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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like you'r story. Everything from the premice to the pacing. A good story of pure sexy fun time is allways a joy to read. But their is one part i didnt like, it's not really critesism of the wrighting even in my dislike of it i still think it was well writen. It's the part with permenantly turning her in to a testral/alicorn. Her devestation over it took me away from the good holsom sexy fun time i came for when i started reading
I mostly agree, but assuming the author wants to do anything with the story, rather than have a simulation-esque slice of life, then it could easily be the most important thing they've done to date.
essentially, it could be the call to action, that will prompt twilight to actually try to do something about the game. honestly, I think that would be a good way to go. we've had a solid chunk of "twilight learns the basics about her new life" but she also learns the drawbacks, and the consequences of not taking charge, and overcoming the obstacles ahead of her.
even if she ends up getting beaten, it would make for a more interesting story, wouldn't it? probably make for a more interesting "show" for it's audience too.
I doubt this is unintentionally.
Neither is this.