- Member Since 1st Nov, 2015
- offline last seen Yesterday
Silver Echo
I'm a gamer, avid reader and writer who needs to update his own stuff. Work keeps me busy and my mind full of so many other things that writing is difficult.
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They never told her who the enemy is. Also Twilight is taking this a little too well. At least when the fight is over she should have a breakdown to stay in character.
8334332
I had originally added something about the Covenant when Kyle said "Death was coming," But i guess I forgot to redo that part, but thanks for the note on Twilight. At the moment she is just confused as to what's going on and doesn't realize their under attack until a little later.
8334332
Fixed it, thanks again.
It's just like every episode of Star Trek ever when they use a shuttlecraft. Something bad is going to happen, take it ti the bank, mark my words. Something bad will happen!
A mysterious voice behind them!?! I will guess that it is... Celestia...
I felt like I missed the moment that the battle began. Maybe a pinch more oomph there? Otherwise, quite exciting.
Also, Rowan!!!!!
Hmm... There is, I think, too much packed into this chapter. However, none of it is bad, it just needs more tome to be developed and play out.
Maybe Twilight could try something else before resorting to using the smg? I guess I just feel that all of this needs more time to be savored by the reader as it develops so we have more time to feel with Twilight the implications of what has happened.
It may also play better to have more time to get to know the marines before the action begins. It would add weight to the inevitable battle.
Write on, my friend!
*Looks at date of last update*