Quick stood in the middle of Canter Park, carrying a shovel that was only a few inches shorter than him, wearing a thick red coat and a yellow vest, and hearing the instructions of the police officer sent to supervise him. Normally a lively place in warmer weather, the park was utterly bleak and desolate as winter loomed. The sky was an ugly grey, yet it was just warm enough for the freshly fallen snow to start melting. The ground was slushy, and the trees had been stripped clean of their leaves, making them look ugly and foreboding in the dim light.
The environment was particularly fitting for how he felt.
"Get to digging," the officer bellowed.
Quick knew he brought it upon himself, he knew what he did was his own fault. He acted in revenge. He acted in hate. But it didn't change the pain he felt. Destroying his own reputation, betraying the trust of the friends he had, having a mark on his permanent record. He didn't enjoy the guard looking at him like he was some deviant who would explode.
There were only two real bright spots he had: that his mom owned up to her own mistakes and didn't kick him out of the house like he feared. And Muharib was seeing a therapist. That, and getting a written apology from Vice Principal Luna, had raised her spirits quite a bit.
But that was small potatoes compared to everything else he lost.
After two hours, the guard told him to stop and take his 30 minute lunch break. With a deep frown, he sat down on some soggy wooden bench and began eating his baloney sandwich. He ate his food without much joy. His poor mood stopped him from feeling any taste. He looked around and saw his officer walked away, presumably to take his own break.
After finishing his food, Quick sat still, staring idly at the ground. It took him a few moments to hear the sound of crunching snow. Several people were walking toward him. His mood deteriorated when looked up and saw who it was.
His, former team. And Rainbow Dash. He understood what they were there for. He had betrayed their trust. He had sent Twinkle to the hospital. Rainbow Dash hated him for what he did to Applejack. They were here to pay him back with interest. He struggled not to flinch at seeing the bandage on Twinkle's throat.
With a solemn calm, he decided to walk toward his former friends and face the music. He had stabbed them in the back. He deserved whatever they were about to give him. When they saw him approaching, they looked at him with a calm expression. He couldn't tell if it was disappointment, icy anger, or both.
"G-go a-ahead," Quick said to his former team and CHS's top athelete in a quiet voice. "D-do your worst." It was Sparky who stepped first. Sparky was the tallest and strongest person on the team. If anyone could deliver a good beating, it was the yellow-skinned giant.
"Yes," Sparky said, in what was a deathly quiet voice. "We'll do our worst." Sparky stopped in front of him.
"Close your eyes," he ordered. Quick did. He guessed they wanted to give him some dignity as they wailed on him. He felt his arms being moved and something being place in them.
"Open."
He opened, and...
A box of baklava was being placed in his hands.
"Y-you g-got m-me baklava," Quick said incredulously.
"Yeah," Ozone, a blue-skinned member with yellow hair said in a playful tone. "That is our worst. Instead of getting kanafeh, you have to settle for plain ol' baklava."
"Why?" Quick said, tears rolling down his eyes. "I betrayed you guys. I put Twinkle in the hospital." He looked at Rainbow Dash. "I put Applejack in the hospital."
"Yeah, you did," Sprint said in a serious tone. "And it was beyond fucked up." He looked down. "But the truth is, we weren't much better."
"What you did was your fault," Zip, a runner of average height with blue hair and grey skin, said, "but we set a bad example for you. We hurt Sunset too, and didn't teach you any better."
"And so did I," Rainbow Dash said in a regretful tone. "I knew what you guys were doing. And I let it go on because...I enjoyed Sunset getting hurt."
"And," Sprint continued, "we heard about what happened to Muharib, and how your mom made you not tell." His face twisted into a frown. "How could you not be messed up by that?"
"And you were a good friend," Rainbow Dash, honest admiration in her voice. "You stuck by Muharib when no one else would. Despite everything, you did it because you cared about her. You also didn't reveal Sunset's forged lease documents went you could've."
"And your insanity did accomplish something," Twinkle said, his voice still hoarse.
"What?" Twinkle handed Quick a newspaper, with a certain story circle with a red ink pen.
Sea Breeze invited her newest charge into her office. This new girl, with ivory locks and flawless pink skin, had the looks she rarely got in this dunghole prison. And Sea Breeze felt....boredom that she had to release.
"You wanted to see me, Ms. Sea Breeze?" the 14 year old girl asked.
"Yes Strawberry," Sea Breeze said, affecting a welcoming smile. "I just wanted to let you know that just because you robbed a jewelry store doesn't make you a bad person."
"Thank you," the girl said kindly. This girl seemed way too soft for the crime she was accused off.
"I just wanted to help you begin your first step toward rehabilitation," she said, handing Strawberry a glass of her "special" cherry soda.
"Thank you," Strawberry said, taking a big gulp. Sea Breeze turned around to hide her wide smile as the fool drank it all down.
"So what do you hope to accomplish," Sea Breeze said, waiting for the drug to kick in, "when you get out?"
"I don't-," the girl paused for a moment, got woozy, before collapsing.
"Yes," Sea Breeze said. Almost immediately, she began peeling off the clothes of the unconscious girl, her anticipation grew as she tore away the inconvenient clothes. Then someone knocked on the door.
She let out an annoyed sigh. She prepared to use the usual "they were resisting arrest" excuse she used when she was caught with an unconscious girl. She walked up to the door, only to be greeted by several provincial police officers.
"Sea Breeze," the lead officer, a white-skinned man, said. "By the authority vested in me by the Province of Seaboard, I hereby place you under arrest for the sexual abuse of minors."
"Officers," Sea Breeze said with a fake smile ,"surely there is some mistake."
"No there isn't," a voice said. Sea Breeze turned around and too her shock, and saw Strawberry awake and looking at her with a devilish grin. To her greater confusion, the soda poured down her pants leg onto the floor.
"Magic trick I learned," the girl said as she pulled out a badge and revealed she had a camera and microphone. Sea Breeze felt her entire life crash around her. She barely noticed when the police put her in cuffs, read her rights, and dragged her from the room.
The first true smile Quick had in a long while formed on her face as he read the story.
"While what you did was bad," Sprint said. "We can also forgive you because at least you brought a sick fuck to justice."
"And," Twinkle said, "like I said, were brothers. Brothers fight. But brothers also forgive."
"And if we can forgive Sunset for turning us into zombies and trying to kill us," Rainbow said. "We can definitely forgive you for what you did."
"There's just two things you have to do," Sprint said.
"What?"
"One: Don't ever do this again," Sprint said firmly.
"OK."
"Two," Twinkle said, "I care about Sunset. I care about her a lot. I know you still don't like her. And that's fine. But please respect the fact that I still think she's cool and I can hang out with her."
"OK," Quick said. "I c-can't I-imagine she's h-happy a-around me."
"No," Rainbow said. "But she wanted me to ask you something."
"What," Quick said, his heckles rising a bit.
"What can she do to make it up to Muharib?"
"Tell her," Quick said with strained patience, "that Muharib would rather not think about Sunset right now, and she should stay away."
"OK," Rainbow said, respectfully.
"Whatever you might feel," Sparky said in a softer tone, putting a large hand on Quick's shoulder, "you're not behind hope. We're still your bros to the end."
With that, Quick lost his composure and broke down in tears. He felt Sparkly pulling him a hug that was surprisingly gentle for someone as big as him. As Quick cried and cried, saying the occasional apology, more and more of his friends joined in the hug, assuring him that they didn't hate him.
For the first time ever, Quick didn't feel so alone. He hoped he would never have to be alone again.
Sunset knew returning to Canterlot High was not going to be a cakewalk, but she was taken aback by the fear and hostility that radiated from the students in the courtyard, which was unusually crowded despite the cold weather. The only thing that kept her from packing up and leaving was her friends, Sprint, and Twinkle behind her. Bon Bon approached them with a nasty grin.
"Look, it's Sunslut," Bon Bon said with a nasty grin. "Come back to frame someone else." Some of the other students began looking at Sunset with increasing derision hostility.
"Lay off her," Applejack said with a frown.
"I'm sorry," Bon Bon said. "I'd rather not have a walking disaster area near me."
"Leave her alone," Twinkle growled.
"What if I don't," Bon Bon said mockingly. "Are you gonna frame me too?" Sunset looked down sadly.
"Why can't you lay off her," Pinkie Pie said.
"Because I, and most of us, want this piece of-,"
"You're not a good person!" Rainbow yelled to Bon Bon. Bon Bon looked confused and a bit annoyed by Rainbow's remark.
"What did you say?" Bon Bon asked.
"You're not a good person," Rainbow said. "Your a lazy, little pussy."
"What?" Bon Bon said incredulously. "I'm not the one who got Muharib sent to-,"
"Oh, you think that's what it takes to be a good person?" Rainbow replied an unimpressed tone. "Not framing people for holding knives. I suppose you want credit too for not hitting pedestrians. You also want a medal for not robbing a bank. You know what a good person does? A good person is brave. A good person does the right things even when its hard. And Sunset did that more than you ever have in your entire life."
"You gonna compare me to her," Bon Bon said with some anger, gesturing with her hand to Sunset. "She's the one who got Muharib sent to juvie!"
"let me ask you a question. Did Sunset stop you from paying her a visit in juvie?" Rainbow Dash asked Bon Bon. Bon Bon was stunned by the question.
"What?"
"Did Sunset prevent you from visiting Muharib?" Rainbow Dash asked, crossing her arms. Bon Bon couldn't really answer.
"Well, why would I? I thought she was a criminal," Bon Bon replied. Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and turned to glare at Bon Bon.
"Ever heard of something called loyalty?" Rainbow Dash said. "Loyalty means sticking by someone no matter how hard it gets. Even if Murahib had been guilty, even if Murahib did actually stab someone, a real friend would've stuck by her and made sure she got better. Sunset may have gotten Murahib arrested, but YOU CHOSE TO ABANDON HER!" Bon Bon's pompous expression fell into one of shame.
"And do you know why you did that?" Rainbow said in a quiet voice. "For the same reason you accused me of pushing Blossomworth off the ledge, for the same reason you spread a rumor that Sunset paid my friends into sitting next to her, for the same reason your putting her down now. You're a lazy, selfish, stupid, brat!" Bon Bon's face fell even further. "You may not be a supervillain, but your not a good person, because you'll do what's only good for you." Rainbow took a deep breath.
"You know why I hated Sunset," Rainbow said in a calm voice. "Because she tricked me into hating Fluttershy. And because of that, I let Sunset bully and pick on Fluttershy all the time. But if I were a good person, I would've defended her anyways. I would've stepped in, and pushed Sunset away. Maybe its Sunset's fault for making me hate Fluttershy, but I chose to abandon her in her time of need. No good person does that." Fluttershy put a warm shoulder on her arm.
"Sunset did horrible things, but you know what? She stayed here to try and make amends. She could've transferred to another school, or skipped town, but she stayed to make things rights, even when people were throwing things at her, and calling her names." Bon Bon looked down shamefully, and rubbed her arm. "Would any of you have the guts to do that? No." She took another deep breath.
"And you know what else? Quick is a better person than you." Bon Bon looked even more stunned and ashamed. "Yeah, what he did was beyond messed up. And I'm still angry at him for what he did to Applejack, but he was at least trying to help his friend in his own way. That's more than I've seen from you," she said to a forlorn Bon Bon, "or any of you," she said, yelling to entire assembled crowd.
"The easy thing would be to ditch him for the horrible things he did. But you know what? I'm not gonna ditch him. I'm gonna help him, and so are Sprint and Twinkle," she said, looking happily toward the two track team captains, who looked at everyone else in defiance. "Twinkle has every reason to hate Quick, but he's not gonna abandon someone he considers a little brother."
"And if you think Sunset should leave, maybe I should too," Rainbow Dash said in quiet, but firm voice. "Because of what happened to Blossomworth, I should be hated for the rest of my life? Right. If your gonna treat Sunset that way, treat me that way." The whole crowd went silent. "But your not gonna treat me that way. Not because is the right thing to do, but because I'm useful to you. You love me only when I win championships. That's not being good, that's just caring about yourselves."
She took another deep breath, before continuing.
"I'm not saying you all don't have a right to mad at Sunset," Rainbow Dash said. "I'm not saying you have to be her friend. But you try to push her around, don't ever think any of you are good. The reason why you're hurting Sunset is because your lazy idiots who'll do only what's easy. Because any idiot can hold a grudge. Any idiot can kick someone when their down. But being nice to someone, even when its hard, is the bravest thing ever. And I've seen more of that from Sunset, my friends, Princess Twilight, the track team, and Quick than the rest of you combined."
The crowd hung their heads in shame. One by one, many of them shuffled into the school, feeling like garbage. Bon Bon gave Sunset a somber look, before turning away and walking shamefully into the main building.
Rainbow saw her friends giving her a look of pride, before rushing into to give her a group hug,.
"Rainbow, that was incredible."
"I'm so proud of you."
"You're the bestest friend ever."
"Eloquent and excellent."
"Thanks," Sunset simply said, "for standing up for me."
"Well, I find you mildly tolerable," Rainbow said with a fake frown. "And the truth is, I want to beat your butt at Soccer Time, and I can't do that if you skip town."
"Can't wait to see if I can," Sunset said, recognizing that Rainbow was trying to be friendly in her own way. "Anyways, we'll find out after class." The six friends marched to class.
"Hey Sunset," Twinkle said. The fire-haired girl turned back to the red-skinned athlete, who was looking at her with a warm smile. "You still up for Saturday?"
"Sure," Sunset said with a smile, :well, after my court date," she said sheepishly, before walking back with her friends. Sprint began chuckling.
"What's so funny?" Twinkle said.
"I remember you used to have these really thick braces in the 6th grade?" Sprint said.
"And,"
"All those punks were calling you a nerd and I acted treated you like my sidekick," Sprint said. "But you have more of a romantic life than me or any of those jerks."
"Don't worry," Twinkle said with a grin. "You could always join us for a ménage a-," Sprint playfully punched Twinkle with a grin, telling him to shut up.
On a park bench, a lonely green girl watched the events with confusion while enjoying her freshly made salad.
Wallflower Blush normally did not feel strong emotions. She normally did not get angry.
But for some reason, she felt...perplexed...angered even. Seeing Sunset being defended and hanging out with friends filled her with...she don't know how to describe it.
Maybe it was because she wanted friends. And Sunset having friends filled her with...
She gripped her fork tightly watching Sunset joining in a group hug.
"How come a monster like her gets friends, but I end up alone." Before realizing it, Wallflower snapped the plastic fork in two, gritting her teeth in frustration.
Sunset and Twinkle walked out of the juvenile court with mixed feelings.
"100 hours of community service ain't so bad," Twinkle said uneasily.
"But because I'm still in school," Sunset said, "I can only do it on weekends."
"What about afternoons," Twinkle said.
"Too busy," Sunset said sadly. "Which means I'll only have a weekend free in...two months."
"Do you get a lunch break during your community service?"
"Yeah," Sunset said.
"We can have our dates then," Twinkle said.
"Sounds like a plan," Sunset said with a smile. "Want to make the most of my last free weekend for a while.
"Sure," Twinkle said, taking Sunset's hand into his own hand.
Sunset walked into the bakery. Many of the customers looked at her with distaste, most likely aware of her horrible crime against Muharib. Rainbow's speech may protect her from abuse, but they hadn't healed her reputation completely.
Normally, such looks would make her feel even colder than if she was standing outside. But having a boyfriend who cared about her despite her bad history helped her endure it. If the looks she was getting were cold, it just made Twinkle's warm smile even warmer.
While she still dreamed of the day when everyone would wave to her rather than look at her with fear, Twinkle's smile would have to do for now. And for Sunset, that was A-OK.
Well, as long as she got some of those delicious all natural donuts.
10333582
Fair enough. I wasn't addressing you so much as a hypothetical reader who uses Pakistan's policies as a weapon against all Muslims. I remember the few years after 9/11 when that happened a lot, and based on this story I'm guessing you do too.
And fair enough.
10333590
My disgust with Pakistan is that it went from the humanist ideals of Jinnah to the ideological madness of General Zia. Pakistan, to me, is a textbook example of why religion and politics should never, ever mix.
I dislike the moral guardians who censor media in the US for "family values" as much as I dislike the fanatics in Saudi Arabia who force ascetic religious ideals on their people while enjoying decadent luxuries for themselves.
10333609
Probably a few weeks after the fall formal, 4-5 months before Rainbow Rocks
Why do I get the feeling that Anon-a-miss might somehow find its way into this 'Sunset's Step' verse?
Thank you for making such a great story! This is probably one of the most well written stories I’ve ever read! I’m looking forward to the sequel.
At first I wasn't sure how great his would end but I enjoyed it and can't wait for when the sequel comes out
A sequel?! Can't wait!
I had alot of fun reading this, I give 5 stars, 10/10, it was that amazing.
Thanks for the epic story
10333650
The author straight up told me they'll make a story of that event.
Not gonna lie, this story was nuts. So many emotions from it. Mostly anger. But I honestly can't say I hate it. Though I still agree that these should get an AU tag now. While some things may stay the same as canon, many others aren't. And hopefully the next story is good. I'm willing to wait for when it comes out.
Sorry, have to ask but what this permanent record several characters have been mentioning? As far as I know schools are not in the business of keeping students records forever. I am pretty sure it's just a glorified myth of an educational system.
10333609
OK. According to the creators, there is a six month interval between EG1 and Rainbow Rocks.
Six weeks pass between the end of Look in the Mirror and this story (when Sunset is still under suspension). My story begins in late October, and the events last into late November.
10333650
That is the plan.
10333932
It's a partial myth. Yes school's do keep a record of your time at the school, and yes it contains in part your disciplinary record, but there's no mandate for keeping it forever, or even a nationwide (US) rule on how long to keep them for. Though I imagine it is usually at least a little while after you leave. Your transcript is another matter, but that's only the fact you attended there and your grades. There's also strict rules related to who can access that information.
tl;dr, such a record does exist (at least in the US), but it's not actually "permanent" and there are strict rules as to who can access it and why.
This story had its ups and downs (emotionally) but it was a hell of an enjoyable ride. A great mix of OCs and recurring favorites, and a great believable story about the best character, IMO, in MLP. great job, best wishes on that internship, and can't wait to read what comes next.
I gotta say a lot of questions were answered why Quick never reported things to the others on Sunset, why he did what he did.
I still don't like him but I understand him.
Luna is too forgiving to me,and I can say things be tense between him and her for a good while I"m sure celestia not going to be happy with him.
She understand but doesn't care for what he did to her sister and Sunset.
Quick's mother has a lot to answer for, she going to have to live with the shame she did nothing and let a girl get raped and the attacker get away with it.
I Mean she says her son a good friend but she a lousy mom, and be a sin she has to live with.
I hope the detention center is investigated as well, not sure how much damage it will suffer in the aftermath due tot he scandal it suffering now.
Also figure the cops who dismissed Quick reports will be getting major rotten egg on their faces now as well.
Man, this is definitely one of my favorite Sunset stories. Kept me wanting more after every chapter. Well done! Good luck on your internship!
This was a fantastic story. I'll be sure to keep an eye out for the sequel. You really enthralled me with the mystery of who attacked Sunset and the struggles of good people to try and BE good people. I'm honestly a little jealous of you. Here's to a brighter future.
10334127
He said he never reported it, because he had been ignored by others so many times, he though it would happen to him all over again.
And Quick's mom did apologize to him.
No tried Kanafeh, but baklava is delicious.
Also, Ozone? Is his rival named Fluoro-carbon? :P
I did not understand this sentence. Is there a typo or is this an expression I'm not familiar with?
Wallflower Blush suffered the same problem (in terms of story treatment) as Moon Dancer in canon. She almost never appeared after her arc was resolved. Both were relegated to background appearances, and I don't think Wallflower even got the wave of acknowledgement Moon Dancer got. Of course EG was cut short before its final 'season' was finished, so perhaps Wallflower would have featured again later but still, it's not a good look. For either case.
After the sassy sister film to Die Hard? (At least according to Bob's Burgers.) :P
10334127
There were reports a few years back about a Juvenile Detention Center where guards were abusing inmates. Similar to certain scandals in the Catholic Church, when discovered the individual guards might be dismissed or moved around either to a different facility or such that they always had a 'spotter', but the conspiracy of silence culture remained, meaning eventually someone would do it again. This is a more idealized world, though.
I can see Luna forgiving him, actually, but I hadn't thought about Celestia. It's a lot easier to forgive an injury to yourself than an injury to your loved ones, at least for that kind of person.
Sunset and Quick's punishments seem remarkably light, all things considered, but in Sunset's case there is the issue of the detention center currently being under investigation, which I admit is a wrinkle I hadn't thought of before. Semi-famously (or infamously depending on your point of view), California was forced to release a number of low-level offenders due to prison overcrowding. I could see that happening off-screen here.
Quick may have gotten diminished responsibility on sentencing, which would likely have entailed mandated anger management counselling.
There is also the issue that Sunset STILL has no parents to show up for the court date. That would almost certainly trigger an investigation and an assignment of a Guardian ad Litum (one who standing in for parents in certain court hearings when the parents or legal guardians are unavailable). Possible work-around is to have Twinkle's Uncle posing as her guardian while her parents are 'on travel' or something. Might make a good one-shot.
Side-note: In Sailor Moon, Makoto (Sailor Jupiter) lived alone, despite being in 8th grade. Popular fan theory is that her landlady was her legal guardian.
10334263
Hmmm, valid points, at least with respect to this head-canon. Mine differs but that's head-canon for you. The issue then is that the Terra Prime authorities don't know that about her. It would smack of the "affluenza" argument even if they did.
However, there is a neat little 'out' set up that I didn't think about. Already commented on for the last chapter.
10334273
A typo. I meant to put down "walking" disaster area.
EG as a whole was a wasted opportunity. It could've been a full-length series, but the writers didn't really have much interest in it.
No. I came up with that on my own.
10334286
I personally don't think "affluenza" is a good excuse. It leads to millionaires going to prisons that are basically resorts, while the rest off us are stuffed into orange suits.
10334303
That was my point. From the outside world's POV Sunset's background sounds like this.
10334300
I was under the impression it was more Hasbro who wasn't interested, but I could be misinformed.
10334307
My personal theory about EG is that it feels like one of those shows that exists not because of a creative output, but an executive decision made to serve a bottom line. Thus, there was no attempt to really make the series what it could've been, because there was no interest by its creators in developing it.
One example of this is Pinky, Elmyra, and the Brain. It is considered to be one of the worst cartoons of the 1990s. Largely because it was an idea forced upon the writers by an executive. The writers even complained about it in the show's intro.
In a counter example, a show like Gravity Falls is good because it was born from the creative energies of its creator. Because Alex Hirsch was allowed to tell his story organically, and not just milk the same idea over and over again.
10334314
I didn't mind most of PEATB. I have it on DVD, though admittedly I got the DVD 'cause I had seen only 1 episode before. At a convention the VAs for Pinkie and the Brain mentioned they weren't thrilled about it, but they did their best with it, and it shows.
As for EG, some of the staff did seem to put effort into it. Berrow did at least for the ones she wrote, but then she pretty much nails the writing 99% of the time, imo.
10334320
I'm not saying EG is bad. I'm saying is, it never got to be as great as FIM.
Very good series so far.
Woo, what a roller coaster!
Despite many emotional moments (and very hard to read sometimes) it was a really good story! This story has a lot of very strong messages:
1. Life is tough.
2. Earning trust is harder than losing trust.
3. Not everyone forgives.
and most importantly,
4. Be better! Whether you learn from your mistakes to redeem yourself, or giving someone a chance despite knowing what that person had done.
I originally hated the track team for the way they treated Sunset (even though the reasons were understandable), but I'm both impressed and amazed how you turned my opinions of them around (save for one) from how you developed these characters, including Twinkle, which I'm now all for him and Sunset becoming a couple!
And that's your strong point. You wrote and developed these characters in a way that you made us understand why they acted this way and sometimes made us feel sorry for them. I applaud to your writing skills.
My only few critiques was that I felt some characters acted a little too harshly. Yes, I understand why they acted that way, but I couldn't help but feel they're a bit OOC, specifically Micro Chips and Bon Bon. Even though they're background characters, but I don't imagined them acting so cruel to somebody, but that's my opinion.
And Rainbow Dash... I find her very... complicated. She wanted nothing to do with Sunset since even before the start of this story (which again, understandable) and even let her suffer from her teammates. Even after she became "friends" with Sunset, she was on and off about her feelings towards Sunset. And while I admired two of Rainbow's speeches (one when she picked up Sunset from juvie and the other towards Bon Bon and the students at the end) about being better, I can't help but feel she was being bit of a hypocrite. But I acknowledged that it was probably hard for her to be better and that she isn't perfect, so I won't go too hard on her. Even at the end when Sunset and Rainbow Dash are now "cool", I sensed that they're not completely cool. And with your upcoming next story based on a certain comic... I shuddered to think how Rainbow Dash will act towards Sunset then.
Anyway, despite those critiques, I still enjoy your story. It was well written, very emotional, nerve-wracking, and even dark at times. You did a great job, and I'm looking forward to (and dread) to your upcoming sequel!
Good luck with your internship!
10334517
There's two other messages I was trying to get across too:
5. Anyone can be good or bad, and moral lines are rarely clear cut.
Many Sunset redemption stories treat everybody who hates Sunset like a monster.
The inspiration for this story was one especially ridiculous fic, in which the OC protagonist, is treated like a bad person and bullied into forgiving Sunset. This is despite the fact that Sunset got the guy ARRESTED and kept assaulting him every week. The people who hated Sunset were villains ALWAYS.
Bullying Sunset, while not a good thing, isn't just the providence of "jerks."
Rainbow Dash, one of the "heroes", was not only willing to hold a grudge longer than her friends, but all but bully Sunset herself in a passive-aggressive way. Not to mention she is guilty of peer-pressuring a friend into a stunt that paralyzed her.
Micro Chips is a decent guy, but he's not exactly amused with someone who used his E-mail to destroy his life.
Big Macintosh normally would never hurt a fly, but he's capable of making a vicious threat if you push him two far.
Applejack, while a decent person, was not exactly sensitive to her own sister's feelings.
Even the teachers unwittingly contributed to Sunset's misery. But how do you expect them to deal with a student who brownnosed them while hurting others?
On the other side of the coin, many of Sunset's "jerks" can be heroes in their own way.
Gilda in one chapter is the mean girl making Sunset miserable. but in her own mind, she's giving a cowardly weasel what she deserves. In another chapter she's the action hero trying to save Applejack.
Apple Bloom goes from wishing Sunset will drop dead, to resuscitating her when she was drowned.
The track team go from being alpha male douchebags to one of them taking Sunset out for a snack.
Quick embodies this more than anything. No one suspects him of doing anything bad. And yet this short, stammering kid proves himself to be a really dangerous mastermind. But, he's also a loyal friend who tried his best to help his best friend get justice. You can definitely dislike him, but you can't just rule him out as some monster.
6. We must think about our actions, for they'll always have consequences.
Many fics also gloss over that Sunset's actions did serious damage to a lot of people. And how that damage can't just go away.
While Sunset may repent what she did to Muharib, she can't undo turning Muharib into a cripple. Quick may have learned his lesson, but he can't undo the fact that he gave Applejack PTSD.
10334676
Wow. That's a lot of points there in regards to Sunset and the others. Though I loath being the devil's advocate on this, I like to point out something in regards to Princess Twilight. Now I can excuse her not being here, in-story because of no journal communications. That's fine. What I don't excuse is the fact that throughout Rainbow Rocks, She, and for that matter, Sunset, didn't talk about how the latter was doing on Terra Prime. Same with the girls. That should've at least been the first thing on their minds before doing anything related to the Dazzlings.
10334808
Well...
It's possible they had that conversation when they weren't dealing with the Dazzlings.
But remember that Twilight was...a bit wary of Sunset when she came through the portal. So, Twilight wasn't in the mood to connect with her.
10334676
Sunset isn't the only one with the consequences. If you really think about it, it was the Track Teams fault for inadvertently inspired Quick to go after Sunset as revenge with his own hands and Rainbow Dash for not stepping in sooner despite her grudge.
Despite her own reasons, it was why I was angry at Rainbow Dash the most throughout this story for letting this happen for her own satisfaction. It was her own grudge of letting Sunset bullied Fluttershy and then she was doing the same thing to Sunset by letting her track team bully Sunset. It was only until AJ got hurt is when she finally "turned around".
Again, I know the latter is more understandable than the former, but both times it was because she let her grudge clouded her judgment. And I know when your next story involving a certain online persona, she'll probably be the first to turn against Sunset because of her grudge. And when the truth comes out, Rainbow's actions will come back and bite her in the butt, especially after she made a promise to be by Sunset’s side.
Anyway, sorry for ranting. Again, I understand Rainbow's reasonings and Sunset isn't an angel either, but I just didn't like how Rainbow acted and handling things until the end. And I wasn't looking forward to Sunset’s eventual fallout with her friends, including Rainbow Dash because I know that Rainbow and Sunset aren't completely friends after everything had happened. But, I'm probably way ahead of myself again so we'll see.
10334868
I guess that explains both Twilight and Sunset's hesitant with each other during Rainbow Rocks. Sunset did try to kill her as a demon and didn't apologize to Twilight about it. But like you said, it's been six months. Surely, Sunset has gotten out of her insecurity and fear enough to at least apologize to Twilight.
10334928
Well Sunset did say sorry after emerging from the crater.
But again, Twilight probably never thought much about Sunset after 6 months, until she was suddenly called back to the human world. And she couldn't possibly have known if Sunset is still...well...awful.
10334942
Well, I guess we'll see in the sequel. Though I can't help but notice that you're setting up Wallflower for your version of Forgotten Friendship.
10336957
Gee, I wondered what would have happened if Princess Twilight was told about this through either the girls or the principals. Chances are, when she visits and learns about it, she won't be happy.
10337014
She wouldn't be Happy with Quick or she wouldn't be happy with Sunset?
10337019
Honestly, both.
10337022
Well, obviously.
Sunset and Quick both did incredibly horrible and irresponsible things. Although Twilight might be somewhat understanding toward Quick and Sunset: the former had to deal with a horribly unfair situation, and Sunset was too spoiled and coddled to understand the consequences of her actions.
However, I doubt Quick is gonna care for her opinion. While Quick regrets the way he went about things, he is still far from being in a forgiving mood. He won't appreciate a lecture from a, in his own mind, coddled Princess.
10337035
Sounds to me like Quick has a problem with her easily forgiving villains.
10337044
Well...
The issue is in Equestria, villainy rarely has long-term consequences. Tirek can drain magic and destroy libraries, but a friendship laser can fix those problems.
Twilight would have a hard time understanding that a good person could suffer the things Muharib suffered.
Quick wouldn't lecture her about easy forgiveness. He would point out how Sunset did things she can't undo.
10337073
Well, that is a good point. Are you planning to have a Tv trope for this story? I'm a constant reader of it.
10337082
That's my hope. I would love for my work to be considered good enough for one.
10337092
Then here's to hoping.
10336957
So Snips and Snails got some sorta Wallflower thing goin' on? Though I will admit, I tend to forget they were involved, too.
10337442
Well...
Gilda hinted in an earlier chapter that she and other students more or less threatened them into confessing to what Sunset ordered them to do. But after that, she thought little of them, because they weren't really the brains.
My guess is they don't get much respect from their peers as a whole. In Rainbow Rocks, no one appreciated their rap. Even the Principals didn't make an effort to humor them.
10337451
Question: Your bio says TV tropes contributor. What's that mean?