• Published 4th Apr 2017
  • 4,735 Views, 348 Comments

Lovie Dovie - The Psychopath



A man obsessed with his masculinity becomes a tiny, female dragon that is designed around hearts to an extreme. He tries to live through this 'horror' while working with an extremely important association of dragons.

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Red Rays

"What are you talking about?" Ember asked. "Dragons fight each other all the time. It's nothing new."

"That may be, Empress Ember, but fighting has become more prominent, and entire clans have been starting to butt heads. Clans that have never had more than aggressiveness on individual levels," the snobby dragoness explained.

"This is starting to sound like some sort of Gaulic transpirations of the Roman era," Lovey thought to herself.

"So even the dragons have seen heightened aggressiveness?" Celestia looked away as she started thinking. "My ponies are still prone to anger and outbursts, much to my dismay, but they ARE still ponies, and I wouldn't have them behave any differently. That being said, I have also seen increased aggression all around Equestria."

Something clicked in the pink dragoness' head. "Did you make any connections? Write the incidents on a map? Where they're most concentrated?" she asked.

Everyone at the tables turned to look at Lovey. "What do you mean by that?" Ember asked.

Lovey rolled her eyes. "It means that, if you put areas with the largest and most notable incidents on the map, then you can possibly make some connections."

"Redflare," Celestia said. "Could you pass me my notes and documents?"

The giant pony meekly reached into a saddle bag of another of Celestia's regular guards and pulled out several large mounds of paper held in bursting binders then set them onto the small table. Ember, Celestia, and the snobby dragoness started to discuss the placement of certain areas on a map provided by the Lovie Dovies and placed several color-coded points of interest: Blue was minor, yellow elevated, orange dangerous, and red was severe.

"That's a lot of orange," Lovey commented with wide eyes.

"The vast majority are on the borders where our lands meet," the snobby dragoness noted. "There are a few dots here and there, but they tend to decrease in severity the further away we get from here."

Ember raised an eyebrow and looked at her lands. She pointed a claw at them, crumpling parts of the paper. "What's with these dots here?" she asked Celestia.

"Oh..." Celestia didn't seem too pleased that she had to explain it. "These are small groups of ponies that thought they could establish small colonies in the dragon lands."

"Then get them out. I don't want them here. This isn't your land to take."

"Dragons don't have land. You have a 'kingdom', but you've never specified where the borders are, so my ponies come and go, thinking these are savage lands," Celestia explained. She was both visibly and audibly trying to hold back her 'enthusiasm'"

Before Ember could quip, Scarlet slammed her fist on the main table. "That's enough of that, Empress Ember. We can have this discussion after the main crisis has been dealt with. Until then, we're all under the threat of this 'Red Sun'. Now either you two start acting like rulers or we'll treat you like children and put you in the corner with a dunce cap on," she threatened.

Both rulers looked at the angered Scarlet with a strange mixture of contempt, horror, and shock.

"You can't talk to the princess like that!" a guard of Celestia's yelled. "How DARE you!"

Redflare stepped in front of him and stared at the dragoness, seemingly to imply that he would step in front of any attempts to even touch the princess' coat, but Scarlet was not one to back down from a threat.

"What are they doing?" Lovey mumbled.

"You're right," Celestia said. "Back to business."

"I'm not dropping this," Ember spoke rapidly. "I want to talk about this, but after these weird rises of aggression and violence."

The snobby dragoness rolled her eyes. "Regardless, the majority of these being at the border means a flurry of things."

Ember turned her head to face the dragoness. "Such as?"

"Red Sun has its operatives specifically there to increase tensions with the dragons and ponies." The dragoness shrugged. "Red Sun worked in the center or further away from the border, and everyone has started migrating towards this edge to proclaim their hatred."

"And garnering the support of the ponies that are terrorized by dragons," Celestia realized.

"Yeahh. This is nice and all, but can I leave? I still need to learn how to walk in this damned body!" Lovey complained. Everyone turned to face her angrily, save for the guard and Scarlet staring each other down. "What? It's true. I genuinely don't care about these things. I have my own issues."

"You're sitting here, telling me to my face that you don't care about the lives of everypony here?"

Lovey's face contorted. "Every 'pony'?" she repeated. "What, is this a smurf thing? Do you pony when you pony the pony?" she mocked.

"...What?" Celestia was bewildered.

Lovey waved a hand. "Forget it. I'm gone."

"And what makes you think I would let you leave with such an offensive tone, tiny?" the snobby one asked.

"I don't care what you think you can do. I'm going back to my teacher, learn to walk, then get the hell out of here and try and find my way back to my real body and home," Lovey growled.

"Um, I don't pretend to know what the dragons are like, nor even the intricacies of this group of them," Celestia started in a rather pitying tone. "but shouldn't you be sitting here to try and help us? It's your purpose, isn't it?"

Lovey leaned against her cane and pointed angrily at the dragons around her. "NO!" she bellowed. "It's THEIR purpose. NOT MINE. I have better things to do than frolic around with some fru-fru tree huggers." She huffed the group and turned away. "Scarlet, could you take me down..."

"SO YOU WANT A FIGHT DO YA?" Scarlet pushed her forehead against the giant pony. "FINE! COME AT ME, PONE!" Scarlet playfully taunted. She invited the stallion to attack her by way of her hands.

Redflare didn't move at first, but when Scarlet amused herself with trying to reach Celestia, she angered him enough to cause him to charge at her. What followed was a series of fake punches and body slams that fazed neither side. Surprising, considering Scarlet's sheer size.

Lovey just stared at the two in disbelief. How was she supposed to get down from the table? The pink dragoness hesitantly leaned over the edge to see the long drop far below and stood up straight immediately feeling terror. The snobby dragoness chuckled at the sight.

"Looks like you're going to have to stay here with us, unless you can use your wings." She faked concern both in facial and vocal expressions. "You CAN use your wings, can't you?"

Lovey looked at her wings as best as she could and dropped her head in defeat.

"Awwww, that's a shame. Looks like you'll have to come back here in front of us all." She smirked.

"Ugh. Fine, but I'm sticking by what I say. That's what a man does. It's shameful to back away from what you say."

" 'Man'?" Celestia repeated. "What is that?"

"Nothing," the snobby dragoness said.

Ember had already forgotten everything happening around her and was watching the fight occurring behind Celestia. "Aren't you going to do something about that?" she asked Celestia.

"Hm? You mean Redflare fighting that dragon? No. You needn't worry about that. I fiond it's a good thing for him to make friends." She leaned in towards Ember and whispered to her. "He's very timid despite his size, so things like this might help him, seeing as she doesn't have any problems dealing with him."

"Looks more to me like neither of them are putting the full force of their strength behind their attacks."

"Looks more to me like I'm forced to stay here," Lovey grumbled when she sat back down. She rubbed her face with both hands and sighed. "I just want to go home. I'm sick of this shit."