Twilight senses something troubling and teleports to Canterlot. This leads to a series of events that force her to face feelings that she had tried to hide.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Great job my friend. Can’t wait for more
good group of chapters,
huzza more chapters question you have had Artemis perform oral sex on twi but twi hasn't returned the favor yet any reason
8582993
Just wait
Seven chapters all in one day (yesterday) you're making most the authors on here look bad...including me! i'm just joking with ya & being really overdramatic. the bond between art & twi as foals was so cute and beautiful. these chapters were great & gave a lot info/lore on things like the alicorn amulet (in your head cannon) amazing work, keep it up:)
8583364
Thank you
As for your comment about the info/lore, I was hoping someone would pick up on that.
The 'Dawwwwwwwwwwwwwwww' is strong in this one.... I request Moar
Finally finished with the new chapters, and after reading them and rereading through the rest of the story, I have to note that there's 2 problems with this story. The first is that it feels WAY too fillery. Even with the inclusion of the recording spell, there is too many reexplaining of previous scenes in the story. The second is a lack of any real conflict. I know that this is a slice of life story, so I'm not expecting some big bad evil demon popping up or anything, but so far you've had 3 antagonists brought into the story, and they're all taken down in one or two chapters. This would be fine if this was a 20 chapter story and the first 2 led up to the main antagonist, but in this, we're at almost 50 chapters with the seemingly main antagonist taken down within the first 10 chapters and the remaining 2 were just remnants.
8588644
Thanks, I added the missing word.
As for you using the name Night-Terror, go ahead.
Okay, so I've at last caught up. Its been a good read these 7 chapters and since I like you and your story, I'll go into more detail.
The good..
The Tuna continues to be very cute and I still really like your depictions of them. The additional world building on their past runs nicely parallel to the show with nice additions that almost set the two up as being made for each other even before they properly met. This is in line with MLP and its uses of things like Rainbow's first Sonic Rainboom.
I like this as a slow burner of a slice of life. Even though the minor bad guys have been long since dealt with, I look forward to this slowly moving along till we hit wedding day, then foal time and maybe finish with a touch of something far in the future with Twi and Artemis. So it sits very well here and in terms of the pace, it actually feels like Crashing Angels which was my first fan fic and also a slice of life. So yea, keep up the nice, relaxed pace and I for one will be happy. I like simply getting to immerse myself in the world and whats going on and there's a sort of relaxation that comes with no major conflict, only the more minor ones of everyday life.
The not so good..
Flash back by way of magic. Yes, I get it. It happened, theres stuff in the past that they want to tell ponies about. That's normal. Usually its easy to gloss over such events in standard writing so as to not bog the story down. But this portal is the single big drag on the story for me.
The whole magic portal that shows everypony the user's experience was boss when Twilight used it on the trial. Perfect use. Great reactions. Blew me away. Such a cool ability. But then it got old really quickly when it seemed like suddenly everypony else with any decent magical capabilities could learn and use it too just like that. That got a bit much, especially the show and tell with the parents. Rather than actual conversation and showing each ponies point of view by the way they describe something, most of their nights are flashback after flashback as everypony swaps stories by way of magically showcasing their experience. This chapter I skim read most of the flashbacks, especially from the nighttime dream world unless it's from something long in the past such as the final one here by Midnight Armor (that one I enjoyed reading).
In short, great idea. But its been horrendously overused I think.
However, now you have established this spells use so thoroughly that I think its here to stay. But since its still going to be used a lot, can we tone the description on even a few of the ones that are simply reviwing what we just read a short while ago? The reactoins are cool, but im also sure ponies used to talk more. cause this feels like they watching TV too much
And a final random wondering.
Since Twilight is still holding off on giving Artemis oral, does this mean that when he asks for it that she will want something out of him before she puts that in her mouth? Or is it just not happening yet for no special reason?
I'm sorry I haven't replied to many of the recent comments. I have three potential surgeries coming up so I'm usually in some doctor or other's office, getting poked and prodded for one reason or another. As such, I will attempt to catch up now.
8583364
That was not my intent. I couldn't post, but was still writing. The chapters just kind of built up.
8582161
Hmm. That wasn't my intent at all. I'll have to think about that.
8588369
The re-explaining part is something that I'm trying to find a way around while still making sure everyone knows what's going on. This is my first story, so I'm still learning.
As for the enemies, I DO have a few in the works. One is a return of an old foe while the others are new. The situations are completely different as well, and not all of them are solved not nearly as fast. In fact, I've already started on the next one and have hints placed in previous chapters.
Before you say anything . . . No, you didn't give me this idea. I was already half way through writing another chapter, as well as some research, when I saw your comment.
8589308
The good portion of your comment (the long one)
That's what I'm trying to accomplish. I wanted to show the daily life and not just have it full of enemies. That said, I do have plans for other enemies. (See the response above, if you haven't already read it.) However, they will be incorporated into the story differently.
The bad portion
Your comment about them showing their memories and recounting their day. . . It's not that everyone can do that, just Celestia, Twilight, Artemis, Sundance and Midnight Armor. Still, that's getting a little annoying for me as well. That's why I'm attempting to change things with the flashbacks and conversation. I also plan to only have it done in the Dream Realm from now on. Unfortunately, the next couple of chapters rely heavily on flashbacks, but these are important ones. I couldn't find another way to get the message across because all of them cover events from around fifteen hundred years ago. After that, they won't be used as much.
Thank you for being patient and a couple of new chapters will be up soon!