• Published 4th Apr 2017
  • 4,734 Views, 348 Comments

Lovie Dovie - The Psychopath



A man obsessed with his masculinity becomes a tiny, female dragon that is designed around hearts to an extreme. He tries to live through this 'horror' while working with an extremely important association of dragons.

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Pinkie Hi

"I hope she'll be alright," Scarlet wondered nervously.

Zoonzu landed hard on the ground, her face plastered with happiness. "I played with the little dragons."

"I hope you had fun."

"Oh, I did."

Back in the crater, the place looked like even it had a crater inside of it. Most of the dragons were all groaning in pain on the floor. Zoonzu's 'playing' always involved lots of unintentional rough-housing, and these little guys were paying the price for it.

The Pueric Mother silently worked on her cauldron, creating a little bit of a new potion for testing purposes. Lovey sat on a bench, her back turned to the 'mountain' dragon. No words were being exchanged, and silence was the only form of communication being made. There was a smell coming from the metal bowl that would frequently shift from a sweet, bakery smell, to a pungent and rotten odor, and vice versa. Lovey would be complaining more about it were she not currently undergoing her...'duress'.

"So..." the Pueric Mother started. "Had a little breakdown after your little rebellious phase, huh?" She waited for a response, but when she did not get it it, she continued talking. "I see." She grabbed a barrel full of luminescent, purple plants reminiscent of hot peppers, and poured them into the cauldron. The dragon then started to slowly mix it all while he talked. "You know, I actually didn't mind you leaving our home. Exploration is good. I was just...worried, considering you can't walk yet, and that you ere going with that Empress-in-training." The colossus breathed in some fumes and sneezed. "I take it you now know why I didn't want you in contact with the usual side of our kind."

Lovey turned her head ever so slightly, then resumed looking downwards in defeat.

"I see. At least Ember had the right idea about getting you to walk. Everyone has a different way to learn the same things. What we teach here is a standardized method. Even IF Sconce is rather...ech..." The dragon poked liquids within the cauldron with her mixing rod and shook her head, resuming her work. "I'm very well aware of your mindset about all this. Erm...can you keep a secret?"

Lovey silently and slowly nodded.

"To be fully honest, I'm not the one who casts those spells. I only help initiate and train the newcomers. The one who casts them lives in the belly of our home." The colossus gestured to the whole of the Lovie Dovie home. "All of this is a dormant volcano. Or," She scratched her chin with a claw. "It used to be. The lava has long been redirected. BUT!" She resumed mixing the substance angrily. "That doesn't change the fact that the one who casts those spells is the same person I consulted to learn just why your appearance is so strange compared to the others." She pointed at Lovey. "You aren't the first to have a unique trait, be it singular or plural. However, you're the first to have such a direct, consistent, and vibrant of appearances. Even your flames have that same theme to them."

"...So who knows why I'm like this?"

"AH. Finally! Some words! I was beginning to think those dragons ripped out your tongue."

The colossus make an equally sized effort to stand upright. She easily shook the entirety of the building, throwing dust and fragile bits of wall downwards. She put her hands on her back and pushed forward, cracking her spine and creating a cringe-inducing noise.

"Well, let's go meet her."

The Pueric Mother breathed seething hot flames on her right hand then slammed the side of her clenched fist into the wall. The stone burned bright orange as though it were metal having been taken from a furnace. The light instantly spread all across the room in random lines and patterns which receded and converged to a huge circle underneath the pink dragoness. The colossus stepped upon the circle, her eyes seemingly blank, but with a wide and warm smile on her lips.

The platform broke off the rest of the floor, and a pink barrier rose up to encompass even the mountain dragon. Lovey looked around, somewhat curious, but her depression set back in. Pueric noticed and her smile only widened.

"Be patient, little dragon. It'll come up eventually."

Lovey huffed in response. Her eyes were soon lit up when she reached the lights. Assortments of pinks and purples as well as some reds and blue flowed around a slightly dark chamber composed of only cooled lava rock. The colors flowed around like fish swimming in the sea. It was like being in a dream. In fact, the lava rock would warp into the color of the lights when they would swim by, and plants akin to kelp and giant flowers being pushed by a strong current would rise up for several minutes then go back down into the rock, as though they had never grown. The pink dragoness still didn't want to say anything, but she was fixated on the lights and the 'show' before her.

When the platform finally landed, it was between a very long mass of rough stone, and Lovey stepped away from it when the barrier dropped back into the platform itself. She was expecting the tube to move. A pair of three claws slammed heavily on the rock and dug into them. The claws shone like steel, and they looked terrifyingly sharp and well maintained. A huge head rose from behind the geological construct, still shrouded in darkness. It filled Lovey with a sense of dread, but then she remembered the group she was dealing with.

"Is that a costume to scare me?" she mumbled.

Two 'fins' swung open on the sides of the creature's face, blasting the room with an assortment of vibrant colors matching those that were flying around. The entire area was filled with plantlife that had once laid dormant. The fins were similar to beetle wings in that several transparent 'wings' were fluttering underneath the carapace to create light.

"Yes. I'm a creepy costume," the dragon mused with a loud, booming voice.

Her face was elongated, and on the top of her head was a tremendous amount of glowing tendrils that ended with orbs slowly changing colors every few seconds. It reminded Lovey of decorative fiber optics. The dragon's eyes were a clean, glowing white with bright, hot-pink irises. Her elongated mouth ended in a nose nigh indistinguishable from the rest of her face. Much like Lovey, her features were much rounder despite having a head the size of Scarlet.

"Is this the one you told me about? The one you named 'Lovey Dovey'?" she asked in a calm and serene voice.

"Yes it is, first of the Puerics."

Lovey looked up at the colossus. Her face was contorted. "What do you mean 'First of'?"

"Exactly what she means," the 'first' compounded.

The first arose somewhat to get a better, easier reach for Lovey. The pink dragoness screamed in horror when she was grabbed by the massive claws and squeezed tightly. The 'First' then rose upwards higher and higher, longer and longer. She wasn't like the other dragons Lovey had seen up to this point.

"You're a serpent. An oriental dragon!" Lovey exclaimed.

The ring of pumice rock sitting around the platform the two dragons came in vibrated and came to life. It was the rest of the serpent's body, and the residue that formed on the dragon's body shook off and flew around to return to the walls and floor as though by magic.

"I will see you later, First of the Lovie Dovies," the Pueric Mother said.

The 'First' rolled her eyes. "You know I hate that name."

Pueric shrugged and returned to the tower above, leaving Lovey in the hold of a terrifying serpent whose whole body glowed brightly and wouldn't stop flying around the large volcanic core. In fact, with a better view of her, Lovey could see, at regular intervals, the same pairs of six transparent wings along her body keeping her aloft by flowing like the waves of an ocean. The pink dragoness didn't like her 'trip' and put a hand to her mouth to prevent herself from vomiting.

"Lemme down, you frikkin' roller coaster!"

"You don't like it? I thought you would appreciate the ability of flight seeing as you can't fly yet. Something to look forward to, you know." The 'first slowed' down and held Lovey to her face. "Do you all call yourselves 'Lovie Dovies'?" she asked with sarcasm.

The pink dragoness hung over the First's claw and held up a finger to the serpent. "Okay. I'm doing better...Yeah. We do. I thought that was our name."

"Pffff. No. That's the name dragons assigned to us after they finally noticed what we were doing." She looked at Lovey through the corner of her eye and sported a smirk. "You, who lived with them for a time, should know why."

"Because they're all assholes and name you based on what you do?"

The serpent balanced a hand left and right. "More or less. It's really because we'd promote love and caring, to an extent. We didn't want it to extend to full fledged war. So they started calling us 'Lovie Dovies'." She spat on the floor. "I HATE that name!"

Lovey was perplexed. "I thought you were the oldest Lovie Dovie."

"I am," she answered smugly.

"You aren't behaving like I was expecting."

"What, so because I'm old I should be 'Wise and loving, like Princess Celestia'?" she said with an imitation of Celestia's calm voice. She poked Lovey in the chest. "You're one to judge, Mrs. Crawling-in-my-skin."

"How do you even...Don't call me 'missus'!"

The serpent twirled around the room one more time and coiled herself along the floor. "Why not?"

"It's..."

"Disheartening?" she teased.

Lovey looked off and, instead of talking back like she wanted to, dropped her head in defeat. The serpent pet Lovey on her head.

"Tch tch tch," she whispered. "You poor thing. I can see the scars on your soul and your mind. I can see a wall that served as a support for a whole building torn down, yet the material struggles to stay upright."

"Stop 'analyzing' me," Lovey grumbled.

"Why not? It's my job as the first of our kind."

"I don't like it."

"We don't all get to do things that we like...right away. Be a little patient," the First hummed.

"And no singing. I hate musicals."

The serpent's eyes narrowed down at the dragoness, and a wicked smile grew across her face.

"Perhaps not now, but eventually." She chuckled. "So, your physical appearance is indeed extremely strange. Your Pueric Mother was right. Such a unique mutation."

"Then could you let me go while you stare at my butt?"

"Dragons don't have butts, sweetie, and no. I won't let you go."

"Ufff. If I could cross my arms I would...Who ever even heard of such a sassy ruler?"

"Interesting."

"What, my golden locks?"

"I assure you that, with your attitude, they'd never be 'gold'. Only silver. No, it's your body. It looks like it mutated you based on all the positive emotions you keep bottled up inside of you."

"So doctor, does this mean I'm going to die? Should I take some medication?" Lovey asked sarcastically.

The serpent smacked her in the head with a finger. "No, you sas-parilla. It means that you want to love and feel love, but you don't let yourself. If the current pueric mother is right, this probably has to do with this 'being a man' you so often jib about."

Lovey's eyes darted left and right on her insulted face. "And? That's how I'm SUPPOSED to behave! I shouldn't be going around making...g-googoo faces at everything! It's not right!"

"Well, if you're going around doing that, I agree it's not right, and you should seek help at the earliest convenience of everyone else." She chuckled. "No. I mean that you're repressing your emotions, and that's unhealthy."

"I don't care."

The first rolled her eyes. "Well, the longer you're like this, the longer it will take for you to get used to your new body, and the longer it will take for you to do whatever it is you were brought here for."

"BUT...! But...I want my old body back...I want my old home..." Lovey trailed off. Her voice was cracking.

The First stared at her intently but waited to see if the dragoness would let herself cry. Much to her disappointed expectations, it didn't happen.

"You know, I shouldn't tell you this now, but...those who become like us when they weren't already dragons aren't actually forced to stay with us."

Lovey almost bolted upright to look at the serpent directly. For the first time since become a lovie dovie, her eyes held a sparkle of emotion.

"Really?"

"But--"


In Ranchefort, where the three spies wandered about, a single pony sat on old stone walls, waggling their forehooves over the ledge and seeing the horizon covered in well-maintained houses. They could see the ponies and dragons hanging out together and casually talking in the streets, and the pony ground their teeth angrily.

"Ssstupid ponies. Stupid dragons. They're all stupid. I hate them all so much. They shouldn't be talking with each other. It's unnatural. It's WRONG! I don't want this any longer here. They aren't doing anything right!"