It's hard to write in second person, so kudos for making the attempt.
That said, you need to find a proofreader/editor if you want anyone to be able to make it past the first few paragraphs. In the first paragraph alone (my corrections in bold):
The sun was rising over the horizon, over yourbeautiful city. You woke up with the the sun shining on your face through the window - causing you to shut your eyes as they hadn'tadjusted to the light yet. Once they had, you got out of bed, took a morning shower, and changed into your (f/c) shirt and some jeans. It was quite quiet in you your house, but then again, its always quiet when you live alone. It wasn't not all that bad; it's always nice to have a little solitude and you had friends who'd come visit you from time to time, but you did get lonely. Sometimes you wished that you had someone living with you but for now you were all alone.
It's important to keep your tenses consistent. You can tell a story in the present tense, or (more traditionally), in the past, but you can't mix tenses - choose one and stick with it. You should also work on homonyms - it's vs. its and your vs. you're. Also, while conversational English can find its way into the written word (for example, most of Catcher in the Rye), it really ought not to be there until you learn when it can be appropriately employed.
A good first effort, but I strongly recommend you read more published works and keep an eye on how tenses, dialogue, and sentence structure are employed.
You didn't really like see couples that, it's not that you not happy they found someone to spend their time with, its just that . . . it keeps reminding you of how lonely you are.
seeing couples their you're
"Well, you see?" She started, "there's someone I know who needs a place to stay for a while and your the only one I know who have and extra room at your house so if you don't mind."
? = Needs a comma here. has an Needs '?' at end not full stop.
(your name)
just put Anon here as everyone else does and delete the 2 insert (favourite.......) ones as well.
It's hard to write in second person, so kudos for making the attempt.
That said, you need to find a proofreader/editor if you want anyone to be able to make it past the first few paragraphs. In the first paragraph alone (my corrections in bold):
It's important to keep your tenses consistent. You can tell a story in the present tense, or (more traditionally), in the past, but you can't mix tenses - choose one and stick with it. You should also work on homonyms - it's vs. its and your vs. you're. Also, while conversational English can find its way into the written word (for example, most of Catcher in the Rye), it really ought not to be there until you learn when it can be appropriately employed.
A good first effort, but I strongly recommend you read more published works and keep an eye on how tenses, dialogue, and sentence structure are employed.
Plz get rid of the acronyms in the story. It is too distracting from what is otherwise a good story.
seeing couples their
you're
? = Needs a comma here.
has an
Needs '?' at end not full stop.
just put Anon here as everyone else does and delete the 2 insert (favourite.......) ones as well.
It has a lot of potential :) I would love to see more of this, proven you can also find a worthy editor or proofreader.
i love the dazzlings so i want to love this but i just cant get past of the spelling and grammar mistakes.
Interesting. Following