My Little Pony: Friendship Is Absurd: The Movie

by Lord Seth

Mare Do Well: The Movie - Part 2

“Got any ideas yet?” asked Lightning Dust as the group continued walking.

“No,” said Trixie.

After a pause, Lightning Dust asked, “Got any ideas now?”

“No,” said Trixie.

“How about now?”

“No.”

“How about–”

“Would you shut up?!” asked Gilda.

“Hey!” said Lightning Dust. “I find this is a great motivator for people to come up with plans! You get so irritated you come up with one just to make me shut up!”

“It actually can be surprisingly effective,” said Trixie.

“Do you think maybe it’s time to cut our losses and just give up on the whole thing?” said Suri. “This doesn’t really seem to be going well so far.”

“Not until I get my rocket launchers back, I’m not!” said Gilda.

“Okay, what about those of us who aren’t obsessed with firearms?” said Suri.

“Hey!” said Trixie. “I don’t want to give up half ownership in a franchise worth millions! Besides, don’t you have a good amount of cash also?” Before Suri had a chance to respond, Trixie pointed and asked, “Hey, wait a minute. What’s that?”

They all turned to see another aircraft coming towards them, though much smaller than the ones seen before. “So… do you think that’s a friend or a foe?” asked Flim. “Should we hide?”

“If it’s an enemy, it’s already seen us,” said Gilda. “So we might as well just hope it’s friendly. Or maybe they’re just stopping to ask for directions.”

“Why would they stop and ask for directions?” asked Lightning Dust.

“Uh, because they would be lost?” said Gilda in an irritated tone.

“No, I mean, why would they think a bunch of random ponies and a griffon on the ground would be in a good position for that?”

The need to figure out how to continue this conversation was removed because by this point the ship had landed next to them and the hatch opened. Three pegasi walked out. “Hi,” said one of them in a somewhat irritated voice.

“The Shadowbolts?” asked Lightning Dust in a confused term.

Right, thought Trixie to herself. The Shadowbolts! Not to be confused with the ones from that Crystal Prep school. These were the guys who tried to fool Lightning Dust during that Nightmare Moon adventure, and their names are Stormy Skies, Thunder Strike, and Maelstrom Tempest. After that, they showed up a few random times to make ploys that didn’t work either, then ended up in that alternate universe and stole pendants from those Dazzlings and tried to enact their plan, only for that to fail. Then they came back to our universe and tried a convoluted plan to take over Flutter Valley, but we stopped them and they all got sent to prison for all of the stuff. Wait, why am I thinking all of this?

“Wait, you guys again?” said Gilda. “Didn’t you all go to prison after that Flutter Valley adventure?”

“That’s what I was thinking!” said Trixie.

“We got let out on condition that we do a bunch of highly dangerous and mostly clandestine missions for the government,” grumbled Thunder.

“Sounds like a great idea for a comic book story!” declared Lightning Dust.

“Can we just go already?” said Stormy. “We have another stupid mission to do after we take you.”

“Wait, you’re not going to help us or anything?” asked Flim. “If you’re working for the government, wouldn’t saving Equestria be your top priority?”

“Hey!” said Stormy. “There are all kinds of threats you don’t know about! The Storm King is small potatoes compared to some of the stuff that’s out there! While you guys deal with him and Tempest Shadow, we’ll be off handling even bigger threats!”

“What could possibly be a bigger threat than this existential threat to Equestria?!”

“If you knew the kind of stuff we have to deal with, you wouldn’t be able to sleep at night,” said Stormy.

“What about the various medications that are available for treating insomnia?” asked Trixie. “It seems like those could help.”

“Indeed!” said Lightning Dust. “In fact, simple fatigue would eventually set in anyway and you’d fall asleep of your own accord. I don’t think it’s possible to be unable to sleep at all.”

“Or do you mean we couldn’t sleep at night because our schedule would be restructured to make us sleep in the day?” asked Trixie.

“Well, maybe they–” started Lightning Dust before being interrupted.

“Argh, fine!” snapped Stormy. “The reason we’re not helping you isn’t because of there being other threats. It’s because we start up our vacation after dropping you off. Otherwise we’d have to go and actually help you out rather than dropping you off.”

“You get vacation time?” asked Suri.

“You’d be surprised the benefits package given to convicts drafted into working for the government,” said Thunder. “The only thing it’s really missing is a good dental plan.”

“Okay, I enjoy inane blather as much as the next pony,” said Trixie, “but maybe we should have this conversation while we’re on our way back?” And so the group went into the aircraft, which flew off.

Meanwhile, the other aircraft that Sunset was on touched down in Canterlot and brought Sunset, still imprisoned, to the castle.

Sunset looked around at the room and saw petrified versions of Cadence, Celestia, and Luna. “Uh… so when did you get Celestia?”

“We grabbed her shortly before the actual invasion,” said Tempest.

“Where was she?”

“Where do you think the appointed ambassador to Saddle Arabia was?” asked Tempest.

“Oh,” said Sunset. There was a pause. “So… uh… are we waiting for something…?”

“We’re waiting for the Storm King to get here,” said Tempest.

“Yeah, you know, I’ve been thinking,” said Sunset. “Why are you so loyal to this guy anyway? What has he done for you?”

“I don’t suppose it’s really any of your business, but he’s promised to restore my horn once I accomplish my mission,” said Tempest.

“Is he a medical doctor or something? Why would he be good at that?”

“If you’re trying to turn me against him,” said Tempest, “it won’t work.”

“I don’t think ti’s an unreasonable question!” said Sunset.

“How about you be quiet until–” started Tempest before being suddenly cut off as the door opened and a figure that presumably was the Storm King walked in.

“Hi everybody!” he announced. “Or should I say… everypony?”

There was a pause.

“Oh, come on!” he said in a tone that was a cross between dejected and irritated. “That was comedy gold! Where’s the applause? Tempest! I thought I said to get a studio audience ready for my entrance so they’d applaud!”

“The, erm, army is a bit busy at the moment,” said Tempest.

“I’m sure you can get at least a few,” said the Storm King. “Okay, so I’m going to walk out and wait a few minutes. That should give you enough time to get a few in here. Then I’ll walk in and we’ll try it again. Got it?”

“Yes, sir,” said Tempest in a resigned tone of voice.

“This is the guy you’ve pledged your loyalty to?” asked Sunset indignantly after the Storm King left.

“He can be a lot more serious and menacing,” said Tempest. After a brief pause, she added, “Sometimes. Anyway, I have things to do.”

Tempest left. A short time later she came back with various soldiers. A short time after that short time later, the Storm King flung opened the door and walked in. “Hi everybody!” he announced. “Or should I say… everypony?”

Tempest and his minions gave strong applause. Sunset rolled her eyes.

“Oh, darn it!” said the Storm King. “I just realized! If I have my minions here, it doesn’t work anymore because there’s not just ponies in here besides myself! Tempest! Take the minions out and get some ponies in here to applaud for me!”

“Perhaps it would be better to complete the process of granting you unimaginable power, and then you would have all the time in the world to engage in things such as this?” suggested Tempest.

“Great point!” declared the Storm King. “That’s why I keep you around. By the way, I’m not sure this whole ‘the Storm King’ thing is working out. You think I should get a different name or something? What about ‘Lord Explosion Murder’? Or is that too violent? Gotta keep it okay for the kids, you know.”

“I… I don’t think that will matter much when you rule the entire world,” said Tempest.

“But ruling the world is exactly the point where you slack off and your approval rating goes down!” said the Storm King. “You have to think about this kind of thing beforehand. But okay, fine, let’s go. Tempest, do the thing.”

“Yes!” said Tempest with obvious relief.

“By the way, what is this thing again?” asked the Storm King.

Tempest sighed heavily. “We’re going to use this magical staff to take away the power of four princesses and/or hybrids, which will all combine and be amplified and be at your disposal.”

“Sounds great!” declared the Storm King. “Do the thing, then, Tempest!”

“Can I point out that screwing around with magic as powerful as this has a real chance of a bad side effect?” said Sunset.

“Hey, that’s a good point!” said the Storm King. “How do we know this’ll work all right?”

“She’s just trying to trick you,” said Tempest.

“That’s also a good point!” said the Storm King. He turned to Sunset. “Ha! I have seen through your deception!” He turned back to Tempest. “Okay. Now let’s do the thing!”

“Okay,” said Tempest in obvious relief. “You stand here.”

“Do I get a say in this?” asked Sunset.

“Not unless you’re part of the approval rating survey!” said the Storm King. “Which I’m pretty sure you aren’t.”

And so Tempest did the ritual, the details of which aren’t really that important to the plot but did involve an impressive light show, which zapped the magic out of the four and powered up the staff, which the Storm King picked up.

“Let’s get this storm started!” he announced. “Ooh, hey, that’s good, I should trademark that. Or would it qualify under fair use? No, wait, that only works for copyright, not trademark. My bad.” He fired off a blast from the staff, which ended up hitting the cage Sunset was in. This broke it but also blasted her back a bit.

“Hey, this thing is cool!” he said. “Thanks, Tempest! What else does it do?”

“Well, first, Your Excellency, you promised to restore my horn and–”

“Hang on!” declared the Storm King. “Let me see if I can move the sun and moon around!” He ran off to the balcony and tried waving the staff. Nothing happened. “Hey! Why can’t I do that? Didn’t that Luna and Celestia have the power to do that?”

“Well, actually,” said Tempest, “they haven’t done that for a long time. They used to, but now the sun and moon move on their own. You see–”

“Bah!” said the Storm King. “I don’t need a science lesson! Whatever. The point is, the sun and moon can’t be switched. A bit disappointing, but firing laser blasts is cool. Any other powers it grants? Time manipulation? Summoning? Bone repair?”

“It should grant shapeshifting,” said Tempest.

“Sounds great!” declared the Storm King. He suddenly turned into a fish. “Okay, that didn’t work.” After several more attempts that only led to comically weak creatures, he finally turned back to normal. “Maybe that’ll take a while to get the hang of.”

“Now, about my–”

“Hang on, Tempest!” said the Storm King. “We have to finish with this first! Does this staff do anything else? Does it clean windows? Oh, I hope it cleans windows!”

“It should give you whatever powers that those who it took power from possessed, only magnified,” said Tempest. “So whatever they could do, you can do, only better.”

“Oooh, that does sound cool!” said the Storm King. “We should have the minions do research on that sort of thing!”

“Now, again, about my horn…”

“But Tempest!” declared the Storm King. “Why do you need it? Think about it. You accomplished all of this without a full horn. You proved you don’t need one! After all, your magic works fine without it. You don’t need it fixed!”

“Well, perhaps, but it would still be nice to–”

“I’m so glad we learned this lesson!” declared the Storm King. “Anyway, where should we go next? I was thinking–”

“Fix my horn already!” screamed Tempest.

“Fine, if you’re going to be that way about it,” said the Storm King before nonchalantly pointing the staff at Tempest and firing off a blast at her.

“Wait, what?!” said Tempest after she got up.

“What?” said the Storm King. “I’m evil. I lied.”

“But… why?” asked Tempest in disbelief.

“You know, that’s a very good question,” said the Storm King as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Now, if the implication was that I knew how to heal it before you got the staff and was waiting as a test, then it’s odd you decided to trust me just on the basis of that. On the other hand, if it was that I would fix your horn after getting the staff, it makes no sense that I wouldn’t given that I have the power. Honestly, I’m not really that credible a villain.” He shrugged. “But who cares? I’ve got an awesome magic staff now! Woohoo!” He accidentally fired a blast through the wall. “I meant to do that.”

Angered, Tempest launched herself at the Storm King. He shrugged and blasted her again, sending her flying away. “Darn it, betray someone after they serve you loyally for a lengthy period of time and they get all uppity about it. So annoying.”

During all of this, Sunset had gotten up without being noticed and discretely moved closer to the Storm King. She then nonchalantly jumped into the air and rammed him from behind. This knocked the staff out of his hands and sent it flying.

After a brief pause in which the two recovered from the attack, they took a quick glance at each other and ran towards the staff. Both reached it at the same time and tried to grab it from the other. The dual pulling on it caused the staff to split into two, sending both of them flying back while holding their half of the staff.

“Ha!” said the Storm King. “Maybe you got half of the staff, but the fact I have actual fingers allows me to hold it much more easily! Isn’t that right, Tempest?” There was a pause. “Tempest?” There was another pause. “Oh, right; I betrayed her and such. Well, let’s find out.” He aimed the staff at Sunset and let loose a blast. Sunset aimed her part of the staff at him and fired back also, but had greater difficulty aiming it due to the Storm King’s statement about fingers actually being true.

“You know,” said the Storm King as he advanced due to his blast being more powerful for the reasons given in the previous paragraph, “I’m disappointed, because I can’t think of any good quips right now. So annoying. Got any ideas?”

Realizing that she wasn’t going to win this battle, Sunset abruptly jumped to the side, causing the beam to bypass her. She then ran off, holding the half-staff in her mouth.

“Hey!” said the Storm King. “You can’t flee! I’m a boss battle!” He blasted at the fleeing Sunset. The first several ones missed, but one did hit her, causing the half-staff to go flying up in the air.

“Ha!” said the Storm King as he went over to catch the staff. “That’s what happens when you try to flee from a boss!”

Before the Storm King was able to catch it, however, Gilda swooped through and grabbed it herself. “Ha!” she said. “Got it!”

“Aw, man,” complained the Storm King. “The last hour character who shows up to help you out. Lame!”

Gilda landed next to Sunset. “I’m not fully sure what’s going on right now, but he’s the bad guy, and we need to hold onto this staff, right?”

“An astute observation,” said Sunset.

“Wait,” said Gilda, “are you saying it actually is an astute observation, or was that sarcasm? I couldn’t tell.”

“I was being serious!” said Sunset.

“Oh, good,” said Gilda. “Anyway, what’s the plan? Got any ideas? You understand the situation better than I do.”

“Yeah, could you hurry up on that?” asked the Storm King. “Talking is a free action so I’m kind of stuck just waiting around until you actually do something.”

“Uh…” said Sunset. “Run off and figure something out later?”

“Works for me!” said Gilda as the two tried to do that, with the Storm King in pursuit. However, the Storm King’s progress was halted as Flim, Flam, Suri, Trixie, and Lightning Dust suddenly popped up in front of him.

“Wait!” announced Trixie. “Can I interest you in a trial period for a product?”

“I thought that was supposed to be our–” started Flim, but he was cut off by the Storm King simply brushing them all to the side with his half-staff and continuing his pursuit.

“After him!” declared Lightning Dust as she took off.

“She knows that the rest of us aren’t fast enough to keep up with her, right?” asked Flam.

“What’s your point?” asked Trixie.

“Um… actually, I’m not sure,” admitted Flam.

Meanwhile…

“Okay,” said Gilda, “I think we lost him, at least for a minute or two. Got any plans? I could really use some plans here.”

“If we could surprise him, we might be able to get the staff away from him, put them together, and win,” said Sunset.

“Hrm,” said Gilda, “here’s a question. If the reason he’s able to overpower you is because he can hold the staff better, why not give it to me? I’m the one with talons.”

“I’m not sure you can channel the magic as effectively,” said Sunset. “You don’t have experience.”

“Well, do we know anyone who has experience with magic and has hands or claws?”

Suddenly, the Storm King burst in. “Sorry! Talking isn’t a free action anymore!”

Trixie, Flim, Flam, and Suri also burst in. “Uh, why?” asked Trixie.

“Actually, I’m not sure,” said the Storm King. “It just seemed like a cool thing to say.”

“Oh, wow, can I relate to that idea,” said Trixie. “Sometimes it doesn’t really matter if what I say makes sense, as long as it sounds cool, right?”

“Exactly!” said the Storm King. “Finally someone else gets it.”

“So, uh, are we fighting the guy, or what?” asked Gilda.

“Maybe we don’t have to!” said Trixie. “After all, we’ve reached a commonality, so perhaps based on that we can–”

“Wait a minute,” said the Storm King. “You’re trying to stall me, aren’t you?”

“What? Why would I be doing that?” asked Trixie. “What would I even be stalling you for?”

“That’s exactly what someone who was trying to stall me would say!” said the Storm King.

“Isn’t it also what someone who wasn’t trying to stall you would say?” said Trixie.

“Bah, too confusing to figure out,” said the Storm King. “It’s like that puzzle where one guy tells the truth and one guy tells lies and you need to figure out which is which based on asking a single question.”

"Isn’t that actually really easy?” said Trixie. “Just ask ‘what is 1 plus 1’ and then you’ll know if they’re the truth-teller or the liar.”

“Huh, that is actually… wait a minute, that’s more stalling!” said the Storm King. “I’m not going to fall for that anymore!” He pointed the staff at them. “Now, if you–”

ZAP!

Chrysalis, Discord, Shining Armor, Starlight Glimmer, Sunburst, Twilight, and a whole lot of others suddenly appeared. “Ta-da!” said Discord. “I know it took a lot of failed teleports to make it here, but twenty-third time’s the charm!”

Due to the distraction, however, the Storm King was able to grab the other half of the staff and re-attach them together. “Ha!” he said. “It doesn’t matter if you have reinforcements while I have this power!”

“Could you give me a 5-second summary of what the situation is?” Chrysalis asked the group.

Trixie pointed at the Storm King. “Bad guy with super-powerful staff.”

“Gotcha,” said Chrysalis. “ATTACK!”

Words cannot describe the absolutely epic fight sequence that ensued, which is extremely useful when it means the narration is easy. The end result is that, while taking some damage, the Storm King was ultimately able to defeat all of his attackers with his staff. “Wow,” he said, “I think I’m really getting the hang of this thing!”

“Ha!” said Chrysalis. “That’s where you’re wrong! We’ve been stalling you this whole time!”

The Storm King stared blankly at her. “That’s a fairly lame bluff.”

“Well, duh,” said Chrysalis. “My mention that I was stalling you was part of stalling you.”

Lightning Dust suddenly slammed into the Storm King from behind. “Sorry for being late! I got a bit lost and missed the whole fight.”

The Storm King turned and pointed his staff towards Lightning Dust and fired. Lightning Dust dodged it.

“Okay, I guess that surprise attack didn’t work,” said Lightning Dust as she dodged a few more blasts. However, she then got hit by one and fell to the floor.

“And now my victory is finally complete!” declared the Storm King. “And I even got a great battle out of it! Too bad no one recorded it, because it would have made a great climax of a film.”

“That’s where you’re wrong!” declared Chrysalis. “Because I know something you don’t!”

“And what is that?” asked the Storm King.

“The exact amount of energy that a Model SQ-9 Energy Absorbing Staff is able to output before it needs a recharge,” she said. “And you just went past it.”

The Storm King pointed his staff towards Chrysalis. Nothing happened.

“Well,” said the Storm King, “that might have actually been a problem, if not for the fact that you’re all exhausted and defeated and won’t be a threat to me. All I have to do is call in some of the guards, take you away, and can recharge it at my leisure. So as you can see, I–”

The Storm King was cut off by Tempest Shadow abruptly ramming into him from behind. “Ha!” he said as he turned around. “I still have the staff! So I can use it to… blast… uh-oh. Hey, is it too late to restore that horn of yours?”

Tempest Shadow blasted him.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” said the Storm King just before the force smashed him into a wall.

“Haha!” said Gilda as she leaped over and grabbed the staff from him while he was dazed. “I was just pretending to be defeated! That way if something like this happened, I’d be able to do something! It was in no way just a way to escape later.”

Discord got up. “Wait, you were also doing that? I thought I was the only one.”

Trixie also got up. “Um, I had the same strategy. Was anyone else doing it also?”

After a chorus of agreements, it was quickly discovered that pretty much everyone was only pretending to be defeated with the goal of, depending on how much stock one put into their explanation, either running away when they got a chance or striking a decisive blow when the opportunity occurred.

“So, uh, how do I give all the magic back?” asked Gilda. “Does smashing it work? Usually that works.”

The Storm King, however, at this point had managed to get back up and pulled out one of the orbs that Tempest Shadow had used for petrification earlier. “Uh, Gilda–” started Sunset.

“On it,” said Gilda nonchalantly as she pulled out a shotgun and aimed it at the orb. Equally nonchalantly, she pulled the trigger and blasted the orb, causing it to nonchalantly blow up and nonchalantly turn the Storm King into stone instead in this rather nonchalant sentence. “Okay, so now what do I do with this staff?”

“Well, we should probably restore anyone who’s gotten petrified with it,” said Chrysalis. “But it’ll take a little while for it to recharge itself. We’ll have to wait an hour or two.”

“Well, how did you end up here with all of them?” asked Flam.

“Oh, well, while I sent you off to get the Hippogriffs, I headed to the Crystal Empire,” said Chrysalis. “I thought maybe if their problem could be solved, they’d be able to help. And after an epic adventure indeed, everything got sorted out and Discord was able to teleport us here.”

“So us going all the way to get the Hippogriffs was pointless?” asked Suri. “You would’ve just come in anyway?”

“Oh, nonsense!” said Chrysalis. “You distracted them long enough for me to come in and help out, and you also used up some of that staff’s strength anyway! If not for that, we would’ve probably lost.”

Suddenly, Capper, various Hippogriffs, and some sky pirates burst into the room. “All right, Storm King, your…” Capper started before trailing off. “Oh, he’s already defeated? Then I suppose this whole alliance-building thing I did wasn’t necessary.”

“Okay, so maybe we wouldn’t have lost,” said Chrysalis. “But, uh, what happened?”

“How’d you get all of them to join up with you?” asked Trixie. “We couldn’t convince the hippogriffs.”

“Oh, I just sang a song about how it’s ‘time to be awesome’ to the pirates, and about ‘one small thing’ to the hippogriffs,” said Capper.

“Darn it, I knew I should’ve gone with that one for the hippogriffs,” muttered Lightning Dust.

“But as to how I got there and we got here?” asked Capper. “It was an epic story indeed, involving heartbreak and redemption! You see, I ended up with the hippogriffs after–”

“Can we catch up on all of this later?” asked Sunset. “We may have beaten the head bad guy, but we do still have those soldiers of his to deal with.”

“Oh, that’s no problem, actually,” said Tempest Shadow. “They never really cared that much about him. They mostly worked for the retirement benefits, really.”

“By the way,” said Gilda, “Trixie, were you actually stalling him back then in the hopes someone would pop up to help? Or were you actually just making idle chatter?”

“A little here, a little there,” said Trixie.

“Okay!” said Chrysalis. “Now we just need to get everything sorted out, turn Luna and the others back to normal, do the necessary cleanup, figure out what to do with the soldiers that aren’t our enemies anymore, and then we can get back to the showing of the movie and everything else. I’m sure it won’t take that long!”

“How would it not take that long?” asked Suri.

“Oh, easy,” said Chrysalis. “Once that staff gets its power back we can just use it to zap everything back to normal. Simple!”

And so Equestria was saved from yet another existential threat. Things went back to normal, until the invasion of androids from the future. But that is another story. And also didn’t actually happen. Anyway, one staff getting its power back and using it to zap everything back to normal and one movie screening later…

“Well, initial impressions seem good but not great,” said Lightning Dust. “I suppose that’s not bad for a movie.”

“Why are you telling me this?” asked Sunset.

“Wait, we weren’t playing a game of ‘tell people things they don’t know’?” asked Lightning Dust.

“While that seems more tolerable than your original idea for a game, it still seems rather pointless,” said Sunset.

“Oh, come on!” said Lightning Dust. “Pointless things can have a point, you know.”

Meanwhile…

“Hi!” said Chrysalis. “I bet you’re wondering why I came up to you and introduced myself?”

Tempest Shadow stared at her. “Um… I guess?”

“Well, given that you did help us out against the Storm King, I wanted to talk to you because you were a major player in his army so maybe you could answer some questions,” said Chrysalis. “A lot of them are, admittedly, out of curiosity. What was his name, anyway?”

“It was the Storm King,” said Tempest. “That was his actual name. Including the lowercase t in the word ‘the.’”

“Huh,” said Chrysalis. “Kind of a doofy name. Oh, speaking of which, I did some research and totally figured out what your original name was: Fizzlepop Berrytwist.”

Tempest made a face.

“Yeah, I’d stick with Tempest Shadow,” said Chrysalis. “I was sort of wondering what you did to make your parents hate you so much, though.”

“They wanted a boy,” said Tempest Shadow.

“Enh, don’t worry about it,” said Chrysalis. “I mean, the Storm King’s name apparently actually is ‘the Storm King,’ after all. Including, for some reason, the word ‘the’ being lowercase.”

“Yes, it was a rather odd name,” said Tempest.

“So, yeah, there’s nothing wrong with having been given a weird name!” said Chrysalis. “I mean, my original name was Jane Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt!”

Tempest stared at her. “Really?”

“Yeah!”

“Really?”

“Nah,” said Chrysalis. “It’s always been Chrysalis. You’ve fallen for another of my classic pranks.”

Tempest Shadow stared at Chrysalis.

“Anyway!” said Chrysalis. “I recommend you stick with Tempest Shadow. A much better name. And my assistant Luna will be with you to deal with the rest of the stuff I don’t feel like doing… uh, where is she?”

“I’m right here,” said Luna.

“Good!” said Chrysalis. “Right where I thought you’d be! Anyway, finish up things with Tempest Shadow here, and then go and find me another hydrodynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments and a turbo-drive.”

Tempest stared after Chrysalis as she left. “How do you put up dealing with her?”

“Mostly the dental plan,” said Luna with a sigh.

“Dental plan?!”

“It’s a really good dental plan,” said Luna.

“How good a dental plan can possibly make you put up with working for her?!”

Luna pulled out a piece of paper and showed it to Tempest, who skimmed through it, eyes widening.

“Uh… wow,” said Tempest. “Yeah, I’d consider being Chrysalis’s assistant too for that.”

“So, anyway,” said Luna as she pulled out another piece of paper. “Time for some notes to answer a bunch of remaining questions. What were the restrictions on that Grubber character’s powers anyway? You mentioned it briefly.”

“Honestly, that was basically a one-time thing,” said Tempest. “He somehow got that power through an accident with a genie and a robot. I don’t understand it all myself.”

“And given that the Storm King’s minions had fingers, why weren’t they using guns or anything? Those do exist.”

“Desire to make sure that no one we needed to take power from got killed,” said Tempest. “And then after he got the staff, there wasn’t an opportunity to have them equip them. Also, I think he has some kind of fear of guns anyway after an incident in his childhood.”

“Did he get shot at or something?”

“No,” said Tempest, “he accidentally got a gun for his birthday instead of the thing he really wanted, which made him resentful of them ever since.”

“Well,” said Luna, “I suppose that worked out well for us.”

“To be fair,” said Tempest, “his soldiers are all really lousy shots too. It’s kind of odd.”

And their conversation continued which ended up solving basically every single plot hole and unanswered question about this adventure, except for one, as that one was interrupted by one of the Storm King’s minions running excitedly up to Tempest.

“Great news!” said the aforementioned minion. “Now we’re third in line with customer service!”

Comments

[IndigoStorm27]

How dare you trick me? I wanted my what-if story. I'll still read this, but I'm very disappointed.

[LegacyMine]

I really thought that the Storm King was Chrysalis in disguise. They just seemed to have similar personalities.

[JustFalcon]

You know... I'm not sure why I read this.

No really that's it. I have no idea why I read this.

[Razzy]

So, the Storm King was like an extra annoying Chrysalis.

Almost at the consultant!

[Wild Stallion]

The sad thing is, this had more interesting moments than the actual movie (excluding the world building and random digs at the movie).

With the exception of one note gags, and Chrysalis and Trixie*, everyone seemed to posses character qualities recognizable from the show (if grossly exaggerated), and (certain jokes aside) this was actually pretty fun to read.

Although the fact that it copies the movie so thoroughly, is (in my opinion) a detriment to what could've been a really interesting break from the show.

Having the Storm King as a ally would have been interesting, given how well he's characterized, and considering he's the only villain comedian in the show, besides Discord.

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* I eventually just started reading Trixie's lines as Juniper Montage, because of how relatively placid she was being by comparison. And because that way, at least her freaky knowledge of film made a little more sense.