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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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great chapter.
Good follow-up chapter! You're making progress and keeping the ball rolling, always an important part of story-telling. The little tidbits you tell to show us more of the characters helps shape them for us and lets us better see the story play out.
For my one piece of constructive criticism: Alternate some on how you start your sentences. For a big part of your story, you did a consistent back to back of Cinnamon - Onyx - Cinnamon - Onyx. You can do it a couple times, but doing it so often gets to being too repetitive. Try to treat it like how you'd watch a movie: when two characters are having a talk for a scene, sometimes the camera doesn't change its picture/focus when the speaker that's talking changes. Try to apply that here for your story, and your writing will definitely improve.
Good luck!
-Steel Quill
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Thank You Vergil
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Thank you for the advise. I do remember starting a few of their conversations with ‘But’ a few too many times near the end of the chapter. Could you elaborate on the movie thing? Did you mean to have less ‘character shrugged and character looked at this’ stuff before speaking?
Edit: On further reflection, I think I know what you mean.
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Please update.
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Soon, in the next day or two depending on how busy I am tomorrow.
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Thanks keep up the great work.
Sounds like the lesser version of this rune that has yet to compete with Celestia's design uses some of the mass of the object inscribed with it as an equivalent to soldering material to fix the break. Either that or it's like a spell that requires a material cost when cast by a lesser mage, where a master sorcerer can cast it without the material cost by providing the equivalent energy with just their mana.
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Since it likely wouldn’t be brought back up in future chapters, the rune’s design is what fuses the furniture together.
However, the public have yet to create the design as precisely as Celestia has when they make the runes. Maybe a little chip, or the design being a little too deep in places. Like accidentally coloring out of the lines of a picture a tiny bit. It’s good enough to still fuse the furniture back together but the material cost is from the flaws in the rune’s creation.
Another great chapter. I love Onyx making it all seem nice and simple and easy and straight-forward......but as anypony knows it only feels like that after the fact lol
Of course thats the problem lol
kinda dont like onyx
"you dont HAVE to drink when you come out with us" proceeds to get him to drink when he said he doesnt want to?
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to be fair he was surprised that there were not non- alcoholic drinks on the menu. he probably didn't know because he had never looked before.
though if food can be requested from the kitchens I'm sure drinks could be too.