Favors
“Thanks for this, Rave,” said Garrus as he and Raven stepped off of the train. “This means a lot to me.”
“This better be worth it,” grumbled Raven. “I barely survived my first encounter with this weirdo, and you’ve got me throwing away my day off to try at round 2.”
“We’ll be in and out, I swear.”
Raven wasn’t especially fond of Ponyville. It had a small town, backwater vibe that reminded her of home in Fillydelphia, but not in a good way. Raven fought hard to escape the little village where everypony knew her name. She greatly preferred the large, bustling, busy city of Canterlot.
“Explain to me why I’m here again,” said Raven as she and Garrus began making their way from the station and into the town proper. Though she would complain throughout the entire, pointless trip, she didn’t exactly mind it. There were more insufferable ponies for Raven to spend a day with than Garrus, and, if they got this matter dealt with soon, the two would have a rare free day to spend however they wished.
“Pinkie Pie doesn’t know me, but she knows you,” said Garrus. “I figure she’d be more willing to do you a favor rather than me.”
“Ugh. That means I have to talk to her…” Raven truly wasn’t looking forward to speaking with Pinkie for a second time. Just thinking about her last conversation made her head hurt. “C’mon, Gary, let’s get this over with. It’s just down the main road.”
Garrus and Raven headed along the calm, quiet main road of the quaint town, approaching the gingerbread-like building known as Sugarcube Corner. Raven sighed, then pushed open the door and stepped in.
“Welcome to Sugarcube Corner!” said a mare behind the counter. She smiled widely, beaming a cheery, warm disposition that made Garrus feel at home and Raven want to drink heavily. “I’m Mrs. Cake. What can I do for you?”
“Hello, ma’am,” said Raven, instinctively slipping into business mode. After so many years of being sent to play diplomat with Canterlot nobles on behalf of Celestia, Raven had gotten incredibly good at speaking to ponies she had no desire to interact with. “I’m Raven, and this is my friend Garrus. Pinkie was recently in Canterlot to meet with me.”
“Oh, are you here for her?” asked Mrs. Cake.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I’m sorry, dear, Pinkie just left. I just sent her out on a grocery run. She should be back in a few minutes. Feel free to take a seat until she gets back.” As Raven and Garrus took a seat and slipped off their saddlebags, Mrs. Cake turned her head curiously. “Garrus, was it?” Garrus nodded. “Well, hon, if I’m not overstepping… You’re a griffon.”
“Last time I checked, ma’am,” said Garrus. He looked down at his claws and his paws, nodding to himself. “Yup. Still a griffon.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude.”
“Oh, not at all, ma’am. We griffons have thicker hides than that.” Garrus rose from his seat and made his way to the counter. “Is there something on your mind?”
“Ponyville has been seeing a lot more griffon these days, and we here at Sugarcube Corner has been trying to make them feel more comfortable,” said Mrs. Cake. “Pinkie and I have been working on a recipe for some more griffon-friendly treats.”
“Well, what’s in them?” asked Garrus.
“I just took a batch out of the oven. We’ve got oatmeal-parsnip cookies, coconut mango bars, and organic popcorn balls.”
“Ma’am, those all sound delicious,” said Garrus, once his stomach had finished growling. “How much for one of those cookies?”
“All it’ll cost you is your honest opinion. Here, I’ll go fetch them.”
And with that, Mrs. Cake disappeared into the back. Garrus grinned, which only seemed to irritate Raven. Garrus returned to his seat, studying his friend intently.
“What’s the matter with you?” asked Garrus.
“I don’t like her,” mumbled Raven.
“Why not? She’s super nice.”
“And I hate that. You can't trust anypony that happy. They're up to something.” Garrus shook his head with a smirk. He really should’ve expected something like that Raven.
“What about me?” he asked. “I’m a pretty happy guy.”
“Just because I drink with you doesn’t mean I trust you or your kind.” Raven watched the counter carefully, not wanting to be overheard. “She reminds me of my mom.”
“That’s good, isn’t it?”
“You would think, right?”
Their discussion was interrupted by the return of Mrs. Cake, bearing a tray of quite delicious-smelling treats. Garrus returned to the counter, his beak watering so much that he was liable to flood the bakery.
“Here you go, deary,” said Mrs. Cake, offering the tray to Garrus. He looked over the delicious confections and grabbed up a cookie, which he bit into immediately. To Raven’s annoyance and Mrs. Cake’s glee, he swiftly gobbled six cookies in about five seconds. He went to reach for a seventh when Raven firmly cleared her throat, causing Garrus to retreat his claw.
“Mrs. Cake, if you only sold those, I’d walk from Canterlot every day,” said Garrus. “Those are amazing!”
“Aw, I’m glad you like them, dear. Do you think other griffons would like them?” asked Mrs. Cake.
“Oh, for sure. Though, you know what would sell like crazy?” Despite Raven’s disapproval, Garrus helped himself to another snack. “Jalapenos.”
“Jalapenos? In baked goods?”
“Oh, yeah. See, Griffons don’t have the receptors on our tongues to process spiciness, so that’s not a problem. We just really like the taste of peppers.”
“Hm… Maybe Pinkie was onto something…”
“I knew it!” With a loud bang, the front door flew open. Pinkie Pie leaped into the bakery, towing a little red wagon piled high with groceries. In a single smooth, deft movement, she unhooked herself from her wagon, cartwheeled across the room, and leapt onto the counter. She balanced on her rear hooves, pointing one of her front ones accusingly at Mrs. Cake. “I knew jalapeno fondant was a great idea!”
“Maybe for griffons, dear, but it’s too spicy for ponies,” said Mrs. Cake with a small smile. “Welcome back, hon. Did you get everything?”
“Mh-hm! Milk, eggs, brown sugar, white sugar, wheat flour, cake flour, baking powder and soda, salt—”
“Did you get jarred carrots for Pound and Pumpkin?”
“Ha! Did I get jarred carrots for Pound and Pumpkin! Do sparkle-bombs sparkle?” Pinkie dropped down from the counter, pulled a glittering purple orb from her mane, and tossed it to the ground. It exploded into a cloud of shining pink glitter, coating pretty much everything in the bakery with a layer of shiny dust.
“I’m gonna go with ‘yeah’,” coughed Garrus. “Hi, I’m Garrus. You must be Pinkie Pie.”
“Yessiree! Pinkamena Pie: earth pony mare, baker extraordinaire!” Pinkie grabbed a nearby broom and began sweeping up the glitter. “What can I do for you today?”
“Hello, Ms. Pie,” sighed Raven, wiping the glitter from her glasses. “We spoke the other day about the fundraiser? You made some amazing, and, frankly, implausible desserts and I was hoping I could ask you for a favor.”
“A favor? What kind of favor?” asked Pinkie.
“Wait… Fundraiser? Oh, dear, you were serious…” said Mrs. Cake. “I thought you were just being… Well, just being Pinkie.”
“No, ma’am, she was serious. I hired Pinkie Pie to cater a fundraiser for Princess Celestia,” explained Raven. “But, right now, I wanted to talk to Pinkie about a more personal matter.”
“What is it?” asked Pinkie. Raven and Garrus explained the situation to Pinkie, who nodded throughout. Pinkie produced a pad of paper and a pen, taking notes on anything she found relevant to the situation. By the time they were done talking, Pinkie had several pages of notes to work with.
“And, of course, we don’t expect you to do this for free,” said Raven. “We’d be more than happy to compensate you for your work.” She reached into her saddlebag and withdrew a sack containing five pounds of Canterlot Castle’s dinner mints. “I take it this will be sufficient?”
“I’ll get right to work!” Pinkie snatched up the mints and stowed them in her mane. “I’ll have it done faster than you can say ‘wow, that Pinkie Pie sure is a super-duper quick baker, I wonder how she does it, she’s so awesome and pretty and amazing’!”
And, with that, Pinkie Pie grabbed up the groceries and leapt past the counter, disappearing into the bakery. Raven shook her head, then slipped back into her saddlebags. Garrus did the same, a grin plastered across his face. Though Raven didn’t seem to like Pinkie Pie, she was alright in his book.
“Well, since I’m here, I might as well get some work done,” sighed Raven. “I’ve got to deliver Princess Twilight’s invitation and talk to her about the event. Are you coming?”
Garrus looked up, his beak stuffed with more snacks from Mrs. Cake, and shrugged. Raven shook her head, then left him behind in the bakery so she could handle business.
“Oh, hello,” said Twilight Sparkle as she opened the door. “Raven Inkwell, right? What a pleasant surprise!”
“Hello, your highness,” said Raven, bowing in the doorframe. Twilight blushed, clearly not used to being royalty just yet. She stepped to the side, beckoning for Raven to enter.
“Come in, come in!” said Twilight. “I was just about to put the kettle on.”
Raven wasn't a huge fan of tea. Though she was certain that Twilight meant it as a genuine attempt at hospitality, the notion of a spot of tea while discussing business had been sullied by years of dealing with holier-than-thou nobles who thought that tea with them was a gift from the gods. Still, Twilight seemed decent enough, and Raven was on the clock, so she had to play nice.
“How do you like your tea?” asked Twilight as they entered the kitchen.
“Just a bit of lemon is fine,” said Raven. Twilight nodded, fixing up a cup of tea and passing it to Raven. “Thank you, your highness.”
“Please, don't do the royalty thing, it makes me feel so weird still,” said Twilight sheepishly. She guided Raven through to the dining room, where they both took a seat to continue talking. “So, what brings you here?”
“Business, sadly, but I hope you don't find it too unpleasant. And my sincerest apologies for dropping by without warning,” said Raven. “I just so happened to be in town and I needed to speak with you.”
“Hm? Is it a message from Celestia?” Twilight tilted her head curiously. “She normally sends me letters by dragon. Is everything okay?”
“Everything is fine, your majesty. I’m simply just here to deliver you this.” Raven reached into her saddlebag and pulled out an ornate, gold-trimmed letter, which she laid out on the table in front of Twilight. “Your invitation to the annual Canterlot Castle Fundraiser.”
“Ooh, I’ve never been to one of these before. Why now?”
“Princess Celestia requested your presence at the event and I took it upon myself to visit you here to prepare you for the event.” Raven slid a stack of papers across the table. “This is the itinerary, as well as information for hotel arrangements in Canterlot. If you wish, I can arrange for a chariot to come pick you up the day before the fundraiser to have you meet with the dressers and makeup artists, then, from there—”
“Actually, Raven, I need to check my schedule,” said Twilight. “When is it?”
“The thirtieth of April,” said Raven cautiously. She wasn’t exactly sure how Twilight could possibly be too busy for the most important fundraiser of the year, but she was willing to entertain the princess for now before asserting sense and reason into the situation.
“Spike!” called the princess. “Could you bring me my agenda for next month?”
“Sure thing, Twilight!” A short second later, a tiny baby dragon waddled his way into the room, clutching a roll of parchment. “Here you go, Twilight. What’s… Whoa…”
“Hello,” said Raven. “I’m—”
“You’re Raven Inkwell!” exclaimed Spike. “You’re the Raven Inkwell!”
“Uh… Yes? How do you know my name?”
“Oh, man, you’re my hero! You’re the best assistant in Equestria!” Spike grinned from ear to ear, unable to contain his excitement. “I’ve been a fan of yours ever since I was a hatchling. I’ve always wanted to be just like you!”
Raven felt a strangeness in her chest, a peculiar emotion that she only had a passing familiarity with. It took her a bit to give it a name, but there was no denying the truth; Raven was feeling genuine, non-sarcastic, unironic joy. Truthfully, it was exceedingly rare that her efforts were ever recognized, and she certainly never had fans of what she did.
“Are you Princess Twilight’s assistant?” asked Raven. Spike nodded enthusiastically, which made Raven smile even more. “You and your princess have accomplished quite a lot in a very short period of time, the mark of a great assistant. And, between you and me…” She lowered her voice to a whisper, leaning in close to Spike. “These royals would never get anything done without us.”
“You’re telling me! Sometimes, Twilight gets so caught up in organizing her checklists that she forgets to do anything on them!” exclaimed Spike. “But, you know, it’s worth it to help out. Making Ponyville a better place.”
“Heh. That’s a very mature attitude to have,” said Raven. “You’re doing fine, little guy. You should be proud of what you do.”
“Ms. Raven? W-would you sign my checklist?” asked Spike. Raven nodded, and Spike immediately ran off to fetch.
“Sorry about that,” said Twilight with a small chuckle. “I didn’t expect him to react like that.”
“Truth be told, Princess Twilight,” said Raven. “I didn’t expect myself to react like that, either.”
“So, yeah, I think this dragon made me like my job again,” said Raven, leaning back in her seat and sipping her beer. “You should’ve seen this guy. He was so excited to see me, it was incredible. I almost felt bad. I wanted to tell him that it’s all downhill from there, but I can’t say that to a kid.”
“Why not?” asked Garrus. “Mind you, I’m not saying you should, I just didn’t think you would be the one to hold back the truth from kids.”
“If a child realizes the truth too early in life, they end up broken, bitter, and angry at the world.” Raven tapped her forehead. “I speak from experience.”
“Ooh, here she comes!” said Garrus, pointing across the bar. Like clockwork, Moon Shine stepped into Ne’er-Do-Wells and made her way to the bar. She beckoned to the barmaid, who brought her a drink and, after just a moment, a beautifully decorated chocolate cake. It was designed to look like the night sky, deep blue and with beautifully bright stars across the surface (Pinkie Pie had even integrated the Libra constellation into the cake). Moon Shine looked at it for a moment before slamming her forehead against the table.
“I don’t think she likes it,” noted Raven, sipping her beer.
“Hold on, we don’t know that,” said Garrus. “Maybe she’s just impressed by my perseverance and tenacity!”
Moon Shine lit up her horn with a deep blue glow, summoning a tube of bright red frosting. She used the frosting to scribble on the cake, then stood up and brought it over to Garrus’ table. Without a single word, she dropped the cake on the table and returned to the bar. She downed her drink, then headed for the door, pointing angrily at Garrus and calling something out to the barmaid as she left.
“‘Piss off, dodo-brain’,” read Raven.
“I can read, Rave, thanks,” said Garrus with a sigh. “Damn it. I guess our trip to Ponyville was for nothing. Sorry for dragging you along.”
“Ah, don’t worry about it, Gary. I would’ve had to head down there soon, anyway.” Raven swiped across the top of the cake, licking the frosting from her hoof. “You know, I don’t really like Pinkie Pie, but I’d be lying if I said she couldn’t bake. We may as well cut into this thing, right?”
“No point in letting perfectly good cake go to waste,” said Garrus. He flagged down the barmaid and pointed to the cake. She nodded in understanding, dug out a knife from behind the bar, and brought it over to Garrus. With a practiced hoof, she cut into the cake and slid a piece over to Garrus and Raven.
“Bad luck, hon,” she said. “But she’s just not into you. Best to not take it personally.”
“Yeah, I guess… I thought girls liked chocolate…”
“Was that really the entire basis of your cake plan?” asked Raven. “I thought you knew something about this chick that I didn’t.”
“Oh, by the way, she said to charge you for her drinks this week,” said the barmaid. “You can handle that, right?”
Garrus let his head drop, slamming his face into his cake. Raven sighed, digging into her saddlebag for her bits.
“Yeah, yeah,” sighed Raven. “Just put it on my tab…”
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That little interaction between Raven and Spike was really adorable.
Spike is so adorable in this.
Also, with how bad Garrus' attempts are going and how annoyed Moon Shine seems to be, I wouldn't be surprised if the next chapter was just Raven declaring bankruptcy.
i yield you get a like and fave
8279351
And Raven Inkwell's heart grew three sizes that day.
8279739
And promptly shrunk another four at the bar that night.
Wait, charging a stranger for your drinks for a week is a really jerk move. Even if they are being annoying about it, saying "give me money and piss off" is school-bull level of jerkiness!
Garrus is lucky he's not with someone like that!
that ending man.
The interaction between Spike and Raven was too frigging cute!
so, I wonder what Candence's assistant is like. Keep going for her Garrus! You'll get her someday.
When are Garrus and Raven going to realize they're perfect for each other?
Don't worry Spike! One day you too will turn to alcohol because of your increasingly crazy boss!
I admit, I was hesitant to keep reading this story, but that bit with Spike really won me over. Still, a Celestia that can't govern her way out of a paper bag leaves an unpleasant taste in my mouth, and the only reason I'm given Raven a pass on not recognizing Pinkie is that they've clearly never met. Raven would have to be bad with a lot more than faces to forget Pinkie Pie.
As for this chapter, the idea of Fillydelphia being the size of Ponyville feels all kinds of wrong. Philadelphia's kind of huge. Also, fun fact, humans don't have taste receptors for spice either. Capsaicin, the spicy chemical in peppers, activates pain receptors.
Nitpicks aside, this is certainly an intriguing story. I look forward to seeing where you go wih it next.
Ooooh. I know how that feels.
Save us from the fanboys.
I get not being attracted to him, but this is just being a bitch.
8282163
I appreciate you giving me a chance. I think that, if you give me some time, I might be able to turn things around in a way that feels more right.
The Fillydeplhia being roughly the size of Ponyville thing comes from Lauren Faust saying that the series was originally going to take place in Fillydelphia, but some Hasbro big-wig had her change it to Ponyville for branding or something. Perhaps that's a flimsy connection, but it didn't come out of nowhere.
Lastly, I think you might've misread the line about the peppers. I didn't say "taste receptors"
That said, I make mistakes like that all the time, so I'm grateful for people bringing up errors that may arise in the story. Thanks for reading!
Someone's a grumpy pants.
That's racist.
Oh, but you did tho.
If she doesn't like Friendly's, how is she gonna get her All-American Burger?
Yeah, I just looked that up
It's Jalapondant, learn the lore.
But you can flyyyyyyyy.
Y-Y'know, if you just m-move your hoof... just a bit. You won't be still anymore...
Fuck that joke.
Can I call you Raven?
A raging alcoholic.
Probably just the Kool-Aid Man.
B-But what about all those times t-that Twilight did th-the saving the day... And Spike was just fuckin' around at Pride Rock or somthin...
Bring
dat ass
HERE, boi.
That's chocolate-racist.
Later that night, a woman was found beaten bloody and robbed. It's been several months, and they haven't found out who she is yet.
In other news, it's sunny for 22 hours a day now, so...
8279869
Obselescence, This Holiday is Going to be Perfect.
Please write more soon! I'm really liking this story!
8291155
Funny you should say that...
I'm afraid to read this chapter.
I'm scared to find out what Garrus wanted from Raven.
She rejected Garrus.
Why the hell does she expect him to pay for her drinks?
Pay for your own s
b
.
...this may be a bit of a nitpick, but didn't Gilda have trouble with spicy lemon drops during Griffon the Brush Off?
8359002
Eh... Yes, that did occur... Let's chalk that up to magic Pinkie Pie candies and call it a day.
Whoops
I wonder why she always pays?
8378853
The reason is, frankly, Gary is broke. I haven't gotten around to properly explaining it yet, but Garrus is part of a Guard Exchange Program, where Equestria, Griffonstone, and the Crystal Empire swap guards for a bit so that they can see what it's like to be a guard in the neighboring kingdoms. The guards are provided with a decent allowance to provide room, board, food, and general living expenses, but not much past that. As such, Gary is often pressed for cash and, more often than not, depends on Raven to get drunk. Raven doesn't mind, because she gets paid far more than she needs to live and, what she really needs more than anything, is a friend to drink with and listen to her bitch, moan, and complain.
So, really, it's a symbiotic relationship.
Okay, seriously, that scene with Spike & Raven? That was AMAZING!! It's really not often we get to see Spike shine like this in a story that doesn't revolve around him. Even more so with the way it melts Raven's cynical little heart <3
I'm agreeing with everyone; The Spike/Raven scene was hilarious and adorable--hilarorable! OH wait.. the word exists already; adorkable!
Keep it coming!
~starts building a Spike/Raven ship~
8414591
A year and a half late, but I wanted to echo off this. Loved the Spike/Raven bit! Really warmed the cockles of my heart, it did.