• Published 1st Feb 2017
  • 3,957 Views, 709 Comments

Princess Twilight Sparkle and the Quesadilla Conquest - kudzuhaiku



Twilight Sparkle has turophobia... and her friends decide to help.

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Chapter 4

Sore, but full of optimism for what was sure to be a bright, wonderful day, Twilight Sparkle lifted up her glass of apple juice and took a long, unprincessly drink. She had been pummeled and battered the night before by the storm, but she had also had a wonderful time. With her magic being a little unpredictable, she hadn’t been able to just cast a spell to banish the storm, no, she had to go about it the hard way, with muscle and sinew.

She felt better for it.

Rainbow Dash had flown right into the swirling heart of the seething vortex with her, along with an entire wing of brave, fearless pegasus ponies, and together, they dismantled the storm before it did any real damage to the town. Now, today was going to be a beautiful sunshiny day, a perfect day, and Twilight was looking forward to the opening ceremony.

Body jerking, Twilight suffered a shiver of excitement as she thought about the chunks of hail and seeing lightning flash inside of the tornado as it formed. There was a pleasing tension in her guts and the muscles of her stomach tightened. Twilight enjoyed doing battle with storms, and as the years passed, she became more and more in tune with her pegasus pony and earth pony parts.

The parts of her that were a pegasus pony were a scrapper with a need for violence.

Chewing, Rainbow Dash elbowed Twilight and with a knowing wink, she said, “Feels good, don’t it?”

Lowering her glass, Twilight nodded. It did, indeed, feel good. She was bruised, battered, covered in lumps, and she felt great. She looked atrocious though, but she didn’t care. Last night, she had been awesome, even if she had tripped trying to take flight from the window. She would never say it aloud, but this vacation trip was worth it just from fighting the tornado.

“Ceremony starts at high noon and we need to all be there for Twilight,” Applejack said to everypony around the table. “So don’t go getting lost or distracted, or I’m guessing you’ll be getting yourself a lecture from Fluttermom.”

“Applejack—”

“I didn’t mean anything by it.” Applejack lifted up her hoof and tried to look apologetic as possible.

Sighing, Fluttershy deflated a little bit and hunched over the table. “Oh, I love my little charges so much, I love foalsitting, and I love teaching them about animals, but I need time away from them.” The mare’s eyes narrowed and when she continued, her voice changed, becoming huskier and gritty. “They wear on my last nerve, sometimes, and intentionally try my patience to see if they can get a reaction out of me. Urgh.”

“Spa,” Rarity said, saying it as though it was somehow a magical cure all for everything. “You and I are going to the spa so we can sort ourselves out. My nerves are frazzled too.”

“Flutters, every mother needs a break, and I done reckon foalsitters do too.” Applejack pushed her empty plate away and leaned over the table to have a better angle to look Fluttershy in the eye. “I love my two little fillies… I do… but I get sick of looking at them sometimes. They wear down my patience something awful. I just get fed up with the little cusses and then I gots to get away from the little cuss-headed pains in my plot before I do something I regret.” Blinking, Applejack ignored the shocked looks on the faces of her friends. “Like now. I’m here, they’re at home, and I can blow off some steam. When I go home once all of this is done, I’ll be a better mom and I won’t constantly be thinking about throttling the little imps or tying them up with some rope.”

“Oh… oh… oh my…” Fluttershy stammered as her ears fell limp against the sides of her face. “You wouldn’t believe some of the thoughts that go through my head when they misbehave. I thought there was something wrong with me.” She sucked in a deep breath with a whistle, and then let everything out in a long, slow, exhale that made her nostrils flare.

“Eenope.” Applejack grabbed the bright orange earthenware pitcher and poured herself another glass of apple juice. “It’s normal to want to strangle the little scamps.”

Closing her eyes, Fluttershy sighed. “Oh, that’s a relief.”

“Do I…” Sumac paused for a moment, looking a bit hesitant, and his ears twitched. He swallowed, then tried again. “Do I make y’all feel this way?” A curious-sounding Apple-drawl manifested in Sumac’s voice.

“Yes!” said every mare present at the table all at once.

The colt’s mouth fell open from shock and surprise.

“Never, ever have I met a more curious foal, not even myself.”

Sumac tried to defend himself. “Twilight, I—”

“Pulling apart things that don’t need no pulling apart to see how they work!”

Again, Sumac tried to justify his behaviour. “Applejack, I can explain—”

“All those attempts to weaponise music with Vinyl Scratch,” Rarity said as she stirred her coffee. “All of Ponyville had to get their ears checked.” Looking sour, Rarity clucked her tongue a few times as Fluttershy inhaled. Rolling her eyes and making a dramatic wave with her hoof, she added, “That last time, everypony in Ponyville broke out dancing and there was quite a row.”

“Mind controlling a chicken army!”

Beset from every side, Sumac turned to face Fluttershy with the hopes to smooth everything over. “Fluttershy, that would’ve worked if I—”

“Hey, credit where credit is due, those chickens did eat a lot of bugs before everything went wrong.”

Every adult present turned and looked at Pinkie Pie. Eyelids and ears twitched. The corners of mouths ticced. Sumac slumped down in his chair and Pinkie Pie, sitting beside him, wrapped a foreleg over his shoulders. In bold defiance, Pinkie Pie stared down her friends with a courageous smile on her muzzle and her blue eyes twinkled.

“He gets a free pass for the chicken army, that was epic.”

“And Fluttershy was able to gain control of them again with her stare,” Sumac added as he thought about melting into a puddle of embarrassment beneath the table.

Some questions were best left unasked.


It took Twilight a little time and self-reflection, but she discovered that she now felt a little disheartened. Her friends were scattered to the four winds again, off doing their own thing. Rarity, Fluttershy, and Applejack had gone off to the Appleloosa spa. Pinkie Pie had pronked off with two dragons and two foals. Rainbow Dash was now signing autographs for her adoring fanatics.

Noon felt as though it was a long time from now and Twilight felt like a foal again, wondering how to while away the long day. She thought about the halcyon days of her foalhood, when boredom was the most terrible threat that she faced, when she was home from school and left to her own devices. Mornings spent reading, or playing school, where she was the teacher and Smarty Pants was her devoted, faithful, ever-attentive student. She thought about lunches, her mother fixing macaroni and cheese, with corn, peas, and carrots. Twilight loved the colours, the bright, vibrant green of the fresh peas and the cheerful orange of the carrots.

Then came the long afternoons, sometimes spent with her father, but often spent with Cadance. Building book forts, or pillow forts, and that warm, secure, cosy feeling of holing up inside of a structure that one had made for oneself, safe from the outside world. The long hours of the endless afternoons that stretched out forever and were napped away with Spike.

When she was a foal, there had been too much time. Now, as an adult, as a mare, as a princess, there was far too little time. Hours passed in eyeblinks. Days vanished without warning. Time was something that fled, that escaped, it was ever-elusive and had to be managed with schedules, lest everything slip away, unchecked.

But noon? Noon was a long, long ways away, and Twilight Sparkle sighed, wondering if she could get away with building a book fort in the public library.


Somehow, time had slipped away from Twilight Sparkle, as time tended to do. She had, in fact, gone to Appleloosa’s public library, and she had, in fact, been tempted to make a book fort, but she had, instead, started Princess Twilight Sparkle’s Reading Hour. A sizeable army of little foals and even a few adults had packed in around her and then almost four hours passed in an eyeblink.

It was just what she had needed. Feeling great, she hurried her way through the crowd, making her way to the central stage in the town square. Buffalo crowded the street, as buffalo tended to do, they were big sorts that needed a lot of room. The narrow streets of Canterlot would not be ideal for the buffalo.

She wasn’t late, but she wasn’t early. A quick glance at the town’s clock tower told her that she had a few minutes to spare. Grinning, she made her way through the throng of onlookers and trotted up the rather steep steps to the top of the stage. On the last step, she stumbled and staggered out onto the stage, realising that she had left her reading glasses on. Hearing laughter, her ears perked and she had herself a good laugh as well as she recovered her dignity.

Licking her lips, Twilight looked at her friends while her wings fidgeted against her sides. How long had it been? How long had it been since the Elements of Harmony had reunited for a public show? It had been long enough that Twilight was having some trouble remembering. She stood there, feeling the eyes of the crowd, wondering how things had turned out the way that they had. She pulled off her reading glasses and with a flashy pop of magic, she sent them away to her luggage, tucked away at the hotel.

“Greetings, residents of Appleloosa!” Twilight’s words were well chosen, as Appleloosa has residents who were not ponies. She had to be mindful of such things, as any slip of the tongue was in invitation for the less savoury elements of the press to rip her apart. The clopping of hooves—difficult to hear over the cheers of the crowd—alerted her to the fact that Braeburn was now crossing the stage to stand beside her.

“I am, as you know, Princess Twilight Sparkle, and these are my dear friends. You know them as the Elements of Harmony. In no particular order, we have Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness. Rainbow Dash, Element of Loyalty—”

“And I’m the Element of Awesome too!” Rainbow hooted.

Undeterred, Twilight continued, “Applejack, the Element of Honesty. Rarity, the Element of Generousity. And last, but not least, Pinkie Pie, the Element of Laughter.” When the crowd roared, Twilight waited for the hubbub to die down and she watched her friends wave at the ginormous crowd.

When the crowd quieted down enough to continue, she did. “We came together to battle Nightmare Moon and stop perpetual darkness. It was our friendship that pulled us through that trying time… we certainly weren’t adventurers back then.” Twilight shook her head and she heard laughter, both from behind her and from the crowd. “Friends do amazing things together. My friends and I saved the world a few times. Because of them, I became a princess.”

Pausing, Twilight felt her throat grow tight and there was now an annoying sting in her eyes, which blurred over just a little bit from excess moisture, which was no doubt caused by the dust in the air. “I owe my friends quite a lot, actually, I wouldn’t be where I am now without them. Everything I have, everything I’ve accomplished, all I have done, it’s because of them.”

Twilight heard a rather snotty sounding sniffle and knew that it was Rarity. “Which brings me to why we are here today… the Appleloosa Friendship Festival! Mayor Braeburn wanted the central theme to be appreciating your friends. So let your friends know how amazing they are while you have a good time together!”

“Thank you, Twilight,” Braeburn said as he sidled up to the microphone and stood beside Twilight. “We all thank you, for being here and for everything you’ve done for us. You’re our friend, Twilight, and we appreciate all your hard work. We, the fine alicorn-fearing residents of Appleloosa, we thank you.”

Extending her wings, Twilight turned about and gave Braeburn a hug, pulling him close and closing her eyes. After a few seconds, she pulled away, mindful of her public image and the ravenous eyes of the press, whom she disliked a great deal. Blinking, Twilight cursed the dust and she looked at Braeburn’s smiling face.

“Let’s all have fun,” Twilight said. “I now declare that the Appleloosa Friendship Festival has begun!”

Author's Note:

The next few chapters will feature a lot of jumps between perspectives and different groups of characters. Prepare yourself.