• Published 12th Jan 2019
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Principal Noses and Ancient Roses - Irrespective



An ancient foe draws the nosey Prince and the Lunar Princess to the strange and unfamiliar land of the Equestria Girls

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4. - The Past is Present

“Are you sure we will not be an imposition?” Princess Luna asked once more.

“No, I have plenty of room for you here,” Principal Celestia replied while she fumbled with the keys to her front door. “Though I doubt my townhome will compare to your castle.”

“Bean! Quit playing around and get up here, please!”

“But this thing runs on explosions!” Bean gestured to the engine compartment of Celestia’s car. “How is that not the coolest thing you’ve ever heard of?”

“Now, Bean. We have things to do.”

“Aww! Five more minutes, please?”

“We appreciate the hospitality you have provided,” Luna said to Celestia while Bean sulked over with a pout. “Once the siren threat has been neutralized, I will see to it that you are compensated for your trouble. What could we offer that would be of value?”

“Oh, the usual things, I suppose,” Celestia replied as she unlocked the door and swung it open. “Amethysts, rubies, emeralds, or whatever other precious stones you have lying around.”

Luna glanced to Bean, who gave her a curious look and a shrug before she responded to Celestia’s comment. “Do you mean to say that rubies and emeralds are rare here?”

“Are you telling me they’re not in Equestria?”

“No. Such stones can be easily found, in the proper places. They are valued for the distinct design they give to certain aesthetics, but they are not difficult to procure.”

“I should buy a mine in Equestria,” Celestia muttered. “Anyway, the battle of the bands will begin just after noon, and the final two will compete tomorrow evening. You have until then to—” she waved her hands “—do whatever magic thing you’re going to do, I suppose.”

“That should be adequate, thank you.”

Celestia grinned and gestured to the main room of her home. “I have a spare bedroom that you can use for the evening, and Prince Bean can use my room.”

“Wait a minute,” Bean cut in quickly. “I can’t do that. That’s not how this is supposed to work. Girls get the beds, I get the couch.”

“Your Highness, I appreciate that but it’s no trouble. I wouldn’t feel right about you sleeping down here, especially with your injured leg.”

“Are you sure? It’s only for one night; I’ll be fine with the couch.”

“No, I insist. I won’t be able to sleep otherwise.”

“Well, I guess that settles it. If you change your mind, I’ll gladly switch back.”

“Thank you,” Celestia said with a grin. “Let me get some blankets laid out for you, and then I’ll order out.”

“Order what out?” Bean asked.

“Oh, it means I’ll have food delivered—”

“I’m just kidding. We have that too,” Bean said with a laugh despite Luna smacking him in the back of the head. A fish tank in the corner of the room attracted his attention, and he pointed to it with an eager grin. “What kind of fish are those?”

“He doesn’t get out much, does he?” Celestia said to Princess Luna while Bean crossed the room to get a closer look.

“Not to other dimensions, no. To be honest, I find much of this world to be quite intriguing as well, but Prince Bean is far more animated than I am. I would like to ask how some things function once the more immediate problem is taken care of.”

Celestia nodded, and she drew in a long, exasperated sigh. “I’ll explain what I can, but perhaps I can ask you a few questions about your magic. I would like to have some sort of plan in place if Canterlot High is going to turn into Hogwarts.”

“That will be acceptable.”

Celestia moved towards a staircase, but then she hesitated and turned back to Luna. “Your Highness, forgive me a dumb question, but you are a horse in your natural form, right?”

“The official term we use is pony, but we are equines, yes.”

Celestia’s eyes darted over to Bean. “That rules out the kung pao chicken, I suppose. I’ll order extra chow mein—plain—and spring rolls. Lots of spring rolls.”

Luna’s ears metaphorically perked up. “Chicken? With pow?”

~*~

“Please don’t mind the clutter.” Celestia picked up a box and moved it out of the way while Princess Luna entered. “It’s amazing how junk can multiply. Most of this is just old clothes and other things that I’ve bought over the years and not needed. The bed is fairly new, so it should be reasonably comfortable. Evenings here are usually on the warm side, even in autumn, so I think a thin blanket should suffice. If you would care for something thicker, I do have some quilts in the hall closet.”

“Thank you, Principal Celestia.” Luna glanced around. “This is all very generous of you.”

A squeak then came from under Luna’s foot, and she jumped backward slightly at the unexpected sound. Celestia was quick to snag the offending item, but she was also quick to hold it behind her back.

“Sorry. I thought I had cleaned up a bit better.”

“What was that? Did I break it?”

“No, no. It’s just a toy I haven’t gotten rid of yet. I’ve been meaning to throw this stuff in the garbage. Now, the shower is just across the hallway, if you would like. Make yourself at home, and I’ll go work on dinner.”

Celestia then stuffed the toy into the box she had moved, and she quickly picked up a bundle of blankets. Two went on the bed, and she stepped out of the room with the rest.

Luna knew she shouldn’t look in the box. It was terribly rude and highly inappropriate to snoop into another pony’s belongings, especially after this Celestia had offered up her home to the visitors.

But her sense of personal privacy was, by her own admission, a bit skewed by the very nature of her evening duties. What was a few items in a box compared to a pony’s nightmares, in the end?

She could also adapt her behavior to be more amiable to this Celestia if she knew more about her.

Having justified her own actions to herself, she snuck over to the box, carefully lifted the flaps and peered inside. It took a moment for her to translate the items from human use to pony, but once she did, she smiled softly.

“A cute toy that squeaks is sure to entertain a newborn foal, Celestia,” Luna murmured while pulling the soft fabric star with a smiley face out for a closer look. “As would a rattle and some blocks. Oh, and what a beautifully carved crystal mobile! And these soft blankets would be perfect for swaddling. Such delicate and precious items, yet you said these are things you did not need.”

A cold chill seized Luna’s heart. Had Celestia once been with child, but then lost it? Such things did happen to ponies; the prenatal care in Equestria was second to none, but there was always a risk of a stillborn foal.

It would explain the items in the box, and the slipcovered crib that shared the room with her own accommodations. Luna drew in a long breath as she replaced the toy and folded the flaps down. This room had been meant for use as a nursery, and she could only imagine the heartache that had come to Celestia when such use was denied to her.

There was a sudden loud knocking below, and Luna heard the front door swing open without any further warning. “Sister! Where have you been? I thought that—”

“My counterpart,” Luna whispered. She quickly swung the bedroom door shut, but then opened it just a crack and peered down the stairway to observe Bean and Celestia.

“Why, Mister Bean!” the human Luna proclaimed. “So good to see you here! Celly, you should have told me you were having a private evening alone with our dietician. I would not have intruded, if I had known.”

“This isn’t what it looks like!” Both Bean and Celestia shouted, and Princess Luna chuckled as she saw the furious blush on Baked Bean’s cheeks. The two of them then tried to explain over the top of each other, but the collision of words sounded like a train wreck and made the same amount of sense.

“Honestly, you two. You don’t need to make excuses for me,” the human Luna replied. “I was only stopping by to see if my sister wished to join me for a meal, but I do not wish to disrupt your evening. Please, carry on. I will fend for myself. Just be sure to leave a sock on the doorknob next time to warn me.”

“Dinner! Yes! Let’s go get dinner!” Celestia proclaimed. “I can explain everything at the restaurant. Let me take care of something upstairs, and then we can go get dinner.”

“Are you sure, Celly? Really, I can just leave, and you can pretend like I was never here.”

“I’m positive. You wait outside with Mister Bean. I’ll be right there.”

Luna then stepped back from the door and listened to Celestia’s approaching footsteps. The door was nudged open slowly, but then Celestia whipped around and quickly shut it.

“Should I go introduce myself to myself?” Princess Luna asked with a smirk.

“As much as I may want to implode the universe right now, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Celestia said with a shake of her head. “I thought my sister had made other plans for tonight.”

“Do not trouble yourself over the matter. Please, go enjoy the time with your sister and Prince Bean. I will determine the best magical thing to use against the sirens while you are gone.”

“But I don’t want to—”

“I insist,” Luna said firmly and with a small smile. “Just bring me something to eat when you are done. I will not be offended.”

“If you’re sure, then,” Celestia said with a deep breath. “Really, I am sorry about this. I try to treat my guests better.”

“It is fine, Principal Celestia. Please go and enjoy the evening.”

Celestia looked as if she would press the argument, but a shout from the human Luna to hurry forced her to move. “There are pens and a notebook downstairs in the hutch by the television. Use whatever you need. I’ll be back with the Prince as soon as I can.”

“Thank you.”

Principal Celestia left in the same way she’d entered, and Luna sighed while she looked over the crib once more. She hoped that she was wrong, and that there was another explanation for the items in the box, but she was unsure of what else it could be.

Once everypony had left, Luna moved to exit the room, but was distracted by a glint of light from the closet. Curiosity quickly overcame her again, and she slowly pushed the rolling door aside.

A small gasp came, and her hand gently reached out to touch the fabric before her. The dress felt as light as a cloud, and Luna could see in her mind’s eye how the off shoulder design would flow like a gentle river over Celestia’s curves, with a slight flare at the hips to complete the regal design that cascaded down onto the floor in an elegant train. The sparkle emitting from the inlaid crystals running along the bodice and down the right side of the skirt almost seemed to glint with rainbows, and the whiteness of it would make the crystals of a fresh snowfall jealous.

“Such beauty,” Luna murmured. “But why is it here, hidden away from the world?”

* * * *

“So, you are not Baked Bean the dietician,” Vice Principal Luna said slowly while leaning back slightly in her chair. “You are, in fact, a pony prince from the same alternate dimension as Twilight Sparkle, and you are here to deal with three sirens who escaped your own reality and who are trying to regain their former power?”

“That’s the gist of it, yes.”

“And in your world, you are wed to my sister’s counterpart, who also happens to be a Princess and who can raise and lower the sun and moon?”

“Yes, but she only raises the sun now. Your counterpart handles the moon.”

“Celly.” Luna reached out for the bottle of wine, which Celestia had placed out of her reach. “I need something to wash all this down.”

“I think we’re going to need another bottle.” Celestia looked around the restaurant for their waiter while Luna emptied what was left into her glass.

“I understand this is a lot to process, but it is true,” Baked Bean said while both sisters took a long sip. “I don’t think I’d believe me, if I was in your position, no matter how much wine you had.”

“Why do you believe your sirens are here?” Luna asked, her eyes glowing with an unhealthy green hue. “I certainly hope this is not related to those delightful new students that Sunset Shimmer was accusing earlier today.”

“Is that how you knew I had been affected?” Celestia asked Bean, and he nodded. “Interesting. Lulu, Prince Bean would not be here if he felt there was no threat. Once he is able to locate and subdue the sirens, he will leave and that will be the end of it.”

The glow faded with Luna’s nod. “Very well. I shall be watching you very closely, however. If I find that you are trying to sabotage the showcase, I will be forced to intervene.”

“Trust me, I don’t want that,” Bean replied with an absent-minded rub of his ribs. “I pinkie promise I will be on my best behavior while I am here.”

Luna gave him a wary and confused look. “I suppose that will work. Tell me, how will you defeat them, once they are found?”

“There is a way to construct a spell to disrupt their magic, destroy their power, and remove their influence from any who have been tainted by their touch. Starswirl the Bearded made extensive notes on siren magic in case they ever returned to plague Equestria, and I’m confident that I can use one of your bands to complete the enchantment. Adjusted for the novelties of your world, of course.”

“Novelties?”

“The spell needs to be sung,” Celestia said. “And if they have affected our students, it needs to be sung when the entire body will hear it.”

“And then what?” Luna asked.

“Well, then we wrap things up and I go home,” Bean replied. “Once they are defeated, the sirens will be harmless, and I believe we could leave them here without any danger. If they come back to Equestria, they could regain their magic.”

“And what is home like for you?” Luna asked while their waiter delivered their food and a fresh bottle of wine.

“Thank you, sir,” Bean said to the waiter first, then waited for him to leave before continuing. “Home is… well, to be honest, I want to get back to my wife as soon as possible, more than anything. I’ve put her through a great deal of anguish over the past few weeks, and while she says she approves of me being here, I think she’s just saying it to make me feel better. I really wasn’t supposed to come.”

“Why? Does this relate to your injured leg?”

“My leg is part of it, and the consequence of my actions. You see, there was a tyrant named Tirek…”

* * * *

Princess Luna drew in a long breath while she gazed at the moon. She felt so cold without its familiar touch, and she shivered a bit with the absence. She could hardly believe that the sun and the moon moved on their own accord here, without any guidance and yet just like clockwork. How did the humans of this world handle not having control over the moonrise? Trusting in gravitational pulls was a thought that was untenable. Even during her darkest days as the Nightmare, her Moon had been her constant companion.

Just as her Star had been with her through every high and every low that life had send their way.

Luna closed her eyes and smiled a bit with the memory of her first moonrise with her dear husband. He had been so quiet during the process that she was afraid she had injured him in some way. Thankfully, he had been profoundly touched by the moment, and he had not words to express the reverence he had felt deep in his own heart.

“Ah, so here you are, Lass.”

Princess Luna’s eyes snapped open. A swarthy human in a polo shirt and slacks stood before her, with a charmingly messy mop of hair so black it almost looked blue in the moonlight and day-old stubble that only added to his allure and charms. “Star Struck?!”

“I dinna realize you’d be so startled to see me,” Star replied with a chuckle. “And I thought you were goin’ to join me for dinner.”

“Dinner. Yes, I did say that, didn’t I?” Luna murmured.

“Are you sick? If this is a bad time, we can try for another night.”

“No!” Luna leapt to her feet. “Um, I mean, I am well. I just have had a lot on my mind as of late, and I did forget. I would love to share dinner with you.”

“You’re sure?” Star asked, and Luna nodded. “All right. Are you wantin’ anything in particular?”

“Something that is simple and casual would be nice.”

“How about the Waffle Emporium? We can chat about your party on the way there.”

“Could we possibly walk?”

“Tryin’ to keep your girlish figure?” Star said with that deep, rumbling laugh that she had acutely missed. “I suppose we could take a dauner, if’n you’d prefer.”

“I would. It’s been so long since—” Luna put her hand to her lips. “I mean, it feels like we haven’t been able to walk together for a very long time.”

“Far be it from me to deny you such a simple joy. Shall we?”

Star held out the crook of his elbow towards Luna, and she slid one arm into it while wrapping the other across his chest. A shiver of delight tickled her from head to toe with the soft touch of her side against his, and with a giggle, they began their journey.

* * * *

“So, how did you survive the fall?” Vice Principal Luna asked Bean. “Just hitting one tree should have been fatal.”

“That’s where the story takes a turn, and I wish it was for the better,” Bean said with a deep breath. “How can I best explain this? Out in the Badlands, there lives a race of creatures known as changelings who steal love to survive. They have a queen, Chrysalis, who once tried to invade our capitol and was repulsed. For her second attack, she concocted a plan to kidnap me and to use me against Celly and Equestria, and I guess she had been keeping tabs on my little rebellion. I don’t remember the impact, but she claimed later that she had rescued me after I hit a tree or two. I was her prisoner for a time, and I don’t want to make a return visit.”

“Chrysalis,” Celestia snarled. “It doesn’t matter what world she is in, does it?”

Bean leaned back in his chair. “You have a Chrysalis here, too?”

“We do,” Celestia replied before taking another long drink of the wine with a vigor that really was disrespectful to the vintage. “And much like yours, she has attacked my home to steal love as well.”

“I believe we should change the topic,” Luna cut in. “This is a sensitive and personal subject.”

“No, no!” Celestia chuckled mirthlessly and she sneered at her sister. “Let’s get it out and into the open, shall we? Tell me, Your Highness, did your Celestia ever show any interest in a person—pony, a pony named Sombra?”

“Sombra?” Bean shook his head slowly. “No, I don’t believe so. Sombra was an ancient warlord in the Crystal Empire. My history is a bit sketchy, but if I remember right he somehow managed to usurp the crystal princess and enslave the ponies who lived there. Most of my history teachers believed he was a major reason why Equestria has no Kings or Queens. The titles became associated with corruption and tyranny.”

“King.” Celestia’s lips curled back into a snarl worthy of a tiger. “He certainly royally screwed me.”

“Celly.” Luna patted her sister on the arm. “Perhaps this is not the right—”

Celestia yanked her arm back. “I wish I were some sort of royalty who raised and lowered the sun, because I would drop that ball of fire on his head! Over and over, until nothing was left but a greasy stain! I had that all locked away until you brought that little yellow sneak into our lives! Now it’s all I can think about.”

She slugged back the remainder of the glass and viciously upended the bottle to refill it, watching the glug of the red fluid as if it were the blood of the stallion who wronged her. Baked Bean’s tongue had glued itself to the roof of his mouth, or he would have tried to say something, which on further thought was probably a good thing because this world’s Celestia still had a fairly sharp knife by her plate, and things could go wrong extremely fast.

Giving a shake to the empty bottle, she slammed it back on the table and signaled the waiter. “Another, and be quick about it.”

Thankfully, the waiter immediately glanced over at Luna, who gave her head a short shake, allowing the poor man to slip away without getting burned by a drunk principal.

“I locked those feelings up behind walls of ice and darkness,” growled Celestia, sounding nearly feral to Bean as she ran one finger slowly around the rim of her empty wine glass. “I thought they could be locked away for a thousand years, and here comes this little yellow… thing with a key. Why can’t he just leave my heart be!” she added in a plaintive wail.

Bean cringed, but he could see the human Luna wincing even worse, and her eyes darted between her real human sister and himself during Celestia’s outburst. She bit her lip, clearly wanting to say something comforting but unable to find the right words to do so.

There was an awkward silence that hung heavy in the air, and Celestia twisted her gaze to the floor on her left while she wrung her napkin with the same movements one would use when wringing a neck. Baked Bean began to wonder if he should offer an apology and then march himself right back to the portal, but before he could act on his thought Celestia inhaled deeply, clenched her jaw to the point where Bean could see the tendons running up her neck, and focused her full attention on him.

“Prince Bean, forgive me. I think I’ve had a bit too much wine. I would like to think that I have a better handle on my emotions.”

“If I’ve brought up a subject I shouldn’t have—”

“You didn’t.” Celestia hissed in a deep breath through her teeth with her jaw locked tightly and her eyes fixed on the knife beside her plate. “Sombra was my fiancé, until that monster Chrysalis stole him away from me.”

* * * *

Princess Luna laughed at Star Struck’s joke, which was followed up with a satisfied hum while she leaned her head on his shoulder. She had forgotten how deeply satisfying it was to have him beside her, sharing his corny jokes and witty anecdotes while his warmth and his love caressed her heart. She had missed his presence even more than she had realized, but the gaping hole that had come with his death now felt like it was being filled in with renewed hope and joy.

It was almost like he had never left her.

“This has been a most enjoyable evening,” she softly said as they rounded the last corner to Celestia’s house. “I hate for it to end.”

“Aye, but that’s the way it always goes, innit?” Star said. “There’s never enough time for the good to last. Maybe we could do this again sometime, eh?”

Luna’s heart froze, and she fought back a shuddering breath. The happiness that filled her heart was stolen by the Luna who lived here and now. As much as she knew it was wrong, she managed to say, “I would love that, my dear Star. I did not spend enough time with you before.”

“Before what? We see each other all the time at the school.”

“Of course. I am just rambling, nothing more.”

“I suppose I could try to find a way for us to be together more,” he mused. “If’n that’s what you really want, Lass. I dunno if we could stand livin’ under one roof, however.”

“I think you’d be surprised,” she hummed.

“Well, it’s somethin’ to…” Star stopped walking, and Luna lifted her head from his shoulder.

“What is it?”

“That new dietician you hired.” Star pointed to Principal Celestia’s house. “He’s sittin’ on the front stoop.”

“Oh dear.” Luna peeled herself away from Star, and she took two quick steps towards Baked Bean before stopping and turning back to her long-lost love. “I’m sorry, but I do need to go.”

“Want me to chum along? I’ve seen the way he stares at your sister at the school, and I’ve told him a few times he and Celestia would be perfect together.”

“No, thank you. I think this is something that I need to deal with alone.”

“All right. I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

“I certainly hope so,” she said just before he walked up and gave her another world-melting kiss. “Especially if you keep doing that.”

“I’ll have to do it more, then,” he said with a chuckle. “Good night, my princess.”

Luna thanked him, and the two then separated despite Luna’s desires to the contrary. Her eyes remained on him for a few lingering moments, but then she shook herself from her thoughts and strode over to her brother-in-law.

“Bean? What’s wrong?”

Bean didn’t look up from the pavement. “Nothing. I’m just screwing things up again, but that’s the new normal for me.”

“I doubt you have done anything of the sort.”

Bean’s shoulders shook once, as if he had attempted a laugh but it had died on the way out. “Oh, I’m pretty extra sure I have. In that house,” he jerked a thumb towards the front door, “there is is a despondent woman who was left waiting at the altar by her first love. I managed to drag that memory out of the closet and flog it in front of her, and now she’s furious.”

“She yelled at you?”

“For a little bit at first. She then became very quiet, and I’d be surprised if she’s said more than ten words to me since then. When we got back from dinner, she went straight to her room without a word, carrying the last bottle of wine from the restaurant.”

“I see.” Luna stood quietly on the sidewalk for a time, then looked up at the house, and the single lit window on the second floor. “So much like my own sister. They share the same heart of glass; pretty to look at, but fragile when struck. You may have given my human sister’s counterpart a blow, but the pain you brought to the surface is not your fault. If she is like my own dear sister, she will ache for a time and move on to more important things without proper time to grieve. You have done her a good deed despite your regrets.”

“I still feel like I need to return home. Everything I do is wrong, even when I try to do what’s right. I can’t trust my own decisions anymore. I need to quit thinking, and leave that to ponies who can actually see where their decisions will lead.”

Luna exhaled slowly. “Bean, what you need to see is when things would happen, no matter the circumstances. Would you rather one of Twilight’s friends have triggered her unwelcome memories? Or Twilight Sparkle herself? You know my sister far better than any other, and by that measure, you are the best pony to absorb her ire without harm. Accept this outburst for what it is and let us concentrate on the problem at hoof. I will need your help with the counterspell.”

“I kinda thought you would have had it all ready to go by now.”

Luna smiled slightly as she sat down next to Bean. “Celly is better at crafting spells than I am. I tend to take a more physical approach to problems. I find it is difficult to remember if the magicae telum comes before or after the Iorem while I am trying to smash in a barbarian shield.”

“But you have actually had magic training. I don’t know how to do anything like that, and I can’t do any unicorn magic without Celestia anyway.”

“Nevertheless, your assistance is needed for me to stay on task. There have been revelations today that may jeopardize my ability to craft the spell.”

Luna smiled a bit more when Bean went from morose to concerned in a flash. “What happened? Is this related to why you left during the tour?”

Luna nodded. “You observed that this world is not a perfect mirror image of ours. Some things are the same, some wildly different, and time itself flows at a different rate between our worlds. While my beloved Star Struck lived and died over a thousand years ago, he is alive and well here.”

“He… wait.” Bean’s eyes darted back and forth for a moment. “Wait, wait, wait! He’s alive?”

* * * *