The stone cracked and fell away from the old centaur, and he let out a deep sigh. Even before he had been sealed up, Tirek had looked tired. What would come next, he knew, would tire him out even more. "So what did she choose?" He needed to know the answer. It had been bothering him for.. how ever long it had been.
Discord stuck a little cardboard stick in his mouth, and pulled out the whole lollipop. "She never gave up wearing black, if that's what you're asking." The centaur looked smug for just a moment, and then Discord crushed it again. "She did spend the rest of her life with those colorful children of hers, though."
Frowning, Tirek looked off into the distance. "It's been that long, then. Time seems distorted in the stone. I would swear your conversation with Chrysalis was only a few days ago."
"Mmm. A skosh longer than that." Discord waved the lollipop at Tirek vaguely. "I suppose it does make things a bit odd, but I've never been particularly in favor of time being linear to begin with."
Tirek sighed. "So much time lost, and all so you can divide and conquer."
"Divide and--" The lollipop hit the grass, and Discord finally rose from the bench he had been laying on. "I'm sorry, but you seem to have me confused with anyone else. Do you know why I didn't simply unpetrify you all at once? It's because dealing with the three of you at the same time is infuriating! That's why I kept ditching you as Grogar! Ugh, you're like children. Even the ones of you who actually are." He meandered over to Tirek, sneering with disdain. "Keeping track of all three of you for years at a time would be actual work, and I have enough of that without foalsitting. One at a time is plenty for my patience, thank you very much."
In return, Tirek crossed his arms and smirked. "And the Lord of Chaos actually admits there's something he isn't capable of. I never thought I'd see the day you had personal growth."
Discord's fingers came together, and he stopped himself only just before snapping. No. No, he told himself. Don't be baited by Tirek. Again. "Tsk tsk." The paw instead waggled a scolding finger at the centaur. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, and I won't get fooled again." There was an abrupt and distant cry of Bulk Biceps' ghost shouting "YEAH!" in the background.
A still-smug Tirek rolled his eyes. "Amusing. Now can we get on with this?" He lifted his hand to inspect his nails. "I assume you're going to offer me the same thing you did Chrysalis. Listen to your pitch, and then I'm free to go?"
"It did work rather well last time," Discord admitted.
"Excellent! Then we can skip the formalities and you can just let me leave. I want nothing to do with this wretched land anymore." Tirek remained quite placid - he'd obviously had time to plan and think this through while he was trapped in stone. "Equestria is still brimming with magic, but it's far too much effort. After being trapped in Tartarus twice and once in stone, I'm ready to cut my losses. No amount of magic is worth having lost this many centuries of freedom."
For a moment, Discord was stunned mute. He hadn't been expecting a reaction like this. Tirek had him on the back foot - and the worst part is that the offer sounded tempting. It would get rid of the centaur more or less permanently. But that wasn't what he'd promised Twilight he would do. And Fluttershy would be disappointed in giving up so easily.
Also, Discord didn't trust Tirek at all.
So he pulled out a thick book labelled The Rules and examined it through his reading glasses. "I'm afraid that isn't how this works. The rules are very specific that I have to try and show you the Magic of Friendship first." A tiny rainbow arched across the top of the glasses, right before Discord put them away again. "You don't get to skip to B without going through point A."
The response was a frustrated groan, as if Discord were telling an overgrown child no dessert until after dinner.
He snapped, and they were gone.
Draconequus and centaur walked side by side through the orchard. Ponyville was growing again - but Sweet Apple Acres had eternally been the western border of the town. A few farmhands were at work, but paid the pair little mind. Discord was a familiar enough face around town and Tirek's infamy had long since faded into obscure history.
Little mind save for the glaring at Discord when he filched an apple off a tree while they walked.
"This is probably where you're going to try and tempt me with love or candy or something, isn't it?" Tirek lazed alongside his captor, exuding boredom. "Because that's not going to get you very far."
Discord popped the core out of the center of the apple and munched on it. "No," he admitted with a full mouth. "I didn't intend to bother." The rest of the apple was tossed away. "I understand that sort of thing holds no value to you. You ate a face-full of Weaponized Friendship already and it didn't alter your tune - there's no amount of cupcakes that can change your mind at this point. Though I'm sure there are a few ponies who would certainly give it their all to try. It would be funny to see you subjected to weeks of parties and cheer, unable to do anything as they tried to befriend you as hard as they could. But. In the end, that would just waste both of our times."
Meanwhile, as Discord rambled on? Tirek had moved a bit away from him. There was a rather pre-occupied unicorn farmhand tending to the trees, and a bit of a pick-me-up after centuries in stone sounded wonderful. So while the draconequus was distracted, Tirek edged closer, opened his mouth and--
Fell to the ground in a spasming mess.
Discord sighed dramatically and waved the stun-gun at the centaur. "I was wondering when you were going to try that."
Slowly, Tirek found his hooves. "Yes, well, you can hardly blame me for trying."
"Actually, I can and must point out that trying to consume passers-by is terribly un-Friendship-y." Another tiny rainbow sprouted between Discord's claws. "Now as I was saying - I've had the hardest time trying to figure out if you were even worth trying this with." He barked a sour laugh. "Honestly, you're half of the seven sins in a smug scarlet package. Also you keep treating everypony around you like energy drinks."
Tirek crossed his arms and turned away. "I know what I want out of life and I'm not afraid to get it. What's wrong with that? Your pony friends usually see that as a virtue."
"They're generally not jerks about it," Discord observed ironically. "I think you walked into your problem, though." He suddenly crashed through a panel of drywall that had THE POINT painted across it in stark black letters. "What you want out of life."
Discord snapped again, and the pair vanished from the orchard.
Harsh winds full of sand blew across the desolate landscape. Rocky, sparse and quite familiar to Tirek. He had journeyed across it to arrive in Equestria the first time.
"You can go," Discord pronounced.
And Tirek hesitated. "So you're giving up? And sending me back to my father's kingdom where I came from? Your point A wasn't your A game, it seems."
The centaur's skin crawled when he turned back and saw Discord smiling with far too many teeth. "Not your father's kingdom, Tirek. Not anymore. It's been almost two thousand years, remember. It's your brother's kingdom now."
"...Scorpan's."
"Yup!" Discord gleefully showered them both with confetti. "Long live the new king! Relatively new, of course." Several cheerful party horns went off in Tirek's face. "While you were imprisoned one time or another, your father passed his kingdom on! And since you were busy being a horrible criminal locked away forever, he made your brother king! Doesn't that just beat all!"
Tirek took a long, deep breath. "This changes nothing. Now instead of overthrowing my father, I'm overthrowing my brother to take what is rightfully mine." He chuckled darkly. "And you should be enough power to get me it!" His mouth opened, sucking the wild chaos magic from Discord and--
He fell to the ground in a twitching heap.
Discord - wholly unharmed - dusted himself off and handed a carrot to the small white rabbit with the stun-gun. "Thank you, Jophiel. I knew that was going to happen sooner or later."
The heap of centaur groaned in frustration at falling for the same gag a second time.
Quite pleased with himself, Discord leaned over Tirek. "Now that we're done with that, we're done here. You'll stay out of Equestria, and you go free." He patted the centaur's head. "Good luck stealing enough magic to beat your brother!" Then he and the rabbit were gone.
Lord Tirek stumbled across the near-lifeless plain. Once more, he had been repulsed at the border of his brother's kingdom. Once more, he'd challenged him and failed. Once more, he didn't have enough magic and struck out again to find new sources.
Once more, he found a draconequus lounging in an inflatable kiddie pool waiting for him. "Seventh time wasn't the charm, huh?"
A weak bolt of energy punctured the pool and drained its water across the rocky ground. Discord, as per usual, pouted. "Spoilsport. Really, I give you credit for not giving up but even your hard head must be realizing by now you're not winning this one."
Tirek slumped to the ground. "I just need to find a bit more power next time. I'm almost there. I've just got to be patient."
"Said that two other times already," Discord helpfully noted as he folded up the water from the pool.
Snarling, Tirek glared. "I thought you said you were going to leave me alone?"
"I said you were free to go. I never said I wasn't going to keep tabs on you." Fishing into a hole in timespace, Discord pulled out a large tally board. He marked off Tirek's seventh attempt as a failure, causing Discords #17, 8 and π to lose in the betting pool. "We're not talking about me, though. This whole intervention is about you, Big Red. Because you're not getting any younger, and you're not winning any thrones like this. I think we both know what you need."
Discord leaned in closely to Tirek's ear and whispered a single word. "Help."
And the centaur pulled back with wide eyes. "...I don't believe it. No, I refuse to believe it!" Clamboring to his hooves, he stared at the draconequus. "This was your plan all along! This was your pitch! You didn't really let me go free, it was just a long con!"
Twenty-some Discords started applauding. "Bravo! And he finally realizes what's actually going on! It only took him... how many years?" One of the side Discords whispered something in his ear. "Oh dear, that is quite a long time. And I thought you were smarter than that. Really, I did!"
"So all of this. Telling me that my brother had become king. Setting me to attack him. Exiling me from Equestria. Letting me siphon magic from dozens of towns for years. It was all to teach me friendship?" Tirek gawked - and then wildly batted at the air to disperse the rainbow that appeared when he said the f-word. "Have you lost your mind?!"
Discord opened up his head with a snap to show the brain. "Nope, right here!" Then he smiled. It was that particularly smug grin he had when he knew he'd won. "You can't do it on your own, Tirek. And you can't simply find a co-conspirator like Chrysalis. They'll just betray you again. The only way you'll ever gain a kingdom is with a friend."
Crossing his arms, Tirek pouted. "Well, what if I don't want to."
"Then don't! And give up your primary character motivation for the last several centuries!" The concept of that alone made Discord laugh.
He closed the distance with the old centaur, putting a claw on his shoulder. "Tirek, that's been the secret this whole time. You and I both know you're perfectly capable of friendship. You're greedy, egotistical, vain and childish."
"Look who's talking," Tirek mumbled.
Discord ignored him. "But you're not stupid, and you're not a monster like those other two."
Tirek rolled his eyes sarcastically.
"They are!," Discord insisted. "Chrysalis certainly was and you know all children are demons."
Tirek.... waggled his hand back and forth non-noncommittally. He couldn't argue.
A large rock-candy table appeared in front of them, a massive map etched on the surface. "You can choose, Tirek. You've got that luxury. You're like me - you might not know much about friendship, but you're as capable of it as anything else you do." Reaching out, Discord tapped a talon on the map. "Here. It's a long ways to the south-west, but if you go here? There's a city-state ruled by someone I think you would get along with. The two of you together could create something far more than just a small city."
Scratching his bearded chin, Tirek considered. "Well, you are right, I'm not getting anywhere like this. I guess it couldn't hurt to try things your way and see how they pan out. At worst I can just drain the entire city and keep going from there." He thought for a moment more before nodding to himself. "I don't suppose you could get me over to this city, hm?"
And with another toothy grin, Discord shook his head. "Part of the path to redemption is walking a thousand miles in someone else's horseshoes." He snapped - and disappeared.
The quartet of bright pink inflatable horseshoes that were now on Tirek's feet did not.
They also squeaked with each step.
Tirek let out a long, undignified sigh of defeat.
"Ambassador Persnickey, your Highness," announced the door guard.
Princess Twilight Sparkle nodded slightly - then smiled to one of her most faithful dignitaries. "Ambassador! Wonderful, you're back sooner than expected. I hope that means good news."
Coming before the throne, the ambassador bowed. "It does, Princess. My negotiations with the Raja of Ghoda will be in the usual report, but I know one conversation will be of particular interest to you."
"About Lord Tirek," Twilight surmised. Not that it took much - keeping tabs on the villain in the distant land had been a priority for many years.
"Thakur Tirek," the ambassador corrected. "He took on the local superlative some time ago. As per your instructions, I made sure to be present when the... other delegation arrived."
Twilight pursed her lips to a thin line. That Persnickey was here with good news meant that things had gone well, but she still couldn't shake the traces of worry. After all, she had coordinated what could easily have turned into regicide.
The ambassador continued in spite of her internal concerns. "And while it was tense to begin with, I did take this picture." His aura floated over a photograph to Twilight - one of Tirek embracing Scorpan in the lavish throne room. The thin line turned to a broad smile. "Tirek, as predicted, made clear he was satisfied with the kingdom he shares. He said, and I quote--" Persnickety cleared his throat before reading from his notes. "'Why would I give up what I've built here just to start all over again? I have my looks, I have my companions and I have my kingdom." The unicorn looked up with a little smile. "At which point the Raja cut in and the two had a friendly argument about just which one of them was really in charge."
Smiling more, the Princess let out a deep-held sigh. "It sounds like things worked out just fine."
"They did, didn't they?" Discord's long neck craned over the throne from behind. Several nobles and dignitaries in the room startled. None of the guards nor the Princess did. "Go on. Go on, say it!" Discord prodded the Princess eagerly.
With good-natured reluctance, Twilight said it. "You did well, Discord. It was the right call to send Tirek there."
And the smug draconequus draped himself across the floor in front of Twilight. "I knew it would be. They needed someone powerful to protect them from those troublesome desert monsters, and he needed someplace to feel accomplished and respected." He pulled a diagram from above with a pyramid labeled Needs Hierarchy. "Once old Muscle Mass had his ego satisfied, he could move forward."
"It was still risky," Twilight observed. "You handed Tirek an entire kingdom and set him up to take another if he wanted. But it all worked out in the end."
"Which is what I knew all along. You're welcome."
Laughing, Twilight gave her old friend a playful shove. "Do you think you're ready for her, then?"
Discord didn't speak his answer. He just smiled.
The cluster of foals played around the statue - but none of them dared to even touch the plinth. Everypony knew it was cursed.
Long, long ago - even before grandparents! - there had been a filly who was naughty. She had done everything she was told not to, like staying up after bedtime and not doing her homework. Because she had been so bad, her parents hadn't loved her enough. So one day she had snuck into the Sanctuary when she wasn't supposed to and played with animals that were in the places foals weren't supposed to go. The next morning, the Caretaker found her in the cockatrice pen as a statue! And because her parents didn't love her because she was too naughty, they kept her that way so show all the other little foals that they should be good.
That was before any of the foals playing could remember, though. Even before Spark's older brother Taffy was born! So, like, at least ten years!
They said that if any foal touched the statue, the stone filly would whisper in their ears and teach them how to do naughty things. Because she was lonely and wanted to make other foals bad so they would be turned to stone too!
So everypony stayed away from the plinth and the naughty filly in the stone.
Because they were good ponies. Which they knew, because the Caretaker had said so.
The ending bit was cute, with Cozy Glow and all that. "Be good foal or be statue fool."
My fingers are cross that Cozy gets a loving family in the end.
I thought Scorpan was dead. I’ve seen Disney’s Gargoyles. Demona don’t count since she’s under a binding spell with Macbeth
Wow, talk about insult to injury! I love it. I hope Cozy Glow is furious.
That's a very good thought on how to reform him, kudos.
Wow, they really have to make manipulating/changing history illegal in Equestria
Even if it worked, for now, it will backfire. The longer it's used, the bigger backfire
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Well, of all the villains we've got the best indication of Tirek/Scorpan's lifespan - we know that King Vorak was alive prior to both Tirek and Discord's imprisonment (So ~1000 years before the show) and was presumably still alive/ruling in S9E25 when Discord mentioned him. So their living a significant number of centuries is at least debatably canon and Scorpan still being around isn't unreasonable.
It seems like Equestria has a real problem with recording it's history. I would have assumed Twilight would have at least made an effort to make sure ponies know the past, considering at least 4 of threats she faced were from a thousand plus years ago and nopony seemed to know they were real or even existed.
"Clamoring to his hooves" is a typo for "Clambering to his hooves".
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Huh. And I always thought the two were just different phrasings of the same word (like armor and armour). Learn something every day! Well, correction made!
I feel like the Cozy Glow part at the end should have been saved for the next chapter.
However, it makes so much sense to save her for last. Since Cozy's image was pretty much tainted due to her actions in S8 and S9, once she's freed in the future, no one will know or care who she is, so she's free to start over without ponies immediately steering away. Now, she's able to properly make friends that are more willing to trust her.
Of those villains, I always thought Tirek was trickiest to untangle, so really well done here. You don't see a lot of good Discord/Tirek dialogue but this is done really well.
He'd been doing it for centuries. No one had the heart to exorcise him, least of all Discord.
"Takes one to know one, Demeaning Nickname."
"Really?"
"This was your seventh try. I didn't prepare infinite material."
Brilliant work thus far, but I feel like you saved the toughest nut to crack for last. Looking forward to seeing how you handle Cozy.
I'd say you handled Tirek rather well, giving him a reason for doing what he did, and striving to find a new purpose in his life once he had let go of his ego. I enjoyed how you had him and Discord play off each other for both kicks and serious moments.
I wonder WHO you got this off?
I agree that Tirek is a bit of a hard character to write, especially with the jump in his personality (in my opinion) from S4 to S9. He went into a little more comedic side, but I’m glad the comics gave a little more intake.
“Get magic, get swole.” Yeah, basically. Put as Discord put it, “Who uses magic to compensate for the fact he’ll never be enough to please dad,” so definitely something about proving himself even to someone who isn’t there anymore. That’s psychological damage if I’ve ever seen it (Not trying to defend, just explain).
But yeah his motives were all over the place.
I honestly feel like this is the best that could be done with Tirek. I would love to read more of his backstory though. Amazing job.
history is a TERRIBLE subject here!!! like, no one is writing down anything and it seems that history these days is based on mere rumors. What happened to 'those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it'
EH, TWILIGHT?
Another great approach. Tirek is the most redeemable of the three, in my opinion, because he's the most logical and level-headed of the three. He's the only one of the three who's not certifiably insane to some capacity. Even though his motivations are vague that alone gives him a smoother road to redemption.
The evolving legend of the statue is also brilliant.
Steal magic, get swole is now a candidate for my next bio
What, no imaginary number? :P
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And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why the editing process never ends.
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