Twilight senses something troubling and teleports to Canterlot. This leads to a series of events that force her to face feelings that she had tried to hide.
Page generated in 0.02 seconds
Total duration
1,081 users online
207,770 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Dumb Dum DAAAAA and the Hammer or the Hoof is about to fall on Blueblood not only did they hear what Blueblood and his group were saying while they were entering the Throne room but Twilight has seemed to have found Bluebloods Master plan and such a cute scene with Twi and Artemis. that last part was and have a for that cute little scene with Celestia and Twi.
Well, Blueblood is screwed.
triple royal cantlot voice set to go in 3....2....1.....
8170782
could you Pm me the link to that fic that you mentioned I would like to read it.
8171129 https://www.fimfiction.net/story/283899/1/cheaters-never-win/chapter-1
I hope this goes through. If not, the author, The Iron Mask commented on my story. You can use that to get to the story.
Yep. This is definitely good. Keep up the good work.
One thing I picked up though.
The breakfast scene. Its mentioned how long the prince had been without somepony special. He seems to have not had one before right?
So as someone with such a long standing stint of being single, he kisses Twilight right then and there? ...I dunno. Would he even have been sure enough about his rusty kisses to have wanted to make that his fist show of open affection? Or to have just given what may have been his first kiss away like that? No awkward kissing? Come on, one is Twilight, a bookworm and the prince of the night who i doubt interacts with many ponies on a close level. That's two who are highly likely to not be the hottest kissers, especially with 0 practice. I would have gone with a hug and some cuddly cute display, then nuzzled her and told her that she was being silly. That would be enough to shock Twilight quiet. Then he would have asked to court her. I think there is other ways to show that connection and desire to be with her rather than a sudden (first) kiss.
Also, its commonly the guy who's meant to make the first move, so what was Twilight supposed to do. Remember, here Luna really is the guy so wouldnt society have embedded in Twilight's mind that you expect the stallion to ask you? Especially with the more old fashioned of folks. Would Twilight not have factored that in too? Then her mind could have added the reason that because the prince hasn't asked, that hes probably not interested?
Oh also, its Luna right? so where be ye olde Equestrian that he would slip into from time to time like Luna does? Or we leaving that out in this story?
I don't mean to come across as trying to chew your head off for it or anything, but I couldn't help but try and break down what I think might be going on in his head, where hes coming from and also to try and offer something constructive to go alongside all that. Plus, you have me engaged in your story and thus I wanna really let you know what I think about it rather than just going; yea. Its a cool chapter, keep going please.
Because it is a great story thus far and aside from the breakfast scene bugging me a little, I'm really happy with what Ive read so far.
8171801 Thank you for the compliments.
As for your comment about the kiss, notice that I did start with hugging and nuzzling. And I did not say that they were great kisses, the idea is for the feelings to get through. Because neither of them are experienced in relationships, kisses mean more to them.
And Artemis' use of old equestrian? I am choosing not to use that because he has been back for nearly 4 years and has studied a lot. (It's not really used that much, if at all, in the show either after Luna's first couple of appearances) The other reason is that it is simply easier for me to write.
8171918 Celestia hugged Twi yes. Or am i missing something here?
And ok, was just wondering.
8171106 I hadn't thought of that, but I like it!
Is it OK I put that in the next chapter? I have the perfect place for it.
8171922 I meant Twilight hugging and nuzzling Artemis
8171937 I would say go for it!
8171937 up to you
good story