• Published 3rd Oct 2019
  • 4,825 Views, 260 Comments

My Crazy Ex - 23 KM To Nerdiness



Restraining orders may be imminent...

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Vinyl Scratch

[DAY 0]

Name's Tony, Italian human and music lover of Equestria.

Back then, my pal, Cheerilee and I fulfilled our dream of opening our own record store. I called it......'Chicks with Discs'.

I know, ol' Cheerie didn't like it either, but at the time, it seemed funny to me, okay?

Bottom line, we both loved music. And my personal favorite was the 'Morning Disc Jockey, DJ PON-3'.

At that time, I was completely obsessed with trying to win one of their calling contests, to no avail. I listened to her every day.

Guess you could say I had a bit of a voice crush.

[DAY 1]

The next day, Cheerilee and I were working at the store where her favorite DJ, the afternoon guy was on.

"It's 3:45 and it's scorching hot out there, my ponies. the raspy voice stated on the radio. "But don't you worry, Uncle Scratchy's got the tools to CHILL."

"Ooh, I really love his voice." Cheerilee swooned.

"Oh, please, Scratchy?" I scoffed. "He sounds like he belongs in an iron lung."

"Scratchy's been on the radio for 20 years now, Tony."
"Sure, but DJ PON-3 just sounds so.....sensual."

"Hey, I'm with you." a white coated mare waved. "She sounds so much sexier."
"See, Cheerie?" I snickered. "The customer is always right."

"Whatever." she grunted.

The mare seemed familiar for some reason but I couldn't place her.

"I don't know if you should be admitting you find her voice sexy." I said.
"I think, in this case, I'm probably allowed." she uttered.

"Why?"

"'Cuz I kinda am......her."

"W-Wait, your DJ PON-3?"

"Caller #10 with the correct answer shall get FRONT row tickets to AB CD!"

That's why she seemed so familiar.

"Oh my God, it's her! Cheerie, come quick, it's actually HER!"

I.......might've freaked out a bit.

I just couldn't believe DJ PON-3 was at my store.

"You guys got good taste, some of these records you can't even FIND anymore." she said impressed.

"T-Thanks, I'm a total classic rock god."

"Heh, a guy after my own heart."

We spent the next hour talking about music. And then...

[DAY 4]

We went out to dinner. Had a good time, learned her name was Vinyl Scratch, until she decided to give me something interesting...

"This is the alternate calling number." she stated, scribbling on a note. "Use this if you wanna get tickets. Much better luck with that."

"Wow, that's tight, thanks!" I laughed.

Vinyl was a very cool girl. She told me a few insane stories.

"You seriously got to meet Odd Al?"

"Are you kidding me, that guy owes me 10 bits."

She was funny, she was awesome, and yes, we headed to her place on the first date...

Guess I was better at playing records than at playing hard to get.

[DAY 15]

Vinyl and I have started seeing each other alot. And I've been dying for a chance to use that secret calling number she gave me.

"Where did the 'Tumbling Boulders' get their name from?" Vinyl asked on the radio.

It worked. I had actually got through, I was finally gonna get on the air.

"You're on the air." the voice chimed. "Who am I talking to?"

"H-Hi, yo it's Tony." I stuttered.

"Nice to meet you, Tony. Do you have the answer?"

"No, it's TONY. You know, from a certain little record store downtown?"

"Well, TONY from a certain little record store downtown, can you tell me where the 'Tumbling Boulders' get their name from?"

It wasn't the response I had hoped for. She acted like she didn't even KNOW who I was.

"I-It's a 'Murky Waters' song." I sighed.

"That's correct! You've just won two tickets to the BOULDERS."

I was just confused. I couldn't understand why she hadn't acknowledge me. A little on-air wink, a shout out to the record store, nothing.

It was weird as hell.

But, it didn't stop her from waltzing in like none of that happened.

"Hey, but winner!" she chortled. "Good for you, the BOULDERS, right? Bet the seats are gonna be awesome!"

"Yeah, sounds great."

"Uh oh, what's the matter?"

"When I got on the air with you, why did you treat me like a total stranger?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." she winced. "We should probably talk about this. If you're a friend or relative of the DJ, you can't win prizes. Pretended I didn't know you so you wouldn't be disqualified. It's my job, Tones."

"Oh, I-I guess that makes sense."

"Lemme make it up to you, why don't I give you a private tour of the radio station?"

"Really? That sounds cool!"

"Great, let's meet there, say.......midnight?"

"Why so late?"

"After midnight, we'd have the place to ourselves."

I had never seen the inside of a radio station before and thought with just the two of us there, it seemed really exciting. And it kind of was...

Just not in the way I hoped.

We hung out there for a while, fooled around for a bit, but then......that's when things got really weird.

"Quick, get down!" Vinyl hissed, dragging me to the floor and cutting the lights before a flashlight shined past the door and disappeared. "That was close." she panted.

I thought it was funny, the idea of getting caught in her office. But the look on Vinyl's face, it was pure FEAR. She was the star of the radio station, but the reputation of being pretty wild.

Something wasn't right.

[DAY 16]

"Tony, have you ever asked her if she was with anypony else?" Cheerilee asked.

"No, whatchu trying to say here?"

"Think about it, when she pretended not to know you on the air-"

"I told you there was a reason for that."

"It just doesn't make any sense. And I hate to say this, but maybe she IS involved and she doesn't wanna get caught with another guy."

The more Cheerie spoke, the more suspicious I got. But, before I was going to accuse Vinyl for anything, I needed more info.

The next day, I got it.

[DAY 17]

Two stallions were in the shop while Vinyl was on the air. It was obvious that they were fans like me.

Well.......not EXACTLY like me, but still.

"She's an awesome mare, right?" one of them chuckled. "Her husband is a friend of mine."

Her WHAT?

"Excuse me," I cut in. "D-Did you say you know the DJ?"

"Yeah?" he uttered.

"As in THE DJ PON-3?"

"Yeah, why?"

"N-No reason."

I was shocked.

"Cacca, Vinyl has a husband."

"Sweet Celestia." Cheerilee groaned.

"Hey, hey, hey, we're back!" Vinyl's voice played on the radio. "The music is booming and the food is sizzlin' downtown, come on down and say hello."

".......I'm gonna take off for a while. Watch the store, Cheer."

Vinyl told me she was doing a local fundraiser broadcasting all morning from a restaurant downtown. I thought THAT was my perfect chance for revenge. I just didn't know exactly how. I figured I could come up with something when I got there.

BAD idea.

"Who's ready to ROCK?!"

I was so mad, I was seeing red, which is probably why I couldn't see things very clearly. I stomped up there, snatched that damn microphone up and spoke my mind.

"DJ PON-3 in the morning is a cheating son of a BITCH!" my voice echoed.

The audience was in total shock. And so was I when I finally got my head together.

The DJ mare beside me wasn't Vinyl.

But as I was being escorted off stage, I finally found the pony I was looking for.

"Vinyl, who's this guy." the DJ asked.

Later, I found out Vinyl was a radio station INTERN, who dreamed of being a DJ but stammered when she got in front of a live microphone.

She had this gift of doing incredible impersonations and I completely fell for it. Of COURSE she knew the secret calling number, she worked at the goddamn station. And she monitored the radio all day, every day so she could know exactly what to say.

"You've been lying to me this whole time?!" I grunted. "Why are you carrying me away, SHE'S the crazy one!"

"Sorry, Tones." she winced.

Vinyl Scratch (fake DJ PON-3) got fired from the station.
She's now a stand-up comedian and lives in a wagon.

Tony found a new favorite station.

Commercial free music. No DJs.


Author's Note:

The role of Tony: TheVoidPony.