Sir Geralt Gets A Job
Geralt stood utterly motionless in the center of the room, hands loose at his sides, eyes fixed on Celestia with a carefully neutral expression. He did not blink, did not visibly breathe, but instead faded into the background.
Though he was surrounded by guards, Geralt knew that even the best-trained guardsmen – guardsponies, in this case? – could not maintain vigilance over an utterly stationary target for long. His reflexes were practically screaming at him to act, to disarm and subdue the potential threats around him, but he held them in check.
And so the witcher was like a coiled spring of aggression, with all of the outward malice of a piece of furniture, when he noticed a slight hitch of breath from the otherwise stately, unflappable diarch of Equestria. She sat on her throne, reading the report of his 'misconduct', with what he knew was practiced neutrality. He saw her steady herself, and braced himself for a serious fight if the apparent grace of the kingdom turned out not to extend to its ruler; it would not be the first time Geralt had encountered such a thing.
-
Celestia was straining not to laugh, to keep her composure, as she read down the report. The fact that the human whom it concerned was standing in the center of the room, as still as a statue – not even his breathing was visible, he was good at this – and no more apparently concerned than one would be if waiting for a pot of water to boil, just made the entire thing even funnier.
Celestia closed her eyes, cleared her throat, and took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She worried she might just laugh if she opened her mouth too soon.
"Ahem. Geralt of Rivia, correct?"
The man nodded, but otherwise remained silent. Celestia raised an eyebrow at this, slightly taken aback, but deduced he might be uncomfortable under the circumstances. She decided to try to lighten the mood somewhat.
"I gather you're a traveler and a warrior, by trade?"
Another stoic nod. Celestia suppressed the urge to sigh, and pressed on, gesturing out to him and noting the intensity of his gaze as his eyes tracked her hoof.
"I understand if you are uncomfortable, given the circumstances. One accustomed to the road would naturally chafe at being brought into a stuffy court, and I do apologize if my summons caused you distress."
At this, the guard who had reported Geralt – one Rock Solid – and had him brought in under armed escort, who had until then been wearing a self-satisfied smirk, glanced in alarm at Celestia.
Oh, she would be having words with him later.
The man, meanwhile, gave an almost imperceptible shrug. When he spoke, Celestia was alarmed to note how much it sounded like a growl from a predator. "It's not my first time, Your Majesty."
Celestia chaffed slightly at the unexpectedly formal address, but decided – as she often did with such shows of decorum – that correcting it would just be seen as a further exertion of authority.
She also picked up on the faintest hint of disdain that the man had when saying the title, indicating he was no more impressed by royal titles than by the contents of royal chamberpots.
This is off to a poor start.
Regardless, the princess pressed on, as protocol demanded. "Let's take the report in chronological order. It states you started a brawl in Appleloosa. Is that accurate?"
The man shrugged again. "It is accurate enough."
Celestia bristled slightly at that response, and this time she let it show, sighing slightly and giving the slightest eyeroll; the others in the court would almost certainly not notice it, but she knew this man would.
"Please, Geralt, tell me what actually happened."
Geralt was still a few seconds more, finally blinking, and then spoke in a softer tone than before. "A fight had broken out. I was still tired from slaying a royal gryphon not far from the town. I decided to put a stop to it before the ruffians ruined my evening, and when I told them to knock it off, one of them hurled furniture at me."
Celestia nodded, inferring the rest, and glanced back at the report when Rock Solid stepped forward slightly.
"With all due respect, your majesty, he's omitting that he broke one of the so-called ruffians' wings, and he gave the other one a serious head injury!"
Celestia moved her gaze, very slowly, deliberately slowly, from the parchment held in front of her to Rock, who quailed slightly in realizing his faux pas.
"I am aware, Rock. It is detailed in the report. And frankly, given that this man slays monsters for a living, I think that shows remarkable restraint on his part; when a pair of untrained bar flies attack a veteran warrior twice their size, injuries are inevitable. And no permanent damage was done, which I can only assume was deliberate on his part."
Celestia caught the faintest hint of a smirk as it flashed across Geralt's face.
Gotcha. This one must be as relieved as I am whenever he runs into someone with a firm grasp of reality.
Rock took a step back and shakily added, "But, he just admitted to slaying a gryphon! A royal one, no less! We had not even heard of this crime, he just volunteered it!"
Celestia shook her head at that, and at the same time the man let out an audible sigh. Both had had their fill of nonsense today.
"The creature he slew was not a gryphon from our world, Rock. Though they share the name and some similarities in..." Celestia trailed off and waved a hoof dismissively, "configuration, that is where the similarities end. Gryphons in his world, I gather, are monsters; non-intelligent and extremely violent, is that right, Geralt?"
Geralt nodded, and to Celestia's surprise, volunteered further information. "Some monsters are majestic in their own way, but gryphons are an exception; they tend to focus their attacks on quadrupeds, such as cattle or equines—" at this, Rock visibly paled slightly "—but they won't hesitate to attack isolated travelers of any species if the mood takes them. They're huge."
The man became visibly more animated, leaning forward slightly and pointing around the room.
"At full wingspan and on their rear legs, an adult would reach three quarters of the way to the ceiling in this chamber, or more, and their wingtips would very nearly be able to hit both windows at once." His voice became darker, and Celestia noted with no small amusement that he was directing more of his attention to Rock than her. "They swoop in from the sky, carrying their prey off screaming and struggling, as they prefer to tear them apart still-living."
Rock Solid blanched somewhat, stiffening in his armor and frowning deeply. He muttered a simple, "Oh." and struggled to keep his composure.
Celestia, for her part, was already familiar with these disturbing details in broad strokes, but found the man's description interesting if only because of the underlying disdain with which he said it; it was clear he'd seen the horrors these creatures could inflict first-hand.
The brutality he exhibited in taking its head is a little more understandable, now.
Celestia cleared her throat. "The other matter brought to my attention was that you had deliberately delayed in responding to my summons; evidently, the guards found you in a bar?"
Geralt nodded brusquely at that. "As I attempted to tell your over-eager guard, there," he gestured dismissively at Rock Solid, "I was restocking my alchemical supplies after a difficult fight."
Celestia frowned a bit in thought. "I was under the impression you had restocked quite thoroughly in Appleloosa; the sheer volume of moonshine you ordered was noted by the sheriff in his report. Why delay any purchases until reaching Canterlot?"
Geralt sighed, this time more wearily than aggressively. "The damage you see to my jacket and armor was not from the gryphon." He gestured at the ragged garments on his upper body before continuing, "This was done by a vampire that assaulted me on my way here."
Celestia's eyes widened considerably. "The black-haired, human-looking higher vampire wearing the jacket with flower symbols on it? You encountered him?"
And survived?
It was the man's turn to widen his eyes and seem taken aback. "I take it you encountered him before – and you are surprisingly well-versed in vampires, Princess. Yes, I slew him before arriving here, but I was seriously wounded in the process, and used up some significant supplies both in the battle and afterwards."
Celestia leaned forward, fixing the man with an intense gaze. She knew she needed to confirm this as clearly as possible.
"Did you take a trophy from him as well?"
The witcher shook his head, raising a halting hand.
"Impossible, I'm afraid, aside from a scrap of his jacket; higher vampires regenerate if killed improperly, and their entire body withers to ash if eliminated." For his part, the witcher did show Celestia a scrap of the jacket. Celestia nodded and leaned back, relieved despite the brutal nature of it.
So he really did kill him, somehow.
"He attacked Canterlot; at the time, we had no idea what he was, and had invited him into the city. It was Twilight who decided to magically scan him to differentiate him from you, thinking he was a normal human; instead, she realized his real nature, and when confronted on the topic he became quite talkative. He had the ability to warp the minds of his victims, and apparently intended on subjugating Equestria as livestock. He assaulted us when we made it clear we would resist him."
Geralt's disgust at that statement shown through any attempt at stoicism he was still making; utter contempt, plain and simple, in an almost snarling expression. "They attempted something similar with humanity, long ago. Even among higher vampires, such individuals are considered contemptible monsters."
Celestia's expression became pained, and she shook her head sadly. "Are all higher vampires violent, predatory monsters, then?"
The man's expression softened somewhat, though there was still an edge of steel to it. "No. No intelligent race is pure evil; it's always a choice."
Celestia breathed a sigh of relief at that. "That is good to hear. The idea of an individual being entirely robbed of free will, of a choice between right and wrong, by their species of origin is..."
Horrible didn't seem to sum it up, and so Celestia floundered for a second for the right phrase. Geralt simply nodded.
"I share the sentiment."
The two shared a moment of quiet, watching each other and considering, before Geralt pressed a query.
"How did you drive the vampire off in the first place? They're significant threats."
At this, the guards in the room became visibly more uncomfortable. Celestia restrained any snickering at their expense and focused on Geralt.
"I fought him while Twilight restrained the guards he had already brainwashed and got ponies to safety. The whole situation gave the ponies of Canterlot quite a fright; the two of us fought in the skies above the castle here until he withdrew. We actually only just got the roof repaired," she gestured at the section that still hadn't been painted over, and the man merely nodded without looking, "from where he chased me once he saw me go airborne and assumed his bat form. I'd initially tried holding back, but it soon became obvious that nothing but extreme force even registered for him."
"Mhm. They're tough bastards, all right; even with silver and poison they don't fall easily."
Celestia nodded, shuddering slightly at the memories of that day. Several times those horrible talons had nearly found her in the skies, and if not for her teleportation skills she was certain tragedy would have descended on Equestria. That prompted her to take a closer look at the ragged hole in the man's garb.
"I managed to narrowly avoid his attacks until Twilight was free to assist me, and we drove him off together; it seems you were not as lucky."
Geralt nodded grimly. "He ambushed me. I managed to avoid his first attacks and got the upper hand, but the speed of his transformation took me completely off-guard. I've seen other higher vampires transform, but never in the blink of an eye like that. If not for my mutations, I'd be dead."
Celestia's eyes widened a bit. "So he really hit you with those awful claws?"
"Mhm."
Celestia tried to imagine the incredible regenerative ability – not to mention unflinching, unyielding pain tolerance and willpower – it would take for someone to survive such an injury and still prevail in combat, and winced at the agony the man must have become accustomed to in order to reach such a state.
"I see. I am deeply sorry you had to go through that; if we'd managed to contain him before..."
The man held up a hand placatingly. "It's my job, Princess. I appreciate the concern, but I'm alright."
The reports made him sound irritable and ill-tempered, but I can tell he's sincere.
Celestia nodded and drew herself up. "You were summoned here for a specific purpose, and I believe this has done nothing but re-affirm that. Geralt, on my authority as a Princess of Equestria, and by the recommendation of Princess Twilight Sparkle, with the consent of Princesses Mi Amore Cadenza and Luna, I hereby bestow on you the rank of knight-errant in the land of Equestria."
The entire room was silent for a few moments as everyone registered what Celestia had said. Geralt stared at her for a few seconds before he reached up to rub his forehead and mumbled, though smiling despite himself, "Here we go again."
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I don't see why he should Complain though as a Knight of the Crown.
All of his Gear and material needs along with a per diem living expenses are paid for by the Crown.
Free room, board, Repair of his Gear if the ponies knew how, free Alchemical supplies, a steady paycheck plus medical.
Celestia isn't going to Stint on support unlike Witcher world Rulers on Support of one of Equestria Knights.
10017799
Heh, if you know Geralt's history with knighthood, it makes more sense for him to roll his eyes at it at least.
Not so much a game of wits as it was a discussion between equals.
Kinda disappointed in that.
~Skeeter The Lurker
10017801
Well isn't Geralt in for one hell of a shock.
10017833
Oh, it was a pitched battle.
Celestia was fighting for Geralt's trust, despite her subordinate's boneheadedness ;)
That's more important than it sounds at first blush, but the two of them will continue interacting next chapter.
I suppose the question is whether he'll ever be expected to joust against himself.
Also, another point in Equestria's favor: The reasonable authority figures on the throne. And it's nice to hear Celestia handled the monster of the week well rather than getting Worfed.
10017854
On the one hand, the power scale in Equestria generally seems a bit higher than The Witcher, especially in some of the really climactic battles. On the other hand, this was one of the most potent entities in the Witcher 'verse. So it took me a while to work out whether it was reasonable for Celestia to win in that kind of fight. One thing that's basically certain is a simple horn-blast wouldn't get the job done; they may be able to shatter stone, but higher vampires are a lot tougher than granite, overall.
And given that they're insanely fast, vicious, clever, and can gut you in a flash... yeah, there's a reason I emphasized Celestia's teleportation and ranged combat.
As for points for Equestria, this pretty much quashed Geralt's last real doubt about the place. With him there's always an underlying assumption that the leadership of any given place sucks or is at least a band of dirty backstabbing 'pragmatists', but Equestria is so far afield of his experiences it's worn down his expectations to the point he's even prepared to trust royalty. Heh, that arc has been fun to write for him, coming to terms with the fact that there's someplace in the multiverse that isn't total shit.
10017868
Yeah, the powerlevels are weird to compare. On one hand Equestria has forces like Discord who can do borderline anything and Twilight vs Tirek, plus incredibly versatile magic. On the other hand, Discord can be shut down by a rock, that fight was a massive exception to everything else from the show, and said versatile magic appearing in exactly one fight (Twilight vs Starlight). On the Witcher side of things, not much gets quite that powerful, but everything is much more vicious. Geralt himself isn’t batting anywhere near the level of any of the more powerful monsters or Sorcerers in terms of strength, magic, or fire power, but makes up for it with knowledge, preparation/supplies, and raw skill. And then you have nonsense like Higher Vampires...
Yeah, the reasoning was handled well. The one thing Celestia seems to be able to do well in a fight is fly around and harass for a bit, and while a Higher Vampire could easily survive everything we’ve seen her do, he wouldn’t know that and would probably retreat and regroup after awhile. The only part that really felt off compared to the source material is that Celestia gets caught flat footed an embarrassing amount, and a Higher Vampire would’ve cleaved her in half before she’d react (looking at you Movie), but that part is rather dumb and can easily be hand waved by saying this version of Equestria has lethal force and Celestia can properly judge a threat and react.
10017966
Yeah, you can see where I struggled, basically. The main thing that helped is that Geralt is generally scared of sorcerers/sorceresses, but he does take one on in Witcher 3 (and it's implied in two of the books that his fear of them may be somewhat out of proportion with their actual abilities). The magi in the Witcher series don't have anywhere near the raw speed or ferocity of some of the casters in FIM; casters in the Witcherverse tend to be slow and drop relatively potent effects, but also usually need plenty of materials to do that as well. Geralt's speed is his big advantage in a fight against them.
Taking all of that into account, I laid out the fight between Celestia, Twilight, and the higher vampire prior to writing this. One major thing working in Celestia's favor is that the vampire expected her magic to be slow, rather than rapid-fire-teleport-and-blast, and no one in the Witcher 'verse has an ability equivalent to sawing a giant rock in half with a laser instantly. While that wouldn't kill him, it'd be at least as painful as a hit or two from a steel sword and Igni (so, enough to hurt and eventually drop him, and stagger him), and Celestia can do that over and over again while having the benefit of not being stupidly unmaneuverable in midair. It was tricky to wrangle, heh. Like writing a Death Battle.
As for Celestia getting Worfed, the only time we see her get downed instantly, it's either because she gets smacked with what was apparently an insanely potent horn blast (which notably just drops her and leaves a scorch mark; it's pretty much a sure thing that shot would have shattered a boulder, and we see her take and survive a shot like that from Nightmare Moon after seeing how dangerous they are. She also soaks a terminal fall through a stone roof), or because she got hit with petrification. Also, the vampire tried to charm them before attacking, which was another mistake. So her durability isn't to be underestimated here; she's not as easy to rip apart as a human, clearly (see what explosives used against rock do to humans, like C2 that malfunctions... yick)
As for Geralt's fight, the vampire's biggest mistake was underestimating Geralt's confidence in melee and his reflexes. He thought he had an easy snack - a human! Instead he got someone with no fear (except for the wellbeing of his loved ones), vastly superhuman reflexes, unlimited stamina, and superhuman strength/toughness/regeneration, who was better than him in close-quarters, his main attack form. Not ideal.
Yup, definitely glad I found this. Take my like and fave.
10017799
Every time he has worked for the crown, shit has hit the fan hard.
This is top tier Celestia writing, I’ll tell you what. She’s smart, subtle, powerful, and gracious above all else. Still, I’d love to see her and Geralt just hang out for a while. I imagine with her being a reasonable authority figure, a prankster, and possibly a skilled adventurer herself in her past, they’d get along splendidly.
Now, how is he going to handle it when he realizes she literally raises the sun?
Interesting. Do Equestrian knights get a stipend? Will it cover all of his expenses? Will Geralt have to start keeping receipts? Will this be the start of a Geralt vs Bureaucracy fight? Or did Celestia merely intend for the title to give him the legal authority to do what he was going to do anyway? (See: "Witchers Gotta Witch" and "Yes, I do have a permit for that.") Will Celestia just be grateful to have somepony to talk to that doesn't revere her as a goddess (and is awake during the day)?
I really enjoyed reading this. Especially to see Celestia being perfectly rational and reasonable, as well as Geralt's response to being declared a knight... again. XD
havnt read the books, but started playing the Games after being gifted a set my friend picked up from steam.
Interesting chapter. I am admittedly confused since Geralt and Celestia are acting like this is the first time they've met, but he had her show up for the O&O session a few chapters back. Still, it is amusing that their mutual reaction to each other is "Oh god, finally, someone who is competent."
10018000
I think the "bottom line" for canon Celestia is that despite her vast age and experience, neither she nor Luna (outside of fandom variants of either/both of them) has all that much experience in direct combat. Even in the bad old days, it's at least heavily implied that they acted more as leaders and inspirational figures than as individual combatants.
Moreover, despite alicorns having a combination of the abilities of all three pony tribes, Celestia almost exclusively favors the unicorn side of her abilities, which means she ends up being more of a squishy caster with an (implied) vast repertoire and immense reserves than an "epic everything juggernaut", especially without prep time.
10018331
While it isn't technically the first time they've met, they barely interacted prior to this, so they're still feeling each other out. They didn't actually speak a single line of dialogue directly to each other for the O&O game, especially as Geralt had tried to summon Luna for that rather than Celestia.
oh boy...here we go again, folks!
The hell is this?! I have never in my entire life ever read a fanfiction so... so...
Thoroughly entertaining and amazingly on point with character accuracy! I've had to wade through a lot of disappointment for gems but this is well and truly a treasure to behold! I hope this is going to be continued soon, because I honestly cannot wait for the next chapter! This is the kind of quality that crossover fictions should strive for!
10018948
Hah! Well, thank you for your support. Check out some of my other stuff if you like my characterization; I think I've been pretty consistent through my work, and it will help you pass the time until I update again. I might try to jot down another update tonight.
I haven’t read this yet, but wanted to comment on how Geralt randomly showing up in weird places like this is really enjoyable? For example, the videogame crossovers they’ve done with him. He just grumbles about “damn portals” for a moment and then is totally immersed in whatever new world he finds himself in, almost like he has been dimension-hopping his entire life (“Pukei-Pukei?”)
Very funny concept, and I expect that will hold true with his adventures in pony land.
10019219
Yeah, that's one aspect of crossovers with Witcher I really enjoy, and the fact that alternate dimensions in MLP are canon (Discord trying to banish Treehugger, even if you ignore the Equestria Girls stuff), it's kind of a natural fit.
10017868
But you missed the important question. Will he joust himself?
10019279
Even in medieval times the joust was often considered unnecessarily flashy and show-offy rather than indicative of true combat skill (the ridiculously decorative lances bear little resemblance to the real things, which were basically just spears)
Clearly he has to swordfight himself instead, to maintain his honor.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze
That’ll be his 4th Knighthood I think. Let me see. Geralt of Rivia, Ravix of Fourhorn, Knight of the order of Vitis Vinifera, and now Knight-Errant of Equestria. Don’t think I’ve missed any.
10020166
Geralt can't help it, he just exudes knightliness. I'm sure it drove Vesemir nuts.
Aww I'm all caught up. Loving this so far.
Though I don't think the ponies think of this fact much, Equestria's very lucky, isn't it, to have so benevolent a ruler be immortal...
Hereditary Monarchies would have been fine in our world if somewhere down the line, there wasn't some incompetent fool or heartless tyrant, something which is pretty much a given for us humans... We have our democracy, but everyone with the slightest of thinking skills will know that it isn't perfect and never will be – and though the same could be said for Equestria, theirs is, in many respects, quite better.
10021072
Indeed if we had the option to be ruled by an immortal, benevolent and competent absolute monarch, I'd take that option over democracy any time.
Toss a coin to this Witcher!
All up to date on this now, can't wait to see MORE! I wonder if he'll ever invoke the Law of Surprise.
10034447
He swore to never do that crazy shit again after what happened the first time.
10034453
Fair enough
10032500
here here!
I know you might not do this, but this just popped into my head concerning my last comment. Funny thought, Geralt explains to the girls about the Law of Surprise, but just withholds how IMPORTANT it actually is and one of the girls invokes it after they do one of their customary good deeds and Geralts like, "F*&k...what have I done..."
10050220
Oh lord. Especially with destiny being such a potent force in Equestria...
10050230
Yeah, and Geralt tags along for one of those "Friendship Missions" and the girl who invokes it just thinks it's an innocent thing and Geralts like, "WAIT! DON'T-"
Will this ever continue?
Twilight jumping around in a circle yelling yes. This is my reaction to having found this story. I can't wait to see what Geralt, Witcher and Knight-errant, gets up to next!
Just read the latest chapter, I hope you give us more soon. This one is rather refreshing and hilarious in it's own way
Fun story, looking forward to more.
are we gonna see an update for this soon?
shit's cool af