After a mugging gone wrong, I wake up in a strange castle after being "saved" by Q from Star Trek. To make matters worse, the local population thinks I'm the lost prince of the Crystal Empire, Shadow Heart. Or to be more accurate: King Sombra.
Please tell me that she is going to have an affair with Flash Sentry. Looks like it's really is possession of other ponies then, I wonder how she is going to ruin all the affairs of state for the Crystal Empire , before Shadow comes back to the Crystal Empire. It would have been great to get to have the chance to gage popular opinion of the new royals of the place, I wonder if they did managed to find the Crystal Heart without being pressured to find it. I wonder why she seems to know more about what's happening more so then Shadow and why she needs him to be there other they to get her lady bits quivering?
9647231 I'm working on three stories. One is a Reincarnated into a Futa World Hentai one for a friend...and to practice writing Smutt. One is this The King of Starbucks. And Valkyrie is my third.
Valkyrie might be on a once a week basis. It depends on popularity, to be honest.
9647315 It's good to see you're open to outside viewpoints and feedback. I've seen a few authors who can't really take any criticism, even constructive.
For my part, I've always been a fan of brief descriptions of human to pony incarnations. Just ask yourself, "does this part matter for the story or would the story be the same without it?" That's generally a good rule of thumb. For the most part, (and I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks this way), I prefer to read HiE's that focus on the story that's actually taking place in Equestria.
Kinda regret this being teen rated, would love some clop in here. Also Sombra makes sense since he was most likely dead, but what of Cadence, where has her mind gone?
What about Futa Cadence on Shining Armor? You could have a moment like, "That's not a kni cock, THIS is a cock!" Also I feel a little bad for Shining, so I'd like to see him get a tiny bit more physical affection from his "wife," even if he's not really that into it.
I personally don't care much for teh ghey, but this story is apparently TEEN rated, so you aren't actually gonna describe the act itself anyway.
9647557 A sad side-effect of the HiE genre. I don't imagine it getting too much better in that regard. Just assume the MC will be OP. If you do that, and can still enjoy the story, then continue reading. If not, then I'd suggest you look elsewhere.
While I would love for a less OP MC, there's not really enough content being pushed out to warrant me being too picky on stories tbh. The writing for this isn't too shabby, and as long as you don't expect it to be anything more than a fantasy fulfillment, then you should be ok.
This one felt...kinda wierd? I expected more pannic. And one thing:
Also, from what I learned later, Sombra is known for having the largest cock in the Empire. I want it. Particularly inside me, and later today there is a pony with information about him coming to visit. For now, Shining Armor, my husband apparently, is doing military drills. It's a shame that my personal Guards, Silver Blade, Crystal Hammer, and Onyx Shield knew how to please their Princess. Shining is a sweetheart, but he isn't capable of holding my leash.
Wouldn't it be a shame if they don't know how to please their princess?
9647601 Yeah I guess I can't get too picky about it, I'll take it like eating jalapeño, I don't like that it freaking hurts, but makes food taste SOOOOOO GOOD!
Well drat, in my honest opinion I think you sort of bellyfloped the story with that little “Cadence and Armor piece”. To me it looks like you are trying too hard to make your main character a god..... and a god of sex too. I was left wanting more character development. You sort of overdid the big dick embelishment making your main character a bit less likable and worlds less relatible. I mean you really got potential on making great stories with more depth on characters, if you are feeling rushed then take your time. Reading and writing it a few times over with hours of doing something else in between: it gives u the ability to change perspective, to catch things you would have not cought before. But the most important thing is to have fun while writing it, dont change anything if you really enjoy it. Its just this is not for me . Pony Sex stories I like are what Madjacktheblack and Pussypuss does. If its a story with more content than sex then stories like the “diaries of a madman”, “griffin the griffin”or “artice 2”. If the mood is little to no sex but funny then I would go to a ‘Dropbear’ stories heh: really funny and with lots of OP element in them. There is also “The Changeling of the Guard” which is very funny too. I recomend to take a break and enjoy some of this if you havent. In case you have: O well heh. I honestly wish you the best Nightingale and may you keep enjoying the art of writing
I just started reading this chapter and this is what I was greeted with.
I woke up feeling strange. I didn't feel right. It's as if my entire body morphed into a strange shape, followed by the feeling of being used as a teddy bear of some kind. Something pressed uncomfortably against my back, my hair felt longer than it should be, and I have the urge to pee. The combination of such wrong sensations assaulting my senses rubbed me the wrong way. I choose to wake up to see what kind of party I escaped from last night and see who I fucked. I hoped it was another bukkake gangbang. Those are the best. But I don't appear to be as wet and sticky as I usually end up. That's a shame.
It's both funny and entertaining, but at this rate you might have to up the rating.
Edit: Just finished and I don't know if I feel bad for Shinning or if I should by laughing at the chapter in general
9647913 This. I'm out after this chapter, sorry to say. It looks like the story's purpose is to glorify OCs I dislike, so I don't have any reason to go on.
9647913 Wasn't going with the hole op sex god thing... As for Cadence? I figured it would be an interesting to put swap out love with Lust. Wrath to Sloth, and so on.
9647601 The power-scaling will be addressed down the line. i don't like OC's that are too op as well. Though, Shadow does have Sombra's body. So it's a given that he'll be naturally strong, but can he properly use it?
That's the question, and Angel knows how to answer it.
You got featured again. Congrats.
Wow. This Roxie girl just burnt the Tartarus out of Shining.
Ohhh! You mean the chapter!
Let's all Press "F" for Shining.
Honestly, im surprised this isnt rated M at this point
Please tell me that she is going to have an affair with Flash Sentry. Looks like it's really is possession of other ponies then, I wonder how she is going to ruin all the affairs of state for the Crystal Empire , before Shadow comes back to the Crystal Empire. It would have been great to get to have the chance to gage popular opinion of the new royals of the place, I wonder if they did managed to find the Crystal Heart without being pressured to find it. I wonder why she seems to know more about what's happening more so then Shadow and why she needs him to be there other they to get her lady bits quivering?
9647173
That's what those tags are for.
9647177
Chaos! That's why.
9647166
F
9647177
Also, there'll be more interludes. I finished with writing Cadence's background, I'm now working on the others (that are still alive).
9647199
Ah! A shame. I always found stallion on stallion action rather erotic. I guess Futa will have to do. Everyone seems to love Futa.
9647166
F
9647178
By the way, are you gonna be updating valkyrie anytime soon, or are you focusing on this story instead?
9647166
F
9647166
f
9647231
I'm working on three stories.
One is a Reincarnated into a Futa World Hentai one for a friend...and to practice writing Smutt.
One is this The King of Starbucks.
And Valkyrie is my third.
Valkyrie might be on a once a week basis. It depends on popularity, to be honest.
9647245
Ok, thank you
9647242
You screaming at the image, or you giving an imitation of shadow's scream?
9647197
So is it a yes with the Flash Sentry thing?
9647260
I'm going with Everyone. Number 21 is doing his own thing
9647243
You a small boi then.
9647301
Same, I thought that I might as well post it since I wrote it. I might edit it later.
9647315
It's good to see you're open to outside viewpoints and feedback. I've seen a few authors who can't really take any criticism, even constructive.
For my part, I've always been a fan of brief descriptions of human to pony incarnations. Just ask yourself, "does this part matter for the story or would the story be the same without it?" That's generally a good rule of thumb. For the most part, (and I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks this way), I prefer to read HiE's that focus on the story that's actually taking place in Equestria.
9647363
A single paragraph can fix the continuity error. I'll fit it in there tomorrow when I have the time. Thanks, for pointing that out for me.
Kinda regret this being teen rated, would love some clop in here.
Also Sombra makes sense since he was most likely dead, but what of Cadence, where has her mind gone?
9647265
Yeah, its an imitation of shining armor
Major shitstorm if all the numbered characters will have their minds replaced by humans. I eagerly await this.
I'm really just loving this entire story, and i'm quite eager to read more.
9647210
What about Futa Cadence on Shining Armor? You could have a moment like, "That's not a
knicock, THIS is a cock!" Also I feel a little bad for Shining, so I'd like to see him get a tiny bit more physical affection from his "wife," even if he's not really that into it.I personally don't care much for teh ghey, but this story is apparently TEEN rated, so you aren't actually gonna describe the act itself anyway.
WAT. ALL of my WAT.
Chrysalis is likely to have the most interesting wake up, if for no other reason I’m almost certain that “Q” will find an entomophobe.
9647148
Well, that explain Shining's submissive nature under Cadance. Though does this Roxie girl another displaced human?
9647052
They’re afraid of that doink in another male
This just got pretty complex very quickly. You've got my attention for now. Let's see how it plays out.
9647557
A sad side-effect of the HiE genre. I don't imagine it getting too much better in that regard. Just assume the MC will be OP. If you do that, and can still enjoy the story, then continue reading. If not, then I'd suggest you look elsewhere.
While I would love for a less OP MC, there's not really enough content being pushed out to warrant me being too picky on stories tbh. The writing for this isn't too shabby, and as long as you don't expect it to be anything more than a fantasy fulfillment, then you should be ok.
9647210
While I do like Futa, I hope you do reconsider and include some M/M in the story ^^
This one felt...kinda wierd? I expected more pannic.
And one thing:
Wouldn't it be a shame if they don't know how to please their princess?
Dammit, I freaking despise the idea of Cadence cheating on Shining, but this story is too good to leave it. What have you done to me?
9647601
Yeah I guess I can't get too picky about it, I'll take it like eating jalapeño, I don't like that it freaking hurts, but makes food taste SOOOOOO GOOD!
Oh this is getting good
Well drat, in my honest opinion I think you sort of bellyfloped the story with that little “Cadence and Armor piece”. To me it looks like you are trying too hard to make your main character a god..... and a god of sex too. I was left wanting more character development. You sort of overdid the big dick embelishment making your main character a bit less likable and worlds less relatible. I mean you really got potential on making great stories with more depth on characters, if you are feeling rushed then take your time. Reading and writing it a few times over with hours of doing something else in between: it gives u the ability to change perspective, to catch things you would have not cought before. But the most important thing is to have fun while writing it, dont change anything if you really enjoy it. Its just this is not for me . Pony Sex stories I like are what Madjacktheblack and Pussypuss does. If its a story with more content than sex then stories like the “diaries of a madman”, “griffin the griffin”or “artice 2”. If the mood is little to no sex but funny then I would go to a ‘Dropbear’ stories heh: really funny and with lots of OP element in them. There is also “The Changeling of the Guard” which is very funny too. I recomend to take a break and enjoy some of this if you havent. In case you have: O well heh.
I honestly wish you the best Nightingale and may you keep enjoying the art of writing
I just started reading this chapter and this is what I was greeted with.
It's both funny and entertaining, but at this rate you might have to up the rating.
Edit: Just finished and I don't know if I feel bad for Shinning or if I should by laughing at the chapter in general
Make Shining their bitch boy. Never able to fuck a mare again. Only being use as Shadow Heart's dick sleeve.
9647913
This. I'm out after this chapter, sorry to say. It looks like the story's purpose is to glorify OCs I dislike, so I don't have any reason to go on.
9647913
Wasn't going with the hole op sex god thing... As for Cadence? I figured it would be an interesting to put swap out love with Lust. Wrath to Sloth, and so on.
9647601
The power-scaling will be addressed down the line. i don't like OC's that are too op as well. Though, Shadow does have Sombra's body. So it's a given that he'll be naturally strong, but can he properly use it?
That's the question, and Angel knows how to answer it.
9647506
If discord said so in Ch 4, then she should be. Wink
9647464
Now add a gender-swap spell in there and we got some business!
9648044
Soon. >:3
9648380
Angel Blade will train him to be a proper Husband!