2 - V - The Part Where Things Go Wrong
Part Two: Recollection
Chapter V - The Part Where Things Go Wrong
===<Regina Petram, 982 Celestia’s Reign>===
“All in favor of Queen Unica retracting 8% of her changelings from the Bastian Collective, in order for Queen Miasma to expand her harvester population in Lynxis, signal as such.” The speaker for the session, Queen Myxine’s Royal Matcria, counted the horns that lit up in favor of the proposition. “All against, signal as such.” A few horns lit up, Unica’s included. Matcria counted the totals, then nodded. “Six in favor, five against. Queen Unica will do as discussed within a month of this Summit’s end.”
Unica thumped a hoof against the roundtable and took a deep sigh, causing the Queens beside her, Posidala and Daphne, to glance at her. Miasma chuckled as Unica’s antenna lit, sending the message to her Royals to order the least productive harvesters out of Baltimare.
Matcria looked at the next Queen on the roundtable, and waved a hoof towards her. “Queen Citlali of the Whitetail hive, present any claims or requests to the Summit.”
Citlali stood and spoke in a low, and clear voice. “One of my Royals, Pollux, was killed while following a sleeper to Appleoosa. Normally, I would mourn his death, then crown another Royal to replace him. Normally. But before he passed, he sent back a message saying that a group of changelings were trailing him, and threatening him. I just want to know who did it, and why.”
The room was silent as they all looked between each other, wondering who the assailant could be. Chrysalis raised a hoof. “How are you sure that a changeling was the cause of his death? For all we know, the ponies could have discovered, and slain him. I mean, this isn’t the first time one of your Royals failed in their duties.”
Citlali took a breath. “Amaryllis did not fail. She was among the changelings of Transitalia’s hive when they were destroyed, trading a supply of emorphic gel that Transitalia requested. Pollux was the best infiltrator of my hive, possibly better than myself, odds are another hive had him killed. Who was it?”
Matcria lit her horn and sent a dark blue wave rippling through the Queens. “High Queen Metamorphia commands the Queen responsible for this action to stand, and explain themselves.”
The Queens watched with mixed emotions as Chrysalis gasped, and slowly stood. Her body was stiff, and had a faint sapphire glow surrounding it. “I ordered my changelings to slay Queen Citlali’s Royal.” She grit her teeth, before groaning, and speaking in a strained manner. “He entered my territory… Refused to leave peacefully… He— he died with little effort.”
The spell on Chrysalis released itself, causing her to collapse to the floor. The Queen slowly stood back up, using the table as a support. She began laughing. “It was like stomping on an ant! He was a pathetic changeling, just like his mother! Your hive is disgusting: weak, sloppy, unable to harvest properly. It’s no wonder your ancestors lived short lives.”
Citlali stood, slammed a hoof into Chrysalis’ muzzle, and dove at her with a charged horn. Matcria lit her horn in response, and froze the two Queens. “That is enough! I will not tolerate a petty fight in this room. If you cannot be bothered to say something relevant to the Summit, Chrysalis, then hold your tongue and be silent! Because of your outburst, I would say that you have had plenty of time to speak today, so we will move onwards to Queen Phosphora of the Palomino Hive.”
Matcria moved the two Queens back into their seats, and placed a shield between them. The Queens still stared at each other through the barrier, hardly listening to Queen Phosphora as she requested help dealing with a sandworm. Chrysalis ran a hoof across her muzzle, spreading teal ichor away from a crack in her chitin. She gave Citlali a toothy grin, before turning towards the center of the table.
Citlali walked through the burning Autumn light of the Whitetail Woods, after the week's travel from the Summit. While she chided herself for her embarrassing actions, she did not repent. Her kick was justified, though she should have gone for the throat, not the muzzle. Killing Chrysalis would have… no. The Badlands Hive killed Queens, not the Whitetail Hive. Besides, Chrysalis still had a Royal. Killing Chrysalis would do nothing but inconvenience her hive.
Citlali felt something itch in the back of her head, causing her to pause. Something had brushed against her mind, albeit briefly. It was gone as suddenly as it had come. The Queen looked around, then ebbed into her egregore. “Estelle, when was the last time you contacted myself or another Royal from our hive? Forgive the odd question, but I’m just feeling a little… paranoid at the moment. Humor me.”
Estelle touched Citlali’s mind, and began to speak. “Pollux contacted me a few hours ago, asked me to access the files on all sleeper drones in the field. Why, is something wrong?
Citlali cursed, dove into a summoned portal, and emerged next to Estelle, who jumped in surprise at the noise. She turned her milky-white and lavender eyes towards Citlali’s general direction, and stared at the air. Citlali spoke quickly but steadily. “Whatever contacted you wasn’t Pollux, because I lost his connection when I was traveling to the summit. Chrysalis admitted to killing her, but she might have kept the body.”
Estelle blinked and frowned. “Pollux is dead? But… it was his mind that I felt, I’m sure of it. I still feel it there.”
Citlali reached into her egregore again, and felt Pollux’s mind touch hers. She pulled out immediately, and gagged. “A puppet. Chrysalis is using him as a puppet. What exact information did you give to Pollux when he asked? I need to know, Chrysalis might use that information to—”
Citlali gasped, and fell to the floor as a massive wave of psychic messages roared through the egregore. A drop of ichor fell onto Citlali’s hoof, which she used to feel her antenna. One of the glowing orbs had burst from the strain. Estelle had fared no better. Ichor dripped from her antenna, and from her muzzle. They both took heavy breaths, and slowly felt the egregore.
A large mass of the minds within were gone, all snuffed out in an instant. Citlali guessed they were in Canterlot, judging by the distance and direction. “Estelle, get the soldiers, guard all entrances to the Hive! I know Chrysalis’ tactics: she never sends her army in first. It’s like that game the ponies are so fond of, chess. She takes out the pawns, then she goes for the Queen.”
Estelle bowed to Citlali, then bounded down a hall lit by yellow light, emitting a series of high-pitch squeaks as she did so. Citlali’s headache and cries worsened as another round of sleepers were destroyed, all the way in Applewood. She moaned from her physical and emotional pain, but sent a message to her remaining drones in Ponyville. “If you can hear this, sever yourself from the egregore immediately, and return to the Hive! If you are pony, and you are hearing this…” She paused, not quite sure what to say. “I’m sorry.”
She felt a wave of changelings leave her egregore, then felt a wave pass away.
Citlali stood in shock as she felt the last remnants of her connections to the outside fade. She stepped backwards, shaking her head. “I’m sorry.” A few tears fell from her eyes. “I’m sorry.” Citlali fell into the wall behind her, and slid to the floor, shaking her head slowly.
Whitetail’s ties to the outside world were gone. They had no harvesters, no sleepers, no way to contact the other Queens. Chrysalis had boxed them in in only a few minutes.
No. A spark ignited within Citlali, burning up her grief, her pain, and her fear, creating an inferno of fury. She pushed herself off the ground, and made her way towards the Atrium, giving instructions to her hive on the way.
Whitetail Hive would not fall, not while she was it’s Queen.
===<Hours Later>===
Citlali watched as the ceiling above her fell to the floor, revealing a teal drone firing magic into a lavender drone. With a flick of her horn, the teal drone’s neck chitin shattered, and ichor sprayed into the air. She looked over her drone, and found no thoughts coming from it.
Citlali took the two drones’ energy, and continued on. Chrysalis had begun to storm Whitetail, and was located in the emorphic gel reserves.
Citlali’s right foreleg was shattered, exposing the sensitive flesh underneath, her left wing was missing, due to a drone hooking onto it as he was flung away, and her breath was slow and unsteady.
The most that the Whitetail Queen could do was make simple fire portals to the nearest rooms, and shamble towards her target. Nothing else was important. Architecture could be reconstructed, food could be recreated, but lives were finite. So long as Chrysalis lived, others would die.
Citlali stepped into the reserves, leaning against a doorway. In the midst of burning gel and shattered bodies stood Chrysalis, slowly crushing a changeling’s neck underfoot. As Citlali shouted at Chrysalis, the Teal Queen pushed a little harder and killed the drone.
“What have we learned today, Citlali?” Chrysalis turned towards the broken Queen shambling towards her.
“I will kill you!” Citlali spat as she fell to the ground, immediately pushing herself back up.
“No. We have learned to keep your filth away from my children. Hopefully this will be a lesson to the other Queens, a reminder of where their loyalties should rest.” Chrysalis’ horn lit up, carrying Citlali into the air. “I have waited a long time for your line to be broken. I just needed a spark to prove to the others that you aren’t worth anything. Goodbye, Citlali.”
Citlali screamed as Chrysalis pulled her antenna from her head, threw her through a wall, and stomped on her chest. She sputtered for a moment, struggling as Chrysalis took her emotions away. Cold settled in as Citlali leaned her head back and fell still.
An hour later, her eyes shot open once more. Citlali gasped in pain, coughed up ichor, and slowly stood. She felt something fall off of her, so she looked to her side. The small body of Estelle lay on the floor, still and lifeless. As Citlali inspected her royal’s body, she was perplexed. There were no fatal wounds, or any sign of violent death. Citlali felt the emotions in herself, and realized that her last Royal died to save her.
Citlali wanted to be angry at Estelle for saving her Queen when she could have escaped and ascended on her own. But she couldn’t be angry. She instead took her child’s head, kissed it, and whispered a prayer to the All-Mother to keep her dear daughter safe. When she pulled away, there were two wet spots in Estelle’s mane.
A loud rumbling sound caused Citlali to stand and inspect her surroundings. The hive was collapsing. Great chunks of the ceiling were falling down, crushing bodies, gel, furniture, and more. With a cry, Citlali began running as fast as her somewhat-healed body could take her towards the nursery.
The Queen arrived just in time to stop the ceiling from collapsing. She screamed out as her magic reserves waned, and failed, dropping the outer edges of the ceiling on eggs and nymphs. With a pained but determined cry, she picked up as many eggs and nymphs as she could hold, held them outside the room, and lost the battle with the ceiling. Crunches were heard as cries were silenced.
Citlali took the eight eggs and five nymphs and ran to the closest exit. She was struck multiple times by falling debris, but her magic kept her children safe. She tripped on many bodies, but her children never touched the floor. It wasn’t until she emerged into the night air, weak and distraught, that she laid them on the grass.
Fourteen. Fourteen changelings were all that were left of her hive. Citlali pulled her children close, turned her head to the sky, and screamed. She screamed the agony and anger of a bereaved mother until her voice gave out.
===<Canterlot Castle, 2 Princesses’ Reign>===
They all sat in silence as Citlali shook with silent tears. Spike’s head was bowed and his eyes shut. Fluttershy was crying alongside Rarity, Pinkie’s mane was flat, Applejack held her hat to her chest, Rainbow hand landed and begun staring at the floor. Vahan stared at Citlali in pity and Satomi was shaking her head.
Citlali took a breath and calmed herself. “I believe Citlali died that day. I haven’t been the same since. When I chose my new life as Twilight Sparkle, I truly was born again as a new pony. That, of course, leads us to the next part of my--” She paused and held up a hoof.
A very faint groan was heard in the room, coming from the two changeling guards. Citlali walked over to them, nudged them both with a hoof, and watched as they slowly came to. One of them, a unicorn, looked up at Citlali with a wide smile. “Hello, sweetie. I don’t think we’ve ever met before. I speak for Queen Aphrodasia of the Canterlot Hive. She is very frustrated with you, Citlali, for siding with ponies.”
The other changeling stood, a pegasus this time. “Our Queen thinks you’ve gone soft. That you care for the ones that murdered your closest friend, your ancestors, and doomed your hive to this lowly state.”
The unicorn stood in front of a window, the setting sun just behind him. “But that isn’t what is happening, right? Queen Aphrodasia wants you to confirm who’s side you are on. I would hope to see you with me.”
The two spoke at once. “Think about it.” They dropped their disguises in a flash of pink fire and leapt backwards, through the window. Citlali cursed and looked over the edge. They were already gone, disguised as some small creature on the side of the mountain.
Citlali sighed and stepped back from the window. She was breathing heavily. Vahan was the first to speak. “Twi-- Cit-- Twilight? Who was that, what did they mean?”
“Canterlot Hive. Dangerous, clever, connected, and manipulative. They decided to carve their hive into the Canterhorn, only a year after Canterlot Palace was finished. If that doesn’t tell you anything, I’m not sure what will. This new Queen, Aphrodasia, wants me to reject pony kind like Chrysalis has. Attack them for what they’ve done.”
Citlali turned to face the others. “But I’ve learned that ponies are just as caring as... some changelings. We shouldn’t fight over a few misunderstandings, as costly as they may have been. It is Chrysalis’ fault my hive fell, nopony else.”
The others nodded in agreement. Pinkie gasped. “Oh my gosh, you know what this means? Every one of us gets to have a ‘species reveal party!’ I’ve never thrown a species reveal party, I don’t know what kind of games you would bring. Pin the antenna on the Queen?” She put a hoof to her chin in thought.
Citlali seemed to consider the question for a moment, then addressed the group again. “While I would love to continue my story, I don’t think that we’re quite safe here anymore. When it comes to changelings, the walls may very well have eyes and ears. Spike, take the girls and Satomi, and return to Nepthysis. Vahan, I need to speak my soon-to-be daughter-in-law, and I want you in the room when I do.”
Spike saluted, shifted into his dragon disguise, and began leading his group away, talking to them as they walked. Vahan made the connection, then nodded. “What am I going to say to her? What are we going to say to... everypony? I mean, the security issues this brings up are... astronomical. Who’s to say that this... Chrysalis won’t return and replace more than just Cadence?”
Citlali nodded. “I’ve already had an extensive talk with Cadence on this subject, back when I was in the caves. She, for the most part, was fine with me being... me. Don’t worry about yourself: Cadence loves you greatly. That love was able to power a healing spell that saved my life.”
Vahan nodded as Citlali moved towards the doors, shifting into a new pony. She had the blue and purple mane of Twilight Sparkle, but with a chitin-colored coat, darker purple eyes, and a longer horn. Her cutie mark was Twilight’s starburst, but without the white sparkles, and a more symmetrical design.
When she caught Vahan eyeing the mark, she shrugged. “It always bothered my that my cutie mark was asymetrical. Now that I can be myself again, I fixed it.”
“Even as a changeling Queen, you’re still the Twilight Sparkle I know.” Vahan chuckled. “At least some things are still the same.” Citlali pulled the doors open, but Vahan stayed back. “I... uh. I’m not sure how to change.”
Citlali quickly gave him a lesson on shifting, then walked through the doors. ‘Cavern Star’ and Shining Armor left the room and began making their way to the Princesses.
===<Spike, Satomi, the Bearers>===
“While I would love to continue my story, I don’t think that we’re quite safe here anymore. When it comes to changelings, the walls may very well have eyes and ears. Spike, take the girls and Satomi, and return to Nepthysis. Vahan, I need to speak my soon-to-be daughter-in-law, and I want you in the room when I do.”
Spike saluted his Queen, shifted into his dragon self, and motioned for his group to follow. Satomi shifted into a generic guard once more. “You guys are going to love Nepthysis and her hive. Especially you, Rarity. It’s built in a place that allows water to flow down the center, into a pool below. The floors are made of mosaics, and it all glows a silvery blue when the sun sets.”
Rarity gave a small smile. “Sounds lovely. I must ask, however, why can’t we accompany Twi... Citlali and Vahan? I do believe we are going to have to talk to the Princesses sooner than later, now seems as good a time as any.”
Spike sighed. “Celestia and Luna really don’t like our hive’s methods. I don’t exactly appreciate them either. If she found out that not just one, not two, but eight members of the Whitetail Hive have been sleeping right under her muzzle, she would be furious.”
Applejack looked at Spike as they turned into a long hall. “What does that mean, sleepin’?”
“A sleeper drone is a changeling that doesn’t know it’s a changeling. This way, it can collect emotional energy without ever failing in its disguise, because it is its disguise. Every so often, harvester changelings go by to collect the excess energy from the sleepers, which only makes them tired for a short while. It allows for a perfect disguise, with full harvesting efficiency.”
Applejack nodded.”It allows a changeling to be honest, while still helpin’ the hive. Why would Princess Celestia be ‘furious’, though? Isn’t that better than a changeling posin’ as somepony they aren’t?”
Spike shook his head. “Not in their eyes. As you probably know, discovering that you aren’t a pony can be traumatic. Just before Luna was banished, a sleeper’s disguise dropped. He panicked and reached the Princesses before we could calm him down. Because of this, Celestia and Luna conducted a thorough investigation of the nearby cities.
“When they discovered more sleepers, they came to the conclusion that ponies were turning into changelings. This caused them to attempt to search for the hive, in order to stop them from converting the entire population. However, the Queen of Whitetail at the time, Aysune, saw this as a declaration of war.
“She took control of Celestia’s student and Luna’s lover, a sleeper named Chemical Catalyst, and tried to assassinate the younger sister. They were forced to kill Catalyst. Once they found the location of the hive, or so they thought, they attacked. They killed thousands of changelings, including Queen Aysune, and gave the other sleepers time with therapists."
Spike shrugged. “A royal named Elowen was crowned the new Queen, and the hive began rebuilding itself. A couple hundred years later, Citlali is born. A few more hundered years later, Elowen dies from sickness, and passes the crown to Citlali. Ever since that war, Whitetail hive has stopped depending on sleepers.” He glanced at the group. “Until recently, of course.”
They were quiet as they followed Spike. They finally reached the outer doors of the Palace and walked into the lamp-lit streets of Canterlot. Spike looked around the city. “Alright. Rainbow Dash, fly as fast as you can to Neighagra Falls, there’s a friendly hive there. Stand on top of the observation platform, and imagine yourself as a changeling.” Spike tapped into the egregore. ”I’ll talk to you then.”
Rainbow stiffened, glanced around at the others, then nodded with a salute. “Can do. Time to see what Twilight’s bug friends are like!” She leapt into the air and bolted to the north-east.
“The rest of you, follow me. A changeling has clearly been trying to talk to me ever since I returned to get you guys, and I want to meet them. After that, we’ll go to Neighagra ourselves and sleep for the night. I’m sorry this has been so crazy, I wanted to have a much calmer conversation between you, the sisters, and Citlali about this. If not for Chrysalis’ attack, Celestia might have been willing to hear us out.”
The other members of the group nodded, clearly worn out from the chaos of the past two days.
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Good update.
aw backround now this is a good story
A much better plot. It just felt wrong with the changeling eggs and stuff.
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.
8333128 *wink*
...okay, I want to make sure I got all of this. If I'm getting this right, Celestia and Luna misunderstood what the sleeper agents were and Twilight's grandmother declared war because of this? I mean, that is what happened right? And this new queen that rules over Canterlot, (Which sounds crazy, I mean, didn't Celestia and Luna murder an entire hive that was in Canterlot?!) hates Twilight because she's changed her ways compared to the past queens who died because of their ways...did I get that right?
Sorry, this was a bit tough to follow. Though I will admit, this is interesting...at least, if I'm reading this right.
8333180 Yeah. The sisters started hunting down the WT hive, which attacked them in return.
Aphrodasia doesn't rule canterlot, really. Her hive is just so damn good at keeping hidden that the sisters have never caught them, even when Trasitalia's give became an issue.
The Canterlot isn't really a hive anymore, anyways. They have a series of night clubs that they operate from.
None of the hives that the sisters attacked were just in canterlot. They found agents all over the country.
Aphrodasia is against ponies, and thinks that they should be nothing more than energy pumps. Because most of Whitetails problems can be blamed on ponies, Aphrodasia doesn't understand why Citlali didn't help Chrysalis in her plans.
8333193
Okay...I don't remember you mentioning night clubs. Eh, makes sense though. I think I'm a little less confused, though the story is growing on me now.
Though, why would Aphrodasia think that Twilight would help Chrysalis?! This whole flashback showed Chrysalis would kill Twilight in a second if she knew she was alive. That doesn't make sense.
8333207 I mentioned a club in passing back in Conflicting Interests. I haven't explained them in the story, and I probably won't for a while.
Nobody is entirely sure what happened between Chrysalis and Citlali. They know that Chrys killed Pollux, and Whitetail collapsed. Some believe that Chrys was involved, bit there is no proof. Aphrodasia thought that Citlali could put her past skirmishes with changelings aside to fight the ones that killed her friend, grandmother, and have a spell specifically designed for changeling genocide.
All the conflict in this story comes from huge misunderstandings. :P
8333222
Oh...okay. Too bad that all problems could be solved here if everyone just stopped for one second and talked stuff out. Oh well, time to watch things get worse and worse.
so it all a big misunderstnad between whitetale and the princess in past yea ok, twilight come as clean as you can, speak to them as both follow ruler and as student-teacher you two are......
You're back! I may or may not have to reread the last chapter...
I lied. I only reread the least 3 paragraphs.
_________
Is Matcria a name or a title?
Just hopping out a nearby window? I know the Twilight in this story is probably one of the dumbest I've seen but that just seems... lazy.
8334207 What do you mean?
8334215
She had them incapacitated and could use that entire time to think about how she is going to keep them from escaping and she never once thought. "Hey I put them right next to an open window and they can fly maybe I should make sure they cant just hop out the window."
I know in your world Twilight is dumb as shit but that seems to be just.... exceptionally stupid. Like out of all the stories that feature Twilight Sparkle as a character this is probably the dumbest itteration of her. She charges in and gets destroyed by Chryslis twice without learning her lesson, she doesnt bring an ace in the hole or try and run away and both times she just yells "IMMA KILL YOU!". I am honestly not sure if you are trying to say that this Twilight has a learning disability or is mentally handicapped or both.
8334868 Citlali isn't dumb, neither is Twilight. Chrysalis used her son to kill the majority of her children, then broke into her home, killed everyone inside, and collapsed it. The second time she meets Chrysalis, her great friend, soon-to-be sister was kidnapped, injured for all Citlali knew, and Chrysalis was using her image to get close to her brother, threaten her country, and Chrysalis had the nerve to laugh about the whole thing.
Citlali isn't stupid, she's blind with rage. When she sees Chrysalis, all she wants to do is kill her.
As for letting the two changelings get away, she was too busy talking to her hive to focus on the others. When she realized that Canterlot Hive was speaking, she listened, and let her guard down. (And no, that's not the greatest excuse. Nobody is perfect, however, including bug queens.)
And the window wasn't open, the changelings just jumped through anyways.\
But I get it. You don't like Twilight, and nothing is going to change that. Like me and Rarity.
I really don't like Rarity.
8335050
Oh I Love Twilight she is my favorite character you just write her as an incompetent emotion driven failure though that bothers me immensely. If you wanted the changelings to escape because you fear the difficulty in writing them as captives you could at least let them narrowly escape so you dont paint Twilight as a moron.
Like this shitty example.
"The changelings smirked and dove for the window, laughing at the Queen's foolishness for not even so much as tying their hooves together or blocking the window. Only to impact with a magical shield, stopping them dead in their tracks. From on the hospital bed Twilight smirked. "Didnt think it would be that easy would you?"
"Good to see your not a complete moron, Chinin, do it." The other changeling nodded and began to funnel a massive amount of power into his horn while his fellow threw up a shield between them and the other six individuals in the room.
Twilight's muzzle scrunched up in thought, what could they be doing? As the power built Twilight's shot open in realization. "No, dont! You'll die!"
The glowing changeling merely smirked. "For the queen!" With one last scream of devotion he threw himself at the sheild and exploded. Tearing apart the shield and the window behind it and allowing his still live brother to escape. Flying out of the wall and escaping into one of the multitude of possible escape routes.
Also for the seeing red part and her being too driven to killl her that just doesnt make sense. Yeah anger yeah she did alot of fucked up shit but at her core Twilight is supposed to be an intelegent pony and yet she continually gets swept up in emotion to the point that her getting so angery she is unable to think at all and starts fight after unwinable fight, knowing full well shes about to die seems more like a convinient plot device then a real explanation. Done that way so you dont have to write a well fought and detailed fight scene that could paint Twilight out as anything more then a bumbling fool who doesnt so much as lay a scratch on Chrys both times.
8335636 Even in the show, Twilight hasn't had the greatest history in using magic at the right time. There are plenty of events where things could be solved with a simple teleport, grab, or whatever.
But... I do appreciate the criticism. I will attempt to have Citlali make better decisions. She had certainly learned her lesson with Chrysalis: she won't make the same mistake three times.
8335772
In the show you have to remember its for kids so there they only have so many minutes and they need Twilight to be in the picture so they cant spend 15 minutes explaining why Twilight didnt throw magic at the problem.
You on the other hand can and have absolutely no excuse to just say "well shoot she just plum forgot that changelings can change despite her always being a changeling" Or "She just dun gone and got herself so mad she didnt think and its definetly not my own poor writing."
and finally I cant believe you said that in all seriousness "Well at least she wont make that mistake a third time" like for no fucking reason Chryslis let her live the first time when she was shown as a meticiuos and brutal killer. (Which you could have remedied by her saying somethign along the lines of I cant wait to sit and watch as you are figuratively and litterly crushed under the mountain of your own failures) Then the second time she played the same cliche kindergarten tier villian that has no problems killing everyone that gets in her way save the main character because plot armor. I dont think anyone would let you get away with such frankly weak writing a third time anyway.
Either way its good to know that Twilight has cured herself of her learning disability shes had these past 20ish years and hopefully will move beyond the bumbling, useless character she's been your entire story.
8336813 Crysalis didn't let her live. Est--
Ah, hell why am I even explaining this anymore.
I write for myself, because it makes me feel better. If people can enjoy it alongside me? Cool. But I'm still gonna write how I want, when I want, what I want, and no amount of bitching over a My Little Pony fanfiction is gonna change that.
Face it, this is a stupid argument, and a stupid fandom. (All fandoms are stupid, but that's why I like them.)
Like, don't mean to blow your mind here, but... mmmmmm*smack*
I'm not perfect.
Whoa, I know, right? I, as a human being, am not perfect. My writing is not perfect, my actions are not perfect, I am not perfect. Here's 20 bucks, go get your blown mind patched up. I'm gonna go eat some graham crackers, since they are the stuff, and be done with this thread. Say your goodbyes, and let it go.
8336992
That's totally fair.
I suppose I was just a little disappointed as this wasn't the cliche twilight always was a channeling type of story and had such great potential but to see it mirred in issues is unfortunate. But that spark of a great story is still there and I look forward to see what you do going forward.
8337201 I understand. Thanks for finishing this in a civil manner, and I hope I can get better as I go.
Hmm. Puzzle's coming together a little now. Only real comment I have to make is that the Mane 6 (excepting Pinkie) are still coming across as too calm and collected about discovering they aren't ponies like they thought. I mean, I can understand them not flying off the handle per se, but I think there should still be plenty of apprehension at the very idea and confusion trying to understand just who and what they are. They've basically been thrown into a serious identity crisis without warning...and thus far seem totally hunky-dory about it, when they really ought to be going "what the hay is going on here?"
I know you know what I mean, because you've already done it with Shining. Now it's time to do something similar with the rest. Past time, in fact.
8337917 I agree. I have a moment planned where it really sinks in. It would not do for Rarity, who freaks out over a missing ribbon, to be calm about being an icky bug.
Plus, they haven't seen themselves as anything but ponies, or recalled ever consciously feeling emotions, so I think they're still in denial. (Kubler-Ross model anyone?)
8395432 Almost. Working on the last scene, so keep an eye out!
And then she met AJ's parents Bright Mac and Buttercup who took them in and nursed her back to health. At least that's my idea. Not every single pony has that idea that changelings are absolutely evil right? Whitetail Woods isn't far from Ponyville (at least as I understand it) so it's plausible that the couple could run into the distraught Queen while on an evening stroll and took her in.
When she was all healed up, Citlali would've then started hiding her remaining children including giving one (or more) of her nymphs to the couple that helped her. Remember there are still a few hidden changelings unaccounted for here. I'm wondering who the others are and hope you update soon.
It was kind of a depressing chapter, but that was unavoidable, given the tragedy of her past. It just makes me wonder how the other Queen's stand to such an genocide. Do some of them agree, seeing Whitetail as a weak hive? Or are most of them against such a truly abhorrent crime? I hope there will be answers to this in the future chapters, since it is bugging me a bit.
8612617 Your questions will be answered, but not as soon as you might think. We won't meet the other Queens en masse for a whole.
By turning their entire life, all they thought true, into a lie.
I'm shocked Applejack isn't, well, shocked.
8714564 Because the pony's life wasn't a lie, as it was lived as a pony. If Celestia had been a bit more forgiving, she could have allowed changelings to live as themselves, without disguises.
The changelings that take on fake disguises would be lying as a pony and as a changeling.
8714679
Seems to me whichever way you turn things, it's a lie one way or another. Which is tragic in a personal way. I haven't read beyond chapter nine, but I would expect Applejack to be somewhat displeased with "Twilight" over this once it sinks in her friend lied to her about who she was, who Spike was, who Applejack herself was, that they're family, and so on, and so forth.
I'm not sure if I remember or really understood their age system yet. I mean with how you described the past scenes happening.
However I liked the rest even if I'm not exactly sure yet how I like the whole uuhhmmm well how your hives work and stuff. Like I said I thought that some reactions where very weak, otherwise it is kind of interessting.