Twilight messes up yet another spell. Now Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash have switched bodies and there's a new Empire in town to handle. Just another day in the Elements of Harmony.
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Nice chapter.
You continue to have me hooked.
The pies ...are going in a direction I didn't anticipate as usual. Cheese currently feel as though hes along for the ride and just about could have walked out of the room and the scene still would have rolled out. I'm totally keen for him and Pinkie to keep connecting. So its up to what comes next as to if he makes himself useful at Pinkie Pie's side or not. I hope he will prove himself (especially in her eyes).
Pinkies sisters have been experimented on?? That's... not helping my view of the old folks at home but I hope that once they are deployed that they will do a whole lot grander than what daddy hopes. But I have no idea what that might be.
Fluttershy and Dash were cool. Moderate levels of guy cuteness here.
And Dash's parents???
le what?
Those two flying the cool ship are the ponies that left her to a hard life as a circus freak.
And now they think Fluttershy is their daughter. Cough... Son.
Yes, now son. I wonder how long Dash is gonna let Fluttershy take the awkwardness before she steps in. Because right now I'm feeling it for poor Fluttershy. He would be lost at the moment. Even with the titbits of info told by Dash and maybe a memory here and there, I still don't expect him to really know what to make of the situation or how to respond to the two ponies hugging and carrying on there.
This is set to get a whole lot stranger and a lot more warped. Even though they are non-combat, I feel as though this is gonna be a big one to watch going forth.
And finally...
The part of the chapter that got build up by the cliffhanger from the last chapter.
The 2v2 ritual fight.
I would say Twi did an excellent job fluffing her way through the negotiations and this duel will have earned the deers respect. Also, not killing the deer's leaders should also be something that goes down well, considering neither side held back.
Good fight. Maybe a slightly mismatched pace in the collective 2v2 combat scenes. I dunno.... But I got the feeling from how we would have big bursts of all kinds of action in the fight 2v2. Then going into Twi's head it would feel as though it slowed down a bit, then it would speed up and yea, it worked. it was gripping. But I feel as though something there in the pace could have been tweaked. I was too busy enjoying your tale to fully pick up and pull it apart on first read.
Also. The sense of urgency while great in terms of feeling it for Luna kinda didn't carry over to the deer. It made it feel as though the two deer had been kept at bay easily by that barrier at the end. Maybe could have had a mention of Twilight feeling them pounding on her shield and needing to bolster it? Or the teleporting deer trying to break in and her being able to keep him outside the shield with a desperate burst of energy or something.?
I dunno. I just felt a whole lot of lost tension as soon as Luna transformed into her cute and cuddly widdle self and it was sweet having a moment between the two of them. (I would have milked it harder)
I Get that the deer were as boned as the alicorns they were fighting and you certainly gave a sense that it was a tie. I wanted it to be a tie and its good to see one.
Also, I'm stoked we got the kiss of life in there from Twilight.
Did I mention that enough times to you already?
Now we just need somepony to comment on it.
And smaller luna could be quite good for cuddles...
Now I wanna write something between Twi and low power Luna...
Did luna transform into her smaller self or did her full power self get killed and replaced by the smaller, low power Woona? It kinda felt like there was still a dead alicorn there before Twilight when she looked up and saw Woona in her low power state.
I thought Luna would just change form. Did I miss something there or was it just unclear? I re read it again and I'm pretty sure she just transformed into her low power state while Twilight wasnt looking. However, on first read I had the weird feeling like Luna had kinda died then respawned. It was weird because brain was teling me that shuold not happen, its not video game
Anyway. I look forward to more. Whenever that may come.
10092380
Fantastic stuff here. Definitely need to work on the fight scenes cause they are going to probably be more prevalent with the war coming on. Well the deer were kind of in the middle of a friendly fight mixed with ritual combat. They can't kill alicorns. So they were kind of screwed there since they were totally prepared for a few things- 1. They expected Celestia to be there. She wasn't. And 2. They planned on dealing with Moondancer. And Twilight stepped in. They really did the best they could. Twilight, for her part, doesn't really do the fighting that will be necessary later. So she kind of made it work. Cause the Storm King knows how to deal with alicorns.
Luna did die and I said that they are inherently tied to the things they represent. Luna lost all her power at the moment. And she can't really do that again since that took a ton out of her. Everything's a mass of magic and the moon's not doing so hot. Maybe next chapter I can do a quick mention of it, but she can't do it again. There's a difference when she had it happen season 1 and this time. One heals the damage done. One harms the connection she has with the moon. A massive scar, in effect. And the damage has to go somewhere. Like how the show took a while to make her the normal Luna- this is going to take a long time, possibly until the end to heal. And well, the Storm King loves portents and seeing the moon be physically changed in some way might be a nice hint to start really messing around with Equestria.
And I wanted to bridge the gap of when I wrote the story- with not exactly knowing what Dash's parents were like and the actual reveal that they kind of adore her. That's going to be a real mess cause Dash has about 20 years of trauma that she has to work through.
10093290
Interesting. I felt what you had was unclear. The way your setting it up with their ties to their celestial bodies it makes good sense. So yea, I can run with Luna karking it. You could have had a bit more detail. Like her body. Was it still there when smaller wonna appeared? Should twilight still notice that lying there?
Or if it vanishes, I think Twilight should notice, even if to turn around to see it questioning how Luna appeared where she did only to find the larger body is gone.
and maybe in a quiet moment later Luna could point out the scar on her moon (even if its magical) to Twilight.
Yea, and Fluttershy has a whole lot of surprise and embarrassment at being taken as their son to deal with too
10093417
Since I'm going with more mystical stuff, I definitely plan on next chapter to hash out the more mystical aspects of "alicorns" (Probably going to be the first bit of the chapter due to that cause I didn't touch on what Luna was actually doing and feeling when Twilight had her saving moment.) that I'm running with. Tie that into the death plane that deers have cause I see that as everything dies and goes to the same, or similar places and getting that complete. Ironically, I've always had this view on alicorns and just haven't had the chance to ever touch on it. So in effect, it's easier to kill Celestia and Luna because they are tied to a physical location (e.g. the sun and moon) but harder to kill Cadance and Twilight if they ever got to full power (like how the final episode shows off fully alicorn Twilight) because they are tied to emotional states. But that makes Cadance and Twilight's future rather bleak since they would have to watch everything die before them or the sun itself has to go nova for them to fully lose themselves. My view of immortality is probably rather hopeless. If any alicorn meets Cozy Glow in this story, she'd be having a field day because that makes her job of torturing prisoners a real joy. Prisoners that heal to a certain point and are hard to kill, and mortals more incapacitate them instead? That's her paradise.