Doctor Nefarious
Starlight Glimmer lifted her head up off the counter the moment her latest customer entered her shop. “Welcome to Starlight Glimmer’s Cutie Mark Removal Shop! Where you’re always sure your butt’s in the right hooves!”
The light blue stallion furrowed his brows at her.
“Well, that tagline’s just a work in progress. How can I help you today?”
“I’m here to get my cutie mark removed. Posthaste. It has caused me nothing but misery and suffering ever since it was gifted to me. Ponies have a terrible tendency of viewing it much differently than I do.” He spoke in a voice much lower than seemed natural to him—almost as if he were doing it for show.
Starlight chuckled to herself. “Let’s just hope it doesn’t have anything to do with rubber hoses or ranch dressing.”
The stallion grimaced at that. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m more of a balsamic vinaigrette pony. But enough prattle! Direct your eyes toward my buttocks and tell me what you see!”
So Starlight did just that, as a narrow smile found her lips. “Aw! That’s adorable! A trio of happy, smiling kids!”
“No, it is not!” the stallion roared—again rather forcefully. “Those kids are not having fun! Those kids are screaming! Screaming out in terror as I bring havoc to this bright and colorful land!”
“Sorry to disagree with you, but I really don’t see that,” Starlight said, continuing to glimpse the cutie mark. “Sure your special talent isn’t being especially good with children?”
“I am most certainly sure!” the stallion spat. “What sort of ne’er-do-well would even have such a mark? I am the one… the only… Doctor Nefarious! And from this day forth, no longer will I have hench-ponies laughing at me behind my back because they don’t believe in my true horribleness!”
Starlight couldn’t help but whistle in astonishment. “Wow. Doctor Nefarious. Do you actually have a medical degree of some sort? Or are you one of those specialist doctors? Hooves? Nose, throat, and ear?”
“Of course not,” the stallion replied evenly. “What would happen if I accidentally scared someone into a heart attack and couldn’t resuscitate them? I don’t want to get sued here! You know how little villainy even pays? I survive on art grants, mostly.” He sneered. “No. I only use the title of Doctor Nefarious for all the puns it affords. Like writing someone out a prescription for pain! Or telling some pony they’re morbidly obese and laughing as they attempt to run away!” He eyed Starlight for a moment. “You know, I’ve always thought about adding a sexy nurse as my second in command. Ever thought about a life of super villainy?”
Starlight shrugged. “Once.”
“Not very good at it?”
“I think I did all right. All things considered.”
Retrieving her Stick of Helpfulness, Starlight removed the stallion’s cutie mark with little fuss and then dropped it into a glass jar. She finished the task by stuffing a cork atop of it and placing it on a long wooden shelf.
“I thought you discarded clients’ cutie marks,” the stallion said.
Starlight flashed him a grin. “I changed policy recently. Before I do anything with any pony’s mark, I give them a week to see if they might want it back. I also ask if trading is allowed following those seven days.”
“Ha! Ha… ho! He! Ha! Snort!” the stallion exclaimed. “Do what you will with my old mark! The road of villainy is the only road for the likes of me! I wasn’t even going to pay you for your services today! I already spent the last of my bits purchasing delicious ice cream for all those adorable, little foals outside!”
Starlight blinked a full five times before responding. “You call yourself a villain, yet you just bought ice cream for a bunch of kids? Yeah. I’m not throwing out that cutie mark of yours.”
The stallion sighed. “Well, what was I supposed to do? It’s hot outside! The ice cream cart was right there! I may be a villain, but that doesn’t mean I’m some sort of stone cold monster! I’m not trying to be the next Tirek here!”
Wanting to hurry things along, Starlight passed him a card that gave him a discount at the tattoo parlor next door. The stallion eyed the card and then back to her.
“How do tattoos even work on fur?”
“Magic tattoos,” Starlight huffed out. “How else?”
“I’m thinking about getting a skull,” the stallion began, staring far off into the distance (or in this case at one of the shop’s completely bare walls). “Does that seem evil enough to you? Or… a skull with dark green vapor pouring off it perhaps?”
“So a skull with stink lines? Would that make you Captain Stinky Skull, then?”
He barked out another forceful laugh. “Don’t be ridiculous. If anything, I’d be General Stinky Skull. Much more important sounding.”
“Maybe a dagger dripping blood?” Starlight suggested. “Nasty and messy.”
The stallion frowned. “What am I? A hormonal teenager? What’s next? Razorblades and black mascara?” He gasped. “That’s it! I could be Hack n’ Slash! The most nefarious bad guy of them all! With a razor sharp wit to boot!”
“Sounds—” was as much as Starlight got out before the stallion bolted for the door, stopping to look back.
“I have to go. It’s an emergency,” he explained.
Starlight raised a brow. “Plotting your first evil scheme, Mr. Hack and/or Slash?”
“Not exactly. There’s a filly outside that dropped her ice cream cone and is starting to tear up. I’m going to go see if I can cheer her up a bit.”
She sighed. “I repeat: I am not throwing out your cutie mark.”
“But I’m evil!” the stallion whined in return. “Seriously! You’re sounding just like my wife right now!”
It seemed as though the bizarre stallion would have to have the last word that day, as he scrambled out the door toward the pack of children out on the street. The last sight Starlight got of him before she went on her well-deserved coffee break was him hoisting the teary-eyed filly up onto his back to playfully buck around. Eventually, the filly gave his neck a tight squeeze.
“I love you, General Hack n’ Slash!”
Again, Starlight made a mental note to place the stallion’s old cutie mark in the vault next to the ranch dressing one. Only for safe keeping, of course.
Or for date night.
Not as good as the first part, I know. More about setting up some rules in this one.
Next part will be full on cute. You have been warned. 
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My heart is ready. Do you worst!
So Doctor Nefarious is Doctor Insanso?
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/harrypotter/images/1/19/Roit_at_the_World_cup.png/revision/latest?cb=20140222051525
...Starlight is Keeping the Blowjob Cutie Mark for possible future dates... SEEMS LEGIT!
Also, full on cute next chapter? Bring it on, Cuteness can't kill me. Hell, I CAN'T KILL ME! Watch.
*Rips his heart out and crushes it, falling over dead*
*Walks back in and sends his corpse off to Taco Bell's Meat Supplier*
See?
"Doctor Nefarious"? Why does that name sound familiar...?
7589534 Ratchet and Clank villain.
It's a work in title.
Awesome chappy!
Yep, read all of it in his voice. Bravo!
Yay, this continues!
That's exactly what I needed after the bullshit night I've had!
*SPITTAKE* PHRASING, Starlight!
Yyyyeah needs more work.
"I see a sexual harassment lawsuit!"
Oho, I am greatly pleased to see more of this.
This wasn't quite as much of a rip-roarer as chapter 1, but it was still good for some genuine laughs. Looking forward to seeing still more.
Best not to get those two mixed up or it will get awkward.
Looking forward to that date night chapter.
So, Starlight can put the cutiemarks that she takes onto other ponies? Neat!
Also, I noticed that removing his cutiemark didn't seem to make Dr Nefarious any worse with kids.
My wishes have been confirmed! And my idea has been validated! Thank you derpy-senpai!
7589534
I believe it's a reference to Dr. Nefario from Despicable Me.
Yes, you're totally evil, Hack 'n Slash.
Nice chapter, but Starlight really needs to work on that tagline.
Ahh... Just as I assumed! Good job!
For some reason, I had the thought of "Doctor Rancho Relaxo" and "Doctor Sombreo."
Shoot. The evil isnt even there anymore!
7590627 Pitch me a better one, please.
7590356 You're welcome!
7590300 I knew someone would say that.
7589835 Yeah, the idea was better than the execution. I think the next chapter will be better, though.
7589601 I finally watched that Trixie/Starlight episode. Really enjoyed it!
7589483 I'll try my best! In two minutes time!
7589450 I was thinking more Doctor Horrible.
7589445 BAM! Cholesterol everywhere!
7594377
Hrrrrrk!
I have been clever girled!
An adamantly villainous villain- who's really bad at being villainous- with a soft spot for kids? Sounds like pony Gru.
I'm enjoying these. But in the show, when Starlight took a mark, didn't she also take away what that mark represented? Yet our despicable villain is still as good with kids as ever.
Maybe she can choose to simply take the visual component without taking the meaning behind it...
Ask her about the all-new Cutie Mark Rental Plan!
<It really works!)
Hehe it like doctor Douf from phenipus and ferb
I love the Ratchet and Clank reference. Loving this fic so far.
Boom, headshot.
Hack n Slash or dressing?
I take the ladder!!! Ahhaahh
7957377
Yeah, big Doofenshmirtz vibes. Dr Doof is a great parent, all things considered. My headcanon is Perry watches over him so that he doesn't truly do any successful supervillainy because he's simply a traumatized mentally-young imbecile.