• Member Since 23rd Apr, 2016
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I've never really been into the show but I love the stories here. Avatar made by andypriceart

Comments ( 217 )

I want to see what you do with this. This doesn't come off too complex, but doesn't sell itself short either. You have potential here for a fun, entertaining story. Keep it up!

Please update some more. :twilightsheepish:

It's on its way. I published the first chapter to see what people thought about the idea so I'm making the chapters as I go. Next chapter's practically finished, just need to go through it a few dozen times to make sure I like it so it'll go out sometime in the next 24 hours.

Thanks dear author i eagerly await for your upcoming update. Keep up the great work. :twilightsmile:

Good follow-up chapter! You're making progress and keeping the ball rolling, always an important part of story-telling. The little tidbits you tell to show us more of the characters helps shape them for us and lets us better see the story play out.

For my one piece of constructive criticism: Alternate some on how you start your sentences. For a big part of your story, you did a consistent back to back of Cinnamon - Onyx - Cinnamon - Onyx. You can do it a couple times, but doing it so often gets to being too repetitive. Try to treat it like how you'd watch a movie: when two characters are having a talk for a scene, sometimes the camera doesn't change its picture/focus when the speaker that's talking changes. Try to apply that here for your story, and your writing will definitely improve.

Good luck!

-Steel Quill

Thank You Vergil :twilightsmile:

Thank you for the advise. I do remember starting a few of their conversations with ‘But’ a few too many times near the end of the chapter. Could you elaborate on the movie thing? Did you mean to have less ‘character shrugged and character looked at this’ stuff before speaking?

Edit: On further reflection, I think I know what you mean.

Soon, in the next day or two depending on how busy I am tomorrow.

Thanks keep up the great work. :pinkiehappy:

Great chapter dear author keep up the great work. :pinkiehappy:

With College starting, I’m not going to have a lot of time to spend on furthering the story.

However, this doesn’t mean that I’m stopping or taking a break, just that I won’t know when another chapter is going to be released with the possibly slow progress I’ll be making.

That's fair enough, keep your guard up and kick college's Heiny. Oh, and don't forget to get plenty of sleep, unless your a masochist.

gained a new reader. i dont thnk i came across an rgre story where the guy is raised in the world. i shall wait for more

Good luck with your courses. Will look forward to when you can return.

Holy smokes, what happened that brought in so many new readers?

College is going well aside from one of my classes asking for a 500 word essay every week. That paired with my job and I’m rushing to finish it over the weekend and exhausting my desire to write.

Might be a few more weeks at least for the next chapter. I already have the next one with 2k words and about 25-33% finished.

I do thank everyone for their patience with this though.


Holy smokes, what happened that brought in so many new readers?

Your fic got added to a group that is all about RGRE

Ooh, I see. I didn’t realize other people could add my story to groups.

beak and lips that must look freaky

Fixed, thank you for noticing that.

The RGRE group sent me and I'm impressed. I don't recall reading a story of a human male raised all his life in an RGRE setting before. You've got some Good lore and world building put in. I'm curious, will he ever know what he is or where he came from? The sex scene was pretty good. The care he took with Lily was touching. I was a little bothered with how quick he was to have sex with her though. I mean he just asked Celestia to court her. Unless this is a Casual Sex Equestria/RGRE setting. It wouldn't seem so out of place if that's the case. I've enjoyed what I've read so far and I look forward to reading the next chapter when it's ready.

Before I forget:

If he waited for the 10:00 train...

I thought there was only a 7:00am and 12:00pm train?


I thought there was only a 7:00am and 12:00pm train?

There were, that was an error on my part, thanks for the catch.

I'm curious, will he ever know what he is or where he came from?

I hadn’t initially planned on it. If I find myself in a lull in the story, I might have Twilight and her friends find out about humans with the EqG mirror and tell Celestia about it but I can’t think of a way he would ever know exactly where

I was a little bothered with how quick he was to have sex with her though. I mean he just asked Celestia to court her. Unless this is a Casual Sex Equestria/RGRE setting.

It is a Casual Sex setting. I think my only hint to it was brief with his walking through town to the station and remarking that he didn’t want to get aroused and either get a refusing kick or receive an accepting raised tail because he didn’t have time for it.

>On Humans
No worries. I recently finished reading "Anthropology" and the idea of a missing human baby from Earth is still fresh in my mind.

I missed the hint then. Thanks for the clarification.

Oh Luna. Always being the sister you should be.

lovely chapter and a little bundle of surprise xD

Thank you, I’m glad you liked it :yay:

I love Cinnamon's parents and it's good to see they're trying to raise good folk. That was an interesting dream/nightmare Cinnamon was having. Nice bit of foreboding. Thanks for the update. I look forward to reading the next one.

A couple of things that pop up for me:

...When she noticed him, her eyes widened and jumped at him with a flutter of her wings.

...wrapping his arms around her as her wings wrapped around him. He reveled in the comfort that Vanilla’s full wing hug gave him.

When did Cinnamon's mom become an Alicorn?

...It was nice and roomy but a bit empty feeling when Cinnamon was still young. The extra rooms were when his grandponies would come to visit.

Cinnamon has grandpoines?


When did Cinnamon's mom become an Alicorn?

eheh, no :twilightblush: I was planning for Coco to be the one he met in the store but I decided to change it to Vanilla for... reasons I'm unable to recall. Fixed. (edit: I think I changed it to go for more of the overprotective father not fully approving of a guy his daughter wants to date).

Cinnamon has grandpoines?

He does. I don't watch the show so do tell me if this would break some sort of cannon, but I just assume ponies live for as long as we do.

I figured it was a last minute change. I like the overprotective father bit. I can just picture Coco giving Celly the "What are your intentions with my son?" speech. :rainbowlaugh:

Canon implies ponies live as long as we do. I think they live a little bit longer though. With the size of the house I was thinking Coco and Vanillia had a lot of children or had a herd which they were the leads for. While I do like the concept of herding, I lean towards the former. Fits better in-story. Cinnamon came into their lives as the last of their children grew up and moved out. Maybe there's even a protective older sister who still comes around.


With the size of the house I was thinking Coco and Vanillia had a lot of children or had a herd which they were the leads for

They bought the house from the success of the bakery. Coco and Vanilla are also currently in a monogamous relationship.

Harems in this story are going to be common but harems of more than three creatures are going to be as rare as relationships of two.

Harem has a different connotation for me within the realm of RGRE. Its members don't have an interest in each other beyond a sexual one and some not even that. Herds on the other hand are committed polyamorous relationships whose members love, care for and support each other in all ways.

That said, Coco and Vanilla being mono is good. Like I said, I think that fits the narrative better. Plus, it means they were very busy little ponies having lots of sex for the purposes of procreation.:pinkiehappy:

Yes, herd was what I meant to say. I’m not sure why I said harem.

Luna you snake you! Don't you be calling for our human in his dreams! Our kinds can't remember them so your love will be one sided!

You know, even if it only a monthly update rate, you may want to remove the "On Hiatus" tag.

Yea. When I first put it on hiatus, I was expecting college to take up a lot more of my time than it currently is.

I think I'll give this a +1 to my follow list. I look forward to seeing where you go with the story once you have the time to hammer out some more chapters.

sneaky lulu

I loved getting to know Cinnamon's family a little more. Little sister Paprika is a cutie. It was nice of silly Lilly to stop by . I can only imagine the look she must've been getting from Vanilla. Lots of little bits of world building to flesh out the setting here. Looks like we know the reason for the week long furlough. I think Cinnamon surprised "Celestia" with his demeanour, thoughts and that he wanted to get his fellow guards new beds. I'm giddy about the "Paired Sisters" law even if it's not real. The implication behind the words is what makes me happy. His reaction was reasonable. He's in love with Celestia after all. I'm sure a love for Luna would grow as well. I wouldn't be surprised if a tiny crush has sparked with Luna. Will we get to see what Luna tells Celestia or would that be too spoilery? I'm getting some high hopes for Cinnamon's chances at courting Celestia and Luna too. I look forward to reading the next update.


Will we get to see what Luna tells Celestia or would that be too spoilery?

Without saying anything that would spoil any big planned plot points aside from the obvious, Cinnamon will learn the process of how the princesses deal with courtship requests that they say maybe to.

What are you planning my moon? Will you fall victim to the humans charm? And love that you so much crave? Or will you try to help your sister along with this man and be happy for her.

i guess it is debatable who's the naughty one here xD

nice chapter, good work :)


what does CSE mean???

I like how Cinnamon uses Equestrian terms like "everycreature" and "gentlecolty" even internally. Helps sell the point that he's grown up among the ponies. It's little things like that helping to keep the reader immersed in the story. Good job. Thanks for the comfy & sexy update. I look forward to reading the next one.

He raised a brow, then nodded, “Yep, she’s been a guiding inspiration since I first laid eyes on her.”

When you get to be that old, pretty much any courtship prospect can be seen as cradle robbing. But ponies and other creatures still try despite the celestial princesses being old enough to be their grandmother 50 generations ago.

Pony society is weird. Every creature has a princess cougar fetish!

interesting development there, an enigma for Luna to solve

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