawing ponies.  There was a long queue, so I didn’t bother getting in line, but it was interesting watching him work nonetheless.  His fingers were dexterous, manipulating the pencil as easily as I could with my magic.

It quickly became apparent as to why there was such a long line – the prints were free.  Like the other human vendors, he couldn’t legally sell anything, so the convention had paid him a set fee to just draw all weekend. They were quick sketches, certainly not portraits to hang on the wall, but how many ponies could say they’d been drawn by a human artist?

The next booth was the most interesting yet – it was for the newly opened embassy in Canterlot for the country of Monaco, the country that had helped introduce Equestria to the humans. The human there was passing out pamphlets for her country, and she had a pair of ponies next to her answering questions from curious Equestrians.

I took a pamphlet and introduced myself to Monaco.  Any hopes of relocating there were dashed nearly immediately – it was a very small country, and a very rich one.  They were advertising themselves as a tourist destination, and offering special deals for Equestrians, including vacations in advance of the portal’s official opening. Even with the offered discounts, it was well out of my budget, a sentiment echoed by many of the others around me.  They were also offering an exchange program to ponies who met certain academic conditions. I met every qualification except one – since my principal had graduated me early to get rid of me, I was no longer in school, and hence ineligible.  Phooey.

The next booth had no crowd at all – it was for Apple, some kind of computer company.  Ponies took one look at the various gizmos on display and retreated as quickly as possible. Ponies are curious about technology, but this is too much for most of them.  There was a gadget with a screen and a board with human lettering attached.  I couldn’t read any of it, though, as was the case for almost all attendees of the con. Very few ponies had learned human languages due to a lack of teachers.

They also had a portable phone on display.  Capable of being taken anywhere, so you could talk to ponies no matter where you were. I couldn’t think of a device I’d want less.  I don’t even like conversing with someone when I’m in the same room with them, why would I want to talk to them when I’m miles away from them?

I continued making a reverse circuit of the vendor hall from the path I’d taken earlier.  The line to get a customized Mustang t-shirt was longer than the line for the artist, and between the two items I liked the shirt better, so by some amazing stroke of good luck I’d picked the right way to go earlier.  Continuing back the way I’d originally come, the vendor who had the little dolls had put out more of them to replenish her inventory.  I immediately recognized the lady I’d talked to the previous day, and fifty bits couldn’t come out of my saddlebag quick enough.  I doubled it when I saw she had King Petty as well, complete with his hat and sunglasses.  Of all the potential things I was expecting to walk out of here with, I never would’ve guessed I’d buy silly little dolls. But they were so cute I couldn’t resist.

I didn’t have enough room on my head to tie either of my new acquisitions to my horn, so I put them in my saddlebag, with their heads peeking out so they could look around.

I was so engrossed with that I didn’t even notice a human was standing next to me.  I did a double-take – it wasn’t a human, but rather a mare standing on her hind legs, walking around in sneakers.  There was no clip-clop of her hooves as she walked, the footgear muffling all sounds entirely.  No wonder they call them ‘sneakers’! “Does that hurt?”

“A bit,” she replied.  “Ponies aren’t meant to bend this way.  I can only go a few steps at a time.”

“Where did you get sneakers?”

“I couldn’t buy any, so I traded for them.”

I hadn’t even thought to bring things with me for bartering – this wasn’t the Rainbow Falls Traders Exchange.  At least it isn’t supposed to be…  But if I can’t buy things…  I’d seen a Barnyard Bargains outside town.  If there was something a human wanted from Equestria, I could go buy it and then trade it for…  But for what, exactly?  I pondered that question as I returned to my room.







Mareietta: two years, six months, and eleven days ago


I was up before dawn to try and get a ride in a Mustang.  Considering just how many late night events the convention hosted, I felt it was reasonable to expect there to be less of a line at that hour.  I was wrong.  Almost everypony else had had the exact same idea.  Dozens of ponies had even waited in line overnight.

Waiting my turn gave me plenty of time to observe things so I’d know what to expect when I finally got my ride.  An oval test track had been constructed out of a novel new material known as tarmacadam, or tarmac for short.  It was a much smoother surface than the cobblestone paths Equestrian cities were known for.  Think about how much nicer our cities could be with such a road surface!

They had two cars. One was completely enclosed, like a carriage, while the other had an open top, like a wagon.  The former was bright blue, while the latter was burgundy. I had more than an hour to observe both of them stationary, before the line started moving and the first ponies were given rides for the day.  The Mustangs were exceedingly loud, and emitted a foul-smelling smoke.  I spent the next several hours watching both cars zip around the track, inching ever closer to my own ride.

It was nearly noon by the time I was finally called, and the first thing I noticed as I trotted to the red Mustang was that tarmac gets hot in the sun.  It wasn’t hot enough to burn the frogs of my hooves, but it was warm enough to be uncomfortable.  Perhaps it isn’t the solution to Equestria’s roads after all.  I wouldn’t want to spend hours trotting on this in the summer, that’s for sure.

The human driver introduced herself as I strapped myself into a pony-friendly harness that would keep me secured to the seat in the event of an accident.  It was substantially different from the seatbelt the driver was using.

Once I was buckled up she floored it, and the car squealed the tires as it raced toward the first corner. I’d been fortunate enough to get the open car, and my mane whipped in the wind as we tore around the track.  It was a short track, and the ride lasted five laps – that was about how long it would take to get the next pony in line strapped into the blue hardtop.

As the drivers had done on the final lap for every pony before me, they turned the car sideways, smoking the tires as the car drifted through the turns.  If I hadn’t been expecting it, it would’ve thrown me for a loop. Instead it reminded me of the rides at HorseyPark.  While not as thrilling as a rollercoaster, it certainly promised to completely revolutionize Equestrian travel.

The ride, as expected, was too short.  Like the amusement park, it was hours of waiting for minutes of fun.  A completely unproductive waste of time.  The Mustang was loud and smelly, yet I wanted one badly.

It was almost noon as I trotted away from the track.  My stomach was growling and I walked to the Hayburger.  Not my first choice for lunch, especially two days in a row, but it was close, fast, and cheap.

“Welcome to Hayburger, home of the Hayburger.”  The corporate greeting was as redundant in Mareietta as it was in Damden or Horsey. But it was familiar, a little slice of normal in an unfamiliar environment.

I browsed the convention schedule while I ate – I’d missed a couple of interesting panels while I’d been waiting for my ride in the Mustang, but I felt I’d made the right choice.  This is all about experiences, and that was a great one.

I ate my burger quickly, scarfing it down without tasting it.  Gabby and the girls weren’t there, and I found myself somewhat disappointed by that.  Even though we’d missed a bunch of events at the hotel the day before, I found myself disappointed that there’d be no long conversation over this meal.  The hay fries were greasy, salty, and undercooked. I had no problem taking them with me and tossing half of them onto the grass to feed the pigeons.

I walked into the lobby and right into the middle of an impromptu cosplay session.  Ponies in what appeared to be archaic human clothing and wigs were re-enacting moments from human history.  Ponies and humans alike gathered around to watch.

One of the cosplayers announced the next scene they’d be portraying, “The signing of the Declaration of Independence.”  The cosplayers then gathered around a table, and signed a parchment in turn.

Since I’d walked in late, I asked the mare next to me who everypony was supposed to be.

“The purple unicorn in the top hat is Abraham Lincoln, the pink earth pony mare in the black costume is Batman, the bulky white pegasus is Hulk Hogan, the pink pegasus is Amelia Earhart, the griffin is Attila the Hungry, the turquoise unicorn mare is Princess Grace, the burgundy earth pony is Julius Caesar, the zebra is Joan of Arc, and the minotaur is Godzilla.”

The ponies and creatures added their signatures to the document in turn.  The last was the bulky pegasus, who shouted ‘yeah!’ and ripped off his yellow t-shirt to reveal bulging muscles underneath.

Stripped of his costume, the hulking pegaus announced the next scene.  “The Wright Brothers’ first flight.”  He proceeded to lay down, and Batman and Amelia Earhart climbed aboard him as he flew a short distance away.

I continued watching their historical reenactments until they stopped to get lunch.

“What’d you think?  Were we accurate?”  ‘Amelia Earhart’ had zipped next to me.  The costume obscured part of her face, but the speed at which she talked revealed the costumed pony to be Whizzer.

I shrugged.  “I don’t know enough about Earth’s history to know one way or the other.  What are you planning on doing now?”

“They rented out the high school’s auditorium for a panel.  It starts in an hour – we’ve got just enough time to find Gabby, Kerfuffle, and Sweet Stuff, and grab some lunch.”

I neglected to mention I’d already had lunch – it hadn’t been particularly satisfying, anyway.  “Sure, as long as it isn’t Hayburger.”

“No problem!  The hotel’s got a restaurant, we can eat there.”

“Works for me.  What’s the panel about?”

“It’s called ‘So you want to go to Earth?’ and they’ve got some really great guest speakers lined up.”

I looked through my schedule of events.  “That’s not listed.”

“It’s a last minute addition.  There was an announcement about it earlier.  Everything that was scheduled to run against it has been moved to tomorrow because they want as many ponies to attend this as possible.”

I nodded.  “Makes sense.  I’d imagine that most of the ponies here are at the very least considering crossing the portal.”

For Whizzer, an hour was enough time to track down three ponies, eat, and cross town to the school. I had no hope of keeping up with her, and didn’t want to slow her down on her search, so I told her I’d get a table in the restaurant and wait for her there.  She moves fast, even on hoof.  I wish I could see what she can do in the sky.

I had a view of the courtyard and watched the ponies going about their business.  Many of the con’s attendees, ponies I’d seen around the hotel in passing, were headed in the direction of what I assumed was the town’s high school.  What I didn’t expect to see was Gabby and Kerfuffle, each holding one of Whizzer’s front legs, landing alongside the hotel.  There were tears in Whizzer’s eyes, and I watched her hug them both in turn once they’d landed.

I waved once they came inside, and the three made their way over to my table.  I looked at Whizzer, who had a faraway look in her eyes.  “Are you okay?”

“Me?  I’m super.  I… I just forgot what it was like to be soaring through the sky.  It was nice to get a reminder of what I’m missing.  It’s another three and a half months until moult.” She sighed.  “Once my new feathers are in, I’ll be able to fly again.”

I patted her hoof. Soaring was a feeling I’d never experience personally.  But maybe I can relate to her after all… I levitated a small onyx ring from my saddlebags and slipped it over my horn, my magic petering out as it slid further down.  I had to push it the rest of the way to the base of my horn with my hooves.  “I know it’s not the same thing, but I’ll wear this until the convention’s over.  Solidarity.”

She gasped.  “I would never ask you to do that.”

“I know you wouldn’t. That’s why I’m just doing it anyway.”

“Why do you even have one of those?” Kerfuffle asked, as she looked at the offending jewelry.

“I had to wear one in school, especially in gym class.  I was the only unicorn in a school full of earth ponies in a xenophobic town.  So I can relate to feeling like you’re missing a piece of yourself.”

That didn’t answer why I still had one, but I had no desire to share that it was my own defense mechanism – my magic was stronger than I’d initially thought, but I’d since discovered that approximately three quarters of the unicorn population was stronger than me. I’d never had any issues with another unicorn, but I’d been bullied too much to not take every reasonable precaution. In the event I found myself at the mercy of a unicorn who outmatched me, I’d shatter the onyx and impale my attacker’s horn with the shards.  It was a defense strategy I’d invented; one I’d never heard anypony else mention.  In order for it to remain effective, I kept it to myself.  Paranoid or not, it was better to have it and never need it, then to need it and be without it.

I changed the subject before they could enquire as to my continued possession of said device.  “No Sweet Stuff?”

Whizzer shook her head. “I couldn’t find her.”

“Did you check her room? If she’s anything like me, and I’m willing to bet she is, she’s tired of dealing with other ponies and hiding in her room to recharge.  What I like to call being ‘ponied out’.”

“I don’t know what room she’s in.”

“That makes two of us.” I looked to Kerfuffle and Gabby and they shook their heads too.  “She wants to go to Earth, so she’ll probably be at the auditorium.  Hiding in the back, or on one of the sides.  Wherever it’s least crowded.  That’s what I used to do at school assemblies… or pep rallies.” I shuddered involuntarily.  Pep rallies are the worst thing ever devised by ponykind.  School spirit!  Conform… or else!

Unlike the previous day, once our food was delivered we ate in silence, as quickly as possible since time was short.  It was overpriced, as was to be expected in a hotel restaurant.  It was the price to be paid for convenience, of course.  It was better than Hayburger, which wasn’t always guaranteed when a restaurant had a steady source of new faces through the door.

Gabby picked up the tab for the whole table, an act of generosity I wasn’t expecting.  I also wasn’t expecting her to literally pick me up and fly me to the school.  Kerfuffle grasped Whizzer and followed the griffin’s lead.  Flying was akin to riding the roller coasters at HorseyPark. It was thrilling to defy gravity in ways unicorns weren’t intended to.

Windflower Memorial High School appeared ahead of us much too soon, bringing my first flight to an abrupt end.  I led the way into the building.  Or at least I tried to…  I grasped the door handle in my magic and proceeded to walk right into the door, completely forgetting my horn was inhibited.  “Ow.”

“That building jumped right out in front of you.”

“I noticed, Whizzer.”

“Is your muzzle okay?” Whizzer was incredibly quick on her hooves, invading my personal space before I could ask her not to. “Yoink!”  Magic sparked back into my horn as Whizzer grabbed the inhibitor ring from my horn.

“Hey!”

“I’ll only give it back to you if you promise not to put it back on.”

“Fine.”

“There’s no reason for both of us to be without our magic.  I earned my punishment, and I’m doing my time.  I learned a valuable lesson on where to perform stunts and where not to. It could be worse – I could’ve actually injured somepony.”  She chuckled. “I guess I needed a reminder to keep me… grounded.”

I groaned at her joke. “To think, you complained about my self-deprecating sense of humor.”

Kerfuffle shook her head. “It’s not really the same thing, Sweetie.  Whizzer’s making fun of her situation, not herself.”

“Yeah, sorta like if you had joked about running into the door instead of me cracking that joke. It’s okay to make light of a bad situation, but it isn’t okay to put yourself down.  I hate my current situation, but my flying’s awesome, and it pains me that I can’t show you any of my mad skills.  So say you hate that you bumped your snout, but you’re really great at…”

“Nothing.”  It was the truth.  I looked back to my cutie mark, the one that lied to everypony and suggested I could make them ice cream… or cotton candy for the really confused ones.  “I don’t have some awesome skill that I can proudly declare my own.  I have as much chance of making ice cream that’s edible as any of you.  I can tell you how to make it better, and maybe that’s my destiny – to end up as middle management at some human ice cream company.  I’m not the master of unicorn magic, I don’t jump as far as Bowtie, and I can’t bake like Crumb Cake.  I don’t have a soaring soprano like Mica Shine, nor am I as funny as Gigglebean. I’m dumb enough to get myself in trouble, yet smart enough to get myself out of it.  Self-deprecating jokes may just be the thing I do best, and if not, it’s sarcasm.”

“Okay, let’s go with sarcasm, then.”  Gabby puffed out her chest.  “Sarcasm me.”

In that pose she reminded me of Gladys – the griffin I’d known back in Damden.  Gladys was boastful in all the ways Gabby wasn’t. If I still knew Gladys, I probably could’ve zinged her.  I’d only known Gabby for a day, and that was long enough to know I couldn’t.  “No.  You’ve done nothing to deserve it.  You’ve been nothing but kind to me.”  I can’t drive off the first friends I’ve had in years… Please, please, please don’t push me.

“You don’t deserve it, either.”  Gabby patted my withers with her claws.  Despite her sharp talons, she was as delicate as a mother tending to a foal.  In a way, perhaps she was.

She left it at that, and Kerfuffle got the door as we walked inside the school.  Signs pointed the way to the auditorium, and even though I’d never been there before, I had a pretty good idea where I’d find Sweet Stuff. Most ponies had clamored for spots as close to the stage as possible, with the greatest cluster in the middle, closest to the main aisle.  I focused on the side aisles, away from the crowd.  Kerfuffle followed me, while Gabby and Whizzer searched the other side of the auditorium.

It was Gabby who finally spotted her, sitting at the far end of a row, near the back of the seating. There were more than a dozen empty seats between her and the nearest pony, more than enough for the four of us to fill in around her.

Kerfuffle sat next to Sweet Stuff, draping a wing around her to comfort the skittish earth pony.  I sat between Whizzer and Gabby, and they did the same, each of them draping a wing over me as well.  It wasn’t necessary, but I appreciated it nevertheless. Their wings were warm and snuggly, and I found myself wanting to doze off.

I fought the urge to sleep as the hostess of the convention, Special Event, said a few words.  I need to find a pegasus stallion, I’ll never have insomnia again.  Mistmane was introduced and said something or other but I was drifting in and out of consciousness.  What finally snapped me out of it was when she started asking for audience participation – not just one or two ponies, but everypony.  The wings were removed from my back and we all got to our hooves to stomp a greeting for a human guest.

Mistmane cleared her throat. “Presenting our first featured speaker, Molly Williams.”

“Greetings, everypony, and everycreature.”  She didn’t need a translator; her Equestrian was surprisingly good for a human.  “It’s my honor to be here today.  I’ve known ponies for decades – my sister made first contact with a pegasus by the name of Firefly, and my brother is married to one of the Wonderbolts.  I can’t emphasize enough that cooperation between our worlds is paramount.  By combining our talents, we can make something greater than the sum of our parts.  I understand that friendship is important in Equestria.  We’d very much like to be your friends.”

There was stomping of hooves as we gave her an ovation.

“There’s always fear of the unknown.  I see hundreds of brave little ponies out in the audience.  I see bold griffins and daring Abyssinians.  I see creatures from all around Equus who’ve come to see what all the hype is about for themselves.  Some of you are considering crossing the portal and visiting Earth. Others are considering moving to Earth permanently.  I suspect most of you are mainly curious.  You’ve heard from athletes, actresses, and even businesspeople this weekend.  I’m here as a diplomat, and my mission is simple – to promote peace.”

She was a lot more important than I’d realized; certainly more than she’d let on.  Observing the reactions of other ponies in the audience – I could tell I wasn’t the only one she’d chatted with or offered advice to.  She’d just wandered around the convention, talking to ponies and getting a feel for us.  She probably wanted to see what we want out of our cultural exchange.  Not our leaders.  Us, the commoners.

She was followed by former United States President and Nobel Peace Prize winner, Jimmy Carter.  The earth ponies in the audience seemed more impressed with his credentials as a peanut farmer than his political career.

Between the two of them, they’d given me a lot of food for thought.  I was more convinced than ever that moving to Earth was the right decision. I could tell a good chunk of the audience felt the same way – ponies were quieter than they’d been before the panel, contemplating what we’d just heard and letting it soak in.

As we walked out of the high school I paused by a statue of a young filly galloping through a field of amaranth and milfoil – she couldn’t be more than seven or eight.  “In loving memory of Windflower, our little angel.”

It was the first time I’d seen a school dedicated to a student, somepony who actually deserved to be memorialized, instead of some politician or rich donor.  “She wasn’t even old enough to have attended high school.”

“Nope, she wasn’t.” An older stallion with a brown coat stood off to the side, mop and broom at the ready, waiting for the convention interlopers to get out of the school so he could clean up after us.  He was wearing blue scrubs, so I couldn’t see his cutie mark.

“What happened?”

“She was frolicking in the woods one day.  Never even saw the timberwolves until it was too late.  They don’t normally venture this far south.”

It was a staunch reminder that Equestria, for all its rustic charm, was still dangerous – all kinds of monsters lurked in the wild zones, things like hydras, manticores, bugbears, and timberwolves.  “Poor kid.” I let my eyes wander to the portrait hanging over the school’s front doors, no doubt of its namesake filly. With yellow coat and green hair, the only thing she could have hoped to blend into was a field of dandelions.  I looked down at my own pink coat and twirled some of my multihued hair into my vision.  My own coloration didn’t even offer me that level of camouflage.

Emotions were a thing I normally left for other ponies.  I was used to being the calm one during a crisis, the voice of reason ignored in favor of convenient lies.  I was overwhelmed.  Between the pain in my nose from bumping it, the embarrassment that had caused me, the chastising my friends had given me over beating myself up so much, the absolute information overload from the panel, the fact that such an important human had stopped to talk to me because she thought I was looking a little down, and lastly the heart-wrenching story of the little filly the school was named for. I could pinpoint each of them; I could deal with each of them individually.  I couldn’t, however, deal with this many conflicting emotions at once.  Especially not when dealing with the exhaustion of having barely slept the previous two nights.









I woke up in my hotel room with no memory of how I’d gotten there.  I was under a snuggly blanket, and I was drifting back asleep when I heard snoring coming from my left, which should’ve been impossible since I was awake, and had a room to myself.

I opened my eyes and they adjusted to the low light after a few moments.  According to the clock, it was a little after eleven, and I wasn’t in my own room at all.  The ‘snuggly blanket’ was Whizzer’s wing, and she was also the source of the snoring. To my right was Sweet Stuff, who’d curled up like a cat, her back barely touching my flank.  Gabby had wrapped a foreleg around her, while Kerfuffle sat on an easy chair across the room, sewing.  She waved as she noticed me stirring.

I had no idea how long I’d been asleep, or how I’d gotten back to the hotel, or even who’s room we were all piled into; I found I didn’t care about the answers to any of those questions.  My friends had obviously gotten me back to the room, and that was all that mattered. I waved a hoof at Kerfuffle, motioning for her to join us in the bed.  She finished what she was stitching, then turned out the light and joined us, gliding onto the bed and landing so gently she didn’t disturb the sleeping ponies or griffin.  I slowly lifted Whizzer’s wing, sliding out from underneath, and giving Kerfuffle the chance instead.  I wrapped my foreleg around her and let myself relax as I felt her fall asleep. I was rested enough that I probably wouldn’t fall back asleep.  I found that I didn’t really care about that, either.  My friends had stayed with me while I slept, I would happily do the same for them.

Since I’d already slept, and it was well after nightfall, there was nothing for my brain to do except think.  I replayed snippets of the panel we’d attended.  They’re seeking the brightest and best of Equestria’s youth to go to Earth, so that we can spend years immersing ourselves in their culture, and then bring that back to Equestria.

I never thought I’d be glad that I spent so much time studying as a filly.  Maybe my foalhood wasn’t wasted after all.  The only thing I’m not on board with is ‘bringing it back to Equestria’ because that would mean coming back.  Once I’m there, I don’t think I’m gonna look back.  There’s nothing for me here, but unlimited prospects over there.







Mareietta: two years, six months, and eleven days ago


It was the last day of the con.  The vendor hall was fairly picked over, but there were bargains to be had as ponies didn’t want to lug things back home with them.

Bobbin had put out new inventory since I’d last looked, and two new dolls joined Shirley, Molly, and King Petty in my saddlebags: Jimmy Carter and John Candy.

The Ford booth had run out of t-shirts, and the line for the human artist was still too long for my liking. I want to leave here with something from Earth.  And I think I know what I want most.

I trotted back to the Panasonic booth.  “Excuse me, what are you going to do with these microwaves when the show is over?”

“Take them back to Earth.”

“I know I can’t buy one, but maybe we could trade?”

“It won’t work on Equestria’s electrical grid without an adapter.  I can give you a microwave, believe me, it would be cheaper to just give it to you than it would be to lug this thing back home.  But if I lose any of the adaptors I’ll be in trouble.  With as rare as they are right now, they’re worth much more than the appliance itself.”

“That’s a fair point, but what if I was testing it for you?  Find the flaws, figure out how to make the unit more pony-friendly.”

“You’re making it hard to deny you.”

“I’m just being logical, but if you want me to make it impossible to turn me down…”  I pouted, cocked my head to the side, and looked up at him.  Then I giggled at how ridiculous I was being.

“That was working until you started laughing.”

“Yeah, I have a hunch a lot of ponies are going to take advantage of a lot of humans that way.  I’m not a good enough actress to make it work for me though.  I’m not young or cute enough.”

“You’re plenty cute.”

“I am?”  I fluttered my eyelashes.  “How about we forget the microwaves and I just take you out to lunch instead?”

He groaned.  “If I give you a microwave will you go away?”

I nodded.

“Fine.  You’re on your own for finding an adapter though.  Do me a favor and take that straight to your room before everybody else starts asking for one.”









I stared at my reflection in the microwave.  At the moment, it was really the only thing it was good for.  I had no way to use it, but that didn’t matter.  I’m the first pony in Equestria to own a microwave and that’s an accomplishment nopony will ever be able to take away from me.

“Ding!”  I shouted as I opened the door and pulled out an imaginary bag of popcorn.

“You’re a very strange pony.”

“See if I share any of my popcorn with you, Sweet Stuff.”  I hadn’t bothered going back to my own room.  We’d all decided to stay in Gabby’s room until the end of the convention to best make use of the time we’d have together before we each returned to our own lives.

“I don’t want any of your imaginary popcorn.  How’d you even get that thing?”

“I have my ways. Remember what I said about the dues to get out of SASS?  I wasn’t kidding, this was my bribe to leave the poor guy at the Panasonic booth alone. Behold the power of annoyance!”

“I repeat, you’re a very, very strange pony.”

“What happened to you not being sassy enough for SASS?”

“I’m learning.”  She stuck her tongue out at me.

I flipped through the con’s schedule of events.  There wasn’t much going on that interested me, and I’d cleaned the vendor hall out of items that interested me.  It was too early to get lunch, so I flopped on the bed and levitated the schedule to Sweet Stuff – she was more likely to go out if somepony went with her. “Anything you want to go see or do?”

She shrugged.

“The vendor hall’s still open.”

“Too crowded.”

“I was just in it half an hour ago – it’s not too bad.  I’ll go with you.  I still have a few bits left that are clamoring for a new home.”

She hesitated, then nodded. “Okay.”

“Have you been in there at all?”

She shook her head and I wished I had a wing I could drape over her back.  Some sort of gesture I could make to comfort her; something to support her as she ventured out of her comfort zone.  I’d long since considered myself asocial, but Sweet Stuff was certainly proving to me that I was better adapted to society than she was.  I was a low bar to clear and she couldn’t even manage to do that.  I moved closer to her, brushing my flank against hers.  She froze at the contact, but didn’t break away.  I remained at her side until she was ready to start walking again, and once she was ready we ventured into the vendor hall.

It was much as I’d left it – the Panasonic booth’s vendor giving me a wary eye as we trotted past, likely fearful I was going to try and get Sweet Stuff a microwave too.  I gave him a smile, though Sweet Stuff wasn’t interested in the wares on display at his stand and we moved on.  She took one look at the line of ponies waiting for the artist to draw them and immediately went in the opposite direction.

Following the same circuit as I had on my first trek through the room, we passed Bobbin’s stand.  The dolls didn’t catch Sweet Stuff’s fancy in the way they’d caught mine, though her inventory was significantly depleted from when the weekend began.  There was one new addition that caught my eye, and I bought a bald-headed boy in a yellow sweater.  She said his name was Charlie Brown and that he starred in his own comic strip on Earth. Even though my supply of bits was dwindling, I had no qualms giving her more of my money.

The line to get a ride in a Ford Mustang was another thing that intimidated her, but it was outside in the courtyard, so easier to avoid than the artist’s queue. 

Sweet Stuff had no interest in the human technology, and even less interest in the hoofmade creations celebrating them.  She left the vendor hall without saying a single word, or spending a single bit.

“That was… interesting.” Sweet Stuff was shyer in public than she’d been in the private room.  “Thank you.  I’m glad I saw that.”

I patted a hoof on her withers.  If anypony could relate to needing courage to do something like this, it was me.  The least I could do was offer my support – she’d come out to this convention for a reason, it would be a shame if she didn’t experience it.

We returned to Gabby’s room, and I felt accomplished and defeated at the same time – accomplished because I’d gotten Sweet Stuff out of the room, and out of her comfort zone; defeated because she hadn’t purchased anything, like all I’d really done was convince her that it was all a waste of time.

Our friends were waiting there, and they were all poking at my new microwave.  “Do you like it?”

“How’d you get this?”

“The power of annoyance. But I can’t use it.  I don’t have an adapter.”

“Oh.”  The others looked as disappointed as I felt.

“But hey, I’m the first mare in Equestria to have a microwave.”  I chuckled.  “Hi, I’m Sweetie Swirl, master of sarcasm, first mare in Equestria to own a microwave. Even if I can’t actually use it.  Does that make this a useless status symbol?”

“Adapters will eventually become mainstream.  You’ll be able to use it someday.”  Kerfuffle closed the device’s door, as if to emphasize her point.  “Popcorn, soup, beans…”

“As long as it isn’t refried beans.”  Whizzer grimaced at the memory of trying them

“Oh good, I thought it was just me,” Kerfuffle replied.  “Those were well and truly awful.”

We all nodded our heads in agreement, except for Sweetie Swirl, who hadn’t ventured into the vendor hall when they were demonstrating the microwave and giving away free samples.

“It’s like humans figured out a way to make food not be food anymore.”  I sniffed – my poor microwave still had the lingering fragrance of the horrid concoction.  “I didn’t think cooking could get worse than mine.”

“If your cooking is that bad, I’m starting to see why you were gung-ho to get one of these.”  Gabby motioned to the microwave.

“I know I’m a petite pony, but I need to eat.  The idea of heating premade food in seconds is incredibly appealing to somepony who’s wasted hours cooking something that turned out to be completely inedible.”









I had mixed emotions during the closing ceremonies.  I’d come to grips with crowds over the previous two days.  It helped that I was sitting between Gabby and Sweet Stuff.  Whizzer and Kerfuffle were on Sweet Stuff’s other side – our new friends had intentionally put us in the middle of the group so they could act as a buffer between us and the crowd as a whole.  It was instinctive on their part, like a herd shuffling the young and vulnerable to the center when facing a predator.  It hurt thinking of myself in that manner, but I really was the youngest of our group.

Mistmane took to the stage – I’d missed her opening comments but looked forward to her final thoughts on three of the most fun days of my life.  She talked about missing more than a thousand years of pony history, and what it was like to return from limbo and find that much of the world had changed. She talked about her fellow Pillars of Equestria, specifically Rockhoof’s culture shock.

“Remember as you go forth to Earth that we’re the guests there.  Follow Equestria’s rules, but obey those of your new home as well.  If these laws contradict each other, follow those of your new home instead.  Once you trot through the portal you’re no longer on Equestrian soil.  If you have questions, Duchess Ploomette is setting up consulates all around the world as I speak – there will be ponies there to answer your questions.”  Then she glitter-bombed us.  Glitter rained down from the rafters, coating all of us.

“Well, for having spent a thousand years in limbo, I’d say she’s adapted to modern society really well.” I hacked out a mouthful of glittery confetti.  “I feel like a walking arts and crafts project.”

With that, the convention was officially over.  We wandered into Mareietta in search of a better restaurant than Hayburger.  We found a bakery, and there were no objections to having dessert instead of dinner.

While we waited for our food, Gabby gave me a present.  “Happy belated or early birthday.”

I opened the gift, and couldn’t figure out what it was.  It looked a bit like the thing humans had been plugging things into all weekend. “What is this?”

“The adapter you need to make your microwave work.”

I blinked – these were supposedly in high demand.  “Oh my gosh, thank you very much!  How did you get this?”

“I know ponies who are related to ponies that are friends of the princess.  I pulled a few strings.”

“Thank you!  Okay, we’ve got to test this out when we get back to the hotel.  We need to find some food that we can warm up!”  Unsurprisingly, microwavable popcorn wasn’t a thing that was available in Equestria.  We decided a pie from Gingerbread’s bakery would suffice and headed back.









The pie was sitting inside the microwave and I stood there glaring at the buttons that had the audacity to be in English instead of Equestrian.

“Do you even know how to use this thing?” Sweet Stuff asked.

“I watched the human do it a bunch of times.”

“That’s not an answer.”

I sighed.  “Not a clue.”

“Hold on, I got this!” Whizzer dashed out of the room and the rest of us just looked at one another.

It took her half an hour, but the speedy pegasus returned with Molly Williams.  Molly whistled in appreciation as she saw my prize. “You’re not supposed to have this yet. Not sure how you pulled it off, but nice work.  Let me guess, you need some assistance getting it to work?”

I nodded and she opened the door.  “First of all, never put anything metal in here.”  She took the pie out of the tin it was in and put it on a paper plate instead. “There are a few metal objects that are microwave safe, but you don’t have them and probably won’t have them any time soon.  Second, you don’t really have much in the way of microwavable foods.  I’d stick to reheating things if I were you.  Third, I’d use paper plates instead of ceramic when heating things.”

“Okay.  But what do the buttons do?”

She explained which ones were numbers, and what the other buttons did.  She also showed me how to set the time, which was fairly useless since it displayed things in human numbers.  But having the numbers counting off the minutes was better than blinking 12:00 over and over again.  It would also help me get used to the numbers of the world I’d be moving to.  Telling time was important, and I’d need to know how to do so once I crossed the portal for good.

The pie was ready in a few short minutes and I eagerly sliced it up for my gathered guests, including Molly.  In hindsight, I really should’ve looked at what kind of pie I’d purchased.  Cherry wasn’t my favorite, and it seemed as if neither Sweet Stuff nor Kerfuffle cared for the flavor either.  But it was warm and edible.  My microwave worked, and that was all that mattered.







Hope Hollow: one year, three months, and one day ago


I sat on the porch of Kerfuffle’s boutique.  At one point she’d used it as a sales area for discounted merchandise, but there was less merchandise to sell these days as she sold out of her remaining stock in preparation of going to Earth.  New items were by commission only, though that had only encouraged the local townsponies to order things from her.  Torque Wrench had commissioned half a dozen pairs of coveralls, and that was what my pegasus friend was working on.

Meanwhile, my attention was focused on the sky, where my other pegasus friend, Whizzer, was showing a couple of locals her moves.  Barley Barrel and Pickle Barrel were twins, and both were planning on applying to the Wonderbolts.  They’d each had personal training from Rainbow Dash, a fact which made Whizzer insanely jealous.

After EarthCon, Gabby and Sweet Stuff had returned to their respective homes, but Whizzer had gone walkabout, and didn’t really have a home after leaving Hooveston, while I had no motivation at all to return to Horsey.  I did though, partly because I’d purchased a roundtrip ticket, but mostly because all my stuff was there.  Once I packed everything up, I hopped on the next train to Hope Hollow and took Kerfuffle up on her offer to move in.

Whizzer took the tower; which Kerfuffle had mostly been using as storage.  It was a good fit for her, because she could zip out a window to go flying if she wanted.  That left me with the guest room, which was slightly bigger than the room I’d had in my parents’ house in Horsey.  In every sense of the word it was an upgrade for me.

Hope Hollow was completely unlike Damden and Horsey both.  It was a quaint, picturesque town – everything Horsey tried to be and failed at, but it was inclusive like Damden, even if it lacked my hometown’s diversity.  It was the kind of town I wished we’d moved to.  I could’ve grown up here and been okay.

Kerfuffle was a few years over the age cutoff to go to Earth, but Mayor Sunny Skies had forged a new birth certificate for her.  Everypony agreed the ‘under twenty-five’ rule was as stupid and discriminatory as the ‘mares only’ rule.  According to the mayor, the palace had put out word that the Royal Guards weren’t going to be checking birth certificates for ponies traveling through the portal. You were expected to show it, but if they just happened to hold a blink for a few seconds, then well, they couldn’t be expected to see anything that would prevent somepony from going through the portal.  If a stallion really wanted to get through, all he’d really need to do was put on a dress and some makeup and the guards would make sure he got through okay.  For Kerfuffle, a fake piece of paper was all she needed.

They would, however, be testing our knowledge of the native languages, so the three of us had taken to conversing in English when we spoke to one another.

More than anything though, Hope Hollow felt like home.  I was going to miss it when it came time to go to Earth, but it wouldn’t be the same without Kerfuffle and Whizzer anyway.  I was going to miss my friends when that time came, too – we all had different plans.  Kerfuffle planned on coming back to Hope Hollow when five years was up.  Whizzer was intent on joining the new Earth division of the Wonderbolts, while I didn’t really know what I wanted to do once I got there.  There was still more than a year to go before the portal opened – I’d figure something out in the meantime.







Earth: today


It was hard to believe that I hadn’t seen Gabby or Sweet Stuff since EarthCon.  Both of them were waiting at the train station when we disembarked in Ponyville.  We crammed into one hotel room for the night and there was one last surprise before we left Equestria – Sweet Stuff had come to see us off… but she’d decided not to go to Earth after all.

As I rode down the freeway, sandwiched between Gabby and Whizzer at the very back of the bus, I couldn’t help but think I should’ve done the same.  I could’ve offered to watch Kerfuffle’s boutique for her while she was gone.  Hope Hollow wasn’t the Damden of my fillyhood, but it was much nicer than Horsey. In two years of planning I still hadn’t come up with an actual plan for once I got here.  Now it was too late, I was on Earth, en route to the consulate.

I really hope the Duchess is as good at her job as she’s supposed to be.

My thoughts were interrupted by a lavender pegasus with lilies on her flank.  She stormed up the aisle, hyperventilating the whole way, and locked herself in the bathroom.  Unfortunately for her, it wasn’t soundproof.  The walls were thin, and the door was so flimsy even dainty little me could’ve bucked it into splinters.  I could hear her doing breathing exercises to try and calm herself down.  I wonder what’s got her so upset?  To her credit, she didn’t scream, even though I could tell she really wanted to.

It’s a two-hour drive and the bus only has one bathroom.  She can’t stay in there forever, and if she tries to that door really will be splinters because somepony’s eventually going to drag her out.  She exited a few minutes later, though not before a line could start queuing.

There was a unicorn mare working her way down the main aisle, but I didn’t get to find out what she was selling – she ran out of time before making it to us.  The bus pulled up to the consulate general and we disembarked. We quickly learned the downside to being in the back of the bus – we were the last ones to get off.

Both the blue unicorn and lavender pegasus I’d seen on the bus were preparing for an impromptu song number, and I quickly dodged around them, dragging Kerfuffle, Whizzer, and Gabby with me.  I’d managed to avoid getting roped into heartsongs in Horsey, and I had no plans to get dragged into any of them on Earth.

There was a line in the consulate’s lobby as ponies were being checked in, so we wandered around, looking at the décor until a pair of burly pegasus guards herded us back to the rest of the group.

I enjoyed my last few hours with Kerfuffle, Whizzer, and Gabby as we waited for our respective turns to speak with Ploomette.  Gabby was the first of us to go and she left not long after that.  Whizzer followed, off to pursue her dreams of joining the Wonderbolts’ newly formed Earth squadron, and Kerfuffle returned to the waiting room.

“I may be going back home real soon.  Duchess Ploomette thinks she can get me in to see a specialist soon, and that I won’t need to stay here five years.  She’s going to work some paperwork magic and make it easy for me to go home.  Oh, and by the way, you’re next.”

That gave me more food for thought as I walked into the duchess’ office.  I had an out – I could go back with Kerfuffle.  What pony wouldn’t want to stay with a friend who needs her?  Yet there was something urging me forward, something reminding me that I’d spent years wanting to leave Equestria behind.  Something telling me not to let fear of the unknown overcome me and send me back to Equestria a failure.  I can be a failure in Equestria, or I can surge ahead and make a place for myself on Earth.

I opened the door to the duchess’ office.  “Hello?”

“Salutations!  Please have a seat.”  She shuffled some paperwork around.  “Sweetie Swirl, correct?”

I nodded.  “That’s me.”

“What brings you to Earth?”

“I never found my place in Equestria and I’m hoping a change of venue might be what I need.  It worked when I moved from Horsey to Hope Hollow, and I’m thinking it’ll work again coming here.”

“That sounds like a shaky foundation to build on.  This is more than just moving from one town to another, you’ve come to an entirely different world, my little pony.”

“I know.”  I started playing with my tail, a nervous habit I’d picked up from Sweet Stuff.  “Maybe I should just forget it and go back.”

“Let’s not be hasty, Sweetie Swirl.  You’ve come a long way.  You may as well stay and see what Earth has to offer you first.  What’s your special talent?”

“I don’t have any special talent.”

“Nonsense, every pony has a special talent.”  Ploomette took a look at my mark.  “It appears yours is in making ice cream.  Fortunately, we have a fully stocked kitchen so you can practice.  If there are any ingredients you’re missing, we can get them.”

“I can’t make ice cream, Duchess.”

She looked crestfallen at that.  I made a mental note that she had a sweet tooth.  “I got my mark advising Lickety-Split how to improve a flavor she was already making.  I figure that qualifies me for a job in middle management at some ice cream company here on Earth.  Maybe Vice President of Flavor Creation or something similar.”

She chuckled.  “You can’t just start in middle management. Unless you’re related to the boss.”

“I don’t expect to start at the top.  I’m capable of working my way up.”  I hope.

“Would you say you’re ambitious?”

The word ‘yes’ tried to roll off my tongue, thought better of it, and instead jumped back into my throat in shame.  I couldn’t lie to the duchess.  “Not particularly.”

“Aspiring to middle management was the giveaway.  You can do better.”

I shrugged.  “I could, absolutely.  But I don’t know what to do, exactly, with my useless talent and a mark that promises more than I can deliver.”

“I suppose I have an option on the table.  Just the kind of thing for indecisive mares who are still figuring themselves out. Some of the mares who were on the bus with you today are putting together an Equestrian-style hotel.  The buy-in is your stipend and in turn you’re an equal partner with everypony else.  According to your résumé, you spent time in the Future Farmers of Equestria.  That means you have some basic skills that would certainly come in handy.  If memory serves me, they teach everything needed to keep a farm running: welding, electrical work, and plumbing, among other trades.”

“They do.  My electrical project set the school on fire. Twice.  I did marginally better with plumbing.  Oddly enough, I was competent with welding and surprisingly adept at woodworking.”

She nodded.  “Certainly not skills one would expect from a mare with an ice cream mark.”

“I wouldn’t get overly excited.  I was middle of the pack at best for welding, and last in my class for both plumbing and electricity.”

“As I would expect, unless, of course, one of your fellow students managed to set the school on fire thrice.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that.  “Nope, no fires except mine.  I’d say I was the laughingstock of the school, but I was already the school’s whipping filly before that so no real harm done.  Literally, the fires went out when the project was unplugged.  No damage, but despite that I wasn’t allowed to do any electrical projects after that.”

The duchess nodded.  “That’s fair.  However, it still bodes the question of what you want to do now that you’re on Earth.”

I shrugged.  “I have no idea.  I just know I wasn’t cut out for Equestria, though the past two years things were starting to look up.  But I met all my friends specifically because we were all interested in coming here in the first place.  If I’d stayed in Equestria, I would’ve lost them all anyway.  Except one stayed behind after all…and now another one is possibly going home early too.  I don’t know what to do, Duchess.”  I bowed. “As your little pony, I seek your guidance and wisdom.”

I collapsed onto the floor, shaking.  I just poured all my insecurities out to the Duchess. Am I crazy?  She’s here to help.  But now she knows I don’t belong here.  I’m a mess.  Maybe she’ll send me back to Equestria too, and I won’t have to worry about it.  I made an effort so at least I’ll never worry about ‘what ifs’ like Sweet Stuff is probably doing right now.

“Sweetie Swirl. Please take your seat.”

I sat in the chair and looked at Ploomette.  She was smiling.

“Sweetie Swirl, there’s a pony I’d like you to meet.  She has an option for ponies who came here and don’t know where to go from here.  I think you should listen to her.”  She hit a buzzer and a different door than the one I’d come in through opened, revealing the blue unicorn mare from the bus. “This is Snowcatcher, and I think she could use a mare with your talents.”
> Act I: Bifröst (Bonus Chapter)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



Himinbjörg, Crystalvania: twenty years, eleven months, and twelve days ago


It was being very cold in Crystalvania.  It was always being very cold in Crystalvania.

I did the staring out over the icy expanses, vaguely in the direction of ‘south’.  The only indication that I was looking the right way was the barely exposed railroad tracks.  Four hundred miles away in that direction I was being told that there were other ponies.  Ponies like my parents and me.  Not ponies like those living in the town around us.

Once a month the train would do the arriving from Equestria to do the replenishing of our supplies. The boreal forest was being beautiful, but not capable of feeding a town – not even one as small as Himinbjörg was being.  It was being my job to be keeping an eye out for the train.  It was being very boring.  And cold.  It was being boring and cold.

I did the wrapping of another blanket around me.  This was being the third, and even my pegasus magic wasn’t helping with the keeping of the chill out of the air.  The wind was being biting, doing the cutting through all the fabric, right to the very marrow of my bones.

I did the keeping my body behind the parapet, doing the rising up only to be checking on the train every minute or so.  After hours of doing the waiting, I finally spotted the train doing the chugging along the tracks.  The first sign was always being the cloud of steam from the train’s boiler.

Doing the wrapping up in the blankets hindered my mobility, but I managed to do the poking my legs out of the covers.  Laden, I couldn’t manage even a trot, so I did the walking across the roof to where Mom kept her silent vigil to the north.  No words needed to be said, she just nodded, doing the releasing of me from my duty.  I did the climbing down the stairs to the warmth of the fort.

There were being no external openings to the fort.  None of the doors or windows were being functional at all.  The windows were being purely decorative crystal visible from the outside, with masonry behind them, while the doors were being painted on.  Entry came via a network of tunnels in the fort’s basement, all of which were capable of being sealed in the event of an emergency. When the fort was built, it was designed to be impenetrable – nothing was to be doing the going in or the going out. Even the air was magically doing the recirculating.

The tunnels were being chillier than the fort, but were still being warmer than the outside air. I only needed to be wearing my winter gear to not be freezing my rump off.  The train was doing the stopping inside a tunnel that was being a recent addition to the centuries-old fort.  I did the trotting to the loading docks as the train finally finished with the braking.

The boxcars were being aligned with the docks, and I quickly did the lowering of planks once the pegasus courier inside the train did the opening of the doors.  A lavender mare with gorgeous pink hair did the flying out and then the landing on the dock next to me.  It was always nice doing the seeing of Sweetsong every month when she did the delivering of the supplies.

“Hey kiddo, where are your parents?”  She did the tousling of my mane.

“Mama is doing the guarding, and Papa is doing the sleeping, so I am doing the helping unloading.”

“Good, I can see you’ve grown into a big, strong filly since I saw you last month.”

Then we did the unloading of boxes, Himinbjörg’s monthly supplies direct from Canterlot.  There was being food, medication, the previous month’s magazines, and extra blankets, because even with such a small population, there were never being enough blankets in Himinbjörg.  Winter was coming; winter was always doing the coming, even in summer.  It could snow at any point of the year, and had done so.

Mama said that in Equestria, teams of pegasi moved the clouds and brought the weather.  In Himinbjörg, there were being just three pegasi, Mama, Papa, and me.  There was being no weather team, and the weather was always doing what it wanted, when it wanted.

Doing the unloading of the train took several hours.  Sweetsong and half a dozen other ponies did the doing of most of the work, but I did the helping wherever I could do the needful.

When we were done with the unloading, there was being a large pile of boxes on the platform.  I was being exhausted, and I did the flopping onto the tallest box to do the catching of my breath.

“Oh hey, I almost forgot.” Sweetsong did the throwing of a box of cookies at me.  “Thanks for the help, kiddo.”

“Thank you!”  I did the catching of the box as she did the stepping back onto the train.  Then she did the departing back to Canterlot, that place so far away that had more ponies that were being like her.  Ponies that were being like me.  Part of me was wanting to do the stowing away on the train to do the going with her.

But we were having a duty here, or so my parents had been telling me since before I was understanding them.  A duty that was being ours.

I did the waving as the train did the chugging away.

Once the train did the pulling out of the tunnel, Smokey appeared to help with the moving of the boxes into the fort.  He was never showing himself to any of the outsiders, not to Sweetsong when she was doing the dropping off of our supplies, and not to the crystal ponies of the town surrounding us.  The only three ponies who knew he was being here were Mama, Papa, and me.

The little ice dragon had no problem with the moving of even the heaviest boxes; boxes that would have had to do the waiting for Papa to wake up otherwise.  I did the grabbing of some of the smaller boxes and did the following of Smokey into the fort.

We did the picking up and moving of the boxes, back and forth, until the station was being empty. Then I did the sorting of the boxes. With the rail depot being inside the fort, we were being the distribution center for the town.  Mama said it was supposed to be doing by the post office, but Crystalvania didn’t have a post office.  I was being unsure what a post office or mail was.

Mayor Turquoise Shine was the first pony to do the approaching of the fort, as normal.  She was knowing the train’s schedule as much as we were.

She was having an ironic name.  Her coat never did the shining; like the other crystal ponies, there was being no healthy sheen at all.  There was just being a dull, vaguely turquoise-colored coat.  The crystal ponies were always being cold to the touch. I did not like to do the touching of them.  It was being unlike Mama and Papa, who were always being warm.

She started the doing of the inventory on the shipment, like usual.  The supplies were being here for the entire town.  Smokey had already done the removing of the fort’s supplies. Once the mayor was done with the inventorying, half a dozen crystal pony stallions arrived to do the moving of everything into town and the doing of the disbursing.

My job was being done, so I did the returning to the fort so I could do the practicing of my flying. Thankfully the fort was being very big and open on the inside, perfect for a filly to do the flying.



Himinbjörg, Crystalvania: sixteen years, eight months, and seven days ago


It was being spring and that meant the temperature was only slightly below freezing.  It was being warmer indoors, perhaps the only good thing about doing the learning.

Juniper Jade did the standing up from her desk and the addressing of the class.  “Today we will be doing the learning about King Sombra.”

Most of my classmates did the gasping.  Lingonberry and I did the looking at one another.  The earth pony was being as lost as I was.

“Many moons ago, there was being a mighty empire in the Frozen North.  The Crystal Empire was being the envy of much of Equus.  The crystal ponies did much of the trading with other nations, especially with the ponies of the nascent Equestria to our south. The Crystal Empire was being one of the last outposts of the original pony homelands.  The cold of the windigos didn’t do the bothering of the crystal ponies as much as it did the other pony tribes, and we did the adapting and expanding to any lands that were close enough to do the warming of with the Crystal Heart.  While the other tribes were doing the squabbling over food, the Crystal Empire did the standing proud.  Under Princess Amore’s leadership, the crystal ponies were having food in their bellies and love in their hearts.  Please do the turning to page three hundred and seventy-two of your history textbooks.”

I did the opening of my book to the indicated page.  A picture of a coal black unicorn did the glaring back at me.  I did the repressing of a shudder.  If a mere drawing of Sombra could be that intimidating, I could scarcely be imagining of what the real Sombra would be like.

Juniper Jade did the starting of her lecture.  “More than a thousand years ago, King Sombra did the rising to power.  An umbrum, a pony being made of shadows, corrupted by the hatred in his heart, he did the crystalizing of Princess Amore and then did the shattering of her, and finally he did the scattering of her remains to the corners of the world.  It was being his hope that nopony would ever do the reassembling of her.”

“Did anypony ever do the succeeding in putting her back together?”

“No, Bright Opal.  To this day nopony has ever done the finding of all her parts.  In the early days, before the vanishing of the Crystal Empire, there were ponies who did the trying.  After the Empire did the disappearing, crystal ponies were lacking in the desire to do much of anything.  We are not being like Lingonberry and Bifröst, we are being tied to the Crystal Heart and without it, there is a piece of all of us that is not being there.”

That did the explaining of so much.  For once, history was being interesting.

“Sombra was being a tyrant, and he was having weird mind control powers that did the turning of all of the crystal ponies into his slaves.  Princesses Celestia and Luna did the arriving from Equestria to strike him down, but he did the magic sealing away of the Crystal Empire, which has been missing ever since.”

“How long has it been?” Lingonberry was being as enthralled by the tale as I was being.

“Too long.  More than a thousand years, my little ponies.  Some say that the Crystal Empire and Crystal Heart are being naught but a myth.  But I am feeling it right here.”  Juniper tapped a hoof to her barrel.  “I am missing a piece.  Do any of you feel it too?  That feeling of not being whole?”

All the crystal ponies in the room did the nodding of their heads.  Lingonberry and I did the shaking of our heads.

“The two of you couldn’t be hoping to understand.”  Juniper Jade did the walking toward us.  “This is being a good thing.  You’re being ponies; you’re being complete.  That is being a feeling the rest of us will never know until the Crystal Heart returns.  It is being my hope that I live to see it.”  She did the patting of our heads.  “And it is also being my hope that neither of you ever experiences this feeling of incompleteness.  It is being awful.  I would never do the wishing of it on anypony.”

“Where was the Crystal Empire being located?”  I couldn’t help doing the asking, my curiosity was being piqued.

“North.”  Juniper pointed in the direction that my parents spent all day and night watching.  “It is being beyond the tree line.  Twenty-two hippikons from here.  Crystalvania is being distant from the Crystal Empire, for two very important reasons. First of all, nopony is going to be wanting to be standing there when the Crystal Empire is doing the returning. Secondly, the Crystal Empire is being on the tundra.  It is being okay for the growing of blueberries and lingonberries, but trees cannot be taking root there due to the permafrost. Without the Crystal Heart, there is no way of doing the melting of all the snow and ice.  Crystalvania is located as close to the Crystal Empire as possible, but within the boreal forest.  We can grow crops here, right Lingonberry?”

My best friend nodded. “The growing season is being different from the rest of Equestria.  My parents have done the traveling south many years ago.  Equestria is having a much longer growing season because it is being warmer and closer to the Equator.  On the other hoof, for so much of the year it is impossible to do much of the growing here because of the weather and the lack of the sunlight. But the near perpetual light of summer makes the growing of the plants so much easier for a few short months.  Crystalvania may not be having much of a growing season, but we are making up for it with the quality.”

“So this is where the crystal ponies who survived the disappearance did the gathering, and all extant crystal ponies are being descended from them.  Ponies who were living outside the range of Sombra’s spell. Ponies who were being away from the Empire at the time for one reason or another.  Ponies who did the returning home only to do the finding of nothing.  Crystalvania is being a sovereign nation, a protectorate of Equestria.   That means that Equestria is being responsible for our defenses, hence Fort Hope to the north of town.  Bifröst can do the elaborating.”

I can?  “My parents are being Royal Guards.”  How do I make staring north everyday sound important?  “They are being very vigilante for outside threats.”  But only if they’re coming from the north.  I decided not to do the explaining of that.  “They also speak funny, with the Equestrian grammar.  I do lots of spending time with them, and sometimes my grammar does the slipping.”  I hope that is being enough of the explaining.

It was.  Juniper did the continuing, “That is why we are being able to continue controlling the Crystal Empire’s lands.  Equestria’s protection… and the fact that nobody else is wanting this land for anything.  Maybe some nomadic griffins could do the hunting here, but that’s about it. There aren’t being enough game animals to support an entire town of carnivores, it’s being too far inland for the hippogriffs, and not enough can do the growing here without earth pony magic for the other sapients.”

Juniper Jade did the distributing of very battered textbooks.  “We will be doing the diverging from Equestrian history now to learn more about the Crystal Empire’s history.  Please be careful with these books.  They are being very old, and we are not having a way to easily replace them. These are being the last textbooks that were issued in the Crystal Empire.”

The textbooks were being very precious and we were not allowed to do the taking of them home for the night.  We had to do the copying of the information instead.  That did the taking up of the rest of the afternoon, but it was being very informative. 





“Mama?  Why are we being here in Fort Hope?”

“Well, sweetie, Fort Hope is an assignment for the worst of the worst of the Royal Guards.  Those who charge with the blunt end of the spear, or those who shoot their instructors by accident during the archery practice.” Mama did the sighing.  “Your father is better with spears these days, but I’m still not allowed near a bow and arrow.”

“Oh.”

“It’s an important duty, sweetheart.  We’re providing a valuable service to all of Equestria by watching.”

“Watching for the what?”

“We are watching for an ancient empire that vanished many moons ago, and will return again someday.”

“Mrs. Jade said we’re here to do the protecting of the crystal ponies.”

“That too.  When the empire returns, so will its old enemy, King Sombra.  We’ll be ready for him.”

“But we are being just three ponies, Mama.  And I am not knowing how to use a spear or bow and arrow.”

“Ahem.”  Smokey did the clearing of his throat.

I did the correcting of myself at his prodding.  “We are being three ponies and a dragon.  How are we to do the protecting of an entire town?”

Mama did the kissing of my forehead.  “You won’t be doing any fighting, sweetie.  You’re not a guard, and stars above, don’t do anything stupid like enlisting. Your father and I have vowed to see our assignment here through to the end, but we want better for you.”

But she didn’t do the answering of my question.



Himinbjörg, Crystalvania: sixteen years, five months, and seventeen days ago


Summertime.  Those rare few months I could do the flying in the sky instead of inside the fort.  It was being invigorating in the sky – it felt like I was belonging to the sky. Even with my natural pegasus insulation, it was being too cold to fly from late autumn until late spring, and the weather was being too unpredictable.  Even in the summer, I was only allowed to do the flying within sight of the fort and town because there were being no crystal pegasi.  If I got lost, Mama and Papa were the only two ponies who could come to my rescue.

Himinbjörg was being surrounded by forest in all directions.  If I did the flying too far north of town, the trees stopped and the snow began.  I didn’t do the flying north very often.  There were not being many landmarks in the snowy wasteland, so it was very easy to be getting lost.

Instead I did the exploring to the south and the west and the east.  I became very good at the marking of the trees so I could fly further from town and not be getting lost.  I was probably being the first pony to set eyes on some of the places I visited since the Crystal Empire did the vanishing.

I was definitely the first pony to be coming across the giant rainbow in the sky, or else somepony would have done the mentioning of it before now.  There were being no weather teams this far from Equestria, so the rainbow had to be natural, but the weather was being very dry, there was not being enough moisture in the air for a rainbow to do the forming.  The rainbow was being huge, and it was miles from where I’d spotted it.  I continued to do the marking of trees so I wouldn’t do the getting lost so far from home. It was being slow going, but I had to do the seeing of it up close.

I eventually did the reaching of it.  It was being even bigger than I’d expected.  I did the flying up to it, doing the marveling of its majesty.  At the end of the rainbow were being the ruins of a settlement.  What was being left of the town was having the same general architecture as other surviving remnants of the Crystal Empire.  I have done the finding of an archeological site.

When I did the flying over of the rainbow I found myself being surrounded by clouds, overlooking forested fjords.  This is not making sense.  We are being many, many miles from the ocean.

I did the looking back the way I came and it was all open sea.  The rainbow was not even being behind me anymore, just clouds.  I could not be seeing any of the trees I’d marked. I was not doing the seeing of any trees at all.  The boreal forest was being not there.  I am being very, very lost.  The only trees were the ones being in front of me, along the fjords.  Mama and Papa are going to do the tanning of my hide…  if they ever do the seeing of me again.

I started to do the panicking.  After doing the examining of the trees and fjords, I did the flying back to the clouds I’d landed in when arriving, in the hopes that they would be taking me back home. The clouds didn’t do the moving like the other clouds.  They just did the staying there, being stationary.  I did the poking around until I did the finding of an opening.  I did the gulping and then the jumping into the hole.

The relief did the washing over me as I once more saw my homeland’s endless forest spreading before me. I did the turning back and looking at the rainbow.  This is being very odd.  It almost like it is being a bridge to somewhere else.

I did the turning of my back on the rainbow and did the returning home, barely making it there before it was being dark.  I had definitely done the missing of dinner, and I was being very hungry after all the flying I had done.  I did the looking in the refrigerator to see if there were being any leftovers from whatever my parents had done the eating of.

As I was doing the rummaging Papa came into the kitchen.  “Looks like somepony got her cutie mark.”

I did the looking back at my flank and sure enough, the rainbow bridge was being emblazoned there. I really hope my special talent isn’t having anything to do with that weird rainbow bridge thing.  I am not doing the planning of going back.  “I was so busy doing the flying I didn’t even do the noticing.”

“Did my little weather pony make a rainbow?” Papa asked.

I can’t be telling him about where I went.  “I did the seeing of a rainbow and it was being really pretty.  But I wasn’t making it, no.”

“Oh.”  Papa didn’t know what else to be saying so the pause in the conversation did the turning awkward.  “Still, this deserves a cuteceañera.”

Who would I even do the inviting of, aside from Lingonberry? I can’t do the inviting of one classmate but not the rest.  I shook my head.  “I am not wanting one, Papa.  Can we just have ice cream?  Please?”

He chuckled.  “Sure thing, sweetheart.”

It wasn’t being much of a cuteceañera, but I didn’t do the caring.  When they were asking me what I wanted for presents, I just asked them to be getting me more blankets before winter did the coming around again.





The fort was being very old and having a multitude of secret panels.  Smokey was knowing them all.  He did the popping up in my room as I was doing the getting ready for bed.

“I hate to intrude on you, but I have a few questions about the rainbow you saw.  Was it big?”  I nodded, and he continued.  “Was it permanent?”

“Yes.”

“Did you find yourself somewhere else?  Someplace strange?”

I looked at my hooves in shame.  Smokey was knowing where I’d been and what I’d been seeing.

Taking my lack of a response for an answer, Smokey chuckled.  “You found Bifröst.  Fitting.”

I turned to do the looking at Smokey.  “How can I be finding Bifröst when I am being Bifröst?”

“You’re named after the rainbow bridge that connects us with a world known as Midgard.  Horrible place, I don’t recommend going there.” He looked at my flank again. “You’re lucky you came home. Don’t ever go there again.”

“You don’t have to be telling me twice.  I was being very scared and even more alone.”

“Good.  In that case I won’t contradict that load of horseapples you told your parents.”

“Thank you.”  I let out the breath I didn’t even know I’d been doing the holding of.

“The two of us might be the only ones living outside of Canterlot Castle to know that’s it’s not just an old mare’s tale.  Let’s keep it that way.”

“There are being no objections from me.”  I did the shuddering.  “I have never been being more scared in my life.  I didn’t think I would be the doing the coming home.”

“If you go there again, you might not.  It’s dangerous.”



Himinbjörg, Crystalvania: ten years, six months, and eighteen days ago


My alarm clock did the waking of me from a sound sleep and I did the reaching a hoof out to turn it off. No matter how many times I did the hitting of the snooze button the blasted alarm kept doing the buzzing.

I finally did the opening of my eyes to see what was being the matter.  The first thing I was noticing was that it was still dark.  As my groggy mind did the clearing up, the second thing I did the noticing of was that it wasn’t being my alarm clock going off, but the emergency sirens.

I did the jumping out of bed and the racing down the hallway to my parents’ bedroom.  Papa was on nightshift, so that meant Mama was sleeping. I did the meeting of her halfway between our rooms and she did the scooping of me up.  “Come with me, sweetie.  Things are going to be crazy but I’m going to keep you safe.”

“What is doing the going on?”

“The Crystal Empire. It’s back.”

“This is being a cause for celebration!  All my classmates will be having their Crystal Heart back and be whole again!”

“King Sombra is also back.”

I trembled on Mama’s back as she did the running into the labyrinthine tunnels under the castle. Smokey was already doing the waiting when we got there.  As were two other ponies I had never been seeing before: a white unicorn stallion and a pink alicorn.  There aren’t being that many alicorns in Equestria.

It was taking my mind a few seconds to realize I was looking at Princess Cadence and her husband, Shining Armor.  Once I did the figuring out of who they were I quickly did the dropping into a bow.

They didn’t even do the noticing.  Mama did the saluting and then the three of them did the disappearing.  One minute they were doing the standing there, the next they weren’t.

“Teleportation,” Smokey helpfully provided.  “Princess Cadence has been training for this.  Your mother is in good hooves.  Now, I need you to be a good filly and wait here.  It’s my job to evacuate Himinbjörg.”

Like that, I was being all alone in the fortress.  A fortress with an evil king doing the lurking somewhere outside.  I was doing the shaking when Papa came down from the observation turrets.  He did the sitting on his haunches and I did the throwing myself at him, doing the cuddling of him like my life depended on it.  It just might.

Mama did the returning soon afterwards, doing the winking in with Prince Shining Armor.  Shining Armor did the turning of one of the storage rooms into a command center, barking orders to my parents.  Papa couldn’t stay huddled against me so I did the following him around.

Suddenly I was being airborne, but not under my own wingpower.  Before I could scream in terror I came face to face with the prince. “Hey there, kiddo.”

“Hi Mr. Prince Shining Armor, sir.”

He chuckled.  “That’s a mouthful.  How about you just call me ‘Shiny’?  That’s what my little sister calls me.  What should I call you?”

“I am being Bifröst. It is being a pleasure to be meeting you, Shiny.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too, Miss Bifröst.  Speaking of my sister, she and her friends are going to be here soon and we need to be prepared for them.  Wanna help?”

“Sure!  But what can I be doing?  I am being just a filly.”

He hoofed me a crystal. “This is a scrying crystal.  It’s keeping watch over her train right now. I need you to keep an eye on this and let me know when they’re getting close to here.  Or if anything attacks their train.  Especially dark shadows.”

I did the saluting. “You can be counting on me Mr. Shiny! Sir!”

He did the grinning at me, then went back to doing his work.  He did the waving of me to the only other chair in the room, and I did the sitting there, my eyes glued to the scrying crystal.  I did the watching and waiting, while Shining Armor did the taking care of everything else that was important.  But this was being his little sister, and it was being very obvious that he did the caring a lot.

I remained sitting there when Smokey did the returning with the refugees from town.  Eventually, Lingonberry did the hopping onto the chair next to me.  I did the explaining of what I was doing, and she joined me in my vigil.  If Shiny was being bothered by the addition my friend, he never did the saying of it.

“Shield’s up, sir!” Mama did the running into the room to be giving Shiny the news.

“Evacuation status?”

“Approximately 85% of the town is accounted for, sir!”

I did the looking up. It had done the getting crowded in the main room.  Really done it.  The townsponies had done the practicing of the evacuation many times; twice a year, every year as far back as I could be remembering.  Those preparations were finally being for something other than naught.

Papa did the galloping through the tunnel, foals huddled on his back, and other ponies doing the clinging to him.  “We’ve lost the northwest side of town.  Sombra finally spotted us.”

A few ponies did the straggling in behind him, and then we did the sealing of the tunnels.  Nopony would be doing the getting in or out. The mayor was doing the taking of a rollcall, and the making of a list of the missing.

I continued doing the scrying on the train as it did the continuing of the chugging down the tracks. I hated to do the interrupting during a crisis, but I was being under orders.  “Prince Shiny, sir.”  He did the looking up at me.  “The train is being very close.”

“I need to get to the train station.”

“That isn’t being necessary. We have a siding that goes right into the fortress.”

“Too risky.  We’ve sealed the fortress for a reason.  Nothing can get in, but that also means nothing can get out, either.  Well… except for teleports.  Smokey, I’m going to the depot.  I know we don’t have everypony accounted for, but I need you to initiate the final phase of the operation, then give me a distraction.”

Smokey did the saluting, then he did the scrawling of a letter, which he did the burning of. Then Shiny did the teleporting of them both out of the fort.

No sooner had they done the leaving then Princesses Celestia and Luna did the teleporting into the fort. The princess of the day did the commanding of the attention of everypony.  “Everypony, please gather around us.”

“In an orderly fashion, please.”  Princess Luna was not having an indoor voice.

Once everypony had done the grouping around the princesses, we did the winking out, and I did the teleporting for the first time.  A second later I did the standing in Canterlot Castle.  It was being my first time out of Crystalvania and I did the gawking.

The princesses continued winking back and forth, evacuating the fortress that had been being my home my entire life.  It didn’t take them long to be getting everypony to safety.  Lingonberry and I did the taking of seats in a corner, and we did the watching of the scrying crystal.  Shining Armor did the meeting of his sister and her friends, then they did the galloping off.  Unfortunately, the scrying crystal was being specific to the train, and all we could do was watch as the conductor did the turning around of the train before King Sombra’s shadow cloud did the overtaking of him.

Nopony had yet done the inventing of trains in Sombra’s era, so when he did the enslaving of the conductor, the train was being abandoned.  The last I was seeing of him, the conductor was doing the marching through the snow toward the Crystal Empire.  We did the stopping of watching the crystal when it was being obvious that the train wouldn’t do the moving again.





It was being hours later that the room did the brightening.  Nopony needed to do the telling me that Sombra had done the losing.  The crystal ponies were shining and being translucent.

Seeing the crystal ponies being full of life was amazing.  Suddenly they were all having what they had been missing.  I could feel my heart being happier for them.  It was like the light switch inside of them all had been flipped to ‘on’.

Without the Crystal Heart to be lighting their souls, the crystal ponies were being incapable of feeling anything.  Their hearts were being as cold as the stone that did the comprising of their hides. With the Crystal Heart being restored, they were being ponies.  Truly whole crystal ponies were being like Lingonberry, my parents, and I were all being.

A guard raced into the room. “King Sombra has been defeated…” He trailed off as he looked around. “…as you all are apparently already aware.  A train will be arranged to take all of you home tomorrow.  For tonight, you’re guests of Canterlot Castle.”

It was being a very nice place to be a guest of.



Himinbjörg, Crystalvania: ten years, six months, and seventeen days ago


Our train to Crystalvania did the leaving very early the next morning.  Despite doing the unloading of the supply train every month, this was being my first time riding on one.

The anticipation was being contagious.  All my classmates could be talking about on the ride home was meeting their ancestors.  They were even having family trees ready to go.

I was of course not having any long lost relatives in the Crystal Empire.  I was excited because it was being an entire new city close enough to home that I could do the visiting of.  Princess Cadence was doing the waiting for us, and she did the teleporting of us to the center of the Crystal Empire.  We did the arriving next to the Crystal Heart that was being so important to the crystal ponies.

I was still doing the getting used to bright and cheerful crystal ponies instead of the dull and gloomy ponies I had done the growing up with.  But that wasn’t being the biggest surprise.  As I did the getting close enough to overhear their conversations, I did the coming to a startling revelation.  They’re all doing the talking in modern Equestrian.  We have done the preserving of the language for them – what is doing the happening?

It was making no sense – they had done the vanishing for a thousand years.  They shouldn’t be doing the talking like my parents or Sweetsong did the talking.

I did the slipping away from the group when we did the passing by a school.  I did the looking through the textbooks and the finding of a copy of the same book we did the learning from.  I did the opening of it to find that it was written in modern Equestrian, and it was even including all of the Equestrian history of the past thousand years. I did the blinking in surprise.

Evidently other ponies had also done the questioning of what was going on, because it was being published in the newspaper.  TheCrystalvania Chronicle had even done the changing of their name to The Crystal Empire Chronicle to do the celebrating of the empire’s return.  The leading theory was being that the spell that had done the preserving of the empire and its citizens had also done the altering of them to do the better fitting in with today’s sociopolitical realities.

That was being all well and good for them, but what about those of us who had done the old way of speaking for generations?



Himinbjörg, Crystalvania: eight years, six months, and twenty days ago


I did the laying in the grass, letting the summer sun warm my hide.  There were being only a few days each year where the weather was being warm enough, and the sun was being sunny enough, to do the sunbathing, and I did the making of a point of it to be using all of them accordingly.

I did the rolling over, to let the sun be warming my belly.  The ponies that are living in Baytona Beach can be doing this any day of the week.  They are having it very lucky.  I was doing the dozing off when the peace and quiet was being broken.

“Bifröst!”

I did the cracking open of an eye.  “What is it being, Mom?”

“Start packing.  We’re moving to Ponyville.”

“When?”

“At the end of the month.”

I did the standing up and the stretching.  “Why?”

“Crystalvania just passed the referendum to officially join the Crystal Empire.”

“I am being surprised that it did the taking of this long.”

Mom did the running of a hoof through her hair.  “There were a number of other things to take into consideration first.  It’s amazing how many things need to be resolved when an entire empire reappears after an absence of more than a millennium. Especially when it reemerged with its own hostile entity trying to reestablish control.  Simply put, there were other fires to put out first.”

“Oh.  That is making sense.  I am not having many things to pack.  I will start doing the packing later.”  I pulled my sunglasses down over my eyes again.

“There’s a new school that just opened in Ponyville run by Princess Twilight Sparkle.  They’ve sent applications to every town and jurisdiction in Equestria and beyond.  You’ve been selected to take Crystalvania’s spot.”

I did the pulling of the sunglasses off my face as dramatically as one can be doing when one’s face has dabs of sunscreen all over.  “But we’re not Crystalvanians.”

“True, but you reside here, and you go to school here.  Everypony else was more interested in reintegrating with the Crystal Empire for obvious reasons, and because we’re about to be out of an assignment and need someplace to go, it was decided to award you the position as a way of thanking us for our many years of dedicated service.  And since you’ll be going to the School of Friendship, your father and I have been reassigned into Princess Twilight’s royal guard duty.”

“You’ll be getting a real assignment?”

Mom nodded.  “We were going to petition for an honorable discharge, but this offer was too good to refuse.”

“Wow.  I am being very happy for you.”  I hugged Mom, doing the smearing of sunscreen all over her armor.

Mom giggled.  “We’re going to have to readjust to military life. Your father and I aren’t used to having superior officers around.  We’ve had one inspection in all the years we’ve been here.”

“They did the sending of you here to do the forgetting about you.  What about Smokey?”

“He’s already left.”

“Oh.  Without doing the saying of goodbye?”

“Dragons aren’t exactly known for their sentimentality.”

That didn’t seem like the Smokey I knew.

“But I’ll let you in on a secret.  I don’t think he could face you.”

That was sounding more like the Smokey I knew.



Ponyville: eight years, one month, and twenty-one days ago


Ponyville was being warm. Ponyville was always being warmer than Crystalvania.

When we had first done the moving to Ponyville, I did the sunning of myself at every opportunity. But as the days did the turning to weeks, and then did the turning to months, I did the missing of the cold. When we did the Running of the Leaves to help move the season from autumn to winter, it finally started getting to a temperature I was comfortable with.  My parents didn’t do the minding of it, but they’d both been born in Equestria and this was being a return to normal for them.

The warmth was being new to me.  At first I did the loving of it; it was like having a bunch of summer days all in a row. There was being no biting cold, and the weather team was being there to make sure that wind chill was being nothing but a bad memory.

My sinuses did the clogging and I found it hard to be sleeping at night because it was being too warm.  Warm days were being so rare in Crystalvania that it had never done the bothering of me before.  The sleepless nights did the adding up when there were being no cold days at all, and they couldn’t have been doing so at a worse time as I did the struggling to adapt to the School of Shipping Friends.

Right when the seasons did the turning, I expected that I’d finally be getting the relief I was needing. But then I did the discovering that my roommate was fond of doing the turning the heat up.  Somehow, it was making the room being drier and made my congestion even worser.

No amount of the begging or the pleading would get Citrine Spark to do the lowering of the thermostat. Unlike in Fort Hope, I couldn’t just do the moving back in with my parents.  They were having their own barracks in the castle.



Ponyville: eight years, zero months, and twelve days ago


Just as there was no way for me to do the stopping of Citrine from turning the thermostat all the way up, there was being no way for her to stop me from doing the opening of the window.  It did the becoming of a battle of wills.  It was a battle I did the winning of because the room’s heater was being no match for Ponyville’s weather team.  Winter did the coming, and the little overworked heater was having no hope of overcoming the elements.  Ponyville never did the coming close to being as cold as Crystalvania, so the chilly weather didn’t do the bothering of me, but it did the irking of Citrine.

Then Princess Twilight did the letting us out of school for Hearthswarming break and I did the trotting out of the school behind the rest of my classmates.  Once outside I did the coming to a horrible realization – I was having nowhere to go.

I did the hearing of crying coming from next to me and saw that Cozy Glow was doing the weeping.  “I don’t have any place to go for the holiday. I’m an orphan.  Starlight even told me I should look into being adopted, but I told her I wasn’t ready for new parents yet.”

“I am also not having a place to go.  My parents are being guards and I can’t be doing the living in the barracks with them.”

“Golly, it seems Twilight didn’t think this through very well.  We could get a room off campus together.”

“I am not having a job and not having much money.”

“Don’t worry about it.  I get a stipend from the treasury ‘cause I’m an orphan, and I don’t have anything to spend it on.  Gosh, that’s what friends do for each other.  And we’re friends, right?”

I nodded.

She clopped her hooves together.  “Then it’s settled!  We’ll get a room together.”

“I am liking it very cold in my room.”

“That’s okay.  I can always put on a sweater or hoodie or something, or just pile a bunch of blankets on top of me.  Golly, I can’t imagine making somepony else sweat just because I want to keep the room hot.  What are you supposed to do, shave your coat off?  That wouldn’t be very friendly of me.”

Hmn, Cozy is being right.  It wasn’t very friendly of Citrine Spark to do the slow roasting of me in my own juices, but it was just as unfriendly of me to do the retaliating by opening the window.

“Golly, you have such a pretty pink coat.  It would be a shame to have to shave that off, don’t you think?”

I looked down.  My coat was being a normal shade of pink, but it was being a lot brighter than Cozy’s pale pink coat.  I had never done the thinking that it was pretty before.  My color was being pretty similar to many other ponies in Equestria.

“I even know just the place to rent!  It’s already furnished and everything!”  Cozy did the fluttering of her wings and I had to do the leaping into the air to do the keeping up.

Cozy Glow did the leading of me to the local gymnasium.  The proprietor, Bouncy, was doing the renting out of the rooms above the gym.  Because it was being noisy during the day, the rent was being pretty reasonable.  Cozy did the paying for an entire year in advance.

When we were being alone in the room, I did the asking, “Where did you do the getting of all that money?”

She shrugged.  “When Princess Twilight heard I was an orphan she arranged a monthly stipend, and a rather hefty one-time payment, courtesy the royal treasury.  I tried to tell her that just being allowed to stay at the school would be enough, but she and Starlight insisted I take the money.  So now I’m sharing it with all my new friends!”

“That is being very generous of you.”  I did the opening of the window, letting the chilly winter air into the stuffy room.

“Golly, the cold isn’t even all that bad.  I guess it helps to have natural pegasus insulation.  You know what would make this even better?  Hot cocoa!”  She did the flying out the window and did the returning a few minutes later with two piping hot cups of hot chocolate from Sugarcube Corner.

It didn’t do the taking of long for the little room to get chilly, and I did the closing of the window. Cozy did the curling up under the blankets and we did the talking.  She did the asking of lots of questions about the Crystal Empire, Crystalvania, King Sombra, and the Royal Guards and I did my best to do the answering.  She was being very inquisitive.

There was only being one bed, so I did the curling up on the floor.

“Gosh, you don’t have to sleep on the floor, Bifröst.  The bed is big enough for both of us.  Wanna snuggle together for warmth?”

I wasn’t having any objections, so I did the sliding into bed next to her, and did the wrapping of a wing around the little filly.

She did the nuzzling of me. “I may not be ready for new parents, but you’re like the big sister I always wanted but never had.”

I did the smiling as she did the falling asleep cuddled alongside me.



Ponyville: seven years, eleven months, and twenty-eight days ago


Cozy Glow and I had done the moving out of our respective dorm rooms and done the moving of our belongings into our new rented room.

I was not having much to move.  Crystalvania was being well off the beaten path.  There were not being many places to buy things, and I was not allowed to do the ordering from Canterlot because delivery was being expensive.  I had also done the growing up in a fort, and it was being against military protocol to be doing the decorating.  So I was having very few belongings and I had done the getting used to living in a sparsely decorated environment.  It was not bothering me at all.  My only decoration was being a photo of my parents and I when I was being just a filly.

On the other hoof, Cozy had done the decorating of her side of the room with skulls and old relics. It was giving off the creepy vibes. But she didn’t do the complaining of how cold I kept the temperature, so I didn’t do the complaining about her décor.

Cozy was being proud of how she’d arranged her things.  “Golly, do you like it?”

I shrugged.  “It is not my opinion you should be caring about. If you like it, that is being all that matters.”

“They were out of kitten and rainbow posters.”

“Cozy, it is being okay to admit you’re going through a goth or emo stage.  Everypony does the dealing with grief differently.  If skulls and flames are being what makes you happy, you are not having to explain yourself to me.”

She smiled.  “Thanks friend.”  She looked at my side of the room and frowned.  “You should get something to liven up your space.”

I did the shrugging and sticking my tongue out.  “But you said they were being out of kitten and rainbow posters.”

She giggled and I laughed along with her.  She is not being a bad roommate.  She is being a little weird, but everypony says I am being strange too.



Ponyville: seven years, ten months, and twenty days ago


My classmates and I did the trotting through Sweet Apple Acres.  Honesty 101 was being a hooves-on kind of class, and Applejack often had us doing the practical learning.

“Even in the off season, there’s never any shortage of work to be done around the farm.”  Applejack did the bending over to pick up a small branch. “See?  This right here is what I mean.  All that snow we had has broken a bunch of branches off my trees.  Gotta get these all cleaned up, and we can use ‘em for firewood or kindling.  Everypony grab some branches.”

“Golly, it seems like this is just an excuse to use us all as manual labor for your farm.”

“Listen up, little missy.  I ain’t no teacher with some fancy-schmancy degree.  I’m a farmer, and it’s up to Big Mac and me to keep everything running. Y’all can’t seriously expect my granny and my little sister to pick up the slack while I’m here at the school.  Besides, I can’t teach y’all magic like Twilight, or philosophy like Pinkie Pie, or anything else educational.  This here’s a friendship school, and I’m here to teach y’all honesty.  An’ there ain’t nothin’ like a good, hard day of farm work to keep you honest.”

“I was just being honest, Professor Applejack.”

“Sometimes honesty ain’t always the best policy.  I had t’ learn that th’ hard way, and it sounds like y’all need an extra lesson.  Ya can start with the back forty.”

Cozy Glow groaned.

“As for the rest of all y’all, Granny Smith has some fresh apple cider waitin’ for us in the barn right ‘bout now.  Just keep this on the down low, ‘cause if Rainbow Dash up and finds out about this, she’ll drink it all up before we get there.  That varmint can fly faster than all y’all can gallop.”

We all did the sitting around drinking cider as we did the watching of Cozy Glow flying back and forth between the orchard and the woodpile.

“Now that you’ve all filled up on cider, get out there and help your friend.  And let Cozy know we saved some cider for her and she can come take a break and help herself.”

I did the catching of Cozy Glow as she dropped more twigs off at the woodpile.  “Cozy!  Professor Applejack said you should be taking a break now and having some cider.”

“That’s nice.”  She did the turning tail and the heading back to the orchard.

“Aren’t you going to be getting some?”

“Applejack can take that cider and shove it.”

“Where should she do the shoving of it?  It is being cider, and liquid isn’t very good at being shoved without doing the spilling.”

Cozy Glow did the sighing. “Never mind.”

I did the cocking of my head.  “Equestrian expressions are being very strange.”

We continued doing working for the rest of the school day.  The rest of us did the going back for seconds or even thirds, but Cozy Glow never did the getting of any cider.



Ponyville: seven years, ten months, and fifteen days ago


It was being the day of Twilight’s field trip to Cloudsdale.  With there being much surprise to the rest of us, it was Rainbow Dash who was being the teacher instead.  Cozy Glow did the explaining that Twilight was being very busy, but that the loyalty of her good friend, Rainbow Dash, would do the saving of the day.

It was being a routine flight to the city, with Rainbow Dash, Silverstream, Ocellus, Smolder, Gallus, and I doing the flying under our own power, while Starlight Glimmer and the rest of the class did the taking of a hot air balloon.  Once we were being on solid clouds, Yona did the attaching of herself to my hind leg.  She was doing the shaking in fear and I did the rolling of my eyes.  There was being nothing to worry about.

“Hey Yona, come check out this view!”  Gallus did the challenging of her to do the conquering of her fear, playing the yak’s pride against her phobia.  “Unless you’re too scared.”

“Yona not scared!” She did the letting go of my leg, and I did the turning of my attention to Cloudsdale.  I had done the seeing of the pegasus city before…

No sooner had she done the letting go of my leg then she did the falling through the clouds and then the plummeting toward the ground.

“Now Yona scared!”

Starlight tried to do the using of her magic to catch Yona, but it did the fizzling out and she did the dropping through the clouds too, followed by all of the groundbound students.

“Come on!  We gotta catch ‘em!”  Rainbow Dash did the rallying of us to action and the rest of us did the leaping through the clouds after her.

I did the catching of Night View as the earth pony was nearing the ground.  I could feel her do the cowering in my hooves as we did the falling. I did the pulling out of my dive and then the landing on the ground.  She did the kissing of the earth below us, then she did the kissing of me for doing the rescuing of her.  Blech.  I wish she had been doing the kissing of me first, then the kissing of the dirt.

It could have done the ending up being a disaster, but in the end everypony and everycreature was being okay.



Ponyville: seven years, ten months, and thirteen days ago


Cozy Glow was being younger than most of us, but she was also being Headmare Twilight’s assistant. She was also being the pony who did the stepping up and ousting of Chancellor Neighsay when he did the trying to usurp Twilight as magic was being drained from Equestria.  It was only being logical that we would look to her for leadership in the absence of anypony else.

When she did the promising that we would see that some of our classmates were trying to do the syphoning of magic from Equestria, I did the following of everypony else into the catacombs that were being under the School of Shipping Friends.

She was being right. Sandbar, Gallus, Silverstream, Smolder, Ocellus, and Yona were doing the surrounding of magical artifacts, and Counselor Starlight Glimmer was being trapped inside.  Just as we approached, Ocellus did the confirming that they were trying to do the destroying of the school.

“Destroy the School of Friendship?  Oh dear! Chancellor Neighsay was wrong about a lot of things, but I guess he was right about all of you.”  Cozy’s words did the rallying of everypony to stop them.

I was being on the upper level, but the students who were being right behind Cozy marched on Sandbar and the creatures responsible.  It was being a short fight.  Gallus did the getting trapped in the magical bubble with Starlight, and the others got sucked in trying to save him.  Cozy did the monologuing about how the Elements of Harmony were ‘only a guide’ when Citrine Spark did the proposing that we save them as Starlight and the others were being sucked into the magical void.

As much as I did the disliking of her, Citrine was having a point.  It wouldn’t be very pony of us to just do the standing by and watching as they were being sucked out of Equestria forever, especially since Starlight was being with them.  But before that could do the happening, the Tree of Harmony did the lighting up, saving them all from the certain doom.

Sandbar and his friends told us to do the running while they did the disconnecting of the artifacts from where Cozy had put them.  We did the evacuating as the magic did the exploding.

I did the feeling of my magic returning to me.  With magic being restored, the authorities quickly did the capturing of Cozy Glow.

That was being a problem for me, since I was doing the sharing of a room with her.  Twilight Sparkle did the approaching, but there were being other Royal Guards behind her, weapons being at the ready.

“Bifröst.”  It was being Twilight who addressed me.  “We need you to take us to your apartment.”

I nodded.  I was having nothing to hide.  We did the marching across town to the gym, and I led the way up the stairs to the room I did the sharing of with Cozy Glow. Twilight did the standing next to me as the Royal Guards did the searching of the room. 

The guards did confiscating of all of Cozy Glow’s belongings.  The room was looking very plain without all of the skulls and flames that the filly had done the decorating with.

They did the finding of nothing of interest in my half of the room, but they were still having questions for me.  Twilight did the teleporting of us back to the School of Shipping Friends.  There were only two Royal Guards in the room with us, and those were being my parents, both of whom did the looking very uncomfortable.  But at least their weapons weren’t being drawn.

“Bifröst.  As you know, your roommate committed treason. While there’s no indication that you might have been an accomplice, we need to investigate you.”  I did the holding back of tears as Twilight Sparkle explained why she had to do what she was doing.  “What Cozy Glow did was serious.”

I did the nodding.  “I am understanding, Princess Twilight.  I did the growing up in a military family. I am comprehending the concept of treason.”  As hard as it was being to do while feeling so ashamed, I did the looking her in the eyes. I was needing her to see the truth in my eyes.  “I am being innocent.”

“I think you are, too.” Twilight smiled.  “But we have to be sure.  I’m sorry to have to put you through this, but unfortunately Cozy Glow was uncooperative with us and has been sent to Tartarus for her crimes.  Since she wouldn’t talk to us, she can spend eternity chatting with her good buddy, Tirek.”

I did the gasping. “She is not being reformed?”

Twilight did the shrugging. “She didn’t seem overly interested in reforming.  If she couldn’t learn friendship, here, then there really isn’t much hope for her.”

“Oh.”  Like Citrine had done the pointing out to Cozy as Gallus and the others were doing the sinking into the void with all of Eqestria’s magic, that didn’t seem very pony of Twilight.  But I was likely being biased by having shared living space with her. “I am still doing the rectifying of my emotions.  Part of me can’t forget how friendly and helpful she was always being.  I know it was being a charade.  But I have been cuddling Cozy Glow every night for months because I am liking to keep it very cold in the room, and she was telling me that I was being the big sister she never had.  I am feeling very used, yet I am also wanting to do the believing that there is also being something inside her worth saving.”

Twilight did the patting of my hoof.  “I’m sorry you had to go through all that.  And this.”  She did the motioning around her office, and to my parents who were doing their best to be looking anywhere other than at me.  She held up an artifact.  “Does this look familiar to you?”

“It is being one of the magical items that Cozy did the using of to drain the magic from Equestria.”

“Have you ever seen it before today?”

I did the nodding and my parents did the gasping.  “It was being on her side of the room.  She did the saying it was an heirloom, one of the only things she had left to do the reminding her of her parents.”  It wasn’t being hard to be guessing where her line of questioning was going, so I did the heading it off.  “The same is true of the other five artifacts.  I have done the seeing of them all in our room at one point in time or another.  I did the recognizing of two of them from class, and Cozy did the saying that she was doing cataloguing of them under your direction.  As she was being your student assistant, so I had no reason to do the doubting of her.”

Twilight did the opening of her mouth, then the closing of it.  She did the pausing, like she wasn’t sure what to say next.  “You weren’t the only pony she fooled with her goody-fourshoes act.  She took it upon herself to catalogue the artifacts for me, but I thanked her for doing so.”  Twilight did the sighing.  “I’ve been as blind to her actions as you were.  What made you decide to be roommates with her?”

“Citrine Spark was liking our dormroom too hot for me, and I was liking it too cold for her.  Cozy did the offering to share a room that I could do the keeping as cold as I liked.”

Twilight did the nodding to my mother, and she did the leaving of the room.  “We’re going to corroborate that immediately, so there’s no prolonging this any longer than necessary.  As princess, it’s my responsibility to ensure that all of my citizens are treated fairly and respectfully.”

Mom did the returning with Citrine Spark.

“Citrine, please take a seat.  I have a few questions for you.”

“Sure thing, Headmare Twilight.”

“Citrine, you were roommates with Bifröst when the semester started, correct?”  She did the nodding, and Twilight did the continuing.  “Why did you two stop sharing a dorm?”

“She likes it way too cold. Like, opening a window in the middle of winter cold.  I was freezing my flank off.”

“You were doing the roasting of me!  You did the having of the thermostat set to max!”

“I like it warm.”  She did the hesitating.  “With everything that happened the past few days…  I don’t know if I should admit this.  But I guess it’s better you hear it from this pony’s mouth rather than some other pony’s mouth.  I was complaining about how you opened the window and the heater did nothing to warm our room… and Cozy Glow overheard me.  She offered to do something about it, because, and I quote, ‘that’s what friends do for one another, and we’re friends, right?’  When I got back from break, Bifröst wasn’t my roommate anymore.”

“She did the saying of something similar to me.  She suggested that if she were my roommate, she could do the putting on of more clothing or blankets, but that my only option would be to shave my coat off to cool down, and that it wouldn’t be very friendly of her to be making me do that.”

Twilight nodded.  “So Cozy was taking the Gladmane approach. Play everypony against one another, but position herself as the solution to everypony’s problems.  Are the two of you okay with each other?”

“As long as she’s not my roommate.”

“As long as we are not being roommates.”

Twilight did the smiling. “That seems like a simple solution to a problem.  Deal. Citrine, if there’s nothing else, you’re free to go.”

Citrine did the nodding, and then the leaving.

“Bifröst, I think Cozy Glow was targeting you, specifically, because your parents are Royal Guards.  My best guess is that she felt that if she could convince you of the legitimacy of her power, she could theoretically also win over your parents, who could in turn convince the rest of the guards to fall in line behind her.  With my friends and I trapped in Tartarus, there’d be nopony to say otherwise.  At least not until Princesses Celestia and Luna showed up.  I haven’t quite worked out how she was going to deal with them.  I also don’t know why Discord didn’t do something about her.  I’ll be having a long talk with a certain draconequus after we wrap things up here.”

Twilight did the walking to the window and then the staring out of it at Ponyville.  “The Royal Guards are done searching your apartment. I’m satisfied with the answers you’ve provided.  I find you innocent of any wrongdoing, Bifröst.  You’re also dismissed.  I’ll see you next week when classes resume.  I think that after the events of the past few days that it’s fair that we take a break from studies for the rest of this week.”

“Thank you, Headmare Twilight.”  I did the excusing of myself from her office, and then the hurrying back to my apartment.

I did the making myself a salad for dinner.  I was not feeling very hungry.  I was feeling emotionally drained.  All I was really wanting to do was sleep, but I was knowing that I had to eat.

When I was done with the eating, I did the climbing into bed.  It was feeling much bigger and lonelier now that I had it all to myself. There would be no more doing the snuggling of Cozy Glow.  On the plus side, there would also no longer be any waking up due to her doing the snoring. I’ll do the adapting.  I just don’t know how I’ll be doing the affording of this place once her prepaid rent does the running out.

That thought did the preventing of me from getting a good night’s sleep.



Ponyville: five years, eleven months, and fifteen days ago


Classes had done the starting up again after the Hearth’s Warming break.  I was still doing the living off campus, and had done the getting of a couple of afterschool jobs to do the paying for my room.  I mostly did the working at Blueberry Chamomile’s Teahouse on the weeknights.

On the weekends I did the working for Shenanigans.  She was being an aviatrix, and she was being in need of pegasi to act as a safety net in the case of disaster.  She was being a very good pilot, but Ponyville’s being close in proximity to the Everfree Forest meant that errant weather could cause mishaps.  I was having experience catching ponies falling out of Cloudsdale – Night View was very happy to be giving me a recommendation. It was thankfully being a very boring job because nopony ever did the falling from the balloon’s basket.

Because of her occupation, Shenanigans did the employing of pegasi exclusively, despite being an earth pony herself.  On Saturday nights, we all did the competing in Shenanigans’ weekly derbies.  They were being underground races, which wasn’t doing the making of sense since the racetrack was being aboveground.  It was like having a mini-Wonderbolts race every week, and several of my coworkers had done the trying out for, and then the being rejected by, the Wonderbolts.

I wasn’t being very good at the racing, but Shenanigans paid me the same regardless of whether I did the winning or the losing, so I didn’t mind doing the losing.  I was not being under any delusions about being one of the fastest flyers in Ponyville; I was very definitely not being amongst them. Yet every once in a while, I would do the taking of the checkered flag first.  I was always being very surprised when that happened; it was as if nopony else was trying very hard on those nights, or sometimes they would do the crashing out ahead of me.

Between being a student and doing the working of three part-time jobs, I wasn’t having much of the free time, but it did the paying of my bills.

I was still being very alone in my apartment though.  I was not being able to find anypony to room with me willing to put up with the temperature I liked best.  It was being the first day back from break and Headmare Starlight had done the calling of me to her office.  I did the sitting in the waiting room next to an orange pony with a bee cutie mark. She was doing the talking to another pony I didn’t do the recognizing of.

It was being rude to eavesdrop on other ponies’ conversations, but I couldn’t help it considering I was doing the sitting right next to her.

“You look awful, Honeybuzz.”

“I couldn’t sleep last night.  My roommate’s back from break and she keeps our room as hot as a furnace.”

I couldn’t help but do the snickering at that.  “Is her name being Citrine Spark?”

Honeybuzz turned to look at me.  “How did you know that?”

“I am also being a former roommate of hers.  I am liking it very cold because I come from Crystalvania, in the Frozen North.”

“I sleep better when it’s chilly.”

“Me too.”  I smiled.  “And I am having an off campus apartment and I have been doing the looking for a roommate.  Would you be showing the interest?”

“Yes.”

I clopped my hooves together.  “Then let us do the talking to Headmare Starlight.”

She did the chuckling. “That’s what we’re here for, isn’t it?”

I did the laughing along with her as we continued to do the waiting in Headmare Starlight’s office.



Ponyville: four years, eight months, and sixteen days ago


The wind was doing the blowing very hard.  A storm being of unknown intensity had done the blowing in from over the Everfree Forest. It was being a very bad hurricane, which should not be doing the happening of because Ponyville was being very inland and away from the ocean.

Rainbow Dash had done the calling in of every able-bodied pegasus to assist in doing the breaking up of the hurricane.  The normal storm team was being there: Thunderlane, Cloudchaser, Flitter, Caldor, Sunshower, and Blossomforth.  Three of Ponyville’s weather team were being Wonderbolts, so we were having very competent flyers in our midst.

Several hundred pegasi had done the gathering, and Rainbow Dash was doing the barking out of orders. “Thunderlane, Caldor!”  Rainbow did the pointing to Sweet Apple Acres and the two stallions took to the air to protect one of Ponyville’s primary sources of food.  “Cloudchaser, Flitter!”  Rainbow pointed to the Everfree Forest.  “Try and make a break in the storm.”  She turned to the rest of us.  “All ponies with a name starting with an A through I, come with me.  We’re going to try and blow the storm back into the Everfree Forest or at the very least, divert it to Ghastly Gorge.  J through P, go with Blossomforth.  Your task will be to keep vendors at the market safe while they pack up.  Everypony else with Sunshower.  She’ll pass out assignments on protecting the rest of town.”

Our three groups did the scattering, and I did the following of Rainbow Dash as we did the taking up of positions along the leading edge of the storm.  Fluttershy was doing the clinging to Rainbow Dash, and the prismatic mare was doing the explaining of that wasn’t what she was meaning when she did the saying of ‘Fluttershy, on me.’  I was being paired with Bulk Biceps, who had also done the trying out for the Wonderbolts and was being a reservist.

Bulk was having more experience, so I did the following of his lead.  We did the taking up of hovering positions, and tried to do the blowing of the hurricane back into the Everfree Forest.  I could do the seeing of Banana Bliss and Breezie off to our right, and I could just manage to do the seeing of Cloud Kicker and Ditzy Doo to the left.  Anything beyond that though was being obscured by the darkness, except when the lightning did the flashing.

The storm was being more intense than any I’d ever done the seeing of.  There was being no weather team in Crystalvania, but we were being so far north and inland that we didn’t do the experiencing of many severe storms, and certainly there were never being any hurricanes.

I did the remembering back to the yearly storm drill we had done the running of to be preparing for a crisis like this.  Then I did the flapping with all of my might, against the prevailing winds of the hurricane. The hurricane did the pushing back. This storm wasn’t going to do the going down without a fight.

Bulk Biceps, for all of his bulging muscles, didn’t have very big wings.  They were being comically small compared to the rest of him. They were being very powerful for their size, but they were not being enough to keep him airborne.  The storm did the knocking him out of the sky and into the window of Sugarcube Corner.

Even though the windows were being boarded up, Pinkie Pie did the popping up between two of the boards and caught him.  “It’s raining stallions!”  I was not doing the understanding of how she did the pulling of a stallion the size of Bulk Biceps between two wooden planks.

Bulk was being the stronger flyer of the two of us, and I also did the tumbling end over end not long after.  Pinkie Pie was not doing the catching of me as I did the landing in the stream.  The stream was not being any wetter than the storm. I was already being thoroughly drenched.

Rainbow Dash’s rule was simple: anypony that did the getting knocked out of the sky, did the staying grounded until after the storm.  With that, I did the trotting back to the apartment I did the sharing of with Honeybuzz. But the gusts did the blowing of me around, and when I did the tumbling past Carousel Boutique, Rarity did the grasping of me with her magic and then the pulling of me into her shop.

I did the riding of the storm out in her boutique.  She did the taking of the opportunity to use me as a living equinnequin when the inspiration did the hitting and she did the designing of her Hurricane Collection. But at least I was getting to keep a couple of the dresses when she was being done.



Ponyville: four years, eight months, and fourteen days ago


Rainbow Dash and the rest of weather team did the getting battered about by the storm.  They did the buying of town the time it needed to do the battening down of the hatches.  But that didn’t do the coming without the costs.  Some pegasi had done the getting injured, and two of the team were still being missing two days later.

I did the flying over the Everfree Forest, doing the providing of air support for Lyra Heartstrings and Bon Bon as they did the searching through the forest for the missing pegasi.  It was being my job to do the keeping alert for potential threats like monsters or poison joke, and to do the warning of them if there was being any danger.

I was being very vigilant, and I didn’t do the seeing of any threats like hydras, manticores, or thunderbats.  Likewise, Lyra and Bon Bon failed to do the finding of Flitter or Cloudchaser. Unfortunately, none of the other search teams did the finding of the lost pegasi either.

The mood was being very somber in town hall, as we did the regrouping to discuss our lack of results. Rainbow Dash was being very frazzled – she did the taking of losing her teammates very seriously.  It had been being her decision to send them into the Everfree in the first place.  Fluttershy did the saying she would do the talking to Discord to see if he could do the using of his chaos powers to find them.  Twilight Sparkle did the reading from Medley’s Magical Meteorological Mysteries trying to do the finding of an explanation as to what had done the happening.  All she was able to do the determining of was that most unexplained weather phenomena had historically done the forming over the Everfree Forest without any warning, doing the striking of towns that did the bordering of the woods.  The book wasn’t being very helpful.



Ponyville: eight months, and eleven days ago


Earth had done the becoming of a very big deal in the years since Princess Twilight Sparkle had done the announcing of it.  There were now being clubs, organizations, and even conventions for Earth.  I had done the going to EarthCon, and the joining of EEE, the Equestria-Earth Exchange.  The EEE did the setting me up with pen pals to learn languages, and also with a citizen of Earth.  My human pen pal had even done the adopting of an Equestrian name, preferring to go by ‘Biscuit’ rather than his given name.

The EEE had just done the assigning of a pony pen pal to me.  Her name was being Feathermay, and she did the living in Steedville, which was being in the middle of nowhere.  She wasn’t having access to anypony else going to Earth and she was needing help with her practicing.  So I did the writing of a letter to her.

Dear Feathermay,

My name is being Bifröst, and I am doing the writing to you on behalf of the EEE.  I have done the learning of English, French, Swedish, Norwegian, and Dutch.  I’m being a graduate of the School of Shipping Friends, and I’m currently doing the living with a pony named Honeybuzz who has done the learning of English, German, Spanish, Mandarin, and Japanese.

I am doing the writing of this letter to you in English, because I am knowing that this language is being mandatory.  What languages are you doing the learning of?

What are being your likes and interests?  What are being your goals once you arrive on Earth?  I’m doing the planning of helping with stopping Earth’s climate change.

As a vocabulary building exercise, in your reply, please do the working in of the following words: 

accord
celebrity
citation
dart
diplomat
encore
escort
focus
intrigue
jet
marathon
navigator
rebel
spectrum
spirit
valiant

I’m doing the looking forward to hearing from you.

Your new friend,

Bifröst

I did the enclosing of a photo of myself so she would do the recognizing of me if we did the meeting up at any events or on Earth someday, then did the mailing of the letter at the Ponyville post office.



Ponyville: one month, and two days ago


Honeybuzz did the helping of me as I did the cleaning of our apartment.  Feathermay was doing the visiting of us, and would be doing the living here until it was time to do the going through the portal.  It was being too cold to be having a yard sale, so we did the donating of objects that were doing nothing but taking up the space. We wouldn’t be having room to be taking nonessentials with us to Earth, so Feathermay doing the arriving early was doing us a favor.

Eventually we did the making of enough room for a third roommate.  All that was left was to do the cleaning up.  I did the dusting while Honeybuzz did the sweeping.  Then we did the cleaning of the windows and the polishing of the furniture.  It wasn’t being much, but it was being home.  It was also doing the best it had been looking since I had done the moving in years before.

With all of the doing the cleaning, I did the losing track of time.  I did the galloping across Ponyville, and was being just in time to do the meeting of Feathermay.  I found her doing the sitting with the local blacksmith, and I did the pulling up of a chair.  “Hello, you are being Feathermay, yes?”

“Yes.  Bifröst I presume?”

I did the nodding. “Shall we begin with the learning, or am I interrupting the something?”

“We can start momentarily. Just let me wrap this up.” Feathermay did the kissing of Swiftspeed, and the patting of one of his forehooves.  “I’m really not normally this awkward and tongue-tied.  Pinkie caught me off guard and got me all out of sorts.”

They did the continuing of their flirting, while I did the browsing of the menu.

Pumpkin Cake did the trotting up and did the gasping.  “Oh, you two are totally pink and pinker!”

I did the nodding, and then the pointing to the sugar cookies on the menu.  Once the waitress was being gone, I did the turning to Feathermay.  There’s no time to do the getting started like now. “Let us get to the conversing, then I shall be taking you to see your stallion when we’re done.  He is being the local blacksmith, very easy to find.”





Feathermay was being very smitten with Swiftspeed.  I wasn’t doing the seeing of the appeal.  He was being too old for me, even though I was being older than Feathermay.  But if that was what she did the liking of, it wasn’t being my place to tell her that she couldn’t.  She was being a mare and fully capable of doing the making of her own decisions.

After I did the showing of her where Honeybuzz and I did the living, I did the taking of her to the smithy. He was being surprised to be seeing us. I think he thought she was doing the pulling of his legs.  He did the agreeing to let her stay with him, and I did the bidding the new couple adieu.

Honeybuzz was being very confused to be seeing me come home alone.  She immediately did the worrying that something had happened, and I did the reassuring her that it was only being love at first sight.  We did the agreeing that we would do the keeping of space open for her in case her new relationship did the fizzling out as quickly as it did the starting.  Is it better to do the burning out, or to do the fading away into nothing?  Either way, it is being a very bad time to do the finding of a coltfriend.



Ponyville: Yesterday


Honeybuzz, Feathermay, Swiftspeed, and I all did the sitting around a table at Sugarcube Corner. Feathermay did the leaning against Swiftspeed and the resting of her head on his shoulder.  Feathermay was very much not liking the waitress, Pumpkin Cake.  Her public display of affection was meant to do the marking of Swiftspeed as her territory. It would have been being unnecessary, but Pumpkin Cake was being oblivious.

“Hey, it’s the return of pink and pinker, now with plus ones!”

Honeybuzz and I were being used to Pumpkin’s personality, but Feathermay did the giving her the stink eye.  It had been being a challenge to convince May to eat here again, and Pumpkin Cake was making her do the regretting of her decision.

“What can I do…”  She trailed off as May did the glaring at her, Honeybuzz and I did the shaking of our heads, and Swift did the mouthing of ‘no’ with a pleading look in his eyes.  “…for you all today?”

It was being a pretty good recovery.  I did the responding before things could do the escalating any further.  “A dozen doughnuts, please.  We can do the sharing.”

She did the nodding and practically did the galloping away from our table.  Swiftspeed did the patting of May’s foreleg to try and do the calming of her down.

Without even doing the taking of our drink orders, Pumpkin did the returning with mead for Honeybuzz, a sweet tea sans ice for Swift, and my usual raspberry lemonade.  She did the putting of a glass of water in front of May without a word.

A minute later she did the returning with our doughnuts.  Again, she had done the bringing of our favorites for the three regulars she did the knowing of.  Three powdered sugar, cream-filled doughnuts were on Swift’s side of the dish, three cinnamon doughnuts for Honeybuzz, and three strawberry frosted doughnuts were being there for me.  It was being a reminder that the Cake daughter was being a very good waitress. Lastly, there was being a trio of plain, unglazed doughnuts for Feathermay.  That was being a reminder that Pumpkin needed to do the working on the social part of her job.

Swiftspeed was having questions for all of us.  He hadn’t done the looking into going to Earth, being too old and the wrong gender to go.  Until a month ago, he wasn’t having any interest in the subject.  May had done the changing of that, and she was still doing the clinging to him in what was being a public display of affection that Swift didn’t do the looking entirely comfortable with.

Mostly though, Swiftspeed just wanted us to promise to do the looking out for Feathermay since he couldn’t be doing it himself.  He didn’t have to do the saying of it – Honeybuzz and I already did the knowing that May was being very distractible and naïve.  As aloof as the blacksmith was normally being, Feathermay had somehow gotten his heart to do the thawing.

After doing the answering of his questions and the regaling him with our plans, we did the chitchatting as we did the eating of doughnuts.  Pumpkin Cake did the coming around occasionally to do the refilling of our drinks. Except May’s, which has done the remaining untouched.  “You didn’t drink your water?”

“You probably poisoned it.” May wasn’t doing the taking of any of Pumpkin’s sass.

Pumpkin Cake did the gasping in shock, then she did the grabbing of the glass and the chugging of the contents.  Then she did the falling on the floor and the spasming of her muscles.

“Ha!  I knew it!”

“Nope, not poisoned,” Pumpkin replied from the floor.  “Tastes like Ponyville tap water all right.  It’s not very good, but you didn’t order a drink and I had to bring you something.”

Feathermay and Pumpkin Cake did the glaring at each other and eventually the absurdity of the situation did the sinking in and they both did the laughing.

Once she’d done the standing back up, Pumpkin did the turning serious.  Or at least as serious as she could be getting.  “Since you three are going to Earth… would any of you be willing to do me a favor?  Obviously not you.”  She did the sticking of her tongue out at May who did the responding in kind.

“Maybe?” Honeybuzz was being hesitant.

“So, if I truss my brother up tonight, could I stick him in your baggage tomorrow morning?”

“No.”

“Phooey.  It was worth a shot.”

The Cake twins had obviously done the getting into a fight.  If Pumpkin was being this upset over it, she must have done the losing.

We did the paying and walking out.  It wasn’t being a very productive meeting otherwise, but at least Feathermay and Pumpkin Cake had done the coming to some sort of détente.  I wouldn’t do the expecting of them to do the inviting of each other to their next birthday parties… actually, I could kind of do the seeing of Pumpkin doing that just to do the getting on May’s nerves.



Ponyville: Today


It was finally being the big day.  Honeybuzz and I did the looking around the apartment one last time to make sure we’d done the getting of everything that was being ours.  The furniture would be doing the staying for the next occupants, as it did the coming with the apartment.  All of our remaining possessions were being in our suitcases. We had already done the selling, donating, or giving away of everything else we owned.

She did the moving of the dresser to do the looking behind it and did the exclaiming.  “What’s this?”  She did the holding up of a black, gothic-looking dress that was being many sizes too small for me.

“Oh, that was belonging to my previous roommate.”  I did the nervous chuckling.  “So, do you remember when your twin sister did the coming to town?”

She did the nodding.

“And you remember how you hadn’t ever mentioned Bumblesweet’s existence to me until that point?”

She did the nodding again, slower.  I could tell she wasn’t liking where this was leading.

“So I never mentioned this but my former roommate was being Cozy Glow.”

“Ah.  Yeah, I can see why you wouldn’t go advertising that.  What should we do with this?”

“It won’t be doing the fitting either of us, and I don’t think she’ll be doing the needing of it anymore.”  I did the grabbing of it and the throwing of it into the trash.

“So who’s worse – Cozy Glow or my sister?”

“That is being a tough call. One is being a manipulative, habitual liar bent on making everypony love her, and the making of her enemies to do the suffering forever, and the other is being Cozy Glow.”

Honeybuzz did the laughing so hard she had to do the sitting down and catching of her breath.  “I needed that.”

Once she had done the settling down, we did the grabbing of our luggage and the leaving of our home for the past few years.  Honeybuzz had once done the telling me that it was more of a home than her real home had been.  Just remembering that made me want to do the hugging of her, so I did the hugging of her.

“What’s that for?”

I did the shrugging. “I was just feeling like it.  We have done the living here together for years. It is being an emotional moment to leave it all behind.”

She nodded. “Yeah.  It really is.  But we’ll make new homes for ourselves.”

Being an earth pony, Honeybuzz had done the taking it upon herself to carry most of our luggage.  I did the draping of a wing over her as we did the trotting through Ponyville to the Everfree Forest.  We weren’t being alone, with dozens of other ponies also doing the heading in the same direction with their belongings.  In a way it did the reminding me of pictures I’d seen of Abyssinian refugees doing the fleeing from the Storm King.  The big difference was being the excitement in the air. Everypony here had done the choosing to go to Earth.  Change was doing the coming for those of us making the trip.  A change we were all doing the wanting of.

Once we did the getting to the Everfree, there were being signs to do the directing us to the portal. According to some of the other ponies I did the overhearing of, they were trying to do the making of a road through the Everfree so they could do the getting of some trucks or buses to make the trip easier for everypony.  That would be nice for the return trip five years from now.  I did the looking to Honeybuzz.  I did the doubting she would be coming back to Equestria.  She was having nothing on this side of the portal she was being really attached to.  She did the loving of her parents and even her sister, but she had also long since moved past them.  Like me, she was being single.  Unlike me, it didn’t do the bothering of her.

I did the knowing that I wasn’t going to be finding a nice stallion waiting for me on the other side, regardless of where life did the taking of me once I was on Earth.  So I did the knowing that for me, it was only being temporary.  I would have to do the coming back to Equestria someday.

I wasn’t being surprised to see more of my fellow graduates from the School of Shipping Friends doing the trudging through the forest.  Starlight had really done the pushing of going to Earth to a lot of the students. As we did the catching up to them, Night View did the waving me over, so Honeybuzz and I did the joining of their group.

“It has been a long time since I’ve been seeing you.”

“Too long!”  Night View did the giving me a hug.

I did the introducing of them to Honeybuzz.  She was being two years behind us in school, so she hadn’t gotten to do the knowing of many of my friends.  “Everypony, this is being Honeybuzz.”

“I’m Night View.  I owe Bifröst my life.”

“Literally.  She did the falling out of Cloudsdale and I did the saving of her.”  I did the moving on to the only pegasus in their group.  “And this is Violet Twirl.”

“Howdy.”

“And lastly, these are being Lilac Swoop and Strawberry Scoop.  They’ve been doing the dating since not long after the school did the opening.”

“We’re married now,” Lilac did the correcting of me.  “Swoop and Scoop!”

“Swoop and Scoop!” Strawberry echoed.  The two earth pony mares did the bumping of hooves.

We did the giggling as we did the recalling old memories and the sharing of newer stories.  Honeybuzz did the staying quiet as she did the listening to our reminiscing.

My parents had done the requesting of portal duty so they could be seeing me off.  They couldn’t do the taking of time to do the chitchatting, but they the making of time for a hug.  To my knowledge, Honeybuzz hadn’t even done the informing of her family of her intended plans of going to Earth, so there was being nopony waiting there for her.  The rest of my friends had their families to see them off, and we did the rounds, doing the supporting of each other as we did the saying of our goodbyes and the promising to stay in touch and the looking out for one another as best as we could be doing.

We did the ending up near the end of the queue, and then we did the waiting.  It was being very boring, except for the brief interludes when the newly arrived humans would do the walking past us.  So I did the pulling of a sheet of paper out of my bags. Honeybuzz did the nodding in approval as I passed the lyrics around to my friends.  Honeybuzz and I had done the finding of a song about buses in our research on Earth, and since we would be doing the riding on one, we thought it would be appropriate to be singing about the bus on the bus.

“The Wheels On The Bus?” asked Violet, as she did the reading of the song’s title from the sheet music.

I did the nodding, and Honeybuzz and I did the starting of the song.  We did some practicing, and other ponies near us did the joining in. We will do the practicing so that we can do the performing of the song so well that our bus driver will be doing the being honored at our tribute.



Fort Lee, New Jersey: Today


“We’re coming to America!” We did the singing along to the song on the radio, doing the substituting of ‘we’re’ for ‘they’re’.  “Today!” The song was being very similar to the Neighl Diamond song, Equestria, except that it was being about America.

We were being stuck in traffic on a magnificent bridge with nothing better to be doing than the singing. The bus driver had done the liking of our impromptu performance of The Wheels On The Bus so much that he did the rewarding of us with playing the radio loudly so we could do the singing along.  He was being so moved by our vocals that he even did the weeping of tears of joy as we slowly did the traversing of the bridge.

Between songs, a unicorn had done the asking of us to go in on a hotel with her, and Honeybuzz and I had done the agreeing.  None of my other friends were being interested, unfortunately.  It was being very bittersweet to do the reuniting with old friends only to have to do the going of our separate ways immediately afterwards.  But we did the enjoying of each other’s company while we had it, and did the promising to write once we all were having permanent addresses.

Eventually, the bus did the breaking out of the gridlock and we did the arriving at the consulate.  I did the thanking of the bus driver for his service as we did the disembarking.  It was being a chilly winter morning, but the sun was doing the shining.  The winds were doing the whipping between the buildings.  I did the spreading of my wings.  The way the city was being laid out was doing the wreaking of havoc on the local wind currents.  It would do the taking of some getting used to.

Much to my delight, there was being more singing once we got off the bus, as my new business associates and I did the breaking into a heartsong.  The bus driver did the closing of the door and the driving away as quickly as possible.  I guess he is being late for something.

We did the trotting into the consulate.  They had done the making of it to look like a castle, which was being a very nice touch. The decorations were being a mishmash of styles from around Equestria, as well as Earth.  It was all doing the clashing, which was being an unfortunate necessity since it had to do the representing of all ponies.  Every tribe, every town.  It was being as if an art gallery and a historical society had done the merging.

The waiting area was being mostly decorated in maps – some were being of Earth, and the rest were being of Equestria.  I did the looking at the various maps of Earth as everypony did the getting to know one another better.  New York City is being very big.

I was still doing the looking at the maps when I was called to do the meeting with the Duchess.  I did the bowing to Ploomette and the sitting down across from her.

“Salutations, Bifröst. Now that you’re on Earth, what are you planning to do?”

“I graduated from the School of Shipping Friends in Ponyville.  Before I left, Starlight Glimmer did the urging of me to come here to try and reverse climate change because Earth’s polar icecaps are doing the melting.”

Ploomette did the nodding. “That’s a noble goal.  How are you planning to do that?”

“I am having no ideas, Duchess.  I was doing the hoping you could do the pointing of the right direction out to me. In the meantime, I have done the agreeing to join Snowcatcher with the hotel she is wanting to do the starting of. I can do the researching in my downtime.”

“That makes sense.”

“That is what I was thinking too.  I am needing a place to live, and this will be working fine for me, until I am knowing what direction I need to be going in.”

“You’re okay with paying your entire stipend into this?”

I did the nodding.  “I am also having a grant from Equestria because I’m doing the promoting of goodwill.  So I’ll be getting paid regardless.  I’m doing the considering this a payment for living expenses.  No different than the paying of rent.”

The Duchess was seeming satisfied with that answer because she did the changing of subjects.  “From one pegasus to another, it pains me to have to say this.  But as you’ve got a weather mark and you’re here to study climate change, you can’t actively alter Earth’s weather without permission.”

I did the shaking of my head.  “I am not having a weather cutie mark, Duchess.  My mark is being Bifröst, which is also being my name.  Bifröst is a rainbow bridge that is being very much like the rainbow bridge that did the bringing of me to Earth.  Except Bifröst is being in the Frozen North outside what was then being known as Crystalvania.”

“There’s another Rainbow Bridge?”  The Duchess did the blinking of her eyes.

I did the nodding. “Yes, I did the accidental discovering of it when I was younger.”

“Where does it come out on this side?”

“I am not being sure it did the coming out on Earth.  I did the going across and from the seeing of one vast, arboreal forest to being surrounded by open sea with fjords in the distance.  I did not do much of the exploring as I did not want to do the getting lost.  I did the turning around and flying home.  I was still being a filly at the time and I was being scared I might not be able to find my way back if I did the venturing too far.”

She did the typing into her computer.  “Interesting. Earth has record of a rainbow called Bifröst as well.  I guess I’ll need to do some research on this.  Does anypony else know about this?”

“Only a dragon who was being stationed at Fort Hope.  His name is being Smokey.  I am not knowing where he is now.  We did the falling out of touch when I did the moving to Ponyville.  He did the telling of me not to tell anypony else, but you are outranking him so I think it is being okay if you know.”

“Where did you say this is located?”

“It is being near Himinbjörg, which is now being reunited with the Crystal Empire.”

“Very interesting. Thank you for letting me know.  If there’s nothing else, please ask Electric Slide to wait five minutes, then send in the next pony.”  She did the scribbling of notes while I did the returning to the waiting room.
> Act I: Bifröst (Normal Grammar)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Bifrost, stand still a sec.”

I did the looking up at Snowcatcher and she did the casting of magic on me.  “What was that?”

“A universal translation spell.  Don’t worry, it’s temporary.”

“How long will it last?”

“About sixteen thousand words.”



Himinbjörg, Crystalvania: twenty years, eleven months, and twelve days ago


It was very cold in Crystalvania.  It was always very cold in Crystalvania.

I stared out over the icy expanses, vaguely in the direction of ‘south’.  The only indication that I was looking the right way was the barely exposed railroad tracks.  Four hundred miles away in that direction I was told that there were other ponies. Ponies like my parents and me. Not ponies like those living in the town around us.

Once a month the train arrived from Equestria to replenish our supplies.  The boreal forest was beautiful, but not capable of feeding a town – not even one as small as Himinbjörg.  It was my job to keep an eye out for the train.  It was very boring.  And cold. It was boring and cold.

I wrapped another blanket around me.  This was the third, and even my pegasus magic wasn’t helping to keep the chill out of the air.  The wind was biting, cutting through all the fabric, right to the very marrow of my bones.

I kept my body behind the parapet, rising up only to check on the train every minute or so.  After hours of waiting, I finally spotted the train chugging along the tracks.  The first sign was always the cloud of steam from the train’s boiler.

Wrapping up in blankets hindered my mobility, but I managed to poke my legs out of the covers. Laden, I couldn’t manage even a trot, so I walked across the roof to where Mom kept her silent vigil to the north. No words needed to be said, she just nodded, releasing of me from my duty.  I climbed down the stairs to the warmth of the fort.

There were no external openings to the fort.  None of the doors or windows were functional at all.  The windows were purely decorative crystal visible from the outside, with masonry behind them, while the doors were only painted on.  Entry came via a network of tunnels in the fort’s basement, all of which were capable of being sealed in the event of an emergency. When the fort was built, it was designed to be impenetrable – nothing was to go in or out.  Even the air was magically recirculated.

The tunnels were chillier than the fort, but were still much warmer than the outside air.  I only needed to wear my winter gear to not feel like I was freezing my rump off.  The train stopped inside a tunnel that was a relatively recent addition to the centuries-old fort.  I trotted to the loading docks as the train finally finished braking.

Once the boxcars were aligned with the docks, I quickly lowered the planks once the pegasus courier inside the train opened the doors.  A lavender mare with gorgeous pink hair flew out and landed on the dock next to me.  It was always nice seeing Sweetsong every month when she delivered the supplies.

“Hey kiddo, where are your parents?”  She tousled my mane.

“Mama is on guard duty, and Papa is sleeping, so I’m helping unload.”

“Good, I can see you’ve grown into a big, strong filly since I saw you last month.”

Then we unloaded boxes, Himinbjörg’s monthly supplies direct from Canterlot.  There was food, medication, the previous month’s magazines, and extra blankets, because even with such a small population, there were never enough blankets in Himinbjörg.  Winter was coming; winter was always coming, even in summer.  It could snow at any point of the year, and had done so.

Mama said that in Equestria, teams of pegasi moved the clouds and brought the weather.  In Himinbjörg, there were just three pegasi: Mama, Papa, and me.  There was no weather team, and the weather was always doing what it wanted, when it wanted.

Unloading the train took several hours.  Sweetsong and half a dozen other ponies did most of the work, but I helped wherever I could.

When we were done, there was a large pile of boxes on the platform.  I was completely exhausted, and I flopped onto the tallest box to catch my breath.

“Oh hey, I almost forgot.” Sweetsong threw a box of cookies at me. “Thanks for the help, kiddo.”

“Thank you!”  I caught the box as she stepped back onto the train. Then the train departed, heading back to Canterlot, that faraway place that had more ponies that were like her. Ponies that were like me.  Part of me wanted to stow away on the train and go with her.

But we had a duty here, or so my parents had told me since before I was able to understand them.  A duty that was ours.

I waved as the train chugged away.

Once the train pulled out of the tunnel, Smokey appeared to help move the boxes into the fort.  He never showed himself to any of the outsiders; not to Sweetsong when she dropped off our supplies, and not to the crystal ponies of the town surrounding us.  The only three ponies who knew he was here were Mama, Papa, and me.

The little ice dragon had no problem lifting even the heaviest boxes; boxes that would have had to wait for Papa to wake up otherwise.  I grabbed of some of the smaller boxes and followed Smokey back into the fort.

We picked up and moved boxes, back and forth, until the station was finally empty.  Then I sorted them all.  With the rail depot being inside the fort, we were the distribution center for the town.  Mama said it was supposed to be done by the post office, but Crystalvania didn’t have one. I was unsure what a post office or mail was.

Mayor Turquoise Shine was the first pony to approach the fort, as normal.  She knew the train’s schedule as well as we did.

She had a very ironic name. Her coat never shined; like the other crystal ponies, there wasn’t a healthy sheen at all.  There was just a dull, vaguely turquoise-colored coat. The crystal ponies were always cold to the touch.  I did not like to touch them.  It was unlike Mama and Papa, who were always warm.

She started taking inventory of the shipment, like usual.  The supplies were here for the entire town.  Smokey had already removed all of the fort’s supplies.  Once the mayor was done with the inventorying, half a dozen crystal pony stallions arrived to move everything into town so it could be disbursed amongst the population.

My job was done, so I returned to the fort so I could practice my flying.  Thankfully, the fort was very big and open on the inside, perfect for a filly to learn how to fly.



Himinbjörg, Crystalvania: sixteen years, eight months, and seven days ago


It was spring and that meant the temperature was only slightly below freezing.  It was warmer indoors, perhaps the only good thing about school.

Juniper Jade stood up from her desk and addressed the class.  “Today we’ll be learning about King Sombra.”

Most of my classmates gasped.  Lingonberry and I just looked at one another.  The earth pony was as lost as I was.

“Many moons ago, there was a mighty empire in the Frozen North.  The Crystal Empire was the envy of much of Equus.  The crystal ponies did a lot of trading with other nations, especially with the ponies of the nascent Equestria to our south.  The Crystal Empire was one of the last outposts of the original pony homelands.  The cold of the windigos didn’t bother the crystal ponies as much as it did the other pony tribes, and we adapt and expanded to any lands that were close enough to warm with the Crystal Heart.  While the other tribes were squabbling over food, the Crystal Empire stood proud. Under Princess Amore’s leadership, the crystal ponies had food in their bellies and love in their hearts.  Please turn to page three hundred and seventy-two of your history textbooks.”

I opened my book to the indicated page.  A picture of a coal black unicorn glared back at me.  I repressed a shudder.  If a mere drawing of Sombra could be that intimidating, I could scarcely imagine what the real Sombra had been like.

Juniper Jade started her lecture.  “More than a thousand years ago, King Sombra rose to power.  An umbrum, he was a pony made of shadows, corrupted by the hatred in his heart.  He did the crystalizing of Princess Amore and then he shattered her.  Finally, he scattered her remains to all the corners of the world.  It was his hope that nopony would ever reassemble her.”

“Did anypony ever successfully her back together?”

“No, Bright Opal.  To this day nopony has ever found all of her parts.  In the early days, before the Crystal Empire vanished, there were ponies who tried. After the Empire disappeared, crystal ponies lacked the desire to do much of anything.  We aren’t like Lingonberry and Bifröst, we are tied to the Crystal Heart and without it, there is a piece of all of us that isn’t there.”

That explained so much. For once, history was actually interesting.

“Sombra was a tyrant, and he had weird mind control powers that turned all of the crystal ponies into his slaves.  Princesses Celestia and Luna arrived from Equestria to strike him down, but he magically sealed the Crystal Empire away, and it’s been missing ever since.”

“How long has it been?” Lingonberry was as enthralled by the tale as I was.

“Too long.  It’s been more than a thousand years, my little ponies. Some say that the Crystal Empire and Crystal Heart are naught but a myth.  But I feel it right here.”  Juniper tapped a hoof to her barrel.  “I’m missing a piece.  Do any of you feel it too?  That feeling of not being whole?”

All the crystal ponies in the room nodded, while Lingonberry and I shook our heads.

“The two of you couldn’t hope to understand.”  Juniper Jade walked toward us.  “This is a very good thing.  You’re ponies; you’re complete.  That’s a feeling the rest of us will never know until the Crystal Heart returns. It’s my hope that I live to see it.” She patted our heads.  “It’s also my hope that neither of you ever experiences this feeling of incompleteness.  It’s well and truly awful.  I would never wish this on anypony.”

“Where was the Crystal Empire located?”  I couldn’t help asking, my curiosity was piqued.

“North.”  Juniper pointed in the direction that my parents spent all day and night watching.  “It’s beyond the tree line.  Twenty-two hippikons from here.  Crystalvania is distant from the Crystal Empire, for two very important reasons. First of all, nopony is going to be want to be standing there when the Crystal Empire returns.  Secondly, the Crystal Empire is located on the tundra.  It’s okay for the growing of blueberries and lingonberries, but trees can’t take root there due to the permafrost.  Without the Crystal Heart, there’s no way of melting of all the snow and ice. Crystalvania is located as close to the Crystal Empire as possible, but within the boreal forest.  We can grow crops here, right Lingonberry?”

My best friend nodded. “The growing season is different from the rest of Equestria.  My parents traveled south many years ago.  Equestria has a much longer growing season because it’s warmer and closer to the Equator.  On the other hoof, for so much of the year it’s impossible to do much growing here because of the weather and the lack of the sunlight.  But the near perpetual light of summer makes growing plants so much easier for a few short months.  Crystalvania may not have much of a growing season, but we make up for it with the quality.”

“So this is where the crystal ponies who survived the disappearance gathered, and all extant crystal ponies are descended from them.  Ponies who lived outside the range of Sombra’s spell.  Ponies who were away from the Empire at the time for one reason or another.  Ponies who returned home only to find nothing there.  Crystalvania is a sovereign nation, a protectorate of Equestria. That means that Equestria is responsible for our defenses, hence Fort Hope to the north of town.  Bifröst can elaborate.”

I can?  “My parents are Royal Guards.”  How do I make staring north everyday sound important?  “They’re very vigilante for outside threats.”  But only if they’re coming from the north.  I decided not to explain that part.  “They also speak funny, using Equestrian grammar.  I spend lots of time with them, and sometimes my grammar slips as a result of that.”  I hope that’s enough explaining.

It was.  Juniper continued, “That’s why we’re able to continue controlling the Crystal Empire’s lands.  Equestria’s protection… and the fact that nobody else wants this land for anything.  Maybe some nomadic griffins could survive by hunting here, but that’s about it.  There aren’t enough game animals to support an entire town of carnivores, it’s too far inland for the hippogriffs, and it’s almost impossible to grow things here without earth pony magic.”

Juniper Jade distribute some very battered textbooks.  “We’ll be diverging from Equestrian history now to learn more about the Crystal Empire’s history.  Please be careful with these books.  They’re very old, and we have no way to easily replace them.  These are the last textbooks that were issued in the Crystal Empire.”

The textbooks were very precious and we weren’t allowed to take them home for the night.  We had to copying the information instead.  That took up of the rest of the afternoon, but it was very informative. 





“Mama?  Why are we here in Fort Hope?”

“Well, sweetie, Fort Hope is an assignment for the worst of the worst of the Royal Guards.  Those who charge with the blunt end of the spear, or those who shoot their instructors by accident during the archery practice.” Mama did the sighing.  “Your father is better with spears these days, but I’m still not allowed near a bow and arrow.”

“Oh.”

“It’s an important duty, sweetheart.  We’re providing a valuable service to all of Equestria by watching.”

“Watching for what?”

“We’re watching for an ancient empire that vanished many moons ago, and will return again someday.”

“Mrs. Jade said we’re here for the protection of the crystal ponies.”

“That too.  When the empire returns, so will its old enemy, King Sombra.  We’ll be ready for him.”

“But we’re just three ponies, Mama.  And I don’t know how to use a spear or bow and arrow.”

“Ahem.”  Smokey cleared his throat.

I corrected myself at his prodding.  “We’re three ponies and a dragon.  How are we supposed to protect an entire town?”

Mama kissed my forehead. “You won’t be doing any fighting, sweetie.  You’re not a guard, and stars above, don’t do anything stupid like enlisting.  Your father and I have vowed to see our assignment here through to the end, but we want better for you.”

But she didn’t answer my question.



Himinbjörg, Crystalvania: sixteen years, five months, and seventeen days ago


Summertime.  Those rare few months I could fly outside, instead of inside the fort.  It was invigorating in the sky – it felt like I belonged there.  Even with my natural pegasus insulation, it was too cold to fly from late autumn until late spring, and the weather was way too unpredictable. Even in the summer, I was only allowed to fly within sight of the fort and town because there were no crystal pegasi. If I got lost, Mama and Papa were the only two ponies who could come to my rescue.

Himinbjörg was surrounded by forest in all directions.  If I flew too far north of town, the trees stopped and the snow began.  I didn’t fly north very often.  There weren’t many landmarks in the snowy wasteland, so it was very easy to get lost.

Instead I explored to the south, the west, and the east.  I became very good at marking trees so I could fly further from town and not get lost.  I was probably the first pony to set eyes on some of the places I visited since the Crystal Empire vanished a millennium ago.

I was definitely the first pony to come across the giant rainbow in the sky, or else somepony would have mentioned it before now.  There were no weather teams this far from Equestria, so the rainbow had to be natural.  But the weather was very dry; there wasn’t enough moisture in the air for a rainbow to form.  The rainbow was huge, and it was miles from where I’d spotted it.  I continued to mark the trees so I wouldn’t get lost so far from home.  It was slow going, but I had to see it up close.

I eventually reached it. It was even bigger than I’d expected. I flew up to it, marveling in its majesty.  At the end of the rainbow were the ruins of a settlement.  What was left of the town had the same general architecture as other surviving remnants of the Crystal Empire.  I’ve found an archeological site.

When I flew over the rainbow I found myself surrounded by clouds, overlooking forested fjords.  This isn’t making sense.  We’re many, many miles from the ocean.

I looked back the way I came and it was all open sea.  The rainbow wasn’t even behind me anymore, just clouds.  I couldn’t see any of the trees I’d marked.  I couldn’t see any trees at all.  The boreal forest wasn’t there.  I’m very, very lost.  The only trees were the ones in front of me, along the fjords.  Mama and Papa are going to tan my hide…  if they ever see me again.

I started panicking. After examining the trees and fjords, I flew back to the clouds I’d landed in when arriving, in the hopes that they would be able to take me back home.  The clouds didn’t move like the other clouds.  They just stayed there, stationary.  I poked around until I found an opening.  I gulped and then jumped through the hole.

The relief washed over me as I once more saw my homeland’s endless forest spreading before me.  I turned back and looked at the rainbow.  This is very odd.  It’s almost like it’s a bridge to somewhere else.

I turned my back on the rainbow and returned home, barely making it there before it was dark.  I had definitely missed dinner, and I was very hungry after all the flying I had done – all the exercise had worked up an appetite.  I looked in the refrigerator to see if there were any leftovers from whatever my parents had eaten for dinner.

As I was rummaging through the fridge, Papa came into the kitchen.  “Looks like somepony got her cutie mark.”

I looked back at my flank, and sure enough, the rainbow bridge was emblazoned there.  I really hope my special talent doesn’t have anything to do with that weird rainbow bridge thing.  I’m not planning on going back.  “I was so busy flying I didn’t even notice.”

“Did my little weather pony make a rainbow?” Papa asked.

I can’t tell him about where I went.  “I saw a rainbow that was really big and pretty.  But I didn’t make it, no.”

“Oh.”  Papa didn’t know what else to say so the pause in the conversation turned awkward.  “Still, this deserves a cuteceañera.”

Who would I even invite, aside from Lingonberry?  I can’t just invite of one of my classmates, but not the rest.  I shook my head.  “I’m not wanting one, Papa.  Can we just have ice cream?  Please?”

He chuckled.  “Sure thing, sweetheart.”

It wasn’t much of a cuteceañera, but I didn’t really care all that much.  When they asked me what I wanted for presents, I just asked them to get me more blankets before winter came around again.





The fort was very old and had a multitude of secret panels.  Smokey knew them all.  He popped up in my room as I was getting ready for bed.

“I hate to intrude on you, but I have a few questions about the rainbow you saw.  Was it big?”  I nodded, and he continued.  “Was it permanent?”

“Yes.”

“Did you find yourself somewhere else?  Someplace strange?”

I looked at my hooves in shame.  Smokey knew where I’d been and what I’d seen.

Taking my lack of a response for an answer, Smokey chuckled.  “You found Bifröst.  Fitting.”

I turned to look at Smokey. “How can I find Bifröst when I am Bifröst?”

“You’re named after the rainbow bridge that connects us with a world known as Midgard.  Horrible place, I don’t recommend going there.” He looked at my flank again. “You’re lucky you came home. Don’t ever go there again.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.  I was very scared and I’ve never felt more alone.”

“Good.  In that case I won’t contradict that load of horseapples you told your parents.”

“Thank you.”  I let out the breath I didn’t even know I’d been holding.

“The two of us might be the only ones living outside of Canterlot Castle to know that’s it’s not just an old mare’s tale.  Let’s keep it that way.”

“There are no objections from me.”  I shuddered at the memory.  “I’ve never been more scared in my life.  I didn’t think I’d be coming home.”

“If you go there again, you might not.  It’s dangerous.”



Himinbjörg, Crystalvania: ten years, six months, and eighteen days ago


My alarm clock woke me from a sound sleep and I reached a hoof out to turn it off.  No matter how many times I hit the snooze button the blasted alarm kept buzzing.

I finally opened my eyes to see what was the matter.  The first thing I noticed was that it was still dark.  As my groggy mind started clearing up, the second thing I noticed was that it wasn’t my alarm clock going off, but rather the emergency sirens.

I jumped out of bed and raced down the hallway to my parents’ bedroom.  Papa was on nightshift, so that meant Mama was sleeping. I met her halfway between our rooms and she scooped me up.  “Come with me, sweetie.  Things are going to be crazy but I’m going to keep you safe.”

“What is going on?”

“The Crystal Empire. It’s back.”

“This is cause for celebration!  All my classmates will have their Crystal Heart back and be whole again!”

“King Sombra is also back.”

I trembled on Mama’s back as she ran into the labyrinthine tunnels under the castle.  Smokey was already waiting when we got there.  As were two other ponies I had never seen before: a white unicorn stallion and a pink alicorn.  There aren’t being that many alicorns in Equestria.

It took my mind a few seconds to realize I was looking at Princess Cadence and her husband, Shining Armor.  Once I figured out who they were I quickly dropped into a bow.

They didn’t even notice me. Mama saluted and then the three of them disappeared.  One minute they were standing there, the next they weren’t.

“Teleportation,” Smokey helpfully provided.  “Princess Cadence has been training for this.  Your mother is in good hooves.  Now, I need you to be a good filly and wait here.  It’s my job to evacuate Himinbjörg.”

Like that, I was all alone in the fortress.  A fortress with an evil king lurking somewhere outside.  I was still shaking when Papa came down from the observation turrets.  He sat on his haunches and I threw myself at him, cuddling him like my life depended on it. It just might.

Mama returned soon afterwards, winking in with Prince Shining Armor.  Shining Armor turned one of the fort’s storage rooms into a command center, barking orders to my parents.  Papa couldn’t stay huddled against me so I followed him around like a lost puppy.

Suddenly I was airborne, but not under my own wingpower.  Before I could scream in terror I came face to face with the prince. “Hey there, kiddo.”

“Hi Mr. Prince Shining Armor, sir.”

He chuckled.  “That’s a mouthful.  How about you just call me ‘Shiny’?  That’s what my little sister calls me.  What should I call you?”

“My name is Bifröst. It is my pleasure to meet you, Shiny.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too, Miss Bifröst.  Speaking of my sister, she and her friends are going to be here soon and we need to be prepared for them.  Wanna help?”

“Sure!  But what can I do?  I’m just a filly.”

He hoofed me a crystal. “This is a scrying crystal.  It’s keeping watch over her train right now. I need you to keep an eye on this and let me know when they’re getting close to here.  Or if anything attacks their train.  Especially dark shadows.”

I saluted.  “You can count on me Mr. Shiny!  Sir!”

He grinned at me, then went back to his work.  He waved me over to the only other chair in the room, and I sat there, my eyes glued to the scrying crystal.  I watched and waited patiently, while Shining Armor took care of everything else that was important.  But this concerned his little sister, and it was very obvious that he cared a lot about her.

I remained sitting there when Smokey returned with the refugees from town.  Eventually, Lingonberry hopped onto the chair next to me. I explained what I was doing, and she joined me in my vigil.  If Shiny was bothered by the addition my friend, he never said anything about it.

“Shield’s up, sir!” Mama ran into the room to give Shiny the news.

“Evacuation status?”

“Approximately 85% of the town is accounted for, sir!”

I looked up.  It had gotten crowded in the main room.  Really crowded.  The townsponies had practiced the evacuation many times; twice a year, every year as far back as I could remember.  Those preparations were finally for something other than naught.

Papa galloped through the tunnel, foals huddled on his back, and other ponies clinging to him.  “We’ve lost the northwest side of town.  Sombra finally spotted us.”

A few ponies straggled in behind him, and then we sealed the tunnels.  Nopony would be getting in or out from here on out until the coast was clear. The mayor was taking a rollcall, and making a list of the missing.

I continued scrying on the train as it continued chugging down the tracks.  I hated to interrupt during a crisis, but I was under orders. “Prince Shiny, sir.”  He looked up at me.  “The train is very close now.”

“I need to get to the train station.”

“That isn’t necessary. We have a siding that goes right into the fortress.”

“Too risky.  We’ve sealed the fortress for a reason. Nothing can get in, but that also means nothing can get out, either.  Well… except for teleports.  Smokey, I’m going to the depot.  I know we don’t have everypony accounted for, but I need you to initiate the final phase of the operation, then give me a distraction.”

Smokey saluted, then he scrawled a letter, which he burned.  Then Shiny did the teleporting of them both out of the fort.

No sooner had they left then Princesses Celestia and Luna teleported into the fort.  The princess of the day commanded the attention of everypony. “Everypony, please gather around us.”

“In an orderly fashion, please.”  Princess Luna didn’t have an indoor voice.

Once everypony had grouped around the princesses, we winked out, and I experienced teleporting for the first time.  A second later I was standing in Canterlot Castle.  It was my first time being outside of Crystalvania and I gawked at the sight.

The princesses continued winking back and forth, evacuating the fortress that had been my home for my entire life.  It didn’t take them long to get everypony to safety.  Lingonberry and I took seats in a corner, and we continued watching the scrying crystal.  Shining Armor met up with his sister and her friends, then they all galloped off. Unfortunately, the scrying crystal was specific to the train, and all we could do was watch as the conductor turned the train around before King Sombra’s shadow cloud overtook him.

Nopony had yet invented trains in Sombra’s era, so when he enslaved the conductor, the train was abandoned.  The last I saw of him, the conductor was marching through the snow toward the Crystal Empire.  We stopped watching the crystal when it became obvious that the train wouldn’t be moving again anytime soon.





It was hours later that the room brightened.  Nopony needed to tell me that Sombra had lost the fight.  The crystal ponies were finally shining and translucent, like they were always meant to be.

Seeing the crystal ponies full of life was amazing.  Suddenly they all had what they’d been missing.  Deep in my heart I felt happy for them.  It was like the light switch inside of them all had been flipped to ‘on’.

Without the Crystal Heart to light their souls, the crystal ponies had been incapable of feeling anything. Their hearts were as cold as the stone that comprised their hides.  With the Crystal Heart restored, they were finally whole ponies in every sense of the word.

A guard raced into the room. “King Sombra has been defeated…”  He trailed off as he looked around.  “…as you all are apparently already aware.  A train will be arranged to take all of you home tomorrow.  For tonight, you’re guests of Canterlot Castle.”

It was a very nice place to be a guest of.



Himinbjörg, Crystalvania: ten years, six months, and seventeen days ago


Our return to Crystalvania was very early the next morning.  Despite unloading the supply train every month, this was my first time riding on one.

The anticipation was contagious.  All my classmates could talk about on the ride home was meeting their ancestors.  Most of them even had family trees ready to go.

I, of course, didn’t have any long lost relatives in the Crystal Empire.  I was excited because it was an entire new city close enough to home that I could visit.  Princess Cadence was waiting for us, and she teleported us to the center of the Crystal Empire.  We arrived next to the Crystal Heart that was so important to the crystal ponies.

I was still getting used to bright and cheerful crystal ponies, instead of the dull and gloomy ponies I had grown up with.  But that wasn’t the biggest surprise.  As I got close enough to overhear their conversations, I came to a startling revelation.  They’re all talking in modern Equestrian.  We have preserved the language for them – what’s happening?

It wasn’t making sense – they’d vanished for a thousand years.  They shouldn’t be talking like my parents or Sweetsong talk, they should be talking like I talk.

I slipped away from the group when we passed by a school.  I looked through the textbooks and found a copy of the same ancient textbook that we studied history from.  I opened it to find that it was written in modern Equestrian, and even included all of Equestria’s history of the past thousand years.  I blinked in surprise.

Evidently other ponies had also questioned what was going on, because it had been published in the newspaper.  TheCrystalvania Chronicle had even changed their name to The Crystal Empire Chronicle to celebrate the empire’s return. The leading theory was that the spell that had preserved the empire and its citizens had also altered them to better fit in with today’s sociopolitical realities.

That was all well and good for them, but what about those of us who had kept the old way of speaking for generations?



Himinbjörg, Crystalvania: eight years, six months, and twenty days ago


I laid in the grass, letting the summer sun warm my hide.  In Crystalvania, there were only a few days each year where the sun was shining and the weather was warm enough to go sunbathing, and I made it a point to use all of them accordingly.

I rolled over to let the sun warm my belly.  The ponies that live in Baytona Beach can do this any day of the week.  They have it very lucky.  I was dozing off when the peace and quiet was broken.

“Bifröst!”

I cracked open an eye. “What is it, Mom?”

“Start packing.  We’re moving to Ponyville.”

“When?”

“At the end of the month.”

I stood up and stretched my wings out.  “Why?”

“Crystalvania just passed the referendum to officially join the Crystal Empire.”

“I’m a bit surprised that it took this long.”

Mom ran a hoof through her hair.  “There were a number of other things to take into consideration first.  It’s amazing how many things need to be resolved when an entire empire reappears after an absence of more than a millennium. Especially when it reemerged with its own hostile entity trying to reestablish control.  Simply put, there were other fires to put out first.”

“Oh.  That makes sense.  I don’t have many things to pack.  I’ll start packing later.”  I pulled my sunglasses down over my eyes again.

“There’s a new school that just opened in Ponyville run by Princess Twilight Sparkle.  They’ve sent applications to every town and jurisdiction in Equestria and beyond.  You’ve been selected to take Crystalvania’s spot.”

I pulled the sunglasses off my face as dramatically as one can do so when one’s face has dabs of sunscreen all over.  “But we’re not Crystalvanians.”

“True, but you reside here, and you go to school here.  Everypony else was more interested in reintegrating with the Crystal Empire for obvious reasons, and because we’re about to be out of an assignment and need someplace to go, it was decided to award you the position as a way of thanking us for our many years of dedicated service.  And since you’ll be going to the School of Friendship, your father and I have been reassigned into Princess Twilight’s royal guard duty.”

“You’ll be getting a real assignment?”

Mom nodded.  “We were going to petition for an honorable discharge, but this offer was too good to refuse.”

“Wow.  I’m very happy for you.”  I hugged Mom, smearing sunscreen all over her armor in the process.

Mom giggled.  “We’re going to have to readjust to military life. Your father and I aren’t used to having superior officers around.  We’ve had one inspection in all the years we’ve been here.”

“That’s because they sent you here to forget about you.  What about Smokey?”

“He’s already left.”

“Oh.  Without saying goodbye?”

“Dragons aren’t exactly known for their sentimentality.”

That didn’t seem like the Smokey I knew.

“But I’ll let you in on a secret.  I don’t think he could face you.”

That sounded more like the Smokey I knew.



Ponyville: eight years, one month, and twenty-one days ago


Ponyville was warm. Ponyville was always warmer than Crystalvania.

When we first moved to Ponyville, I went sunbathing at every opportunity.  But as the days turned to weeks, and then turned to months, I started missing the cold.  It wasn’t until after the Running of the Leaves that it finally started getting to a temperature I was comfortable with, as the season changed from autumn to winter. My parents didn’t mind it as much as I did, but they’d both been born in Equestria, and this was a return to normal for them.

The warmth was new to me. At first I loved it; it was like having a bunch of summer days all in a row.  There was no biting cold, and the weather team was there to make sure that wind chill was nothing but a bad memory.

My sinuses clogged up and I found it hard to sleep at night because it was too warm for me.  Warm days were so rare in Crystalvania that it had never bothered me before.  The sleepless nights added up when there were no cold days at all, and they couldn’t have done so at a worse time, as I struggled to adapt to the School of Shipping Friends.

Right when the seasons turned, I expected that I’d finally get the relief I needed.  But then I discovered that my roommate was fond of turning the heat up.  Somehow, it made the room drier and my congestion even worser.

No amount of begging or pleading could convince Citrine Spark to lower the thermostat.  Unlike in Fort Hope, I couldn’t just move back in with my parents.  They had their own barracks in the castle.  I was stuck.



Ponyville: eight years, zero months, and twelve days ago


Just as there was no way for me to stop Citrine from turning the thermostat all the way up, there was no way for her to stop me from opening the dorm room’s window.  It became a battle of wills.  It was a battle I won because the room’s heater was no match for Ponyville’s weather team.  Winter came, and the little overworked heater had no hope of overcoming the elements. Ponyville never even came close to being as cold as Crystalvania, so the chilly weather didn’t bother me at all, but it really irked Citrine.

Then Princess Twilight let us out of school for Hearthswarming break and I trotted out of the school behind the rest of my classmates.  Once outside I came to a horrible realization – I had nowhere to go.

I heard crying coming from next to me and saw that Cozy Glow was openly weeping.  “I don’t have any place to go for the holiday.  I’m an orphan.  Starlight even told me I should look into being adopted, but I told her I wasn’t ready for new parents yet.”

“I also have no place to go. My parents are guards and I can’t exactly live in the barracks with them.  Not even for a little while.”

“Golly, it seems Twilight didn’t think this through very well.  We could get a room off campus together.”

“I have no job and not much money.”

“Don’t worry about it.  I get a stipend from the treasury ‘cause I’m an orphan, and I don’t have anything to spend it on.  Gosh, that’s what friends do for each other.  And we’re friends, right?”

I nodded.

She clopped her hooves together.  “Then it’s settled!  We’ll get a room together.”

“I like it very cold in my room.”

“That’s okay.  I can always put on a sweater or hoodie or something, or just pile a bunch of blankets on top of me.  Golly, I can’t imagine making somepony else sweat just because I want to keep the room hot.  What are you supposed to do, shave your coat off?  That wouldn’t be very friendly of me.”

Hmn, Cozy is right.  It wasn’t very friendly of Citrine Spark to slow roast me in my own juices, but it was just as unfriendly of me to retaliate by opening the window.

“Golly, you have such a pretty pink coat.  It would be a shame to have to shave that off, don’t you think?”

I looked down.  My coat was a normal shade of pink, but it was a lot brighter than Cozy’s pale pink coat.  I had never thought that it was pretty before.  My color was pretty similar to many other ponies in Equestria.

“I even know just the place to rent!  It’s already furnished and everything!”  Cozy fluttered her wings and I had to leap into the air to keep up.

Cozy Glow led me to the local gymnasium.  The proprietor, Bouncy, was renting out the rooms above the gym.  Because it was noisy during the day, the rent was pretty reasonable.  Cozy paid for an entire year in advance.

When we were alone in the room, I asked, “Where did you get all that money?”

She shrugged.  “When Princess Twilight heard I was an orphan she arranged a monthly stipend, and a rather hefty one-time payment, courtesy the royal treasury.  I tried to tell her that just being allowed to stay at the school would be enough, but she and Starlight insisted I take the money.  So now I’m sharing it with all my new friends!”

“That’s very generous of you.”  I opened the window, letting the chilly winter air into the stuffy room.

“Golly, the cold isn’t even all that bad.  I guess it helps to have natural pegasus insulation.  You know what would make this even better?  Hot cocoa!”  She flew out the window and returned a few minutes later with two piping hot cups of hot chocolate from Sugarcube Corner.

It didn’t take long for the little room to get chilly, and I closed the window once I was satisfied with the temperature.  Cozy curled up under the blankets and we talked.  She asked lots of questions about the Crystal Empire, Crystalvania, King Sombra, and the Royal Guards, and I did my best to answer all of them.  She was a very inquisitive pony.

There was only one bed, so I curled up on the floor.

“Gosh, you don’t have to sleep on the floor, Bifröst.  The bed is big enough for both of us.  Wanna snuggle together for warmth?”

I didn’t have any objections, so I slid into bed next to her, and wrapped one of my wings around the little filly.

She nuzzled me.  “I may not be ready for new parents, but you’re like the big sister I always wanted but never had.”

I smiled as she fell asleep cuddled alongside me.



Ponyville: seven years, eleven months, and twenty-eight days ago


Cozy Glow and I had moved out of our respective dorm rooms and moved all of our belongings into our new rented room.

I didn’t have much to move. Crystalvania was well off the beaten path.  There weren’t many places to buy things, and I wasn’t allowed to order from Canterlot because delivery was very expensive.  I had also grown up in a fort, and it was against military protocol to decorate the rooms.  It meant that I had very few belongings, and that I’d already gotten used to living in a sparsely decorated environment.  It didn’t bother me at all.  My only decoration was a photo of my parents and I when I was just a filly.

On the other hoof, Cozy had decorated her side of the room with skulls and old relics.  It was giving off creepy vibes.  But she didn’t complain about how cold I kept the temperature, so I didn’t complain about her décor.

Cozy was proud of how she’d arranged her things.  “Golly, do you like it?”

I shrugged.  “It’s not my opinion you should care about.  If you like it, that’s all that matters.”

“They were out of kitten and rainbow posters.”

“Cozy, it’s okay to admit you’re going through a goth or emo stage.  Everypony deals with grief differently.  If skulls and flames are what makes you happy, you don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

She smiled.  “Thanks friend.”  She looked at my side of the room and frowned.  “You should get something to liven up your space.”

I shrugged and stuck my tongue out at her.  “But you said they’re out of kitten and rainbow posters.”

She giggled and I laughed along with her.  She’s not a bad roommate.  She’s a little weird, but everypony says that I’m strange too.



Ponyville: seven years, ten months, and twenty days ago


My classmates and I trotted through Sweet Apple Acres.  Honesty 101 was a hooves-on kind of class, and Applejack often had us doing practical learning.

“Even in the off season, there’s never any shortage of work to be done around the farm.”  Applejack bent to pick up a small branch.  “See?  This right here is what I mean.  All that snow we had has broken a bunch of branches off my trees.  Gotta get these all cleaned up, and we can use ‘em for firewood or kindling.  Everypony grab some branches.”

“Golly, it seems like this is just an excuse to use us all as manual labor for your farm.”

“Listen up, little missy. I ain’t no teacher with some fancy-schmancy degree.  I’m a farmer, and it’s up to Big Mac and me to keep everything running.  Y’all can’t seriously expect my granny and my little sister to pick up the slack while I’m here at the school.  Besides, I can’t teach y’all magic like Twilight, or philosophy like Pinkie Pie, or anything else educational.  This here’s a friendship school, and I’m here to teach y’all honesty.  An’ there ain’t nothin’ like a good, hard day of farm work to keep you honest.”

“I was just being honest, Professor Applejack.”

“Sometimes honesty ain’t always the best policy.  I had t’ learn that th’ hard way, and it sounds like y’all need an extra lesson. Ya can start with the back forty.”

Cozy Glow groaned.

“As for the rest of all y’all, Granny Smith has some fresh apple cider waitin’ for us in the barn right ‘bout now.  Just keep this on the down low, ‘cause if Rainbow Dash up and finds out about this, she’ll drink it all up before we get there.  That varmint can fly faster than all y’all can gallop.”

We all sat around drinking cider as we watched Cozy Glow flying back and forth between the orchard and the woodpile.

“Now that you’ve all filled up on cider, get out there and help your friend.  And let Cozy know we saved some cider for her and she can come take a break and help herself.”

I caught Cozy Glow as she dropped more twigs off at the woodpile.  “Cozy!  Professor Applejack said you should take a break now and have some cider.”

“That’s nice.”  She turned tail and headed back to the orchard.

“Aren’t you going to get some?”

“Applejack can take that cider and shove it.”

“Where should she shove it? Cider is a liquid, and liquid isn’t very good at being shoved without spilling.”

Cozy Glow sighed. “Never mind.”

I cocked my head. “Equestrian expressions are very strange.”

We continued working for the rest of the school day.  The rest of us went back for seconds or even thirds, but Cozy Glow never got any cider.



Ponyville: seven years, ten months, and fifteen days ago


It was the day of Twilight’s field trip to Cloudsdale.  Surprisingly, it was Rainbow Dash who was the teacher instead.  Cozy Glow explained that Twilight was very busy, but that the loyalty of her good friend, Rainbow Dash, would save the day.

It was a routine flight to the city; Rainbow Dash, Silverstream, Ocellus, Smolder, Gallus, and I flew under our own power, while Starlight Glimmer and the rest of the class took a hot air balloon.  Once we were on solid clouds, Yona attached herself to my hind leg.  She was shaking in fear and I rolled my eyes.  There was nothing to worry about.

“Hey Yona, come check out this view!”  Gallus challenged her to help her conquer her fear, playing the yak’s pride against her phobia.  “Unless you’re too scared.”

“Yona not scared!” She finally let go of my leg, and I turned my attention to Cloudsdale.  I had seen the pegasus city before…

No sooner had she let go of my leg then she fell through the clouds and plummeted toward the ground.

“Now Yona scared!”

Starlight tried to use her magic to catch Yona, but it fizzled out and she also dropped through the clouds, followed by all of the groundbound students.

“Come on!  We gotta catch ‘em!”  Rainbow Dash rallied the rest of us to action and we leapt through the clouds after her.

I caught Night View as the earth pony was nearing the ground.  I could feel her cowering in my hooves as we fell.  I pulled out of my dive and then landed on the ground.  She kissed the earth below us, then she kissed me for rescuing her.  Blech.  I wish she had kissed me first, then the dirt.

It could have ended up being a disaster, but in the end everypony and everycreature was okay.



Ponyville: seven years, ten months, and thirteen days ago


Cozy Glow was younger than most of us, but she was also Headmare Twilight’s assistant.  So it was no shock to the rest of us that she was the pony who stepped up and ousted Chancellor Neighsay when he tried to usurp Twilight as headmare of the school as magic was being drained from Equestria. It was only logical that we would look to her for leadership in the absence of anypony else.

When she promised that we would see that some of our classmates were trying to syphon all the magic from Equestria, I followed everypony else into the catacombs that were under the School of Shipping Friends.

She was right. Sandbar, Gallus, Silverstream, Smolder, Ocellus, and Yona were all surrounding magical artifacts, and Counselor Starlight Glimmer was trapped inside a magic bubble.  Just as we approached, Ocellus confirmed that they were trying to destroy the school.

“Destroy the School of Friendship?  Oh dear! Chancellor Neighsay was wrong about a lot of things, but I guess he was right about all of you.”  Cozy’s words rallied everypony to stop them.

I was on the upper level, but the students who were right behind Cozy on the lower level marched on Sandbar and the creatures responsible.  It was a short fight.  Gallus got trapped in the magical bubble with Starlight, and the others got sucked into it trying to save him.  Cozy monologued about how the Elements of Harmony were ‘only a guide’ when Citrine Spark proposed that we save them as Starlight and the others were being sucked into the magical void.

As much as I disliked her, Citrine had a point.  It wouldn’t be very pony of us to just stand by and watch as they were sucked out of Equestria forever, especially since Starlight was stuck in there with them. But before that could happen, the Tree of Harmony lit up, saving them all from certain doom.

Sandbar and his friends told us to run while they disconnected the artifacts from where Cozy had put them. We evacuated as the magic exploded.

I felt my magic returning to me.  With magic restored, the authorities quickly captured Cozy Glow.

That was a problem for me, since I was sharing a room with her.  Twilight Sparkle approached, but there were other Royal Guards behind her, weapons at the ready.

“Bifröst.”  It was Twilight who addressed me.  “We need you to take us to your apartment.”

I nodded.  I had nothing to hide.  We marched across town to the gym, and I led the way up the stairs to the room I shared with Cozy Glow.  Twilight stood next to me as the Royal Guards searched the room. 

The guards confiscated all of Cozy Glow’s belongings.  The room looked very plain without all of the skulls and flames that the filly had decorated with.

They found nothing of interest in my half of the room, but they still had questions for me. Twilight teleported us back to the School of Shipping Friends.  There were only two Royal Guards in the room with us, and they were my parents, both of whom looked very uncomfortable.  But at least their weapons weren’t drawn.

“Bifröst.  As you know, your roommate committed treason. While there’s no indication that you might have been an accomplice, we need to investigate you.”  I held back of tears as Twilight Sparkle explained why she had to do this.  “What Cozy Glow did was serious.”

I nodded.  “I understand, Princess Twilight.  I grew up in a military family.  I comprehend the concept of treason.”  As hard as it was to do while feeling so ashamed, I looked her in the eyes.  I needed her to see the truth in my eyes.  “I’m innocent.”

“I think you are, too.” Twilight smiled.  “But we have to be sure.  I’m sorry to have to put you through this, but unfortunately Cozy Glow was uncooperative with us and has been sent to Tartarus for her crimes. Since she wouldn’t talk to us, she can spend eternity chatting with her good buddy, Tirek.”

I gasped.  “She isn’t being reformed?”

Twilight shrugged. “She didn’t seem overly interested in reforming.  If she couldn’t learn friendship, here, then there really isn’t much hope for her.”

“Oh.”  Like Citrine had pointed out to Cozy as Gallus and the others were sinking into the void with all of Eqestria’s magic, that didn’t seem very pony of Twilight.  But I was likely biased by having shared living space with her.  “I’m still rectifying my emotions.  Part of me can’t forget how friendly and helpful she always was. I know, now, that it was nothing but a charade.  But I’ve been cuddling Cozy Glow every night for months because I like to keep it very cold in our room, and she told me that I was the big sister she never had. I’m feeling very used, yet I’m also wanting to believe that there’s also something inside her worth saving.”

Twilight patted my hoof. “I’m sorry you had to go through all that.  And all of this.”  She motioned around her office, and to my parents who were doing their best to look anywhere other than at me.  She held up an artifact.  “Does this look familiar to you?”

“It’s one of the magical items that Cozy used to drain the magic from Equestria.”

“Have you ever seen it before today?”

I nodded and my parents gasped.  “It was on her side of the room.  She said it was an heirloom, one of the only things she had left to remind her of her parents.”  It wasn’t hard to guess where her line of questioning was going, so I headed it off. “The same is true of the other five artifacts.  I have seen them all in our room at one point in time or another.  I recognized two of them from class, and Cozy claimed that she was cataloguing them under your direction.  As she was your student assistant, I had no reason to doubt her.”

Twilight opened her mouth, then quickly closed it.  She paused, like she wasn’t sure what to say next.  “You weren’t the only pony she fooled with her goody-fourshoes act.  She took it upon herself to catalogue the artifacts for me, but I thanked her for doing so.”  Twilight sighed.  “I’ve been as blind to her actions as you were.  What made you decide to be roommates with her?”

“Citrine Spark liked our dorm room too hot for me, and I liked it too cold for her.  Cozy offered to share a room that I could keep as cold as I liked.”

Twilight nodded to my mother, and she left the room.  “We’re going to corroborate that immediately, so there’s no prolonging this any longer than necessary.  As princess, it’s my responsibility to ensure that all of my citizens are treated fairly and respectfully.”

Mom returned with Citrine Spark.

“Citrine, please take a seat.  I have a few questions for you.”

“Sure thing, Headmare Twilight.”

“Citrine, you were roommates with Bifröst when the semester started, correct?”  She nodded, and Twilight continued.  “Why did you two stop sharing a dorm?”

“She likes it way too cold. Like, opening a window in the middle of winter cold.  I was freezing my flank off.”

“You were roasting me! You had the thermostat set to max!”

“I like it warm.”  She hesitated.  “With everything that happened the past few days…  I don’t know if I should admit this or not.  But I guess it’s better you hear it from this pony’s mouth rather than some other pony’s mouth.  I was complaining about how you opened the window and the heater did nothing to warm our room… and Cozy Glow overheard me.  She offered to do something about it, because, and I quote, ‘that’s what friends do for one another, and we’re friends, right?’  When I got back from break, Bifröst wasn’t my roommate anymore.”

“She said something similar to me.  She suggested that if she were my roommate, she could put on more clothing or blankets, but that my only option would be to shave my coat off to cool down, and that it wouldn’t be very friendly of her to make me do that.”

Twilight nodded.  “So Cozy was taking the Gladmane approach. Play everypony against one another, but position herself as the solution to everypony’s problems.  Are the two of you okay with each other?”

“As long as she’s not my roommate.”

“As long as we’re not being roommates with each other.”

Twilight smiled. “That seems like a simple solution to a problem.  Deal. Citrine, if there’s nothing else, you’re free to go.”

Citrine nodded and left.

“Bifröst, I think Cozy Glow was targeting you, specifically, because your parents are Royal Guards. My best guess is that she felt that if she could convince you of the legitimacy of her power, she could theoretically also win over your parents, who could in turn convince the rest of the guards to fall in line behind her.  With my friends and I trapped in Tartarus, there’d be nopony to say otherwise.  At least not until Princesses Celestia and Luna showed up.  I haven’t quite worked out how she was going to deal with them.  I also don’t know why Discord didn’t do something about her.  I’ll be having a long talk with a certain draconequus after we wrap things up here.”

Twilight walked over to the window and then stared out at Ponyville.  “The Royal Guards are done searching your apartment.  I’m satisfied with the answers you’ve provided.  I find you innocent of any wrongdoing, Bifröst. You’re also dismissed.  I’ll see you next week when classes resume.  I think that after the events of the past few days that it’s fair that we take a break from studies for the rest of this week.”

“Thank you, Headmare Twilight.”  I excused myself from her office, and then hurried back to my apartment.

I made myself a salad for dinner.  I wasn’t feeling very hungry.  I was feeling emotionally drained.  All I really wanted to do was sleep, but I knew that I had to eat.

When I was done eating, I climbed into bed.  It felt much bigger and lonelier now that I had it all to myself.  There would be no more snuggling Cozy Glow.  On the plus side, there would also no longer be any waking up due to her snoring.  I’ll adapt.  I just don’t know how I’ll be able to afford this place once her prepaid rent runs out.

That thought prevented me from getting a good night’s sleep.



Ponyville: five years, eleven months, and fifteen days ago


Classes had started up again after the Hearth’s Warming break.  I was still living off campus, and had taken on a couple of afterschool jobs to pay for my room.  I mostly worked at Blueberry Chamomile’s Teahouse on the weeknights.

On the weekends I worked for Shenanigans.  She was an aviatrix, and she was always in need of pegasi to act as a safety net in the case of disaster.  She was a very good pilot, but Ponyville’s close proximity to the Everfree Forest meant that errant weather could cause mishaps.  I had some experience catching ponies falling out of Cloudsdale – Night View was very happy to give me a recommendation.  It was thankfully a very boring job because nopony ever fell from the balloon’s basket.

Because of her occupation, Shenanigans employed pegasi exclusively, despite being an earth pony herself.  On Saturday nights, we all competed in Shenanigans’ weekly derbies.  They were underground races, which never made any sense to me since the racetrack was aboveground.  It was like having a mini-Wonderbolts race every week, and several of my coworkers had tried out for, and been rejected by, the Wonderbolts.

I wasn’t very good at racing, but Shenanigans paid me the same regardless of whether I won or lost, so I didn’t mind losing.  I wasn’t delusional about being one of the fastest flyers in Ponyville; I was very definitely not amongst them.  Yet every once in a while, I would take the checkered flag first.  I was always very surprised when that happened; it was as if nopony else was trying very hard on those nights, or sometimes they would crash out ahead of me.

Between being a student and working three part-time jobs, I didn’t have much free time, but it paid my bills.

I was still very alone in my apartment though.  I wasn’t able to find anypony to room with me willing to put up with the temperature I liked best.  It was the first day back from break and Headmare Starlight had called me to her office. I sat in the waiting room next to an orange pony with a bee cutie mark.  She was talking to another pony I didn’t recognize.

It was rude to eavesdrop on other ponies’ conversations, but I couldn’t help it considering I was sitting right next to her.

“You look awful, Honeybuzz.”

“I couldn’t sleep last night.  My roommate’s back from break and she keeps our room as hot as a furnace.”

I couldn’t help but snicker at that.  “Is her name Citrine Spark by any chance?”

Honeybuzz turned to look at me.  “How did you know that?”

“I’m also a former roommate of hers.  I like it very cold because I come from Crystalvania, in the Frozen North.”

“I sleep better when it’s chilly.”

“Me too.”  I smiled.  “And I have an off campus apartment and I’ve been looking for a roommate. Would you be interested?”

“Yes.”

I clopped my hooves together.  “Then let us talk to Headmare Starlight.”

She chuckled.  “That’s what we’re here for, isn’t it?”

I laughed along with her as we continued to wait in Headmare Starlight’s office.



Ponyville: four years, eight months, and sixteen days ago


The wind was blowing very hard.  A storm of unknown intensity had blown in from over the Everfree Forest.  It was a very bad hurricane, which shouldn’t be possible because Ponyville was located inland, far away from any ocean.

Rainbow Dash had called in every able-bodied pegasus to assist in breaking up the hurricane.  The normal storm team was there: Thunderlane, Cloudchaser, Flitter, Caldor, Sunshower, and Blossomforth.  Three of Ponyville’s weather team were Wonderbolts, so we had some very competent flyers in our midst.

Several hundred pegasi had answered the call and gathered in the town square, and Rainbow Dash was barking out of orders.  “Thunderlane, Caldor!”  Rainbow pointed to Sweet Apple Acres and the two stallions took to the air to protect one of Ponyville’s primary sources of food.  “Cloudchaser, Flitter!”  Rainbow pointed to the Everfree Forest.  “Try and make a break in the storm.”  She turned to the rest of us.  “All ponies with a name starting with an A through I, come with me.  We’re going to try and blow the storm back into the Everfree Forest or at the very least, divert it to Ghastly Gorge.  J through P, go with Blossomforth.  Your task will be to keep vendors at the market safe while they pack up.  Everypony else with Sunshower.  She’ll pass out assignments on protecting the rest of town.”

Our three groups scattered, and I followed Rainbow Dash as we took up positions along the leading edge of the storm.  Fluttershy was clinging to Rainbow Dash, and the prismatic mare was explaining that that wasn’t what she meant when she said ‘Fluttershy, on me.’  I was paired with Bulk Biceps, who had also tried out for the Wonderbolts and was a reservist.

Bulk had more experience, so I followed his lead.  We took up hovering positions, and tried to blow the hurricane right back into the Everfree Forest.  I could see Banana Bliss and Breezie off to our right, and I could just manage to make out Cloud Kicker and Ditzy Doo to the left.  Anything beyond that though was obscured by the darkness, except when the lightning flashed.

The storm was more intense than any I’d ever seen previously.  There was no weather team in Crystalvania, but we were so far north and inland that we didn’t experience many severe storms, and there were certainly never any hurricanes.

I remembered back to the yearly storm drill we’d run to be prepared for a crisis like this.  Then I flapped with all of my might, against the prevailing winds of the hurricane.  The hurricane pushed back.  This storm wasn’t going to go down without a fight.

Bulk Biceps, for all of his bulging muscles, didn’t have very big wings.  They were comically small compared to the rest of him.  They were very powerful for their size, but they weren’t enough to keep him airborne.  The storm knocked him out of the sky and into the window of Sugarcube Corner.

Even though the windows were boarded up, Pinkie Pie popped up between two of the boards and caught him. “It’s raining stallions!”  It was beyond my understanding how she could pull a stallion the size of Bulk Biceps between two wooden planks.

Bulk was the stronger flyer of the two of us, and I also ended up tumbling end over end not long after. Pinkie Pie didn’t catch me, and instead I landed in the stream.  The stream wasn’t really any wetter than the storm.  I was already thoroughly drenched.

Rainbow Dash’s rule was simple: anypony that got knocked out of the sky, stayed grounded until after the storm.  With that, I trotted back to the apartment I shared with Honeybuzz.  But the gusts kept blowing me around, and when I tumbled past Carousel Boutique, Rarity grasped me with her magic and pulled me into her shop.

I rode the storm out in her boutique.  She took the opportunity to use me as a living equinnequin, as inspiration hit and she was overcome with an intense desire to design a Hurricane Collection. But at least I got to keep a couple of the dresses when she was done.



Ponyville: four years, eight months, and fourteen days ago


Rainbow Dash and the rest of weather team were battered about by the storm, but they bought the town the time it needed to batten down the hatches.  But that didn’t come without costs.  Some pegasi had been injured, and two of the team were still missing two days later.

I flew over the Everfree Forest, providing air support for Lyra Heartstrings and Bon Bon as they searched through the forest for the missing pegasi.  It was my job to keep alert for potential threats like monsters or poison joke, and to warn them if there was any danger.

I was very vigilant, and didn’t see any threats like hydras, manticores, or thunderbats.  Likewise, Lyra and Bon Bon failed to find Flitter or Cloudchaser.  Unfortunately, none of the other search teams found the pair of lost pegasi either.

The mood was very somber in town hall, as we regrouped to discuss our lack of results.  Rainbow Dash was very frazzled – she took losing her teammates very seriously.  It had been her decision to send them into the Everfree in the first place. Fluttershy said she would talk to Discord to see if he could use his chaos powers to find them.  Twilight Sparkle read Medley’s Magical Meteorological Mysteries trying to find an explanation as to what had happened.  All she was able to determine was that most unexplained weather phenomena had historically formed over the Everfree Forest without any warning, striking the towns that bordered the woods.  The book wasn’t particularly helpful.



Ponyville: eight months, and eleven days ago


Earth had become a very big deal in the years since Princess Twilight Sparkle had announced it.  There were now clubs, organizations, and even conventions for Earth.  I had gone to EarthCon, and joined the EEE, the Equestria-Earth Exchange.  The EEE set me up with pen pals to learn languages, and also with a citizen of Earth.  My human pen pal had adopted an Equestrian name, preferring to go by ‘Biscuit’ rather than his given name.

The EEE had just assigned a new pony pen pal to me.  Her name was Feathermay, and she lived in Steedville, which was in the middle of nowhere. She didn’t have access to anypony else going to Earth and she was in need of help with practicing.  So I wrote a letter to her.

Dear Feathermay,

My name is Bifröst, and I’m writing to you on behalf of the EEE. I have learned English, French, Swedish, Norwegian, and Dutch.  I’m a graduate of the School of Shipping Friends, and I’m currently living with a pony named Honeybuzz who has learned English, German, Spanish, Mandarin, and Japanese.

I’m writing this letter to you in English, because I know that this language is mandatory.  What languages are you learning?

What are your likes and interests?  What are your goals once you arrive on Earth?  I’m planning on helping stop Earth’s climate change.

As a vocabulary building exercise, in your reply, please work in the following words: 

accord
celebrity
citation
dart
diplomat
encore
escort
focus
intrigue
jet
marathon
navigator
rebel
spectrum
spirit
valiant

I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

Your new friend,

Bifröst

I enclosed a photo of myself so she would recognize me if we met up at any events, or on Earth someday, then mailed the letter at the Ponyville post office.



Ponyville: one month, and two days ago


Honeybuzz helped me as I cleaned up our apartment.  Feathermay was visiting us, and would be living here until it was time to go through the portal.  It was too cold to have a yard sale, so we donated objects that were doing nothing but taking up space.  We wouldn’t have room to take nonessentials with us to Earth, so Feathermay arriving early was doing us a favor.

Eventually we made enough room for a third roommate.  All that was left to do was cleaning up.  I dusted while Honeybuzz swept the floor.  Then we cleaned the windows and polished the furniture.  It wasn’t much, but it was home.  It was also the best it had looked since I’d moved in years before.

With all of the cleaning, I lost track of time.  I galloped across Ponyville, and was just in time to meet Feathermay.  I found her sitting with the local blacksmith, and I pulled up of a chair.  “Hello, you are being Feathermay, yes?”

“Yes.  Bifröst I presume?”

I nodded.  “Shall we begin with the learning, or am I interrupting the something?”

“We can start momentarily. Just let me wrap this up.” Feathermay kissed Swiftspeed, and patted one of his forehooves.  “I’m really not normally this awkward and tongue-tied.  Pinkie caught me off guard and got me all out of sorts.”

They continued flirting, while I browsed the menu.

Pumpkin Cake trotted up and gasped.  “Oh, you two are totally pink and pinker!”

I nodded, then pointed to the sugar cookies on the menu.  Once the waitress was gone, I turned to Feathermay.  There’s no time to get started like now.  “Let us get to the conversing, then I shall be taking you to see your stallion when we’re done.  He is being the local blacksmith, very easy to find.”





Feathermay was very smitten with Swiftspeed.  I didn’t see the appeal, personally.  He was too old for me, even though I was older than Feathermay.  But if that was what she liked, it wasn’t my place to tell her that she couldn’t.  She was a mare and fully capable of making her own decisions.

After I showed her where Honeybuzz and I lived, I took her to her new beau, the smithy.  He was surprised to see us.  I think he thought she was pulling his legs.  He agreed to let her stay with him, and I bid the new couple adieu.

Honeybuzz was very confused to see me come home alone.  She immediately worried that something had happened, and I reassured her that it was only love at first sight.  We agreed that we would keep space open for her in case her new relationship fizzled out as quickly as it started.  Is it better to burn out, or to fade away into nothing?  Either way, it’s a very bad time to find a new coltfriend.



Ponyville: Yesterday


Honeybuzz, Feathermay, Swiftspeed, and I all sat around a table at Sugarcube Corner.  Feathermay leaned against Swiftspeed, resting her head on his shoulder.  Feathermay very much disliked the waitress, Pumpkin Cake.  Her public display of affection was meant to mark Swiftspeed as her territory.  It would have been completely unnecessary, but Pumpkin Cake was oblivious.

“Hey, it’s the return of pink and pinker, now with plus ones!”

Honeybuzz and I were used to Pumpkin’s personality, but Feathermay gave her the stink eye.  It had been a challenge to convince May to eat here again, and Pumpkin Cake was making her regret her decision.

“What can I do…”  She trailed off as May glared at her, Honeybuzz and I shook our heads, and Swift mouthed ‘no’ with a pleading look in his eyes. “…for you all today?”

It was a pretty good recovery.  I responded before things could escalate any further.  “A dozen doughnuts, please.  We can share.”

Pumpkin Cake nodded and practically galloped away from our table.  Swiftspeed patted May’s foreleg to try and calm her down.

Without even taking our drink orders, Pumpkin returned with mead for Honeybuzz, a sweet tea sans ice for Swift, and my usual raspberry lemonade.  She put a glass of water in front of May without a word.

A minute later she returned with our doughnuts.  Again, she had brought out our favorites for the three regulars she knew.  Three powdered sugar, cream-filled doughnuts were on Swift’s side of the dish, three cinnamon doughnuts for Honeybuzz, and three strawberry frosted doughnuts were there for me.  It was a reminder that the Cake daughter was a very good waitress. Lastly, there was a trio of plain, unglazed doughnuts for Feathermay.  That was a reminder that Pumpkin needed to work on the social aspect of her job.

Swiftspeed had questions for all of us.  He hadn’t looked into going to Earth, being too old and the wrong gender to go. Until a month ago, he didn’t have any interest in the subject.  May had changed that, and she was still clinging to him in what was a public display of affection that Swift didn’t look entirely comfortable with.

Mostly though, Swiftspeed just wanted us to promise to look out for Feathermay since he couldn’t do it himself.  He didn’t have to say it – Honeybuzz and I already knew that May was very distractible and naïve.  As aloof as the blacksmith was normally, Feathermay had somehow gotten his heart to thaw.

After answering all of his questions and regaling him with our plans, we chitchatted as we ate of doughnuts.  Pumpkin Cake came around occasionally to refill our drinks.  Except May’s, which had remained untouched.  “You didn’t drink your water?”

“You probably poisoned it.” May wasn’t taking of any of Pumpkin’s sass.

Pumpkin Cake gasped in shock, then she grabbed the glass in her magic and chugged the contents.  Then she fell to the floor and her muscles spasmed.

“Ha!  I knew it!”

“Nope, not poisoned,” Pumpkin replied from the floor.  “Tastes like Ponyville tap water all right.  It’s not very good, but you didn’t order a drink and I had to bring you something.”

Feathermay and Pumpkin Cake glared at each other and eventually the absurdity of the situation sank in and they both laughed.

Once she’d stood back up, Pumpkin turned serious.  Or at least as serious as she could be.  “Since you three are going to Earth… would any of you be willing to do me a favor? Obviously not you.”  She stuck her tongue out at May who responded in kind.

“Maybe?” Honeybuzz was hesitant.

“So, if I truss my brother up tonight, could I stick him in your baggage tomorrow morning?”

“No.”

“Phooey.  It was worth a shot.”

The Cake twins had obviously gotten into a fight.  If Pumpkin was this upset over it, she must have lost the argument.

We paid and walked out. It wasn’t a very productive meeting otherwise, but at least Feathermay and Pumpkin Cake had come to some sort of détente.  I wouldn’t expect them to invite each other to their next birthday parties… actually, I could kind of see Pumpkin doing that just to get on May’s nerves.



Ponyville: Today


It was finally the big day. Honeybuzz and I looked around the apartment one last time to make sure we’d gotten everything that was ours. The furniture would be staying for the next occupants, as it came with the apartment.  All of our remaining possessions were in our suitcases.  We had already sold, donated, or given away everything else we owned.

Honeybuzz moved the dresser to look behind it and exclaimed, “What’s this?”  She held up a black, gothic-looking dress that was many sizes too small for me.

“Oh, that belonged to my previous roommate.”  I chuckled nervously.  “So, do you remember when your twin sister came to town?”

She nodded.

“And you remember how you hadn’t ever mentioned Bumblesweet’s existence to me until that point?”

She nodded again, slower. I could tell she wasn’t liking where this was leading.

“So I never mentioned this but my former roommate was Cozy Glow.”

“Ah.  Yeah, I can see why you wouldn’t go advertising that. What should we do with this?”

“It won’t be fitting either of us, and I don’t think she’ll be needing it anymore.”  I grabbed it and threw it into the trash.

“So who’s worse – Cozy Glow or my sister?”

“That’s a tough call. One is a manipulative, habitual liar bent on making everypony love her, and who wants her enemies to suffer forever, and the other is Cozy Glow.”

Honeybuzz laughed so hard that she had to sit down and catch her breath.  “I needed that.”

Once she had settled down, we grabbed our luggage and left our home for the past few years behind. Honeybuzz had once told me that our apartment was more of a home than her real home had been.  Just remembering that made me want to hug her, so I did.

“What’s that for?”

I shrugged.  “I just felt like it.  We’ve lived here together for years.  It’s an emotional moment to leave it all behind.”

She nodded. “Yeah.  It really is.  But we’ll make new homes for ourselves.”

As an earth pony, Honeybuzz had taken it upon herself to carry most of our luggage.  I draped a wing over her as we trotted through Ponyville to the Everfree Forest.  We weren’t alone, there were dozens of other ponies also heading in the same direction with their belongings.  In a way it reminded me of pictures I’d seen of Abyssinian refugees fleeing from the Storm King.  The big difference was the excitement in the air.  Everypony here had chosen to go to Earth.  Change was coming for those of us making the trip.  A change we all wanted.

Once we arrived in the Everfree, there were signs to direct us to the portal.  According to some of the other ponies I overheard, they were trying to make a road through the Everfree so they could get some trucks or buses to make the trip easier for everypony.  That would be nice for the return trip five years from now.  I looked at Honeybuzz.  I sincerely doubted she’d be coming back to Equestria.  She had nothing on this side of the portal she was really attached to. She loved her parents and even her sister, but she had also long since moved past them.  Like me, she was single.  Unlike me, it didn’t bother her.

I knew that I wasn’t going to find a nice stallion waiting for me on the other side, regardless of where life took me once I was on Earth.  So I knew that for me, it was only temporary.  I would have to come back to Equestria someday.

I wasn’t surprised to see more of my fellow graduates from the School of Shipping Friends trudging through the forest.  Starlight had really pushed going to Earth to a lot of the students.  As we caught up to them, Night View waved me over, so Honeybuzz and I joined their group.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you.”

“Too long!”  Night View gave me a hug.

I introduced them to Honeybuzz.  She was two years behind us in school, so she hadn’t gotten to know many of my friends. “Everypony, this is Honeybuzz.”

“I’m Night View.  I owe Bifröst my life.”

“Literally.  She fell out of Cloudsdale and I saved her.”  I moved on to the only pegasus in their group. “And this is Violet Twirl.”

“Howdy.”

“And lastly, these are Lilac Swoop and Strawberry Scoop.  They’ve been dating since not long after the school opened.”

“We’re married now,” Lilac corrected me.  “Swoop and Scoop!”

“Swoop and Scoop!” Strawberry echoed.  The two earth pony mares bumped hooves.

We giggled as we recalled old memories and shared newer stories.  Honeybuzz stayed mostly quiet as she listened to our reminiscing.

My parents had requested portal duty so they could see me off.  They couldn’t take time to chitchat, but they made time for a hug.  To my knowledge, Honeybuzz hadn’t even bothered informing her family of her intended plans of going to Earth, so there was nopony waiting there for her.  The rest of my friends had their families to see them off, and we did the rounds, supporting each other as we said our goodbyes, made promises to stay in touch, and to look out for one another as best as we could.

We ended up near the end of the queue, and then we waited.  It was very boring, except for the brief interludes when newly arrived humans walked past us.  So I pulled a sheet of paper out of my bags.  Honeybuzz nodded in approval as I passed the lyrics around to my friends. Honeybuzz and I had found a song about buses in our research on Earth, and since we would be riding in one, we thought it would be appropriate to sing about the bus on the bus.

“The Wheels On The Bus?” asked Violet, as she read the song’s title from the sheet music.

I nodded, and Honeybuzz and I started the song.  We did some practicing, and other ponies near us joined in.  We will practice so that we can perform the song so well that our bus driver will be honored at our tribute.



Fort Lee, New Jersey: Today


“We’re coming to America!” We sang along to the song on the radio, substituting ‘we’re’ for ‘they’re’.  “Today!”  The song was very similar to the Neighl Diamond song, Equestria, except that it was about America.

We were stuck in traffic on a magnificent bridge with nothing better to do than sing.  The bus driver had liked our impromptu performance of The Wheels On The Bus so much that he rewarded us with playing the radio loudly so we could sing along.  He was so moved by our vocals that he even weeped tears of joy as we slowly traversed the bridge.

Between songs, a unicorn had asked us to go in on a hotel with her, and Honeybuzz and I had agreed to do so.  None of my other friends were interested, unfortunately.  It was very bittersweet to reunite with old friends only to have to go our separate ways immediately afterwards.  But we enjoyed each other’s company while we had it, and promised to write once we all had permanent addresses.

Eventually, the bus broke out of the gridlock and we arrived at the consulate.  I thanked the bus driver for his service as we disembarked.  It was a chilly winter morning, but the sun was shining.  The winds were whipping between the buildings.  I spread my wings to feel the breeze.  The way the city was laid out was wreaking havoc on the local wind currents. It would take some getting used to.

Much to my delight, there was more singing once we got off the bus, as my new business associates and I broke into a heartsong.  The bus driver closed the door and drove away as quickly as possible.  I guess he is late for something.

We trotted into the consulate.  They had made it look like a castle, which was a very nice touch.  The decorations were a mishmash of styles from around Equestria, as well as Earth.  It all clashed horribly, which was an unfortunate necessity since it had to represent all ponies.  Every tribe, every town.  It was as if an art gallery and a historical society had merged.

The waiting area was mostly decorated in maps – some were of Earth, and the rest were of Equestria.  I looked at the various maps of Earth as everypony got to know one another better.  New York City is very big.

I was still looking at the maps when I was called to meet with the Duchess.  I bowed to Ploomette and sat down across from her.

“Salutations, Bifröst. Now that you’re on Earth, what are you planning to do?”

“I graduated from the School of Shipping Friends in Ponyville.  Before I left, Starlight Glimmer urged me to come here to try and reverse climate change because Earth’s polar icecaps are melting.”

Ploomette nodded. “That’s a noble goal.  How are you planning to do that?”

“I have no idea, Duchess. I was hoping you could point me in the right direction.  In the meantime, I have agreed to join Snowcatcher with the hotel she wants to start up.  I can research in my downtime.”

“That makes sense.”

“That’s what I was thinking. I need a place to live, and this will work fine for me, until I know what direction I need to go in.”

“You’re okay with paying your entire stipend into this?”

I nodded.  “I also have a grant from Equestria because I’m promoting goodwill.  So I’ll be getting paid regardless.  I’m considering this a payment for living expenses.  No different than paying rent.”

The Duchess was seemingly satisfied with that answer because she changed subjects.  “From one pegasus to another, it pains me to have to say this. But as you’ve got a weather mark and you’re here to study climate change, you can’t actively alter Earth’s weather without permission.”

I shook my head.  “I don’t have a weather cutie mark, Duchess.  My mark is Bifröst, which is also my name. Bifröst is a rainbow bridge that’s very much like the rainbow bridge that brought me to Earth.  Except Bifröst is in the Frozen North outside what was then known as Crystalvania.”

“There’s another Rainbow Bridge?”  The Duchess blinked.

I nodded.  “Yes, I discovered it by accident when I was younger.”

“Where does it come out on this side?”

“I’m not sure it comes out on Earth.  I traveled across and I went from one vast, arboreal forest to being surrounded by open sea with fjords in the distance.  I didn’t do much exploring as I didn’t want to get lost.  I turned around and flew back home.  I was still a filly at the time and I was scared I might not be able to find my way back if I ventured too far.”

She typed into her computer. “Interesting.  Earth has record of a rainbow called Bifröst as well.  I guess I’ll need to do some research on this. Does anypony else know about this?”

“Only a dragon named Smokey who was also stationed at Fort Hope.  I don’t know where he is now.  We fell out of touch when I moved to Ponyville.  He told me not to tell anypony else, but you outrank him so I think it’s okay if you know.”

“Where did you say this is located?”

“It’s near Himinbjörg, which is now reunited with the Crystal Empire.”

“Very interesting. Thank you for letting me know.  If there’s nothing else, please ask Electric Slide to wait five minutes, then send in the next pony.”  She scribbled notes while I returned to the waiting room.
> Act I: North Star (Bonus Chapter Part 1)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------





Dream Valley: forty-nine years, eleven months, and seven days before the portal opens


The humidity of the jungle was like walking into a sauna.  Even though I’d cropped it short, my mane was matted against my coat as I pushed ever deeper through the dense foliage.  Somewhere off to my right roared a river, but as refreshing as a cool dip sounded, I was on a mission.  I could ford the rapids later, using them to aid in my escape with the fabled Golden Scepter of Prince Charming the First.

I knew that the rival team of Wind Whistler and Firefly were close by, but I always worked alone.  It would be easy to beat them to the prize. Double-W always triple-checked her solutions to the puzzles to make sure she got them just right.  Even Firefly’s speed wouldn’t be enough to…

“North Star!”









I blinked.  I was daydreaming.  Ponyfeathers, what class is this again?

“I asked you who invaded Unicornia in 871 Before Celestia.”

Oh thank goodness.  History. I could pass this in my sleep. “Storm Front.”  The various city states were rather barbaric in those days before Discord’s unchecked chaos united everypony in a way that hadn’t happened since the windigos.

“Very good.”  Miss Hackney smiled.  “Somepony’s been studying.  But that doesn’t mean you get to drift through my class without paying attention.  I expect a three-page paper on the fall of Unicornia.  Due Friday. It would’ve been five pages if you hadn’t gotten the answer right.”

I groaned as the rest of the class giggled.  I was the curve-breaker on most tests, so they enjoyed seeing me get my comeuppance.

“I, for one, think it was nothing but a lucky guess.  Perhaps you should make it a ten-page essay.”  Wind Whistler, my scholastic nemesis, biggest rival, and all-around best friend weighed in.  “She’ll have plenty of time considering she’s now caught up on her slumber, and hence should have no difficulty combusting the midnight fuel to convey just how apologetic she is for having caused such a disturbance in your never-ending toil to educate us.”

Teacher’s pet.  I’d have said it out loud, but I had no desire to add more pages to my assignment. I’ll just have to get her back for that later.









Dream Valley: forty-eight years, five months, and twenty-nine days before the portal opens


I could barely feel my wings.  Flying was impossible due to all the layers of clothing I was wearing.  The arctic wind of the Frozen North cut a path through the fabric, straight to my bones.  Even my natural pegasus insulation was no match for the biting cold, one of the reasons that even Pegasopolis had eventually given up ponykind’s ancestral lands to the windigos in favor of finding a climate better suited for survival.

I trudged through flank-deep snow, the rest of my expedition in tow.  We’d connected ourselves together with a lifeline; a rope tied to each of us in turn so we couldn’t get separated by accident.  I’d learned to tie strong knots while in the Filly Guides.

“North Star!” Heart Throb’s voice called out through the frigid air.









Wait a minute, why would I take Heart Throb on a mission to the Frozen North?  My surroundings returned as the pink pegasus filly shoved me.  We were sitting around a campfire, and I’d apparently missed our scoutmaster teaching us how to tie proper knots, since Heart Throb was now passing out marshmallows to roast over the flames.  I sighed, knot-tying was a lesson that would likely come in handy someday. I’d just have to ask Double-W to show me at a later date.

I took the marshmallow from Heart Throb and skewered it with a stick.  Heart Throb came back around with graham crackers and Horsey chocolate and I took those as well, squishing my now toasted marshmallow between the other ingredients.  I let it cool for a minute, then enjoyed my s’more.  Tastes like seconds…

We sat around eating s’mores and telling scary tales for a few hours, then went swimming in the lake by the starlight.  We weren’t supposed to swim after hours when no lifeguard was on duty, but that never stopped us.  With more than a dozen of us, we kept an eye on each other to make sure we all stayed safe.

Mostly safe.  I slipped up behind Wind Whistler, grabbing her from behind and dunking us both.  Caught by surprise, she flailed her legs uselessly until I let go.

She sputtered as she surfaced.  “Why are you engaging in such roughhousing?”

“I don’t know.  Maybe you should write a ten-page paper on the subject theorizing my motives.  A scathing look into my psyche that reveals just as much about your own.”

“You’re incorrigible.”

“I don’t know what that means, but yeah, probably.”









Dream Valley: forty-eight years, five months, and twenty days before the portal opens


The Sun Stone, the lifeblood of Flutter Valley.  The flutter ponies lived in the cliffs surrounding the valley.  The valley had been buried by an eruption of the Volcano of Gloom in 637 Before Celestia, and the Sun Stone with it.  The last queen of Flutter Valley, Rosedust, was mentioned in a number of surviving historical tomes, but few shed any light on what the civilization was like, merely describing flutter ponies as pegasi with shimmering butterfly-like wings instead of feathery wings or leathery thestral wings.

Our expedition’s primary goal was to obtain the Sun Stone.  It was unlikely to be damaged in a volcanic eruption, unlike everything else on my wish list of secondary goals.  The Flutter civilization’s collapse preceded the Discordian Era by a few hundred years, so it was my sincere hope that Flutter Valley’s libraries miraculously remained preserved under the rubble.  The odds that tomes could survive were slim, but books from before Discord’s reign were few and far between.  Most were now in the private library of Princess Celestia, available to read only with her permission.  It was an honor primarily bestowed upon unicorns attending her school for the gifted.

Others on my team would no doubt…

“North Star!”  The whisper was accompanied by somepony jabbing my barrel.  “Wake up.”









Visions of Flutter Valley faded away and I found myself back at summer camp.  Paradise nodded her head towards Scoutmaster Starscout.  I’d missed the first part of what she was talking about, but vaguely remembered we were supposed to learn how to navigate using a map and the stars.  We were to be separated into groups, blindfolded, and then dropped off at various points in the forest around the camp.

“Before we begin, there are two rules: no magic, and no flying.”  Starscout held up onyx magic inhibiting horn rings and rope to bind wings. “The object of this lesson is to learn how to navigate.  Sure, you could fly high enough to find the camp, or wink back here, but that defeats the purpose.  What happens if you’re lost and injured someday, unable to fly or teleport? That’s where map-reading and navigating by the constellations comes in.  That’s why we’re doing this task at twilight.  You’ll start in the daylight and end under the stars.  Good luck, everypony.”

We were then divided up into groups of four, with at least one unicorn, pegasus, and earth pony in each group.  I was teamed with a unicorn named Pinwheel, and a pair of earth ponies: Trickles and Confetti.  I rode in the wagon in silence, blindfolded.  The others were chatting, but I was paying attention to the way the wagon turned.  I gave up after a while when I realized we were going in circles – they were intentionally trying to disorient us.  It also meant we were probably a lot closer to the camp than anypony would expect considering how long the ride was.

Eventually we stopped, and our blindfolds were removed.  I folded my wings closed so they could be bound, while Pinwheel lowered her head to receive the magic inhibitor.  The rope was enchanted – there’d be no asking my cohorts to remove it so I could cheat and fly up to get a peek.  Not that I would – that would defeat the entire point of learning how to navigate; a skillset I desperately needed if I wanted to be an explorer someday.

While the others were arguing about which direction they should walk in, I pulled a compass from my saddlebag.  I faced due north and looked at the map.  The camp was surrounded by woods.  There were few landmarks, and none of them were visible.  “Okay everypony, start looking for a watchtower.”

We started walking northwest since the camp was situated in the northwest corner of the map.  My idea was that we’d go in one direction until we found a landmark of some sort, then we’d correct our course and make it back to the camp.

Trickles caught the scent of water, so we changed directions and followed her nose to a stream.  We took the opportunity to rest our hooves and top off our canteens.  We’d found a landmark, and even though it had been Trickles that had made the discovery, everypony turned their attention to me on what to do next.

“If we follow this downstream, we’ll eventually come to a larger body of water.  Maybe a river or a lake.  Or an ocean, but considering how far inland we are, if we find an ocean we’re really lost.  Odds are pretty good this flows into the lake we go swimming in, and if we can find that, we can find our way back to the camp.”

A few minutes later we reached a river, and I held up a wing to stop our party from continuing on. There was only one river on the map, and it flowed into the lake further north than the camp.  I was sure they’d done that intentionally.  They’d led us all north of the camp, expecting everypony to head northwest from their starting point.

“We need to go southwest. They disoriented us and gave us intentionally misleading maps.”

The others nodded and followed me as I led the way.  I was thankful none of them were arguing.  Not that dissenting opinions couldn’t be a good thing sometimes, but this wasn’t the time for it.  No doubt at least some of our fellow campers were wasting daylight debating amongst themselves.  I’d shown my work, proven my point, and they trusted me to lead them back home.

The sun set, and we continued trotting.  The stars started appearing, and I verified we were continuing in the correct direction by the position of my namesake, the north star.

“How do you navigate by the stars?” Confetti asked.

“There’s a bright star aligned with the North Pole that’s known as the north star.  No relation.”  I giggled at my joke.  “Because of its position it appears nearly stationary in the night sky, while everything else appears to revolve around it.  Ancient legends suggest that it was placed in this position to serve as a navigational aid by an alicorn named Luna, sister to Princess Celestia.  She was the alicorn of the night, contrasting with Princess Celestia’s daytime.  You would know her better as the legendary Nightmare Moon that Nightmare Night is named after.  She’s also known as the Mare in the Moon, as she’s supposedly imprisoned inside.  A classic battle of good versus evil, something to keep the foals entertained.”

The other fillies would’ve been on the edge of their seats if they’d been sitting down.

“Is she real?  Does Princess Celestia really have a sister?”

“She really sealed her sister in the moon?  Can she send my little brother there too?”

I chuckled.  “Like I said, it’s just a story.  There’s probably some truth to it.  Sadly, that truth has been embellished and lost to history.”  But perhaps someday…  The abandoned castle in the Everfree Forest is known as the Castle of the Two Sisters.  I bet that would be a good place to look for real answers.

The other fillies got to see what I meant about the fixed position of the north star as we trotted. Pinwheel was almost mesmerized by the night sky, and I suspected she’d picked up a newfound appreciation for astronomy.

It was then that I caught a glimpse of the Filly Guides flag waving in the moonlight.  “Camp’s this way!”  I took off at a run, ignoring their shouts.

We were the first group to arrive back at camp.  I burst through the door, the others hot on my hooves.

Starscout looked up in surprise.  “That was quick.”  She shuffled some papers around her desk until she found a logbook to verify things. “Yes, this appears to be a new camp record.  Congratulations to all of you for setting a record, and to North Star for acquiring your cutie mark.  I’ll start making preparations for a cuteceañera.”

“What?!?”  I turned to look at my flank, where a compass rose was now situated.  “Why didn’t any of you fillies tell me that I got this?”

Confetti giggled.  “It came in right when you spotted the camp, but before any of us could say anything you’d taken off at a gallop.  But hey, it’s funnier that you found out this way.”

“See if I invite any of you to my cuteceañera.”

“I don’t think you’re going to have much choice.  Looks like everypony’s coming to your party.”  Trickles wrapped me in a hug and I couldn’t stay mad at her or the others.

I wasn’t surprised that Wind Whistler’s group was the next to find camp, but what did shock me was that it took her more than an hour longer to make it back.  Plus, she was still a blank flank, so I enjoyed rubbing it in a little.









Paradise Estate: forty-one years, eight months, and twenty-six days before the portal opens


Somewhere in the desert west of Somnambula we marched.  It was too hot to travel by day, so we moved by night, covering the ground between oases by the light of the moon.  Legend had it that Pharaoh Ram-Z the Second’s treasure was still inside the pyramid, supposedly guarded by a giant sphynx.  More than a thousand years had passed, and if the legendary sphinx had ever truly existed, he was likely long since dead.

If I was wrong, well, that’s why Wind Whistler was by my side.  Between the two of us, we could solve any riddle the overgrown feline could throw our way.

Desert sand had partially buried the pyramids over the years, and we had to excavate the pyramid’s base to find the entrance.  There was no door, so we let ourselves in once all the sand was out of the way.

The passageway to the pharaoh’s tomb seemed to stretch on forever.

“Oh, it’s been a long, long time since I had visitors.”

We turned to look at the giant sphynx that had somehow managed to sneak up on us, blocking our only escape route.

“Riddle me this, riddle me that…”

“North Star!”









I snapped to attention, the sphynx’s unasked riddle dying on his tongue as the daydream faded away.  I was in Professor Fossil’s archeology class.

Fresh out of graduate school, Professor Fossil couldn’t have been more than five years older than the rest of us.  She was new to teaching, and we were her first class.  We totally took advantage of that.

Except now she was calling on me and I didn’t know why.

“Is the history of the Crystal Empire that boring that it’s putting you to sleep?”

Oh, the Crystal Empire.  Lost to us nearly a thousand years ago, with a potential return date only decades away.  I might get the chance to explore it someday…  I looked at her sheepishly and fibbed a bit.  “Actually, it’s so fascinating I pictured myself there.”  I thought back to what I knew of the empire.  “Seeing the Crystal Heart for myself.  Maybe even meeting a yak.”  Yakyakistan had closed their borders after the empire’s disappearance, and there hadn’t been a yak in Equestria in all the centuries since.

“Very well then.  I’ll let that pass… this time.  But no more daydreaming in class, mmkay?”

“Sure thing!”

“Now, if everypony could turn to page 127 in your textbooks, we’re going to discuss the remaining known artifacts from the Crystal Empire.  The first thing you’ll notice is the overhead view of where we think the Crystal Empire was located, with Crystalvania directly to the south.  One of the main landmarks is an ancient meteor crater…” Surprise put a hoof up and Professor Fossil called on her.  “Yes, Surprise?”

“If that meteor had landed just a little to the left, it would’ve hit the railroad tracks!”

The rest of the class burst out laughing as Dr. Fossil stood there with her jaw hanging open.  “But… the tracks…  The railroad didn’t exist when that bolide impact took place!  The Crystal Empire didn’t even exist then! The railroad didn’t even exist in the Crystal Empire’s time!  That’s why the tracks only extend to Fort Hope and not to where the Empire once was.”

We took turns tormenting Professor Fossil in our own unique ways – Wind Whistler insisted on putting her hoof up to answer every single question, Surprise made random nonsensical comments that made the professor sputter trying to come up with a reply, Firefly kept trying to ‘spice up’ history by inserting fictional action-adventure elements, while Heart Throb just doodled Professor Fossil’s name and random other pony names inside hearts.  I kept spacing out, wanting to be out in the field instead of stuck in the classroom.

It was glorious. 









Ruins of Leona: forty-one years, six months, and eleven days before the portal opens


“The Mighty Helm charged into battle, brandishing spears as they defended their village from marauding pirates.  Their opponents had the superior weaponry, armed with swords and canons.  Just when things seemed like they couldn’t get any worse, the volcano erupted.”

“North Star!”









Paradise glared at me. “Tell the story right.  There were no pirates back then.”

“Whoops, I got a little carried away there.”

“Well, I was enjoying the story.”  Firefly snorted.  “Beats digging up rocks.”

“Depends on the rocks.” Heart Throb had found a diamond, and she was quite proud of her accomplishment, even if it had no historic value whatsoever.  “I wouldn’t mind finding a few more like this one.”

No history buff would be complete without a favorite era, and Professor Fossil’s was the Mighty Helm. Which was why for our final project, we were spending a week digging up whatever we could find in the village. Our grades were to be based on skill of excavation, with special attention paid to picking worthwhile areas to excavate and doing as little damage to artifacts as possible.  No test, no term paper, just digging in the dirt for a week.

Leona was a small village crammed between a rocky coast and a volcano.  With the benefit of hindsight, it was a horrible place to put a nascent civilization.  The legend is that a wimpy stallion by the name of Rockhoof saved the village by digging a trench with a shovel, transforming into a large, powerful stallion in the process.  Professor Fossil had outright rejected that Rockhoof ever existed.

The rest of us though… we wanted to believe.

For Firefly, it would make the archeological expedition much more exciting if we could find proof that the legend was real.  Heart Throb wanted to dig up some sort of tragic love story, like the kind in the bit-store romance novels she enjoyed reading.  Wind Whistler, Paradise, and I just wanted to find something of note. Something that would validate this as an important archeological site, while knowing deep down they didn’t take college students anywhere truly illustrious.  Professor Fossil was fresh out of college herself, with no tenure. The university wasn’t springing for a trip anywhere expensive.  The stars aligned since her dream expedition just happened to be both historically unimportant and cheap enough that it was feasible.

There were no hotels near the long-abandoned village, a fact that Heart Throb wouldn’t stop whining about. Instead we slept in tents, eating canned rations and whatever we could forage in the surrounding forest.  It was a lot like being back in the Filly Guides, but without indoor plumbing.  Which was another thing that Heart Throb brought up continuously.  Her idea of ‘roughing it’ is a three-star hotel.

Despite that, she’d taken this class with us.  I’d been friends with Heart Throb, Paradise, and Surprise since Filly Guides, and Wind Whistler and Firefly since kindergarten.  The six of us had been more or less inseparable since then, despite our differences.  Or perhaps, because of them.  We had a well-rounded group, and somewhere along the way my ambition to be a famous archeologist had rubbed off on all of them.  Someday I’m going to lead an expedition, and these five ponies will be right there with me.  We just need to hone our skills a little more first.









Everfree Forest: thirty-nine years, six months, and eighteen days before the portal opens


The Everfree Forest. The one place within the borders of Equestria where the plants, animals, and weather were all feral.  ‘Keep out’ signs were posted on all the paths leading to the uninhabited woods.  Everfree City was once the capital of Equestria, though the ruins of the Castle of the Two Sisters were all that remained of the once thriving city.  According to legend, Equestria was once a diarchy, and that Celestia’s sister became jealous and tried to usurp her.  Upon her defeat, she was sealed in the moon for all eternity.

It was an ancient ruin tantalizingly close to Canterlot, yet never explored.  Apparently, royal permission was needed to mount an official expedition to the castle, and that had never been granted.  Princess Celestia is hiding something and we’re going to find out what.

In modern times, Nightmare Moon was primarily a story told to young foals to keep them in line.  If Princess Celestia was willing to seal her own little sister in the moon, what would she do to a naughty filly or colt? Most ponies over the age of ten regarded the Mare in the Moon to be nothing but an old mare’s tale.

But if one were to dig deep enough, one could normally ascertain some element of truth to ancient legends.  The Castle of the Two Sisters, for example, was tangible evidence that the Everfree Forest used to be inhabited.  It could also be verified by looking at ancient maps.  Something anypony willing to trot into a museum could have access to.

I felt secure in the knowledge that the seven of us would find something of interest, I just wasn’t sure what.  Despite the castle’s close proximity to Ponyville and Canterlot both, it was relatively untouched since antiquity.  The creepy forest inhabited by all manner of monsters was a pretty good deterrent.  I’d assembled a team of hyper-competent ponies: Wind Whistler, of course; she’d been my best friend and occasional rival since we were foals.  She was one of the few ponies as knowledgeable on history as myself. Firefly, the fastest flyer in town, and a thrill seeker.  The Everfree was full of dangers, and she was fast enough to fly out of almost any jam. Surprise, practical joker extraordinaire, and amateur escape artist.  If we got caught in any traps, we’d be counting on her to get us out.  Heart Throb, a pony I’d made the mistake of dismissing more than once had proven herself adept at taking care of herself. Paradise, the master of ancient lore.  Finally, there was Brightbow, the tagalong.  She’d asked to come and I wasn’t going to turn down help on a mission. Mostly, that meant carrying equipment that wasn’t immediately needed, such as our tents, rations, etc.

Pegasi, all of us, it was my hope to fly over the forest, avoiding the predators that roamed the woods. There were airborne threats as well, primarily thunderbats.  Thankfully, thunderbats were nocturnal, so as long as we didn’t encounter any delays we’d be fine.

Not that there weren’t diurnal threats, because the forest was dangerous during the day as well. But hydras and manticores could be avoided by flying over them.  All of this, the most dangerous terrain in Equestria, laying atop the ruins of its once capital city.  Whatever has cursed Everfree City to become this Celestia-forsaken forest must be incredibly powerful magic.  If not for the inherent dangers of ground travel, I would’ve invited Galaxy and other unicorns along on this expedition to examine the magic within the forest.

“I’m tired.”

I turned to look at Brightbow.  She was carrying more provisions than the rest of us.

“I need to land and rest.”

“But this is the Everfree…” She started her descent before I could offer to take her load.

She glided into the canopy, and the rest of us had no choice but to follow her.

Brightbow landed in a clearing, while the rest of us chose to alight in the surrounding trees.

“Brightbow,” I called down to the pegasus.  “That’s dangerous.  It’s safer in the trees.”

“I don’t trust the trees. I’m in the middle of a clearing. I can see anything coming and fly away. What if something’s in those trees, hmn? It could sneak up on you and gobble you up.”

She had a point, and I noticed several team members look over their shoulders at her words, Wind Whistler and Firefly being the only exceptions other than myself.

“Which is why I instructed us not to land in the first place.  The whole point of only taking pegasi on this expedition was to avoid the ground entirely.”

“You’re the one who loaded me up like a pack mule.”

“You volunteered to take the equipment.  I seem to recall you saying that you wanted to feel useful.”

“But it’s heavy!”

I wanted to facehoof. She was the only member of the team I hadn’t hoof-chosen.  She’d volunteered at the last second, and I’d foolishly accepted, thankful to have more help on the expedition.

That had been a mistake. One I’d have to be careful to never repeat.  From now on I vet every single member of the crew beforehoof.

The noise of our argument had attracted unwanted attention.  Vines shot out from one side of the clearing, taking Brightbow by surprise, and pulling her away from where she stood.

The vines entangled Brightbow, flipping the pink pegasus upside down and dangling her over the purple flower that served as the predatory plant’s mouth.  “North Star!” she screamed at the top of her lungs.

I blinked to dispel the daydream.  But when I opened my eyes Brightbow was still suspended over the Everfree Forest.  Huh, usually somepony screaming my name like that snaps me out of a daydream and brings me back to reality, already in progress.  This time it’s real.  Come on, think North Star, we need to save her…

The vines continued wrapping around Brightbow as I realized that as exciting as this scene would later be in the novel I’d doubtless write, that actually required saving her.  Think. I looked around, seeing what we had to work with, and watched as two of the vines started chasing after Paradise and Wind Whistler.  Knots!  That’s it! “Everypony!  Fly around the vines and get them to chase you!  We’ll get them all tied up in knots!”

I took to the air, the others mirroring my efforts.  I dove and looped, leading the vines on a wild goose chase.

Fortunately for Brightbow, she was too big for the plant to eat whole.  Vines wrapped around her neck, holding her up while other vines spanked her hindquarters like a parent disciplining a naughty foal.  The vines then wrapped around her rump, threatening to tear the pink pegasus in half.

“Quickly!  Before she ends up plant food!”

“No need for dramatics, North Star.  While I don’t recommend dallying longer than necessary, Brightbow’s not in any real danger. Floom isn’t designed to eat prey larger than rodents or birds.”

“Ow!  Ow!  Ow!”

It was, however, strong enough to start plucking the hairs from her pretty blue, purple, and yellow mane and tail.

It took five minutes of stunt flying, but Firefly and Surprise were up to the challenge.  The rest of us flew in circles around the floom, dividing the plant’s attention so it couldn’t focus on what they were doing until it was too late.

“That was awesome!” Firefly declared as she landed.  “I didn’t know you were such a good flyer, Surprise.”

“I’ve got a few tricks in my repertoire.”

“You should try out for the Wonderbolts with me.”

Surprise pondered that. “Maybe.”

While they were congratulating each other, Wind Whistler and I extracted Brightbow from the floom.

“Are you okay, Brightbow?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“The bald look is in this year.”  Surprise nodded.  “Very fashionable.”

“That was floom,” Wind Whistler added.  “One of the primary ingredients in Smooze, the purple goop that destroyed Grundleland in 2,351 Before Celestia.”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.  I definitely don’t want a history lesson about it.  I’d very much like to go home now.”

“I’ll take her,” Firefly volunteered.

I shook my head.  “I should do it.  As the organizer of this trip, it’s my responsibility…”

“To see it through to the finish,” Firefly interrupted.  “I’m the fastest flyer of all of us.  I’m the only one who can make it back before dark.”

“It’s dangerous to go alone.”

“Danger is my life, North Star!”

I put a hoof on Brightbow’s withers.  “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?  I’m sorry I ever agreed to come on this trip. What’s wrong with all of you ponies? There are plenty of perfectly good towns that aren’t in the middle of this creepy forest.  Why did we venture into these Celestia-forsaken woods in the first place?”

“Adventure!”  Firefly puffed out her chest.

“Knowledge,” added Wind Whistler.

Surprise shrugged.  “I was bored.”

“Answers.”  Paradise pulled a few ancient tomes from her saddlebags. “Books can only tell you so much.”

“I was hoping to run into a handsome prince.”  The rest of turned to look at Heart Throb.  “Our destination is a castle.  A mare can dream, am I right?”

“History,” I answered, turning to Brightbow.  “So why did you come out here?  Forgive me for saying this, but you don’t seem suited to this.  At all.”

She sniffled and wiped her nose with a hoof.  “You all were going and I was tired of being left behind all the time and… and, and, and I have like, no survival skills whatsoever!  I don’t even like to go camping!”  She started wailing, her sobs making more noise than was wise in the Everfree.

I patted her withers. “Let’s just get you back home, okay?”

“No.”  Brightbow stood up on shaky legs.  “I’m not going to split the party.  That’s a bad idea, isn’t it?”

I nodded.  “There’s safety in numbers.  Relatively speaking, considering this is the Everfree.”

“Just give me a little time to recover.  I’m sorry for freaking out.”  Her lips quivered.  “I’m not cut out for adventure.  I know that now.  I’m sorry I’ve been holding you all back.  Maybe I should just feed myself to a timberwolf.”

“What, do you want to give them food poisoning?  Besides, didn’t you read all the signs posted?  It’s illegal to feed the wild animals of the Everfree Forest.  The timberwolf would have to spit you out and arrest you.”

Surprise’s jokes were horrible, yet Brightbow started giggling anyway.  “Okay, okay, I get it.  I guess it’s a good thing I’m not tasty.  That means when the monsters eat all of you, I’ll be the one to escape.”  She laughed, the sound more unsettling than mirthful.

The rest of us each took an involuntary step backwards.  At that moment I decided Brightbow wouldn’t be invited on any future expeditions.  Somehow I don’t think she’ll object to that any more than the rest of us.

I decided to round up the rest of the party – we were wasting daylight and none of us wanted to be out in the Everfree after dark.  “All right, everypony, break’s over.  Let’s get flying.”

Surprise, Wind Whistler, Firefly, Paradise, and Brightbow were ready to go.  “Heart Throb?  Where are you?”

“Sorry, but I had to stop and pick one of these lovely blue flowers.”  Heart Throb motioned to the flower she’d woven in to her hair.

I facehoofed.  “Heart Throb.  That’s poison joke.”

“Poison what?”

“Poison joke.  Didn’t you learn about this in the Filly Guides? You should never, ever touch it.  Now that you have, something weird will happen to you tonight in your sleep.  From my understanding, it’ll probably be something ironic.”

She laughed it off, while Wind Whistler tutted her tongue.  Whatever would happen to Heart Throb, it was unlikely to truly harm her, but it would probably be really inconvenient for the rest of us.

The Castle of the Two Sisters was still a distance off and we were rapidly running out of daylight. With Brightbow rescued and Heart Throb no longer distracted, we returned to the air.

“I’d advise making haste. There’s never an opportune time to be in the Everfree, but we’re rapidly approaching the hour when it’s really inadvisable to be in this forest.”  Wind Whistler wasn’t the most athletic of us, but she surged ahead, inspiring the rest of us to pick up the pace.

Never one to back down from a potential race, Firefly charged after her.

Boom.  The trees swayed beneath us as a clap of thunder reverberated through the forest.

That can only mean one thing.  “Thunderbats!”

The booms grew louder as the bats sensed us and started pursuing us.

“Into the canopy, it’s our only chance!”  Wind Whistler could barely be heard over the constant booming of the bats.  She ducked into the trees and the rest of us followed. The bats could navigate the forest better with their echolocation, but we were smaller and more maneuverable. More importantly, we could fit places the bats couldn’t go.

We slalomed around trees, and Surprise even doubled back on the bats to confuse them.  We landed when the trees were too thick to continue on wing, and galloped ahead through gaps in the forest.  The bats stopped pursuing us, but we were now on the ground, in the dark, completely at the mercy of the rest of the Everfree’s dangerous predators.

“There!  Up ahead!”  Firefly pointed with a wing and the rest of us saw the castle rising in the distance, on the other side of a gorge.  We came to a halt at the edge – there was a rickety bridge crossing it, but it didn’t look safe.  We flew over instead.

The castle’s windows were broken, and the walls were missing in places; scorch marks proving that there’d indeed been some sort of ancient magical battle here.  Possibly between Princess Celestia and Nightmare Moon.  I got goosebumps as we took our first steps inside.

“Careful.”  Wind Whistler held up a wing to stop us. “With the deficiencies in the structural integrity of the walls, it would be prudent to take precautions before traversing further.”  She opened her saddlebags and pulled out a flashlight.  “If we can readily gain entry, so too can any manner of other beasts. However, with proper preparations, this will make a hospitable place to spend the night.  Certainly more hospitable than the alternative.”

We eventually found an interior room that was intact, and set up camp inside.  Heart Throb was appalled by the centuries of dust, and did her best to clean the room.  It was a losing battle.

By luck, the tapestry was still hanging from the wall, and only had a few holes from where moths had eaten through it.  Firefly removed it from the wall and draped it over herself as a blanket, and the rest of us snuggled in with her.









Everfree Forest: thirty-nine years, six months, and seventeen days before the portal opens


His Elevated Immanence. The picturesque purple mountain deity guarded by Crunch the Rockdog.  I’d spent months researching the Purple Range, trying to figure out which one of the many mountains had been the worshipped mountain amongst the population of Unicornia.  Knowing the Unicornians in general, and Princess Platinum in particular, it was no doubt filled with gems.

Or perhaps the icecap on top of the tallest mountain glistened like a diamond…

“North Star!”









Huh?  My surroundings came back to me – I was under a musty old blanket.  That’s more like it.  Being woken out of an adventure dream. I was stiff from sleeping and stretched my wings out as I stood up.  Seeing the cold stone floor reminded me of where I was and what we were doing.  I paused.  That had been a stallion that called out my name.  This is the first time I’ve woken out of an adventure dream during an actual adventure.  Wait, we didn’t bring any stallions with us…

I hadn’t even managed to get out from under the blanket before a pink stallion nudged me.  “North Star!  This is terrible!”

I recognized the voice. It was deeper than normal, but a quick look at the stallion’s flank confirmed it.  “Heart Throb, I told you that poison joke would do something ironic to you.”  And how!  The lovesick mare that chases after any stallion she can find is now a stallion herself.  The horseshoe’s on the other hoof for once.

“Well how do we fix it?” Heart Throb shuffled her hooves, her tail failing to cover up what she was desperately trying to hide.  I don’t know why she’s hiding, she’s a handsome stallion.

I shrugged.  “There’s a cure, but I don’t know what it is.  That’s more of a Wind Whistler question.  But poison joke is one of the reasons why I warned everypony to fly, not trot.  Look on the bright side, this could be much, much worse.”

“How?”

“You’re not hurt, you’re not sick, and you’ll still be able to carry on with our expedition.  Poison joke is one of the least harmful threats in the Everfree Forest.  I’ll let that sink in for a minute.  Even floomisn’t all that dangerous in the grand scheme of things.”

“Speak for yourself!” Brightbow shouted from where she’d been sleeping.  “Shut up and let me sleep.”  She rolled over, showing her completely plucked dock before pulling the tapestry back over herself.

After her ordeal the day before, I wasn’t going to push Brightbow to help out.  She’d already gone through enough, and she lacked the qualifications the rest of us had.  Heart Throb had a different problem, one she was embarrassed by.  “Heart Throb, why don’t you stay here with Brightbow.  That way she’s not alone while the rest of us work. I’ll talk to Double-W and see if we can whip up a solution to your, uh… situation.  But you may have to wait until we get back to civilization.”

I gathered the others, and we set out to explore the castle.  Our primary goal was to find a library of some sort.  One would think that books would be one of the first things packed when relocating to the new capital, but looking around it appeared as if the castle was simply abandoned.  Things that should’ve been taken were still there, though most were ruined from over nine hundred years of neglect.

The library was in much better shape than it had any right to be.  There were holes in the ceiling, yet the books were intact.  The wards placed on this room must be incredibly strong if exposure to the elements hasn’t destroyed the contents.

Paradise grinned, and we left the mare to her work.  Firefly broke off to examine the scorch marks on the wall, and Surprise just disappeared. Double-W and I trotted off.  We knew what we needed to find – artifacts. We both knew the artifacts most associated with the castle were the Elements of Harmony.

“So that big dais in the main foyer.”

I nodded.  “Yeah, five branches and a bigger pedestal on the higher level.”

“You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Yup.”

It seemed possible this was once the resting place of the Elements of Harmony, but if it was, they were long gone.  Wind Whistler poked around the base of the dais, and discovered that it was originally mobile – it could slide into the floor or be raised up to stand where it currently rested.  Unfortunately, the mechanism had rusted beyond repair, and the pedestal would forever be stuck in the open position.

“A precursory examination indicates the probability of this being the former home of the Elements of Harmony to be 72.6%.  Retractable dais to keep irreplaceable relics out of the way of prying eyes.  Furthermore, this has been left open, as if it had been opened in the final moments before this castle was abandoned for good.”

“Something important was definitely on this.  It also has five branches, for the five known elements,” I replied.

“With a prominent decoration at the zenith to disguise the mysterious sixth element.  While this is scant circumstantial evidence that leaves ample room for reinterpretation, I speculate that this is the most logical final known resting place for the elements.”

“I concur.”  Wind Whistler wasn’t the only pony with an advanced vocabulary, though I knew I stood no chance of beating her at Scrabble.

“There’s more than sufficient evidence to support that this castle was attacked, with the damages never being repaired.  I calculate the story of The Mare In The Moon to be mostly true with 86% certainty. While there is no doubt that there have been embellishments to the factual story, only Princess Celestia would be able to recount the events that unfolded here a millennium ago.”

I was already satisfied with the results of our expedition.  We hadn’t proven anything, per say, but we’d produced enough evidence to lend credence to the ancient legend.  Who the mysterious Nightmare Moon had been was a mystery I was hoping Paradise had found an answer to in the library.  The castle was known as ‘The Castle of the Two Sisters’ and Princess Celestia was almost assuredly one of the siblings.

“Is there any point in continuing to search for relics or artifacts, or should we return to the real treasure trove – the library?”

Wind Whistler shrugged. “It’s your expedition, North Star. I’ll abide by whatever you decide.”

“I think it’s safe to say we’re coming back.  We can poke around looking for surviving relics next time.  I want to help Paradise investigate the library.”

“I concur.  Let us make haste.  Though perhaps we should investigate where that organ music is coming from first?”

“What music?”  I swiveled my ears until I caught the notes that had commandeered Wind Whistler’s attention.  “That’s really odd.”

We looked at each other and said ‘Surprise’ at the exact same time.  With Surprise, we always had a logical reason for anything unexplained. It was only when we could rule her out as the source that things got interesting.  It was exceptionally rare that we ruled her out.

Following the music wasn’t difficult, and as we’d surmised, we found Surprise playing the instrument with gusto.

“Oh hi guys!  So I found this neat old organ and look at what I can make it do!”  She played some notes, and a trapdoor opened in the floor.  Another ditty revealed a secret passageway.  “This is way cool!”

“That’s… unique.”

“What Wind Whistler is trying to say is that somepony was having fun when they designed this place.”

“No, what I’m failing to convey is the absurdity of such a device.  What function could this possibly have?”

“Well, duh.  It keeps things surprising, of course!”  Surprise had summoned confetti from somewhere, as was her wont.  “Who knows how many other things this organ could open up to us?  Or how many other functions have ceased to exist with the castle’s destruction.”

“Truly a pity.  This castle is begging for a complete restoration to its former glory.”  The others agreed with my assessment.  “Hidden passages and secret rooms?  This place is going to take months to fully explore.”

Surprise shrugged. “Not like I’ve got anything better to do.  Besides, this is fun!”

“Be that as it may, we’re here to find archeological treasures.”  Wind Whistler pulled Surprise away from the organ.  “I find it most peculiar that this castle hasn’t been looted previously.”

“Would you even say you’re …surprised… by that?”  Surprise wiggled her eyebrows at her horrible joke.

Wind Whistler groaned. “The only thing surprising is that I lacked the foresight to anticipate such a response.”

When the three of us arrived in the library, Paradise was happy to see us.  She had stacks of books ready to go.  We found Firefly, then loaded ourselves up with as many books as we could carry.

We walked into the room we’d spent the previous night, and Brightbow was in a considerably better mood than she’d been in earlier that morning.

“Got some sleep?”

She nodded. “Yup.  I’m feeling much better.  Did you find what you were looking for?”

“I think so.  Paradise found some interesting books in the library, Wind Whistler and I think we found proof that the Elements of Harmony were real, Surprise found an organ that activates all kinds of secret panels and passageways, and Firefly reconstructed the battle that destroyed this castle. Overall it was successful.  We’ll probably need to come back a few more times to gather more data and confirm our theories.  So what did you two do besides catch up on sleep?”

“I helped Heart Throb test some new equipment.”

“I take it everything performed as expected?”

“Perfectly.”

“Splendid.  You’ll be happy to know we’re heading out first thing in the morning.  “We’d leave now, but traveling through the Everfree at night is inadvisable.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.”  She wiggled her fleshy, currently bald dock.

“Anyways, since you and Heart Throb got to sleep in, you get the first watch tonight.  Make sure nothing sneaks in here and tries to eat us. Heart Throb will relieve you.”  I yawned.  “Surprise can have the next watch after that, and then Paradise, Firefly, Wind Whistler, and I’ll take the last watch before sunup.  I can start breakfast and gather everything together so we can leave at first light.  I trust everypony learned a lesson on the way in about dawdling in the Everfree.  This time, we’ll have precious cargo.”  I motioned to the books.  “We’ll probably have to leave some of our equipment here. The camping gear mostly, but that’s okay, because we’re coming back.”

“Speak for yourself.”

“Okay, the rest of us are coming back.  You needn’t join us, Brightbow.”

“And I won’t.  But I’ll make sure nothing snacks on you tonight.”

“Thank you!”

“But only because I don’t know how to get back to civilization from here.”

“I take back my ‘thank you’.”

“You’re welcome!”









Everfree Forest: thirty-nine years, six months, and sixteen days before the portal opens


Wind Whistler woke me before dawn.  She decided against going back to bed, and instead helped me prepare for our return trip. We packed everything up, giving priority to the books.  As expected, we left all of our camping equipment behind to make room.

I left Wind Whistler to the task of distributing the loads as equally as possible while I set about cooking.  My cooking was awful, but Wind Whistler’s, somehow, was even worse.  The problem was that while she could follow recipes, she was completely incapable of tweaking them.  And anything that required ‘a pinch of this’ or a ‘dash of that’ frustrated her.  She needed a precise measurement for ‘pinch’ and ‘dash’ or she couldn’t proceed.

I made pancakes.  It was a simple meal, and the smell of the cooking batter was enough to make almost everypony wake up without prodding. The exception was Paradise, but she’d spent half the night reading by candlelight until it was time for her watch, so it wasn’t surprising that she was reluctant to rise.  Not that I blamed her, I was eager to dig into the ancient tomes as well.

Firefly was the first to get up, arching her back like a cat as she stretched.  Without a word she started digging through our provisions. I gave her the first pancake as soon as it was done, and she poured maple syrup on top.

We let Paradise sleep until it was time to head out, and she wolfed down her pancakes as we flew over the Everfree.  Ponyville was the closest town, but we all lived in Canterlot, which wasn’t much further. We started flying towards Canterlot, until Wind Whistler noted that it might be more prudent to fly to Ponyville and take the train the rest of the way.  We switched directions mid-flight.  That was never a problem for me; I could guide ponies anywhere with my inner compass.

It meant we were flying a different route than we’d come in on.  The Everfree had all manner of threats, and we’d barely avoided disaster multiple times on the way in.  I led the way, while Wind Whistler brought up the rear, making sure nothing snuck up on us from behind.

Firefly and Surprise, the fastest of us, flew off to the sides, scanning the forest below for threats.

“Whoa, what’s that?”

I turned my head to look at Firefly and the rainbow that had attracted her attention.  Firefly broke course and glided to the cloud the rainbow was jutting out of.  The rainbow was incomplete, and not naturally formed.  It was as broken as any of the other ruins of the former Equestrian capital.

At the end of the rainbow was a shimmering light that had completely transfixed Firefly.  “What is this thing?”

“If I were to hazard an uninformed guess, it appears to be an interdimensional rift in the time-space continuum.”

“In Equestrian, Wind Whistler.”

She huffed.  “It’s a portal, Firefly.”

“To where?”

Wind Whistler shrugged. “I don’t know.  It could be somewhere else on Equus, it could be to another world entirely.  There are ancient legends of other places.  Everfree was once the capital of Equestria.  It stands to reason that a gateway such as this would be someplace important.  Like, for example, the center of power for an entire nation.”

“There’s only one way to find out!”  Firefly dashed through before we could stop her.

The others all turned to me. I pulled a rope from my saddlebags and tossed it to Double-W.  “Tie this to a tree.  I’ll go in after her and see if it’s safe.”  I fumbled with tying the rope around my barrel.  I sighed.  I never did learn how to properly tie a knot. “A little help?”  Surprise tied me up and I mentally prepared myself for the task at hoof.  “If I tug on the rope, pull me through.  If I’m not back in a minute, pull me through.  If I don’t come back, assume the worst and do not follow.”

I took a deep breath before plunging through the portal.  I’ve got a minute’s worth of air. Hold my breath and stay by the portal.

I came out on the other side disoriented, but I didn’t see the collapsed figure of Firefly.  That was a good sign.  If the atmosphere was toxic, she wouldn’t have made it far before succumbing.  I hesitantly took a breath.  The air was breathable, though it seemed less fresh than Equestria’s air.  Firefly was nowhere in sight.  I trotted through the portal back to Equestria.

“Breathable atmosphere, similar looking forest.  I have no idea of what dangers it may contain, nor did I see any sign of Firefly.  I’m going back in after her.  Any volunteers to go with me?”

Surprise stepped forward. One by one everypony else did too. Brightbow only did so reluctantly, once she realized she’d be alone in the Everfree if she didn’t.  Surprise was the first to go through, followed by Wind Whistler.  Paradise went next, while Heart Throb carried Brightbow through the portal when she hesitated.

“This side of the interdimensional rift is underwhelming compared to the expectations such a momentous occasion should elicit.”  Wind Whistler continued looking around.  “It appears less dangerous than the Everfree Forest we just vacated.  The vegetation is primarily pine, which would indicate poor soil, likely acidic and/or sandy.”

Brightbow breathed a sigh of relief.  The rest of us visibly relaxed also.  If we were still in Equestria, all we’d need to do would be find the nearest town and take a train to Canterlot.

I flew as high as I dared, looking for signs of civilization.  They were surprisingly all around, but I didn’t recognize anything I saw. I descended just as quickly, afraid of drawing attention to myself.

“What did you ascertain?”

“Civilized world, but most likely not Equus.”

Double-W nodded.  “Then we should take all manner of precautions and treat this as a rescue mission.”

We circled for hours, flying in ever widening arcs looking for any sign of Firefly.  The rash pegasus was the fastest flyer of all of us, and she had a head start.  She could be anywhere.  I wasn’t keen on leaving her behind, but we could theoretically search this world forever without finding her.  The further we got from the portal, the higher the risk of losing sight of it and being trapped outside of Equestria permanently.  I’d be fine, my navigational sense would always guide me home, but the others would be lost if we were to be separated.

Wind Whistler was making a crude map as we went, having been the only one of us to bring parchment and a quill.  Finding landmarks was difficult considering we were in a forest.  Brightbow hovered over the portal, and the rest of us agreed to fly only to the point where we were in danger of losing sight of her.  If we didn’t find Firefly… we’d have to come back with a rescue team if she didn’t make it back on her own first.  Princess Celestia would no doubt want to explore this land, and we’d come back with a properly equipped expedition.

“This is getting us nowhere.”  I beckoned everypony to return to the portal.  “I want all of you to hover here, and as soon as I come back through, I want all of you to follow me.”  I stepped through the portal, back to the Everfree Forest.  I galloped a little distance into the forest, then turned around and charged into the portal, taking flight as soon as I transitioned from one world to the other.  “Come on, everypony, follow me.  Flying fast in a straight line is what Firefly does best.  We’ll try this, and if it doesn’t work, I can guide us back to the portal.”

I stayed as low as I dared over the forest’s canopy.  This new world was an unknown quantity, and my expertise lay in discovering ancient civilizations, not making first contact with extant civilizations.

We eventually ran out of forest and we all hesitated near the edge, observing what lay ahead of us. There were cranberry bogs and what appeared to be roads.  The nearest structure was slightly off to the right, and we agreed that this would be the most logical place for Firefly to land.

We circled the property by air, and there was bipedal creature by a well, standing next to a very familiar pink and blue pegasus.  We landed and Firefly excitedly dragged me to meet her new friend.

“Hi!” I said, waving. “I don’t suppose you speak Equestrian?”

It started speaking, though the language was unfamiliar.  Even Paradise, who’d studied a bunch of dead languages, seemed lost.  It eventually held out a gangly limb with digits at the end.

I held up a hoof, and the human grabbed hold of it, giving it a shake, before releasing it.

The others looked at me and I shrugged.  “I think we just hoofbumped.  I think it’s friendly.”

Paradise pulled a book from her saddlebags and hoofed it to the figure.  It examined it, shaking its head.  Paradise pointed to the book, then to the biped, then to herself.  Paradise continued pantomiming, and eventually the creature went inside the house and returned with books.

Paradise smiled and dropped them into her saddlebags.  She pointed to herself, and the rest of us, then back to the forest that we’d come from. There were tears in the creature’s eyes. She opened her arms, inviting us for a hug.  Unsurprisingly, it was Firefly who embraced her first.  The rest of us did in turn.

We waved goodbye as we trotted off.

“Going to try cracking their language, Paradise?”

“That’s my plan.  I’ll bring these books to my language professors and see if we get any results.  I’ll say I found them in the Castle of the Two Sisters.”

“I’ll help,” added Wind Whistler.

“When we come back, I plan to have books designed for foals with me.  Perhaps we can teach them our language.  Especially if I can’t make heads or tails of theirs.  I’m hoping that when the creature sees the kinds of books I bring, it can give us similar early-learning books.  I can teach myself their language with the right tools.”

“I’d be most interested in getting my hooves on some of their technology.”  Wind Whistler paused.  “Did any of you take a look around?  This appears to be a highly-advanced society.  Much more advanced than our own.  They have much to teach us.”

“So we’re agreed about coming back?” I asked.

With the exception of Brightbow, the others responded affirmatively.
> Act I: North Star (Bonus Chapter Part 2)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------





Woodland, New Jersey: thirty-seven years, eight months, and one day before the portal opens


I looked down at my gangly limbs, still trying to get used to my new skin.  Being human felt weird, even months after I’d first volunteered to try the transformation spell.  Danny had indicated I was attractive, though I certainly couldn’t see it in the mirror.

Galaxy had spent almost a year digging through the royal archives trying to find a suitable spell. A graduate from Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns, she had access to restricted areas that were off limits to most ponies, though even she couldn’t get into the truly forbidden sections. Ponies had last had contact with humans a long time ago – so long that their entire species had fallen into the realm of myth.

In the end, it wasn’t Galaxy who found an appropriate spell, but Paradise, as she perused the books we’d brought back from the Castle of the Two Sisters.  I’d chosen to go first – it had been my expedition that had led us all to Earth, so I felt it was my responsibility to make sure the transformation spell was safe.

Thankfully, it was. But safe didn’t make me miss my wings any less.  I liked having fingers though.  It was a weird trade, and if I could only have one, I’d pick my wings – a sentiment echoed by Wind Whistler, Firefly, Hearth Throb, and Surprise.

It was the only way we could leave the Williams’ farm.  I hadn’t decided to come back to Earth to just sit around in one place.  I wanted to explore.  I needed to explore.  But the spell only gave me two hours.  It wasn’t long enough to go anywhere on my own.  We relied on the Williams family to drive us places, and we needed to have Galaxy along to transform us.  She couldn’t transform herself, lest she lose access to her ability to channel magic until the spell wore off.

Wind Whistler was looking into having objects enchanted with the spell, though that had its own drawback. Imagine wearing a necklace only for it to snag on something.  That would end in disaster.

Megan had a shiny new driver’s license and an even shinier new convertible.  A Mustang, though unlike its earlier incarnations, it lacked any pony badging on it, to the disappointment of all of us.  But it was a convertible, a gift from Hasbro, the toy company that was making a fortune off pastel pony toys that Megan had helped ‘inspire’ Bonnie Zacherle to design.  The truth was… somewhat more complicated than that.  The company had no idea we were real, and all parties involved said that it was for the best if we remained hidden.

So when we traveled places, we did so as humans.  We were introduced as ‘friends from out of town’ to anyone who encountered the Williams’ when we were out and about.  Really, really far out of town.  Our accents were unique.  Even with human anatomy, we still had a vaguely pony way of speaking.  Certain words that sounded close to neighs or nickers were overemphasized.  Harmony, inside of all us, leant our voices a musical quality, even if we were speaking English.

It was jarring to anyone who wasn’t expecting it.  It sounded like nothing else on Earth, so there was no convenient place we could claim we were from.  Instead we settled on saying ‘we’re from France’ to play off the joke from the Coneheads skits on Saturday Night Live.  A diversionary tactic suggested by Surprise that worked surprisingly well.

Disappointingly, there were no ancient ruins anywhere near New Jersey.  Earlier cultures in the area had tended towards hunter/gatherer and agrarian.  There were no crumbling monuments or hidden treasures waiting to be found.  Not that it wasn’t exciting to be among the first ponies to make contact with an entirely new world, but it was more in line with Paradise’s interests than my own.  It was a tremendous waste of my training and areas of expertise.

The only exploring I got to do was in shopping malls and the occasional horse race at Freehold. Because the Williams’ lived in the middle of nowhere, it required long car trips to go anywhere of interest. Rumor had it they’d be building a giant mall across from the racetrack, so it would eventually be possible to combine trips easily.  First pony to go to a mall on Earth.  Big deal.  Also, technically Heart Throb’s accomplishment, not mine.

That still didn’t help with the two-hour limit on the transformations, which remained frustrating. Especially for Galaxy, who often had to ride in the car’s trunk to avoid being seen.

As we drove along the highway I glanced to the other traffic.  A plumber’s van caught my eye – lots of space and no windows.  I made a suggestion, and Megan pondered it.  An old van wouldn’t be expensive, and it could even be decorated with a mural, like when vanning had been popular a few years earlier.  We all agreed that a horse motif would be the only appropriate design.









Woodland, New Jersey: thirty-six years, four months, and eleven days before the portal opens


Wind Whistler had taken to helping Megan with her homework, and her grades improved significantly.

Upon graduating high school, Megan was accepted to college.  She had no interest in going, however, and only applied so that Wind Whistler could go in her place.  We had no papers, and we didn’t officially exist.  Wind Whistler leaped at the chance, though it created some practical issues.  She couldn’t live on campus, because the transformation spell only worked for two hours at a time.  There was no way for her to have a room to herself, and the Williams’ didn’t know anyone there well enough to trust with our secret.

Instead, she commuted. Fortunately, by then Danny had his license.  Megan had been an average student before Wind Whistler started tutoring her.  Danny, on the other hoof, had no interest in academics at all.  He dropped out of high school at sixteen, got his driver’s license, and he and Galaxy ended up chauffeuring Wind Whistler back and forth from their ranch to the college on a daily basis in an old Ford Pinto panel van that had been painted with a pegasus mural.  It looked more like a Mobil gas station logo than a pony, but we were trying to be inconspicuous.  Well, somewhat.  Putting a boring business logo on the side would’ve been the ultimate way of hiding in plain sight.

While Wind Whistler was continuing her education, the rest of us did what we did best.  Surprise divided her time between Earth and Equestria, having been accepted to the Wonderbolts.  She’d tried out for the team at Firefly’s urging and made the cut. Firefly dropped out of the Wonderbolts Academy to move to Earth full time.  Earth was new and exciting, and it fascinated her with being the first pony to go anywhere.  She tended to go everywhere with Megan.  Heart Throb, meanwhile, was Molly’s shadow.  Even though the youngest Williams child wasn’t old enough to drive, that didn’t stop Heart Throb from following her around like a puppy.

That left me to my own devices, which in turn made me go stir crazy.  As fascinating as Earth was, it wasn’t where I belonged.  I found myself trapped between two worlds like Surprise, and returned to Canterlot University to complete my degree.

The portal was only a few hours away from Canterlot as the pegasus flies, so I returned to Earth frequently to visit my friends.  Sometimes I’d bring Paradise along.  She’d turned deciphering the humans’ language into a thesis.  She cracked it long before the children we’d befriended learned Equestrian.

Then she found out there were more human languages.  Lots of them. She’d made it her life’s work to translate as many of them to Equestrian as she could.  She’d started with English, the native language of the land we’d discovered.  The Williams’ were happy to borrow translation guides from their library, so Paradise started on Spanish, French, German, and Latin, which were the easiest languages to find research material for.

Her hope was to someday travel Earth and put her translations to the test.  But the two-hour translation spell put a damper on that, as did the Williams’ ages and financial situation.  They didn’t have the budget to travel the globe.

Paradise had joined me for this trip.  We’d been tasked with creating a television series based on the toys Hasbro had created based on us.  Of course, only Bonnie knew the truth.  As far as the toy execs were concerned, Megan had a very vivid imagination.

Wind Whistler and I were quite knowledgeable on ancient Equestria, but Paradise was the expert on ancient lore.  So we sat around discussing our favorite myths and legends.  Grogar and Gusty the Great was, of course, one of the first to come up.  ‘The father of all monsters’ and the unicorn with a special talent of making it windy.

Tirek/Tirac was the next to come up – the spelling of his name varied from one account of the tale to another.  Nightmare Moon was immediately shot down.  Now that we’d seen the Castle of the Two Sisters for ourselves… we’d proven that Princess Luna was as real as any of the rest of us, and no doubt Princess Celestia wouldn’t be pleased if she found out we vilified her sister for a television show.  Even if she’s allowed an entire holiday to mock her.  We might be outside her jurisdiction on Earth, but we all had friends and family in Equestria.  We had to go back eventually, and none of us were willing to risk her wrath.

The Sirens were quickly dismissed when it was discovered that there was a similar legend amongst Earth’s sailors.  Discord was deemed too whacky for the show – his mere presence would completely break the setting.

I suggested the end of Flutter Valley could make an interesting topic, and the others agreed. Now that I’d seen humans, it was obvious what Hydia and her daughters, Reeka and Draggle, were.  The three witches from the Volcano of Gloom – they were the ones who caused the eruption that destroyed Flutter Valley, apparently wiping themselves out in the process.  They’d also been responsible for the Smooze destroying Grundleland years before.

Paradise mentioned Lavan, and we were all in agreement that the tale of the lava demons would be a worthy addition to the lore of our semi-fictional world.

Heart Throb, Firefly, and Surprise merely nodded along as Wind Whistler, Paradise, and I debated the merits of including each of the suggestions.  They weren’t as well-versed in history as the three of us, but they made a great focus group, agreeing with the ideas that most excited them and vetoing anything that didn’t.

For the protagonists, we decided to avoid anything to do with current Equestrian politics entirely. Queen Rosedust and Flutter Valley were fair game as their entire civilization had been decimated thousands of years earlier.  We included grundles and other extinct creatures from lands far away.  No extant species aside from ponies were part of the show’s cast.  That meant no griffins, minotaurs, etc.  There were two exceptions – Molly was really partial to the Abyssinians, so we created a feline witch character who redeems herself in the end.  Heart Throb suggested the name Katrina, the most popular name in Abyssinia.  Danny insisted on including a character named Spike because ‘dragons are cool’.

We, of course, all wanted to be the heroes of the show.  For once, we wouldn’t need to hide ourselves.  Once it was decided that a ‘first contact’ story would be aired as a special to gauge interest in a full television series, we all agreed to let Firefly be the star of the episode.  

These discussions eventually turned into a show bible to present to Hasbro’s studio of choice, Sunbow.









Everfree Forest: thirty-two years, seven months, and twelve days before the portal opens


“This forest is creepy.”

“That’s the understatement of the year, Megan.  Most ponies have trepidations about venturing forth into the Everfree.  That’s why we’re aloft.”

I was leading the way to Canterlot.  Wind Whistler was behind me, Megan perched atop her back.  Double-W answered her many questions and comments about Equestria with nary a complaint.

Molly was riding Heart Throb, while Danny was riding Surprise – the latter two had recently revealed they were dating, much to the surprise of all of us.  We were all supportive, especially Heart Throb.  She was a firm believer in ‘true love knows no boundaries’.

Firefly had declined to come.  We’d come to watch Surprise in a Wonderbolts derby and Firefly had dropped out of the academy to focus on exploring Earth.  Surprise had indicated that it was more of a mutual parting of ways, with our friend having more than enough raw talent, but not enough discipline.

Danny had insisted on coming.  And if he was going, there was no way his sisters weren’t coming too.  They’d finally learned Equestrian.  It had taken years, and a lot of patience on Paradise’s part.  First, we’d had to learn English, then Paradise had painstakingly translated English to Equestrian.

Then they had to experience the same issues we’d come to terms with years previously – pony vocal chords weren’t designed for human languages and vice versa, but it turned out humans had a wider range of vocalizations, which made things a bit easier on them than it had been for us.

Galaxy was waiting for us at the edge of the forest.  “I trust your trip was safe?”

I nodded.

“Hey!  What are you!”

We turned to look at a purple filly who’d somehow spotted us.

“Hey sweetie.  What are you doing all the way out here?” Megan knelt down to look at the foal.

“I’m not scared of monsters or the stupid Everfree Forest!”

“I didn’t say you were.” Megan reached a hand out to the filly and stroked her mane.  “You’re very soft.  What’s your name?”

“I’m Ember.  Who are you?”

“I’m Megan Williams, and these are my siblings, Danny and Molly.”

“Those are weird names.”

Megan chuckled. “They’re very common names where we’re from.  I’m sad to say that ‘Ember’ would be a very unusual name back home.”

“It’s unusual here in Ponyville too!  I’m the only one in town, maybe the only one in all of Equestria!”  She puffed out her chest.

“You’re the most adorable thing ever.”

“Hey!  I’m not adorable!  I’m tough!  I’m a big, strong earth pony!”

I put a hoof on her withers. “Be that as it may, Ember, we should really locate your parents.  The Everfree Forest is much too dangerous for a filly.  Even I don’t like going into it.”

Ember tried to slip away into the forest but Megan picked her up.

“Hey!  Lemme go!”

“Shhh, little one.” It was obvious Megan had helped raise her younger siblings.  She calmed the filly down in ways none of the rest of us could hope to.

Eventually Ember scampered away – back to Ponyville, where she belonged.  With the coast finally clear, Galaxy turned our human guests into ponies, and they followed us to Ponyville’s train station.  It was amusing watching our guests ogle everypony going about their daily lives like they were the most interesting ponies in the world.

The train ride up the mountain took a bit over two hours, so Galaxy renewed the spell as discreetly as possible.  Surprise provided a convenient distraction, keeping all eyes in the car on her instead of on Galaxy and our guests.

We disembarked in Canterlot, with Surprise rushing off to get ready for the race.  The rest of us meandered around, showing our guests the sights and wandering into some of the shops so they could see pony wares up close and personal.  Wind Whistler took note of the things that entranced them, with the intention of picking up Hearth’s Warming/Christmas gifts for them on a future trip.

We ducked down a deserted alley so Galaxy could once more renew the transformation spell, giving our guests another two hours as ponies.  Then we made haste towards the racecourse.  It would’ve been convenient if the transformation spell had turned our guests into pegasi, but they’d all become earth ponies.  Wind Whistler theorized it was because they had no inherent magic of their own, hence they had no need of a horn to channel through, nor wings that would never be able to soar.

We primarily conversed in Equestrian, but our guests sometimes reverted to English if they didn’t want anypony hearing them asking questions that would make it obvious they weren’t really ponies.  The natives didn’t even bat an eye at the exotic language – they were used to tourists from all around Equus.

Once we were in our seats, the questions kept coming so we were almost exclusively speaking English. The Williams’ wanted to know all about the racers, the track, and the various events.  They also wanted to know about the tall white pony with both wings and horn.  Wind Whistler explained that was Princess Celestia, the sole ruler of Equestria.  There was no direct translation for ‘alicorn’ so we decided to refer to the princess as a ‘pegacorn’ for the short term.

Qualifying was a series of heat races designed to build hype for the main event.  With the Wonderbolts, a lap around the track was over in less than a minute, so they had to do something to give ponies their money’s worth.  They mixed things up throughout the racing season – shorter tracks were set up to be a series of sprints with less than ten ‘Bolts in the air at any given time. Longer tracks became endurance tests, flying hundreds of laps with many more ‘Bolts flying at once.  Smaller tracks also had an obstacle course, something that could show off the precision flying of the team members as a palate cleanser between heat races.

Surprise did well in qualifying, winning her heat race and advancing to the night’s big race.  Wind Whistler kept track of the time, nudging our guests whenever it was time for Galaxy to renew their transformation spells. They’d found a quiet spot under the bleachers that kept them away from prying eyes, though that didn’t stop them from complaining about missing some of the racing.

Upon returning to their seats for the third time, Danny excitedly asked if he’d missed anything. Wind Whistler assured him that they’d recharged the spell early, just to make sure he didn’t miss any of Surprise’s racing.

While Wind Whistler had been diligent in keeping track of the time, we’d all lost track of something else.  Or rather somepony else.  You would think the world’s only extant alicorn would be harder to lose in a crowd.  But her shadow loomed over us right before the main race was about to start.

“It’s very rare I come across a language I haven’t heard before, my little pony.  But it’s the reason why universal translation spells exist.” She switched to English, “I don’t know what this language is called, but I expect to learn all about it.”

We are so busted.

Princess Celestia continued in English.  “It’s even rarer that I meet little ponies with no magical signature whatsoever. Well, none of their own, at the very least.  I recognize Galaxy’s workings.  One of the best students I’ve had at my school for gifted unicorns in recent memory. Her magical signature is all over these three.  I’m sure there’s a rational explanation for this.  I look forward to hearing it after the derby.”

Megan, Danny, and Molly all looked slightly more terrified than the rest of us.  My throat went dry as I tried to think of ways to save all of us.

Galaxy, head hung low, materialized from where she’d been watching the racing.  “Hi Princess Celestia.”

“Galaxy!  It’s been such a long time since we last spoke!  I trust you’ll be joining us to watch the main event?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she replied in a tone that implied the exact opposite.

The princess beckoned us to follow her to her private suite.  Royal Guards flanked us as we trudged to the luxury skybox.

Princess Celestia enjoyed the racing action, while the rest of us stood there with our tails between our legs, trying to enjoy our last precious moments of freedom and failing. With Firefly still on Earth, at least one of us was safe.  As for Surprise… nopony could read a room like her.  She would likely know better than to come looking for us.

Which was good, because we’d be counting on her to get us out of whatever prison the princess decided to throw us into.  I looked blankly at Wind Whistler and she responded with a shrug – she had no good ideas either.

The cheering of the crowd broke me out of my thoughts.  The racing was over and I didn’t even know who’d won.

“I must say that was an enjoyable way to spend the afternoon.”  Princess Celestia was still speaking in English.  It was unsettling to say the least.  “Now there’s the little matter of what to do with all of you.”

“There’s no need to go to any trouble on our account, princess.  We’ll just see ourselves out.”  Danny did his best to diffuse the situation, but Celestia didn’t seem amused. 

At some point even the Royal Guards had disappeared from the sportsbox, leaving us alone with the princess – not that she truly needed guards.

“I’m going to take a few guesses, and you stop me if I’m wrong.  You found a portal I presume?  Probably somewhere in the clouds over the Everfree Forest?  I may not recognize the language, but I can recognize the magical void associated with creatures from outside of Equus. It’s been many, many centuries since we last had contact with humans.  I have many questions.  Please tell me about your world.”

“We… we could show you. Your Highness?  Your Majesty?” Megan stumbled around trying to find an honorific worthy of the princess.

“While I would be absolutely delighted to venture across the portal, I’m afraid I can’t take you up on your offer at the present time.  Maybe someday in the future.”  She looked at me, specifically.  “Once my sister returns.  I’ll let her get acclimated back to Equestria, then we’ll do some traveling. Until such time, however, I have responsibilities on this side of the portal.  Speaking of my sister…”

With a flash Princess Celestia teleported all of us.  When our eyes adjusted to the light I immediately recognized our surroundings.

“I was wondering just which of my little ponies had been exploring these ancient ruins.  While I appreciate the offer, this isn’t the Rainbow Falls Traders Exchange.”  She floated our camping gear towards us.  Having been exposed to the elements, it hadn’t aged well.  “Also, the ancient tomes you raided from here are significantly more valuable so I’m afraid I can’t accept your trade.”

“But…they were just sitting here gathering dust!”  Wind Whistler was indignant.  “All of that knowledge squandered!  Those books are treasures.”

“We agree on that last part, my little pony.”  Celestia’s horn glowed with her golden aura and five orbs appeared on the dais, followed by a larger one.  “I suppose you came here looking for these dirty old rocks?  The Elements of Harmony?”

“We were right!”  I couldn’t help myself as I rushed over to examine the stony globes.  “This was the final resting place of the Elements!”

Celestia was silent for a moment, observing us all in turn.  Finally, she spoke, “There’ll be an opening in the History Department of Canterlot University in the near future.  You should apply.  While I can’t allow just any ruffian to steal my books, I’d be remiss to refuse a history professor access to my old library.”  The princess winked at me.  “As long as she returns my books on time.  And leaves these dirty old rocks right here.  Those need to stay here.”

Before I could stammer out a reply she was gone in a flash.

“I would recommend not letting such an opportunity pass by.”

I just nodded at Wind Whistler’s words.  Paradise is going to be so jealous.  I looked around at the rest of my friends and blushed. “I know this is a stupid question, but who won the race?”

Everypony looked at each other.  Even Danny had apparently overlooked the entire purpose of our trip once we’d been summoned by the princess.

“I guess we’ll just have to get it from the horse’s mouth.”  Danny chuckled.  “Surprise will happily tell us everything we missed.”

“Uh, how do we get out of here?”  Molly looked around the ruins of the castle.  “This place is creepy.”

“The princess isn’t the only pony who can teleport.”  Galaxy motioned to her horn.  “I just need to know where we’re going.”

“Back to Canterlot – I took the liberty of booking a hotel room for all of us.”

Megan looked at me. “Only one room?”

I nodded.  “Ponies like to snuggle together.  As a matter of fact, in traditional Equestrian hotels, that’s standard – you get your own personal attendant for the duration of your stay, including cuddling if desired.”

The three humans looked at each other.  

“That’s odd.”

“It seems ripe to be abused.”

“I think it’s kind of cute.” Molly was the dissenting opinion. “What?  You wouldn’t want to snuggle cute little ponies?”

“When you put it that way…” Megan trailed off.  “That could be a big hit on Earth.”

“But like I said, easy to take advantage of.”  Danny shook his head.  “How would ponies protect themselves?”

“Protect ourselves?” I asked.  “From what? Monster attacks?  By not living near the Everfree Forest.  I don’t know why anypony would willingly choose to live in Ponyville or Fillydelphia.  I suppose their residents say the same about Canterlot being invaded every few years too.  Like last year, when that penguin king showed up.”

“Oh, him.”  Wind Whistler snorted.  “He should’ve been here a few years earlier when Queen Bumble tried to usurp the throne.  What a pair they would’ve made, the emperor penguin and the queen bee.”  Wind Whistler wasn’t known for her humor, but when she wanted to be funny it was often an elaborate word play.  She seemed to derive pleasure from making the rest of us groan.









Canterlot: thirty-two years, one month, and fourteen days before the portal opens


The ‘opening’ in the history department hadn’t been particularly prestigious.  I was an assistant professor, which mostly meant tutoring students and grading tests.  Most of my peers were in the same boat as me – they’d all caught Princess Celestia’s attention in one way or another.  Everypony in the history department had been caught digging around ruins the princess thought were better left alone, though I’d been the only one brazen enough to explore the Castle of the Two Sisters.

That meant I didn’t have to worry about tenure – I’d be made a professor in due time, as soon as somepony retired.  I’d keep the position until I retired… or, more pessimistically, when I was no longer useful to Princess Celestia.

I’d been working there for months and I’d been expecting the princess to drop by.  She waited until I’d mostly settled in, then caught me off guard, showing up in the storage closet the school had repurposed as my ‘office’. It was cramped, which meant I had no room to bow to the princess.

“Princess Celestia!”

She dismissed the need for formalities, instead jumping right into business.

“Assistant Professor North Star, there’s no need to bow on my account.  Nor is there a need to address me as ‘princess’ unless you want me to continue using your title as well?”

“No thank you, Prin… uh, Celestia.”

“I’m sure you’re quite curious as to why you were rewarded instead of punished.”

My breath caught in my throat and I merely nodded.

“You returned the books you ‘borrowed’ and I could never punish a pony for seeking knowledge. Unless it was forbidden spells or dark magic.  Furthermore, you’ve made an amazing discovery.  Do you realize it’s been several thousand years since we last had contact with the human world?”

“Why?”

“The usual.  Power, greed, corruption.  Humans were always going to war with one another and dragging my little ponies into it.  Then one king got it in his head that he was going to conquer Equestria.”

“I’m sure that didn’t go how he expected it to.”

“Quite.  That was before my ascension.  Specifically, it was in the Discordian Era.  Nopony knows what happened to him or his army, but I’m sure it was unpleasant.  After that, traffic through the portal was rather one-sided.  At the time ponies were fleeing Equus for Earth in droves. I couldn’t blame them for taking their chances with the warlords.  My sister and I found the Elements of Harmony and petrified Discord for eternity.”  She noticed my ears perked up at the mention of her sister.  “Speaking of my sister, I suppose you know at least a little about Princess Luna?”

“A little.  There’s not much surviving literature about her. Mostly the tale of Nightmare Moon. It’s implied from the castle name that the two of you were sisters.”

“Are sisters.  Luna will return again one day.”

“‘The stars will aid her escape.’”

“Indeed.  I could be persuaded to answer questions regarding my sister.”  She patted her chin, pretending to be lost in thought.  “Perhaps we could work out an exchange – you regale me with tales of the human world and I’ll tell you about Princess Luna.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything.  You’ve made friends, why don’t you start by telling me about them.”

“Megan, Molly, and Daniel. Two fillies and a colt, or as they call themselves, two girls and a boy.  They’re siblings.”

“They seem nice.  A little terrified, perhaps, but certainly understandable considering the circumstances.”

“They weren’t the only ones who were scared witless.”

“I’m allowed to have fun periodically.  Besides, fear of consequences is a good motivator to stay on the right path.”  Celestia chuckled.  “I daresay it worked out in the end.  So what kind of world do your friends live in?  What’s the geopolitical situation?”

“They live in New Jersey, which is in the United States.  That’s one of the two major superpowers, the other is the Soviet Union. Most of the remaining countries are allied with one or the other.”

“How many countries, total?”

“About two hundred.”

“Interesting.  I expect detailed notes on all of them. Starting with the two superpowers. Perhaps we can introduce ourselves one day.  But that won’t happen until I know my little ponies are safe.  We come in peace and expect the same in turn.  Now, let’s talk salary.”

“I’m getting a nice check from the school.”  I was positive it was way more than an ‘associate professor’ should be making.

“Indeed.  Likewise, I have a new linguist on staff as well. Perhaps you know Paradise?”  She winked.  “But it’s not your salary I’m here to negotiate.  I don’t know what your friends are doing for money, but from here on out, you’re all agents of the crown.  I have positions for three pegasi and a unicorn.  Know any interested ponies?”

“I’d have to ask my friends, but I’d say there’s a distinct possibility that they’d be interested.”

“It’s very fortuitous that you made friends with Galaxy.  You couldn’t ask for a better mage.  Effective immediately, the position of Archmage of New Jersey is available.  If she’s interested, of course.  With our contact having been broken off many years ago, it’s also vital that I have a historian.  Somepony who can bring me up to speed on things.”

“I thought that was my job?”

“You’re the liaison. I was thinking that Wind Whistler would be perfect for this role.”

“She would be.”  Now I’m jealous.

“I’d also need an explorer. Somepony willing to navigate all the dangers of a brave new world.  Somepony brash.”

“Firefly.”

She nodded.  “She seems well-suited for the position.  That leaves perhaps the most important position of all.  Making friends.  From what I’ve been told, Heart Throb’s special talent involves helping ponies find their true love.  If we go forward with making official contact, we’re going to need friends.”

“What if we don’t make contact?”

“If you and your friends may wish to stay behind on Earth, you may.  Perhaps your human friends may desire to move here.  Both of those options will always be available to you. If you trust Megan, Daniel, and Molly, then they will be welcomed to Equestria.”

After some more chitchat, Celestia left, and I found my assistant professor duties augmented by a more important role: informant.  I couldn’t blame Celestia’s hesitation, and I hadn’t even mentioned things like the Cold War. Good thing Gorbachev seems committed to peace.  I can’t get a good read on Reagan though…









Canterlot: twenty-four years, six months, and one day before the portal opens


Once I was promoted to professor I didn’t get to spend as much time on Earth as I used to.  I absolutely treasured my summer vacations and winter breaks as a chance to catch up with my friends.  It also didn’t hurt that it was a break from grading term papers.

Surprise was lucky in that regard – she had the ability to come and go from Equestria as she saw fit. As long as she attended shows, practices, and autograph sessions, the Wonderbolts really didn’t put that much demand on her time.  She could train just as easily on Earth as she could in Equestria – especially once we packed the sky over the Williams farm with Equestrian clouds.  Frozen in place by one of Galaxy’s spells and the combined magic of five pegasi, they prevented us from being visible from above. The farm was far enough off the beaten path that that we had plenty of warning whenever someone turned down the dirt lane leading to the house.  That was our cue to hide in the clouds.  Galaxy, meanwhile, would turn herself invisible.

The semester had ended and I was packing up my office for the summer so I could spend my vacation on Earth as usual.  The door to my classroom opened and I heard the clop of hooves on the floor tiles.  I didn’t even need to turn around to know who’d entered – Celestia’s hoofbeats were unlike any other pony in Equestria’s.

What I wasn’t prepared for was her to be sitting at one of the student desks when I turned around. it was comically undersized for her, but she sat there stoically, pretending to pay attention to a nonexistent lecture.

Without missing a beat, I said, “You’re late for class, young mare.”

“I’m sorry, professor. With all the demands of running Equestria, it slipped my mind.”

“A likely excuse. Next you’re going to tell me you had to go raise the sun.”

“Well… I’ve been known to do that periodically.”

“Thankfully.  No offense to your sister, but eternal night would be awful.  All the plants would die and we’d slowly starve to death.  Anyway, as I’m sure you’re already aware, I’m heading to Earth in a few hours.”

“No offense taken, and as I’m sure you’ve already guessed, that’s why I’m here.”

“Of course, of course. What intel are you looking for this time?”

“Based on your notes from your last visit, these are my priorities.”  She levitated a slip of paper over to me.  “Of course, anything you bring me will be useful, but these are the subjects of the most interest to me.”

I scanned the list. It was fairly mundane by Celestia’s standards.  A few politicians, half a dozen medical topics, hydroelectricity, and NASA’s moon landing.  The last was no doubt because of Luna.

“Hoping to put ponies on the moon?”

She sighed.  “It beats putting them in the moon.”

“I’d imagine so.  Luna will be back in a few more years.”

“Indeed.”  She walked out.

I probably shouldn’t have cracked that joke.









Woodland, New Jersey: ten years, three months, and eighteen days before the portal opens


Hasbro had rebooted the My Little Pony franchise several times after the original incarnation from the 1980s, and we had less input than we’d used to.  Most of the ponies they made toys of were real thanks to friends on the design staff, but many were completely fictional.

With the announcement of yet another reboot, we figured Hasbro might cut the Williams family out of the picture entirely.  Much to our surprise, they wanted to revitalize the franchise, and they’d brought in top talent to do it.

Lauren Faust came and visited the farm for a few days.  She wanted to pay homage to the original ‘80s ponies that she’d grown up with.  She started with Bonnie Zacherle, who in turn pointed her to the Williams family.  Her jaw just about hit the floor when we stepped out to introduce ourselves.  She hugged Firefly, who it turned out had been her favorite pony as a child.

She had a lot of questions.









Woodland, New Jersey: ten years, three months, and fourteen days before the portal opens


Lauren Faust had planned on visiting the Williams’ for an afternoon.  It was two weeks before she left New Jersey, vowing to stay in touch with all of us.

There was a lot of back and forth throughout the portal during that time, as Galaxy and I were in near-constant communication with Celestia.  The princess felt this would be a good way to introduce Equestria to mankind.  There were fictional elements of course, but Celestia gave her blessing to reveal much of pony society to the world.  She planned to gauge reactions to determine if contact should be made, or if we’d continue living in the shadows.

We were just about equally split on the issue.  I wanted to get it over with and let the cards fall where they would.  Firefly, Surprise, and Megan were all in agreement. Wind Whistler, on the other hoof, advised caution, and Heart Throb, Danny, and Molly concurred.

Despite being married, Surprise and Danny fell on different sides of the issue.  Surprise liked the idea of surprising two worlds by revealing the existence of each other, while Danny felt an overwhelming desire to protect us.  He had a very negative opinion of human beings.

Their relationship was proof that contact needed to be made.  If I could get Danny to see that, it would break the impasse.  Heart Throb and Wind Whistler would be the harder sells, while Molly would follow Heart Throb’s lead.  Molly and Heart Throb’s relationship was purely platonic, but if anything they were closer than Danny and Surprise.  They were two peas in a pod – both of them were completely boy crazy.

That had worked to our advantage.  As Celestia had suggested, Heart Throb was an adept matchmaker.  She’d made friends in high places and low places alike.  She was in constant contact with her friends, and she was our biggest source of intelligence.  Whether Celestia had intended on her becoming a spy or not, Heart Throb had become an expert at espionage.

Wind Whistler was our other source of information, as she spent much of her time living as a human. She’d become addicted to Earth’s technology, and she needed fingers to browse the internet.  She’d experimented with making a hoof-friendly keyboard and it was ridiculously oversized.  A stylus worked for her tablet and phone, but she preferred using fingers. 

Like Danny, her preference for technology should’ve been a flashing neon sign saying ‘Equestria needs this too’ but she was adamant that she should serve as a horrible warning, not a good example.  Double-W was always stubborn, so I figured she’d be the last to change her mind.

Heart Throb had her hoof on the pulse of human society.  She’d seen and heard things that made her reluctant to open the borders between our worlds. Like Danny, she was scared of what might happen.  Though that hadn’t stopped her from dating a bunch of humans.  Much to Galaxy’s chagrin, since she had to keep charging the transformation spell.

Galaxy, meanwhile, abstained from voting.  She admitted to being biased.  She never clarified how, but if I was reading her right, she was biased in favor of revealing ourselves to the world because that would mean not needing to change us into humans all the time.  I was counting on winning her over when she wouldn’t be the tiebreaking vote.

I felt confident that Lauren would make the newest My Little Pony TV series everything we’d wanted the original to be.  This time around we had Celestia’s blessing and a direct line to the show’s creator.









Woodland, New Jersey: seven years, seven months, and eleven days before the portal opens


To say Friendship Is Magic was a success beyond our wildest imaginations was an understatement.  What bothered us was the dismissive attitudes of some of the fans towards older works.  We were quite proud of what we’d accomplished in the ‘80s.

Furthermore, executive meddling at Hasbro and Discovery had resulted in Lauren leaving the show after only the first season.  She left extensive notes for the remaining team, and periodically Lauren would reach out to us when someone from DHX contacted her.

But we could no longer influence the direction of the show.  Certain key events had been spelled out in advance, and there were so many notes that even ten seasons of the show wouldn’t be enough to cover everything.  Most shows centered towards children were planned for sixty-five episodes, the magic number to be shown in syndication.  With the show’s success, we were hoping to get five seasons, or maybe even six, but we knew that eventually Hasbro would want to reboot the franchise yet again so the toyline wouldn’t go stale.  Of course, if they’d stop reissuing the same half-dozen ponies constantly, the line wouldn’t go stale. It’s Applejack, but she has extra cutie marks!  It’s Rainbow Dash, but now she glows in the dark!  Nobody needs seventeen Twilight Sparkles or Pinkie Pies in their herd.  At least reissue our toys from back in the ‘80s.

Wind Whistler was in the midst of a flame war with someone on Tumblr who was bashing G1, as the ‘80s incarnation of the My Little Pony franchise had become known as.  It was a waste of her time, energy, and talents.  Is Tumblr the one with ‘tweets’ or is that Reddit?  I shook my head. There’s a reason I don’t use the internet.  Either I’m getting old, or I spend too much time in Equestria.

Double-W ended her post with a gif image of herself and Megan encircled by flames from the episode The Magic Coins.  She never uses Lavan, Tirek, or Grogar as examples, she always has to use that episode.  So predictable.

“Another brony tried to stop by today.”

I jumped.  Heart Throb had snuck up on me.  “Stop doing that!”

“That’s what I keep telling them.”

“No, I mean stop materializing out of thin air.”

“That would make me a rather ineffective spy, don’t you think?”

I grumbled but couldn’t argue with her.  “What happened?”

“Danny invited him in and when he wanted to talk about ponies, Danny rambled on for hours about the ranch’s horses.  He left after four hours, completely baffled.  This isn’t going to last.  Someone is going to figure out we’re real sooner or later and we need to have a plan of action for when it does.”

“I suppose we tell them a partial truth.  That back in the ‘80s the Williams’ were friends with Bonnie and inspired the characters on the cartoon show.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Throw it back on them and ask why they’d think colorful little ponies would really exist in the real world.”

“I guess that’ll have to suffice, but I don’t like it.”









Woodland, New Jersey: four years, eight months, and sixteen days before the portal opens


“Batten down the hatches!” Firefly swooped onto the porch like Nightmare Moon herself was chasing her.

“Huh?”  I looked up.

“I would advise getting everyone into the basement with haste.  The National Weather Service has issued a tornado warning for our area.” She flipped her phone closed.

Firefly and I both had to resist our pegasus instincts to get up there and fight the tornado.  We only had five pegasi and no unicorns – Galaxy was currently visiting Equestria, much to Wind Whistler’s chagrin.  She hated browsing her phone with a stylus instead of fingers.  But without Galaxy to perform the spell, Double-W was stuck as a pegasus.

“It’s bad.”  Firefly pointed toward the Pine Barrens.  “I saw it.  It’s heading this way.  We need to get to shelter.  Now.”

We headed to the basement and I grabbed a transistor radio from the emergency rations kept downstairs.

“Hurricane Donald continues to track across southern New Jersey after making landfall just north of Atlantic City.  Remaining residents are urged to hunker down.”

The house shook above us as a sound like a dozen passing freight trains rumbled outside.  Then it was over.  We waited a few minutes, then returned upstairs.  Thankfully, the house was still standing.  There was some minor damage upstairs – one of the windows in Molly’s bedroom had broken, and the roof had lost a quarter of its shingles. Outside, the devastation was worse. The scar in the land was apparent, indicating that the tornado had passed a few hundred yards from the house. Firefly flew off to scout the property while the rest of us surveyed the damage to the house.

Megan called their insurance company.  They’d need to send a claims adjustor to visit, so we started making plans to return to Equestria to visit friends and family back home so we wouldn’t be at risk of discovery.

Firefly landed and walked up to the rest of us.  “I’ve got some really bad news.”  She reached into her saddlebags and pulled out a broken piece of rainbow.  “The portal got hit.  Weirdest thing I’ve ever seen – the trail of destruction goes right to where the portal used to be and then stops.”

“Used to be?”  I stood up, looking in the direction of the portal. “I have class tomorrow.  I need to be there to teach.”

“I don’t know what to tell you.  The portal’s gone.”

“The rest of you realize this means we’re trapped here, right?”

Heart Throb’s words brought us all to a crashing halt.  We had no way to return to Equestria, and worse yet, the only unicorn who knew the pony-to-human spell was on the other side of the portal.  “Galaxy will come looking for us.”  I hope.

“We have a new problem.”

I looked at Wind Whistler. “What could be worse than all this?”

“We just got found out.” She turned her phone so the rest of could see her newsfeed.  It was a picture of a pair of purple pegasi I didn’t recognize.  “They’re not saying where the picture was taken.  It has to be close.  Does anything in the background look familiar?”

“It’s mostly sky.”

“And a highway.”

“Interstate 195, maybe?” While it didn’t look familiar, it was the nearest freeway.

“Worth a try.” Megan’s car keys were in her hand before anypony could stop her.  Danny and Molly ran to their cars as well.  With it being overcast, we felt it was worth the risk to try flying.  We gathered some of the Equestrian clouds over the ranch and disguised ourselves as best we could.  An erratic cloud wouldn’t be nearly as attention grabbing as pastel ponies.

We’d all spent enough time on Earth that we could find our way back to the Williams’ farm.  But ironically, only from the ground.  We would need to see road signs to make our way back.  It had never been safe to fly anywhere, and I was the only one of us with a mark in navigating.









We all returned home empty-handed and empty-hooved.  The two pegasi were nowhere to be found.

Wind Whistler sighed. “I wish I had fingers right now. I could refute this if I had a little time to make vectors.  With vectors of those ponies, I could claim the photo is doctored.”

“At least most media attention is focused on the storm.”

“Most mainstream media, Heart Throb.  Alternate news outlets are running with this.  Most are mocking it, but there are a few that are taking it seriously.  Specifically, the ones that report on bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster.”

“No one ever believes those stories.”  Firefly snorted in derision at the tabloids.

“Enough people do or they wouldn’t keep reporting them.  Furthermore, the brony website Equestria Daily has picked up the story.  This is going to be a major problem.”

“Can you make vectors with a stylus?”

“Not easily.  But I’m going to have to.”

“Can you teach me to make vectors?” Molly asked, suddenly.

“Yes.”

We couldn’t go searching for the lost ponies again until daybreak, but at least maybe we could do something to discredit the story.  It wasn’t just bronies who’d become fascinated with the news reports. Someone had anonymously posted a bounty of $100,000 for a specimen… dead or alive.

I don’t know who you ponies are, but I hope you’re safe wherever you are.