Witcher Geralt Didn't Drink THAT Much Last Night
In a dark corner of a dark forest, there awoke a curiousity. A pony, far from civilized lands. A pony who did not know he was a pony, or how he came to be a pony, or indeed how to be a proper pony. But he needn't fret, since he would not, indeed, be a pony for long.
Geralt fretted. Geralt fretted deeply. The witcher groaned, rubbing his head.
"Hell of a hangover," remarked the bleary pony, "I thought I'd cut myself off early, too..."
Grass. The scent of grass and dirt. Geralt's feline eyes snapped open, and he glanced around hurriedly. Seeing no threats, he paused, listening and smelling for signs of disturbance. Detecting nothing, Geralt carefully rose to his feet...
... only to fall on his rump.
"Oof! What the devil? Did I throw my... back... out?"
Geralt paused in his speculations to stare at his feet. No, not feet; hooves. Carefully, slowly, the witcher analyzed every inch of his body.
I'm... a pony. I've been turned into a pony. With...
Geralt carefully felt his facial features.
... abnormally large eyes. Hmm, my hair's the same... and my gear's been shrunk and refitted to match my equine form.
Geralt drew a deep, slow breath, and sighed.
Guess I pissed off Yen again. Damnit, I look like the stuffed unicorn we had.
Geralt paused, and gently felt his forehead.
Nope, no horn. So much for that.
Geralt groaned, and slowly rose to his hooves, shaking a bit where he stood.
And here I thought balancing on four legs would be easier than two. Alright... now where am I?
Geralt glanced around at the trees, the shrubs, and the sky.
Let's see... definitely not Temeria... not Nilfgaard...
The more Geralt surveyed the plants, the more he came to one, inescapable conclusion.
"... This isn't the continent. Hell, it's not even the Skellige Isles."
How the hell did I end up off of the continent? Not even Yen could teleport me THAT far, even if she was furious. I think.
The witcher grimaced and rubbed his head, hoping that he could grasp some memory of the night before, but to no avail.
Damnit. Nothing to be done for it; I should get out of here and look for civilization. Assuming this land is even settled...
With that optimistic thought, the witcher unsteadily trotted through the forest. He carefully analyzed the plants as he did so, and caught sight of small animals - rodents, birds, snakes, and other vermin - and noted mentally that they were species familiar to him.
Hmm... things here aren't as different as I'd assumed. Did I end up in some quiet, bizarre corner of Temeria, perhaps?
Those thoughts were brought to an abrupt halt by the sudden vibration of the medallion around his neck. Geralt glanced around, and his gaze came to rest on the blue flowers in his path. As he leaned towards them, the medallion's agitation increased.
Magic. Hrn. Best avoid these, then. Definitely not a species I recognize. Best to remember it; it may be useful for alchemy, or it may be a hazard. If there's a local cunning wench or wizard, I can ask about it.
Geralt carefully cut a path around the blue flowers, and got fully fifty paces further before his medallion hummed again - but not before his ears warned him of the monster's approach.
Strange. Is that monster moving through a timber pile...? Or is it making that sound?
Geralt hesitated, straining to listen. There was a definite clattering of sticks and logs, but though he very briefly entertained the idea of a Leshen or other relict, he quickly discarded the idea. Still, whatever approached sounded distinctly unnatural. He carefully crept backwards into the bushes, not eager to be seen, only to hear a growl emit from behind him.
The pounce was sluggish, even by Geralt's standards. The witcher, despite his unfamiliar form, had hopped forward and spun on a hoof, wheeling to face the new threat, before it had even left the ground. Instinctively, without a moment to consider the uselessness of the gesture, the witcher reached for the silver sword on his back, thanking his lucky stars he'd decided to wear both today, rather than leaving the silver with Roach as he often did. The sword sang from its sheath, and the witcher squared off with the creature before him before realizing what had happened.
I'm human again.
What the hell?
The creature crept out of the bush towards him, and Geralt got his first proper look at the monster; some sort of wolf-like creature, made entirely of branches, logs, and brambles. It snapped its jaws menacingly, until it slowly raised its head to realize that the witcher stood more than twice its height.
Geralt smiled horribly, shifting his silver sword in his grip and circling.
"Thought you had a helpless pony, but now that you've a man to contend with you've lost your nerve? Feel free to run; my legs could use a stretch."
The creature hesitated and took a step backwards, but Geralt knew it was just stalling. His smile grew wider as he heard another of the creatures creep behind him. In one fluid motion, just as he heard it leave the ground, he spun, arcing the flashing silver through the air and the creature as one, splitting it apart straight through the jaw. Lifeless lumber clattered to the ground as the witcher was already upon the first wolf, hacking its head from its shoulder before it could process the death of its counterpart.
The witcher swung his head left and right; not to look, but to listen.
Five. No, six. Six more. They've picked the wrong fight.
Not eager to blunt his silver sword against hard timber, the witcher sheathed his weapon in anticipation of drawing his steel sword, only to find himself on the ground. Confused, helpless at a critical moment, the witcher rolled, feeling the sluggish and awkward nature of the motion. He saw vicious green eyes emerge from the forest first, which bounded towards him with ferocious speed.
Pony again... silver! The silver restores me to my true form! I've become a shapeshifter!
Geralt let out a leonine roar as he whisked his silver sword back out of its sheath, swinging from his back on the ground and slamming it down on the creature's head, which split in half. The rest of the creature's body blasted apart from the shockwave. Geralt rolled to his knees and a hand, but too late; another of the wooden creatures had bitten into his ankle, and yanked him hard, forcing him onto his belly. In a flash of inspiration, Geralt released his silver sword, and watched his leg suddenly grow smaller and shorter, zipping out of the creature's jaw.
Then the witcher grabbed his sword again, giving the creature a mighty kick to the face. The impact snapped the creature's wooden neck, sending it to the ground, lifeless.
"Come on, you bastards of pine and spruce. I'll need firewood for camp tonight."
Geralt heard another creature moving for his arms, and pulled them out of range at the last moment. His sword was under the creature, at a useless angle for a strike, so he leapt forward instead, tackling the creature and hauling it from its legs. He carried the momentum, driving it backwards until he shouldered it into a tree, smashing its back with a horrible snap. He pulled back just far enough for the creature to slide down, and then kicked it across its jaw, sending its head flying.
Slow, stupid, and fragile. If not for their numbers, these creatures would be easy for a strong-armed peasant to dispatch.
Two more of the creatures bounded at Geralt, one from the left, and the other from the right. Neither found their mark; the witcher swung his silver sword at the one on the right, catching it in midair and swatting it aside like a bug. The other slammed into an invisible shield, shattering itself, as the witcher held his hand up in the sign of Quen. The witcher slowly turned to face the remaining two, who seemed hesitant to charge him.
"Well? Come on; your friends are waiting for you in hell."
Geralt inched closer, waving his silver sword menacingly. The two wolves looked at each other, and to the witcher's surprise, approached him barking and snapping their jaws. The witcher considered, and then laughed, holding a hand aloft and weaving the sign of Aard. A shockwave ripped forward, hurling both wolves up and backwards, slamming into each other and a tree, falling in an quaint pile of firewood.
The witcher sighed, and gently loosed a small silver chain from his belt, and tied it around his wrist. Satisfied, he slowly sheathed his sword, and inspected his hands.
Still human. Alright, that's settled. Silver it is. If there are creatures like these running about, there's bound to be witcher's work in a nearby settlement.. if I can find a settlement.
Geralt considered for a moment, and then remembered a curious story about a cat and a fox. Smirking, he glanced over the trees in the area, and found a tall, strong-looking one, which he swiftly climbed. Scanning the horizon, he saw smoke in the distance.
There. North-northwest. Damnit, witcher, if you hadn't been so distracted by your transformation you'd be in civilization already. Could have even gotten paid to take out those things.
Geralt slid down the tree, and confidently started striding to his destination, but a loud rumbling behind him gave him pause. Slowly, he turned around, only to see the bodies of all of the wolves he had slain slowly pulling together in one gargantuan pile.
Oh. So that's how these fragile things survive.
Geralt strode up to the huge ball of timber, which was slowly taking the form of a wolf, with a sneer.
"I don't have time for this."
The creature slowly opened its eyes, only to see a witcher holding his hand up in the sign of Igni. Then, a bright flash, and nothing more.
Geralt rolled his eyes and set back off for the town, until he suddenly stopped, mouth agape.
"Timber... timber wolves? Did some insane mage make a monster out of a pun?"
That thought would plague the groaning witcher all the way to Ponyville.
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Good start, will track.
Me like.
On another note : really? I'd thought he'd be a pony for at least a whole arc before finding a way to become human and it would have something to do with the poison joke.
Either way will keep track of it.
Seems interesting, although I've not read it yet. I will give it a go soon.
I cannot say if I like this story just yet. Though that doesn't mean I am not interested, I simply don't have a big enough sample to give a clear opinion. I can't wait to see how this goes.
8860498
His pony form becomes more relevant down the line. It was thrown into the intro mostly as a joke, like "I'm a pony!" - reader assumes he will be a pony for all or most of story, and then, BAM, nope!
Very important question before I start. Is this part of your other 'Librarian Twilight' series? First thing I thought of when I read the title.
8860636
make twi a witcher
Eh, I'm sure he'll really love the Bugbears, Cragadiles, and other assorted pun based monsters. Also, I'm sure he can potentially convince the ponies to give him a bounty for Bugbears given they, at least according to the RPG, feel no emotion other than hate as is natural for something that is part wasp.
Short, slow start. Interested in seeing where this goes. Gave me a few chuckles already.
I can't wait.
8860782
It is!
8861029
It's a reference to my other "Librarian twilight" fics. The titles get longer the more of them I make.
Solo this friggin rules
I'm almost totally unfamiliar with The Witcher, but you have my interest. Looking forward to more.
My dude. Keep up this amazing story. It’s got a great concept to it. I am
Loving the back and forth transformation. Keep posting that content
I'be never played them myseof, but my dad played the games. And for what I've seen so far, you capture Geralt's personality well.
I said make it a story, and damn it you did.
~Skeeter The Lurker
He's going to enjoy Equestria if the Timberwolves got him...
I don't know... I don't know how the English version of Geralt works - from what I've seen, he likes bad puns and being a playboy a bit. It seems wrong, to a point. Geralt - the original - is very down-to-earth, no-bullshit type of man. He'll go to the end of the world to save your sorry ass. He's a rock, and he can be as thick as one sometimes...
... okay, so the longer I think about it, the more I'm accepting that maybe it's not that out-of-character. ;-]
9475224
Very down-to-earth is a good way of generally describing him. Puns and playboy antics are mostly player-choice in the games, but most of the time (both in books and games) he's just a fairly straightforward no-nonsense type. That being said, he does unwind and act goofy sometimes - remember the fish that was *this big* in Last Wish? Or him wrestling with a devil in the bushes?
Interesting. Don't think I've ever seen this twist to HiE before. Turned into a pony, I mean, but there being a substance that reveals the true form.
Solid start! Looking forwards to reading more of it!
10011059
Did you just call Geralt a human? Racist.
10011068
Isn't he though? It always pissed me off that peasants would always try to start shit and call him a monster or a freak. Witchers might be mutated to allow them to do their jobs competently, but they ARE humans. Some fucknugget gets turned fully into a pig they're still considered human, but witchers take mutations that'll make their human bodies work better for monster hunting and dealing with mages and they're freaks?
Ooh, a comedic pony crossover with a completely unfamiliar IP and good grammar. Count me in!
10017839
Oh sweet, I got Eroraf in on this. Your comments are always welcome!
The fact that it's an unfamiliar IP obviously means it wasn't written with you in mind, but I feel like that just might add a layer of amusing intrigue to everything going on, especially because I refer to events from the books really often, and most Witcher-familiar folks have only played the games (and usually not even all of those), so to a degree it's expected. I hope you're having a good time.
I haven't read any of the books, and I haven't even played any games, since I'm flat broke, but I've always heard that the franchise has excellent writing.
And reading this first chapter, I definitely don't regret purging myself of my tendency to never start new things.
(I do have some familiarity with basic lore, which should help me understand things, just not much in the form of details.)