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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Heh, Populus wasn’t even a punishment; good choice. Master is pretty cavalier about transforming the fake ponies in question, I wonder what they would say about it, but not Twilights problem. Should have done that twice! Cocky though, that’s permanent and something that will be very difficult for her when (if?) she ever makes it back home. Might be fun during the show, but I was surprised she did that.
No...it was not
Why do I have a Black Mirror vibe from this fanfic? TBH, the cartharsis of someone relegated to be a sex slave without much control over her life is sort of reminder of my disillusionment with other's sexual fantasies, especially since I can just google porn on a drop of hat and find porn that has no personal value other than *Me fucky*. Nothing about this fic feels so special, it all feels like playing into some horny fantasies of some bird eye view gods that are implied and have no form but the fantasies they put on Twilight. Any actual autonomy is either offscreen, made out of impulsive base desires with little personality, or there is no choice at all. Twilight feels like a passive character. TBH, you should have made this a satire, it would have been perfect.
And also, this isn't a reality show. Reality shows have contestants competing, thus drama ensue and that is fun to watch. However, that's not the conflict, the conflict setup from the beginning is whether or not Twilight can handle all the lewd things happening to her so she can handle Equestria , which is somewhat fine as a premise. However, the concept is poorly execute. First, the story doesn't really give us an impression that Twilight might actually lose points. If she strays away from the activity, she only gains punishment points. As far as I know, those punishment points just lead to more lewdness. There's no sense that Twilight might actually not gain the points she needs to do her wish so there's no sense of tension. If you do the math, if Twilight gets the convervative average of 3 points per day, she would get enough points for making her friend immortal and protect equestria within 4 months. And it's actually pretty obvious that she's always willing to get maximum points for Equestria with little hesitation, which shows that she doesn't have any internal conflict that would get in the way of getting much more points much quicker. She'll probably get enough points within the first two months if she plays her cards right. There is also plenty of leeway for her mistakes too.
Hey, did I mention that Twilight is not a fun character in this fic Here her personality is limited to pikachu surprised faces, being determined to do every thing necessary by being complacent (wasted potential), being patient (most of the time), and blushes a whole fuckton lot. At least pick one essential quality that make Twilight an enertaining character. Is it overthinking things with critical analysis? What about her OCD? How about her willingess to understand and connect to others developed through the later seasons, or the snarky self from the first season? I'm honestly kinda bored from Twilight, she's not at all interesting here and isn't worthy caring about. She doesn't give a damn about how much her life devolved, she just kinda accepted her forced life style like a wuss and contemplates it less than most people would actually do in that situation. It's cheap forced writing that leaves much to desire. This makes me hate the story because understanding characters and how they act in their situations are honestly my favorite part of the story and is my specialty as a writer, so I can easily see how the potential went to waste
Overall, I've only read like 7000-8000 words and I'm already super bored of it and I'm only reading it because of the emotions that are evoked in me that are completely unintentional from the author, or if they are, aren't executed well. While there were good ideas in this fic, I personally think this fic I've read so far is hot garbage. Maybe it gets better later but I'm not sticking around to see the end of it. But hey, if the author writes likes their trash it and others read the trash and like it, who am I to judge? We all have trashy taste in some way or form. I'm tired, might as well stop here
Rating: 3/21 molestias. 1 for the grammar, 1 for the story execution, 1 for the originality of premises
I'm okay with the coices she made.
More thestrals is always good, and her new appendage may proof to be useful (mares will love it; I look forwards for Shinings opinion). There is a chance she might even come to like/love it, just like Rarity and Celestia.
I know some readers here might disagree here, but the story is good.
It's important to note that it shouldn't be read in one piece but only one chapter a day. That way, together with the small size of the chapters, it makes an nice appetizer.
YESSSSSS!!
aw. I was really hoping she wouldn't pick Cocky. I really hate futas.
Cocky was a permanent choice, meaning after returning, she will have it, and she chose the one I didn't like the most, it was fun dude, but I am out for that, I don't mind futas, as long as the futas have a male role, a futa giving and receiving is gross to me, so good job with the fic, wonderful until this chapter.