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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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i was having problem reading this fic up until this point but now its way to far that is 3 time twilight has been punished for thing outside her control aka owners fault and not knowing rules if i could black list to never see this fic again i would this is just becomes FUCK torture porn it is really fucked up SHE SILL HAS NOT BEEN TOLD ALL THE RULES OF THE FUCKING SHOW OR THAT SHE CAN EVEN DISABLE HELP this is one fucked up fic even the thing this is based on is no ware near this bad
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Things have been adjusted to make it clearer that there would be no warnings for further points loss until Sunday.
9715910
come on no bull shit punishment in the first fucking week be fair let her learn the rules and dont disable help so she knows what the repercussion of action are then punishment would be fair
come on be nice, you could even to a
"due to audience request punishment this week have been undone"
give the girl hope of getting through one year of this dont just drop this kind of this on her in the first week. if i was her after a week like this one with this shit id fucking off my self make the show fair more fair please
and BTW according to your own rules she should have had the option to take 15 small punishments over the whole day to deal with the 45 and should have been able to deal with the 15 points the day she got them and we the audience should be able to have some input on this its a show the audience and as a member of the audience i say no punishment that change her and spike should have been the one punished for letting her sleep
and if not PLEASE ADD A DARK TAG SO I KNOW TO STOP READING
P.S your current changes do not that does not change anything she is still getting punished for bullshit she was not responsible for i'm not the first to say this and the options she has now some of them are worse then fucking death so no this is still fucking monsters the thing this is based on has set punishments not this shit you get to pick what your punishments before you start the show and they dont fuck you up more. so there should not be anymore changes to her as a pony after the show started
P.S.S i like this fics idea if it was fare to players it would be a lot more interning all of my problem with the show are due to this right now it to one sided it will destroy anyone if all they get is day after day of crap she will not make it pas week 2 at this rate please make the show fair all rules know before the show starts and all punishment warned before hand
I don't know if there's a source material for this, but honestly it doesn't matter. Tell me something. Do you know anything about the foundation rules of master/slave play? Yes, this is a roleplay contract because she had a choice to decline.
First off, all signs are pointing to Twilight either being lied to about what she chose, being coerced, or not having been properly informed about the choices she was making. Given how much of a persistent problem a lack of information has been for her regarding the punishment system, my money's on the latter.
Also, and this has been pointed out before, if her owner/master doesn't want her to suffer; all signs seem to want to point to such, they need to take responsibility for not correcting mistakes. If Twilight does something accidentally that earns her punishment points, those points should affect the supervising party that failed to do their job instead. Twilight is not acting out. She doesn't even know she's made a mistake until after the fact.
Spike made her late. 15 punishment points to Spike , not Twilight. She forgot her ben-wa balls. She had been allowed to remove them after a point where they'd been in her so often she likely couldn't tell the difference anymore. No one called to her that she was forgetting them. Everypony in this game world is aware of what she's doing. There is no attempt to act out, but no one to assign points to because there's no proof anyone was looking, and the master is an a.i. punishment negated. There's no point in administering punishment if the one to be punished had no intention of committing the offense.
All of what follows is just my opinion so feel free to ignore it and write what you want to write. Thank you for writing this and being willing to share it with us.
This story has been good so far but the fact the only one that does not persist after the show would lead to all her desisions being compromised is more that a little cruel and one she can not take as some of her punishments extend to after the show and having her gain more of them when she is unaware there is anything outside of the show...
If they were just be for the show and see he had the option to keep the it would be nicer. I can understand given what she is trying to gain for her world there is almost nothing she would not have agreed to when singing up for the show.
After Twilight finding out how much she likes having her feathered wings taken care of it would be mean to make her lose them. As cute as a bat pony Twilight would be and the advantages of night vision. Hmm she might pick it just because if the benefits it may bring. What would Luna think about Twilight becoming a creature of her night? It could lead to Luna and Twilight getting together after the show?
Changing her mark is right out as she is the element of magic and that may brake the EoH.
Touchy is the least bad if the lot as it has no visible effect and she can safely enjoy it after the show.
After this how can she be anything but completely focused on trying never gain any more punishment points.
Any way keep up the good work we with the story.
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We as the reader know none of the details of the contract and this is one of those "The Devil is in the details" type contracts, now let me play the Devil's Advocate.
Exhibit A: from day 1 chapter 1:
Exhibit B: from day 3 chapter 4:
The key point is that the accumulation of points culminates in a singular punishment, this is the trade-off of forgoing the punishment now, you can't mitigate it in any way.
Exhibit C: from day 4 chapter 4
We can infer from these exhibits that A) the author is in fact following his own rules and B) one of the clauses in the contract is "That for waving your grace period you receive X amount of points."
If I was to judge this IRL exhibit A would have me rule in Twilight's favor.
9716018
Another clause in the base contract could be that "the responsibility for following the rules is on you." I will say this is the type of bullshit logic behind zero tolerance palaces that punish the victim of a fight even though they did nothing but curl up into a ball and cry and I hate it.
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dose Cocky maker male or futa?
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Dude your not gonna win i pointed it out about spike and now there's a line added that he fell asleep i read the area 4 times before i posted the line wasn't there but now it is. When before it was he couldn't help himself f**king her into a coma then he let her sleep while watching her instead of waking her up. Which he was still responsible for because it was his responsibility to not go over his time with her. The diamond should've reprimanded spike about not keeping her longer then his slotted time. I was sleeping was his problem he should've stayed awake if he couldnt trust himself to get up in time ....if he cant be responsible why does he get to have a pet maybe she needs a more responsible owner.
The author has a route he wants this to go he will add things to keep going that route. I half way expect by the end she's gonna be bimbofied and there were never any gifts and she becomes equestrians biggest s**t or she failed if their are any and shes doing this for nothing. Even her choices for her punishment right now are horrendous that their permanent. Watch/fate/health/on the edge are permanently dibilitating if it was just for the show maybe but going into her real equestrian life hell no. The only reason native isn't permanent is to entice her to pick it probably because it pretty much give them free reign to do whatever forever. She wouldn't be able to tell them she quits if things get bad because she wouldn't remember about the show it's her life they scripted for her it's all she would know. Native erases twilight. I've gotten into a discussion about two different lives in one body before. If she was smart she'd of agreed to forget everything she did in the reality show after shes done in her contract. Having two different sets of memories combined into one effectively kills the real twilight. Only leaves feeling/cocky/touchy as choices ... feeling and cocky can be taken care of with illusions and touchy might be good when she wants to get intimate back home but here where she has to do what she's doing she's gonna drop toys left and right racking up points. So the only real choices she has is feeling and cocky. Feeling bat isn't bad at all its just losing sexual feeling with her wings ..are bat wings sensitive like pegasus ones. If I was her cocky would be the best bet she'd actually gain instead of lose something ... she could sexually use ... would feel bad for flash if he cant accept it but it opens her up to relationships with the other ... immortal alicorn ... main 6 members later plus luna/celestia.
9716152
Okay, wow. Exhibit A...I’d forgotten about that, but that just says to me that the author wrote about Twilight signing a contract and then couldn’t be bothered to figure important things about the agreement out ahead of time, so just said ‘screw it, Twilight won’t even remember what she signed because reasons’. But then here’s the thing, Twilight is a very analytical person, when she’s not freaking out. How has she not become even the least bit suspicious of the possibility that she’s being made to do things she didn’t sign up for, under the pretense of ‘forgetting that it was part of the agreed terms’. If part of what she supposedly forgot is that she supposedly agreed to forget large parts of the contract to make up some kind of arbitrary difference, that should put up a dozen red flags at least.
Also, I don’t care how many parallels removed this alternate universe is from the canon universe. Twilight is not stated in the description as being an OOC portrayal, and yet she’s been stripped of even the thinnest veil of an illusion of control over her situation, and she couldn’t be calmer. She’s not freaking out; she’s far too accepting of what this emotionless supervisor is telling her, and nothing about this is sending off warning signals in her head. It’s the end of the first week, and even if you try to spin a tale that she’s already willing to go along with anything to avoid further punishment, what about that example provided in the linked comment? That was a first day example.
The author needs to decide what they’re doing first, before they expect the audience to go along with it. You can’t make shit up as you go along if said shit should have been outlined in the contract. You can’t introduce physical proof of an agreement, even just mentioned in passing, and then throw it out right after because reasons. Well, technically there’s nothing stopping you as the writer, but it leaves a bad impression. Even if only for the sake of keeping your ideas consistent, what has Twilight agreed to? Lay it out for us in a blog or something, so that even if Twilight doesn’t know, we as the viewing party aren’t driven to get up in arms because of unfair bullshit like this.
Hmmmm ... just thought of something ... instead of concentrating on penalizing her with points (which seems to be setting people off) why not make it where she gets bonus points for things. Im not saying to not use penalty points but she has jobs which she gets payed in points instead of money and owners im guessing give her points . Maybe he should bank her points and Saturday morning tell her the total she earned for the week then allow her to buy upgrades like a game. You can even make it where she cant use earned points to pay off penalty points so she still gets punishments. But like in a game you mess up alot in the beginning but by buying upgrades over time the rank f noob adventurer becomes rank s unstoppable force. Plus whatever points she doesn't use gets put towards what she owes we don't even need to know what she owes it just gives the impression she's making progress. Better endurance , charm, skills, etc. So following weeks are easier. For example buying a s*x skill makes it so she finishes the guards faster thus freeing up time. Buying charm gets rarity more customers. Or endurance would allow her to get through more toys getting her bonus points or being able to outlast spike thus not being late etc.. don't tell me your tired spikey wikey thats only been 12x let's make it to 15. Maybe even during her weekends she can choose from a list master provides that earns bonus points.
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We don't know if the author is running a fully planned campaign or is flying by the seat of their pants and making shit up as they go along, either way, you're not supposed to know what is behind the DM's screen.
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Because that isn't really the point of Slut Life (the game this is based on). The point is it is putting yourself is strange, challenging, difficult and, punishing situations either for the rewards at the end or for the sake of the punishment itself. IIRC there is an entire section in it dedicated to punishments. If twilight's skills improve I feel like it would be cool if she gained it from her own experience and then realized after a session with say the guards that she did it in like 4 hours and is kinda scared at how good she is getting at this There is an interactive version of it but alas I cannot link it. I think it would be kinda interesting to see this eventually evolve into a slice of life that skips ahead several days at a time marking milestones, punishments, progress, and changes to her overal outlook on this life she chose.
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I'll have to see what the games mechanics are but this mechanic the author is using just upsets people to much yah you can use it as a guideline but he can take creative licence to tweak a few things. Truthfully like you say she'll get better overtime but its not really her ineptitude or lack of skills that upset people it's how people feel she's getting unjustly punished. I still like the idea I suggested I thought it was quite well thought out. Who knows maybe he'll use it. But it's his story he can choose just to ignore the comments anyway and write what he likes.
*spit-take*
*double-spit-take*
In fact, Twilight's response actually mirrors perfectly my reaction.
Wow, just what is happening in the comments here?!
Sure, discussing the story is good and a few of the ideas here are actually interesting (like reward-points or an starting-week with reduced punishments), but in my opinion some people here are taking things a notch too far.
The story definitely does not deserve the amount of hate it gets here.
I can understand some might not like the current course of action, but that's no reason to be that rude about it.
Remember people, it's not your story, but Ravenors.
If you don't like it you can leave a note in an civil manner and/or remove it from your reading list, but not like it is currently happening here.
Anyway, not matter what some of the others are saying: Good work!
I look forwards for the next chapter.
that's fucked. though I imagine she agreed to that before having her memory erased. would be fun if
she/we got to see that conversation at the end of the story. I think it would be hilarious if the force-feeding accounted for the majority of her pointseeee yyaaahhh ...
> the change of your body as to make you a grown alicorn such as you picked.
This is the first time I've come to realize that this Twilight is a full-grown alicorn instead of the 20-something we see on the show. And, presumably, Twilight picked that knowing it would be permanent. I can pass on that if you assure me as author that Twilight did pick that knowingly for the goal of protecting Equestria.
And ... the jump from 15 to 45? ... It's a pain, but ... well, technically she was told that accumulating points would result in losing the warnings.
And as bad as all this is? ...
She was warned about permanent change to her body.
She had the option of taking a lifestyle change for the show.
And, she still has this option:
> Native: Until the end of the show, forget having lived anywhere outside of it. Gain memories of growing up here.
Of all the choices, this is the only one that I can see her taking. It's probably, all things considered, the least problematic / most likely to let her succeed.
But then ... Completely forgetting that she's in a show, that she has someplace else to return to in the future, can you imagine the "permanent" changes she'll accumulate by the end?
Given that the story continues for a lot more chapters, the other idea of "give up, admit defeat, go home" seems very unlikely.
===
I was not aware of an actual game "slut life" that this is based on. That such a game exists is kinda scary.
This story is running right along the edge of acceptable, like a knife's edge. It's a tricky balance. Any sort of fey-like being / agreement is going to run into this sort of thing -- agreements are subject to the general background understanding of them, not of you. All the unstated assumptions. And, they have some sort of goal that ultimately involves their being entertained by you.