Fluttercord vs. Dislestia

by Miner

The Turning Point

Pharynx grumbles to himself before grabbing the horn Discord gave him.

*Honk*

In a blink of an eye, he finds himself in the chaos dimension. He stood there motionless and speechless at the Armageddon in front of him. He has faced the Rulers of many nations, fought battles to the death, starved for days, and ponynapped untouchable ponies. But nothing could have prepared him for what was waiting for him in the chaos dimension as Discord fell, crashing down at his hooves. Ducks circle Discord head before he notices the changeling.

“Oh, Hi Pharynx. What brought you here?”

“Discord. I came here to full fill my end of our agreement.” Pharynx ducks as a random magic bolt flies overhead. “But something is telling me that we have more pressing matters.” He sidesteps a flying house. “Mind filling me in?”

---

Ten minutes earlier,

Discord waits impatiently on a flying rock. “What is taking him so long? How long does it take to find information on two ponies? That's it!” He snaps his claws, making the rock disappear in a cloud of dust, revealing a dimensional mirror. “I didn’t want to do this, but he has left me no choice.” Discord touches the mirror twice as it glows white, revealing the multi-verse in the shape of circles floating in the abyss. He scrolls through the mirror, searching for something. “Let’s see. No, no, no. Ah ha! Here you are.” He double-taps one of the circles in the mirror to cause the mirror image to zoom in on another Discord. This new one was relaxing in his home when the first Discord grabbed him and pulled him through the mirror. The new Discord is confused, looking at his glowing yellow body.

“Hello Me.”

“Me?” Yellow Discord turns to face Discord and frowns, “Wait are you messing around with the multi-verse? You know that is a bad idea.”

“Nonsense. It is me, after all. And since I am you, it is a good idea.” Discord puts an arm around the new Discord’s neck as he pokes yellow’s chest, “Besides, I only brought your astral self over. So long as you stay in the Chaos Dimension, everything will be fine.”

“I doubt that logic.”

Discord rolls his eyes, returning to the mirror, “Stopping being a stick in the mud. I got one more to pick up.” Discord scrolls through the mirror again before grabbing another one of himself and pulling him into the room. The Third Discord looks confused. Discord snaps his claws, making the new Discords glow white. “Now that we are all here. It is time to get down to business.”

“What is going on?” White asks. Yellow shrugs his shoulders,

Discord says, “Okay, I called you both here because you both had something I needed.

“Okay, I will bite.” White Discord says as he takes a bite off the wall. “What is it?”

“Both of you are experts in fields from which I need some advice.”

The glowing Discords look at each other before White speaks, “But we are all the same. What makes different that you need help with?”

“Well, each of you has married different mares, which is why I need your help.”

“Why both of us? Shouldn’t one of us be enough?” Yellow speaks as the other Discord nods, “After all, if you call us for marriage consoling. You have a princess for that. Unless you don’t have one.”

“Well, you see, that is a problem. She refuses to assist me in this matter. So, I am hoping for your expertise. We can come to a solution.” They nod, “You see, I am having a problem with the mares you guys married. Their counterparts here are acting weird and will not tell me anything.”

“Okay, how weird are we talking about?”

After that, I told them about what I was going through with the girls. They reacted differently than I thought. Each time I mention their wives in a good way, one would be happy, the other would be angry, and vice versa. Odd. I have finished telling them about the Rainbow Falls trip when white Discord smirks.

“It sounds like the girls are fighting each other for your attention.”

The original Discord does a quick spit take, “What are you talking about?”

Yellow speaks up, “What he is trying to say is that both mares want to be your special some pony. Lucky dog.”

Discord turns to stone, “What?”

White continues, “If you ask me, you are better off with Celestia. She is your oldest friend and knows you the most. So, if she is going after you now, she is tired of waiting for you to return your affection to her and taking a more direct approach.”

As soon as White was done, Yellow spoke up, “Now I know you are only saying that since she is your wife, but what is wrong with Fluttershy?”

White huffs at him, “Fluttershy is a nice mare, but she is not the most interesting mare. Keeps to herself mostly, not the more social Pony. They will make the later years very boring.”

“Just what are you going at?”

Discord looks between them as if they had forgotten he was there as the atmosphere around them starts to change, “Ah, guys.”

“I am saying that Fluttershy can only give you company, but with Celestia, you can have a special somepony that doesn’t mind playing with you. That is a much better option than having a pretty face waiting for you at home.”

Yellow was fuming with smoke from his nose as he grits his teeth, trying to stay calm, “Fluttershy is more than a pretty face!”

“Her cuteness is the only thing good about her.”

“Big talk coming from the one who married a pony who sits around all day and has other ponies deal with the threat to the country she is supposed to protect! Talk about useless.”

The original Discord slowly backs up, “Guys.”

“That is my WIFE you are talking about!” They shout as they start to charge Chaos Energy in their claws.

---

“And that happened.” Discord finishes as the two Discords fight in the background causing sheer madness and chaos that their audience can’t keep up with.

Pharynx takes a deep breath and stares down at his host, “Discord.”

“Yes.”

“Send them back.”

“I would if I could.” They both look at them before scooting away a little, “But I will have to let them vent a little before I can send them back. So, they will be here for a while.”

“Then what do you propose we do then?”

“This.” Discord snaps his paws, making them both leave the chaos dimension. “There, problem solve.”

“And what is stopping them from leaving there like we just did?” A moment of silence passes before Discord quickly snaps five times, but nothing happens. “Discord?”

“There now; they can’t leave.”

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure. Now then, you have something to tell me?” Before he could say anything, Discord felt his body shudder, “What! QUICK, tell me before I leave!”

“Celestia and Fluttershy are trying to court you!” Pharynx says quickly before Discord disappears in a flash of light. “There. I said it. I hope he heard it. I would say that this is over, but I am getting there feeling that things will only get worse from here.” He looks around, finding himself near the hive, and takes to the sky. “Now, how to tell her highness that there are now three Discords, and two of them are at war with each other?” He sighs, “Just another beautiful day in Equestria.”

“Pharynx!” Thorax cries out as he and a group of changelings follow suit, “There you are. Where have you been?”

“Calm down. I was only gone twenty minutes,”

“Twenty minutes? Pharynx, you have been gone for two weeks!”

“What?”

---

At the same time, in the Crystal Empire,

Discord reappears, disbelief written across his face, “Impossible. You have got to be lying!” He shouts, blowing Princess Candance’s mane backward as she closes her eyes.

She glares at him unamused, “Discord, we need to talk.”

“About what?”

“About this love triangle between you, Celestia, and Fluttershy.”

“He is right!”

Sweet Apple Acres two weeks ago,

“Sorry, Fluttershy,” Big Mac says, loading another apple crate on the wagon, “But I haven’t seen Discord since his last breakdown in his Chaos Dimension.”

“Oh, I hope that he is all right. I haven’t seen him in so long. I am getting worried. And he missed our tea date,”

“That is odd. He often would talk about how he looks forward to your tea dates.”

“You are sure that you have no way of contacting him?”

“Normally, with him, he would appear without a heads up. So, there was no reason to have a way to contact him.”

“Same here.” Fluttershy’s ears go down as she gets depressed, “Oh dear, I never thought I would need one, so I never asked him for some form of contact. I am a terrible pony.”

Rainbow, who was staying quiet the whole time, scoffs, “Now, don’t talk like that, Fluttershy. So Discord is missing, and we have no way of contacting him. But you must remember one important thing, Fluttershy.” She clears her throat, “He is the all-powerful entity of chaos incarnate, and nothing short of the elements of harmony, a magic-eating centaur, or giant worms’ spit can hurt him. I am sure he is fine. More likely, he is caught up somewhere and doing something.”

“But what could be keeping him away from our tea dates?”

---

Meanwhile present time,

“And then I find out that my aunt was smashed through a table- Are you listening to me!” Candance scolds Discord once again, making him stand straight again,

“Yes mam!”

“You must do something about this. They will kill each other and every pony in Equestria if you don’t stop this.”

“Okay, miss airhorn, I will. Just give me a second.” He says, moving the fur on his arm to look at a watch. “Well, look at the time. That is not where it should be.” He rubs his chin, “Did those two cause so much Chaos that I accidentally went forward in time by two weeks?” Seeing the rage in the Princess’s eyes, he clears his throat, “SO, your Highness. What did I miss?”

“What you missed?” The Princess’s eye twitches as her rage boils, “WHAT YOU MISSED!”

“Honeybun, please mind your temper.” Shining Armor says as flurry heart starts crying over the noise,

“Oh, sweety, don’t cry.” She calls out to her child before staring at Discord, “You stay here and don’t move.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” He says as she comforts her baby. Discord notices a shortage of guards in the area, even though it is the throne room. “Did everypony get a day off, or did you finally did away with your guards?”

Shining Armor convinces his wife to take the daughter away while he deals with Discord, “Discord, you better have a good reason for disappearing for two weeks.”

“Okay, enough with the angry cold shoulders. I stop being the villain.” He quickly looks at his watch, “Six seasons ago. Can somepony tell me what is going on?”

“Well, it started two weeks ago,”

“Can you not?”

“What?”

“You are about to go into a flashback sequence. Can you just tell me without doing that? It is too cliché. And one flashback per chapter is more than enough for readers, don't you think?”

“What are you talking about? Nevermind. So after you disappeared. I got a call from my sister that their second in command was missing and asked if we had seen him. I said no, but after a week, I sent some guards to help with the search. Not knowing what was to come next.”

“What happened next?”

“I am not sure. Myself, from what ponies from Pony Ville told me. Three days before I sent out the guards, Fluttershy and Celestia started to act differently.”

“Differently? How different are we talking about here? Like new favorite tea different or evil cold shoulder different?”

“Like Pinkie Pie being banned from eating her sweets differently.”

“What? How cruel.”

“That is not the worst of it. From what I can gather, they both went looking for you after you disappeared. They didn’t do their jobs; they didn’t talk to anypony if it didn’t have to do with finding you. It was getting scary, then it happened.”

“What happened?"

"They both turn on each other.”

“What?!”

“I don’t know, why they started fighting but fighting they did. It didn’t matter where; the moment they would see each other, they would start a brawl. It was a sight to see. But before I knew it their little skirmishes turned into an all-out war.”

“A war, you are kidding me, right? How can they start a war with each other? It’s just the two of them.”

“A week ago it was just the two of them.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well, it appears that Fluttershy received help from Tempest and the remnants of the Storm Kings Army, along with every animal in the Everfree, some Dragons, and ponies across Equestria. And as you know, Celestia has the Canterlot Guard, The WonderBolts, Her sister, and the other Princess in Equestria by her side.”

“You have got to be joking.” Discord pulls out a spyglass to have a look out the window. Looking at Canterlot, ponies of all uniforms are getting ready for battle. With evidence of destruction everywhere, “Well, I be a monkey’s uncle.” He gives the spyglass to Shining Armor, “Here you look at Pony Ville. I dear not look.” Shining rolls his eyes as he looks through the glass, “Now tell me what you see.”

“Good Faust. What Monstrous thing they have created out there.”

“What is it?”

“Well… it… it’s a big orange and black thing. With large bulbus eyes and hundreds of legs.”

“Really? Let me take a look.” He quickly looks, nodding, “There is a ladybug on the lens. Do you mind?” He asked the bug on the lens as it flew away. Looking through the lens, he can see that Pony Ville is also getting ready for war. “Well, that is not good.”

“You think!”

Discord tosses the spyglass over his shoulder, hitting a random cat, “Look, I have no excuse for why I disappeared. All I can say is that I am sorry. Somehow ended up going to the future by two weeks. I didn't mean for any of this to happen,”

“Then go back and fix this.”

“Time is much more fragile than you think, my dear Pony," He pulls out a small clock ticking away, "Of course, I can return to my time before this happened, but I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“Why.”

“For reasons beyond my control, my chaos magic is acting up. If I am not careful I can cause more harm than good," The clock in his claw explosive sending springs and gears everywhere, "Until I fix this problem, I better use my magic sparingly,"

“Then what do you recommend?”

“Look. Only two weeks have passed. I will try to fix things here in this timeline. I rather not deal with messing around more with time than needed.”

“If you say so.”

“Also, what is up with your wife? Earlier, she seems to be ready to bite my head off.” He says a mini-Discord gets eaten by a mini-Candance behind him before poofing into smoke.

“She is the Princess of Love. She is sensitive to any form of love. And she started acting a little odd after she talked with Celestia. A week ago. I think she is calming down.”

“You think?”

“You should have seen her when she got back,”

“I will take your word for it.” He raises his paw to snap but stops, “Oh, and before I head out and confront the two. Who hasn’t joined the war? The last thing I need is for them to have some form of Discord trapping machine.”

“The pillars of Equestria are with Celestia, except for Star Swirl the bearded. He decided to help protect Twilight and her hive, who have chosen to remain neutral in this conflict.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“Most neighboring lands have chosen to stay out of this along with us and the Element of Harmony.”

“What about Starlight?”

“Well, that’s the thing I don’t know.”

“You mean as you don’t know if she is remaining neutral or not?”

“I mean that no pony has seen her. She had disappeared before this started. No pony knows where she is.”

“I hope that means that she is staying out of this. She may be a unicorn, but she is second only to Twilight herself. I rather not deal with her.”

“Noted,”

“Now then, where to start?”

“Try the sea. I heard something about testing out a new weapon there.”

"Not with the war efforts. I mean with one of the girls. Who should I talk with first?"

"Sorry, but I can't help you with that. You are on your own."

“Thanks, Shining Armor, you are so helpful," Discord says, his voice dripping with Scarasm. "Wish me luck,” He says, snapping his claws and disappearing in a flash of light.

“You are going to need it.”

Candance returned shortly after Discord left, “Ah, dear,”

“Yes?”

“Shouldn’t you have told him that Princess Celestia and Fluttershy are a little cuckoo in the head right now?”

“I thought he would have gotten that from my metaphor of Pinkie.”

“Which one?”

“The one where Pinkie Pie was banned from eating sweets?”

“But that’s the wrong metaphor; You should have said the time when she thought that her friends didn’t want to come to Gummies birthday party or even Twilight’s Smarty Pants doll incident.”

“Oops.”

Author's Note:

Ah, what just happened? How can two ponies cause so much trouble over one guy?

Comments

[Edisonthom]

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[Aadilmode]

The story is very unique and really nice. Just read it offline and I want to see this hilarity to its conclusion.

[Lilcmoe]

I love this story Equestria at War!