Learning To Live Again

by Speedy Quill

Settling In

While Rarity had said she’d made up a place for me at the boutique, she’d failed to specify that it was her own bed.

“There’s a welcome surprise.”

I glanced at Rarity as she set my bag down in the corner.

“What you said at the station...does nopony know that you and I are...”

Rarity blushed.

“Well...no. In fact, none of the others even know we’re dating. Except for Twilight of course.”

“Oh? Am I a dirty little secret or something?”

“Of course not darling! It just hasn’t come up. Relationships aren’t exactly in our normal conversation.”

I sat on the bed.

“I thought that was something all mares talked about.”

“Normally I’d agree, but consider our little circle. We’re constantly dealing with threats. Or going on adventures. And we all have jobs. Not really any time for other things.”

I chuckled.

“Glad I could squeeze myself in.”

She smiled and sat next to me.

“I hope I’m able to help you while you’re here. I can’t even imagine what you must be dealing with right now.”

“Thanks Rare. I just need time to...decompress. It’s been a while since I could really relax.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

I leaned over and kissed her. She flinched in surprise, but soon melted into me. When I pulled away, I was smiling.

“That’s a good start.”

She smiled back and stood up.

“I have some work I need to finish up. Would you like to sit with me?”

“Sure. I’ll be down in a minute.”

Rarity walked out of the room as I went to my bag. I opened it up and grabbed one of my books. As it slid out of the bag, I heard the bottle tip over. I looked inside to make sure it hadn’t spilled. I wasn't sure what the contents were capable of if they soaked into anything.

A series of questions popped into my head thanks to my conversation with Discord. Would Rarity want a life like that? Outlive your friends and family? Stay the same for hundreds of years? I shook my head. This was the opposite of decompressing and it was never going to become an issue. I shut the bag and left the room.

—————————

After a few days, I got together with the rest of the girls. They were all excited to see me. We met at the castle for lunch and caught up. Pinkie was kind enough to bring me up to speed.

“-and so now that Starlight is Twilight’s student she’s learning about friendship and Twilight told her to make a new friend who turned out to be Trixie and we were all like- GASP! -but it turned out alright and then Rainbow Dash is also an official Wonderbolt now which is amazing but her first day was kind of rough but it got better and then we also helped Rarity open up her new shop in Manehattan which was waaaay crazy-“

I checked out at that point and leaned over to Rarity, whispering.

“Why didn’t you tell me you finally got the Manehattan shop? I would love to see it sometime.”

She smiled and nodded, motioning back to Pinkie. I refocused my attention on the hyper pony.

“-and Rainbow Dash got back from her Daring Do convention yesterday and that brings us to today!”

She took a huge breath and collapsed. The girls all giggled at their pink friend. Applejack sat forward, turning to me.

“So how long have you two been a thing?”

My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. Rarity was frozen in place. And it seemed everypony except Twilight was shocked. I slowly turned to Applejack.

“How...”

Applejack motioned to my hoof. I looked down and realized I was holding Rarity’s hoof. It was lower than the table, out of view for the others, but Applejack was on Rarity’s other side. So she’d had a front row seat to our secret bit of affection. And she’d just called us out.

All of a sudden, Rarity began to giggle. We all stared at her. As she settled down, she lifted our joined hooves onto the table.

“I guess the cat’s out of the bag.”

Pinkie started cheering while the rest began to ask questions. Rarity took the lead and answered most of them. And then Rainbow had to ask-

“So...how serious are you guys?”

I was confused by the question, but Rarity seemed to understand. She scoffed at the pegasus.

“Rainbow Dash! That’s impolite. The stage of our relationship is nopony’s concern.”

Rainbow leaned over to Fluttershy and whispered something. Fluttershy immediately turned red. That made Rarity fume. I took over at that point.

“Is anypony interested in hearing about my work in Canterlot? I’d looove to bounce some of our new policies off of you girls.”

Rainbow Dash immediately took off.

“Sorry! Just remembered I have a flight practice!”

Applejack stood up and winked, catching the hint.

“Ah shucks. I have chores to do.”

She walked away after Rainbow.

Fluttershy stood up.

“I actually need to go check on some of the animals. Otherwise I would Shade. It sounds...interesting?”

I had to keep myself from laughing. Once Fluttershy disappeared, I couldn’t hold it anymore.

“Do I know how to clear a room?”

Rarity smiled at me.

“Remind me to thank you later for ending that conversation.”

Twilight stood up and stretched her legs.

“It’s great having you around again Shade. Maybe you can come over again soon. I could use your talent for a few things on my plate.”

I nodded to the Princess.

“Call me anytime.”

I stood up with Rarity and we turned to leave.

“Excuse me!”

All three of us turned around. Pinkie was still in her chair.

“These new policies don’t affect anything dessert-related, do they?”

———————————

I laid in bed next to Rarity. Moonlight came in through the window, bathing the room in its soft light. It was peaceful. I felt my eyes growing heavier as sleep overtook me finally.

And then I was in a familiar meadow.

I looked around at the night sky. There were twinkling stars covering at least a third of the sky. As I watched them though, some of them became solid light. The dazzling effect on the sky was becoming stationary. And that’s when I realized what was happening.

Luna was checking on dreams.

I sat and watched the sky as it became more still. As the last star stopped twinkling, a new light appeared. And it was coming closer. I stood up and watched as the light touched down in the meadow and revealed Luna. She spotted me right away.

“Shade! I’m glad you made it!”

“As if I had a choice in the matter.”

She chuckled.

“Fair point. I just wanted to check on you. It’s been a while since we had a conversation.”

She sat down next to me as I felt my smile fade.

“I think I'm coming to terms with my new existence, but it's still harder than I thought."

"I understand. It took me some time to truly come to terms with the possibility of death."

“How old were you when you figured it out?”

She looked up at the sky, eyes darting between stars.

“It was around the time I was banished.”

I was speechless. She’d never talked much about her time as Nightmare Moon. I stayed silent as she began.

“I felt like I was being stripped away from existence. The Elements may be used for good, but they don’t work gently. They changed me into pure energy before blasting me into the Moon. I can imagine it might be slightly similar to when Discord changed your biology so suddenly.”

I shuddered at the memory. I’d felt like I was going to die in seconds. To be turned into magic energy though? That was beyond me. Luna continued.

“Even though my thoughts were consumed with revenge, there were times where I thought I’d never come back. And part of me was convinced that I would die up there. It was one of the only times that Nightmare Moon was truly scared.”

She turned her gaze back to me.

“When I came back, I learned the value of living. I figured out that death will come no matter what. So you need to learn to live. And you must treasure it, no matter how many years you have left. Be it one or one thousand.”

I nodded slowly.

“I’m trying.”

“You’re going to have some bad days. You’ll probably even have bad months or years even. But know that you have ponies around you that love you. Me, Rarity, Twilight, Celestia, and so many more. You have value in this new life of yours. Don’t count yourself out.”

“Short version: hang in there?”

She looked annoyed.

“A bit oversimplified, but yes.”

I felt a smile return to my face.

“You and Celestia really love me?”

Luna smiled.

“Of course we do. You’re like the little brother we always wanted.”

I chuckled.

“That would explain so much of your behavior.”

The sky began to grow lighter in one corner. Luna stood up.

“Sunrise is coming soon. I’d better finish up.”

“Thank you Luna. For everything.”

The Princess smiled as she took off into the sky.

“Life is hard Shade. But do yourself a favor. Find the easy things first and work your way up. Maybe it won’t look so bad then.”

She disappeared in another ray of light and the meadow faded around me.

I opened my eyes and found the Sun starting to peek over the horizon. I turned over in bed, scooting closer to Rarity. She sighed in her sleep as my hoof curled around her body. I smiled and felt myself drifting off again. This time, no dreams.

--------------------------------------

I followed Luna’s advice and worked on little things in my life first. It made day to day life a little easier. I also tried to be social when I had the energy for it. Some days were even fun! I plan on revisiting the ‘Cookie Zombie’ prank in my dreams regularly.

One of my bigger, upcoming social strides was meeting somepony new; Starlight Glimmer.

The girls had told me plenty about her. She was a lot like me in some respects. She was reforming and studying with Twilight now. And it seemed she’d turned over a new leaf. Twilight had suggested I meet her once I was comfortable. I’d finally decided it was time and was heading for the castle.

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I arrived. This pony had enslaved her town and nearly destroyed the world over revenge. All I could think of was Chrysalis...

I knocked on the door of the castle and took a deep breath.

“She can’t be that bad.”

The door opened to reveal Spike.

“Oh. Hi Shade.”

“Hey Spike. I’m supposed to be meeting Twilight-“

“Yeah. She’s in the library with Starlight.”

He stepped to the side and let me in. I walked by, glancing at the dragon from the corner of my eye. He seemed upset.

Once I was in, Spike closed the door and led me to the library. He left me alone at the door and disappeared around the corner. What was wrong with him?

I opened the door and found Twilight and a mare sitting inside. Twilight smiled as I entered.

“Shade! I’m glad you could make it. I’d like you to meet my student, Starlight Glimmer.”

I walked forward and held out a hoof.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Starlight. I’m Shade.”

Starlight’s eyes darted over my body and her head tipped slightly.

“You’re...not a pony...are you?”

I smiled.

“I used to be a changeling before I had a run-in with Discord.”

She took a step back, a brief moment of fear crossing her eyes. Twilight put a hoof on her shoulder.

“It’s alright Starlight. He’s a friend. And he works with Princess Celestia.”

Fear turned to curiosity.

“Really? How did that happen?”

I chuckled.

“It’s a long, depressing story to be sure. The short version is that I have a talent that makes me invaluable to the Princesses. I absorb knowledge.”

“Absorb?”

I summoned a book from the nearby shelf and passed it to Starlight. Her eyes were bulging until I parted my mane to show off my stump of a horn.

“Unicorn. Just shorter than average. Now what book do you have there?”

“Um...The Magician’s Almanac.”

“That’s a good one. Pick a page.”

She opened to the middle of the book.

“Page 174?”

I thought for a moment. Ah!

“When summoning an apparition, whether it is from bones or illusion, one must always remember the primary steps of a summoning charm in their precise order. If these steps should be improperly ordered or all together skipped, the charm will dissipate and risk the expulsion of the magic energy that should have gone into the charm.”

I turned to Twilight.

“How was that?”

Twilight glanced at the book and nodded.

“Word for word.”

Starlight looked up from the book.

“That’s amazing! You can recall anything you’ve ever read?”

“Yup. All 84,328 books to be exact.”

Now Twilight’s eyes were bulging. I stifled my grin as best as I could.

“So Starlight. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Her ears dropped.

“None of it good I’m sure.”

“Not all, but some. You’ve got a long road ahead just like me. But Twilight is definitely the mare to learn from. She taught me a thing or two when I first showed up. Though I think it bugged her how fast I moved through the reading material she provided.”

Twilight regained her composure and chimed in.

“Friendship can’t be rushed Shade. No matter how much you read.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice. I’ve made plenty of mistakes along the way. I’m just glad I have friends that are willing to be patient.”

I turned to Starlight.

“And you’ve got those friends now too.”

Starlight smiled.

“I guess so.”

We sat down and talked for a while, sharing experiences from our former days. She listened intently as I described living in Everfree. I had to stop a few times to recompose myself. Reliving that time wasn’t easy.

Starlight shared her story of her town and her quest for revenge. It was amazing what she’d nearly accomplished. She was one of the more powerful unicorns in Equestria given the evidence. Twilight had been smart to take her under her wing.

“So why are you in Ponyville if you work in Canterlot?”

The question caught me off guard. It took a moment to form an answer.

“Oh I needed a vacation. One can only deal with comittee meetings and law scrolls for so long.”

Starlight nodded, but I think she knew I had dodged the question. I wasn't ready to be that open with her yet..

After we had some lunch, I took my leave. Twilight tried to get me to stay longer, but I denied. My social meter had dropped to nearly zero. It was time to rest. I made my way through town towards the boutique. I was halfway back when an intoxicating aroma halted me in the middle of the street. I took a good whiff and turned my head. The smell was coming from Sugarcube Corner.

“Well...I guess I could go for something sweet.”

I made my way to the bakery and opened the door. And then I almost tripped over a couple of infants. I was able to maintain my balance and stop myself from crushing the two little foals.

“Woah! Sorry about that!”

Mrs. Cake appeared from the back.

“How many times have I told you two not to play near the door!”

The foals ran away before their mother could catch them. She let out a huff of annoyance and turned to me.

“How can I help you dear?”

“It smells like something just came out of the oven!”

“Oh yes! I just finished up some cookies. How many would you like?”

“A small bag of them would be fine.”

She disappeared into the back again, leaving me alone. Or at least I was until Pinkie came down the stairs. She didn’t seem her normal self at first, but when she realized somepony else was in the room she put on a big smile.

“Hi Shade! How are you?”

In the seconds before I answered, I noticed a few things with Pinkie. Her mane was more disheveled than normal, which was saying something. Her eyes seemed a little more dull. And her tone was entirely wrong for being “happy”.

“I’m doing okay I guess. Could be better. That’s why I’m grabbing some cookies.”

“Oh! I smelled them too. I just thought I’d grab one or seven.”

She left the staircase, entering the room a little more. She wasn’t bouncing along like she did. I stepped toward her.

“Pinkie? What’s up?”

“Up? Nothing’s up. Unless you mean the ceiling or the sky or the sun or the moon or-“

I put a hoof on her shoulder and her voice faded. Now that I was closer I could see that her eyes were red in the corners.

“Rough day?”

She didn’t meet my gaze, instead staring at the floor.

“...Yeah.”

“I get it.”

“You seem like you’re doing fine though.”

“Well you taught me a few tricks, remember?”

“Oh yeah.”

A small smile crept onto her face. I reached around and gave her a hug. Her body pressed against mine as she grabbed hold of me. I felt her tremble a little and the slightest hint of moisture on my shoulder. I rubbed her back a little.

“It’s alright. Better days will come.”

“...yeah.”

She pulled away, wiping a tear from her cheek.

“What’s got you down?”

In that moment I realized I hadn’t told anypony else about why I was back. Part of me worried that she’d gossip about it, but another part of me knew she’d never betray my trust like that. I took a deep breath before starting.

“Well...I’m a pony now.”

She cocked her head to the side.

“Huh?”

“I might have tried to vaporize Discord a while back. He turned me into a full-fledged pony. And the biggest difference between species is that changelings can live a really long time. Now...”

“You’re going to die sooner than you thought?”

She caught on fast. I nodded.

“It’s been tough trying to come to terms with my new mortality. There’s still a lot of times where I can’t think about anything else.”

“That’s rough. Makes me feel silly for being sad over nothing.”

My brow furrowed.

“Don’t ever say that. You can’t help what you feel.”

“True. Life is a lot more complicated than I thought.”

“You can say that again.”

“Life is a lot more complicated than I thought.”

I met her eyes and a smile crept across her face. We both began to giggle as Mrs. Cake emerged with my bag of cookies.

“Here we are! Fresh from the oven!”

I thanked Mrs. Cake. She was about to say something else when the twins raced by.

“Oh! Those two!”

She ran after them without another word. I turned to Pinkie and held up the bag.

“Cookie?”

She smiled and reached into the bag. As soon as she pulled away I put my own hoof in-

The bag was empty...

My eyes shot to Pinkie, her cheeks full of the cookies I’d just received. She swallowed and smiled sheepishly.

“Oops...”

Comments

[The Bricklayer]

“Life is hard Shade. But do yourself a favor. Find the easy things first and work your way up. Maybe it won’t look so bad then.”

She disappeared in another ray of light and the meadow faded around me.

I opened my eyes and found the Sun starting to peek over the horizon. I turned over in bed, scooting closer to Rarity. She sighed in her sleep as my hoof curled around her body. I smiled and felt myself drifting off again. This time, no dreams.

Beautiful...

[THERDSTORYWHISPERER]

Nice, funny, emotional chapter!

[Ninjadeadbeard]

For about half a second, I thought this was the last chapter and I almost screamed.

Literally can't wait for the next part. This is so good I'm thinking of having myself frozen between chapters!

[Xanni]

Typo: "Outlive you’re friends and family" should be "your friends and family".