Witcher Geralt Must Be Dreaming
"I must be dreaming."
Geralt wasn't dreaming.
"This can't possibly be a town of intelligent ponies."
It was, in fact, a town of intelligent ponies.
"... done up in pastel colors and made in quaint peasant styles."
You get the idea.
The witcher shook his head and rubbed his eyes, but the overly-pleasant visage, such a short distance from a fight for his life, refused to disappear. Pastel-colored ponies roamed about their quaint, colorful village of thatched huts, with brick and wooden structures plainly insight. No matter how much Geralt tried to deny them, his eyes dutifully reported these facts to him, along with the absence of gutters, beggars, shit-pots or animals streaming about. It seemed, for all intents and purposes, a well-organized, clean, and quiet village.
You've got to be kidding me. They're ponies. Like I was. Do humanoids just turn into ponies in this place? Is there some kind of curse?
Geralt stared at his medallion in disbelief, but it was still. Staring out over the village, he finally settled for huffing and heading down the slope that separated him from civilization.
At least there's a shot at getting witcher's work here... presuming these things even use money...
No sooner had Geralt stepped foot in the town than cries erupted from the residents. Ponies scampered to and fro, slamming doors and shutters. One or two fainted, only to be yanked inside or to get back up and bolt of their own accord. Geralt even noticed one pony go out of their way to yank in their welcome mat. The witcher stood perfectly still as all of this happened, a quiet irritation growing in him, but also a burning question.
Did I just see a pegasus?
The witcher played back his memory a few times, before nodding to himself on the empty street.
"Yep. That was a pegasus."
Joke's on you, Dandelion. You can call that lazy gelding whatever you like, but I got to see a real pegasus. Not to scale, though.
The witcher chuckled to himself on the empty street, shaking his head and wondering whether the ponies had fled because he was a witcher, because he looked human, or simply because he was large and carried weapons.
Guess guards will be on the way regardless. I should—
Geralt's senses picked up movement to his side, and he immediately glanced over to see a diminutive donkey slowly trodding towards one of the closed-up businesses. The donkey barely spared Geralt a glance, grumbling something, and his facial expression spoke of deep-seated irritation.
Geralt felt a deep kinship with this creature in that moment.
At least I can read their facial expressions. Might as well give language a shot.
"Hey, there. Do you understand me?"
The donkey paused to look at him, with some mixture of contempt and sheer crankiness.
"Yeeeeaaah, I understand you. Unfortunately."
Geralt's sharp hearing picked up the underlying grumbling, but he forced a smile on his face.
"Where am I? What land have I found myself in?"
"Ugh... this here's Equestria. Now, y'got any more dumb questions, or can I go buy my bread?"
Geralt pondered just letting the sourpuss go, but decided the donkey deserved a bit more trouble for his attitude.
"Where can I go to ask about witcher's work? Monster-hunting, that sort of thing? Who's in charge around here?"
The donkey gave a truly exaggerated and prolonged eyeroll and groaned before stabbing a hoof in the direction of a mountain. Geralt squinted, and realized there was some kind of huge crystal structure between them and the mountain. He looked back to thank the donkey, but saw that he had already started storming off. With a shrug, the witcher strode through the town towards the structure. As he drew closer, he saw that it was actually some kind of giant crystal castle in the shape of a tree, and found himself plagued by more and more questions.
Why a tree?
Why crystal?
Why is it so incredibly gaudy?
... did it grow from a seed like a regular tree, or did they actually take the time to carve that thing?
Most of all, however, the witcher wondered whether or not the fact that he had caused a panic in the town would cause whoever was in charge here to take umbrage with him. Umbrage wasn't a good thing to have taken with you when you intended to get paid for a job; it was hard enough getting coin for a hard day's work without a pissed-off client.
The witcher was not fated to make it to the crystal castle so easily, however, for just as he rounded the final corner to reach his destination, he came face to face with a bright-pink pony with a magenta mane. She gasped loudly as she saw him, and Geralt braced himself for screaming or flight.
Alas, nothing so simple could befall our witcher.
"You're NEW! And you're all human andnotatallapony whichmeansyoudidn'tcomethroughtheportal andmusthavecomeviateleportationfromanotherdimensionthatisn't thehumanworldweknowwhichmeansyou'reprobablyreallyconfused andnothinghelpssomebodygettheirbearingsbetterthana..."
Geralt took a halting step backward, holding out a hand as the pink pony took a deep breath.
"Whoa, there, are you alr—"
"PARTY!"
Geralt blinked rapidly, confused to the point of stupefication.
"... What?"
The pink pony took a rapid step forward, and the witcher instinctively reached for his sword, stopping short of actually grasping the hilt, in terrible confusion, glancing around for any clue as to the context of the situation. The pink pony paused suddenly, rubbing her chin with her hoof contemplatively.
"But, do you like parties? Are you a no-party kind of pon—er, person?"
Geralt considered the choice before him, rapidly trying to figure out whether saying he was, in fact, a no-party-pony would be more suicidal than agreeing to whatever... this was.
Our witcher chose a third option, weaving the sign of Axii.
"Calm down, little pink one. I just need some help getting my bearings in this town."
The pink pony stared at him for several seconds, completely unmoving. Geralt worried he had made a grave mistake, and somehow broken whatever violent energy kept the pony alive. Then she mumbled something.
"Do you like parties?"
"Sorry, what?"
"Do you... like parties?"
Geralt blinked a few times. Usually, Axii compelled someone to obey or assist him, but perhaps the sign had failed; this creature must have had a stronger will than he'd supposed.
Or, parties were extremely important to them. But that seemed fairly absurd. Then again... this was a talking pony demanding to know if he liked parties.
"I... don't object to them."
"Oooh? And why's that?"
Geralt locked eyes with the pony, unsure of how to answer. Finally, he decided to lean towards truth.
"A gathering can be a nice break from the road, especially if the food is decent—"
"THEN YOU GET A WELCOME PARTY AFTER ALL!"
"Wait, what are—"
Alas, indeed, for not even our valiant witcher's enhanced reflexes could save him from being swept up by the frenetic pink party-pony and hauled off to god-knows-where.
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This is funny as hell.
Oh no. Poor Geralt.
8863010
Glad to hear you think so. I'm actually basing his depiction more off of the books than the games, but this is meant to be the older Geralt seen in the games, who's adjusted more to life.
Geralt and parties don’t generallt mix, due to Geralt not exactly being a social being. This ought to be fun
You know what, continue. If you are doing this by the chesterfield (seat) of your bermudas (pants) then this can very easily go in any direction. And that makes it exciting.
8863877
I really am. Though I have a buffer of chapters to post at this point.
8863396
Hmm, cool.
Pinkie shrugged off the sign of Axii?
Okay.. wow!
9034253
I some how can see pinkie shrugging off the power of god
9034253
It's Pinkie. *shrug*
I really am enjoying this. There's just something about seeing the Harry Dresdens and Geralts and the like depicted pretty faithfully in Equestria that just... works.
10047414
They're people who really need friendship.
Oh! You write like I do!
I mean, if I'm fancy (and am smart enough to not sabotage myself), I form a basic understanding of what I expect to happen, and then my characters derail everything, and I spend ages trying to figure out a way to get back on track.
10047428
Yeah, something I wish they did more in the show is introduce people like that. Tempest was the type of pony, but they glossed over the actual change. Most of the main characters ironed out their own flaws after a while, so I was really hoping they'd do something like take the characters that didn't understand it as well (like Discord, Starlight, Trixie, etc) and form them into a new main cast with lessons to learn. They were the closest we had to actual "problem ponies" in Equestria. And it would have been a really unique way to reform villains.