Librarian Twilight Tries To Befriend A Newcomer To Equestria But He's Geralt The White Wolf And Doesn't Really Get Friendship

by SoloBrony

Witcher Geralt vs. Discord

The witcher carefully set down his Yennifer of Vengerburg card.

The draconequus snorted.

"Hardly enough attack power, even if you bring back your catapult."

Geralt took his Dun Banner Medic out of his graveyard and set it in his Ranged row. Discord frowned.

"Ah, right. Resurrecting your medic, and then-"

The witcher pulled one of his catapults out of the graveyard and set it in his siege row.

"You still lose, Geralt."

Geralt grinned and set down a Decoy card, pulling the Dun Banner Medic back into his hand.

Which he then set back on the field, followed by another catapult from his graveyard. Discord groaned.

"The decoy-medic trick? And on catapults, no less."

Geralt shrugged. "Catapults double each others' attack power. That's game."

The witcher scooped his earned bits into a small sack. Discord just gave a small laugh.

"Now this is what a guys' night should be. Gambling, drinks. If only Spike or Big Mac understood that."

Geralt raised an eyebrow. "What's a usual guys' night for you?"

"We play a little game called Ogres and Obliettes. It's a role-playing game. I like to spice things up a bit with my magic, and I won't deny I have a good time – but it can all feel a bit juvenile compared to a proper night on the town."

The witcher pondered that as he secured his winnings, and then glanced down at the Gwent board.

"I was curious. Where did you pick up Gwent?"

"Your world, of course. I used to visit occasionally, before the higher vampires became too irritating for me. They never could take a joke."

Geralt's right eyebrow crept upwards.

"What kind of joke did you play on them?"

"Oh, I just stripped away the immortality from one of them. To be fair, he had tried biting me beforehand, so it seemed like a fitting reprisal. How was I to know he'd go and get himself killed the next day? I suppose his biting habit had attracted too many witchers."

"Only a high vampire can kill another high vampire."

Discord snorted and rolled his eyes. "Oh, I'm sure they'd love for people to believe that, but it's hardly true. They're as vulnerable as anyone else once you cut their connection to their elders."

Geralt sat up straight.

If he knows that much about them, then he's probably telling the truth. In that case...

"Another round of Gwent. I want you to make me a weapon that destroys that connection."

"Ooh-ho-ho! Now that's quite a wager. But what do you have to offer in return? Hmm?"

Discord leaned forward, fingers steepled and eyes shining in delight.

"Two crowns."

"TWO crow—wait, crowns, not bits. You mean coins from your homeworld? What would I even do with them?"

Geralt shrugged.

"Making that kind of weapon is easy for you, but in my hands it makes a big difference. Two crowns isn't much, but two coins from a different dimension could be quite valuable in the right hands – and a clever draconequus can figure out where to put them."

Discord stroked his beard thoughtfully for a few moments.

"Show up to our guys' night this evening and it's a deal."

"I thought those were dull?"

"Oh, hardly. But some new blood could make things more interesting, and things have gotten awfully predictable lately."

The witcher groaned. The guys' night sounded like a pain in the rear, but he'd had worse.

"Fine. Deal."

"Splendid. Let's see if Foltest's siege deck will win the day again, then."

The witcher slid his Gwent deck into his satchel and pulled out another, laying down King Bram.

"Skellige? Skellige's not a Gwent faction."

"It is now."

"They changed Gwent? You've got to be kidding me. Why, I'd expect the dwarves to riot!"

"They did."

Discord pondered the deck, and then shrugged.

"Skellige it is, then. Bring it on, witcher."

Geralt's Skellige deck wasn't well-balanced, but the Skellige Storm card – which essentially all but negated the attack power of the ranged and siege rows – played havoc with Discord's ranged-combat Scoia'teal deck. In the end, it came down to Discord's Mahakam Defenders in the front row against Geralt's berserkers, and a mushroom card put an end to that contest, transforming the berserkers into huge, nigh-unstoppable bears.

The draconequus laughed after Geralt declared his victory.

"What a bizarre deck. Isn't it almost entirely dependent on luck for drawing those mushrooms?"

"Mhm."

"So that's why you loaded it why spies and summoner cards. Trying to thin out your deck and get at the cards you need. Still, you've got almost a third of your deck undrawn."

"If I hadn't gotten the mushroom I would have stalled until round three so I could get the automatic draw benefit of Skellige, try to get the mushroom or a spy."

Discord nodded thoughtfully.

"Seems I need to pack a few more of those dull 'clear weather' cards. Well-played, Geralt. Though it certainly is gauche to play yourself, don't you think?"

Geralt smirked at the Geralt card in his hand.

"I don't dictate which cards they print."

"Well I need to find out who does and demand they put me in there!"

"Another 15-attack hero card? Could get overcrowded."

"Oh, no. Something far more interesting. Perhaps a spy card with a negative attack rating, or somesuch."

Geralt winced.

"That would definitely be useful. And irritating."

"See? It's a great idea. Now, go off and get ready. We've a guys' night to attend!"

The witcher groaned.

-

Geralt walked through the barn door only for it to disappear behind him. He found himself in a world of cardboard-cutout hills, surrounded by cardboard-cutout skeletons.

Well, this is new.

One of the skeletons fired a cardboard-cutout arrow at him, and Geralt found himself reflexively drawing his sword and parrying the missile. From behind the ranks of archers, he heard a loud, deep voice bellow.

"A new warrior emerges to challenge the Squizard! Kill him!"

Before they had even finished their battlecry, Geralt had already woven the sign of Quen, surrounding himself in a shield. It wouldn't stand up to much punishment, but it didn't need to; the witcher charged the ranks of skeletons, cutting through them and dodging between them rapidly. Cardboard cutouts, sliced in half, fell to the checkerboard floor, shocked expressions on their visages.

This 'squizard' must be in charge of the enemy army. They're all pretty weak, though.

Again and again the witcher's steel blade flashed, and in mere seconds he had cut through the ranks and charged the Squizard, only to be held aloft telekinetically.

"HEE HEE HEE! Foolish mortal warr—"

Geralt's crossbow bolt smashed through the squizard's head. He fell to the ground and leapt forward with feline grace, weaving the sign of Igni and lighting the cardboard cutout on fire as arrows bounced off of his shield. The 'squizard' gave one fell cry of anguish before he turned to ash, and his army of skeletons collapsed. Geralt suddenly whirled around as he heard footsteps approach, only to see Spike in a wizard getup (complete with fake beard), a large red stallion (whom he assumed to be 'Big Mac') in heavy black armor and wearing a horned helmet, and Discord in simple woodsman's leathers, wielding a bow and wearing a goofy-looking blonde wig. Spike was the first to comment.

"Whoa. He cut through them by himself? What class are you, Geralt? Barbarian?"

Geralt frowned in confusion.

"Witcher?"

"Hey, that's not a valid class! You need to pick a class and come up with a name!"

Geralt frowned in confusion.

"Aren't we slaying monsters? That's what witchers do for a living."

Discord laughed at the exchange and shook his head.

"You're too powerful as you are right now, and the whole point of games like Ogres and Obliettes is to get away from your day-to-day life and pretend you're something else. I give up being the Lord of Chaos to play as a mere archer; you give up being a sorcerer and master warrior to try something new. A thief, perhaps?"

Geralt shook his head.

"I've done some thieving in the past, and it's not something I'm fond of. What else is there?"

Spike chewed his lip over in thought.

"Warrior?" "Already am one." "Barbarian?" "What's that?" "Another kind of warrior." "Pass." "Wizard?" "Don't care much for wizards, and I can already do magic." "Uhh... archer?"

Geralt tapped the crossbow at his hip.

"You can't be every class at once! It's not fair!"

"But if the point is to get away from what I normally am, monster-slaying – by means of fists, sword, bow, or magic – isn't going to do it. I do that all the time."

Discord brushed at his beard in thought, and then smiled.

"I know one thing you aren't, though."

Geralt folded his arms.

"Which is?"

"A lord of chaos."

Discord snapped his fingers, and Geralt suddenly staggered backwards, a strange sensation flooding him.

"Spike, tonight you get to just be a player. Our new game master is... Geralt."

This sounds like a terrible idea.

Author's Note:

This is definitely not Geralt's kind of game. There's no gambling for him to save-scum on!

Comments

[Shoeshoe]

So glad you did not abandon this story. So excited. Also the Gwent addition was fantastic.

[SoloBrony]

8963933
I don't abandon stories, I just take a while sometimes. I knew I wanted some action in this chapter, but I didn't like the way the script I had written was going. The magic wasn't there, and life was getting in the way.

Then Skeeter's friend insisted I have Geralt play vs. Discord in Gwent, and I said screw it why not. As for how the chapter ends, that was based on a goofy idea another friend suggested, and then yet-another friend made yet-another goofy suggestion which is going to take it to even more goofy extremes. Next chapter should be fun.

[Skeeter The Lurker]

8963933
You're welcome.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Marcthelightspark2004]

"Hey, that's not a valid class! You need to pick a class and come up with a name!"

Oh, if only it was. But, sigh, I'll have to use ranger.

[Marcthelightspark2004]

"A lord of chaos."
Discord snapped his fingers, and Geralt suddenly staggered backwards, a strange sensation flooding him.
Spike, tonight you get to just be a player. Our new game master is... Geralt."

Oh, SHIT!

This sounds like a terrible idea.

Yes, yes it does.

[Icy Shake]

"Seems I need to pack a few more of those dull 'clear weather' cards. Well-played, Geralt. Though it certainly is gauche to play yourself, don't you think?"

Oh, I imagine at least a few of Bob, Tiago, Jon, Pikula... have done so. And I bet most of their opponents were thrilled, or at least got a bit of a kick out of it. Do need to wonder if Larry Nevin has ever actually played the one named after him... got to figure someone's at least told him in the last 25 years, if nothing else.

[FanOfMostEverything]

There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...

But it will definitely be fun.

[Paladin Redflare]

Geralt is going to destroy the entire world on accident.

[Blaze Song]

8964293
This can only end in hilarity

[kpatkoch]

I was reading this I was listing to the miracle of sound when I got to this chapter another round Gwent came on yay

[SvenFoxx]

Geralt gets along with Discord. I have no idea why I'm surprised, but I am. Shame on me.

[Yutah123]

"Oh, I just stripped away the immortality from one of them. To be fair, he had tried biting me beforehand, so it seemed like a fitting reprisal. How was I to know he'd go and get himself killed the next day? I suppose his biting habit had attracted too many witchers."

"Only a high vampire can kill another high vampire."

Discord snorted and rolled his eyes. "Oh, I'm sure they'd love for people to believe that, but it's hardly true. They're as vulnerable as anyone else once you cut their connection to their elders."

Geralt sat up straight.

If he knows that much about them, then he's probably telling the truth. In that case...

"Another round of Gwent. I want you to make me a weapon that destroys that connection."

Oooh, I don't know where Gerald comes from, but I can see he's getting a very unique weapon.

This sounds like a terrible idea.

It all depends on you!

[A.P.O.N.I.]

Upon re-reading, I can't help but think that they should have made him play a bard.

[SoloBrony]

10011351
Oh god. Geralt has tried singing twice, and neither time went down well.

[Opponent]

Priest. Following a pacifist god, so pure summoning and restoration/necromancy/equivalent.

[SoloBrony]

10014856
Interesting idea there. For a real GM that might be the way to go in this situation.

[jonn254]

Geralt as a DM.. he'd make some great combat encounters and the royal meetings would be something.

[SoloBrony]

10020868
Hahaha, I love how you sum up the second part. The royal meetings would be... something. Yeah, that's a good way of putting it.

[Acadians6545]

"Oh, no. Something far more interesting. Perhaps a spy card with a negative attack rating, or somesuch."

And here I thought Thaler and Avallach's cards were the worst.

[Acadians6545]

10011364
Yeah that mission where he had to get plastered on Wild Hunt comes to mind.

[CarolMAssphalt666]

I love this!