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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Finally a new chapter. I've been looking forward to this.
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Hope it's worth the wait!
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it was! Now I really need the next one. I demand it as soon as possible
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It was beyond worth it
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Heh, I'll do my best. All that's left to be written is the clop and the lead up to it. I just need my schedule to be kind to me.
New reader here. I just caught up through the entire story.
The last two chapters have included a large bit of world building and I love it. The whole concept of courtship/consort in this universe is done rather well. I only have two problems: I feel like their relationship has moved as fast as Celestia said she likes to fly; and, Cinnamon seems a little show on picking up on concepts presented to him (was that bat pony an agent?! Yes, of course she was!)
As far as the fast moving relationship, I can see Celestia's side: she has already vetted him through clandestine means so there's nothing for her really to lose. So, to her, there's no reason to not move to the next stage.
Since I'm a new reader, I've been saving up my comments till the most recent chapter (at the time) to let them out:
I don't know the point of Lily Angeltail, why she was part of this story. She was in two scenes and that's it. The palace bartender has had more scenes than her. If she does make more appearances, I'll hold off on my thoughts as to what will happen.
Cinnamon's family is great. His mother and father are supportive and his baby sister Paprika is such a cutie. I love it!
We need to know more about the drink : Princess's Contemplation. (Jerry Seinfeld's voice) what's the deal with them?
I love world building! The little details like Celestia's bed, how it's made, the very soft carpet on the floor, even how the sink works... I love it all.
Thank you for posting.
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Welcome! I’m glad to hear you’re enjoying the story for the most part.
To answer a few questions and thoughts you have;
Yes, the relationship is pretty fast. Cinnamon’s not entirely comfortable with it but is doing his best about it (so to speak). This is actually going to be addressed in the next chapter early on in the clop scene when it momentarily goes from 0-100.
As for how slow Cinnamon is with some obvious things like the agent; that was a personal choice of ignorance that I gave him. In other stories, I’ve never been a huge fan when the MC can make connections so easily/quickly. I’d rather the reader possibly understand what’s going on before the MC instead of the other way around.
Lily Angeltail’s involvement was at a point in the story’s creation when I changed Cinnamon’s background from “never having sex before” to “has had plenty of sex but not a real relationship before.” It was also my first clop scene and I may have inserted myself into Cinnamon’s place while writing it when I shouldn’t have.
I really shouldn’t have made her interested in pursuing a relationship with him but by the time I started having second thoughts, over a thousand people had read the chapter. So I’ll bite the bullet and wiggle her in somewhere.
She’ll make a re-appearance eventually. She’s going to every town and city in Equestria by train. Also, while there’s a lot of words since their interactions, it’s only been a week and a half since they mated and about half a week since she ran into him and said she was leaving for the next city.
Also... GAH! I FOGOT THE DRINK!!! How could I forget the flipping drink!!!!
Ugh, I’ll have to edit that into this chapter. It would’ve been part of what Celestia revealed to Cinnamon.
Thank you for catching the drink, I wouldn’t have ever realized that I dropped that point of interest like wet bread.
It also makes me ecstatic that people are interested in the world!
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"In reality, it is a combination of fruit, sugar, and truth potion."
Ah. Thanks for the update. Looking back at how each candidate talked after taking the drink, that makes perfect sense.... and shows how devious, or how smart the princesses are. I think it's funny that Cinnamon's bunk mate makes a request just so he can drink them.
Now that Celestia has a consort (almost officially) does this mean the drink will no longer be available to anyone else? I'm sure we'll find out "next time."
A suggestion for the Lily character: Have her still romantically interested in Cinnamon. She comes back to Canterlot during her tour looking for him (he told her where he works). She finds him when he's walking alone (somewhere) and puts the moves on him, then Celestia walks up and sees another female making moves on her stallion. Hilarity ensures. Or maybe "deep romantic tension ensures" instead. (It's cliché either way, but it's a way to wrap up that character.)
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I have a frame worked out of what I’ll be doing with Lily. It’s a question of when the best time to bring her back in will be.
YESSS, A CHAPTER!
I CAN NOT WAIT FOR THE REVEAL.
I am also sad that I read through this chapter so quick, so imma go and reread it.
Great chapter btw.
Cinnamon's parents changed races again in this chapter.
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Fixed
Excellent update. I'm looking forward to reading the next one.
So the bat was a spy after all. Called it.
awww had bat-bat pegged as disguised Luna