Act I: Ploomette (Part 3)
Everfree Forest: three years, eight months, and six days ago
The Everfree Forest had lost a lot of its mystique in recent years. Ever since the Elements of Harmony had defeated Nightmare Moon, ponies ventured into the Everfree more frequently than they had in years past.
While the forest had lost some of its spookiness, it was still dangerous. Half a dozen Royal Guards marched around me as we trekked towards the portal. We were all loaded down with supplies, which made progress slower than we would’ve liked. Above us, Firefly kept watch as she led the way to our destination.
It was easy to see why ponies hadn’t stumbled across the Rainbow Bridge with any frequency. It was well off the beaten path, though one had to wonder how frequently our two worlds contacted each other a millennium ago, before Everfree City was left to return to the earth. Ancient Equestrian legends spoke of humans, and per the Williams’, Earth had legends of unicorns and pegasi as well. Those legends had to come from somewhere, though Princess Celestia and Princess Luna had abstained from commenting on any past contact between our worlds.
Eventually we reached the Rainbow Bridge and I took a good look at the derelict remains. “You want us to go through that?”
“It’s safe. The bridge got hit by a tornado on the Earth side last year, and I guess the twister was sucked through to our side. But the portal itself is fine.” As if to prove her point, Firefly disappeared through the shimmering portal. A moment later she stuck her head back through. “See! I’m perfectly fine.”
I took a good look at the splintered wood and fragments of rainbow surrounding the clearing. “Be that as it may, we’re going to have to demolish what’s left of the surrounding structure, or a lot of ponies are going to rethink their travel plans.”
The effects of the tornado, and the hurricane that spawned it, had been mostly erased in the Everfree. That wasn’t the case on the New Jersey side. Some trees had been uprooted, and many of the others had lost branches to the storm. Random debris was scattered around the area, and we stepped around it as carefully as possible.
Megan was waiting for us with a vehicle of some sort. I still wasn’t used to her human form, and I only had a rudimentary grasp of the English language commonly spoken in the area we were traveling. To offset my shortcoming, I’d had the guards accompanying me, the most trusted mares of my honor guard, go through a four-month crash course on the language. Now they were instructing me on the nuances of the language as we traveled. My education never ended, not even when I was on the go.
Official contact had yet to be made. That was my job. Twilight’s idea of ‘handling it personally’ was to delegate it to me. She’s following Celestia’s model to the tee.
My guards continued to strengthen my tenuous grasp on the English language as we rode in the back of the transit vehicle. The harnesses for the passengers weren’t designed for equines, so we’d opted to ride in the cargo compartment. It was obvious the Williams’ were used to carting around ponies, as the back was filled with pillows and cushions. The windows were heavily tinted, so the interior of the vehicle felt more like a cave than a transit. A thestral, Searchlight seemed right at home. As for myself and the rest of my honor guard, we were all pegasi, and none of us liked being in an enclosed, dark space. That probably explains why Surprise, Heart Throb, North Star, and Wind Whistler hadn't accompanied Megan on this trip.
Half an hour later we arrived at the Williams’ farm. It was quaint, and wouldn’t have looked out of place in Equestria. There were, sadly, some signs of damage from the storm they’d mentioned that had passed through the Rainbow Bridge linking our worlds. I felt a pang of guilt. They’d been so busy helping our citizens return home, and then assisting all of us with making contact, that they’d neglected to repair their own home. That won’t do. I made a mental note to get in touch with the best contractors in Cloudsdale. We’d get things patched up as good as new in no time.
We walked inside the house and were greeted by an unfamiliar human with blonde hair, similar to Megan and Molly’s. I assumed she was another sibling of the Williams’. She looked at me expectantly and finally huffed in annoyance. “Don’t recognize me, Ploom? Always so serious.”
“Surprise?!?”
She grinned. “The one and only!”
“But… you’re human!”
“Only on the outside. I’m still a pony on the inside, where it counts.” She thumped a hand across her chest, indicating her heart. “Remember how the Williams’ were transformed into ponies while they were in Equestria? There’s a spell to go the other way too.”
A pinkish-red unicorn with stars adorning her flank trotted into the room. “Salutations, Duchess. I’m Galaxy, an archmage.” She chuckled. “Princess Celestia appointed me Archmage of New Jersey years ago. Mostly it means assisting with the pony-to-human transformation process or vice versa. If you could gather your guards, I’ve been tasked with turning you all human until such time as we officially make contact. It’s temporary, so we’ll have to redo the spell every two hours or so.” She looked me up and down. “This is going to feel very strange, but I assure you, the process is harmless.”
Then a beam of energy shot out of her horn. My body felt like it was tearing itself apart. My hooves split into five pieces each, my back straightened, and my tail retracted into my posterior. I should’ve been in agony, but instead, when the process was over, I stood up…and up…and up some more. “Whoa.” I looked around the room, my head at a height more akin to hovering than standing.
Around me, my guards also stood up. I noticed we were all wearing the same clothing as we’d had on as ponies, which was to say, none at all. Galaxy levitated a tape measure to my nude form, and took measurements of various parts of my body. Looking at my guards, I finally had an understanding of why humans tended to dress in clothing. Without natural coats and tails, everything was exposed to the elements, and in general. I shivered, and Surprise handed me a blanket to wrap up in.
“If you’re about to ask for clothing, we’re already on it. Molly’s at a store and she’s just waiting on your measurements.” She levitated a cell phone over and pushed a button.
“Hello?”
“It’s Galaxy. The eagles have landed. Our VIP’s 32B-23-30. Height’s 5’5”. As for her guests…”
I couldn’t make sense of the numbers and letters that Galaxy was rattling off. Surprise handed all of my guards blankets of their own, and I excused myself.
I locked the bathroom and dropped the blanket to the ground. So this is what a human looks like. Nothing is in the right place. I turned to look at my back in the mirror. The lack of wings was jarring. Where’d they go? I felt them recede into my body, but how? Everything just sort of melted. I wiggled my fingers and toes. The fingers especially seemed useful for grasping things, as I’d seen the Williams’ do previously. They were even more dexterous than wings. Still not worth the trade. I want my wings back, and I want them back now!
Keep it together, Ploom. It’s a temporary spell. We don’t have a permanent version. Nopony wants to end up trapped as a flightless biped forever. It’ll wear off. I hope. What if it doesn’t? It will. It has to. If it doesn’t, I’m sure Twilight Sparkle can devise a cure. Deep breaths. Relax. Go back and comfort my guards. They’re going through this too.
I returned and explained what I’d done. One by one my guards excused themselves to do the same thing. If we were going to be forced to be humans temporarily, we needed to know what these forms looked like and how they worked.
Molly returned with clothing for us, and she and Heart Throb assisted us in putting it on. Humans apparently dressed in layers.
Pony clothing was light and airy, and pegasus garments in particular were designed not to impede wing movement. By comparison, I felt I was being strangled by my human clothing. Everything was so tight. “You’re sure there’s a taboo against going naked?”
Molly nodded. “In almost every culture in the world.”
“But not all of them?”
“There are a few tribes deep in the jungles that don’t.”
“That’ll work. Let’s relocate the consulate to one of them.”
“What is it with ponies not liking clothing? I’ve seen you wear clothes in Equestria.”
“Our clothing is different. It’s designed to be light and breezy. This is tight, constraining, and itches like crazy.”
“It’ll keep you warm and modest.”
“We’re indoors, so the temperature’s not a concern. And what’s modesty got to do with anything? I’ve been trained since birth to always be modest and humble.”
“Never mind. Just keep your clothing on when you’re in human form.”
She was the expert, so if she said I needed to keep it on, I listened to her. As Mom was prone to saying, ‘Why have experts if you don’t listen to them?’
The spell wore off while we were in transit, but we’d once again opted to sit in the cargo bay. There were straps to keep us securely in the vehicle in the event of a crash, with three along each side and another two fastened to the back of the rear seat. Between Galaxy, my honor guard, and myself, it was at capacity, and I couldn’t help but wonder if that was why I’d been instructed to bring no more than six guards with me.
Firefly, Heart Throb, North Star, Surprise, and Wind Whistler had chosen to ride as humans. Heart Throb was riding with Molly in her sleek red transit. It was tiny, and she drove it fast. It appeared designed for speed, as it had little room for cargo and the rear seats would only be comfortable for a couple of ponies, but certainly not for humans. Surprise was unsurprisingly riding with Danny in his massive vehicle. His appeared to be designed primarily for hauling things, as the passenger compartment was small, but there was an open cargo bay behind them. Wind Whistler, North Star, and Firefly were riding with us in Megan’s vehicle. Her ride was obviously designed to transport both passengers and cargo, making it the largest of the trio. It was the most sensible choice of the bunch, but it didn’t move me the way Molly’s did. I loved the little pony galloping on the front of her little red car. I’ll have to ask her for a ride in it.
We slowed to a stop in front of a large mall. “All right, Duchess, we’re going shopping. You need some fancier attire, and I want you to pick it out yourself. Our primary objective is getting you decked out in a way that befits addressing the people of Earth. Our second objective is getting your guard detail suitable matching outfits appropriate to their position. Galaxy, if you’d do the honor?”
Once we were unstrapped, magic shot out from her horn, and she transformed all of us into the human forms we’d become acquainted with a few hours earlier. Megan ushered my guards and I into a clothing boutique, while Danny, Molly, and the other ponies remained outside. I may have had no concept of the value of a dollar, as there was no exchange rate, but I could see that most of the dresses cost many, many dollars. “These dresses are too expensive.” My words were hesitant and likely oddly pronounced, but I got the point across.
“Of course they are, but that’s the point. Get whatever you want. We’ve been given a budget for this.” Megan held up a small, shiny rectangle with the word ‘Discover’ emblazoned on it.
“And how much, exactly, would that be?”
“None of your business.” Megan folded her arms.
My English was too limited to express my disdain for spending outrageous sums on one-time use items. Once I revealed my true nature, I’d never need this human disguise again. I bet you regret teaching me numbers now. I kept reminding myself that humans used base-10 instead of base-16. Eventually, I gave up on finding anything even remotely resembling a bargain and picked something I thought looked pretty. Time was short, and I didn’t want to run out to the parking lot to have the disguise renewed.
Once paid for, the dress needed to be fitted to me. That process was slightly more complicated than the Equestrian version. Once everyone was convinced I looked absolutely ravishing, I was led to the jewelry counter. “I have jewelry.”
“Bet you didn’t bring it with you.”
I wanted to argue that, but couldn’t. The duchy’s antique jewelry was far too precious to risk losing here on Earth. I nodded, sheepishly.
“Get something that’ll match the dress.”
I looked over the selection of gems. They were all smaller than similar Equestrian offerings. Finally, they’re being reasonable about the costs.
A heart-shaped ruby caught my eye. It would match the red dress I’d picked out perfectly, not to mention it would complement my cutie mark. I wonder if I can get it altered to look exactly like my mark?
Megan chuckled when she saw what I picked. “I had a hunch you’d be drawn to something in the shape of a heart.”
She paid, and we returned to the cars to have the disguises recharged. Molly and Danny were sitting on the tailgate of Megan’s transport, with a golden retriever laying on their laps. As we got closer, I noticed the canine had a conspicuous bulge on her head. “Galaxy?”
“Woof!”
I cringed. I’d never heard a bark with an Equestrian accent before. “Why do you look like a dog?”
“Because it’s easier to wear a costume and pretend to be a dog. If I transform myself, I’ll lose my magic for two hours. That’s a risk we can’t take. Besides, it means belly rubs.” She grinned as she looked up at Danny and Molly. She wagged her tail, expectantly.
Molly rolled her eyes. “We’re well-trained tummy rubbers, believe me.”
Galaxy rolled off their laps and leapt into the back of the car. I followed, as did the rest of the Equestrians in my entourage. She recharged us, and then we drove over to a restaurant. It looked fancy and I had flashbacks to Tira Mi Su’s. “You know, honestly, I’d rather just have pizza.”
“Pizza?”
“Pizza.”
My guards laughed. “Me Swoop, me been guard for decades. Duchess never eats anything she can’t pronounce.”
“It’s true. You want to make me uncomfortable? Sure, let’s stop at the fanciest restaurant in town. You want to know how that’s going to go down? I’ll order spaghetti. I suspect getting a hayburger around these parts is impossible. So pizza. If nothing else, it’ll be cheaper.”
“Pizza it is. Oh, and Duchess?”
“Yes?”
“Don’t forget you’re on Earth. If you order spaghetti, you better clarify you don’t want meatballs, sausage, or meat sauce. Unless, of course, you want to try meat. Surprise and I have eaten meat in these human forms. Just make sure you keep getting the human spell recharged, because if you don’t, you’ll be in gastronomic agony for hours.”
“None of us are ever going to forget that, Firefly. It took us three days to clean that bathroom.” Megan repressed a gag at the memory.
“But bacon. Bacon is so good.” Firefly licked her lips. North Star and Wind Whistler rolled their eyes but kept out of the debate. I had a hunch this was a topic that had been beaten into the ground by them over the years. Heart Throb and Surprise would probably be relieved they rode with Molly and Danny, respectively, if they found out we had this conversation.
“What’s bacon?”
“Pig.”
“I can’t eat a pig.”
“I assure you that you can. Now beef’s a bit of a gray area. Beef comes from cows, and Surprise and I were loath to try that for obvious reasons.”
“I’m definitely not eating a cow.”
“Humans are extreme omnivores, Duchess. We’ll eat just about anything.”
“Ponies?”
“Uh, you’re better off not knowing.”
“Do humans eat ponies?”
“There are places on Earth where eating horses is acceptable. This isn’t one of them.”
If I wasn’t already sitting, I would’ve needed to take a seat. “Why are we making this contact? We need to call this off. I’m not going to send a bunch of Equestria’s citizens here just so they can be dinner for humans.”
“Ploom?”
I turned to Searchlight. If she addressed me by my nickname instead of with my title, it was serious, and it was off the record. “Yeah?”
“Griffins can eat ponies. Do they?”
“No.”
“How about minotaurs? Dragons?”
I shook my head.
“Just because a species can eat us, doesn’t mean they will.”
“What do we do if they do?”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. If we get to it.”
Woodland, New Jersey: three years, seven months, and thirty days ago
After a week of speaking nothing but English and being coached by the Williams’, I was as ready as I was ever going to be to make contact. Trial by fire at its finest. Send in a pony with almost no political experience to make first contact. Nope, no way that could backfire spectacularly. I took a deep, calming breath. I’ve spent my whole life up to this point preparing for a life in politics. I have the skills, if not the practice. They trusted me with this mission because I was the best option available. Not that it’s hard to come out better than Blueblood in a one-on-one comparison.
The Williams’ had been working hard on a plan to get a meeting with anyone representing the United Nations, but they’d gotten nowhere. Since they couldn’t get an audience with anyone representing the UN, they settled on what had to be the craziest idea of all time: sending a video of Equestria to the New York consuls-general of the smallest nations in the organization. One responded, asking for more evidence. The Williams’ responded by sending more videos and an invitation to a teleconference.
A few days went by with no response and we’d just about given up hope. Then came the invitation to their country’s consulate-general in New York. Oh good, I’ll actually get to see what a consulate-general looks like. Maybe they can even offer some tips on how to set up our own when the time comes.
That meant another hours-long car ride. This time around we only took the big vehicle. Danny drove, while Megan rode up front with her. Molly shared the backseat with the five ponies she’d grown up around. Galaxy, my guards, and I all played cards in the cargo compartment to pass the time. Surprise periodically flopped over the rear seat to play a few rounds, often winning despite playing upside down.
Periodically I glanced out the windows, but the dark tint reduced the vibrancy of the colorful world around us. Like the colors outside, I could feel the excitement of being on Earth dulling. Part of that was because the first few days had been hectic, then we’d spent the rest of the time waiting around. All the long road trips certainly hadn’t helped.
Then I got a glimpse of the big city. Buildings so tall they touched the clouds, bridges so long the other end was barely visible, and the hustle and bustle of millions of people. This was the city I’d been told about over the past few months, the city I’d be living and working in, The City That Never Sleeps. It’s so big. We’re going to need more ponies.
Danny stopped to let his sisters out, then started driving around the city aimlessly. The plan was pretty simple, if Danny didn’t hear back from his sisters by a certain time, he’d hightail it out of the city and head someplace safe. It was just like some of the movies the Williams’ had entertained us with over the past few days. Spies and adventures, code words and mysteries. But those were only works of fiction. Right?
Wind Whistler had her phone out, waiting for a signal. ‘Paradise’ was the word we were all hoping to hear. That was the all clear, the word that would see us return to the consulate-general and reveal ourselves to the world. After half an hour of tensely driving around the city, her phone finally chirped, announcing an incoming text message.
“They found paradise!”
We cheered at Wind Whistler’s words, and Danny steered us back.
Galaxy turned us into humans again, and we walked into the consulate. I didn’t care that I looked like a slack-jawed yokel, I took in every detail of the exterior and interior both, getting an overall vibe for how fancy my own consulate-general would need to be. Ornate, but not ostentatious. The exterior architecture certainly didn’t match any of the surrounding buildings, and I surmised it was something more akin to what would be seen in the home country. I closed my eyes for a second and pictured a Pegasopolis-themed building with thick cloudy pillars. I blinked and imagined a Canterlot-inspired castle. It’s probably best to go with the latter, we’d have to import clouds, and everypony loves castles.
The interior managed to stop just short of gaudy. We were either dealing with a rich country, or one that desperately wanted everyone else to think they were. Works of art lined the walls, and if not for the maps hanging on the walls, the interior could pass for any one of a dozen noble homes in Cloudsdale.
As much as I wanted to stop and examine the maps, I had a job to do. I wasn’t looking forward to it, but procrastination would only delay the inevitable. Butterflies the size of griffins fluttered around my stomach.
The security guards opened the doors to a conference room and my entourage walked inside. My guards conferred with the local guards and took up appropriate positions. Megan, Molly, and my pegasus advisors took seats at the table, and saved a seat directly opposite from the Consul General for me.
“I was expecting technicolor quadrupeds.”
“We wished to remain incognito while traveling, and we thought it best to make introductions this way as well. Our hope is this will be less distracting. The transformation spell will wear off in less than two hours.”
“Spell?”
“Unicorn magic.”
“Are you a unicorn?”
I shook my head. “I’m a pegasus, as are most gathered here. You’ve been introduced to the Williams’, who are the only real humans in our group.” I pointed to Searchlight. “Searchlight is a thestral, a pony with bat wings instead of the feathery wings of a pegasus. The rest of us are all pegasi. We have a unicorn traveling with us, but she’s waiting outside. In the meantime, let’s discuss what our options are. We wish to reveal our existence to the United Nations. It’s our desire to start diplomatic relations with your world. Of course, by putting your faith in us, we intend to reward your country with the first Equestrian embassy, and invite you to start the first human embassy in Equestria. I’m sure you have many questions.”
“Absolutely. I guess the first is where, exactly, is Equestria located? Are you aliens?”
“We’re from a parallel universe. I don’t know the details, though Wind Whistler can go into the science behind it.”
“The short of it is that on Earth, humans evolved as the dominant species, while on Equus, it was horses. Aside from that, our worlds are very similar. The geography is nearly identical, and there’s much overlap in both vegetation and wildlife. There are some major differences, however, in that humans have developed incredible technology, while ponies have magic. I can go into more specifics if there’s anything you’d like to know more about.”
“That’s well beyond my area of expertise, so I’ll leave that to the scientists. There’ll be plenty of time for them to ask you questions, and believe me, they will. I’m a diplomat, and I’ll focus on what I know best. What are you looking for out of this? What do ponies gain by making contact with humans?”
“New friends. As you’ll soon learn, ponies love making friends. It’s what we do best. We also hope to encourage trade between our worlds. We can assist you with magic, while you can bring us into the technological age. Your strengths are our weaknesses, and vice versa. Together we can overcome any obstacle.”
“No one on this world is going to believe that.”
“Understandable. The dragons and griffins on our home world are also prone to being overly-suspicious of outsiders, or even their own. Are humans the same way?”
“We are, but let’s back up a minute. Did you say you have dragons and griffins too?”
I nodded. “Indeed, as well as changelings, yaks, hippogriffs, minotaurs, buffalo, and a host of other creatures. But it’ll be up to them to make their own arrangements with your world. I represent Equestria and those living there only.”
“This gets more unbelievable by the minute. Especially since I’ve yet to see any ponies.”
Megan handed her some photographs we’d taken once we got to the city. “These are Polaroids we took this morning. That’s today’s issue of the New York Times. If these were all faked, we must work incredibly quickly.”
The consul-general shook her head. “There are ways it could be done. Animatronics, for example. Regardless, are the ponies in these photos all of you?”
I nodded and took the pictures from her. I quickly shuffled through them, putting each pony’s photo in front of the human it depicted.
She studied my photo. “Your name and rank?”
I said my name and she stared at me, confused. It’s a pity human ears are so expressionless. You can learn a lot about how a pony feels by looking at their ears. “There’s no direct translation for it. It relates to plumage. It’s been suggested I go by the name ‘Ploomette’ on Earth, and you may call me that. I’m a duchess, second in line to inherit the position, behind my older sister.”
“And you’re here to negotiate?”
I nodded. “I’m acting on behalf of Equestria. Our ruler is Princess Twilight Sparkle.” I named my advisors and guards, in turn.
“Why do you all have tattoos on your rumps?”
“Those are cutie marks.” I hiked my skirt to reveal the mark on my thigh. “They represent a pony’s special talent, and they show through even when in disguise. Mine is the crest of my family, a heart topped with a crown.”
I looked up to see the Consul General blushing and both Megan and Molly facepalming. “What? All the areas you implied need to remain covered are still covered by the undergarment.”
“Please forgive the Duchess. As a species ponies rarely wear clothing, and when they do it’s merely for decoration, not concealment.” Molly turned to me. “Underwear is intended to remain under the outer layer of clothing at all times. That’s why it’s called underwear.”
“I apologize for any offense. It was not my intention. I do not find your species’ obsession with clothing logical. These clothes are both tight and confining. As a pegasus, I yearn to be free. There’s not even a cutout in this blouse for my wings.”
“There are a few minor culture shocks to deal with. Having been to Equestria, personally, I can also advise it takes some getting used to on our end. Faux pas are to be anticipated.”
“It’s okay. It’s a lovely mark. I can see you’re quite proud of it. You say it represents your special talent?”
“Oh yes! With it being the family crest, it shows I’m a natural politician. I have a way of bringing ponies together in a way mutually beneficial to all parties. I got my mark by arranging a donation of 100,000 bits to a local charity. The noble was happy, the charity was happy, and my cutie mark appeared.”
She chuckled. “When introducing yourself, I’d make sure to skip the part about it signifying you’re a natural politician. People tend to have a rather unpleasant view of politicians in our world.”
“Oh. We’re kinda beloved in ours. I’m guessing I shouldn’t mention that either?”
“Not unless you’re prepared for a massive migration of politicians into Equestria.”
Megan and Molly were shaking their heads, violently. “No! Whatever you do, Ploomette, you don’t want that.”
“I will take your word for that. We were hoping to start the process with an exchange program of sorts. We’d like to send ponies to Earth, and extend an invitation to humans to visit Equestria. We can learn from one another. Our ruler is very big on both friendship and education.”
“That may prove to be more complicated than you’d like. There are currently 193 countries represented by the United Nations. That’s not counting observer states, or other supranational organizations like the European Union. You’re looking at needing to broker approximately two hundred individual treaties. Good thing you were born for this, right?”
“I’m glad we’re not in a hurry to do this. Still, I’m up for the challenge!”
“In addition, you might find several of these nations hostile to you and your interests.”
“We’ve had threats of war, previously. We prefer to resolve our differences without violence.”
“Most of us do too. But there’s also a policy of ‘speak softly and carry a big stick.’ Put more bluntly, it’s easy to dictate policy to other nations when you have the upper hand from a negotiating standpoint.”
“I have been advised of ‘nuclear weapons’ and wish I had not. This was included in the report to Princess Sparkle, but she has faith that if you aren’t using them to blow each other to smithereens, you won’t use them on us, either. Regardless, that’s not my call to make. She’s decided contact will be made, and I’m to do it however I see fit.”
“In the interest of full disclosure, Monaco is tiny, and doesn’t have nukes. We do, however, have alliances with countries that do.”
“Your global politics must be very interesting, and very exhausting.”
“We’re a minor player. A pawn in the international game of chess. Are you sure you want to get in on this?”
“It’s not my decision.” I sighed. And if it was, I’d probably be running the other way. At least for a little while. All I can do is trust the reconnaissance work of those who’ve been on Earth longer. I’ve been here all of a week; that doesn’t give me the right to make this call.
I felt a tingle throughout my body. That was no nervous chill, though it was perfectly timed, nonetheless. Looking at my compatriots, they had all experienced the same shudder through their own bodies. Last chance to retreat. No. I can’t retreat. I won’t retreat.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. The spell’s wearing off. That was the five-minute warning, letting us know to either get the spell recharged or return to a safe location. I’m really hoping this is the latter, because you’re about to see some ponies.”
The conversation stopped as the Consul General stared at us in anticipation. Mostly, she was staring at me. I was the one she’d been talking to, so I was the one she most wanted to see. She got her wish a few minutes later. I was starting to get used to the transformation process, as my body stretched in ways it was never intended to. Bones and muscles reconfigured themselves to my natural pony shape, and I stood there in a pile of oversized clothing.
“Oh my gosh! You’re adorable!”
I bet we’ll be hearing that a lot at first. I shook off the clothing, and stretched my wings out.
Heart Throb trotted up. “I’ve been here a while, and I’ve seen that reaction before. You really want to hug one of us.”
“That obvious?”
Heart Throb nodded. “Go ahead and glomp me.”
They embraced and I could tell from her blissful look she desperately wanted this to be real. Luckily for her, we’re telling the truth. I could also tell from Heart Throb’s look of contentment that she enjoyed the attention.
“I can feel your heart beating.”
“We’re real. Promise.” Heart Throb nuzzled our host.
“You’ll have to forgive my skepticism on this.”
“It’s unbelievable, but it really is real.”
“From what I can see, I’m inclined to believe. However, I’m going to need more proof. I’m afraid I’m going to need to ask for some samples. I need to have some blood and DNA tests run.”
“Take Swoop’s blood. Me Swoop have plenty. Me Swoop no know what DNA is, but you can take that from Swoop as well.”
One of the consulate’s guards guided Swoop into a private room to take the requested samples. The Consul General turned back to me. “I’ll be in touch once I receive the results of these tests back.”
Woodland, New Jersey: three years, seven months, and twenty-three days ago
The Williams’ farm was located in a sparsely-populated area. Despite that, they’d taken all manner of precautions, having had a number of unicorns enchant the property over the years. We could fly or trot around their farm all we liked with no worry of being seen. The only caveat to that was we had to stay below the cloud level.
I flew up to the clouds and poked them with a hoof. In the two weeks I’d been on Earth, they hadn’t moved even once. Sure enough, they were of Equestrian origin. I hollowed out a little nest inside the fluffiest cloud for a nap. I’d slept poorly the previous night – mattresses just weren’t as comfortable as cloud beds.
It was Mirage who found me a few hours later. “Duchess! We’ve received word from the Consul General. The results are in.”
I blinked, awareness returning to my senses one by one. “What now?”
“The Consul General wants to see us immediately.”
“About time.” I stretched, cracking my back. “When do we leave?”
“We don’t. The Consul General is already on her way here.”
“Get everyone together.”
She saluted and I glided toward the ground below. I looked around the Williams’ farm. It was a beautiful, picturesque ranch, and it would've looked right at home in Equestria. It was hardly the kind of place I’d been led to believe humans conducted meetings as important as this. But it was private, and unlikely to be spied upon.
There was a long black car out on the road, with little red and white flags waving from the front fenders. I recognized their design from the consulate. No doubt trying to catch us off guard with an unannounced visit. One last test to make sure everything’s legit. Mom hates when we show off, but… I think even she’d understand the need to in this situation.
Once the limo turned into the driveway, I buzzed it. I waved a hoof at each of the windows, though I couldn’t see inside due to the window tint. I climbed and turned it into a somersault, then corkscrewed above the car. Satisfied with my display, I raced ahead to check out the preparations.
My guards were hastily arranging picnic tables. There was no sign of Danny’s pickup truck, but everyone else was accounted for.
“What’s the plan?”
“Discussions over lunch. Danny’s grabbing pizza. Normally, we would’ve cooked, but the Consul General is already on her way here.”
I shook my head. “She’s not on her way. She's here.”
Megan looked up and saw the limousine pulling up the driveway. “She called five minutes ago.”
“I bet she wanted to catch us off guard. In case there’s some sort of trick that takes a while to prepare.”
“You’re flying!” The Consul General’s mouth was hanging open at my aerial show.
“My wings aren’t there for decoration.” I grinned cockily, just like I’d seen Rainbow Dash do at the last Wonderbolts show I’d attended.
“Forgive us! We weren’t prepared for your visit. My brother’s out getting pizza for all of us right now.”
“That’s okay, I’m not here for food, I’m here to discuss business. The tests came back and as I’m sure you’re all aware, you’re vaguely related to terrestrial equines. Our scientists have never seen anything like this before. They want more data, but that’ll be up to you to provide to them if you want to. I assure you, we’re not going to take you to some lab to experiment on.”
Megan chuckled. “Good to know.”
“Accountability. We need to introduce you to the entire United Nations at once. No nation can make you disappear if every country in the world knows about you.”
“That’s been our goal from the start. How do we make it happen?”
“I’d love to say you could walk, um, trot right in, but I don’t have that kind of clout. I can’t get you an audience in front of the UN. I can mention your existence, but nobody’s going to believe me. Instead I contacted my country’s Prince, who in turn called our closest ally’s president, and both of them are waiting in the limo.”
Megan’s jaw dropped. “Am I to assume you have two world leaders with you? Here on my farm?”
“Yes. Your duchess’ aerial demonstration has already made an impact. They’re both very anxious to meet her.” She opened the door, and I made contact just as Twilight Sparkle had directed me to.
I curtseyed as they both stepped from the car. “Forgive me, I’m just a duchess. Had I known we would have a prince and a president here today, I would’ve made sure our Princess was here in my stead.”
“Then take us to your pony Princess.”
Put up or shut up. That’s fair. “Galaxy, can you get the Princess?”
She nodded. With a flash she was gone, much to the shock of the foreign dignitaries. While we waited, I answered questions while Firefly put on an aerial show.
There was a pop and Galaxy and Twilight stood before us. She quickly introduced herself, and the three heads of state walked off to confer in private. Danny eventually arrived with the pizzas, and I busied myself with eating while waiting for further instructions. Everything’s out of my hooves now. All I could do was hope for the best.
“Ploomette.” Twilight had returned. “I hereby appoint you as our Observer to the United Nations pending our acceptance into the organization, at which point you will become our official Permanent Representative.” She levitated a few slices of pizza from the table and then teleported away.
“Thank you for your time, Duchess. We’ll be in touch with what you need to do next.” With that, the consul general joined the Monégasque prince and French president in the limo.
The limousine disappeared and I stood there watching it go. “What just happened?”
“What needs to happen.” Heart Throb landed next to me. “We start as an observer to the organization, and then once our admission is approved, you’ll become Equestria’s official representative. You’re already in New York so it’s convenient. It’s why we urged your mother to assign you here, Duchess. It’s a dual role, but we’re all confident you can pull it off. They’re off to do the paperwork so we can get our admission submitted once we reveal ourselves to the world.”
“How do you know…?”
“Shh, no questions, remember? Plausible deniability. They’ll work on all that and let us know what we need to do and when. Right now, there’s nothing you can do about it, Duchess. So relax and have some more pizza.”
New York City, New York: three years, six months, and sixteen days ago
I walked to the podium, my formal dress billowing out behind me. It still itched and felt confining, but this was likely to be the last time I’d have need of it. “Greetings, everyone. My name is Ploomette, and I’m a pony.” A video played behind me, showing my other form dancing through the sky. “What you see on the screen is what I normally look like. Soon the magic will wear off and I’ll reveal my true self to all of you. But for now, it’s less distracting if I look like all of you. I know there are a lot of questions, and I’ll do my best to answer them all.”
There’d been a preview for the United Nations delegates. Equestria’s admission had already been submitted by the Security Council, and this speech was entirely for the benefit of the television cameras broadcasting my speech to billions of people around the world. There were no reporters, thank the stars. All the questions that were supposed to be asked had been rehearsed.
“Today I come forward to reveal the existence of my nation, Equestria, and also to seek admission to the United Nations. As you may have already guessed, Equestria isn’t on Earth. But I’m not an alien from outer space; my planet, Equus, is a parallel Earth. There are ponies who can explain the technical aspect of it, but the short version of it is that on Equus, it was equines who evolved into the dominant species, not primates.”
I shuffled papers in my hands, moving to the next page of my speech. “There are many similarities between our worlds, from geography to wildlife. There are differences, of course. There are three main tribes of ponies: earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi. I, myself, am a pegasus. Back home, I’m a duchess. Here, I’m an observer, and I like what I see. Ponies are very friendly, and that’s what I wish to emphasize: I’ve come here to extend a hoof in friendship. Your strengths are our weaknesses, and your weaknesses are our strengths. Together, we can achieve harmony. With human technology and pony magic, who knows what we might accomplish.”
The video behind me changed to that of Equestria as a whole, with the three main tribes represented. “Yes, I said magic. The mythological unicorns of Earth’s past weren’t just myths – we suspect our worlds have been in contact with one another before, and while the reasons we fell out of contact have been lost to history, we rediscovered the door and it’s time to open it once and for all. Equestria is a principality, and our current leader is Twilight Sparkle. It’s important to note that Equus is home to a multitude of nations and a menagerie of sapient beings. I represent only Equestria, but there are also zebras, minotaurs, griffins, dragons, yaks, giraffes, hippogriffs, changelings, Abyssinians, and more. It will be up to all of them individually if they wish to explore diplomatic relations with Earth.”
I stepped away from the podium and motioned behind me. “There are ponies waiting on the other side of the curtain. I could stand up here and talk all day, but I think it’s time to satiate everyone’s curiosity. Without further ado, Galaxy, please come out and introduce yourself.”
With a pop, Galaxy materialized next to me. I held out the microphone to her and she levitated it away from me. “Salutations! My name is Galaxy, and I’m a unicorn.” The microphone glowed in her aura, floating in front of her muzzle. She twirled it around before bringing it back to her mouth. “This is not an illusion; you’re actually seeing levitation. I know this is incredible to a species devoid of magic, but it’s actually a mundane everyday ability for unicorns. Since my arrival here I’ve witnessed firsthoof just how incredible your technology is. You have technological solutions to problems we didn’t even know existed. But we have magic that can do things your tech can’t do. Imagine the possibilities if our species’ started working together. I don’t know how I can prove that what you’re seeing is real aside from asking for volunteers. If everyone in the audience could hold something up, I’ll levitate it away from you.”
Lifting a pen or paperclip with magic wasn’t difficult except for the youngest unicorns. Levitating hundreds of small objects simultaneously was impressive, and showed a level of finesse most unicorns lacked. Simultaneously playing tug-of-war with the owners of some objects and keep-away with others was just showing off.
“No wires! No tricks! Real magic.”
I took a few sips of water while everyone’s attention was on Galaxy. I was still a little nervous, but I’d gotten better at giving speeches. I need to stay focused and stoic. No one will take us seriously if they think we’re all goofy, adorable ponies. Which means it’s time to put an end to Galaxy’s silly antics. Let them see that we’re friendly, playful, and have a good sense of humor, but not too far. Balance. That fine line I always trot.
“Anybody left unconvinced that our magic is real?” Silence was my only response. “Now, it’s time I introduced you to some pegasi.”
The curtains opened to reveal the five pegasi I’d come to know so well over the past month, with Surprise and Firefly leading the way. The former Wonderbolt dazzled the audience with her tricks, while Firefly showed off her speed. North Star, Heart Throb, and Wind Whistler flew lazy loops just above the heads of the UN representatives.
I felt the tingle letting me know my human disguise was about to wear off. Perfect. I knew I was getting close on time. The eyes of the crowd, not to mention the cameras, were still on the pegasi in the air. If I can possibly save this dress, I’m going to. It was expensive and maybe Molly can use it. She’s about the same size as my human form. Clothing tended not to fare well during the transformation process, especially not for pegasi. Though ponies were considerably smaller than humans, our bodies weren’t designed the same way. Wings, in particular, tended to poke through clothing. I ducked behind the podium, pulling the dress down over my shoulders as I sank to my hands and knees. Once I was no longer in view I pulled the dress down past my waist, and allowed the transformation to take place unhindered.
Less than a minute later I stepped out of the dress and into view of the representatives. I stretched my wings, just to make sure they were still there and working properly. I flapped, and soon I was airborne with the others. It would be undignified to race with Surprise and Firefly, and foolish of me to even try, considering both were my superior in speed. Instead I settled into a series of short flights, gliding from representative to representative, letting them see a pony up close and personal. It was rare I could move amongst others without my guard detail flanking me, and I took full advantage of it. In addition to the goodwill it was hopefully generating with what I hoped would be future allies, it was strategic in that it allowed me to see which representatives weren’t enthralled with us. I made note of those countries for future research – was it a personal bias of the representative or cultural? Obviously, we want to be friends with everyone, but if that’s not feasible, it’s prudent to know who our enemies are.
Once my tour of representatives was completed, I landed on the podium. I was no longer tall enough to see over it, so I adjusted to standing on top of it. “I know we’re running out of time, but I’d like to take some questions before we wrap up.” I pointed to one of the representatives.
“I’m a little concerned that some of your citizens fly. We have a number of aircraft in the skies and striking a pegasus would be good for neither the pony nor the jet.”
I nodded. “We’re aware of your powered flight capabilities. This has been a concern of ours as well. It seems as if restrictions on airspace would be the best short term strategy. Pegasi won’t fly close to airports, and perhaps the lowest thousand feet of airspace can be reserved for us? It’s our sincere hope that we can come up with a better long-term solution that combines magic and technology. There are enchantments we could put on planes and helicopters that would repel pegasi, as well as birds, bats, and any other flying creatures they might encounter. Unfortunately, dragons are immune to those enchantments.”
“Tell me more about your mastery of the weather. Can you make it rain in arid areas?”
I nodded. “It’s easier with Equestrian clouds as there’s a lot of background magic back home. My home city of Cloudsdale is in the clouds. To clarify, that’s a city in the sky, built in the clouds, with clouds used as the building material of choice. No, we’re not planning on building such a city on Earth due to your aircraft. It might be feasible to build around an existing mountain or even a skyscraper, such as those here in New York, or other places your aircraft already avoid. That’s something that can be discussed at a later date.”
“What’s your level of technology?”
“Nowhere near yours. We don’t have phones, cars, or internet.”
“Are you open to humans moving to Equestria?”
“Absolutely! We’re all about friendship. Consider the invitation extended.” I held up my hooves. “I think that’s a good place to leave off. No further questions at this time.” I glided down from the podium, gathered up my discarded clothing, and trotted out of the room, the others hot on my hooves.
New York City, New York: three years, two months, and seven days ago
The last few months had been a blur. Equestria had been accepted into the United Nations as a member. It certainly hadn’t hurt that one of our sponsor countries was a permanent member of the Security Council. Unfortunately, between making contact, negotiating treaties with as many of Earth’s countries as possible, endless press conferences, and my duties as Equestria’s Permanent Representative, I hadn’t had much time to devote to my other position.
I’d finally made time to dedicate to setting up the New York Consulate-General. The first order of business was scouting land for a building, and that hadn’t taken long at all. I knew it would have to be extremely close to the UN building, and there was vacant land less than two blocks away. Purchasing that land had been the biggest headache. I’d always hated spending the taxpayer’s bits – ponies work hard for that money and it was my responsibility not to spend it frivolously. Acquiring that parcel of land was the one place I’d allowed myself to spend money like it was no object. Vacant land in New York City was rare, not to mention expensive. Especially when the land wasn’t officially for sale. I sighed. Equestria’s taxpayers would be paying for this for years to come. I just had to remind myself it was a necessity and not an extravagance.
Equestria’s most famous architect, Frisco, had drawn up blueprints for the building. She’d agreed that the only appropriate building to represent Equestria was a Canterlotian castle. This was the fourth revision and I could tell she was agitated by the way she kept flicking her tail.
“What’s been changed this time?”
“Had to get rid of the balconies. Despite the fact that a full third of our citizens can fly, we can’t have access points above ground level. Also, the windows have to be secured. So no one inadvertently falls out.”
“The point was so pegasi could leave the building in flight.”
“I think they’re trying to hamper that as best they can. They don’t want ponies flying around. One thing they can’t get rid of are these access doors on the roof, so I doubled the number of towers the castle has – more roofs, more access doors.”
“Makes sense.”
“At least something makes sense.” She growled in frustration. “Permits, environmental impact studies, building codes, fire codes, seismic codes, building inspections.”
“Don’t you already design buildings in harmony with the environment?”
“Of course! My designs are better than LEED Platinum.”
“LEED?”
“Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design. I’ve yet to see a pony-constructed building that didn’t meet their criteria. And don’t get me started on the seismic codes. They think they know what they’re doing when it comes to earthquake resistance, but if I build it like they say I have to, it’ll be weaker than it would be if they’d let me do it my way.”
“How bad a difference?”
“In theory, not horrible. This area isn’t a heavy seismic zone. I can feel the faults, Duchess. My special talent, the reason everypony says I can ‘grow’ buildings, is that I have a deep connection to the earth. I can’t grow plants to save my life, but I can feel the ground underneath me in ways other earth ponies can’t. I can sense the bedrock; I can feel every deformity. This was a failed rift zone 200 million years ago. There are more faults around here than the United States Geological Survey has record of. I’m fighting hard to get this done my way. I had to consult with an engineering firm to help navigate this mess of paperwork. They’ve already told me that my ideas are groundbreaking and will revolutionize earthquake resistance in the years to come. But that doesn’t change the current laws. You’d think the biggest concern would be flooding considering this is a waterfront property, but nope, that hasn’t come up once the entire time.”
“But you’ve already planned accordingly, I take it?”
“Of course. Along with some secret passages that aren’t in the blueprints, Duchess. In the event of a crisis, I want you to have safe ways to exit this building.”
I was familiar with the secret passages in our palace back in Cloudsdale, so that really didn’t come as a surprise to me. I hadn’t asked for them, but I wasn’t going to refuse them. “How are you going to slip them past the building inspectors you were just complaining about?”
“I’m not. I won’t put them in until after the building’s complete and fully inspected.”
She grinned and I couldn’t help but smile back. “What they don’t know doesn’t hurt us.”
“They wouldn’t be much of a secret if they were in the blueprints. Good thing they’re all right up here.” She tapped a hoof to the side of her head.
“How long?”
“If I ever get these permits approved, I’ll need a year to get it built.”
“Good thing you’ve got three.”
“The way things are going, I’m going to need them.”
“Good luck.”
New York City, New York: six months, and twenty-two days ago
I stood in the middle of the still empty plot of land two blocks from the United Nations. Construction had yet to begin, and the portal was set to open in less than seven months. I closed my eyes and sighed. The bills were piling up and Equestria had nothing to show for it but a vacant lot.
I’d already started looking into leasing space, temporarily. Another unnecessary expense. I’m amazed Twilight Sparkle hasn’t come in with an army of auditors demanding to know what’s going on. She doesn’t normally tolerate this level of incompetence.
Frisco and her assistant, Denim Blue, trotted up to me. “More bad news?”
“Quite the opposite.” Denim thrust paperwork at me and I skimmed it.
“Approved? Approved!” I could scarcely believe what I was seeing. “When you can you start?”
Frisco laughed. “Two years ago. I’ve been directing construction of the building in Equestria. It’s in pieces small enough to get through the portal, and we’ll just put them together here. There’s a team of ponies coming tomorrow to start laying the foundation.”
Relief washed across my face as I felt the weight of the world stop pressing down on me. “ETA?”
“It’ll be up in six months, Duchess. I guarantee it. You’ll be greeting the first wave of settlers right here.”
“What do you need to make this happen?”
“I’m glad you asked. Denim?”
Denim pulled out some expense requests and I scanned them. Tractor trailers, fencing, contractors, construction crews, heavy equipment… Everything was properly justified, and the forms were filled out in triplicate. I couldn’t sign off on everything fast enough. I took a page out of Mom’s book. “I’ll pay a bonus to anypony that has the foundation dug out by the time I wake up tomorrow.”
Frisco smiled. “I like the way you think. I’ve got just the pony in mind for that.” She whistled and an earth pony trotted up. I immediately recognized her from when I’d approved her temporary work visa. There weren’t many ponies on Earth, and I knew all of them. Now that the portal was known, the Royal Guards and the New Jersey Army National Guard had set up camp and were intensely guarding both sides. Nothing went through one way or the other without permission from both.
“Duchess Ploomette, Petunia Paleo. She’s a paleontologist and a master of digging holes.” Frisco's introduction was completely unnecessary, but appreciated nonetheless.
“I keep any fossils I find.”
“Deal.”
“Let’s do this!” She wasted no time tearing up the topsoil like a dog burying a bone.
“I was expecting Rockhoof.”
“Not a chance. I want this excavation done with the precision of a somepony trying not to destroy valuable relics. If the Palisades Sill reactivates, then we’ll call in Rockhoof.”
New York City, New York: twenty days ago
Frisco is brilliant, that’s all there is to it. I gazed in awe at the splendid new castle on Manhattan Island. Not Manehattan, not Cloudsdale, and not even Canterlot, but New York, New York. Frisco was the most-renowned architect in Equestria, and it showed. In just six short months the castle that spent more than three years on the drawing board had become reality.
The building inspectors had already given it their stamp of approval, and Frisco was hard at work directing others in invalidating the inspectors' work. We all have secrets. This may be your city, but this is our building.
I stared at the list of improvements that were being made to the building. “Just how strong is this place?”
“It’s a literal fortress. Did you read that list Wind Whistler printed out for us?”
I nodded. “If I'm reading this right, there’s been at least one embassy or consulate attacked in every year since 1962.”
“My job is to keep you and any other Equestrian citizens safe in the event of a terrorist attack. That’s why you’re getting these tunnels too.” She pointed to a spot on the blueprints. “This is your failsafe. If everything else goes wrong, this is your last resort.”
“I think we may be going a little overboard on paranoia.” When I found out humans were omnivores, I kept looking over my shoulder expecting someone to try eating me. No matter how many times I think back on that, I cringe in shame for ever having been that foolish.
“Better safe than sorry, Duchess. It’s exceedingly unlikely this building will ever be shaken by a magnitude 10 earthquake, but doesn’t it make you feel better knowing that it can withstand it?”
“Well, yes.”
“Think of this as just another precaution. The goal is that you never need to use it. It shouldn’t get to that point, but I’ve watched a bunch of movies in the past few years and it seems like no matter how well something’s designed, someone comes along with a plan that somehow escapes detection. I’ve spent a few years running scenarios that would make blockbuster Hollywood movie directors jealous.”
“They’re just movies.”
“Sometimes life imitates art. I’m putting my hooves down, Duchess. The safety of our citizens comes first.”
“Are all the other consulates fortified like this?”
“We took over existing structures for all other consulates. I assure you I’ve done the best I can with what we have to work with. If you ever want to commission new buildings, let me know. But with all the holdups here, we couldn’t risk the delays elsewhere.”
“And the embassy?”
Frisco shrugged. “Blueblood hired another architect for that. I haven’t been looped into anything they’ve done so your guess is as good as mine. Knowing Blueblood, more emphasis was placed on luxury than safety.”
I made a mental note to contact Fancy Pants later. “Can I start moving us in now?”
“Have at it! My team and I won’t be in your way at all.”
New York City, New York: two days ago
After living in a hotel for three years, it was nice to finally have a place I could call home. I had one of the castle’s towers all to myself, while my guard detail was sharing one of the other towers with the consulate’s security. The remaining towers were apartments for the staff. We’d all be living on site to cut down on expenses.
I really do have this whole tower to myself… and the guards on duty. It was with no small amount of pride that I’d completely forsaken personal servants in favor of independence. No fillies-in-waiting, butlers, or hoofmaidens for me. I’d hired a cook and a cleaning crew, but their services were intended for the entire building, not just me.
Besides, I don’t need a personal cook. New York has an incredible amount of take-out options. I can get pizza at any hour of the day or night!
I trotted out of my tower, and one of the guards at the door fell in behind me, while the other stayed to guard my living quarters. The clip-clop of our hooves echoed down the expansive corridor. Decorating had been a challenge, one I’d left to ponies with better taste than myself. We’d filled much of the space with Equestrian artifacts and artwork. Nothing that was of such significant historical, cultural, or monetary value that removing it from Equestria would be deemed irresponsible, but nothing cheap or gaudy either. It was a fine line, and it had involved requesting museums and galleries send us pieces that weren’t currently on display.
The stained glass windows, however, had been commissioned by me and made especially for the consulate. Rather than commemorate great moments in pony history like the ones in Canterlot Castle, I’d instead opted to showcase ponies interacting with New York’s most famous attractions. My favorite was of myself flying around the Empire State Building. Part of that was personal bias, since the artist had ignored my express desire not to be immortalized in stained glass. In the end, it looked so good I decided that it was okay as long as I didn’t make a habit of it, though if the artist had to insist on including me in a window, it should’ve been of me eating a slice of pizza. Bah, that’s probably not ‘majestic’ enough. Another of the windows showed the portal, with ponies on the Earth side and humans on the Equestrian side. The rest depicted landmarks like the Chrysler Building, Brooklyn Bridge, Madison Square Garden, but the one that was sure to be the most popular with tourists was a bunch of fillies singing Hearth’s Warming carols in front of the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center.
“Good morning!” Electric Slide fell into step alongside me. She hoofed me a cup of tea and I smiled. She’d already gotten used to my preferences. “Not much going on today. You’ve got a 10 o’clock and you need to be at the U.N. by 3:00. Aside from that, your day is clear.”
“Perfect. That means we can do one last check to make sure everything’s ready to go.”
We started at the bottom and worked our way up. The parking garage was mostly empty, except for Danny teaching Searchlight to drive the SUV we’d acquired for transportation. Nopony else had a license, let alone a car. The remaining cars in the lot all belonged to people looking to immigrate to Equestria. We watched Searchlight practice for a few minutes before moving on. The elevator ride to the ground floor was smooth, and I inspected the waiting room. The lobby had been designed to seat a hundred ponies, and maps of both Equestria and Earth decorated the walls. This was the first stop after the portal for ponies entering Earth, and the first stop for anyone who wished to enter Equestria. I wanted everyone to know where they were going so they wouldn’t get lost. It gave them something to study while waiting.
There was also a computer in one of the corners; Wind Whistler had set it up when she’d set up the rest of our communications equipment. It had a massive keyboard designed for hooves, and even I thought it looked silly compared to the computers I’d seen humans using, but hooves were significantly less dexterous than fingers.
The two people waiting ignored the computer, instead focusing on their own handheld devices. They’re sitting about as far away from one another as they can, and completely engrossed in their electronics. And they want to go to Equestria? Ponies, by contrast, would normally choose to sit next to one another and socialize. I really hope the wave of human immigrants and the resulting tech boom that follows doesn’t completely destroy Equestria’s charm.
We flew past the waiting room, taking to the air so as not to have the clip-clop of hoofbeats disturb our guests. I knocked on the door to Rainbowshine’s office and she opened it.
“Yes, Duchess?”
“Two in the office waiting.”
She looked down the hall to her pair of vice-consuls, Stuffed Shirt and Alimony Suit. Neither was doing anything, per normal. Mom had made me take some problematic young nobles off her hooves, and I’d in turn given them the lowest ranking positions in the consulate. As expected, they’d leapt at the chance without doing research, automatically assuming that ‘vice-consul’ meant being my second-in-command. Instead, they’d found themselves at the bottom of the totem pole, below not only me, but the Deputy Consul General, Ivory Tower, and a half dozen consuls, including Rainbowshine.
I’d allocated a pair of vice-consuls to each of the consuls, and had intentionally assigned Rainbowshine the two biggest pains in the flank. If anypony can teach them responsibility and a good work ethic, it’s her. Rainbowshine had agreed with my approach, and looked forward to the challenge, stating that ‘it beats making snowflakes all day.’
She reined in the stallion and mare, marching ‘Esses’ and ‘Ali’ to the waiting room. I watched as they each introduced themselves to one of our waiting guests, then showed them back to their respective offices. If their interviews went well, Rainbowshine would meet with each of the potential immigrants in turn to review their applications and either approve or deny them.
I opened my own office and Electric Slide followed. I sat at my desk and Electric briefed me on my upcoming appointment: a potential trade deal with a major toymaker that wanted to sell their wares in Equestria.
She showed him into my office promptly at the appointed time, and their rep started his spiel. He never even bothered to sit down, instead projecting a PowerPoint presentation onto the wall of my office.
He started with a brief history of Mattel, then launched into their current product lines. Barbie dolls? Humans are the latest obsession in Equestria right now. They’ll sell like hotcakes. Monster High? Not so much. American Girl? More realistic, that’ll do better than Barbie in Equestria. Hot Wheels? Cars are new and exciting in Equestria and most ponies have never seen one. They’d probably do okay but they’re kind of garish and silly looking. Matchbox? Like Hot Wheels, but more realistic. That’s a keeper. Masters of the Universe? I’ll have to run that one past Ivory – he likes fantasy.
“American Girl and Matchbox.”
He stopped mid-sentence. “What about them?”
“They’re the most realistic looking of the bunch, and the toys I think would sell best in Equestria.”
He jotted that down in a notebook, then pulled samples of each out of one of the duffel bags he’d brought in. “Ponies like realism?”
I nodded and he handed me a couple of dolls and a half dozen miniature cars. “Ponies like tradition. Keep in mind that humans and cars are very new to us. I don’t know how kids on Earth feel about Monster High or Hot Wheels, but I can’t see either brand doing well in Equestria. Ponies don’t have a point of reference for normal humans or automobiles, let alone fantasy versions of either. This is your opportunity to introduce an entire nation to your culture. Do it right.”
“Thank you for the insight!”
“You can thank me by hiring some ponies. We don’t have your mass production methods, and you’ll run every traditional toymaker in Equestria out of business in months if I let you flood the market. Bear in mind there are no large toy companies in Equestria; you’ll be literally competing against homemade toys.” I pushed the intercom button. “Electric, please send in Law Suit.”
The Mattel rep’s eyes went wide but I waved a hoof dismissively. “It’s his name. He’s our lawyer.” He’s also Alimony’s dad, and another of the ponies Mom had wanted out of her hair. In Cloudsdale, he’d become famous for bringing frivolous lawsuits and made a small fortune by settling out of court. On Earth, though, he’d found his calling. He was one of the few ponies who could not only navigate through all the legalese on this side of the portal, but give it right back to people. He’d gone from being a pain in the flank back home to being indispensable on Earth. Ponies were trusting by nature, and I was guilty of it too. He wasn’t.
Law Suit trotted into the room and I introduced him to the toy rep. “Send a letter to Filthy Rich in Ponyville. Include a product catalog for American Girl and Matchbox and ask him how many he thinks he can sell throughout the Barnyard Bargains chain. Then ask him if he knows any toymakers who might be interested in moving to Earth and working for Mattel. And make sure they keep their trademarks and copyrights.”
He nodded and directed the rep to his own office, where they’d draw up a letter of intent. The door to my office closed and I sank down in my chair. Their foot’s in the door now. There’s no going back. How many livelihoods did I just destroy? Once ponies back home get their hooves on things like this, they’re never going to want to give them up. I twirled one of the American Girl dolls around in my hooves, inspecting it from every angle. This is going to be most ponies’ introduction to humans. I set it down and removed one of the Matchbox cars from its packaging. I smiled as I rolled it around my desk. I can see foals making ‘vroom vroom’ noises as they’re pushing these things around the floor.
“Are you still playing with toys?” Electric Slide giggled as she set a glass of soda on my desk. “It’s almost lunchtime. Want me to order some pizzas for everypony?”
I shook my head. “Two days from now we’re going to get really busy, and it’s probably not going to slow down any time soon. We may as well take advantage of the last free time we’re going to have and take a nice flight on lunch and get it ourselves.”
Electric grunted in reply and I looked up to see her rolling another of the Matchbox cars around.
I chuckled at her. “Addictive little things, aren’t they? Every foal’s going to want one.”
“One? You can’t do this with just one of them.” She let hers loose and it crashed into mine, flipping them both off the desk and onto the floor.
I gasped, expecting the worst. I looked to the floor and instead of being broken into crackly little pieces the cars were fine. I blinked. “Surprisingly durable.”
Electric laughed. “Of course they are. You should see the safety regulations toys have to meet just in order to be sold here. The rep was telling me all about them while he was waiting for his appointment. He seemed very excited at the prospect of a world with less litigation.”
She pulled the remaining cars out of their packaging, then flipped them over to read what they were. “Let’s see, we’ve got an Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser… I hope I’m saying that right, an Express Delivery, a Volkswagen Beetle, a Jeep Wrangler, a GMC Scenicruiser, and a Volvo something. How do you pronounce a letter and a bunch of numbers? P-one-eight-zero-zero? P-eighteen hundred? Payteen hundred? Pone-eight-zero-zero?”
“I like Pone-eight-zero-zero!”
“Me too!”
“Let’s see how many of these cars we can spot on our trip for lunch!” I spread my wings in anticipation, then sheepishly folded them back up. This isn’t like back home, I can’t jump out the window. Instead I led the way back to my living quarters. She stopped following me and galloped ahead when she caught sight of who was guarding the entrance to my tower.
“Dad!” She nuzzled him and he kissed her forehead.
My security staff was made up of mostly ex-derby pegasi, with a few unicorns and burly earth ponies mixed in. I was still waiting for the archmage the princess had promised me. Why does Blueblood take priority? He’s a unicorn and so is every single one of his staff members. I need a powerful unicorn on my staff.
They started talking and I stood there awkwardly. I could go into my private tower, but I knew from experience that if we didn’t enter together, Electric Slide wouldn’t come in of her own accord – not even if I left the door wide open.
She asked him what he wanted for lunch and I snapped to attention. Sunshine Smiles opened the door and my honor guard swept in, making sure everything was safe for me. We flew up the stairs, not even bothering to go into my rooms.
We exited through the door on the roof and glided down to the street, staying fifty feet above it – high enough to avoid traffic and power lines, but low enough that we wouldn’t be in the way of aircraft. New York City was like a maze with hundreds of paths and no dead ends. There were dozens of ways to get to our destination, and I tried to take a different one every time. I was feeling playful, so I weaved in and out of the buildings, leading Electric and my guards on a chase through the city. Aside from a few Express Deliveries, I didn’t see any cars that resembled the Matchboxes we’d acquired.
It felt wonderful to be aloft, alive. I did loops and barrel rolls for no other reason than I could. Electric Slide matched me move for move, egging me on by doing stunts of her own, daring me to match them.
I was working up an appetite. I inhaled greedily, filling my lungs with air as I continued to keep up the pace I’d set. Panting, I took a deep breath and came to a stop. I took another whiff. That smells really good. Instead of heading toward the pizza parlor I’d become attached to, I followed my nose to a cart on the sidewalk, similar to the carrot dog vendors in Manehattan. “What is that?” I pointed to something that I suspected was meat.
“Kiełbasy. I’ve got that, bratwurst, hot dogs, and sausages. Whatcha want?”
“I don’t suppose you have carrot dogs?”
He shook his head. “I never heard of carrot dogs. I don’t got anything vegetarian, sorry.”
I turned away. “Sorry for wasting your time.”
“Come back tomorrow.”
“Hmn?”
“You want a carrot dog? I’ll make you one tomorrow. Gotta go get some carrots after work.”
“Thank you!”
“No, thank you. Every once in a while, someone asks me for a vegetarian option and I never could figure out what would be good. I’ll put ‘em on the menu and test ‘em out, see if they sell.”
I smiled and took flight. I should make a list of pony-friendly places to eat around the consulate.
New York City, New York: today
I trotted through the halls of the Equestrian Consulate-General. The building was done. The utilities were connected. My staff had moved in. Wind Whistler had set up our computer system and phones. We were as ready as could be for the first busload of settlers.
We’d been working with humans wanting to move to Equestria since before the doors officially opened, but this was different. This was what I’d come here for. I’d delegated interviewing people interested in moving to Equestria to the consuls and vice-consuls, but when it came to Equestrian settlers, I’d made up my mind that nopony would meet with my little ponies but me. There were many reasons to make the move from Equestria to Earth, but what they all had in common was that ponies were leaving Equestria. That meant we’d failed these ponies in some way, shape, or form, and it was up to me to figure how to make things right. I wouldn’t know where to begin unless I talked to each pony, individually.
Anticipation filled me as the minutes dragged by. I looked at the clock – the bus was already five minutes late. Probably caught up in traffic. Nothing to worry about, Ploom, lots of people get caught in traffic every day.
There was a GPS tracker on the bus, and I turned on my laptop to figure out where it was. The Matchbox GMC Scenicruiser had been repainted to resemble the bus that would be taking ponies from the portal to the consulate, and I absentmindedly rolled it around my desk as I waited for the computer to boot up.
“The bus! The bus!”
I looked up and followed everypony’s gaze to the rainbow-colored bus pulling to a stop in front of the consulate.
“There’s a pony on the bus.”
I laughed. “There are a lot of ponies on the bus, Swoop.”
“Pony not in the bus. Pony on the bus.”
I blinked and looked again. Sure enough, there was a fuchsia pegasus riding on the roof. “Electric Slide, take a note. More training for the guards at the portal. Everypony gets on the bus to the Consulate-General, no exceptions.”
She nodded, though my pleas would no doubt fall on deaf ears at the New Jersey Army National Guard. Once the ponies entering Earth showed their passports to prove they were here legally, the natives really didn’t care what their visitors did with themselves. We’ll just have to hire some of our own guards for this side of the portal.
The bus pulled to a stop outside and I smiled. “This is it, everypony. This is what we’ve waited for.”
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Red and White flags.
Indonesia?
10576962
Not quite, but their flags are identical.
10576966 My first thought was Poland, but since they have a prince, it's Monaco?
10577014
Got it! There's more in the story notes for this chapter: https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/928894/story-notes-16-ploomette-part-3
Not bad, both this and it's predecessor have been enjoyable stories, and I love the detail. I will nitpick a bit here on one thing, and it's that a base 4 number system doesn't make sense. It's not that I think ponies are like Minabari in their thinking, but that base 4 is too small to be practical. I actually did some reading on this, and settled on base 12 for my AU, a multiple of 4. Generally speaking, a practical number system would be between 10 and 15, give or take a little. It's not to say there hasn't been bigger or smaller, it's just that that's the sweet spot. I picked twelve as if I used base 8, any typed numbers might confuse readers, and base 16 would require me to think up too many additional characters. Still, not exactly a big or important complaint.
Oh, and to elaborate on what's wrong with base 4, because its fun to do this, have the number eighty-eight in a few bases:
Base 10 = 88
Base 12 = 74
Base 16 = 58
Base 8 = 130
Base 4 = 1120
Better hope you don't need any real big numbers.
I'm honestly surprised. I'd have thought she'd be on that like ink on a book.
Formatting error, this section appears stretched out.
A beautiful gift, delivered unto we undeserving souls.
Another formatting error, these six words are stretched across the entire page.
Personally, I would say that the consul general does need to know what all of the ponies on earth are doing. Nobody would believe she was unaware of any skullduggery, and indeed she would only seem incompetent if she truly was unaware of her subordinate's dealings.
You find any fossils and they'll have to find a new lot.
Human culture is intensely vibrant, and quite addictive. Slides in through the cracks and takes over every little crevice. And it never does aught but grow.
10577463
I'm not seeing formatting issues on my end - what browser are you using?
10577692
Microsoft Edge, it looks like this to me.
i.imgur.com/avdpG2J.png
10577191
Thank you! Believe it or not, I solicited expert opinions on this one on a blog post from the predecessor story:
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/880617/story-notes-mr-jones-goes-to-equestria
I could change things around (it hasn't been brought up that frequently; it's there to add another difference between our cultures, but it hasn't been a big plot point), but I could also change some of the dialogue in this chapter to reflect that she's used to seeing really large numbers on price tags, and that if humans use base ten, she shouldn't (to give her an idea that the dress prices are extravagant).
On the flip side, I'd like this to be more in line with reality. Considering the name of the story, I'd probably go with base 16 if I changed things (just seems appropriate). I'll leave this as your call - keep it base 4 and ponies just have implausibly large numbers, or base 16. As Ploomette quotes her mother in this chapter, Why have experts if you don’t listen to them?
Thank you again!
10577699
This is what I see in Firefox:
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/2908cd95-ef02-41e7-a303-eeeb79bd81af/deabl1a-c1bc0430-d769-4c6d-a9ee-fc7a9578f047.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOiIsImlzcyI6InVybjphcHA6Iiwib2JqIjpbW3sicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvMjkwOGNkOTUtZWYwMi00MWU3LWEzMDMtZWVlYjc5YmQ4MWFmXC9kZWFibDFhLWMxYmMwNDMwLWQ3NjktNGM2ZC1hOWVlLWZjN2E5NTc4ZjA0Ny5wbmcifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6ZmlsZS5kb3dubG9hZCJdfQ.DQVYrWUJ6LBvcxKstR0ecqI7t9viWZ_MSiIb-mAVc5E
There's no coding for either of the sections that you're having issues with, so I have no clue how to fix it.
I'm assuming you haven't had issues with previous chapters (or other stories), so do you have any suggestions?
10577726
Huh, how strange. Eh, it's a minor quibble, and there doesn't seem to be an evident fix. Leave it be I'd say.
10577719
I would say base 16 is a better choice, i just used 12 out of laziness. With base 16, they would count each limb four times, so you can see the logic there.
I'm not expert, however I do do research on things, sometimes to a ridiculous degree, I once spent an hour researching fuels because a porn story I was editing had the characters were visiting their ancestor's farm and brought a tractor running on compressed methane gas fuel. Yes, it was a minor point in the story, but I wanted it to be well written. Likewise with numbers, I did some research on that. Heck, I even dug around in unicode two find my two characters, settling on • and ⊃, an unshod hoof (bullet point) and a shod hoof.
10577748
I know the feeling - most of my writing time is spent researching (things like beekeeping for Honeybuzz's chapter or how to make hyrdogen fuel to see if that was a practical use for pony magic in the real world). When it came to mathematical bases, my research was if it could be used (and how), as opposed to if it should. I could handwave it away and say 'pony magic', but I can't see any society at Equestria's level not using advanced mathematics. If anything, they probably use them more due to magic.
As for why the practical aspects of it weren't as much a factor in my decision: folks tend to stick to traditions, even when they're not particularly logical. We have four perfectly good numbers, why do we need more of them? Sort of like how the metric system hasn't caught on everywhere - it's a more logical unit of measure, but not everyone has adapted to it. My thought was that if ponies started counting on their hooves and developed a base 4 system, they'd just keep building on it, consequences be damned.
I'll edit this story and it's predecessor accordingly: ponies moved to base 16 once they realized the practical limitations of base 4... probably after centuries of dispute.
10577748
Fixed! I went through this story and the prequels, and it required a small tweak to this chapter and also to Mr. Jones Goes To Equestria. Looks like this was only brought up twice to date in the trilogy.
Thank you again!
10577848
I'm not surprised to hear that it didn't show up much, it's one of those little things that really isn't important, and is more likely to show up in author notes explaining what's with the weird numbers in the story than in the story itself. If it was a big part, I'd tell you to have some fun and put a Minbari like push to use base 5. In Babylon 5 (90s sci-fi show if you're not familiar with it), the Minabari use base 11, ten digits plus their head. Also could make it a tribal thing pre-Equestia, unicorns would push for a base 16 or higher because of the mathematics required in spells, Earth ponies would likely call four good, and pegasi, who knows what they'd go with.
As to the change from four to eight, twelve or sixteen, I can see an argument, and sixteen has the advantage of the base being four groups of four, an easy symmetry not unlike one of the techniques for counting in base twelve, you do it on one hand using the sections of your fingers, so every finger gets counted three times, base, middle and tip usually in horizontal rows. As for symbols if you should need them, I believe unicode has at least four horseshoes, each one a quarter turn, so 1-9, four horsehoes, a bullet (unshod hoof), something else (maybe a circle?) and 0
10577891
Computer science people use A-F for digits 10-15 when they use hexadecimal.
10578039
Indeed, hexadecimal is very well settled. Oddly duodecimal (base-12) isn't, in fact forget a world standard, there's not even a US standard, which was part of the motivation behind creating my own symbols. Basically I was too lazy to invent an entire numbering system, so I just take on two equine themed characters to make base twelve. Likewise, while Earth hexadecimal is established, we're talking another world, so they could use an entirely different system of numbers, but once again, we fall back to me being lazy, and simply equine theme as many of the extra characters as I can.
I love this story so much! So good!!
10578755
Thank you!
10577699
I get similar problems when I shove stuff on my e-reader but it's fine on chrome. I think it's an issue with the website. If it persists bug Xaq about it... Every time I raise an issue I get told its a feature so you'll probably have better luck.
10576962
Could be Canada. Their flag
https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2Fd%2Fd9%2FFlag_of_Canada_%2528Pantone%2529.svg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FFlag_of_Canada&tbnid=8BbVkRiS5q_auM&vet=12ahUKEwjdsr-B2s_tAhVyCjQIHSpYDs8QMygAegUIARCFAg..i&docid=wnrQLybKH7cqKM&w=1200&h=600&q=canadian%20flag%20image&ved=2ahUKEwjdsr-B2s_tAhVyCjQIHSpYDs8QMygAegUIARCFAg
10578214
10582003
It's Monaco.
10578039
Even though base-16 is properly called "sexadecimal."
As we all know, IT personnel are notorious for prudishness and straight-lacedness, so they changed it.
https://arstechnica.com/cars/2020/12/art-imitates-life-as-tesla-cybertruck-toy-from-mattel-misses-ship-date/
Lots of colts and fillies are doubtless disappointed. Including the grown-up colts and fillies.
10585805
Probably not at all surprising, but I collect 1/64 cars. Sad to hear it's delayed, but hey, it's just like the real thing... only smaller.
Okay, that was Ertl's slogan, not Hot Wheels', but close enough. Also, I didn't realize that the 1/64 was already sold out. Blah. I missed out, but I'm sure there will be another release of it, probably without the radio control.
Thanks for the link!
Do Matchbox cars work well on Hotwheels tracks? I imagine they'd have to be similar width for the spinning foam wheels that shoot them up the loops and stuff. But the friction on the axles might be too much.
10587065
They do, though Hot Wheels tend to be faster. Nowadays Hot Wheels and Matchbox are both owned by Mattel, so Matchbox is geared for realism, while Hot Wheels has some realistic cars (usually slightly exaggerated), but also gets the outrageous customs and fantasy cars. Most Matchbox cars work perfectly well on Hot Wheels track sets (exceptions being things like construction equipment or farm tractors).
Did the previous story introduce the archmage? If not I kinda want to see some of them Ploomette has come out of nowhere to be my fave.
10593593
Ploomette really got a chance to shine with three chapters, and I'm glad you're enjoying her!
As for the archmage, yes. It's Starbeam Twinkle, and we saw her a bit in Mr. Jones Goes To Equestria. Her chapter's coming after Plumsweet, Rainbow Flash, and Snowcatcher (who will likely also get multiple chapters).
This look into Equestria-Earth relations has been really interesting! Plus, I enjoyed the Petunia Paleo cameo.
Come to think of it, how does the Equestria Girls universe factor into this, if at all? There are enough differences that it's probably distinct from our Earth, but it has the same technological advancements that ponies would probably be interested in establishing connections for.
10604250
They're two distinct worlds. Another of the infinite alternate dimensions where humans evolved pastel shades. But there's no direct link from there to here, so anyone wishing to go from EqG's world to here will have to stop in Equestria first, and be turned into a pony. The portal from Equestria to Earth, however, doesn't transform you when crossing it, so they'd still be ponies here on Earth.
It may come into play much, much later in the story (or more likely the sequel) as a way for humans wishing to move to Equestria to completely go native. By going through the portal to EqG's world, they remain human, but coming back they turn into ponies and there's no way to reverse it (except to go back to EqG's world). Once that side effect is discovered, humans are discouraged from traveling to the EqG world, but that doesn't stop everyone. Equestria's best mages are working on a way to make it less permanent.
10577191
Base 16 is something anyone whoever used a Game Genie is familiar with.
0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D,E,F
Eighty-eight in Base 16 = 58
Hm about the “money” issue… Equestrian has gems in RIDICULOUS sizes and quantities… just ONE of Spike snacks would be enough to buy the whole plot of the embassy and have some spare…
10585805
There's now a regular version of the Hot Wheels Cybertruck, and I picked it up earlier.
Thank you for the head's up!
So Monaco?
Luckily, human developed countries have a high demand for handmade boutique products.
Perhaps some sort large program to set up joint ventures (like how the East Asian tigers used when they first started industrializing after World War 2) to import know how and technology into Equestria while keeping control over Equestrian industry and generating export revenue would be desirable...