My Crazy Ex

by 23 KM To Nerdiness

Sugarcoat

[DAY 1]

Name's Mirage Chime, unicorn stallion and professional egghead.

All my life, I've always wanted to be a famous novelist. When I got into a good school with a very prestigious writing program, it was a dream come true.

The head of the program, Professor Novella, had been guiding young writers for DECADES. But I had no idea it was actually his teaching assistant that I was gonna learn the most from.

I had big dreams. But my journey to a Ponitzer Prize......got off to a pretty rough start.

"C minus?" I sighed in disbelief.

I got back to back C minuses on my first two short stories. It was very frustrating. To make matters worse, my recent grade was equipped with the long hated "See me in my office." thing.

I was dreading having to go to meet the professor. But, when I stepped into his office...

"You wanted to see m-"

He wasn't there. Just his assistant.

"Oh, u-uh.......I was looking for the professor, did you know why he wanted to see me or-"

"He didn't." she uttered. "I did. I liked your story. You have talent and I didn't want you to discouraged just because some old fart doesn't get it."

"T-Thank you. You.....r-really think my work is GOOD? Can I ask what you liked about it.....for a better sense of what's working?"

"Tell you what, buy me a drink and I'll break it down for you.....sentence. By. Sentence." she whispered.

"U-Um......sure. Mirage Chime."

"Sugarcoat."

It might be worth mentioning that I've never been a lady's guy. But, somehow, ONE drink suddenly led us back to her place. I didn't even know how it happened.

"Wow, this is a great collection, I'm impressed."
"Who isn't impressed with me?" she scoffed.

"I-Is that a picture of Earnest Hoofingway?"
"Yep, and my great grandmother, Caramel."

"Your great grandmother knew the greatest writer in Equestrian history?"

"She didn't just KNOW him, she was his niece."

"You're kidding."

"I am indeed not kidding. Kept it a secret for years. Let me just show you something."

It took me a while to grasp exactly what was going on, but then...

".....no." I uttered.

".....yes." she said smugly.

"This was Hoofingway's typewriter!"

The reason that Hoofingway kept his typewriter at her great grandmother's place was that after he passed, nopony ever claimed it, so Sugarcoat kept it.

"Want to know how she helped him become the greatest writer ever?" she whispered. "By igniting the PASSION in him."

[DAY 4]

After that night, Sugarcoat and I started seeing alot of each other and I thought it was gonna be like having a writing coach, but she was more of a......drill sergeant.

ANYTHING the professor liked, she didn't.

"Sorry for being blunt, even though that's my specialty, but you're taking a giant step backwards, Chime. It's clearly obvious you wrote this for the GRADE."

The worst part was that she was right, it was less about the writing and more about pleasing my professor.

But she had different plans for me.

"You'll have to leave the program." she stated.

"Q-Quit school?"

"Yeah, that's what I said. Give me 6 months and I'll make you a REAL novelist."

I really liked Sugarcoat, but I worked really hard to get into that class.

"I-I'm sorry, but-"

"Now, before you shoot it down, I think I have something."

And that's when we started Phase 1 of Sugarcoat's school of advanced writing.

"Cider?" I said.

"Almost all great writers drink."

"At 11:30 in the morning?"

"Earnest drank two glasses every day before typing a single word. I want you to drink two of these every day and start writing."

For the record, I'm a lightweight. One glass and I'm buzzed. TWO glasses and I'm asleep.

Cider.......was probably gonna kill me.

"A-Alright, fair enough." I nodded. "Let me just get my quills out-"

"Nope, no quills." she stopped me. "Not anymore. Use the typewriter, maybe that'll......inspire something."

You know, I would've chugged a GALLON of ink for the chance of writing with Hoofingway's typewriter.

"Ugh, sweet Celestia- HIC. This is bad." I groaned.

See? Lightweight.

I looked over what I wrote down and it was like I threw up on the page, mostly gibberish, but somehow I manage to write something I really liked. Just enough to get me started down the path.

But from there, the words just started flooding out of me. I didn't leave that typewriter for 13 HOURS until I had a finished short story.

I was the best thing I've ever written. I was convinced that Sugarcoat was brilliant, so one day, I dropped outta school and moved in with her.

[DAY 9]

A short story was one thing, but my goal was to write a novel. And truthfully, I didn't know where to start.

"Well, I'm screwed." I moaned. "Can't even write a greeting card at this point."
"...let's get you away from the typewriter for a while." Sugarcoat suggested. "Wanna go for a ride?"

So, we called a chariot and went for a drive. Thought we would've went to grab some food or something and then head back, but she had the stallion run for an hour to the middle of absolutely nowhere.

The moment I got out for a bathroom break, the chariot just took off at the speed of light.

She left me stranded, and I had no idea what to do. So, I walked along the railroad tracks until I couldn't take another step. I was cold, hungry and apparently in hobo territory.

It took me the entire night to walk home, Sugarcoat said I needed to 'grasp the depth of the pony struggles against nature'...

Whatever the hell that is.

[DAY 41]

In fact, everything we did had some form of lesson in it. Having to stop in the middle of fooling around was supposed to be about frustration and disappointment.

It worked.

[DAY 90]

Then, there was the lesson in conflict.

"Chime, I'd like you to meet Razor."

"Hey, dude."

"Razor here said I have a nice flank."

"She does." the brute chuckles.

"Are you gonna let him talk to me like that?"

"U-Um........HEY there-"

POW!!! right in the kisser.

Hoofingway supposedly liked a good bar brawl.

I'm gonna assume he was better at it than I. But still, it's only been 3 months and I was almost finished with my first novel.

And I was convinced it was all because of Sugarcoat.

[DAY 115]

I hadn't seen my old roommate, Flash, in weeks. I was excited to tell him about Sugarcoat.

"She sounds like a psychopath." he stated. "I mean, bar fights, dropping you off in the middle of nowhere, what Kinda writing teacher does that?"
"No, dude, she's not teaching me about writing, but about LIFE." I said. "She's teaching me the same way her great grandmother taught Earnest Hoofingway."

"So, she's turning you into a depressive alcoholic who committed suicide..."

I just don't know what got into me, I was so close in finishing my first novel that I just didn't care. But, if I was thinking clearly, I would've seen how right Flash was.

[DAY 121]

I'd been working on my novel day and night, night and day until...

I was a novelist.

Sugarcoat said she wanted to read it right away.......and alone so I wouldn't stare at her. So, I left the house for a few hours.

But when I got back, she had one final lesson for me.

This one REALLY hurt.

"Is that.......sweet Celestia!" I exclaimed. "What are you doing?!"

It was the ONLY copy of my book.

And she was BURNING it page by page!

"Sorry, but it had to be done." she said coldly. "It's just obvious you needed one more lesson."

"What lesson is that?"

"Heartbreak. You've never had your heart broken, and it shows. In order for you to be truly great, you have to know how it feels to suffer. It's a shame we can't be together anymore."

She burned my book......and kicked me out. A week later, she just disappeared. I checked at the college and they said she never showed up for work that day.

Or ever again. She just vanished.

[DAY 183]

That whole episode with Sugarcoat really messed me up, but eventually, I got my act together. Stopped drinking, got back in shape and the school let me re-enroll.

So, a few months went by, I'm doing my daily jogging down past this bookstore, and that's when I finally found out what happened with Sugarcoat.

"You gotta be bucking kidding me."

It was MY book with SUGARCOAT'S name on it!

I suddenly realized the past 6 months had been a total scam. She also wanted to be a novelist, but she wasn't a very good writer, and she knew it.

So, she needed to find somepony else to do the work for her. She managfed to convince me to use an old typewriter telling me it was Hoofingway's, but it wasn't. She wanted to make sure I had only one copy of the manuscript. Sugarcoat made her own copy and then destroyed mine.

I'll give her credit for one thing:

She did get my first novel out of me.

The book she stole, my book, ended up on the BESTSELLER'S list, believe it or not.

Hey, at least I knew I was that good.

Chime wrote a story about getting seduced by a con mare.
It was the first of many best-selling novels.

Sugarcoat was never able to recapture the magic of 'Downfall of a Post-Grad'.

She was never published again.

---

Author's Note:

The role of Mirage Chime: leeroy_glBZ.

Comments

[TheHardie-Boy]

Well..at least he got some action

[Orrm]

That's basic fraud. I believe if they check the typography between the books and her own writing they'd realise it was stolen.

[leeroy_gIBZ]

Name's Mirage Chime, unicorn stallion and professional egghead.

This is friggin' great. Nice work mate.

[23 KM To Nerdiness]

9872395
No prob. 😋

[mickal9090]

was this suppose to be relationships about ex's? usually that happens in relationships.

[23 KM To Nerdiness]

9872479
It's about people/ponies talking about their experiences with those they used to date (a.k.a an EX)

[Pete100]

At least he achieved his dream.