#1075555

by Kerbonstein

Five

The darkened halls fell quietly to oblivion, only the naked murmurs of friends and loved ones took jabs attention, what they said saddened jab, no, it infuriated IT, why, it thought, why can they not leave it be, jab was born with it's mark, it did not mean anything, jab was young, but jab was smart, it could understand their words, harsh as they were, a queen could not be so imperfect, fangs uneven, love storage low, and a mark stuck permanently to it's arm, no, they must find another,"a more perfect changeling" they'd say, "jabs no good" they'd say, and they were right. The walls return, it is too late, hope has already left me

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It's eyes shoot open, a dream, no, closer to a memory, it'd rather forget about its past, the hive was dead now now, quickly forgetting the nightmare drone 1000046 looked over its companion, it wondered if it had ever considered a name, a real one, what they had was an assignment, a number that has no reason than to fill the role it was given at birth.

Changelings have surprisingly hard carapaces, this means that, if the need ever irises, they have the capability to sleep in any position on any terrain. As these two drones currently were, with that jab fell quietly back to the oblivion it despised of each waking moment.

Author's Note:

Writing improvements please

Comments

[Scorch215]

Why isn't that information about changelings not explained in the story itself?

[Jphyper]

I can see you already have some writing skill; you just don't have the experience needed to utilize it effectively yet. It's at least clear enough to understand with little difficulty, which is much better than most new authors. I can also see that your writing style has a bit of character, which is good. Now you just need to hone your abilities.

FiMFiction has a variety of resources that a budding writer like you can use to improve your writing abilities quickly. First of all, I suggest you read the site's writing guide. It explains just about everything you need to know about composition, grammar, punctuation, and so on, as well as how to avoid common mistakes.

Writing guide: https://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide

You can also browse the Groups section for help. There are a number of groups dedicated to advising new writers and helping them grow.

Groups list: https://www.fimfiction.net/manage_user/groups?group_name=

Lastly, there's no substitute for simply reading a variety of stories. This helps you get a feel for what works and what doesn't.

Good luck, and welcome to FiMFiction!

[Kerbonstein]

God, thanks for actually giving advice, I thought for sure no one would take the time. Honestly this whole thing was me randomly throwing words around until I got a story that was vaguely understandable
8043339

[Kerbonstein]

8034328
Sorry i just really didnt know how to explain it otherwise, atleast half of that stuff isnt even true

[Scorch215]

8560238
would you be interested in assistance??