2 - IV - Conflicting Interests
Part Two: Recollection
Chapter IV - Conflicting Interests
Spike whistled and spun around as he took in the whole of the Neighagra Hive. He watched as the clear water of the mountain fell sideways towards the pool, far to his right. Various changelings flew up and down, to and fro as they carried out their tasks assigned to them. He was slightly aware of another changeling walking up beside him on the wall, but his focus remained on the hive’s decorations.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Spike nodded silently. “Mother told me what you’ve been through. I think we may have set a high bar in terms of hive standards, though she also said that your hive wasn’t so bad back in the day, either.” Spike looked over and saw two slitted eyes meet his. The Royal smiled and held out a hoof, which Spike bumped. “Nileaisa, but most call me Nile.”
Nile’s mane was short, slightly wavy, and turned a pale blue at the ends. It slightly covered one of her eyes, which didn’t blink as she stared at Spike. Her tail was long, thin, and wagged playfully side to side. Her horn resembled her mother’s own, albeit shorter. The Royal’s grin widened, showing off a few sharp teeth. “So, you gonna stare at the scenery all day, or are you gonna say somethin’?”
Spike nodded and chuckled. “Sorry. It’s just a lot to take in. Before yesterday, the only changelings I’d ever seen were Citlali and myself. Now I’m here, in an entire hive, watching changelings go about their business, and talking to another Royal. Yesterday, I was Spike the Dragon, assistant to Twilight Sparkle, the Element of Magic. Now I’m Spike, Royal to Queen Citlali of the Whitetail Hive.”
Nile chuckled, pushed from the wall, and hovered in the air while motioning for Spike to follow. “Life changes. That’s the blessin’ and curse of our kind. Nothin’ ever stays the same. Identities shift, Queens pass, and we Royals have to stand by, watching it happ’n. It isn’t all bad, don’t get me wrong. I’m sure you’ve made tons of friends over your lifetime, right? Any time you want, you can make a new you, and get to know even more people.”
They flew upwards and stood before a door at the very top floor of the hive. Spike could see ponies moving on top of the Falls through the skylight above, and could feel their emotions being harvested by their tour guides. “Tons of them. Most of them probably hate me now, just because of who I am. Unless I start all over again.”
“My mother had a scout that got discovered, right after the Rambling Rock was destroyed. The pony that found him threw a fit, and knocked the scout out, but didn’t turn him in. Instead, they sat down, and had a pleasant chat on what ‘lings were really like. Now, that same pony comes here every month or so, just to talk to the drones here, since mother allowed that scout to bring ‘im to the hive.” Nile pushed on the door and it slid upwards.
“The point I’m tryin’a make here is that ponies forgive. It’s their shtick. I mean, look at Princess Luna! Only a year ago, she was tryin’a freeze one half of the world, and burn the other! Now, she’s one of the head figures of the Equestrian government. Bein’ a changeling doesn’t stop you from talkin’ to them. Stayin’ here does.” They both donned their public disguises and stepped outside.
It was gorgeous. The whole of the Equestrian horizon could be seen, from the tall, jagged mountains of the Frozen North, to the proud spire of the Canterhorn. The air was slightly moist from the spray of the Falls, and the shuffling and excited murmuring of the crowd above almost matched the roar of Neighagra. Because of the mist in the air, Spike could see a rainbow coloring the sky above.
“Wow. I can see how this view’d be profitable.” He looked around some more, then glanced back at Nile, who was disguised as a pegasus with a sea foam green coat, a vivid blue and sand-striped mane, and amber eyes. Her cutie mark was a river delta. “Thanks, Nile, for the talk. I needed that. As soon as I find my way back to my friends, I’ll get Citlali and talk to them.”
At that moment, Spike blinked as Citlali began speaking to him through the egregore. “I need you to go to Canterlot to send a message in person. Tell the Bearers that we’re safe and in the care of a friendly Queen. Tell them that Shining is steadily healing and will be healthy in a day or two. Use your dragon disguise, hopefully guards will recognize you as the assistant to the Princess’ student, not a changeling. And, if you see her, bring Satomi back, she’s part of our hive. Send a flare if anything goes wrong, and I’ll make my way there immediately.” A decent supply of energy was sent to him as well, causing him to smile at the wanted warmth.
He nodded and sent back an affirmative. “Nile, good news. Citlali just asked me to head to Canterlot to talk to my friends about this whole mess. One of our hive members is… sleeping there as well, so she wants me to wake her up. Hopefully the guards there don’t know about me being… me, and Spike the Dragon can go meet his friends without incident. Maybe I can check out the full view from the Falls later, Nile.” Spike waved a claw to Nile and stepped back inside.
The light blue Royal watched him go, then shook her head. “How in Equestria did a Whitetail Queen make a Royal that good?”
———<Canterlot Streets>———
A dark figure wove between the twisting streets and alleyways of Canterlot, keeping an ample distance between herself, and the figure ahead of her. The latter figure was trying not to be seen, or followed. They took random paths through the streets and mixed in with the drab grey and brown of the cobblestone street, and old wooden homes.
He eventually stopped at a large stone wall, which led upwards to the side of the Canterhorn itself. With a flash of lavender fire, he became a grey lizard that quickly latched to the wall, and began crawling towards the richer half of Canterlot. The figure watching stepped backwards and became enveloped in an iridescent flame, revealing a tall and calm changeling Queen.
Amortentia watched the Whitetail changeling climb up the wall, then smirked. “Aphrodasia. What brings you to this less-than-reputable alleyway? I hope you aren’t harvesting here, it’s dirty enough without your presence.” Amortentia turned and watched as another Queen dropped from underneath the roof of a home, then slowly walked towards her.
Queen Aphrodasia had a long, curly, and above all, hot pink mane that dragged across the ground without picking up a single speck of dirt. Her horn was straight, blunt, and smooth, with obvious signs of file work marring it’s surface. Her wings had small, heart shaped holes in the ends. She passed by Amortentia, brushing her fluffy tail against the pearl Queen’s cheek as she passed. She grinned, showing off a series of slightly-blunt teeth that wouldn’t do any more than pinch.
Amortentia looked down at Aphrodasia, and pulled the pink Queen’s tail away from her face with magic, while humming warningly. Aphrodasia simply laughed and rested her head against her elder Queen’s side. “Oh, that’s no way to greet a friend. I was just making sure you were okay, trailing that Royal. It’d be a shame if this perfect chitin ever got scratched by a guard’s spear, or… a bite from another changeling.” She opened her mouth and moved to nibble on Amortentia’s neck.
Amortentia stopped the advancing mouth by placing a hoof on Aphrodasia’s horn, and pushing backwards. “Never again, Aphrodasia. Please tell me, why are you really here? Shouldn’t you be back at your brothel, helping ponies calm down from that stunt Chrysalis pulled?”
Aphrodasia clicked her tongue and shook her head. “Brothel? Oh, no, you’ve got it wrong. I don’t just sell sex to any horny pony who walks through my doors, I also sell advice. Conversation. Which means… me and my children pick up a lot of rumors. Like, for example, did you know that the pony that saved Luna from her darker self was Queen Citlali?” Amortentia’s brow raised, causing Aphrodasia to chuckle. “I know. That silly darling has been alive this whole time, living as a pony in Canterlot. If it hadn’t been for Chrysalis, she may have never returned to being herself.”
The Queen of Lust flicked her forked tongue out, tickling the inside of Amortentia’s ear. “I’d say she’s gone soft. Cares for the ponies now. Even though they almost killed her hive, and obliterated the one that would have been able to defend against Chrysalis and her betrayal. I wonder who’d she defend first? Changelings, or ponies?” Aphrodasia clamped her teeth onto Amortentia’s ear, causing a small hum from the older Queen.
“I know how you play, Aphrodasia. You worm your way into any ear that listens to you, then twist their mind, and heart. I don’t believe that trick is going to work on me again. Citlali has returned to our kind, she is currently with Nepthysis in Neighagra Falls. She sent her Royal here, and I want to know why. Now please pardon me while I try to do something worthwhile, an activity that you have had no experience with.” Amortentia shifted into a large, iridescent beetle, and began flying towards the castle.
Aphrodasia watched her go while wagging her tail. “Is that so, lovely?” She dipped into her egregore, and spoke a message to a coup of her drones. “The tracker is on Amortentia. Follow her and find out what Citlali’s Royal is doing.” She tilted her head and turned to leave. “I’ll need to tell Citlali that her hive is not welcome in Canterlot as long as she is a Queen, and not a pony. The Whitetail hive brings nothing but destruction in it’s wake.”
———<Canterlot Castle>———
“State your true name and occupation, and your disguise’s name and occupation.” Major Barking Gums shuffled some papers in his magical grip, occasionally glancing at the lavender changeling before him.
The changeling leaned forwards, but was halted by her bindings. “Moondancer, student at the Magical Academy of Research and Engineering!”
“I said your true information, before your disguise’s information. We have a lot of your kind to process, so please work with us.”
Faintly-purple tears dripped from the changeling’s eyes. “I am Moondancer! I've lived in Canterlot First orphanage for my whole life! Look me up, I’m not a changeling!”
The Major pointed at ‘Moondancer’. “The chitin and wings say different. We’ll look Moondancer up, but for now, we need to know who you, as a changeling, are! Now speak and spare us both of—“
“Major Barking Gums, that’s enough.” The Major and changeling looked over to see Captain Shining Armor standing in the doorway. “I would like to speak to this changeling, alone.”
The Major stepped back, then saluted his superior. “C-Captain Shining Armor!? I thought you were in the medical wing, when did you get released?”
“A few hours ago. Now, please leave us.” Shining Armor stepped to the side, freeing the doorway.
Barking Gums blinked, then looked between the Captain and the changeling. “With all due respect, Captain, how do I know it’s you?”
“I had you and your wife over for dinner six months ago, with Princess Cadence. This changeling claims to be one of the foal hood friends of my sister, so I want to speak to her personally. Please leave.”
The Major nodded, obviously content with the answer, and stood. He silently left, then closed the door. A few seconds after he left, Shining Armor walked over to the crystal recording the conversation, and crushed it with his hoof.
“Now, Miss Moondancer, let’s talk.” Shining Armor erupted into magenta flames, revealing a changeling underneath. He was taller than the average changeling, but had a leaner build. His lavender eyes had a visible, slit pupil instead of the white highlight of the standard changeling.
Moondancer leaned back and shook her head in confusion. “What… but… who are you, what do you want? Why am I like this?” She thrust her hooves forward, but was once again stopped by her restraints.
“My name is Spike. I’m the sole Royal of Queen Citlali. Our Queen. She has asked me to get you out of here, so that is what I am doing. You look like a changeling because, quite simply, you are a changeling. Your changeling name is Satomi, and you would have been a harvester, if not for the Queen dropping you off at an orphanage.”
Satomi shook her head. “I… but… how could I have been a changeling all my life? I’ve never needed to drain the love from anypony, or changed my shape. Until that spell struck me, that is.”
Spike smiled. “The ponies at the orphanage cared for you very much. You’ve never changed shape, because you simply haven’t tried. Go on, become Moondancer again. Just focus on being Moondancer. That is who you will be.”
Satomi focused for a second, before a lavender flame ran down her body from her horn, transforming her into Moondancer once again. “Good. Now, imagine one of the Royal Guards. The uniformed ones, mean. Not any of the officers.” Moondancer transformed into a Royal Guard, armor and all. The bound parts of her didn’t shape shift, since they were blocked by the chains.
Spike snapped them with a burst of magic, and the transformation completed itself. He transformed himself into Spike the dragon, and smiled. “Wonderful! Now we won’t be suspicious!”
Moondancer shook her head. “No, you…” Her, now his, voice was deeper than he expected. “Huh. You can’t look like that! That’s the assistant to Princess Celestia’s student, the guards will notice you immediately!”
“Ah, but you see, I am the assistant to Twilight Sparkle. Number one, actually. And of course the guards will notice me, there’s one escorting me right now!” Spike smiled, and Moondancer shook his head.
“But what if Twilight finds out? We’ll be caught and arrested for impersonation!”
“Moondancer, at this point, we’ll be arrested for existing. And Twilight is Citlali, she placed you at Canterlot First, she became friends with you, and now she wants you back by her side, where you’ll be safe. But before we leave, I need to speak to some friends. Citlali wanted me to relay a message to them as well as rescue you. Stand by me, I’ll fire portal us out of here.”
Moondancer stood by Spike and looked at him questioningly. “Fire portal?”
“Changeling spell. Like teleporting, but works better with our natural magic. Now lets see…” Spike looked around at the walls, before narrowing his eyes at something Moondancer couldn’t see. “Three are just outside the dungeons. If anybody tries to speak to us, let me do the talking, okay?”
Moondancer nodded vacantly. Spike tapped the floor with his foot, which burst into flames. Moondancer squeaked as they fell into the fire, then came out into a different hallway in the Castle. “Good. Some of the Bearers are just around the corner. We’ll ask them to speak in private.”
Moondancer stopped Spike. “The Bearers? Those aren’t the real bearers out there, they’re changelings too. I… felt it or something. It made me say things I wouldn’t have otherwise said.”
Spike waved a claw. “That’s the egregore you felt. It connects changelings in a hive, and lets them send emotions to each other. The Queen and Royals can send actually thoughts to other hive members.” He turned the corner, but held back when he saw two guards, and one Major Barking Gums walking through the door to the dungeons. Once they were out of sight, Spike rounded the corner.
“Hey, AJ, RD, Rarity, what’s going on?” They all turned to Spike and gasped.
Rainbow leapt into the air. “Spike!? I though you’d gone with…” She slowly flow towards Spike’s face and locked eyes with him. “How do I know you’re the real Spike?”
Spike chuckled. “Oh come on, how could any other changeling hope to replicate muscles like these?” He held an arm out, and flexed it. Aside from his fist curling, nothing changed.
Rainbow nodded. “Yup, it’s Spike. Where have you been? There was a changeling replacing you, Twilight, and Shining, how’d you get free!?”
Spike’s eyes flashed lavender slits. “Twilight asked me to come here. Can we talk in private, though? A very angry Major is stomping up the staircase to the dungeons right now, because I might have broken this one out a bit ago.” Moondancer waved awkwardly.
Rainbow’s eyes widened, then narrowed in suspicion. “How do we know you aren’t just some spy, luring us into a trap?”
“You don’t! Just like how I don’t know what song you were singing in the bath last time you stayed over at Twilight’s, right?” Spike smirked at the pegasus.
Rainbow blushed immediately and stood up straight. “Yep, that’s the real Spike. AJ, Rarity, that’s definitely the real Spike.”
Rarity moved to say something, but Applejack beat her to the punch. “He’s tellin’ the truth, I’m sure of it. You’ve got a lot of explainin’ to do, Spike. Let’s go girls, we’d better get somewhere quiet.”
“Alright, if you two think that is my Spike, then I have no option but to agree. Lead the way, young drake.” The group quickly turned the corner Spike had come from, just as the Major and guards burst from the dungeon.
They began shouting and looking around the hall for any trace of the two changelings. Spike hurried the Bearers and Moondancer along, before turning into a side room. Spike closed the doors and looked to the others.
“Alright, now I need to find Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy. They are…” Spike once again looked around the walls “In the guest rooms of the Castle. Together, it looks like. Stand close to me, I’ll get us up there in no time.”
Rainbow landed by Spike. “What exactly are you planning to do, teleport us with your fire breath?” She chuckled at her joke.
“Something like that, yeah.” Rainbow did a double take just as the floor ignited and pulled them through. When they rose out of the floor, they were in a guest room, looking at very shy looking changeling, Pinkie Pie, and two very surprised guards.
The guards had barely a moment to address the new intruders before Spike dropped his disguise. He fired two purple bolts that struck the guards and knocked them out. Spike pulled them into the room, took note of their dead emotions, reformed his disguise, and closed the doors. They all turned to the other changeling in the room, who was slowly moving against the wall.
Pinkie Pie waved at the group as Rainbow shot into the air, and stared down the changeling. “Who are you? What were you doing to Pinkie Pie and those guards!?”
Spike facehoofed, and the changeling squeaked out a response. ”I’m Fluttershy.”
Rainbow flew closer. “What was that? I didn’t hear you. Who are you?” The changeling shrunk even further and squeaked out the same response. “Oh, come on! Louder!”
Spike pulled Rainbow back, and closed her muzzle. “Rainbow, quit that. Moondancer, you can drop your disguise. Fluttershy, put yours up.” Rainbow gasped, and stared at Fluttershy, who transformed into a buttery pegasus.
Rarity looked between Fluttershy and Moondancer, before settling on the latter. “You were the changeling they dragged by us! What did you mean by ‘I’m one of you’?”
Moondancer looked over to her and blinked. “Well, I’m a lavender changeling, like you five, and Spike. He explained it by saying I was feeling the egregore, or hive mind.”
Rarity’s eyes widened as Rainbow and Applejack shouted out at the same time. “What!?”
Pinkie did a cartwheel across the room, all while dropping her disguise. “We’re all love bugs!” She said in a singsong voice.
Spike nodded slowly. “She’s telling the truth. How did you two find out? You couldn’t have dropped the disguises, since you never learned to do so.”
Moondancer snorted and made an 'ehhh' sound. “You don’t really ‘learn’ to do it. It’s just imagining yourself as somepony different.” She turned into her pony self for a moment. “It's more natural ability than education.”
Spike rolled his eyes as Pinkie turned into Twilight, and nodded her head. “I like this pony, she’s smart!” She fell back to her normal form with a giggle.
Spike waved his hands. “And you two aren’t worried at all about the fact that you are in fact an entirely different species than your parents!?”
Fluttershy smiled and looked up. “I actually talked with my parents about it. They said that they had discovered me on a street in Canterlot, and took me home after that.”
Pinkie snorted. “Have you even met my family? I don’t look or act anything like them! I put it together forever ago, but I had already moved out by then. I moved out when I was really young, y’know?”
Rainbow lifted a shaky hoof. “So you mean we’re all… you know.” She waved at Spike and Moondancer. Applejack and Rarity also turned to Spike, who sighed.
“Lets talk in a moment, okay? I’m going to invite somepony here.” Spike focused and dipped into the egregore. “Citlali, hurry! Fluttershy and Pinkie have been discovered, there’s guards here!” He pulled from the egregore with a smile. “She’ll be along in a moment.”
They blinked and spoke in unison. “Who?”
“Queen Citlali. Your Queen, I might add. She should be here in three… two… one…” They all stared at the wall as a large ring of bright purple fire burst to life, and spat out a very angry looking Citlali, with another changeling clinging to her tail.
Spike waved to their Queen as she looked around the room and relaxed. “Spike— you— the guards?”
Spike pointed to the changeling guards in the corner of the room. “Are right there, only slightly unconscious. Hit em’ with a sleep spell when I came in here.”
Citlali sighed and lowered her head. “So why did you send a message saying you had been discovered?”
“Because Pinkie and Fluttershy were in the middle of a conversation with those guards. And get this: those guards aren’t ponies! They’re changelings!” Spike held a grin on his face before he saw the look his Queen was giving him.
“You attacked before you tried to speak to them? How did you know they were a threat? What if these changelings are with an ally of ours, and we’ve just attacked them?” Citlali motioned to the guards, then looked back at Spike. “I’m not mad, in fact I’m proud of you for thinking quickly, but I do wish we could have handled this better. While we wait for them to wake, why don’t you tell me about your trip? I see you freed Satomi, which is excellent, and got the Bearers together! It’s good to see you girls.”
Rarity shook her head. “Twilight. So it’s true, then? We’re all changelings? And you kept this secret from us for our entire lives?”
Citlali nodded, causing Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow to take a deep sigh, and slump forwards in shocked disbelief. “Yes. Everypony in here is a changeling. I’ll explain myself once Spike tells his story, I want to hear it.”
Spike looked between them, dropped his disguise, to the slight surprise of Vahan, and told his story.
———<Roughly 30 Minutes Later>———
“So, in a nutshell, I flew here as a pegasus, then made my way to the side of the Canterhorn while being tailed by a changeling, crawled to the castle, and watched as Satomi was taken to the interrogation room. Now we’re all together, and we can all talk.”
Citlali nodded as Spike finished his side of the story, and leaned backwards. The room was silent for a moment as Citlali pondered what to do next. Eventually, she stood. “Alright. I’m sure you have lots of questions, all of you. I’m here to answer them, nothing held back. Its about time I told you this story. It should answer most questions, and give you a little insight on our history, and why I never told any of you who you really were."
The Bearers leaned forwards as Citlali began her story.
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Two chapters, and exactly the same cliffhanger each time. Nicely done, but would have preferred exposition promised in the last chapter from citali. About her past
Okay. So...I kinda got what this chapter was saying. Pinkie and Fluttershy knew the truth, which is odd for Fluttershy, but not Pinkie. Pinkie knowing the entire time doesn't surprise me solely on the fact that she's Pinkie, I can accept that. However, how does that work with Fluttershy? Did her parents just not care, or is the explanation going to be that they're just as socially awkward as she is, and that's why no one else knew?
Also, the dialogue in terms of the order of it happening doesn't make sense here. Moondancer didn't know she was a changeling, but she did know when she was being dragged away before she met Spike who told her that she was a changeling. That doesn't make sense.
Otherwise, a much better chapter than the previous one, though I did find the other changelings to be uninteresting. Here's hoping they're fleshed out more in later chapters.
i have a question for citlali is sweetie bell actually sweetie bot
how was the whitetail hive like before it decreased in strength?
8242340
Fluttershy finding out doesn't seem odd to me. She's quiet, lives at the edge of town and is a lot more in tune with herself. Between wishing she was somepony else, an animal or just wanting to hide in general, I can think of a dozen ways she could've found out about her abilities in private. And considering her special talent and general attitude against dangerous animals and creepy crawlies, turning into a changeling is probably one of few things that wouldn't freak her out before the wedding.
As for Moondancer, it seemed pretty straightforward to me, even if it was a bit strange timing. She didn't know she was a changeling, but dropped her disguise due to the love bomb and once she'd assumed her natural form was able to spot the other changelings of her hive through her egregore. She still didn't understand everything and wanted to believe that she was a pony, but she still couldn't ignore her new form and abilities, especially as a scholar.
8242361
Bruh, wrong story.
8242497
my question still stands
I'm liking the re-write a lot more. It's going really well so far.
Although, I'm surprised with how well Moondancer is talking this, but I guess it isn't out of character for her. But did Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie already know they were changelings? It wasn't really clear.
my question is simply in the form of getting the others to calm down a bit more around twilight. what was the most embarrassing thing she did while trying to use unicorn magic?
I have a feeling that Granny Smith might know AJ is not a normal pony. She seems to be as sharp as Jessica Fletcher.
Hummm I wonder if the room is being monitored, changelings might have moved with impunity under Celestia's sole rule, but after the attack, interrogations and well Luna being more sneaky than Celly... Wouldn't surprise me if a thestral or Luna were hiding in the room.
has twilight or any member of her hive kidnap other ponys
are there any other queen who want to see their hive burn
is there any hope for twilight and the princess to become friends once more
8242414
Okay, I guess I can see it with Fluttershy. However, I can't with Moondancer solely on the fact that if she found out she was a changeling due to the love bomb, how does she suddenly know her changeling abilities. I get that she doesn't understand when she's interrogated, but as soon as Spike shows up, its like it doesn't matter. She immediately accepts what she is, understands her abilities, and that's that. She even explains something that Spike questions about Pinkie and Fluttershy, even though he's the only one that's explained changeling abilities to her. That doesn't make sense.
Though I will say, I like this much more confident version of Spike. Nice to see a version of him like this that isn't a shipping story.
8242537
Yeah they did. Pinkie said that she figured it out a long time ago, possibly before she even moved out of her parent's house. As for Fluttershy, she has known for a while as well seeing as she's apparently discussed the matter with her parents before, not to mention all the little behavioral clues she displayed in earlier chapters.
8242770
She doesn't know her abilities. She makes it clear in the chapter that she only has a vague idea at best of what her abilities are. The reason she could use them only now is that, I presume, her egregore was inactive until she took her changeling form for the first time.
As for her accepting what she is... the Moondancer in the show is a scholar and not very emotional. I assume that it's in her nature to accept things if undeniable evidence is presented to her, and to adjust her view on things accordingly. She's kind of like Twilight: science first, freaking out later (note that Twilight mainly/only freaks out about things she can't properly research).
8242783
I didn't explain myself clearly. Sorry. The reason that it doesn't make sense to me is that the scene with Fluttershy and Pinkie showing that they know what they are, she answers questions over changeling abilities. I would totally be okay with that and your explanation...if it wasn't the fact that she's answering Spike's questions there. Why would she know the answers when he just showed her how to use her abilities and revealed to her what she truly is? That doesn't make sense.
8242799 You mean this line? Moondancer is just throwing a little snark at Spike's claim of having to 'learn' to shift. Spike literally just told her to a guard, and she became a guard. There wasn't much teaching involved. When she explained why she shouted at the Bearers, she was just parroting Spike. She herself isn't really sure what she can do, or what happened.
8242806
...I didn't get that in that scene. Sorry. This chapter is giving me a headache. Here's hoping everything is explained next chapter...sorry if that sounded rude.
*Anyone*: Who's more dangerous to us, the Princesses or the Queens?
8242811 It's all good. I hope next chapter explains things as well!
8242806
Snark was not clear enough. Give more clues, on the written medium there's no acting to help.
I think a Q&A is a bad idea, actually. You did it the first time, but it was too much Tell. Think of what the characters would ask, not what the audience wants. There might be things that are never told in your story simply because they're not important to the characters. Don't be afraid of doing that.
8242856
I actually agree with this. The questions should sound like things the characters would ask, not what the audience wants. Though, if it was asking suggestions on who would ask what, that wouldn't be so bad.
8242856 Yeah, last Q&A bombed. That's why, if a question doesn't feel natural, I'm not going to include it. For example, unless the topic of a Queen hating Citlali comes up, the Bearers won't ask if any other Queens want to see Citlali dead.
I'll go back and clarify the snark.
few other questions,
if the element choose twilight and her hive to wield them, then does that mean they not "evil" but good changeling??
What do the different ranks mean?
I can see aj and rarity ask, "are our younger sister/cmc changeling as well?"
how many hives are there,
pinkie pie I can see asking "so when are our real birthdays so I can throw us all parties?, do changeling eat cakes? do changeling like parties"
8242651
I personal think granny smith knew cause the apple family has been friends with twilight hive for years
8242742
I have feeling luna is hide and listening try to choose to attack cause they changeling or help them out cause they one who free her of her madness and put discord back in his time out
All doe I do feel that it was an interesting twist that Mane six where all Changelings senses they where born, supportable, this raises an important questions that might need answering. The first one is why weren't they unmasked when the love bomb like Twilight Sparkle, Shining Armor, Moon Dancer and all the other disguised Changeling in Canterlot? After that why did the Elements chose all the them to be the bearers? I am assuming they you can't hide anything from it. I feel the buildup could have been better but I will go along with it. What is odd about the situation is that there doesn't seem to have much support or sympathetic pony characters that can bridge the gape between the two races, which I guess it might the plan. Still, I don't think that Celestia's best weapon against threats like Discord has turn to the her supposed enemy will be taken very well and she will dig in her positions even more then previously. I wonder what will happen next.
What was the "history" between Chrysalis and Citlali? We know the aftermath, but few of the details.
8243332
they were not unmask cause twilight form shield around them and toke the blunt of the blast strip her but not their
Vahan? Wasn't he still in the other hive?
8243493 He tagged along with Cit as she went through the portal.
Oh, I get it, like the River Nile.
Disco Girl. There is no alternative.
As for the chapter itself, I have two things to comment on. One, is that the ending of the last chapter makes more sense now we have it context, and looking back, while the "parallel chapters" idea seemed like a fun one in theory, in practice, I don't think it worked out so well. The intended effect just sort of feels...lost in translation, you know? It makes me think it would've just been better off not doing the parallel deal at all and just present both sides of the story in chronological order as they happened.
Second is a thought on the "sleeper" changelings...what good is a "sleeper" changeling if it has absolutely no idea it's actually a changeling or it's abilities/needs until facing the all-so jarring reveal? (If you like, you can consider that my question for next chapter.) It seems to me that it'd just create more effort in the long run, because then the other changelings then have to stop and calm down the "awoken" sleeper changeling, get them all caught up to speed, train them on basically how to live as a changeling from scratch, and so on. And as implied in the turmoil that brought about Celestia and Luna's attempts to wipe out the Whitetail hive (the first time), sometimes the transition was too jarring for the poor changeling to handle, causing emotive and mental troubles, which is understandable, considering the shock the reveal deals. To me, it would make more sense if the sleeper changeling actually does have all the basic knowledge about changelings, its hive, and what its basic needs to survive are already in its mind prior to being made a sleeper, that knowledge is simply "locked" away and inaccessible by the sleeper so to maintain such a perfect cover, until such time the sleeper is "awoken" again, and that knowledge surfaces again (at whatever rate you'd like for literary effect). To me, that seems like the more practical and beneficial way for changelings to go about doing it, not to mention less questionable ethically, and far gentler on the sleeper changelings that have to undergo it.
I'd also like to note that Rarity, Applejack, and RD all seem to be taking the reveal that they're changelings a little too smoothly. Personally, I'd be flipping out about it a bit more if I were them. At the very least, they're relatively calm reactions to the reveal thus far could stand at least an explanation...sort of like how Pinkie's calm about because she had already figured it out and had adapted, and Moondancer seems fairly chill about it if only for scientific reasons, etc. Perhaps they already had some instinctive idea they knew this was true? But then that'd suggest my "locked knowledge" idea I suggested earlier, so...I'll leave you to figure out the details. It's just...details we could use, y'know?
8244001 I'll explain it better in-story, but essentially, the sleepers have a perfect disguise to collect emotion. Other changelings come by every so often, and take the excess energy from sleepers.
And yes, those 3 are going to have some heavy words with Citlali.
And yes, Nile is based off the Nile. All of the Neighagra royalty have names relating to water. RIVERa, NEPthysis (Neptune), NILEaisa.
8244022
Hmm...I assume then that sleepers aren't necessarily supposed to be awoken, then?
Well, whatever the case, I await the more detailed explanation, and you can bet I'll be going over it with a fine-tooth comb too.
WAT. How do??
That's god awful logic. If it weren't for Luna, Citlali would've stayed in Canterlot in the first place.
Hah. I got that. Well done dude.
Is this a third Changeling? Is this the same Changeling that was climbing? I'm truly clueless here (though I immediately put this in my comments when I got here, so maybe it clears up soon?) Will edit this later if necessary.
Edit: "trailing that Royal." Ok, so there are three. I think...
So...can we expect the rating change to "M" soon?
/s /s
Oh, so the third Changeling was Spike? Ok, makes sense.
It's official. I've got a man crush on Spike.
Did Moondancer undisguise? How do the Bearers know what Spike's talking about right now if she didn't? Is because of the eyes that I forgot to put into the quote?
Ah, so you're noodle incident-ing it. Good choice.
I've got some (or maybe just one) questions that might not fit in the Q&A. I can't believe I didn't think of this before...
How did Spike grow like a dragon from becoming greedy in that one episode? Is that episode just not canon in this universe?
"Can we even leave Canterlot? Isn't there an anti-Changeling shield around the city??"
_______________
Put the "Spike nodded silently." and the dialogue in separate paragraphs, seeing as how it's not Spike saying these things and nodding as well.
Not sure about this comma, but a quick Google search ("comma before either") could clear this up. I can't do it because internet connection sucks in India.
*and playfully wagged side to side.
(You describe her tail with adjectives, so an adverb right afterwards fits better than a verb. Helps with parallelism and flow.)
Remove "own". Just sounds weird IMO.
Replace "The Royal" with her actual name (or her nickname) at this point. You already did so at the beginning of the paragraph.
You can replace Spike's name with his full name to really point out the differences between his two lives. Might drive home the point across better.
*from the wall
Comma
Not gonna lie, I can't remember if you need an "s" after the single quotes in " princess' ". Pretty sure you do, since you're not using the plural of "princess".
Fairly sure that it should be "ample amount of distance" or something similar
...
100% sure about the comma
Comma
This is the figure that's being followed, right? We don't know it's a "he" yet (except through Word of God), so you should refer to him as "the figure" and the follower as "the follower" or "the watcher". Reveal that "the figure" is a he when we see the body, hear the voice, or are told some other identifying detail. It throws me off to have to know who's who without having a proper or full context.
*its
Comma
*and pushing back.
I dunno why, but "pushing backwards" doesn't sound right. "Pushing back" sounds like a much more natural word choice.
Would this be "living in Ponyville"?
Comma
I don't think this is the proper usage of the word "coup", unless you made up your own group name (like "a hive of bees" or something).
*how do I know
Since "childhood" it's one word, I'd say "foalhood" should be as well.
*I mean
OR
*mind (though I've been rereading LotR recently, and this is an older usage of the term. It would would probably be out of place here.)
*let's see
*can actually send
Same as the very first edit listed, I'd separate these into two paragraphs.
Again, separate them into two paragraphs. Rarity saying her bit is separate from the group moving on.
Add a period after "walls". Or maybe add a comma. Shocking, I know.
*looking at a very shy
Can't do that without a hoof, can he?
*It's a more natural
Also, why use the word education here? It sounds... weird...
*Let's
* 'em (since you're replacing the "th" in "them")
Also, I note that this is the same as the end if the last chapter. If this same mistake is there (along with others), change them in both chapters. I'd check to see if they're actually in both, but again, shit internet.
Ok, I should've said this before, but find yourself a dedicated editor to look over these chapters before you post them. It could be me if you'd like, it could be someone else entirely, doesn't matter (I promise I won't get mad). It'll up the enjoyment of everyone. The best prereaders can make your stories flow more smoothly, can be helpful for bouncing ideas off of, stuff like that. If you look hard enough (which probably won't be that hard at all), you can definitely find someone to do this for free (like me heh). A full time editor is definitely something you should think about in any case.
8244001
Yes!
I was gonna say "T8king over the night" by &NDRA (I dunno, karaoke of the song makes it more singable to me), but I guess BABBA is good too.
8242501
Fair enough.
8244425 Looks like I need to clear that scene up. There are three changelings there. Spike, Amortentia, and Aphrodasia. Moondancer/Satomi did not drop her disguise. I figure the Bearers are smart enough to put it together that the pony being broken out by a changeling is probably a changeling.
And no, I will not be getting too detailed on what exactly Aphrodasia's hive does. Each hive collects a single emotion primarily; Amortentia gathers happiness, Nepthysis gathers astonishment, Aphrodasia gathers lust. This story will be staying T rated.
If I had to guess, I'd say Rainbow was singing "Party in Equestria"
8244425
A combination of mechanical and magical engineering. There is a sort of pressure sensor that detects when somepony pushes on the door, which causes a series of mechanisms to pull the door upwards. Once a spell no longer detects anything approaching or passing through the door, the mechanisms reverse, and it closes.
Yes... but that isn't really relevant to the scene. The point Nile is trying to make is that ponies forgive just about everything that stops trying to kill them for one second. I mean, look at Chrysalis in the S6 finale. Once everypony wasn't in a cocoon, they tried to reform her. They're silly and unique in that sense.
8243624
I guess I really need to reread that art then. I already completely forgot how their talk went. God, I have an awful memorey sometimes!
nice table but does cad mean cadence??
8250473 *toothy half-grin*
*maniacal laugh*
Yeah tho. Most Queens hate her because she has the ability to, given a loving companion, teleport into, and obliterate any hive. She's Equestria's WMD, and she's been deployed twice.
8250532
hehehe true but i hope thing work out between cadance, and twilight and her hive,
one last question "do we only eat "love" or do we feed on other things?" I can see someone ask that like moondancer
this is a vary interesting story that I am enjoying.
as to a question that is easy when is the next chapter going to happen?
Why thing for make more horse words gone?
*someone else whispering in response*
Why "the next button" gone?
*more whispering*
What mean no more!? Him needs know what happen to giant purple mosquito!