My Crazy Ex

by 23 KM To Nerdiness

Suri Polomare

[DAY 0]

I'm Starry Night, unicorn stallion and massive train enthusiast.

I was in Manehattan at a locomotive convention and it was my last night there, and I decided that I just wanted to go have a quiet drink by myself, so I went down to the hotel's bar.

At the time, I've been single for about two years because-

A: I work alot, and B: my friends say I'm socially awkward.......and I guess they're right.

"Hey there, you." a mare waved.

This wasn't the first time a beautiful mare has ever talked to me, but the problem is is that I did, right then, exactly what I always do.

I froze.

"Sweet Celestia, Starry Night, is that you?" she gasped. "It's me, Suri Polomare!"

I dated Suri in my senior year of high school back in Canterlot.

"Suri, hey, I didn't recognize you! What are you doing here?"

"I'm a clothing designer, I have a meeting." she stated. "Traveled from Canterlot, I'm selling to a big brand."

Suri and I dated for four months back then.......before I broke up with her. Actually, I didn't break up with her. My family moved to Manehattan...

So, I kinda just left without telling her.

"C-Can I order you a drink or something?" I asked.
"I mean, I already have one, but we should chat."

Her nickname was 'Schizo' in high school. She was kinda emotionally unpredictable. Now, she seemed really cool, like she'd really grown up and gotten her act together.

I've never been a big drinker, but I wasn't a lightweight either.

"Another round, please!" Suri chimed.

I figured I must've been really tired, because I remember having three or four drinks and then that's all I can recall.

[DAY 1]

When I woke up, everything was a blur. It took a second, then it all came back to me.

"Morning, handsome." Suri giggled.

Well, almost everything.

I still had no idea how we had gotten back to Suri's room or if we even DID it. It was pretty uncomfortable, at least for me.

"Hey, sorry for rushing out like this, but, uh......I gotta go." I winced.

"Awww, when am I gonna see you again?" she pouted.

"Heh, I don't know, but I'll look you up."

"Well, I hope so Starry, especially after we made LOVE." Suri grunted.

That's the exact moment where I realized why everypony called her 'Schizo' in high school. She hadn't changed a bit.

"Ha ha ha!" the mare cackled. "I'm just kidding!"

It didn't feel like she was kidding.

DAY 12]

After the convention, I've been getting letters from Suri and I wasn't interested, so I didn't respond.

I was more interested in my friend, Coco Pommel, who watched my house while I was away. I had just made dinner for her as thanks for collecting my mail and feeding the fish while I was at the convention.

"Thank you so much for making me dinner, Starry." she giggled.

"No problem, take care."

We were just friends from work, but I was working up the courage to ask her out. I really liked her, she was smart and sweet...

And normal.

After she left, I was doing the dishes wondering if I should've kissed her or not.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

I thought Coco must've left something and maybe I could've gotten a second chance with that kiss. But, I only got a hug.

From Suri.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in shock.

"Don't freak out, Star," she laughed. "I'm not moving in with you or anything.......I moved in that greenish house down the street."

"What made you move down here?!"

She moved from Trot's Way, Canterlot to New Horsey, Manehattan RIGHT across the street from my house, with no letter or anything. Who DOES that?

"We've been talking about how we wanna be close to each other and I thought this would be our perfect opportunity." Suri squeaks. "Now come and help me with a few boxes, they're really heavy."

We never talked about that.

She caught me off guard, I was tired and I guess I was trying to avoid confrontation. So, I thought I'd just move a few boxes, then go to bed and deal with it in the morning.

I know, stupid.

[DAY 16]

Four days later, I got a package.

It was from Suri, let's just say that.

It was a camera with footage of her stripping and trying to be seductive for me. I know I should've been turned on, but seriously, the whole thing kind of terrified me.

I was in denial. I thought if I just ignored her, she'd lose interest. I was bad at breakups.

[DAY 23]

My mom was planning to ride from her house in Horseshoe Springs to stay with me that weekend. As I was reading her letter-

CRASH!!!

One of my sliding glass doors shattered right before my eyes.

I recognized the rock that destroyed it. I found it on a hike. I thought it was cool because it was shaped like a heart, so I gave it to Suri back in high school fourteen years ago.

At that point, I should've confronted her, but I'm especially bad at breaking up with angry, violent mares. So, I thought it would be a good idea to just let her cool off a little.

[DAY 24]

I hadn't gone on a run for about eight years. But, after spending 80 bits on a new sliding glass door, I needed the distraction. Afterwards, I decided to hop in the hot tub to unwind, where I got quite the surprise.

My hot tub was filled with dead, rotting fish. There must've been around 20 of them.

What kind of twisted pony does that?

"Starry." a voice uttered through the talkie that came with my prized train set.

"S-Suri?" I answered.

"Oh, you finally respond to me."

Her voice was just flat and cold. Really scared the shit outta me.

"You can't run away from me, Starry."

I think I finally realized then that she wasn't going to stop and that I should tell her that she was acting crazy.

"You filled my hot tub with FISH?!" I exclaimed. "There is something seriously wrong with you!"

"Starry......I'm pregnant."

That's the scariest thing a stallion could hear.

"......we're gonna be a family."

[DAY 26]

Suri kept on sending letters and calling on my talkie, I think she was up to 47 letters that DAY.

As I was taking a taxi chariot on my way home from the bar, I decided to pass the time and read one of Suri's letters.

"Starry, I hope you're not planning on wasting our baby's college tuition on expensive carts. I might have to teach you a lesson in selflessness."

~Your foal mama ;)

It read.

I figured it must've been my mother's new cart that she was talking about and I thought she might destroy the wheels or worse, so I called my mom on the talkie.

"Hi, honey." she chimed.

"Mom, are you at the house?" I pant.

"Yeah, I'm just cleaning up a bit. You should seriously think about hiring a maid or some-"

"No time, Mom, if you see Suri, DO NOT talk to her!"

I told her to keep an eye out for Suri and to keep her distance.

"I have been seeing a mare pushing a stroller down the street. Think she's been circling around for a while. she stated. "In fact, there she is again."

"Stay AWAY from her!"

"Starry, I'm just gonna go talk to her. She needs to learn boundaries."

"No, Mom, DON'T- UGH!"

My mother really never knew who she was dealing with.

I thought something was wrong when an ambulance went past me, but I was sure something was wrong when I got a quick "How's your mom?" from my talkie.

The moment I made it home, I found my mother being put in an ambulance chariot, badly bruised.

"MOM!" I hollered. "What happened?!"

"S-She......beat me with the stroller." she mumbled.

"Come on, let's get her to the hospital, guys!"

My mom recovered. She got really lucky, considering she ended up with a damaged leg, three cracked ribs and a dislocated hoof.

The next day, I found this old letter that Coco left for me, which must've been buried under all the ones sent by Suri and....

"Hey, Starry, it's Coco. This mare, Suri from high school called. I hope you don't mind, but I told her that you were at the train convention downtown. Hope that's okay. See you later.

~C 💋

Suri came looking for me. After FOURTEEN years.

She followed me to the bar, pretended it was a coincidence, got my address through my locomotive license and moved down the street from my house.

Oh, and one more thing.

She wasn't pregnant, OR a fashion designer.

Suri is serving 9 years for assault with a "deadly" weapon.

Starry Night and Coco are currently dating.

Both agreed to never have kids.

---

Author's Note:

The role of Starry Night: The Blue EM2.

Comments

[The Blue EM2]

Poor me.

Thanks for this, mate. Let's hope Coco goes a bit better.

[TheHardie-Boy]

As I was reading, two thoughts were going through my head

1. NOTICE ME SENPAI

2. WAIFU WAR!!

[Noobblue]

Starry Night and Coco are currently dating.
Both agreed to never have kids.

Good for him but like, what a harrowing experience.

[Pete100]

If your child says to stay away from someone they know you might want to listen.