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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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A bit of an exposition heavy chapter, I know, but I did want to expand a bit more on the changeling universe and try to give the characters (Seta in particular) some depth. While the plot may have not advanced much in this chapter, the details covered in it will be important to know for the overall story!
Have you actually described what Tylus looks like? Because the Changelings under Thorax should have their new forms right?
I doubt that.
What are you talking about?
I'd like to know myself.
Ah. One of the two most dangerous kinds of magic. The other being telekinesis. Because think about it. You can block a spellbolt or or magic lightning, but if someone is psychically choking you, there's not much you can do.
Yeah, even if you came into the show with a bare minimum knowledge of the characters, you could tell something was off.
This reminds me of Baby from GT. In a good way.
Ah.
He DID ask.
Really now?
How, so?
Yikes.
I don't care much for her.
Maybe, I mean, it isn't impossible.
The wonders of a fantastical world mixed with clop logic/luck.
Comma between boobs and the.
Yeah, that may be smart.
Eeyup.
(It occurs to me, I don't think you've described Tylus yet.)
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I'll be completely honest. I'm at a loss at exactly how 'canon' I should make their transformation in regards to this story. Some don't like the design and think the classic look of changelings more. And after seeing their new personality in the newer episodes of the show this season, I don't think the whole 'woman-conquering' thing really fits their transformed personality.
So in a rather dumb and lazy fashion, I've omitted going into specifics regarding his appearance. Though I am interested in hearing what others thoughts are in regards to if they should be considered transformed into the colorful beetles.
Also Seta and the other changeling hives will still be the same black design as before. They haven't transformed at all.
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If I may make a suggestion, maybe they stay black, but they just don't have holes in them anymore since they're actually getting a large amount of love now and aren't half starved and near feral from hunger.
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The regular looks without holes would be a good choice.
Spoiler for To Change a Changeling:You could also have them look like Pharynx post-transformation.
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Eh, I think he was a special case as he was more directly related to Thorax than the rest of the Hive. I think.
But, if they were ALL tall like him, Thorax or Chrysalis, it wouldn't be special anymore.
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Well, I meant in a general sense, especially the colour scheme. Not to make them all as big and, well, deer-y.
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Fair enough, that was my bad.
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How dare you not be a mind-reader! XD Just kidding, no problem at all!
Barely read this chapter. Not a Starlight fan. If she ends up being the focus I might drop this story
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For me it depends on if you are going to include Thorax in the story. It would make for an interesting conflict if Thorax is king and Chrysalis is plotting against him. But if not then I do not care.
A question: What is Chrysalis hives specialty if Nexia's is the mind?
Looking good! Keep up the good work .
I had some extra time and decided to give a more detailed explanation of my last comment. And seeing that it got two downvote is disheartening but not unexpected since, for reasons that I fail to understand, people like that Frankenstein creation of Hasbro.
Starlight is a character whose personality and appearance turns me off. I like Celestia more than I like her. I am sure the clop in that chapter was good but it's just not for me. Now this wouldn't have warranted a comment in the first place but this is now The second time her appearance has gotten in the way of more interesting things. I was more invested in the case, Saddle Arabia, and Canterlot High than her. I want to see actual world building not an explanation dump.
Show don't tell. You could have shown this to far greater effect if a couple of those Cangelings were capturing mares in a far off town or something.
The thing is, I was hoping for a bit more with this story. I think you are a good author and I can skip Starlight bits np. However, what you are doing here is sending up red flags that still story is going to focus more on Starlight at the cost of the dozens of other characters
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Thorax is an interesting point. What's he even doing, now that there is no need for turning against the Hive to find friendship? I could see him play envoy to other pony tribes or other species. Imagine him meeting up with Ember and her teaching him to be more assertive while he teaches her it's okay to explore your feelings.
Oh, Thorax and Spike should go to the Dragon Lands together! Strike up a friendship on the way, meet and befriend Ember there! That could work!
If not that, then Thorax could be a liaison to the stallions of Equestria. That would also satisfy his need for harmony. Though I do like the first idea a lot..!
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I would also like to see Thorax and Spike head down to the dragon lands. Perhaps they'll get there during the invasion of another hive.
Another idea could be Thorax and Shining Armor going over a map of the world as they listen to Intel about the other hives movements and plan. Is one hive going after Giffinstone now that it's lost a majority of its females? What about the zebras? Is Blueblood helping one hive in a play for control?
There are other things I would like to see. Like Spike getting another mare (I'd like it to be Moondancer for some twin play), seeing Big Mac ease up and help out in this new society, more CMC, and just more natural world building
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There's already a potential second mare hinted at this chapter: Trixie. Starlight mentions how she's spent time with both Twilight and Trixie, implying they're both in Ponyville. Spike could very well have become Trixie's master, especially with the blue bitch so desperate to one-up Twilight Sparkle. What better way than to show she's the better sex slave?
Many Lings are probably going to try out first if non-ponies even offer much in the manner of magical power. Griffonstone, with a lack of female population now, is probably a less favourable target. Unless the other Hives know the secret of transforming male to females. Which might bring them into conflict with Chrysalis' Hive over its use. At the very least, other pony nations, indeed other equines are ripe for exploration and/or exploitation.
By the way, those downvotes above might very well not be because you said you dislike Starlight but because to some, dropping a story just because it features a character you don't like may sound... well, shallow. Those are not my downvotes, however, I can only guess.
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As I said, Starlight does nothing for me. I mean, would you read a story featuring a character that annoys you? Or you simply don't like? Or I could put it this way, is it shallow to downvote a story featuring Flash because you don't like him?
I like the first story, but if it becomes another Starlight love fest like several stories did then I simply don't want to read it. I won't downvote, just move on
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I might drop a story if a character that annoys me to no end is the protagonist. Like with the Schadenfreude fics that are so popular, God knows why. Again, not my downvotes, I'm only guessing. As for downvoting just for a character... yes, I would consider that shallow and would not ever do that. Punishing a writer for daring to explore a character I happen to dislike would make me lose respect for myself real quick.
Whether or not Starlight Glimmer will keep a prominent role or if things will soon focus on other characters, I can't tell you. That's for Sleepy to decide. You could ask in a PM if you like, if Very Sleepy doesn't want to spoiler things here!
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This is all I will say on this, there are clop fics and fics in general I will not read because they have a prominent character that I do not like. It is simply a matter of taste and preference. Like with looking at porn, Starlight does nothing for me because I simply can't stand her.
As I stated before, this is the second time she has interrupted something I was much more invested in during the course of the story. If this had happened once, then it would simply be eye roll worthy at best. However, I have been seeing this happen a lot lately on this site where the author will abandon the original idea for the story and make it a Starlight story. If that happens then, yes, I will drop this story. You can call it shallow all you want, but that is just my taste on the matter.
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Well, again, I understand that. I'm not condemning it. There was a time when Doctor Whooves (as in THE Doctor Who as a pony) popped up every second fic or so. And I hated that character with a passion. All I'm saying is that I think giving downvotes for it is wrong since it's directly punishing an author as opposed to just not reading their work. I would really suggest you write a PM to Very Sleepy and ask about the role of Starlight in the following chapters, Brony.
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Again, I am not giving this or any story a downvote just because of Starlight. What I said was that my 1st comment was got 2 downvotes. I have already asked Sleepy and am waiting for a response. If Starlight does become the focus I will simply walk away. That was always my intention
Yeah... I really don't think you should bring the human world into this.
My reason?
This:
This right here either insta-gibs Chrysalis and Equestria, or it insta-gibs their opposition.
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not to mention shining armor was even told what was happening to him when he was forced to be a mare and raped.
I want Seta to become as much a slave as any other mare.
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I have to agree...Magical mind raping super rainbow lasers and brain washing magic, among other esoteric methods aside, the human world has demonstrated a notably higher destructive capability than Equestria. Even if you assume the EG world is separate from real human history, there's enough similarities in technology to assume they've likely developed along similar lines.
As for Chrysalis in Equestria...eh. I'm kinda hoping she's really delusional and misjudging humans over there and is just assuming they're a lot like ponies in most every regard.
Reason I hope for this is because, no matter how you think about it, ponies and humans are not the same creatures. We're both social organisms, admittedly, but both have separate evolutionary origins, histories, and tendencies, and humans have notably more aggression than ponies demonstrate in the show (although conflict is prevalent in both societies). Add in some degree of individuality more expressed in human culture vs the herd mentality ponies generally have (although both situations vary extensively.)
Now, there's something to be said for EG world being a parallel to Equestria, and the humans there are more like Equestrians. Perfectly valid argument, I also find it boring as hell to say "EG is same as Equestria, except human". Also I find it rather arbitrary to state both humans and ponies developed near identically with differing physiology and psychology.
Now, why do I hope for this? Well, I've found the story to have gotten kind of stale in many ways. That is, there seems to be a pattern of sexually subjugating females and...yeah. They generally like it, clop ensues, plot progresses such as it is. I still like the clop, admittedly, but I find it rather dull at this point to have everyone saying "oh mistress yes! please fuck me more I am your eternal cock slave!" or something along those lines.
It'd also open up development for Chrysalis to sex someone up, and...they don't submit. It's just some minor fun to them, and they are in no way addicted to the sex or feel inclined to submit body and soul. I think it'd be interesting to see Chrysalis develop more, and truth be told I'm more interested in her side of the story than I am the rest.
Anyway, this is just some of my thoughts on the story thus far.
Edit: I realize I'm asking for development outside porn in a clop. I'm gonna maintain this attitude regardless.