Learning To Live Again

by Speedy Quill

Coming Home

I stepped off the train, my legs still regaining their strength. I looked around the platform of the Ponyville station with a certain nostalgia. It felt like ages since I'd seen it. Or the town.

I left the platform and began walking. It was slow going for sure. My body was still pretty banged up despite appearances. My limp was worse than normal. I'd even discovered a few new scars on my body from the ordeal.

The biggest difference was my own doing; the fangs. I hadn't had the strength to get rid of them entirely. They'd receded enough not to hang out. But if I grinned, they were in full view. That was going to be fun to explain.

I wandered through town, taking in the sights. Everything seemed so peaceful. It brought a smile to my face. I listened to ponies haggling over prices and trading town gossip. It was comforting. With everything that Equestria had been through, everypony still found a way to live their lives.

Would I be able to do the same?

I found my thoughts turning back to Everhoof. I still couldn't stomach the idea of sharing any traits with Sombra. And what if I'd taken on any of his biological traits? Did that mean I was something like the umbrum?

I furrowed my brow, banishing everything from my mind.

"That's not going to help one bit."

It didn't matter what I was or what power I had. I was Shade. That's all that mattered to me.

I turned a corner and saw the boutique. I began walking a little faster, my legs steadying ever so slightly.

The boutique door flew open before I even got close. Rarity came running out, her eyes tearing up. I stopped my advance and my legs gave out. My rear hit the ground as Rarity grabbed hold of me.

We didn't say anything for a few minutes. What was there to say? All we could do was hold each other tight and cry.

As we both began to reign in our tears, she leaned up and kissed me. I felt my heart melt as her lips pressed against mine. I'd never felt more at home than I did in that moment.

She pulled away and looked me over, her head beginning to shake.

"You look awful."

I couldn't help but laugh. She joined in after a second.

----------------------

I sat up in bed, the sweat pouring down my face.

"Shade?"

I looked over at Rarity. She was still half-asleep. I shook my head.

"Just a nightmare. I...I'll be okay."

She looked at me for a few moments before nodding and turning over. I sat there, waiting for her breathing to slow as she fell back asleep. It didn't take long.

I got out of bed and went downstairs to the kitchen. I poured myself some cider and grabbed one of my pills.

It hadn't been long before the nightmares had started. And it wasn't long before Rarity realized that I wasn't dreaming about Everfree or Chrysalis anymore. I'd told her bits and pieces of the truth over the months but couldn't bring myself to tell her everything.

She knew my assignment had to do with Sombra and that I'd had a run-in with some dark magic left over from his rule. She also knew I wasn't telling her the whole truth. But she never pushed me. It was painfully evident that I didn't like reliving the memories. So, she took what I gave her and didn't ask more of me.

After a month of nightmares and another battle with insomnia, Rarity had convinced me to see a doctor. I was limited on the details, but I gave enough that the doctor prescribed me medication for anxiety and panic attacks. And it helped. The nightmares were still happening, but the medication lessened the effects. I didn't wake up screaming anymore at least.

I sat in the dark with my cider, thinking about the coming week. I was going to be returning to Canterlot after a long absence.

Celestia and Luna had been more than understanding about my recovery. Life at the castle had continued without me there. Celestia would send me notes on the daily meetings in advance and I'd send along my opinions.

I had a good laugh when Luna informed me that the rumors of The Right Hoof had only increased since I now operated from an undisclosed location. I was truly a phantom within the royal courts.

The timing had lined up well for my return. The girls had been busy getting ready to open Twilight's school. I couldn't believe they were going to be teachers! Rarity was excited to show off her skills and help students learn her perspective on generosity.

I heard hoofsteps on the stairs. I glanced over and saw Rarity appear, rubbing her eyes.

"What time is it?"

"It's early. Not even sunrise."

She walked over to the table and kissed me on the head.

"Rough night?"

"You could say that?"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not especially."

She nodded and grabbed my cider, taking a sip.

"Mmm. That hits the spot."

She sat down at the table and reached her hoof out to mine.

"I can't even begin to imagine what you're seeing in your dreams. I hope you know that I'm here for you."

I put my hoof on hers.

"I know Rare. It's just...hard to explain. I wish I could forget it all."

She took another sip of cider before passing it to me. I threw my pill in my mouth and took a swig. Rarity sighed as I set the cup down.

"I don't envy you having to deal with that horrid beast. I'm just glad you survived the whole ordeal."

"I don't feel like it some days. Some days I feel like I'm nothing but a shadow. Just...melting away in the sun."

I looked at Rarity. Her eyes were fixed on the table.

"Shade?"

I looked down.

My hoof was actually melting!

I jerked my hoof back. It lagged, flowing like paint on a brush. I felt my pulse growing faster.

My hoof began reforming. After a few seconds it looked normal again. I touched it to the table. Solid.

Rarity looked at me, her eyes expressing concern.

"What happened up there Shade?"

I kept staring at my hoof.

"Of all the things that would stick..."

I glanced at Rarity. I knew I couldn't keep hiding.

"The dark magic I encountered...it was threatening all of us. So, I...I absorbed the magic to save Shining Armor and Sunburst."

"Is that why your fangs grew back?"

I nodded.

"Celestia and Luna tried to get the magic out of me, but it took too long. So now..."

"Now you can use it?"

I nodded again.

"The dark magic had the same aura as Sombra. I...I think it's his power I absorbed. I had hoped nothing would be too obvious, but that's out the window now. It looks like I have his ability to turn into shadow."

I looked at my hoof again, this time focusing. It began to lose its form again. I changed direction and reformed it again.

"I'll need to keep an eye on that. I don't want to lose control in public."

Rarity reached out, hesitating as her hoof came close to mine. She lightly pressed against it. As she felt the solidity of it, she let her hoof fall into mine.

"I'm so sorry you have this burden on you. It's not fair you should have to deal with so much darkness in your life still."

I smiled.

"That's why I'm glad I have you. You're the light of my life."

She blushed.

"Shut up."

------------------------------

I stood in the center of the room, focusing on my objective.

Luna was pacing around me.

"Good. You're gaining better control."

I looked down at my body. It was blurring into a black mass. I felt the magic climbing up my neck.

"This is too weird."

The magic engulfed my face and I felt my entire body lose mass. I felt lighter than the air. I looked at Luna, or at least I think I was.

"Do you think I'm ready to try moving?"

She smiled.

"If you feel up to it. Perhaps a short trip though."

She opened the doors out onto her tower's balcony.

"From here to Celestia's tower and back."

I drifted to the balcony and turned to Celestia's tower. I imagined moving towards my target.

I wasn't ready for the speed.

I shot over to the tower, zig-zagging through the air. My hooves touched down on Celestia's balcony as my body reformed.

"Yes!"

I turned around, spotting Luna on her balcony.

"Excellent! Now come back."

I stretched my hooves and focused.

Nothing.

I looked down at my body.

"Come on!"

I looked back at Luna.

"It's not working! It's like I'm out of magic!"

Luna shrugged.

"Maybe you are. That reserve may be a lot smaller than your own. Practice will build your stamina."

"How do I get back over there?"

She motioned behind me. I turned around and groaned.

"She's going to hate me in the morning."

I tapped on the balcony door. The sound of a disgruntled Celestia emanated from inside.

The door handle glowed with her aura. The door swung in and I hurried through the room. I glanced in passing at the bed. Celestia had one eye open, glaring at me.

"Next time, I leave you out there."

----------------------------

The weeks passed as I continued my duties. Ever since the Storm King incident, things had been relatively quiet. I hopped between Canterlot and Ponyville, helping the princesses where I could. Twilight was getting better at her paperwork. Some days she had nothing for me to do. It seemed being Headmare was giving her some good experience. Today was another one of those days.

I was standing in Twilight's office at the school.

"Are you sure I can't help in some way?"

She smiled as she straightened a pile of paperwork.

"Positive! Enjoy a day off!"

I shook my head and smiled.

"You're giving me a run for my bits. I doubt you really need me around anymore."

"Not true! You're one of my friends. I'll always need my friends."

"Well if you don't need me immediately, I suppose I'll head home."

I turned to leave.

"Actually, you just reminded me of something!"

I looked over my shoulder.

"Oh?"

"I have a student you should meet. Her name is Ocellus."

My brow arched.

"The young changeling in your class?"

She nodded.

"I just received a letter from her family. They'd like her to come back home for something called a Naming."

I spun back around.

"A Naming?! The changelings haven't held an official Naming in nearly a century!"

"That's what the letter said. I suppose that's something Chrysalis abolished?"

I nodded.

"It used to be that changelings would hold a Naming to welcome the newest member of the hive."

"Well that's exciting, isn't it?"

"Very!"

"Then can I count on you to take Ocellus home for the event?"

I nearly fell over.

"Me?! Go back to the hive?!"

"I think it would be a good experience for you. Especially after everything."

I thought about it for a few moments. Maybe she was right. It must look so different now...

"Okay."

"Excellent! I'll introduce you two today and you can leave tomorrow."

"So soon?"

"The Naming is the day after tomorrow. I've already arranged a balloon."

I narrowed my eyes.

"if you have a balloon already, why do I need to go?"

She grinned.

"Adult supervision?"

I shook my head and chuckled.

"Keep it up. You'll be on Celestia's level of bullshitting in no time."

------------------------

The balloon started to descend. I looked down at the hive. It looked so green now!

"Is that really it?"

Ocellus peeked over the basket and smiled.

"Yep! Isn't it pretty?"

"I never thought I'd see things growing here."

"How long has it been since you've been back?"

I stepped back and mulled it over.

"I guess it's been a little over five years now."

"Wow. I don't know if I could ever be away from my home for that long."

I smiled.

"Ponyville is more home to me now."

"Will you know anyone here?"

"I know Thorax. But I doubt I remember many changelings by name."

"I'll introduce you if you want!"

I smiled at the young changeling. She was usually so timid from what I'd heard. But being back in familiar surroundings seemed to let her open up more. Hopefully I'd have a similar reaction.

"Maybe one I've had a chance to look around."

The balloon touched down and Ocellus flew out of the basket, racing for the hive. I saw her tackle a couple of grown changelings with a hug.

I hopped out of the basket with a sigh.

"Here goes nothing."

"Shade!"

I looked up to see Thorax flying towards me. He landed a few steps away, but quickly approached and pulled me into a hug.

"Twilight told me you were coming! I was so excited!"

I returned the hug.

"It's been too long Thorax."

He pulled away, his face beaming.

"Can you believe it? A Naming! I've never seen one in my lifetime."

I chuckled.

"There's only been one in my lifetime. Until now that is."

Thorax got excited.

"Do you remember it well enough? I'd love to know if we've got it right."

I began walking with him towards the hive.

"I'm sure you'll do fine. I'm just happy to be a part of the festivities."

I glanced at him.

"I can't wait to see the bug-bear fights."

Thorax tripped over his own hooves.

"The...WHAT?!"

I couldn't hold it together as I began laughing.

"I'm...I'm sorry! I couldn't help myself!"

Thorax let out a sigh of relief.

"Don't joke like that. We've been working so hard on this."

We arrived at the hive entrance and were greeted by another changeling. He was a much darker hue than I expected. He marched up to me and looked down.

"State your name and purpose here."

I looked at Thorax. He was covering his face and groaning.

"Pharynx..."

I looked up at the changeling and smiled.

"Uh...Shade. I'm here for the Naming."

Thorax chimed in.

"He's my guest Pharynx. You don't need to check everyone that comes in."

"But he's a pony. Namings are a changeling tradition. We've never had outsiders at them before."

I cleared my throat and Pharynx turned back to me. I smiled as my changeling magic kicked in, transforming me to how I looked before the Invasion.

"Does this help?"

Pharynx backed up, his eyes growing bigger.

"You!"

I transformed back and walked past Pharynx.

"At ease soldier. It's peacetime. Let's enjoy the party."

Thorax raced after me.

"I've never seen Pharynx so surprised before!"

I chuckled.

"I doubt he'll be the only one today."

We entered the main area of the hive. Changelings were everywhere, talking and laughing. I'd never seen the hive look so lively!

As we entered, changelings began looking at me. I didn't want to keep transforming, so I began letting the aura of my changeling magic feed out into the crowd. It didn't take long for the whispering to start.

Thorax moved to the middle of the crowd.

"I'm sure you all know by now who I've invited to the Naming."

I joined him in the center, my nerves beginning to stretch thin.

"Uh...hi everyone. My name is Shade."

Silence. My anxiety shot up tenfold. They hated me. They didn't want-

The crowd surged around me as changelings began introducing themselves. Many of them asked if I remembered them. I never got the chance to answer as one changeling would be replaced by another.

They were happy to see me.

The crowd receded slowly, and Thorax approached me again.

"Everyone missed you brother. Welcome back."

I looked around at the smiling faces, feeling my anxiety begin to lessen.

"So...When does the party start?"

I had to cover my ears, the cheers threatening to make them deaf.

-------------------------

Everyone sat around in groups eating a feast. I was sitting with Thorax and Pharynx off to the side. Thorax nudged me.

"So? How did it compare?"

I chuckled.

"Far better than the last one."

Pharynx looked at me.

"You remember the last Naming?"

I looked down at the floor.

"Of course I do. It was mine."

Thorax dropped the fruit he'd picked up.

"Yours?! I thought Chry-"

He cut himself, lowering his volume.

"I thought Chrysalis didn't give anyof her children names."

I shook my head.

"Only me. I was the firstborn after all. I think she did it for tradition's sake. She never called me by it anyway."

Pharynx leaned closer.

"So, what's your real name?"

I locked eyes with him.

"Of all the things I lost in the Everfree Forest, that's one thing I don't regret. My name is Shade. And it always will be."

Pharynx sat back, unsatisfied. Thorax smiled and passed me some fruit.

"Well we're glad to have you Shade. All of us."

I smiled, accepting the fruit. I looked around the hive. It was bright and colorful, full of happy changelings. If I didn't already have a wonderful place to call home, this wouldn't have been a bad choice.

I bit into the fruit and settled in as Thorax began telling us about an adventure he'd had in the Crystal Empire. I didn't know when I'd make it back here, so I planned on taking in as much as possible of my old home.

Comments

[THERDSTORYWHISPERER]

Nice chapter!

Did the events of the movie happened?

[Speedy Quill]

10028056
We sort of hopped over them. Thank you for reminding me! I should put a mention of that stuff in somewhere..

[THERDSTORYWHISPERER]

10028061
You’re welcome!

[The Bricklayer]

10028061
Pharynx is so fucking Fizzlepop on the side, you just know he is.

[Speedy Quill]

10028165
That’s quite the ship you have there.

[The Bricklayer]

10028198
This is a mare who wants "princesses of warfare and explosions' so yeah, I'd say Fizzle would get along with Pharynx great.

[Bob936753]

No name? Gasp, is the author Celestia level bs-ing us bc he has no name? lol