Twilight messes up yet another spell. Now Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash have switched bodies and there's a new Empire in town to handle. Just another day in the Elements of Harmony.
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Great chapter.
Yummo... (errr.. no...)
but seriously, made me laugh there.
Currently, I doubt Twilight is likely to eat dick, unless she turns Luna into a stallion. I highly doubt he can reach his own... Although Luna seemed to like seeing Twilight as a male, so I doubt that bet is on. Sorry Fluttershy.
Being an (unintentional) dick? Yes... Twilight seems to be good at putting his hoof in it and completely misreading social situations.
that moment got me good. Well played. The whole prior section build up to that well and I got a good laugh out of that moment. The build up was more serious than I thought it would be, but they played off each other well and I think their Flutterdash scenes have flowed very nicely.
...The subsequent moments after Fluttershy's comment certainly did get gay, but that's a two stallion sausage fest for you...
Cheese Sandwich comes to Pinkie's home? I like it... I look forward to seeing why hes there, how her family take it (I mean... I doubt they will be too accepting of dual party pony, even if they dont go for crazy party time).
I suspect my suggestions have come into play there somewhere. Made me smile to think I might have been useful and we are getting some cool stuff going on here between Cheese and the Pie family (coming up) because of it.
Zephyr's in deep trouble. Will he get found in the woods, or will he manage to hide well enough? I mean, hes kinda a dick in the show (well, at least he starts off as a really big one) so I'm less concerned for him than I am for most of the OCs.
That Tempest taking on Sunny? At least it seems like Tempest.
Sunny's doing well... given a dragon's bulk, I don't imagine their necks being the easiest thing in the world to break. It's probably wise to run from Tempest, given how poorly the city is holding up as a whole and how angry that unicorn is.
Rara and Lightning Dust are impressing me. Considering they aren't exactly royal guard material, they seem to have a good chance of surviving the colapse of Manhatten providing they can escape the changelings on their tails.
So yea. The emotional moments were good.
Twilight dropping two bombshells on Fluttershy was well placed, if bad for Fluttershy's mood. And I really hope that either Twilight or Rarity will turn those two back soon. It really messes with the head when I read Flutterguy voice, for dash, how Dash would say things, but in Flutterguy. Then having a deeper stallion voice Dash whenever Fluttershy speaks.
All up, considering the mindbending going on, I'd say things are great but it was easier when I was just reading Dash and Fluttershy in each other's voices. Easier. Not easy (just easier)... I do have to go and re-read the occasional line when I fail to read the character's voices right.
9953226
Well overall that's good. I was rather worried about the whole switch in voices too, but I've always been decent in compartmentalizing voices- but yeah, Flutterguy and Stalion Dash are rather hard to pin down in some scenes. At least I got the general gist across, but I probably could have ironed out some of the more confusing back and forth moments. Probably was a bit clunky, but I'm still trying to get the feel for how I want to write that.
Oh and on the whole Cheese Sandwich thing? I did partially joke about you being a cowriter- or at least a good idea board. I took all of that stuff you mentioned and I have a few ideas for Cheese and Pinkie. But that's slightly later.
Zephyr weirdly is a fun one to write, but I see your point. The problem with using essentially one note, or close to one note characters is that if they were written as unlikable, it's hard to make them more likeable without some major retooling and some redemption arc stuff. And Zephyr is kind of unlikeable.
But yeah, Manehattan's kind of a fun thing to write about, especially since I've been planning it out in my head for about a year.
And that was Starlight on the dragon. She's barely in the chapter, but she's at a real low point still. She's mainly all talk and bravado- with actual powerful spells, but she's only controlling the dragons, she'll be more important after the win. I mean the bad guys have to run a war and she has the most recent intel. She fought against the Main 6- she knows what they are partially capable of. Tempest has no clue about them and her most recent knowledge of Equestria is woefully out of date.
9953244
Ah. Makes sense there now. I can see that being starlight, yes. It felt off when I tried to picture tempest shadow and it wasn’t making sense but no pony else was coming to mind for some reason..
I look forward to future developments