01 - A Hopeless End (2e)
A moment within that space felt like an eternity. Round and round they saw the same stars and planets sprinkled in that dark void. For so long they have endured the vast confines of this stale sight that was their prison.
They resolved to wait, however long was left, to plot their vengeance to perfection. The spell their sister cast would not hold them forever. However, the decades within their prison had bored their minds. So much so that it slowed, drifting off as if they were hibernating from the staleness of their predicament.
They would find comfort when the sunlight no longer pierced their skin, finding solace within the darkness. Despite the frigid space chilling her skin, the alicorn found it more endearing compared to the ball of fire. However, the alicorn could not calm herself within the silence. The disquiet would disturb the cadence in her lungs.
Her eyes opened yet again to the planet she called home, afar by thousands of miles from this colorless rock. Seeing it so far from touch for so long saturated her with longing.
“How long have we been here Luna,” the feeble alicorn whispered, careful not to crack her long-unused voice. A moment of the usual silence passed without a response. The rhythm of her lungs hastened. “Luna,” she repeated. “L-Luna?” Her voice became hoarse.
Thou has awakened? The alicorn heard a yawn from her companion. Her tail slightly swished at the sound of the voice. Pray tell you do not desire me to humor you again? I refuse to demean myself further than a doll of my own shadow.
The alicorn strained at the thought. Most of their talks would be of the past before their failed transgression against their sister. Luna would constantly talk about what she remembered from the nights alone where no pony would dare tread even with her protection. She expressed how bothersome it was to be unappreciated for her hard labor.
But the alicorn only wanted to discuss the future, not the past. She wanted to be motivated at their next chance to claim Equestria. To dawn the moon upon the lands, never to be desecrated any longer by the sun.
But at least their talk rids of the constant silence.
“That can be...arranged if you choose to ignore me again.” The alicorn threatened Luna, but a sigh from her companion noted she was unfazed. The alicorn grinned. “Now,” the alicorn continued. “As I was saying, how long have we been here?”
Thou seem different. Have the centuries left you unnerved?
“Just answer the question,” the alicorn added more volume to her voice.
I am not certain how long anymore. Luna answered. And frankly, I believe it matters not any longer. The alicorn rose her body after many decades of stillness. Her eyes widened at the trouble the feeble gravity of space was giving her to prop herself up. A numbing pain circulated through the bones of her legs from the small weight of her body.
“It was your task to count the years Luna,” the alicorn hissed with a low voice, trying not to crack her voice again. “I demand to know how much longer I must endure this lackluster thing your sister calls a prison. That despicable cretin will experience as much pain as I have endured here. Perhaps even more.”
Pain you say. The alicorn heard a rise in Luna’s voice. Does thou stir feelings besides your anger and ego after all this time?
“I deserve this anger Luna,” the alicorn raised her voice again, though a strain in her throat followed. She bit down her lip to hold in the whimper.
I presume one of us could. Luna said in a monotone voice. It lacked the energy from her earlier.
The alicorn furrowed her brow despite the sores her muscles were suffering from. “You know, what’s really unnerving me is that tone in your voice. Explain yourself, Luna.”
Does it matter? Would sharing my thoughts change anything? I doubt that. Thou bear a stubborn conviction of a crazed zealot. The only difference now is thou can no longer act upon it. Not that it matters any longer.
The alicorn ruffled her wings out at her companion’s demeaning words. A painful wince escaped her from the stabbing ache streaming through her muscles. She bit her lip again in a poor attempt to hold down the pain. “T-Tell me Luna” the alicorn stuttered.
The alicorn heard another sigh from her companion before she finally answered. We are wasting away. Thou art aware of this, correct?
The alicorn did not answer Luna’s question as quickly as she wanted. She stood there with perked ears as if she was surprised. No, she knew. She just didn’t want to acknowledge it. Despite the pain, the numbness, and the cold simultaneously coursing through her innards, she didn’t want to believe it.
“We,” the alicorn started in a weaker voice. “We will live, right? We’re going to survive this, aren’t we? Right, Luna?...Luna? Luna, answer me. L-Luna,” Her voice cracked at the end.
My apologies. Luna said. I seem to have blacked out again. Remaining conscious has proven to be taxing nowadays. But does thou truly desire the truth? Thou seems fragile in more than just the body. The alicorn heard an ample of concern in Luna’s voice. She was elated that Luna still cared for her. But her companion did it again.
“Stop dodging my questions Luna,” the alicorn rasped, but she stopped caring at this point. “Just tell me. Please.”
The alicorn heard a deep breath from her companion before she finally answered. We are fated to die here. The alicorn stiffened from Luna’s words. ‘Death’. The very thought of it seems so unnatural for the alicorn. It was preposterous to think that she, an immortal, would ever have to deal with it. That was to come from the prestige of being an alicorn. Though, she couldn’t find the words to refute it. Our body. Luna continued. Thou hath felt firsthoof the degradation it endures. It won’t be much longer till-
“Why do you sound fine with this!?” the alicorn rasped. “Don’t tell me that the princess of the night has given up after a mere thousand years? We can still-”
There is nothing we can do. Luna interjected with a sharp tone. Thou couldn’t find a way out at the beginning and I doubt thou can find one now with the body we carry. Hast thou not realized how frail we have become.
So, Luna feels it as well. Her muscles and bones felt sore all around. No matter how she placed herself, it never went away or even lessened. Despite how bony and light she appeared; she felt her legs would give out at any moment. Even within this meek gravity, her body felt like it was being crushed downward.
But what terrified her more was the cold. Inside and out of her, not a semblance of warmth could be felt. It was as if her very soul was losing grasp with her body, only a few steps away before it’s just a corpse…
“So,” the alicorn breathed. “You’ve chosen to submit.”
Aren’t thou tired of this? Would thou not feel better if we just let this go? Let it all go?
The alicorn stomped her hoof, followed by a pained grunt. “I refuse to admit defeat, Luna. As soon as we return, I shall cast an eternal night upon Equestria. Only then will our subject will finally realize that we are the fount of their admiration. The fate that we always deserved."
We won’t make it.
“We will make it! We’re—,” the alicorn’s legs finally gave and she dropped to the ground. A rasped grunt escaped her before she continued. “W-we are the alicorn of the night. A thousand years is only a speck of time compared to us.”
This power we had acquired from the stone. The remnant stone. Long ago, I fought the urge of ever using it, but inevitably I gave in to my greed. It gifted us a form far beyond my powers as a regular alicorn. So much that we overwhelmed our sister. But I knew there would be an underlying cost for such a power. Perhaps it was rushed because of our predicament.
A deep pain coursed through the alicorn’s leg from the small weight of her body. She flipped her side to the ground, hoping to alleviate her suffering. Feeling the cold rocks upon her face did nothing to comfort her as they never have, but at least her legs felt more at peace.
“That stone was the answer to our troubles. It was only due to the elements of harmony that we lost. I’ll be sure they’re not in her hooves in our next battle.”
Does thou not understand that the stone is the very reason we face this crisis? Though it rewarded us strength far beyond than we could hope for, it requires us as its fuel. We have no way of sustaining ourselves on our moon. No water, no food to regain our strength. The stone will continue to take from us until we are no more.
“It shouldn’t be too long now. We’ve been here for so long. I know we’re close now, right?”
…
“Right, you lazed off on your duty.”
...Four centuries.
“......what?”
It’s been at least four centuries since we’ve been here. Though admittedly I did lose count from ‘lazing off’. However, as I said—
“It’s only been four centuries!” A series of rough coughs followed after the alicorn’s interjection. The ragged pain pierced like needles in her throat. She could feel a tear starting to come out. “This is no time for your poor jokes Luna. As if I would buy into such a ridiculous lie.”
Does thou intend to avert from the truth till our last breath? Were you not the one who told me to no longer hide from reality? If not for our death I would laugh at the irony.
“Stop saying that,” the alicorn hissed in a low voice, no longer able to add more volume for her frustration. “I refuse to let it end here. I will live, Luna. I will live and bring eternal night to Equestria.”
I have been thinking about that actually. Some time through our entrapment here. Since this is the end, I feel compelled to ask this now.
The alicorn breathed slowly, trying to lax the muscles in her throat. “And what is that?”
If, perchance we did succeed in our goal, Luna began. The alicorn widened her eyes at her companion’s words. She was finally thinking about the future. This was something she was most elated to delve in. Does thou truly believe it would have changed anything?
The alicorn furrowed her brow at the oddity of her question. It felt strange for it to come from the princess of the night who was as desperate for the eternal night as she was. Though, the alicorn had to admit she has not sounded ambitious in some decades.
“Of course it would,” the alicorn’s pitch rose. “It’s what we wanted more than anything. Our subjects would finally acknowledge our moon without that wretched blaze to misguide them.”
For a long time, I believed the night to be such a beautiful place. The shine from our moon and the sprinkled stars aligned in constellations. The alicorn heard a soft sigh from Luna. I put a lot of work into them you know. I planned for them to record all the events that fell upon our land. But dear sister felt it was a wasted effort since no pony could read the stars as I. But I still did.
The alicorn could tell that her companion was on a tangent but was too enamored to stop her. Luna's voice held more warmth, much so than her talk of their peril. It felt like she was singing a song to her. One she didn’t want to stop.
And let us not forget the elegance it espouses from nature. The fireflies would never look so breathtaking without our night. I still believe the night is beautiful. But I will admit it carries danger along with it. Like a rose with thorns. Too many thorns.
“What are you implying? That our night is filled with too much danger to be appreciated?” The alicorn chuckled. She couldn’t believe this was all that stopped her companion. “There’s always danger in the world Luna. It’s no different from the day.”
But can thou deny they are safer under the day? I wondered why they loved the sun more. I remembered them smiling. They looked so happy, so outgoing, so secure.
“We can give that to them as well, Luna. With the remnant stone, nothing can threaten us under our rule. They would all perish beneath our hooves.”
Even if they happen to be our own subjects?
“What,” the alicorn paused. “We didn’t hurt any pony, Luna. And we have a noble cause; one that would benefit all of Equestria.”
Thou still believe forcing the night upon them would have made a difference? Surely, they would harbor more emotions toward us. But I doubt it would be anything to flatter us. Would thou suggest we would assert our power upon them?
“What foolish question is this Luna? There was always the possibility of resistance from our ponies. For the night to be beloved by our subjects, they must be removed from their misguided love. By our hooves if necessary.”
But then our subjects would only love us out of fear. I only wanted to show that there was nothing to be frightened of the night. To bask in all its beauty. But now I know better. Our night is the time of monsters to come out from their hiding and spread terror to ponies. Monsters like us.
“You think we’re monsters?...but…”
…
…
A strand of tears fell upon the alicorn’s cheeks. She’s realized it in Luna’s words. That she has full-heartedly given up. And if she no longer has the resolve to move forward, then neither could the alicorn.
She could hear herself whimpering like a lost foal. She hated this feeling. This despair that she wanted to cast upon their sister. Luna has been tormented by this for so long, holding it in for what felt like an eternity.
It all felt so tiring. The despair. The pain. The cold. The fear. All of it. It just felt so exhausting at this point.
“Then what do you propose we do?” Though the alicorn asked, she could already predict what was to come from Luna.
We’re already slipping away. Just let it all go. The world can continue without us. It’s had its time to move on.
“Long enough for ponies to make a folk tale of us I presume. I doubt your sister would put us in a good light.”
No, I wouldn’t expect so.
A small grin came upon the alicorn. “At least that we can agree upon.” Seconds went by without a word. The alicorn’s breath hastened in rhythms. “Luna, could you at least do one last favor for me?”
That depends. What dost thou ask of me?
“Could you hum a song to me? Any will do. At least...till I fall asleep...Luna?”
Oh...That I can do. Though, it seems random of you would ask this of me.
“I... I was never particularly fond of the quiet.”
Really? Thou had never addressed this before.
“So it’s just me that feels this way,” the alicorn said. “Strange, I feel may have developed my own individuality.” A small smile crept upon the alicorn again. She never thought she would feel this emotion again. Hopefully, it would never leave her again.
Sleep soundly my shadow. I shall be beside thou on the other side.
At the assurance of Luna’s words, the alicorn finally shut her eyes. The darkness engulfed her in chilling terror. She would have opened her eyes if not for the soothing sound of her companion humming to her. It was a heartwarming sound despite the despair it had endured through the centuries. Calming the alicorn’s rapidly beating heart, a smile reigned upon her before she drew her last breath.
Then everything became silent and she could no longer feel anything.
A mare gazed at the moon from the comfort of her bed one night. It shone dimly with less than a crescent of it exposed in the dark sky. She sighed, contemplating why she was going through with this yet again. She had only seven hours left till she had to prepare for school and not a single shooting star twinkled the sky.
She glanced at a foal plush she had wrapped in her hooves. It was a gift from her mother from far back in her foalhood. It was her closest companion that helped her cope with her deep longing. These days though, it’s only a reminder of what she still doesn’t have.
Her eyes glimmered with desire. She was finally ready for it. For the real thing. If a shooting star won’t come by to aid her, then the moon will have to do.
The mare clasped her hooves together and closed her eyes. “Please,” the mare started. “Please, please, please.” She repeated over and over like a mantra, waiting for a sign or assurance of her wish being reconciled.
She felt a pair of tears stream down her cheeks when she finally opened her eyes. She was surprised to find herself so passionate about this, but then her attention drew back to the moon.
“Where’d the moon go?”
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Aiet, such a lonesome tragedy this.
Okay going to ask will this affect the first season or something like that and also nice cliffhanger at the end of this and also have five mustachios
nice job want more
is there more coming?
this is very nice. i definitely enjoyed reading this. i hope for more in the future.
Cool story, seems like an interesting take. However, one minor criticism is the formatting. Could you just leave Luna's text italicized? I read on the dark theme and blue on grey isn't exactly readable.
Well now, this seems to be a really promising start! I like the characterization of Luna and Nightmare Moon, where one is the shadow of the other etc. I'm really excited to see where this goes from this initial set up. The whole moon disappearing is especially interesting. Not sure how that's going to go down at all, haha
9597403
This, absolutely.
Please dont use "Blue" text. In "night" mode its practically impossible to see. I have to highlight every line.
Colored text is cute, but it has it's drawbacks.
Good story too.
Hmmmm... this seems quite interesting
Fantastic start!
Interesting start. Got me wondering if there going to be twins instead of just one foal for a certain mare. One blue one black like a shadow.
9598236
Same i was squinting to see the words
hmm, interesting, this requires further reading.
That was a fantastic start! I love the way you have characterized Luna and Nightmare Moon. I can’t wait to see how you developed and flesh out their personality. I see that many people are displeased with you using color text to show Luna talking and I have to disagree with them. I actually enjoyed reading that and would love to see that style stay! If they have a problem with it because of “night mode” then they can disable it. No need to force you to abandon your writing style and technique.
A kind mare that wants a foal to love with all her heart. She wishes on the moon in the hope that it will grant her wish.
Moon: *pulls out a gun and shoots itself*
Kind mare: "W-wait, what?"
Well, I guess this is a sign that dreams don't come true.
Hey, here from the SSPB discord.
Really solid fic, I just have a small gripe with how you separate paragraphs. The very first two feel like they could have been combined without the fic losing anything. Additionally, I feel like semicolons could spruce up your prose some.
Here's an example of what I mean:
Instead of:
It could be:
Overall, this was an interesting concept that was executed well. The use of differently colored text was a nice touch and I liked the story you told here. Definitely earned a thumbs up from me.
What can I say ?
There's just the presentation, can't say much about the general thing, just the tone seem a bit dark.
This require further investigatio, but for now, considering the current rating and how this single chapter grabbed everyone's attention, you earned the right to bask in your glory.
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/2584d1c7-fc18-424c-bbba-701e240dfe14/dd5wrpo-a9ebbb4a-4aef-4884-b31e-a7263b3da9bc.jpg/v1/fill/w_962,h_831,q_70,strp/editings_by_fanliterature101_dd5wrpo-pre.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9ODg1IiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvMjU4NGQxYzctZmMxOC00MjRjLWJiYmEtNzAxZTI0MGRmZTE0XC9kZDV3cnBvLWE5ZWJiYjRhLTRhZWYtNDg4NC1iMzFlLWE3MjYzYjNkYTliYy5qcGciLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9MTAyNCJ9XV0sImF1ZCI6WyJ1cm46c2VydmljZTppbWFnZS5vcGVyYXRpb25zIl19.1pqwNn4EqUKki0dpD4O0kwU3XFMuzCvP4dgd_QYitbs
I went and edited the image, makes it have a better feel to it.
Nice story! Interesting concept - waiting continue!
Omg
A dark start. I'm curious to see where you take this.
Does anyone else think that the Moonpony in the cover pic looks more like a colt than a filly?
Interesting, better put a tracker on this one.
Why do I do this to myself all the time. I start reading a story and really like it, then realize only chapter one has been posted
Wonder if Celestia will notice her sister's passing?
9601278
It's even worse once you notice they haven't been updated in almost a year or even more than that, ain't it?
9601655
Don't get me started man. My heart breaks in moments like that.
Kinda reminds me of my own story, Lunar Cycles.
I'll see where this is going.
9601163
I agree. Do you think Luna will turn into a colt in this story?
9602295
That was my first impression going into this. Actually, it might be that BOTH Luna and Nightmare Moon become a colt, depending on if NMM is a possession or alter-ego. It's not clear in the story yet.
Question; Is there going to be a schedule when you upload a chapter or is it going to be random?
Who is that other alicorn
9602731
i imagine she is nightmare moon.
Upload error?
9611458
That was cruel, I got hyped
9602312
Just sayin', spoiler tags would be appreciated. This is on the first chapter and this is my first reading.
Quickt note: In writing, when characters address one another, it's common convention to put a comma before the names to avoid possible misunderstandings.
Take this example:
Could also mean it was her task to count the Luna years. If you put in a comma
It's clear what you meant.
On a walk
9879407
A very, very enthusiastic walk
THis made me cry, this is amazing writing.
Ow! Why are there onions I didn't buy in my backpack?