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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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needs a bit of editing but it's pretty epic!
Intrested to see where this goes. Also it seems like there was supposed to be more at the start of this chapter, just kinda dropped us into that sentence.
9447850
Thank you. Don't know what happened there.
So I take it that the main character is Bill Cipher from Gravity Falls?
I liked the old name better.
9448055
In this case, he was going of pure guesses. He has a book of necromancy and he knows names in fiction back home could have held great power. He did not know whether it could be used against him, he doesn't know magic. So... Just to be safe...
9448012
True, it fit something that Vadon would say, but... It didn't exactly... explain? The story? I guess?
9448077
I personally think it fit the story better but if you say so.....
9448079
I can always change it back if I see it working.
9448081
Good to know and I hope you do.
Apparently Dashy were so amazed that she forgot that pronouncing tags is too meta for her unenlightened state. Or, rather, never knew that. Doubt she ever listened to Pinky's ramblings. Everyone had to scream everything they intended to tell for a lil while due to that.
9474235
Imagine if everyone was monotone? In order to punctuate words people would literally have to say "Open square bracket, B, close square bracket, what, question mark, open square bracket, slash, B, close square bracket."
Fuck
I WONDER WHY NO ONE ELSE POINTED THAT OUT, HMM
I originally enjoyed this story. However over the last few chapters the quality has decreased terribly. Your thoughts are all over the place, you have two characters talking in the same paragraph often, over-detailed on unimportant things while under-detailed on others, and your plot is so diverged from what it was in the beginning that I can't even tell what the goal is anymore. This is where I hop off. I hope you improve, might want to search for a editor you can trust, it would help.
Okay, a lot just happening in this one chapter, I mean you could literally make three chapters from this one chapter... I feel as that it should of been more spaced out and specific, too much is happening for everything to had made any sense, especially near the end when Vadon had a breakdown, was that due to be pressured or something else that caused the meltdown
9510911
I get it, but I meant to clutter everything into one. It was originally going to be 30k words long but I decided to keep some stuff for later. As for the breakdown, it will be explained throughout the story.